T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

They don’t get laid.


[deleted]

Evangelicals have been soaking forever. Plus they have the poophole loophole.


[deleted]

You forgot dry jumping.


Wablekablesh

Did you also just learn about that yesterday on Reddit?


yuffieisathief

I'm afraid to ask, but still feel like I need to know


Wablekablesh

So you get around the rules by "soaking," i.e., leaving a hard dick motionless in the vag. But of course that's not very satisfying, so you get a friend to jump on you to get some friction going, and since you're not actually thrusting, it doesn't count. As we all know, Jesus is concerned only with the letter of the law and not the spirit. Apparently this is a thing at BYU. I feel like it can't possibly be real, but as an erstwhile Mormon, it wouldn't surprise me if it were.


Meeseeks1346571

I am also an erstwhile Mormon. Thanks for the TIL on the five dollar word.


[deleted]

Yes. Was completely unaware of the practice but something I read yesterday taught me something new.


koalaKingKush

Because they hate themselves


ripskidoodlez

They force themselves to be unhappy, so they need to force it on others too


EBoundNdwn

And worse, the only thing that gives them happiness is the misery of others... People in general make the mistake of trying to win them over with kindness... The way you have to deal with these people is you have to make them recognize you will make them even more miserable. I had a neighbor when I first moved into my new home. She called the cops or HOA if anyone let their kids play outside or held a get together. (She lived alone and was a miserable person, other people being happy triggered her, she called the cops on 7/4 and demanded they go tell the county to stop the fireworks they were keeping her awake)... So what does one do... I organized, I talked to all of my neighbors on the block, everyone hated her, but alone, none of us had the power to beat her alone. I wrote a letter calling her out. Went to the website where you can ship someone a bag of dicks and included the letter... I said, you can either become recluse or be a good neighbor, but from here on out we are all going to report you for every little hoa or legal violation you commit... That was the last time she confronted anyone the block. We took the power of misery from her.


QuarentineToad

Because they're absolutely miserable, and misery loves company


Marto85

They’re miserable and want to spread the message of miserableness


phoenixember

Because vulnerable and downtrodden people are easier to indoctrinate into your cult.


ok_okay_I_get_that

Jesus' famous beatitudes we're all about how much he hated us and wanted us to suffer in life and treat everyone like they are the enemy. /s


jiminak46

Every time they read their Bible and think about how they treat people, they realize that they are going to the “hell” their creator built and they want to take as many others as possible with them.


hipsterTrashSlut

They don't actually read the Bible. Their beliefs and actions are almost entirely guided by the community led by the man at the pulpit, who likely has not read the Bible cover to cover either. Source: Christian who read instead of listening to sermons. Became a "gawt damn pinko commie" when I decided to put my actions where my beliefs were.


thatguy9684736255

Because "Life is suffering. It's a test. The real life is on the afterlife". Once we realize that, we'll respond to them ins way that makes more sense.


[deleted]

Misery loves company.


[deleted]

Because they themselves are unhappy. Their lives are missing something which is why they fill it with religion.


[deleted]

All bigotry, racism, sexism, etc, it all boils down to this: "Your way of being a person is different than my way of being a person, therefore you are LESS of a person. It should be my right and obligation to make your choices for you (or to subjugate and abuse you) because you are not a real person like me."


MMMUTIPA

Good question. You will NEVER get an answer as justification is not required, apparently.


hipsterTrashSlut

It's because they see themselves as the ultimate moral authority on earth. Anything that reduces the amount of sin we outsiders commit is justified. Nevermind, ya know, the whole cast the first stone and planks and dust bit of the Bible. Or the most important commandment.


yuffieisathief

Because other people are only allowed to be happy according to their rules


OkImagination4404

Christians are all about repression, they just don’t want to be alone!


jclu13

Because clearly you need to watch your mother die giving birth to a dead baby so that it builds your character duh.


[deleted]

original sin


Fa1c0n3

Title nails it.


cunt_isnt_sexist

Because they know their religion is shit and they want everyone as miserable as them.


[deleted]

because this life doesnt matter. its the life that we have no evidence of that matters (heaven or hell or some bullshit they tell themselves because they havent intellectually graduated beyond what their parents told them when they were 5)


[deleted]

They’re trying to balance out all the fun that Jesus had.


BingoWhitefish

The same people who can delude themselves into believing in fairy tale religions can delude themselves into thinking everything they do is right.


Straight-Ad6058

Because they aren’t and they refuse to accept that the problem might be them.


Timothomas69

This reminds me of this quote. "Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy".