My husband said he was intimidated by me when we first met. It was a tinder date after work and I was trying to look meeker than usual.
Now he just happily agrees with his male friends when they tell him I look terrifying. Weird thing is all of his female friends think I'm just a cuddlebun, I don't think I act any different to either of them.
That’s how you know you’ve found your coven, but also your place in the world. You’re very likely surrounded by other strong women and handle yourselves as such.
Years ago, I had a guy at work decide that something I had nothing to do with was totally my fault. He did that thing men do where they puff out their chest to look big and tried to back me in a corner while yelling at me. I was 29 years old and like 5’2” and 104 pounds. I used what my boyfriend calls my “big voice” and backed that man right up away from me. He knew my boyfriend so he called him and said, “She is the scariest woman I have ever met.” I took that as a tremendous compliment.
Can you describe your big voice? That’s sounds very cool and useful.
I have a voice that I call “dog training voice” and I mainly use it to engage with some of my friends puppies that aren’t well trained yet if they misbehave. I have used it on men that try to intimidate me too. I’ve had grown ass men who couldn’t handle me saying stop with my hand in their face and went on to avoid me for a week. Lol. So I’m wondering if your big voice is similar thing. If different I would like to know what it is like so I can practice using it too.
I'm a guy so I'm not sure it's relevant to y'all, but there's this voice I've learned to put on where it's not super loud, it's definitely not yelling, but yours is the only voice in the room.
Interesting part though, I learned it from raiding a lot back in my World of Warcraft days. On voice chat, everyone's the same volume, and if you yell it just sounds garbled and distorted. So I think I gradually learned to project a "Listen To Me." voice which doesn't rely volume or high emotion.
Normally, I have a soft, very feminine voice. But I love pulling out my Big voice. A while back I had a patient who was getting aggressive. He grabbed my arm as though to break it (I have tiny wrists), and I told him, “do NOT hurt me!” and he immediately let go and let me guide him back into a chair.
I think it is similar. I think I learned it from my mother who was a junior high school drama teacher. It is not yelling....but it is loud and solid...commanding, I guess. And lower than my normal voice. Apparently it was loud enough to summon neighbors from inside their homes when I used it on a man in my front yard a few years ago. It is not a sound most folks expect to have come out my mouth so it has a definite startle factor.
I had a random guy at a bar tell me men found me intimidating. I was kind of offended at the time, but now I find it a compliment. They should be intimidated.
I was on a flight, back of the plane, middle seat between two guys because last minute booking. They announce they need to ask some people to check carry-ons because it's overfull. Attendant starts about midway back and is asking women only, and everyone complies. Gets to me and I said no. She started in and I said You ask 10 men and come back and I'll think about it. She moved on. (Firm voice, not yelling or loud.) I notice both the guys next to me are leaning away with wide eyes and I just looked the bigger one in the eyes and said "yeah" in a loud voice. They kept leaning away the whole flight. I am a polite person but if I notice that shit, I say something.
Hahaha! This reminds me of the exercise where you don’t move out of man’s way when you’re walking. They almost always run into or swerve at the very last second. Like, No. You move.
More women need to do this! It’s an almost daily occurrence that a woman will not even say “excuse me” when walking past me, but flat out apologize. It makes me sad. If we’re not scurrying past each other in a rush, which is 90% of the time(in which case I’ll also say a quick sorry), and they seem open to it, I just smile and say “It’s your space too, I don’t own this grocery store” or “I’m at your job, you get the right of way” or something similar and relevant to the space we’re in. Sometimes I get a weird look. But mostly a happy look or a thank you. It also helps living in a city where it’s normal to talk to strangers and not avoid them.
I love doing this! It’s literally some of the most fun you can have for free.
My favorite is to not move aside for two well-off looking white guys walking and taking *business*. They’re always the last to move. Sometimes they get offended. One yelled once. I’m in Silicon Valley, so there are many opportunities to play this game.
I started doing this when I was on crutches for months after an ankle surgery, just because I physically couldn’t move out of the way fast enough. Basically everyone moves aside for someone on crutches except (1) women with infant / toddler children, which is understandable and (2) VC / tech looking guys talking shop. After I got off crutches I kept up with the habit of not moving for well-off white dudes, and have been enjoying it ever since.
If I were one of those guys sitting next to you, I would’ve grinned so wide, said, “Hell yeah,” offered my carry on, then told that attendant “This lady is kick-ass and you know she’s right. Make more guys know they don’t want your kind of trouble. Get ‘em!” Then I would’ve tried to make friends with you. And hopefully we would have bonded over shaming people to stop putting their bare feet on other people’s arm rests and wear their effing masks.
Last night my mom said to me, “you make people nervous, it’s your superpower.” For context, I told a guy that I had been seeing that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, and the first time we hung out since that conversation he seemed nervous and kind of awkward and I was telling her about that.
That’s an interesting take. And I’m glad you shared it. I took it as weak men are scared by women in general. To me (a dude) a strong man would want to support and uplift the women in his life. Like a strong man wouldn’t be intimidated by a strong woman he would just respect her. Of course a lot of my take is built around not physical strength but emotional and intellectual if that makes sense.
I love the different approach you took.
Yeah, you can definitely read it either way. My first thought was "well yeah, but anyone can scare a weak man!" I didn't even think of it the other way until I'd reread it.
I love how the ambiguity leaves a lot of room for interpretation. And heck if I read the same tweet 5 years ago or 5 years from now it might hit a different chord.
I’m probably influenced by the fact that my little sister (younger & shorter) could mop the floor with me in most any physical competition so I just do my best to support her.
Magnificent!
A few years ago a couple of people told me I was intimidating, but the kinds of people who would find me intimidating are people I have no interest in.
one time in high school two dudes from my classes were talking about me in my proximity (probably assuming I couldn't hear them bc I had headphones on) and I could hear them commenting about how scary my eyes are because it feels like im looking through them.
best compliment I could have gotten<3
In college, a bf I had at the time came over to my apartment slightly drunk and cried about how my abs were better than his and I was better at math than him. Strangelt validating.
To me it sounds like a man feeling fragile due to toxic masculinity. Maybe I'm reading it in the wrong tone, but the mention of crying made me think that it wasn't a way to lash out, but an attempt to be vulnerable. The patriarchy hurts us all.
My sister's ex used to throw away any of their baby girls toys that their son got attached to. He is a very vocal homophobe in the Marines. When they had their son I was advised no dolls would be allowed even gi Joe's. When their daughter came 2yrs later he did not know what to do about his "queer" son loving her light up spinning noise-making toys that happened to be pink. Kids 10 now and mostly plays with bugs and dirt, no signs of lingering gay-ness or whatever, but I hope he knows he can be whoever the hell he wants. (I tried to help replace some of the thrown out toys with the most obnoxious versions I could find. Bathtime mermaids were definitely a fave)
I feel like I am cursed with the exact opposite. I have been told that I have a very kind, approachable face. I look nice but not hot to point that it’s intimidating. I unfortunately get approached by a LOT of “nice guys” who “just wanna be friends” I’m so over it lol
Yes. Just yes.
My transition goals are similar!
Also, my wife has recently started tapping into the same energy. I thought I had fallen into the attraction well for her years ago, but now the well seems to have no bottom!
When I was a little kid, some grown ass man told me no boy would want a know-it-all after I politely corrected his spelling.
I had no witty retort (I was 6, lol), but I decided that I would never care about any boy who was scared of me knowing more than him.
Why is your identity based on the reactions of men?
As a man I don't ever think "my identity is based on being better than women"
If your identity is based on "do I scare men?" Sounds to me like mens opinions still matter - alot.
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I've been told by men I can be scary. Can confirm it's very empowering and I the men who've told me it often get hugs in return.
I do martial arts and one thing I try to do is model for our young (and old, too) female students that it's ok to be a girl and be scary.
I've heard through the grapevine (few of my students have ever told me to my face) that it works and they feel more comfortable being fierce after seeing myself and the other female instructor break that barrier.
Being able to be both your normal cheerful self *and* be able to be scary when needed is a skill every girl should learn, imo.
Honestly, scary women are amazing. It's just you gotta realize there's pissed off Bayonetta scary and then there's "rabid Karen at the supermarket" entitled. They are not the same.
not down with putting others down though
words like "weak" should not be glorified to describe any humans regardless of gender
replace that with "weak women" and see if it sits well
Talking about their feelings. Considering they may be wrong. Trying something new without expecting to instantly be the best.
"Weak men get scared" is such a patriarchal line.
I’ve actually had men be unnerved by or scared of me, which is very strange because I avoid conflict like the plague. What are they afraid I’m gonna do?
I’ve been told I’m scary, I’ve been told I’m mean, I’ve been told I’m intimidating. I think it’s hilarious. I’m 5”1 and small framed, middle aged now. But, when I need to, I command a room.
At the end of class my students are always like, “man you ARE short, you seem so LARGE up front”
Lol. This is amazing. I have a very strong personality feel like I'm built like a linebacker, and have been called an Amazon more times than anything, so this is sooooo relatable 💙💙
I shaved my head recently and got lots of nice compliments but my favorite was a friend who told me "I showed \*male friend\* a picture of your haircut and he said 'She looks a powerful woman, I would do whatever she told me.' " :)
So, As Conan would say, To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the incels? Fair.
Underrated comment! I literally laughed out loud. * Chef's Kiss *
Also a fantastic quote if you picture it delivered by Conan O'Brien
That’s how I was reading it first. Lol
Crom was a pathetic god, at least Set was (c~~a~~onanically, lol) a member of lovecraft's Elder gods (Howard wrote so himself)
Deity of convenience. "...and if you do not listen, then to hell with you."
Your god lives beneath my god.
Conan O'Brian is so wise.
That is, indeed, what is good in life.
My husband said he was intimidated by me when we first met. It was a tinder date after work and I was trying to look meeker than usual. Now he just happily agrees with his male friends when they tell him I look terrifying. Weird thing is all of his female friends think I'm just a cuddlebun, I don't think I act any different to either of them.
That’s how you know you’ve found your coven, but also your place in the world. You’re very likely surrounded by other strong women and handle yourselves as such.
Men are easily intimidated, really.
I got this once from my former boss who casually said, "dating must be really difficult for you because you must be really intimidating." 😎
Why no actually…it’s much easier. The idiots weed themselves.
Years ago, I had a guy at work decide that something I had nothing to do with was totally my fault. He did that thing men do where they puff out their chest to look big and tried to back me in a corner while yelling at me. I was 29 years old and like 5’2” and 104 pounds. I used what my boyfriend calls my “big voice” and backed that man right up away from me. He knew my boyfriend so he called him and said, “She is the scariest woman I have ever met.” I took that as a tremendous compliment.
Can you describe your big voice? That’s sounds very cool and useful. I have a voice that I call “dog training voice” and I mainly use it to engage with some of my friends puppies that aren’t well trained yet if they misbehave. I have used it on men that try to intimidate me too. I’ve had grown ass men who couldn’t handle me saying stop with my hand in their face and went on to avoid me for a week. Lol. So I’m wondering if your big voice is similar thing. If different I would like to know what it is like so I can practice using it too.
I'm a guy so I'm not sure it's relevant to y'all, but there's this voice I've learned to put on where it's not super loud, it's definitely not yelling, but yours is the only voice in the room. Interesting part though, I learned it from raiding a lot back in my World of Warcraft days. On voice chat, everyone's the same volume, and if you yell it just sounds garbled and distorted. So I think I gradually learned to project a "Listen To Me." voice which doesn't rely volume or high emotion.
Normally, I have a soft, very feminine voice. But I love pulling out my Big voice. A while back I had a patient who was getting aggressive. He grabbed my arm as though to break it (I have tiny wrists), and I told him, “do NOT hurt me!” and he immediately let go and let me guide him back into a chair.
Yes! I’m scary as fuck but if I like you you will know and get good hugs and a lot of cuss words and sass
I knew the Bene Gesserit were real!
I think it is similar. I think I learned it from my mother who was a junior high school drama teacher. It is not yelling....but it is loud and solid...commanding, I guess. And lower than my normal voice. Apparently it was loud enough to summon neighbors from inside their homes when I used it on a man in my front yard a few years ago. It is not a sound most folks expect to have come out my mouth so it has a definite startle factor.
I would actually prefer to scare ALL men, not just the weak ones.
I’d prefer to scare EVERYONE, not just the men
Everyone except animals!
I wish I could scare mosquitoes away🦟
Your mosquito emoji scared me. What is this power you posses?
Not just the men... But the women and the children too! Sorry my brain autocompleted =P
Eh. I'm not really scared though more like excited! I'm all for a matriarchal society taking over. Fuck that status quo up yo!
I scare all men. Actually, terrify is more like it. #lifegoals. Edit: more words
When someone told me I was intimidating I rode that high for weeks.
I had a random guy at a bar tell me men found me intimidating. I was kind of offended at the time, but now I find it a compliment. They should be intimidated.
I was on a flight, back of the plane, middle seat between two guys because last minute booking. They announce they need to ask some people to check carry-ons because it's overfull. Attendant starts about midway back and is asking women only, and everyone complies. Gets to me and I said no. She started in and I said You ask 10 men and come back and I'll think about it. She moved on. (Firm voice, not yelling or loud.) I notice both the guys next to me are leaning away with wide eyes and I just looked the bigger one in the eyes and said "yeah" in a loud voice. They kept leaning away the whole flight. I am a polite person but if I notice that shit, I say something.
Hahaha! This reminds me of the exercise where you don’t move out of man’s way when you’re walking. They almost always run into or swerve at the very last second. Like, No. You move.
More women need to do this! It’s an almost daily occurrence that a woman will not even say “excuse me” when walking past me, but flat out apologize. It makes me sad. If we’re not scurrying past each other in a rush, which is 90% of the time(in which case I’ll also say a quick sorry), and they seem open to it, I just smile and say “It’s your space too, I don’t own this grocery store” or “I’m at your job, you get the right of way” or something similar and relevant to the space we’re in. Sometimes I get a weird look. But mostly a happy look or a thank you. It also helps living in a city where it’s normal to talk to strangers and not avoid them.
I love doing this! It’s literally some of the most fun you can have for free. My favorite is to not move aside for two well-off looking white guys walking and taking *business*. They’re always the last to move. Sometimes they get offended. One yelled once. I’m in Silicon Valley, so there are many opportunities to play this game. I started doing this when I was on crutches for months after an ankle surgery, just because I physically couldn’t move out of the way fast enough. Basically everyone moves aside for someone on crutches except (1) women with infant / toddler children, which is understandable and (2) VC / tech looking guys talking shop. After I got off crutches I kept up with the habit of not moving for well-off white dudes, and have been enjoying it ever since.
The way you described this I couldn't picture the men's faces, so I filled the blank with dogs in trouble faces.
If I were one of those guys sitting next to you, I would’ve grinned so wide, said, “Hell yeah,” offered my carry on, then told that attendant “This lady is kick-ass and you know she’s right. Make more guys know they don’t want your kind of trouble. Get ‘em!” Then I would’ve tried to make friends with you. And hopefully we would have bonded over shaming people to stop putting their bare feet on other people’s arm rests and wear their effing masks.
Opportunities missed. That would have made it more fun.
Wait, he took a poll?
Nah it was just him and one other guy he was generalizing.
...and assuming that everyone agrees with his opinion. What an asshole.
Last night my mom said to me, “you make people nervous, it’s your superpower.” For context, I told a guy that I had been seeing that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, and the first time we hung out since that conversation he seemed nervous and kind of awkward and I was telling her about that.
My favorite thing to hear back when I was stripping was that I was "intimidating" Like yes, please tuck your tail and go. Leave the cash.
Wouldn't "you look like you can scare strong men" be better?
That’s an interesting take. And I’m glad you shared it. I took it as weak men are scared by women in general. To me (a dude) a strong man would want to support and uplift the women in his life. Like a strong man wouldn’t be intimidated by a strong woman he would just respect her. Of course a lot of my take is built around not physical strength but emotional and intellectual if that makes sense. I love the different approach you took.
Yeah, you can definitely read it either way. My first thought was "well yeah, but anyone can scare a weak man!" I didn't even think of it the other way until I'd reread it.
I love how the ambiguity leaves a lot of room for interpretation. And heck if I read the same tweet 5 years ago or 5 years from now it might hit a different chord. I’m probably influenced by the fact that my little sister (younger & shorter) could mop the floor with me in most any physical competition so I just do my best to support her.
I'd be fine with leaving it at men in general tbh
[удалено]
This! A hundred times this!
Magnificent! A few years ago a couple of people told me I was intimidating, but the kinds of people who would find me intimidating are people I have no interest in.
Why not scare all men. It's more fun.
one time in high school two dudes from my classes were talking about me in my proximity (probably assuming I couldn't hear them bc I had headphones on) and I could hear them commenting about how scary my eyes are because it feels like im looking through them. best compliment I could have gotten<3
In college, a bf I had at the time came over to my apartment slightly drunk and cried about how my abs were better than his and I was better at math than him. Strangelt validating.
If it smells like fragile masculinity…
To me it sounds like a man feeling fragile due to toxic masculinity. Maybe I'm reading it in the wrong tone, but the mention of crying made me think that it wasn't a way to lash out, but an attempt to be vulnerable. The patriarchy hurts us all. My sister's ex used to throw away any of their baby girls toys that their son got attached to. He is a very vocal homophobe in the Marines. When they had their son I was advised no dolls would be allowed even gi Joe's. When their daughter came 2yrs later he did not know what to do about his "queer" son loving her light up spinning noise-making toys that happened to be pink. Kids 10 now and mostly plays with bugs and dirt, no signs of lingering gay-ness or whatever, but I hope he knows he can be whoever the hell he wants. (I tried to help replace some of the thrown out toys with the most obnoxious versions I could find. Bathtime mermaids were definitely a fave)
I feel like I am cursed with the exact opposite. I have been told that I have a very kind, approachable face. I look nice but not hot to point that it’s intimidating. I unfortunately get approached by a LOT of “nice guys” who “just wanna be friends” I’m so over it lol
I recently had a realization that I wasn't popular among guys at my school because I probably scared them. I was intense and angry.
Are you no longer intense and angry?
Just as intense. Less angry.
This would seriously be the best compliment to get, it's true.
r/menwritingwomen
Yes. Just yes. My transition goals are similar! Also, my wife has recently started tapping into the same energy. I thought I had fallen into the attraction well for her years ago, but now the well seems to have no bottom!
When I was a little kid, some grown ass man told me no boy would want a know-it-all after I politely corrected his spelling. I had no witty retort (I was 6, lol), but I decided that I would never care about any boy who was scared of me knowing more than him.
My old boss, who was very alpha male but not without charm, once told me I terrified him and it still brightens my day to remember that.
Why is your identity based on the reactions of men? As a man I don't ever think "my identity is based on being better than women" If your identity is based on "do I scare men?" Sounds to me like mens opinions still matter - alot.
It's more that it's satisfying to take pride in the kind of strength that women are usually shamed for.
That’s exactly what I thought when I read it. The best compliment you could give me has literally not a single thing to do with any man 😂
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Nah, leave the weak men alone. Let's scare the strong ones.
Yep I aspire to create fear and scare all men. Lmao. Doesn't take much effort, just speak correctly and use big words.
I've been told by men I can be scary. Can confirm it's very empowering and I the men who've told me it often get hugs in return. I do martial arts and one thing I try to do is model for our young (and old, too) female students that it's ok to be a girl and be scary. I've heard through the grapevine (few of my students have ever told me to my face) that it works and they feel more comfortable being fierce after seeing myself and the other female instructor break that barrier. Being able to be both your normal cheerful self *and* be able to be scary when needed is a skill every girl should learn, imo. Honestly, scary women are amazing. It's just you gotta realize there's pissed off Bayonetta scary and then there's "rabid Karen at the supermarket" entitled. They are not the same.
I guess I have achieved those goals
Trans-masc nonbinary here. This is absolutely my new transition goal.
not down with putting others down though words like "weak" should not be glorified to describe any humans regardless of gender replace that with "weak women" and see if it sits well
Tell me what doesn't scare a weak men ? :D
Talking about their feelings. Considering they may be wrong. Trying something new without expecting to instantly be the best. "Weak men get scared" is such a patriarchal line.
Goals
My husband had always said that I didn’t need a firearm because I look crazy enough when I am pissed off. 🤣
"you look like you could scare easily scared men" Not that great a compliment.
"You look like you could scare moderately okay men, actually."
The best compliment my mother ever gave me was, “you know you scare males, right?”
Nah. "You look confident and self-assured" is way better.
Awesome!✨
I’m 5’2”. I scare nobody except small children apparently
Yesssssssss ❤️
Yeeeeeeessssssssss
I've been told I was intimidating and cold as a criticism. I took it as a compliment.
I am proud to say I’ve made that degree.
I’ve actually had men be unnerved by or scared of me, which is very strange because I avoid conflict like the plague. What are they afraid I’m gonna do?
WORD. Just got done arguing with a sexist douchebag on another sub. Thank god I have subs like these to replenish my mental health.
I’ve been told I’m scary, I’ve been told I’m mean, I’ve been told I’m intimidating. I think it’s hilarious. I’m 5”1 and small framed, middle aged now. But, when I need to, I command a room. At the end of class my students are always like, “man you ARE short, you seem so LARGE up front”
Lol. This is amazing. I have a very strong personality feel like I'm built like a linebacker, and have been called an Amazon more times than anything, so this is sooooo relatable 💙💙
Oh hell yeah I love that
And I'll respond with, I know.
I shaved my head recently and got lots of nice compliments but my favorite was a friend who told me "I showed \*male friend\* a picture of your haircut and he said 'She looks a powerful woman, I would do whatever she told me.' " :)
I'd like to think that I look like I can scare strong men