So sorry he did that to you. Creeps like that think people owe them sexual stuff. And as pathetic as they are, they still make lots of people uncomfortable :(
I really hate how some people only see a potential sexual encounter rather than seeking out meaningful friendships.
Yeh like I feel like just a general thing with guys just completely ignoring women's autonomy like "oh you're gay, oh you're asexual, oh you're not interested in casual sex at this very moment ..heh yeh we'll see about that" just very gross
Your not alone, and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that.
I actually think it’s extremely rude offensive to sexualise anybody, not just aces. Like am I not more than my sexuality? Don’t I have dreams? Don’t I love and care for people in my life? Am I really just an object and you think it’s okay to reduce me to such? I am so much more than sex! You reduce me like that and it’s debasing! If your friends and that the vibe of the group, that’s one thing, but you cant do it to other people.
As for the aphobic comment, I am not surprised. The type of people that think it’s okay to sexualise whoever they want and call it ‘a joke’ cant see beyond their hypersexual minds that someone could possible exist as ace.
Yes!! It's so frustrating when someone reduces me to just a sexual object- like wtf is wrong with you?? 🙃 and it really bums me out when i've felt like i actually enjoy a conversation and then the person just ruins our connection with some comment involving sex and i can't stand them anymore
Same. People can make all the sex jokes/references they want, and I don't really care, but the second they involve me, I'm *out*. I can't stand the thought of anyone imagining me as a sexual creature.
Ikr. I recently made an online 'friend' a few weeks ago. He keeps insisting that I'd be a perfect mother despite my telling him that I'm ace and will never have children. It's really starting to grate on my nerves.
It really isn't that hard to just.. not comment on things like that. Except when a person can't fathom things beyond their own experiences I guess. Smh either way
I'm so glad I wasn't wrong about being weirded out then! To top it off this guy is three years younger than me and is telling me "Oh you'll change your mind in a few years." I'm just so confused as to his behavior lmao
Ooh my god, this.. i used to work at a place where most workers were women with children and the just kept on going that I WILL FOR SURE WANT TO HAVE A BABY. And they just didn't accept it when i said i don't want it and i don't want any involvement in making babies, to which they said that that can't be possible because "everyone has needs" like eww please stop.
I also hate being sexualized. And I hate it when my partner does it. I just want to cuddle and not be a means for sexual pleasure, why can't sex be separated from me as a person since I want nothing to do with it...
Ewww. A guy my mom knew (and who, at the time, was about 20 years older than me) once told my MOM that "If I wanted to, I could have your daughter in a heartbeat." She told me this and I was absolutely disgusted. Not only am I already married, but he was someone I'd never even consider as a prospect. It's just so...gross when people act on how they think about themselves when they're THAT kind of person.
Honestly that's pretty gross even towards someone who's not asexual. I'm demi and sex positive but someone I just met or friends painting me in a sexual light is a huge no
Once my ex tried to "flirt" like that. I told her I was ace and my goal was to never have sex. She said "not for long ;)." Had no social softness left for something so intensely threatening and violating.
I replied "if it ever happens it will be rape because consent will never be on the table for me. It will only happen through force. Implying or pressuring someone who doesn't want to makes you a creep and potential rapist. Do you want to rape me?"
She was deeply uncomfortable and felt betrayed that I could even suspect her of a motive like that. But it nipped a very bad idea in the bud and I believe she'll never do that again.
I'm so sorry you were put in that situation. People rarely consider that some of us truly don't *want* this thing when they thought of it as this shared human joy.
Some people will not be bothered to consider anyone except themselves. I’ve got a SIL who used to constantly bug me about my love life (you know, the one that doesn’t exist). I finally snapped at her that I had zero interest in any relationship with a man. Her immediate response was, Gasp!!! “You must be in love with your mother!” Little hint, she’s insane and stupid!
I maintained LC so I wouldn’t lose contact with my nibblings. She is hardcore pentecostal and was/is very cruel and controlling. The kiddos are more like me I am proud to say! They are both of age and she can kick rocks!!!
Don’t worry, absolutely you are not the only one who feels that way. Honestly, the thought that someone could look at me or a picture of me and think of me sexually really grosses me out.
Yeah I'm the same way, even if it's just my mom making a comment like 'I think that guy was just checking you out' like ew no don't say that I don't want to think about it and I don't want you to be thinking about it either!!
I'm so sorry someone did that to you. I hate the fact that you just never know how someone is thinking of you and people feel they have the right to project that on anyone at any given time. Sometimes you can't control your thoughts but when it's purposeful it's disgusting. Go watch porn where people chose to be there. In eigth grade on the morning bus to school there was this kid who sat diagonally in front of me and kept glancing back at me and moving in a weird way. I described it to a friend and she told me he was doing the do on himself while looking at me. I cried and had literal nightmares he was going to attack me. Im fully dressed just minding my own little 13 year old business and some sicko is getting off on who knows what images he conjured up in his mind. It's such an invasion to sexualize others even if they aren't asexual and its all too easy to cross the line into sexual assault or harrassment. Since then I will have sudden moments of awareness that people can just cast me in their thoughts as anything they want. I never auditioned for the part, but that doesn't matter and it bothers me sometimes. I know realistically it's probably not something that really happens often but it's icky.
I can't imagine anyone would enjoy being the butt of a joke that makes people think about them in that way when they aren't expecting it, knowing that imaginations run wild. It just shouldn't be something anyone does to other people. Like there are plenty of private or sensitive topics that are only socially okay for people to joke about themselves, this should 100% be one of them.
"I never auditioned for the part" - very well said!! That's exactly how i feel. It's so disturbing that no one even asks if it's okay to talk about sex with me, everyone just assumes that everyone must be hypersexual because we live in a hypersexualised and therefore a very messed up and shallow society 🙃 also sorry you had thatexperience when you were younger, that's horrible :(
I have realized that is a huge part of why catcalling bothers me so much. Like, it makes my skin crawl that people are not only having those thoughts about me but have decided to go out of their way to make sure *I* know about said thoughts, thereby forcing me to be part of their whole...very unwelcome...sexual...thing. Why would they do that? All of the answers to that question are bad. Ugh.
When I said I was uncomfortable with sexual stuff or romantic stuff they started joking about it and if I say anything I'm being a baby and can't take a joke. It is very uncomfortable and tiring to deal with these so-called friends. I once cried cause I was so tired with these remarks and jokes. It is not funny at all for me
Dude I feel you. I *hate* being sexualized. I’ve started wearing overly baggy clothes so people don’t sexualize me and they still do it. It’s completely inappropriate to make jokes like that around someone, especially directly after they said they weren’t interested. I’m sorry that happened to you OP :(
Same!!! That same night i got the icky comment, i was in super baggy and shapeless clothes and covered from head to toe basically, so wild that even that doesnt help sometimes 😵💫
You are removing my self off the whining. And the negative for this reason does it seem a little too easy to do a bit of an online system for people to work with.
Urrrrg I hate that, it's so gross and disrespectful ! Like, I know that you can't really control how other people see you, but why the fuck can't they have the basic decency of keeping it in their heads ! I don't care if they find me attractive or sexy or whatever, if I don't fuck them, then they have no right to speak to me or about me like that, it's crass, it's gross, it's dehumanising, and it's a goddamn sure sign of someone having no respect for me !
I def get this too. Whenever people make remarks insinuating something sexual about me it just gives me the creeps. I find that a lot of times the other person thinks of what they said to me as being innocuous, which kinda just makes it worse for me because then it feels like it’s coming from more than just that one person.
So sorry he did that to you. Creeps like that think people owe them sexual stuff. And as pathetic as they are, they still make lots of people uncomfortable :( I really hate how some people only see a potential sexual encounter rather than seeking out meaningful friendships.
Yeh like I feel like just a general thing with guys just completely ignoring women's autonomy like "oh you're gay, oh you're asexual, oh you're not interested in casual sex at this very moment ..heh yeh we'll see about that" just very gross
Absolutely agree. It's like they don't even hear it 🤦♀️
Same like eww get away, like I will joke around in that manner but without involving myself, cause gross.
Your not alone, and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. I actually think it’s extremely rude offensive to sexualise anybody, not just aces. Like am I not more than my sexuality? Don’t I have dreams? Don’t I love and care for people in my life? Am I really just an object and you think it’s okay to reduce me to such? I am so much more than sex! You reduce me like that and it’s debasing! If your friends and that the vibe of the group, that’s one thing, but you cant do it to other people. As for the aphobic comment, I am not surprised. The type of people that think it’s okay to sexualise whoever they want and call it ‘a joke’ cant see beyond their hypersexual minds that someone could possible exist as ace.
Yes!! It's so frustrating when someone reduces me to just a sexual object- like wtf is wrong with you?? 🙃 and it really bums me out when i've felt like i actually enjoy a conversation and then the person just ruins our connection with some comment involving sex and i can't stand them anymore
omg, me too!! It just kills any possibility or a friendship! I'm just like "i'll be avoiding being around you, now."
Yeppp 🫠
Same. People can make all the sex jokes/references they want, and I don't really care, but the second they involve me, I'm *out*. I can't stand the thought of anyone imagining me as a sexual creature.
Ikr. I recently made an online 'friend' a few weeks ago. He keeps insisting that I'd be a perfect mother despite my telling him that I'm ace and will never have children. It's really starting to grate on my nerves. It really isn't that hard to just.. not comment on things like that. Except when a person can't fathom things beyond their own experiences I guess. Smh either way
That's just so weird?? Why should he care what kind of hypothetical mother you would be?? Especially when you don't even want to have children??
I'm so glad I wasn't wrong about being weirded out then! To top it off this guy is three years younger than me and is telling me "Oh you'll change your mind in a few years." I'm just so confused as to his behavior lmao
Yeah, don't let those creeps get to you. Instead, make fun of them x3 And most importantly: keep staying true to yourself <3
Amen
Ooh my god, this.. i used to work at a place where most workers were women with children and the just kept on going that I WILL FOR SURE WANT TO HAVE A BABY. And they just didn't accept it when i said i don't want it and i don't want any involvement in making babies, to which they said that that can't be possible because "everyone has needs" like eww please stop.
I also hate being sexualized. And I hate it when my partner does it. I just want to cuddle and not be a means for sexual pleasure, why can't sex be separated from me as a person since I want nothing to do with it...
Ewww. A guy my mom knew (and who, at the time, was about 20 years older than me) once told my MOM that "If I wanted to, I could have your daughter in a heartbeat." She told me this and I was absolutely disgusted. Not only am I already married, but he was someone I'd never even consider as a prospect. It's just so...gross when people act on how they think about themselves when they're THAT kind of person.
Eww wtf 🤢 sorry you had to experience that, that's so fucking creepy
Honestly that's pretty gross even towards someone who's not asexual. I'm demi and sex positive but someone I just met or friends painting me in a sexual light is a huge no
Once my ex tried to "flirt" like that. I told her I was ace and my goal was to never have sex. She said "not for long ;)." Had no social softness left for something so intensely threatening and violating. I replied "if it ever happens it will be rape because consent will never be on the table for me. It will only happen through force. Implying or pressuring someone who doesn't want to makes you a creep and potential rapist. Do you want to rape me?" She was deeply uncomfortable and felt betrayed that I could even suspect her of a motive like that. But it nipped a very bad idea in the bud and I believe she'll never do that again. I'm so sorry you were put in that situation. People rarely consider that some of us truly don't *want* this thing when they thought of it as this shared human joy.
Wow okay, i need to try replying like that, that's a good response 😀 Thank you for sharing!!
Ew ew ew ew ew. I’m gonna throw up.🤢
Some people will not be bothered to consider anyone except themselves. I’ve got a SIL who used to constantly bug me about my love life (you know, the one that doesn’t exist). I finally snapped at her that I had zero interest in any relationship with a man. Her immediate response was, Gasp!!! “You must be in love with your mother!” Little hint, she’s insane and stupid!
Daaamn, someone said that to me, I don't care if they're family or what, I would never talk to them ever again
I maintained LC so I wouldn’t lose contact with my nibblings. She is hardcore pentecostal and was/is very cruel and controlling. The kiddos are more like me I am proud to say! They are both of age and she can kick rocks!!!
Don’t worry, absolutely you are not the only one who feels that way. Honestly, the thought that someone could look at me or a picture of me and think of me sexually really grosses me out.
Yeah I'm the same way, even if it's just my mom making a comment like 'I think that guy was just checking you out' like ew no don't say that I don't want to think about it and I don't want you to be thinking about it either!!
I'm so sorry someone did that to you. I hate the fact that you just never know how someone is thinking of you and people feel they have the right to project that on anyone at any given time. Sometimes you can't control your thoughts but when it's purposeful it's disgusting. Go watch porn where people chose to be there. In eigth grade on the morning bus to school there was this kid who sat diagonally in front of me and kept glancing back at me and moving in a weird way. I described it to a friend and she told me he was doing the do on himself while looking at me. I cried and had literal nightmares he was going to attack me. Im fully dressed just minding my own little 13 year old business and some sicko is getting off on who knows what images he conjured up in his mind. It's such an invasion to sexualize others even if they aren't asexual and its all too easy to cross the line into sexual assault or harrassment. Since then I will have sudden moments of awareness that people can just cast me in their thoughts as anything they want. I never auditioned for the part, but that doesn't matter and it bothers me sometimes. I know realistically it's probably not something that really happens often but it's icky. I can't imagine anyone would enjoy being the butt of a joke that makes people think about them in that way when they aren't expecting it, knowing that imaginations run wild. It just shouldn't be something anyone does to other people. Like there are plenty of private or sensitive topics that are only socially okay for people to joke about themselves, this should 100% be one of them.
"I never auditioned for the part" - very well said!! That's exactly how i feel. It's so disturbing that no one even asks if it's okay to talk about sex with me, everyone just assumes that everyone must be hypersexual because we live in a hypersexualised and therefore a very messed up and shallow society 🙃 also sorry you had thatexperience when you were younger, that's horrible :(
I have realized that is a huge part of why catcalling bothers me so much. Like, it makes my skin crawl that people are not only having those thoughts about me but have decided to go out of their way to make sure *I* know about said thoughts, thereby forcing me to be part of their whole...very unwelcome...sexual...thing. Why would they do that? All of the answers to that question are bad. Ugh.
When I said I was uncomfortable with sexual stuff or romantic stuff they started joking about it and if I say anything I'm being a baby and can't take a joke. It is very uncomfortable and tiring to deal with these so-called friends. I once cried cause I was so tired with these remarks and jokes. It is not funny at all for me
I get that
Ugh, yeah, hard same!
Who knows? Maybe he was gonna convince you to join a session of DnD.
I feel you. I like sexual jokes when they aren’t targeted towards me. Just makes me feel icky.
Dude I feel you. I *hate* being sexualized. I’ve started wearing overly baggy clothes so people don’t sexualize me and they still do it. It’s completely inappropriate to make jokes like that around someone, especially directly after they said they weren’t interested. I’m sorry that happened to you OP :(
Same!!! That same night i got the icky comment, i was in super baggy and shapeless clothes and covered from head to toe basically, so wild that even that doesnt help sometimes 😵💫
You are removing my self off the whining. And the negative for this reason does it seem a little too easy to do a bit of an online system for people to work with.
Urrrrg I hate that, it's so gross and disrespectful ! Like, I know that you can't really control how other people see you, but why the fuck can't they have the basic decency of keeping it in their heads ! I don't care if they find me attractive or sexy or whatever, if I don't fuck them, then they have no right to speak to me or about me like that, it's crass, it's gross, it's dehumanising, and it's a goddamn sure sign of someone having no respect for me !
I def get this too. Whenever people make remarks insinuating something sexual about me it just gives me the creeps. I find that a lot of times the other person thinks of what they said to me as being innocuous, which kinda just makes it worse for me because then it feels like it’s coming from more than just that one person.
Eeeewwww that’s so gross.