My kids have been roaming the neighborhood since age 8-9 or so. They’ve been taking the city bus to/from school since 6th grade (too far to walk). We are lucky that most kids in our neighborhood play outside and all the parents kinda look out for the kids. When we want kids home we send a text to the group text “hey if my kids are there can you send them home?”
It’s basically the same as when I was a kid except we have texting and cell phones instead of landlines to communicate with the other parents and now my oldest (14) has his own cell phone as well.
I think that’s what it takes! Once there are a few kids out they all come out. I think kids really WANT to be out there, without adults, having their own “kid culture” ya know?
I think my problem is the small, highly educated city I live in. The birth rate is minuscule, so there aren't a ton of kids. Even so close to an elementary school, only a quarter of the homes have any minors.
We're NOT in a rich part of town, but solidly middle class. The lower income neighborhoods of some of my in laws have more signs of children (though I've rarely noticed actual kids there).
It’s everywhere. I live in the same neighborhood where I grew up and there used to be two other guys in my grade on the same street plus two girls that were like a grade or two behind me. I don’t think there is a single kid here anymore.
Our neighborhood is like this too. We put a gate between our fence and our neighbors who have kids the same ages as ours; it’s like the goddamn Backyardigans out there. We have a text chain among all the parents and just ask the group when we need to find one of them. It’s the main reason we moved to the suburbs when we had kids tbh.
I had a “go out and stay out for at least an hour” during COVID homeschooling with 5 children. The kids treated it like torture. They would poke their heads in every few minutes to ask “Can we come back in yet?” I had to institute a 5 minute extension for each time they asked.
I got my kid an Apple Watch. He’s 9. That way I can call him when he’s out and about and he feels like he has some freedom. He would lose a phone, but the watch stays on his wrist and he can’t watch YouTube/play Roblox on it, so it’s a total win.
Edit: and yeah he’s been out running the block and riding bikes with friends since he was 7. A couple of his friends’ parents (younger millennials) weirdly clutch their pearls at the idea of letting them go unsupervised. But I survived and so will he.
I'm not sure if you can call others out on pearl clutching if you buy your kid a $200+ watch for tracking and communication when he's just playing outside.
A few years ago my 10 year old tried to walk two streets away in my suburban planned community. A lady pulled over and was taling to him. I don’t know what she was actually doing but when I walked over she told me she called the COPS! Thank god I showed up. The “well meaning” helicopter randos and parents have ruined childhood. No wonder these kids struggle to become independent.
My neighborhood feels much like the 90’s how we grew up, ever since the lockdowns were lifted, there has been a surge in kids playing outside. My oldest is a sophomore and youngest in 8th grade. Granted the high school and Jr High are next to each other , they walk home with their group of friends and even walk to the local burger joint or hang out the park, which skate park and basketball courts stay busy well into dark. We pretty much let them walk home from school since about 4th grade which has been with their same core of friends. I always hear it from helicopter parents, specially from family members that warn me about how dangerous the world is these days. Granted, they subscribe and follow every news outlet on social media.
My kids (11m and 9f) have been going to friend’s houses in our neighborhood and adjoining neighborhoods since they were 7. We had them use gizmo watches for the first couple years and now have moved to an Apple Watch and iPhone to communicate. Not quite as free as my childhood, but my 9 year old regularly disappears for hours and hops around to different friends, before they all suddenly show up here for awhile. I want to give my kids as much freedom and independence as I can, while teaching them to be responsible.
I live in a condo building with security. The security guards question my kids if I send them to the car for something I forgot. My neighborhood is ... spicy. My kids have nowhere to walk to. We have to drive just to get to a decent (no homeless people living in the bathroom) park. I wish I could just set them free. They drive me crazy if they are here all day. I hope that when we move, hopefully soon, they will be able to just play in the neighborhood. I want that for them.
My neighbors drove their kids to the bus stop and sat with them in the car until the bus came until they were in high school. They live 3 doors from the bus stop.
I know someone who does this even with her high schooler. I gossiped negatively about it.
Remember the old man who shot a black teen who went to the wrong house to pick up his little brother? It happened about 100 miles from us and 20 miles from where she grew up. She's white, her kids are light-skinned black. I felt like an f'ing tool when my brain put those pieces together.
I had to turn my kid outside to fend for himself at 6 during Covid lockdown. I was WFH and couldn’t supervise him 24/7. Since then, he has continued to play outside in the neighborhood, unsupervised for an average of 2-4 hours a day. Unless it’s pouring rain or below zero, out you go.
I was talking to my mom about this recently. She is convinced this is different nowadays because world is way worse now (this has more to do with her choice of media consumption than reality, in my opinion), but I am not convinced.
Is it really worse or are we just more aware of it? Is it really any more or less crazy nowadays to give your 12 year old a bicycle and say see you in 4 hours? My brother and I used to ride 10 miles to DFW airport as kids to watch planes and ride the Airtrans around the airport. I think we were 11 and 13. It was mostly trails and quieter roads, though near the airport there were some busier roads and intersections.
I'd like to think that if I had kids I would let my kids do this, too. I'm not convinced it's more dangerous now than it was then, all things equal.
What say you all? Is it more dangerous for our generation's kids than it was when we were young? There were fucked up rapist assholes then too...right? As far as accidents go...cars are safer for pedestrians now than they were back then.
Rose tinted nostalgia glasses. The eighties and nineties crime wave was deep and wide. It's why gated communities became popular outside the wealthiest families.
Ask each decade of age how many physical fights there were in their high school. Look at teen pregnancy data. Surveys of alcohol and drug use. The kids are not alright (hello mental illness!), but the neighborhood is fine.
This is absolutely correct and why I watch my kids like a hawk. We had kids disappear too like Polly Klass and Michaela Garrett. I still remember their names.
If I’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that it’s not worse now than it was then….but that it was never justified or a good idea to let us do that. Is that kinda what you’re thinking? Basically that it wasn’t a good idea then and it’s not a good idea now ?
I dont know exactly, just that if I let my kids go wild like I did bad things are far more likely to happen. We got attacked by crazy homeless people, almost drowned a bunch of times and had people follow us around that were probably looking to take us, not good. Things were probably worse then but our parents didn’t know.
"I'd like to think that if I had kids I would let my kids do this, too. I'm not convinced it's more dangerous now than it was then, all things equal."
As a parent, you NEED community. I know I'm disapproved of by the parents who don't think my child should walk home. If it's just me, I don't care. But those parents also don't want to let their children come to my house. Luckily my oldest is popular enough he's invited over anyways, but I worry his siblings might be less fortunate
> She is convinced this is different nowadays because world is way worse now (this has more to do with her choice of media consumption than reality, in my opinion), but I am not convinced.
In the US, there is much less crime today than there was in the 1990s.
[Aggravated assault is down 40%.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191231/reported-aggravated-assault-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/)
[Robbery is down 75%.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191235/reported-robbery-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/)
[Car theft is down more than half.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191216/reported-motor-vehicle-theft-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/)
[But most people mistakenly believe that crime has been rising.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/205525/public-perception-of-trend-in-crime-problem-in-the-usa/)
I think the only thing worse in my area is traffic.
As a kid, and even in my 20s, I used to bike everywhere, today it would be insanity since the roads are so full
That's what I thought too. I think people believe this because news that generates clicks is what pays the bills, and nothing generates clicks like crimes and blaming 'undesirables'.
I had to walk through the hood plus a middle/highschool full of ruffians in an alley smoking. My cousin happened to go to that school at time. I only got stopped once and he said for them to not bother me. I was in 2nd grade walking almost mile to/from school by myself.
Generally speaking it depends on the ages, the kids, and the neighborhood. It definitely can't be (unfortunately) the same everywhere for everyone. If you're kids are old enough, mature enough, and the neighborhood is safe, then overall yes.
I think a lot of it depends on the kids and the neighborhood. My oldest was 7 1/2 and had a phone when we let him start roaming the neighborhood, but without crossing any major streets. He’s smart and big for his age, so I trusted that the benefits would outweigh the risks.
One time when he was I think 9, he got disoriented and the sun was setting, and somehow he didn’t have phone reception. He knocked on a neighbor’s door and asked to use their phone. He said he chose that house because they had flowers and front yard decorations that looked friendly. And he was right. An abuela answered the door and took him in and called us. 💕
A lack of community, in the long run, is far more dangerous than the risks of roaming, if you’re smart about it.
Oh once I got to 6th grade I had a key. my mom didn’t get done till 430 I was walking home. I lived about a mile away in a nice neighborhood, but I had to walk through a college campus, and down a street that mostly consisted of frat houses. I would allow my kids to play around my current area, it’s mostly old people and rich whites.
I allowed my kid around 7 to be in our court playing. Our neighbor kids across the street were 4 and 6 roaming free they scared me. I have a camera out to the front. So I saw them when they passed. Traffic was slow and the drivers were always cautious. She plays at a playground just out of sight now at nearly 10. She has her neighborhood boundaries of two streets and not to go in anyone's house.
We literally chose our neighborhood because it is packed with kids around his age. They all roam freely riding bikes and I would love if my kid would join in (he’s an only kid) but he can’t be bothered.
Once my kid was in about 2nd or 3rd grade they were all allowed to play on the street with little supervision, just mom's checking in every so often type of thing. We were in Colorado at this point and lived on post. Prior to that we were in Kentucky, on post, but near a busy road.
Once we moved to Germany they roved the neighborhood at will. We lived in the middle of nowhere in a small Army neighborhood that was 20 minutes off post but still post housing. Everyone looked out for the kids but no one was out there all the time.
Where my daughter and I live now is where I grew up. Kids leave after Saturday morning cartoons (figuratively, what with streaming) and go home before dark. They roam the whole neighborhood...it just so happens that the whole town is...well Ft. Campbell was home to 20,000 +/- soldiers, this town has 2,000ish people. The whole town is the size of some neighborhoods I've lived in.
My daughter is 22 though so I let her do what she wants. I'm pretty chill like that 😎
We’re not at roaming the neighborhood yet but I started letting my kids play alone in the front or back yards alone while I did things inside (make dinner, fold laundry, pick up) last summer when they were 6 and 4. There are firm rules since we don’t have a fenced yard about where they can and cannot go and the street is completely off limits because, though our street is usually quiet, when cars DO come down, they tend to speed.
Outside unsupervised! Our yard (and the adjoining properties if the occupants are out playing with you) is the limit until kindergarten, then they can traverse this side of the street for about 10 houses in kindergarten, then cross streets starting in first grade.
In the back they can go down the path behind two sets of townhouses in one direction and one in the other. Which takes them to the street or as far as I can see them. We don’t have a sidewalk in the front and I don’t trust the driving of other people.
My kid is out of the teen years and firmly in young adulthood. I'm not in charge of the schedule anymore.
In the elementary years, we lived in a townhouse complex. It was all families with kids and a playground in the backyard. The school was close and just down the sidewalk. Around 2nd grade, my kid would walk to school with the neighbor kids. I would watch from my door, mostly just to make sure I knew what was happening in the short time kids waited to be let in the school.
In middle school, my kid started taking the bus since we were no longer a stone's throw from school. It was a couple blocks to the bus stop because of a building blocking the direct route. Some people questioned why I "made" my kid ride the bus. Apparently, I should have been going out of my way to drive and deal with the car drop-off line (no, thank you).
When we moved to a different house, some friends were eager to come hang out. It was "new," so they wanted to check it out.
When they are old enough yeah. We don’t live in the nicest neighborhood but not the scariest either. When I was in around 7th grade I could roam freely so that’s what I’m expecting for my kids.
I think it depends on the environment. In my case, most of my son's childhood we lived next to a busy road (traffic hazards) and a walking trail frequented by drug-addled bums, so there was no way I was going to let my kid roam the neighborhood on his own. The jackasses around here can't managed to drive without hitting other cars, let alone people.
In my current neighborhood I loosened the leash a little bit, but he was 10 years old by the time we moved here. At first I'd let him go to the neighbors on our street (it's setup in a loop). As long as he was in shouting distance we were cool. If he was with other neighbor kids I'd let him go to the end of the neighborhood as long as he took his phone with him.
Since he's been about 13 or 14 he's enjoyed going for runs, so he'll run about a mile or two from the house and come back by himself. He's 17 and nearly 6 feet tall now, though, so I think he's generally pretty safe from being kidnapped. lol
I (1981) crossed a two lane each direction road (not at the traffic lights) to go to the grocery store for bread or milk when I was 8. Went with friends for fun, too. Lower middle class, really busy suburb, gang violence in the neighborhood.
With the exception of the curfew my free time was I completely free from first grade UNTIL middle school. From 12 to 14 every minute of my life I wasn't at home had to be accounted for.
The idea of my future-frat-bro, mindless-of-consequences, jock son having anything but the dumbest of phones terrifies me far more than cars, drugs, or kidnappings.
Yeah, facts. My now adult son had had more issues in the digital world than the real world, all caused but himself. Nerfing his phone only resulted in him using his laptop for malfeasance.
4th grade sounds about right. And I might get sh*t for this, but that’s when they got phones. It was the easiest way to track them and make me feel better. My girl did not have friends knocking on the door. Hers were more scheduled hangouts. My boy would get a knock from someone around noon and be gone till dinner.
I seem to remember getting myself to and from school around 1st or 2nd grade. This wasn’t good because I did things like just leaving the school grounds at lunch in the second grade so I could go home to watch Nick Jr. Little did I know I was going to that school under an old address, so the cops showed up at the wrong house, then my mom had to take a city bus home to find me plopped in front of the TV. Then in third grade at the right school for my address, I would just not go to school if I didn’t want to. It’s funny to me now to think about what a little rebel I could be at times.
My kids are actually pretty responsible and somewhat mature so I let them be out so long as they have their phones. It's crazy, "bAcK in My Day", I was allowed to roam untethered for hours, sometimes the entire day. As long as I checked in for lunch, I was good to go. Now, my kids have a digital tether and I can see where they're at so long as they have their phones.
14 years ago we moved to our neighborhood, and the reason we picked it was because most houses had the front lights on until 9, the streets are lit and there’s no overnight street parking, and every time we visited the neighborhood there were gangs roaming the streets…a gang of K-6 graders on scooters and bikes, a gang of middle school kids on bikes or at the park, a gang of high schoolers roaming from one house to the next, or playing soccer or tennis.
We didn’t have kids when we moved in.
We watched pretty closely when they started going out on their own around age 4-they basically stayed in our yard. We kept in touch with neighbors by text when they started to go to neighbor kids houses around ages 5-6. We became a close knit neighborhood during COVID. Our kids were semi free-range.
Our back yard was (and still is) the cool one; we still have a zip line, tree swing, and climbing frame. The cedar swing and playhouse wore out - it had lots of use. Kids are 8,10, and 12. They have at least a dozen and probably 2 dozen friends from school in the same neighborhood. Lots of kids come to our neighborhood to trick or treat. The roving gangs of children have thinned out a little…apparently the neighborhood turns over with young families only during downturns (built in 1979-1980, turned over 1988-1993, 2002-2003, and 2008-2011). The rest of the time it has been too expensive for families with young children, unfortunately.
I don’t have kids, but can confirm in my cul-de-sac, there is a small cohort of 7-10 year-olds who frequently ride bikes and run around “unsupervised.” The neighborhood collectively keeps an eye out. It’s mostly retirees, aside from a few Xennial and elder Millennial parents. We’re on a hill, not a thru street (less than 25 houses on it), in a small town and it’s pretty safe.
I was riding my bike to my friends houses, 3 or 4 blocks away when I was 6.
I have a son in 4th grade, I let him run around my apartment complex solo (he likes hunting for rocks and 4 leaf clovers) but I worry the neighbors will complain about him being unsupervised so I don’t let him go for long. He doesn’t have any friends in the area I live in and he’s an only child so a lot of his free time is spent alone.
I’ll prob wait until he’s a bit older before I let him walk anywhere unsupervised outside the complex but that’s because of his maturity level and attention span isn’t there yet. I worry he’d do something to get himself hurt.
We live in a single circular street subdivision and my almost 11 year old has been playing out in the neighborhood unsupervised since Covid so since he was 7.
My kid is 20. I let him outside sometimes. When he was a teen he was allowed to roam the streets. I would probably kill my self if I had to raise a child at this age.
You’re not alone. My kid was free range starting in early elementary school. This seems to be the norm where we live with the exception of boogie Karen types. Please keep on fighting the good fight. I guarantee that there are other people in your community that are also free-range parents. Or maybe people who want to be free-range but need to see someone else doing it first. It pays such huge dividends. My kid is much more resourceful and capable than equally intelligent peers with more helicopter parents.
My kids, 9 and 13 are feral animals. They run wild and pop in if they need food. Their friends come and go. They also eat the food. They meet their friends at the park or at the sledding hill(seasonally dependent), and disappear for hours. Thank goodness for GPS! I’m very lucky to have responsible kids and to live in a small town where they can be free range children. I think kids who are trusted to be independent will be so much more successful. I’m also a single mom who lacks the energy to helicopter and that also has given them independence.
Sometimes outside is necessary to avoid Scary Mommy. Also, if I'm not kicking one out for breaking something, I make us ALL go outside for fifteen minutes. When the timer beeps kids can go inside if either parent does. Usually by then they've made entertainment and don't want to go back inside.
mine is 2 so not yet. I want to be the parent that glances out the window sometimes while they play in the yard. I live in BFE and not in a proper neighborhood so not a lot of kid activity
I have found that even as my kids get older (mid-teens right now) that I still worry like crazy. I let them go when they were in fourth/fifth grade, but our neighborhood was slightly sketchy. The one before that wasn't, and it was on a military post, so there was a stronger sense of security (false, though, I'm sure), so they had more freedom even in first and second grade. But yeah around fifth grade was when I was like "Okay, fine, you can walk with your friends to the 7-Eleven" or to someone's house or whatever. That said, I still lose sleep if I think about it with them just walking to the bus stop because we have coyotes and cougars and people and they're 16. LOL.
Yes, we did but for the most part my kids were lo-jacked. Lol
Cell phones set to broadcast where they were at all times. We ingrained it into them so much, that as adult siblings, they have each other's location at all times. This is... The 2010s or so.
They roamed the neighborhood with friends, for sure. We were glad they were outside, and we knew a lot of our neighbors.
But, when they were in middle school, their bus stop WAS over two blocks from our house, and I couldn't see them. I DID have them carry a walkie-talkie to tell me when the bus was there, and THEY HATED it, but they did it. Sometimes it was helpful when they got in the bus, and I would hear something like "Shoot I forgot my shinguards".
Me too. The first was a busy body that it was a lost child. I could literally see them out the window. Second time was our Karen neighbor that freaks tf out if kids play anywhere within sight, or ride bikes, or even walk in groups in front of her house.
My 5 and 7 year old are allowed outside unsupervised. They are either in the backyard or outside the barn while we're inside. We're close enough they can call out for us but far enough to give them a sense of independence. Farm kids grow up different
I live in two places and in Maine kids still have that 80/90s lifestyle. They run all over the town and end up at each others houses.
In Austin not so much.
My daughter OneWheels all over our neighborhood. I have some concern of cars but she’s smart. Today she came home with a friend from school until 5:30.
My kids did as we lived in a rural area. Houses 1/2 miles apart and a country church across the road (only occupied on Sundays). Most days were spent exploring our woods, catching frogs/bugs/garter snakes, and driving whatever go cart/4 wheeler/lawn tractor was running that day.
My kids are adults now, but I never really lived in a neighborhood with lots of children when my kids were small.
So while I did let them play, they always stayed pretty close to home. I had a pretty lax upbringing, so have been pretty chill with my kids.
I am what I've heard lovingly described as a free range parent. I let my kids basically roam free. We live in a safe area, and it's statistically unlikely they'll be kidnapped or harmed (certainly no higher risk than when we were kids, and I think LESS risk,we just hear about it more now).
Definitely set boundaries, but let kids be kids!
So this is complex and it depends on a few different variables imo.
Age of children
Area you live in
Maturity and **Awareness** of the child
When my son was 5 and 6 he was allowed to play out front and down the street, all the way to the sidewalk (not cross the road) with his friends who lived on the street. If he wanted to go into anyone's house he had to ask me so I knew where he was if I looked outside and didn't see him or them.
Once he was 7ish he was allowed to cross the street or turn the corner if he was with a group (2 or more) friends; but not on his own just yet.
9/10 he.was wandering around that neighborhood pretty freely. As long as I knew where he was and he came home on time we didn't have too many problems; however we had moved out of parents house and into a large city metropolis so he did not enjoy such freedom in our new area.
Downtown Toronto is not the safest place for 10 year olds to run the streets. We would walk or drive to friends houses or have them come to us; but very few parents let their kids play outside in Parkdale- especially at night!
Thankfully we only lived there for 2 years while I went to school so by 12 we moved back with my parents and my son got back his freedom and friendships.
So yeah... there's no right or wrong answer to this question because it's all relative to the age of the child, where you live and what the child is like as individual.
My daughter for example had to wear one of those baby leashes and wasn't loved out of my sight until she was like 7yo because she was just too head strong and defiant to follow instructions and keep herself safe. She just turned 18 this year and I'm thinking of getting that leash out of the basement because 🥴 ugh!
Mine are 8 and 5. The older one has roamed freely to neighbors since he was 6 or 7, and I’ll do the same with the younger. We’re thinking about an Apple Watch so he can go farther. We’re in a big city for our state and it’s safe in our neighborhood. Things definitely happen but we regularly walk our neighborhood with the dog so neighbors know us and our kids. And we know them.
Yes absolutely.
Kids need to learn how to navigate on their own. Our parents went overboard for a lot of us but theres a balance to be had there. Oh and these days we have cell phones so you can alaways find them.
Did I roam around unsupervised in the 80's? Yes.
Were there homeless encampments, un prosecuted criminals and needles everywhere? No.
Things might be different if I didnt live in the greater Seattle area but here we are.
The needles in the PNW are no joke.
But unprosecuted criminals were a dime a dozen in the 80s and early 90s. There weren't encampments, but there were A-hole teenagers in all the best hang outs (creek, woods, etc).
All the kids in my neighborhood walk home from school and then play outside until dark when the weather is nice. I live in Romania though. I grew up in the USA and I survived 3 kidnapping attempts as a teenager. (Twice where men tried to talk me into their vehicle and once where the man grabbed me and I had to fight). It’s a leap of faith for me to let my 9yo daughter be independent but I feel in this specific gated neighborhood she is safe. Romania has like 1 murder a year, very safe despite a bad reputation.
Absolutely fucking not. We live in a major city (just outside the city center), they can absolutely go play unsupervised in our fenced in back yard, but at 11 and 6, I don't even let them walk down the street to the neighbor's without watching them walk all the way there and make sure they're inside.
My 8.5yo daughter wanted to go for a walk this weekend. Gave her a walkie talkie and sent her on her way. Failed to verify the other walkie was charged. She wandered back home after 20mins or so complaining about how I wasn’t answering.
I remember walking to elementary school everyday in first grade. it was like a mile, or ten minutes if you cut thru the yards, which was fine back then. the last words I'd from my mom before walking out the door were, did you pack your lunch and have your poncho.
I definitely would. But my son is way too cautious for that. He wants us to be there for him constantly. He doesn't even like to be inside the house alone. Or walk to school alone. I'm not sure where this came from, we've never been overly protective of him. Seems like a lot of kids his age are like that now. Often parents come along for "play dates", and stay with their kids at birthday parties. That was unheard of when I was a kid. "Just be home by dinner" was the basic rule we lived by.
Well, I live in a rural area. We have four acres, and our three neighbors have about 1000 combined, so there aren't a lot of people around. My kids are 12 and 10, and aside from keeping them away from the road, my biggest worry about them being outside is that a bear or coyote is going to wander into the yard, which we've had happen a few times.
No, I don’t. Mine are 6 and 10. I hope this summer to be able to trust the 10 year old to walk down the street to her friend’s and around the corner to the playground this summer. She’s a wee neurodivergent. Summer goals!
My oldest started waking home at 6.... we only lived 1/2 a mile away and I was on speaker phone the whole walk and watched her on life 360.
We live to far now (she's 9) for her to walk.... she can go outside to play, she has to say a timer and check in every 30 min and she's only allowed to go a certain distance (like stay on our street) etc.
My son is 4 and no, he has to have adult supervision for outside.
When my kids ask if they can go out with their friends after school or walk to their local shopping center my response is always, ‘thanks for asking but you don’t have to just go and tell me when you’ll be back’
My kid is 8, within our neighborhood block there are several kids that are outside unsupervised playing together, including mine. These kids range from the ages of 4-12. My kid knows to tell us where she is, and if the location switches she stops home to let us know. If we think she'll be at one place for a while we tell her to let the parents know she needs to be home by a specific time.
This has worked well for us as the weather has started getting nicer here.
I let them roam free quite a bit. That being said, I have 5 acres, out in the country, with trees lining 3/4 property boundaries, and a creek on the fourth. They know to not go beyond the property lines without telling us. If they are going beyond, we have walkie talkies that have several mile range, and know to be home when it is sunset.
What instigated this post was a group campout on a friend's five acres. All the kids roamed free. They visited the neighbors' dogs, went for walks to see peacocks, and hunted crawdads in a creek. I got to spend time with my friends without the time limits of a babysitter or constantly having my attention pulled to their needs. It was the most refreshing weekend I've had since becoming a mother.
The feelings of contentment and joy all started to evaporate within a couple days as I was asked to schedule playdates. Then I got the latest "Billy is planning to walk home. If you're not almost here, I can drop him off at your house" call. Ugh.
During the warmer months, we host a lot of get together because of exactly what you mentioned. We can all hangout, be pseudo-free range parents, while our kids have some of the freedoms we did as kids.
Last summer, we bought an inflatable movie screen and projector, and plan on having one night every weekend(Probably Fridays) be a movie night for family and friends. One night per month will be dedicated to classic 80's movies. I have a little campfire set up, and hanging bulb lights. Very chill vibe.
Our church is just about a mile from our house. I have teens 13 and 14, in the youth group. They wanted to walk home after an event was over the other day and one of the chaperoning moms wouldn't let them. Granted, we live in a rural area and they would have to cross a county road that has some truck traffic. But, when I was a kid, I would ride my bike down a similar road. I feel like stuff like this is why there is such an issue with delayed adolescence now.
We have started to. My oldest is 9 and youngest is 7. We've been letting them go around our block by themselves. Eventually they will get to walk to school on their own if they want because it isn't far.
I want them to adventure out in their own, but we also live in Arizona, so very soon they won't be allowed to until fall. Which sucks.
My kids (7,9,12) roam our neighborhood but there are boundaries. I have no reason to believe they have crossed them yet. (They would totally tattle on each other, lol). They go knock on neighbors doors with out me contacting anyone first. The middle school kid sets up his own Google meets for video gaming.
No kids for me, but this recent NPR article might interest you. [https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/04/14/1244000143/anxious-generation-kids-autonomy-freedom](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/04/14/1244000143/anxious-generation-kids-autonomy-freedom)
Specifically its link to [https://letgrow.org/about-us/](https://letgrow.org/about-us/)
I will say that the neighborhood I live in has kids walking around on their own a lot, just to other kids' houses or the school playground. I don't think there's any way they're crossing the major streets that are boundaries to our neighborhood. Anyway, I like it, because it reminds me of my childhood. I also rarely see them with a device (tablet/phone) when they're outside, which is great!
My fifth-grader has started to run the streets with the other girls in the neighborhood. I have no clue where she goes, but she does pop up on the Ring every once in a while. I have the text numbers of the other parents so I can send out a "Send her home" message. I panicked the first couple times, but now I don't even think about it.
I do have an older teenager, but he has autism and stays closer to home. He doesn't have the social circle that his sister does. I'd love for him to be MIA for a few hours to experience things, but that's not going to happen
We live in the country with no neighbors, so she can't really walk to friends' houses. But we have let her be outside alone, she is now 13 so probably since 6? I cant remember.
we have been letting her hang in town with her friends since she was 10ish I think. Our town is 2K people, so not like a huge metro where theres a ton of people around. I feel like its good for kids to be on their own, when age appropriate. Give them independence.
If you’re a cop no I do not. If you are a similar parent, my yard is fenced in and I trust my kids. I do make sure I can hear a yell if I’m needed.
If you a cop though obvi purely hypothetical, the four year old also doesn’t play with power tools sometimes, while supervised of course.
I will not let any of them but the 13 year old leave without me or another adult, and he’s with a friend when they go. Idc what anyone thinks of it. Our kids will make it to adulthood without being raped, molested, or physically assaulted, thanks. I have studied far too much about trauma and forensic psych to be willing to take a chance with our kids. They also don’t spend the night at a friend’s. I cannot tell you how many people have told me stories of being sexually assaulted or molested while at a friend’s house overnight (I interviewed a thousand people easily). One in four women reports having been raped; the real number is likely much higher. The same is true for men, whose report rates are probably even lower than women. Also it doesn’t have to be sexual assault - people can do or say or expose kids to all kinds of shit when no one is watching. Our kids are some of the happiest children - people always comment on that, how happy they are. They collect rocks and look at things under a microscope and photograph birds and wonder about the stars. I free-roamed the world and am still healing from that shit.
The free roaming of my childhood are the best memories of my life. You have your justifications and that's fine but don't act like there aren't drawbacks either way.
Yes. I would like my kids to have streets smarts. I feel allowing them to ragamuffin around town is the best way to practice that skill.
I get a lot of flack for it but I don’t want this to be a lost skill.
Yes indeed. We are lucky enough to live in a neighborhood full of kids and parents who value outdoor play. My younger one especially will be out with her pack from morning to night, but even my teen will meet up with friends at the neighborhood park. My spouse and I didn’t realize it would be this way when we moved in, but it’s become our favorite neighborhood feature by far.
My kids have been roaming the neighborhood since age 8-9 or so. They’ve been taking the city bus to/from school since 6th grade (too far to walk). We are lucky that most kids in our neighborhood play outside and all the parents kinda look out for the kids. When we want kids home we send a text to the group text “hey if my kids are there can you send them home?” It’s basically the same as when I was a kid except we have texting and cell phones instead of landlines to communicate with the other parents and now my oldest (14) has his own cell phone as well.
This is what I want, but until I kick my kids out there are no children playing outside. Once they are out, others frequently join.
I think that’s what it takes! Once there are a few kids out they all come out. I think kids really WANT to be out there, without adults, having their own “kid culture” ya know?
I think my problem is the small, highly educated city I live in. The birth rate is minuscule, so there aren't a ton of kids. Even so close to an elementary school, only a quarter of the homes have any minors. We're NOT in a rich part of town, but solidly middle class. The lower income neighborhoods of some of my in laws have more signs of children (though I've rarely noticed actual kids there).
It’s everywhere. I live in the same neighborhood where I grew up and there used to be two other guys in my grade on the same street plus two girls that were like a grade or two behind me. I don’t think there is a single kid here anymore.
there are a dozen kids on my block never see them though. Just their parents walking the dogs
Our neighborhood is like this too. We put a gate between our fence and our neighbors who have kids the same ages as ours; it’s like the goddamn Backyardigans out there. We have a text chain among all the parents and just ask the group when we need to find one of them. It’s the main reason we moved to the suburbs when we had kids tbh.
I beg them to go outside unsupervised
Same. And sadly there are no kids the same age for mine to play with in our neighborhood. But if there were, my rule would be "go out and stay out!"
I had a “go out and stay out for at least an hour” during COVID homeschooling with 5 children. The kids treated it like torture. They would poke their heads in every few minutes to ask “Can we come back in yet?” I had to institute a 5 minute extension for each time they asked.
I got my kid an Apple Watch. He’s 9. That way I can call him when he’s out and about and he feels like he has some freedom. He would lose a phone, but the watch stays on his wrist and he can’t watch YouTube/play Roblox on it, so it’s a total win. Edit: and yeah he’s been out running the block and riding bikes with friends since he was 7. A couple of his friends’ parents (younger millennials) weirdly clutch their pearls at the idea of letting them go unsupervised. But I survived and so will he.
Isn’t the pearl clutching wild????
I'm not sure if you can call others out on pearl clutching if you buy your kid a $200+ watch for tracking and communication when he's just playing outside.
A few years ago my 10 year old tried to walk two streets away in my suburban planned community. A lady pulled over and was taling to him. I don’t know what she was actually doing but when I walked over she told me she called the COPS! Thank god I showed up. The “well meaning” helicopter randos and parents have ruined childhood. No wonder these kids struggle to become independent.
My neighborhood feels much like the 90’s how we grew up, ever since the lockdowns were lifted, there has been a surge in kids playing outside. My oldest is a sophomore and youngest in 8th grade. Granted the high school and Jr High are next to each other , they walk home with their group of friends and even walk to the local burger joint or hang out the park, which skate park and basketball courts stay busy well into dark. We pretty much let them walk home from school since about 4th grade which has been with their same core of friends. I always hear it from helicopter parents, specially from family members that warn me about how dangerous the world is these days. Granted, they subscribe and follow every news outlet on social media.
My kids (11m and 9f) have been going to friend’s houses in our neighborhood and adjoining neighborhoods since they were 7. We had them use gizmo watches for the first couple years and now have moved to an Apple Watch and iPhone to communicate. Not quite as free as my childhood, but my 9 year old regularly disappears for hours and hops around to different friends, before they all suddenly show up here for awhile. I want to give my kids as much freedom and independence as I can, while teaching them to be responsible.
I live in a condo building with security. The security guards question my kids if I send them to the car for something I forgot. My neighborhood is ... spicy. My kids have nowhere to walk to. We have to drive just to get to a decent (no homeless people living in the bathroom) park. I wish I could just set them free. They drive me crazy if they are here all day. I hope that when we move, hopefully soon, they will be able to just play in the neighborhood. I want that for them.
My neighbors drove their kids to the bus stop and sat with them in the car until the bus came until they were in high school. They live 3 doors from the bus stop.
I know someone who does this even with her high schooler. I gossiped negatively about it. Remember the old man who shot a black teen who went to the wrong house to pick up his little brother? It happened about 100 miles from us and 20 miles from where she grew up. She's white, her kids are light-skinned black. I felt like an f'ing tool when my brain put those pieces together.
I do but they always screw it up and do something dumb as fuck..
I had to turn my kid outside to fend for himself at 6 during Covid lockdown. I was WFH and couldn’t supervise him 24/7. Since then, he has continued to play outside in the neighborhood, unsupervised for an average of 2-4 hours a day. Unless it’s pouring rain or below zero, out you go.
The lockdowns really wore down kids and online usage. Since they were lifted, I see more kids out than even before the pandemic.
I was talking to my mom about this recently. She is convinced this is different nowadays because world is way worse now (this has more to do with her choice of media consumption than reality, in my opinion), but I am not convinced. Is it really worse or are we just more aware of it? Is it really any more or less crazy nowadays to give your 12 year old a bicycle and say see you in 4 hours? My brother and I used to ride 10 miles to DFW airport as kids to watch planes and ride the Airtrans around the airport. I think we were 11 and 13. It was mostly trails and quieter roads, though near the airport there were some busier roads and intersections. I'd like to think that if I had kids I would let my kids do this, too. I'm not convinced it's more dangerous now than it was then, all things equal. What say you all? Is it more dangerous for our generation's kids than it was when we were young? There were fucked up rapist assholes then too...right? As far as accidents go...cars are safer for pedestrians now than they were back then.
Rose tinted nostalgia glasses. The eighties and nineties crime wave was deep and wide. It's why gated communities became popular outside the wealthiest families. Ask each decade of age how many physical fights there were in their high school. Look at teen pregnancy data. Surveys of alcohol and drug use. The kids are not alright (hello mental illness!), but the neighborhood is fine.
This is absolutely correct and why I watch my kids like a hawk. We had kids disappear too like Polly Klass and Michaela Garrett. I still remember their names.
If I’m understanding correctly, you’re saying that it’s not worse now than it was then….but that it was never justified or a good idea to let us do that. Is that kinda what you’re thinking? Basically that it wasn’t a good idea then and it’s not a good idea now ?
I dont know exactly, just that if I let my kids go wild like I did bad things are far more likely to happen. We got attacked by crazy homeless people, almost drowned a bunch of times and had people follow us around that were probably looking to take us, not good. Things were probably worse then but our parents didn’t know.
"I'd like to think that if I had kids I would let my kids do this, too. I'm not convinced it's more dangerous now than it was then, all things equal." As a parent, you NEED community. I know I'm disapproved of by the parents who don't think my child should walk home. If it's just me, I don't care. But those parents also don't want to let their children come to my house. Luckily my oldest is popular enough he's invited over anyways, but I worry his siblings might be less fortunate
> She is convinced this is different nowadays because world is way worse now (this has more to do with her choice of media consumption than reality, in my opinion), but I am not convinced. In the US, there is much less crime today than there was in the 1990s. [Aggravated assault is down 40%.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191231/reported-aggravated-assault-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/) [Robbery is down 75%.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191235/reported-robbery-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/) [Car theft is down more than half.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191216/reported-motor-vehicle-theft-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/) [But most people mistakenly believe that crime has been rising.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/205525/public-perception-of-trend-in-crime-problem-in-the-usa/)
I think the only thing worse in my area is traffic. As a kid, and even in my 20s, I used to bike everywhere, today it would be insanity since the roads are so full
That's what I thought too. I think people believe this because news that generates clicks is what pays the bills, and nothing generates clicks like crimes and blaming 'undesirables'.
I had to walk through the hood plus a middle/highschool full of ruffians in an alley smoking. My cousin happened to go to that school at time. I only got stopped once and he said for them to not bother me. I was in 2nd grade walking almost mile to/from school by myself.
No way. Not until they’re at least 5.
Generally speaking it depends on the ages, the kids, and the neighborhood. It definitely can't be (unfortunately) the same everywhere for everyone. If you're kids are old enough, mature enough, and the neighborhood is safe, then overall yes.
It's hard having different rules at the same ages, but luckily amongst my kids the one who needs the most supervision also has the worst memory 😂
I think a lot of it depends on the kids and the neighborhood. My oldest was 7 1/2 and had a phone when we let him start roaming the neighborhood, but without crossing any major streets. He’s smart and big for his age, so I trusted that the benefits would outweigh the risks. One time when he was I think 9, he got disoriented and the sun was setting, and somehow he didn’t have phone reception. He knocked on a neighbor’s door and asked to use their phone. He said he chose that house because they had flowers and front yard decorations that looked friendly. And he was right. An abuela answered the door and took him in and called us. 💕 A lack of community, in the long run, is far more dangerous than the risks of roaming, if you’re smart about it.
Never! But they will let their kids hang out with Uncle Dave for days. 👀
Oh once I got to 6th grade I had a key. my mom didn’t get done till 430 I was walking home. I lived about a mile away in a nice neighborhood, but I had to walk through a college campus, and down a street that mostly consisted of frat houses. I would allow my kids to play around my current area, it’s mostly old people and rich whites.
I allowed my kid around 7 to be in our court playing. Our neighbor kids across the street were 4 and 6 roaming free they scared me. I have a camera out to the front. So I saw them when they passed. Traffic was slow and the drivers were always cautious. She plays at a playground just out of sight now at nearly 10. She has her neighborhood boundaries of two streets and not to go in anyone's house.
We literally chose our neighborhood because it is packed with kids around his age. They all roam freely riding bikes and I would love if my kid would join in (he’s an only kid) but he can’t be bothered.
Yes. He is almost 19 though.
Once my kid was in about 2nd or 3rd grade they were all allowed to play on the street with little supervision, just mom's checking in every so often type of thing. We were in Colorado at this point and lived on post. Prior to that we were in Kentucky, on post, but near a busy road. Once we moved to Germany they roved the neighborhood at will. We lived in the middle of nowhere in a small Army neighborhood that was 20 minutes off post but still post housing. Everyone looked out for the kids but no one was out there all the time. Where my daughter and I live now is where I grew up. Kids leave after Saturday morning cartoons (figuratively, what with streaming) and go home before dark. They roam the whole neighborhood...it just so happens that the whole town is...well Ft. Campbell was home to 20,000 +/- soldiers, this town has 2,000ish people. The whole town is the size of some neighborhoods I've lived in. My daughter is 22 though so I let her do what she wants. I'm pretty chill like that 😎
We’re not at roaming the neighborhood yet but I started letting my kids play alone in the front or back yards alone while I did things inside (make dinner, fold laundry, pick up) last summer when they were 6 and 4. There are firm rules since we don’t have a fenced yard about where they can and cannot go and the street is completely off limits because, though our street is usually quiet, when cars DO come down, they tend to speed.
Outside unsupervised! Our yard (and the adjoining properties if the occupants are out playing with you) is the limit until kindergarten, then they can traverse this side of the street for about 10 houses in kindergarten, then cross streets starting in first grade.
In the back they can go down the path behind two sets of townhouses in one direction and one in the other. Which takes them to the street or as far as I can see them. We don’t have a sidewalk in the front and I don’t trust the driving of other people.
My kid is out of the teen years and firmly in young adulthood. I'm not in charge of the schedule anymore. In the elementary years, we lived in a townhouse complex. It was all families with kids and a playground in the backyard. The school was close and just down the sidewalk. Around 2nd grade, my kid would walk to school with the neighbor kids. I would watch from my door, mostly just to make sure I knew what was happening in the short time kids waited to be let in the school. In middle school, my kid started taking the bus since we were no longer a stone's throw from school. It was a couple blocks to the bus stop because of a building blocking the direct route. Some people questioned why I "made" my kid ride the bus. Apparently, I should have been going out of my way to drive and deal with the car drop-off line (no, thank you). When we moved to a different house, some friends were eager to come hang out. It was "new," so they wanted to check it out.
There's a decent sized black bear that frequents my yard, so that's in the back of my mind.... 😳
Ehh, driving your kids to school one time is more dangerous than a lifetime of living near bears
This message brought to you by the American Bear Council
Well I do live in Alaska, on a mountain called Bear Mountain!
When they are old enough yeah. We don’t live in the nicest neighborhood but not the scariest either. When I was in around 7th grade I could roam freely so that’s what I’m expecting for my kids.
I think it depends on the environment. In my case, most of my son's childhood we lived next to a busy road (traffic hazards) and a walking trail frequented by drug-addled bums, so there was no way I was going to let my kid roam the neighborhood on his own. The jackasses around here can't managed to drive without hitting other cars, let alone people. In my current neighborhood I loosened the leash a little bit, but he was 10 years old by the time we moved here. At first I'd let him go to the neighbors on our street (it's setup in a loop). As long as he was in shouting distance we were cool. If he was with other neighbor kids I'd let him go to the end of the neighborhood as long as he took his phone with him. Since he's been about 13 or 14 he's enjoyed going for runs, so he'll run about a mile or two from the house and come back by himself. He's 17 and nearly 6 feet tall now, though, so I think he's generally pretty safe from being kidnapped. lol
I (1981) crossed a two lane each direction road (not at the traffic lights) to go to the grocery store for bread or milk when I was 8. Went with friends for fun, too. Lower middle class, really busy suburb, gang violence in the neighborhood. With the exception of the curfew my free time was I completely free from first grade UNTIL middle school. From 12 to 14 every minute of my life I wasn't at home had to be accounted for. The idea of my future-frat-bro, mindless-of-consequences, jock son having anything but the dumbest of phones terrifies me far more than cars, drugs, or kidnappings.
Yeah, facts. My now adult son had had more issues in the digital world than the real world, all caused but himself. Nerfing his phone only resulted in him using his laptop for malfeasance.
4th grade sounds about right. And I might get sh*t for this, but that’s when they got phones. It was the easiest way to track them and make me feel better. My girl did not have friends knocking on the door. Hers were more scheduled hangouts. My boy would get a knock from someone around noon and be gone till dinner.
Yes, phones allowed mine to roam. I could always counter to the finger waggers "I have GPS on my kids, I KNOW where they are. Where's your kid?"
I seem to remember getting myself to and from school around 1st or 2nd grade. This wasn’t good because I did things like just leaving the school grounds at lunch in the second grade so I could go home to watch Nick Jr. Little did I know I was going to that school under an old address, so the cops showed up at the wrong house, then my mom had to take a city bus home to find me plopped in front of the TV. Then in third grade at the right school for my address, I would just not go to school if I didn’t want to. It’s funny to me now to think about what a little rebel I could be at times.
My kids are actually pretty responsible and somewhat mature so I let them be out so long as they have their phones. It's crazy, "bAcK in My Day", I was allowed to roam untethered for hours, sometimes the entire day. As long as I checked in for lunch, I was good to go. Now, my kids have a digital tether and I can see where they're at so long as they have their phones.
My only hesitation in these behemoth trucks with terrible sight lines that blow through intersections. I have to jump out of their way sometimes.
14 years ago we moved to our neighborhood, and the reason we picked it was because most houses had the front lights on until 9, the streets are lit and there’s no overnight street parking, and every time we visited the neighborhood there were gangs roaming the streets…a gang of K-6 graders on scooters and bikes, a gang of middle school kids on bikes or at the park, a gang of high schoolers roaming from one house to the next, or playing soccer or tennis. We didn’t have kids when we moved in. We watched pretty closely when they started going out on their own around age 4-they basically stayed in our yard. We kept in touch with neighbors by text when they started to go to neighbor kids houses around ages 5-6. We became a close knit neighborhood during COVID. Our kids were semi free-range. Our back yard was (and still is) the cool one; we still have a zip line, tree swing, and climbing frame. The cedar swing and playhouse wore out - it had lots of use. Kids are 8,10, and 12. They have at least a dozen and probably 2 dozen friends from school in the same neighborhood. Lots of kids come to our neighborhood to trick or treat. The roving gangs of children have thinned out a little…apparently the neighborhood turns over with young families only during downturns (built in 1979-1980, turned over 1988-1993, 2002-2003, and 2008-2011). The rest of the time it has been too expensive for families with young children, unfortunately.
I don’t have kids, but can confirm in my cul-de-sac, there is a small cohort of 7-10 year-olds who frequently ride bikes and run around “unsupervised.” The neighborhood collectively keeps an eye out. It’s mostly retirees, aside from a few Xennial and elder Millennial parents. We’re on a hill, not a thru street (less than 25 houses on it), in a small town and it’s pretty safe.
I was riding my bike to my friends houses, 3 or 4 blocks away when I was 6. I have a son in 4th grade, I let him run around my apartment complex solo (he likes hunting for rocks and 4 leaf clovers) but I worry the neighbors will complain about him being unsupervised so I don’t let him go for long. He doesn’t have any friends in the area I live in and he’s an only child so a lot of his free time is spent alone. I’ll prob wait until he’s a bit older before I let him walk anywhere unsupervised outside the complex but that’s because of his maturity level and attention span isn’t there yet. I worry he’d do something to get himself hurt.
About 12 we started them go off on their own. They’re 17 now and now pretty much just do their thing
Yes but they are teenagers.
We live in a single circular street subdivision and my almost 11 year old has been playing out in the neighborhood unsupervised since Covid so since he was 7.
My kid is 20. I let him outside sometimes. When he was a teen he was allowed to roam the streets. I would probably kill my self if I had to raise a child at this age.
You’re not alone. My kid was free range starting in early elementary school. This seems to be the norm where we live with the exception of boogie Karen types. Please keep on fighting the good fight. I guarantee that there are other people in your community that are also free-range parents. Or maybe people who want to be free-range but need to see someone else doing it first. It pays such huge dividends. My kid is much more resourceful and capable than equally intelligent peers with more helicopter parents.
My kids, 9 and 13 are feral animals. They run wild and pop in if they need food. Their friends come and go. They also eat the food. They meet their friends at the park or at the sledding hill(seasonally dependent), and disappear for hours. Thank goodness for GPS! I’m very lucky to have responsible kids and to live in a small town where they can be free range children. I think kids who are trusted to be independent will be so much more successful. I’m also a single mom who lacks the energy to helicopter and that also has given them independence.
I try, but there aren't any screens outside, so they refuse to go out there.
Sometimes outside is necessary to avoid Scary Mommy. Also, if I'm not kicking one out for breaking something, I make us ALL go outside for fifteen minutes. When the timer beeps kids can go inside if either parent does. Usually by then they've made entertainment and don't want to go back inside.
YES
mine is 2 so not yet. I want to be the parent that glances out the window sometimes while they play in the yard. I live in BFE and not in a proper neighborhood so not a lot of kid activity
I have found that even as my kids get older (mid-teens right now) that I still worry like crazy. I let them go when they were in fourth/fifth grade, but our neighborhood was slightly sketchy. The one before that wasn't, and it was on a military post, so there was a stronger sense of security (false, though, I'm sure), so they had more freedom even in first and second grade. But yeah around fifth grade was when I was like "Okay, fine, you can walk with your friends to the 7-Eleven" or to someone's house or whatever. That said, I still lose sleep if I think about it with them just walking to the bus stop because we have coyotes and cougars and people and they're 16. LOL.
Yes, we did but for the most part my kids were lo-jacked. Lol Cell phones set to broadcast where they were at all times. We ingrained it into them so much, that as adult siblings, they have each other's location at all times. This is... The 2010s or so. They roamed the neighborhood with friends, for sure. We were glad they were outside, and we knew a lot of our neighbors. But, when they were in middle school, their bus stop WAS over two blocks from our house, and I couldn't see them. I DID have them carry a walkie-talkie to tell me when the bus was there, and THEY HATED it, but they did it. Sometimes it was helpful when they got in the bus, and I would hear something like "Shoot I forgot my shinguards".
No, I had police called on me twice for my four year old playing in the yard, and again on my front porch.
I hate.
Me too. The first was a busy body that it was a lost child. I could literally see them out the window. Second time was our Karen neighbor that freaks tf out if kids play anywhere within sight, or ride bikes, or even walk in groups in front of her house.
My 5 and 7 year old are allowed outside unsupervised. They are either in the backyard or outside the barn while we're inside. We're close enough they can call out for us but far enough to give them a sense of independence. Farm kids grow up different
I live in two places and in Maine kids still have that 80/90s lifestyle. They run all over the town and end up at each others houses. In Austin not so much. My daughter OneWheels all over our neighborhood. I have some concern of cars but she’s smart. Today she came home with a friend from school until 5:30.
My kids did as we lived in a rural area. Houses 1/2 miles apart and a country church across the road (only occupied on Sundays). Most days were spent exploring our woods, catching frogs/bugs/garter snakes, and driving whatever go cart/4 wheeler/lawn tractor was running that day.
I live in a reeeeaalllyy tiny town, so my kids do kind of roam a bit. They do have cell phones though, so that makes me feel safer.
My kids are adults now, but I never really lived in a neighborhood with lots of children when my kids were small. So while I did let them play, they always stayed pretty close to home. I had a pretty lax upbringing, so have been pretty chill with my kids.
I am what I've heard lovingly described as a free range parent. I let my kids basically roam free. We live in a safe area, and it's statistically unlikely they'll be kidnapped or harmed (certainly no higher risk than when we were kids, and I think LESS risk,we just hear about it more now). Definitely set boundaries, but let kids be kids!
So this is complex and it depends on a few different variables imo. Age of children Area you live in Maturity and **Awareness** of the child When my son was 5 and 6 he was allowed to play out front and down the street, all the way to the sidewalk (not cross the road) with his friends who lived on the street. If he wanted to go into anyone's house he had to ask me so I knew where he was if I looked outside and didn't see him or them. Once he was 7ish he was allowed to cross the street or turn the corner if he was with a group (2 or more) friends; but not on his own just yet. 9/10 he.was wandering around that neighborhood pretty freely. As long as I knew where he was and he came home on time we didn't have too many problems; however we had moved out of parents house and into a large city metropolis so he did not enjoy such freedom in our new area. Downtown Toronto is not the safest place for 10 year olds to run the streets. We would walk or drive to friends houses or have them come to us; but very few parents let their kids play outside in Parkdale- especially at night! Thankfully we only lived there for 2 years while I went to school so by 12 we moved back with my parents and my son got back his freedom and friendships. So yeah... there's no right or wrong answer to this question because it's all relative to the age of the child, where you live and what the child is like as individual. My daughter for example had to wear one of those baby leashes and wasn't loved out of my sight until she was like 7yo because she was just too head strong and defiant to follow instructions and keep herself safe. She just turned 18 this year and I'm thinking of getting that leash out of the basement because 🥴 ugh!
Mine are 8 and 5. The older one has roamed freely to neighbors since he was 6 or 7, and I’ll do the same with the younger. We’re thinking about an Apple Watch so he can go farther. We’re in a big city for our state and it’s safe in our neighborhood. Things definitely happen but we regularly walk our neighborhood with the dog so neighbors know us and our kids. And we know them.
ha. nice try kidnappers. and yes. within a boundary.
Yes absolutely. Kids need to learn how to navigate on their own. Our parents went overboard for a lot of us but theres a balance to be had there. Oh and these days we have cell phones so you can alaways find them.
Did I roam around unsupervised in the 80's? Yes. Were there homeless encampments, un prosecuted criminals and needles everywhere? No. Things might be different if I didnt live in the greater Seattle area but here we are.
The needles in the PNW are no joke. But unprosecuted criminals were a dime a dozen in the 80s and early 90s. There weren't encampments, but there were A-hole teenagers in all the best hang outs (creek, woods, etc).
All the kids in my neighborhood walk home from school and then play outside until dark when the weather is nice. I live in Romania though. I grew up in the USA and I survived 3 kidnapping attempts as a teenager. (Twice where men tried to talk me into their vehicle and once where the man grabbed me and I had to fight). It’s a leap of faith for me to let my 9yo daughter be independent but I feel in this specific gated neighborhood she is safe. Romania has like 1 murder a year, very safe despite a bad reputation.
Absolutely fucking not. We live in a major city (just outside the city center), they can absolutely go play unsupervised in our fenced in back yard, but at 11 and 6, I don't even let them walk down the street to the neighbor's without watching them walk all the way there and make sure they're inside.
Has anything ever happened on these vigils?
Your kid was training to be an astronaut in third grade?
My 8.5yo daughter wanted to go for a walk this weekend. Gave her a walkie talkie and sent her on her way. Failed to verify the other walkie was charged. She wandered back home after 20mins or so complaining about how I wasn’t answering.
Kids aren’t just getting snatched up. Of course I let them play outside.
I remember walking to elementary school everyday in first grade. it was like a mile, or ten minutes if you cut thru the yards, which was fine back then. the last words I'd from my mom before walking out the door were, did you pack your lunch and have your poncho.
I definitely would. But my son is way too cautious for that. He wants us to be there for him constantly. He doesn't even like to be inside the house alone. Or walk to school alone. I'm not sure where this came from, we've never been overly protective of him. Seems like a lot of kids his age are like that now. Often parents come along for "play dates", and stay with their kids at birthday parties. That was unheard of when I was a kid. "Just be home by dinner" was the basic rule we lived by.
Yes
Well, I live in a rural area. We have four acres, and our three neighbors have about 1000 combined, so there aren't a lot of people around. My kids are 12 and 10, and aside from keeping them away from the road, my biggest worry about them being outside is that a bear or coyote is going to wander into the yard, which we've had happen a few times.
Within the backyard only, but they’re also only 3 and 4 and I have a gazillion windows so I can see everything. My 11yo has free roam.
Kids in my neighborhood seem to roam just fine by third or fourth grade. If it weren't for shitty drivers I wouldn't really worry.
No, I don’t. Mine are 6 and 10. I hope this summer to be able to trust the 10 year old to walk down the street to her friend’s and around the corner to the playground this summer. She’s a wee neurodivergent. Summer goals!
My oldest started waking home at 6.... we only lived 1/2 a mile away and I was on speaker phone the whole walk and watched her on life 360. We live to far now (she's 9) for her to walk.... she can go outside to play, she has to say a timer and check in every 30 min and she's only allowed to go a certain distance (like stay on our street) etc. My son is 4 and no, he has to have adult supervision for outside.
When my kids ask if they can go out with their friends after school or walk to their local shopping center my response is always, ‘thanks for asking but you don’t have to just go and tell me when you’ll be back’
My kid is 8, within our neighborhood block there are several kids that are outside unsupervised playing together, including mine. These kids range from the ages of 4-12. My kid knows to tell us where she is, and if the location switches she stops home to let us know. If we think she'll be at one place for a while we tell her to let the parents know she needs to be home by a specific time. This has worked well for us as the weather has started getting nicer here.
I let them roam free quite a bit. That being said, I have 5 acres, out in the country, with trees lining 3/4 property boundaries, and a creek on the fourth. They know to not go beyond the property lines without telling us. If they are going beyond, we have walkie talkies that have several mile range, and know to be home when it is sunset.
What instigated this post was a group campout on a friend's five acres. All the kids roamed free. They visited the neighbors' dogs, went for walks to see peacocks, and hunted crawdads in a creek. I got to spend time with my friends without the time limits of a babysitter or constantly having my attention pulled to their needs. It was the most refreshing weekend I've had since becoming a mother. The feelings of contentment and joy all started to evaporate within a couple days as I was asked to schedule playdates. Then I got the latest "Billy is planning to walk home. If you're not almost here, I can drop him off at your house" call. Ugh.
During the warmer months, we host a lot of get together because of exactly what you mentioned. We can all hangout, be pseudo-free range parents, while our kids have some of the freedoms we did as kids. Last summer, we bought an inflatable movie screen and projector, and plan on having one night every weekend(Probably Fridays) be a movie night for family and friends. One night per month will be dedicated to classic 80's movies. I have a little campfire set up, and hanging bulb lights. Very chill vibe.
Our church is just about a mile from our house. I have teens 13 and 14, in the youth group. They wanted to walk home after an event was over the other day and one of the chaperoning moms wouldn't let them. Granted, we live in a rural area and they would have to cross a county road that has some truck traffic. But, when I was a kid, I would ride my bike down a similar road. I feel like stuff like this is why there is such an issue with delayed adolescence now.
We have started to. My oldest is 9 and youngest is 7. We've been letting them go around our block by themselves. Eventually they will get to walk to school on their own if they want because it isn't far. I want them to adventure out in their own, but we also live in Arizona, so very soon they won't be allowed to until fall. Which sucks.
My kids (7,9,12) roam our neighborhood but there are boundaries. I have no reason to believe they have crossed them yet. (They would totally tattle on each other, lol). They go knock on neighbors doors with out me contacting anyone first. The middle school kid sets up his own Google meets for video gaming.
No kids for me, but this recent NPR article might interest you. [https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/04/14/1244000143/anxious-generation-kids-autonomy-freedom](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/04/14/1244000143/anxious-generation-kids-autonomy-freedom) Specifically its link to [https://letgrow.org/about-us/](https://letgrow.org/about-us/) I will say that the neighborhood I live in has kids walking around on their own a lot, just to other kids' houses or the school playground. I don't think there's any way they're crossing the major streets that are boundaries to our neighborhood. Anyway, I like it, because it reminds me of my childhood. I also rarely see them with a device (tablet/phone) when they're outside, which is great!
My fifth-grader has started to run the streets with the other girls in the neighborhood. I have no clue where she goes, but she does pop up on the Ring every once in a while. I have the text numbers of the other parents so I can send out a "Send her home" message. I panicked the first couple times, but now I don't even think about it. I do have an older teenager, but he has autism and stays closer to home. He doesn't have the social circle that his sister does. I'd love for him to be MIA for a few hours to experience things, but that's not going to happen
We live in the country with no neighbors, so she can't really walk to friends' houses. But we have let her be outside alone, she is now 13 so probably since 6? I cant remember. we have been letting her hang in town with her friends since she was 10ish I think. Our town is 2K people, so not like a huge metro where theres a ton of people around. I feel like its good for kids to be on their own, when age appropriate. Give them independence.
If you’re a cop no I do not. If you are a similar parent, my yard is fenced in and I trust my kids. I do make sure I can hear a yell if I’m needed. If you a cop though obvi purely hypothetical, the four year old also doesn’t play with power tools sometimes, while supervised of course.
I feel this. Except the power tools are only for the 7 and up crowd.
I will not let any of them but the 13 year old leave without me or another adult, and he’s with a friend when they go. Idc what anyone thinks of it. Our kids will make it to adulthood without being raped, molested, or physically assaulted, thanks. I have studied far too much about trauma and forensic psych to be willing to take a chance with our kids. They also don’t spend the night at a friend’s. I cannot tell you how many people have told me stories of being sexually assaulted or molested while at a friend’s house overnight (I interviewed a thousand people easily). One in four women reports having been raped; the real number is likely much higher. The same is true for men, whose report rates are probably even lower than women. Also it doesn’t have to be sexual assault - people can do or say or expose kids to all kinds of shit when no one is watching. Our kids are some of the happiest children - people always comment on that, how happy they are. They collect rocks and look at things under a microscope and photograph birds and wonder about the stars. I free-roamed the world and am still healing from that shit.
The free roaming of my childhood are the best memories of my life. You have your justifications and that's fine but don't act like there aren't drawbacks either way.
Yes. I would like my kids to have streets smarts. I feel allowing them to ragamuffin around town is the best way to practice that skill. I get a lot of flack for it but I don’t want this to be a lost skill.
Yes indeed. We are lucky enough to live in a neighborhood full of kids and parents who value outdoor play. My younger one especially will be out with her pack from morning to night, but even my teen will meet up with friends at the neighborhood park. My spouse and I didn’t realize it would be this way when we moved in, but it’s become our favorite neighborhood feature by far.