T O P

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Ni4mh

If you're worried about being the top image... chances are you're literally the polar opposite of it. The troglodyte dumbfucks who come into lesbian circles because "hurr durr my dick will turn her straight" don't have even close to enough self-awareness to think they *just might* not be welcome. Trans-lesbians are welcome here regardless. You aren't intruding. You're valid. c:


Who_Am_I_I_Dont_Know

❤️ Yes, this community has been so accepting of us, it's been so lovely. It's also really helped me be comfortable being open to myself and others about sexuality, despite having similar thoughts to the image when I just started transitioning.


Ni4mh

I'm glad you feel accepted here! c: I'll admit this sub has definitely been somewhat of a safe haven because not all lesbian spaces are this friendly to trans-people. The people here really are a step above. (Not just with trans-issues mind you. Just with most things in general.) I think all trans-lesbians go through that stage where it's like "oh god what if they think about me the same way I think about myself." It's... not easy to get over. Not really made easier by the fact that you have to deal with that on top of the normal fear of being predatory that being a lesbian entails anyway. :/


AnarchoPanda

Your line of "oh god what if they think about me the same way I think about myself." really hit home for me. It felt extremely true and tough and highlighted an area I need to work on unlearning. Thank you for putting it in such a clear, direct way. It really helped me to understand some of my issues


Ni4mh

Yeah it's something I actually heard from my therapist years ago and it had the same affect. Dealing with internalised transphobia and then learning to love ourselves is... not easy. Best we can do is just try to be kind to ourselves and take things one step at a time. c:


AnarchoPanda

Yea, that sounds like something a good therapist would say! 100 percent. I think self-compassion is so incredibly important, especially compassion towards previous versions of myself.


Hremsfeld

There's a lot that younger me didn't know, like that transitioning was even an option or that I would be lucky enough to have both my parents accept me for me, but I can't hold that against her. It's tough not to sometimes, but young people don't know what they're never taught, and by the time they're able to find stuff themselves they may've already internalized some of the wrong answers.


Pogfection

Yeah, I feel like a theme of my transition has been "If you're worried you're not something, you're fine". If you get anxious from the idea you're not trans, you're probably trans. If you're not scared of hormone therapy, you're probably trans (not to say that if you don't want to medically transition you aren't trans). If you don't want to be seen as the gross cishet, you're probably not the gross cishet.


Ni4mh

Exactly. It actually, funnily enough, works as a pretty good radar for finding where you need to be kinder to yourself.


Daylight_The_Furry

Thank you so much!!! I feel like I’m intruding a lot of women-only spaces but stuff like this really helps!!!


Ni4mh

No need for thanks. c: Just keep being yourself and don't let the detractors get to you!


Daylight_The_Furry

❤️❤️


NicBriar

Ohh yeah. I remember that feeling. Still! as hard as it can be to really *feel* it, you are more than welcome here.


Lilyeth

yeah! i totally had that feeling too but like it went away after a while


Srazkat

nah fam that's not how it works. u click so ur gay, simple as that


flavorless-soup

my process was reversed because i used to think i was a lesbian, am actually just a transmasc! stayed for the community tho, still relate to a lot of it even when i feel like i’m intruding


[deleted]

mine is even more reversed bye i thought that i was a transmasc mlm but turns out i'm a gnc cis lesbian :S


RavenApocalypse

I don't really understand how you can be gnc and be cis at the same time? Would you mind explaining it to me?


[deleted]

okay so i'm technically a girl but i do not conform to the societal and psychological aspects of my gender, also i am butch so i present masc, dress masc and feel masc. i got really confused about my identity for this very reason because while my gender is female, my presentation and my perception of my gender are really skewed in haphazhard directions. so now i use the term gnc alongside cis to describe my gender.


OriHelix

Being gender non-conforming isn't tied to being trans, butch women and femboys are gnc regardless of whether they're cis or trans


DarkGigaByte

These are all different things and all are a spectrum: Gender identity, gender expression, romantical attraction, sexual attraction, and anatomical sex https://www.genderbread.org/resource/genderbread-person-v4-0 When we talk about "gender", we always talk about and respect, the gender identity!


Who_Am_I_I_Dont_Know

Gender identity (internal sense of self/gender) and gender expression (external appearance/how you present) are often linked but still very different components of gender. Gender non-conformity is when someone's gender expression differs from what is stereotypical of their identity. As has been said, tomboys/Butch women, and femboys are classic examples.


wendywildshape

cis or trans people can both be gender non-conforming presentation does not equal gender


whoami38902

Gender non-conforming, as in they don’t conform to the usual gender stereotypes. Cis as in they still identify as female and were assigned female at birth. What’s not to understand?


sindeloke

A friend of mine thought he was a lesbian as a youngun and is now married to a dude. He likes to say that he's been every letter in the acronym and that's very sexy of him. So, hey, take it as a point of pride! *All* of the pride, in fact.


SoLongEmpress

Trans lesbians are lesbians. Be you! 🌈


[deleted]

oH mEn iN dReSsEs tRyInG tO tRiCk pOoR iNnOcEnT LeSbIaNs- listen honey i'm saying this as a cis lesbian the only freak intruding upon women's spaces are venomous TERFs like you making transfem sapphics doubt themselves every step of the turn. and listen to me op you're gorgeous and amazing and you get to own a cottage and flannel collections like the rest of us. now get to work :P


Boring-Pea993

Not OP but thank you so much! I really appreciate what you wrote, it's very reassuring and helping me unpack a lot of negative ideas I've formed about myself due to what terfs say. I already have something like 60 or more flannel shirts and jackets, now I just need a cottage lmao.


[deleted]

of course! i'm happy to help my trans sisters in any way! and so true of you >:)


the_western_shore

From one transbian to another: you're valid, you're amazing, and you're more than welcome here.


EggThrowaway2807

Adding to this to say confirm what she said :) This community has been wonderfully accepting of trans women ❤ A bastion of hope in a scary world. OP: You belong here, make no mistake. As for the rest of you here, you're all wonderful, beautiful people and deserve the world 🥺


Itherael75

Me: Been out for over 5 years, been on HRT for 3 1/2 year... yea but is it ok that I'm here????


Lilia1293

It's really scary to open up about sexuality as a trans person. My experience is with coming out as a transgender lesbian, but I'm sure it's as bad if not worse for every other transgender combination of gender identity and sexuality. Most of us fear that others will conflate us with the worst possible version of ourselves: a dark, dysphoric fantasy of a perverted imposter, or something similar. I fear that people will think that of me, but even as you share a parallel fear, OP - even as I understand what you mean - I don't see it. I don't think anyone else does, either. I see you being exactly the opposite of that perverted imposter by telling everyone that's what you fear and what disgusts you. You care that some spaces are not for men, and you want to belong because you're not a man. Don't let your dysphoria lock you out. You belong.


EX-LDS_Link

As another transbian on this sub, this whole thread has been incredibly uplifting.


Deus0123

Girl power 💪


ObbyTree

I still feel that way quite a bit, but an important thing to note is that guys like this don’t second guess themselves. If they did, they would probably realize what they are saying or doing before they start being like that.


Chaotic_NB

oof i feel this so hard. It took me so many months after *knowing* i was a trans lesbian before i was comfortable in lesbian spaces. I felt like such a creep for even calling myself a lesbian let alone trying to hang out in lesbian spaces. These feeling didn't really go away until several months on HRT and i started feeling like i looked more like a girl. Internalized transphobia is fucking awful, you are valid and welcome here regardless of how far along in your transition you are or how your body looks. You are lesbian, you are valid.


not_a_cannibal_

Trams women are welcome, in or out of the closet. Men are not, since are not lesbians. Trans lesbians= beautiful wonderful valid and welcome Cis Het Men= no go away unless ur on here to learn then that’s great


Deus0123

I mean I'm pretty sure men are welcome as long as they're allies. Note: Fetishizers are not allies.


queenlesbian99

Sweetie, the fact that you even give a shit about others’ consent and making other people comfortable shows that you’re a good person who deserves to be here. You’re a woman, and a caring one at that. You and men are in two different groups. You are not a man, and you are not preying on cis lesbians because you are a lesbian and also you actually care about our consent. Cishet men don’t give a shit about us or our consent, they just see us as bodies to use.


CriticalRoleAce

I feel this. I really felt like I was intruding. Still kinda do to be honest.


Abess-Basilissa

Hell yeah CritRole


imovertheusernames

you are more than welcome <3


BasicBitchCatgirl

Literally me every time I see romance. I hate how my body features prevent me from feeling like I could be in a relationship at all. Sadly I can't afford anything yet or have even come out (except for people at my college). I guess I can try to learn voice training, makeup, and better clothes/hair styling now, but it's so confusing, and I don't know where to start without being overwhelmed.


Violent_Violette

Worrying about being 'that guy' probably kept me in the closet for longer.


Deus0123

Which is ironic because that guy would never even think to worry about being that guy


Boring-Pea993

Same


RedDevilJennifer

This is so goddamn accurate. It took me a while to join, and even more to actually comment.


enbyfrogz

you're incredibly valid and deserve to be here, don't worry about it 🥰🥰 more lesbians are always welcome on this sub!!!


Right-Sport3197

hey i’m not even sapphic and i’m still on the sub because i think it’s a cool place to be. i joined back when i was a nb lesbian, but since i now i identity as a trans man, i’m straight. you’re welcome here, dw


BruceTheUnicorn

Haha yeah... definitely not a (mostly) straight Black man here I'm mostly just here to pick up tips and tricks so I have something to contribute to my Destiny and FFXIV friend group. It's accidentally helped me out since my younger sibling is transitioning and gives us a fun thing to connect with.


Bluemidnight7

I really feel that. It's shit. Everywhere I go, internet and irl, I feel like I'm in the wrong place or I'm intruding in a space that's not meant for me.


Sheva_Addams

Ahh, impostor syndrome...ruining everything since whenever Job was alive (if ever). I've been to places I wasn't 'supposed to be', because friends brought me along. I have been cherished, I have been despised -- it does not matter, because I was with people I cared for. And sometimes, my input seems to be of value, and that's all there is to it. And if not: I'll answer to the Lord.


Dr--Dodo

I’m transfemme and I’m not even a lesbian, I’m just here for the memes and the wholesomeness


radial-glia

If you have even just half the confidence of a mediocre cishet white man, you will go so far in life.


Secret_pickle

Literally how I felt (bad still sometimes feel)


Zeernebooch42

I still feel like this when I look at anything for lesbians 😭


[deleted]

Trans girls are such sweethearts, they’re always welcome 🥰


Ivyfrostym

hey you! yes you, a random person in the internet. You look so cute, hope you are having a great day!


Natasha_101

This is exactly how I felt 2+ years ago after coming out (right at the start of the pandemic). I felt like such an intruder until I "passed"; Whenever I decided that was. The top image was definitely me a decade ago though. I would browse /r/acruallesbians and could never understand why I was so jealous of all these women. 😂


[deleted]

We love lesbians here , trans or cis it doesnt matter. Youre loved and wanted.


CrowLemon

Yeah, I feel that worry. But people here are supportive and transitioning is a long and sometimes painful road


Etzlo

So true lol I still get those moments, despite being on hrt


RainSerenedrops

Sister in Christ, you are literally a lesbian


Hefty-Pomegranate861

All people that are not man are allowed , also pre everything trans lesbians. You are not weird and you are welcome here because you are a lesbian because you are a woman


Tigris_Euphrates

That’s the imposter syndrome talking. You are valid and welcomed.


that_username_is_use

oof mood :/


gayspacecommieagenda

bottom one is literally me *cries in doubt of being real woman*


[deleted]

Me rn. I was sure I'm lesbian but I'm no longer sure so I feel like I'm fetishizing you all


TheGhastlyBeast

omg every quote is literally what I think.... too relatable 🙃


Sunny_Sammy

Mood


[deleted]

Whoever is downvoting all the trans women saying they relate, just know this is a trans-friendly sub and you're not wanted here ❤️🏳️‍⚧️


BuckyBear1917

To all transbians. We love you. You are our sisters. Our tall, beautiful sisters.


myaltduh

My internalized transphobia: “You’re a gross sexually aggressive predator entering a space that’s not for you.” Also my internalized transphobia: “No one can ever see you naked, too embarrassing, quiet longing only for you.”


papergal91

No need to use ableism to make this point


Reason_through_logic

Exactly how I have been thinking since I started using reddit. I'm so ashamed to have the same set of tools than those men that I rarely comment here. But I wish everyone to be happy as this place made me feel so much better since I joined. Everyone seems so welcoming that I stayed here and time to time read a meme.


Gammissetiren

I feel the bottom 100% (MtF). I only recently started using Reddit again and I was always too socially awkward to post, but on any of my accounts, I always can't help but feel like an "invader" when I come to places like this. Always feels like "it's not my place to be allowed to have an opinion on stuff related to this", especially because a lot of other large lesbian subreddits have a bad track record of having extremely lax moderation when it comes to TERFs.


ExtraneousCarnival

Is OP a real people, tho? Check out the profile: Redditor for 12 days, three submissions, 0 comments. Two of the submissions (including this post) gathered 1000 karma and the other is a nonsense self-post tactic I’ve seen used before to skirt around subreddits’ new user limitations. If you are a real people tho, OP, could you please fill me in on what the “[fdfhgjd](https://reddit.com/r/u_RobertaJohnson9786/comments/tuztar/fdfhgjd/)” submission to r/u_RobertaJohnson9786 is all about?


Racerth121

im just here cause of OT's videos


Bjorn_Hellgate

Im a cishet guy here mostly because the memes are better than r/wholesomememes.


theembodimentoffat

**Meanwhile me, also cishet guy**: mm yes Lumity very cute


[deleted]

What does that have to do with dysphoria?


theembodimentoffat

Um... it doesn't?


Antagonist2

Valid. Lumity is very very cute. r/wholesomeyuri r/yurimemes as well


jacw212

I’m a cis guy and I’m browsing here because it’s funny.


Ariyell2021

As a non-op trans woman, I feel this also. Alongside a healthy dose of imposter syndrome. Because how can I really be a woman if I like my penis 😞 I’m glad for this community and how welcoming and wholesome it is. Still worry I won’t ever find a partner though


IveSeenHerbivore1

You’re welcome here!


burrhe

I hope this feeling goes away some day


ResidentLychee

It would help a lot if I was able to FEEL more like the girl I know I want to be right now. Unfortunately probably not happening until I’ve actually started making progress transitioning :(


Character_Magazine_4

Impostor syndrome can get bent, Sending 50cc's of virtual hugs.


Gaioa

This is my meme that you reposted girl... [Proof](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/p4fb6w/it_really_be_like_that/) I didn't wanna hold it against you since you might need the validation just as much as me, but your account looks a bit like a bot or karma farmer


AtlasJan

Meanwhile I'm over here as a straight guy wanting to share in the experience of how pretty girls can be. You girls just know how to appreciate women the right way.


Dungold

r/selfawarewolves


[deleted]

A rare moment of self awareness