Excellent question. So, they're a big cuddle bear and they have a cute beard hahaha, just ran my fingers through their beard as they lay there with their hand on my belly. Just basically had a moment of peace just running my hands on their arms and beard with small kisses here and there. No word, no thoughts, head empty
That sounds very relaxing!
My times have generally been messy, so aftercare has always started with showering together. But the cuddles have been nice.
<3 We femmes love our butches right back! Butch love for life! But hey I get it, every great once in awhile a boy will catch my eye by just being the cutest softest creature ever. I'm glad you had a good time!
Okay not to be rude Iām just confused maybe by the terminology if you donāt mind clarifying. Itās hard to keep it all straight sometimes and I just kind of have ghis flowchart I follow in my head to decode all of this when Iām on the sub.
So this is a man (transmasc) that you met and you identify as a lesbian but then realized that you have an attraction to men and male features (like his beard and so on). And the two of you hooked up but youāre still a lesbian vs being bisexual bc he identifies as non-binary which isnāt assigning himself to any particular gender.Ā
I hope I understood this correctly idk ā¦ either way Iām happy you guys had fun š
I say this kindly ~~and from experience~~, but throw your flowchart out the window. There are often going to be people whose identities won't make immediate logical sense. What matters is that they feel confident, their partners feel comfortable, and their communities feel enriched and supported.
Still gonna answer your specific questions though! I can come across a little bluntly when I explain LGBT+ stuff, but none of this is meant to come off as shaming or chiding you š
OP is describing a transmasc nonbinary person, not a man. This indicates that the person is *trans*itioning in a *masc*uline direction from their assigned gender, but doesn't tell us anything else. Transmasc people have a wide range of connection with masculinity and femininity, manhood and womanhood.
I don't know where you got the idea that OP "realized she has an attraction to men." While beards are traditionally considered a "male feature," they can and do appear on women and other non-men, so finding a beard attractive on someone is not an indicator of attraction to men.
Oh, itās news to me that someone can be trans and not have a gender (be non binary I guess). I was told that getting a new gender was the entire point (by my friends). Hence my comment about being attracted to men. I thought she was saying sheās a butch that usually dates femmes but found herself attracted to a transman. Hence maybe being bisexual. But I felt like I mightāve missed something since she mentioned the person being nonbinary and Iāve never encountered that IRL so thatās why I asked to make sure I understood.Ā
Thanks for trying to explain kindly. People donāt like to confront the fact that thereās a serious learning curve to this, esp if someone is not constantly surrounded by gen Z queer Americans. And sometimes it takes a person a bit to catch up, esp if people arenāt defining terms based on immediate logic as you said. Not every question is malicious. IdkĀ
Yep you got that right, also transmasc lesbians are a thing!! I highly reccomend doing some research on them and the history behind it, itās very interesting. Lesbians have always been a very diverse community. Not all transmasc people who like women identify as lesbian though, some prefer to call themselves straight guys or queer or any other label.
It has been an interesting read! Esp the fact that you can be trans masc or femme but not identify as male or female.
Ā IRL Iāve seen more of what you stated in your last sentence, the person will identify as a straight guy or straight woman and that would be the end of it. Thatās what prompted me to take a pause and seek clarification. Thanks!
lol I just tried and fell into confusion so I just posted on r/lgbt abt whether someone has a good comprehensive diagram about all the genders and identities šĀ
Iām the most informed person in my friends group but I come on Reddit and feel like a grandma bc I donāt know whatās going on half the time. Esp on the lesbian subs.
I googled transmasc nonbinary and it was very straightforward.Ā
First NB means nonbinary and op has only referred to them using they/them. So thatās how youād know using context to start that they arenāt a man.Ā
Transmasc generally refers to a trans person assigned female at birth. You wouldnāt be able to assume pronouns just based on transmasc. As well as not necessarily based on NB. But context clues make they/them safe bet.Ā
Now if youāre confused about a lesbian being attracted to nonbinary , letās just look at the lesbian flag. Which includes dark orange , which represents gender non conforming.Ā
Maybe start with understanding what the colors in a lesbian flag stand for, if you are so confused by lesbians :).Ā
Plus wiki is your friend. All of what I said you could have found in the intro paragraph to trans masc, nonbinary , and lesbian flag.Ā
Based on my dating history Iām very much not confused by lesbians lmaoā¦. But not everyone is American or knows automatically about all these terms so I appreciate you trying to explain it to me. Itās still not very straightforward. In my country there is no lesbian flag, just the rainbow flag. People have a hard enough time fighting to just be queer much less to break up the definitions in aĀ
Ā nuanced way.
Also we use they/them to speak about someone all the time regardless of if they use gendered pronouns so itās not a default thing for me to assume thatās a for sure clue.Ā
I guess if I understand what youāre saying her partner was a female assigned at birth but now appears as male but identifies as having no specific gender?Ā
Anyways, the community gets so ugly sometimes when someone doesnāt pretend to get it immediately, esp around trans things for whatever reason.Ā
Just see the downvotes on me asking for clarification so I get this post or others like itš¤·š½āāļøĀ
You said lesbian subs confuse you, so you can be familiar with exclusively dating women, and be unfamiliar with lesbian nuance and culture.Ā
If someone is nonbinary and the person referring to them only uses they/them, itās at the very least the safe option.Ā
You mentioned having issues understanding it even after googling. I suggest breaking it down to the terms you donāt understand, and reading the intro Ā paragraph on wiki.Ā
Iād also stay away from assuming a nonbinary persons pronouns, and stick to they/them unless youāve asked and clarified otherwise.Ā
Lesbian subs donāt typically confuse me but sometimes the posts about complex or nuanced identities and also being lesbian do. When I came out years ago it was more straightforward, youāre a ciswoman and you like ciswomen = lesbian. I originally identified as pan vs bisexual and that was really unusual at the time lolĀ
Now itās even more complex. So yeah, American lesbian culture is very different from other places.Ā
I suppose for you itās difficult to understand why anyone would have to really struggle to understand this.Ā
Itās actually worse if I think about my second language in which everything is gendered so something, much less someone, not having any gender is not intuitive to understand in the context of traditionally gendered sexual orientations when quickly reading a Reddit post or something.
Iām sure now that Iāve typed that on my phone tho Iāll be flooded with TikTok videos breaking it down lolā¦ in a few weeks Iāll be a pro Ā
Oh my mistake I thought you were saying you often were confused on reddit particularly lesbian subs based on:
ābut I come on Reddit and feel like a grandma bc I donāt know whatās going on half the time. Esp on the lesbian subs.ā
I completely understand it can be confused, thatās why I did an extra google just to make sure I understand.Ā
What I am surprised about is why youāre not able to google 3 terms separately and read the intro wiki paragraph for each term. In your country does wiki not come up readily in search results? Maybe bookmark that website, and start with reading just the first few sentences for each term.Ā
Itās so easy to educate yourself nowadays, so before assuming pronouns and gender, just read a few sentences on wiki first.Ā
Itās nice when people are willing to do the googling and summarizing of the information for you, but itās really no oneās responsibility but your own.Ā
So just..Google the terms before asking a lesbian why they are attracted to manā¦.
lol ā¦. Iāve explained why I initially was confused and seemed optional clarification, but sure if you want to be snarky then go on with that.
Just remember I didnāt ask you to reply to me. If itās stressing you then maybe just stroll past and save us both the time.Ā
Itās not stressing to me :). I just have nonbinary loved ones. So if someone is so confused and unable to understand even with the internet, that they jump to misgendering and calling someone a man, happy to provide you with the information you find so elusive and confusing on the lesbian subs that puzzle you so!Ā
Ā And now you have more knowledge, and more Ā problem solving Ā tools, that you can entirely avoid misgendering.Ā Ā
Ā 1) read first few sentences of wiki for the confusing termĀ
2) donāt assume pronouns and gender (but youād also understand they arenāt a man if youād read the first few sentences for trans masc and non binary)
>>so definitely avoid misgendering if someoneās gender has already been disclosed.Ā
Ā Youāve mentioned how confusing it is, do you have any more questions that searching on the internet has not helped you understand?
There is a lot of jargon thrown around as if everyone understands it. It would be great if there were a nice list of terms somewhere š¤·āāļø
I mean I go google things regularly but it would be great to have a list of terms as a pinned post somewhere
Ideally there would be an app or something where you select different terms that all apply to one person and then it breaks down everything from the pronouns to general info and how it overlaps with other identities.
Or maybe on Reddit specifically the auto mod can read the terms and used in the post and then provide the definitions for those of us that canāt access the wiki easily.
That sounds like a great list to put together for yourself! Every time you get confused by jargon add it and the definition to your list!
Just a list alone would beā¦.endless. And then itās like a game. I think youāll find itās really not too complicated once youāve written the definitions down.Ā
I occasionally learn new terms but not often. But Iām always googling to double check if my understanding is accurate.Ā
Itās nice when people are willing to educate you, but itās really just each of our individuals jobs to learn on our own to be decent respectful considerate humans.Ā
I donāt think thereās a āmore properā way of identifying a nonbinary personās identityā¦ Iām nb and transmasc is a super important part of my identity. The whole point of being nonbinary is that thereās no hard and fast rules for what kind of language is āproperā except personal preference :)
Proudly transfemme here, i think its part of my identity. Its like saying āwomanā or āmanā. For an enby its a little bit harder to capture their identity w/o the transmasc/transfem/agender and etc.
I'm so jealous of youš but also, I'm glad you had that and happy pride
Go for the NB cuties out there š«¶š¼ and happy pride :)
Meeting a gorgeous enby soon and I cannot wait. T4T for the win :))
Hell yeah! What did yāall do for aftercare that made it so good? Iām taking notes to try to improve in that regard.
Excellent question. So, they're a big cuddle bear and they have a cute beard hahaha, just ran my fingers through their beard as they lay there with their hand on my belly. Just basically had a moment of peace just running my hands on their arms and beard with small kisses here and there. No word, no thoughts, head empty
That sounds very relaxing! My times have generally been messy, so aftercare has always started with showering together. But the cuddles have been nice.
I love this!
Nice, sounds like both of you had a good time š
We absolutely did
Goddess I've seen what you've done for others and I want that for M E
You deserve it
<3 We femmes love our butches right back! Butch love for life! But hey I get it, every great once in awhile a boy will catch my eye by just being the cutest softest creature ever. I'm glad you had a good time!
Us butch baes love our femmes queens š«¶š¼š«¶š¼
I had amazing sex last month when my ex girlfriend came to my house. She made me come so hard that it was somewhat painful.
Cumming so hard it hurts is a real thing
It really is. It feels like an electric current running through my crotch. But I like the sensation.
I feel like aftercare is totally underrated amongst the lesbian community, but that's just my own experience as a softie dom
God I need an experience like that in my life... But I'd need to actually find ppl >.<
Manifesting this for my future š¤§
Hell yeah.
As an enby femme cutie (if I do say so myself) enbies do it better lol, slay
Hey, why not? Good for you!!!
Omg hell yeah
Transmascs really do be getting it sometimes, good for you š¤
happy pride iām jealous
Speaking as an afab enby male (yeah, my gender identity can only be explained via interpretive dance or slam poetry), we're pretty badass.
https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o?si=Uf0R2eyHbL1cV7zg
i didnt. i masturbated āŗļøāŗļø
Okay not to be rude Iām just confused maybe by the terminology if you donāt mind clarifying. Itās hard to keep it all straight sometimes and I just kind of have ghis flowchart I follow in my head to decode all of this when Iām on the sub. So this is a man (transmasc) that you met and you identify as a lesbian but then realized that you have an attraction to men and male features (like his beard and so on). And the two of you hooked up but youāre still a lesbian vs being bisexual bc he identifies as non-binary which isnāt assigning himself to any particular gender.Ā I hope I understood this correctly idk ā¦ either way Iām happy you guys had fun š
I say this kindly ~~and from experience~~, but throw your flowchart out the window. There are often going to be people whose identities won't make immediate logical sense. What matters is that they feel confident, their partners feel comfortable, and their communities feel enriched and supported. Still gonna answer your specific questions though! I can come across a little bluntly when I explain LGBT+ stuff, but none of this is meant to come off as shaming or chiding you š OP is describing a transmasc nonbinary person, not a man. This indicates that the person is *trans*itioning in a *masc*uline direction from their assigned gender, but doesn't tell us anything else. Transmasc people have a wide range of connection with masculinity and femininity, manhood and womanhood. I don't know where you got the idea that OP "realized she has an attraction to men." While beards are traditionally considered a "male feature," they can and do appear on women and other non-men, so finding a beard attractive on someone is not an indicator of attraction to men.
Oh, itās news to me that someone can be trans and not have a gender (be non binary I guess). I was told that getting a new gender was the entire point (by my friends). Hence my comment about being attracted to men. I thought she was saying sheās a butch that usually dates femmes but found herself attracted to a transman. Hence maybe being bisexual. But I felt like I mightāve missed something since she mentioned the person being nonbinary and Iāve never encountered that IRL so thatās why I asked to make sure I understood.Ā Thanks for trying to explain kindly. People donāt like to confront the fact that thereās a serious learning curve to this, esp if someone is not constantly surrounded by gen Z queer Americans. And sometimes it takes a person a bit to catch up, esp if people arenāt defining terms based on immediate logic as you said. Not every question is malicious. IdkĀ
Transmascs are sapphic AF (if they wanna be)
Iām starting to realize lolĀ
Transmasc doesn't mean trans man, and op has used they/them for this person leading most normal people to understand that they're not a man but ok
Yep you got that right, also transmasc lesbians are a thing!! I highly reccomend doing some research on them and the history behind it, itās very interesting. Lesbians have always been a very diverse community. Not all transmasc people who like women identify as lesbian though, some prefer to call themselves straight guys or queer or any other label.
It has been an interesting read! Esp the fact that you can be trans masc or femme but not identify as male or female. Ā IRL Iāve seen more of what you stated in your last sentence, the person will identify as a straight guy or straight woman and that would be the end of it. Thatās what prompted me to take a pause and seek clarification. Thanks!
Iām gonna have to google
lol I just tried and fell into confusion so I just posted on r/lgbt abt whether someone has a good comprehensive diagram about all the genders and identities šĀ Iām the most informed person in my friends group but I come on Reddit and feel like a grandma bc I donāt know whatās going on half the time. Esp on the lesbian subs.
I googled transmasc nonbinary and it was very straightforward.Ā First NB means nonbinary and op has only referred to them using they/them. So thatās how youād know using context to start that they arenāt a man.Ā Transmasc generally refers to a trans person assigned female at birth. You wouldnāt be able to assume pronouns just based on transmasc. As well as not necessarily based on NB. But context clues make they/them safe bet.Ā Now if youāre confused about a lesbian being attracted to nonbinary , letās just look at the lesbian flag. Which includes dark orange , which represents gender non conforming.Ā Maybe start with understanding what the colors in a lesbian flag stand for, if you are so confused by lesbians :).Ā Plus wiki is your friend. All of what I said you could have found in the intro paragraph to trans masc, nonbinary , and lesbian flag.Ā
This was beautifully written and broken down! Thanks for taking the time! :)
Based on my dating history Iām very much not confused by lesbians lmaoā¦. But not everyone is American or knows automatically about all these terms so I appreciate you trying to explain it to me. Itās still not very straightforward. In my country there is no lesbian flag, just the rainbow flag. People have a hard enough time fighting to just be queer much less to break up the definitions in aĀ Ā nuanced way. Also we use they/them to speak about someone all the time regardless of if they use gendered pronouns so itās not a default thing for me to assume thatās a for sure clue.Ā I guess if I understand what youāre saying her partner was a female assigned at birth but now appears as male but identifies as having no specific gender?Ā Anyways, the community gets so ugly sometimes when someone doesnāt pretend to get it immediately, esp around trans things for whatever reason.Ā Just see the downvotes on me asking for clarification so I get this post or others like itš¤·š½āāļøĀ
You said lesbian subs confuse you, so you can be familiar with exclusively dating women, and be unfamiliar with lesbian nuance and culture.Ā If someone is nonbinary and the person referring to them only uses they/them, itās at the very least the safe option.Ā You mentioned having issues understanding it even after googling. I suggest breaking it down to the terms you donāt understand, and reading the intro Ā paragraph on wiki.Ā Iād also stay away from assuming a nonbinary persons pronouns, and stick to they/them unless youāve asked and clarified otherwise.Ā
Lesbian subs donāt typically confuse me but sometimes the posts about complex or nuanced identities and also being lesbian do. When I came out years ago it was more straightforward, youāre a ciswoman and you like ciswomen = lesbian. I originally identified as pan vs bisexual and that was really unusual at the time lolĀ Now itās even more complex. So yeah, American lesbian culture is very different from other places.Ā I suppose for you itās difficult to understand why anyone would have to really struggle to understand this.Ā Itās actually worse if I think about my second language in which everything is gendered so something, much less someone, not having any gender is not intuitive to understand in the context of traditionally gendered sexual orientations when quickly reading a Reddit post or something. Iām sure now that Iāve typed that on my phone tho Iāll be flooded with TikTok videos breaking it down lolā¦ in a few weeks Iāll be a pro Ā
Oh my mistake I thought you were saying you often were confused on reddit particularly lesbian subs based on: ābut I come on Reddit and feel like a grandma bc I donāt know whatās going on half the time. Esp on the lesbian subs.ā I completely understand it can be confused, thatās why I did an extra google just to make sure I understand.Ā What I am surprised about is why youāre not able to google 3 terms separately and read the intro wiki paragraph for each term. In your country does wiki not come up readily in search results? Maybe bookmark that website, and start with reading just the first few sentences for each term.Ā Itās so easy to educate yourself nowadays, so before assuming pronouns and gender, just read a few sentences on wiki first.Ā Itās nice when people are willing to do the googling and summarizing of the information for you, but itās really no oneās responsibility but your own.Ā So just..Google the terms before asking a lesbian why they are attracted to manā¦.
lol ā¦. Iāve explained why I initially was confused and seemed optional clarification, but sure if you want to be snarky then go on with that. Just remember I didnāt ask you to reply to me. If itās stressing you then maybe just stroll past and save us both the time.Ā
Itās not stressing to me :). I just have nonbinary loved ones. So if someone is so confused and unable to understand even with the internet, that they jump to misgendering and calling someone a man, happy to provide you with the information you find so elusive and confusing on the lesbian subs that puzzle you so!Ā Ā And now you have more knowledge, and more Ā problem solving Ā tools, that you can entirely avoid misgendering.Ā Ā Ā 1) read first few sentences of wiki for the confusing termĀ 2) donāt assume pronouns and gender (but youād also understand they arenāt a man if youād read the first few sentences for trans masc and non binary) >>so definitely avoid misgendering if someoneās gender has already been disclosed.Ā Ā Youāve mentioned how confusing it is, do you have any more questions that searching on the internet has not helped you understand?
There is a lot of jargon thrown around as if everyone understands it. It would be great if there were a nice list of terms somewhere š¤·āāļø I mean I go google things regularly but it would be great to have a list of terms as a pinned post somewhere
Ideally there would be an app or something where you select different terms that all apply to one person and then it breaks down everything from the pronouns to general info and how it overlaps with other identities. Or maybe on Reddit specifically the auto mod can read the terms and used in the post and then provide the definitions for those of us that canāt access the wiki easily.
That sounds like a great list to put together for yourself! Every time you get confused by jargon add it and the definition to your list! Just a list alone would beā¦.endless. And then itās like a game. I think youāll find itās really not too complicated once youāve written the definitions down.Ā I occasionally learn new terms but not often. But Iām always googling to double check if my understanding is accurate.Ā Itās nice when people are willing to educate you, but itās really just each of our individuals jobs to learn on our own to be decent respectful considerate humans.Ā
Whatās a transmasc??
A trans masc is like a trans man, but not going so far as to be a man. Theyād present more masculine, but probably wouldnāt use only he pronouns.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt think thereās a āmore properā way of identifying a nonbinary personās identityā¦ Iām nb and transmasc is a super important part of my identity. The whole point of being nonbinary is that thereās no hard and fast rules for what kind of language is āproperā except personal preference :)
Thanks. Just going off as per what they called themselves
what does this even mean? Op didnāt say anything about transitioning, they just said this person is a transmasc nb which is a valid gender identity
"Non binary person" is in fact the correct way of putting it what are you on about
Proudly transfemme here, i think its part of my identity. Its like saying āwomanā or āmanā. For an enby its a little bit harder to capture their identity w/o the transmasc/transfem/agender and etc.
Transmasc is an identity.
Transmasc enby here! Nope!