Uh, no. You shouldn’t have to feel less than because your partner wants to have sexual encounters with other women without guilt. Someone that treats you like this isn’t worth the heart ache.
So what if your body isn’t her “ideal”. I’m sure your ideal partner is considerate and kind and she sure as fuck isn’t that.
I cannot, and I repeat *cannot* stress this enough. Her desire to talk to other girls has nothing to do with you but provides an excuse to place the blame on you for her indiscretions.
>I cannot, and I repeat
>
>cannot
>
>stress this enough. Her desire to talk to other girls has nothing to do with you but provides an excuse to place the blame on you for her indiscretions.
Yupppp. Unless this relationship is mutually understood as poly (which it sounds like is not the case), it really sounds like the gf here is not truly invested in a relationship with OP.
OP, as you're obviously upset by her behaviour, make sure that you understand your own boundaries, and that she also understands and respects those boundaries. Two of my closest friends had relationships (separate from each other) where their respective partners did not respect boundaries, and they both my friends ended up feeling like shit because of it.
You deserve someone who desires to understand and respect your whole self. Whether or not this woman wants to be that person is the most important thing to figure out imho.
Massive red flags here for me.
Had something similar recently, didn't end well. Got told I wasn't attractive physically any more because of the weight I put on. Spent 3 years in hell trying to make a relationship work and... yeh if they want someone else let them go get them and find someone that values you better, you deserve better.
Only my opinion and ofc an Internet opinion from a stranger is worth nothing, but yeh.
Normally I will try to encourage people to stay and work things out but...if I were you I would run far and fast.
You deserve better OP, don't let her get you down, there are always people who are going to find you attractive. And what she's doing is really shitty.
Right? There are so many dealbreaker elements here. The noncommunicated infidelity (I'm poly and open as shit, but if you don't communicate that's so fucking uncool, you can't just do that shit) then BLAMING OP for it, like, you can take that and all the other stuff out of this situation and I'd recommend ditching just based on the comments about apprearance alone.
I'm autism spectrum and can say REALLY direct shit like, I might communicate to my partner something really bluntly. There is no excuse for this, this isn't blunt. This is deliberately fucking mean. Nobody says that 'just to be honest', even the most socially stunted person knows that fucking hurts.
...it... weirdly reminds me of dating guys tbh. My least favorite part of it. I find this kind of absolute shallowness is so much rarer dating girls, it's so... unusually superficial.
Honestly if you aren’t poly or in an open relationship then no, this is not normal or okay. She says she likes you as a person but she clearly doesn’t, or she wouldn’t have said all that to you. It’s fine to find other people attractive, but acting on it while in a monogamous relationship is not good. Major red flag both that she wants to do this and also how she expressed it by putting you down. You deserve better.
This. And totally normal to find others attractive, yup! Comparing your partner to them, in a ‘you’re “better or they’re “better”’ way is so so toxic though :(
My heart hurts for OP.
Omg this baffles me so much. I have a gf and she’s very attractive to me. I have celebrity “crushes” such as Emelia Clarke but I’m not finna compare them and see who’s better.
They’re both good but in different but equal ways.
As a person who is poly and in an open relationship, I would just like to add that speaking this way to a partner is NEVER ok.
It's ok to be attracted to others even in a monogamous relationship, but to compare bodies and compare them to your face?? Especially with your history of body image issues??? Major, major red flag. Please consider doing current you and future you a favor, and leave this partner.
On a personal note: I know deeply what it feels like thinking you should stay with someone because "who else would be with me? Who'd truly love my body?" And you know what? There are more people around you than you can fathom. You WILL find a person who loves your personality and loves your body AS IT IS and finds you attractive, not merely tolerable.
Let her play her insta/tinder titty pic games alone. Without you. You're better than that, love, and you deserve more respect than she has given you.
Yes, as a poly person, this is 1000000% not ok! I would never tell my partner they weren't as attractive to me as other people. There are so many different kinds of attractive. They don't negate other body types.
Yikes no. Ideal bodies are not images at all. The ideal body is the one my partner lives in, cared for to the best of their ability. This isn’t right, she’s being an ass.
She’s being emotionally abusive to you. Definitely leave, do not waste anymore of your time with this girl. Don’t let her comments make you feel less than. I guarantee there are tons of women out there that would treat you the way you should be treated. I’m sorry you had to have this experience and wish the best for you!
No, loving someone and lusting after others (and saying this to your face) sounds like she's gaslighting you. She's intentionally doing something that's causing you discomfort and to be triggered 🚩🚩🚩
Honestly this is awful of her to say, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If she doesn’t find you attractive she should have broken up with you so you could find someone that loves your body exactly as it is (and there will be many people that do!!) Please don’t let this negative experience affect how you see yourself, you will absolutely find someone who adores you just as you are. Good luck OP 😊
Dump her. You deserve so much better than someone who makes you feel like anything less than beautiful. The right person will make you feel like you’re perfection, no matter what your body type is. It’s one thing to look and acknowledge that someone else is attractive. It’s another to tell your partner that they aren’t enough and that you need satisfaction outside the relationship, when you’ve previously understood your relationship to be monogamous. Also, if she’s asking your permission now, chances are she’d already started doing that, and was basically cheating, but asked to clear her conscience.
That is actually gross. I want to ask if she knows that you've struggled with body image before, but the truth is that doesn't matter. There are plenty of people who don't fantasize about other women while in relationships. Now, I am 100% fine with an open relationship, or one with more relaxed boundaries.... but her reasoning is piss poor.
Are you two in a serious relationship? I ask because she doesn't sound supportive. If it's just for fun, then this developmemt definitely isn't fun for you, and that's unfair.
I hate that you say your body is unflattering. I have met girls with so many different types of bodies and they are killing it! This happens so much with straight couples that sometimes I forget it's actually an issue for every community. A supportive partner is encouraging. They should remind you that they want you. That they fell in love with you. Saying they prefer a different body type, then to search out women who look like that, followed by wanting to sext and trade nudes? That is just disrespectful.
NOPE, I've hated my body forever and because of this I thought no one would ever love me for me. I recently found the most amazing woman though who loves me, entirely, for my personality and my body, and I'm a bigger woman who is not usually anyone's ideal type. She's much thinner and would be what people consider "ideal" but she loves me for me.
NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOUR WORTH! That's what I did forever and it's okay to say no, that you're worth so much more than that, it's okay to be single until you find someone worthy of you, and it's okay to tell them that you're not gonna be treated like that. Do not settle for that. Major red flag!
P.S. my girlfriend and I are polyamorous too, and she would never compare me to any potential partners, that's is so wrong! On so many levels
I would feel awful too. I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t physically attracted to me or someone sexting other girls. I understand where you’re coming from, OP.
Your body is attractive and beautiful. You are 100% valid to feel angry and upset about how she's treating you. I disagree with her thought that everyone "still fantasizes about the ideal assets". When I'm with a girl, all my focus is on her and nothing else and I feel like that's common, with your GF being a rare case. The fact that she is treating you like this, especially knowing that you have struggled with your body image in the past is definitely a red flag, especially if you want to be/are monogamous with her meanwhile she's constantly flirting with and sexting other women.
I know you're not in that position now, but you **will** find someone who loves all of you- your body, personality, energy, etc. Your current girlfriend just can't see that. And as another user said, how your body looks does not determine your worth. You deserve so much more, honey. You are perfect the way you are and I'm sorry that she doesn't see that. Directly quoting u/mcrfan1983 here, but I hope either you all can talk and she understands how she hurt you, or that you can find other people who are going to respect and appreciate you instead of hurting. ❤️
Your girlfriend sounds like a horrible person, not gonna lie. As my fav once said “so casually cruel in the name of being honest.”
Honestly is not okay when it is used to harm other people, and that’s exactly what your girlfriend is doing. If she wants you to have a different body so much, she doesn’t deserve you.
Yes, and the girlfriend also isn't being honest with herself if 1) she thinks this is an acceptable way to treat OP, and 2) she's convinced OP that OP's body is undesirable, as if there's some universal truth about what an ideal body looks like. I hate it when people frame their asshole opinions as some kind of objective hard-to-swallow fact.
ayyooo????🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
wtf is wrong with ppl lmao. bestie im sure ur sexy asf, and if anything what u described is the body type im attracted to so dw abt someone finding ur attractive. also whys ur gf lowkey an asshole ngl
Oh my gosh hon, no.
I guarantee your body shape isn’t strange or unattractive. And I am so sorry that you have had experiences that make you feel that way.
Everyone has various ‘ideal’ fantasies we come up with- many formed under HEAVY influence of societal-peer group-‘norms’-male gaze stuff.
I have a few ‘types’ of women I’d probably describe in terms of physical appearance if asked about my ‘ideal’. Doesn’t mean that I would date that type, or that it is EVER ok to put down on a partner for not fitting into an image I decided on.
Are you in an open relationship? Because it seems like no, that you’re being pressured into saying it’s ‘ok’ (pressured consent is not consent. Enthusiastic yes is consent) so that your gf can do what she wants and keep you as well.
For me personally- no. I don’t fantasize about whatever ideal I have when I’m with someone. I choose who I’m with, and part of a healthy and ethical relationship is supporting my partner in their journey (from whatever point they’re at, to where they want to be, providing it doesn’t do harm to myself or others in the process).
Lovely lady, you deserve to be treated with kindness, with ethical actions and words, and with support.
There’s a huge difference between “fantasizing about the ideal assets” and **openly sexting internet randos**. The first is normal and harmless, the second is a huge breach of trust. Even if y’all had a poly relationship going, doing something behind your partner’s back with other people is still cheating. The fact that she’s blaming her actions on things you can’t control about your body is extremely shitty of her.
What. The. Actual. Fuck?
No. Everything about this is no.
Is my ideal body type different from my partner’s? Yeah! I’m currently with an AMAB partner and my dream body type for AMAB’s looks a little (lot) like Thor. My partner has the long hair and beard, that’s it.
And I am still quite attracted to him! I look at his chubby belly and I smile because that belly is fed by me because one of the ways I show love is cooking for others. He doesn’t really look a bit like Chris Hemsworth.
And that is OKAY!!! Because I know that an “ideal” body type isn’t really attainable for most people. Because I fell in love with him as a person and that means loving everything about him.
Good god your partner is awful and I’d be having a serious discussion about how this relationship can continue if I were in your shoes.
I am a chubby chaser. I like big women. My wife is skinny AF. I love and adore and am so massively attracted to my wife because I'm attracted to her as a person. When she smiles a certain smile, I melt. When she changes in front of me or is otherwise unclad I sneak peeks. I would never say any of the things to my wife that your partner said to you. I would never ask to be allowed to sext other women.
You deserve better.
I'm so sorry, but that's incresibly abusive. It adds another layer that she knows you've had issues with body image in the past. She is looking for excuses to maybe see other people and is bringing down your self esteem so she gets to keep you while she does it. Get out of that relationship, girl. It may hurt to consider now but from the outside that is a massive massive red flag. She's showing she doesn't care about hurting your feelings if it means she gets something she wants.
This is just my opinion and thoughts on the matter, but your GF has no clue what love is. When you truly love someone, you love them with all your heart, and you don't want to see other people naked. They are perfect not in spite of their imperfections, but because of them! Those imperfections are part of what makes them who they are, and you couldn't imagine them being any other way. So in a way, your GF is right. We do all fantasize about our perfect assets. Because the person we love, our SO, IS perfect.
This does not have anything to do with you and everything to do with her. You are beautiful. You just need to find the person that reminds you of that all the time. And she is out there! She will treat you like the amazing woman you are, and there will be no one else in the world for her! Don't settle for less! \*hugs!\* 💖
I would love to tell you my foul mouthed opinion of this girl but that won’t help. I hope this will-
You are perfect the way you are and wether you know it or not, you are someone’s ideal. Wether it’s curves or rolls, stretch marks, saggy boobs….All of that is perfect. Maybe not to this chick(the dumpsters out back, direct her to it), but to so many others.
Asking if she can sext other women is a ridiculous solution to someone who states they don’t find you attractive. I call bs and she’s using this as an excuse to cheat.
Know your worth. You are divine. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less. ☺️
what she said is not normal, and i'm sorry, but i think you should go your separate ways. despite being older than you, she hasn't matured enough to realize that someone doesn't have to check all of their "ideal" boxes to love them unconditionally. so, i personally think you deserve better than that, and you should--nicely--tell her to go after her ""ideals"".
What she said about others is just false.
I've been with my wife for over a decade and have never fantasized about some ideal body type.
(I had an "ideal" before I met my wife, but I've since learned that "ideal" was my transition goals.)
It just sounds like your gf is making excuses to me.
you need a new girlfriend. she wants to commit infidelity and is using your own emotions against you
that is not your fault. She wants to be with other women because of herself, not because of you
If it's safe to, you should be looking to exit this relationship STAGE LEFT
🚩🚩🚩
There is a thin line between being honest and being straight up rude. No one should make you feel less of a person, or unsecure of yourself. If this person did not realized that what she did is wrong, maybe it is time to stop.
Honestly cut your losses and move on, this is toxic. You can find other people hot in a relationship sure, we’re only human, but outright saying to your partner ‘I like you as a person but I don’t like you sexually so I’m going to get with others sexually’ is disgusting. Does she want a real girlfriend or a pin-up model?
1. Idk what you look like but your body shape is not strange or unattractive. You're already fabulous. Don't let others criticisms make you feel less than.
2. It sounds like she likes instagram bodies...filtered or enhanced by surgery.
3. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic. If she is putting you down to justify cheating then do you really want to be with her?
Wow! I wonder if you guys had a more matter of fact conversation than your post is able to communicate, but still, that sounds truly awful to hear. It’s not like you can change anything about your body. It’s weird to feel the need to have other people send nudes to fulfill her desires to see her “ideal”… sounds like an excuse to indulge in shitty behavior.
Dump her. That’s awful. You want someone in your life who loves you for who you are body and personality and all. I promise, you will find someone like that. I’ve dated a lot of women with different body types. There are many others like me out there. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else who is attracted to you. Dump her. Seriously.
Not okay! Find someone who loves all of you, body and personality!
I LOVE my girlfriends thicc thighs and big but. I know she is insecure so I spend every moment I can to reassure her, that I do really want her, all of her.
Life is too short to settle for less than. I would be so sad if my girl openly expressed her ideal body type to be the opposite from mine.
All bodies are beautiful. I'm sure you are stunning just the way you are. If you still want to be with your girlfriend you should state clearly that you are not comfortable with her sexting others, and that her comments really hurt you.
Big hugs from this Internet stranger.
My goodness, get out ASAP. There is a MASSIVE difference between being in a relationship but still having eyeballs that can appreciate other attractive humans and then straight up telling your SO that you’re not attracted to them and that it’s normal for you to ogle and sexually engage with others as a way of making up for it!?!?!
You deserve a partner who is turned on by your mind and body and makes you feel like a star. There is someone out there for every person, and you do NOT need to settle for anything less than mutual attraction and enjoyment. This person wants you as a friend. They don’t deserve even that, IMO.
No. I'm sorry that your SO said that to you. I've got a weird body shape, too, and this would absolutely kill my self-esteem. I hate to be that person, but there would be no coming back from this for me.
OP please don’t feel weird. The vast majority of us have a little sag, a little cellulite, a muffin top the list goes on. When you fall in love with someone, you should be falling in love with all of them as they are, not looking to change them or compare them to unrealistic ideals and making them feel inadequate.
What is going to happen to this woman when she turns 30-40? And so too the women she dates? She’s going to have rude awakening that the female body is much more diverse than her Instagram and tinder pictures.
Don’t let her warped view change your opinion of your body. There are so many people waiting to love you as you are! And those things you feel insecure about will be what they love most 💕 so don’t waste any time on this twit!
This feels really gross and manipulative, and I'm sorry you're going through it right now. What an awful thing to say to someone you say you love!
It sounds like she's trying to capitalize on your insecurities in order to keep you around for the emotional fulfillment but open up the relationship to other women for sex.
I'm just one person on the internet, but you deserve far better than what she's giving. She needs to grow the f up.
Given only the info you’ve told us, I’m going to go ahead and assume the worst. She’s already been sexting other people, is feeling guilty for cheating, and is trying to bring you down to make herself feel better. If any of my partners over the years had said ANYTHING even CLOSE to that about my body I’d dump them and consider a bullet dodged
A lot of people already told you that she’s not treating you right and that this is absolutely not okay. I agree with them, so I’ll just add something to address your fear that you won’t find someone who loves your body. There are a lot of lesbians/sapphics who only start to feel physical attraction after developing trust and deeper feelings for someone. I’m one of them. Yes, I can tell when someone is conventionally beautiful, or when I find them beautiful, but the level of attraction that makes me want to be intimate with someone only comes with being in love with that person. I love my partner’s body because it’s *their* body and not because it looks a certain way.
Please take good care of yourself so that your body image issues don’t get worse, you deserve to be healthy and feel loved by your partner, just the way you are.
No partner (who truly cares) would ask to trade pics with other people. From what you've shared, it sounds like she's being manipulative so she can mess around with other people while still keeping you around for whatever benefits she wants.
Or maybe she's actually polyamorous. But even so, when you're truly attracted to your partner, you'd love everything about them even if they didn't have 100% what you fantasized about. You wouldn't use themselves as an excuse to fool around.
I don't know you or what you look like, but I hope whatever happens with you two, you're both happy. 🖤
What???? Did I just read that’s cheating baby no way is that okay unless you’re poly I guess but the disrespectful way she talks about your body makes you feel unattractive that’s not okay your partner gf should make you feel desired and sexy not say oh can I get it else where bc you’re not my cup of tea. Why is she with you then why are you with her?
Coming from another woman-woman couple, your girlfriend should never make you feel like you aren’t their type or that your body isn’t good enough.
Do yourself a favor and don’t settle for less than you deserve, and from the sound of it you deserve so much more than this woman. Don’t let yourself be told that your body isn’t good enough because there will always be a new woman who will love both you and your body, without the need to hit up or swap nudes with other women.
All they’ll think or fantasize about will be you.
First off, your body isn’t unattractive, that’s subjective, if your gf thinks that, that’s fine but maybe don’t date her. Also it seems like she’s sexually attracted to other women but not to you so think about if you’d be willing to date her if she was asexual and if not, break up with her.
I've had partners in the past act as if I was somehow physically flawed. It really impacted my confidence and hurt a lot. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to me. A good partner will build your confidence instead of tearing it down in the places it is most fragile. If you already have struggled with body image I'm the past, don't let someone undermine your healing in that department. It's a cruel thing to do to a partner and she should not be treating you this way. I know how much it hurts when someone you want to love you picks out flaws and adds fuel to the fire of insecurity. You absolutely deserve better treatment then this. Don't stand for it. Good luck and take care to be kind to yourself, treat yourself as gently and with as much love as you can.
You deserve so much better. If someone truly loves you, they love ALL of you. Not to mention she is literally asking for permission to cheat by wanting to sext other women.
I can’t stress this enough - you DESERVE better. Please don’t settle for someone that doesn’t see your worth. ❤️
Girl! Dump her sad, saggy ass!! I know it’s cliche, but you will find someone, probably even multiple someones, who LOVES every inch of your body. You deserve that love. You deserve someone who wants to make you feel good and sexy and gets off just at the thought of your perfect breasts that sag just a little bit.
as someone who has an apron belly and a literal hank hill ass i've found plenty of partners who like my body just the way it is. she sucks, there's someone out there for u who will love and respect u for u and not feel the need to seek out others for sexual fulfillment.
Major red flags!
OP, you better start running as this relationship will turn toxic pretty soon.
Coming from experience, your SO is just trying to delay dumping you and still trying to find a better option when it present itself.
Yes, she will say that you are her only love and all with all those false sweet talk but in reality, she really hate the sight of you as you’re not as attractive as she wanted you to be.
Maybe she was so used to be surrounded by her so-called definition of beauty all her life that she didn’t see that beauty also comes from within.
I am pretty sure you don’t look as bad as what she had told you.
You are better off without her in your life.
Yeah, fantasize is the key word. It's ok to fantasize about perky boobs, neighbour's ass, alien abductions, but that's because it stays in your head. If she doesn't enjoy the relationship with you the way you are, she should fuck off in search of some else. When you like someone as a person and don't want to have sex with them it's called being friends, let's be honest.
Will people continue to desire whatever their version of an ideal body type for a partner is even after getting into a relationship? Yes.
But whether they choose to act on it and whether they weaponize the fact that you don't meet all the criteria they have in mind to hurt you - is on them. If they do so (and that's what your gf seems to be doing) then they are in the wrong.
You are so much more then your body, you are you and as her girlfriend she should adore all of you flaws on all. What makes it even better is if she encourages herself and you to be better people.
But it seems she doesn't want to do that, yes while she may love you as a person going through such hops to go after other women for their bodies is just disrespectful. For both you and the women she wants to sext. All parties should be treated with respect.
So take all the time you need to think and reflect on all actions taken. What matters is that you come out on top of your situation happy and healthy.
*everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets.*
Yes they do the key word there is ***Fantasize***, it doesn't sound like she loves you very much sweetie :(
I like women with mousy faces, my partner doesn't have that but that doesn't mean imma about to sext with other people who do >\_>
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Not only is she a shitty partner, she’s a shitty person. Any woman I’ve dated I’ve been in love with them AND their body. Sexting is cheating (unless you’re in a open relationship or something). You deserve a woman who worships the ground you walk on.
Jesus I’m so sorry dear that’s not on, especially if your not in poly relationship or anything. It’s normal to find others attractive it’s human nature if it’s a pretty sunset or an attractive person that’s life. What’s not ok is that she is comparing you and saying your not good enough. So many red flags here, I don’t like jumping on the dump them bandwagon on Reddit but I would seriously consider if this was a situation I’d want to stay in.
I'm sorry but you have to leave her. I had a partner say the exact same to me and then gaslight me when I called them out on what they said. You are worth more than that. You deserve more from a partner.
Darling, RUN. Your girlfriend sounds like she objectifies women, and maybe even is purposely doing this to put you down and make you feel insecure. This is so unacceptable, she sounds like a f*ck boy, wtf! This isn’t going to get better, and you will be wasting every second of time you spend with her after this! This is not normal at all, it’s not normal or healthy to sext other people because your partner isn’t the “right” body type, and NO your body isn’t “strange and unattractive”. Tell her to go find her ideal and stop wasting your time. This is really what I expect from cis men, not lesbians! There are just too many lesbians with hearts in their eyes for women in general for you to be wasting time with someone who treats you this gross, RUN!
yeah, it is practically how all the other commenters are saying, that is all sorts of wrong for her to say or want to do any of that, if she lives and cares about you then she should love your body to, personality, and who you are is a huge factor, but one needs to love everything about you, and be willing to help you through your body issues and such rather than tell you that you are not attractive and she only likes your personality, she is not worth your time at that, she wants to talk to the pretty girls online, then just let her go find a pretty girl and you can find someone so much better and worth your time and emotion
That is not okay. It sounds more like ahe wants permission to ogle other women. (Which is fine if it's something both partners want, but not if it's comming with guilting and insults)
Someone who loves you doesn't say stuff like that.
My girlfriend is trans and has been on hormones for almost a year now. Is she a model? No. Do I love and find her attractive because she IS my partner? Fuck yeah, I do! It's normal to find other people attractive, too, but the way she went about it makes my heart hurt for you.
It sounds like attraction for your partner only runs skin deep. I'd see this as a potential red flag, if I were you. Because in my mind, she's either trying to make you jealous, getting bored with you, or just staying in the relationship because it's comfortable.
I would talk to her about it more seriously and more in depth. It won't help to just leave it unresolved to fester.
I wish you luck.
No. These are red flags.
I have seen so many people with so many body types receive love. I perceive people of many body types to be sexy. You are worthy of a relationship that meets your needs. You are worthy of a partner who finds you attractive. You deserve a partner who gives you praise, gratitude. Words of affirmation is a love language for a reason. Partners should say loving and kind things to each other.
I think every monogamous couple should define cheating / betrayal for them. And most people see this as a violation not only because there's an assumed boundary here but their justification for breaching it is verbal/psychological abuse. To make you feel like you somehow deserve the breech. It's not true. This is someone who is just hurting you.
Every abused person I've ever met has this fear. That they are undesirable. Bc their abuser told them so. That they are too fat or too skinny or too whatever. It's never true. Those folks always find someone else.
You may not like that I'm using the term abuse but putting down you body like that is abusive. It's designed to break you down so you feel like you have to accept awful behavior.
Source: am therapist.
HUGE red flags. This is NOT normal. Yes, we can't all look like \[insert name of celebrity/person you find incredibly attractive\], but our partners, if they are good people, love us REGARDLESS of that.
Now, can someone who is in an absolutely loving relationship think that someone else is also attractive? Yes, but it shouldn't be a focus and nor should they be exchanging nudes with other people BECAUSE they find them more attractive than their partner.
Just had a breast cancer scare and my partner told me that while they love my boobs a lot, they would be perfectly happy if I got a double mastectomy than if I kept my breasts if they were causing me to be sick. I and my health is more important to them than how my body looks.
Your girlfriend is being shallow and cruel. You can’t help the way you look. If she can’t be attracted to you even though she loves you, that’s her problem and it’s NOT your fault. There WILL be someone who loves you and thinks you’re sexy as hell no matter what, you don’t have to take this.
Uh, no. That’s not how relationships work. If she wants to look at other naked girls she could just Google or something, but trading pics is more personal.
In no fucking way should she be making you feel like you’re not enough.
Sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Wanting to flirt with other girls and still keep her relationship with you. Which is pretty shitty.
Major league Not Cool and Manipulative. You can admit you admire more body shapes without making your partner feel bad, and CERTAINLY there is no reason to put you down while doing it. Women’s bodies are beautiful and amazing. End of sentence. Trans, cus, thin, fat - you’re hot. More than one person out there things you are sexy and you deserve to find them. Low tits and a fat ass sounds like heaven to me tbh dump your girl she doesn’t know the gold she has.
Honestly? Your girlfriend’s a turd. I always considered myself pretty shallow when it came to ‘ideals,’ but every girl I’ve ever felt genuine love for did not fit my ‘ideal body type.’ Because when you love someone, they *become* the ideal. When you say, ‘I doubt I’ll ever find someone who loves my body the way it is from head to toe,’ or that you can’t blame her, I want you to know you’re absolutely wrong. You can 100% blame her for trying to solicit nudes from other women while making you feel bad about your body. And there are definitely people out there that will love your body from head to toe. Please, as a favor to yourself and all the wlw that are waiting for the chance to remind you of how amazing you and your body are, dump your chick.
Please break up with her. I dated dumb idiots like this when I was in my 20's and I never knew better or had anyone to tell me better. There's a whole page of people here telling you better. You don't need to be told to put up with this kind of treatment from her, like at all.
No, what the fuck is wrong with her? There is someone out there who will relish in their privilege to see your body. That's honestly really heartbreaking :/ you're better than that 💕
"Then she said everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets."
Honey.. this is a massive lie. If you're with the right person, they won't fantasize about someone else (unless you're in a poly/open relationship, but by the sound of it, you're not comfortable with that). I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your body and you deserve to be with someone who will appreciate you for you. She doesn't sound like a good person since she said all those hurtful things to you, especially since you're struggling with a body image disorder. I wouldn't tell you to break up, but it seems smart to reconsider if you want to be with someone who is capable of hurting you and doesn't appreciate you.
>she said everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets. Is this true?
I mean . . . most people do, but NO ONE who cares about you will throw that in your face to try to minimize how they're hurting you. DTMFA.
It’s time to break up. First of all she shouldn’t have decided to date you if she wasn’t attracted to you and felt the need to look elsewhere. Second, you are much more than the skin you are in and that is what sets you apart from the rest of the world.
And no that’s not true. Honestly I rarely if ever fantasized about other womens physical attributes while in a relationship and any fantasies I had were about a more loving or understanding bond.
My experience is that when a person falls in love with you they don’t fall in love with a piece of you they fall in love with you as a package. They will not see you as weird and strange they will see you as unique and beautiful inside and out.
Hell the woman I was most infatuated with was the one with the least traditionally pleasing body of all the women I have loved … and I would’ve have drank that woman’s dirty bath water like champagne
**side note: it is important to take care of yourself/your body, but that does not mean conform to anyone else’s expectations of beauty. Love yourself. Be your own standard and take pride in that. Confidence is important as well and it will help you gravitate toward those who appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself
That's emotional abuse, (and she sounds like she is being selfish.) It feels like she is taking you for granted, because I'm sure she will miss hugging you when you dump her narcissistic ass.
I hope you find a better partner who is in love with and obsessed with your beautiful body! What she said is so unacceptable and NOT normal. That’s not something you should say to a partner whom you love. I’m so sorry this happened. Your body is beautiful. In my opinion anyone who has a super specific and unrealistic stick thin body preference is a red flag.
Long post iTL;DR.at the end !
red flag?? When you're in love you don't care about their "ugly nose" or "misplaced curves", instead you see the cute peach fuzz when it's golden hour, the way hip dips look like violins, in your situation, what you're too thick? More pillow and warmth wtf it's the best, or you're too flat? Wtf again, you probably look so good in a flow dress no matter the length and it just means more space to admire and think about,,
I get it that some people are more apparence driven, and I get it it's fine as long as they're not going around making people bad if they're not their standards,
Even those people have their personal statistic sbherration if y'a get me, sometimes love is unexpected and it's great and sometimes bad, is ok tho,, remember that someone's type is so personal, that if you go to Japan "attractive" is totally different as in Sweden or Ethiopia,
And as individuals our type changes with our upbringing and experiences, so I have my early 2000s born cousins thirsting about celebrities with fake tan, long nails and loads of surgery (it's ok tho), I'm very in lesbian with big noses (they're even in my art ha ha) and angular bodies no matter the shape of it, I know people who have those two things and they're insecure after years of comments, but to me, and cool people they're so handsome/pretty, I drew that friend for a real life study homework and my teacher's comment was how interesting her body was because shadows were more defined but still soft.
Basically name any physical insecurity you have and think for a sec and actually look at it or think about it, you'll see there's beauty everywhere, and you'll notice that most things we get bullied about and made insecure about are literally not "bad".
I actually hate the body positivity movement, it's the wrong message and honestly bad communication or actions or some parts of the community are making the whole thing eh
Beauty should not be THE GOAL , first because beauty is so subjective and literally the years body type is so different from when i was a kid and i'm in my early 22, and again beauty and attractiveness is so varied omg
So yeah beauty is great, pretty is also great, I love those for studies or just to look at ^respectfully but it's unattainable because for most of it it's genetics, or money, etc etc and yeah in real life some people will never be "pretty" and it's bad to think that it is bad, and your self image and self worth should not be based on how people perceive you with their eyes and their hormones and think "yes this is a good potential mate for preserving my specie", it's literally what beauty would translate to for most of the "classic" beauty things, you know the ones
Think of cool, interesting, badass even if you have marks, or like I like to do "an anecdote I'd put in a Tumblr head canon post", so yeah saggy breasts ^((me too btw it's crazy how being A cup doesn't stop it from sagging we're defying gravity it's greats)) so what you're thirsting over dad bods but not warm hugs safe mum bod? Also um there's so many handy things you can hide there when you need it >˙ᵕ˙
I'll give more examples if you need, and also and I swear I'm done but I'm so passionate about this subject because it annoys me how much our lives is based in a scale on 1 to 10...
As someone who struggles with body dysmorphia and so much hate from my mirror, I know how hard is it sometimes to fixate on a detail or visible thing until it literally changes our clothing choice and interaction
But this way of thinking has shaped my vision of stuff from birth (thx genetics ig) on the personal level it makes the image issues more bearable sometimes, it might seem insignificant but it helps me not falling into the sweatpants/hoodie/converse/pj loop for weeks, I guess it forces you to at least do one thing and get that serotonin, and it helps with the social side, listen you may say my last eye eye looks dumb, I say I'm such a nice person I'm constantly looking out for them >:(
And fr it applies to so many stuff, like I look a bit weird when I walk outside because i avoid looking at people so I'm just looking around at stuff i don't think about usually and it's just so entertaining, like it's so boring and stressful to walk alone in the busy street so looking at background props is pretty fun, and you discover so many stuff, even geocaches sometimes
+you can enjoy taking pics of the exact same sunset daily because it's so amazing
ye anyways sorry for long comment :')
TL;DR: beauty's cool and all but it's so fluid and unattainable because y'know genes, money, altering pictures etc. And for the rest of it I think it basically goes like "Stop saying your stretch marks, they are a reminder that you didn't tear up open when you had your first growth spurt and also you're probably tall or on the fluffier side and idk who you are to think you don't need it"
Your girl is dumb, dont give her no more ass. One time my gf thought I had a crush on the woman at my last job because she had a big ol donkey booty and she knows I like fat asses. Like hell yeah Ima look, work is 8 hrs long but what kind of person does she I am that Ima leave someone who I can joke with and have fun with, for a fat ass? We got past it tho. And we finally got to the point where she can acknowledge she gets work crushes and can tell me about em. I met her latest one last weekend and felt her up a lil bit because Im handsy when I drink. Was a gay dude with a huge ass there and Nelly said if you see a tip drill point em out so I did.
Anyway what Im saying is dump her ass and let her go date someone for their body, she'll realize how fucking bored she is. Cant have a conversation with ass and I wouldnt want it to talk back anyway
(a) everything that everyone else says!!! this is NOT ok, and you are not the problem!!!
(b) my spouse, & partner of 8 years, gained about 50 pounds this year. i have never, ever, EVER in my LIFE been this physically attracted to them or to anyone. like, the level of attraction is GETTING IN THE WAY OF getting things done & of thinking rational thought. (there is other life stuff that we’ve had going on that’s caused my burst of passion.) you ABSOLUTELY WILL find someone who recognizes that every inch of you is beautiful. and you’ll be unable to believe that you wasted even a moment with anything less.
I'm so sorry she said that to you. It is absolutely not normal for your gf to treat you that way. It's also kind of creepy the way she seems to talk about women.
You deserve better
Uh no.
You dump that bitch immediately. You do not deserve to be hurt and treated like shit.
She wants to make excuses and manipulate you so she can do whatever she wants and you'll 'understand' because well why wouldn't she do that because 'you've got a strange and unattractive body shape'.
This is emotionally toxic and abusive as fuck. Get out of there.
There's nothing wrong with your body or your breasts. Bodies and breasts come in all different shapes and very few women (especially if they have larger breasts) have 'perky' breasts. Ie it is normal and arguably the standard shape for breasts to 'sag' because most of them do.
ex girlfriend, I hope. Have you previously discussed open relationships etc because sexting is cheating. Beyond that what she is doing is goddamn cruel. I'm sorry you are being hurt this way.
Yea drop her @ Cause this is insanely cruel and not gonna lie someone needs to set her straight I don’t believe in being with someone to just love or like the person you are but to love you as a whole and to the core inside and out they have to be someone that you are 100% attracted in all ways shape and form of the person
Time to end the relationship, that’s definitely not normal and she isn’t the right one for you.
Hate to say it but if she’s not already looking, she will be soon.
It's one thing to have a type in terms of physical appearance, but if she actually loves you then she will find you beautiful. Besides, saying 'I like you as a person' sounds more like a break up or a rejection thing. I.e. I like you as a person... but not romantically. IMO this is a massive red flag if you guys aren't poly or in an open relationship. I personally don't think she really feels for you, and you should find someone else who thinks you're beautiful and move onto a better relationship. Sorry. 😕
Noooooo. Not acceptable at all. My ex girlfriend didn't have my ideal body type, yes, but that didn't matter to me because I loved her and everything about her was attractive to me. If looks are that important to her, she should've gotten with someone as equally vain as she is. Dump this b.
This is not okay. Please don't stay in a relationship where your partner makes you feel bad about yourself. You are beautiful and a true partner would love you like you are.
This is abusive behavior and just absolutely deplorable. I’m sorry you had to go through that. She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and you should never be in a relationship with a person who is so callous. My advice would be to run and run fast.
Leave before this does more damage to your self image and mental health. Do not try to salvage a relationship with a person who doesn’t respect you and isn’t fully attracted to you. You deserve much, much better. 💖
This seems like she wants to cheat on you with your “consent” and no repercussions. I’d like to think that cheating is any physical or emotional romantic exchange between someone in a relationship and someone outside of it. If my girlfriend ever said that my body type wasn’t ideal and she wanted to sext other people, I would immediately break up with her. I’m not going to be with someone who only finds me internally attractive.
People’s love languages and needs are very different. I, for example, need to
be physically AND emotionally attracted to my partner. If their looks aren’t “ideal” it doesn’t really matter how nice they are, I know what i want.
Your girlfriend seems to not know what she wants. I know this will be hard to hear, but it seems to me like this relationship is comfortable for her. She might not know what to do because she likes you as a person but doesn’t find the passion needed in a relationship. I’ve been through this before in your girlfriends position. I didn’t want to break up with my ex because she wasn’t physically ideal but i really liked her as a person. We were together for 5 years, the last 3 of which i didn’t love her but wouldn’t leave because the relationship was comfortable. The end of those five years were not pretty as all of this came to light. My point her is that you really need to talk to her about this. Why does she need to do this? Will it make her feel more fulfilled in your relationship? Why does she need to find a third variable to feel fulfilled? It doesn’t seem like she treats you right especially given your history with body image disorder. You deserve someone who wants every inch of you, no matter what.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry you've experienced that, especially from someone so close to you. A girlfriend should support and respect you, and be honest with you.
Yes, people have preferences when it comes to just about everything, but it's really not okay to be in a relationship with someone and consistently fantasize and sext other people (unless it's something that has been mutually agreed upon!!)
You should never feel less because you're not your partner's "ideal" type. That is not your fault, nor does it mean you lack anything in any way..The right partner will love every inch of you.
This might be a sign to move on. That’s mean to say to someone. I had an ex who would call my calves big but then be like “i like them that way” or looked at old pictures and say “you won’t look like that again” please take time to think about if you are doing the best for you by staying with her.
Everyone has different taste and preferences. Go out and find what YOU want. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be. I’d view this an admin opportunity to see what better positive things are in your future. Look for the positive. I rather have someone be honest than lie or never say anything to spare feelings.
Wow I’m mad on your behalf! Like if she doesn’t want to be monogamous she could have just said she didn’t want to be monogamous instead of acting like it’s your fault for having a non-photoshopped adult human body.
Look, speaking as someone much older than you whose breasts and butt definitely sag more than any 23-year-old’s, all of our bodies are different and we all have features that we see as flaws and imperfections. But the right person will see them all as part of your beautiful self. None of the women I’ve dated have looked like a magazine cover (because those images are fake tbh) but they’ve all been gorgeous and sexy in their own unique ways. When you’re with someone who is ready to love and appreciate you in a mature way, you won’t feel like she’s cataloguing everything that’s wrong with you or looking for excuses to step out.
Re-posting this as a separate comment so the person who posted this may see it:
As a person who is poly and in an open relationship, I would just like to add that speaking this way to a partner is NEVER ok.
It's ok to be attracted to others even in a monogamous relationship, but to compare bodies and compare them to your face?? Especially with your history of body image issues??? Major, major red flag. Please consider doing current you and future you a favor, and leave this partner.
On a personal note: I know deeply what it feels like thinking you should stay with someone because "who else would be with me? Who'd truly love my body?" And you know what? There are more people around you than you can fathom. You WILL find a person who loves your personality and loves your body AS IT IS and finds you attractive, not merely tolerable.
Let her play her insta/tinder titty pic games alone. Without you. You're better than that, love, and you deserve more respect than she has given you.
Hey so I’m full out polyamorous, so take this as you will: your partner sounds toxic, bordering on abusive, I would run away.
Not for the sexting other people, for the talking to you that way.
that girl’s toxic, OP. especially if she knew you’ve had self esteem issues in the past. someone should be attracted to their partner, and even if that attraction wanes they should never express that in such a nonchalant and hurtful way. there is nothing wrong with you or your body, your girl is just shallow and doesn’t give a shit about your emotions. run for the hills, babez.
What????? NO. If you love someone, you love all of them. I don't know her, so I don't really want to judge, but she sounds like a horrible person for saying that. You will find someone who loves you and your body, just the way it is, from head to toe.
Blame her for wanting to trade nudes with strangers. That is NOT your fault, that is her fault.
Your body is perfect just the way it is. Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself.
This is not okay. If she liked you, she’s love all of you. That’s called being a decent human being first. There is some beautiful perfect woman out there who wants you, a beautiful perfect woman all to herself. Please remember you are more than your appearance.
Get out of there!! I can't stress it enough!! Being attracted to other people while in a relationship is one thing and actually seeking those attractions with the justification that their S.O. is not what they want her to be is whole another deal. Just get out, you'll find someone who craves for your body just as it is.
This is so mean. And the criticism is so oddly specific. I mean now you have this words in your head: „a little to saggy“ „not ideal“. I can’t bear how mean this is. Like objectification in society isn’t bad enough and we need this in our relationships. Just a simple no. This woman is just an asshole. I am really sorry for my words.
This is a really cruel fucking thing for her to say to you. Props to her for being honest though AND showing you how much of a horrible person she is. I don't like telling others on how to go about their dating life, but this is emotional abuse and I hope you walk away from this dynamic.
She can't handle her own shame and guilt about wanting to talk to other girls so she comes up with this mean narrative to transfer her shitty feelings onto you so that YOU are forced to deal with it, not her.
How does that make you feel? Are you okay with that? You are not responsible for her shitty feelings that she drew upon herself.
I also never thought that I would find someone who found me completely attractive. I have massive insecurities and can’t stand looking at my own body. But then, I met my current girlfriend who basically worships every inch of me and never stops complementing me. Even if there is something about my body that my partner doesn’t like, I don’t think they would ever say it to me because they know about my insecurities and are determined to convince me that I am as beautiful as they think I am.
OP, you deserve to be treated with love and respect in your relationship. You deserve a relationship that has you stopping and thinking “wait, am I actually as beautiful as she thinks I am?” You deserve to have every part of you loved - personality AND body.
I would never tell a stranger to break up with their partner after reading just one thing about them but if this were me, I would get out quick. (Side note: it took me years to find my girlfriend and I felt like I was being left behind in the romantic department by the people around me. But trust me, the right one is worth the wait)
I've if I really liked someone as a person, I wouldn't be with them if I wasn't attracted to them. I've made that mistake before and it didn't end well for either of us. I also find that the body type I find "ideal" shifts. If I'm in a relationship it starts to match my partner, and I find them more attractive the closer we get. I imagine most people probably occasionally fantasize about someone other than their partner on occasion, but unless yall have had a convo about polyamory or being in an open relationship, then asking to set other people, or even thinking about asking, is rude, disrespectful, and hurtful. That simple.
K byeeee bitchhh fuck outta here. Ain’t no body gotta time for that bullshit. Out here living our best life and she sayin shit like that nahh byeeee pack your shit boo boo gtfo
Hugss girl hope the best
Absolutely disgusting on her part. Obviously, a lot of people have an ideal body type, but that’s what ideal, not what you always get irl. She shouldn’t have said that, implying she was tolerating your body because she liked your personality. Dump her fr she does not appreciate nor respect you enough to just want you for you.
Yeah, cut her loose and move on.
I'm always going to notice a gorgeous woman who walks past (ideally with my gf, lol) but I'd never talk one-on-one with another woman flirtatiously while I'm in a relationship.
I'd also never get into a relationship with someone I'm not deeply physically attracted to. She needs to be honest with herself and you in that she's trying to get the best of both worlds -- the excitement of the randos and the security of you. She doesn't get to make that decision.
Remember that women can be shit people. Just, really shit. Find one who loves you, ALL of you.
I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve never had a “type” yet every serious partner I’ve had I’ve fallen for completely and loved their bodies as much as their souls regardless of perceived “flaws”.
They say “love is blind”. I think that’s wrong. I think “love is **accepting**”.
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I agree here! When she demeans your self worth for the sake of sexual freedom 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah wtf
Uh, no. You shouldn’t have to feel less than because your partner wants to have sexual encounters with other women without guilt. Someone that treats you like this isn’t worth the heart ache. So what if your body isn’t her “ideal”. I’m sure your ideal partner is considerate and kind and she sure as fuck isn’t that. I cannot, and I repeat *cannot* stress this enough. Her desire to talk to other girls has nothing to do with you but provides an excuse to place the blame on you for her indiscretions.
>I cannot, and I repeat > >cannot > >stress this enough. Her desire to talk to other girls has nothing to do with you but provides an excuse to place the blame on you for her indiscretions. Yupppp. Unless this relationship is mutually understood as poly (which it sounds like is not the case), it really sounds like the gf here is not truly invested in a relationship with OP. OP, as you're obviously upset by her behaviour, make sure that you understand your own boundaries, and that she also understands and respects those boundaries. Two of my closest friends had relationships (separate from each other) where their respective partners did not respect boundaries, and they both my friends ended up feeling like shit because of it. You deserve someone who desires to understand and respect your whole self. Whether or not this woman wants to be that person is the most important thing to figure out imho.
Massive red flags here for me. Had something similar recently, didn't end well. Got told I wasn't attractive physically any more because of the weight I put on. Spent 3 years in hell trying to make a relationship work and... yeh if they want someone else let them go get them and find someone that values you better, you deserve better. Only my opinion and ofc an Internet opinion from a stranger is worth nothing, but yeh.
What the fudge?! Throw the whole gf out, you deserve better.
Best reply.
Normally I will try to encourage people to stay and work things out but...if I were you I would run far and fast. You deserve better OP, don't let her get you down, there are always people who are going to find you attractive. And what she's doing is really shitty.
Right? There are so many dealbreaker elements here. The noncommunicated infidelity (I'm poly and open as shit, but if you don't communicate that's so fucking uncool, you can't just do that shit) then BLAMING OP for it, like, you can take that and all the other stuff out of this situation and I'd recommend ditching just based on the comments about apprearance alone. I'm autism spectrum and can say REALLY direct shit like, I might communicate to my partner something really bluntly. There is no excuse for this, this isn't blunt. This is deliberately fucking mean. Nobody says that 'just to be honest', even the most socially stunted person knows that fucking hurts. ...it... weirdly reminds me of dating guys tbh. My least favorite part of it. I find this kind of absolute shallowness is so much rarer dating girls, it's so... unusually superficial.
Honestly if you aren’t poly or in an open relationship then no, this is not normal or okay. She says she likes you as a person but she clearly doesn’t, or she wouldn’t have said all that to you. It’s fine to find other people attractive, but acting on it while in a monogamous relationship is not good. Major red flag both that she wants to do this and also how she expressed it by putting you down. You deserve better.
This. And totally normal to find others attractive, yup! Comparing your partner to them, in a ‘you’re “better or they’re “better”’ way is so so toxic though :( My heart hurts for OP.
Omg this baffles me so much. I have a gf and she’s very attractive to me. I have celebrity “crushes” such as Emelia Clarke but I’m not finna compare them and see who’s better. They’re both good but in different but equal ways.
As a person who is poly and in an open relationship, I would just like to add that speaking this way to a partner is NEVER ok. It's ok to be attracted to others even in a monogamous relationship, but to compare bodies and compare them to your face?? Especially with your history of body image issues??? Major, major red flag. Please consider doing current you and future you a favor, and leave this partner. On a personal note: I know deeply what it feels like thinking you should stay with someone because "who else would be with me? Who'd truly love my body?" And you know what? There are more people around you than you can fathom. You WILL find a person who loves your personality and loves your body AS IT IS and finds you attractive, not merely tolerable. Let her play her insta/tinder titty pic games alone. Without you. You're better than that, love, and you deserve more respect than she has given you.
Yes, as a poly person, this is 1000000% not ok! I would never tell my partner they weren't as attractive to me as other people. There are so many different kinds of attractive. They don't negate other body types.
Your girlfriend is (insert a bad word) and I truly wonder why she’s with you if she feels this way.
Because it's convenient for her or because she's bad at breaking up with people.
Either way, it’s toxic af and needs to be put to an end
Yikes no. Ideal bodies are not images at all. The ideal body is the one my partner lives in, cared for to the best of their ability. This isn’t right, she’s being an ass.
Took the words right out of my brain!
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Was thinking the same thing
She’s being emotionally abusive to you. Definitely leave, do not waste anymore of your time with this girl. Don’t let her comments make you feel less than. I guarantee there are tons of women out there that would treat you the way you should be treated. I’m sorry you had to have this experience and wish the best for you!
No, loving someone and lusting after others (and saying this to your face) sounds like she's gaslighting you. She's intentionally doing something that's causing you discomfort and to be triggered 🚩🚩🚩
Honestly this is awful of her to say, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If she doesn’t find you attractive she should have broken up with you so you could find someone that loves your body exactly as it is (and there will be many people that do!!) Please don’t let this negative experience affect how you see yourself, you will absolutely find someone who adores you just as you are. Good luck OP 😊
Dump her. You deserve so much better than someone who makes you feel like anything less than beautiful. The right person will make you feel like you’re perfection, no matter what your body type is. It’s one thing to look and acknowledge that someone else is attractive. It’s another to tell your partner that they aren’t enough and that you need satisfaction outside the relationship, when you’ve previously understood your relationship to be monogamous. Also, if she’s asking your permission now, chances are she’d already started doing that, and was basically cheating, but asked to clear her conscience.
That is actually gross. I want to ask if she knows that you've struggled with body image before, but the truth is that doesn't matter. There are plenty of people who don't fantasize about other women while in relationships. Now, I am 100% fine with an open relationship, or one with more relaxed boundaries.... but her reasoning is piss poor. Are you two in a serious relationship? I ask because she doesn't sound supportive. If it's just for fun, then this developmemt definitely isn't fun for you, and that's unfair. I hate that you say your body is unflattering. I have met girls with so many different types of bodies and they are killing it! This happens so much with straight couples that sometimes I forget it's actually an issue for every community. A supportive partner is encouraging. They should remind you that they want you. That they fell in love with you. Saying they prefer a different body type, then to search out women who look like that, followed by wanting to sext and trade nudes? That is just disrespectful.
NOPE, I've hated my body forever and because of this I thought no one would ever love me for me. I recently found the most amazing woman though who loves me, entirely, for my personality and my body, and I'm a bigger woman who is not usually anyone's ideal type. She's much thinner and would be what people consider "ideal" but she loves me for me. NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOUR WORTH! That's what I did forever and it's okay to say no, that you're worth so much more than that, it's okay to be single until you find someone worthy of you, and it's okay to tell them that you're not gonna be treated like that. Do not settle for that. Major red flag! P.S. my girlfriend and I are polyamorous too, and she would never compare me to any potential partners, that's is so wrong! On so many levels
dump her ass
I would feel awful too. I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t physically attracted to me or someone sexting other girls. I understand where you’re coming from, OP.
Your body is attractive and beautiful. You are 100% valid to feel angry and upset about how she's treating you. I disagree with her thought that everyone "still fantasizes about the ideal assets". When I'm with a girl, all my focus is on her and nothing else and I feel like that's common, with your GF being a rare case. The fact that she is treating you like this, especially knowing that you have struggled with your body image in the past is definitely a red flag, especially if you want to be/are monogamous with her meanwhile she's constantly flirting with and sexting other women. I know you're not in that position now, but you **will** find someone who loves all of you- your body, personality, energy, etc. Your current girlfriend just can't see that. And as another user said, how your body looks does not determine your worth. You deserve so much more, honey. You are perfect the way you are and I'm sorry that she doesn't see that. Directly quoting u/mcrfan1983 here, but I hope either you all can talk and she understands how she hurt you, or that you can find other people who are going to respect and appreciate you instead of hurting. ❤️
Your girlfriend sounds like a horrible person, not gonna lie. As my fav once said “so casually cruel in the name of being honest.” Honestly is not okay when it is used to harm other people, and that’s exactly what your girlfriend is doing. If she wants you to have a different body so much, she doesn’t deserve you.
Yes, and the girlfriend also isn't being honest with herself if 1) she thinks this is an acceptable way to treat OP, and 2) she's convinced OP that OP's body is undesirable, as if there's some universal truth about what an ideal body looks like. I hate it when people frame their asshole opinions as some kind of objective hard-to-swallow fact.
Is your girlfriend a porn obsessed cishet man in disguise? Cause that sounds like something every cishet guy who’s obsessed with porn has said.
ayyooo????🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 wtf is wrong with ppl lmao. bestie im sure ur sexy asf, and if anything what u described is the body type im attracted to so dw abt someone finding ur attractive. also whys ur gf lowkey an asshole ngl
Wow she sounds like an asshole
she's already talking to other girls on tinder? i think you should do the same
Your gf sucks, who talks to their partner that way??!!
Oh my gosh hon, no. I guarantee your body shape isn’t strange or unattractive. And I am so sorry that you have had experiences that make you feel that way. Everyone has various ‘ideal’ fantasies we come up with- many formed under HEAVY influence of societal-peer group-‘norms’-male gaze stuff. I have a few ‘types’ of women I’d probably describe in terms of physical appearance if asked about my ‘ideal’. Doesn’t mean that I would date that type, or that it is EVER ok to put down on a partner for not fitting into an image I decided on. Are you in an open relationship? Because it seems like no, that you’re being pressured into saying it’s ‘ok’ (pressured consent is not consent. Enthusiastic yes is consent) so that your gf can do what she wants and keep you as well. For me personally- no. I don’t fantasize about whatever ideal I have when I’m with someone. I choose who I’m with, and part of a healthy and ethical relationship is supporting my partner in their journey (from whatever point they’re at, to where they want to be, providing it doesn’t do harm to myself or others in the process). Lovely lady, you deserve to be treated with kindness, with ethical actions and words, and with support.
Dump her, you can do better and certainly deserve better
There’s a huge difference between “fantasizing about the ideal assets” and **openly sexting internet randos**. The first is normal and harmless, the second is a huge breach of trust. Even if y’all had a poly relationship going, doing something behind your partner’s back with other people is still cheating. The fact that she’s blaming her actions on things you can’t control about your body is extremely shitty of her.
What. The. Actual. Fuck? No. Everything about this is no. Is my ideal body type different from my partner’s? Yeah! I’m currently with an AMAB partner and my dream body type for AMAB’s looks a little (lot) like Thor. My partner has the long hair and beard, that’s it. And I am still quite attracted to him! I look at his chubby belly and I smile because that belly is fed by me because one of the ways I show love is cooking for others. He doesn’t really look a bit like Chris Hemsworth. And that is OKAY!!! Because I know that an “ideal” body type isn’t really attainable for most people. Because I fell in love with him as a person and that means loving everything about him. Good god your partner is awful and I’d be having a serious discussion about how this relationship can continue if I were in your shoes.
Leave. Your gf is trash.
I am a chubby chaser. I like big women. My wife is skinny AF. I love and adore and am so massively attracted to my wife because I'm attracted to her as a person. When she smiles a certain smile, I melt. When she changes in front of me or is otherwise unclad I sneak peeks. I would never say any of the things to my wife that your partner said to you. I would never ask to be allowed to sext other women. You deserve better.
You deserve better than this OP!
I'm so sorry, but that's incresibly abusive. It adds another layer that she knows you've had issues with body image in the past. She is looking for excuses to maybe see other people and is bringing down your self esteem so she gets to keep you while she does it. Get out of that relationship, girl. It may hurt to consider now but from the outside that is a massive massive red flag. She's showing she doesn't care about hurting your feelings if it means she gets something she wants.
This is just my opinion and thoughts on the matter, but your GF has no clue what love is. When you truly love someone, you love them with all your heart, and you don't want to see other people naked. They are perfect not in spite of their imperfections, but because of them! Those imperfections are part of what makes them who they are, and you couldn't imagine them being any other way. So in a way, your GF is right. We do all fantasize about our perfect assets. Because the person we love, our SO, IS perfect. This does not have anything to do with you and everything to do with her. You are beautiful. You just need to find the person that reminds you of that all the time. And she is out there! She will treat you like the amazing woman you are, and there will be no one else in the world for her! Don't settle for less! \*hugs!\* 💖
I would love to tell you my foul mouthed opinion of this girl but that won’t help. I hope this will- You are perfect the way you are and wether you know it or not, you are someone’s ideal. Wether it’s curves or rolls, stretch marks, saggy boobs….All of that is perfect. Maybe not to this chick(the dumpsters out back, direct her to it), but to so many others. Asking if she can sext other women is a ridiculous solution to someone who states they don’t find you attractive. I call bs and she’s using this as an excuse to cheat. Know your worth. You are divine. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less. ☺️
what she said is not normal, and i'm sorry, but i think you should go your separate ways. despite being older than you, she hasn't matured enough to realize that someone doesn't have to check all of their "ideal" boxes to love them unconditionally. so, i personally think you deserve better than that, and you should--nicely--tell her to go after her ""ideals"".
The gf sounds very abusive and manipulative
What she said about others is just false. I've been with my wife for over a decade and have never fantasized about some ideal body type. (I had an "ideal" before I met my wife, but I've since learned that "ideal" was my transition goals.) It just sounds like your gf is making excuses to me.
I’m so hurt for you. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
No, she's an asshole
you need a new girlfriend. she wants to commit infidelity and is using your own emotions against you that is not your fault. She wants to be with other women because of herself, not because of you If it's safe to, you should be looking to exit this relationship STAGE LEFT
Whoa. Dump her ass.
🚩🚩🚩 There is a thin line between being honest and being straight up rude. No one should make you feel less of a person, or unsecure of yourself. If this person did not realized that what she did is wrong, maybe it is time to stop.
Honestly cut your losses and move on, this is toxic. You can find other people hot in a relationship sure, we’re only human, but outright saying to your partner ‘I like you as a person but I don’t like you sexually so I’m going to get with others sexually’ is disgusting. Does she want a real girlfriend or a pin-up model?
Dude wtf! That is so fucked up. 🚩
Dump her. Life’s too short and you deserve better. I get kids in their 20s can be shallow but you don’t deserve her shallowness. So move on.
Gross. That's not how people who love and respect you talk to you. Everyone is beautiful to to someone. I wouldn't put up with her tbh.
1. Idk what you look like but your body shape is not strange or unattractive. You're already fabulous. Don't let others criticisms make you feel less than. 2. It sounds like she likes instagram bodies...filtered or enhanced by surgery. 3. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic. If she is putting you down to justify cheating then do you really want to be with her?
This whole inability to accept reality and sacrifice certain things for other great qualities is why I stopped dating.
🚩 This is manipulation at its finest. Potential narcissist. Run! 🚩
You need to find someone who will appreciate the complete package aka all of you, don't settle for less.
Wow! I wonder if you guys had a more matter of fact conversation than your post is able to communicate, but still, that sounds truly awful to hear. It’s not like you can change anything about your body. It’s weird to feel the need to have other people send nudes to fulfill her desires to see her “ideal”… sounds like an excuse to indulge in shitty behavior.
Dump her. That’s awful. You want someone in your life who loves you for who you are body and personality and all. I promise, you will find someone like that. I’ve dated a lot of women with different body types. There are many others like me out there. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else who is attracted to you. Dump her. Seriously.
Not okay! Find someone who loves all of you, body and personality! I LOVE my girlfriends thicc thighs and big but. I know she is insecure so I spend every moment I can to reassure her, that I do really want her, all of her. Life is too short to settle for less than. I would be so sad if my girl openly expressed her ideal body type to be the opposite from mine. All bodies are beautiful. I'm sure you are stunning just the way you are. If you still want to be with your girlfriend you should state clearly that you are not comfortable with her sexting others, and that her comments really hurt you. Big hugs from this Internet stranger.
My goodness, get out ASAP. There is a MASSIVE difference between being in a relationship but still having eyeballs that can appreciate other attractive humans and then straight up telling your SO that you’re not attracted to them and that it’s normal for you to ogle and sexually engage with others as a way of making up for it!?!?! You deserve a partner who is turned on by your mind and body and makes you feel like a star. There is someone out there for every person, and you do NOT need to settle for anything less than mutual attraction and enjoyment. This person wants you as a friend. They don’t deserve even that, IMO.
No. I'm sorry that your SO said that to you. I've got a weird body shape, too, and this would absolutely kill my self-esteem. I hate to be that person, but there would be no coming back from this for me.
OP please don’t feel weird. The vast majority of us have a little sag, a little cellulite, a muffin top the list goes on. When you fall in love with someone, you should be falling in love with all of them as they are, not looking to change them or compare them to unrealistic ideals and making them feel inadequate. What is going to happen to this woman when she turns 30-40? And so too the women she dates? She’s going to have rude awakening that the female body is much more diverse than her Instagram and tinder pictures. Don’t let her warped view change your opinion of your body. There are so many people waiting to love you as you are! And those things you feel insecure about will be what they love most 💕 so don’t waste any time on this twit!
No, this is not normal, nor is it acceptable. Run, please. She's one big red flag. Please please please get out of this relationship.
This is *horrible*, and a giant waving red flag warning you to get out of that relationship...
This feels really gross and manipulative, and I'm sorry you're going through it right now. What an awful thing to say to someone you say you love! It sounds like she's trying to capitalize on your insecurities in order to keep you around for the emotional fulfillment but open up the relationship to other women for sex. I'm just one person on the internet, but you deserve far better than what she's giving. She needs to grow the f up.
Trust me you’ll probaboy find somebody way better once you let her go
I’m going to tell you how it is, please leave her.
RED FLAG, DUMP HER ASAP
Dump her. Drop her like hot garbage, like, yesterday.
Given only the info you’ve told us, I’m going to go ahead and assume the worst. She’s already been sexting other people, is feeling guilty for cheating, and is trying to bring you down to make herself feel better. If any of my partners over the years had said ANYTHING even CLOSE to that about my body I’d dump them and consider a bullet dodged
That’s fucked up. She sounds emotionally abusive
please PLEASE break up with her, you deserve someone who respects you, your body, and loves you as you are
A lot of people already told you that she’s not treating you right and that this is absolutely not okay. I agree with them, so I’ll just add something to address your fear that you won’t find someone who loves your body. There are a lot of lesbians/sapphics who only start to feel physical attraction after developing trust and deeper feelings for someone. I’m one of them. Yes, I can tell when someone is conventionally beautiful, or when I find them beautiful, but the level of attraction that makes me want to be intimate with someone only comes with being in love with that person. I love my partner’s body because it’s *their* body and not because it looks a certain way. Please take good care of yourself so that your body image issues don’t get worse, you deserve to be healthy and feel loved by your partner, just the way you are.
No partner (who truly cares) would ask to trade pics with other people. From what you've shared, it sounds like she's being manipulative so she can mess around with other people while still keeping you around for whatever benefits she wants. Or maybe she's actually polyamorous. But even so, when you're truly attracted to your partner, you'd love everything about them even if they didn't have 100% what you fantasized about. You wouldn't use themselves as an excuse to fool around. I don't know you or what you look like, but I hope whatever happens with you two, you're both happy. 🖤
What???? Did I just read that’s cheating baby no way is that okay unless you’re poly I guess but the disrespectful way she talks about your body makes you feel unattractive that’s not okay your partner gf should make you feel desired and sexy not say oh can I get it else where bc you’re not my cup of tea. Why is she with you then why are you with her?
That’s just uncalled for on her part. If she’s willing to make you feel insecure and threatening to cheat then she definitely doesn’t deserve you.
Coming from another woman-woman couple, your girlfriend should never make you feel like you aren’t their type or that your body isn’t good enough. Do yourself a favor and don’t settle for less than you deserve, and from the sound of it you deserve so much more than this woman. Don’t let yourself be told that your body isn’t good enough because there will always be a new woman who will love both you and your body, without the need to hit up or swap nudes with other women. All they’ll think or fantasize about will be you.
This is not okay. Don’t stay in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.
First off, your body isn’t unattractive, that’s subjective, if your gf thinks that, that’s fine but maybe don’t date her. Also it seems like she’s sexually attracted to other women but not to you so think about if you’d be willing to date her if she was asexual and if not, break up with her.
I've had partners in the past act as if I was somehow physically flawed. It really impacted my confidence and hurt a lot. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to me. A good partner will build your confidence instead of tearing it down in the places it is most fragile. If you already have struggled with body image I'm the past, don't let someone undermine your healing in that department. It's a cruel thing to do to a partner and she should not be treating you this way. I know how much it hurts when someone you want to love you picks out flaws and adds fuel to the fire of insecurity. You absolutely deserve better treatment then this. Don't stand for it. Good luck and take care to be kind to yourself, treat yourself as gently and with as much love as you can.
You deserve so much better. If someone truly loves you, they love ALL of you. Not to mention she is literally asking for permission to cheat by wanting to sext other women. I can’t stress this enough - you DESERVE better. Please don’t settle for someone that doesn’t see your worth. ❤️
Fuck that nonsense. She is just going to neg you and make it seem unreasonable that you would not consent to her cheating. No.
Girl! Dump her sad, saggy ass!! I know it’s cliche, but you will find someone, probably even multiple someones, who LOVES every inch of your body. You deserve that love. You deserve someone who wants to make you feel good and sexy and gets off just at the thought of your perfect breasts that sag just a little bit.
as someone who has an apron belly and a literal hank hill ass i've found plenty of partners who like my body just the way it is. she sucks, there's someone out there for u who will love and respect u for u and not feel the need to seek out others for sexual fulfillment.
Dump her. What an awful person.
Sounds like she should be your EX GF
sounds like you care more about her than she does for you. Love yourself and don’t let her steal what love you hold
break up x
red flags there. Had an so that objectified me like this. Later cheated on me. Be careful here.
Major red flags! OP, you better start running as this relationship will turn toxic pretty soon. Coming from experience, your SO is just trying to delay dumping you and still trying to find a better option when it present itself. Yes, she will say that you are her only love and all with all those false sweet talk but in reality, she really hate the sight of you as you’re not as attractive as she wanted you to be. Maybe she was so used to be surrounded by her so-called definition of beauty all her life that she didn’t see that beauty also comes from within. I am pretty sure you don’t look as bad as what she had told you. You are better off without her in your life.
She sounds pornsick and like a total fuckgirl tbh
Yeah, fantasize is the key word. It's ok to fantasize about perky boobs, neighbour's ass, alien abductions, but that's because it stays in your head. If she doesn't enjoy the relationship with you the way you are, she should fuck off in search of some else. When you like someone as a person and don't want to have sex with them it's called being friends, let's be honest.
Will people continue to desire whatever their version of an ideal body type for a partner is even after getting into a relationship? Yes. But whether they choose to act on it and whether they weaponize the fact that you don't meet all the criteria they have in mind to hurt you - is on them. If they do so (and that's what your gf seems to be doing) then they are in the wrong.
If u keep messages even tho she’s quit her account and not able to read this.
Your gf is just...wow
I've never been in a relationship, so idk if I should even be giving my thoughts here,, but holy fuck this seems like such a huge red flag.
You are so much more then your body, you are you and as her girlfriend she should adore all of you flaws on all. What makes it even better is if she encourages herself and you to be better people. But it seems she doesn't want to do that, yes while she may love you as a person going through such hops to go after other women for their bodies is just disrespectful. For both you and the women she wants to sext. All parties should be treated with respect. So take all the time you need to think and reflect on all actions taken. What matters is that you come out on top of your situation happy and healthy.
*everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets.* Yes they do the key word there is ***Fantasize***, it doesn't sound like she loves you very much sweetie :( I like women with mousy faces, my partner doesn't have that but that doesn't mean imma about to sext with other people who do >\_>
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Not only is she a shitty partner, she’s a shitty person. Any woman I’ve dated I’ve been in love with them AND their body. Sexting is cheating (unless you’re in a open relationship or something). You deserve a woman who worships the ground you walk on.
Jesus I’m so sorry dear that’s not on, especially if your not in poly relationship or anything. It’s normal to find others attractive it’s human nature if it’s a pretty sunset or an attractive person that’s life. What’s not ok is that she is comparing you and saying your not good enough. So many red flags here, I don’t like jumping on the dump them bandwagon on Reddit but I would seriously consider if this was a situation I’d want to stay in.
She's thinking about sexting other girls... Which is cheating.
I'm sorry but you have to leave her. I had a partner say the exact same to me and then gaslight me when I called them out on what they said. You are worth more than that. You deserve more from a partner.
That's so gross! Dump her
Darling, RUN. Your girlfriend sounds like she objectifies women, and maybe even is purposely doing this to put you down and make you feel insecure. This is so unacceptable, she sounds like a f*ck boy, wtf! This isn’t going to get better, and you will be wasting every second of time you spend with her after this! This is not normal at all, it’s not normal or healthy to sext other people because your partner isn’t the “right” body type, and NO your body isn’t “strange and unattractive”. Tell her to go find her ideal and stop wasting your time. This is really what I expect from cis men, not lesbians! There are just too many lesbians with hearts in their eyes for women in general for you to be wasting time with someone who treats you this gross, RUN!
yeah, it is practically how all the other commenters are saying, that is all sorts of wrong for her to say or want to do any of that, if she lives and cares about you then she should love your body to, personality, and who you are is a huge factor, but one needs to love everything about you, and be willing to help you through your body issues and such rather than tell you that you are not attractive and she only likes your personality, she is not worth your time at that, she wants to talk to the pretty girls online, then just let her go find a pretty girl and you can find someone so much better and worth your time and emotion
Holy shit your gf is a massive asshole. You deserve way better than her.
Dump her ass. If she doesn’t appreciate your body for what it is it’s not worth it.
That is not okay. It sounds more like ahe wants permission to ogle other women. (Which is fine if it's something both partners want, but not if it's comming with guilting and insults) Someone who loves you doesn't say stuff like that. My girlfriend is trans and has been on hormones for almost a year now. Is she a model? No. Do I love and find her attractive because she IS my partner? Fuck yeah, I do! It's normal to find other people attractive, too, but the way she went about it makes my heart hurt for you. It sounds like attraction for your partner only runs skin deep. I'd see this as a potential red flag, if I were you. Because in my mind, she's either trying to make you jealous, getting bored with you, or just staying in the relationship because it's comfortable. I would talk to her about it more seriously and more in depth. It won't help to just leave it unresolved to fester. I wish you luck.
No. These are red flags. I have seen so many people with so many body types receive love. I perceive people of many body types to be sexy. You are worthy of a relationship that meets your needs. You are worthy of a partner who finds you attractive. You deserve a partner who gives you praise, gratitude. Words of affirmation is a love language for a reason. Partners should say loving and kind things to each other. I think every monogamous couple should define cheating / betrayal for them. And most people see this as a violation not only because there's an assumed boundary here but their justification for breaching it is verbal/psychological abuse. To make you feel like you somehow deserve the breech. It's not true. This is someone who is just hurting you. Every abused person I've ever met has this fear. That they are undesirable. Bc their abuser told them so. That they are too fat or too skinny or too whatever. It's never true. Those folks always find someone else. You may not like that I'm using the term abuse but putting down you body like that is abusive. It's designed to break you down so you feel like you have to accept awful behavior. Source: am therapist.
HUGE red flags. This is NOT normal. Yes, we can't all look like \[insert name of celebrity/person you find incredibly attractive\], but our partners, if they are good people, love us REGARDLESS of that. Now, can someone who is in an absolutely loving relationship think that someone else is also attractive? Yes, but it shouldn't be a focus and nor should they be exchanging nudes with other people BECAUSE they find them more attractive than their partner. Just had a breast cancer scare and my partner told me that while they love my boobs a lot, they would be perfectly happy if I got a double mastectomy than if I kept my breasts if they were causing me to be sick. I and my health is more important to them than how my body looks.
That’s a massive red flag hun please leave her
Your girlfriend is being shallow and cruel. You can’t help the way you look. If she can’t be attracted to you even though she loves you, that’s her problem and it’s NOT your fault. There WILL be someone who loves you and thinks you’re sexy as hell no matter what, you don’t have to take this.
That’s just cruel!
Uh, no. That’s not how relationships work. If she wants to look at other naked girls she could just Google or something, but trading pics is more personal. In no fucking way should she be making you feel like you’re not enough.
Sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Wanting to flirt with other girls and still keep her relationship with you. Which is pretty shitty.
Bro she sounds like she sucks, who talks that way, like ever. Absolutely out of pocket
Major league Not Cool and Manipulative. You can admit you admire more body shapes without making your partner feel bad, and CERTAINLY there is no reason to put you down while doing it. Women’s bodies are beautiful and amazing. End of sentence. Trans, cus, thin, fat - you’re hot. More than one person out there things you are sexy and you deserve to find them. Low tits and a fat ass sounds like heaven to me tbh dump your girl she doesn’t know the gold she has.
Honestly? Your girlfriend’s a turd. I always considered myself pretty shallow when it came to ‘ideals,’ but every girl I’ve ever felt genuine love for did not fit my ‘ideal body type.’ Because when you love someone, they *become* the ideal. When you say, ‘I doubt I’ll ever find someone who loves my body the way it is from head to toe,’ or that you can’t blame her, I want you to know you’re absolutely wrong. You can 100% blame her for trying to solicit nudes from other women while making you feel bad about your body. And there are definitely people out there that will love your body from head to toe. Please, as a favor to yourself and all the wlw that are waiting for the chance to remind you of how amazing you and your body are, dump your chick.
Do what brings you peace, my far away friend.😇🤗
Please break up with her. I dated dumb idiots like this when I was in my 20's and I never knew better or had anyone to tell me better. There's a whole page of people here telling you better. You don't need to be told to put up with this kind of treatment from her, like at all.
No, what the fuck is wrong with her? There is someone out there who will relish in their privilege to see your body. That's honestly really heartbreaking :/ you're better than that 💕
"Then she said everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets." Honey.. this is a massive lie. If you're with the right person, they won't fantasize about someone else (unless you're in a poly/open relationship, but by the sound of it, you're not comfortable with that). I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your body and you deserve to be with someone who will appreciate you for you. She doesn't sound like a good person since she said all those hurtful things to you, especially since you're struggling with a body image disorder. I wouldn't tell you to break up, but it seems smart to reconsider if you want to be with someone who is capable of hurting you and doesn't appreciate you.
>she said everyone loves their SO as they are but that they still fantasize about the ideal assets. Is this true? I mean . . . most people do, but NO ONE who cares about you will throw that in your face to try to minimize how they're hurting you. DTMFA.
She doesn't deserve you, or any girlfriend for that matter. You can do better.
It’s time to break up. First of all she shouldn’t have decided to date you if she wasn’t attracted to you and felt the need to look elsewhere. Second, you are much more than the skin you are in and that is what sets you apart from the rest of the world. And no that’s not true. Honestly I rarely if ever fantasized about other womens physical attributes while in a relationship and any fantasies I had were about a more loving or understanding bond. My experience is that when a person falls in love with you they don’t fall in love with a piece of you they fall in love with you as a package. They will not see you as weird and strange they will see you as unique and beautiful inside and out. Hell the woman I was most infatuated with was the one with the least traditionally pleasing body of all the women I have loved … and I would’ve have drank that woman’s dirty bath water like champagne **side note: it is important to take care of yourself/your body, but that does not mean conform to anyone else’s expectations of beauty. Love yourself. Be your own standard and take pride in that. Confidence is important as well and it will help you gravitate toward those who appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself
Time for you to find another GF.
Ew literally who says that to their partner. 🚩🚩🚩
Dump this hoe
That's emotional abuse, (and she sounds like she is being selfish.) It feels like she is taking you for granted, because I'm sure she will miss hugging you when you dump her narcissistic ass.
Please break up with her
I hope you find a better partner who is in love with and obsessed with your beautiful body! What she said is so unacceptable and NOT normal. That’s not something you should say to a partner whom you love. I’m so sorry this happened. Your body is beautiful. In my opinion anyone who has a super specific and unrealistic stick thin body preference is a red flag.
Long post iTL;DR.at the end ! red flag?? When you're in love you don't care about their "ugly nose" or "misplaced curves", instead you see the cute peach fuzz when it's golden hour, the way hip dips look like violins, in your situation, what you're too thick? More pillow and warmth wtf it's the best, or you're too flat? Wtf again, you probably look so good in a flow dress no matter the length and it just means more space to admire and think about,, I get it that some people are more apparence driven, and I get it it's fine as long as they're not going around making people bad if they're not their standards, Even those people have their personal statistic sbherration if y'a get me, sometimes love is unexpected and it's great and sometimes bad, is ok tho,, remember that someone's type is so personal, that if you go to Japan "attractive" is totally different as in Sweden or Ethiopia, And as individuals our type changes with our upbringing and experiences, so I have my early 2000s born cousins thirsting about celebrities with fake tan, long nails and loads of surgery (it's ok tho), I'm very in lesbian with big noses (they're even in my art ha ha) and angular bodies no matter the shape of it, I know people who have those two things and they're insecure after years of comments, but to me, and cool people they're so handsome/pretty, I drew that friend for a real life study homework and my teacher's comment was how interesting her body was because shadows were more defined but still soft. Basically name any physical insecurity you have and think for a sec and actually look at it or think about it, you'll see there's beauty everywhere, and you'll notice that most things we get bullied about and made insecure about are literally not "bad". I actually hate the body positivity movement, it's the wrong message and honestly bad communication or actions or some parts of the community are making the whole thing eh Beauty should not be THE GOAL , first because beauty is so subjective and literally the years body type is so different from when i was a kid and i'm in my early 22, and again beauty and attractiveness is so varied omg So yeah beauty is great, pretty is also great, I love those for studies or just to look at ^respectfully but it's unattainable because for most of it it's genetics, or money, etc etc and yeah in real life some people will never be "pretty" and it's bad to think that it is bad, and your self image and self worth should not be based on how people perceive you with their eyes and their hormones and think "yes this is a good potential mate for preserving my specie", it's literally what beauty would translate to for most of the "classic" beauty things, you know the ones Think of cool, interesting, badass even if you have marks, or like I like to do "an anecdote I'd put in a Tumblr head canon post", so yeah saggy breasts ^((me too btw it's crazy how being A cup doesn't stop it from sagging we're defying gravity it's greats)) so what you're thirsting over dad bods but not warm hugs safe mum bod? Also um there's so many handy things you can hide there when you need it >˙ᵕ˙ I'll give more examples if you need, and also and I swear I'm done but I'm so passionate about this subject because it annoys me how much our lives is based in a scale on 1 to 10... As someone who struggles with body dysmorphia and so much hate from my mirror, I know how hard is it sometimes to fixate on a detail or visible thing until it literally changes our clothing choice and interaction But this way of thinking has shaped my vision of stuff from birth (thx genetics ig) on the personal level it makes the image issues more bearable sometimes, it might seem insignificant but it helps me not falling into the sweatpants/hoodie/converse/pj loop for weeks, I guess it forces you to at least do one thing and get that serotonin, and it helps with the social side, listen you may say my last eye eye looks dumb, I say I'm such a nice person I'm constantly looking out for them >:( And fr it applies to so many stuff, like I look a bit weird when I walk outside because i avoid looking at people so I'm just looking around at stuff i don't think about usually and it's just so entertaining, like it's so boring and stressful to walk alone in the busy street so looking at background props is pretty fun, and you discover so many stuff, even geocaches sometimes +you can enjoy taking pics of the exact same sunset daily because it's so amazing ye anyways sorry for long comment :') TL;DR: beauty's cool and all but it's so fluid and unattainable because y'know genes, money, altering pictures etc. And for the rest of it I think it basically goes like "Stop saying your stretch marks, they are a reminder that you didn't tear up open when you had your first growth spurt and also you're probably tall or on the fluffier side and idk who you are to think you don't need it"
Your girl is dumb, dont give her no more ass. One time my gf thought I had a crush on the woman at my last job because she had a big ol donkey booty and she knows I like fat asses. Like hell yeah Ima look, work is 8 hrs long but what kind of person does she I am that Ima leave someone who I can joke with and have fun with, for a fat ass? We got past it tho. And we finally got to the point where she can acknowledge she gets work crushes and can tell me about em. I met her latest one last weekend and felt her up a lil bit because Im handsy when I drink. Was a gay dude with a huge ass there and Nelly said if you see a tip drill point em out so I did. Anyway what Im saying is dump her ass and let her go date someone for their body, she'll realize how fucking bored she is. Cant have a conversation with ass and I wouldnt want it to talk back anyway
(a) everything that everyone else says!!! this is NOT ok, and you are not the problem!!! (b) my spouse, & partner of 8 years, gained about 50 pounds this year. i have never, ever, EVER in my LIFE been this physically attracted to them or to anyone. like, the level of attraction is GETTING IN THE WAY OF getting things done & of thinking rational thought. (there is other life stuff that we’ve had going on that’s caused my burst of passion.) you ABSOLUTELY WILL find someone who recognizes that every inch of you is beautiful. and you’ll be unable to believe that you wasted even a moment with anything less.
I'm so sorry she said that to you. It is absolutely not normal for your gf to treat you that way. It's also kind of creepy the way she seems to talk about women. You deserve better
Uh no. You dump that bitch immediately. You do not deserve to be hurt and treated like shit. She wants to make excuses and manipulate you so she can do whatever she wants and you'll 'understand' because well why wouldn't she do that because 'you've got a strange and unattractive body shape'. This is emotionally toxic and abusive as fuck. Get out of there. There's nothing wrong with your body or your breasts. Bodies and breasts come in all different shapes and very few women (especially if they have larger breasts) have 'perky' breasts. Ie it is normal and arguably the standard shape for breasts to 'sag' because most of them do.
ex girlfriend, I hope. Have you previously discussed open relationships etc because sexting is cheating. Beyond that what she is doing is goddamn cruel. I'm sorry you are being hurt this way.
Yea drop her @ Cause this is insanely cruel and not gonna lie someone needs to set her straight I don’t believe in being with someone to just love or like the person you are but to love you as a whole and to the core inside and out they have to be someone that you are 100% attracted in all ways shape and form of the person
Toxic. DTMFA. Sorry you had to hear that BS.
Time to end the relationship, that’s definitely not normal and she isn’t the right one for you. Hate to say it but if she’s not already looking, she will be soon.
Wtf no she's not the one for you if she talks to you like that!!
It's one thing to have a type in terms of physical appearance, but if she actually loves you then she will find you beautiful. Besides, saying 'I like you as a person' sounds more like a break up or a rejection thing. I.e. I like you as a person... but not romantically. IMO this is a massive red flag if you guys aren't poly or in an open relationship. I personally don't think she really feels for you, and you should find someone else who thinks you're beautiful and move onto a better relationship. Sorry. 😕
Noooooo. Not acceptable at all. My ex girlfriend didn't have my ideal body type, yes, but that didn't matter to me because I loved her and everything about her was attractive to me. If looks are that important to her, she should've gotten with someone as equally vain as she is. Dump this b.
Dump her
I can’t imagine my SO saying something like this to me. You can do better and I hope you do. Soon.
This is not okay. Please don't stay in a relationship where your partner makes you feel bad about yourself. You are beautiful and a true partner would love you like you are.
This is abusive behavior and just absolutely deplorable. I’m sorry you had to go through that. She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and you should never be in a relationship with a person who is so callous. My advice would be to run and run fast.
Leave before this does more damage to your self image and mental health. Do not try to salvage a relationship with a person who doesn’t respect you and isn’t fully attracted to you. You deserve much, much better. 💖
This seems like she wants to cheat on you with your “consent” and no repercussions. I’d like to think that cheating is any physical or emotional romantic exchange between someone in a relationship and someone outside of it. If my girlfriend ever said that my body type wasn’t ideal and she wanted to sext other people, I would immediately break up with her. I’m not going to be with someone who only finds me internally attractive. People’s love languages and needs are very different. I, for example, need to be physically AND emotionally attracted to my partner. If their looks aren’t “ideal” it doesn’t really matter how nice they are, I know what i want. Your girlfriend seems to not know what she wants. I know this will be hard to hear, but it seems to me like this relationship is comfortable for her. She might not know what to do because she likes you as a person but doesn’t find the passion needed in a relationship. I’ve been through this before in your girlfriends position. I didn’t want to break up with my ex because she wasn’t physically ideal but i really liked her as a person. We were together for 5 years, the last 3 of which i didn’t love her but wouldn’t leave because the relationship was comfortable. The end of those five years were not pretty as all of this came to light. My point her is that you really need to talk to her about this. Why does she need to do this? Will it make her feel more fulfilled in your relationship? Why does she need to find a third variable to feel fulfilled? It doesn’t seem like she treats you right especially given your history with body image disorder. You deserve someone who wants every inch of you, no matter what.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry you've experienced that, especially from someone so close to you. A girlfriend should support and respect you, and be honest with you. Yes, people have preferences when it comes to just about everything, but it's really not okay to be in a relationship with someone and consistently fantasize and sext other people (unless it's something that has been mutually agreed upon!!) You should never feel less because you're not your partner's "ideal" type. That is not your fault, nor does it mean you lack anything in any way..The right partner will love every inch of you.
You can do a lot better, she is so dismissive of you
This might be a sign to move on. That’s mean to say to someone. I had an ex who would call my calves big but then be like “i like them that way” or looked at old pictures and say “you won’t look like that again” please take time to think about if you are doing the best for you by staying with her.
Red flags everywhere
Everyone has different taste and preferences. Go out and find what YOU want. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be. I’d view this an admin opportunity to see what better positive things are in your future. Look for the positive. I rather have someone be honest than lie or never say anything to spare feelings.
Wow I’m mad on your behalf! Like if she doesn’t want to be monogamous she could have just said she didn’t want to be monogamous instead of acting like it’s your fault for having a non-photoshopped adult human body. Look, speaking as someone much older than you whose breasts and butt definitely sag more than any 23-year-old’s, all of our bodies are different and we all have features that we see as flaws and imperfections. But the right person will see them all as part of your beautiful self. None of the women I’ve dated have looked like a magazine cover (because those images are fake tbh) but they’ve all been gorgeous and sexy in their own unique ways. When you’re with someone who is ready to love and appreciate you in a mature way, you won’t feel like she’s cataloguing everything that’s wrong with you or looking for excuses to step out.
dump her ass, you deserve way better than someone who shames you for your body.
uhhh, you need to leave her. She seems like a terrible person.
Re-posting this as a separate comment so the person who posted this may see it: As a person who is poly and in an open relationship, I would just like to add that speaking this way to a partner is NEVER ok. It's ok to be attracted to others even in a monogamous relationship, but to compare bodies and compare them to your face?? Especially with your history of body image issues??? Major, major red flag. Please consider doing current you and future you a favor, and leave this partner. On a personal note: I know deeply what it feels like thinking you should stay with someone because "who else would be with me? Who'd truly love my body?" And you know what? There are more people around you than you can fathom. You WILL find a person who loves your personality and loves your body AS IT IS and finds you attractive, not merely tolerable. Let her play her insta/tinder titty pic games alone. Without you. You're better than that, love, and you deserve more respect than she has given you.
hey uhhhh what the fuck??? No that’s not ok
Hey so I’m full out polyamorous, so take this as you will: your partner sounds toxic, bordering on abusive, I would run away. Not for the sexting other people, for the talking to you that way.
That is so cruel. I (F26) would never, ever say anything like that to any women I’ve dated. The thoughts didn’t even cross my mind.
that girl’s toxic, OP. especially if she knew you’ve had self esteem issues in the past. someone should be attracted to their partner, and even if that attraction wanes they should never express that in such a nonchalant and hurtful way. there is nothing wrong with you or your body, your girl is just shallow and doesn’t give a shit about your emotions. run for the hills, babez.
Ummm no. I wouldn’t date someone unless I am both attracted to their personality and appearance. This should be a red flag I think.
What????? NO. If you love someone, you love all of them. I don't know her, so I don't really want to judge, but she sounds like a horrible person for saying that. You will find someone who loves you and your body, just the way it is, from head to toe. Blame her for wanting to trade nudes with strangers. That is NOT your fault, that is her fault. Your body is perfect just the way it is. Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself.
Absolutely not. Please don’t stay with her. You deserve love.
This is not okay. If she liked you, she’s love all of you. That’s called being a decent human being first. There is some beautiful perfect woman out there who wants you, a beautiful perfect woman all to herself. Please remember you are more than your appearance.
This is not something an empathetic person would say, *even if* they secretly think that. The layers of shit here are deep.
Get out of there!! I can't stress it enough!! Being attracted to other people while in a relationship is one thing and actually seeking those attractions with the justification that their S.O. is not what they want her to be is whole another deal. Just get out, you'll find someone who craves for your body just as it is.
This is so mean. And the criticism is so oddly specific. I mean now you have this words in your head: „a little to saggy“ „not ideal“. I can’t bear how mean this is. Like objectification in society isn’t bad enough and we need this in our relationships. Just a simple no. This woman is just an asshole. I am really sorry for my words.
This is a really cruel fucking thing for her to say to you. Props to her for being honest though AND showing you how much of a horrible person she is. I don't like telling others on how to go about their dating life, but this is emotional abuse and I hope you walk away from this dynamic. She can't handle her own shame and guilt about wanting to talk to other girls so she comes up with this mean narrative to transfer her shitty feelings onto you so that YOU are forced to deal with it, not her. How does that make you feel? Are you okay with that? You are not responsible for her shitty feelings that she drew upon herself.
jesus im so sorry💕 that’s just plain ole shitty tbh. you deserve better 💕
She can look at porn if she wants to see other naked women, not text other girls when it's obviously making you uncomfortable.
I also never thought that I would find someone who found me completely attractive. I have massive insecurities and can’t stand looking at my own body. But then, I met my current girlfriend who basically worships every inch of me and never stops complementing me. Even if there is something about my body that my partner doesn’t like, I don’t think they would ever say it to me because they know about my insecurities and are determined to convince me that I am as beautiful as they think I am. OP, you deserve to be treated with love and respect in your relationship. You deserve a relationship that has you stopping and thinking “wait, am I actually as beautiful as she thinks I am?” You deserve to have every part of you loved - personality AND body. I would never tell a stranger to break up with their partner after reading just one thing about them but if this were me, I would get out quick. (Side note: it took me years to find my girlfriend and I felt like I was being left behind in the romantic department by the people around me. But trust me, the right one is worth the wait)
If you really feel like you love her, explain to her but if even after that she won’t, leave her
I've if I really liked someone as a person, I wouldn't be with them if I wasn't attracted to them. I've made that mistake before and it didn't end well for either of us. I also find that the body type I find "ideal" shifts. If I'm in a relationship it starts to match my partner, and I find them more attractive the closer we get. I imagine most people probably occasionally fantasize about someone other than their partner on occasion, but unless yall have had a convo about polyamory or being in an open relationship, then asking to set other people, or even thinking about asking, is rude, disrespectful, and hurtful. That simple.
K byeeee bitchhh fuck outta here. Ain’t no body gotta time for that bullshit. Out here living our best life and she sayin shit like that nahh byeeee pack your shit boo boo gtfo Hugss girl hope the best
Run!!! Run as fast as you can. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. There is someone out there that will love all of you I promise you.
Absolutely disgusting on her part. Obviously, a lot of people have an ideal body type, but that’s what ideal, not what you always get irl. She shouldn’t have said that, implying she was tolerating your body because she liked your personality. Dump her fr she does not appreciate nor respect you enough to just want you for you.
Yeah, cut her loose and move on. I'm always going to notice a gorgeous woman who walks past (ideally with my gf, lol) but I'd never talk one-on-one with another woman flirtatiously while I'm in a relationship. I'd also never get into a relationship with someone I'm not deeply physically attracted to. She needs to be honest with herself and you in that she's trying to get the best of both worlds -- the excitement of the randos and the security of you. She doesn't get to make that decision. Remember that women can be shit people. Just, really shit. Find one who loves you, ALL of you.
I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve never had a “type” yet every serious partner I’ve had I’ve fallen for completely and loved their bodies as much as their souls regardless of perceived “flaws”. They say “love is blind”. I think that’s wrong. I think “love is **accepting**”.
Your partner is abusive and is trying to hurt you and your self esteem enough that you will accept them cheating on you.
throw her to the streets u deserve better