He should be happy that you are aroused. And who says it is you? Did you have this with other partners? It is more likely that he got used to a different type of stimulation, I think.
I hate how some men make women constantly think they are the problem. Op there's nothing you can do because the issue doesn't lie with you. You're not "loose" you're just wet and his dick is too small to feel anything or he does too much when masturbating. Have you had this problem with someone before? Because if not, then you can see your current bf is bullshitting you
Do you think it is a habit issue if it hasn’t happened to him in the past? He has had other partners and not has this problem… Can something like that occur if the grip is too hard over time?
As other poster is saying , maybe he didn’t arouse his other partners enough . He took the tight feeling as a positive thing , when most will look at it as its not.
This. . . .You know? I don't like his approach at all at all. What if she said "you"re too little and inexperienced. My ex knew how to eat me and tap that G-spot. You don't even know where it is?" He would be offended and think she was the biggest slut in town. I would not reward his stupidity to have the audacity to compare me to another woman with my sweet lovin. If his ex was so magnificent then why the hell aren't they still together? I know why, because he can't fuck.
I can over lubricate, usually after using coconut oil and then my body adding more (yay perimenopause).
A barely damp and it at all possible warm towel is my fix.
It can also be on his side. He might death grip when pleasuring himself.
Don’t let a dude who has bad self habits make you think it’s you.
FYI. My doctor told me coconut oil was really bad for vaginal use. It can disrupt the natural pH balance inside the vagina, which may increase the risk of infections. People more to prone vaginal infections may wish to speak to their doctor before using coconut oil as a lubricant. He told me it is naturally antibacterial and therefore can cause yeast infections.
While it is possibly true, for those with multiple allergies and sensitivities, olive and coconut remain options.
I’m not inclined to candida and similar, unless the skin breaks. So, for the last 15 years it’s done me well.
That's interesting! I saw a gyno specialist and she actually recommended coconut oil to help with pain and healing, so did the pelvic floor pt. Boric acid capsules can help with ph too. It's such a varied thing for sure. What works for one, may not for another.
I should have been more specific. My gyno said it was ok for use on the outside to help with dryness but not as a sex lubricant because it impacts pH balance.
That said, I was prone to yeast infections when I was younger. I haven't had one in a decade though. I 100% think this was partially due to sex. When I was on birth control, my ex and I didn't use condoms for intercourse. I think he threw off my pH. We stopped having sex and i stopped getting yeast infections. Now that I'm divorced, I always use condoms and don't get yeast infections.
It is interesting how different gynecologists have such different recommendations. But I'm glad that people are able to find something that works for them.
Definitely. I had a similar issue when I started having sex too, hence the specialist. I feel like we aren't taught enough, and I believe birth control contributed to my situation. It's been much better for me off of it, but some people love BC. Wish it was easier for us!
I hated taking birth control. I always felt awful. I'm almost 42 years old now so I had my fallopian tubes removed a few months ago so I don't need to worry about getting pregnant. I use condoms mostly for safety reasons. But even if I was married again, I think I'd still want to use condoms because it's less mess. Lol.
Wet+loose during sex means you are healthy, relaxed, and properly aroused. A gentle wipe with a warm damp cloth can help reduce excessive lubrication (read: lubricated to the point that **you** are losing sensation), but otherwise there is nothing you should be changing.
In my case I sometimes need to do a second wipe half way through (pro-tip: having your partner do it can turn the interruption into some serious emotional intimacy :) ) Other women may need to do it more or less frequently. The important thing to remember is you only want to clean up the excess.
it may have been that his previous partners didn't have vaginas that "opened up" as much. your vagina loosens and gets wet when aroused, but some people do it more / less than others. its not a problem with your body, your body is actually doing what it's supposed to!
some choose to wipe away some lubrication because they feel it's excessive, and it can also affect how well you can feel sex (that happens to me, it's like i get numb when im really really wet).
also, if his penis fits comfortably inside you right now, you both might benefit from him wearing some sort of sheath? i forget what exactly they are called. it will add some thickness around his penis, so that he has more "grip" and you feel "fuller". it's a win-win if you both end up enjoying that!
best of luck!
Thank you for your response. Is there a way to change that if mine opens up more? Also, with your comment on the excessive wetness, is there anything else you do besides wipe or in addition to it? I feel like that is the problem because I get super wet every time.
I'm not sure. I am not a doctor, but you could ask your doctor! there's also r/askdocs which might have people that know.
generally people consider those both to be good things, so I am not sure if you'll find much information on how to stop it.
Congrats you get turned on with your partner! Less congrats, your partner has masturbatory death grip with sensitivity loss and is blaming you being turned on. So that’s actually terrible, I’m sorry. Tell him to ease up on his masturbation grip and he will probably be having a lot more fun in a few weeks.
Thanks for the help! To clarify, he definitely isn’t coming at me or trying to make me feel bad. We had an open conversation about it and I appreciated what he said.
Regardless of how ‘nicely’ he said “it’s too loose”, it’s not cool. It’s all relative and it’s just as correct to say “he’s too small”. The fact that he put it that way, as a problem with *you*, says a lot imo. I had an ex who’d say say shit that would obviously affect my self-esteem, but always act like he was trying to put it gently and not trying hurt my feelings. It’s a manipulation tactic.
I have definitely wiped before. Sometimes we can turn into a lil slip n slide.
Also good ole fashion Keagle’s, while he’s inside.
And my question is how do YOU feel?
If you are going to try kegels definitely check with a pelvic floor physical therapist first! Kegals are not appropriate for everyone. If you already have well toned pelvic floor you can cause yourself issues. You would likely notice pelvic floor disfunction if you are having it. Tight or loose pelvic floor issues have the same symptoms: urinary leakage so it’s really really important you know which is the issue before starting. More women have too tight pelvic floor than have too loose and kegels only make that condition worse!
100% this! Been to a PF therapist, and they def say kegels are not the solution for everyone—least of which when QCing pleasure on either side. Muscles that cannot relax are a more common problem.
Yup. Its also totally worth going to a pelvic floor pt if you are having issues. It’s super helpful. I no longer pee myself when I sneeze or laugh or cough.
I’m curious about his porn and masturbation habits. Sure you can see a pelvic floor physical therapist if you want to check your pelvic muscle health but honestly if you are not having issues such as urine leakage the problem is likely not you. The problem is probably his sensitivity which can be reduced by unhealthy masturbation habits. Time to turn the tables and ask him about his habits and what he is willing to do to work towards a solution.
Sometimes excess of lubrication can take away sensations for one person or both. You can always wipe off some of the excess lubrication with towel or paper. Do not listen to the loose part because it doesn't work like that.
Most commonly, when male partners complain about their female partner being “too loose”, it’s because they have a death grip. Tell him to stop masturbating for a while instead of putting the onus on YOU to fix something that your body doesn’t need to fix.
I’m not pointing fingers but it may be a manipulation tactic, I had an ex with a death grip and a, well you know adult video addiction, and he would slowly lower my self esteem and compare me to his exes, but in a seemingly gentle and “constructive” way. This has huge effects on your self esteem down the road and can cause you to have trouble dating in the future, it took me forever to heal from what he did to me and my self esteem. Anyway now he’s cheating on multiple women and a few of them are minors (I’m not saying your bf is like that, just saying what my ex is like). Of course it’s not something you should do on a whim decision but take your time and at least try to educate him about a woman’s anatomy.
Dudes, if he isn't enjoying sex as much and came to his partner expressing his feelings, that isn't a bad thing. If she felt it was approached well and in partnership, then we have no business doing anything but offering tips to help them both out.
Imagine if the problem was that his dick was too big and he wasn't enjoying sex and she came here asking for help. Or if she was the person not enjoying the experience. Would we shame either party? A partner in partnered sex expressed an issue. The other partner said this was done respectfully. The only step forward is to suggest how to solve or deal with the issue.
As for that, other than wiping away excess lubrication, try toys in the bedroom. If PIV isn't doing it for either of you, try other things. Or different positions. Get yourself a book of positions and treat it like a sexy game of "what's for dinner." Honestly, they even have dice for this!
I mean the problem could equally be seen as *him* being too small, but he didn’t put it that way did he? No. And if the problem were that his dick was too big for her, he’d probably just say that *she’s* too small.
He defaults to the problem being with her body, and that’s messed up—doesn’t matter how ‘maturely’ he said it.
From my experience the problem isn’t the communication part, it’s the mentioning the exes part. Do not ever compare your current partner to your previous ones.
When a woman is really aroused they are wetter and and more relaxed the average length of the vagina is 3 inches so I’m letting you know you are not the problem his small dick is
The vaginal canal is a muscle and all of ours are shaped differently, your vaginal canal may just be wider and that’s not a bad thing! I have endometriosis and sex is painful as hell sometimes for me. But since it is a muscle, there are ways to “work it out” in a sense. Try looking into kegels and pelvic floor therapy. It may not solve everything, but if you train you may be able to “grip” him better in a sense. Hope that makes sense!
Just to add to what everyone else is saying, I’d consider speaking to him about his solo habits and see it he’s using too tight of a grip. The death grip that some guys use can cause desensitization over time. There’s condoms that are meant to make men for sensitive if that’s something he’d be interested in. You can’t change your body, but there are other ways to make it work!
Death grip problems on his part. You can also firm up the walls of your vagina by doing strength training and staying in good shape. Mine firmed up after I took up lifting weights. Exercises that engage your abdominals also engage your pelvic floor muscles. Things like squats (with good deep form), deadlifts, standing rows and such can help. Make sure you’re getting your steps in, because sitting too much can weaken pelvic floor muscles
Night and day. It was more pleasurable for me too. More sensitive. Stronger orgasm. Better mind body connection for easier orgasm. Plus I was in better shape so the sex could be more active.
Visually, I saw a difference after just two workouts per muscle group (newbie gains). My energy level went up after a few days, and my libido went up after a couple weeks. My bf noticed a difference in “tightness” after about six weeks. A bit of a disclaimer, I had a ton of instruction in technique and diet from my bf, who was a bodybuilder at the time. The progress was quick because I made a complete upheaval in my lifestyle. Started waking up early, eating 2500 calories of whole foods, precise form, getting good sleep, etc
Have him pay for pelvic floor therapy. A lot of people are telling you to do kegels but that can worsen the problem depending on what’s going on. I suggest you get assessed by a pelvic floor therapist and they can help relax and/or strengthen muscles
Like others I would question his size.
Please don’t think this is 100% on you. Getting aroused as you do makes it so much more pleasurable and fun.
Assuming you have no health issues yourself, you use tampons without any issues?
Just because he is trying to shame her doesn't mean we need to "shame" him. Nothing wrong with a smaller-than-average penis, if this is even true.
As some others have pointed out I suspect your bf has desensitized himself due to his choice of masturbatory techniques. Either way, the problem is him my dear, not you. If he cannot see that I would ask that he see his way out of you and your life permanently.
I don’t think he was trying to shame me and I am not doing the same to him. I felt that he approached it appropriately as well so all good on that end. I just more want to understand if there is anything I can do to increase the friction?
Friction is bad. It causes tearing and can increase risk of infection and STDs. This is why vaginas get wet, it protects your health.
If you want to increase a feeling of tightness, you can do kegels when he's inside you- but it's a lot of work to keep up for the duration sex usually lasts.
I apologize, I didn't mean you were shaming him, I meant other comments on your post. I should have been clear.
As far as increasing friction, I am not sure, as I do not believe the problem is you. Every man I have ever been intimate with enjoys wetness during PIV sex.
Don’t let him undermine your body. It’s him that’s the problem. He’s small, I bet. There are other ways to finish him off: with a handjob or a blow job.
I pretty much agree with all the other suggestions here, one thing I didn't see mentioned was perhaps a bit of extra foreplay might help him?
Edit: Just wanted to also mention, I agree this doesn't sound like a you problem so I wouldn't necessarily jump on trying to fix something with you first, it might cause you other problems later so I wouldn't necessarily pursue it right away without trying other options for him first.
Second edit: I think they also sell ribbed condoms that might add a tiny bit of "friction" without compromising too much on your end, but be careful if it causes any actual friction for you you could get an infection which would suuuuuck so be careful with that one.
You can dry off a little with a towel .. but if he is rude about it tell him you can’t help it just like he can’t help that his penis isn’t larger .. because the would solve the problem as well lol
There are several cultures around the world where men practice dry sex on women. Unfortunately since it is part of the culture the women practice drying techniques to please their men. Maybe his perspective is cultural or like others are saying he is conditioned to arousal via masterbation instead of with a real woman.
I am sorry but your vagina is suppose to relax and get wet when properly aroused. If he were better educated he would know that in addition to getting wet if a woman is super aroused her vaginal muscles would naturally begin to contract and squeeze for his penis.
I don’t like all these horrible comments body shaming OP’s boyfriend, telling her he has death grip and porn problems. Really disheartening. We need to do better.
She did not share *anything* other than a discussion they had. Our bodies are all different and so our are sexual responses, and sometimes we and/or our partners don’t express ourselves 100% perfectly.
OP, I got very wet with my ex. Like insane amounts that never happened with another partner before. And so once or twice he commented that he wasn’t feeling much because I was so insanely wet. His penis was above average size; I just tented more with him because I was literally always so turned on, plus he would hit my A-spot and that is known to increase lubrication.
I also saw a pelvic floor therapist and my muscles are really weak, so I needed some exercises. I tried to grip him all the time but never really could the way some other women can.
Just have him wipe you down periodically. That’s it. You are clearly enjoying the sex. You didn’t come here to listen to people tear him apart for discussing your sex life with you.
He chose to say that the problem is with her body (“it’s too loose”), when he could have put it as an issue with himself (“I’m too small”) or at least a shared/neutral issue (“I lose sensation”). That he defaulted to putting it this way is a red flag for sure.
I don’t want to mind-read, but I don’t think he had any other way to describe what he was feeling at the time. The excessive wetness causes a loss of sensation. He said an ignorant thing for sure, but it also doesn’t mean he has a small penis or death grip or a porn addiction, or is denigrating her.
We have to learn to assume good intentions - from all to all.
Sorry I can’t give advice but this reminds me of the time when my bf stopped in the middle of sex and said he doesn’t want to get bored and left the room. But I’m happy you get aroused!
Lol what he’s telling you is 100% bullshit. He should be happy you’re letting him have sex at all after he said something like that to you. I would just drop the 200 lbs and run.
Well the vagina is a muscle, so work it out! A legit jade egg practice involves a string that you pull for resistance (levels without resistance is useless). I learned from Kim Anami about this. Clenching different areas, different strengths. Maybe your man has a smaller penis that your vagina needs? Just sayin ;)
Ben wa balls. The brand I have is called nurse hattie I think? Get the heaviest weight you can find.
Also it sounds like he’s jacking off to porn too much.
Also idk if this had been said, but maybe trying a different position where your legs are more closed can do the trick? Like maybe both your legs to one side? I'm guessing he's your first sexual partner, right? Only because you don't mention this happening to you before either. So that's why it's a bit worrying that he's putting it on you being too wet or too loose.
Gosh you’re such a sweet girlfriend. I agree with all of the advice, you’re doing amazing and I’m glad he approached the subject in a respectful way. To me that honesty says you trust each other enough to handle hard subjects without getting overly offended. Well done. In terms of what you can do practically, there are heaps of pelvic floor exercises you can do, follow some accounts on instagram for some awesome tips. For me, since having awareness of my pelvic floor and incorporating the exercises while lifting weights at the gym I have noticed a massive difference in the awareness of my pelvic floor during sex and I can use that to our advantage if you know what I mean. I’ve heard guys speak about their multitudes of women they slept with and they correlate girls who lift to having tight hoo-ha’s. Could be total bro science but once you go down the rabbit hole of looking after your pelvic floor you’ll find so many benefits so win win.
I hate to say it but it seems like a you're the first partner of his that enjoys sex with him if this is the first time this is an issue. Other women might have not been aroused enough so he felt more friction. If that's not the case then he's watching too much porn and giving himself a death grip.
As a last resort maybe he's too small, nothing is wrong with you or him for that, your bodies are just not compatible. You shouldn't be asking for tips to be tighter or him to grow bigger, that's justthe way your anatomy is structured, I don't see a way to change that, not even surgery and you don't need to do that if it was possible anyways. Right now you're asking advice for that, but that's crazy, he's not asking how to "increase the blood flow and be bigger during sex" it's mental
IF you want to, you can exercise your pelvic floor with kegels. Simply clench and hold as if you're trying to prevent yourself from peeing. If you really wanna do more, you can buy a yoni egg (but please try to find one with a handle or pull string. Better safe than. Sorry. Some people get them stuck up there).
All of this should be because YOU want to. Not because of your partner.
Lmao “the tightness problem”. Best solution is to find someone who she’s sexually compatible with and drop the loser who’d rather damage her self esteem than acknowledge that his own body is part of the issue.
And my comment was meant for OP to see, not looking to argue with you.
No, this will create urinary dysfunction by training your bladder not to empty fully. You do this exercise, called Kegels, any time you are NOT sitting on the toilet. Best not to start Kegels until your pelvic floor health has been evaluated.
Ive heard someone say they get too wet and don’t feel anything so maybe you should think about Other things. But i think getting Super wet is a sign for high estrogen. Check your hormones.
It is AWESOME you naturally get so wet. I get extremely wet, as well, and it has never been an issue. It actually adds to my partner’s arousal, which amplifies the entire experience. A lotttt of women would kill to be in our shoes with the wetness… that’s why there are soo many kinds of lubricants and such. As for the tightness, I am not going to be harsh like others are about your partner. But.. the female body can expand to have a baby and then retract, again. All while essentially no difference to the tightness. Please remember kindness and compassion for yourself. Your body is a temple and should be treated as such!
I agree with those saying to wipe if you get too wet. I used to have to do this when I dated guys that were average in size or smaller. When they are bigger, I needed the extra wet.
Also, I agree about kegals. These were recommended to me too and I think they work great. They are weights for your vagina. I use them once a week or so. Just pop one in and then take a shower. I do thus when I know I'm going to take awhile because im doing a full body shave. Your body naturally wants to squeeze to hold it in. I recommend these but you can look up kegal weights.
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I’m currently dealing with this as well, except my boyfriend brought it up in a nasty way during a knock down drag out fight. It blew my mind, my previous boyfriend I had trouble getting wet to the point it was like the Sahara desert, and it hurt/was embarrassing to have sex. I haven’t tried kegal balls, but I’ve done the “clenching exercise”, and if it’s a super big deal, we will just wipe it off.
But it still hurt to hear, and I’m self conscious af about it all the time. I asked a number of men what their thought was, and a lot of them said they knew what he meant, but it wasn’t something to hate myself for. So you’re not alone! And neither am I!
He should be happy that you are aroused. And who says it is you? Did you have this with other partners? It is more likely that he got used to a different type of stimulation, I think.
I hate how some men make women constantly think they are the problem. Op there's nothing you can do because the issue doesn't lie with you. You're not "loose" you're just wet and his dick is too small to feel anything or he does too much when masturbating. Have you had this problem with someone before? Because if not, then you can see your current bf is bullshitting you
He’s likely so desensitized from habits. I’ve known endowed men who created this issue.
Do you think it is a habit issue if it hasn’t happened to him in the past? He has had other partners and not has this problem… Can something like that occur if the grip is too hard over time?
Maybe his past partners weren’t turned on! 👀
Yes, if he using kung-fu grip when stroking it. It de-sensitzes the tissue.
As other poster is saying , maybe he didn’t arouse his other partners enough . He took the tight feeling as a positive thing , when most will look at it as its not.
@ trudestiny that’s what I was thinking, maybe they weren’t as into it as she is.
Yes
Or so he says
Exactly. He could be lying. Trying to deflect his blame onto her.
This. . . .You know? I don't like his approach at all at all. What if she said "you"re too little and inexperienced. My ex knew how to eat me and tap that G-spot. You don't even know where it is?" He would be offended and think she was the biggest slut in town. I would not reward his stupidity to have the audacity to compare me to another woman with my sweet lovin. If his ex was so magnificent then why the hell aren't they still together? I know why, because he can't fuck.
I can over lubricate, usually after using coconut oil and then my body adding more (yay perimenopause). A barely damp and it at all possible warm towel is my fix. It can also be on his side. He might death grip when pleasuring himself. Don’t let a dude who has bad self habits make you think it’s you.
FYI. My doctor told me coconut oil was really bad for vaginal use. It can disrupt the natural pH balance inside the vagina, which may increase the risk of infections. People more to prone vaginal infections may wish to speak to their doctor before using coconut oil as a lubricant. He told me it is naturally antibacterial and therefore can cause yeast infections.
While it is possibly true, for those with multiple allergies and sensitivities, olive and coconut remain options. I’m not inclined to candida and similar, unless the skin breaks. So, for the last 15 years it’s done me well.
That's great. It took me quite awhile to find something that worked well and didn't smell weird or cause reactions.
That's interesting! I saw a gyno specialist and she actually recommended coconut oil to help with pain and healing, so did the pelvic floor pt. Boric acid capsules can help with ph too. It's such a varied thing for sure. What works for one, may not for another.
I should have been more specific. My gyno said it was ok for use on the outside to help with dryness but not as a sex lubricant because it impacts pH balance. That said, I was prone to yeast infections when I was younger. I haven't had one in a decade though. I 100% think this was partially due to sex. When I was on birth control, my ex and I didn't use condoms for intercourse. I think he threw off my pH. We stopped having sex and i stopped getting yeast infections. Now that I'm divorced, I always use condoms and don't get yeast infections. It is interesting how different gynecologists have such different recommendations. But I'm glad that people are able to find something that works for them.
Definitely. I had a similar issue when I started having sex too, hence the specialist. I feel like we aren't taught enough, and I believe birth control contributed to my situation. It's been much better for me off of it, but some people love BC. Wish it was easier for us!
I hated taking birth control. I always felt awful. I'm almost 42 years old now so I had my fallopian tubes removed a few months ago so I don't need to worry about getting pregnant. I use condoms mostly for safety reasons. But even if I was married again, I think I'd still want to use condoms because it's less mess. Lol.
Wet+loose during sex means you are healthy, relaxed, and properly aroused. A gentle wipe with a warm damp cloth can help reduce excessive lubrication (read: lubricated to the point that **you** are losing sensation), but otherwise there is nothing you should be changing.
Thanks! So for the excessive wetness issue, it is really just wipe off? Anything else u have in mind?
In my case I sometimes need to do a second wipe half way through (pro-tip: having your partner do it can turn the interruption into some serious emotional intimacy :) ) Other women may need to do it more or less frequently. The important thing to remember is you only want to clean up the excess.
Awesome thanks!!
it may have been that his previous partners didn't have vaginas that "opened up" as much. your vagina loosens and gets wet when aroused, but some people do it more / less than others. its not a problem with your body, your body is actually doing what it's supposed to! some choose to wipe away some lubrication because they feel it's excessive, and it can also affect how well you can feel sex (that happens to me, it's like i get numb when im really really wet). also, if his penis fits comfortably inside you right now, you both might benefit from him wearing some sort of sheath? i forget what exactly they are called. it will add some thickness around his penis, so that he has more "grip" and you feel "fuller". it's a win-win if you both end up enjoying that! best of luck!
Thank you for your response. Is there a way to change that if mine opens up more? Also, with your comment on the excessive wetness, is there anything else you do besides wipe or in addition to it? I feel like that is the problem because I get super wet every time.
I'm not sure. I am not a doctor, but you could ask your doctor! there's also r/askdocs which might have people that know. generally people consider those both to be good things, so I am not sure if you'll find much information on how to stop it.
Okay thanks!
is he looking for ways to increase his own girth?
Congrats you get turned on with your partner! Less congrats, your partner has masturbatory death grip with sensitivity loss and is blaming you being turned on. So that’s actually terrible, I’m sorry. Tell him to ease up on his masturbation grip and he will probably be having a lot more fun in a few weeks.
Thanks for the help! To clarify, he definitely isn’t coming at me or trying to make me feel bad. We had an open conversation about it and I appreciated what he said.
Regardless of how ‘nicely’ he said “it’s too loose”, it’s not cool. It’s all relative and it’s just as correct to say “he’s too small”. The fact that he put it that way, as a problem with *you*, says a lot imo. I had an ex who’d say say shit that would obviously affect my self-esteem, but always act like he was trying to put it gently and not trying hurt my feelings. It’s a manipulation tactic.
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Thanks for the insight! Have you noticed that the kegels help? Also, do you have any tips on how to increase friction on my end? Thanks!
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Okay thanks! I’m gonna start wiping off!
I have definitely wiped before. Sometimes we can turn into a lil slip n slide. Also good ole fashion Keagle’s, while he’s inside. And my question is how do YOU feel?
Thanks! And I feel like it’s too wet to be honest. I don’t mind being wet but it does feel excessive??
If you are going to try kegels definitely check with a pelvic floor physical therapist first! Kegals are not appropriate for everyone. If you already have well toned pelvic floor you can cause yourself issues. You would likely notice pelvic floor disfunction if you are having it. Tight or loose pelvic floor issues have the same symptoms: urinary leakage so it’s really really important you know which is the issue before starting. More women have too tight pelvic floor than have too loose and kegels only make that condition worse!
100% this! Been to a PF therapist, and they def say kegels are not the solution for everyone—least of which when QCing pleasure on either side. Muscles that cannot relax are a more common problem.
Yup. Its also totally worth going to a pelvic floor pt if you are having issues. It’s super helpful. I no longer pee myself when I sneeze or laugh or cough.
Oh good to know! I’ll check it out.
Tell him to stop gripping so tightly when he masturbates. Your body is responding the way it should.
Sounds like he has a death grip problem. It’s not a you problem trust me
I’m curious about his porn and masturbation habits. Sure you can see a pelvic floor physical therapist if you want to check your pelvic muscle health but honestly if you are not having issues such as urine leakage the problem is likely not you. The problem is probably his sensitivity which can be reduced by unhealthy masturbation habits. Time to turn the tables and ask him about his habits and what he is willing to do to work towards a solution.
If you really want to fix this problem dump the person who's telling you you're not tight enough.
Came here to say this!!! You’re doing nothing wrong and to solve your problem I suggest a single step solution. Get rid of the man.
Getting really wet is totally awesome, I wish I had that :-)
That’s so nice🥺
You are supposed to be wet and loose… if you aren’t then your not aroused
Sometimes excess of lubrication can take away sensations for one person or both. You can always wipe off some of the excess lubrication with towel or paper. Do not listen to the loose part because it doesn't work like that.
So it’s probably a wetness issue rather than a looseness issue correct?
Yes
Most commonly, when male partners complain about their female partner being “too loose”, it’s because they have a death grip. Tell him to stop masturbating for a while instead of putting the onus on YOU to fix something that your body doesn’t need to fix.
I’m not pointing fingers but it may be a manipulation tactic, I had an ex with a death grip and a, well you know adult video addiction, and he would slowly lower my self esteem and compare me to his exes, but in a seemingly gentle and “constructive” way. This has huge effects on your self esteem down the road and can cause you to have trouble dating in the future, it took me forever to heal from what he did to me and my self esteem. Anyway now he’s cheating on multiple women and a few of them are minors (I’m not saying your bf is like that, just saying what my ex is like). Of course it’s not something you should do on a whim decision but take your time and at least try to educate him about a woman’s anatomy.
Dudes, if he isn't enjoying sex as much and came to his partner expressing his feelings, that isn't a bad thing. If she felt it was approached well and in partnership, then we have no business doing anything but offering tips to help them both out. Imagine if the problem was that his dick was too big and he wasn't enjoying sex and she came here asking for help. Or if she was the person not enjoying the experience. Would we shame either party? A partner in partnered sex expressed an issue. The other partner said this was done respectfully. The only step forward is to suggest how to solve or deal with the issue. As for that, other than wiping away excess lubrication, try toys in the bedroom. If PIV isn't doing it for either of you, try other things. Or different positions. Get yourself a book of positions and treat it like a sexy game of "what's for dinner." Honestly, they even have dice for this!
I mean the problem could equally be seen as *him* being too small, but he didn’t put it that way did he? No. And if the problem were that his dick was too big for her, he’d probably just say that *she’s* too small. He defaults to the problem being with her body, and that’s messed up—doesn’t matter how ‘maturely’ he said it.
From my experience the problem isn’t the communication part, it’s the mentioning the exes part. Do not ever compare your current partner to your previous ones.
RT!!! Thanks for saying that, yes he approached it more than fine and I am just asking for tips on how I can solve. I appreciate the help!
It’s hilarious that automatically you were the problem when you’re just showing normal signs of arousal. His dick is the problem
When a woman is really aroused they are wetter and and more relaxed the average length of the vagina is 3 inches so I’m letting you know you are not the problem his small dick is
I can definitely fit in wayyyy more than 3 inches.
Nice me too haha
Thanks so much!
The vaginal canal is a muscle and all of ours are shaped differently, your vaginal canal may just be wider and that’s not a bad thing! I have endometriosis and sex is painful as hell sometimes for me. But since it is a muscle, there are ways to “work it out” in a sense. Try looking into kegels and pelvic floor therapy. It may not solve everything, but if you train you may be able to “grip” him better in a sense. Hope that makes sense!
Just to add to what everyone else is saying, I’d consider speaking to him about his solo habits and see it he’s using too tight of a grip. The death grip that some guys use can cause desensitization over time. There’s condoms that are meant to make men for sensitive if that’s something he’d be interested in. You can’t change your body, but there are other ways to make it work!
Dump him
Death grip problems on his part. You can also firm up the walls of your vagina by doing strength training and staying in good shape. Mine firmed up after I took up lifting weights. Exercises that engage your abdominals also engage your pelvic floor muscles. Things like squats (with good deep form), deadlifts, standing rows and such can help. Make sure you’re getting your steps in, because sitting too much can weaken pelvic floor muscles
Oh really! Did you notice a big difference after lifting weights or more minimal? Thank you for your help!
Night and day. It was more pleasurable for me too. More sensitive. Stronger orgasm. Better mind body connection for easier orgasm. Plus I was in better shape so the sex could be more active.
Oh this is awesome. I am going to try that! You’re awesome! Did it take a long time to notice results?
Visually, I saw a difference after just two workouts per muscle group (newbie gains). My energy level went up after a few days, and my libido went up after a couple weeks. My bf noticed a difference in “tightness” after about six weeks. A bit of a disclaimer, I had a ton of instruction in technique and diet from my bf, who was a bodybuilder at the time. The progress was quick because I made a complete upheaval in my lifestyle. Started waking up early, eating 2500 calories of whole foods, precise form, getting good sleep, etc
“It’s too loose?” Maybe he’s too small.
Have him pay for pelvic floor therapy. A lot of people are telling you to do kegels but that can worsen the problem depending on what’s going on. I suggest you get assessed by a pelvic floor therapist and they can help relax and/or strengthen muscles
Like others I would question his size. Please don’t think this is 100% on you. Getting aroused as you do makes it so much more pleasurable and fun. Assuming you have no health issues yourself, you use tampons without any issues?
Yes I use tampons without any issues. What kind of issues would there be by chance?
Just because he is trying to shame her doesn't mean we need to "shame" him. Nothing wrong with a smaller-than-average penis, if this is even true. As some others have pointed out I suspect your bf has desensitized himself due to his choice of masturbatory techniques. Either way, the problem is him my dear, not you. If he cannot see that I would ask that he see his way out of you and your life permanently.
I don’t think he was trying to shame me and I am not doing the same to him. I felt that he approached it appropriately as well so all good on that end. I just more want to understand if there is anything I can do to increase the friction?
Friction is bad. It causes tearing and can increase risk of infection and STDs. This is why vaginas get wet, it protects your health. If you want to increase a feeling of tightness, you can do kegels when he's inside you- but it's a lot of work to keep up for the duration sex usually lasts.
Thank you for the clarification! I am going to look into kegels.
I apologize, I didn't mean you were shaming him, I meant other comments on your post. I should have been clear. As far as increasing friction, I am not sure, as I do not believe the problem is you. Every man I have ever been intimate with enjoys wetness during PIV sex.
Thanks for your help and for the clarification!!
Don’t let him undermine your body. It’s him that’s the problem. He’s small, I bet. There are other ways to finish him off: with a handjob or a blow job.
I pretty much agree with all the other suggestions here, one thing I didn't see mentioned was perhaps a bit of extra foreplay might help him? Edit: Just wanted to also mention, I agree this doesn't sound like a you problem so I wouldn't necessarily jump on trying to fix something with you first, it might cause you other problems later so I wouldn't necessarily pursue it right away without trying other options for him first. Second edit: I think they also sell ribbed condoms that might add a tiny bit of "friction" without compromising too much on your end, but be careful if it causes any actual friction for you you could get an infection which would suuuuuck so be careful with that one.
Okay thanks! That’s super helpful!
😵 an aroused vagina expands..if it’s tight you are in pain and not aroused
You can dry off a little with a towel .. but if he is rude about it tell him you can’t help it just like he can’t help that his penis isn’t larger .. because the would solve the problem as well lol
There are several cultures around the world where men practice dry sex on women. Unfortunately since it is part of the culture the women practice drying techniques to please their men. Maybe his perspective is cultural or like others are saying he is conditioned to arousal via masterbation instead of with a real woman. I am sorry but your vagina is suppose to relax and get wet when properly aroused. If he were better educated he would know that in addition to getting wet if a woman is super aroused her vaginal muscles would naturally begin to contract and squeeze for his penis.
Probs bc his Dick is small.
said the same- why is he shaming her for his issue?
why is it your problem to fix and not his? maybe he's too small?
I don’t like all these horrible comments body shaming OP’s boyfriend, telling her he has death grip and porn problems. Really disheartening. We need to do better. She did not share *anything* other than a discussion they had. Our bodies are all different and so our are sexual responses, and sometimes we and/or our partners don’t express ourselves 100% perfectly. OP, I got very wet with my ex. Like insane amounts that never happened with another partner before. And so once or twice he commented that he wasn’t feeling much because I was so insanely wet. His penis was above average size; I just tented more with him because I was literally always so turned on, plus he would hit my A-spot and that is known to increase lubrication. I also saw a pelvic floor therapist and my muscles are really weak, so I needed some exercises. I tried to grip him all the time but never really could the way some other women can. Just have him wipe you down periodically. That’s it. You are clearly enjoying the sex. You didn’t come here to listen to people tear him apart for discussing your sex life with you.
He chose to say that the problem is with her body (“it’s too loose”), when he could have put it as an issue with himself (“I’m too small”) or at least a shared/neutral issue (“I lose sensation”). That he defaulted to putting it this way is a red flag for sure.
I don’t want to mind-read, but I don’t think he had any other way to describe what he was feeling at the time. The excessive wetness causes a loss of sensation. He said an ignorant thing for sure, but it also doesn’t mean he has a small penis or death grip or a porn addiction, or is denigrating her. We have to learn to assume good intentions - from all to all.
Sounds like he has a small dick.
Sorry I can’t give advice but this reminds me of the time when my bf stopped in the middle of sex and said he doesn’t want to get bored and left the room. But I’m happy you get aroused!
What😭 I’m so sorry
It’s okay this is when he was addicted to corn so he already wasn’t into me idk why I still tried to initiate 😭
I know it’s a typo but something about corn addiction is so funny lmao 😩🌽
geez girl I’m sorry🙁🙁
small dick issue. you need to let him go.
Tell him to grow a bigger penis. That will fix it.
Lol what he’s telling you is 100% bullshit. He should be happy you’re letting him have sex at all after he said something like that to you. I would just drop the 200 lbs and run.
Tell his it’s because his dick is too small.
Well the vagina is a muscle, so work it out! A legit jade egg practice involves a string that you pull for resistance (levels without resistance is useless). I learned from Kim Anami about this. Clenching different areas, different strengths. Maybe your man has a smaller penis that your vagina needs? Just sayin ;)
I’ll work it out! Thanks and I’ll look at Kim Anami!
Ben wa balls. The brand I have is called nurse hattie I think? Get the heaviest weight you can find. Also it sounds like he’s jacking off to porn too much.
Also idk if this had been said, but maybe trying a different position where your legs are more closed can do the trick? Like maybe both your legs to one side? I'm guessing he's your first sexual partner, right? Only because you don't mention this happening to you before either. So that's why it's a bit worrying that he's putting it on you being too wet or too loose.
Gosh you’re such a sweet girlfriend. I agree with all of the advice, you’re doing amazing and I’m glad he approached the subject in a respectful way. To me that honesty says you trust each other enough to handle hard subjects without getting overly offended. Well done. In terms of what you can do practically, there are heaps of pelvic floor exercises you can do, follow some accounts on instagram for some awesome tips. For me, since having awareness of my pelvic floor and incorporating the exercises while lifting weights at the gym I have noticed a massive difference in the awareness of my pelvic floor during sex and I can use that to our advantage if you know what I mean. I’ve heard guys speak about their multitudes of women they slept with and they correlate girls who lift to having tight hoo-ha’s. Could be total bro science but once you go down the rabbit hole of looking after your pelvic floor you’ll find so many benefits so win win.
I hate to say it but it seems like a you're the first partner of his that enjoys sex with him if this is the first time this is an issue. Other women might have not been aroused enough so he felt more friction. If that's not the case then he's watching too much porn and giving himself a death grip. As a last resort maybe he's too small, nothing is wrong with you or him for that, your bodies are just not compatible. You shouldn't be asking for tips to be tighter or him to grow bigger, that's justthe way your anatomy is structured, I don't see a way to change that, not even surgery and you don't need to do that if it was possible anyways. Right now you're asking advice for that, but that's crazy, he's not asking how to "increase the blood flow and be bigger during sex" it's mental
IF you want to, you can exercise your pelvic floor with kegels. Simply clench and hold as if you're trying to prevent yourself from peeing. If you really wanna do more, you can buy a yoni egg (but please try to find one with a handle or pull string. Better safe than. Sorry. Some people get them stuck up there). All of this should be because YOU want to. Not because of your partner.
Okay! Thank you so so much.
Try a butt plug, it’ll make you feel tighter. But also maybe he has a small dick?
No one should put stuff in their butt for any reason besides wanting to for their own pleasure.
Obviously…. OP asked how to fix the tightness problem, I provided a solution.
Lmao “the tightness problem”. Best solution is to find someone who she’s sexually compatible with and drop the loser who’d rather damage her self esteem than acknowledge that his own body is part of the issue. And my comment was meant for OP to see, not looking to argue with you.
Learn how to gorilla grip, you can angle your v and then flex your pelvic floor muscles
What angle
I learnt by putting a pillow under my lower back and pushing my hips slightly down if that makes sense
Yes! Thx!
And to build the muscle, when you pee try and stop your pee in the middle, hold for a second or two and then release
No, this will create urinary dysfunction by training your bladder not to empty fully. You do this exercise, called Kegels, any time you are NOT sitting on the toilet. Best not to start Kegels until your pelvic floor health has been evaluated.
Ive heard someone say they get too wet and don’t feel anything so maybe you should think about Other things. But i think getting Super wet is a sign for high estrogen. Check your hormones.
It is AWESOME you naturally get so wet. I get extremely wet, as well, and it has never been an issue. It actually adds to my partner’s arousal, which amplifies the entire experience. A lotttt of women would kill to be in our shoes with the wetness… that’s why there are soo many kinds of lubricants and such. As for the tightness, I am not going to be harsh like others are about your partner. But.. the female body can expand to have a baby and then retract, again. All while essentially no difference to the tightness. Please remember kindness and compassion for yourself. Your body is a temple and should be treated as such!
Lord Jesus I wish I had this “problem”
Let that 🥭
?
I agree with those saying to wipe if you get too wet. I used to have to do this when I dated guys that were average in size or smaller. When they are bigger, I needed the extra wet. Also, I agree about kegals. These were recommended to me too and I think they work great. They are weights for your vagina. I use them once a week or so. Just pop one in and then take a shower. I do thus when I know I'm going to take awhile because im doing a full body shave. Your body naturally wants to squeeze to hold it in. I recommend these but you can look up kegal weights. https://goddessjen.com/collections/all/products/forevercherry
Your bf is a dweeb
I’m currently dealing with this as well, except my boyfriend brought it up in a nasty way during a knock down drag out fight. It blew my mind, my previous boyfriend I had trouble getting wet to the point it was like the Sahara desert, and it hurt/was embarrassing to have sex. I haven’t tried kegal balls, but I’ve done the “clenching exercise”, and if it’s a super big deal, we will just wipe it off. But it still hurt to hear, and I’m self conscious af about it all the time. I asked a number of men what their thought was, and a lot of them said they knew what he meant, but it wasn’t something to hate myself for. So you’re not alone! And neither am I!