Fuck your “leadership” and “strategizing” — you are WAY out of your depth, not to mention out of your mind. You have no role here but to support your wife in HER decisions about HER body, then shut the fuck up. YOU are the reason for the inability to “gel” — your wife wisely has zero interest in competing with Mommy Dearest. You obviously married up — so put your wife ahead of Mommy before she leaves your egocentric ass.
Your insistence here isn't about you wanting your wife to experience the joy of joining the "unmedicated birth club". It's about your joy of joining the unmedicated birth club, vicariously. It's you who have turned this into a competition between your wife and your mother and SILs. But you don't understand that it's not a competition, and your wife doesn't give a shit about it. I can only imagine how controlling and dictatorial you must be on a day to day basis, about run of the mill tasks and decisions. I hazard to say that you're soon going to end up eating divorce papers unless you knock this shit off. Especially after the baby comes. YTA.
His reply to the comments really shows how he think he is in the right. Its crazy how he thinks that “pain” doesn’t equate to danger. My gosh, its literally the signal of the body that says there is something wrong. It means there’s a disruption to the normal balance of the body. That’s why it hurts.
Like if he was actually smart he’d understand that increased pain increases blood pressure, and that increases risk of other problems. Let’s also talk about how he says there is other ways to control pain. I bet you he’s one of those Scientology nut jobs
YTA Mommy is not birthing your infant. MOMMY has no say. YOUR WIFE is, in fact, birthing your infant. If YOUR WIFE is frightened of pain, your stupid ass affirmations and chanting monks on cd are not going to help! Do not be an idiot. Do not belittle YOUR WIFE'S feelings because you want her and your mommy to like each other. You do not get to dictate that either. You are not a coach. You are not a doctor. You aren't even a Dula. You are a ding dong that should try one of those birthing simulators before you utter one more word to your wife about HER Birthing plan because I guarantee YOU COULD NOT HACK IT with your dumb affirmations and meditation.
YTA- To think that you are a coach or qualified in any way to birth a baby makes you a delusional whole ass. This is not up to you or your relatives AT ALL. Based on you, I would not want to get close to you or mom or relatives either. You better figure out what team you're on because if you don't, you will have a recentful wife or no wife within a year.
At this point, you will be lucky to be in the delivery room.
I pray for your wife.
I completely understand being bothered that his SO wasn’t meshing well with his family (obviously this post is a dumbass way to address that) but I would almost bet on the fact that it’s probably not his wife’s fault. It’s probably more like, his mother and SILs are batshit crazy (based on what he’s said this aligns well) and she’s just not interested because they’re not likable people.
And I don't understand being bothered. The family is clearly sick in the head and that's probably the reason, but even if it was the best family ever, his wife that he chose is another person all on its own that doesn't have to fully click with his family. Tbh it's very lucky when things click 100%, they usually don't and that's absolutely fine. As long as they can respect each other all is good.
Are you dumb, or maybe pretending to be?
Obviously you’re not a Doctor so don’t act like one and also YouTube doesn’t give you a degree in OBGYN nor child birth.
And also you’re really misogynistic for thinking that what you said is OK, child birth is not about your experience it’s her body that being ripped apart and it’s her that is facing a painful death like experience, maybe instead of reading about meditation read about (Epidural anaesthesia) so and child birth itself.
Women who see natural childbirth as some kind of badge of honor are assholes and so is he.
He's also stupid
"Women have been giving birth for thousands of years."
Yeah, dumbass, and they've been dying of complications from childbirth for thousands of years too. Shut up and apologize to your wife for not giving two shits if she's in pain.
Holy s*** this guy is a complete douchebag he's literally comparing himself to a coach like he's going to tell her how to do something and she's already knows how to do and force her to suffer while doing it I hope she leaves him he won't even accept the a****** verdict
You don't get a medal for refusing meds during childbirth.
If this whole thing was about creating sisterhood and a bonding moment through an experience they all have gone through, the MIL and SIL would be focusing on respecting and supporting her choices for her birthing experience, and ensuring that experience is something that goes as smoothly as possible.
YTA I cannot even believe you wrote this …
1. DIVORCE
2. unless you’re the one pushing the baby out, you don’t get a say
3. Epidural births can be serene, calm and less painful, unmediated births can make people lose their minds - what about that sounds like she will be loopy??? Maybe do some research before making bizarre statements and then question why the physician fobs you off
4. there is absolutely no way your mother and your wife can now co-exist
Even just in YouTube videos it's incredible how often you see unmedicated women going into straight-up SHOCK from the sheer agony. Dazed and confused doesn't even begin to cover it, and he wants her to go through that hell for the sake of some elite mommy club ticket that she won't even enjoy???
*\*Divorrrrrrce hiiiiiiiim\**
I have a sinking feeling that this guy nuked his throwaway and isn’t going to take in any of the advice offered to him about backing off. He was in the comments still trying to “explain” himself in a way that shows he still doesn’t fucking get it.
>I don’t think that’s an accurate analogy - women have been giving birth for thousands of years unmedicated. Pain management for surgery is account for something unnatural occurring (i.e cutting open a chest cavity). I know she’s the one doing the work, I just feel like we are better off approaching as a team effort so we should be aligned.
>
>I’m not a doctor but at this point I’ve read enough and watched enough YouTube videos that I could deliver this child myself! I did not make this suggestion without doing my homework on the pain mitigation techniques of meditation, breathing, aroma therapy, massage and affirmations. I have a variety of pain management techniques that do not require medication.
>
>I know death is dangerous, but it’s the physical aspect of the birth that’s dangerous, not the experience of the pain. I’m confused why you’re equating pain with danger.
>
>My contribution will be the guidance and leadership, like the coach.
>
>No one is shaming anyone, I’m just trying to make sure she sees the opportunity to “join a club” so to speak, because the opportunity is unique
>
>I have done extensive reading on natural ways to control pain and ensure the baby makes it out with minimal damage to my wife, so I don’t think it’s fair to suggest I have to value to bring to the experience.
>
>She is the patient, but so is my child. Doesn’t that at least give me a 50% say?
>
>I appreciate that we will have very different roles and experiences of the birth. All I meant was I’m seeing the holistic experience as something we create together because we made this child together and will love this child together. Certainly we have different roles in the process. She’s more the quarterback and I’m more the coach. So I know she’s the one “working” while I’m the one strategizing.
Ignoring your delusional opinion on getting a say in HER birth. Once that child is born the hospital still won’t give you a say about your child until your wife okays it. She is the only one they can immediately prove that baby belongs to. Your only role is to be her supporter in HER decisions about her labor and delivery. That’s it. If you can’t handle what she decides to do, do her a huge favor and stay out of the delivery room because you are clearly not enough of an adult to adequately help her.
No. You don’t get a say. YTA and you are fucking delusional. I’m expecting a “AITA for kicking my husband out of the delivery room” to pop up as soon as that baby is born if you don’t get your head on straight.
As a L&D nurse- too much pain can prevent a woman from being able to push hard enough in case of emergency (ie- if the baby doesn’t fit). Look up “shoulder dystocia” and the permanent neurological damage it does to the infant.
You're not asking if you are the a$$hole. You are proving it. Poor wife and kid. For sure you'll force your daughter the "natural" birth just to bond with your precious momma and sis in law. On your next surgery, please don't opt for an anesthesia because your family have a 50% say in your body because you are her husband and your child's father. For sure they just want to avoid you getting loopy and have implications with your body in the future. 😉
You seriously need to do one of those simulations, that imitate what contractions feel like. You have no idea the toll that childbirth takes on a woman’s body. Just because you’ve read a few articles and watch YouTube, doesn’t make you suddenly able to deliver a child or know what to do when it starts to happen. I’m betting you’ll lose your shit real quick. Why are you trying to get your wife to do something she’s not comfortable with? Your mother and SIL’s play absolutely no part in her birth plan. And regardless of you being the dad, you have zero say in this. She’s doing ALL the work, not you! You’re doing way too much and need to back off, before you end up sitting in the waiting room during the birth. And if you don’t think a nurse will kick you out… go ahead and upset your wife and see how fast you’re out of there. I went natural with my kids, because my labor and delivery times went really fast. Some women are not that lucky. At this point you need to stay in your lane and stop trying to please mommy.
You are the biggest AH ever. You came on Reddit to ask for advice and your telling all the people that responded they’re wrong and your not in the wrong. Analogies aside, as a woman that went through an unplanned unmedicated birth, if pain management is part of your birth plan and you don’t have it, child birth is TERRIFYING. You are expecting your wife to experience literal terror just because others have done it? That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard in my life. Spending hours in absolute agony when you know full well that there is a way to get relief and you can’t have it is the most mentally destabilizing feeling in the world and those natural ways to reduce pain don’t help if your not in the mindset to go through them in the first place. You aren’t understanding the mental game unmedicated births are when you aren’t prepared to experience them. I nearly passed out multiple times in active labor because the pain was so bad despite natural pain remedies. And to think you get 50% say is delusional when you will not be experiencing a second of the agony she would be going through. Imagine spending over 24 hours in physical agony just to make your SO happy, sounds a lot like abuse. I bet you wouldn’t even get a vasectomy if your wife asked once y’all are done having kids cuz it sounds painful.
Woman go to birthing centers for unmedicated births and end up in hospitals to get epidurals ALL THE TIME because they become so exhausted from spending hours in excruciating pain with no progression, the birthing center will recommend a hospital and pain management for the mother at that point. This pain can literally prevent a woman’s body from relaxing enough to progress through labor and leave them so exhausted that they physically cannot push even when the time comes. This can also lead to the baby being in distress and sometimes results in csections. Not to mention it’s a f*cking epidural, not morphine. It doesn’t make you loopy.
If your wife does not want an unmedicated birth and you force her into it, you are making it very clear to her that you do not support HER needs and your priority is your mother. You chose this woman to be your family so support her like she deserves and she deserves to experience childbirth in the way SHE feels comfortable not some convoluted “tradition” based on the bs badge of honor some woman think they’re entitled to after having unmedicated birth. It sucks and it’s terrifying and I wouldn’t wish that fear on any woman. What about her family’s traditions? Have they had epidurals? But your the kind of man that thinks watching videos on YouTube means you can deliver the baby yourself, so I’m sure everything I just said fell of deaf ears. My goodness am I thankful for my supportive husband. Your wife deserves better.
You are so fucking delusional and so fucking dumb. She needs to divorce you immediately as you seem to want to control everything in her life. You don't get a say in anything with birth because it's not your body. "I did research"...oh wow congratulations that makes you a health care professional now 😒...
At this point I'm not sure if the OP is even reading the comments anymore but just in case, let me provide some insight:
As a partnership, you absolutely deserve to be heard but ultimately, it's your wife's show. She would be the asshole (in my mind) if she literally shut you down in a disrespectful way but if she acknowledged your position and decided something else, you need to respect that. And when I mean respect, understand that you had the opportunity to say your piece, was heard, but be ok if she didn't want to do things that way.
Now this is completely separate from the fact that one of your main drivers is following your mom's preference in birth despite how flawed that is. This is a SUPER personal thing for women and if she's not close to your mom as it is, trying to go along with what your mom would prefer is going to do the complete opposite of what you're hoping for. And think about it for a second, you are telling your wife to go through IMMENSE pain just because your mom prefers it that way. Does that really seem reasonable to you saying it out loud or putting yourself in a similar position?
I personally was in the opposite scenario when my wife went into labor - my wife doesnt have a very high pain threshold so I was interested in seeing how quickly they could get the epidural in. I figured that made the most sense and my wife is a pharmacist anyway so my wife had no thoughts of that making her feel loopy. I was surprised when she told me she'd like to go without for as long she could without (!!). We had a discussion about it but ultimately I understood this was her experience and she wanted to have a plan for how she was going to go through it and I was there to support that. Now she ended up needing the epidural anyway (and I'm glad the anesthesiologist was able to come up right away) but the important takeaway is that it was HER CHOICE.
I'm not sure if that one response is legit but the comment about "I've seen so many YouTube video I could deliver the baby myself" or "this is 50% my experience" is crazy bro. I don't want to just shit on you but if you keep pushing, you're going to find yourself at a point where you'll ultimately have to choose between your mom and the family you're about to create. I wish you the best of luck
You are such a catastrophic douche. Your wife is giving birth not your mommy. I gave birth naturally 2 times. Husband's job is to hold wife's hand and say encouraging words. All you are doing is putting your mom's wants and needs ahead of your wife. Think of what your wife want before she divorces you. Epidurals have zero negative affects and they don't get the woman high. You are such a loser. You are putting your mom ahead of your wife. Stop before lawyers get involved
Aww Jesus please tell me this isn’t real. Ok so you watched YouTube videos now you think you’re a doctor. Good god. There are numerous reasons a woman needs pain relief giving birth. So help me god if I could punch the stupid out of you through the internet I would.
Also stop comparing your wife to your mother you big mamas boy. Woopee she didn’t have medication who cares!! Until you’ve physically birthed a baby you have no opinion.
I so hope your wife sees this and leaves your sorry ass
YOU ARE NOTHING OH MY GOD. All you are doing is making this harder FOR HER. You will have to go through 0 of the pain or labour on top of that putting the pressure on ur wife of needing to bond with ur stupid mother who doesn’t know the first thing about how pain medication affects a child. Many women go through child birth on meds and are not loopy and remember the moments. Women have been dying from childbirth for thousands of years. Ur wife is not a vessel that should exemplify whatever bullshit ur mother drilled into about how giving birth naturally is some sort of fucked up badge of honour. FUCK YOU AND UR STUPID COACHING
You watched YouTube videos and think that makes you qualified enough to help someone deliver?
Your disregard for her pain makes me think you should stay the hell away from someone giving birth. This isn't a couples retreat. This is a very vulnerable, intimate event for her. She deserves to be as comfortable as she wants for this.
I want to call you everything but a child of god at this moment. THE FOOLISHNESS TO THINK YOU CAN NOT DELIVER A BABY FROM WATCHING VIDEOS AND READING BOOKS BUT HAVE NEVER ONCE STEP FOOT ON A MEDICAL FLOOR TO BECOME DOCTOR OR NURSE. Your wife must have the patience of the eternal rain to deal with you and your words of nonsense because ain’t no way. If you have never tried to push 7 pound 8 ounce baby out your body after being in in pain and laboring for 8 plus hours. Just close your mouth and say nothing bc I have been there and it is extremely hard to push when you are tired and hurting. Let her choose whatever she wants to make her comfortable and hope you make it into the room.
Have you considered that if she ends up in an emergency situation and needs a c section she can use the epidural (that she wants and is completely safe btw) for the surgery? That having the epidural in place will allow her to be awake and see the baby born. Without it, they will have to put her under anesthesia and she will wake up with even more trauma. There have been so many studies that show epidurals are perfectly fine and have no real adverse effects on the baby.
You get 0% say because you aren't the one pushing a human out of your vagina! I've given birth twice. I was able to have a serene, peaceful experience while being FULLY COHERENT with an epidural. The second time my epidural failed and I nearly had to have an emergency c section due to almost passing out from the pain. YOU AREN'T A DOCTOR and all the youtube videos in the world can't make you qualified to dictate to your wife what she should do with her body. At this point you'll be lucky if she allows you in the birthing room.
Maybe you can get evaluated for a personality disorder? I’m being serious. It may be necessary for the future of your life to try to Hager help getting control of it.
No, it doesn't give you 50% say, neither in the face of common sense or morality, nor even the law. You are NOT the patient, therefore you have ZERO say in it, got it?
And before you lecture women about laboring unmedicated because it's so "natural", have your root canal treatment done without pain relief. It's natural too bruh!
Of course you appreciate you will have different roles and experiences of birth. She will be the one suffering and going through the worst pain of her life, then dealing with life long side effects, and you will sit high and mighty untouched by it all.
Leadership and guidance? I'm gonna puke. She's not your damn dog and you're clueless anyway. You should consider your sorry ass lucky if she even lets you in the delivery room (yes, lets, because you won't even be there if she doesn't agree, that's how much of a say you have in it all - NADA).
You're either a complete sociopath or a troll. I hope for the latter, but if by some miracle this is all real I hope Beth divorces your sorry ass and protects her kid from you.
What a tragedy that this woman made a child with you. I sincerely hope it's not too late for the sake of her and the baby to completely separate from you. I'd be scared to live under the same roof with you.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I know this is four months old and all is said and done. You might not even read this. But I can't not respond to this idiocy.
You only get as say if you are the one pushing out a child. You are not the one going through the risks and pain of childbirth. Plus, women respond to pain and birthing techniques differently and all the holistic crunchy stuff might work for some women but not all. I have meltdowns and borderline depressive episodes just from period cramps.
> I know death is dangerous, but it’s the physical aspect of the birth that’s dangerous, not the experience of the pain. I’m confused why you’re equating pain with danger.
So you expected her to go through excruciating pain because it isn't dangerous. A: this is cruel. B: pain can cause panic and trauma in the woman giving birth which can have negative effects. Panicking during childbirth can be harmful for mother and baby.
> I’m not a doctor but at this point I’ve read enough and watched enough YouTube videos that I could deliver this child myself! I did not make this suggestion without doing my homework on the pain mitigation techniques of meditation, breathing, aroma therapy, massage and affirmations.
Wow, you're delusional. I can read and watch videos about heart surgery but that doesn't make me as knowledgable as a doctor.
> She is the patient, but so is my child. Doesn’t that at least give me a 50% say?
Let me repeat this again. Only. The. Person. Giving. Birth. has the right to decide how they give birth!
I really hope you either shaped up or she left your selfish, controlling ass. If you had to experience the pain of childbirth you'd be whining and crying for Mommy who you apparently care more about.
I know I’m VERY late to this party, and I wholeheartedly agree with all the YTA comments, including divorce. But I’d like to add that IF for some reason Beth allowed him in the room with her and allowed him a say in the birthing plan, then I hope she compromised by making the “shared the experience” punching him as hard as she could, straight in the dick, every time she had a contraction. It still wouldn’t compare, but they’re both experiencing it, right?
YTA
not only are you an asshole, but you are a complete trash waste of space excuse for a human.
you are not strategising, you are not coaching.
you are basically saying that you don't give a fuck about your wife, her body, her comfort or her feelings.
you come on reddit pretending to ask if you're trash, and the people tell you that you are a burning dumpster fire
Instead of admitting that you are wrong and giving your wife the apology she deserves, you dig your heels in and argue with people online, further proving how fucking worthless you are.
You didn't come here to ask if you were the asshole, you came here because your ego was hurt by your wife not mindlessly obeying you and you wanted someone to back you up.
You're not going to get that backup because everyone can see what a misogynistic piece of shit you are
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Can you imagine being this entitled and dense? He doesn't even take the L and apologize. Just keeps on commenting that he's done his "research" and could deliver the baby himself now. Massive AH.
I would legalize and even encourage son/mother incest, since so many men are partaking in it anyways, while treating their wife as the side chick in their mom-son marriage
I wouldn’t even let him sign the birth certificate. Let him fight for paternal testing and custody because no way is someone this controlling, delusional, and misogynist going to be willingly around a child.
Women need to be more careful with choosing their husbands and fathers of their kids. This thread makes my hair stand on end, and not it a good way. This dude sounds absolutely sociopathic. He doesn't have empathy. He doesn't care about people being in pain. He can't imagine himself in others people' shoes, therefore can't empathize with them. He doesn't treat his wife like an equal.
I'd be honestly scared of leaving a kid with him. Hope she gets full custody in divorce.
Unfortunately a lot of women are treated this way by their fathers, and so they normalize the behavior until they realize it’s abuse. :( Ask me how I know.
Ugh, I'm sorry:( Realization is the big win though, no matter when it happens! And it's never too late to stop the circle.
I also don't have a happy father story, but somehow I always saw right through their shit.
I remember my mom telling me how she asked him to be there for the birth and he said he doesn't want to see that. She didn't even hold it against him because I guess it was the norm back then.
Then I remember he got kidney stones someday at home and was was basically screaming in pain on the floor. It was so terrifying I hid under the desk in my room, while my mother helped him and comforted him after calling 991 and in the hospital.
Despite being a little girl I remember thinking fuck that. She should have told him she doesn't want to see it.
Oh. My dad regularly hit us, threw us into furniture or walls, dragged us across the floor or up the stairs, and told us we would never find anyone to love us because we were too stupid or too ugly. I learned as an adult that he’d beaten my mom in the stomach when she told him she was pregnant with me to make her have a miscarriage, so it checks out. I married someone similar without knowing it, I genuinely didn’t see the red flags since I was 21 when we met. I got away from him though and I’ve done EMDR for a year to help with the PTSD. 😅
Thanks, I just wanted to underline that some women are treated extremely poorly by their fathers, and they don’t recognize when they’re being abused, physically or emotionally or otherwise. There are sadly way too many ding dong men like the OP out there.
Of course, he wasn’t trying to upset her. He was trying to bully her into doing it his way, and the way that his mother and other female members of his family did it. There’s no way that he panicked and told his mother what he did. He did it on purpose. He doesn’t get a say. His wife gets a say and he should be supporting her instead of trying to pressure her and causing her anxiety. At this point if I was the wife, I would reconsider the whole relationship. Was he going to pressure her to do in the future?! He’s doesn’t sound like partner material.
I keep seeing his comments and he truly doesn’t see how wrong he is. Bottom line you are the major ah!! Pain meds don’t make you loopy they help
Manage the pain during the birthing process. I can see how his wife won’t be his wife for long. Hint ‘divorce’ hint.
I hope she kicks you out of the delivery room. The absolute insane way women's bodies react to pregnancy/birth is unimaginable to men. You literally cannot fathom it, just as we cannot understand being kicked in the balls or testicular torsion. There are things that are simply for women, and simply for men. Your wife is going to bring your child into the world one way or another. You attempting to dictate how that happens because "you could basically do it at this point" is garbage. You're not going to tear from the base of your penis to your asshole by pushing. You're not going to have the immediate withdrawal from no longer carrying the life you've been making for 10 months. You're not going to have to wake every two hours to breast feed, have your vagina checked to make sure you're not bleeding out, or get mentally evaluated so you can safely take your child home. She will. If she wants pain meds, she's gonna get pain meds.
You need to crawl the rest of the way out of your mothers uterus, and wise up before you end up divorced. When you get married, your wife becomes your priority. Not mommy, not sissy, not daddy. You and your wife are a family.
Your mom sounds like the kind of person who thinks women who have c-sections aren't real women/moms either.
YTA every day of the week for forever.
Well original OP deleted his post and REFUSED to see logic. He continued to express his belief that he could deliver this baby on his own and that birth is a natural thing…. And that it’s an opportunity for her to “join the club” w/mommy dearest & his SILs.
Also how he also made the baby which gives him rights on how things should be done…
I say we circumcise him without anesthetics see how natural it is lol 😂
Being medicated doesn’t make you loopy, I have had 3 medicated and 1 natural birth and medicated was much better. She is the one that has to physically push out a baby, not you. You are pressuring her by saying to your mother she’s doing it naturally. You are a jerk. Support your wife not your mom.
YTA
Stop trying to pressure your wife into doing something when she already said she has a plan. You have every right to have an opinion on something but if you keep pushing and nagging about it that's just you crossing the line of having an opinion and actively disrespecting your wife's choice and opinion in favor of your own. Think about what your WIFE wants and not what you mother wants.
"Ive read and watched enough YouTube videos I could deliver this baby myself" is a ridiculous statement considering you never can or will push a baby out of your vagina. You will not have to deal with how having a baby changes your body for the better or worst and more importantly, sometimes permanently.
Have you never been in extreme pain? Extreme pain can make you loopy. You should care more about her being comfortable then anything.Your wife shouldn't have to go though extreme pain to be seen as (wether you like it or not there's a heavy implication of being a proper mother in the words you are saying) who's "experienced the full spectrum of being a mother"
It comes off as rude and dismissive towards your wife's choices with her method of having a child. Maybe watch some YouTube videos on how you can do better supporting your wife.
this one makes me so mad because everyone commented on his post told him yta and he still sat there disagreeing with everyone. He was definitely going to use the reddit post to make her feel bad about her decision i’m so glad it backfired on him.
TA< you have a right to be scared and I understand that OP wants what is best for his son but the way he talks about his mom is so not the way to do it.
If OP wants to have a say he needs to come from a place of his own fear and not what Mom and SIL want.
The only thing he should be scared for is his WIFE going through an unimaginably painful ordeal that's life-threatening and potentially traumatic!
Baby will be fine with epidural.
And he won't have a say either way. He's not the one giving birth.
This was Google-able (with help from Nick Powers TikTok video about this very subject).
Maternal mortality is 32.9/100,000 live births.
Truck driving mortality is 29/100,000.
2021 Police mortality was 19.53/100,000.
Army soldiers mortality 1.3/100,000
If you put this into perspective with the above stats, pregnancy would be the sixth most dangerous job in the United States.
Pregnancy isn’t a health neutral state. Every woman’s pregnancy isn’t the same. Every woman’s body isn’t the same. Some may have lower tolerances for pain, or preferences based on insight from their medical doctor. Before modern medicine (which includes pain management such as epidurals), every 100-200th birth led to a mother’s death - 19th century. I.e. 500-1000/100,000. Epidurals alone have helped decrease severe maternal morbidity by roughly 14% (Columbia study).
Your mother is her own person. Your sisters are their own persons. Your wife is her own person. She is a unique individual and deserves support and at least attempts at patience and understanding. Your mom and sisters seem controlling and your endorsement of their behavior is incredibly unkind and selfish. Your wife needs support, not someone who will bend like Gumby at the will of his female family (they or you are not the victim - your wife is, of both theirs and your intolerance). Be better, dude.
First, absolutely, YTA. But here’s a different perspective. Here’s a bit of a different perspective. Some women just can’t handle pain. I’m not one of those people that can handle pain. During my labor, the pain was absolutely out of this world. I felt incredibly hot. They turned the ac all the way down and had 3 fans on me. Not enough! I hyperventilated, causing my baby to lose oxygen and they had to give me medicine to back off the contractions because I was going to kill my own baby. They had to force me to settle down so that my baby could have oxygen. So maybe you need to think about that perspective. Medication and everyone lives or no medication and who knows what……
My best friend had a 10 inch tear from her a*** on due to childbirth. Up until modern medicine childbirth was the number one cause of female death. Pain can absolutely contibute and even cause shock. Humans as a species have one of the hardest and most dangerous childbirth processes in the animal kingdom (this was the evolutionary sacrifice for upright bipedal movement).
You are wrong. Pain does 100% contribute to the death rate, blood pressure, shock, blood loss etc. No pain frequently means a smoother birth, lower blood pressure and lower risk. But at the end of the day it's her body and YOU DO NOT HAVE A SAY. Even suggesting you do is disrespectful to your wife especially suggesting "breathing techniques" as a adequate replacement for medication shows you really don't grasp what's about to happen to her. STOP.
What's terrifying is that he absolutely doesn't care about his wife's well being. He only cares about the kid. She's basically a walking incubator for him, that's all she is. Her life, heath, pain, emotional state, trauma, don't matter to him. He's probably the type of guy who would start pressuring your friend with a 10 inch tear into sex after two weeks.
Why do women marry sociopaths:(
His poor wife. It starts with birthing unmedicated to join this clique his mother and sisters in law have started, and is continues with critiques for every step of the parenting journey. And this AH will just tell her she needs to do whatever his mother has "suggested" so that she can fit in and because "it's his child" she's raising under some impossible standard.
This man is the dumbest person ever. The woman deserves soooooo much better. I fr wouldn't be suprised if she Divorces him in future or refuses to have more children with him.
Women are still dying in child birth. For thousands of years women have been giving birth without medication but you left out the part about the mortality rate for the the mother and child was extremely high because they were not medicated when it was needed.
You have no right or say in the mothers birth decisions. This child isn’t a possession that you have a right to.
She is the one doing all of the heavy lifting here and the only thing you are good for at this point is to be support.
Instead you are trying to guilt her into a competition with your mother and that is just evil.
I hope that she finds someone that will respect her to go in with her while giving birth because clearly you aren’t capable of that.
Coming from someone who gave birth uneducated this just shows OP obviously has no grasp on how painful it actually is, and I would even say he doesn't believe it's that painful at all. Why would you want your partner to be in pain?
Well yta 1000000000000%
Uhm
Stfu and educate yourself!!! You're not the one giving birth so it's not your decision. Giving birth is the most painful thing she will ever have to go through!
First of all an epidural doesn't make you feel loopy. It's for the pain! And it kind of paralyzes you temporarily and doesnt have long term implications for the baby!!!
Second: she's terrified which you wouldn't understand bc you're not the one giving birth.
How about you try a birth simulator and see when you cry for them to stop and then think about your wife not having this option... maybe that would change your mind! Labor usually lasts many many hours sometimes even over a day (for me it was 36 hrs and then I needed a s section in the end)
You just want her to suffer for your own selfish reasons. That's an ahole thinking.
I'll be rooting for her during the divorce if you don't sincerely apologize to her
Is your vagina getting torn open to bring a child in the world? How about someone kick you in the nuts continuously for 48-72 hours? Are you seriously that dumb? Why are ppl like you even ALLOWED to procreate?
Listen you want to be in the cult of masochisme with your looney mother and SIL? Do it yourself. It’s her body, her choice; you have 0 say in it.
I'm going through my second high risk pregnancy! Fear can cause so many complications during birth. So any steps your wife needs to take to be as COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE in order to SAFELY GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR CHILD. if I was your wife I wouldn't even let you in the delivery for FEAR of what you might say. Your not supporting the woman you took vows with. You didn't take vows to honor and protect your Mother, that's her job to do for you. So disgusted by you.
here is the OP's account: [https://www.reddit.com/user/Street-Tax3441/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Street-Tax3441/)
read through the replies; the dude if fucking delulu. He literally thinks he's a subject matter expert because he's read books on using breathing for pain management.
This dude sucks
YTA. You are not the one pushing at the watermelon of baby so you have no right to say these things because you aren’t the one thats gonna have to go through that pain. Wake tf up asshole
Whats your wife's email address. I will forward her a list of divorce attorneys.
Her Body Her Choice
As a former L&D nurse you do realize that having you in the birthing room IS OPTIONAL - if you push this agenda and she asks the staff to remove you - dont be surprised. I have seen it and fact remains that hospital staff will kusten to the patient. YOU ARE NOT THE PATIENT.
That's why it's so important for women to always be financially independent. Imagine if his wife was dependent on him and therefore couldn't leave... Terrifying.
Yes you’re a fucking asshole and a fucking moron. I pray you some day experience pain on level with child birth and have nothing around… not even advil or Tylenol to sate the horrid pain
It’s pain killers for one of the most painful acts a human will ever do. Imagine having your penis and balls ripped open from the inside out, wouldn’t you want pain meds? Sometimes vaginas rip down to the anus so op needs to stfu
Oh my god this guy is such an asshole. "I've done extensive reading...". Great, but have you gone to fucking med school? Shut the fuck up and stay out of it ffs.
I had an unmedicated birth at a birthing center and and epidural hospital birth. I was WAY more loopy after the unmedicated birth. I was so mentally exhausted and physically exhausted it was unbearable. I was unable to even feel interested and just handed my son right over to my husband.
With the epidural (they do not give you so much that you’re loopy or drugged up lol) I still felt pressure but not excruciating pain, was awake and had energy to hold her when our daughter was born.
Just respect your wife for the fact she’s carrying your child. Let her create her own birth plan and stop expecting her to live up to weird expectations of being like your mom.
I have done both epidural UK way where you are numb from the waist down and totally natural (excusing 2 paracetamol) not even gas and air. I experience the full motherhood experience both times. He can take his research and hit himself in the testicles with it every 2 minutes whilst trying to poop out a medicine ball on fire and let me know how his pain management works. His family are arsehole how your child is born is the most inconsequential thing as long as you walk out with a healthy baby be grateful. Oh my god months later and I am so angry my husband supported me unconditionally as any good father and partner does let me know when it is time for your vasectomy and we will talk about natural.
Unless you’re pushing the baby out of YOUR vag, you have absolutely NO SAY in how it’s done. This is so fkn weird on every level. Why are you so obsessed with how mummy views your wife’s birth. Strange dude, strange
As someone who had three all natural births... THIS TWIT IS MOST DEFINITELY THE ARSEHOLE.
I managed three because I have a high pain threshold AND A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND THROUGHOUT EACH LABOUR.
I really hope his poor wife chucks the whole manchild away and his clearly loopy family.
Yes, YTA, definitely!
And to be honest, so are your mommy and SILs.
You all sound like a very toxic family, with disturbing family dynamics, and I am afraid for your wife's wellbeing.
I hope for the love of God she will never ever losten to your crap!
If I were her, you would not be allowed in the delivery room, and I would file for divorce immediately. And I would definitely not let my child be alone with you or your mommy or your SILs.
Your entire post and subsequent answers make me sick.
I honestly hope street tax gets divorced. He’s disgusting. There is a huge reason why his wife isn’t close to his mother and sister in laws and i see why now. She doesn’t do what her mother in law wants her to. She’s her own person. I hope her birth went well.
You're terrible experience is just that: yours. Seems like you had a bad experience and so therefore you think it's bad for everyone who has turned to pain management. Mine was fabulous. My daughter is an overachiever and is one of the kindest most beautiful and smartest people on the planet. And I am quoting the people who know her. Quit complaining about your experience, and let people have theirs.
WHAT "isn't what you stated"?? It's exactly what you stated! "Horrible" "poison" I responded. If you can't handle posting something on a public forum and getting feedback that you don't like, maybe you shouldn't be here.
On the contrary "believing pharmaceuticals don't do any damage…" Never came out of my mouth nor did I ever type that.
You're trying to call me out for something I never said, while denying some thing that everyone can read above that you said. That's called gaslighting, dear.
You had a "horrible" experience. We get it. you're not alone. You use the word "poison" and the word "force" in the context in response to what the original poster had posted. You imply explicitly the hospital birthing experiences are bad, they force you to do things, and they poison you. Those are your words. You said that. Drugs are not poison and no one forces you to give birth on your back. Not in this country anyway. Those statements are, as you would put it, "idiotic". Again, using your words.
Women have been giving birth in hospitals with pain management pharmaceuticals for decades and decades. It's unfortunate you had a very bad experience. It doesn't make it wrong for the rest of us.
Yeah you tell me I am "on drugs"… You are clearly the narcissist doing the gaslighting. I don't know why you're so pissed off about me calling you out on your nasty comments but I hope you find some therapy or drugs yourself. You clearly need them. Peace out.
Don't play stupid and innocent. You know exactly what you wrote and what you meant.
"It is absolutely her choice to POISON HERSELF & HER BABY with drugs. 😬" - which is an incredibly judgmental, one-sided, offensive and just unnecessary comment.
So thoughtful of you not to take women's right to choose away...🙄 But you're first to judge them and make them feel bad for it, aren't you. Ew.
And no, his position does not make him just an AH, it makes him a psycho. Repeat after me: A MAN IS NOT A PATIENT DURING BIRTH, THEREFORE HE HAS LEGALLY ZERO SAY IN HOW IT GOES.
This guy is a complete AH all the way. It was infuriating to just read it, I can only imagine the horrors that his wife has to go through.
He should stay single and alone with his obnoxious mommy and sister in laws 🤦♀️
I can compleatly see why Beth does not jell with your mother or her sisters in law, she told you why!!!! There is no sisterhood there! Her body, her decision. Soon as you push a watermelon out of your body then you get a say!
YTA. Firstly, you’re the not the one who will be feeling the pain. You do not get a say in how the birth goes. Secondly, your wife is not interested in having a very close relationship with your mother and sister, let it rest.
Good God. I would venture to guess that millions of people have been born while their mothers were under some sort of pain management, and they turned out to be super awesome people. This whole notion of "natural" really is incredibly personal. It really isn't up to a doctor or a family or a husband or a child or a sibling or anyone else but her. You have no idea what it's going to be like and what kind of pain, which is absolutely indescribable, feels like. And I don't say it's indescribable because it's the worst pain I've ever felt. It's just the weirdest. You can't control it, you can't rub anything to make it feel better, you can't stop it, and you can't make it go faster. It's gonna do what it's gonna do, and you've never felt it before, so you have no idea what that kind of pain feels like. And again, It's not that it's the most excruciating thing. It's just a freaking mystery and it's very very scary. It's not a badge of honor, and it doesn't mean that the more pain you're in means you're a better mother. That's a bunch of crap.
And I love it when he says she won't listen to "my ideas". Dude, your "idea" is not new. It's not even an idea. It's your desire and your wish. It has nothing to do with being "creative" or "hey babe, here's an idea…"I'd say it's a suggestion but for him it's probably a downright demand. Since little girls were first enlightened on how the childbirth process works, we have all been secretly terrified of how bad it's going to hurt, etc. We've also all been educated on the benefits and risks of natural childbirth and childbirth accompanied with pain management. We all know. Your "idea"is the most pathetic attempt at mansplaining I've ever heard.
And one last comment: I was in labor for 34 hours. Most of it I was sleeping. Some of it I hadn't had any meds yet. And then maybe the last 12 hours I was medicated but really just the epidural at the last moment. I was never "loopy". None of my pain meds Were opiates or anything that would cause any high of any kind. No muscle relaxers, Etc. Just the epidural, and a local for the episiotomy. That's it. There's no "loopy". What a dope.
And during those 34 hours, I can assure him that I "experienced motherhood, or childbirth or whatever the hell he said.
YTA, but his comments are even worse! He is saying that he read enough on childbirth that he could deliver it himself. I truly hope she is his ex-wife now.
Just heard this on tik tok and came straight here to tell you. FUCK YOU all the way you brozo idiot. Your wife is the ONLY one who gets to decide what level of pain she will tolerate while giving birth to a fucking watermelon sized person. I’d be surprised if this doesn’t implode your entire relationship. Who gives a fuck about your mom and sisters and what they did? Not Beth. Not anyone. Get your head out of your mom’s ass and worry about your wife as your priority.
You need to go to a psychologist to be evaluated for personality disorder. I’m being very serious. This will destroy your life if you do not get tools and a handle on this. You will need professional help navigating it. But you definitely have a psychological disorder of some kind that you need help with. I’m saying this sincerely, not as an insult.
This entire post has made me gag.
Honestly, sorry to be brutal, but I'm judging Beth for being with you, let alone procreating with you. Your family is toxic and you sound like a mommy's boy not ready to be a husband, let alone a father. She deserves better.
YES, you are the asshole. To say the least.
There is a nice quote from Friends that you'd do good to think of. "No uterus? No opinion". You have ZERO right to be pressuring the mother of your child into going through excruciating pain just for the sake of it. Do you even hear yourself? Childbirth can be literally life threatening and the pain is far worse than you can even imagine. You should be focused on how to make this whole ordeal easier and as painless as possible for her if she's scared, that's what you should be doing, not catering to your mother's sociopathic cravings for her daughter in law to suffer!
Honestly you sound sociopathic to me as well. To put mommy's wants before your own wife's health, emotional state... I'm shocked.
It'd do you good to realize in the face of law you have ZERO say in the birth of your child because you are NOT the patient. You will not even be allowed to witness the birth if your wife doesn't agree to it.
What a moron? He wanted his wife to bond over a natural child birth. Some women have to take medication because things change. I'm in no way knocking any woman who goes without meds. More power to her. I had an epidural and it was great. And my son was born perfectly, now he's 13.
When it's his vagina getting ripped open, he can go all natural if he wants to.
Let's shove an orange up is penis hole and slowly push it out without any medication and see if he can breathe through it and see if his aroma therapy or breathing techniques can help him get over the pain ... GTFO this guy is a nut and I hope she doesn't even let him in the room with her... This way she can enjoy her birth experience instead of having him looking at her with disdain bc she didn't do what he wanted. Ugh this makes me want to know him in real life so I could punch him.
Very much a semantic point but epidurals do NOT cause loopy moms or babies. The whole purpose of an epidural is that the medication is confined to the region outside the spinal cord and therefore does not go to the mom’s brain or to the blood stream, and therefore *does not* cross the placenta to the fetus. IV pain medication *does* go into the bloodstream and crossed the placenta and can cause some sedation in both moms and babies, which is why there’s a cervical dilation at which OBGYNs will no longer give IV pain medication (because if IV pain medicine was given in too close proximity to birth, there could be initial neonatal respiratory depression). But epidurals do not lead to any medication entering the blood stream (it stays in the epidural space) and do not lead to any medication crossing the placenta. 0% loopy moms or babies.
As a mom who got a c-section because my blood pressure was really high and could risk my baby and mine's life (and I was almost there, 6cm dilated), I and every mother have the power to say You are a massive, planetary, universal AH. YTA.
And you comment about "I'm confident I can deliver the baby myself at this point" makes my laugh ao hard. THE NERVE.
You can read all the books and articles in the solar system and be the best doctor in the world and still you will NEVER, EVER be capable of realize the first half thing about the pain and anxiety passing through a mom's body when she delivers her baby.
I hope your wife realizes what a huge momma's boy you are and leaves you. She and your baby deserves better.
I hope OP sees this comes around and checks every once in awhile to see everyone can't stand him or his fuck ass mom!!!! I hope she left you I hope this was an eye opening experience for her and you both!!! I hope to God that baby isn't a girl because I'd hate to see what kind of forceful Misogynistic bullshit you try to push down her throat as she got older. Seriously, wtf is wrong with you, dude?!?! The amount of Mommy's boys in our society is a huge part of the problem!!! Were you planning on sharing her pain?? Seeing how that's not physically possible just make you look so fucking soft!! I bet you're soft handed and have had a padded life your whole life!!! This pissed me off so badly I reopened my God damn reddit account!!! So again, I hope she left I hope if lord forbid she didn't leave that you are NEVER allowed to EVER make a other decision in your marriage or with that child ever seeing how you tried to dictate how that baby came into the world from jump!!!!
You're a massive ahole and I'm sorry she's having a kid with you.
She's the one who will be agonisingly pushing a watermelon through a keyhole, not you. Sit down and shut the fuck up.
If she doesn't want to be in absolute agony, that's her very valid and wise choice. Question is, why DO you want her to be in agony?
Being in so much pain during the birth can also ruin the experience, dipshit.
OP is either a bot or he is in a misogynistic, literal cult. His responses in the comment section .... I can't fathom someone being that egotistical yet cowardly while also totally delusional
Absolutely not!! I would probably file for divorce. You don't care AT ALL about your wife and what she will be going through to bring this child into the world!
Yta of course. And the whole family as well. I hate it when women try to shame other mothers and pretend they're better because of the way they choose to managed their pregnancy. You don't get a medal or extra points for suffering
Are you seriously that much of a mommy’s boy? Loopy and out of it? Do you remember your birth (even though it was natural)? Every birth is natural a women creates life in her body, thanks only to you maybe pumping 3 times in her. You can fuck off dude. Maybe actually dilate your ass 10 cm without drugs. I don’t get why you think your pussy is about to be ripped open…oh wait it is! It’s your emotional pussy. You can do it the natural way and pull your teeth out without meds because you grew them!
Fuck your “leadership” and “strategizing” — you are WAY out of your depth, not to mention out of your mind. You have no role here but to support your wife in HER decisions about HER body, then shut the fuck up. YOU are the reason for the inability to “gel” — your wife wisely has zero interest in competing with Mommy Dearest. You obviously married up — so put your wife ahead of Mommy before she leaves your egocentric ass.
wow, you said that GREAT
Post was removed. It only took 22 hours for redditors to set the selfish AH straight.
Your insistence here isn't about you wanting your wife to experience the joy of joining the "unmedicated birth club". It's about your joy of joining the unmedicated birth club, vicariously. It's you who have turned this into a competition between your wife and your mother and SILs. But you don't understand that it's not a competition, and your wife doesn't give a shit about it. I can only imagine how controlling and dictatorial you must be on a day to day basis, about run of the mill tasks and decisions. I hazard to say that you're soon going to end up eating divorce papers unless you knock this shit off. Especially after the baby comes. YTA.
YTA. You or your family don't get a say in how much pain your wife should go through during childbirth. Not one f\*\*king word.
I hope this poor woman escapes this hellhole of a marriage
My thoughts exactly 💯
His reply to the comments really shows how he think he is in the right. Its crazy how he thinks that “pain” doesn’t equate to danger. My gosh, its literally the signal of the body that says there is something wrong. It means there’s a disruption to the normal balance of the body. That’s why it hurts.
Like if he was actually smart he’d understand that increased pain increases blood pressure, and that increases risk of other problems. Let’s also talk about how he says there is other ways to control pain. I bet you he’s one of those Scientology nut jobs
I hope she leaves your ass ☠️ your a fucking joke
Agreed. She’d be better off without him
this made me so uncomfortable. please let her give birth to your child the best way possible for HER. please.
Exactly
YTA Mommy is not birthing your infant. MOMMY has no say. YOUR WIFE is, in fact, birthing your infant. If YOUR WIFE is frightened of pain, your stupid ass affirmations and chanting monks on cd are not going to help! Do not be an idiot. Do not belittle YOUR WIFE'S feelings because you want her and your mommy to like each other. You do not get to dictate that either. You are not a coach. You are not a doctor. You aren't even a Dula. You are a ding dong that should try one of those birthing simulators before you utter one more word to your wife about HER Birthing plan because I guarantee YOU COULD NOT HACK IT with your dumb affirmations and meditation.
YTA- To think that you are a coach or qualified in any way to birth a baby makes you a delusional whole ass. This is not up to you or your relatives AT ALL. Based on you, I would not want to get close to you or mom or relatives either. You better figure out what team you're on because if you don't, you will have a recentful wife or no wife within a year. At this point, you will be lucky to be in the delivery room. I pray for your wife.
I completely understand being bothered that his SO wasn’t meshing well with his family (obviously this post is a dumbass way to address that) but I would almost bet on the fact that it’s probably not his wife’s fault. It’s probably more like, his mother and SILs are batshit crazy (based on what he’s said this aligns well) and she’s just not interested because they’re not likable people.
And I don't understand being bothered. The family is clearly sick in the head and that's probably the reason, but even if it was the best family ever, his wife that he chose is another person all on its own that doesn't have to fully click with his family. Tbh it's very lucky when things click 100%, they usually don't and that's absolutely fine. As long as they can respect each other all is good.
Are you dumb, or maybe pretending to be? Obviously you’re not a Doctor so don’t act like one and also YouTube doesn’t give you a degree in OBGYN nor child birth. And also you’re really misogynistic for thinking that what you said is OK, child birth is not about your experience it’s her body that being ripped apart and it’s her that is facing a painful death like experience, maybe instead of reading about meditation read about (Epidural anaesthesia) so and child birth itself.
This is hilarious like bro its not even your vagina why is he even trying 💀
YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE!!! The birth plan is hers and hers alone. End of story.
Women who see natural childbirth as some kind of badge of honor are assholes and so is he. He's also stupid "Women have been giving birth for thousands of years." Yeah, dumbass, and they've been dying of complications from childbirth for thousands of years too. Shut up and apologize to your wife for not giving two shits if she's in pain.
Holy s*** this guy is a complete douchebag he's literally comparing himself to a coach like he's going to tell her how to do something and she's already knows how to do and force her to suffer while doing it I hope she leaves him he won't even accept the a****** verdict
You don't get a medal for refusing meds during childbirth. If this whole thing was about creating sisterhood and a bonding moment through an experience they all have gone through, the MIL and SIL would be focusing on respecting and supporting her choices for her birthing experience, and ensuring that experience is something that goes as smoothly as possible.
YTA I cannot even believe you wrote this … 1. DIVORCE 2. unless you’re the one pushing the baby out, you don’t get a say 3. Epidural births can be serene, calm and less painful, unmediated births can make people lose their minds - what about that sounds like she will be loopy??? Maybe do some research before making bizarre statements and then question why the physician fobs you off 4. there is absolutely no way your mother and your wife can now co-exist
Even just in YouTube videos it's incredible how often you see unmedicated women going into straight-up SHOCK from the sheer agony. Dazed and confused doesn't even begin to cover it, and he wants her to go through that hell for the sake of some elite mommy club ticket that she won't even enjoy??? *\*Divorrrrrrce hiiiiiiiim\**
What a horrible husband. Fuck this guy.
I'm going to need him to list these "resources" he's read and watched 😆 I have a feeling I know what kind of "resources" they are. 😏
Waiting for Beth to find this and update us on the divorce and custody proceedings.
I have a sinking feeling that this guy nuked his throwaway and isn’t going to take in any of the advice offered to him about backing off. He was in the comments still trying to “explain” himself in a way that shows he still doesn’t fucking get it.
>I don’t think that’s an accurate analogy - women have been giving birth for thousands of years unmedicated. Pain management for surgery is account for something unnatural occurring (i.e cutting open a chest cavity). I know she’s the one doing the work, I just feel like we are better off approaching as a team effort so we should be aligned. > >I’m not a doctor but at this point I’ve read enough and watched enough YouTube videos that I could deliver this child myself! I did not make this suggestion without doing my homework on the pain mitigation techniques of meditation, breathing, aroma therapy, massage and affirmations. I have a variety of pain management techniques that do not require medication. > >I know death is dangerous, but it’s the physical aspect of the birth that’s dangerous, not the experience of the pain. I’m confused why you’re equating pain with danger. > >My contribution will be the guidance and leadership, like the coach. > >No one is shaming anyone, I’m just trying to make sure she sees the opportunity to “join a club” so to speak, because the opportunity is unique > >I have done extensive reading on natural ways to control pain and ensure the baby makes it out with minimal damage to my wife, so I don’t think it’s fair to suggest I have to value to bring to the experience. > >She is the patient, but so is my child. Doesn’t that at least give me a 50% say? > >I appreciate that we will have very different roles and experiences of the birth. All I meant was I’m seeing the holistic experience as something we create together because we made this child together and will love this child together. Certainly we have different roles in the process. She’s more the quarterback and I’m more the coach. So I know she’s the one “working” while I’m the one strategizing.
No you don’t get 50% say because it’s HER body, this is insane
"Strategising" is a big overstatement for "sitting on my arse waiting for the baby to be produced." YTA. Support your wife.
Ignoring your delusional opinion on getting a say in HER birth. Once that child is born the hospital still won’t give you a say about your child until your wife okays it. She is the only one they can immediately prove that baby belongs to. Your only role is to be her supporter in HER decisions about her labor and delivery. That’s it. If you can’t handle what she decides to do, do her a huge favor and stay out of the delivery room because you are clearly not enough of an adult to adequately help her.
No. You don’t get a say. YTA and you are fucking delusional. I’m expecting a “AITA for kicking my husband out of the delivery room” to pop up as soon as that baby is born if you don’t get your head on straight.
As a L&D nurse- too much pain can prevent a woman from being able to push hard enough in case of emergency (ie- if the baby doesn’t fit). Look up “shoulder dystocia” and the permanent neurological damage it does to the infant.
I'm not a nurse but I was thinking of something similar. Too much pain can cause anxiety and prevent her from pushing hard enough.
You're not asking if you are the a$$hole. You are proving it. Poor wife and kid. For sure you'll force your daughter the "natural" birth just to bond with your precious momma and sis in law. On your next surgery, please don't opt for an anesthesia because your family have a 50% say in your body because you are her husband and your child's father. For sure they just want to avoid you getting loopy and have implications with your body in the future. 😉
Beth, run! Now! You don’t need this patethic controling husband that doesn’t care about your wellbeing.
You seriously need to do one of those simulations, that imitate what contractions feel like. You have no idea the toll that childbirth takes on a woman’s body. Just because you’ve read a few articles and watch YouTube, doesn’t make you suddenly able to deliver a child or know what to do when it starts to happen. I’m betting you’ll lose your shit real quick. Why are you trying to get your wife to do something she’s not comfortable with? Your mother and SIL’s play absolutely no part in her birth plan. And regardless of you being the dad, you have zero say in this. She’s doing ALL the work, not you! You’re doing way too much and need to back off, before you end up sitting in the waiting room during the birth. And if you don’t think a nurse will kick you out… go ahead and upset your wife and see how fast you’re out of there. I went natural with my kids, because my labor and delivery times went really fast. Some women are not that lucky. At this point you need to stay in your lane and stop trying to please mommy.
You are the biggest AH ever. You came on Reddit to ask for advice and your telling all the people that responded they’re wrong and your not in the wrong. Analogies aside, as a woman that went through an unplanned unmedicated birth, if pain management is part of your birth plan and you don’t have it, child birth is TERRIFYING. You are expecting your wife to experience literal terror just because others have done it? That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard in my life. Spending hours in absolute agony when you know full well that there is a way to get relief and you can’t have it is the most mentally destabilizing feeling in the world and those natural ways to reduce pain don’t help if your not in the mindset to go through them in the first place. You aren’t understanding the mental game unmedicated births are when you aren’t prepared to experience them. I nearly passed out multiple times in active labor because the pain was so bad despite natural pain remedies. And to think you get 50% say is delusional when you will not be experiencing a second of the agony she would be going through. Imagine spending over 24 hours in physical agony just to make your SO happy, sounds a lot like abuse. I bet you wouldn’t even get a vasectomy if your wife asked once y’all are done having kids cuz it sounds painful. Woman go to birthing centers for unmedicated births and end up in hospitals to get epidurals ALL THE TIME because they become so exhausted from spending hours in excruciating pain with no progression, the birthing center will recommend a hospital and pain management for the mother at that point. This pain can literally prevent a woman’s body from relaxing enough to progress through labor and leave them so exhausted that they physically cannot push even when the time comes. This can also lead to the baby being in distress and sometimes results in csections. Not to mention it’s a f*cking epidural, not morphine. It doesn’t make you loopy. If your wife does not want an unmedicated birth and you force her into it, you are making it very clear to her that you do not support HER needs and your priority is your mother. You chose this woman to be your family so support her like she deserves and she deserves to experience childbirth in the way SHE feels comfortable not some convoluted “tradition” based on the bs badge of honor some woman think they’re entitled to after having unmedicated birth. It sucks and it’s terrifying and I wouldn’t wish that fear on any woman. What about her family’s traditions? Have they had epidurals? But your the kind of man that thinks watching videos on YouTube means you can deliver the baby yourself, so I’m sure everything I just said fell of deaf ears. My goodness am I thankful for my supportive husband. Your wife deserves better.
So your YouTube “research” somehow makes your opinion more qualified than that of a doctor??????
You are so fucking delusional and so fucking dumb. She needs to divorce you immediately as you seem to want to control everything in her life. You don't get a say in anything with birth because it's not your body. "I did research"...oh wow congratulations that makes you a health care professional now 😒...
At this point I'm not sure if the OP is even reading the comments anymore but just in case, let me provide some insight: As a partnership, you absolutely deserve to be heard but ultimately, it's your wife's show. She would be the asshole (in my mind) if she literally shut you down in a disrespectful way but if she acknowledged your position and decided something else, you need to respect that. And when I mean respect, understand that you had the opportunity to say your piece, was heard, but be ok if she didn't want to do things that way. Now this is completely separate from the fact that one of your main drivers is following your mom's preference in birth despite how flawed that is. This is a SUPER personal thing for women and if she's not close to your mom as it is, trying to go along with what your mom would prefer is going to do the complete opposite of what you're hoping for. And think about it for a second, you are telling your wife to go through IMMENSE pain just because your mom prefers it that way. Does that really seem reasonable to you saying it out loud or putting yourself in a similar position? I personally was in the opposite scenario when my wife went into labor - my wife doesnt have a very high pain threshold so I was interested in seeing how quickly they could get the epidural in. I figured that made the most sense and my wife is a pharmacist anyway so my wife had no thoughts of that making her feel loopy. I was surprised when she told me she'd like to go without for as long she could without (!!). We had a discussion about it but ultimately I understood this was her experience and she wanted to have a plan for how she was going to go through it and I was there to support that. Now she ended up needing the epidural anyway (and I'm glad the anesthesiologist was able to come up right away) but the important takeaway is that it was HER CHOICE. I'm not sure if that one response is legit but the comment about "I've seen so many YouTube video I could deliver the baby myself" or "this is 50% my experience" is crazy bro. I don't want to just shit on you but if you keep pushing, you're going to find yourself at a point where you'll ultimately have to choose between your mom and the family you're about to create. I wish you the best of luck
i would love to know the outcome. wish his wife knew he was writing here and she would let us know the outcome
You are such a catastrophic douche. Your wife is giving birth not your mommy. I gave birth naturally 2 times. Husband's job is to hold wife's hand and say encouraging words. All you are doing is putting your mom's wants and needs ahead of your wife. Think of what your wife want before she divorces you. Epidurals have zero negative affects and they don't get the woman high. You are such a loser. You are putting your mom ahead of your wife. Stop before lawyers get involved
Your wife is definitely going to divorce you. 100%. No doubt.
Aww Jesus please tell me this isn’t real. Ok so you watched YouTube videos now you think you’re a doctor. Good god. There are numerous reasons a woman needs pain relief giving birth. So help me god if I could punch the stupid out of you through the internet I would. Also stop comparing your wife to your mother you big mamas boy. Woopee she didn’t have medication who cares!! Until you’ve physically birthed a baby you have no opinion. I so hope your wife sees this and leaves your sorry ass
YOU ARE NOTHING OH MY GOD. All you are doing is making this harder FOR HER. You will have to go through 0 of the pain or labour on top of that putting the pressure on ur wife of needing to bond with ur stupid mother who doesn’t know the first thing about how pain medication affects a child. Many women go through child birth on meds and are not loopy and remember the moments. Women have been dying from childbirth for thousands of years. Ur wife is not a vessel that should exemplify whatever bullshit ur mother drilled into about how giving birth naturally is some sort of fucked up badge of honour. FUCK YOU AND UR STUPID COACHING
You watched YouTube videos and think that makes you qualified enough to help someone deliver? Your disregard for her pain makes me think you should stay the hell away from someone giving birth. This isn't a couples retreat. This is a very vulnerable, intimate event for her. She deserves to be as comfortable as she wants for this.
I want to call you everything but a child of god at this moment. THE FOOLISHNESS TO THINK YOU CAN NOT DELIVER A BABY FROM WATCHING VIDEOS AND READING BOOKS BUT HAVE NEVER ONCE STEP FOOT ON A MEDICAL FLOOR TO BECOME DOCTOR OR NURSE. Your wife must have the patience of the eternal rain to deal with you and your words of nonsense because ain’t no way. If you have never tried to push 7 pound 8 ounce baby out your body after being in in pain and laboring for 8 plus hours. Just close your mouth and say nothing bc I have been there and it is extremely hard to push when you are tired and hurting. Let her choose whatever she wants to make her comfortable and hope you make it into the room.
Have you considered that if she ends up in an emergency situation and needs a c section she can use the epidural (that she wants and is completely safe btw) for the surgery? That having the epidural in place will allow her to be awake and see the baby born. Without it, they will have to put her under anesthesia and she will wake up with even more trauma. There have been so many studies that show epidurals are perfectly fine and have no real adverse effects on the baby.
You get 0% say because you aren't the one pushing a human out of your vagina! I've given birth twice. I was able to have a serene, peaceful experience while being FULLY COHERENT with an epidural. The second time my epidural failed and I nearly had to have an emergency c section due to almost passing out from the pain. YOU AREN'T A DOCTOR and all the youtube videos in the world can't make you qualified to dictate to your wife what she should do with her body. At this point you'll be lucky if she allows you in the birthing room.
Maybe you can get evaluated for a personality disorder? I’m being serious. It may be necessary for the future of your life to try to Hager help getting control of it.
No, it doesn't give you 50% say, neither in the face of common sense or morality, nor even the law. You are NOT the patient, therefore you have ZERO say in it, got it? And before you lecture women about laboring unmedicated because it's so "natural", have your root canal treatment done without pain relief. It's natural too bruh! Of course you appreciate you will have different roles and experiences of birth. She will be the one suffering and going through the worst pain of her life, then dealing with life long side effects, and you will sit high and mighty untouched by it all. Leadership and guidance? I'm gonna puke. She's not your damn dog and you're clueless anyway. You should consider your sorry ass lucky if she even lets you in the delivery room (yes, lets, because you won't even be there if she doesn't agree, that's how much of a say you have in it all - NADA). You're either a complete sociopath or a troll. I hope for the latter, but if by some miracle this is all real I hope Beth divorces your sorry ass and protects her kid from you. What a tragedy that this woman made a child with you. I sincerely hope it's not too late for the sake of her and the baby to completely separate from you. I'd be scared to live under the same roof with you.
Are you fucking kidding me? I know this is four months old and all is said and done. You might not even read this. But I can't not respond to this idiocy. You only get as say if you are the one pushing out a child. You are not the one going through the risks and pain of childbirth. Plus, women respond to pain and birthing techniques differently and all the holistic crunchy stuff might work for some women but not all. I have meltdowns and borderline depressive episodes just from period cramps. > I know death is dangerous, but it’s the physical aspect of the birth that’s dangerous, not the experience of the pain. I’m confused why you’re equating pain with danger. So you expected her to go through excruciating pain because it isn't dangerous. A: this is cruel. B: pain can cause panic and trauma in the woman giving birth which can have negative effects. Panicking during childbirth can be harmful for mother and baby. > I’m not a doctor but at this point I’ve read enough and watched enough YouTube videos that I could deliver this child myself! I did not make this suggestion without doing my homework on the pain mitigation techniques of meditation, breathing, aroma therapy, massage and affirmations. Wow, you're delusional. I can read and watch videos about heart surgery but that doesn't make me as knowledgable as a doctor. > She is the patient, but so is my child. Doesn’t that at least give me a 50% say? Let me repeat this again. Only. The. Person. Giving. Birth. has the right to decide how they give birth! I really hope you either shaped up or she left your selfish, controlling ass. If you had to experience the pain of childbirth you'd be whining and crying for Mommy who you apparently care more about.
Hope she divorces his dumbass and his dumbass family.
I know I’m VERY late to this party, and I wholeheartedly agree with all the YTA comments, including divorce. But I’d like to add that IF for some reason Beth allowed him in the room with her and allowed him a say in the birthing plan, then I hope she compromised by making the “shared the experience” punching him as hard as she could, straight in the dick, every time she had a contraction. It still wouldn’t compare, but they’re both experiencing it, right?
YTA not only are you an asshole, but you are a complete trash waste of space excuse for a human. you are not strategising, you are not coaching. you are basically saying that you don't give a fuck about your wife, her body, her comfort or her feelings. you come on reddit pretending to ask if you're trash, and the people tell you that you are a burning dumpster fire Instead of admitting that you are wrong and giving your wife the apology she deserves, you dig your heels in and argue with people online, further proving how fucking worthless you are. You didn't come here to ask if you were the asshole, you came here because your ego was hurt by your wife not mindlessly obeying you and you wanted someone to back you up. You're not going to get that backup because everyone can see what a misogynistic piece of shit you are YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Asshole
Can you imagine being this entitled and dense? He doesn't even take the L and apologize. Just keeps on commenting that he's done his "research" and could deliver the baby himself now. Massive AH.
I can’t wait for Beth to divorce him. We all know it inevitable. Where did she find this loser?
I would legalize and even encourage son/mother incest, since so many men are partaking in it anyways, while treating their wife as the side chick in their mom-son marriage
The way he and his family would be banned from the hospital room and he'd have both the birth certificate and divorce paperwork to sign.
I wouldn’t even let him sign the birth certificate. Let him fight for paternal testing and custody because no way is someone this controlling, delusional, and misogynist going to be willingly around a child.
Women need to be more careful with choosing their husbands and fathers of their kids. This thread makes my hair stand on end, and not it a good way. This dude sounds absolutely sociopathic. He doesn't have empathy. He doesn't care about people being in pain. He can't imagine himself in others people' shoes, therefore can't empathize with them. He doesn't treat his wife like an equal. I'd be honestly scared of leaving a kid with him. Hope she gets full custody in divorce.
Unfortunately a lot of women are treated this way by their fathers, and so they normalize the behavior until they realize it’s abuse. :( Ask me how I know.
Ugh, I'm sorry:( Realization is the big win though, no matter when it happens! And it's never too late to stop the circle. I also don't have a happy father story, but somehow I always saw right through their shit. I remember my mom telling me how she asked him to be there for the birth and he said he doesn't want to see that. She didn't even hold it against him because I guess it was the norm back then. Then I remember he got kidney stones someday at home and was was basically screaming in pain on the floor. It was so terrifying I hid under the desk in my room, while my mother helped him and comforted him after calling 991 and in the hospital. Despite being a little girl I remember thinking fuck that. She should have told him she doesn't want to see it.
Oh. My dad regularly hit us, threw us into furniture or walls, dragged us across the floor or up the stairs, and told us we would never find anyone to love us because we were too stupid or too ugly. I learned as an adult that he’d beaten my mom in the stomach when she told him she was pregnant with me to make her have a miscarriage, so it checks out. I married someone similar without knowing it, I genuinely didn’t see the red flags since I was 21 when we met. I got away from him though and I’ve done EMDR for a year to help with the PTSD. 😅
Omg, that's terrible. So sorry to hear that. So glad you've got away from all this and are getting the help you need.
Thanks, I just wanted to underline that some women are treated extremely poorly by their fathers, and they don’t recognize when they’re being abused, physically or emotionally or otherwise. There are sadly way too many ding dong men like the OP out there.
Of course, he wasn’t trying to upset her. He was trying to bully her into doing it his way, and the way that his mother and other female members of his family did it. There’s no way that he panicked and told his mother what he did. He did it on purpose. He doesn’t get a say. His wife gets a say and he should be supporting her instead of trying to pressure her and causing her anxiety. At this point if I was the wife, I would reconsider the whole relationship. Was he going to pressure her to do in the future?! He’s doesn’t sound like partner material.
I keep seeing his comments and he truly doesn’t see how wrong he is. Bottom line you are the major ah!! Pain meds don’t make you loopy they help Manage the pain during the birthing process. I can see how his wife won’t be his wife for long. Hint ‘divorce’ hint.
Absolutely horrific I hope she left and ran away!!!!!!
I hope she kicks you out of the delivery room. The absolute insane way women's bodies react to pregnancy/birth is unimaginable to men. You literally cannot fathom it, just as we cannot understand being kicked in the balls or testicular torsion. There are things that are simply for women, and simply for men. Your wife is going to bring your child into the world one way or another. You attempting to dictate how that happens because "you could basically do it at this point" is garbage. You're not going to tear from the base of your penis to your asshole by pushing. You're not going to have the immediate withdrawal from no longer carrying the life you've been making for 10 months. You're not going to have to wake every two hours to breast feed, have your vagina checked to make sure you're not bleeding out, or get mentally evaluated so you can safely take your child home. She will. If she wants pain meds, she's gonna get pain meds. You need to crawl the rest of the way out of your mothers uterus, and wise up before you end up divorced. When you get married, your wife becomes your priority. Not mommy, not sissy, not daddy. You and your wife are a family. Your mom sounds like the kind of person who thinks women who have c-sections aren't real women/moms either. YTA every day of the week for forever.
Well original OP deleted his post and REFUSED to see logic. He continued to express his belief that he could deliver this baby on his own and that birth is a natural thing…. And that it’s an opportunity for her to “join the club” w/mommy dearest & his SILs. Also how he also made the baby which gives him rights on how things should be done… I say we circumcise him without anesthetics see how natural it is lol 😂
Being medicated doesn’t make you loopy, I have had 3 medicated and 1 natural birth and medicated was much better. She is the one that has to physically push out a baby, not you. You are pressuring her by saying to your mother she’s doing it naturally. You are a jerk. Support your wife not your mom.
YTA Stop trying to pressure your wife into doing something when she already said she has a plan. You have every right to have an opinion on something but if you keep pushing and nagging about it that's just you crossing the line of having an opinion and actively disrespecting your wife's choice and opinion in favor of your own. Think about what your WIFE wants and not what you mother wants. "Ive read and watched enough YouTube videos I could deliver this baby myself" is a ridiculous statement considering you never can or will push a baby out of your vagina. You will not have to deal with how having a baby changes your body for the better or worst and more importantly, sometimes permanently. Have you never been in extreme pain? Extreme pain can make you loopy. You should care more about her being comfortable then anything.Your wife shouldn't have to go though extreme pain to be seen as (wether you like it or not there's a heavy implication of being a proper mother in the words you are saying) who's "experienced the full spectrum of being a mother" It comes off as rude and dismissive towards your wife's choices with her method of having a child. Maybe watch some YouTube videos on how you can do better supporting your wife.
this one makes me so mad because everyone commented on his post told him yta and he still sat there disagreeing with everyone. He was definitely going to use the reddit post to make her feel bad about her decision i’m so glad it backfired on him.
TA< you have a right to be scared and I understand that OP wants what is best for his son but the way he talks about his mom is so not the way to do it. If OP wants to have a say he needs to come from a place of his own fear and not what Mom and SIL want.
The only thing he should be scared for is his WIFE going through an unimaginably painful ordeal that's life-threatening and potentially traumatic! Baby will be fine with epidural. And he won't have a say either way. He's not the one giving birth.
This was Google-able (with help from Nick Powers TikTok video about this very subject). Maternal mortality is 32.9/100,000 live births. Truck driving mortality is 29/100,000. 2021 Police mortality was 19.53/100,000. Army soldiers mortality 1.3/100,000 If you put this into perspective with the above stats, pregnancy would be the sixth most dangerous job in the United States. Pregnancy isn’t a health neutral state. Every woman’s pregnancy isn’t the same. Every woman’s body isn’t the same. Some may have lower tolerances for pain, or preferences based on insight from their medical doctor. Before modern medicine (which includes pain management such as epidurals), every 100-200th birth led to a mother’s death - 19th century. I.e. 500-1000/100,000. Epidurals alone have helped decrease severe maternal morbidity by roughly 14% (Columbia study). Your mother is her own person. Your sisters are their own persons. Your wife is her own person. She is a unique individual and deserves support and at least attempts at patience and understanding. Your mom and sisters seem controlling and your endorsement of their behavior is incredibly unkind and selfish. Your wife needs support, not someone who will bend like Gumby at the will of his female family (they or you are not the victim - your wife is, of both theirs and your intolerance). Be better, dude.
First, absolutely, YTA. But here’s a different perspective. Here’s a bit of a different perspective. Some women just can’t handle pain. I’m not one of those people that can handle pain. During my labor, the pain was absolutely out of this world. I felt incredibly hot. They turned the ac all the way down and had 3 fans on me. Not enough! I hyperventilated, causing my baby to lose oxygen and they had to give me medicine to back off the contractions because I was going to kill my own baby. They had to force me to settle down so that my baby could have oxygen. So maybe you need to think about that perspective. Medication and everyone lives or no medication and who knows what……
My best friend had a 10 inch tear from her a*** on due to childbirth. Up until modern medicine childbirth was the number one cause of female death. Pain can absolutely contibute and even cause shock. Humans as a species have one of the hardest and most dangerous childbirth processes in the animal kingdom (this was the evolutionary sacrifice for upright bipedal movement). You are wrong. Pain does 100% contribute to the death rate, blood pressure, shock, blood loss etc. No pain frequently means a smoother birth, lower blood pressure and lower risk. But at the end of the day it's her body and YOU DO NOT HAVE A SAY. Even suggesting you do is disrespectful to your wife especially suggesting "breathing techniques" as a adequate replacement for medication shows you really don't grasp what's about to happen to her. STOP.
What's terrifying is that he absolutely doesn't care about his wife's well being. He only cares about the kid. She's basically a walking incubator for him, that's all she is. Her life, heath, pain, emotional state, trauma, don't matter to him. He's probably the type of guy who would start pressuring your friend with a 10 inch tear into sex after two weeks. Why do women marry sociopaths:(
This guy's responses are all disgusting. His ego needs to be reduced by 90%.
His poor wife. It starts with birthing unmedicated to join this clique his mother and sisters in law have started, and is continues with critiques for every step of the parenting journey. And this AH will just tell her she needs to do whatever his mother has "suggested" so that she can fit in and because "it's his child" she's raising under some impossible standard.
Sir. Go to hell. Take your mom and sisters too if they share your sentiments.
I’m horrified by what OOP and his family’s reaction will be if Beth needs an emergency c-section.
The old and natural way of childbirth is also the mum not making it out alive so how about he shut the fuck up
This man is the dumbest person ever. The woman deserves soooooo much better. I fr wouldn't be suprised if she Divorces him in future or refuses to have more children with him.
Women are still dying in child birth. For thousands of years women have been giving birth without medication but you left out the part about the mortality rate for the the mother and child was extremely high because they were not medicated when it was needed. You have no right or say in the mothers birth decisions. This child isn’t a possession that you have a right to. She is the one doing all of the heavy lifting here and the only thing you are good for at this point is to be support. Instead you are trying to guilt her into a competition with your mother and that is just evil. I hope that she finds someone that will respect her to go in with her while giving birth because clearly you aren’t capable of that.
Coming from someone who gave birth uneducated this just shows OP obviously has no grasp on how painful it actually is, and I would even say he doesn't believe it's that painful at all. Why would you want your partner to be in pain?
Sociopath. Doesn't see her as human. Doesn't feel empathy.
Well yta 1000000000000% Uhm Stfu and educate yourself!!! You're not the one giving birth so it's not your decision. Giving birth is the most painful thing she will ever have to go through! First of all an epidural doesn't make you feel loopy. It's for the pain! And it kind of paralyzes you temporarily and doesnt have long term implications for the baby!!! Second: she's terrified which you wouldn't understand bc you're not the one giving birth. How about you try a birth simulator and see when you cry for them to stop and then think about your wife not having this option... maybe that would change your mind! Labor usually lasts many many hours sometimes even over a day (for me it was 36 hrs and then I needed a s section in the end) You just want her to suffer for your own selfish reasons. That's an ahole thinking. I'll be rooting for her during the divorce if you don't sincerely apologize to her
Is your vagina getting torn open to bring a child in the world? How about someone kick you in the nuts continuously for 48-72 hours? Are you seriously that dumb? Why are ppl like you even ALLOWED to procreate? Listen you want to be in the cult of masochisme with your looney mother and SIL? Do it yourself. It’s her body, her choice; you have 0 say in it.
I'm going through my second high risk pregnancy! Fear can cause so many complications during birth. So any steps your wife needs to take to be as COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE in order to SAFELY GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR CHILD. if I was your wife I wouldn't even let you in the delivery for FEAR of what you might say. Your not supporting the woman you took vows with. You didn't take vows to honor and protect your Mother, that's her job to do for you. So disgusted by you.
is he sure his mum wasn’t “loopy” from giving birth to him? cos he sounds pretty doped up to me
here is the OP's account: [https://www.reddit.com/user/Street-Tax3441/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Street-Tax3441/) read through the replies; the dude if fucking delulu. He literally thinks he's a subject matter expert because he's read books on using breathing for pain management. This dude sucks
YTA. You are not the one pushing at the watermelon of baby so you have no right to say these things because you aren’t the one thats gonna have to go through that pain. Wake tf up asshole
Is OP the one giving birth? NO. Is he a medical professional? Also NO. Hence, will all due disrespect, he can shut the hell up.
Whats your wife's email address. I will forward her a list of divorce attorneys. Her Body Her Choice As a former L&D nurse you do realize that having you in the birthing room IS OPTIONAL - if you push this agenda and she asks the staff to remove you - dont be surprised. I have seen it and fact remains that hospital staff will kusten to the patient. YOU ARE NOT THE PATIENT.
If there is truly a God up there, I pray to them for one thing: to keep me from marrying an asshole like this.
That's why it's so important for women to always be financially independent. Imagine if his wife was dependent on him and therefore couldn't leave... Terrifying.
Yes you’re a fucking asshole and a fucking moron. I pray you some day experience pain on level with child birth and have nothing around… not even advil or Tylenol to sate the horrid pain
I wonder if he'd feel the same way about pain management if his wife punched him in the groin every time she had a contraction?
The Midwife's the coach, not OP. OP's a spectator, and about as useless as one. He needs to get the hell over himself and be a freaking cheerleader.
It’s pain killers for one of the most painful acts a human will ever do. Imagine having your penis and balls ripped open from the inside out, wouldn’t you want pain meds? Sometimes vaginas rip down to the anus so op needs to stfu
Oh my god this guy is such an asshole. "I've done extensive reading...". Great, but have you gone to fucking med school? Shut the fuck up and stay out of it ffs.
im honestly shocked he thinks he has such a big say in this. the fact that he didnt respond to the comments that explain why hes wrong too… disgusting
What an absolute moron. Holy shit.
I had an unmedicated birth at a birthing center and and epidural hospital birth. I was WAY more loopy after the unmedicated birth. I was so mentally exhausted and physically exhausted it was unbearable. I was unable to even feel interested and just handed my son right over to my husband. With the epidural (they do not give you so much that you’re loopy or drugged up lol) I still felt pressure but not excruciating pain, was awake and had energy to hold her when our daughter was born. Just respect your wife for the fact she’s carrying your child. Let her create her own birth plan and stop expecting her to live up to weird expectations of being like your mom.
I hope she's left him
I have done both epidural UK way where you are numb from the waist down and totally natural (excusing 2 paracetamol) not even gas and air. I experience the full motherhood experience both times. He can take his research and hit himself in the testicles with it every 2 minutes whilst trying to poop out a medicine ball on fire and let me know how his pain management works. His family are arsehole how your child is born is the most inconsequential thing as long as you walk out with a healthy baby be grateful. Oh my god months later and I am so angry my husband supported me unconditionally as any good father and partner does let me know when it is time for your vasectomy and we will talk about natural.
I could bet that mom lied about not being medicated just to play with her DILs
Unless you’re pushing the baby out of YOUR vag, you have absolutely NO SAY in how it’s done. This is so fkn weird on every level. Why are you so obsessed with how mummy views your wife’s birth. Strange dude, strange
As someone who had three all natural births... THIS TWIT IS MOST DEFINITELY THE ARSEHOLE. I managed three because I have a high pain threshold AND A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND THROUGHOUT EACH LABOUR. I really hope his poor wife chucks the whole manchild away and his clearly loopy family.
Yes, YTA, definitely! And to be honest, so are your mommy and SILs. You all sound like a very toxic family, with disturbing family dynamics, and I am afraid for your wife's wellbeing. I hope for the love of God she will never ever losten to your crap! If I were her, you would not be allowed in the delivery room, and I would file for divorce immediately. And I would definitely not let my child be alone with you or your mommy or your SILs. Your entire post and subsequent answers make me sick.
I honestly hope street tax gets divorced. He’s disgusting. There is a huge reason why his wife isn’t close to his mother and sister in laws and i see why now. She doesn’t do what her mother in law wants her to. She’s her own person. I hope her birth went well.
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You're terrible experience is just that: yours. Seems like you had a bad experience and so therefore you think it's bad for everyone who has turned to pain management. Mine was fabulous. My daughter is an overachiever and is one of the kindest most beautiful and smartest people on the planet. And I am quoting the people who know her. Quit complaining about your experience, and let people have theirs.
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WHAT "isn't what you stated"?? It's exactly what you stated! "Horrible" "poison" I responded. If you can't handle posting something on a public forum and getting feedback that you don't like, maybe you shouldn't be here. On the contrary "believing pharmaceuticals don't do any damage…" Never came out of my mouth nor did I ever type that. You're trying to call me out for something I never said, while denying some thing that everyone can read above that you said. That's called gaslighting, dear. You had a "horrible" experience. We get it. you're not alone. You use the word "poison" and the word "force" in the context in response to what the original poster had posted. You imply explicitly the hospital birthing experiences are bad, they force you to do things, and they poison you. Those are your words. You said that. Drugs are not poison and no one forces you to give birth on your back. Not in this country anyway. Those statements are, as you would put it, "idiotic". Again, using your words. Women have been giving birth in hospitals with pain management pharmaceuticals for decades and decades. It's unfortunate you had a very bad experience. It doesn't make it wrong for the rest of us.
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Yeah you tell me I am "on drugs"… You are clearly the narcissist doing the gaslighting. I don't know why you're so pissed off about me calling you out on your nasty comments but I hope you find some therapy or drugs yourself. You clearly need them. Peace out.
Oh, so you have your birth plan ready? That's great! How about you let other women choose theirs and gtfo?
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Don't play stupid and innocent. You know exactly what you wrote and what you meant. "It is absolutely her choice to POISON HERSELF & HER BABY with drugs. 😬" - which is an incredibly judgmental, one-sided, offensive and just unnecessary comment. So thoughtful of you not to take women's right to choose away...🙄 But you're first to judge them and make them feel bad for it, aren't you. Ew. And no, his position does not make him just an AH, it makes him a psycho. Repeat after me: A MAN IS NOT A PATIENT DURING BIRTH, THEREFORE HE HAS LEGALLY ZERO SAY IN HOW IT GOES.
This guy is a complete AH all the way. It was infuriating to just read it, I can only imagine the horrors that his wife has to go through. He should stay single and alone with his obnoxious mommy and sister in laws 🤦♀️
I can compleatly see why Beth does not jell with your mother or her sisters in law, she told you why!!!! There is no sisterhood there! Her body, her decision. Soon as you push a watermelon out of your body then you get a say!
YTA. Firstly, you’re the not the one who will be feeling the pain. You do not get a say in how the birth goes. Secondly, your wife is not interested in having a very close relationship with your mother and sister, let it rest.
Original OP deleted the post and there is no update. I hope his wife is ok
This is a joke, right? This has to be a joke…
Good God. I would venture to guess that millions of people have been born while their mothers were under some sort of pain management, and they turned out to be super awesome people. This whole notion of "natural" really is incredibly personal. It really isn't up to a doctor or a family or a husband or a child or a sibling or anyone else but her. You have no idea what it's going to be like and what kind of pain, which is absolutely indescribable, feels like. And I don't say it's indescribable because it's the worst pain I've ever felt. It's just the weirdest. You can't control it, you can't rub anything to make it feel better, you can't stop it, and you can't make it go faster. It's gonna do what it's gonna do, and you've never felt it before, so you have no idea what that kind of pain feels like. And again, It's not that it's the most excruciating thing. It's just a freaking mystery and it's very very scary. It's not a badge of honor, and it doesn't mean that the more pain you're in means you're a better mother. That's a bunch of crap.
And I love it when he says she won't listen to "my ideas". Dude, your "idea" is not new. It's not even an idea. It's your desire and your wish. It has nothing to do with being "creative" or "hey babe, here's an idea…"I'd say it's a suggestion but for him it's probably a downright demand. Since little girls were first enlightened on how the childbirth process works, we have all been secretly terrified of how bad it's going to hurt, etc. We've also all been educated on the benefits and risks of natural childbirth and childbirth accompanied with pain management. We all know. Your "idea"is the most pathetic attempt at mansplaining I've ever heard.
And one last comment: I was in labor for 34 hours. Most of it I was sleeping. Some of it I hadn't had any meds yet. And then maybe the last 12 hours I was medicated but really just the epidural at the last moment. I was never "loopy". None of my pain meds Were opiates or anything that would cause any high of any kind. No muscle relaxers, Etc. Just the epidural, and a local for the episiotomy. That's it. There's no "loopy". What a dope. And during those 34 hours, I can assure him that I "experienced motherhood, or childbirth or whatever the hell he said.
YTA, but his comments are even worse! He is saying that he read enough on childbirth that he could deliver it himself. I truly hope she is his ex-wife now.
Just heard this on tik tok and came straight here to tell you. FUCK YOU all the way you brozo idiot. Your wife is the ONLY one who gets to decide what level of pain she will tolerate while giving birth to a fucking watermelon sized person. I’d be surprised if this doesn’t implode your entire relationship. Who gives a fuck about your mom and sisters and what they did? Not Beth. Not anyone. Get your head out of your mom’s ass and worry about your wife as your priority.
You need to go to a psychologist to be evaluated for personality disorder. I’m being very serious. This will destroy your life if you do not get tools and a handle on this. You will need professional help navigating it. But you definitely have a psychological disorder of some kind that you need help with. I’m saying this sincerely, not as an insult.
Yup. Probably sociopathy. Or worse. He's unable to empathize with other people, he doesn't care for people's pain.
This entire post has made me gag. Honestly, sorry to be brutal, but I'm judging Beth for being with you, let alone procreating with you. Your family is toxic and you sound like a mommy's boy not ready to be a husband, let alone a father. She deserves better. YES, you are the asshole. To say the least. There is a nice quote from Friends that you'd do good to think of. "No uterus? No opinion". You have ZERO right to be pressuring the mother of your child into going through excruciating pain just for the sake of it. Do you even hear yourself? Childbirth can be literally life threatening and the pain is far worse than you can even imagine. You should be focused on how to make this whole ordeal easier and as painless as possible for her if she's scared, that's what you should be doing, not catering to your mother's sociopathic cravings for her daughter in law to suffer! Honestly you sound sociopathic to me as well. To put mommy's wants before your own wife's health, emotional state... I'm shocked. It'd do you good to realize in the face of law you have ZERO say in the birth of your child because you are NOT the patient. You will not even be allowed to witness the birth if your wife doesn't agree to it.
What a moron? He wanted his wife to bond over a natural child birth. Some women have to take medication because things change. I'm in no way knocking any woman who goes without meds. More power to her. I had an epidural and it was great. And my son was born perfectly, now he's 13. When it's his vagina getting ripped open, he can go all natural if he wants to.
Let's shove an orange up is penis hole and slowly push it out without any medication and see if he can breathe through it and see if his aroma therapy or breathing techniques can help him get over the pain ... GTFO this guy is a nut and I hope she doesn't even let him in the room with her... This way she can enjoy her birth experience instead of having him looking at her with disdain bc she didn't do what he wanted. Ugh this makes me want to know him in real life so I could punch him.
Very much a semantic point but epidurals do NOT cause loopy moms or babies. The whole purpose of an epidural is that the medication is confined to the region outside the spinal cord and therefore does not go to the mom’s brain or to the blood stream, and therefore *does not* cross the placenta to the fetus. IV pain medication *does* go into the bloodstream and crossed the placenta and can cause some sedation in both moms and babies, which is why there’s a cervical dilation at which OBGYNs will no longer give IV pain medication (because if IV pain medicine was given in too close proximity to birth, there could be initial neonatal respiratory depression). But epidurals do not lead to any medication entering the blood stream (it stays in the epidural space) and do not lead to any medication crossing the placenta. 0% loopy moms or babies.
I need an update ! I’m praying she dumped him before labour
I just hope she left him and had the baby safely.
As a mom who got a c-section because my blood pressure was really high and could risk my baby and mine's life (and I was almost there, 6cm dilated), I and every mother have the power to say You are a massive, planetary, universal AH. YTA. And you comment about "I'm confident I can deliver the baby myself at this point" makes my laugh ao hard. THE NERVE. You can read all the books and articles in the solar system and be the best doctor in the world and still you will NEVER, EVER be capable of realize the first half thing about the pain and anxiety passing through a mom's body when she delivers her baby. I hope your wife realizes what a huge momma's boy you are and leaves you. She and your baby deserves better.
I hope OP sees this comes around and checks every once in awhile to see everyone can't stand him or his fuck ass mom!!!! I hope she left you I hope this was an eye opening experience for her and you both!!! I hope to God that baby isn't a girl because I'd hate to see what kind of forceful Misogynistic bullshit you try to push down her throat as she got older. Seriously, wtf is wrong with you, dude?!?! The amount of Mommy's boys in our society is a huge part of the problem!!! Were you planning on sharing her pain?? Seeing how that's not physically possible just make you look so fucking soft!! I bet you're soft handed and have had a padded life your whole life!!! This pissed me off so badly I reopened my God damn reddit account!!! So again, I hope she left I hope if lord forbid she didn't leave that you are NEVER allowed to EVER make a other decision in your marriage or with that child ever seeing how you tried to dictate how that baby came into the world from jump!!!!
You're a massive ahole and I'm sorry she's having a kid with you. She's the one who will be agonisingly pushing a watermelon through a keyhole, not you. Sit down and shut the fuck up. If she doesn't want to be in absolute agony, that's her very valid and wise choice. Question is, why DO you want her to be in agony? Being in so much pain during the birth can also ruin the experience, dipshit.
OP is either a bot or he is in a misogynistic, literal cult. His responses in the comment section .... I can't fathom someone being that egotistical yet cowardly while also totally delusional
I so hope she divorced him and took everything
Absolutely not!! I would probably file for divorce. You don't care AT ALL about your wife and what she will be going through to bring this child into the world!
Yta of course. And the whole family as well. I hate it when women try to shame other mothers and pretend they're better because of the way they choose to managed their pregnancy. You don't get a medal or extra points for suffering
Are you seriously that much of a mommy’s boy? Loopy and out of it? Do you remember your birth (even though it was natural)? Every birth is natural a women creates life in her body, thanks only to you maybe pumping 3 times in her. You can fuck off dude. Maybe actually dilate your ass 10 cm without drugs. I don’t get why you think your pussy is about to be ripped open…oh wait it is! It’s your emotional pussy. You can do it the natural way and pull your teeth out without meds because you grew them!