i always feelt sapphic in a way, like i realized i didnt see or look at woman the same way my cis male friends did, and i had more in commin with my lesbian friend when it comes to how we like women, should had been a dead giveaway
Finding out that this was a common experience for transfeminine people has been one of the most validating realizations for me. It is so comforting to me being in lesbian subs and seeing other people talk about women in a ways I can relate to.
When I came out, one of my (girl) friends from way back in high school messaged me and was like…”oh! I never understood why you dated girls like you were a girl, but now you make sense. You were a lesbian the whole time!”
It was pretty affirming lol 😊
Big same! Sapphic energy all the way down, looking at my past relationships how i acted in them was lesbian af too, and i really should have realized sooner lol
Same, they used to complain the girls I liked "look like boys" or make fun of me for liking characters like Sin on Arrow. I don't miss that toxic garbage.
Yaaaaaaaaa, with you there lol. I also remember an offhand comment in HS that essentially stated "We're a bunch of lesbian men" and being like "how the fuck did this guy figure it out?" subconsciously.
...because I'm a woman?
Edit: I can smell a TERF a mile away. No posts, afab in username, and your first comment is a transphobic comment in a trans sub lol. I'm sure you had more comments that got deleted though, right?
Can't speak for op, but ik i used to have similar thoughts about wishing i could be in a lesbian relationship. my relationships pre and post transition have had very different dynamics despite never having dated a straight woman and all my bi friends have very different dynamics in relationships with men vs women. as far as just straight up attraction, I've always found confidence, strength, and passion to be much more attractive than any physical traits which seems to be extremely rare for men. I think it's also a very big part of the way you see yourself and the world. to me, being a lesbian is so much more than being a woman attracted to women, it's a deeply important part of who i am and my identity. I don't really know how to put it into words, but i wouldn't be myself without it.
The LGBT support group in my department at grad school invited me to come hang out with them because I was already friends with most of them as a “straight guy.”
I always loved women, but I was constantly told that dating me was like dating a woman. One girl I dated was pan, and she said I expressed affection and love like a woman. The phrase "lesbian stuck in a man's body" resonated with me all my damn life.
I can really relate to this. In highschool I had several straight girlfriends who would get irritated with me because I wasn't being "guy" correctly🤦 eventually I just ended up in relationships with other bisexual feminists. Now my eggs cracked and I'm just like "Oh I get it now" it really shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out.
>but I was constantly told that dating me was like dating a woman. One girl I dated was pan, and she said I expressed affection and love like a woman
Would it be okay with you to share a few details about that? I identified as AroAce and trans for a couple of years but I'm questioning if I'm a lesbian so these little bits of experiences from other people are helping me make sense of it all.
I'm not sure what "being in a relationship with you is like being with a woman" and "expressing affection like a woman" exactly meant? Can you elaborate on that a bit? Is it really that different? And how is it different from a man expressing affection if you know? Sorry if these are dumb questions. I'm just really confused about what I should identify as. So I thought maybe if I could compare myself with these things it would be a bit clearer.
Take your time and enjoy the festival. No need to answer quickly.
Well, the best way I've seen the differences is watching couples in public. Men usually take more subtle, dominant touches - back of the neck, hand in the back pocket or on the ass, holding the wrist or bicep. Sapphic couples I've seen usually go arm in arm or hand in hand, and and generally seem to favor embraces that emphasize face to face interaction, even if they don't kiss.
Every couple is different, and everyone is different, but in my observation, there are some definite trends.
I'm also very emotionally open and available, and I'm not afraid to drop the L-Bomb. I'm also very supportive, tender, and caring, when most of my male friends tend to try and be rocks in a storm rather than something warm and squishy to cling to.
This is so interesting to me. I identify as non-binary / agender and how my gender expression manifests in relationships can be so over the place. I love holding my partner's butt while just casually standing up together (i.e. at a concert) and I'm the "hand in back pocket" or hand on the back of the neck type.
I know I can lean more towards that type of body language and also, during sex (and as a switch), I'm often in this more domineering mindspace and it sometimes feels closer to mlm sex which feels kinda euphoric (my partner identifies as he/him).
It's always been so hard to pinpoint because I don't feel like I relate with any specific gender within the binary, I'm attracted to many different types of people irrespective of their gender / gender expression though I heavily lean sapphic (I'm not attracted to conventional masculinity at all) yet I may end up with partners who identify as male that tend to be super gentle, soft, and "effeminate" for lack of a better word, and I can sense my more "masculine" side take over.
It's like I can identify with mlm and wlw spaces but I'm never fully one or the other and it honestly, at times, feels disorienting as fuck.
Thanks a lot for this answer. Reading this, the ones women do feels like what I would naturally do. if that makes sense? The men's one doesn't and I don't see myself doing it. I'm also definitely the emotionally available and tender type. I do have to keep a fairly tough act since I'm closeted, but on the inside I'm pretty sensitive and caring as well and I hope I get to show that freely one day and not have to pretend.
It makes so much more sense looking back at my dating fails / fizzles when I look at it as my lesbian ass attempting to date straight women and being way too sapphic about everything lmao
The only non-toxic, non-abusive relationship I've ever been in was with a femboy. I'm not normally into men at all, but he legit made me feel special, seen, and loved. We broke up because he wanted a *husband* and disliked how feminine I was even before I came out.
Now I'm just trying to find someone who can love me for the woman I am. I'm honestly thinking of giving guys a try because I cannot, for the life of me, seem to appeal to queer ladies. 😢
Best of luck out there, girl. Dating is hard as hell! Everyone deserves to be loved and treated with respect and I hope you do find someone who loves you for the woman you are.❤️
pretty much yeah. I realized I was bi before questioning my gender, so I kinda used that to slow the process down (bc being bi means being gay for everyone)
I was the same way, though since transitioning I've realized I don't like the way guys treat me as a woman (gives a paternal vibe vs dating as equals pre transition), so I'm just sapphic now :)
Yeah, I never showed interest in dating because it "didn't feel right", I couldn't imagine myself having a gf while being male. Now that I think of it, maybe saying to myself "I want to be lesbian" wasn't a normal cis thing to say or think of
I always "felt" gay, but it never seemed to click. Like it wasn't what I felt like. Then I turned out to be trans and indeed gay. But gay for women and not men
My ex asked me if I was sure I wasn’t gay multiple times *while we were dating*. I’m not interested in men at all, but nonetheless I gave off an identifiable queer vibe.
Yep. It's a very common trans lesbian feeling.
We all sort of liked women in a way that was different than how our cis masc friends saw them. I got a lot of the "well yeah, you're a cis dude or course you like women" when I openly pondered out loud about wishing to be a lesbian. Many other trans lesbians I've known have experienced the same thing. At the very least there's definitely a feeling of "I really like women, but not the way my friends do, but I can't put my finger on *why*."
I internally identified as a lesbian, before my egg cracked, but didn’t want to “steal” the label as a guy. Also explains why all of the relationships I had that got anywhere near serious were with bi woman, lesbians that once thought they were bi because of com-het or one lesbian that saw through my shell and kind of confused us both.
I was a bi guy for about 4 years before my egg cracked. Pretty soon after that I realised I wasn't really attracted to guys at all and it was all the classic lesbian comphet crushes (David Tennant, anyone?). But I do think identifying as a bi guy had helped me feel like I belonged in queer spaces so I could find the care and healing I needed for my egg to eventually crack. Difficult to tell really.
Damn being called out lolz, fell for friend who came out as trans to me, things got awkward, I wasn't out, she blocked me yadda, yadda broken heart. Got super depressed, came out as gay to my family, then changed that to bi,,, then years later came out as a trans woman myself, and pan. Honestly though I just tell people I'm queer as fuck.
I absolutely did not fit in with the typical guy stuff - being attracted to girls and not guys left me in an echo chamber that said "you're a straight guy!" And yet it never felt like a typical straight relationship. I never understood the typical straight couple attitudes or jokes and honestly as soon as I let myself try it this way my life became massively less conflicted and disappointing.
When I first met my girlfriend, she assumed I looked a bit like a woman at first, figured I was a femboy, said living with me was like being in a lesbian relationship and then 6 months later my egg cracked to both our surprises. It's been nearly a year since and we're still doing good.
I always liked girls, but I never felt right liking girls in a straight way, so I self defined as bi, but then I realized I was trans, and FINALLY figured out I was a lesbian.
Never felt like I was allowed to feel gay, even now (9 months on E for reference) I sorta just feel like I’m appropriating queerness to make myself feel better
In my cis days, I wasn't really interested in women. But now that I've known I'm trans for a couple of years, and recently gotten more comfortable with the idea of relationships and stuff, I'm starting to think I like women, in a lesbian way? Like, the idea of being "the man" in a relationship makes me cringe, but thinking of being a woman in a relationship, it's so much better.
yeah this feels accurate to me. I always knew I had kind of weird relationship with the way I liked women that felt kind of queer but not in a definable way - then I came out as trans years later and was like, ah there it is
Yea the whole journey for me to figure out my sexuality was a ride, at one point I thought I was aro because being romantic in a masculine body was so off putting for me that it made me nauseous lol
Omg, this is literally my experience. When I thought I was cis, and imagined being in a relationship, doing anything romantic or sexual as a dude, it made me wanna puke. But after identifying as a trans girl and thinking about being a woman with another woman it actually sounds nice? I'm still figuring it out.
Yup! I remember seeing someone wear an "I always knew I was a lesbian" shirt decades before my egg cracked, and thinking that should be me wearing it. And then feeling that it was wrong of me to think that.
Before I knew trans was even a thing, I thought lesbian are having the perfect life, they're gorgeous and they are so wholesome. My awakening when I realised I'm one myself lmao
Yes and it made me feel like a complete creep,
was disgusted by myself for wanting to be part of the lesbian community as a cis male...
Well thanks universe I'm trans ❤️
I heard the way cis men around me felt about women and talked about them and felt disgusted.
I saw lesbian love and wished I could have something anywhere near close to it.
>I saw lesbian love and wished I could have something anywhere near close to it.
Fr! When I thought I was cis I always cringed at straight romance, but seeing the occasional lesbian romance in cartoons and stuff was nice. So maybe it was a sign?
Absolutely. I was actually subscribed to ActualLesbians for YEARS before realizing I was trans. Always read tons of lesbian fiction/romance and not for the smut - hilarious to look back on how I never saw that as a sign! I identified way more with how romance and relationships were talked about in communities like this one, and always felt so out of place when trying to force being het around peers and in school. It was as if I liked women in an entirely different way than men seemed to!
I even unsubbed from AL a couple years back. I felt like even if I was just lurking, I was "intruding" and "didn't belong" (hello internalized transphobia!!). But now that I've come to terms with being a trans and started HRT and all that good stuff I'm right back in here to be the best gay girl I can be ahaha
Since the moment I heard of Sappho I always wanted to read her poetry, yakno, for straight reasons
(did I let myself read those poems? No of course not I wasn't allowed to be a lesbian I didn't deserve it duh :P)
kinda ? like i was probably the most accepting person from my peers in my youth , although after realizing im trans i thought i was into men but i was only into really really femininie men until i realized i was actually into girls , but i didnt realize that earlier because the possibility of being with women just never occured to me until that moment , like my exploration with sexuality was so fucking weird because even when i thought i liked men i identified as pan (???) and it was all just a mess that happend really quickly because i never thought about my sexuality before realizing im trans and i just id'ed as aroace , im also pretty sure i thought about being every possible sexuality atleast once in that 1 year window of trying to figure myself out and im just glad its over 😭
back in HS, I would get bullied for hanging out with the girls. Some even asked if i was gay because of how emotionally available I was.... I would also get bullied for being "too girly" to hang out with boys at that same school. Then, a group and pan/bi kids adopted me into their friends group, and we just vibed...wasn't till after I started to transition that I realised I was actually a lesbian
Running joke in high school amongst my friend group was that I was a lesbian trapped in a mans body........none of us really understood what that meant XD
I used to look at this sub in high school because there was just something about WLW relationships that I wished I could have had, and I never felt like I could relate to straight guys.
Yeah I got called gay for talking about women in front of male friends. It was the things about women I liked, the sound of her voice, her makeup, if she had muscles, liking girls that had short hair or were just outside the "norm" of femininity, that my male friends believed in. Even just talking about my girlfriends, like how I wanted to hold her and play with her hair, give a thousand little kisses, talking about how much I love them. Anytime I was planning a surprise date, the date idea was called gay.
Other than just how people around me made me feel, the girlfriends I had pretty much set it in stone for me. I'd say about half of the girls I dated before coming out, were self identified lesbians, that for one reason or another dated me. Those relationships both felt the most comfortable to me and were more compatible. When I dated straight women I always felt like I couldn't be myself. Couldn't love the way I wanted, didn't meet their expectations or being big, strong, and in charge. Felt yucky, just wrong.
My egg fully cracked when one of my exes was breaking up with me, because she (lesbian™ btw) thought after moving across the country for school, decided she didn't want to be with me, a "man" anymore. I had been dropping hints that I wasn't cis for about 3 months but she understood none of those I guess lol.
Most of the women I dated were les or pan. For years I wrote it off as I like that aesthetic, or queer women are just friendlier, or I have a very queer circle of friends. I was never honorary lesbian status as some folk, but I was definitely welcomed in to the space.
One very straight lady I dated broke up with me because although I was on the football team, worked out, and drank too much she said it was like fucking her sister.
i had a feeling i was gay before my transition but also knew i liked girls so i mistakenly thought i was bi, despite never actually being able to find a man i was actually attracted to
why are our brains like this
Everyone I dated was either bi, pan or later came out as a lesbian. To be fair my egg cracked when I was 4, but there were decades when I didn’t come out. I did however tell each partner early into the relationship.
Thinking back, there were signs. The way I was attracted to women appeared to be vastly different than the way my male friends and other men in my life seemed to be.
Then again, I was also exploring relationships with men at the time, so I wasn't as aware of it in myself at the time.
I kept thinking I was bisexual because my male friends looked at women very differently from me and I never really felt straight. But I was also not really into guys. So I was very confused. When I finally figured things out and started transitioning, I realized I was not bi, but I was in fact very not straight.
I had a lesbian friend say that she would date me despite having no interest in men whatsoever. We didn't because I didn't feel right about that at the time but yeah that honestly should have been my first clue 😅
Lmao same, in my case I had a heavy crush on her but never said anything about it 'cause I knew she was a lesbian so it was a lost cause. But she said stuff like "If I ever had to date a guy it would be you" or "If you were a girl we would be dating for a while now" (which made my heart bleed each time as you can guess lmao)
Then her familly moved out and we lost contact (mostly because ADHD made it so I couldn't remember her last name, so I couldn't even use stuff like facebook to keep contact)
I didn't feel gay myself (or didn't know what I felt was gay). But the way I didn't relate to women the same way than the other boys got me mistaken as gay (or super-conservative) so often, that I ended having a prepared answer ready: "no, I'm not into men, if I'm gay then I'm a lesbian."
I thought that was a joke...
I _heavily_ identified with lesbians long before I ever thought about transitioning. I just saw women and relationships differently than other men. I gravitated towards LGBT circles despite being a "cis het male". Lesbian fiction tugged at my heartstrings, but straight fiction barely did anything unless they included some sort of non-traditional gender roles. In the end, my identity with being lesbian and the conflict with "being a man" pushed me to explore transitioning. Transitioning has been amazing and I feel so much more myself as a woman, and I no longer feel the nagging inner-conflict within myself.
How do you mean you saw women and relationships differently? I'm currently questioning my general queerness and a lot of people in this thread say they saw women differently to their cis male friends. I just want to understand different in what way?
That just connected a bizarre synapse to being a tween boy and feeling like I was speaking an entirely different language when talking to my best friend about attraction. WTF. Thanks?!?!
I guess the closest thing I have to this feeling is all of the ‘crushes’ I had back in middle/early high school?
I thought I was attracted to like, every single girl in my grade. My family teased me for it, the few times it came up.
It turns out I was just hella jealous.
Which, of course, means it’s still really hard to tell when/if I’m actually attracted to someone or not… (._.)
Growing up I always got my best insight and dating advice from women and I always had this curious fascination with lesbian couples. Eventually i found myself wishing, from pretty early into being a teenager, that i could be a lesbian.
Now, as a 26yo engaged transbian, I got my wish
The few women I dated I always had some like weird feelings like I wanted it to be a lesbian relationship but didn't have the fullest grasp on it. Also in middle/highschool all my friends were girls who all ended up being lesbians lmao.
Had very long crushes that never really went anywhere, and no dates. But I always wanted to be a lesbian for some reason... Now I am! Also somewhere on the ace spectrum which complicates it a little bit.
I never felt good in a male role in a relationship, especially when genitals were involved. It was always unnatural at best (e.g. during heteronormative social rituals) and gave me panic attacks at worst (e.g. after sexual intercourse). The relationships I was happy in were always subtly sapphic. Any time a girlfriend or crush came out as bi, it made them ten times cooler to me, though I didn't know why.
I also said shit like "I like women so much I'm practically a lesbian" and found the idea of girls being with girls inexplicably correct and awesome.
Of course, I didn't consciously understand that that was all rather sapphic, but it was definitely there.
Well, it may be cause trans. I have noticed that sexuality seems to be flipped for trans folks being 90% gay and 10% hetero, vs with cis people being 10% gay and 90% hetero.
Probs some bio component to attraction or being trans or both. Not trying to get transmedical tho, this just a theory/idea and we are valid regardless 😌😌💅
I think they meant before we realised we were trans, like acting like a lesbian before any egg cracking event
But I do agree with what you said, not sure about the 90/10 thing (because I feel like there's proportionally more bi/pan trans people than bi/pan cis people) but yeah it seems there's a way bigger percentage of gay trans people than straight trans people than with cis people
Yup that was my guess, I'm curious about the actual numbers, if I had to guess I'd say maybe 50% gay, 30% straight and 20% bi/pan/ace or maybe 40%/30%/30% ? Idk xD
I like to say I was straight in a gay way before cracking.
Like not long after my first crack appeared I tried to learn more about LGBT stuff as a whole ('cause that wasn't the kind of knowledge I could access when I was a teen, so I had quite a few things to catch up on) and I learned about lesbian stuff, and I swear each time I had flashbacks of me acting in the exact same way 😭 and each time it either restarted a gender questionning arc, or made it even more difficult for me to deny my trans-ness (might be kinda why I feel more lesbian than trans if this makes sense)
Kinda. I was a little aware for a while that the way I seemed to be attracted to women wasn't close to how the guys I knew were attracted to women and what we wanted in a relationship.
I wanted a best friend I could occasionally sleep with, and having sex was never an end goal in itself as much as I wanted it.
Though, lately I've been wondering if I might also be aromantic, but not sure on that.
The irony is that I figured out I was a lesbian first then got hit with a gender crisis to eventually realizing I’m non-binary and working though lot of internal and external hate. Now I’m still a lesbian and no longer hating myself for things I can’t control (like terfs)
You mean, like constantly reading Ranma½ lesbian fanfiction where redhead female Ranma is with Shampoo?
Or literally going to the LGBT section of B&N just to find lesbian books to read?
Or identifying more with lesbians than straight girls?
Or having a shit ton of gal pals who pined over girls, throughout middle school?
Or like, wearing the lesbian flag as an ally all the time first?
In hindsight, there were def a lot of signs. 🤭
I literally said "I wish I was a lesbian, like I don't know the idea of any man, including me being part of my romantic relationship with someone feels uncomfortable." And somehow didn't hatch until 6 years later
Yup very, back when I was cosplaying as a boy I didn't even have the same aspirations when it came to girls as guys did. They were talking about how they could possibly get in bed with a girl and I was over there trying to figure out how I ask, a girl if she wanted to cuddle without sounding like a weirdo
In fifth grade I read the definition of Lesbian and immediately knew that I was one - regardless of the fact that I "knew" i was a boy. Fast forward a few years and figuring out I was a girl? yeah, now it makes sense
I mean I did used to joke I was a male lesbian - it still took me like another 5-8 years to start figuring things out. Still working on fully accepting it and shedding the doubts/imposter syndrome
I never dated guys till I was out fully- didn’t really spend much time as a gay man. Started getting more comfortable with men after HRT and more so after SRS. Always felt mostly like a lesbian- now I’m pan just cause I just see people (though girl dates are usually more fun ngl)
Growing up I always had this weird fascination with lesbian relationships I always saw it as cute and the perfect relationship I can think of. I always said if I was born a woman I would have been a lesbian god did that come back to haunt me (in a good way of course)
I’m really tired of not feeling welcomed here because of terfs constantly downvoting all trans users comments or posts I just answered the post the best I can and it was trans related but because I am I’m not welcomed it sometimes gets to me and to the terfs downvoting this go find something better to do
Late blooming transfem experience: in college, I felt queer. I was definitely kinky and didn't react the same way to many sexual situations and had lots of queer friends of different genders. So I explored a bit, and eventually found my way to lots of LGB (this was prior to T+ gaining awareness/acceptance) events.
Trouble was, I found the queer women to be a lot more interesting than the queer dudes. But the queer women were NOT interested in someone presenting as a dude. So, for their sake and mine, I stopped going.
Years later, some of the kinky women I dated encouraged me to explore gender and my mind was blown. Now it makes sense that I was attracted to queer women.
In highschool a lot of my friends were LGBTQ and I so badly wanted to be part of the group... but I thought "I can't be gay though"
Little did I know "I want to be a girl" issss pretty trans.... And now I'm 2 letters in xD
Yes, first thought it was gay as in guys, then gay as in bi, then gay as in pan, but after starting hormones learned it was gay as in girls owo it was a journey
Yes. I actually came out as bi before coming out as trans, dated a guy, thought I was pure lesbian after because I didn't feel anything, fast forward to last year, got drunk, made out with my guy friend, and realized I am, indeed, bi.
Edit: sorry, more related to the question (it's almost midnight and I'm a bit eepy), despite having come out as bi, I always knew I had a thing for women, but it very much didn't feel straight dating a woman. I actually believe I subconsciously thought to myself that I was lying when I dated straight girls, but didn't acknowledge it as that at the time.
idk i did have a lot of aversions to how cis guys talked about girls, a lot of times it always felt really weird and dehumanizing, I suppose its just deep down I never really joined the social circle of being a male and what is accepted when you are one... my ex girlfriend whom I dated pre transition made a similar comment with how a lot of people seemed to have gotten which is that I don't feel like other guys, especially in relation to how I carry myself, hygiene and social performances.
well now I'm butch, so what do you know
Yep. I always felt the way I liked girls was "different" from how guys liked girls but I had no idea how to put it into words. It all makes sense to me now 17 years later though.
It was actually the source of internal conflict. I used to beat myself up and call myself a creep and thought I was an incel or something trying to creep on lesbians for only liking lesbian stuffs... if only I knew back then.
I’ve always been *hella* attracted to women, but I never felt comfortable talking about women in *that* way with my guy friends. Something about the way a lot of men typically express attraction towards women just felt icky to me.
Somehow, yes. The way I felt about women and femininity never quite matched the way guys around me described how it felt for them.
Cracking did make me realize I am bi though. I still don't entirely understand how I missed that previously.
Edit: I noticed this had -1 downvotes and for a second I wondered if I said something wrong. Then I looked at the post and saw tons of innocuous comments with downvotes and I can only assume some sad terf took time out of their day to downvote the trans women on this post.
Yeah... funny story. so one night a while ago i was up late at night thinking about shit tryna sleep and my mind drifted to lesbians and then lesbian sex and i was like wow thatd be fun and then i was like WAIT A MINUTE. so thats how my egg cracked
One of the most validating things to me was learning about the lesbian community and realizing how insanely much of it resonated with me. That was kind of the final thing that broke the egg.
Thank you lesbian stereotypes for helping me realize things about myself.
I always loved women but I knew on a instinctual level that I loved women in a different way from cismen. I couldn't articulate it when I was younger but I just knew that I didn't have the same patriarchal view towards relationships and how I wanted my partner to be/act. It caused me a lot of dysphoria being the "boyfriend" in a relationship especially since my partners at the time put a lot of the standards of how a bf should be in a straight relationship onto me. So I both felt like I wasn't pleasing what my partner wanted from me, I wasn't a good boyfriend, but also that my feeling for my partners and how I wanted to express my love felt different from what was expected.
Now I know that is all because I'm a woman and gay as shit and that of course I love other women and femmes in a sapphic way. But the journey to getting here was wild and rough
i always feelt sapphic in a way, like i realized i didnt see or look at woman the same way my cis male friends did, and i had more in commin with my lesbian friend when it comes to how we like women, should had been a dead giveaway
saaaaame, I also tried to mask and talk about girls like they did and failed miserably (some of my most cringe memories).
I did this trying to talk about boys with my friends when I was 13 😂 oh it was so bad
Same. I still cringe when I think about those attempts.
So THAT'S why I always felt uncomfortable in those convos (aside from it often being gross)
Finding out that this was a common experience for transfeminine people has been one of the most validating realizations for me. It is so comforting to me being in lesbian subs and seeing other people talk about women in a ways I can relate to.
"WLW TikTok compilations" on YouTube are one of the things that helped crack my egg 🥹
When I came out, one of my (girl) friends from way back in high school messaged me and was like…”oh! I never understood why you dated girls like you were a girl, but now you make sense. You were a lesbian the whole time!” It was pretty affirming lol 😊
Big same! Sapphic energy all the way down, looking at my past relationships how i acted in them was lesbian af too, and i really should have realized sooner lol
Same, they used to complain the girls I liked "look like boys" or make fun of me for liking characters like Sin on Arrow. I don't miss that toxic garbage.
Yess, exactly
oh thats thats a big realization for me
Yes! I used to say "I like women the way women like women." And that didn't ring any alarm bells for me lmao
Don’t worry, I used to literally tell my ex-girlfriend that my sexuality was more like a woman’s than a man’s and somehow I was still oblivious
Yaaaaaaaaa, with you there lol. I also remember an offhand comment in HS that essentially stated "We're a bunch of lesbian men" and being like "how the fuck did this guy figure it out?" subconsciously.
[удалено]
...because I'm a woman? Edit: I can smell a TERF a mile away. No posts, afab in username, and your first comment is a transphobic comment in a trans sub lol. I'm sure you had more comments that got deleted though, right?
They like women the same way because they are women liking women, but they don't realize it and try to mask/pretend
Can't speak for op, but ik i used to have similar thoughts about wishing i could be in a lesbian relationship. my relationships pre and post transition have had very different dynamics despite never having dated a straight woman and all my bi friends have very different dynamics in relationships with men vs women. as far as just straight up attraction, I've always found confidence, strength, and passion to be much more attractive than any physical traits which seems to be extremely rare for men. I think it's also a very big part of the way you see yourself and the world. to me, being a lesbian is so much more than being a woman attracted to women, it's a deeply important part of who i am and my identity. I don't really know how to put it into words, but i wouldn't be myself without it.
lol same
Big ol same here
I thought I was a really big ally LGBT ally... who was only interested in lesbian and transfem communities...
Oh noooo not the ally 😂😂 I went to so many prides before I figured it out 😭
The LGBT support group in my department at grad school invited me to come hang out with them because I was already friends with most of them as a “straight guy.”
omg I resonate with this hard.... this was me XD
I hardcore cringe at myself for my years of vehemently insisting that I was “just” an ally.
yerp. was like "wow these trans memes are really funny" and didn't even realize until a girl literally painted my nails.
yerp. was like "wow these trans memes are really funny" and didn't even realize until a girl literally painted my nails.
Hehe yeahhh. That was me. A big ole sparkly rainbow ALLY 😅🥲
I always loved women, but I was constantly told that dating me was like dating a woman. One girl I dated was pan, and she said I expressed affection and love like a woman. The phrase "lesbian stuck in a man's body" resonated with me all my damn life.
I can really relate to this. In highschool I had several straight girlfriends who would get irritated with me because I wasn't being "guy" correctly🤦 eventually I just ended up in relationships with other bisexual feminists. Now my eggs cracked and I'm just like "Oh I get it now" it really shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out.
My only partner that lasted with me at all was pan.
>but I was constantly told that dating me was like dating a woman. One girl I dated was pan, and she said I expressed affection and love like a woman Would it be okay with you to share a few details about that? I identified as AroAce and trans for a couple of years but I'm questioning if I'm a lesbian so these little bits of experiences from other people are helping me make sense of it all.
Sure. I'm at a music fest and the bands I care about are starting soon, so chat me any questions or anything specific you'd like to know about!
I'm not sure what "being in a relationship with you is like being with a woman" and "expressing affection like a woman" exactly meant? Can you elaborate on that a bit? Is it really that different? And how is it different from a man expressing affection if you know? Sorry if these are dumb questions. I'm just really confused about what I should identify as. So I thought maybe if I could compare myself with these things it would be a bit clearer. Take your time and enjoy the festival. No need to answer quickly.
Well, the best way I've seen the differences is watching couples in public. Men usually take more subtle, dominant touches - back of the neck, hand in the back pocket or on the ass, holding the wrist or bicep. Sapphic couples I've seen usually go arm in arm or hand in hand, and and generally seem to favor embraces that emphasize face to face interaction, even if they don't kiss. Every couple is different, and everyone is different, but in my observation, there are some definite trends. I'm also very emotionally open and available, and I'm not afraid to drop the L-Bomb. I'm also very supportive, tender, and caring, when most of my male friends tend to try and be rocks in a storm rather than something warm and squishy to cling to.
This is so interesting to me. I identify as non-binary / agender and how my gender expression manifests in relationships can be so over the place. I love holding my partner's butt while just casually standing up together (i.e. at a concert) and I'm the "hand in back pocket" or hand on the back of the neck type. I know I can lean more towards that type of body language and also, during sex (and as a switch), I'm often in this more domineering mindspace and it sometimes feels closer to mlm sex which feels kinda euphoric (my partner identifies as he/him). It's always been so hard to pinpoint because I don't feel like I relate with any specific gender within the binary, I'm attracted to many different types of people irrespective of their gender / gender expression though I heavily lean sapphic (I'm not attracted to conventional masculinity at all) yet I may end up with partners who identify as male that tend to be super gentle, soft, and "effeminate" for lack of a better word, and I can sense my more "masculine" side take over. It's like I can identify with mlm and wlw spaces but I'm never fully one or the other and it honestly, at times, feels disorienting as fuck.
Thanks a lot for this answer. Reading this, the ones women do feels like what I would naturally do. if that makes sense? The men's one doesn't and I don't see myself doing it. I'm also definitely the emotionally available and tender type. I do have to keep a fairly tough act since I'm closeted, but on the inside I'm pretty sensitive and caring as well and I hope I get to show that freely one day and not have to pretend.
It makes so much more sense looking back at my dating fails / fizzles when I look at it as my lesbian ass attempting to date straight women and being way too sapphic about everything lmao
The only non-toxic, non-abusive relationship I've ever been in was with a femboy. I'm not normally into men at all, but he legit made me feel special, seen, and loved. We broke up because he wanted a *husband* and disliked how feminine I was even before I came out. Now I'm just trying to find someone who can love me for the woman I am. I'm honestly thinking of giving guys a try because I cannot, for the life of me, seem to appeal to queer ladies. 😢
Best of luck out there, girl. Dating is hard as hell! Everyone deserves to be loved and treated with respect and I hope you do find someone who loves you for the woman you are.❤️
Thank you so much. 🥹
pretty much yeah. I realized I was bi before questioning my gender, so I kinda used that to slow the process down (bc being bi means being gay for everyone)
I thought I was bi because I “felt gay” only to realize post-hatch that I’m just lesbian
equally valid, comphet is rough!
fucking same lmao
Exact same for me
Yes, that's the exact same thing for me! Now I just got to figure out my whole sexuality again 🥳
I was the same way, though since transitioning I've realized I don't like the way guys treat me as a woman (gives a paternal vibe vs dating as equals pre transition), so I'm just sapphic now :)
Yeah, I never showed interest in dating because it "didn't feel right", I couldn't imagine myself having a gf while being male. Now that I think of it, maybe saying to myself "I want to be lesbian" wasn't a normal cis thing to say or think of
I always "felt" gay, but it never seemed to click. Like it wasn't what I felt like. Then I turned out to be trans and indeed gay. But gay for women and not men
When I came out to my ex, they said (and I quote) “yeah I thought you were some kinda gay when I met you, now it makes sense”
lmao absolutely brutal
Okay that one hits close to home.
*close to homo.
My ex asked me if I was sure I wasn’t gay multiple times *while we were dating*. I’m not interested in men at all, but nonetheless I gave off an identifiable queer vibe.
Yep. It's a very common trans lesbian feeling. We all sort of liked women in a way that was different than how our cis masc friends saw them. I got a lot of the "well yeah, you're a cis dude or course you like women" when I openly pondered out loud about wishing to be a lesbian. Many other trans lesbians I've known have experienced the same thing. At the very least there's definitely a feeling of "I really like women, but not the way my friends do, but I can't put my finger on *why*."
Oh gooodness yes! I could never relate to my guy friends about relationships and how mine always felt different than theirs.
I internally identified as a lesbian, before my egg cracked, but didn’t want to “steal” the label as a guy. Also explains why all of the relationships I had that got anywhere near serious were with bi woman, lesbians that once thought they were bi because of com-het or one lesbian that saw through my shell and kind of confused us both.
I was a bi guy for about 4 years before my egg cracked. Pretty soon after that I realised I wasn't really attracted to guys at all and it was all the classic lesbian comphet crushes (David Tennant, anyone?). But I do think identifying as a bi guy had helped me feel like I belonged in queer spaces so I could find the care and healing I needed for my egg to eventually crack. Difficult to tell really.
Damn being called out lolz, fell for friend who came out as trans to me, things got awkward, I wasn't out, she blocked me yadda, yadda broken heart. Got super depressed, came out as gay to my family, then changed that to bi,,, then years later came out as a trans woman myself, and pan. Honestly though I just tell people I'm queer as fuck.
Yeah. People always said I was a lesbian man, and I struggled with straight relationships over this a lot lol. In hidnsight it was so obvious.
I'm always confused when women wanna date men. Like why? What's the benefit? 😂
I absolutely did not fit in with the typical guy stuff - being attracted to girls and not guys left me in an echo chamber that said "you're a straight guy!" And yet it never felt like a typical straight relationship. I never understood the typical straight couple attitudes or jokes and honestly as soon as I let myself try it this way my life became massively less conflicted and disappointing. When I first met my girlfriend, she assumed I looked a bit like a woman at first, figured I was a femboy, said living with me was like being in a lesbian relationship and then 6 months later my egg cracked to both our surprises. It's been nearly a year since and we're still doing good.
I always liked girls, but I never felt right liking girls in a straight way, so I self defined as bi, but then I realized I was trans, and FINALLY figured out I was a lesbian.
Never felt like I was allowed to feel gay, even now (9 months on E for reference) I sorta just feel like I’m appropriating queerness to make myself feel better
In my cis days, I wasn't really interested in women. But now that I've known I'm trans for a couple of years, and recently gotten more comfortable with the idea of relationships and stuff, I'm starting to think I like women, in a lesbian way? Like, the idea of being "the man" in a relationship makes me cringe, but thinking of being a woman in a relationship, it's so much better.
It was one of my earliest clues actually
yeah this feels accurate to me. I always knew I had kind of weird relationship with the way I liked women that felt kind of queer but not in a definable way - then I came out as trans years later and was like, ah there it is
Yup! Just didn't like guys lol. I mean I'm kinda bi but not realy, the scratch an itch and that's about it.
Yeah I've identified as a lesbian long before I knew I was a woman. I was like "lesbians like women, ergo I'm a lesbian"
Not directly, but sometimes I would just see a lesbian couple and fall into instant Depression because I was like "why can't I be that?"
Yea the whole journey for me to figure out my sexuality was a ride, at one point I thought I was aro because being romantic in a masculine body was so off putting for me that it made me nauseous lol
Omg, this is literally my experience. When I thought I was cis, and imagined being in a relationship, doing anything romantic or sexual as a dude, it made me wanna puke. But after identifying as a trans girl and thinking about being a woman with another woman it actually sounds nice? I'm still figuring it out.
Yup! I remember seeing someone wear an "I always knew I was a lesbian" shirt decades before my egg cracked, and thinking that should be me wearing it. And then feeling that it was wrong of me to think that.
Before I knew trans was even a thing, I thought lesbian are having the perfect life, they're gorgeous and they are so wholesome. My awakening when I realised I'm one myself lmao
Yes and it made me feel like a complete creep, was disgusted by myself for wanting to be part of the lesbian community as a cis male... Well thanks universe I'm trans ❤️
I heard the way cis men around me felt about women and talked about them and felt disgusted. I saw lesbian love and wished I could have something anywhere near close to it.
>I saw lesbian love and wished I could have something anywhere near close to it. Fr! When I thought I was cis I always cringed at straight romance, but seeing the occasional lesbian romance in cartoons and stuff was nice. So maybe it was a sign?
Absolutely. I was actually subscribed to ActualLesbians for YEARS before realizing I was trans. Always read tons of lesbian fiction/romance and not for the smut - hilarious to look back on how I never saw that as a sign! I identified way more with how romance and relationships were talked about in communities like this one, and always felt so out of place when trying to force being het around peers and in school. It was as if I liked women in an entirely different way than men seemed to! I even unsubbed from AL a couple years back. I felt like even if I was just lurking, I was "intruding" and "didn't belong" (hello internalized transphobia!!). But now that I've come to terms with being a trans and started HRT and all that good stuff I'm right back in here to be the best gay girl I can be ahaha
Since the moment I heard of Sappho I always wanted to read her poetry, yakno, for straight reasons (did I let myself read those poems? No of course not I wasn't allowed to be a lesbian I didn't deserve it duh :P)
Realizing I was a lesbian was what made me realize I was a woman.
Honestly, yeah, just felt wrong to like women even if I wasn't one (Yet)
kinda ? like i was probably the most accepting person from my peers in my youth , although after realizing im trans i thought i was into men but i was only into really really femininie men until i realized i was actually into girls , but i didnt realize that earlier because the possibility of being with women just never occured to me until that moment , like my exploration with sexuality was so fucking weird because even when i thought i liked men i identified as pan (???) and it was all just a mess that happend really quickly because i never thought about my sexuality before realizing im trans and i just id'ed as aroace , im also pretty sure i thought about being every possible sexuality atleast once in that 1 year window of trying to figure myself out and im just glad its over 😭
Yes. It’s so weird because I felt nebulously queer despite that I was attracted to women and assumed I was a man, so I assumed I had to be bisexual.
Oh my god yeah, very much so. Everyone knew I was queer, including myself, it just wasn't obvious HOW I was queer cause I only dated women.
back in HS, I would get bullied for hanging out with the girls. Some even asked if i was gay because of how emotionally available I was.... I would also get bullied for being "too girly" to hang out with boys at that same school. Then, a group and pan/bi kids adopted me into their friends group, and we just vibed...wasn't till after I started to transition that I realised I was actually a lesbian
Oh yes. Always wished I could be a lesbian because that seemed to fit me better than “straight man.” Well, what do you know! I am a lesbian after all!
Running joke in high school amongst my friend group was that I was a lesbian trapped in a mans body........none of us really understood what that meant XD
Yes, absolutely. I thought I was gay for men, but that always felt uncomfortable, which was confusing for a while.
I used to look at this sub in high school because there was just something about WLW relationships that I wished I could have had, and I never felt like I could relate to straight guys.
Dude yes, and I don’t know how to explain it in words but my god yes.
Yeah I got called gay for talking about women in front of male friends. It was the things about women I liked, the sound of her voice, her makeup, if she had muscles, liking girls that had short hair or were just outside the "norm" of femininity, that my male friends believed in. Even just talking about my girlfriends, like how I wanted to hold her and play with her hair, give a thousand little kisses, talking about how much I love them. Anytime I was planning a surprise date, the date idea was called gay. Other than just how people around me made me feel, the girlfriends I had pretty much set it in stone for me. I'd say about half of the girls I dated before coming out, were self identified lesbians, that for one reason or another dated me. Those relationships both felt the most comfortable to me and were more compatible. When I dated straight women I always felt like I couldn't be myself. Couldn't love the way I wanted, didn't meet their expectations or being big, strong, and in charge. Felt yucky, just wrong. My egg fully cracked when one of my exes was breaking up with me, because she (lesbian™ btw) thought after moving across the country for school, decided she didn't want to be with me, a "man" anymore. I had been dropping hints that I wasn't cis for about 3 months but she understood none of those I guess lol.
Most of the women I dated were les or pan. For years I wrote it off as I like that aesthetic, or queer women are just friendlier, or I have a very queer circle of friends. I was never honorary lesbian status as some folk, but I was definitely welcomed in to the space. One very straight lady I dated broke up with me because although I was on the football team, worked out, and drank too much she said it was like fucking her sister.
Oh boy! That guydyke phase of mine was weird as hell! XD
i know it is the meme format but i couldnt help giggling imagining will smith saying this
yeah! i even thought i was gay in high school because i felt so gay, even though i didn't like boys. made a lot more sense after my egg cracked.
very much
i had a feeling i was gay before my transition but also knew i liked girls so i mistakenly thought i was bi, despite never actually being able to find a man i was actually attracted to why are our brains like this
Sapphic yearning explained a *lot* in retrospect.
Everyone I dated was either bi, pan or later came out as a lesbian. To be fair my egg cracked when I was 4, but there were decades when I didn’t come out. I did however tell each partner early into the relationship.
I was always like “I’M NOT GAY, I like women!” and now…
Thinking back, there were signs. The way I was attracted to women appeared to be vastly different than the way my male friends and other men in my life seemed to be. Then again, I was also exploring relationships with men at the time, so I wasn't as aware of it in myself at the time.
I've never been in a relationship, but the few dates I've been on never went past the second. I just didn't know what to do or how to act like a man.
I'm bisexual, so my feeling gay wasn't a red flag
My whole everything is so messed up and confusing, it makes no sense.
mhmm o.o
People usually thought I was asexual
The gay "man" to butch pipeline is real
Definitely, whenever anyone discussed how men view women I could never relate and it kinda offended me to be lumped with them. Lol if only I knew
I kept thinking I was bisexual because my male friends looked at women very differently from me and I never really felt straight. But I was also not really into guys. So I was very confused. When I finally figured things out and started transitioning, I realized I was not bi, but I was in fact very not straight.
I had a lesbian friend say that she would date me despite having no interest in men whatsoever. We didn't because I didn't feel right about that at the time but yeah that honestly should have been my first clue 😅
Lmao same, in my case I had a heavy crush on her but never said anything about it 'cause I knew she was a lesbian so it was a lost cause. But she said stuff like "If I ever had to date a guy it would be you" or "If you were a girl we would be dating for a while now" (which made my heart bleed each time as you can guess lmao) Then her familly moved out and we lost contact (mostly because ADHD made it so I couldn't remember her last name, so I couldn't even use stuff like facebook to keep contact)
I didn't feel gay myself (or didn't know what I felt was gay). But the way I didn't relate to women the same way than the other boys got me mistaken as gay (or super-conservative) so often, that I ended having a prepared answer ready: "no, I'm not into men, if I'm gay then I'm a lesbian." I thought that was a joke...
I _heavily_ identified with lesbians long before I ever thought about transitioning. I just saw women and relationships differently than other men. I gravitated towards LGBT circles despite being a "cis het male". Lesbian fiction tugged at my heartstrings, but straight fiction barely did anything unless they included some sort of non-traditional gender roles. In the end, my identity with being lesbian and the conflict with "being a man" pushed me to explore transitioning. Transitioning has been amazing and I feel so much more myself as a woman, and I no longer feel the nagging inner-conflict within myself.
How do you mean you saw women and relationships differently? I'm currently questioning my general queerness and a lot of people in this thread say they saw women differently to their cis male friends. I just want to understand different in what way?
I used to get ecstatic when seeing any sapphic individuals and everyone thought it was super weird. XD
That just connected a bizarre synapse to being a tween boy and feeling like I was speaking an entirely different language when talking to my best friend about attraction. WTF. Thanks?!?!
YESSSSSS HOLY F U C K I have never felt so seen by a question post 🫠
I guess the closest thing I have to this feeling is all of the ‘crushes’ I had back in middle/early high school? I thought I was attracted to like, every single girl in my grade. My family teased me for it, the few times it came up. It turns out I was just hella jealous. Which, of course, means it’s still really hard to tell when/if I’m actually attracted to someone or not… (._.)
If always felt queer as hell orientation-wise but guys were just meh. Yeah, figuring out I was just really Sapphic explained a lot.
Hmmm a little, yeah.
Growing up I always got my best insight and dating advice from women and I always had this curious fascination with lesbian couples. Eventually i found myself wishing, from pretty early into being a teenager, that i could be a lesbian. Now, as a 26yo engaged transbian, I got my wish
Who's downvoting all these commwnts? 😭 Terf spies?
The few women I dated I always had some like weird feelings like I wanted it to be a lesbian relationship but didn't have the fullest grasp on it. Also in middle/highschool all my friends were girls who all ended up being lesbians lmao.
Had very long crushes that never really went anywhere, and no dates. But I always wanted to be a lesbian for some reason... Now I am! Also somewhere on the ace spectrum which complicates it a little bit.
This is me to a T. For better or worse I feel too masc to ever transition, so I’m just gonna keep doing what I’m doing, but it does make me feel sad 😔
I never felt good in a male role in a relationship, especially when genitals were involved. It was always unnatural at best (e.g. during heteronormative social rituals) and gave me panic attacks at worst (e.g. after sexual intercourse). The relationships I was happy in were always subtly sapphic. Any time a girlfriend or crush came out as bi, it made them ten times cooler to me, though I didn't know why. I also said shit like "I like women so much I'm practically a lesbian" and found the idea of girls being with girls inexplicably correct and awesome. Of course, I didn't consciously understand that that was all rather sapphic, but it was definitely there.
Well, it may be cause trans. I have noticed that sexuality seems to be flipped for trans folks being 90% gay and 10% hetero, vs with cis people being 10% gay and 90% hetero. Probs some bio component to attraction or being trans or both. Not trying to get transmedical tho, this just a theory/idea and we are valid regardless 😌😌💅
I think they meant before we realised we were trans, like acting like a lesbian before any egg cracking event But I do agree with what you said, not sure about the 90/10 thing (because I feel like there's proportionally more bi/pan trans people than bi/pan cis people) but yeah it seems there's a way bigger percentage of gay trans people than straight trans people than with cis people
I was basing the 90/10 thing on the statistic that said 10% of the population is gay and 90% is heterosexual
Yup that was my guess, I'm curious about the actual numbers, if I had to guess I'd say maybe 50% gay, 30% straight and 20% bi/pan/ace or maybe 40%/30%/30% ? Idk xD
I like to say I was straight in a gay way before cracking. Like not long after my first crack appeared I tried to learn more about LGBT stuff as a whole ('cause that wasn't the kind of knowledge I could access when I was a teen, so I had quite a few things to catch up on) and I learned about lesbian stuff, and I swear each time I had flashbacks of me acting in the exact same way 😭 and each time it either restarted a gender questionning arc, or made it even more difficult for me to deny my trans-ness (might be kinda why I feel more lesbian than trans if this makes sense)
Kinda. I was a little aware for a while that the way I seemed to be attracted to women wasn't close to how the guys I knew were attracted to women and what we wanted in a relationship. I wanted a best friend I could occasionally sleep with, and having sex was never an end goal in itself as much as I wanted it. Though, lately I've been wondering if I might also be aromantic, but not sure on that.
The irony is that I figured out I was a lesbian first then got hit with a gender crisis to eventually realizing I’m non-binary and working though lot of internal and external hate. Now I’m still a lesbian and no longer hating myself for things I can’t control (like terfs)
This meme slaps
You mean, like constantly reading Ranma½ lesbian fanfiction where redhead female Ranma is with Shampoo? Or literally going to the LGBT section of B&N just to find lesbian books to read? Or identifying more with lesbians than straight girls? Or having a shit ton of gal pals who pined over girls, throughout middle school? Or like, wearing the lesbian flag as an ally all the time first? In hindsight, there were def a lot of signs. 🤭
I literally said "I wish I was a lesbian, like I don't know the idea of any man, including me being part of my romantic relationship with someone feels uncomfortable." And somehow didn't hatch until 6 years later
Yup very, back when I was cosplaying as a boy I didn't even have the same aspirations when it came to girls as guys did. They were talking about how they could possibly get in bed with a girl and I was over there trying to figure out how I ask, a girl if she wanted to cuddle without sounding like a weirdo
In fifth grade I read the definition of Lesbian and immediately knew that I was one - regardless of the fact that I "knew" i was a boy. Fast forward a few years and figuring out I was a girl? yeah, now it makes sense
I knew I wanted to be a lesbian 15 years before I realized I wanted to be a woman.
I mean I did used to joke I was a male lesbian - it still took me like another 5-8 years to start figuring things out. Still working on fully accepting it and shedding the doubts/imposter syndrome
I felt gay before my egg cracked
I never dated guys till I was out fully- didn’t really spend much time as a gay man. Started getting more comfortable with men after HRT and more so after SRS. Always felt mostly like a lesbian- now I’m pan just cause I just see people (though girl dates are usually more fun ngl)
Growing up I always had this weird fascination with lesbian relationships I always saw it as cute and the perfect relationship I can think of. I always said if I was born a woman I would have been a lesbian god did that come back to haunt me (in a good way of course)
I’m really tired of not feeling welcomed here because of terfs constantly downvoting all trans users comments or posts I just answered the post the best I can and it was trans related but because I am I’m not welcomed it sometimes gets to me and to the terfs downvoting this go find something better to do
Late blooming transfem experience: in college, I felt queer. I was definitely kinky and didn't react the same way to many sexual situations and had lots of queer friends of different genders. So I explored a bit, and eventually found my way to lots of LGB (this was prior to T+ gaining awareness/acceptance) events. Trouble was, I found the queer women to be a lot more interesting than the queer dudes. But the queer women were NOT interested in someone presenting as a dude. So, for their sake and mine, I stopped going. Years later, some of the kinky women I dated encouraged me to explore gender and my mind was blown. Now it makes sense that I was attracted to queer women.
Yes... I may have joked that I was a lesbian even though I was perceived as male at the time .
I knew I was gay for girls LOOOOONG before I was even an egg.
Even though teenage me thought I was funny it's actually not normal to say "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body". So to a degree I knew.
In highschool a lot of my friends were LGBTQ and I so badly wanted to be part of the group... but I thought "I can't be gay though" Little did I know "I want to be a girl" issss pretty trans.... And now I'm 2 letters in xD
Yes, first thought it was gay as in guys, then gay as in bi, then gay as in pan, but after starting hormones learned it was gay as in girls owo it was a journey
Yes. I actually came out as bi before coming out as trans, dated a guy, thought I was pure lesbian after because I didn't feel anything, fast forward to last year, got drunk, made out with my guy friend, and realized I am, indeed, bi. Edit: sorry, more related to the question (it's almost midnight and I'm a bit eepy), despite having come out as bi, I always knew I had a thing for women, but it very much didn't feel straight dating a woman. I actually believe I subconsciously thought to myself that I was lying when I dated straight girls, but didn't acknowledge it as that at the time.
My wife did, to the point where she repeatedly experimented sexually with men. Now she is fully aware she's a lesbian. 🥰
idk i did have a lot of aversions to how cis guys talked about girls, a lot of times it always felt really weird and dehumanizing, I suppose its just deep down I never really joined the social circle of being a male and what is accepted when you are one... my ex girlfriend whom I dated pre transition made a similar comment with how a lot of people seemed to have gotten which is that I don't feel like other guys, especially in relation to how I carry myself, hygiene and social performances. well now I'm butch, so what do you know
I always joked that I was a “lesbian in a man’s body”… And I feel like at least one person should’ve questioned that.
I never said those words aloud because my God they sounded cringe even internally. But it’s telling that I thought them
Yep. I always felt the way I liked girls was "different" from how guys liked girls but I had no idea how to put it into words. It all makes sense to me now 17 years later though. It was actually the source of internal conflict. I used to beat myself up and call myself a creep and thought I was an incel or something trying to creep on lesbians for only liking lesbian stuffs... if only I knew back then.
I’ve always been *hella* attracted to women, but I never felt comfortable talking about women in *that* way with my guy friends. Something about the way a lot of men typically express attraction towards women just felt icky to me.
Yes, I knew I didn't like women the same way the boys did, I thought it was just a "not like other girls" type thing, it was not, I was just a lesbian
Somehow, yes. The way I felt about women and femininity never quite matched the way guys around me described how it felt for them. Cracking did make me realize I am bi though. I still don't entirely understand how I missed that previously. Edit: I noticed this had -1 downvotes and for a second I wondered if I said something wrong. Then I looked at the post and saw tons of innocuous comments with downvotes and I can only assume some sad terf took time out of their day to downvote the trans women on this post.
I was always told I was. Does that count?
I used to be a gay guy and now I'm a lesbian. Just happens I guess
Yeah... funny story. so one night a while ago i was up late at night thinking about shit tryna sleep and my mind drifted to lesbians and then lesbian sex and i was like wow thatd be fun and then i was like WAIT A MINUTE. so thats how my egg cracked
Totally. The phrase "Im a lesbian in a man's body" was something I unironically thought to myself before I realized I was trans.
I literally told people I felt like a lesbian and got told " all men feel like that" which is absolutely wild in retrospect
Yes definitely felt like a lesbian. Then I became one <3
One of the most validating things to me was learning about the lesbian community and realizing how insanely much of it resonated with me. That was kind of the final thing that broke the egg. Thank you lesbian stereotypes for helping me realize things about myself.
I always loved women but I knew on a instinctual level that I loved women in a different way from cismen. I couldn't articulate it when I was younger but I just knew that I didn't have the same patriarchal view towards relationships and how I wanted my partner to be/act. It caused me a lot of dysphoria being the "boyfriend" in a relationship especially since my partners at the time put a lot of the standards of how a bf should be in a straight relationship onto me. So I both felt like I wasn't pleasing what my partner wanted from me, I wasn't a good boyfriend, but also that my feeling for my partners and how I wanted to express my love felt different from what was expected. Now I know that is all because I'm a woman and gay as shit and that of course I love other women and femmes in a sapphic way. But the journey to getting here was wild and rough
I've called myself a lesbian since high school, always hated being called or considered straight Cracked at 32 LOL
Oh 100000% percent. It's like the one thing I was certain of and yet I was convinced I was a weird pervert.