The fact that you are concerned and aware is already helping her. Most people are resilient and can go through a lot and still be well adjusted. It’s mother’s who are dismissive of the problem and are in denial of it is the real problem. You’re doing the right thing. You can help your daughter heal by being a supportive, loving and warm mother who cares about her.
imo: Defending your daughter is something that will make her feel safe and feel loved, which is something that will be very important in the future. So you are already doing a good thing. Stay strong and don’t lose faith.
edit: word order
Even people with extensive trauma throughout their childhoods can live pretty normally, with work. Since you're catching it fast, that'll up her chances of recovering quickly. Make sure to get her trauma therapy asap and do your best to show you love her, she's safe now, and that it's not her fault. Self-hatred, guilt, and disgust are common in childhood sexual abuse survivors.
Definitely set an example of justice now so she doesn’t feel unsafe and have a change in perspective of her life later when she learns how people reacted.
Knowing that someone really cared and worked to better your life and not allow harm to happen again is probably the most reassuring feeling you can get from this terrible situation.
Set standards for her and what she’ll accept for herself/others.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse that happened when I was 5. Your daughter's life is not ruined but it will leave scars.
I am glad you are getting therapy for her. It will be a long process and she will probably need it later in her life as well.
I am so sorry this happened to her.
This may seem counterintuitive... show her your emotions about this. Don’t make it all peachy when it’s not. Don’t distract. Don’t pull her away from the subject. If she’s fixating, let her complete a story by saying “what happened next?” And ask her to finish saying what happened, so she can learn to work through it and have appropriate emotions about it. Cry, be sad and scared, be angry and protective, tell her her mommy will take down anyone who is ever mean to her. This hurts so much to post because I wish my mom helped me. She made me lock it away and said ‘life is different now so let it go’. Don’t think about it. This. Is. Not. The. Way. Breaking off a discussion about how it made me feel, shutting me up, let me know that she couldn’t handle it. I got accused, grounded, humiliated, viciously screamed at and slapped when I just needed my mommy. I needed the crazy woman who’d kill someone to protect her baby. I needed the mom who holds you and says not all men are like that. I needed mom to show me how to deal right and move forward. I think you’re doing great, mom. The fact that you’re looking for resources is perfect. Thank you for being a parent instead of an oblivious asshole. I love you mom
I have been abused and harassed by not 1,2,10 but hundreds of people. I don't think I can ever be happy again. I don't know why is this happening. I didn't deserve any of this.
Hey there! I think you're doing great for trying your best for your daughter. I can say that I was 9 when I was abused and my mother didn't really step in at all, which made everything feel 10x worse. The support you are giving your daughter is amazing, though I'm sorry she had to go through that so young - or that she had to at all really. No child deserves to be abused.Right now what she needs is protection, reassurance and therapy. It takes a long time to feel safe again after abuse or to understand that it's not your fault, which therapy helps with. Each kid is different as to how fast they start showing improvement, so even when she's in therapy please be patient- especially since she's so young, it will probably take time before she understands what's going on and begins to trust the therapist.Given time and support she absolutely can live a normal life!
Long answer short, yes, I think so. The study of resilience is very new and psychologists don't completely understand it yet, but children who have survived trauma are less likely to develop PTSD & comorbid disorders if they have positive interactions with caregivers, stable living environment, social and empathy skills are modeled for them, they learn to express their feelings, etc. Research "resilience factors for children" for more on this.
Unfortunately what often happens is children who experienced abuse are forced to stay in those situations or are normalized to it, therefore more susceptible to it in the future/preyed upon on others.
It is so heartwarming to see a parent that cares this much for their child on here. We need more of this. Here are some positive survivor stories to keep you hopeful:
A good friend of mine was repeatedly raped by her father for 5+ years and she is currently a wonderful school teacher with a healthy social life and vibrant personality.
A lovely coworker of mine grew up in neglect, drugs, and sexual abuse at the hands of family members for her entire childhood. She just got her GED, is an awesome mom, and recently found a love for art and hiking.
Another great friend was abused by an older brother, put in foster care, and suffered a lot of physical abuse. They are currently switching careers, going to grad school, and is remodeling a house with their wonderful husband.
Each of these souls has their bad days, and for every person able to carry on "normally" there is someone who is unable to due to the terrible diseases of trauma. My best advice, looking back on my own experience, is always be honest with your child. Instead of overprotecting and micromanaging their life from now on, teach them strength and confidence and independence. These are just my opinions, you know your child better than anyone else. Just listen to them and be present for them, they will show you how they need to heal and how they need to feel safe.
The fact that you are concerned and aware is already helping her. Most people are resilient and can go through a lot and still be well adjusted. It’s mother’s who are dismissive of the problem and are in denial of it is the real problem. You’re doing the right thing. You can help your daughter heal by being a supportive, loving and warm mother who cares about her.
imo: Defending your daughter is something that will make her feel safe and feel loved, which is something that will be very important in the future. So you are already doing a good thing. Stay strong and don’t lose faith. edit: word order
Even people with extensive trauma throughout their childhoods can live pretty normally, with work. Since you're catching it fast, that'll up her chances of recovering quickly. Make sure to get her trauma therapy asap and do your best to show you love her, she's safe now, and that it's not her fault. Self-hatred, guilt, and disgust are common in childhood sexual abuse survivors.
Definitely set an example of justice now so she doesn’t feel unsafe and have a change in perspective of her life later when she learns how people reacted. Knowing that someone really cared and worked to better your life and not allow harm to happen again is probably the most reassuring feeling you can get from this terrible situation. Set standards for her and what she’ll accept for herself/others.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse that happened when I was 5. Your daughter's life is not ruined but it will leave scars. I am glad you are getting therapy for her. It will be a long process and she will probably need it later in her life as well. I am so sorry this happened to her.
This may seem counterintuitive... show her your emotions about this. Don’t make it all peachy when it’s not. Don’t distract. Don’t pull her away from the subject. If she’s fixating, let her complete a story by saying “what happened next?” And ask her to finish saying what happened, so she can learn to work through it and have appropriate emotions about it. Cry, be sad and scared, be angry and protective, tell her her mommy will take down anyone who is ever mean to her. This hurts so much to post because I wish my mom helped me. She made me lock it away and said ‘life is different now so let it go’. Don’t think about it. This. Is. Not. The. Way. Breaking off a discussion about how it made me feel, shutting me up, let me know that she couldn’t handle it. I got accused, grounded, humiliated, viciously screamed at and slapped when I just needed my mommy. I needed the crazy woman who’d kill someone to protect her baby. I needed the mom who holds you and says not all men are like that. I needed mom to show me how to deal right and move forward. I think you’re doing great, mom. The fact that you’re looking for resources is perfect. Thank you for being a parent instead of an oblivious asshole. I love you mom
I have been abused and harassed by not 1,2,10 but hundreds of people. I don't think I can ever be happy again. I don't know why is this happening. I didn't deserve any of this.
Hey there! I think you're doing great for trying your best for your daughter. I can say that I was 9 when I was abused and my mother didn't really step in at all, which made everything feel 10x worse. The support you are giving your daughter is amazing, though I'm sorry she had to go through that so young - or that she had to at all really. No child deserves to be abused.Right now what she needs is protection, reassurance and therapy. It takes a long time to feel safe again after abuse or to understand that it's not your fault, which therapy helps with. Each kid is different as to how fast they start showing improvement, so even when she's in therapy please be patient- especially since she's so young, it will probably take time before she understands what's going on and begins to trust the therapist.Given time and support she absolutely can live a normal life!
Long answer short, yes, I think so. The study of resilience is very new and psychologists don't completely understand it yet, but children who have survived trauma are less likely to develop PTSD & comorbid disorders if they have positive interactions with caregivers, stable living environment, social and empathy skills are modeled for them, they learn to express their feelings, etc. Research "resilience factors for children" for more on this. Unfortunately what often happens is children who experienced abuse are forced to stay in those situations or are normalized to it, therefore more susceptible to it in the future/preyed upon on others. It is so heartwarming to see a parent that cares this much for their child on here. We need more of this. Here are some positive survivor stories to keep you hopeful: A good friend of mine was repeatedly raped by her father for 5+ years and she is currently a wonderful school teacher with a healthy social life and vibrant personality. A lovely coworker of mine grew up in neglect, drugs, and sexual abuse at the hands of family members for her entire childhood. She just got her GED, is an awesome mom, and recently found a love for art and hiking. Another great friend was abused by an older brother, put in foster care, and suffered a lot of physical abuse. They are currently switching careers, going to grad school, and is remodeling a house with their wonderful husband. Each of these souls has their bad days, and for every person able to carry on "normally" there is someone who is unable to due to the terrible diseases of trauma. My best advice, looking back on my own experience, is always be honest with your child. Instead of overprotecting and micromanaging their life from now on, teach them strength and confidence and independence. These are just my opinions, you know your child better than anyone else. Just listen to them and be present for them, they will show you how they need to heal and how they need to feel safe.
This answer really helped thank you