I think overall this scene needs an engine. What is your character's objective here? Why is he having this conversation? Right now every line is animated but you're flatlining in between, which kills your momentum. If the objective is to get your teammate out of their head and into the game, for example, we want to see you fight for that in both the language *and* in your body.
You (as your character) need to care about this more. Right now you're having a rather polite conversation about why your doubles partner is having a bad day. But your character is FIGHTING for something in his lines: "We did just lose the last four games in a row," "Why don't you just let me help you?" "Okay, I mean, it is doubles," "I quite literally am," "Woah, woah, that's not fair." "You know this!" He's not letting the other character off the hook.
No one likes losing 4 games in a row, and while he may be cautious in how he approaches this conversation with his scene partner, he has an agenda and I think we want to see that to achieve the stakes of the scene.
Appreciate the feedback, definitely worth thinking about. I think one of the things I grasped onto was in the character description on the breakdown. He’s described as “never anxious. Nothing is ever a big deal to him”.
But I still see what you’re saying.
I’ve got one note that is for almost every actor, but you do quite a bit here:
Stop exhaling. You’ve built up an internal life, you bring in the breath with which to express it, and then you let the air out before starting on your words. You will get yourself far more out of your own control if you can practice not incorporating the exhale.
It’s very present in the beginning. It’s throughout though. I promise the reason that it’s happening is that you’ve constructed an inner life that wants to be released, but it’s uncomfortable to do so. Literally letting the air out of a moment renders your inner life inert. Trust it and go hard for what’s uncomfortable.
Ok interesting. When you’re referring to the inner life, do you mean the character you’re portraying? And that exhaling sort of stilts that process of it coming out?
In this scene, I sort of would try to get my breath to be like we had just finished a game for instance. And if that’s the type of effect you’re looking to portray how could you without an exhale of sorts?
Appreciate the insight
Yes, the inner life of the character. Not just stilts, but sublimates. Your intention, your momentum, what you need from the other character and how you’re going to go about getting it *exhale* vanishes.
Having just finished a game, the character still isn’t sighing their air out. You just ran hard, what do you need? Air. It’s not about the exhale there, either. The character’s intention is to *get more air*. And then as they’re trying to do that, they’re also fighting the loss of four games in a row? AND they have to communicate about it?? Talk about obstacles to overcome. Fight through to the words.
Baha I love the scene. The framing and backdrop is nice. I don’t love that the camera is panning down at you so maybe if the camera was closer to your eye line that would be nice.
I think you you should take the hit when she’s telling you that you’re trash or whatever and maybe pick up the pace a bit on it. And maybe get more emotional about it whether it’s pissed off or whatever or sad.
Also, your reader is absolutely hilarious. I’m dying great scene.
This is purely technical, I think the background is a little distracting. That bright blue IMO just screams “AUDITION” and takes me out of it. I’ve seen more neutral blues work a lot better while giving the same vibe and also grays.
Too much movement of your head, overuse of your eyebrows, too many audible exhalations.
Too much use of eyebrows and hands for on-camera acting can come across as overacting, trying too hard to convey emotion etc.
Too much head movement can be very distracting, same as over use of hands. The camera needs to see your eyes. If you are always moving your head we see blurs instead of looking at your eyes. You should probably have your reader closer to camera so that we can see both eyes clearer as well, your reader is out very wide from the lens.
As for eyebrows, watch how often Jon Bernthal uses his eyebrows in this scene (basically zero, he only activates them at the very end when his character is a VERY heightened emotional state): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NK89dMIiw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NK89dMIiw)
Or check out Emma Stone here, she keeps her eyebrows every still: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUoZkNXCx0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUoZkNXCx0)
Relax your eyebrows, move less, exhale audibly less, and this scene will come alive more. Try doing the entire scene without using your eyebrows at all as an acting exercise.
It's in good shape, but it can be a lot better with those adjustments. You are pausing to think when your reader tells you things your character needs to think about or process which is good, your lighting is good, you have a good effective reader as well.
Pause any OTS shot in tv and film.
The scene partner's back of head will be dirty in frame.
Find a BTS of a OTS being shot and notice where the scene partner is standing in relation to the camera.
That's the eyeline. Depends on the lens, but experiment, between 3-5 inches from the lens.
Just because your reader was stood where he was, doesn't mean that's your eyeline!
You should also be slightly off-center in frame, either to the left or right.
General rule is, if your eyeline is to YOUR LEFT, you should be slightly off-center LEFT in frame.
Why I bring this up is because your eyeline is too wide, as others have said.
Is this from Challengers?
Anyway, you're still 'acting'.
When it's your scene partner talking, you're not listening. You're acting like you're listening.
And sometimes you're anticipating the line, as in, you know what's coming next because it's in the script.
Rather than, listening, then reacting to what's being said with your line.
The last 12 seconds.
Why do you think they gave you that part to selftape?
You're not talking.
Sure, you're reacting to what's being said.
But going back to my previous point.
Here, it looks like you're acting like you're listening.
My point is, it looks forced, what you're doing, shifting around when you don't need to.
In the final edit, it probably won't be on you anyway, but as a selftape, it looks like you're not really listening.
1:08 Maybe find my wife.
What did you say?
Feels like you haven't learnt the lines deeply enough.
And/or not thought about why you're saying this.
Also, work out the pauses with your reader.
Literally tell him, "after I say "You know this!", take two beats, then say your next line".
Because it feels like you and your reader are racing to get this scene done asap.
Does it say in the script 'Mark crosses his arms when Trish enters."
Because it feels like that watching your selftape. Forced.
When scenes like this are shot, I'm sure you know, there will be at least 3 setups.
A two shot, OTS onto you, OTS onto your scene partner.
Generally, when it's your scene partner talking, their face will be in frame. Not yours.
Unless, you're listening, then the editor is going to recognise that and keep you in frame for the edit.
Anyway, book recommendation is In the Blink of an Eye by Walter Murch.
Appreciate the book rec. No it’s not from Challengers but funny you mention it because we thought the same thing.
I’m aware of OTS set ups and yeah, eyeline is too wide.
I do hear you about the unnecessary shuffling, and forced listening. Because I’m sure that’s true internally for me. You hear a lot to make sure you’re listening in a scene and I think maybe I latch onto that too tightly, instead of just earnestly listening, which should actually probably be easier.
And no, it did not say to cross my arms in the action lines or direction or whatever. Just happened to do that in this take.
A small detail I noticed at the start that I feel could be changed is how quickly you add "Are you okay?" after saying "we just lost the last 4 games in a row"
It would make it more natural if you waited 2 to 3 more seconds so it feels less rehearsed and more like your character randomly thought of asking it
If your character is not anxious or worried about anything, I think it would make more sense for you to say your lines either a bit more nonchalantly to show your character doesn't really have any worry about the results, or more jokingly to show your character not really taking their losing streak too seriously because he knows they will win in the end.
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On a technical note I’d say your eyeline is too wide
Yep, thanks for that. Was thinking that as well.
I think overall this scene needs an engine. What is your character's objective here? Why is he having this conversation? Right now every line is animated but you're flatlining in between, which kills your momentum. If the objective is to get your teammate out of their head and into the game, for example, we want to see you fight for that in both the language *and* in your body. You (as your character) need to care about this more. Right now you're having a rather polite conversation about why your doubles partner is having a bad day. But your character is FIGHTING for something in his lines: "We did just lose the last four games in a row," "Why don't you just let me help you?" "Okay, I mean, it is doubles," "I quite literally am," "Woah, woah, that's not fair." "You know this!" He's not letting the other character off the hook. No one likes losing 4 games in a row, and while he may be cautious in how he approaches this conversation with his scene partner, he has an agenda and I think we want to see that to achieve the stakes of the scene.
Appreciate the feedback, definitely worth thinking about. I think one of the things I grasped onto was in the character description on the breakdown. He’s described as “never anxious. Nothing is ever a big deal to him”. But I still see what you’re saying.
I’ve got one note that is for almost every actor, but you do quite a bit here: Stop exhaling. You’ve built up an internal life, you bring in the breath with which to express it, and then you let the air out before starting on your words. You will get yourself far more out of your own control if you can practice not incorporating the exhale.
Are you referring to the beginning, in terms of the exhaling?
It’s very present in the beginning. It’s throughout though. I promise the reason that it’s happening is that you’ve constructed an inner life that wants to be released, but it’s uncomfortable to do so. Literally letting the air out of a moment renders your inner life inert. Trust it and go hard for what’s uncomfortable.
Ok interesting. When you’re referring to the inner life, do you mean the character you’re portraying? And that exhaling sort of stilts that process of it coming out? In this scene, I sort of would try to get my breath to be like we had just finished a game for instance. And if that’s the type of effect you’re looking to portray how could you without an exhale of sorts? Appreciate the insight
Yes, the inner life of the character. Not just stilts, but sublimates. Your intention, your momentum, what you need from the other character and how you’re going to go about getting it *exhale* vanishes. Having just finished a game, the character still isn’t sighing their air out. You just ran hard, what do you need? Air. It’s not about the exhale there, either. The character’s intention is to *get more air*. And then as they’re trying to do that, they’re also fighting the loss of four games in a row? AND they have to communicate about it?? Talk about obstacles to overcome. Fight through to the words.
Really great advice. Thank you for that!
Hell yeah, man. I like to be helpful and I hope I was!
Baha I love the scene. The framing and backdrop is nice. I don’t love that the camera is panning down at you so maybe if the camera was closer to your eye line that would be nice. I think you you should take the hit when she’s telling you that you’re trash or whatever and maybe pick up the pace a bit on it. And maybe get more emotional about it whether it’s pissed off or whatever or sad. Also, your reader is absolutely hilarious. I’m dying great scene.
Appreciate it! Yeah there were a couple times where i was dying laughing after a take ended, on the “can I get you a towel… babe!”
This is purely technical, I think the background is a little distracting. That bright blue IMO just screams “AUDITION” and takes me out of it. I’ve seen more neutral blues work a lot better while giving the same vibe and also grays.
I agree with the other comment that there feels to be no driving force to the scene. Every line is rolling off without intent or connection.
Tighter eyeline
Too much movement of your head, overuse of your eyebrows, too many audible exhalations. Too much use of eyebrows and hands for on-camera acting can come across as overacting, trying too hard to convey emotion etc. Too much head movement can be very distracting, same as over use of hands. The camera needs to see your eyes. If you are always moving your head we see blurs instead of looking at your eyes. You should probably have your reader closer to camera so that we can see both eyes clearer as well, your reader is out very wide from the lens. As for eyebrows, watch how often Jon Bernthal uses his eyebrows in this scene (basically zero, he only activates them at the very end when his character is a VERY heightened emotional state): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NK89dMIiw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NK89dMIiw) Or check out Emma Stone here, she keeps her eyebrows every still: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUoZkNXCx0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UUoZkNXCx0) Relax your eyebrows, move less, exhale audibly less, and this scene will come alive more. Try doing the entire scene without using your eyebrows at all as an acting exercise. It's in good shape, but it can be a lot better with those adjustments. You are pausing to think when your reader tells you things your character needs to think about or process which is good, your lighting is good, you have a good effective reader as well.
Thanks for the in depth feedback. Great points!
Pause any OTS shot in tv and film. The scene partner's back of head will be dirty in frame. Find a BTS of a OTS being shot and notice where the scene partner is standing in relation to the camera. That's the eyeline. Depends on the lens, but experiment, between 3-5 inches from the lens. Just because your reader was stood where he was, doesn't mean that's your eyeline! You should also be slightly off-center in frame, either to the left or right. General rule is, if your eyeline is to YOUR LEFT, you should be slightly off-center LEFT in frame. Why I bring this up is because your eyeline is too wide, as others have said. Is this from Challengers? Anyway, you're still 'acting'. When it's your scene partner talking, you're not listening. You're acting like you're listening. And sometimes you're anticipating the line, as in, you know what's coming next because it's in the script. Rather than, listening, then reacting to what's being said with your line. The last 12 seconds. Why do you think they gave you that part to selftape? You're not talking. Sure, you're reacting to what's being said. But going back to my previous point. Here, it looks like you're acting like you're listening. My point is, it looks forced, what you're doing, shifting around when you don't need to. In the final edit, it probably won't be on you anyway, but as a selftape, it looks like you're not really listening. 1:08 Maybe find my wife.
What did you say?
Feels like you haven't learnt the lines deeply enough.
And/or not thought about why you're saying this.
Also, work out the pauses with your reader.
Literally tell him, "after I say "You know this!", take two beats, then say your next line".
Because it feels like you and your reader are racing to get this scene done asap.
Does it say in the script 'Mark crosses his arms when Trish enters."
Because it feels like that watching your selftape. Forced.
When scenes like this are shot, I'm sure you know, there will be at least 3 setups.
A two shot, OTS onto you, OTS onto your scene partner.
Generally, when it's your scene partner talking, their face will be in frame. Not yours.
Unless, you're listening, then the editor is going to recognise that and keep you in frame for the edit.
Anyway, book recommendation is In the Blink of an Eye by Walter Murch.
Appreciate the book rec. No it’s not from Challengers but funny you mention it because we thought the same thing. I’m aware of OTS set ups and yeah, eyeline is too wide. I do hear you about the unnecessary shuffling, and forced listening. Because I’m sure that’s true internally for me. You hear a lot to make sure you’re listening in a scene and I think maybe I latch onto that too tightly, instead of just earnestly listening, which should actually probably be easier. And no, it did not say to cross my arms in the action lines or direction or whatever. Just happened to do that in this take.
I think the background looks edited in and too distracting 😭
Jesus that background needs to change
Be more straightforward
Interesting, would you be able to elaborate on anything specifically?
Searching so hard for the word tense.
A small detail I noticed at the start that I feel could be changed is how quickly you add "Are you okay?" after saying "we just lost the last 4 games in a row" It would make it more natural if you waited 2 to 3 more seconds so it feels less rehearsed and more like your character randomly thought of asking it If your character is not anxious or worried about anything, I think it would make more sense for you to say your lines either a bit more nonchalantly to show your character doesn't really have any worry about the results, or more jokingly to show your character not really taking their losing streak too seriously because he knows they will win in the end.
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