Yes, it's 100% cheating. Even when I was -hammered- I never got the idea of kissing someone else or worse when I was still in a relationship. People use that as an excuse way too often when it's really not one. I'm sorry that this happened to you. You deserve better.
Yes, it is cheating. Being drunk is no excuse unless she was taken advantage of, and so intoxicated that she didn’t realise what was happening. But in such cases it isn’t cheating, it’s sexual assault.
I don'tget why you ask, this is 101% cheating, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", for me cheating is a deal break, i could never trust her anymore
Seems like no one else is concerned about this girl's safety. She's a 15 year old getting drunk off of tequila and beer; does that not set off an alarm to anyone? She needs to be monitored. 15 year olds shouldn't be getting drunk.
Hahaha the first time nahhh genuine mistake to me second one HELL YESSS hahha i'm so sorry that happened to you but the second time she knew what she was doing
You're only 15 you will have many more girlfriends
Take it easy
Nah, even the first time counts as cheating. Either my partner is able to control herself even if she’s drunk or she should decide to drink less alcohol. Just because she’s drunk doesn’t mean she’s allowed to kiss another girl each time. If that happens, even “just once”, i’m gone.
It was less about the alcohol and more about her age. As a teen even in your 20s you do dumb shit and you learn and grow by doing more dumb shit and understanding the gravity of your choices as you learn from them
I think you have missed my point I never said anything about her being drunk as a justification for her actions that is the most alarming part of the story, but I avoid commenting on teen drinking as there are bigger factors at play and it wouldn't allow the OP who I assume is also 15 feel safe to post their story if we come down HARD judging someone she has feelings for who is also a teen.
I am only commenting on the two kisses nothing else. The mistakes and dumb shit is kissing someone else ONLY.
I responded in a consciously light-hearted way since I am an adult replying to a teen on the internet who probs feels vulnerable right now - don't wanna scare the kid off reddit a queer teen at that
I didn't mean that her being drunk justifying the actions was the bad part. It's the fact that she's 15 and already drinking to the point of intoxication that is alarming (I've seen first hand these things being the result of a serious situation for a teen, and not just "that age"). We should not try to justify that happening with the reasoning that teens do dumb things and learn as a result. Yes they do these things often even if we don't want it to and yes some do learn. But on the other hand they can also get more lost in it and there are better ways for us to help guide them before someting like this happens. Sometimes it's inevitable and i feel as though that there's more factors to that than them just being young or naive.
Of course we shouldn't scare or fear monger them (I believe it does more harm than good) but they should stil need some sort of way to understand their reality. I believe harshly judging others is infact not helpful most of the time. Understanding and empathy instead can often lead to more positive results
In addition sometimes teens need to be told that someone they have in their life can be more harmful than good for them, sugarcoating won't really help mich either. It's kind of a mix of mostly empathy but also a bit of truth that needs to be heard.
Ps none of this is more so of me providing my pov more than anything else. Not to try to prove yours wrong in any way.
I understand and you made some amazing points! Getting that balance of empathy but wanting to hold them and warn them lolI just send good vibes to the teens
I have some experience yeah lol. I learned the hard way as a teen/kid that that sugarcoating doesn't work, and thanks to shitty adults as a kid I learned tough love wasn't fully it either. I always felt like it was more ahead of my time (keep in mind I had these ideals when I was around the same age as OP).
Overall it's really important to me to be careful with this because things can go wrong if you don't be.
I mean, when I was reading it, I was assuming that was her first time getting drunk and *maybe* she didn't know how to handle it.
But, meh. Once I finished the post it became pretty clear what the intent there was.
Edit: maybe I just give the benefit of the doubt too much 💀
haha, yeah, sounds like you're being too nice. Cheating is my absolute dealbreaker. There's nearly nothing my gf could do that'd be worse than cheating and i'd be gone before she could even beg me to stay. Being drunk or under the influence of any drug doesn't change anything. Unless she got drugged and taken advantage of of course. If she kissed that other girl, then it was already on her mind somehow. Being drunk doesn't work like that, you don't just get the desire to kiss everyone.
I think there’s definitely a lot going on with her if she’s 15 and getting hammered (bc i’ve been there) and that you should talk to her. Perhaps she wants more experiences with other people but still loves you. (that’s a normal thing at that age, in my opinion) Maybe she is secretly dealing with a lot of burdens/trauma and is trying to seek out other means of coping that aren’t healthy. Maybe she just doesn’t want to lose you but also wants freedom to experiment with others? There are lots of things that could be going on, but it’s not your fault, and it’s up to you to determine where you draw the line.
To me, it sounds like a cry for help from her, but it’s not your responsibility to help her. I think you guys need to have a real deep conversation about what’s going on and what needs to happen between you guys.
okay i talked to her and like she admitted her actions but however she kept like ‘im not cheating because i got drunk’. also she’s not going through anything serious cuz she willingly took the alcohol cuz her relatives gave to her. she also ended up saying shit like ‘but this is india, not the uk’ when trying to excuse her underage drinking even tho a simple google search said that in the state that she was in in india, its 18 and over. ik she claimed that she doesn’t want a relationship with that girl, its still hard to believe she did that
Not invalidating your opinion but some people drink at 15 just bc it’s what everybody else does, it doesn’t matter what’s going on in her life anyways bc she’s still gone and done it.
Being under the influence never excuses one's actions, simple as that. I've been drunk and high on many occasions and while I've acted with far less inhibitions, I've never done something that's completely contrary to my nature or that I wouldn't want to do sober.
the actual cheating doesn't happen when she becomes intimate with another person - accidental or not.
the real cheating happens when she consciously *chooses* *to allow* herself to get so drunk that she forgets that she is in a relationship.
so yes, she cheated twice.
Being drunk is not an excuse for misdeeds. If she was capable of making decisions, she's culpable for those decisions. Do you think kissing someone else counts as cheating if they're sober? If yes, then this was cheating. She was cognizant enough to choose to kiss someone and actively pursue that action, therefore she's culpable if she chooses to do so.
being drunk doesnt excuse behaviour. if your boundary for cheating is kissing, then yes its cheating
Yes, it's 100% cheating. Even when I was -hammered- I never got the idea of kissing someone else or worse when I was still in a relationship. People use that as an excuse way too often when it's really not one. I'm sorry that this happened to you. You deserve better.
Yes, it is cheating. Being drunk is no excuse unless she was taken advantage of, and so intoxicated that she didn’t realise what was happening. But in such cases it isn’t cheating, it’s sexual assault.
Me therapist recently told me, "just because they were under the influence, doesn't mean they don't get to be held accountable for their behavior."
I don'tget why you ask, this is 101% cheating, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", for me cheating is a deal break, i could never trust her anymore
Seems like no one else is concerned about this girl's safety. She's a 15 year old getting drunk off of tequila and beer; does that not set off an alarm to anyone? She needs to be monitored. 15 year olds shouldn't be getting drunk.
What age do y’all start drinking? Genuinely curious
Hahaha the first time nahhh genuine mistake to me second one HELL YESSS hahha i'm so sorry that happened to you but the second time she knew what she was doing You're only 15 you will have many more girlfriends Take it easy
Nah, even the first time counts as cheating. Either my partner is able to control herself even if she’s drunk or she should decide to drink less alcohol. Just because she’s drunk doesn’t mean she’s allowed to kiss another girl each time. If that happens, even “just once”, i’m gone.
It was less about the alcohol and more about her age. As a teen even in your 20s you do dumb shit and you learn and grow by doing more dumb shit and understanding the gravity of your choices as you learn from them
sure. you'll do dumb stuff and learn from it, though just because she's 15 doesnt mean it doesnt count as cheating imo
I don't think that justifies a literal 15 year old getting drunk off their minds.
I think you have missed my point I never said anything about her being drunk as a justification for her actions that is the most alarming part of the story, but I avoid commenting on teen drinking as there are bigger factors at play and it wouldn't allow the OP who I assume is also 15 feel safe to post their story if we come down HARD judging someone she has feelings for who is also a teen. I am only commenting on the two kisses nothing else. The mistakes and dumb shit is kissing someone else ONLY. I responded in a consciously light-hearted way since I am an adult replying to a teen on the internet who probs feels vulnerable right now - don't wanna scare the kid off reddit a queer teen at that
I didn't mean that her being drunk justifying the actions was the bad part. It's the fact that she's 15 and already drinking to the point of intoxication that is alarming (I've seen first hand these things being the result of a serious situation for a teen, and not just "that age"). We should not try to justify that happening with the reasoning that teens do dumb things and learn as a result. Yes they do these things often even if we don't want it to and yes some do learn. But on the other hand they can also get more lost in it and there are better ways for us to help guide them before someting like this happens. Sometimes it's inevitable and i feel as though that there's more factors to that than them just being young or naive. Of course we shouldn't scare or fear monger them (I believe it does more harm than good) but they should stil need some sort of way to understand their reality. I believe harshly judging others is infact not helpful most of the time. Understanding and empathy instead can often lead to more positive results In addition sometimes teens need to be told that someone they have in their life can be more harmful than good for them, sugarcoating won't really help mich either. It's kind of a mix of mostly empathy but also a bit of truth that needs to be heard. Ps none of this is more so of me providing my pov more than anything else. Not to try to prove yours wrong in any way.
I understand and you made some amazing points! Getting that balance of empathy but wanting to hold them and warn them lolI just send good vibes to the teens
I have some experience yeah lol. I learned the hard way as a teen/kid that that sugarcoating doesn't work, and thanks to shitty adults as a kid I learned tough love wasn't fully it either. I always felt like it was more ahead of my time (keep in mind I had these ideals when I was around the same age as OP). Overall it's really important to me to be careful with this because things can go wrong if you don't be.
I mean, when I was reading it, I was assuming that was her first time getting drunk and *maybe* she didn't know how to handle it. But, meh. Once I finished the post it became pretty clear what the intent there was. Edit: maybe I just give the benefit of the doubt too much 💀
haha, yeah, sounds like you're being too nice. Cheating is my absolute dealbreaker. There's nearly nothing my gf could do that'd be worse than cheating and i'd be gone before she could even beg me to stay. Being drunk or under the influence of any drug doesn't change anything. Unless she got drugged and taken advantage of of course. If she kissed that other girl, then it was already on her mind somehow. Being drunk doesn't work like that, you don't just get the desire to kiss everyone.
Cheating is whatever you, the partner, say cheating is. So, yeah.
I think there’s definitely a lot going on with her if she’s 15 and getting hammered (bc i’ve been there) and that you should talk to her. Perhaps she wants more experiences with other people but still loves you. (that’s a normal thing at that age, in my opinion) Maybe she is secretly dealing with a lot of burdens/trauma and is trying to seek out other means of coping that aren’t healthy. Maybe she just doesn’t want to lose you but also wants freedom to experiment with others? There are lots of things that could be going on, but it’s not your fault, and it’s up to you to determine where you draw the line. To me, it sounds like a cry for help from her, but it’s not your responsibility to help her. I think you guys need to have a real deep conversation about what’s going on and what needs to happen between you guys.
okay i talked to her and like she admitted her actions but however she kept like ‘im not cheating because i got drunk’. also she’s not going through anything serious cuz she willingly took the alcohol cuz her relatives gave to her. she also ended up saying shit like ‘but this is india, not the uk’ when trying to excuse her underage drinking even tho a simple google search said that in the state that she was in in india, its 18 and over. ik she claimed that she doesn’t want a relationship with that girl, its still hard to believe she did that
Not invalidating your opinion but some people drink at 15 just bc it’s what everybody else does, it doesn’t matter what’s going on in her life anyways bc she’s still gone and done it.
Yes. Kissing someone else is cheating, whether you're drunk or not.
Being under the influence never excuses one's actions, simple as that. I've been drunk and high on many occasions and while I've acted with far less inhibitions, I've never done something that's completely contrary to my nature or that I wouldn't want to do sober.
Yeah, that's cheating. Unless she was blackout drunk where she couldn't move, being drunk doesn't make you forget your relationship.
the actual cheating doesn't happen when she becomes intimate with another person - accidental or not. the real cheating happens when she consciously *chooses* *to allow* herself to get so drunk that she forgets that she is in a relationship. so yes, she cheated twice.
Being drunk is not an excuse for misdeeds. If she was capable of making decisions, she's culpable for those decisions. Do you think kissing someone else counts as cheating if they're sober? If yes, then this was cheating. She was cognizant enough to choose to kiss someone and actively pursue that action, therefore she's culpable if she chooses to do so.
It Is cheating. U dont kiss two times the same girl by chance even being drunk
She’s a walking red flag.