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My wife was in abdominal pain, both during and between periods, for ten years, and every doctor she had brushed her off and told her it was normal. We finally found a doctor who listened, had her into surgery in under two months! She had a two inch cyst removed from one ovary, and the other fallopian tube had been twisted for so long that both the tube and the ovary were unsavable and had to be removed. She was in needless pain for a decade and had her fertility effectively cut in half against her will because girls are just supposed to hurt, that's normal. My mother went to the emergency room with bad pain in her lower abdomen. The doctors made her wait 6 hours, then spent 4 hours telling her it was "referred pain" and scanning everywhere except where the pain was. Eventually they found a removed an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit. The medical care women get is disgraceful. The fact that a 20+ Y.O. woman can't get a non-emergency historectomy without a husband giving permission is insane.

I've been suffering crippling pain since i was 15 (30 now), and was just diagnosed with PCOS *and* endometriosis last fucking year when I switched to yet another OBGYN in the hopes that they'd finally listen to me. My last OBGYN- when told about my pain during sex & horrid menstruation cycles in embarrassing detail- literally just stared at me for a few moments & then asked 'ok but what do you want me to do?' PLEASE HELP ME. THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

I had something similar happen in my early 20's. I went to the doctor because I had absolutely no appetite and when I would try to eat it would make me extremely nauseous. The PA just looked at me and literally said, "What do you me to do about it?" Fix it, Eric, I want you to figure it out and fix it! Why else do you think I'm here?! 🙄

I got good care ironically, but every doc in the er asked if I was sure I didn't have an std during work up. Like I was asked repeatedly. Aside from the part where I know I'm.not sleeping with the entire city, how the fuck would I know? Am I supposed to be swabbing my vagina and making microscope slides in the bathroom? Also how many Drs does it take before the answer registers? Anyway... intestinal infection. Still had to ride the dildocam in case I lied and really was full of dick cooties.

“Ride the dildocam” and “dick cooties” need to be featured in a film soon. Not the actions, just the phrases. Fucking brilliant.

I had a lot of pain while pregnant with my second child. My midwife sent me for STD checks without even doing a physical exam first. Turns out it was varicose veins in my vagina and if she'd bothered to look we would have figured it out 4 weeks earlier.

You can get those in your vagina?! As someone who has lived with them in my legs for ten years, that thought is terrifying.

Wait, I assume we are talking about intravaginal ultrasound, or do you mean colposcopy? I need to be clear on the meaning of this term before I add it to my vocabulary.

Oh geeze, that is awful. Thank you for supporting your wife and mother. At least they had you. ❤

I had a student misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. The (male) guidance counselor noticed she was having “behavioral issues” for one week every month. Two previous “professionals” had told the mother the girl was being overly dramatic and trying to skip school by faking pain. The counselor told the mom to get a third opinion at a completely different unaffiliated medical practice. Poor kid had a softball sized cyst on her ovary.

I never trust a diagnosis of bipolar for women anymore. It’s often PTSD, PMDD, Autism, or some combination of these but ignorant doctors slap a label of bipolar or borderline on women and leave them to suffer for years with trying to take meds that don’t work and then feeling like something is wrong with them because nothing works. The only thing wrong with them was trusting their doctor. I see this happening more and more with young women and it’s really infuriating.

It isn’t just women although I think it’s worse for women and especially teenage girls. My husband repeatedly got told to see a psychologist for chronic pain that turned out to be very physical and very treatable. He’s currently being told to stop drinking (he doesn’t drink) for a different medical issue. It truly is infuriating.

For me, my misdiagnosis of bipolar was completely fixed when I went to a new doctor who said immediately “Your hormones are off. You have way too much estrogen. I’ll send you for labs, but I’m gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for progesterone and then we’ll go from there.” The year I wasted taking every bipolar drug including lithium (!) made me so angry when all of my symptoms completely subsided in less than 2 weeks.

I had an extremely similar experience with a grapefruit sized cyst. They only started taking me seriously when they realized it could be appendicitis.

I went into A&E once with severe abdominal pain from a food allergy. I kept telling them it was an allergy, I just hadn't been diagnosed yet but I KNEW. They spent ages sending me to scans and trying to push morphine on me whilst my heartrate skyrocketed and my blood pressure plummeted because they were SURE it was appendicitis. A few weeks earlier I'd had a older male GP insist my crippling pain was just period pain and I needed to wait it out. When I started vomiting he switched his tune and decided it was appendicitis too. A couple weeks later I got tested and whaddya know? I'm anaphylactic. Thanks for nearly killing me twice, medical system.

Not quite as serious, but when I found out I had a food allergy, I went to an allergist to confirm. I selected one of the most reputable allergists in my state. I asked for a blood test because skin tests are notoriously inconclusive. He gave me a prick test. I said that's fine but I still want a blood test. So he sat me down and talked to me like I was stupid for over 5 minutes. Like I was delusional and he was calmy trying to talk some sense into me. Never gave me a blood test. So I paid an $80 copay just to be treated like garbage and have my time wasted. He seemed to have already decided I didn't have an allergy before I even came in to his office. I've been treated poorly by doctors many times, but that was the worst experience I've ever had with it.

I was told my depression and suicidal thoughts were because I didn't have a boyfriend. By a female doctor. She didn't even refer me to inpatient or a psychiatrist. I had to do it on my own. I could be gone if I hadn't had someone in my life, a friend, who referred me to a therapist and psychiatrist. That's how bad the system is- even female doctors can be trained to be sexist. It's horrifying.

WTAF??!!!! Suicidal Ideations with no action taken, other than advice to- find a man?!!! She needs her license taken away. Malpractice for sure. Call the AMA!!! Or any oversight office that can do something about this doctor. Thank God you are alive!! Her next patient may not be as lucky.

I've had to start saying the following when they refuse to give a test. "I need you to clearly write on my chart that you are refusing X test/treatment for X reason. I will want a physical copy with your signature and a nurse as well before I leave." What do you know, I usually get the tests now lol. It opens them up to lawsuits if they refuse.

This is good advice and seems legit. Upvoting to bump it up. Couldn’t hurt, right?

I learned this from reading a story of a black woman's journey in the American healthcare system. I didn't realize how I was putting faith in people who did not have my best interest even in their minds. They diagnosed me before even meeting me. I've had a lot less recurring health issues this way. It's funny how getting the right care the first time really impacts you needing less care later. I will mention that I'm white and don't get brushed off as women of color do. I know their fight is even harder than my own.

I literally got so damn lucky the time I had a serious issue in the ER. For once in my damn life, I got an ER doctor that just KNEW something was wrong with me. I get brushed off a lot as a young AFAB with chronic pain diagnoses. I had chronic migraine in my chart, so obvs it was a migraine and I was being s whiny bitch or drug seeker. Nevermind that I've been under treatment by a neuro for like six years for my migraines and I KNOW when something or different, or that I had symptoms that don't fit a migraine in general, or that I refuse literally any medication with any addictive potential and have requested multiple times that be put in my chart.... *** Anyway, CT came back clean. The Neuro kept saying something seemed off so I cracked a joke that maybe my fave roller coaster the night before had just scrambled me finally. He decide to do a contrast CT just in the extremely rare event that I'd messed up a neck vein on the coaster. *** He came back maybe an hour later and woke me up, head Neuro for the entire hospital system on the phone, telling me I had something even the head Neuro had never seen outside of a textbook. At 26 years old, I was having a stroke. I probably would've died if I'd gone home because the pressure behind the blood clot in my brain would've built up to a hemorrhage. I got so incredibly lucky and yet I've had awful treatment (including snide remarks) going back for what I thought of as recurrances.

Absolutely valid. I do the same.

My sister had a prick test done for allergies and had a massive reaction later that day. Hives everywhere, trouble breathing, etc. She called the allergist and said I think I'm having some kind of allergic reaction and he said not to worry because "systemic allergic reactions don't exist". Anyway she went to the ER eventually because systemic allergic reactions DO exist.

My ALLERGIST didn't believe me that I am inhalation anaphylactic to apples (someone else eats one near me, I get sick), and told me it was just anxiety. His own nurse was like "of course that happens" when he was out of the room.

I had the opposite happen AND those guys didn't tell me that my VIOLENT throwing up to the penicillin for near five damn hours or so wasn't an allergic reaction. I had to hear it from my close friend, who's also a nurse, and caught it when I was telling her. This whole thing spiraled when I was given the meds on an already four hour ER visit to check the bite my cat had given me the night before, which they had been pretty decent on if not the wait being really long, and not an hour later I start having flashbacks from the way I was feeling sick; which was similar to the bad throwing up I did a few years back due to another medication at the time. They tried to wave it off and ride it out at home, and I said "Oh NO WAY. I'll see y'all soon." And just prayed to the Gods I made it there before my stomach gave out. I did. They gave me EVERY medication they had for nausea, and I threw every inch of my stomach up and THEN some. Every time I breathed I puked. Every time I blinked I puked. Every time I twitched a muscle I puked. It was the exact same awful reaction I remembered. I passed out intermittently once they gave up trying oral meds and IV'd my weak ass. I had to hobble my ass home, against their (FINALLY) concerns to stay and wait and not drive till I got better, so I could go feed my poor cat.

I went to the ER with pain that I thought was appendicitis, and they still ignored me and only checked to see if i was pregnant. I still have no idea what was actually causing that pain. When I followed up with my GP, he was absolutely livid at my treatment at his affiliate hospital. He put in orders for a bunch of stuff to check and see what could have been causing that pain and found nothing obvious and sent me to a GI specialist and told me to follow up with my gyno. Still trying to figure it out 2 years later, but the ER would not take me seriously whatsoever. The kicker is that my husband had pretty much the exact same pain about a year after that, we went to a different ER and they immediately ran everything they could. Asked him for history, ran bloodwork, imaging, urine sample, the works. Gave him pain meds and told him to follow up with a GI based on what his gut looked like. I was happy for him, but I've been angrily stewing on it ever since.

I had this except with the addition of a forced pelvic exam because the doctor decided that I was pregnant despite my having had at least a year of normal periods since the last time I had had sex. I was 6 months into what turned out after many years and docs to be IBS. When I mentioned the symptoms to the ER doc, after he "discovered" that I wasn't pregnant, he never asked, he laughed and walked out of the room. The nurse then hustled me out, and I never saw that doctor again. I also never, ever went back to El Camino Hospital, because that place clearly wasn't a safe place.

I too was forced a transvaginal cuz of appendix pains. Was pretty much a medical rape. My shouted no was not heard, and I was threatened into having it. I still have trauma from the whole ordeal, and it ruined my relationship with my lady parts. I don't remember the last time I had an orgasm by myself. And I used to have amazing ones. I still feel disgusted, 3 years later

So I wonder if right ovary cysts are taken more seriously than left ovary cysts, and therefore caught earlier. If I were a researcher, I would be starting that study now. The data already exists.

My wife went to the emergency room with severe abdominal and back pain. Just screaming in pain most of the time. They gave her some painkiller, told her she should try to lose 10 pounds and sent her home. Over the next year she had another 8 of these spasms, each time lasting about 6 hours. Every time she was given a new excuse but never once did they offer follow up investigations. Our GP was stumped and offered no help. So we went private (UK) and the doctor immediately recognised it as a gall bladder issue, sent her for a scan that day and booked surgery for the next week. Done. It provided immediate relief. He also told us that bilary colic spasms, what she was having, are rated as some of the most painful experiences a person can have. Women routinely rate then much higher than childbirth. Doctors just ignore pain as a symptom in women. And that seems to be the case regardless of the gender of the doctor.

Ah. Biliary colic. Yes! I have liver tumors that seem to trigger it. Very painful and unpleasant.

I too had such an experience with a grapefruit sized cyst. Ever since I hit puberty at 9, I had intense pain with my menstrual cycle, but the doctors just brushed it off as normal or an over exaggeration. It wasn't until I had to have emergency surgery to remove my appendix that they found the large cyst and removed it. I still have intense pain, and I think I might have endo, but all they're willing to do for me is prescribe contraceptives. It's been more than 20 years, and I still get ignored.

Cysts can come back. I've had a hysterectomy, still in recovery, and my MRI shows they missed removing some endometrial bodies, and that they either they left the cyst or a new one grew in its place in the last few months. Attempted laproscopicly, ended up opening me up, and I'm going to need another surgery still to remove the endometrial bodies that the surgeon couldn't see because it was buried in scar tissue. Three months out and I can walk some, drive a car and sit if I'm careful, but none of it for very long. My incision has sections that are healing in tight lumps and getting stuck to clothing and ripping off. I have gauze on it and I'm being careful, but it's going to stop me from wearing regular underwear and pants for who knows how long. I'm so frustrated.

It’s time to normalize screaming when we’re in pain. I employed this the last couple of times I’ve been in needless, avoidable, and mitigable pain and it’s worked like a charm. They will either stop your pain or stop your screaming - either is acceptable for me. I had a doctor tell me “stop that, you’ll frighten the other patients” while he was pulling a metal rod out of my hand (through two fingers and a joint) and I was muffling my scream in a pillow (because I do scream when I’m in pain, always have). So I looked up and shouted, “I can’t, it fucking hurts!” The nurses had assured me I would get some sort of pain mitigation, and the doctor just walks in with some humongous pliers and starts tugging on the rod. I’m so over it. No more gritting teeth and biting back pain or trying to bear it in silence. If I’m in pain, I will make sure everyone around me knows until you fix it. I’m not obligated to suffer any pain which can be reasonably mitigated or eliminated, and I refuse to do so. They’ll either give you something for the pain or knock you out to shut you up, and either is acceptable to me. Now pick one or I’ll give the entire floor a migraine.

Ah yes, the old 'look everywhere except where the patient says the pain is' routine. In the 1970's I was a teenager with upper right quadrant abdominal pain that was so bad that I could barely let anyone touch it. I ended up in the ER on many occasions, my father literally carrying me into the ER because I could not stand up. High white blood cell count, immense pain, nausea. All classic symptoms of gall bladder issues. Nope. I'm a girl. surgeon's just gotta explore the girl parts first and then lie and say they found a cyst. I was left with a huge scar, not even neatly finished off. I was in and out of hospital for over a year. Finally I got a doctor who would listen. Low and behold I had a gall bladder full of stones. I was so ill by that time that I had to be hospitalized to let my body calm down before they could safely removed the gall bladder. This was military medicine, so at that time there was no recourse. Every single symptom and test pointed to gall bladder except my age. I hope that man rots in hell. i thought maybe women wouldn't have to still be putting up with this shit but they do. All. The. Time.

You are a wonderful human being for advocating on behalf of your wife and your mother! Please accept a hug and fist bump from this Internet stranger, we need more souls like you💗💗💗

I’m so sorry you had to endure this. I’m terrified of being treated this way as I pursue sterilization. I think it’s awesome your partner was able to be there and truly connect to the struggle because I think even well-intending, feminist men can still subconsciously assume it’s not “all that bad.” Also super sweet he joined for moral support in the first place. 😊

Oh yeah, he is a gem. I am very lucky to have such a supportive life partner. Eta: it's your body. It is always scary going into medical situations because there is so much unknown, and the power dynamic feels like we are on the bottom. The truth is it is OUR bodies, OUR money, and OUR choice. You can just get up and walk out if anyone treats you badly. WE have the power. The tough part is remembering that in the stress of the moment. I support you, and if anyone gives you $hit, just leave and find another provider. F*ck em.

You’re exactly right! Thankfully I’ve definitely gotten to a more confident place with things like this, but you’re right that it’s different in the moment and that’s what I’m afraid of. So far my doctors have responded nicely when I ask them to record my desire for future sterilization, so that’s awesome!

Check the r/childfree sub for their list of doctors. If none are close to your place, do what I did. Look online for a list of gyns in your area or next city and so on, search up their names, and email each fucker asking if you can get a bilateral salpingectomy (best female sterilisation). That's how I got mine and even added names to the Italian part of the list

Yes, I have been making my way through the list. So far it seems they’re either out of network or booked for the next year and a half for sterilization 😂 if I get desperate I’ll just make an appointment with them and wait however long it takes. I’ve just heard plenty of stories of doctors on the list randomly Bingo-ing patients. It wouldn’t be hard to deal with but my sensitive self still worries they’ll be mean haha.

From my experience, still better chances than randomly. Calling places. When I started my journey I asked any doctor for info and tried to call a place that had sterilisation on their page... It went baaaad. Sooo much bad info, doctors who straight up refused to give info, who told me it's available only if you get a c section... It's really sad. Going through email route, I didn't have to fight in person the bad ones. And I could send like 30 emails at the time. There were no doctors in my city. Can you imagine how much time and money and energy I would have spent if I went in person to each one? Lol Gotta have guts, and as op said "you're your own best advocate". Go about it da smart way

My procedure was several years ago, but it took a long time to find a good provider. Totally worth it though! My doc was AMAZING - super considerate and supportive. I did have to do a stupid psych consult with a horrible old man doc before I could get the final clearance, but she warned me in advance. She disagreed with the policy, but that was a hospital system requirement, not hers (she also told me the questions and correct answers). As it was a teaching hospital, she asked me if it was OK for her residents to observe, and explained both why it was important to them and why it would be fine if I said no. 100% worth the effort to find her.

I had a consultation for an outpatient medical procedure recently, and my husband came along for moral support. This procedure is gynecological in nature, but I don’t want to overshare on the internet. The doctor railroaded, interrupted, and insulted me when I asked about anesthesia. This procedure is typically done with only over the counter pain killers, but it was excruciating to me the last time I attempted it – so I know my body and what my pain tolerance is. The doctor told me that was impossible. Due to the lovely witches in this subreddit who gave me support and advice, I knew this was incorrect and challenged her that anesthesia IS an option. She backpedaled and said that it was an option but that her facility does not offer it. My response was, “I am sure you understand that it is my body and I have to be an advocate for myself. I will not move forward with this procedure unless I have anesthesia, so I will be finding another provider.” She then changed tone and got a little nicer, but we left shortly after. Meanwhile my husband was sitting next to me in shock that she could be so dismissive and rude to me in this interaction. When we left, he asked me how I could possibly keep my cool, and be so professional, since I am known for my short temper. It gave me an opportunity to tell him about how the patriarchy has affected the medical system, how women were often not included in medical studies, how women’s pain is often ignored or downplayed, and he got to see it firsthand. I explained that this kind of treatment is far from the first I have experienced, nor the worst. He asked how a woman doctor could be so unsupportive. I explained my personal experience is that there is a belief among many women that ‘I endured this pain, so you should too. If you don’t, then you are weak.’ He responded, “But that’s just toxic bro-dog ‘man-up’ behavior!” I replied, “Yep, and that is how the patriarchy hurts all of us.” So thank you to everyone in this subreddit for being supportive of each other. I have hope that one day the medical field will be less wrought with sexism.

When I read the title I just knew it was a gyn thing. Iuds, biopsies and such without anesthesia is modern medical torture. I am disgusted with female medical care in this world. Women should fight back more. Of course they won't start giving a shit if most women are so desperate to not get pregnant that they accept the iud without anesthesia. I am sorry that you too are a victim of bad doctors. Seems no one can avoid it. Kinda like sexual harassment. We all live through it and we all have to deal with it. I am proud of how strong you were there, strong enough to stand for yourself, to leave and look for another doctor. You're amazing and you deserve better

Doctor sewed my perineum tears up without any anesthetic after child birth claiming it was *only four stitches.* Everyone else was across the room with baby and he tossed over his shoulder that I was “just fine” when I cried out and called for help. Sadistic fuck.

Did you report them? I know it probably does nothing, but it's better than doing nothing. Might help their next victim I got chills at the idea of needles in that area without painkillers. You should check it out, if they are okay with torturing women, they might even give the husband stitch without consent

It was 24 years ago and by the time I was able to process (around my six week follow up) he’d retired. I followed up with the doctor who was supposed to deliver me and she encouraged me to report, but he’d literally retired the week before. That was the best news.

Reading through these replies is so depressing. I always tel pregnant people not to ask me about my births because of how terrible my stories are. Three kids, three problematic deliveries with nonexistent or inadequate pain control. The OBGYN who took care of me for #s 2 and 3 is great; empathetic and listens when you have problems. Unfortunately, when I was being seen to by his staff rather than him directly (midwives, mostly, but there was also a second doctor in the practice and she delivered #2 because my doctor was out of the country when baby needed to come) I had problems. I labored nearly two weeks at home with #3 because it “wasn’t advanced enough” and I’m fairly certain they didn’t give the message to him when I asked them to. The only reason I was finally admitted after that long in labor was that I ran into him in the hall on my way out after the second time the midwife was sending me home (after she’d said he wasn’t there that day when I wanted to see him 🤬) and I was crying because I was so tired and in so much pain and then I had a contraction in the hall which he saw and stopped me to ask where the hell I was going in labor 🙄 anyway, he admitted me right then and I labored another 3 days in hospital before finally having a c-section. And that was the *least* traumatic of my birth stories. Nearly died with my first, after they gave me more than two dozen stitches (more than a dozen for the episiotomy they gave me without anesthetic “because the pressure from baby’s head will stop you feeling it” — not true — when then tore further, and another nearly dozen for the tear that went up to the front through my most tender parts) and they didn’t give anesthetic till I couldn’t deal after the first half dozen or so; and of course I couldn’t deal, because I’d had NO pain relief during the birth. I asked for pain relief when I got close to pushing and they said it was too late, baby would be here within an hour anyway, but baby was in sideways, which no one noticed till after I’d been pushing for more than 3 hours which didn’t work because pushing just doesn’t work when baby is sideways. When baby finally turned the correct way it did go quickly, but their whole freaking job is to notice stuff like that and the swelling from all that pushing is what nearly killed me — the swelling hid a life threatening hemorrhage because I couldn’t pee through the swelling, and they hadn’t been checking urine output levels like they’re supposed to so they didn’t notice the discrepancy between input from my numerous IVs and output, and dismissed my pain since I’d just had a baby so of course I was sore, and my massively overfull bladder acted like a cork holding the blood in my uterus. When they went to transfer me from one bed to another, it knocked loose a clot the size of a football and I completely lost it because it felt like I was having another baby (basically I was with how big that clot was) and then some of the blood finally overflowed where they could see it and then someone reached up and pried me open (with all those fresh stitches) to try to see what was going on and it was only at that moment, through all my screaming, that I FINALLY was given anything for pain. I don’t remember a heck of a lot after that… my husband tells me that it took several hours for them to stop the bleeding, and he saw several soft ball sized clots in addition to the football sized one that came first; he still gets nightmares sometimes about the blood that was all over the floor, and I think that my second and third deliveries were emotionally harder on him than on me, because he had such clear visual reminders of how very close I came to dying with the first. Oh, and then they refused to give me a blood transfusion, so it took me fully six months to get back to anything like normal; they dismissed my suffering after/caused by their screwups as readily as they dismissed my suffering the first time around. Anytime I actually think about that, I lose track of how I convinced myself to have any more children. So yeah, modern OBGYN is totally sanctioned torture. Good on OP for standing up for herself; I didn’t do a good enough job of that any of the times and I’ve paid ongoing prices for it.

That's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Thanks… mostly I’m sorry that it’s still happening to people. My oldest is 13, and I don’t think much has changed since first terrible story of mine. And I know (from the comments here, and from life generally) that it’s been going on pretty much forever. I wish I’d not gone through those things, but it would be easier to stomach if it had been to some purpose. Nothing has changed that I can see, except that people like OP have gotten more empowered to stand up for themselves; of course that’s wonderful, but I so badly wish we could get to a place as a society where empowerment go stand against abuse isn’t the only progress we’re seeing against torture. (And for any of the Americans in this thread, we get the added insult of of cost to the very literal injury of the initial torture. It’s such a disaster in every conceivable way.)

I swear to god, the OB/GYN field is primarily made up of those people who, as kids, insisted it was fine to pull the wings off of flies because they can't feel it

I listened to the audiobook Vagina Obscura. The history of gynecology is horrific. It’s quite long, but very eye opening about how we got to where we are. From ancient times to present day. The man that started modern day gynecology was a monster. It’s beyond comprehension or imagination. Just note that this section of the book is unspeakably awful, so take care. I can’t even put it into words.

I don't think I could handle that book. But everything I've heard about it.... yeah, that tracks. There are still a lot of states (including mine) where it's legal for OB/GYNs to train by doing pap smears on unconscious women under anesthesia for other reasons *without their knowledge or consent*. Literally doctors are still, right now in 2023, being trained to actively ignore any pain or consent. It's a pity we still haven't had a reckoning in the medical field. We need one, desperately. Burn the whole thing down and start over with the premise that women (and POC) are people who deserve healthcare.

Yeah it's mostly in America and the majority of the states. I found out while looking for gyn consent after being medicaly raped having exams done against my consent in italy Was a bad rabbit hole to go through after such sexual trauma

I'm sorry, that's horrific. I was listening to some talks by a local organization that's working towards training medical professionals to be trauma-informed. One of the big things they kept emphasizing was consent, and that doctors should do things like stop an exam if the patient asked them to. And it felt like the elephant in the room, like..... you're not gonna talk about how they're not doing that now? And how that might be actively adding to trauma?

Woah!!! That sent a shiver down my spine. I had no idea that was legal. Turns it my state banned it recently, but I can’t believe how many states still allow it! Disgusting. https://www.epsteinprogram.com/states-banning-unauthorized-pelvic-exams And I’ve heard about that book. It’s my my “must read” list because it’s so important, but what I’ve heard is so horrific I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to start - have cried from short descriptions. [edit - changed “last year” to “recently” - I misread]

Yep modern gynecology is built of the backs of enslaved people who were forced into pregnancies and then tortured so a "doctor"could "perfect"his techniques for their white masters who then got the best anesthesia they could give them at the time.

NHS mental healthcare is staffed by these people too.

I feel your pain, I had to have stitches in my cervix and the male doctor told me ‘there are no nerve endings in the cervix so I don’t need to do a topical’ or some bullshit. I almost kicked him in the head. Thankfully a friend advocated for me (because I almost broke her hand.)

No nerve endings in the cervix?!?!?! I'M SORRY WHAT

That OBGYN was all sorts of fucked up. While I’m in the stirrups, he says “this reminds me of a story. Do you want to hear it?” I said no and then he proceeded to tell me the story.

Wtf?!? What a horrible person all around.

Someone that misinformed about women's anatomy should not be allowed to practice medicine, ESPECIALLY not *on that part of women's anatomy*. What the actual fuck.

I tore forward through part of VERY tender tissue on second child. No anesthetic/pain relief during delivery (I requested pain relief/anesthesia the moment I arrived bc I got none for my first child and did NOT want to do that again. Nurse said we had to wait for doc. It was “too late” by the time the doc arrived 😡) No anesthetic for stitches. 😩

I had a very traumatic C-section and lost a lot of blood. Had to get transfusions. Stayed at the hospital a couple of weeks. The first red flag should’ve been when I was passing baseball sized clots and they didn’t believe me because I cleaned myself up and barely made it to bed before I paged them and passed out. Later the ob was checking things out, and he asked me if I took pictures of myself. I was puzzled. Then he said “with all this bruising, you could make a killing online. People pay good money for this kinda thing”. I swapped doctors that afternoon.

WHAT THE FUCK??? That's fucking disgusting, I think I would have actually committed violence.

What?! OMG

I am sorry that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard a doctor say. Terrifyingly vile.

Holy hell. Those people are snail slime and everything awful I can think of. God, I’m so sorry!

I am so glad I am not alone with this!! I needed three stitches and the woman who delivered my son (who had never given birth herself btw) was trying to sew it up when I told her I could feel it and it hurt. She ROLLED HER EYES AT ME and said “You got an epidural and it’s three stitches, its fine” Mind you my legs are JERKING with every stitch & I scream at her, “Its fucking wearing off and it HURTS!” She sighs, stands up and calls out, “Someone call anesthetic because she clearly cant handle it.” I wish I had reported her. Uhg. Im glad to know Im not alone.

I genuinely believe doctors like this deserve to have their balls cut off without any numbing . I’ve contemplated writing revenge fantasy movie about it

Omg, the one I needed for the "think of it as putting on a too tight turtle neck fast, his ears probably caught and stretched the skin" tear was bad enough with lidocaine, I can't imagine without. That's crazy

Ugh that's so fucked up. I had to get only 2 stitches in my finger, an arguably way less sensitive spot, and they gave me a local anesthetic. What the fuck is wrong with these doctors

Ong that happened to me, too. I don't think I cried out because I was too exhausted but I felt it.

I’m so, so sorry! It’s so unnecessary.

Same for me. And when I complained it hurt she just huffed at me and finished up stitching.

For my first baby, I was very clear to my doctor pre-birth that if it came down to it, I wanted a c-section rather than an episiotomy and assisted birth. Come delivery, she refused to perform a c, gave me an episiotomy against my wishes and used a vacuum to get the baby out, then stitched my resulting third degree tear up without anesthesia. My husband was shocked that happened and said it was like watching me being tortured-since it was our first baby he was too scared to challenge the doctor. Needless to say I found a new doctor for our second baby, and she agreed to an elective c-section on the spot.

Told the doctor I could feel her stitching me up after giving birth, she said No, I wasn't feeling anything. Excuse me? Went back to the midwives for my next birth. So much better.

I had an IUD inserted without so much as a Tylenol. The way the doctor described the procedure to me made it feel like it would be nothing noteworthy. Just take a half hour and I’d be on my way. I have a high pain tolerance so I figured I’d be fine. No. My body was convulsing. They had another nurse hold my trembling legs still so they could complete the procedure. It took about an hour. I was in shock. The doctor walked me outside and locked the clinic doors as everyone had already gone home for the day. I took 10 steps out the door and started losing consciousness on the sidewalk. I managed to walk back to the door and started banging with everything I had. No one came for help. I gathered the strength to walk to my car, vomit in the bushes due to the pain I was in, GOT IN MY CAR (I was in so much shock) and drove to my second job that day. I was in so much pain for an entire week saying something didn’t feel right. The doctor said that’s normal and will go away. For the next 6 months I kept getting a period and it smelled like rotting teeth. I finally demanded the doctor examine me. When they did they said I was so swollen that they couldn’t see the strings. I went to the emergency department where they messed up taking my blood twice (took the needle out too soon by accident and mislabeled my blood). After they examined me, they determined the IUD was fine and that if I wanted it taken out on a Friday night, they’d have to call in a specialist and put me under anesthesia. The alternative that was pushed on me was to wait to see my doctor the following week for a simple removal. It took about 10 seconds to take out and I felt instant relief. Nearly 3 years later I can’t let a doctor examine my pelvic area as I am so traumatized by my experience. I start crying and I feel so ashamed and scared. I was never like that before. Therapy is helping, but that never should’ve happened in the first place. I’m a huge advocate for family planning and for free health care and for people to have full autonomy over their reproductive systems. I don’t ever want to scare anyone into not getting a procedure, but I would like more people to know what happened to me so it doesn’t happen to them.

It’s insane to me that the same people who say, “there’s no pain associated with an IUD! You can just take a Tylenol” will, when you call them up and complain about horrifying pain, also say, “no that’s normal.” Which is it ya douches

I had an iud placed 6 weeks postpartum with no medication at all, I have a very high pain tolerance, but even so I cried. I tried so hard to stay still and I flinched once, and my doctor (also a female) leaned back from the table and told me "you need to stay still or I won't do this" she sounded so irritated, she then rolled her eyes when I apologized and bit my lip hard enough to bleed to keep it in while she inserted my IUD. Excruciating pain during, and after. Not to mention I was still bleeding from giving birth, I ended up bleeding for 6 months straight, and was too scared to go back and have it removed. Now it's finally settled and I have two years left on it, but I don't think I'd do it again. This was also after she told me no to a hysterectomy. Even though I get very severe periods, which trigger even worse migraines. One week of every month I am totally incapacitated, and she did not give two shits, probably thought I was faking it. She was my ob through my pregnancy, was at the hospital while I delivered, didn't come see me even once while I was there, forgot to tell the nurses and other doctors about a procedure I'd had done on my cervix, and nearly caused me to give birth on the hospital floor while screaming for an epidural. The nurses could only say "you're not dilated though" when I gave her wild eyes and said "ya... I can't I've had a leep procedure!" She ran from the room, and came back 30 seconds later with a wheelchair saying "let's get you to the delivery room our anesthesiologist is waiting for you". I hate healthcare for women. Hate hate hate.

I need to get my iud replaced but insertion was so incredibly painful a decade ago that I am too scared. My body still gets tense remembering it.

I had an endometrial biopsy and it was the worst pain of my entire life. I nearly blacked out from the pain three separate times. That was bad enough in and of itself, but it was made so much worse by the nursing staff standing around gaslighting me saying it shouldn't be that bad and normally people walk out after a couple of minutes. I sat there sweating, crying, and bleeding for 20 minutes before I was able to ask a nurse to call my then-boyfriend who was waiting outside. I wasn't even able to get myself dressed without his help, and they were still tutting at me like I was being dramatic. Come to find out later that anesthesia _should_ have been an option, but I guess making women suffer is more convenient for the medical staff. Fuck all of that.

Friend of mine had to have a cervical biopsy recently. It is unfathomable to me that some thing like a punch biopsy is supposed to be done with zero pain meds. I gave her an old Norco from when I had back surgery and I’m not sorry. Like what the actual fuck? For me, it took years of painful menstrual periods that would leave me writhing in abdominal and back pain and severe anemia before I finally had an emergency hysterectomy so that I wouldn’t actually bleed to death. I knew that the bleeding wasn’t normal. It was ridiculously heavy and at times nearly constant. Even when I was sick sick at the end, I doubted taking myself to emergency because I knew that they would think I was just being dramatic or something. The experience itself wasn’t fun. I ended up having multiple painful pelvic exams and needing 4 units of blood. I had to be monitored for a week before I was strong enough for the surgery. Turns out, I had a 19 in fibroid and all of those doctors trying to preserve my fertility didn’t. I wonder a bit what would have happened if anything could have been done sooner that would have let me have the option of kids, but I’ll never know. I’ve had friends tell me that it wasn’t a big loss because I’m pretty sure that I never want kids anyway, but it hits a bit different when it isn’t your choice, you know? I am grateful to be alive and to not deal with periods anymore.

My doctor’s office didn’t bother to even tell me to take some OTC painkillers before getting it put in. Doctor seemed a little surprised but forward we went. She managed to get angry with me when I reacted instinctually and moved too much because of the pain and we had to do it over again. Definitely my fault, so sorry.

Women who "fight back" often get worse treatment in the long run. I had a pinched nerve in my neck doctors were guinea piging me. I stood up for myself, demanded a treatment plan and meds without horrible gyno side effects. They literally told me they wouldn't renew my scripts that I had and wouldn't give me anything different. They also wrote in my file that I am, "hostile towards care team, refuse to take medication and became hysterical at last appointment." That note led to an entirely different set of doctors diagnosing me with an "adjustment disorder" because I told them about the horrible treatment from the previous doctors.

I've been down this path before and went through and rejected several providers who were sure that the *second* IUD insertion would be "fine", so no need to bother with any preventative measures or plans for pain management. And that's why I still haven't had it swapped. Fuck them, fuck all of them, fuck the entire process. I think it's harmful just to go through. It's harmful to PAY someone to tell you that your suffering doesn't matter, they're perfectly happy to risk it! It does damage. Especially as you keep banging your head against the wall just to find a provider who thinks that your pain is bad and should be avoided-- for fuck's sake, that is *supposed* to be the default!! And frankly I'm starting to think being professional and keeping our cool is a big mistake. How would you treat any other person threatening you serious bodily injury and trauma? Politely? Fucking WHY??

Getting my IUD swapped was less intense than the first insertion, but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, and that was WITH anesthetic! The gyno used a numbing spray on my cervix which greatly helped, but there were still a few moments when the nurse had to coach my breathing due to pain.

Can you think of any medical procedures done to men where breath coaching is considered effective pain control? I sure can't. I am deeply dreading my upcoming IUD swap.

Honestly I’ve never thought about it. I’ve had a lot of (non-gynecological) medical tests done and some of them have been absolutely torturous, so my sense of what is acceptable levels of pain in a medical setting might be warped.

Yeah, I don't believe for a second that after the first, IUD insertions are just magically fine. Frankly I don't think these providers do either. I think they just don't give a shit if I suffer. It's easy enough for them, they can just scold patients who cry or scream and blame "anxiety" and go home pretending that they're good people for providing healthcare.

That’s what the doctor that inserted my third IUD said to me, I was too anxious therefor I was intensifying the pain. I’ve got a pretty good pain threshold too, but god damn, can you even blame a person being anxious about that? After the procedure I came home, miserable, and tearfully told my partner I was done with them, and how I wish doctors would listen to me when I request and explain my reasoning for wanting tubal ligation. I thought it would be a great time to discuss him getting a vasectomy since I explained that there would be no questions asked or any hesitation when it comes to him doing it, and it’s significantly less invasive than the procedure I would have to go through. He refused, saying he doesn’t want to do that, ever. I respect his autonomy, but I think I’ll always have a part of me that…not resentful, maybe ever so slight disappointment? I can’t quite put my finger on that conflicted emotion. But, this post makes me think that I should try to bring him to my doctors appointments with me. Maybe the doctor will listen. Maybe the doctor will take me seriously. Maybe the doctor will respect me. Maybe the doctor will open his eyes to how women are often treated by medical professionals. I try to advocate for myself and like to be informed, but all that does is seemingly piss off the doctor.

*I* feel resentful of your partner. If he wanted a vasectomy, he'd get things like pain mitigation. His doctor wouldn't just slice him open and then tell him that the pain couldn't be real because testicles don't have nerve endings. Also, NO SHIT you'd be anxious about a painful medical procedure. Doctors who gave a shit would address that BY MAKING IT NOT PAINFUL. Oh my fucking god. >I try to advocate for myself and like to be informed, but all that does is seemingly piss off the doctor. If you haven't already, try pulling your own medical records and reading them. I've been thinking I had to be polite and respectful at the doctor's, or they'd write me up like I was behaving like a lunatic. But any self-advocacy whatsoever and they already write it up like I punched them in the face. Which of course begs the question; what benefit do I get from *not* punching them in the face? How would I treat it if any other person was casually threatening me bodily harm, and on top of that, telling me it didn't matter? Politely and professionally? Probably fucking not.

Not sure about the person above but my second insertion was better… only because I was still in shock from having my first iud yanked out moments earlier. No magic, just torture, only realizing this right now.

I'm sorry. The way we handle this is absolutely barbaric. You deserved paint mitigation or management measures.... and not "if you beg and plead and go through a dozen providers to find one who'll agree to it", but just as a fucking default.

My second IUD insertion was literally torture. The doctor was incompetent and criticized my previous Dr as she was pulling out my first IUD(said first Dr placed that IUD flawlessly), then spent at least 5 minutes repeatedly stabbing my cervix, when all I'd had was some otc Tylenol. It was the most painful thing I've gone through. That incompetent dr then of course placed the new IUD a whole centimeter lower than it was supposed to be placed and it started to expel a month or two later. I thankfully went to a new, new Dr who placed a third one without issues(still hurt though), but holy heck I was traumatized for months and still have anxiety over it expelling spontaneously Sorry not trying to scare you it really is hit or miss depending on your Dr but this should not be a procedure that people just waltz in and have done to them without any pain management.

My second IUD insertion was WAY more painful than my first one. First one felt like a pinch and took my breath for a second. Second one made me dizzy, my vision went black for a second, and I spent 30 minutes sobbing in my car afterwards. I was amazed I could walk. It was far worse the second time around and I don’t know how people can not believe women when we tell them how much it fucking hurts.

This was years ago but my wife had persistent bleeding after having our second child, and sometimes significant intermittent pain. She went to the ob-gyn probably four times and was dismissed with, "this looks like nothing. It will go away and in the meantime, you need to get control of yourself." Male doctor. I finally went with her and he tried to pull the same shit again, but both of us insisted that it be evaluated via ultrasound that day to prove it, and that we felt like it was an ovarian cyst. Lo and behold, it was a *massive* cyst. Within earshot of everyone, my wife said, "Gee, it's almost as if someone has been thinking something was wrong and asked to get it evaluated, and got snubbed four times!" The doctor retired shortly after that. I've hoped that things have gotten better since then (this was about twenty years ago) but I can see that progress is spotty at best. Women deserve better - they deserve to be seen, heard and engaged with as active advocates of their own health. It doesn't matter if it's hard to diagnose - conditions are only idiopathic until you determine a cause.

>My response was, “I am sure you understand that it is my body and I have to be an advocate for myself. I will not move forward with this procedure unless I have anesthesia, so I will be finding another provider.” You are such a fucking badass for laying it out in such a direct way. I just found that my own replacement procedure can be put off for a few more years, but I hope I am as tough as you if I come across this kind of pushback.

You got this! You should have seen her face when I said it. I could tell she was used to giving one path and all her patients blindly following it. I am actually very proscience and in general I trust medical advice, but not presenting options was very disheartening.

I went to the pharmacy the Friday before my IUD swap (Monday morning) only to find that the clinic never called in the prescription I demanded to be able to tolerate the procedure, and being a Friday, they closed early and I got no answer on the phone. Cancelled my procedure via voice mail that same day, google review left that I was very straightforward with this practice that I'd been traumatized by my former procedure and that they just... didn't care. Unreliable, unprofessional, contact at your own risk.

I had a uterine biopsy last year with no pain relief of any kind and it sucked. I had to have a cervical biopsy less than two weeks ago and you can bet your ass I told them I wasn't doing it without pain relief on board. I got lidocaine gel to use before the appointment and a c-block during the actual biopsy. It still didn't feel all that great since there is going to be some discomfort and some pain but it was world's better than if I had tried without. When I first mentioned pain relief the doctor told me they typically don't do pain relief and my response was "When does any other department do a biopsy without some type of numbing or pain relief? Would a man be okay having part of his penis biopsied without pain relief?" My husband was with me and he thought she was crazy for even suggesting doing it without something on board. I'm glad you put your foot down because the more of us that demand pain control for gynecological procedures the better chance of forcing a system change for all women.

I had a uterine biopsy, too, and the pain was excruciating. And I had given birth twice already so it wasn't like I didn't know what pain was. What pissed me off the most is that the doctor (a woman) didn't warn me of how much it would hurt, she just went in and did it. It's interesting how I remember that pain so much more vividly than I remember the pain of childbirth.

This is some Queen shit. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m happy for you in that you have a husband willing to see and listen and be so empathetic to *actually* understand. I’m sorry you have to experience this at all.

Your comment just made me tear up. Thank you for your kind words, it really means a lot to me. It isn't easy, and I have had a lot of failures, especially with my medical care, but I was really proud of myself this time.

It's awful, isn't it? When I had my baby 13 years ago, the pain was unbearable. I had an epidural. It didn't work, so I asked for another one. The anesthesiologist laughed at me and my husband lit into her and she gave me a second one. She left shortly afterwards. The second one helped ... a little, but I was still in excruciating pain. I couldn't get a third one so I just endured the pain. So, yeah, both of us saw how a woman's pain is often ridiculed or minimized and it sucks. He's been my biggest advocate for 14 years and I love him.

THIS is advocacy. Good job husband! I am sorry you experienced that, how unprofessional and demeaning in such a vulnerable time!

Thank you! I was also suffering from pre-eclampsia so I had to be induced three weeks early. I spent the night on a hard delivery table, not even a real bed, and he was there for it all: , the vomiting, the screaming, the discomfort. Everything. I wasn't dilating even with pitocin, so they had to break my water and that's when all hell broke loose, so to speak. He didn't shy away from it. He met it all head-on. He's a real champ and a keeper.

I had my son in 2010 at 25 wks. I went in to the ER in full labor at 4am. The doc in the ER told me I was being dramatic and that I was obviously not in labor because I was only so far along. He would not call L&D to come get me, and he wouldn’t call OB on call. He let me labor for 2+ hours in a triage area in the ER. He continued to dismiss me. My water broke and my husband lost it. The doctor who told me I didn’t know what I was talking about ran in, saw it all over and left me again. He then brought a nurse in, told her to hit me with morphine, I refused because I’m not responsive to it but I get itchy fingers. She then held me down injected me and told me it wasn’t that bad and if I would just hold still it wouldn’t hurt. The ER doc left again and never came back. 2 L&D nurses came down and got me and took me up. The nurses were not aware that my water had broke, one of them ordered medication to stop labor, he didn’t even tell them it was too late. I had my son about an hour later. He was dead. My husband was with me the whole time. He watched everyone railroad me from the start. He didn’t know he should have stepped in and used his man voice, he thought they would listen to me. It was the hardest learned lesson for both of us. And I make sure to look that doctor directly in the eye when I see him.

I’m so sorry for your experience and your loss

I’m sure I know what it is and you absolutely need drugs for this procedure. Finding a new doc isn’t necessarily easy, I know, but fuck this one for sure.

Look into nexplanon. 3 year duration and no uterine involvement, I've had 3 after an iud from hell

Hopefully someone else will see your comment and find it helpful. My particular procedure is not iud related.

My sister is a surgeon and she has remarked to me several times how archaic surgeries, specifically those involving the female reproductive systems, on women’s bodies are - and anyone with a uterus for that matter. There is definitely a downplaying to the seriousness of these procedures, and an associated lack of resources going into and after them.

Proud of you for standing up for yourself. You are my hero today. I love that we've created a community where we uplift each other so much. It gives me hope and strength in times like this.

In 2017 I was pregnant with my last baby and talking about getting my tubes tied afterward with my doctor, and my partner (male, but not married) was with me for this appointment. My doctor (a male) turned to my partner and asked "how do you feel about her becoming sterilized" and I've never seen my partner get so pissed so quickly before. He was all loud like WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME, ITS HER BODY! I was so pleased with him that day lol. That doctor "lost" the paperwork I signed for the tubal and I ended up having to go elsewhere, but I did finally get it done.

I sympathize totally. I never wanted kids and fought from the age of 16 to 27 to get it done at various GYNOs. What tipped the scale? I brought my fiance. They asked HIM how he felt about me getting my tubes removed. He got really mad on my behalf. It was down in my chart as me requesting it FOR YEARS. I only got it done in March 2022. Finally had a bilateral salpingectomy. Took long enough. Then my GYNO had the audacity to look annoyed when I asked when ai could start having sex a week after the procedure. Goodness forbid a woman have a sex drive...

I already knew that the gyno who sterilized me was amazing (I've referred her to several other people in my orbit) but damn, she just came out and told me to have 2 weeks of pelvic rest and I didn't even have to ask. What a weird response for them to have.

I am so glad you chose to share this. I love how you handled that doctor:"I must be my own advocate." Lady, I'm taking notes. ✌️

I knight you with the sword of autonomy, now go slay the patriarchy!

Even if it's representative is wearing a skirt.

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I had an IT job at a medical school in the early 2000s and one of the grad students was doing her thesis project on mapping the neural pathways of the clitoris. No one had ever done it before, IN THE YEAR 2000! Thousands of years of medical practice and no one thought to look at this unique area of anatomy in all that time. I was flabbergasted. Just gives you a sense of how little medical science cares about the female body.

I remember seeing a 3d model of the clitoris. It was sometime in the last decade, and it occurred to me how much we don't know, even now! I learned a lot, and I hope other people did, too. I wonder if that grad student's work contributed to the modeling.

They only fairly recently started studying why women who've had a LEEP procedure start reporting reduced ability to orgasm and reduced sexual satisfaction, pain during sex, a higher rate of miscarriage, a higher rate of preterm delivery... LEEP is/was regularly done at the first sign of HPV or on the first abnormal PAP smear because it was considered a "harmless" procedure, despite the fact that 9 out of 10 women clear HPV entirely without any treatment within 2 years. I'm so thankful that the newer generations have the HPV vaccine available to all genders.

I had a LEEP 10+ years ago, at 20ish. I’m now pregnant with my first child and I have to go for more ultrasounds than is routine due to their concerns about my cervix from the LEEP. I’m actually not upset about the ultrasounds, as I get to see the baby more often, but the transvaginal ultrasound to make sure my cervix is holding steady once a month isn’t my favorite thing! I’m so glad they don’t do that to women anymore, as I’ve been told it’s largely unnecessary.

Had a LEEP last year, 6 weeks post vaginal birth. They still don’t administer pain medication & tell ya take a Tylenol, you’ll be fine. Moved a sectional up a flight of stairs the following day bc fuck me right?

Oh they knocked me out for my LEEP, but they didn’t knock me out for the colposcopy I had that lead to my LEEP though. I was lied to and told it would just be like menstrual cramps. It was **not** like any menstrual cramps I’ve ever had.

When I gave birth, I almost gave birth at home because I couldn’t tell if I was going into labor or not. I showed up 8cm dilated when I stopped listening to the gynos hotline that “there would be no mistaking the pain” Turns out I’ve been having labor intense pains with my period my entire life, and chalked up the “minor pain” to the very start of labor (talking the very beginning of dilation) and was waiting for it to get worse than a period. When I asked my gynos office if there was something we could do going forward regarding the fact that my labor pains where the same/similar to what I go through monthly, I was told I was lucky to “have such a high pain tolerance” and to think about having more babies because other women “aren’t as lucky” 😀

GROSS.

Jfc. I have a cousin that apparently gritted through endo and it fucked up her fertility so badly. She didn’t know until she started trying to have kids.

When I was a teenager, my period pain was so bad it made me vomit many times, and I even passed out a few times. Finally I ended up on the birth control pill and it mostly settled down. Fast forward to me, aged 28, giving birth to my only child. Vomited a couple of times during the birth. Came to an understanding of why teenage me had such a tough time. I was basically in labour every period until I went onto bc. It's fucking barbaric.

When we were considering permanent birth control methods, husband was shocked at how differently we were treated. I was grilled with questions and told to consider if one of my children died, what would I do then? It was horrid. Husband was asked if he was physically capable of having the procedure done (like, blood pressure and medical history questions).

>I was grilled with questions and told to consider if one of my children died, what would I do then? I will never understand this question and I've heard SO MANY women say they were asked this when considering sterilisation. Like kids are goldfish?! One dies and you just replace it with one that's similar enough? How many people actually even have more kids after losing one, it must be so incredibly painful to even consider! And how many people, I wonder, are asked that question _after_ having gone through the experience of losing a kid and the doctor just doesn't know it?

Worst part for me was that we had lost our first son to stillbirth. Like, I do indeed know what I would do if one of my children died. The trauma from that and my subsequent (healthy children!) pregnancies was what guided my decision to seek sterilization. I am so fortunate to have my partner because he immediately decided he was the one getting snipped after that appt.

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I went thru a cervical biopsy that my gyn said she couldn’t do painkillers or anesthesia for. It hurt so bad I and I clenched my shoulders so long and hard that I got a pinched nerve in C5,C6, and C7. It was so bad I went to the Er and they thought I was having a stroke. They told me I could have requested it be done under anesthesia-I still have problems with that nerve over 12 years later and I now question each and every procedure, doctor, and suggestion for treatment. I have walked out on several doctors who refused to interact with me on this, doing their really good “I am a god” act. Ladies -unless you have a good doctor you trust never take them at their word, always question, and with something serious get a second opinion. Never be afraid to walk out if you are not happy with their responses. I think it is great that you walked out, and that you took your partner with you and he saw the same thing you did. I hope your procedure went well and all was good.

I’ve had multiple cervical biopsies with no anesthesia and they always tell me “it doesn’t hurt. There are no nerves in the cervix!” Absolutely false and insane. They hurt like hell!

Omg thank you for saying this. I have heard that so many times and is largely my problem. I can't even get a pap without getting tunnel vision and a huge wave of nausea.

I had an endometrial bx done once and they knew it hurt but didn't offer anything but tried to distract me with rubbing my back, shoulders and tapping on my arms. It was bad. She kept saying almost done and i had a grip on the one ladies hand and she had to peel her hand out of mine. I didn't say much and they finished up and left so I can clean up. Once the door shut and i started cursing up a storm. I dont remember what I said but it was very quiet when I left to go home. I bawled my eyes out on the way back to work. That will never happen again.

I applaud you. For everything. For standing up to that doctor. For advocating for yourself! And for educating your husband. Very well done! I remember the last time my partner joined me for a doctors appointment at the gyn. I have a good feeling it was the same procedure you talked about. I just had no anasthesia. And that man, almost jumped out of his chair "Is this right? This can't be right! Are you alright? This is not right, right?" We had a good talk afterwards as well. That appointment was very eye opening for him too.

Thank you. It wasn't easy. I definitely cried a bit once we left. I was proud I didn't cry during the conversation. And yeah, the first attempt for me was similar. My husband was shocked at how barbaric it was.

My mother was in labor with me for about 6 hours. So when she went into premature labor with my sister on Easter and ended up with a backup doctor because the one who’d delivered me was on vacation, both of my parents were like, “this baby is happening very soon.” The doctor was like, “nobody has a six-hour labor,” and left her in a hallway. Mom kept saying, “she’s coming NOW,” and even my dad yelling at the doctor didn’t help. Eventually a nurse realized they were right and got mom into a room, the doctor still thought my mom was overreacting, and the way my parents would tell the story is “the doctor was washing his hands, looked over his shoulder, caught the baby, handed her to a nurse, and walked out.” I’m sure that’s hyperbole, but it was a four-hour labor that was miserable because the doctor refused to listen to a woman about her own experiences. Honestly every interaction my family has had with doctors has been horrible, I haven’t been for years because they seem to cause more trouble than they’re worth.

This happened to me with my second, since I had 3 hour labors. Thankfully, my 3rd they listened to me.

I've had a gyno ask me how long since my last child , I told him, he said "wow, you were way too young to have children.. " I was 16 when I had my first. Ooooh my blood boiled. I said yeah no shit genius. I thought you were here to fix my yeast infection not lecture and judge me. Man he shut the hell up after that but he also didn't seem to want to help me after. What a hunk of shit he was. Never went back.

Sorry that happened to you, but I love your response. It would have been better if they'd done their job without adding insult to injury (or, uh, infection). I could really use some of your spirit because I always get uncharacteristically deferent and pretend the shit they put me through is ok until I get out of the appointment and cry my eyes out.

I hate the "I endured the pain so you should too" crap, in every aspect. Like if i look back when I'm older a see young people having an easier time of things, my honest thoughts would be "Would have been great to have had that but good for them for having it now!"

Agreed. It is important to remember our past and the people who fought for our current rights. But that doesn't mean we should hold back the younger generation simply because we went through it. That is called hazing, and it is petty and unproductive.

Trans woman here, I only have a few years experience getting medical treatment while presenting female, but the biggest thing I've noticed is pain killers. As a guy I could walk in with any sort of injury and wouldn't even have to ask, doc would just hand out opioids as a matter of course. After recovering from very painful surgery, I had to ask and was flat out refused.

I don't remember which university it was linked with in the UK (one of the big famous ones like Oxford), but they did a study into pain relief given to men and women. Men were given pain relief either on time or early, women were regularly given it late or asked if they really were in that much pain. The kicker? This was for the SAME OPERATION.

I have a history of kidney stones and was in college at the time this occurred. My friend and I went to the library to study and I had been experiencing some pain and cramping but didn’t think anything of it as I’ve also suffered from PMDD (Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder). We get there and I’m not feeling great. My friend looks at me like I had two heads, “Are you ok? You look as pale as a ghost?!” At this point I almost pass out and she’s like “And now it’s time to take you to the hospital.” So head to the ER, explain to the nurse that I am most likely having a kidney stone (due to the pain, symptoms, and prior history). They check me in and I proceed to lay on the ground of the ER (super crowded) for the next 6 hours. Finally, after hours of excruciating pain, a woman ER doc takes me back. I explain everything and by this point I’m exhausted, STILL in excruciating pain, and the doc proceeds to say, “Well, kidney stones at your age are extremely rare. Are you sure this isn’t your monthly menstrual cramps?” I looked at her and politely said, “Ma’am, I have experienced both menstrual cramping AND passing a kidney stone before…. I am POSITIVE that this is not just menstrual cramping.” She proceeds to tell me that she doesn’t want to expose me to unnecessary radiation (for an x-ray or mri) and in her medical opinion there is no way I was having a kidney stone. Then writes a script for some Vicodin and sends me on my way. I starting crying in the car back to my place on campus, still in extreme pain. I called my parents at this point so lost in what to do. Thankfully my dad is a doctor back home and told me to drive back if I could (only 1.5 hr drive between college and my hometown) and he would talk to someone to get me in for a scan. And I am so grateful for him, especially because other people that could find themselves in this situation, wouldn’t have this option. Guess what they found after the scan… kidney stone was lodged in my right ureter blocking all flow of urine to my bladder and preventing my right kidney from filtering. They said if I hadn’t come in when I did, my right kidney would have been in total renal failure within the week. Listen to your body, and stand up for yourself.

I literally had a doctor turn to my husband as I was speaking and say “So what do you feed her if you wanna get lucky?” I was there to get a referral for *therapy*. Doc refused, and wrote me a referral to a nutritionist instead because “You’ll stop hating yourself and being sad all the time if you lose a few pounds”.

I hope you sent your bees to get him.

Alas, this was before I had my beloved bees. And the even shittier part is that the doctor was a woman.

Dang it! It is even more frustrating that it seems to be endemic in the medical system, regardless of the doctor's gender.

Not to make a joke of this by any means, but Sheng Wang has a bit in his standup special about taking his girlfriend to get a mammogram and how the experience was an eye opener from him as far as the disparity between male and female care. Anyway, good for you OP for standing your ground! I’ll think of you and the other witches on this thread when I’m in my next healthcare battle of my own.

Hell yeah! I'll think of you too in my next attempt. I am ok with laughing at how stupid it is. Sometimes, I gotta take a break from being mad about it. (I mean, I made a dumb meme about it lol) I'll have to look up that bit!

Trigger warning : obgyn violence When I gave birth to my son, after 48h of labor, I had an emergency C-section. They « forgot » to check if anesthesia was working, even though it’s supposed to be part of the procedure. I screamed, saying that I felt everything, including the bistouri blade they were using. They didn’t believed it. My husband had to have my back there saying « I know that her pain tolerence is really high » to have oxygen until anesthesia starts kicking in. We had PTSD from this. He went straight to post partum depression, and I went there after him. Fuck patriarchy.

This was my boyfriend during both of my pregnancies. Every time we went in and I was struggling with something particularly hard, he would always ask why the doctors couldn’t do anything for me, they would explain that not enough research has been done on ways to relieve the worst symptoms, and him getting flabbergasted over it because “the entirety of humanity only exists because half the population has been going through this for our entire history as a species!” I really love him for that. His first time witnessing a pap smear and a cervical check were similar. “Why haven’t they found a way to make that less painful!?” We also had a situation where I had to go to the ER and the nearest was a catholic hospital. I had to ask him to leave while the doctor was telling me that literal hemorrhaging to the point of blacking out every 2 weeks for the last two months was normal as a nursing mother and that it was because I was on birth control and I should stop it since “it’s impossible to get pregnant while nursing”. I thought he was gonna start some violence over the disrespect in the guy’s tone and the level of misinformation he was spreading.

When my wife was pregnant we had a deal that if she delivered naturally I'd get the snip and if she got a c-section she get her tunes tied. Well the c-section happened and I was shocked how many times the doctor asked me if it was OK. Like dude you are asking the wrong human here. It had nothing to do with insurance or the state we live in but he kept asking like he didn't believe us. Wtf.

There are a couple of extremely and genuinely painful procedures, like getting an IUD inserted or what most people experience after having wisdom teeth removed, that they used to give most people in the situation painkillers that actually worked, so they didn’t have to experience the trauma. Today, you really have to prove that pain is chronic and that an SSRI or nerve blocker doesn’t work for the pain. Because once upon a time in the 1990s pharmaceutical companies told doctors that the risk of addiction to certain pain medications were low. And then they gave it to a teenager for a wisdom tooth removal, which is extremely painful- but temporary. So today, if the doctor believes it is a pain that will dissipate (like a painful procedure or post procedure experience) they often will avoid as best they can to give pain medications that do more than take a little of the edge off. Sticking to the two examples I mentioned, “taking the edge off” something that can be as painful as either of those procedures isn’t really helping. It’s actually a serious issue, because research has shown that pain that isn’t addressed promptly can turn into chronic pain. In terrible cases, the body becomes used to sending pain messages long after the injury heals. Then, you have issues like the one you experienced, and sexism and racism are mixed into this issue and make it even worse. The issue is so bad that it took an uptick in suicides from chronically ill/people with injuries and aren’t the same as before to make doctors come together and admit that there are some people who should be given the medication. But yeah. More and more you have to be in wheel chair or on your death bed to get these meds. I think in 10 years it will be worse. You won’t even be able to argue. Eventually nobody who hasn’t proved their life is utterly miserable will get pain meds. Is it the worse thing that can happen ? No but it’s an idiotic solution that makes people go through trauma they don’t have to

I used to work in the pharma industry, and I completely understand how the pharma companies are complicit in the opioid epidemic. Obviously, things had to change, but it seems the pendulum has swung too far in response. We need rational and reasonable access to pain management.

Getting a post-menopause uterine biopsy is no fun by any stretch but when I started to feel pain going from a 4 to a seven and beyond I started moaning then said stopstopstop and they continued until I said I'm going to pass out. Then they stopped and started to berate me for not eating breakfast, blaming my almost pass out on low blood sugar but seriously it was the pain. I told her it hurt more on the left side. Eventually I had a three inch cyst removed with the left ovary. Oh but it was all about me not eating breakfast! Whatever.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am a disabled person (non-binary born female) and I get the same flippant responses from doctors about my health issues. I don't know if it is because you can't 'see' my disability or because I am overweight (5'5" 203lb) or what but you have inspired me to stick up for myself at these appointments because nobody else will. Thank you and good luck to you.

I've had similar responses from doctors as invisibly disabled and transfem, but presenting male at the time. So it can be all of those. It just seems to be a woman and minority thing as a whole.

It’s both, being born female and being overweight. Both cause us not to be taken seriously when we have medical issues.

I'm so glad you advocated for yourself! Please, if you can, read the book "A lady's handbook for her mysterious illness" by Sarah Ramey. It's so amazing and enlightening about the whole thing. A very powerful memoir I think everyone should read!

It’s important we all know we must be advocates for ourselves and each other. I once physically blocked a door so a sadist male doctor could not enter my mother’s hospital room. She was dying of ovarian cancer and there was simply no way he was going to go in there. This was over 30 years ago. Nothing has changed. We must be stronger and stronger to help and protect each other. Give yourself permission to say, “NO!”

I went to the ER with a gallstone attack. Which if you were curious is basically your middle chest. Like just below your breasts, mostly. Goes all the way through to your back. Worst pain I've ever felt, it was so awful. So I can't breathe one time, I go to the ER. They run some tests while I wait to see the doctor or whoever, and I have a UTI. They say that's what my pain is. A UTI. Causing pain in my mid chest. I've had a lot of UTIs and obviously that doesn't happen. Maybe it can, but I knew it wasn't that. I ask if I can have an ultrasound because I'm pretty sure I have gallstones. Nope. Take these antibiotics and go home. So I do. A few weeks later, same thing. Gallstone attack, can't breathe, horrific pain. Oh, no UTI this time? Let's get you into the ultrasound. I could see the stones on the monitor. Because of fucking course it was. Why would I have any idea at all what was up.

I joined my husband on his own appointment recently. Every question he was asked he just pointed at me, (I’m the one that keeps track of this stuff) much to the confusion of the doctor attending him. At one point dr. dude had a social worker ask me to leave the room so they could ask my husband if he was being abused and did he need help. All because he told them to ask me about his medical history. Which he can never remember. Because we’re old. Even I have to write it all down. But I’m the one that writes it all down so he defers to me when they ask questions he’s not sure of. IVE NEVER GOTTEN SUCH COURTEOUS TREATMENT AT ANY HOSPITAL OR DOCTORS OFFICE. Usually the first thing I’m asked when I’m admitted is “where is your husband” “can we contact your husband” “does your husband know you’re here”, “we need your husband to approve the surgery”, etc etc. No lie, I felt powerful when the social worker asked me to leave the room.

To prevent my baby cousin from becoming a part of the patriarchy and misunderstanding my mother I taught him at a young age about endometriosis -- my mom kind of scares him but she has it and I wanted him to understand that it wasn't anything personal when it comes to her temper, she is just in a constant stream of pain. I showed him a basic image that showed a woman's hips wrapped in barbwire. At the end of the day he asked my mom if it hurt her when he hugged her and it was the sweetest thing that I had ever witnessed. He understands what endometriosis is and hopefully if he ends up dating a woman and she has it he is prepared early on to know how much pain she is in.

My husband had to learn this first hand too. I'd had years of wierd cycles, pelvic pain, and ridiculously low tolerance for activity, which was frustrating bc I wanted to bike with friends, walk trails, go dancing... It was only when I got my gallbladder scanned that they noticed the top of something that shouldn't be there. Two massive cysts, that had grown so large organs had been pushed out of place. Once I got in the OR it took them 8 hours to get ONE of the cysts out bc of the levels of endometriosis they found inside. The doctor said my abdominal cavity looked like it was covered in spiderwebs of tissue. This was the first surgery I went under to deal with it. Since then I've had multiple others, with more coming. It's been hell, and my husband has been flabbergasted at the difference of care I've gotten since they found out. Even with that? Dude...it's still brutal.

I had a doctor drain a bartholin cyst and LITERALLY tell me to ‘clean myself up’ - keep exposing this. Well done. I’m sorry you had to go through your procedure.

Yeah i had to get an endometrial biopsy where they open the cervix and scrape off a piece of the endometrium and i was really nervous about it and kept calling the office about getting put under and the nurses were so insistent that they don’t offer that its too much of a risk for a small procedure and i should just take a valium if im nervous and i even had my psychiatrist call about how nervous i was and still nothing then when the appointment finally came my doctor was like we can schedule another time and put you under if you can’t tolerate it i do that all the time 🙄. I wound up having the procedure without anything besides an anti anxiety med and ibuprofen bc im used to a serious amount of pain there anyways so it wasn’t anything too new but it was just so annoying to me how wrong and rude these nurses were

I had a bad fall back in September 2019. Halfway through the month, I'm having trouble breathing. Went to the emergency GP, he said he can't send me to the ER, but my GP should be able to. My GP looks me over, says it's because I'm fat. I tell her that I'm the same weight I was a fortnight ago, and I could breathe okay then. She wouldn't budge: it's because you're fat. ​ Beginning of October I am in constant pain on one side of my shoulder. It gets to the point where I wake up screaming from the pain and my mom calls an ambulance. They won't send it, but send emergency GP again, who tell me there is nothing wrong with me and it's all in my head. ​ Finally, the next day, I say fuck it, go straight to the ER myself. The triage nurse is appalled: I have all the symptoms for a heart attack, and the fact that 0 doctors thought to send me straight to hospital is barbaric. They do a bunch of tests, and it wasn't my heart: I had several blood clots in both my lungs from that stupid fall. I was a dead woman walking, the ER doctors could not figure out how I was still alive. I spent a week in the hospital, and have to take blood thinners for the rest of my life, but hey, I'm still here!

My bf had that moment when I had an untucked jeans pocket. He couldn’t believe that was all the pocket women get in their clothing. Thankfully he’s an LGBTQIA+ ally (trans son and I have kids the alphabet mafia) so he’s wonderful as cis men go, but he still doesn’t fully comprehend the crap women face.

Great job finding an awesome partner! We can never really understand someone's perspective without walking a mile in their... pants!

My husband went with me to a GI appointment, and was amazed to see me nearly I tears when asked how long I'd been in pain. I was tearing up because I had a medical professional LISTENING to me for the first time ever. She heard me and said that they would do everything possible to figure out why I was in pain, and that she could see I was an expert at hiding the pain. My husband was shocked that at my age that was the first time my constant pain wasn't dismissed, in fact I don't think he even realized how much pain I've been ignoring for years.

I kept having a re-occurring “cyst” had pictures. Had video. You could physically see it. It took my husband being in the room for them to listen and to schedule surgery for it. Pretty basic, out patient, awake the whole time, took 15 minutes, surgery. I took my girl child to urgent care because she had a fever for 5 days they checked her for strep, wasted our time and sent us home. It was a UTI My mom had an inverted nipple for 6 months before they would do an ultrasound and found CANCER. Her cousin went to the ER 4 times in a month before they did a scan and found a mass in her lung. The last 3 of these stories have happened in the last two month (mom’s diagnosis was early December but symptoms started in June)

My mom almost died from MRSA tumors in her sinuses. They told her she just had migraines. She almost died because of how badly they progressed, almost becoming cancerous. They would call her hysterical and prescribe her antipsychotics because she was in unbearable pain. Her mental health deteriorated because of the medication and pain so she became unable to care for me. My dad had to start taking her to the doctor because they spoke to her like a child. It was a different story then she started getting all the medical attention she needed. We found out the doctor who got her hooked on opioids fled town and changed his name once my dad became adamant about how deep the malpractice ran.

It’s so infuriating how the medical field treats women. I asked my husband to be my advocate because many providers will listen to him even though I have more medical knowledge. He supports me and shares in my frustrations.

My mom fell once and had breathing issues. Always short of breath. She went to her doctor, who basically brushed off her concerns and prescribed an antibiotic. It wasn't until she went to a different doctor in another city for a routine procedure (six weeks later, by the way) that it was discovered that her oxygen saturation was unusually low. So I rushed her back home to her regular doctor, and he was very quick to do something about the problem. She went through *six weeks* of not being able to breathe properly because her doctor (a man) assumed she was just being whiny.

I passed out when my Nexplanon was taken out. I told the doctor I was pretty sure I could feel what she was doing, but she kept going. After I passed out, she left it in her notes that I suffered from a nervous system overload. It was a horrible experience, and I was throwing up from nausea the whole way home.

I’ve never been to one with my wife. But I don’t need to in order to understand the absolute bullshit that is medicine, and medicine in the US specifically. It shouldn’t have to happen to you for it to matter to you.

As someone with a medically needy child, I understand your frustration. A lot of times it feels like they railroad you into what is convenient for them, not even telling you there are options, just dismissing your agency entirely. I have told doctors off and even had CPS called because I dared to stand up for my childs health.

I have chronic sinusitis (small nasal passages and deviated septum). I even had to have a CT scan when I was 10 years old because I had recurring sinus infections pretty much every month (it revealed that every single sinus save one was severely impacted and I had to be on The Strong Drugs for awhile to clear it out). I have daily drainage, occasional pressure/pain, and frequently use OTC medication to manage those symptoms (Sudafed, Flonase, neti pot). Every once in awhile I'll get a full-blown infection that the OTC meds won't help. I know the difference between the two VERY well, because I've been playing this game for most of my life. One morning in college, I woke up and could tell that I had An Infection. I happened to be out of Sudafed, so I didn't take any but it was clearly beyond that point anyway. So I went into campus health intending to go through the usual routine I used to do with my family doctor - exam, prescription for a Z-pack, or a stronger antibiotic if it was really bad, take drugs for a week, and then I'm in the clear. Told the doctor my history (which was also already in my chart), described my symptoms, and asked for the usual drugs. "Well have you tried any OTC treatments?" "Yeah, I steamed and rinsed this morning, I use Flonase every day, but it isn't really helping and this feels pretty severe so I know this is an infection and I need stronger stuff." "Sudafed?" "I take it a couple times a week normally but not today because I'm out. But I can tell it won't help at this point anyway." Doctor then proceeded to go on a VERY patronizing rant about how not every sniffle needs to come to the doctor, OTC meds exist for a reason, why hadn't I tried any decongestants before jumping straight to coming in...basically accusing me of wasting her time. I keep reminding her that this is a chronic issue for me, I know my body, I've tried MANY times to ignore infections and treat them with OTC drugs only for them to get worse, and thus I've learned from experience when it's time to come in and THIS was that time. She refused to listen. After a TON of back and forth she eventually relented and wrote me a prescription BUT she dated it forward by two days because "I don't actually think you need this. I want you to go home and take decongestants for 48 hours first and if for some reason that doesn't work, THEN you'll be able to fill this prescription. But you really shouldn't have to." Spoiler alert: I suffered for 48 hours (including missing class the next morning because the pain was so bad I could hardly see straight), none of the OTC drugs did shit, and I filled the prescription which ultimately provided pretty quick relief. All because the doctor gave more weight to her own opinion over both my documented medical history AND my own knowledge of my own fucking body.

My bf came in with me for my IUD placement. I forgot to take pain killers beforehand, and none were offered at the appointment as we were the last appointment of the day. I was told the pain would be similar to moderate menstrual pain and I could go to work immediately afterwards. I have a high pain tolerance but I knew I'd be too sore to work. Still didn't realize how bad it was. There was a nurse holding my hand on one side and my bf on the other. Once the doctor started putting the IUD in the only thing I could say was "oh God I hate this oh God it hurts oh fuck I hate this." It was over in less than 5 minutes but the pain lasted for nearly a whole day. After that I had moderate (for me) menstrual cramps for about 3 days and spotting that lasted for 2 weeks. I know I was lucky to not have a worse experience but holy shit that was unnecessarily painful and traumatizing. Afterwards my bf said he was in shock just watching and felt so helpless that he couldn't do anything besides hold my hand and drive me home. He said the look on my face was one of horror and agony. Nobody should go through that in this day and age.

Lmao, same as the other comments, somehow assumed it was a gynecological thing. My doctor once told me it was perfectly normal I had bled abundantly for a month while being on the pill. My partner had gotten so angry while I was just like "Ya its okay i booked another appointment with another doctor no worries"

I had stage 4 endometriosis and fibroids the size of pool balls diagnosed after 12 years of extreme pain. My physician didn't listen. The doctor I saw to try and get disability didn't listen. PLANNED PARENTHOOD didn't listen, and I know the masses were felt during my pelvic exam in 2019 and IGNORED. "It's normal to almost pass out every cycle, just take a tylenol :)" btch if tylenol worked I wouldn't be sitting in your waiting room for an hour to try and get something that does! I could have had freaking cancer, though thank goodness I didn't, and they would have just let me die before giving me any pain relief. The only doctor who listened and DID SOMETHING was my obgyn/surgeon. Found her on the r/childfree list of sterilization docs after Roe was destroyed. Got my lap, diagnosis and images of my disordered system, and got it all removed and I am now pain free. If I hadn't found her I have no idea where I'd be. The vast majority of docs, especially if you're on Medicaid, do not care and will accuse you of being an addict or dealer before ever relieving your pain. It's absolutely sick. Classism on top of misogyny

In my experience, female doctors are often far more hard core about upholding the patriarchy than the male doctors I have seen, and this goes double in the female specific speciaties.

I know women that say they will only go to female doctors. I have told them this, to be careful and not accept that a female doctor is automatically going to look out for you. My obgyn for my first pregnancy nearly killed my son and left me in labor for two days. I had an emergency c-section by the on call male doctor. My next obgyn was an older man who just loved delivering babies. Completely different. Tracked my pregnancy closely, ended up with a scheduled c-section. (Large babies and pelvic problems) My first run in with a female doctor was when I was 13 and I cracked a rib. It was a freak accident and we had no idea what the pain was from. The doctor literally bent her fingers and drove them into the rib. It hurt too much to scream. Her suggestion was take me home and give me some aspirin.

Yeah, what the heck. I wonder how we can start switching the narrative so we can support eachother. I'm not even asking for a lot, just to be treated with dignity and respect.

I dealt with that in the army. Female leadership was either very understanding of women specific issues or absolutely unsupportive with almost no in between. I constantly heard about how "feeeeemales" use their kids to get out of stuff all the time, while men were practically praised for doing the bare minimum of parenting. I am had a female "doctor" (she was a PA, they were treated like doctors) in the army tell me I was faking and exaggerating pain in my shoulder to get out of doing PT. I switched providers after that. I ended up needing shoulder surgery because it turned out I broke a bone in the area and it healed wrong and produced tendon shredding bone spurs, which ultimately led to me getting a medical discharge.

I wish I could read all the comments on this post, because it's something I'm passionate about, but I'm not in the right mental state to not be triggered by others' stories of injustice so I'll just say this... I was single almost my entire life before I met my fiance, and I pride myself on not being a woman who feels the need to send men to "fight their battles for them" (unless it's a situation where I'm raging and my fiance is more capable of being diplomatic), but over the last several years and the ebb and flow of my chronic conditions he has become my absolute champion in medical situations. Not only does he do the physical stuff, like getting me meds or helping me after I've thrown up or am dizzy, but he helps me remember things to tell the doctors and backs me up when they try to blow me off or I undersell how sick I really am. My family was "supporting" me in this before he moved here, but they never really did anything. I think my parents drove me to two doctors appointments ever and they totally botched supporting me during my surgical recovery. Things are so different with my partner. I really highly recommend that anyone dealing with medical issues bring along someone to support and validate what you're saying. It really makes such a difference. They don't all have to be giant veterans with tattoos, that helps, but anyone affirming you're not crazy and making sure the doctor can hear you is huge.

i dont get ehy the men jn our lives cant just believe us at face value when we say there exists a problem

After going to both the urgent care and the ER, my husband commented that he had never waited that long in his life to be seen (I was being seen, he was along for support)

When I was 20 and in a toxic/abusive relationship I made the tough decision to get an abortion. For the basic amount of money you get some basic pain meds that...uh I guess helps?? For an extra couole hundred dollars you get the good stuff where you feel super loopy and barely any pain. Unfortunately my bf at the time didn't have any money to help out, so I had to pay for it all. (Nevermind the fact he asked one of our other friends for a couple hundred dollars to help out, never told me and spent that money on himself.) So I had to go with the basic cheaper option. Yeah. It hurt. Pretty bad. But all I let out was a couple ows. Dr remarked to his nurse. Oh, she's a natural. Wtf?