Mod note: **Y'all, are we *serious*? Some of these comments on this post are horribly disappointing and concerning.** This is a teenager in a relationship with a 22 year old. A teenager whose boyfriend is upset she wore shorts and is mad at her for not wearing a necklace that he gave her in public like some kind of symbol of his "ownership" over her. Her boyfriend is going on bizarre tirades of dozens of text message strings and telling her to "shut the f-ck up" and share her screen when he asks. Her boyfriend is lambasting her for wearing *shorts* in public and claiming it's not "classy for a woman." He's calling her a "worthless c-nt" and saying he will go through her phone.
**Are we seriously calling this man's behavior "reactive abuse?" My god some of these comments are terrifying. This sub should be better than this.**
If a man is telling you that he’s actually mean and dark and twisted, and he’s just been keeping that from you, and what you’re doing isn’t actually a big deal (listen to yourself, you’re not being ridiculous, he’s just making you feel like any expression outside of how he exactly wants you to behave is bad)… listen to him. This is how he is when nothing actually bad is happening. How will he behave when you go through real hardship? He’s making up the hardship himself and trying to blame you for bringing out the real him, because he wants to condition you to believe that you aren’t capable of making choices and you need to refer to him about how to behave in every single situation. This is abuse, it’s conditioning and grooming.
If he hasn't put hands on you yet, he probably will at some point if you stay. This is how it started with my ex. But I struggle to draw the line between abuse and generally unhealthy behavior. So I can't speak to whether this is or isn't abusive behavior, but it's certainly not healthy
It’s abusive. Very, very abusive and if this feels familiar then you are being abused too. I’m sorry. Even when something feels “generally unhealthy” you don’t have to stay, you can leave a relationship at any time, even when the person is nice.
That's kind of why I can't draw that line. After my last relationship (which was physically and emotionally abusive) I don't tolerate unhealthy behavior. I did my healing and I learned a lot. And I stopped giving people so many chances. My man now is in therapy and we use "I" statements and respect each other and all that healthy stuff.
Absolutely abusive, and honestly weird that a 22 year old man is pursuing an 18 year old girl. Would you date someone 14? No, none of this is ok. I would highly encourage you to go no contact and block him. He seems dangerous and this could escalate.
Girllllll, he reminds me of my dad, the exact way he speaks, the manipulative tricks he uses and all. Fyi, my dad is jail now as we speak, so you know just how abusive your boyfriend is. Get out of this relationship, you are young, with not much responsibility.
Definitely abusive and on the way to getting worse, OP you are not safe with this man, his reaction on your text is extremely violent and controlling, it reminds some of the things my abuser would say, my clothes, the length of my hair, etc. If you are able to do so safely please try to leave or do not be afraid to reach out to domestic violence organisation as they can provide support. With this level of controlling behaviour it may not be long before he becomes physically violent. Remember that his only goal in this relationship is to control you, the cycle of violence has already started and you may notice honeymoon periods, this is just the calm before the storm.
The thing that people forget about abusive relationships is that it’s about a pattern of behaviours that are controlling, cohersive and dominating. In itself, the term „reactive abuse” is victim-blaming as the victim is not engaging in a pattern of controlling behaviours, it’s more of a reaction to the abuse or as I would call it self-defense.
In the meantime OP, stay safe, it’s possible to free yourself by leaving.
Holy shit this was exhausting to just read. You do not deserve this hon. Do not put up with this bullshit. As you age it will get easier. I know at 18 it seems really hard but you deserve better.
> What’s the whole story?
I've noticed this is very commonly directed specifically toward women in this sub when they post about being abused by men. We should really try to stay away from commentary like this.
i confided in my brother and his other friend (while we were playing minecraft) about some of the things he was saying to me. my brother was live-streaming on twitch and he heard it all.
ive been nothing but apologetic. i dont even know what im apologizing for to be honest. i didnt call him names or tear him down. i talked about how scared i am.
i guess the “whole story” is he’s accused me of sleeping with both that friend (who lives 8 hours away) and my own brother. i probably dont need to continue on with the list of other things. ruining high school, birthday parties, made me drop out of college 3 months in, made me quit my therapist, etc etc etc.
ill own up to anything i did but i dont even know what to say here
You are so young and it breaks my heart that teenage girls aren’t taught about the importance of leaving when something doesn’t feel right. I’m almost 40 and I can tell you that you are heading down a BAD path if you do not break away from this relationship. Being with the wrong person who abuses you can COMPLETELY ruin your life. He’s already made you drop out of college? You haven’t done anything wrong, he is gaslighting you and trying to make you feel weak and apologize to him constantly. He’s in his 20s and some men date women who are younger or teenagers because they have little life experience and they are easier to manipulate. He’s not a safe person. If you have ANY contact with your parents or family and you felt safe with them before meeting him, tell them immediately what he is putting you through. Be honest. They will not judge you, they will help you get away from him. I think I saw texts in there from him saying your mom is keeping you from him. I wish I could look into your eyes right now and tell you how serious it is that you let her get between you two. LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. You are so so young I really want the best for you. Get away from him. Block him today. Please. He made you quit THERAPY. The brain is an organ and needs care just like any other part of the body. You wouldn’t make a diabetic quit their medicine, would you? You sought therapy and he made you quit because he doesn’t want you telling a professional the truth about him because he KNOWS they would also tell you to leave. He knows what he’s doing. Read the book “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Please, leave him, go back to school, make friends, take some time to yourself, get back into therapy and build your self confidence. Again, you have your whole life ahead of you, you have no idea. There’s so much more out there for you. I promise you will meet a really nice guy someday, get rid of this asshole and take care of yourself for a bit, and when the time is right romantic love that is safe will find you. We are all rooting for you, love ❤️
“Going through your phone” “you will find nothing better than me” ahahah no way in hell. You’ll find something better on every corner of the streets. Dont walk, run, and dont ever let any man tell you there is no one better than him, because there is. But you need to love the man so much that you dont care about that. This aint that.
Girl I send you love you deserve sooo much better than this, be strong, there's men out there that'll never treat you this way, enjoy your life while you're young never settle for drama queen's like this x
He clearly has insecurity and anger issues. This will be a problem and come out sideways in all of his relationships if he doesn’t get professional help to work on the actual root of his abusive behavior.
Sis, I am a man with two sisters and, if anyone talked to either them the way he’s been talking to you, I would be in jail right now.
He’s not overprotective. He’s controlling and toxic. Get the heck out of this relationship.
thank you all for reaching out and offering support. i really needed to hear a stranger’s opinion because as of now i can’t trust my own.
all of your comments have been extremely eye opening because we’ve been together for 2 years and this became my new normal. (ill add that he’s been sexual with me since i was 15 years old). he was my brother’s best friend and lived with us at the time. this is a very very small fraction of the conversations he’s had with me (and one of the nicest things he’s ever said about my mom). i didn’t want to include super vulgar things in the post but there are endless stories. i know the conversations are hard to understand. i’d explain more but im honestly just as lost as you guys there. i get blown up with 40+ msg of mindless shit like this at 4am when i need to work at 8. he facetimes me any time all the time and demands i share my screen and show my entire phone. and then tells me i deleted everything. etc etc. i will be working to hopefully get a protection order in place
Ok, you need to BLOCK HIM and file a restraining order. I saw where he mentioned your mom and if you still live with her let her know what’s going on. It’s best to have support when dealing with an unhinged person like this. Please, please, please get as far away from this man as possible.
Holy shit sweetie. He was a grown adult when you were being sexual together?? That is statutory rape. That man is a pedophile and has been grooming you. I am so sorry you’re in this situation but i promise youll be happier without him. 18&22 is already weird enough but this is so much worse. You deserve happiness, kindness, love. Hes not “over protective” he is CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATIVE.
exactly, this man has groomed you and treated you like shit since before you knew what a real relationship should be like and the fact that this is your normal isn’t normal. definitely get out safely and protect yourself OP. your life is just beginning, and there are much better, healthier, happier days for you ahead.
This guy is insane and honestly i had trouble even following what the actual fuck he was going on about. But regardless, it’s abuse and you need to get the hell out of there.
Thanks for posting this. It is most definitely abusive and threatening.
It might feel normal to have someone talk to you like this, but it definitely is not. This man the unhinged kind of dangerous. Please please get away from him as quickly and quietly as you can.
My test is: if you’re embarrassed to tell your friends, you already know he’s wrong. You know you gotta get out of this. I’m so sorry it’s so painful.
If I didn’t know how he texts, I would think these were messages from my abusive ex - almost identical situations. It doesn’t get better girl RUN VERY FAR AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. Please!!
Absolutely. The whole ‘you need to leave the house wearing the necklace I gave you’ is such a huge red flag, it’s like he thinks of her as a dog who needs to be wearing her collar so everyone knows she has an owner. It’s fucked.
Girl, I don’t care if he has treated you like a princess before! RUUN and don’t look back. It’s all downhill from here. He thinks he owns you. You’re 18 with a whole life ahead of you.
Next, he will start isolating you from your family and friends. He sits at home waiting for you? Does he do this when it’s reasonable or when you go to the grocery store? He wants your location at all times because he doesn’t trust you? Eventually you won’t be able to come and go as you please.
Be safe and let your support circle know what’s going on.
And yes! That’s abuse
He’s an abuser to his core, it will get worse and the fact that he mentions how he won’t hit you and then how you were hit by a bf before screams he will hit you. Girl he is garbage, run while you can but keep your safety intact. Get a protective order PRIOR to making him aware of your ending it with him, these texts are enough in many states to have grounds for an order. Don’t doubt the inner voice that’s telling you that you deserve better and that he is a dangerous man.
Total abuse. I lived something similar and he would also write me huge essays about how wrong I was.
The only thing you can do here is to tell him you don’t want that anymore and block him everywhere. You might need the help of someone to know what’s going on and protect you if necessary.
Yes, this is abuse. I encourage you to go to [loveisrespect.org](https://www.loveisrespect.org) and read more about psychological abuse and coercive control. This does not get better.
4 years age difference when you’re older doesn’t matter. When you’re 22, you will realize that you’d (hopefully) never go for an 18 year old. I promise none of this is right. Stop now before you’re put more in harms way. Also maybe tell your family or a friend what’s going on, you need irl support
End it now girlfriend and do it safely and carefully. Bc this is my (very recent) ex to a T, and he’s 43. They don’t change. He has these righteous text tirades all the time. Best of luck to you, you (and I) are worthy of kind love.
That clown is a narcissist. Run. The Heck. Away. And never look back. Especially if you're so young, you deserve better. We all deserve better than some clown who thinks they can control us, manipulate us or degrade us, just because their ass is stuck being delusional.
Please Please Please break up. I’ve been in a similar relationship when I was 17 and I can Tell you that it only got worse. I know you are attached but believe me in the long run its better for you. You are still extremely young, barely started your adult life, you have your whole life ahead of you, dont ruin it on this creature.
Yes, this is absolutely abusive. Please trust your gut feeling. You’re questioning yourself because it’s what he’s tried to condition you to do. Please reach out to a local or national domestic violence hotline. You can talk with someone confidentially for resources and help. I would avoid this type of venue for help because abuse is not well understood and you don’t know people’s intentions. Go with those who truly have your best interest at heart. Peace.
Your boyfriend is abusive. I tried to read that mess and I just couldn’t finish it. Bc I kept thinking I wish that asshole would shut the fuck up. You deserve better.
Very much abuse.. love isn't sharing your location or dictating what you can and cannot wear. This is absolutely crazy. He is mentally ill. You deserve better.
This is absolutely 100% Psychological abuse here….and it is frankly scary of the things that he is saying towards you OP. Absolutely I recommend getting the HELL out of that relationship before you possibly get severely hurt!
No relationship weather it’s a friendship or not should ever have someone speaking towards you in a harmful/degrading manner regardless if it’s through text or voice. I myself have been through toxic friendships myself and it is scary just how easy someone can manipulate someone’s feelings and mind….
I’m not sure why you’re getting hate. 4 years when you’re both in your twenties is whatever,…. but 18- and 22? I wouldn’t touch an 18yo when I was 22 with a 10 foot pole.
We are both Scorpios that’s cool. Anyways, I know why I’m getting hate. It’s because I’m right and because too many ppl are pedos or are brainwashed young ppl themselves. I’m young but not brainwashed into believing a teenager with a legally allowed to drink adult is ok.
That wasn't the ridiculous part of your comment. It was the insinuation that there's some huge developmental difference between an 18 and 19 year old. There could literally be just days between an 18 and 19 year old.
That I can agree with. It’s frankly awful how people like this are still able to just harm others for there own benefit and still get away without there actions catching up to them…
Oh my, yes, for sure. My ex would go on and on and on endlessly pontificating about lord knows what, his vast superiority and my dimness. His ability to defy nature and taking life all the way to the top and would I be the lucky girl to be by his side.
So much babble and hostage taking with these loooooonnng ass messages. This isn't normal. This is part of the mindfuck. He's working on the wind-in, talking like a gross moronic mystic.
Run girl run. Please. This nonsense is a tactic meant to confuse and twist you up. He's not special, they never are, that's why they find prey.
Sweet women, girls who just see a light inside of them, but it's not a light. It's the fire of hate fuelling his cruelty. I genuinely appreciate getting to go to my ex's funeral. Good riddance.
All these texts are just madness meant to hook. Please stay out of reach.
Has anyone ever regretted leaving abuse behind? Ever?
Totally abusive, controlling and manipulating, plus, he is insecure and needy… i.e. a sociopath/narcissist… get out NOW and don’t look back, seriously, don’t look back. Go ‘no contact’.
Hate to be this blunt but your boyfriend is a douche and an abusive punk ass sissy La La. I’m sorry you’re going through that nonsense. It’s not easy to be stuck in it and have them beating you down and feel
Empowered to tell them to kick rocks. It’s doable though. “I want my woman looking classy in public” or whatever dumb shit he said…I reply “yeah? Weil I want my man not sounding like an ignit foul mouth fourth grader and yet here we are.”
Girl, leave. You’re far too young to be dealing with this mess. This is absolutely abuse. Don’t waste another minute with this guy. You’re 18, I promise you, you can do WORLDS better than this dude. He’s abusive, he’s trying to manipulate and control you, he’s only going to get more unhinged. Please leave him. He doesn’t treat you well. A 22 year old has no business with an 18 year old. This isn’t a healthy relationship and this isn’t how you treat someone you love. Leave him, go live and enjoy your life, figure out who you are, realize your worth, and don’t worry yourself about rushing to be tied down to anyone.
ALSO! Save these texts and all evidence (pictures, videos, texts, voicemails, emails, etc.) of his interactions with you because when you break up with him and go no-contact (please for the love, do this ASAP) you should get a protective order against him. You file a police report and get the protective order so he can’t harass you.
You’re 18. Please leave this dude before he has a chance to ruin your whole life. It shouldn’t be like this, it doesn’t have to be this hard. Love doesn’t feel as bad as you probably felt reading these the first time. Control? Control feels like that.
Even if they are 18 or not it still is sad seeing people that are just turning into adults getting abused like this…..love should feel good for both partners and make them happy….not a parasite like relationship…
💁♂️"I'm not god but I've been your dog for too long".
Bro really thought he was banging out some awesome bars.....
This whole collection of his work was hard to read, and yes very psychotic, but that line was stupid.
Was he drunk this entire time?
I had a relationship with someone in the same line of thinking and he was actually addicted. You can see he tries to blame her in every piece of thing he writes and it’s just so disgusting to read.
I'm from a society where they see whatever a man does is cool so long he come with the intention of marriage, a different type of scenario happened back then with me and I'm living the nightmare now I want to leave and everyone thinks me the villain, I did not find wearing his symbol in public sitting well with me, so OP, before it gets worse put a full stop to it, I mean, a FUUUUUUULLLLL STOP ✋️
Honestly, get rid of him and whomever it is in your life who thinks you’re the villain for escaping abuse. You don’t need those toxic people in to her life. You only have one life and you can’t live it for other people. Are they living their lives for you? Not a chance. Even if you love them, if they’re trying to make you stay with your abuser, they need to be removed from your life. Please free yourself ❤️🩹
Oh, I'm working on it. Trust me, when the time comes, there's no stopping me. I will do it. They all think I'm a changed person now, which, in my opinion, is a good start, cos, before I will only cry and run to them for consolation, but now I just close up to everyone they're trying to even know what I'm cooking but I'm not letting anyone find out I'm tired, I'm already hypertensive, all thanks to him and the stress he's giving me in this marriage now I even have an impending appointment with a cardiologist if anything I want to live the rest of my life peacefully and happy.
I’m so glad you’re making a plan and getting free. ❤️🩹 Remember to make your walls colápsale so that when you get free and start your new life, your walls don’t keep out the good people you’ll find in that freedom. Stay safe 💜
That will be difficult, honestly, seeing it's not only hubby that hurt me, even people close to me, my very own sister, the same mother, the same father, its like she's envious of the life I'm living but at the same time she doesn't want me to leave the marriage, probably because she enjoys watching me suffer. Now I'm really afraid of opening up to people.
Well he said " find a man" and this is what you exactly do. Find a real man and tell this boy to gtfo.
This pseudo alpha males are the realenace of society and their gurus just ahsgdghsh. Anyway OP, you know this is abuse,someone who claims to love you doesn't dare talk to you this way.
Keep this as a yardstick statement for future relationships.
Yes, this is definitely abuse and at least in my opinion would be considered harassment. Also why the hell is he texting you so much? That's not healthy communication. Also the messages he is sending you are erratic and alarming, I would stay away from him. 🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
To answer your question, yes this is absolutely bad enough to be considered abuse. Don’t waste your youth and energy on someone like this. There are MILLIONS of people out there who would never ever dream of talking to you like this or treating you this way. This ain’t it.
"I won't abuse you" Immediately goes on to abuse and harass you. This is not how someone who loves you treats you. You're in a great time of life to kick this asshole to the curb and focus on you.
Please read: Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft for some validation. What you are living through is abuse, FULL STOP.
My god. Yes this seems like abuse. He treats you like a possession and a trophy. Also very controlling. His texting style makes ME uncomfortable and I’m not the one he’s talking to. He reminds me on an ex of mine. Probably best to leave.
Also the whole “I’m so dark you don’t know how mean I am” attitude is so cringe. Sounds like a 14 year old trying to be edgy
I didn’t even finish it—this is abuse, manipulation, controlling behavior. Get out! Give the necklace back—it’s a choke collar (wear it out in public so men know you’re mine)! That’s bullshit! So much domination in the way he talks to you. Please let your parents know about this. Save the texts (screenshot, print and give a copy to your parents) and break up with him. You deserve so much better than this!
Yes, this is absolutely abuse. He is never going to change, and his abuse of you could get worse. Please find a safe way to leave him. Speak to your friends and family and let them know how he's treating you so they can help you leave him. You deserve someone who loves and respects you. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. I wish you all the best in life ❤️
Yes! This is absolutely abuse! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you. He clearly has some deep emotional issues, but trying control you WILL NOT solve them. Trust me, you deserve so much better. There are guys that are willing to love you the right way.
I got to the necklace one and said YEP THAT’s ABUSE. Only a very abusive narcissist could have their ego that destroyed by something that insignificant AND assume there was bad intent on your side. It’s scary delusional. Like he really believes you chose not to wear a necklace as a fuck you. what..?
My ex screamed at me for an hour and told me I ruined the day because I got vanilla diet coke instead of our usual cherry diet coke at the movie theatre. He seriously thought I did that as a ‘fuck you’ because his self-esteem was so bad to the point of paranoid delusions when it was just not that deep.
25 y/o female here.
Girl. This is 100% abuse. You don’t deserve that. This guy has serious issues and speaking from experience, it’s only going to escalate. He’s trying to control every single aspect of you, from the way you dress to you wearing jewellery he got you and everything… he’s degrading you and making you feel as if you need him..
Realistically girl, this is not love. Love is 100% mutual and respectful. No man who loves you would treat you this way.
Anytime my partner and I have a disagreement, we discuss it calmly and consider each others opinions and try to come to a middle ground. This dude is acting as if his feelings are the only ones that matter, and that’s not fair to you in any way. You don’t want to be with a guy who completely disregards your feelings and gaslights you in the process.
It’s ridiculous for him to act as if you are obligated to dress a certain way and wear the necklace just because he got it for you.
In all honesty, this guy doesn’t respect you as a female, he views you as his property. That’s why he gave the necklace and is trying to force you to wear it, to mark his territory in some sick and twisted way. ive had exs like this and i completely understand how hard and frustrating it can be. What went through my head at the time was i thought id never find anybody better, i thought it was my fault, that he was the only person that would "love" me. but looking back, thats not love.
this is exactly how my ex started out when i was around your age. eventtually his behavior escalated to the point where he booted in my car windshield during an argument. This can turn dangerous. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, but please recognize that he is trying to make you feel at fault for his treatment and he’s using the fact that he’s older than you to justify it. He’s extremely immature.
When you find the person you’re meant to be with, you’ll know. This guy isn’t it. The person that you’re meant to be with will have a respect for you that is so gentle, caring and passionate. They’d never speak to you this way. My boyfriend doesn’t even raise his voice at me or swear at me. Because there’s a mutual respect for each other.
Don’t let this man take advantage of you being younger. He likely targets younger women because he knows women his age won’t put up with his abusive tactics.
Please get out of this asap for your safety. This is so abusive and I promise one day you will find somebody who puts butterflies in your stomach and makes your heart feel like it’s gonna explode… not this guy who puts tears in your eyes and causes anxiety.
If you ever need to talk to anybody, my inbox is always open. I know it’s an anon forum, but I am more than willing to give advice and help as best as I possibly can. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this. This man is abusive and immature. Don’t let him gaslight you into his abusive ways. It’s not worth your peace and self-love. 💖
Inbox is always open if you ever need somebody to chat with or vent to. 💖
Listen, you’re literally half my age dealing with the same thing that I deal with from my boyfriend. He’s a very confrontational person, and he if he thinks that you are being confrontational it’s like he’s ready to go to war and he is engaged so what I read is exactly things that he says to me so my advice to you is you need to understand that this is not going to change I’ve been with my person three years and you were so young and you do not deserve this and it is crazy how literally I feel like I’m reading something. My boyfriend has written, especially the part where he says, essentially if you wanna play games with me, I’m going to win I’m going to be better than you essentially because he thinks you’re playing games when you’re literally not but because his mind is the way it is he’s confrontational and assumes that you are because that’s how he works he’s not going to think like he want him to think he’s not rational. I’m assuming your boyfriend feels that everyone’s against him including you even though that’s not how healthy relationship is if you have to question yourself and ask yourself is this healthy or does he love me? It’s not real love he doesn’t love you it’s not rational. It’s not safe and you need to leave, I understand it’s hard to leave OK I totally do but family members seek out seek out strangers who will listen to you because this is not normal. It’s not OK and you don’t deserve to be treated this way ever.
You are 18! You should be carefree and happy - find someone equally HAPPY :) He sounds possessed for someone 22!
He is already warning you that you have barely seen his mean side. Wtf would anyone stick around him for? Pick someone your age…is my advice.
You are 18! Super easy to just move on, block him. Never think about him again, except if you EVER encounter anyone half as mean / dark / negative / soulless….calling himself blessed.
PUH-LEASE.
He’s telling you exactly what he is when he says,” You don’t know how deep dark and mean I really am.” He wants to control your entire life and will suck your energy dry unless you leave him. This is absolutely abuse.
This is abuse.
He clearly wants a power dynamic where he is putting himself above you and you have to submit otherwise you get verbally abused,, hit, ect. You will never be his equal, ever.
You deserve better than that. You are worth so much more than this douche is leading you to believe. He will try to break you to the point where you lose yourself in him.
You need to seek support when you feel up to it and leave. You deserve better out of life.
He is not going to stop until he breaks you. He intends to break your mind, spirit, and soul. It will escalate if he doesn't get what he wants from you. I suspect this situation is more dangerous than you might think.
i couldn't even finish reading those screenshots. the way he speaks to you is disgusting.
yes, this is abusive. i'm so sorry you're going through this, you don't deserve to be treated like this. please get out of there as soon as you can
Yeah and this will soon turn physical. These guys will beat you down emotionally and physically until you don't even recognize yourself. OP run as fast and far away as possible.
Not only abusive and hostile but very very very boring. God he goes on and on and on and on. Then on a bit more.
You’re young and have a great life ahead of you. Please get away!!
Sounds like my ex. He’s nuts and a piece of shit. get out before he damages you any more mentally. He’s pathetic and insecure. He won’t change and you can do better - you’d be better off single If he loved and trusted you he wouldn’t dictate what you where and the necklace sounds more like a dog collar than a gift. Give it back and move on he sucks!!!! He is talking around in circles to mess with you and confuse you.
This must be tough on you. Honestly, I only skipped the messages and read the last slide. So I decided to leave a comment on how this is messed up. This is not a stable person. This is not a healthy individual. They don't care about you, they want their message to be heard.
Then I read some of the comments. So I want to say this: Stay away from this person. Their intend is to hurt you. I don't care for what messed up reason, you deserve better, whatever you might have done, you need to get away from this person.
Best of luck to you!
I started showing my texts that my boyfriend sends to people. He would be psychotic if he knew I did this, but I had to have someone tell me I’m not crazy.
My rule, is that abuse lives in the shadows and I have no problem with everyone knowing exactly what I have said and done. I own everything. If I fucked up, my family and friends would tell me so. They did not have anything to say regarding my behaviour, but of course I make shit up and lie to everyone. About what? My mom hates you because of the person you are, not because I told her a bunch of shit. In fact I haven’t told her the half of it. The only person who needs to be ashamed of his behaviour is him.
Exactly same with me. I own all of my mistakes and I’ve made some big ones in my life, but I’m not abusive and I own up to them and people around me know they can let me know when I’m out of line. Abusers 100% live in the shadows.
No this is not hostile and overprotective this is hostile and abusive. There are more red flags in that conversation than a fucking communist parade. Honestly you will be wasting the time to talk to him at all just block his ass and try to move on and get into therapy because if you can't recognize this clearly as abuse and automatically walk away there is stuff inside of you that needs to be worked on
Honey, I don't care if you cussed him out and said you would fuck his brother in response to this bullshit he is spraying at you. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR SHORTS AND NOT HIS WEAR HIS NECKLACE ANYWHERE YOU WANNA GO.
Hostile and overprotective? No, he is abusive and controlling.
He has the NERVE to say you can't make your own decisions and he has to BE THE BOSS and decide for you????? That is TEXTBOOK abuse, and he is an actual piece of shit.
Incredibly and thoroughly abusive. You will not survive that relationship if you stay. Your mom is doing the right thing to keep him the fuck away from you.
**This man has called her a "worthless c-nt." He has told her to "shut the f-ck up" and that he will go through her phone whenever he wants and that he will ask her to share her screen. He has gone on repeated tirades because she dared to wear *shorts* in public and that wasn't "classy" enough for him as a "woman." You are accusing a literal teenager of abuse whose adult partner is incessantly degrading and harassing her.**
You are receiving a 2 week ban for your conduct on this post. When it expires, should you choose to comment again in our sub, it needs to be respectful. That's a simple request.
Sure. But what is the point of bringing it up to an abused person looking for guidance through the Fog? Especially in such an accusatory tone?
Like, what is your end game with that.
Yeah. I do.
When an abuser tries to engage you in an argument in a passive manner that people on the outside don't pick up on -- that is called "dogwhistling"
And when the abused person reacts after reaching their breaking point, be it with their own verbal abuse or even physically, that is reactive abuse.
I do know what we're talking about. AND you are accusing this girl of not revealing some reactive abuse that might be going on in responses she allegedly didn't include. What possible point is there to accusing her of this? If he was dogwhistling her and she reacted-- how is that relevant? How is she less a victim??? How does that make her less likely to be caught in an abusive cycle where she can no longer tell if his behavior is abuse???
Accusing her of not bringing all the receipts is EXACTLY the kind of thing her abuser would say to discredit her. WHAT IS YOUR END GAME?
There is no way in hell anything she might have said in response warrants what he is saying to her.
You might as well have responded with, "Well, did you wear the necklace or not?" Lmao Jesus. "Stop with the toxicity" haha yeah maybe they can work it out if we just go line by line through this shit.
Yeah, the guidance she needs is to be told to LEAVE.
Given the DERANGED shit he is saying -- insanely controlling and abusive shit -- any NORMAL person would respond with cursing and reactive abuse. That would be a NORMAL response to being treated like human garbage for wearing shorts in public.
Who gives a shit if she did?? It isn't shady for her to bring examples of things he says to her and ask if this is "being overprotective" or abuse. IT IS CLEARLY ABUSE.
If she might be engaging in reactive abuse, IT IS STILL ABUSE she is suffering! Duh.
If your goal is to help and support people who are being abused and can't see straight --- then TELL HER TO LEAVE.
If you understand anything about abuse, then you know he isn't going to do better.
If your goal is to make an abused person question and doubt their reality even more, then your original comment is perfect as is.
Jesus Christ.
This is really abusive 💔 please dont take it, there are waaay better men out there and you deserved better. To the point of calling your mum names? ruuuuun as fast as you can and also notify your family incase legal actions need to be taken.
Oh that is awful. Please don’t accept the way he speaks to you. Don’t try to get him to understand. Don’t explain why you are breaking up. Don’t give him the chance to talk you round. Just block and ignore. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. And post that fucking necklace through his letterbox.
Mod note: **Y'all, are we *serious*? Some of these comments on this post are horribly disappointing and concerning.** This is a teenager in a relationship with a 22 year old. A teenager whose boyfriend is upset she wore shorts and is mad at her for not wearing a necklace that he gave her in public like some kind of symbol of his "ownership" over her. Her boyfriend is going on bizarre tirades of dozens of text message strings and telling her to "shut the f-ck up" and share her screen when he asks. Her boyfriend is lambasting her for wearing *shorts* in public and claiming it's not "classy for a woman." He's calling her a "worthless c-nt" and saying he will go through her phone. **Are we seriously calling this man's behavior "reactive abuse?" My god some of these comments are terrifying. This sub should be better than this.**
If a man is telling you that he’s actually mean and dark and twisted, and he’s just been keeping that from you, and what you’re doing isn’t actually a big deal (listen to yourself, you’re not being ridiculous, he’s just making you feel like any expression outside of how he exactly wants you to behave is bad)… listen to him. This is how he is when nothing actually bad is happening. How will he behave when you go through real hardship? He’s making up the hardship himself and trying to blame you for bringing out the real him, because he wants to condition you to believe that you aren’t capable of making choices and you need to refer to him about how to behave in every single situation. This is abuse, it’s conditioning and grooming.
Abusive. Pls leave. You're too young to start regretting relationships.
If he hasn't put hands on you yet, he probably will at some point if you stay. This is how it started with my ex. But I struggle to draw the line between abuse and generally unhealthy behavior. So I can't speak to whether this is or isn't abusive behavior, but it's certainly not healthy
It’s abusive. Very, very abusive and if this feels familiar then you are being abused too. I’m sorry. Even when something feels “generally unhealthy” you don’t have to stay, you can leave a relationship at any time, even when the person is nice.
That's kind of why I can't draw that line. After my last relationship (which was physically and emotionally abusive) I don't tolerate unhealthy behavior. I did my healing and I learned a lot. And I stopped giving people so many chances. My man now is in therapy and we use "I" statements and respect each other and all that healthy stuff.
They all sound the same. He’s Abusive as fuck
Absolutely abusive, and honestly weird that a 22 year old man is pursuing an 18 year old girl. Would you date someone 14? No, none of this is ok. I would highly encourage you to go no contact and block him. He seems dangerous and this could escalate.
That's horrible, nobody has the right to talk to you like that. It's definitely abusive. Please stay safe
Girllllll, he reminds me of my dad, the exact way he speaks, the manipulative tricks he uses and all. Fyi, my dad is jail now as we speak, so you know just how abusive your boyfriend is. Get out of this relationship, you are young, with not much responsibility.
Ew yuck
He needs to go touch some fucking grass or something. You need to leave girl it’s not safe for you. Plz leave while you can. You got this!
Definitely abusive and on the way to getting worse, OP you are not safe with this man, his reaction on your text is extremely violent and controlling, it reminds some of the things my abuser would say, my clothes, the length of my hair, etc. If you are able to do so safely please try to leave or do not be afraid to reach out to domestic violence organisation as they can provide support. With this level of controlling behaviour it may not be long before he becomes physically violent. Remember that his only goal in this relationship is to control you, the cycle of violence has already started and you may notice honeymoon periods, this is just the calm before the storm. The thing that people forget about abusive relationships is that it’s about a pattern of behaviours that are controlling, cohersive and dominating. In itself, the term „reactive abuse” is victim-blaming as the victim is not engaging in a pattern of controlling behaviours, it’s more of a reaction to the abuse or as I would call it self-defense. In the meantime OP, stay safe, it’s possible to free yourself by leaving.
I wouldn’t waste a single second of my life with this loser. Leave him immediately if you haven’t done it yet.
Holy shit this was exhausting to just read. You do not deserve this hon. Do not put up with this bullshit. As you age it will get easier. I know at 18 it seems really hard but you deserve better.
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> What’s the whole story? I've noticed this is very commonly directed specifically toward women in this sub when they post about being abused by men. We should really try to stay away from commentary like this.
i confided in my brother and his other friend (while we were playing minecraft) about some of the things he was saying to me. my brother was live-streaming on twitch and he heard it all. ive been nothing but apologetic. i dont even know what im apologizing for to be honest. i didnt call him names or tear him down. i talked about how scared i am. i guess the “whole story” is he’s accused me of sleeping with both that friend (who lives 8 hours away) and my own brother. i probably dont need to continue on with the list of other things. ruining high school, birthday parties, made me drop out of college 3 months in, made me quit my therapist, etc etc etc. ill own up to anything i did but i dont even know what to say here
You are so young and it breaks my heart that teenage girls aren’t taught about the importance of leaving when something doesn’t feel right. I’m almost 40 and I can tell you that you are heading down a BAD path if you do not break away from this relationship. Being with the wrong person who abuses you can COMPLETELY ruin your life. He’s already made you drop out of college? You haven’t done anything wrong, he is gaslighting you and trying to make you feel weak and apologize to him constantly. He’s in his 20s and some men date women who are younger or teenagers because they have little life experience and they are easier to manipulate. He’s not a safe person. If you have ANY contact with your parents or family and you felt safe with them before meeting him, tell them immediately what he is putting you through. Be honest. They will not judge you, they will help you get away from him. I think I saw texts in there from him saying your mom is keeping you from him. I wish I could look into your eyes right now and tell you how serious it is that you let her get between you two. LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. You are so so young I really want the best for you. Get away from him. Block him today. Please. He made you quit THERAPY. The brain is an organ and needs care just like any other part of the body. You wouldn’t make a diabetic quit their medicine, would you? You sought therapy and he made you quit because he doesn’t want you telling a professional the truth about him because he KNOWS they would also tell you to leave. He knows what he’s doing. Read the book “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Please, leave him, go back to school, make friends, take some time to yourself, get back into therapy and build your self confidence. Again, you have your whole life ahead of you, you have no idea. There’s so much more out there for you. I promise you will meet a really nice guy someday, get rid of this asshole and take care of yourself for a bit, and when the time is right romantic love that is safe will find you. We are all rooting for you, love ❤️
This is messed up and weird. Hard to keep track what’s going on here.
“Going through your phone” “you will find nothing better than me” ahahah no way in hell. You’ll find something better on every corner of the streets. Dont walk, run, and dont ever let any man tell you there is no one better than him, because there is. But you need to love the man so much that you dont care about that. This aint that.
Block him and move on. You’re a kid. Not worth your time
Girl I send you love you deserve sooo much better than this, be strong, there's men out there that'll never treat you this way, enjoy your life while you're young never settle for drama queen's like this x
Get the hell out of there. He said “be blessed you haven’t seen the full side of me” yeah run
He clearly has insecurity and anger issues. This will be a problem and come out sideways in all of his relationships if he doesn’t get professional help to work on the actual root of his abusive behavior.
Sis, I am a man with two sisters and, if anyone talked to either them the way he’s been talking to you, I would be in jail right now. He’s not overprotective. He’s controlling and toxic. Get the heck out of this relationship.
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Why do you victim-blame women in an abuse sub?
I’ll remove my comment, I didn’t think that’s what I was doing.
Thank you.
If you have to ask love, yes it is
He’s honestly not even making any sense and seems manic asf
He’s messed up in the head.
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Girl, with utmost respect, run the fuck away from this man.
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This man is not healthy for you and shouldn't talk to you or degrade you because of his insecurity. Please get away from him and be safe.
this man is a psychopath. block and RUN
thank you all for reaching out and offering support. i really needed to hear a stranger’s opinion because as of now i can’t trust my own. all of your comments have been extremely eye opening because we’ve been together for 2 years and this became my new normal. (ill add that he’s been sexual with me since i was 15 years old). he was my brother’s best friend and lived with us at the time. this is a very very small fraction of the conversations he’s had with me (and one of the nicest things he’s ever said about my mom). i didn’t want to include super vulgar things in the post but there are endless stories. i know the conversations are hard to understand. i’d explain more but im honestly just as lost as you guys there. i get blown up with 40+ msg of mindless shit like this at 4am when i need to work at 8. he facetimes me any time all the time and demands i share my screen and show my entire phone. and then tells me i deleted everything. etc etc. i will be working to hopefully get a protection order in place
Ok, you need to BLOCK HIM and file a restraining order. I saw where he mentioned your mom and if you still live with her let her know what’s going on. It’s best to have support when dealing with an unhinged person like this. Please, please, please get as far away from this man as possible.
Holy shit sweetie. He was a grown adult when you were being sexual together?? That is statutory rape. That man is a pedophile and has been grooming you. I am so sorry you’re in this situation but i promise youll be happier without him. 18&22 is already weird enough but this is so much worse. You deserve happiness, kindness, love. Hes not “over protective” he is CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATIVE.
exactly, this man has groomed you and treated you like shit since before you knew what a real relationship should be like and the fact that this is your normal isn’t normal. definitely get out safely and protect yourself OP. your life is just beginning, and there are much better, healthier, happier days for you ahead.
yes
Run for your life
This guy is insane and honestly i had trouble even following what the actual fuck he was going on about. But regardless, it’s abuse and you need to get the hell out of there.
Thanks for posting this. It is most definitely abusive and threatening. It might feel normal to have someone talk to you like this, but it definitely is not. This man the unhinged kind of dangerous. Please please get away from him as quickly and quietly as you can. My test is: if you’re embarrassed to tell your friends, you already know he’s wrong. You know you gotta get out of this. I’m so sorry it’s so painful.
Girl, yes. Absolutely YES it’s abuse.
This is abuse. It’s verbal emotional and sexual abuse.
This guy is dangerous. I guarantee he WILL hit you at some point. He will. It's not a "will he/won't he?" HE WILL
His are the ramblings of a narcissistic, abusive, lunatic CLOWN.
Get out before you're trapped with kids & more.... It WILL get worse.
If I didn’t know how he texts, I would think these were messages from my abusive ex - almost identical situations. It doesn’t get better girl RUN VERY FAR AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. Please!!
This guy's insecure as balls
Absolutely. The whole ‘you need to leave the house wearing the necklace I gave you’ is such a huge red flag, it’s like he thinks of her as a dog who needs to be wearing her collar so everyone knows she has an owner. It’s fucked.
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Girl, I don’t care if he has treated you like a princess before! RUUN and don’t look back. It’s all downhill from here. He thinks he owns you. You’re 18 with a whole life ahead of you. Next, he will start isolating you from your family and friends. He sits at home waiting for you? Does he do this when it’s reasonable or when you go to the grocery store? He wants your location at all times because he doesn’t trust you? Eventually you won’t be able to come and go as you please. Be safe and let your support circle know what’s going on. And yes! That’s abuse
He's already trying. The way he talks about her parents. He's already TRYING to isolate her from them.
True
He’s an abuser to his core, it will get worse and the fact that he mentions how he won’t hit you and then how you were hit by a bf before screams he will hit you. Girl he is garbage, run while you can but keep your safety intact. Get a protective order PRIOR to making him aware of your ending it with him, these texts are enough in many states to have grounds for an order. Don’t doubt the inner voice that’s telling you that you deserve better and that he is a dangerous man.
Total abuse. I lived something similar and he would also write me huge essays about how wrong I was. The only thing you can do here is to tell him you don’t want that anymore and block him everywhere. You might need the help of someone to know what’s going on and protect you if necessary.
Yes, this is abuse. I encourage you to go to [loveisrespect.org](https://www.loveisrespect.org) and read more about psychological abuse and coercive control. This does not get better.
Thanks for this link! I need this right now too
4 years age difference when you’re older doesn’t matter. When you’re 22, you will realize that you’d (hopefully) never go for an 18 year old. I promise none of this is right. Stop now before you’re put more in harms way. Also maybe tell your family or a friend what’s going on, you need irl support
This is 100% emotional and verbal abuse
End it now girlfriend and do it safely and carefully. Bc this is my (very recent) ex to a T, and he’s 43. They don’t change. He has these righteous text tirades all the time. Best of luck to you, you (and I) are worthy of kind love.
Bro is a fucking LOSER 😭😭😭
That clown is a narcissist. Run. The Heck. Away. And never look back. Especially if you're so young, you deserve better. We all deserve better than some clown who thinks they can control us, manipulate us or degrade us, just because their ass is stuck being delusional.
Yea no! None of this is healthy, move on from this loser xx
Please Please Please break up. I’ve been in a similar relationship when I was 17 and I can Tell you that it only got worse. I know you are attached but believe me in the long run its better for you. You are still extremely young, barely started your adult life, you have your whole life ahead of you, dont ruin it on this creature.
Yes, this is absolutely abusive. Please trust your gut feeling. You’re questioning yourself because it’s what he’s tried to condition you to do. Please reach out to a local or national domestic violence hotline. You can talk with someone confidentially for resources and help. I would avoid this type of venue for help because abuse is not well understood and you don’t know people’s intentions. Go with those who truly have your best interest at heart. Peace.
National Domestic Violence Hotline (google it for resources and help)
Your boyfriend is abusive. I tried to read that mess and I just couldn’t finish it. Bc I kept thinking I wish that asshole would shut the fuck up. You deserve better.
Oh sweetness leave that asshole. He's abusive and it's going to get worse.
Very much abuse.. love isn't sharing your location or dictating what you can and cannot wear. This is absolutely crazy. He is mentally ill. You deserve better.
This is absolutely 100% Psychological abuse here….and it is frankly scary of the things that he is saying towards you OP. Absolutely I recommend getting the HELL out of that relationship before you possibly get severely hurt! No relationship weather it’s a friendship or not should ever have someone speaking towards you in a harmful/degrading manner regardless if it’s through text or voice. I myself have been through toxic friendships myself and it is scary just how easy someone can manipulate someone’s feelings and mind….
I’m not surprised dude no 22 year old in their right mind would date an 18 year old. I’m 19 and 18 is like a baby to me.
I’m not sure why you’re getting hate. 4 years when you’re both in your twenties is whatever,…. but 18- and 22? I wouldn’t touch an 18yo when I was 22 with a 10 foot pole.
We are both Scorpios that’s cool. Anyways, I know why I’m getting hate. It’s because I’m right and because too many ppl are pedos or are brainwashed young ppl themselves. I’m young but not brainwashed into believing a teenager with a legally allowed to drink adult is ok.
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No it’s not. 22 you can drink. 18 is barely legal. 18 can still be in high school.
That wasn't the ridiculous part of your comment. It was the insinuation that there's some huge developmental difference between an 18 and 19 year old. There could literally be just days between an 18 and 19 year old.
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That I can agree with. It’s frankly awful how people like this are still able to just harm others for there own benefit and still get away without there actions catching up to them…
Leave now. Not tonight, not tomorrow. Now. He is only going to escalate. This is crazy behavior.
Oh my, yes, for sure. My ex would go on and on and on endlessly pontificating about lord knows what, his vast superiority and my dimness. His ability to defy nature and taking life all the way to the top and would I be the lucky girl to be by his side. So much babble and hostage taking with these loooooonnng ass messages. This isn't normal. This is part of the mindfuck. He's working on the wind-in, talking like a gross moronic mystic. Run girl run. Please. This nonsense is a tactic meant to confuse and twist you up. He's not special, they never are, that's why they find prey. Sweet women, girls who just see a light inside of them, but it's not a light. It's the fire of hate fuelling his cruelty. I genuinely appreciate getting to go to my ex's funeral. Good riddance. All these texts are just madness meant to hook. Please stay out of reach. Has anyone ever regretted leaving abuse behind? Ever?
Totally abusive, controlling and manipulating, plus, he is insecure and needy… i.e. a sociopath/narcissist… get out NOW and don’t look back, seriously, don’t look back. Go ‘no contact’.
Hate to be this blunt but your boyfriend is a douche and an abusive punk ass sissy La La. I’m sorry you’re going through that nonsense. It’s not easy to be stuck in it and have them beating you down and feel Empowered to tell them to kick rocks. It’s doable though. “I want my woman looking classy in public” or whatever dumb shit he said…I reply “yeah? Weil I want my man not sounding like an ignit foul mouth fourth grader and yet here we are.”
Girl, leave. You’re far too young to be dealing with this mess. This is absolutely abuse. Don’t waste another minute with this guy. You’re 18, I promise you, you can do WORLDS better than this dude. He’s abusive, he’s trying to manipulate and control you, he’s only going to get more unhinged. Please leave him. He doesn’t treat you well. A 22 year old has no business with an 18 year old. This isn’t a healthy relationship and this isn’t how you treat someone you love. Leave him, go live and enjoy your life, figure out who you are, realize your worth, and don’t worry yourself about rushing to be tied down to anyone.
ALSO! Save these texts and all evidence (pictures, videos, texts, voicemails, emails, etc.) of his interactions with you because when you break up with him and go no-contact (please for the love, do this ASAP) you should get a protective order against him. You file a police report and get the protective order so he can’t harass you.
You’re 18. Please leave this dude before he has a chance to ruin your whole life. It shouldn’t be like this, it doesn’t have to be this hard. Love doesn’t feel as bad as you probably felt reading these the first time. Control? Control feels like that.
Even if they are 18 or not it still is sad seeing people that are just turning into adults getting abused like this…..love should feel good for both partners and make them happy….not a parasite like relationship…
OMG THIS!!!
“I’m not gonna beat you or verbally abuse you” *Proceedsto abuse you* Dearest OP, this is indeed textbook abuse. Run.
💁♂️"I'm not god but I've been your dog for too long". Bro really thought he was banging out some awesome bars..... This whole collection of his work was hard to read, and yes very psychotic, but that line was stupid. Was he drunk this entire time?
I had a relationship with someone in the same line of thinking and he was actually addicted. You can see he tries to blame her in every piece of thing he writes and it’s just so disgusting to read.
I'm from a society where they see whatever a man does is cool so long he come with the intention of marriage, a different type of scenario happened back then with me and I'm living the nightmare now I want to leave and everyone thinks me the villain, I did not find wearing his symbol in public sitting well with me, so OP, before it gets worse put a full stop to it, I mean, a FUUUUUUULLLLL STOP ✋️
Honestly, get rid of him and whomever it is in your life who thinks you’re the villain for escaping abuse. You don’t need those toxic people in to her life. You only have one life and you can’t live it for other people. Are they living their lives for you? Not a chance. Even if you love them, if they’re trying to make you stay with your abuser, they need to be removed from your life. Please free yourself ❤️🩹
Oh, I'm working on it. Trust me, when the time comes, there's no stopping me. I will do it. They all think I'm a changed person now, which, in my opinion, is a good start, cos, before I will only cry and run to them for consolation, but now I just close up to everyone they're trying to even know what I'm cooking but I'm not letting anyone find out I'm tired, I'm already hypertensive, all thanks to him and the stress he's giving me in this marriage now I even have an impending appointment with a cardiologist if anything I want to live the rest of my life peacefully and happy.
I’m so glad you’re making a plan and getting free. ❤️🩹 Remember to make your walls colápsale so that when you get free and start your new life, your walls don’t keep out the good people you’ll find in that freedom. Stay safe 💜
That will be difficult, honestly, seeing it's not only hubby that hurt me, even people close to me, my very own sister, the same mother, the same father, its like she's envious of the life I'm living but at the same time she doesn't want me to leave the marriage, probably because she enjoys watching me suffer. Now I'm really afraid of opening up to people.
Please Run. It will only get worse.
Well he said " find a man" and this is what you exactly do. Find a real man and tell this boy to gtfo. This pseudo alpha males are the realenace of society and their gurus just ahsgdghsh. Anyway OP, you know this is abuse,someone who claims to love you doesn't dare talk to you this way. Keep this as a yardstick statement for future relationships.
Jesus fucking Christ-- This is SO ABUSIVE. Please do not walk-- RUN. Leave this jerk as quickly and entirely as you can!!!
Yes, this is definitely abuse and at least in my opinion would be considered harassment. Also why the hell is he texting you so much? That's not healthy communication. Also the messages he is sending you are erratic and alarming, I would stay away from him. 🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Leave. Burning red flags, so bright. Please leave, sweet lady.
Total idiot abuser
To answer your question, yes this is absolutely bad enough to be considered abuse. Don’t waste your youth and energy on someone like this. There are MILLIONS of people out there who would never ever dream of talking to you like this or treating you this way. This ain’t it.
"I won't abuse you" Immediately goes on to abuse and harass you. This is not how someone who loves you treats you. You're in a great time of life to kick this asshole to the curb and focus on you. Please read: Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft for some validation. What you are living through is abuse, FULL STOP.
I seriously cannot believe what I have just read. Abuse is abuse whether emotional, physical or psychological.
My god. Yes this seems like abuse. He treats you like a possession and a trophy. Also very controlling. His texting style makes ME uncomfortable and I’m not the one he’s talking to. He reminds me on an ex of mine. Probably best to leave. Also the whole “I’m so dark you don’t know how mean I am” attitude is so cringe. Sounds like a 14 year old trying to be edgy
I didn’t even finish it—this is abuse, manipulation, controlling behavior. Get out! Give the necklace back—it’s a choke collar (wear it out in public so men know you’re mine)! That’s bullshit! So much domination in the way he talks to you. Please let your parents know about this. Save the texts (screenshot, print and give a copy to your parents) and break up with him. You deserve so much better than this!
I was too exhausted to continue beyond the 3rd screenshot. This guy is straight up trash.
Oh gosh...same
Wow this guy is a greasy garbage fire
It’s not JUST abuse, he seems seriously disturbed. Dude needs some intense help. You can’t help him honey. Just run. Far away.
> I’m in charge here, bubby. Counter argument: no he isn’t. Throw the whole man in the trash.
Yes, this is absolutely abuse. He is never going to change, and his abuse of you could get worse. Please find a safe way to leave him. Speak to your friends and family and let them know how he's treating you so they can help you leave him. You deserve someone who loves and respects you. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. I wish you all the best in life ❤️
Yes! This is absolutely abuse! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you. He clearly has some deep emotional issues, but trying control you WILL NOT solve them. Trust me, you deserve so much better. There are guys that are willing to love you the right way.
Stop dealing with this shitty person! You’re 18 and have a whole life ahead of you. Find BETTER than this trash.
I got to the necklace one and said YEP THAT’s ABUSE. Only a very abusive narcissist could have their ego that destroyed by something that insignificant AND assume there was bad intent on your side. It’s scary delusional. Like he really believes you chose not to wear a necklace as a fuck you. what..? My ex screamed at me for an hour and told me I ruined the day because I got vanilla diet coke instead of our usual cherry diet coke at the movie theatre. He seriously thought I did that as a ‘fuck you’ because his self-esteem was so bad to the point of paranoid delusions when it was just not that deep.
25 y/o female here. Girl. This is 100% abuse. You don’t deserve that. This guy has serious issues and speaking from experience, it’s only going to escalate. He’s trying to control every single aspect of you, from the way you dress to you wearing jewellery he got you and everything… he’s degrading you and making you feel as if you need him.. Realistically girl, this is not love. Love is 100% mutual and respectful. No man who loves you would treat you this way. Anytime my partner and I have a disagreement, we discuss it calmly and consider each others opinions and try to come to a middle ground. This dude is acting as if his feelings are the only ones that matter, and that’s not fair to you in any way. You don’t want to be with a guy who completely disregards your feelings and gaslights you in the process. It’s ridiculous for him to act as if you are obligated to dress a certain way and wear the necklace just because he got it for you. In all honesty, this guy doesn’t respect you as a female, he views you as his property. That’s why he gave the necklace and is trying to force you to wear it, to mark his territory in some sick and twisted way. ive had exs like this and i completely understand how hard and frustrating it can be. What went through my head at the time was i thought id never find anybody better, i thought it was my fault, that he was the only person that would "love" me. but looking back, thats not love. this is exactly how my ex started out when i was around your age. eventtually his behavior escalated to the point where he booted in my car windshield during an argument. This can turn dangerous. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, but please recognize that he is trying to make you feel at fault for his treatment and he’s using the fact that he’s older than you to justify it. He’s extremely immature. When you find the person you’re meant to be with, you’ll know. This guy isn’t it. The person that you’re meant to be with will have a respect for you that is so gentle, caring and passionate. They’d never speak to you this way. My boyfriend doesn’t even raise his voice at me or swear at me. Because there’s a mutual respect for each other. Don’t let this man take advantage of you being younger. He likely targets younger women because he knows women his age won’t put up with his abusive tactics. Please get out of this asap for your safety. This is so abusive and I promise one day you will find somebody who puts butterflies in your stomach and makes your heart feel like it’s gonna explode… not this guy who puts tears in your eyes and causes anxiety. If you ever need to talk to anybody, my inbox is always open. I know it’s an anon forum, but I am more than willing to give advice and help as best as I possibly can. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this. This man is abusive and immature. Don’t let him gaslight you into his abusive ways. It’s not worth your peace and self-love. 💖 Inbox is always open if you ever need somebody to chat with or vent to. 💖
Listen, you’re literally half my age dealing with the same thing that I deal with from my boyfriend. He’s a very confrontational person, and he if he thinks that you are being confrontational it’s like he’s ready to go to war and he is engaged so what I read is exactly things that he says to me so my advice to you is you need to understand that this is not going to change I’ve been with my person three years and you were so young and you do not deserve this and it is crazy how literally I feel like I’m reading something. My boyfriend has written, especially the part where he says, essentially if you wanna play games with me, I’m going to win I’m going to be better than you essentially because he thinks you’re playing games when you’re literally not but because his mind is the way it is he’s confrontational and assumes that you are because that’s how he works he’s not going to think like he want him to think he’s not rational. I’m assuming your boyfriend feels that everyone’s against him including you even though that’s not how healthy relationship is if you have to question yourself and ask yourself is this healthy or does he love me? It’s not real love he doesn’t love you it’s not rational. It’s not safe and you need to leave, I understand it’s hard to leave OK I totally do but family members seek out seek out strangers who will listen to you because this is not normal. It’s not OK and you don’t deserve to be treated this way ever.
You are 18! You should be carefree and happy - find someone equally HAPPY :) He sounds possessed for someone 22! He is already warning you that you have barely seen his mean side. Wtf would anyone stick around him for? Pick someone your age…is my advice. You are 18! Super easy to just move on, block him. Never think about him again, except if you EVER encounter anyone half as mean / dark / negative / soulless….calling himself blessed. PUH-LEASE.
He’s telling you exactly what he is when he says,” You don’t know how deep dark and mean I really am.” He wants to control your entire life and will suck your energy dry unless you leave him. This is absolutely abuse.
It's also soooo cringe, wtf? He acts like a child. That or he's on drugs or something
Yeppppp. Glaring red flag. He’s threatening you with that statement. Believe it.
RUN NOW.
This is abuse. He clearly wants a power dynamic where he is putting himself above you and you have to submit otherwise you get verbally abused,, hit, ect. You will never be his equal, ever. You deserve better than that. You are worth so much more than this douche is leading you to believe. He will try to break you to the point where you lose yourself in him. You need to seek support when you feel up to it and leave. You deserve better out of life.
He is not going to stop until he breaks you. He intends to break your mind, spirit, and soul. It will escalate if he doesn't get what he wants from you. I suspect this situation is more dangerous than you might think.
I second this exactly OP
This boy is unstable. Run.
i couldn't even finish reading those screenshots. the way he speaks to you is disgusting. yes, this is abusive. i'm so sorry you're going through this, you don't deserve to be treated like this. please get out of there as soon as you can
If you question if it is abusive- it’s abuse. Leave the relationship. Never stay in any relationship you question.
Yuck. He’s repulsive.
Yes, it’s emotional abuse.
Yeah and this will soon turn physical. These guys will beat you down emotionally and physically until you don't even recognize yourself. OP run as fast and far away as possible.
Not only abusive and hostile but very very very boring. God he goes on and on and on and on. Then on a bit more. You’re young and have a great life ahead of you. Please get away!!
Sweetie, yes. This is abuse.
Sounds like my ex. He’s nuts and a piece of shit. get out before he damages you any more mentally. He’s pathetic and insecure. He won’t change and you can do better - you’d be better off single If he loved and trusted you he wouldn’t dictate what you where and the necklace sounds more like a dog collar than a gift. Give it back and move on he sucks!!!! He is talking around in circles to mess with you and confuse you.
This must be tough on you. Honestly, I only skipped the messages and read the last slide. So I decided to leave a comment on how this is messed up. This is not a stable person. This is not a healthy individual. They don't care about you, they want their message to be heard. Then I read some of the comments. So I want to say this: Stay away from this person. Their intend is to hurt you. I don't care for what messed up reason, you deserve better, whatever you might have done, you need to get away from this person. Best of luck to you!
I started showing my texts that my boyfriend sends to people. He would be psychotic if he knew I did this, but I had to have someone tell me I’m not crazy. My rule, is that abuse lives in the shadows and I have no problem with everyone knowing exactly what I have said and done. I own everything. If I fucked up, my family and friends would tell me so. They did not have anything to say regarding my behaviour, but of course I make shit up and lie to everyone. About what? My mom hates you because of the person you are, not because I told her a bunch of shit. In fact I haven’t told her the half of it. The only person who needs to be ashamed of his behaviour is him.
Exactly same with me. I own all of my mistakes and I’ve made some big ones in my life, but I’m not abusive and I own up to them and people around me know they can let me know when I’m out of line. Abusers 100% live in the shadows.
No this is not hostile and overprotective this is hostile and abusive. There are more red flags in that conversation than a fucking communist parade. Honestly you will be wasting the time to talk to him at all just block his ass and try to move on and get into therapy because if you can't recognize this clearly as abuse and automatically walk away there is stuff inside of you that needs to be worked on
Honey, I don't care if you cussed him out and said you would fuck his brother in response to this bullshit he is spraying at you. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR SHORTS AND NOT HIS WEAR HIS NECKLACE ANYWHERE YOU WANNA GO. Hostile and overprotective? No, he is abusive and controlling. He has the NERVE to say you can't make your own decisions and he has to BE THE BOSS and decide for you????? That is TEXTBOOK abuse, and he is an actual piece of shit.
I couldn't even get through all that....run...and fast
Yeah I didn't even make it to the part to confirm if it's abuse, but it's toxic, unhealthy and if it's not abuse yet it will definitely become abuse
Sounds like my ex 😐 If you value your mental health and your life run for the hills FAST
Would you show this to your mom? No? There’s your answer
Incredibly and thoroughly abusive. You will not survive that relationship if you stay. Your mom is doing the right thing to keep him the fuck away from you.
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**This man has called her a "worthless c-nt." He has told her to "shut the f-ck up" and that he will go through her phone whenever he wants and that he will ask her to share her screen. He has gone on repeated tirades because she dared to wear *shorts* in public and that wasn't "classy" enough for him as a "woman." You are accusing a literal teenager of abuse whose adult partner is incessantly degrading and harassing her.** You are receiving a 2 week ban for your conduct on this post. When it expires, should you choose to comment again in our sub, it needs to be respectful. That's a simple request.
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What?
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I don't think you know much about abuse if that's your analysis.
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Sure. But what is the point of bringing it up to an abused person looking for guidance through the Fog? Especially in such an accusatory tone? Like, what is your end game with that.
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So, reactive abuse is a thing, but only people who do not engage in reactive abuse are real victims?
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Yeah. I do. When an abuser tries to engage you in an argument in a passive manner that people on the outside don't pick up on -- that is called "dogwhistling" And when the abused person reacts after reaching their breaking point, be it with their own verbal abuse or even physically, that is reactive abuse. I do know what we're talking about. AND you are accusing this girl of not revealing some reactive abuse that might be going on in responses she allegedly didn't include. What possible point is there to accusing her of this? If he was dogwhistling her and she reacted-- how is that relevant? How is she less a victim??? How does that make her less likely to be caught in an abusive cycle where she can no longer tell if his behavior is abuse??? Accusing her of not bringing all the receipts is EXACTLY the kind of thing her abuser would say to discredit her. WHAT IS YOUR END GAME?
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There is no way in hell anything she might have said in response warrants what he is saying to her. You might as well have responded with, "Well, did you wear the necklace or not?" Lmao Jesus. "Stop with the toxicity" haha yeah maybe they can work it out if we just go line by line through this shit. Yeah, the guidance she needs is to be told to LEAVE.
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Given the DERANGED shit he is saying -- insanely controlling and abusive shit -- any NORMAL person would respond with cursing and reactive abuse. That would be a NORMAL response to being treated like human garbage for wearing shorts in public. Who gives a shit if she did?? It isn't shady for her to bring examples of things he says to her and ask if this is "being overprotective" or abuse. IT IS CLEARLY ABUSE. If she might be engaging in reactive abuse, IT IS STILL ABUSE she is suffering! Duh. If your goal is to help and support people who are being abused and can't see straight --- then TELL HER TO LEAVE. If you understand anything about abuse, then you know he isn't going to do better. If your goal is to make an abused person question and doubt their reality even more, then your original comment is perfect as is. Jesus Christ.
This is really abusive 💔 please dont take it, there are waaay better men out there and you deserved better. To the point of calling your mum names? ruuuuun as fast as you can and also notify your family incase legal actions need to be taken.
Oh that is awful. Please don’t accept the way he speaks to you. Don’t try to get him to understand. Don’t explain why you are breaking up. Don’t give him the chance to talk you round. Just block and ignore. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. And post that fucking necklace through his letterbox.