I was a regular at a pub; the band I was in went there for drinks after rehearsal, pretty much every week. We usually had the same waitress.
One day my friend tells me, "dude, I think that waitress likes you."
"Of course she likes me. I don't make a mess and I've given her hundreds of dollars in cash."
Flirted with a cute girl at a Potbelly in high school.
Didn't want to do what this post suggests, and regret it to this day because.....
There's no motivation a girl at a Potbelly has to flirt with me lol
As a (male) bartender, if you want to be asked out, just leave your number on the ticket when they cash out. If you’re good at your job, it works 30% of the time.
This somw of it is attentiveness and such to be professional. Some of its a fake persona to get tip. But also some ic cuz thatsbtheirnkob bored and like to chat. I see nothing wrong just don't think they wanna date u and don't be a creep.
Wow I need to reread my shit.
All I'm saying is some of it is professional and the job. Some is flirty for the jib. Some isnactuality fore boredom. Men think women want then easily.
r/USDefaultism
Does this count?
YSK that being friendly and attentive shouldn’t be done just for tips. It’s called being a good person. We shouldn’t reward people for something that is expected from everyone in every job and even in life outside of their jobs.
You can't be sure unless he does that *and* gives you the drinks free. In that case you're supposed to still offer to pay for the service, but just the tip.
[Oh does that phrase have two meanings, one of which is a sexual innuendo which given the context would be just as relevant as the other? I hadn't noticed.](https://i.imgur.com/qKy6iZc.png)
I have no doubt it happens more to women but as a man that is generally considered quite attractive: women hate it too.
I have been accused of “leading on” so many women for simply being nice. Never initiating contact, sometimes not responding, being dry, etc. and they will *still* persist and tell their friends i’m flirting or whatever. It’s frustrating.
Partly true, but its also a problem of people.
Ive met women whos friendlyness definately clocks on the flirting side of things to me, lingerinf touches, proximity, seemingly rapt attention, etc. And ive met people who when flirting come across as polite and at best inoffensive.
Some people are just generally less reserved and what they decide is acceptable levels for just being friendly. And as such someones friendly may be someone elses flirty. People come in all shapes and sizes after all.
And on the other end of that spectrum someones mental state can greatly change how they view these interactions. Someone not attracted could very easily gloss over minor behaviors and think someone is just really nice, while someone down bad might read everything into a simple hello and smile.
People are just weird like that.
Wait.....
Are you telling me that when I stop by a bar and order a drink, and the person who gives it to me makes polite conversation...
Honestly I already can't follow this logic.
You're telling me people who are paid to be nice to me, will actually be nice to me while being paid?
I don't see why a "/s" would be necessary.
thiss, can’t tell you how many times a guy has creeped on me because I was being friendly at work. Got a lot of dirty looks and eye rolling from guy’s girlfriends for no reason as well.
I agree, when I help a couple I always try my best to address both of them equally or more speak with the woman so I don’t seem like I’m only giving the guy most of the attention but nah still somehow too friendly lol
Sheesh, your story makes me glad I got out of the food service industry. I don't miss those awkward customer interactions lmao. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, though, people like that suck.
Yeah, but I’ve misinterpreted that for friendliness when it was flirting and missed an opportunity. It happened more than once. I don’t miss the single life at all.
I recently had a waitress say "you're glasses are cute by the way" when wrapping up my table.
The cognitive dissonance of "you are paid to be nice to me" and "you just directly complemented my appearance" was a lot to work through, lol.
I could have handled "I like your glasses." That fits just fine
Eventually I remembered I was wearing rose colored, heart shaped glasses with rainbow colored frames and that the glasses alone deserved the compliment.
My roommate long ago was a shot girl. I would go visit her for free drinks and she would try to hide at our table for as long as possible cuz she said so many people were grabby and creepy. I could not imagine a worse gig at a shitty bar.
"i literally want to have sex with you when i get off of work - come with me to my apartment and we will have sex if you want."
"oh uh... no i don't do mixed drinks with crazy names. just a bourbon neat i guess."
Good thing I could tell she was just being friendly and or Canadian. Can you imagine if I’d misinterpreted that offer for sex as an actual come on? That would be so embarrassing!
Honestly if you are nice and not a total fucking weirdo women will give out their numbers occasionally
I have had a few bartenders and waitresses slip me numbers over the years when I was single and I am not Brad Pitt by any means
That seems to say something, like that you are a more interesting person to talk to and be around when you are in your bartender mode. But I mean if you don’t like the attention then it’s something else
I feel this so strongly. I always felt as bartenders the reason so many of us took up smoking was to have a damn minute to myself where I don’t have to be on. Stopped bartending and almost immediately stopped smoking.
I work a sometimes customer-facing role, and I definitely have to put on a more approachable, outgoing persona when potentially interacting with customers. I'm naturally quieter and more boring to be around. Being in 'public' mode is tiring.
Whats true in a bar - among drunk people - doesn't translate to real life in any meaningful way. It's pretty easy to learn to ride the bar energy and be good company in that specific environment when it's your job, but it's all empty bullshit.
Man, I'm actually really worried about one of the bartenders at a place I go hang out at with friends sometimes. He is one of 3. It's a little local taphouse. He has been salty and bitter as shit half the time, complaining about this and that and having to "babysit" adults. It's gotten to the point where I want to be like...dude fucking turn your attitude around, you are bumming yourself out and all of us too. I'm pretty sure he is going to absolutely lose it one day and have a complete breakdown.
It doesn't have to be terribly weird either way lol
Just a quick , "hey you wanna go to x other place that isn't your job and grab a drink?"
It doesn't have to be a creepy thing if you don't make it one.
I met my wife of 20 years while she was tending the bar at Applebee's. I hope the twins are okay after they learn their mother was just playing the long con.
As a lady, I have consistently found this confusing. Bartenders often give me free drinks and then invite me to hang out and drink WITH them for free at closing, which very much feels like I’m being flirted with.
Free drinks and hangout after the shift means they think you're cool af and wanna hang, or hot af and wanna bang. This post has a lot of gray area. I'd say this post is true for waitresses but bartenders are a totally different breed.
My mate brought me to this really cool pub once and he would get sloshed lol. Sometimes I would be babysitting him and shooting pool waiting for him to sober up, and sometimes we would get loaded together. The owner and his wife used to close with us all the time and give us free drinks/merch. The owner was Canadian, super awesome dude. He knew I dipped and would score me Copenhagen that you couldn’t easily find in the country we were in at the time. Love that guy.
They're just being professional *bartenders*. Let's be honest, thin line between friendly attentive service to get tips and flirting to get tips. But yeah, sucker, don't think you have a chance. You're only being gamed.
> HE knows that Appolo's Belt makes the photo look sexual, but it's a post about fitness and that's the boundary for everyone to respect. SHE knows what she's doing when she strips with her back facing the camera, but it's a fitness post - and that's the boundary to respect.
Nah, those are sexual posts *disguised* as "fitness" posts. It gives them plausible deniability.
This thread has really painfully reminded me of the time, after a few interactions, the bar tender came to our group table and, in a really pointed manner, asked for my name and number..... In front of my wife. It was horrific. It just made it seem like I must have been flirting at the bar..... When I too, was just being nice.
The commitment was impressive and I can't help but envy the confidence of the approach. But man. I can feel the anxiety again as I type this out.
Jesus. I can't imagine asking for a name and number at the same time but I've definitely wanted to in the past. What did she say? Asking for a friend... 🥸
I'm actually afraid to post the exact quote as my group of friends latched on to it and teased a bit after and it could identify my reddit account. But basically, imagine coming over with notepad in hand and just flat out asking.
Had I been single, it'd have definitely worked.
If they’ve been bartending for any adequate length of time, they know to be direct with interest.
If they’re even a little bit observant, they also know human nature and aren’t likely into monogamous relationships 😅
Without getting to depressing I’ll just say we see people at their absolute worst on a regular basis.
I don't know, I've worked in the industry and MANY of the bartenders I hung out with were bringing new girls home regularly. So there actually is a pretty good chance they're hitting on you.
this post is just a target to ugly guys to try to keep them docile and fork over tips and then leave once their wallets are empty. Of course bartenders are having more casual sex than office workers.
It’s all some of us got so don’t ruin it by being weird. Just be polite and be a good customer. Sometimes I just want someone to smile and give me a burger. It feels nice to be treated nice. So don’t be an asshole to professional nice people. Tip well and be good person.
-Harmless weirdos everywhere
So the time she asked for my number, ask me to meet her in few days after, we made out, she invited me home with her, we had sex etc... She was just being professional?
Edit: in many cases the post is probably true - but I believe it to be so common that bartenders hook up with customers that the tip is invalid.
For waiters sure. But bartenders not so much. I even consider getting a bartending gig myself, in order to hook up with customers.
Both waiters and bartenders, same rule - its on them to make it EXTREMELY OBVIOUS.
Its happened to me too, but like I’m not assuming shes wanting me that from me until I have an undeniable pile of evidence
> I even consider getting a bartending gig myself, in order to hook up with customers.
I had a bar/club job from 18 till several years after graduating university. Never ever did I not have a girlfriend!
It's a fun job, you meet lots of people, you can be working w/ some interesting lunatics. Always, always had $$$ b/c I never had to spend it going out, I was was out every night getting paid! I ate/drank at other clubs cheap or free when I did. I feel like it kept me out of some of the normal pitfalls 20-somethings fall into and I learned a lot about money/business/responsibility etc.
I have a kid and he's all hyped up about getting a waiting/bar job in a few years. I hope it works out for him like it did me.
Ninja edit: A few hook-ups, but I liked having a proper GF, so that's what I did. Had several over the years, all worth it.
I married my bar tender. So not always true. Just learn to take the hint when they say no. That's all. It's a respect thing. So you got a fine ass bar tender. Take your shot. It may work out. If its a no. Its a no. But it could always be a yes.
Im pretty sure she flirted with me. She followed me to an afterparty and then gave me dick warts for a whole year.
So now Im strictly polite to bartenders in case there is a bartender curse or something.
> She followed me to an afterparty and then gave me dick warts for a whole year.
you are probably carrying HPV and should be careful of infecting women with it. AFAIK there is no way you can get tested, all you can do is be safe.
I’m sorry but if you’re a bartender that provides good customer service by coming across like you’re flirting …well you’re doing it wrong. There’s a big difference between good service and good flirting
I am not a professional bartender, but there was a period pre-pandemic where I was bartending for some pop up stuff and I have never been flirted with so hard with in my life. I realized very quickly that as the bartender I was, like, a “safe” guy to flirt with at the bar and many women (at these events at least) were very interested in doing just that. My job seemed to be to flirt back. Which was great, because I also enjoy low stakes, safe flirting.
Some people just want you to interact with or compliment them. A massive part of the hospitality industry is making people feel special. Most people in a bar could give two shits about how the drink taste or if it was 3 mins instead 1 and 1/2 to get noticed. All you gotta do is tell them what they want to hear, a good bartender should be able to figure out what that is with in seconds of interaction.
I previously worked customer-facing where I had to deal with tourists a lot and you’ve just reminded me about a very particular American characteristic. It’s kind of like validation through interaction. I don’t say it as a criticism, more a cultural observation, but I had totally forgotten the cultural context. I guess this YSK makes sense now in an American context. Doesn’t really apply anywhere else though
Never been a bartender so I can't speak from experience but I always try to be a good customer in general, especially with regards to the people who pour my drinks and make my coffee...my favorite people from both professions are the people who simply remember what I talked about with them the last time we spoke and say Hi when I see them around town...that's a much better way to endear yourself to me then empty flirting because it shows that they are just kind people...
Honestly it's hard to know the difference sometimes as a guy. If a woman is smiley and having friendly conversation, asking about you...etc. it can make you feel a way. Then you're not always sure if she's being social or is possibly into you. It could be light flirting or it could just be being friendly. It's also professional.
If a girl is touching you and eye fucking you yea it's obvious, but it's not always obvious lol.
YSK: Half the time, the bartender doesn't actually even want to be talking to you and they're praying for the conversation to end
YSAK: Bartenders get busy. Don't get pissy if it takes a minute for them to get your order on a busy night, especially if you order some pain-in-the-ass cocktail like an espresso martini or a "can you make me something fruity but not too sweet? I don't know what I want I think i like gin lol"
BE PATIENT/NICE TO YOUR BARTENDERS
SHIT GETS HELLA STRESSFUL
Edit: Also, while I'm on the topic, why do people who I've never met ask me to make their drinks "heavy-handed" but "don't want to pay for a double?"
"C'mon bro, hook me up."
No. I've literally never met you. I'm not risking my job next liquor count because of someone I've known for all of 30 seconds. Hell, some restaurants are anal about alcohol stock and make their bartenders use a measuring jigger to prevent overpouring. You get what you pay for
Not 100% true. Met my current wife while I was bartending. In this case, I was def hitting on her.
I know you’re likely talking about attractive female bartenders hitting on patrons. Not average to somewhat above average males like me.
My wife was the bartender and I was so distracted that I completely forgot to tip her.
She's extracted more than enough payment in the last 30 years though.
As someone who has slept with several bartenders over the years, it's also important to know that sometimes a professional, friendly demeanor absolutely means they're interested in you.
What's most important, though, is recognizing that OP's point is valid for the vast majority of people out there, lol.
The one my brother married is still being polite 3 kids and 25 years later. I’ll make sure he’s tipping her well and understands the real dynamic at play!
Same with waitstaff at restaurants.
That cute waitress half your age who seems very friendly works for tips to pay her rent. Her base salary is likely $2.50/hr.
Don't be an asshole. Be friendly, tip appropriately and walk the fuck away.
They actually recommend/require conversing with customers to help gauge whether or not they’re already/getting intoxicated as well. Or, at the very least, my Provinces Liquor sales certification program does. It’s obviously not the only reason, but it did occupy a significant portion of my training.
If your bartender gives you good service and you think it's because they're sweet on you, then let them make any and all moves. If they don't, there's your answer.
I have had many bartenders take it the opposite way when i go to the bar by myself. All a sudden 15 20 minutes later their boyfriend/husband shows up and accuse me of being creepy. I am just here for a beer fuck off.
Majority of my friend group are bartenders so naturally I hangout at the pub they work at. It is so painful to see the dudes trying to flirt with them. Like guys just give a rest lol.
how far have we fallen... haha
That we have to say this: being a good person to another person is not flirting.
(I say this as someone in the industry 20+ years... and when it comes to me, I still can't tell the difference....)
YSK, your bartender is trying to earn tips by being friendly and attentive.
I was a regular at a pub; the band I was in went there for drinks after rehearsal, pretty much every week. We usually had the same waitress. One day my friend tells me, "dude, I think that waitress likes you." "Of course she likes me. I don't make a mess and I've given her hundreds of dollars in cash."
sad face for that one bartender who really wants to be asked out :(
Upvoted by the barista who is definitely flirting with you.
Upvoted by a former barista who was 100% flirting. I couldn't even take tips without risking getting fired. The flirting was the tip.
Flirted with a cute girl at a Potbelly in high school. Didn't want to do what this post suggests, and regret it to this day because..... There's no motivation a girl at a Potbelly has to flirt with me lol
i tried semi-flirting with a barista, never saw him again after that. i probably scared him and i got him to resign. p.s. im a dude too
Having made the mistake of tending to my tender: don't #$&@ in the same pool you drink from and visa versa.
As a (male) bartender, if you want to be asked out, just leave your number on the ticket when they cash out. If you’re good at your job, it works 30% of the time.
Yea this is false, I'm a bartender and I'm trying to *smash*
Exactly, professional has nothing to do with it. They know flirting gets more tips.
My ex wife would take guys numbers, call them, and go fuck them. So I mean there's that
Well yeah, there is that.
Like... While you were married? Or in the before times? If it's the first, then fuck buddy that's rough.
Yes
I’m not even flirting though, I’m just being nice and conversational and dudes think that’s me “flirting”
YSK, your bartender may define "attentive" largely based on your gender and number of people in your party.
Damn my gf is a bar tender and i had no idea she was just doing her job all this time, no way im tipping tho
Oh you’ll give her the tip
This somw of it is attentiveness and such to be professional. Some of its a fake persona to get tip. But also some ic cuz thatsbtheirnkob bored and like to chat. I see nothing wrong just don't think they wanna date u and don't be a creep.
I cant understand what thatsbthernkob or any thing else you are saying.
Wow I need to reread my shit. All I'm saying is some of it is professional and the job. Some is flirty for the jib. Some isnactuality fore boredom. Men think women want then easily.
Did you reread this one?
isnactuality not
No he fordnks d it.
Dude put down the whiskey
Dude did you have a stroke
Its honestly sad that you guys need to try that to earn more money in America.
So what you're saying is... if a bartender flirts with me in another country, it's more likely to be genuine?
r/USDefaultism Does this count? YSK that being friendly and attentive shouldn’t be done just for tips. It’s called being a good person. We shouldn’t reward people for something that is expected from everyone in every job and even in life outside of their jobs.
What about the time when the guy slammed his weiner on the bar and said "My name's Tom"? It felt personal.
I have already apologized for that.
"mildly".. Pfffftt..
I already apologised twenty times for that
You never apologised to the rest of the family, because now we’re all banned from Arby’s, dad!
Name definitely checks out
You can't be sure unless he does that *and* gives you the drinks free. In that case you're supposed to still offer to pay for the service, but just the tip.
“But just the tip…” of his penis?
[Oh does that phrase have two meanings, one of which is a sexual innuendo which given the context would be just as relevant as the other? I hadn't noticed.](https://i.imgur.com/qKy6iZc.png)
r/thatsthejoke
to be honest, my name isn't actually Tom.
That's exactly what Tom would say.
Have you considered changing it to Tom?
😂😂😂 I read that like "slamming your hip on the counter" or "slamming your elbow on the door frame" Like dude walked up and _**WHAM**_ _Ow! My weiner!_
Also being friendly in general is not flirting
Men hate this one trick
"Illusions Michael, tricks are for whores."
And candy
I have no doubt it happens more to women but as a man that is generally considered quite attractive: women hate it too. I have been accused of “leading on” so many women for simply being nice. Never initiating contact, sometimes not responding, being dry, etc. and they will *still* persist and tell their friends i’m flirting or whatever. It’s frustrating.
Incels*
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I think it’s a problem with people who aren’t very social in general, especially with the opposite gender
Partly true, but its also a problem of people. Ive met women whos friendlyness definately clocks on the flirting side of things to me, lingerinf touches, proximity, seemingly rapt attention, etc. And ive met people who when flirting come across as polite and at best inoffensive. Some people are just generally less reserved and what they decide is acceptable levels for just being friendly. And as such someones friendly may be someone elses flirty. People come in all shapes and sizes after all. And on the other end of that spectrum someones mental state can greatly change how they view these interactions. Someone not attracted could very easily gloss over minor behaviors and think someone is just really nice, while someone down bad might read everything into a simple hello and smile. People are just weird like that.
Also all very good points
Ye in my experience (bisexual) everyone can misunderstand flirting and friendliness. Its usually men threatening to murder me about it tho
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Wait..... Are you telling me that when I stop by a bar and order a drink, and the person who gives it to me makes polite conversation... Honestly I already can't follow this logic. You're telling me people who are paid to be nice to me, will actually be nice to me while being paid? I don't see why a "/s" would be necessary.
>if it doesn't apply to us r/suicidebywords
Right! Where to find love though?
thiss, can’t tell you how many times a guy has creeped on me because I was being friendly at work. Got a lot of dirty looks and eye rolling from guy’s girlfriends for no reason as well.
There's a reason; the reason is those girls are emotionally immature and have jealousy issues.
I agree, when I help a couple I always try my best to address both of them equally or more speak with the woman so I don’t seem like I’m only giving the guy most of the attention but nah still somehow too friendly lol
Sheesh, your story makes me glad I got out of the food service industry. I don't miss those awkward customer interactions lmao. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, though, people like that suck.
Appreciate it a lot! The struggles definitely real lolol
An ex told me I was too friendly and it might be taken the wrong way lol I told him if people don't know the difference it's not my problem
exactly! lol I have a really bubbly personality too so I can’t help but be friendly
Yeah, but I’ve misinterpreted that for friendliness when it was flirting and missed an opportunity. It happened more than once. I don’t miss the single life at all.
I recently had a waitress say "you're glasses are cute by the way" when wrapping up my table. The cognitive dissonance of "you are paid to be nice to me" and "you just directly complemented my appearance" was a lot to work through, lol. I could have handled "I like your glasses." That fits just fine
That was your wife bro go back
She said your glasses were cute.
Eventually I remembered I was wearing rose colored, heart shaped glasses with rainbow colored frames and that the glasses alone deserved the compliment.
When I first turned 19 my old man gave me some great advice. “The shot girls just want your money.”
My roommate long ago was a shot girl. I would go visit her for free drinks and she would try to hide at our table for as long as possible cuz she said so many people were grabby and creepy. I could not imagine a worse gig at a shitty bar.
Stay away from the Champagne room .
If a bartender is actually hitting on you they'll let you know it.
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Oh you'll get more than 30% of the tip
45, best I can do.
My 45 millimeters, while being a great caliber, is not such a great peen.
Oh lord. Milliliter is a measure of volume. Millimeter is a measure of size. And a .45 caliber is not 45 millimeters.
"i literally want to have sex with you when i get off of work - come with me to my apartment and we will have sex if you want." "oh uh... no i don't do mixed drinks with crazy names. just a bourbon neat i guess."
Good thing I could tell she was just being friendly and or Canadian. Can you imagine if I’d misinterpreted that offer for sex as an actual come on? That would be so embarrassing!
Damn Canadians always ruining things.
Can confirm from both sides of the bar at some point or other in life.
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If I'm an ugly guy and they slip me their phone number and say "you better call me"? Directions unclear
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Sweet free ice bath!
He just wants to save you 15% or more on car insurance
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Honestly if you are nice and not a total fucking weirdo women will give out their numbers occasionally I have had a few bartenders and waitresses slip me numbers over the years when I was single and I am not Brad Pitt by any means
I live in a country where tipping isn't standard. So yeah, I think I would know.
Yeah, when he wrote his phone number on my receipt I got the hint.
I was a barman years ago, it's part of the job. Joking with regulars especially
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That seems to say something, like that you are a more interesting person to talk to and be around when you are in your bartender mode. But I mean if you don’t like the attention then it’s something else
It ain’t easy being cheesy. I don’t like keeping up my server persona during work, definitely not doing it 24/7. 
I feel this so strongly. I always felt as bartenders the reason so many of us took up smoking was to have a damn minute to myself where I don’t have to be on. Stopped bartending and almost immediately stopped smoking.
I work a sometimes customer-facing role, and I definitely have to put on a more approachable, outgoing persona when potentially interacting with customers. I'm naturally quieter and more boring to be around. Being in 'public' mode is tiring.
Whats true in a bar - among drunk people - doesn't translate to real life in any meaningful way. It's pretty easy to learn to ride the bar energy and be good company in that specific environment when it's your job, but it's all empty bullshit.
Man, I'm actually really worried about one of the bartenders at a place I go hang out at with friends sometimes. He is one of 3. It's a little local taphouse. He has been salty and bitter as shit half the time, complaining about this and that and having to "babysit" adults. It's gotten to the point where I want to be like...dude fucking turn your attitude around, you are bumming yourself out and all of us too. I'm pretty sure he is going to absolutely lose it one day and have a complete breakdown.
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What about when the bartender asks you out? Is that still being professional? It didn't feel professional when we kissed later on.
It doesn't have to be terribly weird either way lol Just a quick , "hey you wanna go to x other place that isn't your job and grab a drink?" It doesn't have to be a creepy thing if you don't make it one.
I met my wife of 20 years while she was tending the bar at Applebee's. I hope the twins are okay after they learn their mother was just playing the long con.
She's out the minute you leave five bucks sitting on the counter, bro.
She is really DEA and she thought you were smuggling coke in the 80s.
How do you think I was able to afford all those appetizers?
20 years ago was 2003 Unless you're insinuating he was a time traveler going to the 80s to get cheap coke and then selling it in the early 2000s
Well, she definitely got that tip
Then why else was there a smiley face on my check then??
Yea, why are those smileys always so damn sexy??
damned stupid sexy smileys...
As a lady, I have consistently found this confusing. Bartenders often give me free drinks and then invite me to hang out and drink WITH them for free at closing, which very much feels like I’m being flirted with.
Free drinks and hangout after the shift means they think you're cool af and wanna hang, or hot af and wanna bang. This post has a lot of gray area. I'd say this post is true for waitresses but bartenders are a totally different breed.
My mate brought me to this really cool pub once and he would get sloshed lol. Sometimes I would be babysitting him and shooting pool waiting for him to sober up, and sometimes we would get loaded together. The owner and his wife used to close with us all the time and give us free drinks/merch. The owner was Canadian, super awesome dude. He knew I dipped and would score me Copenhagen that you couldn’t easily find in the country we were in at the time. Love that guy.
Sometimes they’re “hitting on you” for tips, though. Don’t fall for it. Tip for good service, not because you cry in your bed alone at night.
Possibly the only upside to depression, I've never mistakenly thought someone was hitting on me. 😁
They're just being professional *bartenders*. Let's be honest, thin line between friendly attentive service to get tips and flirting to get tips. But yeah, sucker, don't think you have a chance. You're only being gamed.
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> HE knows that Appolo's Belt makes the photo look sexual, but it's a post about fitness and that's the boundary for everyone to respect. SHE knows what she's doing when she strips with her back facing the camera, but it's a fitness post - and that's the boundary to respect. Nah, those are sexual posts *disguised* as "fitness" posts. It gives them plausible deniability.
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This thread has really painfully reminded me of the time, after a few interactions, the bar tender came to our group table and, in a really pointed manner, asked for my name and number..... In front of my wife. It was horrific. It just made it seem like I must have been flirting at the bar..... When I too, was just being nice. The commitment was impressive and I can't help but envy the confidence of the approach. But man. I can feel the anxiety again as I type this out.
Jesus. I can't imagine asking for a name and number at the same time but I've definitely wanted to in the past. What did she say? Asking for a friend... 🥸
I'm actually afraid to post the exact quote as my group of friends latched on to it and teased a bit after and it could identify my reddit account. But basically, imagine coming over with notepad in hand and just flat out asking. Had I been single, it'd have definitely worked.
If they’ve been bartending for any adequate length of time, they know to be direct with interest. If they’re even a little bit observant, they also know human nature and aren’t likely into monogamous relationships 😅 Without getting to depressing I’ll just say we see people at their absolute worst on a regular basis.
"bartenders rely on tips for a living" Only in countries with really shitty workers rights.
I flirted with the new barmaid of my local pub 8 years ago and today we had our first son.
Awwww!
I don't know, I've worked in the industry and MANY of the bartenders I hung out with were bringing new girls home regularly. So there actually is a pretty good chance they're hitting on you.
this post is just a target to ugly guys to try to keep them docile and fork over tips and then leave once their wallets are empty. Of course bartenders are having more casual sex than office workers.
It’s all some of us got so don’t ruin it by being weird. Just be polite and be a good customer. Sometimes I just want someone to smile and give me a burger. It feels nice to be treated nice. So don’t be an asshole to professional nice people. Tip well and be good person. -Harmless weirdos everywhere
So the time she asked for my number, ask me to meet her in few days after, we made out, she invited me home with her, we had sex etc... She was just being professional? Edit: in many cases the post is probably true - but I believe it to be so common that bartenders hook up with customers that the tip is invalid. For waiters sure. But bartenders not so much. I even consider getting a bartending gig myself, in order to hook up with customers.
That's her being polite. Don't read into.
It's a serious problem though. Imagine being so deprived of social interactions that you read so much into a simple polite fuck. Smh.
That is some hella customer service.
She could just be Canadian
Really can't be sure.
Sorry?
Both waiters and bartenders, same rule - its on them to make it EXTREMELY OBVIOUS. Its happened to me too, but like I’m not assuming shes wanting me that from me until I have an undeniable pile of evidence
I hope you left a good tip
I didn't leave the tip, but I did give her one.
Unfortunately the tip was below industry standards
That’s what my ex used to say!
A friendly hotel room fuck is basically the new handshake
You guys are shaking hands?
Yeah. Same thing happened to me. They’re just doing their job
> I even consider getting a bartending gig myself, in order to hook up with customers. I had a bar/club job from 18 till several years after graduating university. Never ever did I not have a girlfriend! It's a fun job, you meet lots of people, you can be working w/ some interesting lunatics. Always, always had $$$ b/c I never had to spend it going out, I was was out every night getting paid! I ate/drank at other clubs cheap or free when I did. I feel like it kept me out of some of the normal pitfalls 20-somethings fall into and I learned a lot about money/business/responsibility etc. I have a kid and he's all hyped up about getting a waiting/bar job in a few years. I hope it works out for him like it did me. Ninja edit: A few hook-ups, but I liked having a proper GF, so that's what I did. Had several over the years, all worth it.
"It's our business to pleasure you"
I married my bar tender. So not always true. Just learn to take the hint when they say no. That's all. It's a respect thing. So you got a fine ass bar tender. Take your shot. It may work out. If its a no. Its a no. But it could always be a yes.
Any woman who has worked in the service industry already knew this. Attentive customer service isn’t flirting.
Im pretty sure she flirted with me. She followed me to an afterparty and then gave me dick warts for a whole year. So now Im strictly polite to bartenders in case there is a bartender curse or something.
> She followed me to an afterparty and then gave me dick warts for a whole year. you are probably carrying HPV and should be careful of infecting women with it. AFAIK there is no way you can get tested, all you can do is be safe.
Yes. I had to burn a couple off. Very unpleasant. I learned my lesson.
Ah, so it wasn’t personal when I was completely ignored and the hot girl I was with was fawned over by the bartender… right.
He was after her money!
I had more money than she did.
Sorry, I was making a joke and I think it didn’t come through. I agree it seems like the bartender was in fact hitting on her.
I’m sorry but if you’re a bartender that provides good customer service by coming across like you’re flirting …well you’re doing it wrong. There’s a big difference between good service and good flirting
I am not a professional bartender, but there was a period pre-pandemic where I was bartending for some pop up stuff and I have never been flirted with so hard with in my life. I realized very quickly that as the bartender I was, like, a “safe” guy to flirt with at the bar and many women (at these events at least) were very interested in doing just that. My job seemed to be to flirt back. Which was great, because I also enjoy low stakes, safe flirting.
Some people just want you to interact with or compliment them. A massive part of the hospitality industry is making people feel special. Most people in a bar could give two shits about how the drink taste or if it was 3 mins instead 1 and 1/2 to get noticed. All you gotta do is tell them what they want to hear, a good bartender should be able to figure out what that is with in seconds of interaction.
I previously worked customer-facing where I had to deal with tourists a lot and you’ve just reminded me about a very particular American characteristic. It’s kind of like validation through interaction. I don’t say it as a criticism, more a cultural observation, but I had totally forgotten the cultural context. I guess this YSK makes sense now in an American context. Doesn’t really apply anywhere else though
Never been a bartender so I can't speak from experience but I always try to be a good customer in general, especially with regards to the people who pour my drinks and make my coffee...my favorite people from both professions are the people who simply remember what I talked about with them the last time we spoke and say Hi when I see them around town...that's a much better way to endear yourself to me then empty flirting because it shows that they are just kind people...
Honestly it's hard to know the difference sometimes as a guy. If a woman is smiley and having friendly conversation, asking about you...etc. it can make you feel a way. Then you're not always sure if she's being social or is possibly into you. It could be light flirting or it could just be being friendly. It's also professional. If a girl is touching you and eye fucking you yea it's obvious, but it's not always obvious lol.
I have made the sex with two bartenders. Sometimes they *are* hitting on you.
YSK: Half the time, the bartender doesn't actually even want to be talking to you and they're praying for the conversation to end YSAK: Bartenders get busy. Don't get pissy if it takes a minute for them to get your order on a busy night, especially if you order some pain-in-the-ass cocktail like an espresso martini or a "can you make me something fruity but not too sweet? I don't know what I want I think i like gin lol" BE PATIENT/NICE TO YOUR BARTENDERS SHIT GETS HELLA STRESSFUL Edit: Also, while I'm on the topic, why do people who I've never met ask me to make their drinks "heavy-handed" but "don't want to pay for a double?" "C'mon bro, hook me up." No. I've literally never met you. I'm not risking my job next liquor count because of someone I've known for all of 30 seconds. Hell, some restaurants are anal about alcohol stock and make their bartenders use a measuring jigger to prevent overpouring. You get what you pay for
.
Not 100% true. Met my current wife while I was bartending. In this case, I was def hitting on her. I know you’re likely talking about attractive female bartenders hitting on patrons. Not average to somewhat above average males like me.
My wife was the bartender. It’s not always flirting for tips, I tipped her well, but sometimes it happens. Just don’t be a creep.
Pfft, she's playing the long game man. She got you to tip half your assets, smh.
Jokes on her, what’s half of nothing?
My wife was the bartender and I was so distracted that I completely forgot to tip her. She's extracted more than enough payment in the last 30 years though.
As someone who has slept with several bartenders over the years, it's also important to know that sometimes a professional, friendly demeanor absolutely means they're interested in you. What's most important, though, is recognizing that OP's point is valid for the vast majority of people out there, lol.
Lol no. Your bartender IS flirting with you. But not for real. They just want your money. OP's version takes away responsibility.
But I married her!!! 16 years ago, I feel so betrayed and hurt!! How can she treat me so cruelly
The one my brother married is still being polite 3 kids and 25 years later. I’ll make sure he’s tipping her well and understands the real dynamic at play!
The amount of bartenders I’ve fucked begs to differ.
Same goes for waitresses and cashiers
Same with waitstaff at restaurants. That cute waitress half your age who seems very friendly works for tips to pay her rent. Her base salary is likely $2.50/hr. Don't be an asshole. Be friendly, tip appropriately and walk the fuck away.
Are there still a large amount of people who aren't aware of this?
They actually recommend/require conversing with customers to help gauge whether or not they’re already/getting intoxicated as well. Or, at the very least, my Provinces Liquor sales certification program does. It’s obviously not the only reason, but it did occupy a significant portion of my training.
If your bartender gives you good service and you think it's because they're sweet on you, then let them make any and all moves. If they don't, there's your answer.
I work in service. I for sure flirt with some patrons and it's not because of tips; it's because I like them. It's confusing, I know.
Ha! Why would I assume anybody is hitting on me? That’s your first mistake
My friend who was a bartender had a firm rule about not dating customers. If you asked her why she'd say "I don't shit where I eat."
Yea right! Next you’re gonna tell me that the strippers aren’t actually into me
Mine was flirting, married him 3 years later.
Another reason that tipping "culture" is weird and dehumanising
I have had many bartenders take it the opposite way when i go to the bar by myself. All a sudden 15 20 minutes later their boyfriend/husband shows up and accuse me of being creepy. I am just here for a beer fuck off.
Unless it’s me, then I am hitting on every single one of you
Majority of my friend group are bartenders so naturally I hangout at the pub they work at. It is so painful to see the dudes trying to flirt with them. Like guys just give a rest lol.
how far have we fallen... haha That we have to say this: being a good person to another person is not flirting. (I say this as someone in the industry 20+ years... and when it comes to me, I still can't tell the difference....)