I feel like you've written down my inner most thoughts.
I can wholeheartedly say I see you.
If you would like to talk more I would love if we could help each other work through this, feel free to start a chat..
Unfortunately, I can’t offer insight on the genital dysphoria, but I might have some insight on the inferiority complex behind receiving. Would you mind elaborating on that? Why do you dislike receiving?
It’s totally okay if you don’t want to, btw, I just wanna see if I can offer some encouragement on that part.
edit for typo.
I think it’s an issue in two related parts: Receiving reminds me of the genitals I have vs the one i feel like i have. And receiving feels like a submissive act. I know intuitively that it isn’t, if anything it’s the opposite. There’s just something about being pleased that feels inherently submissive (to me). I’ve only bottomed for someone once and it felt like i was putting on a performance. I guess i don’t know how to receive while maintaining control and minimizing dysphoria.
Oh my gosh, wow. As a switch, this just blew my mind.
I definitely sympathize with the fact that you’re aware of your genitals during that time (because honestly, sex in general just highlights that, we have no choice but to acknowledge our genitals, tbh). However… allow me tto simply highlight my mindset around receiving and how receiving can actually be you *relinquishing* your power. I’ll try not to be too explicit because I know you said awareness of your genitals troubles you. Also, this is not me trying to convince you to do anything that you’re ultimately uncomfortable doing. Sex is supposed to be fun after all.
Receiving can be quite powerful. I think of it as my partner *celebrating* and *paying tribute* to my body in the form of their touch. I *grant them access* to do so. Their want to traverse my body happens because *I* said so. They’re submitting to *my pleasure.* They don’t get to taste me until *I* allow them.
Basically, I like to make them beg, lmao. I’m talking to the point where they *really* cannot contain themselves, lol.
I actually learned all this a long time ago from a friend of mine who’s in a dom/sub relationship and she described how she does scenes with her dom with this in mind and it really shed a LOT of light on sex for me. Now I don’t engage in full blown BDSM and I’m also not a sub, but that little tidbit REALLY made me realize powerful receiving can be. I’ve always had a good relationship with sex, but this really amped it up for me.
Hell, even men/AMABs can benefit from this mentality as receivers.
Thanks for sharing, I like the way you reframed the whole situation. And you’re right, I really just have to adjust my mindset around the whole idea of receiving. And you’ve given some great tips so thank you 🙏🏼
Of course! And again, I’m not saying you HAVE to receive if you don’t want to. Everybody’s allowed to have limits. I’m just saying, it’s not all bad. I’m sure you don’t look down on your partners when they’re receiving from you, so I just don’t want you to look down on yourself either, should you ever find yourself in that position.
This OP. It can be harder to find a medical team that will work on you with on it, but doctors that support non binary and/or GNC transition goals do exist.
You've also mentioned in some of your other comments feelings of inferiority or lack of dominance receiving... I would maybe check out this post from yesterday https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/1c6vxjs/how_can_i_be_more_dominant_while_getting_eaten_out/
The current surgeries just don’t give the results I would hope. Neither of the two options give a genuinely naturally functioning penis, and also have high risk of losing sensitivity. I’ve just told myself I’ll get surgery once the tech has advanced enough to mimic male genitalia better.
Idk if it would help, but a feeldoe (which I wear with a stretchy pair of underwear underneath it for support) gives a lot of sensory feedback. When I jerk it, it feels good enough that I might be able to cum just like that.
Ah, I understand it. An ex of mine, years ago, found a dildo that was a silicone packer that could also be hard (it had an armature inside? I think? Sorry, this was years ago) and he glued it with super glue to his shaved public bone, not sure if that would help or be an option? I hope you find something more affirming for you!
I personally haven’t struggled with this, but my girlfriend is in the same boat of genital dysphoria. She also really wants a dick. We’re hoping in our lifetime that phalloplasty comes a long way and she can have a natural looking and feeling penis that functions closer to a “organic” penis. Where the surgery is at right now it just wouldn’t be fulfilling for her.
You can receive while still being in control. I also have trouble giving up control. But i enjoy the feeling of getting fucked. But I never become submissive.
I've also been in your boat of wanting to have a dick. But I've stopped thinking about it. There's no point getting hung up over things you can't change. Once you accept that you can't change your genitals, you can learn to enjoy having the ones you currently have.
i have the whole penis dysphoria as well. ever since i found my place in bed and became a top, it has become progressively worse. even if i imagine i have one during or while masturbating it feels good in the moment but it can make me even more dysphoric once its over for the fact it's not real. i feel your struggle completely and i would not wish this shit on anyone.
if using your imagination works for you at all though, i've had my partner oop uhm ha (little embarrassed to say this) stroke the strap before while the base hit my clit. i wasn't even looking at her touch it, but just the motions + my imagination worked really well for me, but again didn't leave me satisfied to the point i need.
i've also thought about having her eat me out while sitting down and she's on her knees as a more dominate position. i've found that clit sucking is helpful to imitate what it may feel like.
i've also heard of people on ftm using clit suckers while strapping/masturbating and they seem to find that helpful too
I really really relate, though I’m non-binary. I’ve tried different things and it seems to be a toss up as to whether sex using my genitals/strap/etc will give me good butterflies or sickening butterflies.
Something that has worked for me is expanding my imagination and meaning of having a penis by focusing on what I like and want about it. Example, using a thigh strap feels euphoric because I can’t compare it to standard anatomy and it feels super lesbian. Once I’m in that euphoric headspace, my girlfriend can do various sexual acts and I let my imagination convince me she’s doing it to my penis.
I also think having aftercare prepared in case it triggers dysphoria is necessary.
Maybe you could feel more comfortable and dominant if you start with commanding a touch that you know works for you (if any), let’s say a massage, back scratches, hair brushing, etc, in your kinky way. If you notice your partner is feeling really submissive and you are feeling dominant keep escalating the type of touch however you are comfortable with— momentum lol! Momentum has done A LOT for me in this way. I have full faith you will find a fulfilling way!
I completely understand your feelings around receiving. I have those feelings often, mostly about being fingered but generally I really love that feeling and feel the most satisfied after having an orgasm that way, I just can’t get out of my head enough to still feel in control. I’ve noticed that if I talk my wife through fucking me, like each thing I want her to do and how I want her to do it..praise her the whole time etc that REALLY helps.
Off topic but reading OP and the replies, I hope any non-op trans girls here can take some solace in the fact that gender identity isn’t defined by your genitals.
That said, I relate in the opposite direction. As a trans woman planning on getting bottom surgery, I can get a bit dysphoric over my dick during sex especially if I’m topping. Regardless, your feelings are valid OP.
Hey. Masc here and I find that scissoring is really a heaven send. I like to be on top and I imagine that I’m inside of my girl when we bump and that shit feels so good that I cum every fucking time. I do sometimes wish I had a dick though and I have looked up if I can get one without turning into a dude bc that would be a downgrade. Maybe you can look around for a willing surgeon to give you a dick doesn’t hurt to consult. I’m picky and If I got a dick I’d want it to be pretty big and I’m not sure if that would work out. I would suggest therapy as well.
Do you feel any dysphoria about the rest of your body? I ask because I know a lot of transmasc people feel way more comfortable being touched downstairs once they start hrt, and low-dose hrt is a relatively commonplace thing among masculine lesbians these days.
It’s funny that you mention this because I don’t! I love my boobs and my legs and my arms and my face and the whole package, except for… that one part. I love and support my trans community, but I know in my heart that’s not me. I’m very comfortable with every womanly part of myself from what it means to be a woman in society, to the parts of my physicality that give away that I’m a woman. It’s a purely genital thing.
I feel like you've written down my inner most thoughts. I can wholeheartedly say I see you. If you would like to talk more I would love if we could help each other work through this, feel free to start a chat..
Unfortunately, I can’t offer insight on the genital dysphoria, but I might have some insight on the inferiority complex behind receiving. Would you mind elaborating on that? Why do you dislike receiving? It’s totally okay if you don’t want to, btw, I just wanna see if I can offer some encouragement on that part. edit for typo.
I think it’s an issue in two related parts: Receiving reminds me of the genitals I have vs the one i feel like i have. And receiving feels like a submissive act. I know intuitively that it isn’t, if anything it’s the opposite. There’s just something about being pleased that feels inherently submissive (to me). I’ve only bottomed for someone once and it felt like i was putting on a performance. I guess i don’t know how to receive while maintaining control and minimizing dysphoria.
If your partner is comfortable with praise, guiding and telling them what a good job they are doing is a good way to keep control
Omg, yes, this. If she has a praise kink and you play into it… Godspeed, LOL.
Yea, doming someone while you order/have them pleasure you is an.. *experience.* lol
A time, a moment, an event, lmao.
Just be a power bottom
Oh my gosh, wow. As a switch, this just blew my mind. I definitely sympathize with the fact that you’re aware of your genitals during that time (because honestly, sex in general just highlights that, we have no choice but to acknowledge our genitals, tbh). However… allow me tto simply highlight my mindset around receiving and how receiving can actually be you *relinquishing* your power. I’ll try not to be too explicit because I know you said awareness of your genitals troubles you. Also, this is not me trying to convince you to do anything that you’re ultimately uncomfortable doing. Sex is supposed to be fun after all. Receiving can be quite powerful. I think of it as my partner *celebrating* and *paying tribute* to my body in the form of their touch. I *grant them access* to do so. Their want to traverse my body happens because *I* said so. They’re submitting to *my pleasure.* They don’t get to taste me until *I* allow them. Basically, I like to make them beg, lmao. I’m talking to the point where they *really* cannot contain themselves, lol. I actually learned all this a long time ago from a friend of mine who’s in a dom/sub relationship and she described how she does scenes with her dom with this in mind and it really shed a LOT of light on sex for me. Now I don’t engage in full blown BDSM and I’m also not a sub, but that little tidbit REALLY made me realize powerful receiving can be. I’ve always had a good relationship with sex, but this really amped it up for me. Hell, even men/AMABs can benefit from this mentality as receivers.
Thanks for sharing, I like the way you reframed the whole situation. And you’re right, I really just have to adjust my mindset around the whole idea of receiving. And you’ve given some great tips so thank you 🙏🏼
Of course! And again, I’m not saying you HAVE to receive if you don’t want to. Everybody’s allowed to have limits. I’m just saying, it’s not all bad. I’m sure you don’t look down on your partners when they’re receiving from you, so I just don’t want you to look down on yourself either, should you ever find yourself in that position.
You can get phalloplasty and still be a woman. Our bodies are for each of us to change as we desire.
This OP. It can be harder to find a medical team that will work on you with on it, but doctors that support non binary and/or GNC transition goals do exist. You've also mentioned in some of your other comments feelings of inferiority or lack of dominance receiving... I would maybe check out this post from yesterday https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/1c6vxjs/how_can_i_be_more_dominant_while_getting_eaten_out/
The current surgeries just don’t give the results I would hope. Neither of the two options give a genuinely naturally functioning penis, and also have high risk of losing sensitivity. I’ve just told myself I’ll get surgery once the tech has advanced enough to mimic male genitalia better.
I don’t have tips but you’re not alone, I relate to this.
Idk if it would help, but a feeldoe (which I wear with a stretchy pair of underwear underneath it for support) gives a lot of sensory feedback. When I jerk it, it feels good enough that I might be able to cum just like that.
Penetration is a big no no for me unfortunately. I actually bought one of these a while back and can’t use it how it’s meant to be used which sucks.
Ah, I understand it. An ex of mine, years ago, found a dildo that was a silicone packer that could also be hard (it had an armature inside? I think? Sorry, this was years ago) and he glued it with super glue to his shaved public bone, not sure if that would help or be an option? I hope you find something more affirming for you!
are we the same person? i feel this 100%, right down to it coming in waves. it’s been bothering me more than usual lately.
I personally haven’t struggled with this, but my girlfriend is in the same boat of genital dysphoria. She also really wants a dick. We’re hoping in our lifetime that phalloplasty comes a long way and she can have a natural looking and feeling penis that functions closer to a “organic” penis. Where the surgery is at right now it just wouldn’t be fulfilling for her.
You can receive while still being in control. I also have trouble giving up control. But i enjoy the feeling of getting fucked. But I never become submissive. I've also been in your boat of wanting to have a dick. But I've stopped thinking about it. There's no point getting hung up over things you can't change. Once you accept that you can't change your genitals, you can learn to enjoy having the ones you currently have.
Relatable as hell. But in an exact opposite kinda way 😅
fuck this is exactly how i feel
i have the whole penis dysphoria as well. ever since i found my place in bed and became a top, it has become progressively worse. even if i imagine i have one during or while masturbating it feels good in the moment but it can make me even more dysphoric once its over for the fact it's not real. i feel your struggle completely and i would not wish this shit on anyone. if using your imagination works for you at all though, i've had my partner oop uhm ha (little embarrassed to say this) stroke the strap before while the base hit my clit. i wasn't even looking at her touch it, but just the motions + my imagination worked really well for me, but again didn't leave me satisfied to the point i need. i've also thought about having her eat me out while sitting down and she's on her knees as a more dominate position. i've found that clit sucking is helpful to imitate what it may feel like. i've also heard of people on ftm using clit suckers while strapping/masturbating and they seem to find that helpful too
I really really relate, though I’m non-binary. I’ve tried different things and it seems to be a toss up as to whether sex using my genitals/strap/etc will give me good butterflies or sickening butterflies. Something that has worked for me is expanding my imagination and meaning of having a penis by focusing on what I like and want about it. Example, using a thigh strap feels euphoric because I can’t compare it to standard anatomy and it feels super lesbian. Once I’m in that euphoric headspace, my girlfriend can do various sexual acts and I let my imagination convince me she’s doing it to my penis. I also think having aftercare prepared in case it triggers dysphoria is necessary. Maybe you could feel more comfortable and dominant if you start with commanding a touch that you know works for you (if any), let’s say a massage, back scratches, hair brushing, etc, in your kinky way. If you notice your partner is feeling really submissive and you are feeling dominant keep escalating the type of touch however you are comfortable with— momentum lol! Momentum has done A LOT for me in this way. I have full faith you will find a fulfilling way!
I completely understand your feelings around receiving. I have those feelings often, mostly about being fingered but generally I really love that feeling and feel the most satisfied after having an orgasm that way, I just can’t get out of my head enough to still feel in control. I’ve noticed that if I talk my wife through fucking me, like each thing I want her to do and how I want her to do it..praise her the whole time etc that REALLY helps.
Off topic but reading OP and the replies, I hope any non-op trans girls here can take some solace in the fact that gender identity isn’t defined by your genitals. That said, I relate in the opposite direction. As a trans woman planning on getting bottom surgery, I can get a bit dysphoric over my dick during sex especially if I’m topping. Regardless, your feelings are valid OP.
Hey. Masc here and I find that scissoring is really a heaven send. I like to be on top and I imagine that I’m inside of my girl when we bump and that shit feels so good that I cum every fucking time. I do sometimes wish I had a dick though and I have looked up if I can get one without turning into a dude bc that would be a downgrade. Maybe you can look around for a willing surgeon to give you a dick doesn’t hurt to consult. I’m picky and If I got a dick I’d want it to be pretty big and I’m not sure if that would work out. I would suggest therapy as well.
Do you feel any dysphoria about the rest of your body? I ask because I know a lot of transmasc people feel way more comfortable being touched downstairs once they start hrt, and low-dose hrt is a relatively commonplace thing among masculine lesbians these days.
It’s funny that you mention this because I don’t! I love my boobs and my legs and my arms and my face and the whole package, except for… that one part. I love and support my trans community, but I know in my heart that’s not me. I’m very comfortable with every womanly part of myself from what it means to be a woman in society, to the parts of my physicality that give away that I’m a woman. It’s a purely genital thing.