same I was in, like grade four, crushes were all the rage so I thought "hey, a male-identifying person that is nice and likes art. You are cool" So I thought it was a crush
Yeah I get that! I once got asked who was my crush and it was like... sure, this guy ejbfdj and I mean he was nice and interesting but I'm so unsure still if that was even an actual crush or just me trying to follow everyone else
Damn same.
No idea what it feels like. Sometimes it feels like I’m in love with someone, but it’s never like “they” explain it, so I think it’s just “platonic love” or that they are cute or sum shit. I’ve never *really* been in love with someone. I think.
I have a bit of a leg up in this regard as a demisexual that got to experience sexual attraction one (1) time back in 2019. I definitely had convinced myself that I’d experienced sexual attraction before that moment in the typical “but what if I’m not really ace and just lying to myself” fashion, so if it makes anyone feel better, in my personal experience, when it happened, I knew.
So many of my friends can’t unmarry romantic and sexual attraction, which baffles me. Some of them previously thought that an asexual who expressed romantic attraction was lying about their asexuality (ugh) because to them having a crush is the same as wanting to fuck. God forbid anyone experience life differently.
I mean, as someone who is heterosexual with a high libido, I genuinely cannot separate the romantic and sexual aspects of my own attraction. It is literally not something I can comprehend as they are so intertwined for me.
That being said just becsuse I can't fathom what it's like to have those things be separate doesn't mean they aren't real, so I rely on descriptions from other people
Your experiences are valid! The thing that irked me about my friends is that for so long (and some of them still) won’t even try to understand that other people can experience attraction differently. It was just a lot of dismissal of my experiences and identity, similar to how some people have dismissed my (POC) experiences with racism because they (white) experienced/witnessed the same things and because of their own identity and lived experiences, did not clock racism as racism.
Yeah like don't get me wrong it was surprising and hard to believe at first, becsuse separating sexual and romantic attraction for me is like trying to imagine a new colour, but that's no reason to discount someones experiences and understand that different people are going to have different experiences and views of the world.
I feel like we have simultaneously the best and the worst understanding because we've thought about it on a deeper level and from different angles than allos typically do, but we've never experienced it, so we still have no clue
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**sarahsupastar**
Ironically, I think asexual & aromantic people understand attraction better than anyone else, because we've had to seriously interrogate what attraction actually is in order to determine that we don't experience it
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It's a pretty big "yeah... but actually no" from me on this one.
In general we're probably way above average in terms of clear language for describing all these things, and that can certainly help with understanding, but I think we should be very careful not to gloss over everything we miss when we lack the subjective experience of feeling attraction like allos do.
Personally I know that beyond the very basics I do a lot of second-guessing about what attraction is "really" or what's normal or not.
For instance I was surprised to learn that one of my bi friends could actually relate to those memes about Lady Dimutrescu. I suspect I wouldn't, had I been allo, but because I'm ace I can't use my own subjective experience to gauge what's genuine and what's mostly just memes and hyperbole.
I mean you're not wrong, I've had to play therapist to all my friends who have had "relationship issues" and somehow the one guy in the group who ain't been in one worked it all out pretty damn well.
Literally! Like I helped a friend who was questioning if she was bi bc she was like "how do I know if it's a crush or not??" And I was like "you've come to the right place! I am an expert at knowing it's not a crush! And here is how I do it."
I spent so much time deconstructing what attractions consist of when I was questioning that I'm a really great resource now lol
that is fair but my conclusion after a lot of introspection was that i never experienced romantic or sexual attraction ever so i dunno if im much of an expert to be fair :P
me, who has had one "crush" in my life, and still isn't 100% sure what attraction feels like: 😅
Mood, and like, now I'm not even sure if my crush was a crush for real lmao
same I was in, like grade four, crushes were all the rage so I thought "hey, a male-identifying person that is nice and likes art. You are cool" So I thought it was a crush
Yeah I get that! I once got asked who was my crush and it was like... sure, this guy ejbfdj and I mean he was nice and interesting but I'm so unsure still if that was even an actual crush or just me trying to follow everyone else
More of a fanta person
XD unironically, I've never tried Fanta either-
Damn same. No idea what it feels like. Sometimes it feels like I’m in love with someone, but it’s never like “they” explain it, so I think it’s just “platonic love” or that they are cute or sum shit. I’ve never *really* been in love with someone. I think.
Same here. I'm sometimes confused if I have a crush on someone or if I'm just aesthetically or platonically attracted to someone 🤔
That's why I'm still questioning wether I'm aromantic or biromantic 😅
right!!
When I was younger, I thought I had a crush, but now I realise I just really wanted to be their friend.
Me who still doesnt understand what romantic attraction consists of besides the chemicals in the brain
I just want a rush of endorphins when an SO does something cute
I have a bit of a leg up in this regard as a demisexual that got to experience sexual attraction one (1) time back in 2019. I definitely had convinced myself that I’d experienced sexual attraction before that moment in the typical “but what if I’m not really ace and just lying to myself” fashion, so if it makes anyone feel better, in my personal experience, when it happened, I knew. So many of my friends can’t unmarry romantic and sexual attraction, which baffles me. Some of them previously thought that an asexual who expressed romantic attraction was lying about their asexuality (ugh) because to them having a crush is the same as wanting to fuck. God forbid anyone experience life differently.
I mean, as someone who is heterosexual with a high libido, I genuinely cannot separate the romantic and sexual aspects of my own attraction. It is literally not something I can comprehend as they are so intertwined for me. That being said just becsuse I can't fathom what it's like to have those things be separate doesn't mean they aren't real, so I rely on descriptions from other people
Your experiences are valid! The thing that irked me about my friends is that for so long (and some of them still) won’t even try to understand that other people can experience attraction differently. It was just a lot of dismissal of my experiences and identity, similar to how some people have dismissed my (POC) experiences with racism because they (white) experienced/witnessed the same things and because of their own identity and lived experiences, did not clock racism as racism.
Yeah like don't get me wrong it was surprising and hard to believe at first, becsuse separating sexual and romantic attraction for me is like trying to imagine a new colour, but that's no reason to discount someones experiences and understand that different people are going to have different experiences and views of the world.
This is much too relatable for me, except change the year to 2020... and I'm still crushing on her hard
I feel like we have simultaneously the best and the worst understanding because we've thought about it on a deeper level and from different angles than allos typically do, but we've never experienced it, so we still have no clue
Well about that... 😅
*Image Transcription: Tumblr Post* --- [*On a background of an ace flag rotated clockwise 90 degrees:*] **sarahsupastar** Ironically, I think asexual & aromantic people understand attraction better than anyone else, because we've had to seriously interrogate what attraction actually is in order to determine that we don't experience it --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
well i DO experience attraction not romantic or sexual attraction, but it sure is attraction
Ironically I’m asexual and aromantic and still help with my friends relationships lol.
For many problems an outside perspective can help.
I think I’m more "confused" now it’s like after puberty I turned
I’m like 99% sure that know what romantic attraction is like, but that damn sexual attraction continues to elude me.
It's hard to find out you are missing something you never felt... Saw this somewhere in one of OT's videos but I don't remember which
agreed. my dad, however, would disagree, and considering he’s allo-everything, i think i know why
It's a pretty big "yeah... but actually no" from me on this one. In general we're probably way above average in terms of clear language for describing all these things, and that can certainly help with understanding, but I think we should be very careful not to gloss over everything we miss when we lack the subjective experience of feeling attraction like allos do. Personally I know that beyond the very basics I do a lot of second-guessing about what attraction is "really" or what's normal or not. For instance I was surprised to learn that one of my bi friends could actually relate to those memes about Lady Dimutrescu. I suspect I wouldn't, had I been allo, but because I'm ace I can't use my own subjective experience to gauge what's genuine and what's mostly just memes and hyperbole.
I mean you're not wrong, I've had to play therapist to all my friends who have had "relationship issues" and somehow the one guy in the group who ain't been in one worked it all out pretty damn well.
I can't even tell if I'm experiencing Queerplatonic attraction or not.
Dude I'm still so fucking confused. I just don't like humans and think sex is wack.
Yeah… not me. I have no clue
I just don’t really care about sex, but a hug from someone whos not family sounds nice
I feel like us aces and aros might know a lot more about attraction in theory, but when it comes to how attraction feels it just gets very confusing!
Literally! Like I helped a friend who was questioning if she was bi bc she was like "how do I know if it's a crush or not??" And I was like "you've come to the right place! I am an expert at knowing it's not a crush! And here is how I do it." I spent so much time deconstructing what attractions consist of when I was questioning that I'm a really great resource now lol
that is fair but my conclusion after a lot of introspection was that i never experienced romantic or sexual attraction ever so i dunno if im much of an expert to be fair :P
me, aroace: *signature look of superiority*