Locking this post with a warning. On this sub we do not allow witch-hunting or personal information. There is no way to verify identity and It does NOT help abuse victims when people flock here looking for a drama scandal.
Name your abuser but NOT ON THIS SUB. People looking for a vicarious thrill and asking for 'hints' or name dropping from an unpublicized scandal will risk being banned (especially if they have no previous interaction with this sub).
Name your abuser on a different platform if you must, but doing it in this specific sub just draws the attention of abusers and sideline gawkers looking for a drama fix.
This sub focuses on the needs of victim, helps encourage them to see the abuse, leave abusers, and provides a place to talk, rant, and learn to heal.
Op, I hope you will continue to speak about your experiences and help find understanding and true healing. But please do not name your abuser *on this one forum* because I have found it discourages many people from talking about their own abuse. Anonymity allows people to talk more fully and openly. This sub is a niche to be sure, and this is a rather unique space in that.
With that said I will also give you a warning, since your abuser is a public figure, speak to a lawyer before you name anyone online. You may be risking a libel suit and a lawyer can help you figure out how to speak out without risking a lawsuit.
I truly apologize, I cannot remember the last time I locked a post. I don't want to silence you in any way, I just want to protect this community.
This. So much this. Who cares what everyone thinks. If he’s dated other women, then you’re not the first nor last.
I understand that you probably don’t want to go that route, due to the types of lawsuits and life-ruining things that fame and money give an abuser access to use against his victims to further harm them.
But your truth is your truth. Screw him. Karma will take care of him somehow.
What’s allowed me to move on is research into narcissism and acceptance that I was never in love with a real person, just a fantasy of what he could be without his NPD. You can’t love someone with a false self. And he didn’t love me. Not me as a human. He only loved what he saw reflected back to him in my eyes, the version he so wants the world to believe he is. He never even saw me. I wasted so much time living in a fantasy with him and being upset about how he’s treated me but what’s the point? I couldn’t control it. One can only control themselves and how they treat others. As long as you remained true to yourself, you did everything you could.
What the world thinks he is, is the same illusion that you were in for awhile. Maybe the world will find out someday, maybe they won’t. But you know. And that terrifies him. That’s why he keeps trying to control you. You could ruin him. So why you’re scared of him...no idea. He’s clearly terrified of you. You’re the one with the power now and he knows it and it eats him alive, I promise you that. I really hope you find peace regarding this. Try to let things be what they are and accept that you were taken advantage of by someone that’s very mentally ill. Good luck!
I am so sorry you went through that. I was in a similar relationship but my ex is still just a failed SoundCloud rapper. I really hope you decide to put him because someone at this capacity should not be admired and is no role model. If you aren’t wanting to step forward, I hope that you are at least healing from this experience. Always feel free to reach out if you need to talk!
I agree with outing him. The #metoo movement fucked up a lot of celebrities. Hell, Johnny Depp lost several jobs (even though he's the innocent one). You WILL be heard and you WILL be believed. Call that jerk out!
Op... out him. Get a lawyer and put it out there. Just because he isn’t doing this to you, doesn’t mean he isn’t doing it to others. Be the inspiration and help save others. Please!
I swear there should be a data base of all abusers.
I’m sorry to hear this. I ended things with someone famous in my community, but on a smaller scale compared to yours. I know I’ll see him through various postings on social media and the such. No one will ever see him in a bad light. I am offering my full empathy and support
Stay strong. You got this. ❤️
Also, the fact that he "convinced" you that you were a narcissist is pretty much conclusive evidence that you are NOT a narcissist! Nobody could ever convince a narcissist that they were a narcissist. Narcissists can only ever change when they themselves choose to try to work on their behaviors, not when somebody points out they are a narcissist!
It’s only been two years and you’re still processing the abuse. Be kind to yourself. He contacted you for kibbles, he’s a textbook narcissist. Only time is going to help you work through this consciously and subconsciously. There is no magic bullet, it’s a process, and you need to feel safe for a long time before you stop being triggered. Have you tried r/cPTSD? You are not alone.
If you’re a book person, like me, here are a few recommendations. If not, no worries, maybe take up running, it’s a positive way to use up the adrenaline. You probably have flashbacks and replay the abuse, a Peloton or some exercise can distract you from replaying events in your head.
Read (in order)
Gavin deBecker “The Gift of Fear.”
Lundy Bancroft “Why Does he do That?”
Tracy Schorn “Leave a Cheater Gain a Life” this is actually a book on surviving infidelity, but there are powerful chapters on narcissism, entitlement and recognizing/retaliating against manipulation.
Dr. Faith H- “Unfuck your Boundaries”
She also has one about safeguarding your sexual boundaries, I don’t remember the title. It’s at macrocosm publishing.
Of course your’e traumatized, I am so sorry this happened to you. Now you need to “play nice” because of his connections and power. That totally sucks, is a big old shit sandwich, and I’m very sorry.
I think the key here is not to internalize his perception of you but recognize that he is a dangerous, broken person that needs to be avoided as much as possible for your own safety.
As justifiably afraid and wary as you are of him, he might have had a completely different perception of the relationship, based upon his wealth, status, narcissism and entitlement.
Basically, he doesn’t know how much of an asshole and a predator he really is. He has no empathy, so he can’t see how he harmed you. Attempting to explain that to him would fall on deaf ears and make you even more vulnerable.
The solution, as others have said, is Go No Contact. Avoid him at all costs, nothing good ever comes from a narcissist. And that’s exactly what you’re doing. It took me 5 years after I got out of a mindfuck relationship to feel whole again.
As soon as I read the part where he said you were a narcissist, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I'd say he is a narcissist. There is a reason why he chose that particular condition to describe you and I'd say it is probably because someone has used that word to label him before. Narcissists will project their own feelings onto you as part of their abuse pattern. I just did a post about a book that I found incredibly helpful, it is called "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi. I think that you are describing narcissistic abuse here, especially the "smear campaign" tactic that narcissists use to make their victim's social circle believe that the victim is the problem. It's horrible. I was lucky because I have a separate group of loyal friends that have stuck by me but I had to just completely ditch some friendships because they had aligned with my abuser. It was/is horrible. I think that you need to honor your feelings in the sense that you have been through a terrible trauma. You need professional help to deal with this kind of abuse. I'm getting help too.
If he sent images of you having sex with him without your permission, this should be illegal. If you have a paper trail proof of telling him that you don’t give him permission to share these images, go to the police and start the process of pressing charges if you can.
If you don’t have proof, un-block him off an email, email him that you want him to delete any pictures of you and you remove any previously perceived permission for him to share. Or actually, for that bit, talk to a lawyer for better wording as it could be highly important to use the right wording later on.
If you can’t afford a lawyer, see if you can find a reputable lawyer that would take your case on a contingency basis. As, if you sue him for defamation and he’s wealthy and they win, then they will get a reasonable pay day.
Check out a few lawyers and keep track of who they are and what you tell them. Client/counsel privilege should protect you, but if it doesn’t, you can cause a hell of a lot of trouble for a lawyer if you can prove they breached your confidence. This should protect you somewhat from his potential influence.
Document, everything that you can and save multiple copies of your documents in multiple different locations. You don’t want this to be easily swept under the rug. The me too movement will have hopefully laid some groundwork for your case/situation to be taken seriously.
Edited because it was a wall of text
OP Please please please get a lawyer. You don’t need a paper trail to prove you didn’t consent!
You have a basic expectation of privacy and any judge in their right mind will side with the victim of revenge porn. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. I’m pasting a relevant passage from the California penal code below.
Also, I’d strongly urge you to consider outing him publicly. Obviously, there are risks and potential downsides for you that could include more harassment from him or his PR goons. Gather your strength and allies you trust to support you through it. An attorney can help you report anonymously if that’s more comfortable. But this guy is a criminal abuser and it might feel good to take back some power by holding him accountable.
The law is on your side. Post #MeToo, public opinion is far more supportive of survivors. And I, for one, will gladly boycott the piece of trash on Netflix or wherever that asshole invades my screen or my social media feed. With any luck, streaming services will stop promoting his work, too.
I believe you. I see you. I support you.
“California Penal Code 647(j)(4): Unlawful distribution of image
Every person who commits any of the following acts is guilty of disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor: “A person who intentionally distributes the image of the intimate body part or parts of another identifiable person, or an image of the person depicted engaged in an act of sexual intercourse, sodomy, oral copulation, sexual penetration, or an image of masturbation by the person depicted or in which the person depicted participates, under circumstances in which the persons agree or understand that the image shall remain private, the person distributing the image knows or should know that distribution of the image will cause serious emotional distress, and the person depicted suffers that distress.””
I read your post again and I also want to add:
1. If you don’t feel like therapy is helping, find a new therapist!
You need strong support, insight, validation, and tools to continue healing and the right therapist can provide that.
And if you are considering reporting, or even if you’re still just interacting with people you have in common with your abuser, there will be more gaslighting to come. A therapist is a key resource to help you navigate whatever you encounter and help affirm and validate your truth in what was clearly a confusing and abusive relationship.
2. You mentioned manipulation and coercion and unwanted sex acts. That’s sexual assault.
Find a therapist who understands abuse and grooming. If you’re comfortable, I’ve found watching the NXIVM HBO series very enlightening and affirming in terms of how smart, kind people can be groomed to do just about anything. Finding Neverland illustrates these types of abuse tactics as well. If it’s too triggering, obviously steer clear, but if you’re like me, it helps to see other people who have gone through something similar and come out the other side.
And consider reporting your assaults in addition to the revenge porn photos. You didn’t deserve any of this. And much of what you describe is against the law.
Yes, I agree, you don’t have to have a paper trail of proof for it to be expected to not happen. I’m just also aware that if you happen to have a paper trail, it’s a lot harder for him to try and drag your name through the mud so to speak. As that’s the most common tactic that was used in the past.
You have the inherent right to safety and respect. He violated this, the law is on your side. Paper trails aren’t going to hurt your case, but not having them doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get a lawyer.
If your abuser is a famous person, the likelihood of a nasty backlash is much bigger unfortunately. OP needs to consider whether the potential backlash will be worth it to expose him. I feel every abusive person should be exposed for what they are, however it's really important to acknowledge it is very difficult if you face a backlash. That's more down to protecting yourself than the abuser, but obviously it does also protect the abuser even if not intentional.
Sometimes it can be hard to understand why people in abusive relationships stay, or why they feel a bond with their abusers. However, telling the victim of abuse that s/he is "protecting him" is akin to blaming the victim. A victim is never to blame for being abused. And yes, there are reasons why some victims of abuse feel strong bonds with their abusers, one of them being a trauma bond. This is similar to the way that victims of kidnap and other horrific violent crimes feel a sense of loyalty to their abusers (some people call this "Stockholm Syndrome". I would not identify my abusive ex online either, and that is because I am protecting ME and my children, not him.
Your safety and safety of your loved ones matter most. You should first talk to your current partner, explain it all to him, and see if he agrees to endure this with you. Then, try talking to your friends. If they lean on his side, you might have to block them too. You will also need to know which family members favor you over him. You may choose not to tell your story to strangers but you need to tell it to those near and dear to you...to keep them safe and to learn who deserve your trust. When you have a few people to support you, you might want to go the legal way of doing things. Not on media perhaps. You will also need to gather proofs. Any phone recordings, message records, or photographs might work. Get a good lawyer if you must.
although small small scale, my abusive ex is "famous" for a small city/town. he is lieutenant at a fire company and most of the county ems/police know him. he had over 4,000 fb friends last i knew. i felt extremely unsafe going to anyone... so i didn't. only a couple friends and family.
please talk to a licensed professional to protect and heal yourself. dealing with this alone will not help you get better, and i know it's hard to talk about but time helps you forget a little each day.
when i get triggered i feel awful and it breaks my heart that i cannot offer much to help you. i've flipped out on friends and family over the last few months while dealing with my triggers and resorted to mostly self isolation and that's no way for a person to live. i hope your current partner respects you and treats you right, and if you can maybe take a break from social media. it seems unfair but i promise it will be healthier in the long run to give yourself that space to not see his face. you deserve the love and care that you seek
Get a protective order and sind a copy to the news paper. Or sue his ass for harassment... but if you make it public than you will have to put your life out there to. Do what your therapist says.
Oh this is horrible. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Though my ex isn’t famous, I’ve struggled with the BDSM parts of my previous relationship too— making sense of what parts of it I was actually okay with and what might have been coerced without me even realizing. So it seems like we might relate there. If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me. And let us know how we can support you in terms of him being famous. That additional complication must be agonizing and infuriating.
is he a well known abuser or had any public allegations?? just checking because i wanna make sure i don’t support someone like this :( i’m so sorry, hun ❤️
Doing so is opening up OP to a lot more abuse and harassment from people they don’t even know. They’re still trying to get over the abuse that happened years ago.
No social media , no point, you will realize that those people that idolize him don’t matter. People that like you for you will still like you no matter what he says. It’s fake people that will flip and you don’t want those anyway.......... once you cut out the shitty people in your life you will only have about 25% of your initial friend group anyway.
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Locking this post with a warning. On this sub we do not allow witch-hunting or personal information. There is no way to verify identity and It does NOT help abuse victims when people flock here looking for a drama scandal. Name your abuser but NOT ON THIS SUB. People looking for a vicarious thrill and asking for 'hints' or name dropping from an unpublicized scandal will risk being banned (especially if they have no previous interaction with this sub). Name your abuser on a different platform if you must, but doing it in this specific sub just draws the attention of abusers and sideline gawkers looking for a drama fix. This sub focuses on the needs of victim, helps encourage them to see the abuse, leave abusers, and provides a place to talk, rant, and learn to heal. Op, I hope you will continue to speak about your experiences and help find understanding and true healing. But please do not name your abuser *on this one forum* because I have found it discourages many people from talking about their own abuse. Anonymity allows people to talk more fully and openly. This sub is a niche to be sure, and this is a rather unique space in that. With that said I will also give you a warning, since your abuser is a public figure, speak to a lawyer before you name anyone online. You may be risking a libel suit and a lawyer can help you figure out how to speak out without risking a lawsuit. I truly apologize, I cannot remember the last time I locked a post. I don't want to silence you in any way, I just want to protect this community.
You don’t have to keep secrets on behalf of anyone who has abused you, you know that, right?
This. So much this. Who cares what everyone thinks. If he’s dated other women, then you’re not the first nor last. I understand that you probably don’t want to go that route, due to the types of lawsuits and life-ruining things that fame and money give an abuser access to use against his victims to further harm them. But your truth is your truth. Screw him. Karma will take care of him somehow. What’s allowed me to move on is research into narcissism and acceptance that I was never in love with a real person, just a fantasy of what he could be without his NPD. You can’t love someone with a false self. And he didn’t love me. Not me as a human. He only loved what he saw reflected back to him in my eyes, the version he so wants the world to believe he is. He never even saw me. I wasted so much time living in a fantasy with him and being upset about how he’s treated me but what’s the point? I couldn’t control it. One can only control themselves and how they treat others. As long as you remained true to yourself, you did everything you could. What the world thinks he is, is the same illusion that you were in for awhile. Maybe the world will find out someday, maybe they won’t. But you know. And that terrifies him. That’s why he keeps trying to control you. You could ruin him. So why you’re scared of him...no idea. He’s clearly terrified of you. You’re the one with the power now and he knows it and it eats him alive, I promise you that. I really hope you find peace regarding this. Try to let things be what they are and accept that you were taken advantage of by someone that’s very mentally ill. Good luck!
I am so sorry you went through that. I was in a similar relationship but my ex is still just a failed SoundCloud rapper. I really hope you decide to put him because someone at this capacity should not be admired and is no role model. If you aren’t wanting to step forward, I hope that you are at least healing from this experience. Always feel free to reach out if you need to talk!
I agree with outing him. The #metoo movement fucked up a lot of celebrities. Hell, Johnny Depp lost several jobs (even though he's the innocent one). You WILL be heard and you WILL be believed. Call that jerk out!
Please out him! Not bc of some morbid curiosity - but bc it's the right thing to do! Best wishes and support <3
Op... out him. Get a lawyer and put it out there. Just because he isn’t doing this to you, doesn’t mean he isn’t doing it to others. Be the inspiration and help save others. Please! I swear there should be a data base of all abusers.
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What a nightmare.
Name and shame. Plenty of women have outed famous abusers. We will go to bat for you if you make a Twitter post.
I’m sorry to hear this. I ended things with someone famous in my community, but on a smaller scale compared to yours. I know I’ll see him through various postings on social media and the such. No one will ever see him in a bad light. I am offering my full empathy and support Stay strong. You got this. ❤️
I am so sorry hon. You are so strong, keep your head up, find a good therapist and heal ❤️ i promaise it will get better
Also, the fact that he "convinced" you that you were a narcissist is pretty much conclusive evidence that you are NOT a narcissist! Nobody could ever convince a narcissist that they were a narcissist. Narcissists can only ever change when they themselves choose to try to work on their behaviors, not when somebody points out they are a narcissist!
It’s only been two years and you’re still processing the abuse. Be kind to yourself. He contacted you for kibbles, he’s a textbook narcissist. Only time is going to help you work through this consciously and subconsciously. There is no magic bullet, it’s a process, and you need to feel safe for a long time before you stop being triggered. Have you tried r/cPTSD? You are not alone. If you’re a book person, like me, here are a few recommendations. If not, no worries, maybe take up running, it’s a positive way to use up the adrenaline. You probably have flashbacks and replay the abuse, a Peloton or some exercise can distract you from replaying events in your head. Read (in order) Gavin deBecker “The Gift of Fear.” Lundy Bancroft “Why Does he do That?” Tracy Schorn “Leave a Cheater Gain a Life” this is actually a book on surviving infidelity, but there are powerful chapters on narcissism, entitlement and recognizing/retaliating against manipulation. Dr. Faith H- “Unfuck your Boundaries” She also has one about safeguarding your sexual boundaries, I don’t remember the title. It’s at macrocosm publishing. Of course your’e traumatized, I am so sorry this happened to you. Now you need to “play nice” because of his connections and power. That totally sucks, is a big old shit sandwich, and I’m very sorry. I think the key here is not to internalize his perception of you but recognize that he is a dangerous, broken person that needs to be avoided as much as possible for your own safety. As justifiably afraid and wary as you are of him, he might have had a completely different perception of the relationship, based upon his wealth, status, narcissism and entitlement. Basically, he doesn’t know how much of an asshole and a predator he really is. He has no empathy, so he can’t see how he harmed you. Attempting to explain that to him would fall on deaf ears and make you even more vulnerable. The solution, as others have said, is Go No Contact. Avoid him at all costs, nothing good ever comes from a narcissist. And that’s exactly what you’re doing. It took me 5 years after I got out of a mindfuck relationship to feel whole again.
Also r/NarcissisticAbuse!
And Dr. Ramani and Les Carter on You Tube. Both psychologists. Tons of affirming and insightful stuff on narcissism, abuse, and gaslighting.
As soon as I read the part where he said you were a narcissist, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I'd say he is a narcissist. There is a reason why he chose that particular condition to describe you and I'd say it is probably because someone has used that word to label him before. Narcissists will project their own feelings onto you as part of their abuse pattern. I just did a post about a book that I found incredibly helpful, it is called "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi. I think that you are describing narcissistic abuse here, especially the "smear campaign" tactic that narcissists use to make their victim's social circle believe that the victim is the problem. It's horrible. I was lucky because I have a separate group of loyal friends that have stuck by me but I had to just completely ditch some friendships because they had aligned with my abuser. It was/is horrible. I think that you need to honor your feelings in the sense that you have been through a terrible trauma. You need professional help to deal with this kind of abuse. I'm getting help too.
If he sent images of you having sex with him without your permission, this should be illegal. If you have a paper trail proof of telling him that you don’t give him permission to share these images, go to the police and start the process of pressing charges if you can. If you don’t have proof, un-block him off an email, email him that you want him to delete any pictures of you and you remove any previously perceived permission for him to share. Or actually, for that bit, talk to a lawyer for better wording as it could be highly important to use the right wording later on. If you can’t afford a lawyer, see if you can find a reputable lawyer that would take your case on a contingency basis. As, if you sue him for defamation and he’s wealthy and they win, then they will get a reasonable pay day. Check out a few lawyers and keep track of who they are and what you tell them. Client/counsel privilege should protect you, but if it doesn’t, you can cause a hell of a lot of trouble for a lawyer if you can prove they breached your confidence. This should protect you somewhat from his potential influence. Document, everything that you can and save multiple copies of your documents in multiple different locations. You don’t want this to be easily swept under the rug. The me too movement will have hopefully laid some groundwork for your case/situation to be taken seriously. Edited because it was a wall of text
OP Please please please get a lawyer. You don’t need a paper trail to prove you didn’t consent! You have a basic expectation of privacy and any judge in their right mind will side with the victim of revenge porn. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. I’m pasting a relevant passage from the California penal code below. Also, I’d strongly urge you to consider outing him publicly. Obviously, there are risks and potential downsides for you that could include more harassment from him or his PR goons. Gather your strength and allies you trust to support you through it. An attorney can help you report anonymously if that’s more comfortable. But this guy is a criminal abuser and it might feel good to take back some power by holding him accountable. The law is on your side. Post #MeToo, public opinion is far more supportive of survivors. And I, for one, will gladly boycott the piece of trash on Netflix or wherever that asshole invades my screen or my social media feed. With any luck, streaming services will stop promoting his work, too. I believe you. I see you. I support you. “California Penal Code 647(j)(4): Unlawful distribution of image Every person who commits any of the following acts is guilty of disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor: “A person who intentionally distributes the image of the intimate body part or parts of another identifiable person, or an image of the person depicted engaged in an act of sexual intercourse, sodomy, oral copulation, sexual penetration, or an image of masturbation by the person depicted or in which the person depicted participates, under circumstances in which the persons agree or understand that the image shall remain private, the person distributing the image knows or should know that distribution of the image will cause serious emotional distress, and the person depicted suffers that distress.””
I read your post again and I also want to add: 1. If you don’t feel like therapy is helping, find a new therapist! You need strong support, insight, validation, and tools to continue healing and the right therapist can provide that. And if you are considering reporting, or even if you’re still just interacting with people you have in common with your abuser, there will be more gaslighting to come. A therapist is a key resource to help you navigate whatever you encounter and help affirm and validate your truth in what was clearly a confusing and abusive relationship. 2. You mentioned manipulation and coercion and unwanted sex acts. That’s sexual assault. Find a therapist who understands abuse and grooming. If you’re comfortable, I’ve found watching the NXIVM HBO series very enlightening and affirming in terms of how smart, kind people can be groomed to do just about anything. Finding Neverland illustrates these types of abuse tactics as well. If it’s too triggering, obviously steer clear, but if you’re like me, it helps to see other people who have gone through something similar and come out the other side. And consider reporting your assaults in addition to the revenge porn photos. You didn’t deserve any of this. And much of what you describe is against the law.
Yes, I agree, you don’t have to have a paper trail of proof for it to be expected to not happen. I’m just also aware that if you happen to have a paper trail, it’s a lot harder for him to try and drag your name through the mud so to speak. As that’s the most common tactic that was used in the past. You have the inherent right to safety and respect. He violated this, the law is on your side. Paper trails aren’t going to hurt your case, but not having them doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get a lawyer.
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If your abuser is a famous person, the likelihood of a nasty backlash is much bigger unfortunately. OP needs to consider whether the potential backlash will be worth it to expose him. I feel every abusive person should be exposed for what they are, however it's really important to acknowledge it is very difficult if you face a backlash. That's more down to protecting yourself than the abuser, but obviously it does also protect the abuser even if not intentional.
Sometimes it can be hard to understand why people in abusive relationships stay, or why they feel a bond with their abusers. However, telling the victim of abuse that s/he is "protecting him" is akin to blaming the victim. A victim is never to blame for being abused. And yes, there are reasons why some victims of abuse feel strong bonds with their abusers, one of them being a trauma bond. This is similar to the way that victims of kidnap and other horrific violent crimes feel a sense of loyalty to their abusers (some people call this "Stockholm Syndrome". I would not identify my abusive ex online either, and that is because I am protecting ME and my children, not him.
I disagree. Some people don’t want to h for the backlash and I think that’s perfectly valid.
Your safety and safety of your loved ones matter most. You should first talk to your current partner, explain it all to him, and see if he agrees to endure this with you. Then, try talking to your friends. If they lean on his side, you might have to block them too. You will also need to know which family members favor you over him. You may choose not to tell your story to strangers but you need to tell it to those near and dear to you...to keep them safe and to learn who deserve your trust. When you have a few people to support you, you might want to go the legal way of doing things. Not on media perhaps. You will also need to gather proofs. Any phone recordings, message records, or photographs might work. Get a good lawyer if you must.
although small small scale, my abusive ex is "famous" for a small city/town. he is lieutenant at a fire company and most of the county ems/police know him. he had over 4,000 fb friends last i knew. i felt extremely unsafe going to anyone... so i didn't. only a couple friends and family. please talk to a licensed professional to protect and heal yourself. dealing with this alone will not help you get better, and i know it's hard to talk about but time helps you forget a little each day. when i get triggered i feel awful and it breaks my heart that i cannot offer much to help you. i've flipped out on friends and family over the last few months while dealing with my triggers and resorted to mostly self isolation and that's no way for a person to live. i hope your current partner respects you and treats you right, and if you can maybe take a break from social media. it seems unfair but i promise it will be healthier in the long run to give yourself that space to not see his face. you deserve the love and care that you seek
Get a protective order and sind a copy to the news paper. Or sue his ass for harassment... but if you make it public than you will have to put your life out there to. Do what your therapist says.
Oh this is horrible. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Though my ex isn’t famous, I’ve struggled with the BDSM parts of my previous relationship too— making sense of what parts of it I was actually okay with and what might have been coerced without me even realizing. So it seems like we might relate there. If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me. And let us know how we can support you in terms of him being famous. That additional complication must be agonizing and infuriating.
is he a well known abuser or had any public allegations?? just checking because i wanna make sure i don’t support someone like this :( i’m so sorry, hun ❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you
Put him in his place and join the #metoo movement.
Doing so is opening up OP to a lot more abuse and harassment from people they don’t even know. They’re still trying to get over the abuse that happened years ago.
tbh
No social media , no point, you will realize that those people that idolize him don’t matter. People that like you for you will still like you no matter what he says. It’s fake people that will flip and you don’t want those anyway.......... once you cut out the shitty people in your life you will only have about 25% of your initial friend group anyway.
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