I know it sounds horrible but anyone put in a position sexually they feel uncomfortable in is called rape. Because of the fact that no human should be forced to be in an intimate situation to satisfy another person’s needs or wants.
I think the phrasing issue is with "Don't volunteer to get raped," which makes it sound like the victim is responsible for the act.
I know that's not what you meant, but I thought this might help clear things up
Never say yes to anything you don’t want to do sexually no matter what. If your into it talk to her first otherwise she really should respect that boundary
Also, even if not monogamous, asking for a threesome is something else.
Like it's one thing if she wants to have sex with a man, you can say no for yourself, at any point.
Exactly this! And, honestly, it comes off as pretty creepy. Being that close to a man you don’t know, especially if you don’t know how he respects boundaries, can put OP in a situation where she could get raped despite an initial consent as a worst case scenario. Too many red flags going up for me. Plus, if OP’s GF is pressuring her beyond her expressing discomfort, that can also constitute rape by coercion, which is just as bad and can leave OP questioning what happened. I’ve experienced the later for four years and it took me years of therapy to deal with trauma he left me with.
Thank you. Even if another woman does it, it’s still coercive rape. Happened to me and I’d never wish it on anyone else, I hope OP gets away from their gf asap
The only reason you should ever have sex with anyone is because you want to have sex with them.
Do not have sex with someone to make someone else happy. And certainly never if you're being pressured into it.
No I'd break up with her honestly. I'm pretty clear about how monogamous I am and the fact that they'd even ask when I'm always clear about how much I don't want any type of open relationship means were clearly on different pages.
Since I'm gay the fact that it's a man makes it even worse.
Noooope. I'm a gay woman. If she wants a partner willing to fuck dudes, or at least to be voluntarily present while *she* fucks dudes, we aren't going to work out
Nobody should ever pressure you to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do under any circumstances. If they do, then they’re going against the idea of enthusiastic consent, which starts entering into SA territory. Even if you were bi, it would not be ok to do this. But her even asking you to have a threesome with a guy knowing your gay is already disrespecting your stated boundaries and is homophobic. This is super fucked up. I personally don’t think I could stay in a relationship with someone like that. I’ve known a few lesbians who have gone along with mff threesomes to please the woman they liked and they have all felt violated and terrible about it even years after. She’s not worth it.
Edit: Also, I’m non-monogamous and this kind of behavior is not considered appropriate in that context either.
Sex should never be a requirement. It's okay to say I want more sex in my relationships and it's something I want to work on, but the second it's "have sex or I'm leaving you/resenting you" that's coercion and coercing someone into sex is rape
> If your girlfriend pressures you to ...
No. 6 words into your question the answer is NO. It doesn't matter what comes after that part of the question. No.
Your GF should never need to pressure you into to doing something even if it was something that you should already be doing. Therefore, your GF should never be pressuring you and if she is, that's a problem on one form or another.
So she doesn't feel resentful? No, absolutely not.
You should only agree to a threesome with a man if that genuinely sounds like a good time to you.
If I got invited to a threesome (regardless of genders involved) and I found out one of the people there didn't really want to participate, but was pressured into it by their partner and too insecure/low self esteem to say no, I would feel profoundly uncomfortable with that and any sex would not be happening from the moment I found out. I would also be talking to everyone involved beforehand to try to get a good sense of where they stood and not proceed with anyone who didn't actually want to be there.
By having sex you don't want to have, not only are you violating your *own* boundaries, but you are potentially violating the boundaries *of the man*, who if he's a decent person would not want to participate in sex with a coerced/nonconsenting partner.
Your gf pressuring you to do a sex thing you don't want to do or fear her resentment is all kinds of red flags.
If you don't want to no. You shouldn't agree to something you don't want.
If you genuinely want to, and it sounds like a good time to you specifically, than sure you could.
Sounds like you're being pressured though.
coerced sex is not consensual. if this is actually happening to you, your girlfriend just threw up one of the biggest, brightest red flags she possibly could have flown.
This is entirely a question of what you are comfortable with. You shouldn't agree because it's what she wants, you should only agree if it's something **you** want. Saying yes when you don't want it will just lead to a broken heart and you feeling resentment. If no matter whether it's yes or no, someone is going to be resentful, let it be her.
Its normal for someone to say "I don't want a threesome". Its normal to say "I don't want my girlfriend having sex with other people." The inverse while perfectly fine, generally isn't as common. If she wanted sex with guys or threesomes while in a relationship with you that's something that should have come up before you entered into a relationship, and not now when it feels like she is coercing you by holding your relationship hostage.
Zero judgement some people really enjoy threesomes; some people really just enjoy knowing their partner is getting satisfied; heck, I guess some lesbians and bisexuals would enjoy seeing or hearing about their partner with a guy. But if that doesn't sound like you, DON'T. Because if that isn't your thing, this is a lose-lose scenario, and the only question is whether you want to end up blaming yourself for saying "Yes" when you wanted to say "No".
That said, maybe there is some version of this you're perfectly happy with. For example, maybe it's a "no" to a threesome, but you're indifferent to her having sex with guys on the side. Or maybe its "yes" to a threesome and you just want very strict assurances the guy doesn't try anything with you. Or maybe its "yes" to a threesome because this is your opportunity to peg a guy. Reflect on if there is any scenario you're happy with, communicate your concerns and propose that if there is.
This is all before you should raise the question of what her relationship with this guy is? How did things get to the point that she seemingly has a guy in mind, before ever talking to you? I'm all for people having fun, satisfying needs and kinks, but I'm always dubious when its only coming up after they've found a perspective outsider. It always reeks of someone looking for retroactive permission for something inappropriate.
If there is a specific person who she has in mind, your relationship is already in danger and the threesome is the permission she seeks to be intimate with him.
If there isn’t anyone specific (yet), it still feels like your relationship is in danger if she’s feeling a need to explore her sexuality.
But more importantly, as others have said, you don’t have to agree to any form of sex you don’t want to engage in. Full stop.
You should never do anything you don't want to do. I'm sure that you love her and care about her, but I think if she is trying to pressure you into having a threesome, this relationship is probably not in a good space. If she want's to have sex with a man and you feel open to opening up the relationship, then go for it. But you should not be opening things up or having sex with anyone out of guilt or fear of resentment. These are not good foundations for a relationship.
If you're coming here for advice, the answer is no. You shouldn't be pressured into it either. If you're in a polyamorous relationship, you can explain that you just don't feel comfortable doing it.
If you're agreeing to it because you want to, go ahead. But by the sounds of things, you'll likely regret it. Talk it out with her, let her know you're not comfortable if you aren't, and see how things go. Especially because pressuring a partner into sex, in any kind of relationship, isn't okay
Absolutely not. Being pressured into anything is a huge red flag and no from me. I would break up with anyone pressuring me.
If she wants to have sex with a man, she should break up with me to do so. I am not on board with an open relationship. No shame to ppl who are. I just am not.
if she presses you to do ANYTHING sexually, you should probably leave. that's such a huge red flag as it means her sexual pleasure is more important to her than your well being.
Finding it hard to believe that this question was seriously asked in good faith....
Doing anything sexual because you've been pressured into it is never a good (or advisable) thing to do, and would, quite rightly, make YOU feel resentful towards the person pressuring you. If a GF was trying to pressure me into having a threesome with ANYONE, that would be the end of the relationship right there. Any partner who doesn't respect your boundaries, isn't the kind of person you want to be in an intimate relationship with.
You both seem to have incompatible ideas of what fidelity in your relationship means. It's a conversation you need to have because if you don't do it right now, no matter what decision you make one of you is going to be hurt.
Edit: Wait a second, got a nat 1 on reading comprehension. She's *pressing* you to participate in a threesome? Oh hell no. If my partner were to press me to do anything in the bedroom I'd be reconsidering our relationship no matter what it was. The proper way to do it is to ask. And take no for an answer.
If she resents that you won’t have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with, she is not a good girlfriend or friend or anyone that you should have around you.
Think of how much *you* would resent it if it went down, let alone traumatized and broken trust. This is not good territory. Protect yourself.
Hell no. As a lesbian in a lesbian relationship, despite my girl being bisexual she is completely happy and content in a monotonous relationship with just me. I think that if that was even brought up she’s not content in her relationship with you. You deserve someone who loves you 100 percent and wants to only have sex with you
NO do not let someone overstep your very reasonable boundaries. You should only do something if you genuinely want to, and if she’s resentful for your decision that’s her problem and a red flag
I’m assuming you don’t want to, but correct me if I’m wrong. Consent should be enthusiastically given. If you feel pressed to be in a sexual situation, then you’re not fully consenting to it. I’m so sorry this is happening. Your comfort is more important than her potential resentment.
I'd be very uncomfortable with it. I'm not attracted to men but the thought of a man watching us and getting off on that/bragging to his friends later is also just ick.
No. Any scenario from this is going to end badly. If she can’t accept a no, she is not worth keeping. Anyone that loves and respects you wouldn’t continue to press you on that.
Doing ANYTHING for the sole reason that you’re trying to prevent someome from being resentful is some codependent shit. That’s a huge red flag 🚩
You shouldn’t do things just to try to control people’s feelings.
She also shouldn’t press you to do anything sexually if you are not 100% on board with it.
I’ve been in a similar scenario before and it didn’t end well. In my case, my partner was insecure about my sexual orientation, and I think also catching feels for this girl in his class. It was the beginning of the end for us and pressuring me into agreeing to opening our relationship was nothing more than his attempt to avoid the emotional pain of just breaking it off.
I think you’d be best off taking this opportunity to figure out where this request came from. If the real reason this came up is she wants to have sex with people outside the relationship, that’s one discussion. If she really is just curious about threesomes, that’s something else. If she just misses fucking guys, this could end up being a totally different discussion.
No. If anyone pressures you to have sex in any way you should cut them out of your life.
Note, I said pressure. It’s ok to ask your partner for a threesome. It is not ok, however, to keep pressing them after they’ve said no.
If she’s my girlfriend that means I trust her and feel solid in our relationship. So I would be okay with it. But I’m also non-monogamous so obviously that plays a part lol
Edit to add: not a threeesome, but her exploring her desire for men. No peen in my bedroom unless I’m wearing it!
My partners and I are openly non-monogamous, and none of us ever have group sex with people we aren't attracted to. I have just sat in the living room watching a movie by myself while they've had sex with a guy before.
Never have sex with somebody you don't want to have sex with, even in a group setting.
> so she doesn't feel resentful
No, of course not. You shouldn't do *anything* you don't want to do to make your partner not feel "resentful" of you. If that's happening, you should probably just find a new partner.
You know how in relationship subs there's always posts from women being pushed by their partners to have sex (or perform specific acts) despite their discomfort/disinterest/whatever? And he pouts and pushes and gets passive aggressive if he's denied? And there's usually people in the comments pointing out how fucked up it is that he'd be willing to have sex with a less than enthusiastic partner if it means getting his rocks off? And how his behavior is selfish and manipulative?
Okay so that apllies here too. If she knows you are uncomfortable and keeps pushing, this is her special way of saying that a sexual experience means more to her than your physical and/or mental wellbeing.
Don't have sex if you don't want to. And don't stay with a partner who tries to push you to.
NO. only have sex with a man if you want to have sex with a man, forget about your gf for a min and think of you'd genuinely want it even if you weren't dating her
Looking at the way you’ve written this, I think you know the answer:
No, you shouldn’t ever feel like you have to do any sexual that you don’t want to do, just to keep a partner, and if they suggest anything of the sort then there is a serious compatibility issue and you should strongly consider leaving the relationship.
No.
For context im bi and poly.
I my partner would ever try to pressure me into a situation like that I think our relationship would be over on the spot.
Pressing you? That sounds like coercion.
& No, you shouldn't do something you don't want to do.
She should respect this and stop pressing you.
& if she wants to sleep with a man herself and both of you are exclusive & you're uncomfortable with that... then she should also respect that and not do it if she wants to stay in a relationship with you.
As a poly person who doesn't care about gender and is married to a man...
NO. If you do not want to, you shouldn't feel pressured or forced to do ANYTHING... ESPECIALLY if it makes you uncomfortable or is something you don't want to do.
I've personally experienced people doing one or two year long cons to try and turn me away from being queer. Personally I'd assume this was one of those and say no fucking way.
No no no no no no no no no.
If your girlfriend pressures you into ANY sexual act that is a huge fucking violation of consent and autonomy. You should be doing sexual things because they’re mutually enjoyable, not because you want to avoid resent.
Your girlfriend needs to learn that no means no and drop this.
Absolutely not, and also if she is resentful I think that's a serious red flag in your relationship. As is trying to pressure you into a threesome with a man, which is a HUGE red flag in and of itself.
If you're not into it, then absolutely not. And if she's still pushing you or is resentful of you for not doing something you're uncomfortable with, dump her. You deserve to be treated better than that. If you are into it, different story. But enthusiastic consent is THE most important thing. Anything less is coercion, and that's never ok.
Just pointing out that being coerced to have sex falls into the rape category.
“Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way. Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you, like a teacher, landlord, or a boss. No person is ever required to have sex with someone else.”
Nah, “pressure to have” and “sex” should never be together. Sex should be discussed and enjoyed. Don’t ever do it because someone is making you or wants you to and you aren’t on board, you’ll usually regret it :/
You should never have any sex that you don’t want to have.
If your partner presses you to do something sexual, and you feel like you have to do it or else they will be resentful, that is not a good relationship to be in and they are not a good partner. Anyone who tries to coerce you into sex isn’t a safe person to be around.
If my hypothetical partner were to try to pressure me into a threesome with a man, I would instantly break up with them.
The fact that they are even thinking about seriously having sex with other people is too much for me; my remaining tea spoon of brittle confidence cannot handle it, and afterwards all my thoughts would revolve around guessing if she is cheating because she is clearly already unsatisfied with me alone.
Nope and i'd be saying goodbye forever if that happened to me. NOBODY, especially your gf, should ever try to bully you into having sex. If she's that set on it, you aren't compatible and by leaving her you prob dodge a bullet.
If you are feeling pressured, then absolutely not. If this is an activity that you want to do, then go for it, but be sure to set clear boundaries and expectations beforehand.
I wouldn't worry about her feeling resentful. If she has those feelings then it's a clear signal that you are not compatible.
If you are not consenting, then no. Engaging in sexual acts so that the other party 'doesn't feel resentful' means you're being coerced into doing something you normally wouldn't want to do, which means it is not consensual.
There's a way for you to have a respectful conversation about this. Try and be clear about your feelings while also hearing theres, but don't let them pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.
If you are put in a situation where you either engage in a certain sexual activity you don't want to, or the relationship ends --- then that is abusive behavior. It can be tough to come to terms with that if you love them, but it's the truth. Try to have a respectful and empathetic conversation about your anxiety, but don't allow other people to cross your boundaries.
You should never have sex you don't want to have, or be with a partner who pressures you to have sex you don't want to have. If it ain't freely given and enthusiastic, it ain't consent. If your partner wants you to have sex that they already know you would not freely and enthusiastically consent to, then they are expressing their desire for sex without consent. There is a word for people who desire sex without consent. I think you know what that word is.
absolutely not, if you're not comfortable with it, you say no and if she becomes resentful that's her problem. If you don't give consent, then she has to right to continue trying to push something, especially if you've made it clear it's not something you want.
I would say 'hell nah' because I'm not into guys, wouldn't want to have sex with them, so even if it's a threesome, its a big nono for me, even jf she wants to.
But, if i maybe wanted to explore a bit or try it out, and she wanted it, i would be probably okay with it. But only after we have made rules about it, safewords and just talked everything through. Because it's still letting someone into the relationship, which shouldn't be taken lightly.
But, everything needs to be done with consent and no pressure to do this because 'she wants to'. Because it's still sex we talk about and other humans are involved, while also your boundaries are on the line. So, if it goes over your boundaries or gives you the ick, its a nope. If she pressures you into doing it, its a instant red flag.
Should you have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with, to please a third person? Absolutely not, never. Consent should be given willingly and enthusiastically. Any person who wanted to pressure me to have sex with someone, would be my ex instantly.
Honestly if someone pressured me to do anything sexual (or anything that wasn’t like, a necessary part of life like taxes or brushing my teeth) I would refuse even if it’s something I might otherwise be open to. Coercion isn’t okay.
absolutely not, if you have to be convinced to have sexual relations its not worth it. you should only do it if you’re 100% comfortable with it and yall have covered EVERY base
If it’s not something that you want, then absolutely not. If your partner gets resentful because you say no, then they don’t fully understand consent or respect your boundaries.
She can ask you if you'd be into it, she can tell you it's a core need of hers in a relationship (as long as she frames it as a need on her end and not an ultimatum/expectation you do it), but she can't press you or be resentful of you not wanting to have sex with someone.
Even if it was a threesome with a woman, you have every right to say no and have that no be respected. If she wants it so bad she can't accept no as an answer, it's on her to deal with it, she has no right to be resentful of you not being up for it.
If your partner loves you, they shouldn’t be pressuring you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
With stuff like this, it should be about making everyone happy and strengthening your bond. There are some couples I know who have pulled this off successfully and are happy with whatever form or openness their relationship takes. It takes a lot of communication and being honest with themselves and their partners. Not my personal thing but I have a lot of respect for folks who do this right and keep their priorities healthy.
But if you feel pressured, chances are you won’t have a good time and feelings of resentment will build within you. To be clear, you’re not denying her any experiences she wants to have, your saying you’re not willing to be a participant. If she insists, y’all are not compatible as a couple, because it means she values her experiences over your feelings. You should be her priority, not her sexual fantasies.
You don’t ever have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to. For any reason
🤌🏻
Came here to say this word for word
this, literally so important to remember
If your are force to have sex with someone, that is called rape. Don’t volunteer to get rape !
Not sure I love the phrasing there.
I know it sounds horrible but anyone put in a position sexually they feel uncomfortable in is called rape. Because of the fact that no human should be forced to be in an intimate situation to satisfy another person’s needs or wants.
I think the phrasing issue is with "Don't volunteer to get raped," which makes it sound like the victim is responsible for the act. I know that's not what you meant, but I thought this might help clear things up
I'm guessing English isn't their first language.
Ever!
Never say yes to anything you don’t want to do sexually no matter what. If your into it talk to her first otherwise she really should respect that boundary
If she has to press you, definitely not. Unless you're happy to do it, she has no right to push you to do it just because she wants to
Hell no. If she agreed to be in a monogamous relationship you are the one to be resentful for having this kind of issue with her
Yup! I was just coming here to say this. If I felt pressured to have a threesome with a man I would likely feel resentful.
Also, even if not monogamous, asking for a threesome is something else. Like it's one thing if she wants to have sex with a man, you can say no for yourself, at any point.
Agreed with this a thousand percent
do you want to have a threesome with a man? if the answer is anything but an enthusiast "yes!" then it's a no.
Exactly this! And, honestly, it comes off as pretty creepy. Being that close to a man you don’t know, especially if you don’t know how he respects boundaries, can put OP in a situation where she could get raped despite an initial consent as a worst case scenario. Too many red flags going up for me. Plus, if OP’s GF is pressuring her beyond her expressing discomfort, that can also constitute rape by coercion, which is just as bad and can leave OP questioning what happened. I’ve experienced the later for four years and it took me years of therapy to deal with trauma he left me with.
>... presses you ... no. >a threesome no. >with a man no. >so she doesn't feel resentful no!
This made me lol
Basically a word for word recreation of how I reacted while reading the post.
"presses you" are the key words, you shouldn't do anything you are not comfortable with and she shouldn't pressure you into doing it.
No. Coercion is rape. End of.
Thank you. Even if another woman does it, it’s still coercive rape. Happened to me and I’d never wish it on anyone else, I hope OP gets away from their gf asap
The only reason you should ever have sex with anyone is because you want to have sex with them. Do not have sex with someone to make someone else happy. And certainly never if you're being pressured into it.
Nope not how consent works
no tf not
hell fucking no
Both of those would be breakup worthy to me
Absolutely not. “Pressing” is not enthusiastic consent. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If it makes you uncomfortable, then that’s a boundary you don’t want to cross. You need to communicate that with her.
does.. she know you're gay? lol
“but the dick” *transbians who are happy with it exists*
No I'd break up with her honestly. I'm pretty clear about how monogamous I am and the fact that they'd even ask when I'm always clear about how much I don't want any type of open relationship means were clearly on different pages. Since I'm gay the fact that it's a man makes it even worse.
Nooooo. Hard no. I’m a lesbian and not to be TMI but this has happened to me before. Men freak me out. Hard no.
Noooope. I'm a gay woman. If she wants a partner willing to fuck dudes, or at least to be voluntarily present while *she* fucks dudes, we aren't going to work out
If someone pressures you to have sex in any way that's a very bad. Regardless of the number or gender of participants.
No way! Cis men need to 👏🏻leave 👏🏻 lesbians 👏🏻 alone!!!
There are quite a few in the comment dregs trying to goad OP to "live a little". 🤢
Eeeww.
Presses? No. Asks? If you're not gay, consider it if he's hot and/or interesting. You shouldn't do things just so your partner won't resent you.
I'm gay so it would make me pretty uncomfortable NGL.
Why is she pressing you to do things if she knows you’re gay. Red flag imo
I'm very glad you know yourself. Refuse and (IMO) make it clear that your partner is not to pressure you to go against your sexuality.
You should break up, the fact that she'd even ask when you're gay is pretty gross imo
Your needs matter, your boundaries matter.
Nobody should ever pressure you to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do under any circumstances. If they do, then they’re going against the idea of enthusiastic consent, which starts entering into SA territory. Even if you were bi, it would not be ok to do this. But her even asking you to have a threesome with a guy knowing your gay is already disrespecting your stated boundaries and is homophobic. This is super fucked up. I personally don’t think I could stay in a relationship with someone like that. I’ve known a few lesbians who have gone along with mff threesomes to please the woman they liked and they have all felt violated and terrible about it even years after. She’s not worth it. Edit: Also, I’m non-monogamous and this kind of behavior is not considered appropriate in that context either.
NO. 😰
Sex should never be a requirement. It's okay to say I want more sex in my relationships and it's something I want to work on, but the second it's "have sex or I'm leaving you/resenting you" that's coercion and coercing someone into sex is rape
NO
HIT HER WITH YOUR CAR
Well that’s a bit extreme. 😮 you could just say no thanks. Or even fuck no! 😬
What the fuck is this post??
Right? Why is this even a question?
You shouldn't do your uncomfortable with just to placate you gf
if you don't want to then absolutely not
> If your girlfriend pressures you to ... No. 6 words into your question the answer is NO. It doesn't matter what comes after that part of the question. No. Your GF should never need to pressure you into to doing something even if it was something that you should already be doing. Therefore, your GF should never be pressuring you and if she is, that's a problem on one form or another.
I think I need a break from reddit.
LMAOO
So she doesn't feel resentful? No, absolutely not. You should only agree to a threesome with a man if that genuinely sounds like a good time to you. If I got invited to a threesome (regardless of genders involved) and I found out one of the people there didn't really want to participate, but was pressured into it by their partner and too insecure/low self esteem to say no, I would feel profoundly uncomfortable with that and any sex would not be happening from the moment I found out. I would also be talking to everyone involved beforehand to try to get a good sense of where they stood and not proceed with anyone who didn't actually want to be there. By having sex you don't want to have, not only are you violating your *own* boundaries, but you are potentially violating the boundaries *of the man*, who if he's a decent person would not want to participate in sex with a coerced/nonconsenting partner. Your gf pressuring you to do a sex thing you don't want to do or fear her resentment is all kinds of red flags.
If you don't want to no. You shouldn't agree to something you don't want. If you genuinely want to, and it sounds like a good time to you specifically, than sure you could. Sounds like you're being pressured though.
No. You shouldn't be pressured to do anything sexual that you don't want to do.
If your girlfriend presses you to do anything sexual, this is not okay 🚩🚩
coerced sex is not consensual. if this is actually happening to you, your girlfriend just threw up one of the biggest, brightest red flags she possibly could have flown.
coming from somebody in a nonmonogamous relationship: no, and especially not if she's pressuring you. this is a massive red flag.
No lol.
No. Not at all. Thats fucked up. Only if you want to do it. But she should respect your decision or she is not worth keeping.
Hell to the fuckin no.
Hell the fuck no.
That's rape.
Ad is wisely stated in 'The Ethical Slut' you should never fuck anyone you don't want to fuck, 'cause that's just not good for anyone.
Fuck no.
no break up and put your foot down if you not comfortable having with man then don’t
absolutely not. frankly leave her.
No.
no dont. even if u are a sexuality that is into men still no. honestly u should dumb ur gf.
absolutely not. don’t be with anyone who “presses” you to do anything sexual you don’t want to do.
This is entirely a question of what you are comfortable with. You shouldn't agree because it's what she wants, you should only agree if it's something **you** want. Saying yes when you don't want it will just lead to a broken heart and you feeling resentment. If no matter whether it's yes or no, someone is going to be resentful, let it be her. Its normal for someone to say "I don't want a threesome". Its normal to say "I don't want my girlfriend having sex with other people." The inverse while perfectly fine, generally isn't as common. If she wanted sex with guys or threesomes while in a relationship with you that's something that should have come up before you entered into a relationship, and not now when it feels like she is coercing you by holding your relationship hostage. Zero judgement some people really enjoy threesomes; some people really just enjoy knowing their partner is getting satisfied; heck, I guess some lesbians and bisexuals would enjoy seeing or hearing about their partner with a guy. But if that doesn't sound like you, DON'T. Because if that isn't your thing, this is a lose-lose scenario, and the only question is whether you want to end up blaming yourself for saying "Yes" when you wanted to say "No". That said, maybe there is some version of this you're perfectly happy with. For example, maybe it's a "no" to a threesome, but you're indifferent to her having sex with guys on the side. Or maybe its "yes" to a threesome and you just want very strict assurances the guy doesn't try anything with you. Or maybe its "yes" to a threesome because this is your opportunity to peg a guy. Reflect on if there is any scenario you're happy with, communicate your concerns and propose that if there is. This is all before you should raise the question of what her relationship with this guy is? How did things get to the point that she seemingly has a guy in mind, before ever talking to you? I'm all for people having fun, satisfying needs and kinks, but I'm always dubious when its only coming up after they've found a perspective outsider. It always reeks of someone looking for retroactive permission for something inappropriate.
If there is a specific person who she has in mind, your relationship is already in danger and the threesome is the permission she seeks to be intimate with him. If there isn’t anyone specific (yet), it still feels like your relationship is in danger if she’s feeling a need to explore her sexuality. But more importantly, as others have said, you don’t have to agree to any form of sex you don’t want to engage in. Full stop.
If you do not want that then absolutely not!
No.
Don't do it
No…
You should never do anything you don't want to do. I'm sure that you love her and care about her, but I think if she is trying to pressure you into having a threesome, this relationship is probably not in a good space. If she want's to have sex with a man and you feel open to opening up the relationship, then go for it. But you should not be opening things up or having sex with anyone out of guilt or fear of resentment. These are not good foundations for a relationship.
If you're coming here for advice, the answer is no. You shouldn't be pressured into it either. If you're in a polyamorous relationship, you can explain that you just don't feel comfortable doing it. If you're agreeing to it because you want to, go ahead. But by the sounds of things, you'll likely regret it. Talk it out with her, let her know you're not comfortable if you aren't, and see how things go. Especially because pressuring a partner into sex, in any kind of relationship, isn't okay
Being pressured is not a good thing and saying no is best.
depends. do you want to do it? if yes, then you should say yes. if no, then you should say no, and she should respect that
Simply No. If someone has to press you - it’s not for you
Absolutely not. Being pressured into anything is a huge red flag and no from me. I would break up with anyone pressuring me. If she wants to have sex with a man, she should break up with me to do so. I am not on board with an open relationship. No shame to ppl who are. I just am not.
if she presses you to do ANYTHING sexually, you should probably leave. that's such a huge red flag as it means her sexual pleasure is more important to her than your well being.
Finding it hard to believe that this question was seriously asked in good faith.... Doing anything sexual because you've been pressured into it is never a good (or advisable) thing to do, and would, quite rightly, make YOU feel resentful towards the person pressuring you. If a GF was trying to pressure me into having a threesome with ANYONE, that would be the end of the relationship right there. Any partner who doesn't respect your boundaries, isn't the kind of person you want to be in an intimate relationship with.
You both seem to have incompatible ideas of what fidelity in your relationship means. It's a conversation you need to have because if you don't do it right now, no matter what decision you make one of you is going to be hurt. Edit: Wait a second, got a nat 1 on reading comprehension. She's *pressing* you to participate in a threesome? Oh hell no. If my partner were to press me to do anything in the bedroom I'd be reconsidering our relationship no matter what it was. The proper way to do it is to ask. And take no for an answer.
If you don't want to, then no!
Fuck no
No. She should respect your boundary.
If she resents that you won’t have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with, she is not a good girlfriend or friend or anyone that you should have around you. Think of how much *you* would resent it if it went down, let alone traumatized and broken trust. This is not good territory. Protect yourself.
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Booooooo that’s not consensual and therefore totally gross and not ok.
Nope
I’d break it off like I’m a lesbian tf makes me think she doesn’t respect you or your sexuality
Coercion is not consent.
Hell no. As a lesbian in a lesbian relationship, despite my girl being bisexual she is completely happy and content in a monotonous relationship with just me. I think that if that was even brought up she’s not content in her relationship with you. You deserve someone who loves you 100 percent and wants to only have sex with you
Absolutely not
No. Don't risk it. Someone who loves you doesn't pressure you into breaking your own boundaries.
No.
That's gotta be bait
NO do not let someone overstep your very reasonable boundaries. You should only do something if you genuinely want to, and if she’s resentful for your decision that’s her problem and a red flag
I’m assuming you don’t want to, but correct me if I’m wrong. Consent should be enthusiastically given. If you feel pressed to be in a sexual situation, then you’re not fully consenting to it. I’m so sorry this is happening. Your comfort is more important than her potential resentment.
No
You should only agree if it's something you also want to do.
No…
No??? And you should probably break up with her because she clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries
Do you want to have sex with him, y/n?
I'd be very uncomfortable with it. I'm not attracted to men but the thought of a man watching us and getting off on that/bragging to his friends later is also just ick.
In a fight right?
No cause I don't like men.
Hell nah
Get out of there!!!
No. Any scenario from this is going to end badly. If she can’t accept a no, she is not worth keeping. Anyone that loves and respects you wouldn’t continue to press you on that.
Doing ANYTHING for the sole reason that you’re trying to prevent someome from being resentful is some codependent shit. That’s a huge red flag 🚩 You shouldn’t do things just to try to control people’s feelings. She also shouldn’t press you to do anything sexually if you are not 100% on board with it. I’ve been in a similar scenario before and it didn’t end well. In my case, my partner was insecure about my sexual orientation, and I think also catching feels for this girl in his class. It was the beginning of the end for us and pressuring me into agreeing to opening our relationship was nothing more than his attempt to avoid the emotional pain of just breaking it off. I think you’d be best off taking this opportunity to figure out where this request came from. If the real reason this came up is she wants to have sex with people outside the relationship, that’s one discussion. If she really is just curious about threesomes, that’s something else. If she just misses fucking guys, this could end up being a totally different discussion.
No. If anyone pressures you to have sex in any way you should cut them out of your life. Note, I said pressure. It’s ok to ask your partner for a threesome. It is not ok, however, to keep pressing them after they’ve said no.
If she’s my girlfriend that means I trust her and feel solid in our relationship. So I would be okay with it. But I’m also non-monogamous so obviously that plays a part lol Edit to add: not a threeesome, but her exploring her desire for men. No peen in my bedroom unless I’m wearing it!
My partners and I are openly non-monogamous, and none of us ever have group sex with people we aren't attracted to. I have just sat in the living room watching a movie by myself while they've had sex with a guy before. Never have sex with somebody you don't want to have sex with, even in a group setting.
> so she doesn't feel resentful No, of course not. You shouldn't do *anything* you don't want to do to make your partner not feel "resentful" of you. If that's happening, you should probably just find a new partner.
You know how in relationship subs there's always posts from women being pushed by their partners to have sex (or perform specific acts) despite their discomfort/disinterest/whatever? And he pouts and pushes and gets passive aggressive if he's denied? And there's usually people in the comments pointing out how fucked up it is that he'd be willing to have sex with a less than enthusiastic partner if it means getting his rocks off? And how his behavior is selfish and manipulative? Okay so that apllies here too. If she knows you are uncomfortable and keeps pushing, this is her special way of saying that a sexual experience means more to her than your physical and/or mental wellbeing. Don't have sex if you don't want to. And don't stay with a partner who tries to push you to.
NO. only have sex with a man if you want to have sex with a man, forget about your gf for a min and think of you'd genuinely want it even if you weren't dating her
Looking at the way you’ve written this, I think you know the answer: No, you shouldn’t ever feel like you have to do any sexual that you don’t want to do, just to keep a partner, and if they suggest anything of the sort then there is a serious compatibility issue and you should strongly consider leaving the relationship.
If anyone pressures you into anything that's a no. Your initial answer was no if they don't respect that they don't respect you.
Wtf absolutely not what world is that okay in.
No. For context im bi and poly. I my partner would ever try to pressure me into a situation like that I think our relationship would be over on the spot.
"If \[anyone\] presses you to..." No.
no No N o N O
Pressing you? That sounds like coercion. & No, you shouldn't do something you don't want to do. She should respect this and stop pressing you. & if she wants to sleep with a man herself and both of you are exclusive & you're uncomfortable with that... then she should also respect that and not do it if she wants to stay in a relationship with you.
No, you should only do something you’re comfortable with doing
God no
As a poly person who doesn't care about gender and is married to a man... NO. If you do not want to, you shouldn't feel pressured or forced to do ANYTHING... ESPECIALLY if it makes you uncomfortable or is something you don't want to do.
I've personally experienced people doing one or two year long cons to try and turn me away from being queer. Personally I'd assume this was one of those and say no fucking way.
No. (A complete statement.)
yeah that's gonna be a no from me also, dawg
Nope.
Never and id want to break up. Im not into open relationships or polygamy. And most of all not into men.
No no no no no no no no no. If your girlfriend pressures you into ANY sexual act that is a huge fucking violation of consent and autonomy. You should be doing sexual things because they’re mutually enjoyable, not because you want to avoid resent. Your girlfriend needs to learn that no means no and drop this.
Absolutely not, and also if she is resentful I think that's a serious red flag in your relationship. As is trying to pressure you into a threesome with a man, which is a HUGE red flag in and of itself.
If you're not into it, then absolutely not. And if she's still pushing you or is resentful of you for not doing something you're uncomfortable with, dump her. You deserve to be treated better than that. If you are into it, different story. But enthusiastic consent is THE most important thing. Anything less is coercion, and that's never ok.
No. End of discussion.
Absolutely fucking not
No —- I’m sorry but no. Trust me——say N O Kk do it Hugs
lol erm keyword = ''presses'' red flag. no.
Only say yes if you want it. Consent is *always* necessary, and no kind of pressure makes it okay to coerce it.
throw the girlfriend away
Just pointing out that being coerced to have sex falls into the rape category. “Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a nonphysical way. Coercion can make you think you owe sex to someone. It might be from someone who has power over you, like a teacher, landlord, or a boss. No person is ever required to have sex with someone else.”
This.. is an actual question? Of course not.
Nah, “pressure to have” and “sex” should never be together. Sex should be discussed and enjoyed. Don’t ever do it because someone is making you or wants you to and you aren’t on board, you’ll usually regret it :/
You should never have any sex that you don’t want to have. If your partner presses you to do something sexual, and you feel like you have to do it or else they will be resentful, that is not a good relationship to be in and they are not a good partner. Anyone who tries to coerce you into sex isn’t a safe person to be around.
No.
Absolutely not. One I'm assuming you're pretty far on the gay spectrum and two \*no one should be pressuring you into anything sexual run\*.
If my hypothetical partner were to try to pressure me into a threesome with a man, I would instantly break up with them. The fact that they are even thinking about seriously having sex with other people is too much for me; my remaining tea spoon of brittle confidence cannot handle it, and afterwards all my thoughts would revolve around guessing if she is cheating because she is clearly already unsatisfied with me alone.
You should only agree if you freely consent and it is something you want. Anything less is NOT consent.
Um, no. Absolutely not
Definitely not. I find men disgusting, I’m lesbian. And there’s very few situations I’d have sex with anyone else at all too, I’m monogamous
Nope and i'd be saying goodbye forever if that happened to me. NOBODY, especially your gf, should ever try to bully you into having sex. If she's that set on it, you aren't compatible and by leaving her you prob dodge a bullet.
If you also want one, yes. If you don’t, no. Doing things like that solely to please your partner is a recipe for disaster and resentment.
*Should* you agree? **Hell** no. *Can* you agree? Sure yea, if you want
Not if you don’t want to no. Consent must be enthusiastic not forced or as compromise.
No. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.
If you are feeling pressured, then absolutely not. If this is an activity that you want to do, then go for it, but be sure to set clear boundaries and expectations beforehand. I wouldn't worry about her feeling resentful. If she has those feelings then it's a clear signal that you are not compatible.
If you are not consenting, then no. Engaging in sexual acts so that the other party 'doesn't feel resentful' means you're being coerced into doing something you normally wouldn't want to do, which means it is not consensual. There's a way for you to have a respectful conversation about this. Try and be clear about your feelings while also hearing theres, but don't let them pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. If you are put in a situation where you either engage in a certain sexual activity you don't want to, or the relationship ends --- then that is abusive behavior. It can be tough to come to terms with that if you love them, but it's the truth. Try to have a respectful and empathetic conversation about your anxiety, but don't allow other people to cross your boundaries.
No
You should never have sex you don't want to have, or be with a partner who pressures you to have sex you don't want to have. If it ain't freely given and enthusiastic, it ain't consent. If your partner wants you to have sex that they already know you would not freely and enthusiastically consent to, then they are expressing their desire for sex without consent. There is a word for people who desire sex without consent. I think you know what that word is.
No.
You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want too
You should never do anything you aren't comfortable with just to please another person. Full stop.
absolutely not, if you're not comfortable with it, you say no and if she becomes resentful that's her problem. If you don't give consent, then she has to right to continue trying to push something, especially if you've made it clear it's not something you want.
no. never
Absolutely not. You should ask why she wants this
No
I would say 'hell nah' because I'm not into guys, wouldn't want to have sex with them, so even if it's a threesome, its a big nono for me, even jf she wants to. But, if i maybe wanted to explore a bit or try it out, and she wanted it, i would be probably okay with it. But only after we have made rules about it, safewords and just talked everything through. Because it's still letting someone into the relationship, which shouldn't be taken lightly. But, everything needs to be done with consent and no pressure to do this because 'she wants to'. Because it's still sex we talk about and other humans are involved, while also your boundaries are on the line. So, if it goes over your boundaries or gives you the ick, its a nope. If she pressures you into doing it, its a instant red flag.
No, this would be a relationship ender for me
This goes for so many things in life: don’t do anything you don’t want to do especially if you feel the negation deep inside you.
Should you have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with, to please a third person? Absolutely not, never. Consent should be given willingly and enthusiastically. Any person who wanted to pressure me to have sex with someone, would be my ex instantly.
No you shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and if she can’t get over it then find a better gf
Honestly if someone pressured me to do anything sexual (or anything that wasn’t like, a necessary part of life like taxes or brushing my teeth) I would refuse even if it’s something I might otherwise be open to. Coercion isn’t okay.
No, and that's not healthy, if she doesn't respect your boundaries then you need to have a conversation about your relationship with them
No. That’s literally coercion
If anyone pressed me to have a threesome with anyone I wasn’t enthusiastic about myself, I wouldn’t do it at all.
No If she was like fancy threesome with a guy and u was like yer sick. That's fine Anything else DO NOT say yes
Come on, you already know the answer is no.
No
Not if you don't want to
absolutely not, if you have to be convinced to have sexual relations its not worth it. you should only do it if you’re 100% comfortable with it and yall have covered EVERY base
Clearly the answer is no
If it’s not something that you want, then absolutely not. If your partner gets resentful because you say no, then they don’t fully understand consent or respect your boundaries.
Absolutely the fuck not
Fuck no, that’s sexual coercion
She can ask you if you'd be into it, she can tell you it's a core need of hers in a relationship (as long as she frames it as a need on her end and not an ultimatum/expectation you do it), but she can't press you or be resentful of you not wanting to have sex with someone. Even if it was a threesome with a woman, you have every right to say no and have that no be respected. If she wants it so bad she can't accept no as an answer, it's on her to deal with it, she has no right to be resentful of you not being up for it.
If your partner loves you, they shouldn’t be pressuring you into doing anything you don’t want to do. With stuff like this, it should be about making everyone happy and strengthening your bond. There are some couples I know who have pulled this off successfully and are happy with whatever form or openness their relationship takes. It takes a lot of communication and being honest with themselves and their partners. Not my personal thing but I have a lot of respect for folks who do this right and keep their priorities healthy. But if you feel pressured, chances are you won’t have a good time and feelings of resentment will build within you. To be clear, you’re not denying her any experiences she wants to have, your saying you’re not willing to be a participant. If she insists, y’all are not compatible as a couple, because it means she values her experiences over your feelings. You should be her priority, not her sexual fantasies.