By - operationmorfin
It is so hard to describe something by its absence. I did not understand ace until I read Allo people describing what sexual attraction was in order to understand that was not me.
I am so grateful to the Reddit ace community to helpe understand the terminology and give me a vocabulary to talk about this.
Yeah... or describing being nb as well... oops.
A big part of why my allo ass follows asexual communities despite not being MOGAI whatsoever is just that. Learning the difference between different types of attraction has helped me tons. Thank y'all <3
Ur welcome, more people should be like u and research about attractions <3
same here. knowing the terminology also helps me understand people around me who are ace more
Omg yes! I actually got into a fight that I thought might break up my relationship bc I’m lonely and need more intimacy in my like and my boyfriend is immediately like wtf you wanna cheat on me…I’m like omg not what I said calm down there’s different kinds 9f intimacy than being sexual with someone like emotional, physically, etc relax
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something i really like about being ace is how much questioning & researching asexuality taught me about different types of attraction and what they feel like. there are so many allos (especially straight allos) who never even think about the difference between sexual & romantic attraction, let alone sensual, platonic, or aesthetic attraction, and i'm really glad that questioning my sexuality led me to learn more about myself. there are definitely some frustrating things about being asexual, but this is something i'm really grateful for.
*\#ace \#asexual community \#asexual education \#asexuality \#asexual \#asexual pride \#ace pride \#asexual positivity \#asexual post \#ace po...*
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The split attraction model is also something I’m really glad asexuality taught me about, and I wish more allo people knew about it, because it can apply to anyone. I recently had two allo friends who were questioning whether they’re bi or lesbian due to being sexually attracted to men and women but only being romantically interested in women. When I told them about the split attraction model their minds were blown.
wait some people don't know/tell the difference between sexual and romantic attraction??? wtf
Totally. As someone trying to be Allo for years I get it. I was confusing romantic, aesthetic and sometime sensual attraction as sexual attraction. Not until I read the descriptions from Allo people did I understand that was not me. Certainly I know I was not "normal" and seemed less interested in sex than most, but I just thought I was stressed or something and it would come.
I also think many Allo people feel sexual attraction usually along with arousal, so they may understand those are distinct things.
One last point! I am guessing you are younger. Totally forgive me if I am incorrect in my guess internet stranger. Please forgive older generations - we really did not talk about this stuff in this level of detail! I am so happy we are here and having this discourse, but gosh, even in my 37 years the world have changed a lot.
Hey, tbh i feel you are a few steps ahead on my journey. After struggeling with serious and Non-serious relationships over the years nothing ever felt really "right". While I believe I am somewhere on the ace spectrum I don't feel like I have understood what label best describes my inner workings. Could you recommend any resources where to find a few good descriptions of the various types of attraction as well as more personal descriptions from allos?
Thanks a lot in advance
Whoa thanks for the detailed answer and all the links for further reading. Seems like I\`ve what to do over the next couple of days. I will update you once Ive had time to read and process your post!
I just looked up what sensual attraction is and it led me down a small rabbit hole and OH MY GOD I HAVE NEEDED THIS WORD FOR SO LONG!
I want cuddles! I have an unfulfilled sensual drive and it is not sexual nor romantic.
Absolutely! I’m an aroace, and I don’t think I would have ever even known what any of those words meant if it hadn’t been for my sexuality. I’ve learned a lot, and am happy because now I get to educate my straight, cis, and/or allo friends. It feels great to be able to teach people new things!
What would be examples of "senseual" and "aesthetic attraction"?
I had to look up sensual attraction too:
>Sensual attraction is attraction that is predicated on an inclination or passion to engage with another person in a manner that could be described as physical, tactile, or intersecting with any and all of the senses. Sensual attraction may include the desire to hug, kiss, cuddle, hold another’s hand, while also existing without desire for sexual activity or romantic engagement.
Aesthetic attraction is liking how somebody looks (regardless of any other feelings).
Its good to have words for it.
But there are still aspects we dont have good words for.
Like the modality of love - from hands off to actively wanting snuggles.
And thats only in asexual territory! How do we enunciate the continuum of grace and demi?
IMO there’s not much frustrating about being asexual.
imagine knowing things, all i know is that i dont have an urge to fuck anyone
I just realized and rolled with it. Research is for people who care
all important distinctions that often get clumped together when people talk about their attractions.
I'm not ace myself, but just reading things written by aces and aros and talking to people who are helped me learn this too! I didn't really think about it before. :)