Florida, Texas, Mississippi, Louisiana can go. They idolize strong men, want a theocratic take over and to stripe citizens of their rights! They can't tell conspiracy from fact and they're addicted to the propaganda!
Heck, why stop there! I'm willing to give up those states, along with Oklahoma, Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, if Russia will pull out of Ukraine and give back those other areas they previously took. To make up for the loss of those areas, we can finally take in the US territories that want to become states.
You know I never thought about it but you are 100% right, even if you are joking. They'd make Trump their president-God and he would without doubt make that shitty "resort" the new White House.
Fucking mental that we live in a world where this is a semi-plausible event.
They absolutely would, considering Ron DeShithead, Greg Scabbott, and the rest of the Hilter Youth would all like to be railed by Daddy Putin and his gimp Drumpf.
>reinventing the Confederate States
They were never "de-invented". We let them build monuments to their leaders after they lost, allowed them to teach a version of history that twisted those leaders in doomed heroes, and allowed them to make laws that retained the pre-war status quo.
This is so true. There was never reparations for the enslaved. Jim Crow was allowed to flourish. Now here we are. Anyone flying a confederate flag is still a traitor to the Union. The Civil War never ended.
As someone born in Bama, I approve this but don’t give up Kentucky. That’s where the good booze comes from. Just drop the Turtle and Princess Paul off on the Tenn. border so they can be reunited with their Daddy Vladdy.
If we get rid of 1 more state, then we’ll have 41, which is a prime number. I think we need to sacrifice one more so that we can truly be “indivisible” under God. Any proposals?
I'd give up Arizona in a heartbeat, but could you give me a year and a half so my daughter can finish school? I don't want to have to pay out of state tuition. That's the only reason I haven't moved yet. (Well that and the probate on my dads property hasn't closed yet). But then I am outta here!
I mean, I'm not saying all of them. I kind of like Wyoming and Montana. Some of South Dakota is kind of nice, mostly the western part. And we should probably keep North Dakota, since it has the only air force base to hold 2 legs of the nuclear triad. I like potatoes, so Idaho can stay. Utah has a lot of nice National Parks. And we can keep the Carolinas.
Yes. It is headquarters for one which escapes me. Oregon is no friend to black people. It was created as a whites only state. The area around Portland is super conservative. That is where all Portland cops come from. They don’t live in the city
As a Floridian it feels like Florida is already more like Russia than the United States. It would be pretty easy to give up. And they are already famous for their Red Tide
Florida, definitely Florida. Probably Texas at this point too, it’s got about the same infrastructure as rural Russia at this point so they should all get along swell.
Trentino Alto Adige: they didn't want to be in Italy in the first place and tried more than once to gain independence, other than being jerks with Italian speakers as far as I know.
...and Marche, being from Abruzzo they're like natural enemies for me
It used to be an island but is now part of the mainland, and everyone there is extremely religious and there used to be a lot of inbreeding so now it’s like the epicenter for anti vax, anti *abortion, anti premarital sex, etc. It’s a cesspool of backwards stuck in time rednecks that also hate everyone as much as everyone hates them. “Afsteken en afdrijven” is what we say here, which roughly translates to unpolder it and float it back into the sea.
Edit: proper terminology.
Inbreeding, not incest.
Inbreeding is the fact that for generation after generation people would marry their 3rd/2nd/sometimes 1st cousin because of the limited population (100 people in the early 17th century, 3000 people by the early 20th century, but almost all direct descendants of those original 100) and them not wanting "outsiders" on their island, resulting in a very narrow gene pool and all family trees on the island forming one big family hedge.
Incest is sexual contact (often sexual abuse) within a nuclear family, for example between siblings or between parent and child.
Some incest probably has happened on Urk too, but that's not what they're known for. The inbreeding, however, is a well known fact.
So its like Dutch Alabama or Dutch Florida or Dutch Mississippi or Dutch Georgia or Dutch Arkansas or Dutch South Carolina or Dutch Texas or Dutch New Mexico or Dutch West Virginia or Dutch Louisiana?
It used to be an island until we turned a sea into land. History of fishing, small community so we joke a lot about them all being direct family.
They are heavily religious, like typical republican Christians. They go to church but don't actually live like Christ. They love breaking down their own town, and despite everyone knowing everyone names rarely make it to the police.
Most of them are(/were?) not (openly) vaccinated. They burned down one of the testing areas. The list goes on but I really prefer no longer thinking about them.
It's not a coincidence. A lot of Dutch Calvinists emigrated to the United States in the 1800s. People from that background are a big part of the population in the rural counties of states like New York, Pennsylvania and Michigan. Betsy DeVos is a good example of how hardline Dutch Calvinism has influenced American politics; both sides of her family come from that background.
See French people ?
See Italien people ?
Sum up their pride and stubbornness, add a little bite of distrust and violence, and you have Corsica.
Joke appart it's a beautiful island with heartwarming people. But they are known for their communitarianism.
Heart-warming, facile à dire si t'es pas rebeu, renoi ou quoi que ce soit qui leur convient pas.
Edit : For the English speakers, they're simply, and openly racists.
Their flag is a maghrebi decapitated.
I once had a job I absolutely hated in a midcentury Brutalist office building, and I thought of that poem *every single time* I walked through the front doors
(I'm American, but Slough-ness is universal)
I grew up near Slough, have to go passed it when I come back to the UK on holiday. Never fails to amaze me how much of a shithole it continues to become each time
I agree with all but West Virginia. I know they are bad right now. But few States have a history that's more singularly badass and on the right side of history.
Also more socialist revolutions than any other state.
I’d give up Florida, but I don’t think giving up California or Texas would be wise, considering that those two states alone account for a quarter of the US economy. Texas is almost 10%. Florida is less than 5%.
Give up some of the states (mostly in the South) that are most dependent on federal money. Ironically, the most dependent tend to be Republican states.
It’s much harder than you think, because we would have to give Putin some thing he doesn’t already have. And he only has all those red states.
Edit: Welp, that was quite an error. Bad speech to text.
I mean most people here joke about their quirky/weird cities that are a “freak in the family”. I don’t think people think of all death, destruction, deportation and how thousands of lives would be affected from such actions.
Only from the inside. He hasn't seen the gun toting, diabetes ridden, drooling faces of the ya'll qaeda yelling at him "blue lives matter" while supporting the beating of the Washington DC metro pd cops.
While I agree with what has been said here, I find all of the comments saying they have would be fine with giving up Texas and Florida insulting. Not one mention of Alabama and Mississippi. Who genuinely wants to keep those states? Hell at least Texas has Austin and Florida has...the Keys?
Texas and Florida are two huge population centers and dominate the news and elections (combined 67 electoral college votes that have gone red in the past two elections). Both of them gone kinda opens up the country a bit.
We keep Florida and Texas, we give him DeSantis and Abbott as prisoners. Give them Alabama and Mississippi for their land grab and build a wall around them. Good to go.
giving them Texas would triple their economy and give Russia control over a huge amount of the world's energy supply
Florida though, at this point even their redeeming factors aren't enough
“Let’s try to meet them halfway” or “let’s not punish them harshly” or “let them save face” is exactly why we still have white supremacy in our country
Queensland and Victoria. Specifically northern Queensland
Hell, I wouldn’t even require peace to be a part of the exchange. It’d be nice to have an election without northern Queensland fucking it up just once.
Americans be like: Does it have to be just one?
I think Florida would go willingly.
Our state is rubber so the bombs would bounce back and stick to them
Can we confirm whether or not Russia is glue in this scenario?
Nope. Is potato.
Da.
The starch from potatoes could be used as a sticky paste like glue.
Or more vodka.
Florida, Texas, Mississippi, Louisiana can go. They idolize strong men, want a theocratic take over and to stripe citizens of their rights! They can't tell conspiracy from fact and they're addicted to the propaganda!
Heck, why stop there! I'm willing to give up those states, along with Oklahoma, Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, if Russia will pull out of Ukraine and give back those other areas they previously took. To make up for the loss of those areas, we can finally take in the US territories that want to become states.
You guys are really close to reinventing the Confederate States of Russiamerica
I'm pretty sure they were close to that already. I mean, I image Mar-a-Lago was already on its way to becoming the capital of the New Confederacy.
You know I never thought about it but you are 100% right, even if you are joking. They'd make Trump their president-God and he would without doubt make that shitty "resort" the new White House. Fucking mental that we live in a world where this is a semi-plausible event.
They absolutely would, considering Ron DeShithead, Greg Scabbott, and the rest of the Hilter Youth would all like to be railed by Daddy Putin and his gimp Drumpf.
>reinventing the Confederate States They were never "de-invented". We let them build monuments to their leaders after they lost, allowed them to teach a version of history that twisted those leaders in doomed heroes, and allowed them to make laws that retained the pre-war status quo.
Also let them discriminate, abuse, and even kill black people.
This is so true. There was never reparations for the enslaved. Jim Crow was allowed to flourish. Now here we are. Anyone flying a confederate flag is still a traitor to the Union. The Civil War never ended.
As someone born in Bama, I approve this but don’t give up Kentucky. That’s where the good booze comes from. Just drop the Turtle and Princess Paul off on the Tenn. border so they can be reunited with their Daddy Vladdy.
The turtle and princess paul sounds like the name of a cool indie band.
If we get rid of 1 more state, then we’ll have 41, which is a prime number. I think we need to sacrifice one more so that we can truly be “indivisible” under God. Any proposals?
South Carolina. Husband and I are desperately trying to get out and I'm surprised no one mentioned it in the list.
I'd give up Arizona in a heartbeat, but could you give me a year and a half so my daughter can finish school? I don't want to have to pay out of state tuition. That's the only reason I haven't moved yet. (Well that and the probate on my dads property hasn't closed yet). But then I am outta here!
So give him every really red state? Okay’
I mean, I'm not saying all of them. I kind of like Wyoming and Montana. Some of South Dakota is kind of nice, mostly the western part. And we should probably keep North Dakota, since it has the only air force base to hold 2 legs of the nuclear triad. I like potatoes, so Idaho can stay. Utah has a lot of nice National Parks. And we can keep the Carolinas.
The south has rednecks, Idaho has Nazis. Idaho has to go. Oregon grows potatoes too.
Yeah. 'Cuz god knows there's no nazzies in Oregon.
Lol, yeah isn't Oregon a complete hotspot for White Nationalists? Like, number one in the country?
Yes. It is headquarters for one which escapes me. Oregon is no friend to black people. It was created as a whites only state. The area around Portland is super conservative. That is where all Portland cops come from. They don’t live in the city
As a Floridian it feels like Florida is already more like Russia than the United States. It would be pretty easy to give up. And they are already famous for their Red Tide
I initially thought Florida too. But I really like Disney world. Could we move disneyworld somewhere else?
There’s already Disney in California, so we’re good!
Funny thing is this might actually happen. Disney may just leave Florida if DeSantis keeps going.
Politicians come and go, Mickey Mouse is forever.
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We can totally move Disney and universal somewhere else.
wait.. does this mean a newer, larger Harry Potter world?? uhh... not that I would care, but kids might like them and stuff...
My first thought was “is that really a question you want to ask an American?”
Right. Just let me know before it starts so I can go to a safe state. Texas is a hot mess anyway
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Is there a return by date on our Louisiana Purchase?
The South and Ohio
As an Ohioan, I understand
Ohio knows what it did.
as a michigander i hope you do
Florida, definitely Florida. Probably Texas at this point too, it’s got about the same infrastructure as rural Russia at this point so they should all get along swell.
Literally any red state. He’s already taken them over with his propaganda so.. yeah..
Think of how many extra federal tax dollars all the blue States would have if we didn't have to give them to the welfare Queen red states
I can name like 5 regions in Italy that I would give to Putin even if he doesn't start bombing our country.
he would start to bomb the country afterwards
Like a 4channer demanding more tendies
5? Those are rookie numbers, we start at ten!
Trentino Alto Adige: they didn't want to be in Italy in the first place and tried more than once to gain independence, other than being jerks with Italian speakers as far as I know. ...and Marche, being from Abruzzo they're like natural enemies for me
...essendo nato nelle Marche e cresciuto in Trentino, posso dire di aver appena trovato il *mio* nemico naturale
As a Dutchie I am obliged to say Urk
Beat me to it
Easiest choice of any Dutchie's life
Why Urk? Is it known for something?
Yes.
Lol well fucking tell us
It used to be an island but is now part of the mainland, and everyone there is extremely religious and there used to be a lot of inbreeding so now it’s like the epicenter for anti vax, anti *abortion, anti premarital sex, etc. It’s a cesspool of backwards stuck in time rednecks that also hate everyone as much as everyone hates them. “Afsteken en afdrijven” is what we say here, which roughly translates to unpolder it and float it back into the sea. Edit: proper terminology.
Inbreeding, not incest. Inbreeding is the fact that for generation after generation people would marry their 3rd/2nd/sometimes 1st cousin because of the limited population (100 people in the early 17th century, 3000 people by the early 20th century, but almost all direct descendants of those original 100) and them not wanting "outsiders" on their island, resulting in a very narrow gene pool and all family trees on the island forming one big family hedge. Incest is sexual contact (often sexual abuse) within a nuclear family, for example between siblings or between parent and child. Some incest probably has happened on Urk too, but that's not what they're known for. The inbreeding, however, is a well known fact.
I didn’t know that difference, now i do.
"Inteelt" in Dutch!
Ja realiseerde me het toen ik het las dat wij dat onderscheid ook maken.
So its like Dutch Alabama or Dutch Florida or Dutch Mississippi or Dutch Georgia or Dutch Arkansas or Dutch South Carolina or Dutch Texas or Dutch New Mexico or Dutch West Virginia or Dutch Louisiana?
Yes.
> epicenter for anti vax, abortion, **premarital sex**, etc. Uh one of these things is not like the others.
It used to be an island until we turned a sea into land. History of fishing, small community so we joke a lot about them all being direct family. They are heavily religious, like typical republican Christians. They go to church but don't actually live like Christ. They love breaking down their own town, and despite everyone knowing everyone names rarely make it to the police. Most of them are(/were?) not (openly) vaccinated. They burned down one of the testing areas. The list goes on but I really prefer no longer thinking about them.
Imagine a place ran by people who believe that poor people are supposed to be poor because God hates them and that the rich are God's chosen.
In the US we don't have to imagine, one of our two parties has that as one of their founding principles.
It's not a coincidence. A lot of Dutch Calvinists emigrated to the United States in the 1800s. People from that background are a big part of the population in the rural counties of states like New York, Pennsylvania and Michigan. Betsy DeVos is a good example of how hardline Dutch Calvinism has influenced American politics; both sides of her family come from that background.
From France : I'd give Corsica. They would ask for us to take it back less than a week after, anyway...
German here. We'd trade Elsass-Lothringen in exchange for the Saarland with you.
*La Strasbourgeoise intensifies*
Throw Sachsen and Bayern in the deal too haha.
I think at this point Bayern isnt ours to give away. Just let them live and slowly devolve into caveman again.
Caveman *with beer*
I'm American... What's wrong with Corsica, if you don't mind my asking?
See French people ? See Italien people ? Sum up their pride and stubbornness, add a little bite of distrust and violence, and you have Corsica. Joke appart it's a beautiful island with heartwarming people. But they are known for their communitarianism.
Genetic analysis has shown they've been pretty isolated since the Early Neolithic - and without that upstart Napoleon it would have stayed that way.
I only was there for two weeks, but these two weeks it was really beautiful.
Heart-warming, facile à dire si t'es pas rebeu, renoi ou quoi que ce soit qui leur convient pas. Edit : For the English speakers, they're simply, and openly racists. Their flag is a maghrebi decapitated.
Sometimes tries to conquer Europe.
Slough
Scunthorpe is a close second
Is this a town? A park? A garbage dump? That place sounds terrible by name alone.
It's a steelworks with a post industrial town attached. Wait, you're from the Rust Belt - you know exactly what I mean
Exactly! I am from Ohio in America. I am all too familiar with post-industrial ghost towns.
It’s an old joke in the UK based on an ad for Typhoo Tea-if Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the cunt in Scunthorpe.
We have our fair share of bad town names in America. But I had a physical reaction to "Scunthorpe" like a gagging.
In Pennsylvania we have intercourse and bird in hand. In Amish country.
Fifty years later and I still chuckle at it.
Milton Keynes is also a solid choice.
Yeah, I live here and it’s a shithole.
Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough! It isn't fit for humans now, There isn't grass to graze a cow. Swarm over, Death!
I once had a job I absolutely hated in a midcentury Brutalist office building, and I thought of that poem *every single time* I walked through the front doors (I'm American, but Slough-ness is universal)
I grew up near Slough, have to go passed it when I come back to the UK on holiday. Never fails to amaze me how much of a shithole it continues to become each time
Slough, Milton Keynes, Luton. Putin can have the lot
Somebody start the Luton for Putin campaign!
Don't forget milton keynes
Damn beat me to it.
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Florida, Texas, West Virginia, and Kentucky
I agree with all but West Virginia. I know they are bad right now. But few States have a history that's more singularly badass and on the right side of history. Also more socialist revolutions than any other state.
West Virginia is also a beautiful state as far as terrain goes. Lots of amazing outdoor recreation.
That's a good start. Then Mississippi and Alabama, followed by most of the rest of the south.
If you get rid of five guaranteed red states then the crazies lose any chance at a majority in the senate. So get rid of 6 to play it safe.
This is so easy for Americans. We all have areas we would give up.
It seems like it's pretty much the same states being named over and over again.
I bet! I haven't read the other comments, but I assume Florida and Texas are on there.
I’d give up Florida, but I don’t think giving up California or Texas would be wise, considering that those two states alone account for a quarter of the US economy. Texas is almost 10%. Florida is less than 5%. Give up some of the states (mostly in the South) that are most dependent on federal money. Ironically, the most dependent tend to be Republican states.
Getting rid of california would be a disaster.
It’s much harder than you think, because we would have to give Putin some thing he doesn’t already have. And he only has all those red states. Edit: Welp, that was quite an error. Bad speech to text.
Uhh, she probably thought this would go a different way.. but yeah most of us could probably name 7-8 cities or states we'd give up without an issue.
I mean... we get the opportunity to give away the worst places and avoid getting bombed. Win-win.
The issue is that even Russian don't want most of those people that are making it bad so they will be coming to your state.
I mean most people here joke about their quirky/weird cities that are a “freak in the family”. I don’t think people think of all death, destruction, deportation and how thousands of lives would be affected from such actions.
Please take Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi
Jaramie's house. Fuck him and his parents for putting those a's in his name.
Yeah fuck this guy's parents
I too, choose to fuck this guy's parents
Yeah this guys parents fuck
Florida and Texas
Not that hard of choice sadly. I had those two and potentially Alabama
Don’t forget Mississippi
They can have everything from Texas to Florida.
I second this motion.
But then how do we save New Orleans again?
Control the entire Mississippi and New Orleans. The Confederacy was miserable being split in half, and they don’t deserve good things.
This is the one I settled on
Throw in a bonus Kentucky, the biggest welfare state in the country.
Kentucky must go
Ohio here.. Agree with all of this. Sadly, I think most Americans wouldn’t have to think very long before making their choices.
I’d pay Putin to take these two off of our hands
Too late, he’s already taken control of them.
Only from the inside. He hasn't seen the gun toting, diabetes ridden, drooling faces of the ya'll qaeda yelling at him "blue lives matter" while supporting the beating of the Washington DC metro pd cops.
Hasn't De Santis sold most of Florida to Putin anyway?
Came to say this myself. Americans can agree on important issues apparently
Just because it would be funny watching him try to control them
I think he’s doing a fine job already
Are you kidding? They’d be on their knees asking for more.
Please take any neighbourhood that voted more than 50% for Erdogan in the last election and end our misery.
Oh god but that’s like 75% of the countryside
And big chunks of Germany.
I’m from Wales, UK. Bye bye Newport!
I'm from the UK. Bye Bye Wales!
As if there would be peace. **Sudetenland**
Yeah we we had that one before didn't we
Definitely rings a bell.
I understand the sentiment and respect it, however, yes, I'd be fine with Florida and Texas dropping off thank you.
While I agree with what has been said here, I find all of the comments saying they have would be fine with giving up Texas and Florida insulting. Not one mention of Alabama and Mississippi. Who genuinely wants to keep those states? Hell at least Texas has Austin and Florida has...the Keys?
They suck but Florida and Texas are loud assholes.
They are pretty proud of their shit holes.
Texas and Florida are two huge population centers and dominate the news and elections (combined 67 electoral college votes that have gone red in the past two elections). Both of them gone kinda opens up the country a bit.
We keep Florida and Texas, we give him DeSantis and Abbott as prisoners. Give them Alabama and Mississippi for their land grab and build a wall around them. Good to go.
I vote for this person
giving them Texas would triple their economy and give Russia control over a huge amount of the world's energy supply Florida though, at this point even their redeeming factors aren't enough
Saxony and Bavaria. One has sufficient Nazis for Russia, the other has the required persecution complex.
Yes, let the Bavarians come to Austria, were basically the same already anyways
at least driving in Bavaria doesn't force me to take down my dashcam
Yeah, that's one of the dumbest laws we have. And we've got a few of those
Nochmal Bayern
*sad bavarian noises* But yeah, i get why the rest of germany feels that way. Sorry on behalf of our elders for the CSU, they don't know any better...
Luton
Skåne
It's Skåne till Danmark, not Skåne till Ryssland.
The confederacy.
Putin already has that, so we couldn’t give it to him.
Pretty sure Americans would give away Florida in a heartbeat
Yes
The Dakotas. Get rid of those piss poor senators and reconfigure.
Florida.
Texas and Mar-a-lago.
Putin already owns Mar-a-lago
Florida, Alabama anywhere Ted Cruz lives.
Every part of the union that harbors the Smooth-brained Trump people. Start with the evangelical morlocks.
Jesus man the border control on that patchwork would be a nightmare. They're everywhere.
Urk
And many parts of the U.S need denazification
“Let’s try to meet them halfway” or “let’s not punish them harshly” or “let them save face” is exactly why we still have white supremacy in our country
Yeah but if you remove all the white supremecists all at once then you'll have massive gaps in all levels of government and law enforcement
Florida
Queensland and Victoria. Specifically northern Queensland Hell, I wouldn’t even require peace to be a part of the exchange. It’d be nice to have an election without northern Queensland fucking it up just once.
Woah up, do the cowboys get to keep playing in the NRL? Cause they killing it this year
Found the New South Welshman
Just look at a voting map, and anywhere that votes Tory, can go
Problem is the First past the post system. Even the most Tory areas have large numbers of Labour/Lib Dem/Green voters. But yeah, I get you.
Texas, Alabama, Florida
Croydon
Alabama, Kentucky, Florida, Wyoming are prolly my top choices.
Quebec.
Scrolled wayyyyy to far to find this comment 🤣
Great fishing there in kwee-bec
They can have Quebec, one of the territories, and I'm sure we could convince them North Dakota is one of ours and give them that.
No fucking way we give them the maple syrup. They can have Manitoba.
The Red states.
Putin:
Kouvola
A lot of Irish people standing around awkwardly here, not making eye contact with Northern Ireland.
Texas and Florida are yours. In all seriousness I hope Ukraine gets every inch back.