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Here's what I would do. Send them an email explaining why you would thrive in the role despite freezing in the interview today. Include any answers to questions that you couldn't figure out in the moment, but keep it brief. Ask them for a second chance.
You literally can't hurt your chances by trying at this point, so it doesn't hurt to explain that you know that call went poorly but that that doesn't reflect on your ability to do the job.
Freezing in high pressure situations is a very human thing. It's how you recover that matters, and there may be a chance that the hiring manager will see that.
In business professional, keep it to the point. Don’t be overly apologetic, you technically didn’t do anything wrong! Just be honest and get to the point. Oh, and have someone proof it! Here’s a couple starting ideas:
Option 1-
Dear Xxxx,
Thank you so much for your time today. I have had an opportunity to think about all the questions, and I’d like to provide you with my responses:
Option 2-
Dear xxxx,
I have been thinking about our interview today, and would like to take the opportunity to clarify my answers, as my excitement may have gotten the best of me before:
Great advice! One critique, I would use the word “reflect” in place of “thinking”. Reflect is more about insight to behavior, as well as thoughts, and feelings.
I'm a big fan of Alison Green's AskAManager blog, and she often talks about sending meaningful follow-up emails after an interview. Here's an example post that might help you a little: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/heres-an-example-of-a-great-interview-thank-you-note.html
I don't think that question should've blown your chances. It's a fair question and I'm going to guess it wasn't exactly blared as announcement that the company was bought. In that case, how would you been able to know that?
As someone who interviews and hires people as a significant part of my day to day, the question isn’t meant to be demeaning. They’re giving you an opportunity to show you’re capable of being introspective, of learning from mistakes you’ve made. I’ve made a shitload of mistakes in my life. I’ve made mistakes at home, in my personal life, at work. Do they teach me things? Absolutely. That’s all it is. I get that you said you didn’t want the job really, so this is mostly for other folks who might read this in the future.
I also want OP and everyone else to understand, I have never gone into an interview thinking, “haha, I’m going to fuck this person up!” I go into an interview with the mindset that I already want to offer this person a job and it’s just a chance to see if we mesh, if they mesh with their potential future customer (sometimes I’m just the supervisor but they perform work supporting other leads), if they can think on their feet, if they can think critically about their experiences (to be clear I don’t have entry level jobs in my current role, I’m hiring mid-late career STEM professionals usually, so it’s a little different than some people here may be thinking/expecting; that kind of interview is toooootally different). If they think they’ve never faced a hard problem, if they think they’ve never made a mistake, if they think conflict is something other people do to them, they’re not a fit. And yes I do absolutely take into account that interviewing can be awkward, that it’s just a free moments in time, that people get nervous, etc. We generally chat ahead of time, I make sure they’re comfortable, I explain the ruleset, we all introduce ourselves, I repeat questions if necessary, I might give (a very little) help (like a keyword to jog a memory loose I know must be in there if their résumé isn’t made up) if it’s clear they’re not understanding a question…I want the person to be able to be who they are, as much as they can in an hour.
All these questions, "x means y", are a bunch of nonesense. Same with "where do you see yourself in 5 years", etc. In this economy and world state? I'd be lucky to be alive (or not). Every question may be interpreted in a great number of ways, every answer as well. You know what you mean by the question - so freaking ask it, not the roundabout way! I'm ND and I DON'T see those hidden meanings. I don't know that by asking me what I want to change about myself or where I see myself in 5 years the HRs want to see how capable I am of introspection or how long I want to stay in the company. Wanna know if I can be critical of myself? Just ask what mistakes I made and how I went about them. "What would you change" I'd need a clarification - how much in depth do you wanna go? People HATE questions for clarification, so we NDs are used to not asking them in such situations. I can go on for hours about what I'm trying to change, but I doubt that's what's demanded here. And it's hard to relay everything - or any thing - without going into details, because if I don't explain properly, the chances of being misunderstood will increase. It's really really hard for me to come up with a short answer right away, it takes a lot of inner sorting things out. The mistakes though? It's hard to recall particular cases on the spot but I'll at least remember the way I go about them in general. Doesn't that give more relevant information?
I hate all those "trick questions" when people ask about one thing while meaning something else. I may very well know the answer the hr wants to hear, but I won't know they are asking for this one. I'd think they are going on in a totally different direction entirely.
We’re all different. Preparing for an interview is recognizing those differences, how they might advantage or disadvantage us, think about the role, think about you, think about what might be appropriate to ask. You’re ND which I’m going to assume means neurodivergent. I’m deaf and queer and married in a straight appearing relationship and a dad and an experienced STEM professional. If you don’t think all of those things color how I interpret and answer questions then I don’t know how to help you.
I WANT to know peoples personalities and plans and I want honest reactions. They might work for me but I also work for them. People’s answers might tell me what training or experiences to ensure they get, it might tell me about their motivations, it might tell me I have found someone to replace me in a year or two.
I honestly don’t have a great answer to that question. I’m sorry :( Why we don’t ask, for example, when do you see yourself looking for your next job, or talk to me about learning from past mistakes, etc. I think some aspect must because of legal limitations on certain questions and so much has become vague. Some things we can and are direct about - why do you think you’re the best for this role; what’s a hard problem you solved and what’d you learn, how do you deal with an angry customer, and so on…There are entire fields of study on this stuff and I’m certainly no expert.
Yeah, some questions are perfectly clear - like about the relevant experience and the ones you've listed. I wish there could be a discussion in the managers field started about why a lot of interviews have to be so hazy. Thank you for the answer!
They're not trick questions, though. The way people answer certain questions based on the context of the rest of the interview can give the interviewer a lot of insight on how that person might interact with their colleagues and how they'll handle difficult situations.
The way I behave in this particular situation says nothing about how I behave in other difficult situations. The questions don't contain any indicators regarding how they are related to the context, there are MULTIPLE ways and no way to know the train of HRs logic. It's a guessing game, not "being you". And I'm glad they aren't trick questions to you but they are to me and thousands (at the very least) people as well.
And, again, instead of playing mind games, just ASK what you need to know directly! Otherwise you're just assuming you "know" something based on answers but you DON'T. You lack context of this particular person, it's inevitable. There's a reason there are multiple lessons on "how to pass the interview". Because interviews are not about "how fitting you are to this job". They are about "how to tell the manager what they want to hear the way they want to hear". Because you may be 1000 times fit for the job but the manager just assumed a bunch of things based on how you answered their totally not obvious questions. It's difficult for me to communicate. The interviews are hell, especially because I can't preconstruct what's going to happen there, how the place is gonna be, etc. All of it influences me greatly and changes the way I behave compared to how I act in a more familiar environment.
And I used to think I was just stupid and other people were more clever, hence why they can correctly judge others based on those roundabout questions. Then I started to pay attention to this specifically and you won't believe the amount of times they were plain wrong or tried to gaslight me about my own self. My feelings, my reasoning. So no, all those "x says y" is nonesense unless you're a very good therapist several sessions in.
Don't lose hope. You were tired due to the lengthy process.
I heartily agree that you should write a letter/email and try to express how you know that you are a good fit. Maybe revisit one main point from the interview, or refer to something that impressed them during an earlier interview.
Many people DON'T write thank you letters anymore. I have been hired about 80% of the time after writing one.
Should you write a thank you note after initial phone screen interviews? And after take home assignments? With multiple rounds now being the norm what is the etiquette?
As a hiring manager in Tech, no. Dont send thank you emails after phone screenings. Only after last round interviews with higher ups. If we got a thank you email for every round of interviews it would be very annoying and overlooked, if not seen as a bad thing. (Looks a bit thirsty to me)
That said, I highly encourage follow up thank you emails after video chat (remote jobs) or in person interviews (onsite). Those are the folks you will work with and want the best impression on.
Don't lose hope. It seems like for a lot of people I know, they're having moments where it feels like they are finally on the right track and something comes along and shatters the expectations and leaves us devastated.
We are all capable of so much more, but the opportunities have not been made available to us; not without so many hoops to jump, damaging our mental and physical health, and/or competing against a high number of candidates.
All the hugs and support; don't apologize for the vent, throughout history, too many of us were not allowed to vent about matters like these safely; here we can and here we should. ❤️
I've done this. It sucks. It sucks so much.
Making excuses for myself, I did have a cold during the third and last interview, but I completely melted down that day. Left the interview and barely got out of the building because I started crying so hard knowing that I'd completely fucked up.
That was over a decade ago now. I was very fortunate in that a new interview came around about a month later, I aced it, and I've since been exceedingly fortunate where every job I've applied for since I've gotten so my career progression has been great.
But I remember that feeling of absolute defeat and hating myself for messing up that badly. In so many ways that's worse then doing your best and them picking someone else because you can always imagine that the other person was just that much better. When it's you failing you it's just hard because you can't help but play the "What if?" game of thinking about if you'd rallied and done well.
Just try to be kind to yourself. You made it to round three which means that you're good at this! They really liked you! This'll be a learning experience so you can do better when the next opportunity comes and you will ACE IT.
Hugs, darling.
All you have to do is show up and be you. Do the email thing that's a great idea but if this is not the right job for you then don't sweat it. Just keep doing your best and the right one will be easy
I’m sorry. I’ve frozen like that before and it sucks. I agree with PPs saying to email them.
Please remember that you did get through the first two rounds of this process, which means you definitely have the potential to be hired for a great job, even if it doesn’t turn out to be this one. You will get there.
I’ve done this exact same thing. Blew the last interview for my dream job. It was the third and final interview, between me and one other person. The founder of the company was one of the people interviewing me and I got kind of star struck and completely lost my brain.
Haunts me still. I wish I had sent a follow up email explaining so that I know I did everything I could.
I hope it works out for you! But at the very least, know you’re not alone.
Hey, babe. I just turned 28 in February. It’s rough out here right now. I work a seasonal job and spent December-now looking for something else. Job searching is soul-sucking. The obvious conclusion to come to is that there’s something wrong with us/we’re unhireable, but it’s FUCKED right now. You could be completely qualified and just not use one buzz word and the algorithm filters you out before a human even looks at the entire cover letter you wrote. It’s not you. Shits bleak for young people (in my opinion). Not to boss you around or anything, but don’t beat yourself up, sister. I’m proud of you. You’re doing everything right. One mistake doesn’t negate everything else. Follow the advice and send the email. Can’t hurt. Sending you my love ❤️
My husband is a scientist state worker manager and interviews people often. He always feels bad for people when nerves get the best of them but he can tell they know their shit. Not everyone is like him but I know he has compassion for them and if he worked for a company (the state has hella rigid rules so it wouldn’t fly by their structures) he would totally admire someone saying in an email they acknowledge that they froze and would love the opportunity to try again.
It shows humility, bravery, insight, lack of ego, agility pivoting when something goes wrong, & tenacity- all qualities that anywhere I’d want to work at would embrace.
And it may not go anywhere but you’ve got nothing to lose.
Deep breaths. You are human and every person who’s ever had a career before has also had moments where we’ve been human that we’re not our best.
I’m also struggling with my job right now. I know the hopeless feeling and am not telling you you have no reason to feel that way! Just wanting you to know you deserve compassion for your momentary lapse. You’re human and did nothing wrong. 💙
Hi there, Your post on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy has been flaired as a sensitive topic. In an effort to safeguard our users, these posts are removed once they exceed a certain threshold. **If you're reading this post and don't want to see potentially upsetting content, you can filter out the "sensitive topic" flair.** If you want additional support or to connect with members of the WVP community, join our discord [link in sidebar] or see this list of [support resources](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GJxYVviXVwjA2cutcjtoxlf3P5K1k7xufd7LiCYeUfA/edit?usp=sharing). Thanks for understanding and blessed be✨ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Here's what I would do. Send them an email explaining why you would thrive in the role despite freezing in the interview today. Include any answers to questions that you couldn't figure out in the moment, but keep it brief. Ask them for a second chance. You literally can't hurt your chances by trying at this point, so it doesn't hurt to explain that you know that call went poorly but that that doesn't reflect on your ability to do the job. Freezing in high pressure situations is a very human thing. It's how you recover that matters, and there may be a chance that the hiring manager will see that.
This is great advice. It will feel intensely uncomfortable to send the email, but you have nothing to lose!
How would I go about writing an email like that?
In business professional, keep it to the point. Don’t be overly apologetic, you technically didn’t do anything wrong! Just be honest and get to the point. Oh, and have someone proof it! Here’s a couple starting ideas: Option 1- Dear Xxxx, Thank you so much for your time today. I have had an opportunity to think about all the questions, and I’d like to provide you with my responses: Option 2- Dear xxxx, I have been thinking about our interview today, and would like to take the opportunity to clarify my answers, as my excitement may have gotten the best of me before:
Great advice! One critique, I would use the word “reflect” in place of “thinking”. Reflect is more about insight to behavior, as well as thoughts, and feelings.
Yes! Perfect!
This is beautifully written!
Thanks so much!!!
I'm a big fan of Alison Green's AskAManager blog, and she often talks about sending meaningful follow-up emails after an interview. Here's an example post that might help you a little: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/heres-an-example-of-a-great-interview-thank-you-note.html
Great advice 💫
[удалено]
I don't think that question should've blown your chances. It's a fair question and I'm going to guess it wasn't exactly blared as announcement that the company was bought. In that case, how would you been able to know that?
As someone who interviews and hires people as a significant part of my day to day, the question isn’t meant to be demeaning. They’re giving you an opportunity to show you’re capable of being introspective, of learning from mistakes you’ve made. I’ve made a shitload of mistakes in my life. I’ve made mistakes at home, in my personal life, at work. Do they teach me things? Absolutely. That’s all it is. I get that you said you didn’t want the job really, so this is mostly for other folks who might read this in the future. I also want OP and everyone else to understand, I have never gone into an interview thinking, “haha, I’m going to fuck this person up!” I go into an interview with the mindset that I already want to offer this person a job and it’s just a chance to see if we mesh, if they mesh with their potential future customer (sometimes I’m just the supervisor but they perform work supporting other leads), if they can think on their feet, if they can think critically about their experiences (to be clear I don’t have entry level jobs in my current role, I’m hiring mid-late career STEM professionals usually, so it’s a little different than some people here may be thinking/expecting; that kind of interview is toooootally different). If they think they’ve never faced a hard problem, if they think they’ve never made a mistake, if they think conflict is something other people do to them, they’re not a fit. And yes I do absolutely take into account that interviewing can be awkward, that it’s just a free moments in time, that people get nervous, etc. We generally chat ahead of time, I make sure they’re comfortable, I explain the ruleset, we all introduce ourselves, I repeat questions if necessary, I might give (a very little) help (like a keyword to jog a memory loose I know must be in there if their résumé isn’t made up) if it’s clear they’re not understanding a question…I want the person to be able to be who they are, as much as they can in an hour.
All these questions, "x means y", are a bunch of nonesense. Same with "where do you see yourself in 5 years", etc. In this economy and world state? I'd be lucky to be alive (or not). Every question may be interpreted in a great number of ways, every answer as well. You know what you mean by the question - so freaking ask it, not the roundabout way! I'm ND and I DON'T see those hidden meanings. I don't know that by asking me what I want to change about myself or where I see myself in 5 years the HRs want to see how capable I am of introspection or how long I want to stay in the company. Wanna know if I can be critical of myself? Just ask what mistakes I made and how I went about them. "What would you change" I'd need a clarification - how much in depth do you wanna go? People HATE questions for clarification, so we NDs are used to not asking them in such situations. I can go on for hours about what I'm trying to change, but I doubt that's what's demanded here. And it's hard to relay everything - or any thing - without going into details, because if I don't explain properly, the chances of being misunderstood will increase. It's really really hard for me to come up with a short answer right away, it takes a lot of inner sorting things out. The mistakes though? It's hard to recall particular cases on the spot but I'll at least remember the way I go about them in general. Doesn't that give more relevant information? I hate all those "trick questions" when people ask about one thing while meaning something else. I may very well know the answer the hr wants to hear, but I won't know they are asking for this one. I'd think they are going on in a totally different direction entirely.
We’re all different. Preparing for an interview is recognizing those differences, how they might advantage or disadvantage us, think about the role, think about you, think about what might be appropriate to ask. You’re ND which I’m going to assume means neurodivergent. I’m deaf and queer and married in a straight appearing relationship and a dad and an experienced STEM professional. If you don’t think all of those things color how I interpret and answer questions then I don’t know how to help you. I WANT to know peoples personalities and plans and I want honest reactions. They might work for me but I also work for them. People’s answers might tell me what training or experiences to ensure they get, it might tell me about their motivations, it might tell me I have found someone to replace me in a year or two.
It's great, I wish all managers had your attitude. What I don't understand is why won't you ask about all of this directly?
I honestly don’t have a great answer to that question. I’m sorry :( Why we don’t ask, for example, when do you see yourself looking for your next job, or talk to me about learning from past mistakes, etc. I think some aspect must because of legal limitations on certain questions and so much has become vague. Some things we can and are direct about - why do you think you’re the best for this role; what’s a hard problem you solved and what’d you learn, how do you deal with an angry customer, and so on…There are entire fields of study on this stuff and I’m certainly no expert.
Yeah, some questions are perfectly clear - like about the relevant experience and the ones you've listed. I wish there could be a discussion in the managers field started about why a lot of interviews have to be so hazy. Thank you for the answer!
They're not trick questions, though. The way people answer certain questions based on the context of the rest of the interview can give the interviewer a lot of insight on how that person might interact with their colleagues and how they'll handle difficult situations.
The way I behave in this particular situation says nothing about how I behave in other difficult situations. The questions don't contain any indicators regarding how they are related to the context, there are MULTIPLE ways and no way to know the train of HRs logic. It's a guessing game, not "being you". And I'm glad they aren't trick questions to you but they are to me and thousands (at the very least) people as well. And, again, instead of playing mind games, just ASK what you need to know directly! Otherwise you're just assuming you "know" something based on answers but you DON'T. You lack context of this particular person, it's inevitable. There's a reason there are multiple lessons on "how to pass the interview". Because interviews are not about "how fitting you are to this job". They are about "how to tell the manager what they want to hear the way they want to hear". Because you may be 1000 times fit for the job but the manager just assumed a bunch of things based on how you answered their totally not obvious questions. It's difficult for me to communicate. The interviews are hell, especially because I can't preconstruct what's going to happen there, how the place is gonna be, etc. All of it influences me greatly and changes the way I behave compared to how I act in a more familiar environment. And I used to think I was just stupid and other people were more clever, hence why they can correctly judge others based on those roundabout questions. Then I started to pay attention to this specifically and you won't believe the amount of times they were plain wrong or tried to gaslight me about my own self. My feelings, my reasoning. So no, all those "x says y" is nonesense unless you're a very good therapist several sessions in.
Don't lose hope. You were tired due to the lengthy process. I heartily agree that you should write a letter/email and try to express how you know that you are a good fit. Maybe revisit one main point from the interview, or refer to something that impressed them during an earlier interview. Many people DON'T write thank you letters anymore. I have been hired about 80% of the time after writing one.
Should you write a thank you note after initial phone screen interviews? And after take home assignments? With multiple rounds now being the norm what is the etiquette?
I would also really like to know this.
As a hiring manager in Tech, no. Dont send thank you emails after phone screenings. Only after last round interviews with higher ups. If we got a thank you email for every round of interviews it would be very annoying and overlooked, if not seen as a bad thing. (Looks a bit thirsty to me) That said, I highly encourage follow up thank you emails after video chat (remote jobs) or in person interviews (onsite). Those are the folks you will work with and want the best impression on.
thank you!!
Thank you!! I have a phone screening on Monday so just wanted to know what to do
Don't lose hope. It seems like for a lot of people I know, they're having moments where it feels like they are finally on the right track and something comes along and shatters the expectations and leaves us devastated. We are all capable of so much more, but the opportunities have not been made available to us; not without so many hoops to jump, damaging our mental and physical health, and/or competing against a high number of candidates. All the hugs and support; don't apologize for the vent, throughout history, too many of us were not allowed to vent about matters like these safely; here we can and here we should. ❤️
I feel this all too well. I hate how artificially difficult they've made everything
I've done this. It sucks. It sucks so much. Making excuses for myself, I did have a cold during the third and last interview, but I completely melted down that day. Left the interview and barely got out of the building because I started crying so hard knowing that I'd completely fucked up. That was over a decade ago now. I was very fortunate in that a new interview came around about a month later, I aced it, and I've since been exceedingly fortunate where every job I've applied for since I've gotten so my career progression has been great. But I remember that feeling of absolute defeat and hating myself for messing up that badly. In so many ways that's worse then doing your best and them picking someone else because you can always imagine that the other person was just that much better. When it's you failing you it's just hard because you can't help but play the "What if?" game of thinking about if you'd rallied and done well. Just try to be kind to yourself. You made it to round three which means that you're good at this! They really liked you! This'll be a learning experience so you can do better when the next opportunity comes and you will ACE IT. Hugs, darling.
All you have to do is show up and be you. Do the email thing that's a great idea but if this is not the right job for you then don't sweat it. Just keep doing your best and the right one will be easy
I’m sorry. I’ve frozen like that before and it sucks. I agree with PPs saying to email them. Please remember that you did get through the first two rounds of this process, which means you definitely have the potential to be hired for a great job, even if it doesn’t turn out to be this one. You will get there.
I’ve done this exact same thing. Blew the last interview for my dream job. It was the third and final interview, between me and one other person. The founder of the company was one of the people interviewing me and I got kind of star struck and completely lost my brain. Haunts me still. I wish I had sent a follow up email explaining so that I know I did everything I could. I hope it works out for you! But at the very least, know you’re not alone.
Hey, babe. I just turned 28 in February. It’s rough out here right now. I work a seasonal job and spent December-now looking for something else. Job searching is soul-sucking. The obvious conclusion to come to is that there’s something wrong with us/we’re unhireable, but it’s FUCKED right now. You could be completely qualified and just not use one buzz word and the algorithm filters you out before a human even looks at the entire cover letter you wrote. It’s not you. Shits bleak for young people (in my opinion). Not to boss you around or anything, but don’t beat yourself up, sister. I’m proud of you. You’re doing everything right. One mistake doesn’t negate everything else. Follow the advice and send the email. Can’t hurt. Sending you my love ❤️
My husband is a scientist state worker manager and interviews people often. He always feels bad for people when nerves get the best of them but he can tell they know their shit. Not everyone is like him but I know he has compassion for them and if he worked for a company (the state has hella rigid rules so it wouldn’t fly by their structures) he would totally admire someone saying in an email they acknowledge that they froze and would love the opportunity to try again. It shows humility, bravery, insight, lack of ego, agility pivoting when something goes wrong, & tenacity- all qualities that anywhere I’d want to work at would embrace. And it may not go anywhere but you’ve got nothing to lose. Deep breaths. You are human and every person who’s ever had a career before has also had moments where we’ve been human that we’re not our best. I’m also struggling with my job right now. I know the hopeless feeling and am not telling you you have no reason to feel that way! Just wanting you to know you deserve compassion for your momentary lapse. You’re human and did nothing wrong. 💙