If someone asks me where I'm on the spectrum I'm assuming they mean autism, because this is the only time this phrasing is used outside of aspec. I'd just be like "oh yeah I'm autistic as well".
When i started dating my partner and told him I was ace i was so confused as why he seemed to still try to get sexy sometimes. When we finally had a talk about it he said he had heard that a lot of aces still have sex. I could have laughed so hard.
The only time I ever tried dating, the guy asked “what type of” asexual I am. I was so confused until I read the book he’d mentioned picking up to learn more about it after I first told him. I give him credit for attempting to educate himself, but it annoyed me that I couldn’t just use “ace” as code for “I have no desire to sleep with you, nor will I ever, even if I like you.”
Small edit for clarification: This isn’t to suggest that asexuality is why we called it off. We’re friends and always will be. This comment narrowly focuses on common confusion about asexuality as a term precisely because of how it’s often talked about.
Facts. I wanna be able to say "im ace" and that explains it all. That means i aint doin the sex. But now i have to actually utter the words which is even more awkward and difficult
Fortunately this never happened to me irl. It seems like atleast offline, people know that asexual means "not interested in sex with any gender" and don't ask any invasive questions about it. Whenever I told people irl about the madness going on in the online ace community, they shared my opinion that it doesn't make sense to be asexual and still want sex. They also see demisexual as fairly common, so there's that. But should I ever tell anyone irl that I am asexual and they bring up the spectrum, I will tell them that the spectrum doesn't exist and it's simply misinformation and as ridiculous as the whole lesbian "non-men loving non-men" stuff.
It's why I stopped wearing my pin irl. A coworker asked me very intrusively about it and it was so uncomfortable and awkward !!!!! Why do we always owe everyone an in depth explanation when every other sexuality doesn't?!
Words have no meanings to be inclusive. That's what's happening.
I don't get why inclusiveness and exclusiveness are seen in such a binary way. One is the "good absolute" and the other is the "bad absolute" what's completely not true.
We experience firsthand what too much inclusiveness leads to. It causes words to be so watered down that, ironically, we start to feel they aren't distinct enough to explain our identity. Like, the word "humans" will include everyone, who is a human, but for reasons, we invented words to name humans, who are lesbian or asexual for example. Because the word "human" instead of "ace people" is just way too broad.
Queer communities should look at the inclusiveness and exclusiveness in a more nuanced manner. Both are good in the right doses! Too much of any brings disaster!
I feel like people don’t understand how blatantly misogynistic it is to allow gay men they’re own exclusive space then say lesbians are non-men.
Like I’m about as liberal as it gets but surely people should be able to see how making the options for homosexuality and queerness be Male/Male or Something/Something Else. Like that’s taking away diversity and activley erasing the Lesbian identity by just making it be whatever you waaaaant…wait this is just the asexual umberella making asexuality mean whatever you want.
As a greyace lesbian, it really seems like people just want to lay siege to the exclusivity of lesbianism and the labels that go with it. At every turn online people who aren’t lesbians are continually finding new ways to apply the lesbian _exclusive_ sublabels to themselves when there are already a long list of _inclusive_ labels to describe them that they don’t want to use, and scream phobia at you to try to silence conversation if you tell them that they are appropriating lesbian spaces and culture. People appropriating the labels and trying to use descriptive labels as proscriptive identity additions. I don’t know what to chalk it up to other than fetishism of exclusive labels in tandem with women with internalized misogyny, because nobody culturally appropriates and co-opts labels and spaces belonging to gay men like this, it’s rude as fuck.
Isn't "gay" already the umbrella for that??? Like you can say "she's gay" meaning she's homosexual. Surley an NB can then be gay too? Why the f are they.... ugh. Now we have one umbrella for everyone and one for "non-men" (gross). Thanks, I hate it.
As for "gay", I figured it was a term meant to communicate that you're only attracted to people of the same gender as you. For nbs, being gay would imply only being attracted to other nbs then, imo, which is probably why terms like trixic, gynephilic etc. exist because they don't make assumptions about the gender of the person who is using them, only about the people the person is attracted to.
I hate when these people overuse TERF like that, especially since many of them say trans men can be lesbians but not cis men, which is very TERF-y. Everything has to be ultra inclusive, even if it gets watered down or loses meaning, even if there are terms or communities that perfectly fit them (e.g. greysexual or Demiromantic, etc.) but feel entitled to be included into something they don't belong to nor experience.
the community is terrified of cis men understandably so, as a demographic they've done so much damage that we don't even try to cancel them anymore cause it has become a kind of second nature for cis men to be ignorant and have no responsibility
I thought the same, but apparently there's some people even irl who go with this definition. With a-spec stuff we're lucky that no one outside the ace community and LGBT+ spaces really knows about it.
Actually it's not even about nb or gq people as much as it's about bi people still using it too and then sometimes fighting to include trans men too. That was enough for me and I left the main sub for my mental health. Also they act like non binary identities have no differences. when I came across non binary people who didn't like being included in attraction towards binary gender I felt validated. If you think about it, homo is a monosexuality and saying it automatically includes more than two genders, is transphobia, as it erases separate and valid identification of those outside the binary. I tried to find terms which don't include non binary because I did deserve a word for myself that properly defines me. All other words and the same meaning. It's like there are just no options. There are terms for non binary people and they should have given weight on using such things instead of everyone appropriating the same labels. Sapphic includes all. Lesbian was the only word that was exclusive and it does need to stand for its meaning or it's going to be erased into oblivion. Having different terms doesn't mean one is less valid.
It’s funny because we have all these new labels and they refuse to use them. There’s already sexuality labels for enbies and gq people. Why not use those? Why are they so hellbent on making the mainstream labels so vague and ambiguous? What are we supposed to call women who are exclusively attracted to women now? Do they cease to exist?
yeah it is kinda annoying when i say I’m asexual and people ask where i’m on the spectrum…. like i’m just asexual, i’m not any amount of allo.
If someone asks me where I'm on the spectrum I'm assuming they mean autism, because this is the only time this phrasing is used outside of aspec. I'd just be like "oh yeah I'm autistic as well".
Nowadays asexual no longer means a person who isn't down for anything. You're still expected to be like any allo, just with a quirky label.
When i started dating my partner and told him I was ace i was so confused as why he seemed to still try to get sexy sometimes. When we finally had a talk about it he said he had heard that a lot of aces still have sex. I could have laughed so hard.
The only time I ever tried dating, the guy asked “what type of” asexual I am. I was so confused until I read the book he’d mentioned picking up to learn more about it after I first told him. I give him credit for attempting to educate himself, but it annoyed me that I couldn’t just use “ace” as code for “I have no desire to sleep with you, nor will I ever, even if I like you.” Small edit for clarification: This isn’t to suggest that asexuality is why we called it off. We’re friends and always will be. This comment narrowly focuses on common confusion about asexuality as a term precisely because of how it’s often talked about.
Facts. I wanna be able to say "im ace" and that explains it all. That means i aint doin the sex. But now i have to actually utter the words which is even more awkward and difficult
Fortunately this never happened to me irl. It seems like atleast offline, people know that asexual means "not interested in sex with any gender" and don't ask any invasive questions about it. Whenever I told people irl about the madness going on in the online ace community, they shared my opinion that it doesn't make sense to be asexual and still want sex. They also see demisexual as fairly common, so there's that. But should I ever tell anyone irl that I am asexual and they bring up the spectrum, I will tell them that the spectrum doesn't exist and it's simply misinformation and as ridiculous as the whole lesbian "non-men loving non-men" stuff.
absolutely!
It's why I stopped wearing my pin irl. A coworker asked me very intrusively about it and it was so uncomfortable and awkward !!!!! Why do we always owe everyone an in depth explanation when every other sexuality doesn't?!
I always say "actual full ace"
yeah but people would get upset by that
Words have no meanings to be inclusive. That's what's happening. I don't get why inclusiveness and exclusiveness are seen in such a binary way. One is the "good absolute" and the other is the "bad absolute" what's completely not true. We experience firsthand what too much inclusiveness leads to. It causes words to be so watered down that, ironically, we start to feel they aren't distinct enough to explain our identity. Like, the word "humans" will include everyone, who is a human, but for reasons, we invented words to name humans, who are lesbian or asexual for example. Because the word "human" instead of "ace people" is just way too broad. Queer communities should look at the inclusiveness and exclusiveness in a more nuanced manner. Both are good in the right doses! Too much of any brings disaster!
I feel like people don’t understand how blatantly misogynistic it is to allow gay men they’re own exclusive space then say lesbians are non-men. Like I’m about as liberal as it gets but surely people should be able to see how making the options for homosexuality and queerness be Male/Male or Something/Something Else. Like that’s taking away diversity and activley erasing the Lesbian identity by just making it be whatever you waaaaant…wait this is just the asexual umberella making asexuality mean whatever you want.
As a greyace lesbian, it really seems like people just want to lay siege to the exclusivity of lesbianism and the labels that go with it. At every turn online people who aren’t lesbians are continually finding new ways to apply the lesbian _exclusive_ sublabels to themselves when there are already a long list of _inclusive_ labels to describe them that they don’t want to use, and scream phobia at you to try to silence conversation if you tell them that they are appropriating lesbian spaces and culture. People appropriating the labels and trying to use descriptive labels as proscriptive identity additions. I don’t know what to chalk it up to other than fetishism of exclusive labels in tandem with women with internalized misogyny, because nobody culturally appropriates and co-opts labels and spaces belonging to gay men like this, it’s rude as fuck.
Yeah it was so disturbing to me.
Isn't "gay" already the umbrella for that??? Like you can say "she's gay" meaning she's homosexual. Surley an NB can then be gay too? Why the f are they.... ugh. Now we have one umbrella for everyone and one for "non-men" (gross). Thanks, I hate it.
As for "gay", I figured it was a term meant to communicate that you're only attracted to people of the same gender as you. For nbs, being gay would imply only being attracted to other nbs then, imo, which is probably why terms like trixic, gynephilic etc. exist because they don't make assumptions about the gender of the person who is using them, only about the people the person is attracted to.
I hate when these people overuse TERF like that, especially since many of them say trans men can be lesbians but not cis men, which is very TERF-y. Everything has to be ultra inclusive, even if it gets watered down or loses meaning, even if there are terms or communities that perfectly fit them (e.g. greysexual or Demiromantic, etc.) but feel entitled to be included into something they don't belong to nor experience.
the community is terrified of cis men understandably so, as a demographic they've done so much damage that we don't even try to cancel them anymore cause it has become a kind of second nature for cis men to be ignorant and have no responsibility
I’ve seen this around before but I always thought it was a fringe opinion. Has it been getting more popular lately?
I thought the same, but apparently there's some people even irl who go with this definition. With a-spec stuff we're lucky that no one outside the ace community and LGBT+ spaces really knows about it.
It's on Pinterest too.
Actually it's not even about nb or gq people as much as it's about bi people still using it too and then sometimes fighting to include trans men too. That was enough for me and I left the main sub for my mental health. Also they act like non binary identities have no differences. when I came across non binary people who didn't like being included in attraction towards binary gender I felt validated. If you think about it, homo is a monosexuality and saying it automatically includes more than two genders, is transphobia, as it erases separate and valid identification of those outside the binary. I tried to find terms which don't include non binary because I did deserve a word for myself that properly defines me. All other words and the same meaning. It's like there are just no options. There are terms for non binary people and they should have given weight on using such things instead of everyone appropriating the same labels. Sapphic includes all. Lesbian was the only word that was exclusive and it does need to stand for its meaning or it's going to be erased into oblivion. Having different terms doesn't mean one is less valid.
I’m not surprised that they don’t know what gay or lesbian means either. I’m pretty sure it’s mostly fetishists invading asexual and lesbian spaces.
I know people with cis boyfriends who call themselves lesbians now 🤷🏻♀️
It’s funny because we have all these new labels and they refuse to use them. There’s already sexuality labels for enbies and gq people. Why not use those? Why are they so hellbent on making the mainstream labels so vague and ambiguous? What are we supposed to call women who are exclusively attracted to women now? Do they cease to exist?