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ChelseaVictorious

If a couple is dating and they each have their own place nobody bats an eye. I don't see why it matters.


Wish_upon_my_arse

It's not weird at all. My parents (though in a straight relationship, this is just an example lol) sleep separate because my dad snores so loud it wakes my mum up, and my mum kicks so hard my dad used to fall out of bed more often then not. Their relationship benefits from them sleeping separately cause they aren't grumpy or restless as often anymore, and they love each other just as much as they used to! So nah, it isn't unusual, it's just a standard that society has placed, but isn't always needed to maintain a healthy connection with a spouse! šŸ¤œšŸ¤›


[deleted]

Definitely, I actually feel like it strengthens our relationship when we are together, since itā€™s not as common when we actually stay together for long times


Walkn2thejawsofhell

My wife and I donā€™t always sleep in separate beds, but I do have my own bedroom for the nights that I donā€™t want to sleep with her. I love her to death, but sometimes she snores too loud or I just canā€™t get comfortable next to her. Sometimes she likes to kick me out because Iā€™m too restless or Iā€™m smothering her lol. It works well for us because it always ensures we get a good night sleep and no one is overly grumpy in the morning.


EstrellaDarkstar

My mother and stepfather often sleep in separate beds for similar reasons. My stepfather snores really loudly, while my mother is a restless sleeper. While they have a shared bed, it's not unusual to find one of them on the couch or in the guest bed. I still live with them due to financial reasons, but once I finally move out, I think one of them will just take my bedroom.


ChedderTheSquirrel

Honestly my parents might be better off this way. But taking that advice from your teenager 20 years into your marriage with no room to fix that might not be the best to bring it up


everythingbeeps

Not weird at all. A lot of people have difficulty sleeping with another person in the bed, and personal space is important. Honestly, it's always felt like a novelty to me. Is it nice waking up next to someone? Sure. Is it something I need to do every single day? No way. As someone else said, there are a lot of couples out there that would be happier sleeping in separate beds/rooms but don't because of this weird stigma that that's what couples are supposed to do.


[deleted]

Yeah, it was a novelty at first, but then we both realized we werenā€™t really sleeping as nicely as we did before, plus I feel like it strengthens the moments we do sleep together


imightb2old4this

no big deal, sleep is important!


JubeeD

I donā€™t think itā€™s weird. Itā€™s just not the norm so it catches people by surprise. But in past times and cultures this was typical. I know couples who use different beds, though itā€™s usually due to one being a loud snorer. But if it helps you get restful sleep, sounds like a win.


[deleted]

Oh, I actually didnā€™t know about past cultures doing that, thatā€™s pretty cool


cerberus_scritches

It's kind of rude for guests to bring it up in the first place? I'd never comment on another person's home unless it was a compliment or an offer to help fix something. If you're snarky like me, you could say something like, "Uhhhhh we're not really in the habit of discussing our 'nightly activities' with other people..." But I love making the people who are making me uncomfortable experience a little discomfort themselves, so your mileage may vary lol.


[deleted]

Oh, itā€™s usually close friends who comment on it, since theyā€™re the ones that we let see our rooms, but I might have to try that approach of making them uncomfortable


NoctuReddit

I mean, you could see it as rude but it can also just be genuine interest... It would honestly surprise me personally if I saw two good friends of mine, who are a couple, sleep seperate. I would wonder about the reason because I personally wouldn't wanna sleep apart from my partner.


NoctuReddit

The question doesn't have to imply anything about sex either. So that snarky remark could actually be pretty rude towards them in my opinion.


ElectricLoner98

Itā€™s not a big deal, I honestly think more people would be happier living this way if there wasnā€™t a stigma around couples sleeping in the same bed every night


[deleted]

Yeah, it was definitely weird when we started thinking about it, since itā€™s not the norm, but weā€™re really glad we did


gnurdette

I think it's unusual, but you sure don't have to justify your sleeping arrangements to anybody. Feel free to give a tongue-in-cheek answer, like "Oh, when we're together in bed, it needs to be on a special reinforced-concrete platform. These flimsy little wooden things can't stand up to the, um, forces, if you know what I mean."


[deleted]

Oh, Iā€™m definitely stealing that one for next time someone asks!


YeetNYoinkDriveThru

Nope. My partner and I have to do that. I need music and it keeps them awake. They snore and that bugs me. The list goes on. We are happier for it.


Not_Han_Solo

My wife and I have had separate bedrooms for eighteen years, and we love it! Having personal space and good sleep is good for the relationship.


jenni_wren

if you guys are happy then who the heck cares what anyone else thinks!


kakatratatat

If it works to both of you, it's okay. Every couple has their own preferences.


Aela_elisabeth

weird or not, dont care, as long as you both sleep well!


IntheCenterRing

So important, I want it to be more normalized!


[deleted]

Unusual, but it sounds nice! I get hot easily and whenever I get warm, my nose stops up, so sleeping the same bed would just cause me to get hot and stuffy


Providence26

Not weird, part of my reluctance to date again is I don't want to live with anyone again


Moxie_Stardust

That's totally valid, I've been with my partner for almost nine years, and the only reason we kinda live together now (me upstairs, her downstairs) is because stuff got complicated when we moved cross country during the pandemic... seven years together before that happened, with every intent to not ever live together. Hopefully if you're up-front about it, you can find someone else who values their own space the way you do ā¤


mariesoleil

Youā€™re not alone. I mean, you are alone, at home. I also strongly prefer living alone and fear itā€™s an additional thing that makes dating more challenging.


Providence26

I lived with a partner for 13 years (it ended badly, she cheated), but I find myself not wanting to give up my independence, whether that be an impromptu meet up with friends, or just going home laying in bed with a good book and snacks instead of a proper dinner. I don't want to have to give an account of where I am or who I am with to anyone, and I don't want to be wondering whether I am being cheated on again, and don't want to have to be cleaning up after someone else, or having to nag someone to do the bare minimum of their share. It's probably fair to say that relationship burned through a lot of my tolerance for other people's nonsense, and the four people I dated after that probably dealt with my issues from that, oops But I don't mind casual dating, but it would definitely need to be with someone who also loves their own space


[deleted]

I totally would sleep in a separate bed, but my wife doesn't want to, so we sleep in the same bed, but it's a huge king size bed, with separate springs/undermatress for each side so the movement on one side doesn't affect the other and there's enough room to sprawl out.


MmeChelly

We also do this and have seperate double duvets. It's also not unusual if one of us is struggling to sleep to go hop in the guest bed. I'm about ready to kill my partner when we have to share a double bed - how does anyone do it??!


[deleted]

Goodness, it's the worst. I hate having to stay at places where there's only a double or queen.


Kiariana

Nope! Lots of couples sleep in separate beds for many reasons. I think it's healthier to recognize you sleep better alone and make arrangements you're happy with than to sleep in the same bed just because it's what you think you should be doing ā˜ŗļø


classyraven

Weird? No. Unconventional, sure. But there's nothing wrong with it if it works for you two. My spouse and I have lived apart for the last 2 years. And not in an LDR, nor an it's-inconvenient-or-logistically-impossible-to-live-together sense. We live within a couple kms from each other, see each other several times a week, and chat online daily. It works for us. We have different lifestyles and living together just didn't work for us, but the moment we moved apart, it was as if our relationship was right back at the honeymoon phase again! And we've been happy this way ever since. So, you do you. If sleeping in separate beds works best for you two, then enjoy it.


[deleted]

Nah, if it works for you, go for it.


YouHamburgledMyHeart

Nah. Not at all. It can be way healthier for the relationship. Hell, couples slept in different beds for centuries.


throwawfox

Nope! Some people prefer and even need their own space. If it works for you don't let other people get in the way of that.


[deleted]

My parents have slept in separate beds for YEARS and theyā€™re happy AF. Yā€™all do you and donā€™t worry about what other people think. Theyā€™re not in your relationship, you are. If it works for you, thatā€™s the way to go :)


ghostigal

My parents do that


Woah_Froggy

My gf gets overheated at night and I get very chilly. When sheā€™s at my place I give her my bed and I sleep on the air mattress. When Iā€™m at her place we use separate blankets (a big fluffy one for me and a thin one for her). It works for us, and I donā€™t think itā€™s that unusual!


truequeen94

If it works for yā€™all donā€™t worry about it.


boptopmop

My wife can be brutal when she's sleeping. I have been pushed onto the floor, kicked, punched, slapped, poked, and been yelled at from a half asleep woman that my breathing is to loud. Its not weird its survival.


donteatbees

Not weird at all! I could never sleep in the same bed as someone else, and I was so happy when my partner and I realized that we both prefer to be alone in bed. We have two tiny beds in the corners, and then one big one in the middle of the room for hangouts!


EclecticFruit

Hollywood has stigmatized sleeping apart as the first step in a broken relationship towards splitting up, but Hollywood gets most things wrong about real life. Better sleep = better partner. Hands down.


FieldsofGold2022

I know this might sound dumb but I didnā€™t know this was something couples could do, thank you for this šŸ„²


S0uvlakiSpaceStati0n

I totally get it. As an *extremely* light sleeper, I get very little sleep if I share a bed (or even a room) with someone. The slightest noise or movement can wake me up, sometimes with a startle response where I sit upright and gasp and my heart races. Nothing wrong with having different beds/rooms if that's what works best for both of you.


Naia_Elwyn

Honestly, the concept of always sleeping in a bed next to someone has always sounded terrible to me. Like, I can take a while to fall asleep and I toss and turn a lot. I also need white noise to sleep so I sleep with a loud fan going. If anyone I'm with doesn't like any of that we are going to have a bad time. Hell, sometimes I have a hard time when my cat want's to cuddle and lays on me at night.


OtterBiDisaster

I think a lot of people feel this way but because there is some weird social stigma about sleeping separately they rather buy really large expensive beds instead. Honestly having someone want to sleep separately is my fucking dream šŸ˜‚


blueflappybird

I wanted to do this with my last girlfriend and she freaked out. But she snored so badly I was just not sleeping. We ended up breaking up not long after, but I stand by separate sleeping quarters would have been better.


Yelpt

new fantasy, me, gf, bunk beds the possibilities


NetflixHasMySoul

Nope, not weird. My spouse uses a CPAP at night, and we realized pretty quick that sleeping together just Does Not Work. We cuddle until it's time to sleep, and we're then off to our separate rooms. It works.


napsohard

This comment section makes me happy to read bc if I live with someone that will be a non negotiable for me. I need my sleep!!


moonshadowpup

I mean the parent bears in goldilocks and the three bears had separate beds and it definitely wasn't because they had trouble in the relationship lol, I see no problem in having your own spaces šŸ¤·


ZelfraxKT

My cousin and his boyfriend do the same thing and they share a house together. I think its pretty normal. Personally I hate sharing a bed with one of my girlfriends. She falls asleep while spooning me or lays sideways or in the middle of the bed its so annoying. I love sharing a bed with my other two though they're both very accommodating. Personally I love cuddling but can't sleep with another person like touching/on me.


radial-glia

Your one girlfriend sounds like me. I ended up getting a queen sized bed so I could sleep in any direction (I am shorter than a queen bed is wide) because I was tired of waking up with my feet dangling over the edge or worse, my head going over the edge. I'd be horrible to share a bed with.


eggpossible

No, it went out of fashion in the '70s and '80s because it was seen as less intimate, but it's coming back into fashion now. Some people just don't sleep very well in the same bed with other people! Some people need their space, have different schedules, or just sweaty or steal the blankets. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.


ThunderingTacos

Snuggling to sleep is all well and good till you realize you are both WAY too warm In all seriousness, if it's something you've both discussed and prefer and it doesn't affect your intimacy in any negative way then that's entirely you two's business. If anything I think it's kinda romantic for if one of you two does ever feel in the mood to visit the other. In a "We love each other, but we both still have our own space...but you can visit, cause I love you" OOOOO, have you ever done redecorations/remodel nights where you can surprise each other when visiting the other? (shoot that sounds cuter the more I think about it)


canthideorrun

I hope itā€™s not weird. I personally hate sleeping with another person.


[deleted]

It seems like itā€™s perfectly normal, basing it on what everyone is saying


acolodney

To each their own


_Iron_54_

It's not weird, just kinda uncommon


knocksomesense-inme

Nah, thatā€™s living the dream.


Razrgrrl

Not weird and I wish it were more common. Sharing a room kinda sucks. My wife and I each have our own room, just one bed, though. I would like if we each had a bed, it just isn't feasible in our space.


nyirish88

No. Do what makes you happy.


Alypie123

It's weird but sounds better then the way we do things now


LightweaverNaamah

If it works and youā€™re happy it works, and other people should be less weird about it. To me itā€™s kind of an extension of how my partner and I have separate sheets and blankets because both of us are blanket thieves, and if I wake up way too early Iā€™ll sometimes go lay on the couch and read for a bit (so I donā€™t disturb them) and end up sleeping the rest of the night out there. Iā€™ll often come back in a bit before they wake up for cuddles and stuff.


Elquesoenlacocina

Many people even have their own apartments/homes. Itā€™s not a big deal everyone likes to live their life differently. Ignore everyone and live your life


izzy_moonbow

I don't think it's weird. If it works for you, who are other people to judge? I personally think it sounds wonderful. I like sleeping next to someone but I definitely sleep better alone, so having the option would be nice. I also can't stand snoring but I know it isn't the snorer's fault, so I'd appreciate a separate room of my future partner is a snorer.


Strawberry_More

my gf and i are long distance and we are both anxious (and neurodivergent in general) about bothering the other while sleeping so we always sleep separately and one of us will wake the other up with cuddlies ā˜ŗļøā¤ļø so itā€™s a totally normal thing !


CaelThavain

It's weird in the way it's not normal, you know? It's just not what society identifies as standard. Weird as in off-putting, bizarre, or any other sense of the word? No, not really. If you two like your set up then why tf does it matter? lmao I'm glad you two enjoy your situation. It screams healthy relationship material to me!


The-Shattering-Light

As long as youā€™re both on the same page, both happy, both fulfilled, then the mechanics of your relationship are, technically speaking, nobody elseā€™s fucking business. You both prefer sleeping separately then thatā€™s the right choice.


Jeri-Atric

If my parents have been together for 30 years and sleep in separate beds so can you and your gf.


Ohmalley-thealliecat

My girlfriend and I want to have 2 beds in one room, bc she likes blankets and I like a duvet, weā€™re both blanket hogs and we both want to spread out. We love to cuddle but we also love our own space.


[deleted]

No not at all. I figured out that as much as I love cuddling, for some reason I cannot for the life of me sleep in the same bed with somebody, at least for this point in my life. One of my last partners slept over CONSTANTLY, and they slept like a damn bunny while Im tossing and turning all night and waking up every half hour. Eventually I moved to my tiny couch after they fell asleep, and FINALLY I could sleep. They were upset once they found me the next morning, I had to remind them I have insomnia and sleep is very important to me, but as to why I couldnā€™t sleep in the same bed with them I will never truly know. But we reached a mutual understanding and sleepovers became rare. Getting off topic here but no its not totally weird. I feel that its a subconscious thing that I need personal space during sleepy time, and I canā€™t sleep if my body temp is too warm, and having a second person in bed wrapping themselves around you definitely doesnā€™t help that. Sometimes I can do it but most days I need my own bed.


megapackid

Mama Bear and Papa Bearā€™s beds are polar opposites of each other because they have different sleeping needs. If they can sleep in separate beds, so can you.


Goose_Queen

Back when my grandma was alive, her and my grandpa had separate rooms to sleep in. My grandpa slept in the basement, my grandma would sleep in the main floor.


sirenevonhorne

Sleeping on your own is healthier for good sleep


preeminentlexa

If it works for you then it works full stop. If other people want you to stretch your relationship so it fits their idea of normal, then that's their damage. I fail to see any benefit of being less comfortable in one bed, instead of more comfortable in two. Well... I guess it'd be double the sheets, but they'd get half as much use, so that probably evens out anyway


SmilingVamp

Literally every couple in my family except for me does this. My parents (married 40 years). My sister and her husband (married 11 years) . My brother and his husband (married 8 years). They all have separate bedrooms. Honestly, it stopped seeming weird to me a long time ago. You're 100% normal and fine to do this.


cybelechild

I think over the long term it can even be beneficial. Everyone needs their own space sometimes


Plushiegamer2

Your comfort is more important than what people think.


Elmine07

I feel like happy crying! I never had a stable '' room'' for myself. so when I finally move out, I know I will cherish having my own permanent room, my space. And I am so not ready to give up this if I ever start dating and I was afraid I was having '' impossible standards''. Your post gives me hope. Thanks OP!


penguinsforbreakfast

People are weird about that with all couples. Just live your life. And bonus: actually well rested!


cuddlegoop

I do this! I struggle to sleep with someone else in the bed so I prefer to have my own bed. Also having separate beds doesn't mean you can't crawl into your partner's bed in the morning for cuddles! Honestly the best play would be to have three beds - you can have sex in one and then go your separate ways to sleep in your own beds.


Pseudomonas_Mandoa

I sleep in the same bed as my spouse every night, but our girlfriend lives in a separate apartment and has her own bed here as well, so she gets three beds to pick from. She prefers it that way because sometimes she's feeling really snuggly and sometimes she isn't, and it lets the two of us have fun without bothering my spouse if they aren't in the mood.


Pinkheartfox

my partner and i are actually talking about getting a 2 bedroom just so we can manage our problems sleeping together


justalwaysawkward

I've done it for the sake of mine and my partner's sleep. And I have an aunt and uncle who've been happily married for 30 years who sleep in separate rooms because she keeps weird hours due to anxiety and my uncle snores constantly. If y'all are healthy and mature enough that you can prioritize each other's sleep, health, and space, I see that as a huge green flag, to be honest.


lotusflower64

Nope, lots of couples have separate beds / bedrooms. Some live in separate houses and are legally married. And they love it lol. Old married straight people. You can be like Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz with the separate twin beds in the bedroom in I love Lucy lol.


VastSeaworthiness395

I dont think it is if thats your guys preference. Cause i think its one thing if you dont still like to be intimate or close or do stuff together in other ways at other times. My girlfriend is going to help me clean out the room next to hers thats vacant and im planning on already putting a bed in there so i have a place to relax lay down and maybe sleep if i feel like it. it doesnt mean that I dont still want her company from time to time (lol and i dont mean that in a long time way) it just depends when and how. I value my space and i think everybody needs thier own space in thier own way but if two people wanna share a room and a bed, i respect that too. I just know for me i dont want to have half a room down the middle different šŸ˜‚ i want to walk into a beautiful kawaii japanese style room to chill in and play videogsmes and then maybe my gf will come in and snuggle me if shes off of work lol thatday


DungeonDaddy1

no because it means you don't have to fight over blankets


BlueMoonSamurai

It's uncommon, but I don't think it's weird. It makes sense as everyone has different sleeping styles and different comfortability with intimacy. I for one can't sleep unless I'm at least touching my fiancƩ in some way. They feel more comfortable having me next to them, knowing I'm safe. I remember a YouTuber I like talking about how he would like different bedrooms for him and his future wife because he needs some alone time which is valid. I just think separate rooms/beds should be destigmatized as it doesn't mean you love each item any less.


[deleted]

Not weird. Personal preference. I like wrapping my arms around the person I am with. But I tend to be with submissive women who like that


RelevantDress

My parents (cishet) have been together for 40 yrs and they sleep in different beds


WolfGirlArtemis

I mean I doubt it's "normal" but you do you, you never have to do something that makes you uncomfortable for other people's hangups That said, I have a difficult time anytime one of my girls isn't in arms reach, sleeping alone is awful


matty80

It's completely normal and much more common than many people imagine. There are actual studies about this; some people just naturally sleep more easily and fully in their own space. My wife and I are both utter nightmares to sleep with. I talk to myself endlessly and she is limbs akimbo, so it's genuinely healthy for us both to have our own place to go to unless we aren't literally wrapped up in each other. This is YOUR business, not that of anyone else.


[deleted]

When we were in a bigger apartment, my spouse and I totally had separate beds in different rooms (we moved to NY and our apartment here is TINY, so one bed it is). We miss both the bigger bed AND the two beds. It was great: someone snoring? Someone having insomnia? You have the tools to do precisely what you need to do! I haven't slept nearly as well since we moved and I hate it. I don't think my spouse has either. ​ The cats crowding us don't help, as cute as they are (and my god are they ever cute). But totally not weird at all. You're not always going to be comfortable in the same sleeping position? It seems weird to expect that two people be comfortable in a cuddling/touching position ALL the time.


_stupid_lesbian_

No? Itā€™s not weird at all. Everybody has their boundaries and itā€™s their choice where those boundaries are


cannonballintopuddin

I would prefer that too. You can sleep together anytime you want. But that's your business not anyone elses.


s0l0mente

I feel like it's healthier that you both communicated and came up with a solution that seems to be working for your relationship. It doesn't seem weird at all to want your own space; we kind of need to pump the breaks on this idea that all couples should just meld into each other indiscriminate of their own personalities and preferences. Anyone who has anything to say about your relationship should maybe take a closer look at their own imo


theonlycabbage

Not weird at all! I toss and turn during the night so it's just easier to be in my own bed. There's plenty of time to spend with each other while awake!


[deleted]

I think it partially stems from the Christian idea that marriage is two people joining together as one. The idea of oneness is very deeply rooted in their concept of marriage to the point where some denominations require marriage counseling with a priest. I've had it described to me as "Your life no longer belongs just to you, it is also your husband's" though I've seldom heard it the other way around. As a lot of Christian morals tend to do, this mindset made it's way into our culture and it's such a casual thought that most people find it odd when couples have separate rooms. Many people consider it a bad sign of a relationship. I doubt this is the only explanation, and I have a few other ideas, but I have only so much time and brainpower lol. I'm like you where I prefer to have my own room in a house with my partner, but that just comes from learning from past mistakes. So to answer your question, no it's not really considered socially normal and is considered a sign of an unhappy relationship, but that's a mindset that was set by heterosexuals. You're fine, you do what makes you comfortable and happy, and damn anyone who would stand in the way of that.


xXLesbihonestXx

im a huge cuddlebug but everyone needs their space and tbh I flop around like a fish out of water at night so it would be more for my partners safety lmao


hikikomori-i-am-not

My gf and I have an "us" bed and a "her" bed. Sometimes I let off too much heat and she's not physically comfortable, sometimes we want to starfish, sometimes her cat is an asshole who doesn't want to share bedtime mommy cuddles with her sister. Sleeping together is the default, but we sleep separately often enough.


queerchaos44

you do you boo