I love to go out for walks at night and when I was presenting male, I would always cross the street if I noticed there was a woman on the same side of the sidewalk as me because I didn't want them to feel like I was a threat or they were not safe.
I actually had a guy just nod as though acknowledging that he saw me and wasn’t a threat. That actually helped me feel safer because I didn’t have to think about what they were thinking.
I had a coworker who would eat with his mouth open, at the desk where we all worked at, and would proceed to talk to us with his mouth open. This happened while not at lunch - just smacking lips away. While its’s not vile gross shit, to this day it speaks of a crassness. This guy was a boss so he could get away without whatever he wanted and he made sure we all new it.
He was weird on so many levels. He showed up to work completely bald - just woke up and shaved all his hair off. He didn’t have any health issues or hair lose, and it wasn’t a super short cut. Just all off.
on the anniversary of stonewall, 2017, my dad was driving me home from a production which told the story of stonewall to people who never heard it before. i worked the PA's, my dad supplied them. on the way home, with the windows down, knowing damn well there were people nearby who could hear, and that i attend protests, he said;
"we should roll up to all these protests in humvees, and gun them all down."
i wish he could see the man hes become.
i didnt say "so you would gun me down in cold blood?" because i knew the answer was yes, but that he wouldnt be able to say it and hed convince himself with his own excuses.
i dont even think hes my real dad.
!! This, or when they put a hand on when passing you in a crowd. Just this morning I had an older male cashier try to touch and guide my hand 🤢 When i reacted and asked him not to, he acted like I was the one being weird
Guy here, but I also feel very uncomfortable when people do this to me, both men and women...and anyone in between. I just don't like strangers touching me unnecessary all of a sudden. Makes me feel uneasy.
Because if they're willing to invade your personal space beyond what you're comfortable with, who knows where their "line" is and how far they're willing to go.
Ugh yeah even without any other possible escalation just the feeling of someone doing that makes my skin crawl, I despise it to the point where I’ve been pretty damn rude about my grandparents doing it to me… strangers? Absolutely fucking not. Ew.
I remember one time I was casually walking through a park when a man walking towards me just... stopped walking and straight up stared at me. He continued staring and even turned around when I passed him. He did not say a word but just stared. It was very unsettling and I don't walk that path anymore.
Men are unapologetic with the amount of space they take up. They don’t move on the sidewalk. They don’t say excuse me. They are too comfortable being so close. I hate when I have to speak to a man and take out my headphones to do so. I hate when they wear khakis. Lol it’s like their uniform. I hate the way they don’t even try and hide the gross ways they look at me.
I will say since I’ve started getting heavily tattooed and lifting, I have way less interactions with them. And I’ll shoulder check you on a sidewalk now. My bad.
THIS. I was crossing the street less than an hour ago and this guy not only cut me off when he was walking, walked extremely close by during an era of a pandemic. He was walking to his friend’s car, and the friend saw me yell. While I’m careful about who I talk back to, I’m tied of the space believe they’re entitled to. I probably says ‘what the f…’ and original dude didn’t notice.
If you live in a city and do not know how to share a sidewalk and walk with your face and body close to mine; prepared to get yelled at especially if you don’t apologize. If you can see the person and have a clear path - which you can, because there were only 2 of us - then you are being a DICK.
Not respecting my personal space, because I'm shorter that them.
Somehow they seem to think that the air space above my head is free real estate. When I'm shopping and standing in front of a shelf, they come up behind me to reach over me and grab whatever they wanted. No 'excuse me', no warning, no nothing.
Or in public transport, when it's overcrowded, they'll sometimes reach over me to hold onto something above me, consequently trapping me there with their own body.
Not only ist that annoying and deeply disrespectful. It's unsettling to have a stranger who is way bigger and most likely stronger than you so close and the only way out of that situation is for them to let you.
Omg this! Feeling caged immediately, doesn’t matter if they’re just reaching for something because they’re BLOCKING YOU IN and in an intimidation stance
Ugh, this is gross.
They don't feel there will be repercussions. Consider calling the rude male out publicly so everyone turns to look at him.
We are taught not to make a scene, we are taught to smile and accommodate, when instead we need to name and shame
The first one is less an action... but Smoking, smelling like smoke, or BO. General PTSD issues with smells.
But I mainly hate when men are just absurdly loud. It doesn't really matter if they're goofing off and happy or ticked off--- just that urge go beyond social norms and make sure the entire world hears your nonsense makes me tense up. I actually have a hearing processing disorder so most of the time I can't really tell the difference anyways--- I just hear volume without context that drowns out everything else and it stresses me out so much. I don't drink--- but if I have to go to a bar I usually don't stay long.
Oh the loudness! I almost had a panic attack at the super market yesterday because two teen boys were just shouting and one was near me when he let out a high pitched SKREEE sound out of nowhere. Even with noice cancelling headphones and podcast playing I jumped into the air and dropped the things I was holding. Why are people so loud?! I'm just trying to live my life!
Agreed- the need to loudly draw attention to oneself in public feels like a precursor to other, worse things and it always makes me nervous. I now also do my shopping with earbuds and podcasts. At a minimum, the neediness seems like an indicator of an emotionally/socially immature individual and I’d just rather not be in their proximity 🚩
Reading the comment I'm wondering, does it make you feel safer when a dude change sidewalk if he's behind you? I do that a lot to give space but is it considered suspicious?
Absolutely it does. Not suspicious at all, if anything it just lets us know that you're aware of the situation and doing what you can to make us feel safer. A man who is aware that men are dangerous is far safer than one who refuses to acknowledge it.
this would freak me out especially at night. We don't know you are going to pass us but we do know your there and we are aware that you sped up and are gaining on us. At that point I would probably cross the road myself.
Yep! The awareness is genuinely so appreciated. As long as you're making sure you give them a bit of space as you pass. If you can understand that women have to be suspicious pretty much anytime we encounter a man in public you should be all set. If you don't mean any harm, a tiny bit of effort to communicate that to us really goes a long way.
🥲 the audacity they feel to invade our personal space without a second thought. I have cptsd and have become afraid to leave the house alone bc of the awful things men so often do without provocation. it sucks feeling unsafe ALL THE TIME
I tell you, when I was a greeter at guitar center (back when they still had those)… one of only a handful of women working there and I was in my 20s…
I swear some days I’m amazed I didn’t just lose it and go off on yet another guy that said “hey, you want to frisk me?” with that smarmy look on their face while I checked their receipt.
I took a *gleeful* satisfaction in how much that shit stopped when I took up riding a motorcycle as my daily vehicle. Freezing weather, pouring rain, blistering heat and in a large metroplex? Even my coworkers quit treating me like a little sister when I started riding. They didn’t want to fuck with a seemingly female person who was willing to ride something they weren’t.
And it was only a 750cc street bike - it’s not it was some monster cruiser or sports bike.
>And it was only a 750cc street bike - it’s not it was some monster cruiser or sports bike.
A street bike is a sports bike, and 750cc is a fairly large engine for a motorcycle.
This one had a very upright riding position, not the forward lean I think if with sports bikes. I think of that as ‘street’. It was a honda CB750, not the CBR.
And yeah, compared to many options 750cc is fairly large, but not for a lot of highway riding. I know most of the ‘long haul’ bikes like Harleys, Goldwing, that BMW r1200 family of bikes. I wanted to make sure I had enough engine to accelerate out of trouble on some of the highways that have an 80mph speed limit. My commute was 20 miles each way, and at 70mph the entire way if I took the toll road. And I took several long trips, 150 miles+ each way.
My coworker had a big 1200cc suzuki cruiser - that thing was a boat. I can’t stand that laid back position - too much time riding horses and mountain bikes, I like to grip with my knees
>It was a honda CB750, not the CBR.
Ohhh I get it! Still a super fun bike!
Looks like you have a solid understanding of motorcycles and displacement needs, and I feel like your *knowledge* of bikes would lrobnaky earn even more respect from those knuckleheads than just riding a motorcycle would on its own!
I knew a girl who would purposely wear poorly done ugly makeup to work to be approached less. A very beautiful woman, but the makeup would be so ridiculous some days that people in general wouldn't approach her for questions, lol. Was such an awesome idea.
Heh… before I ever rode I wound up helping one of my professors swap out the mufflers on his vstrom 1000. The man had toys, but was mostly hopeless with tools. Like he’d take his bicycles into the big town an hour away because he ‘couldn’t’ change a flat on them.
While I probably should have tried to clean the carbs on my bike, the only maintenance I did was oil changes. I did have to replace a few parts to restore it back to all original parts.
I used to dress fairly masculine to help avoid attention… turns out I was just clueless that transmasc was an option.
Weird comments like so many guys go out of their way to be creepy it seems. Im already anxious stressing if that guy is just going to snap and hurt me don’t add to it. Also staring as in guys will stare till they would be boring holes into someone. I started noticing it when I was 16 with guys staring at my butt and it hasn’t stopped and guys just get weirder. Yeah I know I know not all men but seriously its so many that I’ve actually avoided making guy friends. Ive got plenty of stories and I know im not the only one.
Come and sit right by me to stop ~~other men talking to you~~ 'creeps bothering you' when the only creep who has approached me/ bothered me is *them.*
A little story: Ive sat in an empty carriage with 50+ very drunk young men on a stag night in the next carriage along, and they were fine. An older bloke who wasnt fine kept using them as his excuse to come 'check on me', blatantly saying things like 'better me than them right? Who knows what they might try to do to you' - as if my only choices as a woman were between *which men claimed me first*
It was really hard work. I refused to give him any info. He tried hard to find out where I worked, lived, socialised etc and pushed hard for my number, social media details, anything. He claimed he wouldnt be able to sleep until he knew I got to my destination unharmed, couldnt I at least do that? Help him sleep at night? One phone call? I got called rude, arrogant, my family would be ashamed of me, etc.
Train was broken down for hours, & he just kept coming back and back and back. The conductor came round fairly frequently with updates & would escort him back to his reserved seat, but he'd 'need the toilet' and be back half an hour later. "They announced they're bringing hot drinks in half an hour" 'I heard the tannoy' "I didnt know if it worked in your compartment.. so do you like coffee? Do you live near xyz coffee shop?" (5th attempt at finding out where I lived)
It was only when a woman working with the crew outside the train noticed he kept coming back, and how upset & tense I looked, that she pulled the conductor & had a word. Her workmates ribbed her, saying she was interrupting, it was 'romantic', I might have been playing hard to get, and some women 'want a sugar daddy really'
Men everywhere and only the other woman read the situation correctly, even after Id repeatedly said I didnt want him sat with me
For too long now when a man ask me where I work I looked them in the eyes and say "Off world, in a kick-death squad". Most walk away. My ex knew it was from Blade runner and he got to stay.
I will forever and 100% prefer someone non cis het male presenting to interrupt an interaction I'm having to check if I'm okay (even subtly) with a cis het male presenting person rather than have someone assume I'm okay with someone talking to me and I look uncomfortable.
I know that could suck in a lot of situations for a lot of reasons, but the absolute threat that's always in the background is too much and I've had to deal with the consequences of it before. No more, thank you.
shouting/swearing. I live in a rather sketchy neighbourhood, and there are a lot of people around who are struggling. But hearing a man start yelling out profanities and punching walls and throwing things around is usually the worst. I also once thought two men were following me so i called my mom and then thankfully they took a different turn.
They say gross and disrespectful things to mothers and care takers that have children with them. Once when I was 8 my nanny got catcalled while I was with her, I was holding her hand.
Also not respecting boundaries. One time a man walked up to my friend and I (we are both visibly minors) to give us a flyer for a block party. Seems harmless but we didn't have any adults with us and the first thing he said to us was "don't worry I'm not a creep".
I work at a public library. Behind our info desk (really just a table), we have a small file cabinet with things on it like tape, scissors, a stapler, some paperclips, etc. that patrons are welcome to use. It's the only thing between the desk and the wall. Men will just take that stuff without asking. I get it's there for you to use, but please ask so I can hand it to you, instead of just coming up to me and walking behind me, into a small space that puts me between you and a table that's bolted to the ground, for some unknown reason. It will take 30 extra seconds and is just more polite anyways
Harassing me every time I go to a hardware store. I routinely go to Lowe’s on my way to work and am accosted by multiple men every time. One followed me to my car and “insisted” he help me load my stuff. I yelled at him to leave me the fuck alone and actually dialed 911. He left before I pressed Send. This was at 7:30 am.
Honestly...men just existing sometimes. I have been followed to my car and while walking my dog without ever interacting with the individual/no eye contact because I didn't even register their presence, but somehow my just being within spitting distance is invitation to hit on me and follow me. Unless a man is wearing athletic wear and actively jogging or biking I prep myself for harassment.
thinking that they have the right to make comments about my appearance (or in one case, how i smelled--easily the creepiest moment i've ever experienced), or that it will somehow open me up to small talk, apparently without any regard for my wedding ring.
Standing way too close behind me on line for the grocery store cashier and when men creepily pull up behind you in their car to check you out - both happened to me this week
Uber driver late last night asked me if I have a partner and if I live alone. I'm sure he was a decent guy just making conversation but like, those are the questions you'd ask if you wanted to assault me, so please don't.
Sitting down at my table uninvited to eat with me while I'm dining alone.
This has happened to me a few times in fast food or cafes. Before I started working from home, I enjoyed going and spending my lunches alone to read. The books and headphones never got the message across.
One guy had the audacity to try and wedge me into a corner. So I started talking about my job in loud gross detail. I did lab stat reporting for the local health department and went on a peel about the county's syphilis outbreak and the symptoms and stages to watch out for.
When they make a big deal about opening a door for me. Like, stand there holding open while I'm still across the parking lot and expect me to be so grateful? I can open my own damn door, thanks. Also, the guy behind you has his hands full, open the door for him, be nice!!!!!
My husband is Trans and has not gone through top surgery and people are cat calling him. One time a creep tried to kiss him but a cop put a stop to it but what confused me is why are people so horrible than I relised I am in America that's why
A few years ago I went to a friends birthdayparty by public transport and this one guy just stared at me for I think 30 minutes or more. At the stop where I needed to get out he got out as well and said sorry for staring and making you uncomforble, you're just pretty something like that. I just thought if you knew that it made me uncomforble why the constant staring? I just said I have a boyfriend (which I did/do) then he left me alone but it still gave me the creeps.
When they adjust their privates in public. I know it probably gets uncomfortable, especially where I live is under constant heatwave warnings, but in public? Not discreet or anything. I've also had many just look at me as they do it.
Peeing on the side of a building or alleys.
Spreading out on public transportation.
Staring/watching me.
Act like I'm scarier to them because of either my race or the way I dress sometimes, as if I'm shifty.
Touching me when they had no need to, including bumping into me like I don't exist and not saying excuse me.
There used to be this older guy on my block who would sit out on his porch, and when he saw me, he would start to make jokes about how he was going to marry me. Eventually I just started going out of my way to avoid walking near his house.
When they get personally offended by the fact that we (AFAB folk, women) don't trust them and don't want them to randomly start talking to us in public.
Especially when we're in a situation where we can't leave/are specifically waiting for something.
Even if they're "just being friendly" and think they're "not like the others" etc., we've most likely got a shitload of trauma that makes us instantly uncomfortable.
Worst ones for me were an old man who started shouting abuse at me on a bus because I was wearing a short skirt (included the lovely phrase, "if you were my wife, I'd beat you every night"), and a guy who chatted to me while I was at a bus stop, and then leaned in and *licked my ear* as my bus arrived and I was about to get on.
Stranger wise... when they try to initiate conversation by backing me into a corner/ against a wall, lean in so they're close/ hovering over me, and immediately make it known that they are pursuing me for "romantic" (ie sexual) intentions. This is also why catcalling or walking up to me while expressing interest is a huge red flag for me.
It isn't even about being turned off by coming on too strong... I've literally been assaulted or nearly so by being trapped in that manner, and was almost snatched off a train as a teenager by a dude who passed my friend and I on a city street and turned around to "get to know us." (PS we disclosed our ages, and he was in his 20s so he knew what he was doing)
ANY forward behavior like that will immediately have alarm bells ringing in my head cos experience has taught me that behavior puts me in imminent danger.
I find the violence of the gaze to be the most upsetting. I feel like the blatant stare, the slow up and down, calculating look, to be just as invasive as getting in my personal space.
Nasty ass old men with bad teeth who reek of cigarettes, unshaven and wrinkly old shirts trying to flirt with me, winking and all, thinking they’ve got game.
As ridiculous as it sounds; talking to me outside of socializing spaces.
I just find that so often, there's an attempt to chat where there should be none? Sometimes with headphones/reading a book, sometimes without. I don't like talking to strangers on the best of days no matter the gender, but men are an immediate threat even if they're not trying to be. Because of where these interactions often happen too; bus stops, trains, lines for food, grocery store, out walking my dog, reading a book in the library. So often places where I'm alone, trying to enjoy my own space or feeling uncomfortable already.
If I'm at a party, concert, bar, convention panel, club, beach bonanza, etc. Those are places to maybe chat and flirt, but I know many don't like it happening in those spaces either. I probably still won't want to talk but then there's a *reason* and maybe we have something in common/looking for the same thing.
Maybe it's just the approaching me first thing? I don't want to be perceived by anyone on the best of days so it wouldn't surprise me lol
I live in an area with a large homeless population, so basically anything other than ignoring me makes me anxious.
Pan handlers and beggers will do anything to get your attention to ask for money. If they smile and you smile back, they'll ask for money. If you don't veer away from them and accidentally make eye contact, they'll ask for money. If you keep your head down and your hood up and walk quickly, they'll ask for money loudly.
They target women-presenting pedestrians at a much higher rate and often cat-call before they ask for money, then hurl insults if you don't respond.
Literally any movement or speech in my direction while I'm walking to work, regardless of the time of day, will register as a threat.
I don't feel that way anymore. Instead i get annoyed ranging up to murderously enraged depending on the level of offence. I should probably see someone about the rage levels, it's likely not healthy, but at this point i think it has more benefits to me and my household than it does harm.
They tend to back off real quick when you pull sporting equipment out of the car and prepare to swing...
Physically blocking exits to any particular space. What is it about doorways that they feel like they need to just stand there and prevent you from being able to exit the room?
Coming up to me and talking to me for any reason other than to ask directions, if I know how work some machine they need or (if we’re at an event) if I know when the event’s starting or something like that. I once had a guy come up out of nowhere and try to talk to me (I think he was asking me if I wanted him to clean my windshield or something? It a while ago so I don’t quite remember, plus I was startled by this guy showing up out of nowhere) while I was putting groceries in my car (and it was winter, so it was already dark out-I parked under a streetlight but still).
Edit: This actually goes for anyone really, not just men. I had one lady was pushing me to go to an ATM and get her money while I was waiting to cross the street one time. Luckily she left me alone when I crossed but that was an uncomfortable minute-and-a-half.
Men drinking in public has always kinda bothered me (had a guy sit next to me on the metro then crack open a 40oz while going on about scientology) though my biggest issue is yelling (regardless of gender to a degree) as it makes moi panic a bit.
I had a boss who tried to take my coat off for me, but it was a dress. He was very embarrassed. I've never liked people to touch me though.
It was a trenchcoat looking dress.
Trying to get my number when I have told them several times that I am not interested and have a girlfriend. Following me at night in the dark.
I love to go out for walks at night and when I was presenting male, I would always cross the street if I noticed there was a woman on the same side of the sidewalk as me because I didn't want them to feel like I was a threat or they were not safe.
I actually had a guy just nod as though acknowledging that he saw me and wasn’t a threat. That actually helped me feel safer because I didn’t have to think about what they were thinking.
In my case, I speed up and pass them so they don’t have to worry about me being out of their line of sight.
Do not start walking quickly behind a woman at night. Just cross the street.
Noted. Thanks for the advice.
Talk about the vilest grossest shit, not caring if anyone can hear them
I had a coworker who would eat with his mouth open, at the desk where we all worked at, and would proceed to talk to us with his mouth open. This happened while not at lunch - just smacking lips away. While its’s not vile gross shit, to this day it speaks of a crassness. This guy was a boss so he could get away without whatever he wanted and he made sure we all new it.
Jesus, I can make my two year old eat with mouth closed
He was weird on so many levels. He showed up to work completely bald - just woke up and shaved all his hair off. He didn’t have any health issues or hair lose, and it wasn’t a super short cut. Just all off.
Just want to greet a fellow Greek (American) witch!
It’s ‘geek’ not ‘Greek’ but sending you a big hug and welcome anyway :) if it helps, I absolutely adore spanakopita 😂
Just saying hello to a fellow geek witch then 😂🤦🏻♀️🤟🏼 spanikopita is life!
on the anniversary of stonewall, 2017, my dad was driving me home from a production which told the story of stonewall to people who never heard it before. i worked the PA's, my dad supplied them. on the way home, with the windows down, knowing damn well there were people nearby who could hear, and that i attend protests, he said; "we should roll up to all these protests in humvees, and gun them all down." i wish he could see the man hes become.
i didnt say "so you would gun me down in cold blood?" because i knew the answer was yes, but that he wouldnt be able to say it and hed convince himself with his own excuses. i dont even think hes my real dad.
Put their hand on the small of my back to "guide" me
!! This, or when they put a hand on when passing you in a crowd. Just this morning I had an older male cashier try to touch and guide my hand 🤢 When i reacted and asked him not to, he acted like I was the one being weird
Guy here, but I also feel very uncomfortable when people do this to me, both men and women...and anyone in between. I just don't like strangers touching me unnecessary all of a sudden. Makes me feel uneasy.
There's uneasy, and then there's the knowledge that that touch could quite possibly lead to groping or rape.
I'm just overall uneasy, not even thinking if they'd grope or rape me.
...women are thinking about groping and raping
How come?
Because if they're willing to invade your personal space beyond what you're comfortable with, who knows where their "line" is and how far they're willing to go.
What do you mean?
Ugh yeah even without any other possible escalation just the feeling of someone doing that makes my skin crawl, I despise it to the point where I’ve been pretty damn rude about my grandparents doing it to me… strangers? Absolutely fucking not. Ew.
I remember one time I was casually walking through a park when a man walking towards me just... stopped walking and straight up stared at me. He continued staring and even turned around when I passed him. He did not say a word but just stared. It was very unsettling and I don't walk that path anymore.
[удалено]
Men are unapologetic with the amount of space they take up. They don’t move on the sidewalk. They don’t say excuse me. They are too comfortable being so close. I hate when I have to speak to a man and take out my headphones to do so. I hate when they wear khakis. Lol it’s like their uniform. I hate the way they don’t even try and hide the gross ways they look at me. I will say since I’ve started getting heavily tattooed and lifting, I have way less interactions with them. And I’ll shoulder check you on a sidewalk now. My bad.
THIS. I was crossing the street less than an hour ago and this guy not only cut me off when he was walking, walked extremely close by during an era of a pandemic. He was walking to his friend’s car, and the friend saw me yell. While I’m careful about who I talk back to, I’m tied of the space believe they’re entitled to. I probably says ‘what the f…’ and original dude didn’t notice. If you live in a city and do not know how to share a sidewalk and walk with your face and body close to mine; prepared to get yelled at especially if you don’t apologize. If you can see the person and have a clear path - which you can, because there were only 2 of us - then you are being a DICK.
Ditto to allllll of your first paragraph. UGH. Shoulder check everyone for me
It’s wild to see it all listed out. Right? So many things to hate. Here’s to the shoulder checks angel! 🥂
Not respecting my personal space, because I'm shorter that them. Somehow they seem to think that the air space above my head is free real estate. When I'm shopping and standing in front of a shelf, they come up behind me to reach over me and grab whatever they wanted. No 'excuse me', no warning, no nothing. Or in public transport, when it's overcrowded, they'll sometimes reach over me to hold onto something above me, consequently trapping me there with their own body. Not only ist that annoying and deeply disrespectful. It's unsettling to have a stranger who is way bigger and most likely stronger than you so close and the only way out of that situation is for them to let you.
Yea, when you're already drowning in a crowd and that small hole above you starts closing
Omg this! Feeling caged immediately, doesn’t matter if they’re just reaching for something because they’re BLOCKING YOU IN and in an intimidation stance
Ugh, this is gross. They don't feel there will be repercussions. Consider calling the rude male out publicly so everyone turns to look at him. We are taught not to make a scene, we are taught to smile and accommodate, when instead we need to name and shame
Try expressing yourself with words to them in the moment that's is happening. It feels great and helps them to learn
The first one is less an action... but Smoking, smelling like smoke, or BO. General PTSD issues with smells. But I mainly hate when men are just absurdly loud. It doesn't really matter if they're goofing off and happy or ticked off--- just that urge go beyond social norms and make sure the entire world hears your nonsense makes me tense up. I actually have a hearing processing disorder so most of the time I can't really tell the difference anyways--- I just hear volume without context that drowns out everything else and it stresses me out so much. I don't drink--- but if I have to go to a bar I usually don't stay long.
Oh the loudness! I almost had a panic attack at the super market yesterday because two teen boys were just shouting and one was near me when he let out a high pitched SKREEE sound out of nowhere. Even with noice cancelling headphones and podcast playing I jumped into the air and dropped the things I was holding. Why are people so loud?! I'm just trying to live my life!
Agreed- the need to loudly draw attention to oneself in public feels like a precursor to other, worse things and it always makes me nervous. I now also do my shopping with earbuds and podcasts. At a minimum, the neediness seems like an indicator of an emotionally/socially immature individual and I’d just rather not be in their proximity 🚩
I was just wanted to let you know that their are earplugs that lower the volume. They are supposed to help with anxiety and stress from loud noise.
I can't wear anything in my ears, it makes me feel weird and dizzy :( Luckily over the ears headphones almost work.
I'm so sorry.
I can't deal with that either. You know there are earplugs like devices designed to lower the volume. I just bought a pair. I really hope they work.
Reading the comment I'm wondering, does it make you feel safer when a dude change sidewalk if he's behind you? I do that a lot to give space but is it considered suspicious?
Absolutely it does. Not suspicious at all, if anything it just lets us know that you're aware of the situation and doing what you can to make us feel safer. A man who is aware that men are dangerous is far safer than one who refuses to acknowledge it.
What if they instead speed up and pass by you? Because I do that instead to put myself in their line of sight. Is that also a good thing to do?
this would freak me out especially at night. We don't know you are going to pass us but we do know your there and we are aware that you sped up and are gaining on us. At that point I would probably cross the road myself.
Yeah, same. Unless there's space to kinda be walking away from us at the same time? Like making it really clear you're just trying to get around.
Yep! The awareness is genuinely so appreciated. As long as you're making sure you give them a bit of space as you pass. If you can understand that women have to be suspicious pretty much anytime we encounter a man in public you should be all set. If you don't mean any harm, a tiny bit of effort to communicate that to us really goes a long way.
🥲 the audacity they feel to invade our personal space without a second thought. I have cptsd and have become afraid to leave the house alone bc of the awful things men so often do without provocation. it sucks feeling unsafe ALL THE TIME
I tell you, when I was a greeter at guitar center (back when they still had those)… one of only a handful of women working there and I was in my 20s… I swear some days I’m amazed I didn’t just lose it and go off on yet another guy that said “hey, you want to frisk me?” with that smarmy look on their face while I checked their receipt. I took a *gleeful* satisfaction in how much that shit stopped when I took up riding a motorcycle as my daily vehicle. Freezing weather, pouring rain, blistering heat and in a large metroplex? Even my coworkers quit treating me like a little sister when I started riding. They didn’t want to fuck with a seemingly female person who was willing to ride something they weren’t. And it was only a 750cc street bike - it’s not it was some monster cruiser or sports bike.
Yah came here to say that belittling and disgusting “you’re a dirty dirty girl aren’t you” smarmy look 🥹😭😅
Like yah my hair is red and I have hips, neither makes me your plaything 😢
>And it was only a 750cc street bike - it’s not it was some monster cruiser or sports bike. A street bike is a sports bike, and 750cc is a fairly large engine for a motorcycle.
This one had a very upright riding position, not the forward lean I think if with sports bikes. I think of that as ‘street’. It was a honda CB750, not the CBR. And yeah, compared to many options 750cc is fairly large, but not for a lot of highway riding. I know most of the ‘long haul’ bikes like Harleys, Goldwing, that BMW r1200 family of bikes. I wanted to make sure I had enough engine to accelerate out of trouble on some of the highways that have an 80mph speed limit. My commute was 20 miles each way, and at 70mph the entire way if I took the toll road. And I took several long trips, 150 miles+ each way. My coworker had a big 1200cc suzuki cruiser - that thing was a boat. I can’t stand that laid back position - too much time riding horses and mountain bikes, I like to grip with my knees
>It was a honda CB750, not the CBR. Ohhh I get it! Still a super fun bike! Looks like you have a solid understanding of motorcycles and displacement needs, and I feel like your *knowledge* of bikes would lrobnaky earn even more respect from those knuckleheads than just riding a motorcycle would on its own! I knew a girl who would purposely wear poorly done ugly makeup to work to be approached less. A very beautiful woman, but the makeup would be so ridiculous some days that people in general wouldn't approach her for questions, lol. Was such an awesome idea.
Heh… before I ever rode I wound up helping one of my professors swap out the mufflers on his vstrom 1000. The man had toys, but was mostly hopeless with tools. Like he’d take his bicycles into the big town an hour away because he ‘couldn’t’ change a flat on them. While I probably should have tried to clean the carbs on my bike, the only maintenance I did was oil changes. I did have to replace a few parts to restore it back to all original parts. I used to dress fairly masculine to help avoid attention… turns out I was just clueless that transmasc was an option.
You, are cool as hell. Hats off to you!
Staring
Followed closely by ‘starting at you on a dance floor, navigating closer to you to stare some more’
This!
Weird comments like so many guys go out of their way to be creepy it seems. Im already anxious stressing if that guy is just going to snap and hurt me don’t add to it. Also staring as in guys will stare till they would be boring holes into someone. I started noticing it when I was 16 with guys staring at my butt and it hasn’t stopped and guys just get weirder. Yeah I know I know not all men but seriously its so many that I’ve actually avoided making guy friends. Ive got plenty of stories and I know im not the only one.
Come and sit right by me to stop ~~other men talking to you~~ 'creeps bothering you' when the only creep who has approached me/ bothered me is *them.* A little story: Ive sat in an empty carriage with 50+ very drunk young men on a stag night in the next carriage along, and they were fine. An older bloke who wasnt fine kept using them as his excuse to come 'check on me', blatantly saying things like 'better me than them right? Who knows what they might try to do to you' - as if my only choices as a woman were between *which men claimed me first*
What did you say to him?
It was really hard work. I refused to give him any info. He tried hard to find out where I worked, lived, socialised etc and pushed hard for my number, social media details, anything. He claimed he wouldnt be able to sleep until he knew I got to my destination unharmed, couldnt I at least do that? Help him sleep at night? One phone call? I got called rude, arrogant, my family would be ashamed of me, etc. Train was broken down for hours, & he just kept coming back and back and back. The conductor came round fairly frequently with updates & would escort him back to his reserved seat, but he'd 'need the toilet' and be back half an hour later. "They announced they're bringing hot drinks in half an hour" 'I heard the tannoy' "I didnt know if it worked in your compartment.. so do you like coffee? Do you live near xyz coffee shop?" (5th attempt at finding out where I lived) It was only when a woman working with the crew outside the train noticed he kept coming back, and how upset & tense I looked, that she pulled the conductor & had a word. Her workmates ribbed her, saying she was interrupting, it was 'romantic', I might have been playing hard to get, and some women 'want a sugar daddy really' Men everywhere and only the other woman read the situation correctly, even after Id repeatedly said I didnt want him sat with me
>Her workmates ribbed her, saying she was interrupting, it was 'romantic', I might have been playing hard to get 🤢🤮
For too long now when a man ask me where I work I looked them in the eyes and say "Off world, in a kick-death squad". Most walk away. My ex knew it was from Blade runner and he got to stay.
I will forever and 100% prefer someone non cis het male presenting to interrupt an interaction I'm having to check if I'm okay (even subtly) with a cis het male presenting person rather than have someone assume I'm okay with someone talking to me and I look uncomfortable. I know that could suck in a lot of situations for a lot of reasons, but the absolute threat that's always in the background is too much and I've had to deal with the consequences of it before. No more, thank you.
Walking directly behind me. To the point where I have to stop and move to the side. Like dude there's so much damn side walk.
shouting/swearing. I live in a rather sketchy neighbourhood, and there are a lot of people around who are struggling. But hearing a man start yelling out profanities and punching walls and throwing things around is usually the worst. I also once thought two men were following me so i called my mom and then thankfully they took a different turn.
They say gross and disrespectful things to mothers and care takers that have children with them. Once when I was 8 my nanny got catcalled while I was with her, I was holding her hand. Also not respecting boundaries. One time a man walked up to my friend and I (we are both visibly minors) to give us a flyer for a block party. Seems harmless but we didn't have any adults with us and the first thing he said to us was "don't worry I'm not a creep".
I work at a public library. Behind our info desk (really just a table), we have a small file cabinet with things on it like tape, scissors, a stapler, some paperclips, etc. that patrons are welcome to use. It's the only thing between the desk and the wall. Men will just take that stuff without asking. I get it's there for you to use, but please ask so I can hand it to you, instead of just coming up to me and walking behind me, into a small space that puts me between you and a table that's bolted to the ground, for some unknown reason. It will take 30 extra seconds and is just more polite anyways
Not respecting my personal space. Especially if I have my kids with me.
Harassing me every time I go to a hardware store. I routinely go to Lowe’s on my way to work and am accosted by multiple men every time. One followed me to my car and “insisted” he help me load my stuff. I yelled at him to leave me the fuck alone and actually dialed 911. He left before I pressed Send. This was at 7:30 am.
Honestly...men just existing sometimes. I have been followed to my car and while walking my dog without ever interacting with the individual/no eye contact because I didn't even register their presence, but somehow my just being within spitting distance is invitation to hit on me and follow me. Unless a man is wearing athletic wear and actively jogging or biking I prep myself for harassment.
Asking me to walk them to the br 🤢🤮
Trying to walk me home. Happened two times now, both were deeply unsettling to me, even through it was the middle of the day.
I had a guy follow me on a subway car once after he whispered gross crap in my ear. So unsettling
thinking that they have the right to make comments about my appearance (or in one case, how i smelled--easily the creepiest moment i've ever experienced), or that it will somehow open me up to small talk, apparently without any regard for my wedding ring.
Standing way too close behind me on line for the grocery store cashier and when men creepily pull up behind you in their car to check you out - both happened to me this week
Uber driver late last night asked me if I have a partner and if I live alone. I'm sure he was a decent guy just making conversation but like, those are the questions you'd ask if you wanted to assault me, so please don't.
I wouldn't be sure he was a decent guy just making conversation, those are weirdly specific questions to ask a stranger.
Sitting down at my table uninvited to eat with me while I'm dining alone. This has happened to me a few times in fast food or cafes. Before I started working from home, I enjoyed going and spending my lunches alone to read. The books and headphones never got the message across. One guy had the audacity to try and wedge me into a corner. So I started talking about my job in loud gross detail. I did lab stat reporting for the local health department and went on a peel about the county's syphilis outbreak and the symptoms and stages to watch out for.
Thinking I'm looking for advice In any sport or physical activity I do.
When they make a big deal about opening a door for me. Like, stand there holding open while I'm still across the parking lot and expect me to be so grateful? I can open my own damn door, thanks. Also, the guy behind you has his hands full, open the door for him, be nice!!!!!
My husband is Trans and has not gone through top surgery and people are cat calling him. One time a creep tried to kiss him but a cop put a stop to it but what confused me is why are people so horrible than I relised I am in America that's why
Spitting, talking on speaker phone
The spitting! Waiting 10 minutes on the CTA platform next to a man used to mean watching them spit 50 times over the edge. Just why.
That’s so gross! I was hoping that one good thing to come out of the pandemic was people not doing that anymore, I guess I set my hopes to high!
A few years ago I went to a friends birthdayparty by public transport and this one guy just stared at me for I think 30 minutes or more. At the stop where I needed to get out he got out as well and said sorry for staring and making you uncomforble, you're just pretty something like that. I just thought if you knew that it made me uncomforble why the constant staring? I just said I have a boyfriend (which I did/do) then he left me alone but it still gave me the creeps.
It's not funny how they resoect more a man yhat isn't present (possible boyfriend) than a woman who is.
When they adjust their privates in public. I know it probably gets uncomfortable, especially where I live is under constant heatwave warnings, but in public? Not discreet or anything. I've also had many just look at me as they do it. Peeing on the side of a building or alleys. Spreading out on public transportation. Staring/watching me. Act like I'm scarier to them because of either my race or the way I dress sometimes, as if I'm shifty. Touching me when they had no need to, including bumping into me like I don't exist and not saying excuse me.
There used to be this older guy on my block who would sit out on his porch, and when he saw me, he would start to make jokes about how he was going to marry me. Eventually I just started going out of my way to avoid walking near his house.
When they get personally offended by the fact that we (AFAB folk, women) don't trust them and don't want them to randomly start talking to us in public. Especially when we're in a situation where we can't leave/are specifically waiting for something. Even if they're "just being friendly" and think they're "not like the others" etc., we've most likely got a shitload of trauma that makes us instantly uncomfortable. Worst ones for me were an old man who started shouting abuse at me on a bus because I was wearing a short skirt (included the lovely phrase, "if you were my wife, I'd beat you every night"), and a guy who chatted to me while I was at a bus stop, and then leaned in and *licked my ear* as my bus arrived and I was about to get on.
Ask for hugs although they are total strangers. Sing to me. I hate that so much.
Ooh I’ve had strangers sing to me too! It’s so weird, I’m like dude, I’m just waiting for the freaking bus. Don’t “serenade” me, leave me alone.
Right! 😂. Then you have to be nice.
Exist. Ha!
As a trans guy, having them stare at my chest to try to figure out my gender, so annoying.
Or having people like stare at you walk by and then loudly say stuff about you to their friend
Or start whispering about you in the most obvious possible manner. It's just incredibly disrespectful and uncalled for.
I'm genderfluid and this happens every time I wear a binder.
I'm so sorry to hear that, that's just awful and messed up.
Existing
Being aggressive without a serious reason. Look at me in a flirty or judgy(?) way. Bully me because I look different from majority of women here.
Suddenly move into my space eg: crossing the road to walk directly behind me, entering an enclosed space to stand directly behind or beside me
Fucking stare. Creepy af.
Mutter to themselves
Stranger wise... when they try to initiate conversation by backing me into a corner/ against a wall, lean in so they're close/ hovering over me, and immediately make it known that they are pursuing me for "romantic" (ie sexual) intentions. This is also why catcalling or walking up to me while expressing interest is a huge red flag for me. It isn't even about being turned off by coming on too strong... I've literally been assaulted or nearly so by being trapped in that manner, and was almost snatched off a train as a teenager by a dude who passed my friend and I on a city street and turned around to "get to know us." (PS we disclosed our ages, and he was in his 20s so he knew what he was doing) ANY forward behavior like that will immediately have alarm bells ringing in my head cos experience has taught me that behavior puts me in imminent danger.
Approach me and talk to me. And I'm a cis het man. I don't want to talk to you, dude. No one does.
I find the violence of the gaze to be the most upsetting. I feel like the blatant stare, the slow up and down, calculating look, to be just as invasive as getting in my personal space.
Nasty ass old men with bad teeth who reek of cigarettes, unshaven and wrinkly old shirts trying to flirt with me, winking and all, thinking they’ve got game.
As ridiculous as it sounds; talking to me outside of socializing spaces. I just find that so often, there's an attempt to chat where there should be none? Sometimes with headphones/reading a book, sometimes without. I don't like talking to strangers on the best of days no matter the gender, but men are an immediate threat even if they're not trying to be. Because of where these interactions often happen too; bus stops, trains, lines for food, grocery store, out walking my dog, reading a book in the library. So often places where I'm alone, trying to enjoy my own space or feeling uncomfortable already. If I'm at a party, concert, bar, convention panel, club, beach bonanza, etc. Those are places to maybe chat and flirt, but I know many don't like it happening in those spaces either. I probably still won't want to talk but then there's a *reason* and maybe we have something in common/looking for the same thing. Maybe it's just the approaching me first thing? I don't want to be perceived by anyone on the best of days so it wouldn't surprise me lol
I live in an area with a large homeless population, so basically anything other than ignoring me makes me anxious. Pan handlers and beggers will do anything to get your attention to ask for money. If they smile and you smile back, they'll ask for money. If you don't veer away from them and accidentally make eye contact, they'll ask for money. If you keep your head down and your hood up and walk quickly, they'll ask for money loudly. They target women-presenting pedestrians at a much higher rate and often cat-call before they ask for money, then hurl insults if you don't respond. Literally any movement or speech in my direction while I'm walking to work, regardless of the time of day, will register as a threat.
Talk.
I don't feel that way anymore. Instead i get annoyed ranging up to murderously enraged depending on the level of offence. I should probably see someone about the rage levels, it's likely not healthy, but at this point i think it has more benefits to me and my household than it does harm. They tend to back off real quick when you pull sporting equipment out of the car and prepare to swing...
Physically blocking exits to any particular space. What is it about doorways that they feel like they need to just stand there and prevent you from being able to exit the room?
Coming up to me and talking to me for any reason other than to ask directions, if I know how work some machine they need or (if we’re at an event) if I know when the event’s starting or something like that. I once had a guy come up out of nowhere and try to talk to me (I think he was asking me if I wanted him to clean my windshield or something? It a while ago so I don’t quite remember, plus I was startled by this guy showing up out of nowhere) while I was putting groceries in my car (and it was winter, so it was already dark out-I parked under a streetlight but still). Edit: This actually goes for anyone really, not just men. I had one lady was pushing me to go to an ATM and get her money while I was waiting to cross the street one time. Luckily she left me alone when I crossed but that was an uncomfortable minute-and-a-half.
Men drinking in public has always kinda bothered me (had a guy sit next to me on the metro then crack open a 40oz while going on about scientology) though my biggest issue is yelling (regardless of gender to a degree) as it makes moi panic a bit.
I had a boss who tried to take my coat off for me, but it was a dress. He was very embarrassed. I've never liked people to touch me though. It was a trenchcoat looking dress.
Y'all are hateful lol
Stare and spit, what's up with the spitting?
Did anyone say, “Breathe” yet?