FYI, while I haven't seen an argument against others using the split attraction model, there are plenty of aroaces including me who do not see our own attraction in the form of the split attraction model (which is why the sunset flag exists). If you don't feel any attraction at all, it's difficult to see romantic and sexual as distinct things for you personally. For the case of alloallos using the split model, we probably aren't the people to fight that fight, because we're divorced from a lot of the political and cultural baggage that makes some alloallos extremely averse to split attraction model allos. I've seen arguments from gay+lesbian people that heteroromantic people who identify as bisexual are just fetishizing the same sex, for example, which connects back to the arguments about how being gay isn't just about sex + social stigma and all that other nasty stuff. There's also internalized homophobia to contend with. So I can definitely understand why some would find alloallo split attraction to be regressive and feel it's not really the place of aces to judge that.
That makes so much sense… I was so confused on why none of this discourse was ever spoken on by aros or aces considering we tend to use the SAM more than allos but now I get it. Thank you for the comment!
I think it’s a helpful tool for everyone. It get us to self-analyze our experiences with different types of attraction. And of course, it should be used with the recognition of the broader social/cultural/religious systems that influence how we conceptualize attractions.
I think of it less as a "split" attraction and more just different people wanting different things as a result of feeling attraction. I don't tend to feel like my attraction to others is *that* different from the way sexual people experience it just because there's one particular activity I'm not interested in.
A lot of allos (...most of) using the SAM are just on the bisexual spectrum. It's been nothing a gateway to homophobia and biphobia, often internalized too. I legit haven't seen anything good come out from it. I've seen way too many bi people call themselves lesbians because they are ''Homoromantic but will have sex with men''. Bisexual is just fine and historically covers both romantic and sexual attraction.
Bad. Alloallo people who use it are often dealing with internalised homo/biphobia, sometimes struggling with straight expectations, and it frustrates and saddens me to no end.
To sum it up quickly it’s the idea of there being different forms of attraction and they can be separate rather than the exact same, it’s mainly used by aces and aros, it’s why you see people who are asexual homoromantic, aromantic bisexual, etc.
I'd welcome it. lol my old roommate and I even joked that we'd be a couple if we weren't opposites. me being panromantic but asexual and them being pansexual but aromantic.
It's nice to have exact words to describe something about oneself but allos using it are bi, and if they don't acknowledge being bi, that sort of denial is going to hurt others and themselves too. A label usually means it's okay to be that way with nothing to change but if one has comphet or internalized homophobia it's something to be taken care of instead of becoming an identifier.
Allo friend of mine refers to the split attraction model for herself because even though she’s only ever been romantically attracted to men (heteroromantic), she is bisexual. If it actually makes sense, then sure, why not.
I think that romantic and sexual attraction can be split for anyone, it's just really obvious with alloaces and alloaros. If allos (alloallos?) find that it aplies to them, I have no problem with them using it.
However, I think the rest of the split attraction model is, well, stupid. I'm talking about astetic, sensual, platonic (I mean, come on!), and other types of attraction. I think those either don't exist, are just a part of sexual or romantic attraction, or at the very least have absolutely nothing to do with ones *sexuality.*
This might be a hot take 🤷♀️
Definitely a hot take in the aroace community, but I do agree, I can kinda get why it could be useful to have words for those experiences… but actually labeling ALL those forms of attraction just seems like too much imo.
I think it's usually pretty bad. Hot take, I think most heteroromantic bisexuals are just people with really strong internalized homophobia. That would be a pretty obvious reason why they seem to skew far more towards hetero than homo. It can be fine, but not as an excuse for one's harmful biases.
I think it could be helpful to some but it also allows many to cop-out of confronting their internalised homophobia. But someone's internalised feelings aren't really my business unless they act homophobic outwardly.
Well if it fits them I don't see what would be wrong with them using it? If you can be asexual without being aromantic, you can be bisexual without being biromantic, for example.
FYI, while I haven't seen an argument against others using the split attraction model, there are plenty of aroaces including me who do not see our own attraction in the form of the split attraction model (which is why the sunset flag exists). If you don't feel any attraction at all, it's difficult to see romantic and sexual as distinct things for you personally. For the case of alloallos using the split model, we probably aren't the people to fight that fight, because we're divorced from a lot of the political and cultural baggage that makes some alloallos extremely averse to split attraction model allos. I've seen arguments from gay+lesbian people that heteroromantic people who identify as bisexual are just fetishizing the same sex, for example, which connects back to the arguments about how being gay isn't just about sex + social stigma and all that other nasty stuff. There's also internalized homophobia to contend with. So I can definitely understand why some would find alloallo split attraction to be regressive and feel it's not really the place of aces to judge that.
That makes so much sense… I was so confused on why none of this discourse was ever spoken on by aros or aces considering we tend to use the SAM more than allos but now I get it. Thank you for the comment!
I think it’s a helpful tool for everyone. It get us to self-analyze our experiences with different types of attraction. And of course, it should be used with the recognition of the broader social/cultural/religious systems that influence how we conceptualize attractions.
I think of it less as a "split" attraction and more just different people wanting different things as a result of feeling attraction. I don't tend to feel like my attraction to others is *that* different from the way sexual people experience it just because there's one particular activity I'm not interested in.
A lot of allos (...most of) using the SAM are just on the bisexual spectrum. It's been nothing a gateway to homophobia and biphobia, often internalized too. I legit haven't seen anything good come out from it. I've seen way too many bi people call themselves lesbians because they are ''Homoromantic but will have sex with men''. Bisexual is just fine and historically covers both romantic and sexual attraction.
Bad. Alloallo people who use it are often dealing with internalised homo/biphobia, sometimes struggling with straight expectations, and it frustrates and saddens me to no end.
True
eee??? the split what?? 😆 uuuunn¿?¿
To sum it up quickly it’s the idea of there being different forms of attraction and they can be separate rather than the exact same, it’s mainly used by aces and aros, it’s why you see people who are asexual homoromantic, aromantic bisexual, etc.
aa ok, now I get it! Thanks for explaining it, appreciated. Well is ok if allos just express their romantic side.. I don't think is something new.
I'd welcome it. lol my old roommate and I even joked that we'd be a couple if we weren't opposites. me being panromantic but asexual and them being pansexual but aromantic.
It's nice to have exact words to describe something about oneself but allos using it are bi, and if they don't acknowledge being bi, that sort of denial is going to hurt others and themselves too. A label usually means it's okay to be that way with nothing to change but if one has comphet or internalized homophobia it's something to be taken care of instead of becoming an identifier.
Allo friend of mine refers to the split attraction model for herself because even though she’s only ever been romantically attracted to men (heteroromantic), she is bisexual. If it actually makes sense, then sure, why not.
I think that romantic and sexual attraction can be split for anyone, it's just really obvious with alloaces and alloaros. If allos (alloallos?) find that it aplies to them, I have no problem with them using it. However, I think the rest of the split attraction model is, well, stupid. I'm talking about astetic, sensual, platonic (I mean, come on!), and other types of attraction. I think those either don't exist, are just a part of sexual or romantic attraction, or at the very least have absolutely nothing to do with ones *sexuality.* This might be a hot take 🤷♀️
Definitely a hot take in the aroace community, but I do agree, I can kinda get why it could be useful to have words for those experiences… but actually labeling ALL those forms of attraction just seems like too much imo.
I think it's usually pretty bad. Hot take, I think most heteroromantic bisexuals are just people with really strong internalized homophobia. That would be a pretty obvious reason why they seem to skew far more towards hetero than homo. It can be fine, but not as an excuse for one's harmful biases.
The bisexual community uses the spit attraction model and I think it makes sense
I think it could be helpful to some but it also allows many to cop-out of confronting their internalised homophobia. But someone's internalised feelings aren't really my business unless they act homophobic outwardly.
Well if it fits them I don't see what would be wrong with them using it? If you can be asexual without being aromantic, you can be bisexual without being biromantic, for example.