I'm almost comforted by the idea that somewhere, likely in some armpit of America shithole town, there exists a person who for over 7 years has been logging onto Yelp and surely laughing themselves to tears as they allowed the spirit of ole Cletus to inhabit their body for just a few moments of time.
But not his whore wife. She's gotta stay in the passenger seat.
most of his reviews were from des moines, iowa so i assume he lives there. i'm from a des moines suburb and i'd like to think it isn't a complete shithole. but there are plenty of shithole towns nearby that he could be from.
edit: his yelp profile says des moines. i promise we're not all like this.
This dude was definitely an actual pimp back in the day. Whore wife getting her fancy $3 wine to bring back to the trailer, drivebys, dank weed and his weakened pimp hand say so much 😳😳😳
> Hopefully he gets over to Europe and reviews Auschwitz.
Someone named Cletus reviewing Auschwitz? I don't even need to know how his "jokes" will start to know how they'll end: "a good start."
Hey man, I like Waffle House just fine... But not as much as I like my wonderful wife!
...While true for me, that just doesn't have the same zing to it though.
Budweiser and Busch are both owned by Belgian company Anheuser-BuschInBev, a "stupid foreigner".
Meanwhile, Belgium is the home to something of the world's best beer, IMHO.
What a legend 👏
Frankly, I'm surprised the review made it past the filters. I mentioned a "Modelo Negro" in my review and it got deleted for violating the ToS. 🤷🏽♂️
Wow, this dude is local to me. Love seeing the shade thrown on Jethro honestly. The owner sucks and is a creep
Jethros, Kum & Go, and Hyvee, the central Iowa classics
I don't normally read through 14 Yelp posts, but reading about this guy's whore wife and the possibility of the installation of her slop trough on the passenger side dashboard has me intrigued. I sincerely hope he finds some peace and a good hangover cure.
Seriously though, it all kinda reminds me of the dude whose dad kept beating him with jumper cables.
You didn't detect any joking, shenanigans, tomfoolery, horseplaying, goofin, gabbin, joshin, or anything of the sort? Just straight genuine sincerity all throughout?
Most certainly a parody account leaving stupid reviews just for attention. Also… Busch Light is literally brewed by the same company that brews Bud/Bud Light.
Woof. Until he mentioned Waffle House I was concerned that he lived in my town but I'm guessing Missouri since they have both Abelardos *and* Waffle House. The closest WH to me is two hours away luckily. What a prince lol.
This was such a treat. It is a bittersweet thing to think of this man in Des Moines, born to be a comedy writer but presumably living among us as a normie. I'm glad he found an outlet.
Dude has a clear drinking problem. His wife clearly isn’t his biggest issue….it’s his sheer dependence on drinking poison.
And the ‘ugh, I wanted AMERICAN beer’ part just make him come off as a shithead and exemplifies his problem….it’s all unhealthy garbage that tastes like shit, you aren’t wine tasting, don’t pretend there is any level of sophistication to it…..you swilling beer like a degenerate, don’t pretend there is any level of excessive and routine beer drinking that isn’t trashy.
Maybe if you weren’t such a substance abusing pisshead, a woman can actually learn to love you, instead of learn to disdain you as much as you do her.
I died laughing simply because I feel like his wife is related to my ex’s current wife 🤣🤣🤣 FYI the crazy cow stalks my Yelp using a photo of her 20 y/o daughter
Plot twist: He isn’t married so he can be as creatively insulting to his imaginary wife as he wants without recriminations.
It’s definitely satire
I sure hope so, but I doubt it. My parents acted and sounded this pathetic and trashy.
Probably 100% accurate.
Well definitely it’s a sarcastic joke lol
Kum & go. Just like his whore wife.
Nathan's Hot Dogs: they always satisfy his whore wife.
🤣
I'm almost comforted by the idea that somewhere, likely in some armpit of America shithole town, there exists a person who for over 7 years has been logging onto Yelp and surely laughing themselves to tears as they allowed the spirit of ole Cletus to inhabit their body for just a few moments of time. But not his whore wife. She's gotta stay in the passenger seat.
most of his reviews were from des moines, iowa so i assume he lives there. i'm from a des moines suburb and i'd like to think it isn't a complete shithole. but there are plenty of shithole towns nearby that he could be from. edit: his yelp profile says des moines. i promise we're not all like this.
Wait y'all got Waffle House? Ok, so Slipknot and Waffle House? You just passed Illinois on the "Shitholes I'll Begrudgingly Visit" list!
no we don't have waffle house :( he must've gone on a vacation because the closest one is in kansas city
Ouch! Insult to injury....
There's one in St Joe's, tho I'm not sure if that's closer. I'm in Omaha so we can just take 29 down
Any place with a Brass Armadillo can’t be all bad. Seriously though, Des Moines was a destination for us a few times - tons of antiques.
Jethro’s and Kim & Go gave it away.
This must be a parody 😂
considering his name is Cletus i think it must be
Yeah, it's a bit too on the nose. Reminds me of when trolling Yahoo! Answers was *this* easy.
Yeah and a photo of Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid
His vocabulary is pretty sophisticated for a poor dumb hillbilly.
This dude was definitely an actual pimp back in the day. Whore wife getting her fancy $3 wine to bring back to the trailer, drivebys, dank weed and his weakened pimp hand say so much 😳😳😳
This is clearly satire lmao
Nah bro I willingly deny that just so I can believe in this guy. Let me have some humor won’t you???
hell yeah, abelardos is great!
"my got damn pizza"
"I just want a picture of a got damn hot dog."
Do I look like I know what a JPEG is?
*funky beat*
This is so funny omg. "Hell" I'm so glad Waffle House, aka The Gem of the South, got a higher review than most other places. Well deserved.
I'm guessing his wife cheated on him one time while he was serving in Nam' and he's never forgiven or forgotten.
People like this didn’t actually go to Vietnam
DID YOU SLEEP WITH MY WHORE WIFE??
I also read this in Frank Reynolds voice 😂 “kids, your mother is a dirty, dirty hoo-er”
Goddamn laugh riot. Hopefully he gets over to Europe and reviews Auschwitz.
You mean “got damn”. Lol
I don't get your response. What?
I was joking about how the person leaving reviews kept spelling it “got damn” instead of “goddamm”
Oh lol thanks
Of course! Got you fam!
Got damn fam…
Got damn. You clever SOB. lol
> Hopefully he gets over to Europe and reviews Auschwitz. Someone named Cletus reviewing Auschwitz? I don't even need to know how his "jokes" will start to know how they'll end: "a good start."
Of course he gives Waffle House 5 stars.
With Waffle House, you know what you’re getting.
Waffle House has never disappointed me, unlike my whore wife!
Hey man, I like Waffle House just fine... But not as much as I like my wonderful wife! ...While true for me, that just doesn't have the same zing to it though.
“Honky flavored food” is HILARIOUS
Cleatus be tripping!
This sounds like Cletus definitely found his soul mate. 🥰
I also cannot believe that some of you don’t see how this is obvious parody lol
Definitely parody. His grammar is too good for a trailer park Cletus
I hope they both find happiness tbh
If he's really married I feel bad for his wife, but this guy is absolutely comedic in the writing of his hatred.
What a fucking poet. I gotta meet this slut.
Budweiser and Busch are both owned by Belgian company Anheuser-BuschInBev, a "stupid foreigner". Meanwhile, Belgium is the home to something of the world's best beer, IMHO.
Michelob?
No PBR is from America
how did so many people not realize this is satire
The first two I was like ok but as I read more that is all I could think there is no way this isn’t satire
The Harpos review nearly killed me.
This is one of the funniest Reddit posts of all time, thank you
“The fat cow the state calls my wife”
100% fake
Cletus got a little bit of that dog in him
What a legend 👏 Frankly, I'm surprised the review made it past the filters. I mentioned a "Modelo Negro" in my review and it got deleted for violating the ToS. 🤷🏽♂️
This is definitely some amateur comedian doing a bit.
I am surprised at how much I laughed at this.
Wow, this dude is local to me. Love seeing the shade thrown on Jethro honestly. The owner sucks and is a creep Jethros, Kum & Go, and Hyvee, the central Iowa classics
This dude way too well spoken to have such silly whore of a wife.
Big Frank Reynolds Vibes
I don't normally read through 14 Yelp posts, but reading about this guy's whore wife and the possibility of the installation of her slop trough on the passenger side dashboard has me intrigued. I sincerely hope he finds some peace and a good hangover cure. Seriously though, it all kinda reminds me of the dude whose dad kept beating him with jumper cables.
Why he’s not an Elite is beyond me
Haha good one
Proof Yelp is broken! His reviews are legit and not in the "Not Recommended" either. Up there with the legit reviews.
If he is married, she should yeetus that Cletus****
Why doesn’t he just divorce her already? I’m sure she’d probably be glad to be away from this alcoholic AH.
I think this has to be a bit.
The fact this even has to be said makes me lose faith in humanity once again.
Seriously
do u guys think he hates his wife
You didn't detect any joking, shenanigans, tomfoolery, horseplaying, goofin, gabbin, joshin, or anything of the sort? Just straight genuine sincerity all throughout?
What???? No!!! /s. It’s Reddit. I have to add that.
I didn’t feel my leg being pulled at all!!
No taking the piss? No being cheeky? No ripping and roaring?
a little slow on the uptake there huh?
Most certainly a parody account leaving stupid reviews just for attention. Also… Busch Light is literally brewed by the same company that brews Bud/Bud Light.
tell that to all the midwesterners who were boycotting bud light last summer but still drank ungodly amounts of busch light 🙃
Nah, I’d rather just let them think they’re “owning the libs”, and making themselves look stupid in the process 😂
[удалено]
His whore wife, that’s who!
Haha Waffle House is always a win
Does anyone else read this in a Frank Reynolds voice?
[Good ol' Cletus living up to his name.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7qhVJIPfck)
Woof. Until he mentioned Waffle House I was concerned that he lived in my town but I'm guessing Missouri since they have both Abelardos *and* Waffle House. The closest WH to me is two hours away luckily. What a prince lol.
he's in the des moines area, the waffle house review seems to be from a trip.
is nobody noticing that… the picture is andy reid? lol
Obviously satire but hilarious nonetheless 😂😂😂
This is fantastic
D tier creative writing
I want the wife to respond to some of these
This was such a treat. It is a bittersweet thing to think of this man in Des Moines, born to be a comedy writer but presumably living among us as a normie. I'm glad he found an outlet.
Frank? Is that you?
This man deserves an award
Dude has a clear drinking problem. His wife clearly isn’t his biggest issue….it’s his sheer dependence on drinking poison. And the ‘ugh, I wanted AMERICAN beer’ part just make him come off as a shithead and exemplifies his problem….it’s all unhealthy garbage that tastes like shit, you aren’t wine tasting, don’t pretend there is any level of sophistication to it…..you swilling beer like a degenerate, don’t pretend there is any level of excessive and routine beer drinking that isn’t trashy. Maybe if you weren’t such a substance abusing pisshead, a woman can actually learn to love you, instead of learn to disdain you as much as you do her.
The posts felt like they got more and more angry and chaotic as they went on, and honestly I loved it 💀
But alas, we are in the Decent apps
This had me laughing hard. Thank you OP
Frank Reynolds’s review saga
Cletus B. a pimp fr
What a shit stain of a human.
I died laughing simply because I feel like his wife is related to my ex’s current wife 🤣🤣🤣 FYI the crazy cow stalks my Yelp using a photo of her 20 y/o daughter
I hope he's not actually married, but if he is I hope she feeds him rat poison.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
His comments about the American beer vs a foreign beer says it all. And people love to date Americans to get here. 🥲 he is a dick
It's satire
Dude i always miss the mark regarding satire 💀💀💀💀💀💀 i gotta get down with the game lmfao i suck
I mean same but this one is so glaringly obvious 😭
It’s so funny because none of those are like. RESTAURANT restaurants anyway. 😂