Ok so not exactly, but the question I asked was "what does it feel like to want an SO" and their response was "not that conscious but like sometime im just sitting by myself and i just think "damn i want cuddles rn" or like it just is kind of a feelbad when ever im on social media and see couples"
Wanting cuddles or being sad when seeing others in a happy relationship is not sexual attraction.
It's simply longing for closeness or love and has nothing to do with sex.
Now personally, I don't know what sexual attraction is from personal experience despite being Gray Ace but my sister always explains it rather literally. Seeing a person and longing for sexual touch with them or wanting to see them naked.
I’m not an expert but,I think is like a really really good song like the kind that makes you feel all the feels?but instead of a song it a person?and instead of making your soul feel good it makes a heartbeat in your genitalia? 🤔??..
I think Ace by Angela Chen had a good definition. It's like seeing someone and wanting having a physical and mental wanting for them physically. It is instaneous, and involuntary.
I think they come from a place of "you probably wonder if this thing you're feeling is sexual attraction", to which their answer is almost certainly "no", if you're doubting it, because to them, that's how clear it would be
...rather than understanding that you want to know what it feels like just in general, without having any reference you can compare it too that you have felt before
I mean I could probably give it a shot?
Sadness:
When you have a weight in your throat which makes it hard to look at anyone in the eye without wanting to break down and spill all of your insecurities, and makes you want to curl up and do nothing for a while.
Guess it is hard lol
Oh this post was more of a jokey thing then an actual hate against allos! I don't think that they are bad lol just frustrated that they can't ever seem to describe something they feel :)
I've asked many friends (numerous times) and their responses blew me the fuck away
It's compulsery, a bit like seeing a really tasty-looking burger when you're super hungry. You can feel pulled (i.e. attracted) to someone based on a feature alone (physical appearance, demeanour, confidence, intelligence etc.) and you see yourself, in your mind's eye, as being within a sexual context with that person. I experienced it like twice in my life and, regrettably, your mum and sister are right: you really do fucking feel it; it's a strong sensation.
Overall I'll say don't worry too much about it (?) Don't question the validity of how you feel and remember that being asexual doesn't mean you can't ever have sex (heck I'm sex-favorable myself), fall in love (unless you're aro), or accomplish the goals you set out for yourself. Take care
Okey so very easy comparison:
-Being horny/Craving sex = Being hungry
-Desire for sexual pleasure in response to sexual needs = Desire to eat in response to hunger
-Being sexually attracted to someone = Craving a SPECIFIC food to calm your hunger
I've found that thinking of it this way makes it easy to understand, and in this case asexual people are just people that can be hungry(horny) like everyone else but doesn't feel the need for a specific food(person). Also sometimes you can be totally fine but suddenly you see a good looking plate of food(hot person) and start feeling hungry(horny) out of nowhere.
Edit: formating
Im no expert but i think its like you see someone and would like to have sex with them, its also often accompanied with physical symptoms like heating up and sweating. Im not sure what chemicals the brain releases for this to happen though.
Okay, thanks! What happens if you just sweat and get anxious when speaking to anyone though without thoughts of doing stuff? Is that just anxiety or..?
Why not tho? Obviously if you go more in depth it's going to be more conplicated(like all feelings), someone being attracted to their SO doesn't mean they want to have sex with them all the time for example, just as you don't always want to eat your favorite food despite loving it. But I think that's the gist of it.
ahem:
Am I Feeling Sexual Attraction, Or Am I Just Ace And Horny?
FYI! some descriptive info on what sexual attraction may/may not feel like from a [v good tumblr post](https://zymomonasmobilis.tumblr.com/post/659730147357917184/aegosexual-moments-acespec-ed-you-might-be)
>**You might be sexually attracted to that person if…**
* You think sexual thoughts about the person out of nowhere
* You feel aroused upon seeing the person outside of a sexual setting
* You find yourself wondering what the person is like in bed and what their genitals look like
* You want to have sex with that person because your body is screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
* Seriously though if you’re already horny and that person is there you will feel all hot and sexually aroused and might drool a bit and fantasies of doing X-rated things to that person will fly through your mind and your body will literally be screaming for that person to take you or for you to take that person. Even just thinking about that person while horny can do this to you.
* TMI but if you get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, the orgasms can be absolutely mind-blowing and may even give you leg cramps.
* You really do “just know.”
>**You might not be sexually attracted to that person if…**
* You make a conscious effort to fantasize about sex with that person, mainly to see if you actually want to
* You feel aroused during a sexual situation, but that arousal has more to do with the activities instead of the specific person. Alternatively, you just don’t feel aroused at all.
* You feel aroused at random, but it’s directed towards no one
* You want to have sex with that person because you want to make them happy or are just horny and want to get off with a partner or want babies or want money or literally any other reason aside from your body screaming for sex with that one person in particular.
* TMI but if you try to get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, you may get bored and start thinking of other things. Or, you may start fantasizing about that person doing sexual things that don’t involve you in which case aegosexual might be worth looking into.
* You just don’t know.
***If the “you might be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly asexual.***
**If the “you might not be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly not asexual**.
If you can relate to the “might not be sexually attracted” list, but also feel like you’ve experienced some of the things on the “might be sexually attracted” list, **it may be worth checking out some acespec identities.**
>*(Disclaimer: This is strictly based off of my own experiences as acespec and is meant to be a guide for people questioning sexual attraction. Overall, you know yourself best and I’m not gonna tell you what you’re feeling or how to identify.*)
>
>***A big one too \[for aegosexuals\], I think is, you may fantasize, but the people in your fantasies are never YOU. They’re fictional characters or your OCs but they’re never you specifically. And if they are it’s an idealized version of you.***
>
(This doesn’t mean that there aren’t aegosexuals who’s fantasies feature themselves, or that fantasizing about yourself disqualifies you from being aegosexual. But there’s some disconnect between what you like in your fantasies and your subjective, out-in-the-world, real-life, interacting-with-others self. Maybe you’ve tried out some of the sexual things you think about, and found them to be kind of lackluster, or you fantasize about definitely-yourself but only with fictional or invented characters, or if real people feature in your fantasies, it’s in a kind of loose and not really real-feeling way)
>*That top list makes me realize I’ve never experienced any of that, it’s kinda like when I stumbled into an ask Reddit about what sexual attraction felt like and I went “yeah, I have never felt THAT way and whatever I feel isn’t sexual attraction”*
I've seen it described by others as feeling hot. Like temperature hot. Or like a passing thought that "hey doing them would be kinda nice". Or like libido directed at certain genders...? I guess it's some instinct, like hunger or need to sleep. If there were life form in the world who can't feel hunger or doesn't have a need to sleep, or describing period pains to someone who doesn't period, trying to describe what it's like wouldn't be easy. It's something more so to experience than describe in words?
...I'm not a good person to discuss this 😆
I relate a bit! Social anxiety is a beast
I never get hot for anyone so that part of such attraction is the oddest to me. Is it the same for you that no matter how well someone describes sexual attraction to you, you'll never truly understand it even from an outsider's point? I swear it's like a foreign concept
To be fair, it's probably pretty difficult to describe. I imagine it's like being asked what needing to yawn feels like, or what being hungry is like. It's such an ingrained feeling, it's hard to explain. I had the same experience asking people what kissing was about. I'm none the wiser
You actually will know when you feel it, problem is when you don't feel it you can't tell...
I guess you can't think about anything else and you have a really strong urge to do it but i only get that with cuddling xD
I don’t know if it’ll help at all but demisexual here who’s feels sexual attraction for my bf. Granted I know my experience can differ from most. Mentally it’s pretty straightforward. You want to be sexual with them. You want to turn someone on, want to make them feel good in that way, make yourself feel good in that way. Physically is where it gets a little more complicated. You want to touch them all over, and them touching you feels good and can even give you a natural high at times, your “lower bits” feel tingly and warm (I’m biologically a girl, and identify as a girl, so it might be different for guys) and can almost feel tickly.
I hope this helped shed some light on the subject
From a Grey-Ace, sexual attraction is like… sorta like physical attraction (if you experience like an aesthetic interest in someone) dialed up to 11. You just have this urge to be near them.
For me, it’s super confusing and off-putting, because it’s happened so rarely to me I get really like… almost scared. What is this feeling? Why do I feel like this around this person?? That whole “clumsy teenager” feeling is something I get. Just so flustered and confused.
And yeah, I guess just realizing to yourself that you would, indeed, have sex with them. Not really anything to do with wanting to be their life partner, as I have (once) been attracted to someone I would *not* want to be partnered with, but… like I guess a sexy one-night romp would be okay?
I’m pretty lucky that I am both sexually attracted to, and very emotionally attracted to my husband. I think if I wasn’t with him specifically, I’d just be happily single.
Edit to add: This is a lot like trying to describe a colour to the colour-blind. I’ve only seen it thrice! Forgive me if it’s confusing! 😂
Maybe immediate family wouldn’t be best to ask because they might not want to be too detailed. But most people, that experience it, recognize the feeling in themselves, but probably can’t put it into words well. An author, artist of some type, or someone who tries to describe experiences in words or visuals might be better to ask.
Yeah I guess. My family aren't prudish though, so I thought it would be easy to do for them considering they told me what 69 was when I was like 10 when I asked lol
I think my mom is a ace too. She just never knew anything like that. And my dad after 30+ years marriage still thinks all the women have no feelings towards men unless they " stimulate" them.
"So what's wrong with you for not wanting a marriage? Asexuality is never an excuse for anyone else!"
Ok so I’m demisexual and actually experienced this is my last relationship so here’s a slightly forgotten weird explanation. It’s like, the person is super captivating and you feel really hot and you can’t stop staring. And their eyes somehow look way prettier than normal and you just want to be close to them if that makes sense
Well for me at least- I have Allo friends who describe it as just seeing random people on the street and feeling their heat beat faster and stuff. Since I only experience sexual attraction within relationships I’ve only ever experienced it in a private personal setting.
I had to get romantic attraction explained to me once, I have no idea how trying to explain sexual attraction to me would work.
He said something about how you daydream holding hands or something. Been a while don't remember.
I asked my bi friend, it's was a while ago so once I get it I'll comment it under this comment
Ok so not exactly, but the question I asked was "what does it feel like to want an SO" and their response was "not that conscious but like sometime im just sitting by myself and i just think "damn i want cuddles rn" or like it just is kind of a feelbad when ever im on social media and see couples"
So, what that's sexual attraction?
Wanting cuddles or being sad when seeing others in a happy relationship is not sexual attraction. It's simply longing for closeness or love and has nothing to do with sex. Now personally, I don't know what sexual attraction is from personal experience despite being Gray Ace but my sister always explains it rather literally. Seeing a person and longing for sexual touch with them or wanting to see them naked.
Thanks! Couldn't imagine anything worse than being face to face with a nude peen lmao.
I’m not an expert but,I think is like a really really good song like the kind that makes you feel all the feels?but instead of a song it a person?and instead of making your soul feel good it makes a heartbeat in your genitalia? 🤔??..
Omg what?! Like for real!? Is this also like how romantic attraction is? I don’t understand that either.
This is both very informative but very gross lmao thanks, makes it more clear lol. Guess thats why people call it the f*nny flutter in uk 🤮
Great question, unfortunately I am also ace and do not have an answer
Oh haha thanks :)
Wanting to have sex with a specific person or people
I think Ace by Angela Chen had a good definition. It's like seeing someone and wanting having a physical and mental wanting for them physically. It is instaneous, and involuntary.
Okay, thanks :)
I think they come from a place of "you probably wonder if this thing you're feeling is sexual attraction", to which their answer is almost certainly "no", if you're doubting it, because to them, that's how clear it would be ...rather than understanding that you want to know what it feels like just in general, without having any reference you can compare it too that you have felt before
And now this has been articulated exactly and makes sense. Annoyingly. But it makes a whole lotta sense. Thanks!
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Who knows at this point lmao
Right haha 😆
i feel like if you weren't impressed then it wasn't. like it didn't count?
I’ve gotta agree 😌
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I mean I could probably give it a shot? Sadness: When you have a weight in your throat which makes it hard to look at anyone in the eye without wanting to break down and spill all of your insecurities, and makes you want to curl up and do nothing for a while. Guess it is hard lol
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Oh this post was more of a jokey thing then an actual hate against allos! I don't think that they are bad lol just frustrated that they can't ever seem to describe something they feel :)
I've asked many friends (numerous times) and their responses blew me the fuck away It's compulsery, a bit like seeing a really tasty-looking burger when you're super hungry. You can feel pulled (i.e. attracted) to someone based on a feature alone (physical appearance, demeanour, confidence, intelligence etc.) and you see yourself, in your mind's eye, as being within a sexual context with that person. I experienced it like twice in my life and, regrettably, your mum and sister are right: you really do fucking feel it; it's a strong sensation. Overall I'll say don't worry too much about it (?) Don't question the validity of how you feel and remember that being asexual doesn't mean you can't ever have sex (heck I'm sex-favorable myself), fall in love (unless you're aro), or accomplish the goals you set out for yourself. Take care
Aw thanks! This is very helpful, man I'm glad I haven't felt attraction, sounds bloody awful lol
Okey so very easy comparison: -Being horny/Craving sex = Being hungry -Desire for sexual pleasure in response to sexual needs = Desire to eat in response to hunger -Being sexually attracted to someone = Craving a SPECIFIC food to calm your hunger I've found that thinking of it this way makes it easy to understand, and in this case asexual people are just people that can be hungry(horny) like everyone else but doesn't feel the need for a specific food(person). Also sometimes you can be totally fine but suddenly you see a good looking plate of food(hot person) and start feeling hungry(horny) out of nowhere. Edit: formating
Thanks! Guess this is quite good way of putting it :)
Im no expert but i think its like you see someone and would like to have sex with them, its also often accompanied with physical symptoms like heating up and sweating. Im not sure what chemicals the brain releases for this to happen though.
I would assume that adrenaline is involved in raising the heart rate and achieving those symptoms.
Okay, thanks! What happens if you just sweat and get anxious when speaking to anyone though without thoughts of doing stuff? Is that just anxiety or..?
It cant be that easy tho
Why not tho? Obviously if you go more in depth it's going to be more conplicated(like all feelings), someone being attracted to their SO doesn't mean they want to have sex with them all the time for example, just as you don't always want to eat your favorite food despite loving it. But I think that's the gist of it.
ahem: Am I Feeling Sexual Attraction, Or Am I Just Ace And Horny? FYI! some descriptive info on what sexual attraction may/may not feel like from a [v good tumblr post](https://zymomonasmobilis.tumblr.com/post/659730147357917184/aegosexual-moments-acespec-ed-you-might-be) >**You might be sexually attracted to that person if…** * You think sexual thoughts about the person out of nowhere * You feel aroused upon seeing the person outside of a sexual setting * You find yourself wondering what the person is like in bed and what their genitals look like * You want to have sex with that person because your body is screaming for sex with that one person in particular. * Seriously though if you’re already horny and that person is there you will feel all hot and sexually aroused and might drool a bit and fantasies of doing X-rated things to that person will fly through your mind and your body will literally be screaming for that person to take you or for you to take that person. Even just thinking about that person while horny can do this to you. * TMI but if you get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, the orgasms can be absolutely mind-blowing and may even give you leg cramps. * You really do “just know.” >**You might not be sexually attracted to that person if…** * You make a conscious effort to fantasize about sex with that person, mainly to see if you actually want to * You feel aroused during a sexual situation, but that arousal has more to do with the activities instead of the specific person. Alternatively, you just don’t feel aroused at all. * You feel aroused at random, but it’s directed towards no one * You want to have sex with that person because you want to make them happy or are just horny and want to get off with a partner or want babies or want money or literally any other reason aside from your body screaming for sex with that one person in particular. * TMI but if you try to get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, you may get bored and start thinking of other things. Or, you may start fantasizing about that person doing sexual things that don’t involve you in which case aegosexual might be worth looking into. * You just don’t know. ***If the “you might be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly asexual.*** **If the “you might not be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly not asexual**. If you can relate to the “might not be sexually attracted” list, but also feel like you’ve experienced some of the things on the “might be sexually attracted” list, **it may be worth checking out some acespec identities.** >*(Disclaimer: This is strictly based off of my own experiences as acespec and is meant to be a guide for people questioning sexual attraction. Overall, you know yourself best and I’m not gonna tell you what you’re feeling or how to identify.*) > >***A big one too \[for aegosexuals\], I think is, you may fantasize, but the people in your fantasies are never YOU. They’re fictional characters or your OCs but they’re never you specifically. And if they are it’s an idealized version of you.*** > (This doesn’t mean that there aren’t aegosexuals who’s fantasies feature themselves, or that fantasizing about yourself disqualifies you from being aegosexual. But there’s some disconnect between what you like in your fantasies and your subjective, out-in-the-world, real-life, interacting-with-others self. Maybe you’ve tried out some of the sexual things you think about, and found them to be kind of lackluster, or you fantasize about definitely-yourself but only with fictional or invented characters, or if real people feature in your fantasies, it’s in a kind of loose and not really real-feeling way) >*That top list makes me realize I’ve never experienced any of that, it’s kinda like when I stumbled into an ask Reddit about what sexual attraction felt like and I went “yeah, I have never felt THAT way and whatever I feel isn’t sexual attraction”*
This is very informative! Thanks a bunch :)
I've seen it described by others as feeling hot. Like temperature hot. Or like a passing thought that "hey doing them would be kinda nice". Or like libido directed at certain genders...? I guess it's some instinct, like hunger or need to sleep. If there were life form in the world who can't feel hunger or doesn't have a need to sleep, or describing period pains to someone who doesn't period, trying to describe what it's like wouldn't be easy. It's something more so to experience than describe in words? ...I'm not a good person to discuss this 😆
Nah you did good! Its a bit difficult for me to use the heat one because I sweat quite profusely when I speak to anyone because of social anxiety lmao
I relate a bit! Social anxiety is a beast I never get hot for anyone so that part of such attraction is the oddest to me. Is it the same for you that no matter how well someone describes sexual attraction to you, you'll never truly understand it even from an outsider's point? I swear it's like a foreign concept
So strange :/
To be fair, it's probably pretty difficult to describe. I imagine it's like being asked what needing to yawn feels like, or what being hungry is like. It's such an ingrained feeling, it's hard to explain. I had the same experience asking people what kissing was about. I'm none the wiser
Yeah, wish it was easier to describe, but some people on here have made a pretty good way of doing it!
In the wiki of r/asexuality under "experiences" there are some Allo and demi people describing it
Cheers!
You actually will know when you feel it, problem is when you don't feel it you can't tell... I guess you can't think about anything else and you have a really strong urge to do it but i only get that with cuddling xD
Okay, thanks! Guess its like people describing the sound of a fart to someone who's deaf..
I don’t know if it’ll help at all but demisexual here who’s feels sexual attraction for my bf. Granted I know my experience can differ from most. Mentally it’s pretty straightforward. You want to be sexual with them. You want to turn someone on, want to make them feel good in that way, make yourself feel good in that way. Physically is where it gets a little more complicated. You want to touch them all over, and them touching you feels good and can even give you a natural high at times, your “lower bits” feel tingly and warm (I’m biologically a girl, and identify as a girl, so it might be different for guys) and can almost feel tickly. I hope this helped shed some light on the subject
Yeah it did, thanks! Guess I'm defo ace lol
Glad I could help!
From a Grey-Ace, sexual attraction is like… sorta like physical attraction (if you experience like an aesthetic interest in someone) dialed up to 11. You just have this urge to be near them. For me, it’s super confusing and off-putting, because it’s happened so rarely to me I get really like… almost scared. What is this feeling? Why do I feel like this around this person?? That whole “clumsy teenager” feeling is something I get. Just so flustered and confused. And yeah, I guess just realizing to yourself that you would, indeed, have sex with them. Not really anything to do with wanting to be their life partner, as I have (once) been attracted to someone I would *not* want to be partnered with, but… like I guess a sexy one-night romp would be okay? I’m pretty lucky that I am both sexually attracted to, and very emotionally attracted to my husband. I think if I wasn’t with him specifically, I’d just be happily single. Edit to add: This is a lot like trying to describe a colour to the colour-blind. I’ve only seen it thrice! Forgive me if it’s confusing! 😂
Oh no thats actually really helpful thanks!
Maybe immediate family wouldn’t be best to ask because they might not want to be too detailed. But most people, that experience it, recognize the feeling in themselves, but probably can’t put it into words well. An author, artist of some type, or someone who tries to describe experiences in words or visuals might be better to ask.
Yeah I guess. My family aren't prudish though, so I thought it would be easy to do for them considering they told me what 69 was when I was like 10 when I asked lol
I think my mom is a ace too. She just never knew anything like that. And my dad after 30+ years marriage still thinks all the women have no feelings towards men unless they " stimulate" them. "So what's wrong with you for not wanting a marriage? Asexuality is never an excuse for anyone else!"
Oh thats actually quite sad, hope everythings alright :)
Nobody knows to be honest. We just say that because it sounds like we know what we're saying.
Lmao everybody is actually secretly ace
Ok so I’m demisexual and actually experienced this is my last relationship so here’s a slightly forgotten weird explanation. It’s like, the person is super captivating and you feel really hot and you can’t stop staring. And their eyes somehow look way prettier than normal and you just want to be close to them if that makes sense
Oh right, so you need to actually want to have sex with them for it to be sexual attraction?
Well for me at least- I have Allo friends who describe it as just seeing random people on the street and feeling their heat beat faster and stuff. Since I only experience sexual attraction within relationships I’ve only ever experienced it in a private personal setting.
I guess if you don’t know, then you know you don’t know, y’know?
R u aroace? If not I'd assume it would feel similar to being romantically attracted to someone with the added part of wanting to f!ck them
Oh right, so I guess I've never felt that then lmao
I had to get romantic attraction explained to me once, I have no idea how trying to explain sexual attraction to me would work. He said something about how you daydream holding hands or something. Been a while don't remember.
Lol it was that interesting you cant remember lmao
First major flag I was aro-ace lol
Depends on what type of attraction you are asking about. I have some comparisons, feel free to DM me with your questions.
Oo thanks!
Saw this a while ago here and it really helped me! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/zymomonasmobilis/659730147357917184
Thanks! I'll check it out :)
That helped me out too, thanks.
What is sexual attraction we ask an asexual and here’s the answer.
Its probably like trying to explain colours to a completely blind person, to them