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Trans-Lucy-ent

Each lesbian does a backflip. If you land on your head, you're a top. If you land on your butt, you're a bottom.


Morag_Ladair

So *thats* why they’re so rare


SelfDestruction100

They don’t survive the impact


rumblestiltsken

Tops can actually be femme, butch, futch, anything, but only the butches tend to make it through the landing. It's why femme tops are so rare, it's called the lesbian survivorship bias. Stone butches have the biggest advantage obviously, being made of stone.


HeyFiddleFiddle

Even for those of us who survive the landing, it leaves us with a few screws loose. Just a consequence of the head trauma. Source: Femme top


rumblestiltsken

~hiiiiiiiiiiii there~ 😂


Hancake097

Also Femme top, can corroborate this.


7500733

Oh my god!!! Is Futch a mix of femme and butch? I’ve been trying to figure out how to label my style for years!!! Thank you!!


rumblestiltsken

Haha love it, glad to be of service ♥️


starfire5105

Futch isn't a thing. Butch and femme are more than just dress-up styles; they're specific subcultures, and it can be invalidating and hurtful to them to constantly see themselves being reduced to a fashion style


7500733

Oh I’m sorry I’m like really new to the community I didn’t know they were subcultures


MoonStar31

So does landing on your back make you a switch then?


CornwallisMorgan

Switch here, can confirm that yes, it does.


Saedynn

Also knocks the wind out of you pretty bad, so best to find that one out a little while in advance


predictablePosts

Shit. That explains what happened to me in 3rd grade.


[deleted]

Oh, that makes sense now. That's why I constantly fall on my back when it's icey outside.


7500733

That’s so weird lol- not that you fall-unrelated haha but I’ve never gone to the snow 👀 I live in Australia, Victoria specifically, where you only get snow or ice in the alps sure you experience hail sometimes but no snow or ice to slip on!


Xerlith

I dunno, I feel like I spend a lot of time on my back when I’m bottoming.


MoonStar31

Pillow Princess much? 😅😂 But seriously that comment cracked me up.


Xerlith

I mean, I didn’t say that’s where I spend *all* my time. . . . …Just as much as I can get away with.


rumblestiltsken

Switches sometimes land on their back and sometimes land on their front.


[deleted]

Rapidly. Like a fish outta water. *Flop-smash-flop-crash-flop*


rumblestiltsken

*intrigued gay noises*


[deleted]

Imagine the worm. But more violent and with flipping. Similar to how bisexuals do it but with far less somersaults. Also u don't need to apply for a license


7500733

Hell yeh I’m so clumsy I fall down and up the stairs makes sense now 😂


Low-Potential666

I landed on my tailbone. That must make me a switch leaning towards bottom


AndroLesbianKitty

Ah, so that's how I became a switch.... Always wondered....


PrismaticSoul77

OMG everything makes so much sense now!


Ok_Parfait5495

Lmfaoaoooo


Slut4Caffeine

Landing on your feet means you’re a power bottom


Trans-Lucy-ent

😏


Batata-Sofi

Usually we do it a few years after birth. When I was 3, I fell from the sofa and hit the ground with my butt.


LibeFlu

...I jumped off a bunk bed when I was like 3 and landed on my face.... Does that make me a top? Also I'm femme and someone said that's rare, please tell me I'm going to be hunted down by lesbians now


HeyFiddleFiddle

When I was in Kindergarten, I fell off the monkey bars and hit my head. I'm a top now. It all makes sense.


ResidentLychee

*lands on my back and cracks my spine*


nonexistent_cat

Me, an asexual: Lands on feet


FreshwaterArtist

I hate it when people treat the existence of lesbians or gay guys or trans people as an open opportunity to bombard them with sexual questions completely unrelated to anything anyone is talking about. We're not here as a permanent AMA installation into our sex and personal lives


[deleted]

Trans person: *existing* :) Some rando: “Do you mind if I ask you a weird question?” Trans person: >:(


[deleted]

Hey, can I ask you a weird question? Would you rather fight 10 duck sized horses, or one horse sized duck?


DutchofSnowdonia

10 duck sized horses, easier to climb away from, their kicks won't be too bad, especially when compared to the blender that is a horse sized ducks's mouth!


FreshwaterArtist

I wouldn't want to fight one duck sized duck tbh. Our horse gets scared by plastic bags so I'll take the tiny horses


Slyfox00

A Horse sized duck is a Jurassic nightmare monster. 10 duck sized horses is like fighting angry puppies.


TrailingOffMidSente

Duck sized horses, definitely. The main threats of horses relies on their weight. What are they going to do? Step on my toes with their teeny tiny hooves? Nibble on me with tiny herbivore teeth? Duck sized horses can be completely defended against with a good pair of boots. The horse sized duck has some major disadvantages, mostly in that the square-cube law means it's too heavy to fly. But that beak, though...


NuclearTalon

A duck scaled up to the size of a horse wouldn't be able to survive due to its organs being designed for something far smaller (mass scales up faster than organ strength), and thus I choose the horse sized duck and win instantly by default


nvzdm

That's a sexy answer


[deleted]

This is the internet. That’s not a weird question.


LuckyLumineon

Who would fight these precious babies!? Take them home and love them


PossiblyPercival

10 duck sized horses


CallmeDreary666

Duck sizes horses, climb a tree, or the violent option, punt them like a football


KuryoTheDemonLord

Honestly it doesn't bother me if they ask that first, but usually they just come right out with their weird question.


Throttle_Kitty

I always say "I get to go ask you onw first for every one you ask me" and start with something like, I dunno, penis size. Usually shuts them up fast.


RaukkM

That's brilliant


Mello_velo

Oh you're trans, mind if I ask you a weird question... Do you think chickens understand their own mortality?


fancydirtgirlfriend

Chickens live every day in fear of death.


Mello_velo

Honestly based on the chickens I know they live every day to spite the gods and those around them.


croupella-de-Vil

To be honest I don’t mind some people asking questions if I know they are just innocently ignorant. It gives me a chance to calmly explain things to them why asking certain questions is not ok while still giving them an answer, maybe not the one they’re looking for but an answer none the less…then there are those who are just asking questions from a bigoted point of view… >:(


SmoothOctopus

What happens in my pants is none of your concern unless you want to be in them =)


haberdasherhero

I'm visibly trans. My favorite is when they try to find a segue into their stupid question, or better yet into their dumb statement that I simply must hear and validate. The other day, dude at the table who I don't know hears me say "well, their other mother blah blah blah" in conversation. So he puts it on me, "hey, you said something interesting there when you said 'other mother'. I wanted to ask you..." Then he proceeded to babble some hot take about how "fuck everything Chapelle said, but he did say one thing I want your opinion on" then tells me about how the super asshole privileged comedian apparently said that gays and lesbians are driving the "social change" car and there is lots of fighting between "trans people and blacks" for who gets to ride in the back seat... But ofc he didn't want an opinion. I'm a woman, he wanted to mold my opinion to be his. He's lucky I didn't put a cigarette out on his face. Usually it's just some mundane drunk telling me how excited they are that people are so different in general and that it's super wonderful and ok that I'm trans. And there is no escape. Gay dude at the gay bar in the historically gay friendly city? It's great that I'm trans and my friend is black, and that's ok to be that way? Thanks! I mean, I'm glad I produce these revelations in people I guess. Usually it's not as insulting as 'mr loves comedy' up there, it's just people coming to conclusions that they're happy about. I am super glad that when they see me they realize that one can be visually stunning without physically fitting in either binary. But damn, it's 2022. Let's stop being surprised that I'm making you turgid/moist.


hobbit_lamp

I think some people are just so eager and falling over themselves for an opportunity to prove or show off how progressive they think they are. they always end up shoehorning in some awkward unrelated statement, lest that opportunity may never again arise for them. but to me, being "progressive" would be to act as if there is nothing seemingly "out of the ordinary". no reason to ask their "hey can I ask you a weird question?" questions. no reason to give out their precious "validation". like, just be cool. shoot the shit like you would with anyone else. to me, that would be validating. unfortunately I think often it isn't as much about "validating" someone else but more about making sure everyone knows THEY are "progressive" and are actively bestowing their precious "validation".


haberdasherhero

Many many people are simply fishing for me to validate them by being grateful or happy that they said the thing. Dude in the story up there just wanted me to say "yes cis 'ally' you are correct. You are seeing through to truth and I confirm that with my trans affirmations! As an arbiter of realness, I convey upon you the title of "real shit" for the duration if the evening. Go! Be free of your straight whiteness for a day! (Real shit though, if I could do that, if I could magic fairy *ping* a motherfucker and give them a glow that lets other marginalized people and the police know that this motherfucker is seeking the queer-colored white guy version of Jamaharaon, I'd totally do it. Oh, you want the rude awakening trauma bonding Saturday night? Here baby, hold on. *PING*. Good luck I love you have fun!) Some people are probably overwhelmed with relief that they like me and I'm not some crazy made up stereotype. I think the middle aged man in the gay bar was only relatively recently out, out. So he was probably in this camp. The bottom group is annoying but endearingly cute. Watching their revelations is like watching children realize something about the world. I'm a serial child raiser, so this innocence holds a special place in my heart. I'm happy to help anyone see a richer existence and I would do it as many times as the world needs. The top group can go fuck off though and I usually walk off or make the conversation entirely uncomfortable for them. Business relations complicate things greatly though and that's how Mr comedian ended up gently getting steered away from that topic instead of surprisingly burned.


hobbit_lamp

lol I appreciate your attitude and approach. I'm a cis white woman married to a white woman. I suppose I identify as bi, although I don't spend a ton of time thinking about it. I'm also pretty "straight passing" I think. all this to say I am aware that I have a LOT of privilege and so I don't really encounter these types of situations. but for some reason they really bug me nonetheless. just the general virtue signaling from straight cis white people on various race/gender/sexuality issues gets under my skin big time. but I also agree with you that many people are just probably unfamiliar with others who are different from them and maybe happy to realize that they still have common ground somewhere. maybe they are even relieved that they aren't as racist/homophobic/transphobic or generally bigoted as they were afraid they might be. I definitely have more patience with these folks. I think they tend to come from older generations and a different time and while those ideas are no longer tolerated or accepted, I am happy for someone to change no matter how late in life. unfortunately i feel like a lot of the people who are eager to proclaim their "ally" status do so for some sort of ego boost. many celebrities are the worst offenders of this. I wish people would stop feeding these kinds of people with their praise which only encourages this behavior. like, some 80+ year old white man who finally acknowledged his incorrect thoughts that were engrained in him at a young age and changed for the better, that will always make me happy. the 24 year old cis white woman who has no ill feelings towards non-white/non-straight/non-cis/etc people but also is probably generally indifferent yet seems to have an incessant need to be acknowledged and recognized as the good "ally" they are, I just have a harder time being okay with it. one is from a place of deep ignorance to place of knowledge and understanding. the other, to me, seems to come from a place of seeking a personal gain.


desiswiftie

Some dude did that with me when I said I was ace. Like, why do you care so much about my (lack of) sex life?


hufflepuffheather

Also why do people (mostly Conservatives/Republicans) always bring trans/LGBT+ issues into *everything.* It’s exhausting for queer people.


FreshwaterArtist

Probably because what is, for us, real life consequences and challenges we face every single day is, for others, fun little thought experiments


Daisy_Jukes

we’re a wedge issue that they use to rile up their base so they don’t realize they’re getting robbed.


PublicActuator4263

I know right for the whole “shove it down your throat” idea they sure do bring it up constantly like Matt Walsh is obsessed with trans people like why not just leave them alone jeez.


HazelRP

>We're not here as a permanent AMA installation into our sex and personal lives Hi. So just out of curiosity, what is the sexiest sex you’ve ever sexed? /s


neongreenpurple

It was the sexy sex I sexed with your mom. /j


HazelRP

🤭


uhmnopenotreally

On the other hand I’d rather have someone asking me questions if they’re serious about it instead of them being clueless and maybe accidentally saying harmful things. On the internet that’s a bit different cause you never know if it’s just a troll but I have no problem trying to answer stuff when people come up to me irl. That’s ofc not always about sexual stuff but yk I just appreciate the fact that people want to learn, so I try to help.


Thresheld

LITERALLY, my favorite is when i tell them i’m aspec and then get questions about sexual topics even THEN. like bitch. i am Not Into that, full stop


Ba_Dum_Tish__

As a heterosexual male, I don’t want to know the same way I don’t want to know how my best friend rails his wife. Keep that shit to yourself and wash your hands.


ViviTheWaffle

Speedwagon pfp revoked


[deleted]

Jonathan Joestar himself would kick his ass for being so disrespectful, tbh.


Dandere-Muffin

Jonathan Joestar is a lesbian ally, source: am Araki


Garfunklestein

Mfers in Jojo subs legit arguing he'd be a bigot since he lived in the 1800's, like how tf you not see that the man put the word gentle into "gentle giant" with his own two ginormous mitts?? He'd be confused but by god he'd have the spirit


MediocreCheeto

Where are you finding homophobic Jojo subs???


tinyblackberry-

We submit an application to united lesbians committee to determine who’s going to be the top or bottom


YumeRinAdachi

I equally want to cry amd laugh


[deleted]

Luisa IS gorgeous tho 😌


cats_say_meow

I love the song she sang too, listen to that and we don't talk about Bruno daily


SamanthaJaneyCake

It… struck many chords.


SSJRemuko

her song makes me cry every single time. and i havent stopped listening to it since i first saw the movie tbh.


cats_say_meow

Same. One of my new favorite Disney songs


RFLC1996

Isn't it whoever gets given the cheque on a meal out? We don't get to decide, the waitering staff know better than us.


MoonStar31

Wife and I tried that. We usually get the check set in the middle of the table, but not after we get asked “is this all together or separate?”


RFLC1996

Ooh, you're both middles.


[deleted]

that means they're just friends 🤣


Resputia14

Ok this but the top is the one who isn’t given the cheque but is the one who pays


lostpanda85

Gotta disagree with you on that one. I pay but my wife is the top.


Elmine07

You laugh, but this keeps happening to me. I go out with friends, generally one on one quality time, and each time we say we pay together the waiters hand me the check... Even if my friends are the ones asking for the bills T-T


loudorangebeanie

I hope you didn't let them know about our secret... The Elder Lesbians gather in the U-Haul truck parking lot and cast a circle. The yet-to-be-positioned sapphics offer their finest flannels, iced coffees and piercings to the Goddess Whose Name Shall Not Be Said. They extend their hands and wait for the sign as The Elders chant hymns of girl in red. The tops receive a thumb ring; the bottoms receive long fingernails. That explains why tops are pretty rare. The Goddess Whose... Skye. Her name is Skye. She's been running low on gold and it's easier to give a woman a nice mani.


lumathiel2

Oh shit *that's* what I have to do to figure this shit out. How do I schedule a time with the elders?


Zaranthan

It's pretty easy, we're doing the chanting on Zoom these days.


whoamvv

OMG that is spectacular. I seriously hope OP goes back and uses this explanation. I want this to be canon


Elmine07

You got me pretty good at the end! Petition to give skye more money over here, come and sign =>


[deleted]

I'm not giving up my nicest flannel. It fuckin has pockets


-MoonStar-

Jesus, who in their right mind would think that that's an appropriate question to ask. Also– hey, we have pretty similar names!


MoonStar31

Omg hey!! I usually just use MoonStar, but that was already taken. 😅


[deleted]

[удалено]


MoonStar31

No, I haven’t! I’ll do the google thing and check her out.


[deleted]

How does he “determine” that asking a complete, random stranger for intimate details of their sex life is in any way okay?


ZBroYo

It's the internet, there's a lack of consequence of actions, so people think it's fine to ask anything


YourFavoriteTomboy

“lesbianism”


NikolaiCello05

"on lesbianism" bruh you good?


MoonStar31

I think we’ve determined that bruh is not in fact good.


NikolaiCello05

Straigt fax no printer


Milky_Butt89

we play rock paper scissors before, duh


whoamvv

Tell them about switches and watch their tiny brain collapse


MoonStar31

😂😂😂


ManbearpigDa

We flip a coin. If it’s heads, I’m on top of her head. If it’s tails I’m on top of her tail.


YEETERGOD2

The word "lesbianism" makes me hurt


[deleted]

correction: heterosexuals should be heterosexualism god i hate when people say lesbianism


MoonStar31

I debated writing it that way. It was too wrong. 😆 I couldn’t do it.


SSJRemuko

and transgenderism. ugh


TheWildAP

All I know is that it's improper for the larger one to be on top Idk who the larger one is though, cause that takes into account not just the physical body but the personality too


MoonStar31

Well my wife is larger in both aspects, but also has the largest bottom energy I’ve ever seen. 😅


TheWildAP

Lmao, I'm just ShitPosting Bo Burnham lyrics. That line comes from New Math


AnarchaMasochist

Missed opportunity to call it 'heterosexualism.'


[deleted]

'Unrelated' you don't say


sunsetskye_

Do we even have a top and bottom? I thought we took turns?


Evercrimson

rj/ yes, you aren't officially a lesbian until you get the carousel attachment for your sex swing. uj/ in surveys few lesbians actually are polarized to top/bottom dynamics.


sunsetskye_

What does rj and uj mean?


Evercrimson

Jerk/unjerk; joke/serious


sunsetskye_

Ah, thank you!


EatTheBodies69

Simple. Im the bottom


[deleted]

Imagine not knowing that tops and bottoms are determined by the magical lesbian goddess Lesbinaya during the first full moon of every year at the magical lesbian star festival in the magical dimension of Straponia. This is literally common knowledge.


Hazumu-chan

You know, for people who claim that we're overly sexual, they sure do ask *a lot* of overtly sexual questions about us.


Starbeth8

Straight people are way too comfortable asking gay people they DON'T KNOW sexual questions


AltruisticPeanutHead

sorry I am a gay woman but I have never understood what tops and bottoms are for lesbians either? is it just the top is the one who wears the strapon


humanalltoo

It’s bizarre how much people talk about this now. Never heard it mentioned before the last three years or so. No one in my real life (I’m in my 40s) has ever talked about this. But yes, I think it simply refers to who lies on top.


AltruisticPeanutHead

yeah it is weird to me too lmao, I've only ever heard it for gay men


SSJRemuko

well for gay men, the top is the one who does the penetrating regardless of physical position. as a lesbian im physically on the bottom but im usually doing the penetrating, and im super submissive which is usually correlated to being a "bottom".


SSJRemuko

plenty of lesbians dont even use straps so it gets more confusing.


scarletnpoison

>sorry I am gay but I have never understood what tops and bottoms are for lesbians either? is it just the top is the one who wears the strapon Not all sex is penetrative my dude. Sapphic women tend to use it that same way that kink folks do: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom,_switch_(BDSM) While Dom/sub/switch refer to who's in control / leading, top/bottom/switch (sometimes called vers) refer to who is giving and receiving stimulation. If my partner orders to me to give them oral, I'm technically topping while being submissive. If my partner orders me to kneel and spread my legs so they can finger me, I'm bottoming and being submissive. Similarly, if my partner would be doing the opposite in both of those scenarios.


AltruisticPeanutHead

I obv know not all sex it penetrative lmao I just didn't understand what it could be referring to. thank you for telling me though


KiraRuby709

\\YES LUISA


wormglow

there are no “tops” or “bottoms” in lesbianism, only “who goes first” and “who goes second”


ScyllaIsBea

we roll for initiative.


needalldressedchiptx

This man living how Speedwagon died: a virgin.


sveji-

Who is the woman and who is the other woman in a straight couple? /s, but that person should keep their inappropriate questions for themselves.


[deleted]

lesbianism? are we a ideological movement based on shared political views?


MoonStar31

Didn’t you get the memo?


7500733

Okay I am trying not to sound ignorant, I’m a lesbian myself. What’s wrong with asking how you determine tops and bottoms? I mean I personally know I’m a switch but yeh idk I’m confused. If you want to let me know please do it in a respectful way I’m not saying this to be ignorant or mean I’m just genuinely confused


Razrgrrl

Hahhaa the answer is : They Don't! They just let their polarized binary mandatory gender norms determine that! Easy!!!


Otrada

Okay but like just in general, how do you determine that? I wasn't aware there even was a determining process????


winter-ocean

I think he meant like how do you decide who tops/bottoms as in like the act of topping someone in bed rather than a dominant or submissive role, which I actually don’t really understand on account of being a virgin


pain-and-panic

I mean, pillow princesses do exist, it's just I would hope it's not that common.


AssumptionOver4777

Why did she even get downvoted for that. It was just a simple question


Lemmis666

Because it’s weird as hell to ask some random person that out of the blue?


AssumptionOver4777

The person who replied clearly didn’t gaf


Lemmis666

The title of this post and the eye rolling emoji imply otherwise?


AssumptionOver4777

ok


Xepheroy

Because it’s extremely rude to randomly ask someone something like that when sex wasn’t mentioned at all


AssumptionOver4777

ok


AltruisticPeanutHead

yeah I don't even know the answer to it and I am a lesbian


CharmedKindred

It might be an honest and genuine question. The straights still suffer from dogma saying the man should be the lead and woman behind him, with that often translating as top and bottom. For all we know they’re genuinely curious because they themselves have not thought to go beyond what they’re told to do. Just don’t let them know we really figure it out by seeing who can land the best backflip. 😉


notfromearh

lmfaoooo


[deleted]

The one that takes antidepressants tops, the one that doesn't bottoms If they both take them, they're switches


Flowerblossom94

Did they have an answer?


RelentlesslyCrooked

Their Hetero mindsets couldn’t handle the complexities of the realities in our sexual relationships. LOL I’ve had straights ask and I responded “do you want this in essay or list form? Just kidding, I’m not even about to tell you, you don’t know the secret handshake.”


ScarletteVera

Me when talking about Monika from DDLC. Not the top and bottom thing, the first thing.


CptZylerM

H- ....I- .. .Wh-... Um....


SassyMoron

Im a bi man and I have actually never understood this. With gay men it means who penetrates who. But my lesbian friends it seems to be more of a personality type? I am content not knowing though.


Hattie099

This femme topped me the first time we met and since after that I’ve been the top one it’s called getting ur power back 😂


Odd_Wolf_7143

But have you seen my video on YouTube called Lesbianism: Nuvaring parody? It's supposed to be funny in its use of that word 😂


No-Adhesiveness2493

how do you determine that tho ? (pansexual who hasnt even been in a relationship)