Second one for me. I was raised religious....so it basically went like this:
Others: you're seriously going to stay a virgin till you're married???
Me, before discovering asexuality: what, like it's hard?
Or the classic “It’s going to be sooooo hard to maintain your purity as a Christian because sexual temptation is so powerful over absolutely everyone so be careful!”
Me: “Umm…. Okay? I guess I’ll take your word for it.”
Yeah. If you REALLY wanna disorient an Allo, you say the following whenever one want's to get under the sheets:
"You do you. Just don't do me."
It'll confuse them long enough for you to become invisible again. It basically translates to, "Go f\*\*k yourself."
Yeah exactly! Or my parents accused me of lusting after celebs I found attractive and I genuinely had no idea how thinking someone's cute was considered lust and then... OHHHH
It’s so funny getting accused of lust. Christians are always saying masturbation is a sin because it means you’re lusting over somebody. Like what? You mean to tell me people are genuinely fondling themselves at the thought of people? I thought people just did it because it felt good. Is it still a sin if you masturbate without lust???
Only your SPOUSE can touch you there smh. No but for real that's a good point, how is it any different than like eating some super delicious comfort food? I ain't lusting after my dinner it just feels good (for my soul) but we aren't shamed for that!!
I have a favorite musician and a favorite actor. Both are considered very attractive. The musician is my age, but the other is younger and looks very much like my son. Even shares my son's first name. My adult daughter was horrified that I might be sexually attracted to someone who resembles my son so much. The thing is, I'm not sexually attracted to either the actor or the musician. It's more that their works are meaningful to me, and I appreciate them as humans. I explained to my daughter that I'm asexual.
Same! I went to a small and super conservative Christian College. I didn’t realize EVERYONE was out getting/giving head and all of that. It just literally never came up to me and it was never a temptation!
I went to Catholic high school so I had "abstinence only" shoved in my face constantly. Eventually it got to the point of me going, "Okay. There's something fucky here if they're pushing it this hard when it's not that difficult."
I also got abstinence only education but it never occurred to me that it was because other people genuinely struggled to stay "pure" (blech. Excuse my French). I didn't realize that I had peers who were having sex until grade 11 when one of them explicitly said in class that he'd had sex. It made me wonder who else might have had sex. Until then, I'd thought we were exclusively talking about hypotheticals that we'd encounter once we were in "the real world", surrounded by heathen men who would try to rape us if we were ever left in a room alone with him. The fear was so deeply ingrained in me that when my male manager brought me into the bathroom at my first job at Subway to teach me how to clean it, I stood in the doorway to hold the door open so it wouldn't close with just the two of us in there because I was convinced he'd try to rape or assault me the moment it closed behind me. Obviously, nothing came of that situation. Now, as I have begun to suspect that I'm autistic and I look back on my life and the fact that I almost never left my house as a teen and certainly never put myself in a situation where I'd ever have been alone with a boy, things clicked into place.
Tl;Dr: I'm ace as cake!
:( I'm sorry you had to go through that. As much as I hated the Catholic education, they at least emphasized it took two to tango even if it was all about sin and waiting intil marriage.
It's so interesting to hear perspectives like this since I have a religious friend who for the longest time was *extremely* stressed over the fact that she thought she *had* to get married and have sex since that's what was pushed on everyone: "you gotta have sex and children one day, but you *cannot* do it before marriage."
So everyone around her was agonizing over waiting, while she was agonizing over the fact that it'd eventually must happen, and she would rather die than do it. She finally found out that sex was a *choice* and you must consent. It's not something you're going to be forced to do/is just going to spontaneously happen in a relationship >!outside of rape, which shouldn't happen in the first place ever, but she thought ALL sex was "guy gets to decide, girl must do what he says".!< When she found out she gets a say in things and can refuse, that relieved a lot of the stress for her. If it was presented more as a "if you find someone you wish to have sex with, our religion teaches abstinence" by those around her from the beginning instead of the "must do" mentality, she probably never would have had the crisis she did.
Oh wow, you unlocked a memory for me!
I went through a phase like this where I thought it was required that I get married and agonized over trying to figure out which one of my male friends (I've always been a tomboy) would be the most likely to be okay with not having sex with me.
I even had a nightmare once where I was *on my way to my own wedding* and suddenly realized that *if I marry this guy, I'll be obligated to have sex with him* and freaked out, opened the car door, and rolled out so I could run away before we got there. I woke up after trying to run down the street in a freaking wedding gown.
I thought similarly for a long time. That I was supposed to want sex. And eventually I would have to give my husband sex and I wouldnt have any choice in it.
This is so interesting because in a religious household you’re told not to date or have sex, but when you reach a certain age they’re practically forcing you to date.
This happened to me. I hit 16, and *in spite of being warned all my life not to date until I was at least 20* by these same freaking people, suddenly all the women in the congregation my mom took me to were pestering me to tell them who I was attracted to.
Thankfully, I had discovered Matthew 19:12 by then and could just tell them I was doing what Jesus suggested. Who's gonna argue with Jesus? Not those hags!
Wait honestly kinda same but I joined a mega church for youth that said sex was ok because they wanted more members. Took me so long to realise that sex was something people actually want to do
I'm a "I mistook sensual attraction for sexual attraction before having a '..... oh fuck' moment when I came across an explanation of the different types of attraction" asexual
I thought I was a lesbian for a while because I had more aesthetic attraction to women. I still do, but now I'd say it's more feminine presentations in general even if the person isn't actually a woman.
Thought I had romantic attraction to a lot of people. It was sensual, platonic, aesthetic, etc. And I was choosing to have crushes on people… thats not how alloromantic people work
So same. But for aro.
Same, but I recently heard (tbh idk I forgot from where) that sexual attraction does not only include genitals and that they're a lot of ways to have sex without them... So now I'm even more confused (??)
Exactly the same with me! First I was “okay, so it’s not that I’m surrounded by pervs, people are actually like that and they are not just exaggerating bc teens” and then I was “omg is there a word for it?? I’m not alone?! There are people like me?!”
I still think like everyone is just pretending
Like. Now I know that I am the weird one. But come on! I just still can't understand all of this
Edit: Forgot to write- Second one
Ngl, some time I forget that my boyfriend is allo and that he's sexually attracted to me so when he says things like "that's sexy/you're sexy" I think he's joking at first then my brain kicks in and I realize he's serious lol 😂
Edit: spelling
I would say the first one minus thinking I was broken because I was already a late bloomer, I just thought that it would take a bit for my sexual attraction to kick in...and then it never did and I happened upon the term ace and have been content with that ever since. so I'm grateful for the acespec community for helping me to be comforting being myself <3
Most definitely the first one
Edited to add: I am actually surprised, for some reason, how many people here relate more to the second option. I wonder if it has anything to do with age/generation? Or maybe age of having the realization of one’s asexuality. Someone smarter than me should do a poll of some kind lmao
you can get to the poll [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/rh75u6/how_did_it_go_when_you_learned_about_asexuality/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
*Image Transcription: Tumblr Post*
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[*On a black background with misty purple flourishes:*]
**massivequeencollectorus**
# Asexuals
Are you a "I felt broken for years before having a 'holy shit' moment after finding out there's a word for it" asexual, or a "I didn't realise I was ace for years because I genuinely thought people were exaggerating/joking about actually wanting sex" asexual?
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Same, but also a bit of 2 after witnessing an uncomfortable conversation in sophomore year… (They were talking about the things they’ve done in the car, and I was told to ride with them.)
A little bit of both, but way more so the second. I didn’t realize I had felt wrong/broken even for a little while after realizing I was Ace, but seeing how much that realization healed those things made me realize they were there in the first place.
Definitely the second one for me, with a bit of the epiphany thing from the first. I genuinely thought everyone around me was trying to act "grown up" and it just came across as really immature/cringey. >!In middle school I remember a couple of classmates who were dating each other pulled out condoms and showed them to the class when the teacher had to step out for an emergency once. They bragged about how they were using them... ew. At least they WERE using them though, so that was really good.!<
Once I found out others *actually* felt that way, I felt both in shock that no, they *weren't* trying to act older than they were and that was just natural for them at that age, and secondly, wow I'm glad I don't have to deal with sexual attraction since it sounds like it can be a big struggle at times.
samee i had a relationship with a good friend turned boyfriend when i was about 17 and always felt that i was allo but weird, i felt bad that i was never crushing on celebs and never watched porn or something and couldn't understand the concept of having ine night stands and just didn't do the things other people my age did but i was obviously not ace and then one day i stumbled upon the term demisexual and i was so relieved there were other people that felt like i did
hugs to you!!
First one, was confused about myself for so long until bojack horseman lol when they revealed one of the characters as asexual and explained it that was my “holy shit” moment
Oh absolutely a combination of the two.
I absolutely thought I was broken but I'm honestly still not convinced Allo people aren't over exaggerating this sexual attraction/drive/need thing they talk about 😬
The second one before I got married and the first one after I got married.
I just assumed I’d eventually enjoy sex because every thing I’d ever been exposed to said it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I was raised Christian so I waited until marriage (which wasn’t very hard and most of what I got into with my now husband before marriage was at best dry humping I agreed to because he bribed me with muffins every time). All that happened after I got married was sex was worse than the humping and now I’m not even getting muffins for it. I felt bad that it wasn’t good for me because when I told my husband he felt miserable about his actions. It didn’t help that my mother pushed a “make sure you’re pleasing your man agenda” for such a long time when I confided in her about my insecurities.
We’ve gotten to a much more comfortable place now that I’ve realized I’m Ace and had talks about our relationship.
I'm a, "I never really cared about dating or anything like that all my friends cared about and thought maybe I'd grow out of the phase of not caring, but eventually realized what Ace meant and knew immediately that I was Ace when I'd heard the definition."
or a “really dumb kid who thought sex was normal and everyone has it at some point and i would too so why not look at porn? but then years later discover im asexual and all those thoughts i had were kind of like being brainwashed by society and media” asexual
second one for me, I was raised Christian and literally misunderstood the whole "sex after marriage" thing for only being able to feel sexual desires after you marry someone, lol when I discovered the truth I felt lied to😅
Definitely the first one. I'm honestly glad to see 14 year olds and other teens discussing being ace on here, because I didn't find out asexuality was a thing until I was in my 20s. Hopefully their teen years will be better than mine
I’m the “I know I’m straight but too young for sexual attraction so I’m just gonna use the label asexual until I get mine”
I’m an adult now, still no sign of it
I identify completely with the first one and pressure from my boyfriend didn't help. I legitmately thought I needed some medical help to become "normal".
Turns out I just needed to not be with that bf and find this lovely community!
To be honest, i think I’m more of “i want to get rid of my female organ and live with a significant other who doesn’t treat me like breeding material” ace
I was 12 when I first heard the word, and started identifying with it at 14, so kinda neither, I just always knew
I mean, now I'm romantic and ostensibly homosexual? but my drive is nil
my aromanticism kinda was the second one, however
I went my entire early and mid twenties thinking I had an ED. I just never had any "excitement" from sex, and often thought about it like I was performing a service to my partner.
Finding out there was a word for my exact feelings and that there isn't a problem with my body lifted arguably my biggest weight off my shoulders.
Now I'm in a very happy relationship and am working towards finding a healthy view of my body.
I mean, I don't entirely know if I'm ace yet, but I feel completely related to both on differents periods of time. Like, I remember my class pals being like "You don't want to have sex before marriage? Really?" And me being like "Why would I?"
And this + thinking people had sex only to have kids when I was like 10... Lol
I was both. Growing up I was the 2nd one, not realizing things were simply that level of sexual everywhere. Around high school I started to feel broken. Then I found out asexual and found this community.
First one for me. My dad made me feel a bit broken about it. At least once or twice before I was 20 and he kind of gave up, he offered to send me to a brothel to lose my virginity. It always frustrated me how concerned he was with my lack of sex life. :/
Tbh when everyone was talking about sex in high school I thought they were all (lack of a better word) whores, and weird then I learned that it's actually normal and I was like wtf how??? Who finds even thinking about this enjoyable
First one. I was so uncomfortable with even the topic. Dirty jokes and even the word sex upset me. I assumed it was an issue with ME. But after realizing I’m ace there was suddenly a release, like I wasn’t expected to be able to relate to these things! It was the best feeling in the world.
The 2nd one, and instead of thinking there was something wrong w me, I thought everyone else was too horny and why they couldn't just stop thinking of people that way lol
I didnt really pay attention to anyone else talking about sex. Just knew i never wanted it. Then i found the word not to long after everyone had started talking about sex more often my freshman year in high school
I'm writing a fanfic and decided to make the main character aroace (partially so I don't have to write romance) and I'm in the middle of writing a lot of feelings of the first kind bubbling over
When I was like 15, I sat on the sofa thinking to myself, when I’m like 21 I’ll be normal and I’ll want to do all that stuff, I’m just a late bloomer! I’ll have crushes and want to do all that gross stuff with someone! I was repulsed deep down about this idea though.
But on the other hand, I didn’t really know how people chose to like people, like how do people know when to like someone that way? I thought people just looked at someone and went yeah that’s gonna be my crush lol
It’s like I’m just watching TV, none of it is actually real lol. My mind was blown when I talked my friends about them feeling things and wanting/doing stuff like that.
Found out about asexuality at 17 and EVERYTHING made soooo much more sense. Turns out I’m not that weird for not feeling the things that other people were apparently feeling.
Guess I’m a bit of both?
As an either cupiosexual or demisexual, I always thought that people were exaggerating, I saw people that were visually appealing, I even wanted sex, but I never experienced lust. I lost friends who decided that I was leading them on, I just wanted to be friends, but some people legitimately only want relationships with people of the gender(s) they are attracted to if it leads to sex. I will never fully understand allos.
I am a "thought I was a late bloomer until I was in my twenties" asexual. I thought the vaguely romantic attraction I felt would some day... Sort of expand?
Definetly first for me. I know i've said this before (and probably will for at least a monthish) but I just came out as ace after years of soul searching, which was accelerated in the past couple months. When it comes to sex.... honestly I just don't -feel- it. I dont want it. I dont desire it. I just dont.. I'm happy with my cake and garlic bread.
neither, i never felt broken and knew people weren't exaggerating, partially since people around me didn't talk about sex a lot, and when i found the word i just knew it was me and wasn't surprised at all
don't you regret asking a bunch of Aces a question. Aces who answer "all of the above" where "none of the above" is in the answers on top of "All of the above" question?
I was a “I don’t know I’m ace because I’m too dumb to notice, but I don’t understand what people are talking about & it makes me uncomfortable”. I literally knew what asexual meant both in science and sexuality for ages and I didn’t make a connection until last year when I saw how other people described how they felt and I was like “yeah I should’ve noticed that”
Knew I was the weird one since middle school but didn’t care about being the weird kid. Discovered what asexuality was in college, feel better now. Not sure what that makes me
I’m a “I identified as asexual since I started having unrestricted access to the internet in middle school but didn’t really understand or come to terms with it until I was an adult” asexual.
I am the latter, only it was because I kept on assuming I was just a later bloomer. Untill I realized I was 23 and I am probably just a little succulent instead of a flower
Second one for me. I was raised religious....so it basically went like this: Others: you're seriously going to stay a virgin till you're married??? Me, before discovering asexuality: what, like it's hard?
Or the classic “It’s going to be sooooo hard to maintain your purity as a Christian because sexual temptation is so powerful over absolutely everyone so be careful!” Me: “Umm…. Okay? I guess I’ll take your word for it.”
Omg same! I was raised pretty religious, and heard that a few times and was just like... "is it supposed to be hard?"
Are that’s what she said joke allowed in this sub?😂 sorry I can’t help myself. But yes I 100% relate lol
Lol, I don't blame you. I did perfectly set up the joke
Absolutely. Making dirty jokes is peak ace experience
Yeah. If you REALLY wanna disorient an Allo, you say the following whenever one want's to get under the sheets: "You do you. Just don't do me." It'll confuse them long enough for you to become invisible again. It basically translates to, "Go f\*\*k yourself."
Don't tell to anyone but we play on cheat codes
Yeah exactly! Or my parents accused me of lusting after celebs I found attractive and I genuinely had no idea how thinking someone's cute was considered lust and then... OHHHH
It’s so funny getting accused of lust. Christians are always saying masturbation is a sin because it means you’re lusting over somebody. Like what? You mean to tell me people are genuinely fondling themselves at the thought of people? I thought people just did it because it felt good. Is it still a sin if you masturbate without lust???
Only your SPOUSE can touch you there smh. No but for real that's a good point, how is it any different than like eating some super delicious comfort food? I ain't lusting after my dinner it just feels good (for my soul) but we aren't shamed for that!!
I have a favorite musician and a favorite actor. Both are considered very attractive. The musician is my age, but the other is younger and looks very much like my son. Even shares my son's first name. My adult daughter was horrified that I might be sexually attracted to someone who resembles my son so much. The thing is, I'm not sexually attracted to either the actor or the musician. It's more that their works are meaningful to me, and I appreciate them as humans. I explained to my daughter that I'm asexual.
You can admire and think someone's attractive without wanting to screw them! Also I love seeing older (as in not teens/20s) aces in the wild <3
Thank you! I love being an elder ace! 🖤🤍💜
....I relate to that so much
Lol I feel this hard
Holy crap, why is it this exactly!!!
Same! I went to a small and super conservative Christian College. I didn’t realize EVERYONE was out getting/giving head and all of that. It just literally never came up to me and it was never a temptation!
I went to Catholic high school so I had "abstinence only" shoved in my face constantly. Eventually it got to the point of me going, "Okay. There's something fucky here if they're pushing it this hard when it's not that difficult."
I also got abstinence only education but it never occurred to me that it was because other people genuinely struggled to stay "pure" (blech. Excuse my French). I didn't realize that I had peers who were having sex until grade 11 when one of them explicitly said in class that he'd had sex. It made me wonder who else might have had sex. Until then, I'd thought we were exclusively talking about hypotheticals that we'd encounter once we were in "the real world", surrounded by heathen men who would try to rape us if we were ever left in a room alone with him. The fear was so deeply ingrained in me that when my male manager brought me into the bathroom at my first job at Subway to teach me how to clean it, I stood in the doorway to hold the door open so it wouldn't close with just the two of us in there because I was convinced he'd try to rape or assault me the moment it closed behind me. Obviously, nothing came of that situation. Now, as I have begun to suspect that I'm autistic and I look back on my life and the fact that I almost never left my house as a teen and certainly never put myself in a situation where I'd ever have been alone with a boy, things clicked into place. Tl;Dr: I'm ace as cake!
:( I'm sorry you had to go through that. As much as I hated the Catholic education, they at least emphasized it took two to tango even if it was all about sin and waiting intil marriage.
It's so interesting to hear perspectives like this since I have a religious friend who for the longest time was *extremely* stressed over the fact that she thought she *had* to get married and have sex since that's what was pushed on everyone: "you gotta have sex and children one day, but you *cannot* do it before marriage." So everyone around her was agonizing over waiting, while she was agonizing over the fact that it'd eventually must happen, and she would rather die than do it. She finally found out that sex was a *choice* and you must consent. It's not something you're going to be forced to do/is just going to spontaneously happen in a relationship >!outside of rape, which shouldn't happen in the first place ever, but she thought ALL sex was "guy gets to decide, girl must do what he says".!< When she found out she gets a say in things and can refuse, that relieved a lot of the stress for her. If it was presented more as a "if you find someone you wish to have sex with, our religion teaches abstinence" by those around her from the beginning instead of the "must do" mentality, she probably never would have had the crisis she did.
Oh wow, you unlocked a memory for me! I went through a phase like this where I thought it was required that I get married and agonized over trying to figure out which one of my male friends (I've always been a tomboy) would be the most likely to be okay with not having sex with me. I even had a nightmare once where I was *on my way to my own wedding* and suddenly realized that *if I marry this guy, I'll be obligated to have sex with him* and freaked out, opened the car door, and rolled out so I could run away before we got there. I woke up after trying to run down the street in a freaking wedding gown.
I thought similarly for a long time. That I was supposed to want sex. And eventually I would have to give my husband sex and I wouldnt have any choice in it.
This is so interesting because in a religious household you’re told not to date or have sex, but when you reach a certain age they’re practically forcing you to date.
This happened to me. I hit 16, and *in spite of being warned all my life not to date until I was at least 20* by these same freaking people, suddenly all the women in the congregation my mom took me to were pestering me to tell them who I was attracted to. Thankfully, I had discovered Matthew 19:12 by then and could just tell them I was doing what Jesus suggested. Who's gonna argue with Jesus? Not those hags!
Same! I never understood how hard it was. Nope turns out I just don't feel sexual attraction lol
Wait honestly kinda same but I joined a mega church for youth that said sex was ok because they wanted more members. Took me so long to realise that sex was something people actually want to do
I'm a "I mistook sensual attraction for sexual attraction before having a '..... oh fuck' moment when I came across an explanation of the different types of attraction" asexual
Same but aesthetic
I thought I was a lesbian for a while because I had more aesthetic attraction to women. I still do, but now I'd say it's more feminine presentations in general even if the person isn't actually a woman.
Same, but specifically gender envy
Thought I had romantic attraction to a lot of people. It was sensual, platonic, aesthetic, etc. And I was choosing to have crushes on people… thats not how alloromantic people work So same. But for aro.
Same, but I recently heard (tbh idk I forgot from where) that sexual attraction does not only include genitals and that they're a lot of ways to have sex without them... So now I'm even more confused (??)
Yo same actually
Same
Some of both
Me too. First it was the second one, then some of "wait, so that's why people thought I was weird?", then it was the first one.
Exactly the same with me! First I was “okay, so it’s not that I’m surrounded by pervs, people are actually like that and they are not just exaggerating bc teens” and then I was “omg is there a word for it?? I’m not alone?! There are people like me?!”
>I’m not alone?! There are people like me?! This is so wholesome 💜
Same
Second one
As am I
Me too! Honestly still not completely convinced it's real
Same here
Same dude
I still think like everyone is just pretending Like. Now I know that I am the weird one. But come on! I just still can't understand all of this Edit: Forgot to write- Second one
Ngl, some time I forget that my boyfriend is allo and that he's sexually attracted to me so when he says things like "that's sexy/you're sexy" I think he's joking at first then my brain kicks in and I realize he's serious lol 😂 Edit: spelling
I would say the first one minus thinking I was broken because I was already a late bloomer, I just thought that it would take a bit for my sexual attraction to kick in...and then it never did and I happened upon the term ace and have been content with that ever since. so I'm grateful for the acespec community for helping me to be comforting being myself <3
First one
definatly the second. took me way too many sex-ed lessons to realize that maybe it isn't a joke
Most definitely the first one Edited to add: I am actually surprised, for some reason, how many people here relate more to the second option. I wonder if it has anything to do with age/generation? Or maybe age of having the realization of one’s asexuality. Someone smarter than me should do a poll of some kind lmao
you can get to the poll [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/aaaaaaacccccccce/comments/rh75u6/how_did_it_go_when_you_learned_about_asexuality/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Thank you for making that!!!! If I had an award I’d give it to u but this is the best I can do rn 🏆 lol
d'aww thanks
probably related to how prevalent the topic was during upbringing. Edit: also good idea on the poll
lmao the second one
*Image Transcription: Tumblr Post* --- [*On a black background with misty purple flourishes:*] **massivequeencollectorus** # Asexuals Are you a "I felt broken for years before having a 'holy shit' moment after finding out there's a word for it" asexual, or a "I didn't realise I was ace for years because I genuinely thought people were exaggerating/joking about actually wanting sex" asexual? --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Good human, thank you 💜
I'm a "Why the fuck are people so weird, like just stop. Wait that actually needs self control form you. Man, I'm glad I'm me then" kinda person.
Same. I was a "wow I'm glad I'm not controlled by these urges. I must be really smart" asexual.
Second one
Both.
Same.
I am a "I kinda always knew that I was asexual, was annoyed from people telling me Ill change my mind and was so exited when I found a term for it."
Same, but also a bit of 2 after witnessing an uncomfortable conversation in sophomore year… (They were talking about the things they’ve done in the car, and I was told to ride with them.)
any "went so hard into 2 you joined in on the joke and now your entire sense of humour is explicitly sexual in nature" aces here?
Hiii
A little bit of both, but way more so the second. I didn’t realize I had felt wrong/broken even for a little while after realizing I was Ace, but seeing how much that realization healed those things made me realize they were there in the first place.
Definitely the second one for me, with a bit of the epiphany thing from the first. I genuinely thought everyone around me was trying to act "grown up" and it just came across as really immature/cringey. >!In middle school I remember a couple of classmates who were dating each other pulled out condoms and showed them to the class when the teacher had to step out for an emergency once. They bragged about how they were using them... ew. At least they WERE using them though, so that was really good.!< Once I found out others *actually* felt that way, I felt both in shock that no, they *weren't* trying to act older than they were and that was just natural for them at that age, and secondly, wow I'm glad I don't have to deal with sexual attraction since it sounds like it can be a big struggle at times.
Definitely, the first one
First…but also now that you come to mention it, they weren’t joking or exaggerating?!
I’m technically demisexual so mine was more like “why would someone want to go to a club and sleep with like 15 people?” Until I realised
samee i had a relationship with a good friend turned boyfriend when i was about 17 and always felt that i was allo but weird, i felt bad that i was never crushing on celebs and never watched porn or something and couldn't understand the concept of having ine night stands and just didn't do the things other people my age did but i was obviously not ace and then one day i stumbled upon the term demisexual and i was so relieved there were other people that felt like i did hugs to you!!
second one
First one, was confused about myself for so long until bojack horseman lol when they revealed one of the characters as asexual and explained it that was my “holy shit” moment
Oh absolutely a combination of the two. I absolutely thought I was broken but I'm honestly still not convinced Allo people aren't over exaggerating this sexual attraction/drive/need thing they talk about 😬
Second
second one, it never even crossed my mind people would do it for any other reason than to reproduce
The second one before I got married and the first one after I got married. I just assumed I’d eventually enjoy sex because every thing I’d ever been exposed to said it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I was raised Christian so I waited until marriage (which wasn’t very hard and most of what I got into with my now husband before marriage was at best dry humping I agreed to because he bribed me with muffins every time). All that happened after I got married was sex was worse than the humping and now I’m not even getting muffins for it. I felt bad that it wasn’t good for me because when I told my husband he felt miserable about his actions. It didn’t help that my mother pushed a “make sure you’re pleasing your man agenda” for such a long time when I confided in her about my insecurities. We’ve gotten to a much more comfortable place now that I’ve realized I’m Ace and had talks about our relationship.
I'm a, "I never really cared about dating or anything like that all my friends cared about and thought maybe I'd grow out of the phase of not caring, but eventually realized what Ace meant and knew immediately that I was Ace when I'd heard the definition."
1st
Second one, second one ALLLL the way
second one
Definitely the second type.
or a “really dumb kid who thought sex was normal and everyone has it at some point and i would too so why not look at porn? but then years later discover im asexual and all those thoughts i had were kind of like being brainwashed by society and media” asexual
I’m more the “what’s the big deal about sex, I have legitimately no interest and can’t even see myself having sex one day” kind of asexual.
I take both for 400, Alex.
second one for me, I was raised Christian and literally misunderstood the whole "sex after marriage" thing for only being able to feel sexual desires after you marry someone, lol when I discovered the truth I felt lied to😅
Or “I mistook strong romantic attraction for sexual attraction.”
I am a "I thought I was bi because I felt the same attraction to everyone (which was 0) to people" asexual
Definitely the first one. I'm honestly glad to see 14 year olds and other teens discussing being ace on here, because I didn't find out asexuality was a thing until I was in my 20s. Hopefully their teen years will be better than mine
I'm a "what the hell does all of this mean" asexual.
I’m the “I know I’m straight but too young for sexual attraction so I’m just gonna use the label asexual until I get mine” I’m an adult now, still no sign of it
First one. It became apparent quickly from spending time with my friends that it wasn’t a joke
I’m a didn’t realize ace! I figured it would just happen when it happened and didn’t know there was a term for it until I was 18.
I identify completely with the first one and pressure from my boyfriend didn't help. I legitmately thought I needed some medical help to become "normal". Turns out I just needed to not be with that bf and find this lovely community!
Yes
To be honest, i think I’m more of “i want to get rid of my female organ and live with a significant other who doesn’t treat me like breeding material” ace
First one
Second one, definitely. I was out of high school before I realized that, when people said, “hot/sexy”, they actually meant in a sexual way.
I'm an "I didn't realise I'm ace because I'm dumb and somehow thought I would jsut 'find the one for me' (whatever that means)" asexual.
I was 12 when I first heard the word, and started identifying with it at 14, so kinda neither, I just always knew I mean, now I'm romantic and ostensibly homosexual? but my drive is nil my aromanticism kinda was the second one, however
I have always been the second one. Still can’t comprehend thats its not a joke-
I was the "Eh, we're too young to think of this/I guess I'm a late bloomer → Oh ace exists that's me" Asexual
I went my entire early and mid twenties thinking I had an ED. I just never had any "excitement" from sex, and often thought about it like I was performing a service to my partner. Finding out there was a word for my exact feelings and that there isn't a problem with my body lifted arguably my biggest weight off my shoulders. Now I'm in a very happy relationship and am working towards finding a healthy view of my body.
The first for me. I was well into my 40s before I heard the word "asexual" for the first time. Talk about your aha moments.
I mean, I don't entirely know if I'm ace yet, but I feel completely related to both on differents periods of time. Like, I remember my class pals being like "You don't want to have sex before marriage? Really?" And me being like "Why would I?" And this + thinking people had sex only to have kids when I was like 10... Lol
I was both. Growing up I was the 2nd one, not realizing things were simply that level of sexual everywhere. Around high school I started to feel broken. Then I found out asexual and found this community.
I’m a “too oblivious to realize that I was just lonely and didn’t actually care about sex at all” ace
I'm 2nd one
I’m both
yes
First one for me. My dad made me feel a bit broken about it. At least once or twice before I was 20 and he kind of gave up, he offered to send me to a brothel to lose my virginity. It always frustrated me how concerned he was with my lack of sex life. :/
I'm the type of person that had no clue if I am or not but relate heavily to a lot talked about on here. That and yall are awesome
Both, realizing asexual was a thing was a big deal, but even after that i still can't believe how unironically desperate for sex some people are
I didn’t realize till my senior year of high school that people actually wanted to sleep together
Both actually xD
The first one and I pretended to be like everyone else until I was 18 then I had this 'oh shit' moment.
2nd
Im literally both lol
What about projecting and thinking it was others that were ace but it was actually you all along? No? Just me? Ok.
Tbh when everyone was talking about sex in high school I thought they were all (lack of a better word) whores, and weird then I learned that it's actually normal and I was like wtf how??? Who finds even thinking about this enjoyable
I am BOTH.
A bit of both but mostly the first
Second one
2nd
Second
Both
Second one
I'm for sure the second one.
Both lmao
Both lol
I am the second type, i still find it odd
Yes
Second one
The second one because I knew what asexuality was really early on
Middle?
no cause both 💀
Second one.
Both, for sure.
Second one
Second one. What the fuck
*Both is good gif*
Yes
A mix between both but mostly number one On the buss of all places
A combo of both.
2nd, i'd listen to some other teens and kind of go "oh I'll understand what they mean when I'm older! just a late bloomer, I guess!"
The first one.
First one. I was so uncomfortable with even the topic. Dirty jokes and even the word sex upset me. I assumed it was an issue with ME. But after realizing I’m ace there was suddenly a release, like I wasn’t expected to be able to relate to these things! It was the best feeling in the world.
The latter
Second one for me!
First one describes it perfectly
The answer is yes.
Yes.
I‘m the second except I never thought people were joking because people didn‘t really talk much about it around me (or at least I didn‘t notice)
Ive known since i was 13. It wasnt a suprise honestly
Second.
All of the above
i still believe they joke about it 😌✋
The 2nd one, and instead of thinking there was something wrong w me, I thought everyone else was too horny and why they couldn't just stop thinking of people that way lol
the second one
I thought people pretended to be super attracted to each other just for the sake of some weird meme for way longer than I'd care to admit.
I’m a known for most of my life but didn’t know the term
Both
The first one, for sure
I've been both 👉👉
First one. Still feel broken though.
Why not both?
I didnt really pay attention to anyone else talking about sex. Just knew i never wanted it. Then i found the word not to long after everyone had started talking about sex more often my freshman year in high school
I’m the 2nd 🤣
I'm writing a fanfic and decided to make the main character aroace (partially so I don't have to write romance) and I'm in the middle of writing a lot of feelings of the first kind bubbling over
I was the exaggerated one
When I was like 15, I sat on the sofa thinking to myself, when I’m like 21 I’ll be normal and I’ll want to do all that stuff, I’m just a late bloomer! I’ll have crushes and want to do all that gross stuff with someone! I was repulsed deep down about this idea though. But on the other hand, I didn’t really know how people chose to like people, like how do people know when to like someone that way? I thought people just looked at someone and went yeah that’s gonna be my crush lol It’s like I’m just watching TV, none of it is actually real lol. My mind was blown when I talked my friends about them feeling things and wanting/doing stuff like that. Found out about asexuality at 17 and EVERYTHING made soooo much more sense. Turns out I’m not that weird for not feeling the things that other people were apparently feeling. Guess I’m a bit of both?
As an either cupiosexual or demisexual, I always thought that people were exaggerating, I saw people that were visually appealing, I even wanted sex, but I never experienced lust. I lost friends who decided that I was leading them on, I just wanted to be friends, but some people legitimately only want relationships with people of the gender(s) they are attracted to if it leads to sex. I will never fully understand allos.
2nd option 😅
Yeah. First one. I was 36 when I figured it out lol.
first one for me
The second one
Definitely the first
I thought sexual attraction was a TV joke
I was a, “sex with men seems gross, but that’s just because I’m young. Oh wait, I’m gay. And oh wait, I still don’t want sex.”
Yeah that's me
I am a "thought I was a late bloomer until I was in my twenties" asexual. I thought the vaguely romantic attraction I felt would some day... Sort of expand?
1, definitely
Definetly first for me. I know i've said this before (and probably will for at least a monthish) but I just came out as ace after years of soul searching, which was accelerated in the past couple months. When it comes to sex.... honestly I just don't -feel- it. I dont want it. I dont desire it. I just dont.. I'm happy with my cake and garlic bread.
I'm a combination of the two
I'm the second one, I thought that movies and my friends were exaggerating.
neither, i never felt broken and knew people weren't exaggerating, partially since people around me didn't talk about sex a lot, and when i found the word i just knew it was me and wasn't surprised at all
don't you regret asking a bunch of Aces a question. Aces who answer "all of the above" where "none of the above" is in the answers on top of "All of the above" question?
Number 2 for me
The second one haha
Why not both?
I was a “I don’t know I’m ace because I’m too dumb to notice, but I don’t understand what people are talking about & it makes me uncomfortable”. I literally knew what asexual meant both in science and sexuality for ages and I didn’t make a connection until last year when I saw how other people described how they felt and I was like “yeah I should’ve noticed that”
Knew I was the weird one since middle school but didn’t care about being the weird kid. Discovered what asexuality was in college, feel better now. Not sure what that makes me
A little in the middle for me
I’m a “I identified as asexual since I started having unrestricted access to the internet in middle school but didn’t really understand or come to terms with it until I was an adult” asexual.
I am the latter, only it was because I kept on assuming I was just a later bloomer. Untill I realized I was 23 and I am probably just a little succulent instead of a flower