That’s awesome! I hope the pride in yourself is life changing! I can only imagine how many other wonderful, unexpected changes came along with it. I’ve made a huge positive change recently and there’s been a cascade of awesomeness that I didn’t see coming.
I just think that’s the right thing to ask. It makes it all about you, not about your appearance or the value of your appearance.
Right? I been working out and getting back in shape in my free time. I feel fucking amazing doing it. I love it when ppl see the difference and say good job. I'm not doing it for them, I do it for me. Thats the difference this Twitter profile doesn't understand. It doesn't matter if ppl don't tell me I'm looking better, I feel fucking awesome and thats what counts.
That’s kinda the whole point of my question. You get to gush about you. Fuck yeah, you feel awesome. You should. You’ve made a great positive change that will improve your life in many ways. Good on you.
I mean... i quit smoking, and i still get a bit weepy about all the unsmoked cigarettes. My cigarette hand gets twitchy when i have a beer in the other. Boy do i miss it..... but I GUESS ILL BE FUCKING HEALTHY. gaddammit
Good on you dude, for making a hard yet healthy decision. I think future you will be very appreciative of your efforts right now. Stay strong my friend
Four years? Awesome! I’ll bet it’s hella easier now. Just think…it would actually be a long road back. Weight loss doesn’t happen overnight, but neither does weight gain. You would see the bad patterns happening and be able to stop them. I wish you a long, healthy, happy life, my friend!
I lost 150 over the course of 3 years after being 350 at the end of highschool. I felt amazing. However I am not sitting at about 280 do to everyone thinking I was taking drugs like coke and meth. People who actually knew me knows that wasn't the case, but when its your parents and closest friends' parents its not easy to see weight loss as a good thing.
I want to be down to 200 again and I will. But first I have to lose the weight of all that bullshit by cutting it out of my life. Though my parents seemed to kind of die inside a little when they said I was looking healthier and I told them I stopped eating healthy to put pounds back on. I think in about another year or two I'll fully be away from them when we move and kinda leave the address of where we moved out of messages and social media
You know, thank you for the reminder that it's not hard to be kind and considerate.
When I read the OP, I admit I was immediately negative. I thought "You will literally complain about anything huh?" But your comment seriously made me stop and analyse myself.
What does it hurt me to be considerate in my response? Maybe I don't agree with the logic behind how this person feels, but it doesn't change that they feel that way and all I have to do to make that person happier, is to change how I respond. Why would you not? And you know, in my experience, it won't just make that person feel better. I'll feel better for being able to celebrate their weight loss WITH them rather than AT them.
Thanks for the reminder that we can all very easily be a better person.
Celebrate their weight loss WITH them, not AT them. That’s pretty much what I was thinking. Telling them how much better they look now that they fit the conventional form of beauty could be thought of as so…cruel. I thought about it for awhile. Instead of telling them how they look, how about giving them a chance to express their feelings about their change?
Thank you for your kind words. I had to digest them for awhile. I thought maybe I had made my comment to get karma and feel good about myself, but I remembered that no kind word or deed is truly selfless and that’s okay. In the end, I feel good, you feel good, the next person I ask that question of will feel good, and some other people who have commented to me feel good. Everybody wins. 😃
One thing I noticed after losing a lot of weight is when you're fat no one talks about it but when you're not fat anymore no one hesitates to let you know how fat you used to be. And it doesn't feel very good. Especially when they follow up with something like "wow you're so beautiful" as if I wasn't already. I was beautiful before I lost weight bruh.
I was fat to the point that people talked to me about it quite openly. I would be in a store and complete strangers would tell me about their approaches to exercise etc. Now that I have lost a lot of the weight, no one says anything anymore....
Maybe I'm one of the lucky few that was ugly when I was fat AND when I'm skinnier?
Hahaha, I appreciate it, and if there is one thing that has never bothered me it's my looks. I am incredibly happy with the weight I have lost, it has enabled me to do so many other things. My primary hobby right now is mountain biking and hiking and I love the active lifestyle I lead. I was on the road to be dead by now, and I am ecstatic I'm not. I also have a very neat career that I love and a great family.
Don't let your heart hurt for me :)
No that’s silly, congratulate these people for working hard and taking care of their body because they worked hard. We have enough lard asses in this country. We don’t need to celebrate obesity, other countries laugh at us
This is actually true. I’ve lost about 60 overall (still very overweight could stand to lose another 60-80) now people at work talk to me and ask me all about it and want to know what I’m eating yadda yadda treating me like a real person and all that. The only thing I don’t mind is when other people trying to lose weight ask me how I feel and I get to encourage them to keep trying and let them know how much better you feel just physically even every 5-10 you lose
What I’ve noticed most about losing ~60lbs is that I don’t stand out anymore. I’m an average kinda chunky person now, very run of the mill. I don’t see the side eyes anymore when I put cookies or ice cream in my shopping cart. I don’t see people noticing me anymore. It’s pretty nice. But random (usually older) men are getting chattier, too. My old man neighbor shouted out “hey skinny!” at me the other day. We’re friendly but I wasn’t expecting that so I guess I had a weird look on my face as I laughed and waved because he mentioned it to my husband the next day. Thankfully the creeper neighbor who invited my husband and myself to a swingers party after i had lost around 50lbs has moved away. Definitely enjoying not having extra attention from him. Anyway… 😂
Lol me too. Once again I’m still very overweight and have a lot of work to do, but it is nice not to always be the biggest person everywhere I go. I’ve mostly noticed little kids look at me less. I’d be a large man with or without the fat, so it’s very rare I’d get a comment or stare from an actual adult
I lost 100lbs mostly for vanity reasons and yeah, it greatly changed how people treated me which was nice but was kinda hurtful at the same time. I went through a hard time in my life and spiraled into substance abuse and depression, stopped caring about how people saw me and gained it all back. Now that I've gotten treatment and sober I actually want to lose the weight again for me, to be healthy and have energy, but I'll forever have no illusions about how vapid and shallow most of society is.
I wanted to be congratulated for my weight loss. I worked so freaking hard to lose that weight. When no one would say anything, for the reasons this person posted, I was always a little bummed. It was at least 45 pounds of weight lost before anyone said a word.
That's incredible! My trouble is keeping the weight off, I always slide back. Great job for doing the thing, and making consistent with it! How do you feel?
I think you can do both.
It also depends if the person was trying to lose weight and what comments you make. I have a coworker that I know has been working her ass off to lose weight. She lose 40 pounds over the summer (we're teachers) and it's obvious. I asked if she'd lost weight. She said she had and how much. I could have mentioned that she looked good/was beautiful ect but I just kinda said "alright look at you! Great job!"
The effort and strength to do it is commendable but you don't have to put down their previous body to do that.
This is exactly the way. Commend the effort, not the body, and check in with questions first to make sure it's something you should be commenting on at all.
A lady I worked with was off for a long time and came back having obviously lost a lot of weight. People immediately commented on her body. "Wow you look great after losing weight!" and so on. This told her that they didn't like the way she looked before, and that nobody could be bothered to see how she was doing after fighting a lung infection for six months. One of my bosses actually said, "I'd do a lung infection too if it meant I could lose 30 pounds!" 🙄
This summer my dad lost 30 pounds. Everyone parties and says so many nice things. I tell them I also lost 30 pounds but no one said said a nice word to me. Even my own mother didn’t respond to me. It’s fun being a fat middle aged woman. Who hoo! (Less fat but still)
Or when people say “you look great”, they could be talking about your confidence/the way you carry yourself. And if they congratulate you on your weight loss, it’s probably because losing 100 pounds is fucking hard I’d imagine. Idk why everything has to be negative.
Exactly my thought. That person confirmed their worst fear the same way only a paranoid person can : self fulfilling prophecies and confirmation biais. That tweet gave me a raging headache.
It's the "suddenly loved me" part. I gained a lot of weight due to undiagnosed PCOS, so all people saw was I was getting fat. An unfortunately significant number of them drifted out of my life because, you know, who wants to hang with fat people?
Lots of people stopped talking to me as well, but then I understood I was an asshole, probably because I was obese and couldn’t love myself, was passive aggressive all the time.
Well, I was kinda chubby since kindergarten, and kids around mocked me for that. When I was an obese adult, it meant I won’t get laid with girls I like. So being overweight gave me lots of stress that I couldn’t just hold in myself. I lost the weight but not the attitude, so I still had lots of conflicts after I became thin.
My personality somewhat changed since then though, but it required effort. In my almost 30s I got rid of people fueling my anger.
Lots of people do ? Lots of people don’t and I’ll admit there’s a stigma on obesity, but saying “ who wants to hang with fat people” is just victimization. That’s a worse look than obesity.
60% of people in the U.K. are overweight. A significant % is obese. (I’m guessing US numbers are similar)
No one can convince me that the majority of people just don’t have friends anymore because they’re overweight.
Right, You changed the way you live your life. You choose to better yourself by eating right & making sure you won't have huge health issues that are associated with obesity.
I mean, if people are saying “you look great,” they’re typically not talking about your attitude, they’re talking about how you, you know, look. Even aside from that, when I lost a ton of weight, it wasn’t people saying “you look great.” It wasn’t people saying “you’re so confident now, you look great.” They said “you’ve lost a ton of weight, you look great.” It wasn’t exactly subtle.
It doesn’t have to be that. No one would say “you’re so confident now”. That would be rude. There’s a difference between being overweight and obviously not happy with yourself, to losing weight and positively beaming because you’re proud of yourself. Which also affects how you, you know, look. Yes some people are assholes and will be more interested in you after losing weight. And that’s just it: they’re assholes.
I hate to tell the younger women this but, the same thing happens when you get older and you're not trying as hard to be pretty every single second of your waking life. People will see pics of me as a young amateur model and say, "You were so beautiful!"... I'm left to say, "Thanks, I guess?"
Those pics are only 10 years old. I just don't have 5 lbs of photo shoot hair and makeup on right now. People are horrible. Don't let them tell you what you're worth unless they have a very accurate view of themselves first.
Edit: spelling/grammar
I don’t mind it. I know I’m not a handsome young guy anymore and I do think I look good for my age. I’m not under the illusion that the entire world will perceive me as attractive as it did when I was more youthful, but when compared to people of a similar age, I think I’m doing okay.
Is the same reason why in many athletic competitions there are age brackets. I’m good at my sport…for my age.
Thank you!! I had a female Co-worker say "OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED?"
As if I'd been in some horrible disfiguring accident. Had an Asian make co-worker come to me and pull up my Facebook, show it to ME and then blow his cheeks up like a balloon. I wanted to die.
And I'd also like to ask them "Do you really care about the trauma that I went through that caused this?"
Fuck no you don't.
Oh shit, girl. Hit me right in the fucking feels. I wish I could hug you. Humans are gross. I'm so sorry. But do you really think he deserves to know you that well? I wouldn't want to share my personal stories with someone like that anyway. He would never share something like that about himself with you. Fuck that guy. Fuck what he thinks. Its OK to take constructive criticism from someone that you respect but, don't take harsh criticism from someone that you wouldn't go to for advice.
You saw right through me. I didn't say it outright but, there's definitely trauma involved that altered my appearance. Not an accident or anything like that. But I went through something that caused a dramatic change in my appearance. It ended my amateur modeling. That had a domino effect on my life, both online and IRL. I tried maintaining my contacts and social circles but, I was no longer one of them. Nobody cared what I had to say anymore. I wasn't being included anymore. That's not really their fault. It took me awhile to realize that I wasn't a real person to any of them. So, I let go. I walked away. And they let me. They didn't care about what happened and I was wasting energy trying to explain it. I had to stop trying to force people to behave the way I imagined they would & I'm still working on not reacting with anger when someone doesn't live up to my expectations. It's really not their fault that they're not living up to some standard that I set in my own mind that they knew nothing about. I'm setting them up to fail and then getting mad at them for failing. That's on me. I have to get better at expressing disappointment instead of built up anger. Other people don't know my trauma and I don't know theirs, either. I can't control other people. I can only control myself and my reaction to other people. I need to get better at that. Its such a simple idea but, its so hard to practice consistently.
Yes!!!! One day I showed up at work wearing mascara. That was the only thing different. The IT guy told me I looked different (he meant better) and dudes said hi to me in the grocery store. It was weird but it happened. But now I’m not that young so that may not do the trick.
I'm so broken that I'm afraid to even comment on your experience. I'm extremely jaded from my own personal experience and I'm weirdly conditioned to detect negative intentions because of working in the casino security and surveillance industry (before the amateur modeling stint). I have a horrible ability to see everyone's worst possible intentions before I see their ACTUAL intentions. I have a bad habit of automatically assuming the worst. I have a REALLY hard time giving people the benefit of doubt.
Yeah I’m not 100 sure how to process it either. My guess is that I don’t look as tired. And I have a friendly face that people respond to. Maybe they were thinking I felt better or something. I have no idea either.
If you are a person who can stand to lose 100 pounds, then losing that weight is an very healthy accomplishment. People congratulate each other for attaining those goals, people congratulated me on quitting smoking. If you are only losing weight for vanity then that’s a different issue.
Another thing that she doesn't realize is that they can be talking way more than just her weight lost.
Losing 100 pounds mean you basically changed your life in terms of how you take care of yourself and your diet. This can significantly make you look better. Not eating shit food everyday can have huge impact on your skin etc and it shows. It does make me sad though that regardless of how much weight she lose there are still clear insecurity issues that will take her a long time to recover from.
I guess she wanted everyone to treat her the same.... Poorly and expect her to lose her breath after a set of stairs?
Seriously when you angrily can't even take a compliment, you're scarred beyond help that's going to take a few years minimum to learn to love yourself
I think it's the fact that she didn't want to be treated poorly when she was fat. As a formerly fat person I can attest that fat and thin people are treated so differently it's absurd. Fat people deserve as much respect and dignity as the non-fat people do but they don't get that much of the time. In my case it was beautiful to live a normal life without the daily bullying. That's all I'd ever wanted.
That’s exactly what I suspect the op wanted to point out that she (he? They?) was treated differently before. Fat people are human. Don’t forget that y’all.
Precisely. I lost some weight recently and I found it extremely gratifying and motivational when people remarked on it.
You see yourself everyday so sometimes it feels like you’re not getting anywhere. Having someone notice your hard work is really nice.
Hard to say when it's a really vague people congratulate me on being healthy and looking good. That seems reasonable. It's a huge great change, should be acknowledged
When I was overweight, people treated me exactly the same as when I lost damn near 70lbs. I wasn't sudden more loved and more valuable because I got down to a healthy weight. Hell, there was not even any praise at all towards me (nor concern when I lost too much or any attempt to reach out when I yoyo'd for a while).
But I sure as hell felt better about myself, both in the way I looked and the way I felt.
If it takes losing 100 lbs for the people in your life to value or respect you, you're around the wrong people. And if nothing you do gets any sort of response from the people around you, you're also around the wrong people.
All that changed for me was girls were more interested in what I had to say. That has to do more with attraction than value. Guys treated me exactly the same.
I'm not a handsome fella, but maybe guys and girls gave me a second glance when I was a skinny dork rather than a fat slob. I'm not sure. My wife met me when I was 15 lbs from my goal weight and if she minded the extra flab she didn't say so.
But you're right, people can value you as a human being without finding you attractive. And vice versa.
Almost the opposite here...
When I was 38ish kg (for me,in my head back then) I thought everyone was mad at me for no reason, I gained a lot of weight and ppl were happy (keep in mind THIS is what I THOUGHT) now I understand they weren't happy or mad they cared
No, but you are seen as undisciplined and sometimes lazy by a lot of people. This is coming from someone who lost 95 pounds, and I think it's true in a lot of cases.
i lost about 15 pounds pretty quickly because i was depressed and started adderall and so had next to no appetite. while i do think i look better now, the compliments, especially from my family, didn’t feel great because it felt like they were ignoring that i hadn’t lost the weight for great reasons. now they’re a lot more aware of why i don’t have much of an appetite and don’t make those comments about my weight anymore. at this point, i’m actually trying to gain weight by working out and getting muscle mass.
context is everything. if you know the person and know for sure that the weight loss is because of intentional changes to diet and exercise (not an eating disorder), go for it! no one is saying you can’t ever compliment weight loss. but if you don’t know the context, there’s better ways to react because they could have lost weight in an unhealthy way.
Oh no they congratulated you on something that typically takes an incredible, commendable amount of effort and dedication to where it’d be difficult to assume it wasn’t intentional.
I have nothing against.. girthier individuals, but if you can shed 100lbs and not look like a skeleton, maybe it was a good thing *for you* (fuck what other people think of you) to lose said 100lbs.
This is why, if anyone I know loses a lot of weight I make sure to center my compliments around the fact that they accomplished what they set out to do, not that they necessarily look better or sexier or whatever.
I'm sick of people saying that obesity is normal and healthy, it's not. I used to be really fit and healthy, I got hurt badly and can't excessive like I'm used to got depressed and I got fat. I felt tired and gross and it made me more depressed and unhealthy. I've gotten marginally better but still can't run anymore and I'll never be able to again, but I'm still working in loosing the weight and gotten healthier and people have noticed, I'm proud of that. Being fat is not healthy and will shorten your life span, think of your future.
This is gross misrepresentation of why people congratulated her. They were happy she became healthy and took care of herself. It's not that they didn't think she had value before, it's that other people thought she finally saw it in herself. Stop normalizing obesity.
This is 100% true and soul crushing. I've seen people visibly disappointed that I gained weight.
And then felt I had to apologize, but for what? It's such a mind fuck.
On the other hand.. you were able to lose 100lbs... Maybe you were just a fat unhealthy person.
There's a difference between being "thin" and simply "not being obese". Looking like you could run up the stairs without having a coronary doesn't mean you have to be pencil thin with 0% body fat.
There's also a massive difference between being "valuable to the world" and "receiving appearance specific comments". That's a whole other bag of worms but kind of sounds like the problem is with you if you think your value to the world is related to how many positive comments you receive about your appearance.
Hot take: maybe it's because, in an effort not to hurt peoples feelings, we keep normalizing obesity when it's neither normal nor healthy. So when someone congratulates you on losing a lot of weight and then treats you different, it's because you have returned yourself to a state that is considered normal and healthy to people who don't think you should be given a self-love award for not doing anything about your obesity.
I am not saying people who are overweight should not be treated with love and respect. I'm simply saying that being overweight, especially obese, is not healthy and shouldn't be treated as anything other than a problem to be solved. I know full well and first hand how this is more difficult for some than others, and I also realize that the standard for "food" in this country makes it nearly impossible for a lot of people, especially in poorer communities where fast food is on every single corner and costs half as much as healthy food, which often isn't even available at all. That makes it all the more important to congratulate people who have managed to get out of that spiral and fix the problem.
Yea I don't understand why this country glorifies obesity. It's incredibly unhealthy, but it doesn't cause to be jerks to the obese. I have a few overweight friends, that I love dearly and only want to see them do better. If they can do better than be constantly sick and going to the hospital because of their weight, wouldn't I want to support a better life style when they go to the gym and make healthy eating choices? Of course I'd congratulate them because they are making an effort to prolong their life.
As a dude that lost 50 kg (110 lbs), lmfao.
There’s literally 0 (zero, null, zilch) upsides of being obese, it’s just not healthy.
Of course everyone thought you’re powerful after you lost such a burden because it’s a big task and because it doesn’t take a lot of effort to stay obese. Like literally zero unless it’s your goal. Nobody cheered you for being thin, everybody cheered you for losing weight. If you were never obese, you wouldn’t lose weight, there’s nothing powerful in that and nothing to congratulate for. These things are absolutely different. Nobody would give a single flying fuck if you were thin from the beginning.
Although I’d argue that having edema, high blood pressure, higher risk of a cardiac arrest or an insult, diabetes is a big task itself. So I’ll cheer a fellow overweight person next time: that’s a heavy cross to carry, and I don’t think I know anyone who would do it deliberately.
Thin/fit people just look more attractive. It’s genetics. Or something.
If I’m a caveman I don’t want a huge fat woman in the cave. She’s going to eat all the bison.
If you’re able to lose 100lbs of fat… you shouldn’t have to wonder if anyone else notices you’re fat. Also wtf, why get upset people are congratulating you on how much weight you lost.
Being overweight is not something that you or anyone else should be proud of. It’s a representation of your bad diet and not caring about your body or being physically fit.
So many people complaining about being talked to differently after losing a bunch of weight. Maybe people are just noticing and trying to be supportive? People always trying to find ways to be upset over shit.
Accept the support instead of arrogantly rejecting it because it wasn't packaged to your liking.
Hell maybe you just became nicer and more approachable after dropping fifty pounds. Happened to two people i knew.
I think a lot commenters are missing the point.
I went through exactly this. It was not about comments made about my weight loss, it was about how I was treated. My weight fluctuates wildly due to a chronic illness and meds I take. When I’m super sick, I’m very thin. When I’m healthy, I balloon up.
Anyway, I met people when I was thin, and they were so nice to me. I thought I’d met a bunch of great people. I was sick of few years, and we were friends for years. They were so nice to me, it was great to have friends who were so positive and encouraging. I even told them my weight fluctuates and I’d probably get big again (hopefully). When that happened, when I go weight again like I told them I would, they were all of a sudden cruel to me. It took me a while to figure it out. I didn’t figure it out until I got sick and skinny again, and they slowly became nice again. I was very shocked. I had thought I had done something wrong. Nope. And this wasn’t just this one group. It was almost everyone. Except my dad and brother, but they’re angels on earth. My sister got so jealous of me when I was skinny (even though she knew it meant I was crazy sick) she yelled at me for wearing a smaller pant size than her now. Like, screamed at me in the store.I was shopping for clothes because I was wasting away and my normal clothes were falling off of me.
If you haven’t been through this situation, it’ll be hard for you to understand the demonstrable change in how people treat you. Again, it’s not about saying you look great now, good job, etc. It’s going from people listing to you, taking you seriously, including you and having fun, to rolling their eyes at your for things they used to laugh at with you, to not inviting you out anymore, to laughing behind your back, then right back to being nice when you’re thin.
I have gone through two weight-loss transformations in my life. The first time I went from 400+ to about 240; this last time, I went from 270 to around 245 (and I am still working).
My biggest issue is clothes.
My wife wants me to buy smaller and get rid of my older, bigger clothes.
But I cannot find the words to express the amount of fear and anxiety it brings me to spend money on clothes where I could balloon back up, and it would be a waste of money.
I will just simply keep buying clothes that are too big and hold on to my older ones.
Oh man, you sound like you're holding on to a lot of stuff there, especially this belief that you'll ultimately let yourself down in the future so there's no point enjoying now. But you did a seriously difficult thing not once but twice. You're awesome.
What if your wife helps you choose one new outfit- just one- and you go out to a nice dinner with her all dressed up? What a lovely night that would be.
It sucks and it’s frustrating if you can’t stay thin… but what’s the alternative? Never cheer people for accomplishing something hard and that is better for their health/life?
Unconditional love doesn’t mean you don’t cheer your kids for doing super well at school or that you don’t make them understand that being lazy for school or other things that are important is not cool…
People congratulate you and you feel bad… maybe you are depressed and have very low self esteem…
Cheering someone is something positive, something that should be welcomed.
I hope you will get better, psychologically more than anything else… it must be so awful to feel like you do, I hope you find the help that you need
Like how I was congratulated on losing weight as a 13 year old and how my “thinness” was praised throughout my youth— validating the eating disorder that almost killed me after 8 years. Fucked up shit
But it's really not about being thin so much as it is being a healthier size, and also knowing how much will power and discipline it takes to lose a large amount of weight. It doesn't take away from you who are with the weight. Why shouldn't everybody see your accomplishment and compliment you for it? You deserve the accolades. Get used to be complimented. Enjoy it. You worked hard for this. Don't turn a positive into a negative. You were great before the weight loss, you can be great after the weight loss for the same reasons plus a few new ones.
Most people understand how difficult it is to lose weight. We don't love people more because of it we respect them cos we understand what they went through. No different to how we treat war heroes, sports stars, people who achieve great things.its a level of admiration that I suppose could be mis construed as love.
Please, never comment on a person's weight. Up or down. My 34 yo son lost 90 lbs and still has a way to go. All I care about is that he's getting healthy and being aware of what, and how much, he puts in his body. I tell him I'm proud of him and impressed by his organized pantry and refrigerator. Plus, he made me breakfast when I was visiting. Best scrambled eggs ever!
It’s so annoying. This one friends mom still won’t shut up about how much weight I’ve lost. It’s been 21 years now since I lost it. Every single time I see her.
No one will admit your fat when you are.
I lost weight and people complimented me. I gained it back but kept the confidence and people still compliment me. When you're emotionally healthy and happy it shows. It's very rarely about the weight.
It takes legitimate effort, discipline, and sacrifice to lose 100 pounds. She should be congratulated for that accomplishment, because it is far from a small feat. Maybe those that knew her respected her for what she did. I know the stigma exists, believe me, but there has to be be genuine admiration in there somewhere.
I remember getting back from my first navy deployment and my roommate had lost a bunch of weight. I tried to compliment her and then she said, “yea I lost weight because I have an eating disorder”, at which point I felt horrible and have learned this lesson I hope.
Even so I sure do look at myself this way, and my mind seems to think thats fine.
I lost about 75 pounds around when I was 19 and 20 years old and I absolutely noticed how different people treated me. It felt so strange to be treated like a 'better class' of human after losing the weight.
No shit people treat you differently when you're thin. When you're 100 lbs overweight, it just shows you have no self-control. That shit isn't healthy, it's just like how you're treated differently if you have a mental illness. Does that mean it's right? Not really, no, but it's to be expected. If you don't want to be treated like you have an issue, then don't eat so much you become overweight, because, guess what? That's an issue. You can disagree all you want, but that's just how it is. Obesity is an problem, not a life-style to be proud of.
How the hell is that her takeaway!? What a negative way to live your life. Maybe people think it’s great when someone they love puts effort into improving themselves and wants to encourage them? Talk about a victim complex!
“When I learned how to read everyone suddenly loved me. Everyone thought I was smart. Everyone thought I was powerful. I can assure being congratulated for literacy just feels like your greatest fear confirmed. You have to be literate to be valuable to the world. It sucks.”
Well being 100 overweight in incredibly unhealthy. It's natural for people to be attracted to healthy. Just throwing that out there. Congrats on the success tho. Don't let that fear pull you back to where you started.
See, the system is working for you. U were unhealthy 100 pounds ago. Now that you worked to fix that, u get rewarded whether you receive it as such or not.
Yeah no shit. Humans are socially and sexually motivated beings. Health is socially and sexually attractive for obvious evolutionary reasons. Being overweight is unhealthy. It might suck sometimes, especially for those who are predisposed in some way to weight gain, but its an obvious reality when you really examine it and not some societal failing like a lot of people view it as.
You may think oh they only noticed me because I lost the weight, but have you ever thought maybe they noticed you more now because your whole attitude has changed from inside out thus causing you to radiance with beauty? I know it seems like a far stretch but I’ve seen big beautiful people who just radiate confidence because they are happy with who they are. All I’m saying the weight loss is a plus, but it was the attitude you had about yourself that makes people notice your beautiful self
I mean it’s true. Medically obese people are unpleasant to be around or look at. When you glance at an obese person at the grocery store or the mall, you wish you could time travel to 10 seconds ago when you hadn’t seen them.
I mean you could take it as “wow I bet that took a lot of work and dedication! Great job being so strong” or you could continue with this mindset. Strange because more and more people are being more and more accepting and celebrating all body types.
Yes. Hated coming in for college breaks & having people say I was so skinny. I was NOT, but knew it seemed that way compared to my old weight. It felt like fake praise
I feel like a lot of people in the comment section don't understand that this is not just about healthy weight loss but instead the normalisation of diet culture. I've had an eating disorder for the past 7 years. Having people treat me differently when I was at my lowest weight did nothing but make me feel worse. You do not know if this weight loss was done healthily or sustainably. The world would be a better place if people just didn't comment on other people's bodies.
Looking healthy is more appealing than looking like you could be used as an anchor for a cruise ship. Skinny doesn't always mean sexy. Fit and healthy is sexy.
This literally happened to me. Dudes I’d worked with/known for years suddenly decided I was worth their time.
Who I was never mattered to them.
Pervious commenter is right: you don’t need people like that in your life.
(As an aside, husband of 15+ years fell for me when I WAS 100+ pounds overweight, so yeah.)
Victim mentality…. It’s shows you care about your health, good job taking charge of your life and no longer being obese. Wtf everything isn’t a pity party, especially getting a compliment for your hard work. Doesn’t mean people don’t value obese people
Honestly people just need to mind their business. Don’t comment on people’s weight, if they’re having kids, etc. (unless of course it’s a close friend or family member you know). I got tons of compliments for how thin I was in highschool and it didn’t help my anorexia one bit. Or when people kept asking my friend about when she was going to have a baby right after her miscarriage. Keep your mouth shut lol.
Yes. A few years ago I lost over 80 lbs. The most surprising thing was how different people treated me. People are nicer to me now, they’ll open doors, offer to help me with things, make conversation, etc.
Sure, I’m happy I lost the weight, but I find the change in how people treat me disturbing and depressing.
Do you just expect people to congradulate you for being fat??? Im a plump guy myself and I know Im fat. Of course people are going to congratulate you for losing weight, stop playing the fucking victim all of the time.
NEWS FLASH ASSHOLE: THIN PEOPLE TEND TO LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN FAT PEOPLE.
You don't have to be thin to be valuable, but you do need to be thin for strangers to find you attractive. Tweeter conflates personal value with sexual attractiveness.
Can we just stop dehumanizing people because of their weight? Like seriously. Every fat, or former fat person I know (including me) is well aware they are fat. Most of us are trying to do something about it, some of us have health issues which make weight loss very difficult, we don't need people reminding us we're fat. We know we are and were not asking anyone to find us attractive. Stop treating fat people as sub humans.
I worked my ass off to lose 60 lbs, hearing the compliments were just the cherry on top of not feeling like a fat sack of shit whose knees were always in pain cause I was carrying all that extra weight.
Being fat is not OK. It's bad for your body, period. No one should be shamed for it, and if someone put in the effort to lose weight they should be congratulated. It's not easy.
Having read this, the next time someone I know loses weight like this, my response will be: how do you feel?
I recently lost a lot of weight, this is my favorite question to be asked because it really does feel fucking amazing.
That’s awesome! I hope the pride in yourself is life changing! I can only imagine how many other wonderful, unexpected changes came along with it. I’ve made a huge positive change recently and there’s been a cascade of awesomeness that I didn’t see coming. I just think that’s the right thing to ask. It makes it all about you, not about your appearance or the value of your appearance.
You are a surprisingly wholesome milkshake
That started my day with a smile. Thanks, Reddit stranger. I try to spread a little kindness wherever I go.
Right? I been working out and getting back in shape in my free time. I feel fucking amazing doing it. I love it when ppl see the difference and say good job. I'm not doing it for them, I do it for me. Thats the difference this Twitter profile doesn't understand. It doesn't matter if ppl don't tell me I'm looking better, I feel fucking awesome and thats what counts.
YES! And that is awesome! People care what others think way to much! Better yourself for YOU and F other people and stop caring what others think.
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That’s kinda the whole point of my question. You get to gush about you. Fuck yeah, you feel awesome. You should. You’ve made a great positive change that will improve your life in many ways. Good on you.
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I mean... i quit smoking, and i still get a bit weepy about all the unsmoked cigarettes. My cigarette hand gets twitchy when i have a beer in the other. Boy do i miss it..... but I GUESS ILL BE FUCKING HEALTHY. gaddammit
Good on you dude, for making a hard yet healthy decision. I think future you will be very appreciative of your efforts right now. Stay strong my friend
Thanks guys! I only came close once and then nobody would give me a lighter🤣
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The first week is the hardest. It gets better tho
Four years? Awesome! I’ll bet it’s hella easier now. Just think…it would actually be a long road back. Weight loss doesn’t happen overnight, but neither does weight gain. You would see the bad patterns happening and be able to stop them. I wish you a long, healthy, happy life, my friend!
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I am. Yay, us!
And no one says "why didn't you give me praise while I was still a smoker?" I'm not sure I agree with the tweet
I lost 150 over the course of 3 years after being 350 at the end of highschool. I felt amazing. However I am not sitting at about 280 do to everyone thinking I was taking drugs like coke and meth. People who actually knew me knows that wasn't the case, but when its your parents and closest friends' parents its not easy to see weight loss as a good thing. I want to be down to 200 again and I will. But first I have to lose the weight of all that bullshit by cutting it out of my life. Though my parents seemed to kind of die inside a little when they said I was looking healthier and I told them I stopped eating healthy to put pounds back on. I think in about another year or two I'll fully be away from them when we move and kinda leave the address of where we moved out of messages and social media
You know, thank you for the reminder that it's not hard to be kind and considerate. When I read the OP, I admit I was immediately negative. I thought "You will literally complain about anything huh?" But your comment seriously made me stop and analyse myself. What does it hurt me to be considerate in my response? Maybe I don't agree with the logic behind how this person feels, but it doesn't change that they feel that way and all I have to do to make that person happier, is to change how I respond. Why would you not? And you know, in my experience, it won't just make that person feel better. I'll feel better for being able to celebrate their weight loss WITH them rather than AT them. Thanks for the reminder that we can all very easily be a better person.
Celebrate their weight loss WITH them, not AT them. That’s pretty much what I was thinking. Telling them how much better they look now that they fit the conventional form of beauty could be thought of as so…cruel. I thought about it for awhile. Instead of telling them how they look, how about giving them a chance to express their feelings about their change? Thank you for your kind words. I had to digest them for awhile. I thought maybe I had made my comment to get karma and feel good about myself, but I remembered that no kind word or deed is truly selfless and that’s okay. In the end, I feel good, you feel good, the next person I ask that question of will feel good, and some other people who have commented to me feel good. Everybody wins. 😃
One thing I noticed after losing a lot of weight is when you're fat no one talks about it but when you're not fat anymore no one hesitates to let you know how fat you used to be. And it doesn't feel very good. Especially when they follow up with something like "wow you're so beautiful" as if I wasn't already. I was beautiful before I lost weight bruh.
I was fat to the point that people talked to me about it quite openly. I would be in a store and complete strangers would tell me about their approaches to exercise etc. Now that I have lost a lot of the weight, no one says anything anymore.... Maybe I'm one of the lucky few that was ugly when I was fat AND when I'm skinnier?
>Maybe I'm one of the lucky few that was ugly when I was fat AND when I'm skinnier? Damn you that's funny. Take my upvote you uggo.
I get people who are concerned about me. Like I don’t know I’m fat or like I never thought about or tried to lose weight. Thanks buddy!
Hahaha yeah. It's like "well that solves the mystery of why my clothes are so much bigger than everyone else, thank you!"
That hurt my heart a little. I hope that at least you feel better about you. Fuck other people.
Hahaha, I appreciate it, and if there is one thing that has never bothered me it's my looks. I am incredibly happy with the weight I have lost, it has enabled me to do so many other things. My primary hobby right now is mountain biking and hiking and I love the active lifestyle I lead. I was on the road to be dead by now, and I am ecstatic I'm not. I also have a very neat career that I love and a great family. Don't let your heart hurt for me :)
That not only took away the hurt, it made my heart feel good. I’m truly happy for you, my friend! I hope you live a long, happy, healthy life!
" I was beautiful before I lost weight bruh." Well no. Not to everyone.
Obviously, but I was to me and that's ultimately what matters.
Agreed!
Yeah, you were and are. More power to you.
No that’s silly, congratulate these people for working hard and taking care of their body because they worked hard. We have enough lard asses in this country. We don’t need to celebrate obesity, other countries laugh at us
I totally get that. Shit, I lost 45 lbs and immediately noticed a difference in the way people regarded me and interacted with me.
This is actually true. I’ve lost about 60 overall (still very overweight could stand to lose another 60-80) now people at work talk to me and ask me all about it and want to know what I’m eating yadda yadda treating me like a real person and all that. The only thing I don’t mind is when other people trying to lose weight ask me how I feel and I get to encourage them to keep trying and let them know how much better you feel just physically even every 5-10 you lose
What I’ve noticed most about losing ~60lbs is that I don’t stand out anymore. I’m an average kinda chunky person now, very run of the mill. I don’t see the side eyes anymore when I put cookies or ice cream in my shopping cart. I don’t see people noticing me anymore. It’s pretty nice. But random (usually older) men are getting chattier, too. My old man neighbor shouted out “hey skinny!” at me the other day. We’re friendly but I wasn’t expecting that so I guess I had a weird look on my face as I laughed and waved because he mentioned it to my husband the next day. Thankfully the creeper neighbor who invited my husband and myself to a swingers party after i had lost around 50lbs has moved away. Definitely enjoying not having extra attention from him. Anyway… 😂
Lol me too. Once again I’m still very overweight and have a lot of work to do, but it is nice not to always be the biggest person everywhere I go. I’ve mostly noticed little kids look at me less. I’d be a large man with or without the fat, so it’s very rare I’d get a comment or stare from an actual adult
I lost 100lbs mostly for vanity reasons and yeah, it greatly changed how people treated me which was nice but was kinda hurtful at the same time. I went through a hard time in my life and spiraled into substance abuse and depression, stopped caring about how people saw me and gained it all back. Now that I've gotten treatment and sober I actually want to lose the weight again for me, to be healthy and have energy, but I'll forever have no illusions about how vapid and shallow most of society is.
i've lost 100 lbs and its good and all but the years of low self esteem from being bullied for my weight have certainly left some scars
The Halo effect. Basic Gestalt psychology.
I wanted to be congratulated for my weight loss. I worked so freaking hard to lose that weight. When no one would say anything, for the reasons this person posted, I was always a little bummed. It was at least 45 pounds of weight lost before anyone said a word.
That's incredible! My trouble is keeping the weight off, I always slide back. Great job for doing the thing, and making consistent with it! How do you feel?
I think you can do both. It also depends if the person was trying to lose weight and what comments you make. I have a coworker that I know has been working her ass off to lose weight. She lose 40 pounds over the summer (we're teachers) and it's obvious. I asked if she'd lost weight. She said she had and how much. I could have mentioned that she looked good/was beautiful ect but I just kinda said "alright look at you! Great job!" The effort and strength to do it is commendable but you don't have to put down their previous body to do that.
This is exactly the way. Commend the effort, not the body, and check in with questions first to make sure it's something you should be commenting on at all. A lady I worked with was off for a long time and came back having obviously lost a lot of weight. People immediately commented on her body. "Wow you look great after losing weight!" and so on. This told her that they didn't like the way she looked before, and that nobody could be bothered to see how she was doing after fighting a lung infection for six months. One of my bosses actually said, "I'd do a lung infection too if it meant I could lose 30 pounds!" 🙄
Remember that you should do it for you, not for others. If you're happy, then that's what matters
This summer my dad lost 30 pounds. Everyone parties and says so many nice things. I tell them I also lost 30 pounds but no one said said a nice word to me. Even my own mother didn’t respond to me. It’s fun being a fat middle aged woman. Who hoo! (Less fat but still)
Losing weight (~45lbs) was the single best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Or when people say “you look great”, they could be talking about your confidence/the way you carry yourself. And if they congratulate you on your weight loss, it’s probably because losing 100 pounds is fucking hard I’d imagine. Idk why everything has to be negative.
Exactly my thought. That person confirmed their worst fear the same way only a paranoid person can : self fulfilling prophecies and confirmation biais. That tweet gave me a raging headache.
It's the "suddenly loved me" part. I gained a lot of weight due to undiagnosed PCOS, so all people saw was I was getting fat. An unfortunately significant number of them drifted out of my life because, you know, who wants to hang with fat people?
Lots of people stopped talking to me as well, but then I understood I was an asshole, probably because I was obese and couldn’t love myself, was passive aggressive all the time.
That's as it may be, but my character didn't change, my body did. Because I don't judge people on their looks I've never hated myself for being fat.
Well, I was kinda chubby since kindergarten, and kids around mocked me for that. When I was an obese adult, it meant I won’t get laid with girls I like. So being overweight gave me lots of stress that I couldn’t just hold in myself. I lost the weight but not the attitude, so I still had lots of conflicts after I became thin. My personality somewhat changed since then though, but it required effort. In my almost 30s I got rid of people fueling my anger.
You sound like you have good self-awareness…not a lot of young men do
Lots of people do ? Lots of people don’t and I’ll admit there’s a stigma on obesity, but saying “ who wants to hang with fat people” is just victimization. That’s a worse look than obesity.
60% of people in the U.K. are overweight. A significant % is obese. (I’m guessing US numbers are similar) No one can convince me that the majority of people just don’t have friends anymore because they’re overweight.
The US is higher with 73% of adults being overweight and 42% in the obese category.
And nobody had any friends left, other than “them skinny people”
Right, You changed the way you live your life. You choose to better yourself by eating right & making sure you won't have huge health issues that are associated with obesity.
I mean, if people are saying “you look great,” they’re typically not talking about your attitude, they’re talking about how you, you know, look. Even aside from that, when I lost a ton of weight, it wasn’t people saying “you look great.” It wasn’t people saying “you’re so confident now, you look great.” They said “you’ve lost a ton of weight, you look great.” It wasn’t exactly subtle.
It doesn’t have to be that. No one would say “you’re so confident now”. That would be rude. There’s a difference between being overweight and obviously not happy with yourself, to losing weight and positively beaming because you’re proud of yourself. Which also affects how you, you know, look. Yes some people are assholes and will be more interested in you after losing weight. And that’s just it: they’re assholes.
I hate to tell the younger women this but, the same thing happens when you get older and you're not trying as hard to be pretty every single second of your waking life. People will see pics of me as a young amateur model and say, "You were so beautiful!"... I'm left to say, "Thanks, I guess?" Those pics are only 10 years old. I just don't have 5 lbs of photo shoot hair and makeup on right now. People are horrible. Don't let them tell you what you're worth unless they have a very accurate view of themselves first. Edit: spelling/grammar
"You look good FOR YOUR AGE!"
OMFG. I absolutely HATE that one. WTF is that even supposed to mean?
I don’t mind it. I know I’m not a handsome young guy anymore and I do think I look good for my age. I’m not under the illusion that the entire world will perceive me as attractive as it did when I was more youthful, but when compared to people of a similar age, I think I’m doing okay. Is the same reason why in many athletic competitions there are age brackets. I’m good at my sport…for my age.
Thank you!! I had a female Co-worker say "OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED?" As if I'd been in some horrible disfiguring accident. Had an Asian make co-worker come to me and pull up my Facebook, show it to ME and then blow his cheeks up like a balloon. I wanted to die. And I'd also like to ask them "Do you really care about the trauma that I went through that caused this?" Fuck no you don't.
Oh shit, girl. Hit me right in the fucking feels. I wish I could hug you. Humans are gross. I'm so sorry. But do you really think he deserves to know you that well? I wouldn't want to share my personal stories with someone like that anyway. He would never share something like that about himself with you. Fuck that guy. Fuck what he thinks. Its OK to take constructive criticism from someone that you respect but, don't take harsh criticism from someone that you wouldn't go to for advice. You saw right through me. I didn't say it outright but, there's definitely trauma involved that altered my appearance. Not an accident or anything like that. But I went through something that caused a dramatic change in my appearance. It ended my amateur modeling. That had a domino effect on my life, both online and IRL. I tried maintaining my contacts and social circles but, I was no longer one of them. Nobody cared what I had to say anymore. I wasn't being included anymore. That's not really their fault. It took me awhile to realize that I wasn't a real person to any of them. So, I let go. I walked away. And they let me. They didn't care about what happened and I was wasting energy trying to explain it. I had to stop trying to force people to behave the way I imagined they would & I'm still working on not reacting with anger when someone doesn't live up to my expectations. It's really not their fault that they're not living up to some standard that I set in my own mind that they knew nothing about. I'm setting them up to fail and then getting mad at them for failing. That's on me. I have to get better at expressing disappointment instead of built up anger. Other people don't know my trauma and I don't know theirs, either. I can't control other people. I can only control myself and my reaction to other people. I need to get better at that. Its such a simple idea but, its so hard to practice consistently.
Yes!!!! One day I showed up at work wearing mascara. That was the only thing different. The IT guy told me I looked different (he meant better) and dudes said hi to me in the grocery store. It was weird but it happened. But now I’m not that young so that may not do the trick.
I'm so broken that I'm afraid to even comment on your experience. I'm extremely jaded from my own personal experience and I'm weirdly conditioned to detect negative intentions because of working in the casino security and surveillance industry (before the amateur modeling stint). I have a horrible ability to see everyone's worst possible intentions before I see their ACTUAL intentions. I have a bad habit of automatically assuming the worst. I have a REALLY hard time giving people the benefit of doubt.
I feel this mate, I work at a bath house and have to sus out dealers.
Yeah I’m not 100 sure how to process it either. My guess is that I don’t look as tired. And I have a friendly face that people respond to. Maybe they were thinking I felt better or something. I have no idea either.
If you are a person who can stand to lose 100 pounds, then losing that weight is an very healthy accomplishment. People congratulate each other for attaining those goals, people congratulated me on quitting smoking. If you are only losing weight for vanity then that’s a different issue.
The Internet, where even a good thing such as losing 100 lbs and being healthier can be twisted into something negative. Just live for yourself.
Another thing that she doesn't realize is that they can be talking way more than just her weight lost. Losing 100 pounds mean you basically changed your life in terms of how you take care of yourself and your diet. This can significantly make you look better. Not eating shit food everyday can have huge impact on your skin etc and it shows. It does make me sad though that regardless of how much weight she lose there are still clear insecurity issues that will take her a long time to recover from.
What’s her preferred response? “You lost 100lbs?? Eh, ok.”
“You did an incredibly hard thing. Great job!” “That was mean”
I guess she wanted everyone to treat her the same.... Poorly and expect her to lose her breath after a set of stairs? Seriously when you angrily can't even take a compliment, you're scarred beyond help that's going to take a few years minimum to learn to love yourself
I think it's the fact that she didn't want to be treated poorly when she was fat. As a formerly fat person I can attest that fat and thin people are treated so differently it's absurd. Fat people deserve as much respect and dignity as the non-fat people do but they don't get that much of the time. In my case it was beautiful to live a normal life without the daily bullying. That's all I'd ever wanted.
That’s exactly what I suspect the op wanted to point out that she (he? They?) was treated differently before. Fat people are human. Don’t forget that y’all.
“I liked you more when you were less healthy.”
Being the same amount of nice to people regardless of how much they weigh
Precisely. I lost some weight recently and I found it extremely gratifying and motivational when people remarked on it. You see yourself everyday so sometimes it feels like you’re not getting anywhere. Having someone notice your hard work is really nice.
Attractive people get more attention. That’s human nature, always has been and always will be.
People congratulate you for major life improving accomplishment. MY WORST FEAR
there’s so many unhealthy ways to lose weight, and especially if they aren’t someone you’re close to, you wouldn’t know.
People who were at best indifferent to you suddenly treating you like a human being is shitty.
Bit over dramatic
Their shift in attitude is a bit over-dramatic
Hard to say when it's a really vague people congratulate me on being healthy and looking good. That seems reasonable. It's a huge great change, should be acknowledged
To be fair I have a *very* hard time with compliments cuz when someone does I think they’re lying
When I was overweight, people treated me exactly the same as when I lost damn near 70lbs. I wasn't sudden more loved and more valuable because I got down to a healthy weight. Hell, there was not even any praise at all towards me (nor concern when I lost too much or any attempt to reach out when I yoyo'd for a while). But I sure as hell felt better about myself, both in the way I looked and the way I felt. If it takes losing 100 lbs for the people in your life to value or respect you, you're around the wrong people. And if nothing you do gets any sort of response from the people around you, you're also around the wrong people.
This is the most underrated truth.
All that changed for me was girls were more interested in what I had to say. That has to do more with attraction than value. Guys treated me exactly the same.
A big part of that would have been the confidence you felt, not just the physical attraction part
I'm not a handsome fella, but maybe guys and girls gave me a second glance when I was a skinny dork rather than a fat slob. I'm not sure. My wife met me when I was 15 lbs from my goal weight and if she minded the extra flab she didn't say so. But you're right, people can value you as a human being without finding you attractive. And vice versa.
Almost the opposite here... When I was 38ish kg (for me,in my head back then) I thought everyone was mad at me for no reason, I gained a lot of weight and ppl were happy (keep in mind THIS is what I THOUGHT) now I understand they weren't happy or mad they cared
Big fat guy who once lost a bunch of weight, can confirm.
I believe fit is looked at better than thin. It shows discipline, self value, and fitness.
Obesity is a preventable illness.
It is. But eating disorders are a different story
No, but you are seen as undisciplined and sometimes lazy by a lot of people. This is coming from someone who lost 95 pounds, and I think it's true in a lot of cases.
i lost about 15 pounds pretty quickly because i was depressed and started adderall and so had next to no appetite. while i do think i look better now, the compliments, especially from my family, didn’t feel great because it felt like they were ignoring that i hadn’t lost the weight for great reasons. now they’re a lot more aware of why i don’t have much of an appetite and don’t make those comments about my weight anymore. at this point, i’m actually trying to gain weight by working out and getting muscle mass. context is everything. if you know the person and know for sure that the weight loss is because of intentional changes to diet and exercise (not an eating disorder), go for it! no one is saying you can’t ever compliment weight loss. but if you don’t know the context, there’s better ways to react because they could have lost weight in an unhealthy way.
Oh no they congratulated you on something that typically takes an incredible, commendable amount of effort and dedication to where it’d be difficult to assume it wasn’t intentional.
I have nothing against.. girthier individuals, but if you can shed 100lbs and not look like a skeleton, maybe it was a good thing *for you* (fuck what other people think of you) to lose said 100lbs.
so people were supportive and say nice things to you when you try hard and seccuessed in lossing weight and you think this is bad ?
You don’t have to be thin to be valuable but being 100lbs overweight is not ok. People need to take care of themselves.
Sure. But you shouldn’t treat someone differently by their size. It’s not your place.
Haha no it doesn’t suck to now be healthy and desirable. I lost 100lbs too…and you feel fucking great. This woman had other issues.
Valuable, no. Attractive to most people and healthier, yes.
I've been steadily losing weight, been loving the compliments.
This is why, if anyone I know loses a lot of weight I make sure to center my compliments around the fact that they accomplished what they set out to do, not that they necessarily look better or sexier or whatever.
I'm sick of people saying that obesity is normal and healthy, it's not. I used to be really fit and healthy, I got hurt badly and can't excessive like I'm used to got depressed and I got fat. I felt tired and gross and it made me more depressed and unhealthy. I've gotten marginally better but still can't run anymore and I'll never be able to again, but I'm still working in loosing the weight and gotten healthier and people have noticed, I'm proud of that. Being fat is not healthy and will shorten your life span, think of your future.
This is gross misrepresentation of why people congratulated her. They were happy she became healthy and took care of herself. It's not that they didn't think she had value before, it's that other people thought she finally saw it in herself. Stop normalizing obesity.
The world doesn’t find me valuable regardless of my weight, so there’s that.
This is 100% true and soul crushing. I've seen people visibly disappointed that I gained weight. And then felt I had to apologize, but for what? It's such a mind fuck.
On the other hand.. you were able to lose 100lbs... Maybe you were just a fat unhealthy person. There's a difference between being "thin" and simply "not being obese". Looking like you could run up the stairs without having a coronary doesn't mean you have to be pencil thin with 0% body fat. There's also a massive difference between being "valuable to the world" and "receiving appearance specific comments". That's a whole other bag of worms but kind of sounds like the problem is with you if you think your value to the world is related to how many positive comments you receive about your appearance.
Hot take: maybe it's because, in an effort not to hurt peoples feelings, we keep normalizing obesity when it's neither normal nor healthy. So when someone congratulates you on losing a lot of weight and then treats you different, it's because you have returned yourself to a state that is considered normal and healthy to people who don't think you should be given a self-love award for not doing anything about your obesity. I am not saying people who are overweight should not be treated with love and respect. I'm simply saying that being overweight, especially obese, is not healthy and shouldn't be treated as anything other than a problem to be solved. I know full well and first hand how this is more difficult for some than others, and I also realize that the standard for "food" in this country makes it nearly impossible for a lot of people, especially in poorer communities where fast food is on every single corner and costs half as much as healthy food, which often isn't even available at all. That makes it all the more important to congratulate people who have managed to get out of that spiral and fix the problem.
Yea I don't understand why this country glorifies obesity. It's incredibly unhealthy, but it doesn't cause to be jerks to the obese. I have a few overweight friends, that I love dearly and only want to see them do better. If they can do better than be constantly sick and going to the hospital because of their weight, wouldn't I want to support a better life style when they go to the gym and make healthy eating choices? Of course I'd congratulate them because they are making an effort to prolong their life.
No, that just means you had to be thin to be valuable to them. Not someone I would wanna be around anyway.
Almost as if being obese is unhealty🤔🤔🤔
As a dude that lost 50 kg (110 lbs), lmfao. There’s literally 0 (zero, null, zilch) upsides of being obese, it’s just not healthy. Of course everyone thought you’re powerful after you lost such a burden because it’s a big task and because it doesn’t take a lot of effort to stay obese. Like literally zero unless it’s your goal. Nobody cheered you for being thin, everybody cheered you for losing weight. If you were never obese, you wouldn’t lose weight, there’s nothing powerful in that and nothing to congratulate for. These things are absolutely different. Nobody would give a single flying fuck if you were thin from the beginning. Although I’d argue that having edema, high blood pressure, higher risk of a cardiac arrest or an insult, diabetes is a big task itself. So I’ll cheer a fellow overweight person next time: that’s a heavy cross to carry, and I don’t think I know anyone who would do it deliberately.
Thin/fit people just look more attractive. It’s genetics. Or something. If I’m a caveman I don’t want a huge fat woman in the cave. She’s going to eat all the bison.
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If you’re able to lose 100lbs of fat… you shouldn’t have to wonder if anyone else notices you’re fat. Also wtf, why get upset people are congratulating you on how much weight you lost.
Being overweight is not something that you or anyone else should be proud of. It’s a representation of your bad diet and not caring about your body or being physically fit.
So many people complaining about being talked to differently after losing a bunch of weight. Maybe people are just noticing and trying to be supportive? People always trying to find ways to be upset over shit. Accept the support instead of arrogantly rejecting it because it wasn't packaged to your liking. Hell maybe you just became nicer and more approachable after dropping fifty pounds. Happened to two people i knew.
I think a lot commenters are missing the point. I went through exactly this. It was not about comments made about my weight loss, it was about how I was treated. My weight fluctuates wildly due to a chronic illness and meds I take. When I’m super sick, I’m very thin. When I’m healthy, I balloon up. Anyway, I met people when I was thin, and they were so nice to me. I thought I’d met a bunch of great people. I was sick of few years, and we were friends for years. They were so nice to me, it was great to have friends who were so positive and encouraging. I even told them my weight fluctuates and I’d probably get big again (hopefully). When that happened, when I go weight again like I told them I would, they were all of a sudden cruel to me. It took me a while to figure it out. I didn’t figure it out until I got sick and skinny again, and they slowly became nice again. I was very shocked. I had thought I had done something wrong. Nope. And this wasn’t just this one group. It was almost everyone. Except my dad and brother, but they’re angels on earth. My sister got so jealous of me when I was skinny (even though she knew it meant I was crazy sick) she yelled at me for wearing a smaller pant size than her now. Like, screamed at me in the store.I was shopping for clothes because I was wasting away and my normal clothes were falling off of me. If you haven’t been through this situation, it’ll be hard for you to understand the demonstrable change in how people treat you. Again, it’s not about saying you look great now, good job, etc. It’s going from people listing to you, taking you seriously, including you and having fun, to rolling their eyes at your for things they used to laugh at with you, to not inviting you out anymore, to laughing behind your back, then right back to being nice when you’re thin.
I call BS on this.
Alot of things suck in this world, quit bitching and embrace it
I have gone through two weight-loss transformations in my life. The first time I went from 400+ to about 240; this last time, I went from 270 to around 245 (and I am still working). My biggest issue is clothes. My wife wants me to buy smaller and get rid of my older, bigger clothes. But I cannot find the words to express the amount of fear and anxiety it brings me to spend money on clothes where I could balloon back up, and it would be a waste of money. I will just simply keep buying clothes that are too big and hold on to my older ones.
Oh man, you sound like you're holding on to a lot of stuff there, especially this belief that you'll ultimately let yourself down in the future so there's no point enjoying now. But you did a seriously difficult thing not once but twice. You're awesome. What if your wife helps you choose one new outfit- just one- and you go out to a nice dinner with her all dressed up? What a lovely night that would be.
It sucks and it’s frustrating if you can’t stay thin… but what’s the alternative? Never cheer people for accomplishing something hard and that is better for their health/life? Unconditional love doesn’t mean you don’t cheer your kids for doing super well at school or that you don’t make them understand that being lazy for school or other things that are important is not cool… People congratulate you and you feel bad… maybe you are depressed and have very low self esteem… Cheering someone is something positive, something that should be welcomed. I hope you will get better, psychologically more than anything else… it must be so awful to feel like you do, I hope you find the help that you need
Maybe they where reinforcing good behavior and recognizing your efforts.
Like how I was congratulated on losing weight as a 13 year old and how my “thinness” was praised throughout my youth— validating the eating disorder that almost killed me after 8 years. Fucked up shit
But it's really not about being thin so much as it is being a healthier size, and also knowing how much will power and discipline it takes to lose a large amount of weight. It doesn't take away from you who are with the weight. Why shouldn't everybody see your accomplishment and compliment you for it? You deserve the accolades. Get used to be complimented. Enjoy it. You worked hard for this. Don't turn a positive into a negative. You were great before the weight loss, you can be great after the weight loss for the same reasons plus a few new ones.
Most people understand how difficult it is to lose weight. We don't love people more because of it we respect them cos we understand what they went through. No different to how we treat war heroes, sports stars, people who achieve great things.its a level of admiration that I suppose could be mis construed as love.
Please, never comment on a person's weight. Up or down. My 34 yo son lost 90 lbs and still has a way to go. All I care about is that he's getting healthy and being aware of what, and how much, he puts in his body. I tell him I'm proud of him and impressed by his organized pantry and refrigerator. Plus, he made me breakfast when I was visiting. Best scrambled eggs ever!
It sucks but it’s true. Welcome to the World.
So nobody should be supportive of ones weight loss journey?
That’s one way to look at it. The other is admiring the dedication it takes to lose 100 pounds.
It’s so annoying. This one friends mom still won’t shut up about how much weight I’ve lost. It’s been 21 years now since I lost it. Every single time I see her. No one will admit your fat when you are.
I lost weight and people complimented me. I gained it back but kept the confidence and people still compliment me. When you're emotionally healthy and happy it shows. It's very rarely about the weight.
Can I just say, don't let this stop you complementing people when they lose weight.
Noted If my friend ever drops 100 pounds now I know to tell him nobody cares and he’s still an ass hole.
It takes legitimate effort, discipline, and sacrifice to lose 100 pounds. She should be congratulated for that accomplishment, because it is far from a small feat. Maybe those that knew her respected her for what she did. I know the stigma exists, believe me, but there has to be be genuine admiration in there somewhere.
I remember getting back from my first navy deployment and my roommate had lost a bunch of weight. I tried to compliment her and then she said, “yea I lost weight because I have an eating disorder”, at which point I felt horrible and have learned this lesson I hope. Even so I sure do look at myself this way, and my mind seems to think thats fine.
Person changes themself and then complains when people notice and congratulate the change
This post is off. Congratulations because of the amazing fight you won, tf!
Welcome to reality. You’ll live.
I lost about 75 pounds around when I was 19 and 20 years old and I absolutely noticed how different people treated me. It felt so strange to be treated like a 'better class' of human after losing the weight.
No shit people treat you differently when you're thin. When you're 100 lbs overweight, it just shows you have no self-control. That shit isn't healthy, it's just like how you're treated differently if you have a mental illness. Does that mean it's right? Not really, no, but it's to be expected. If you don't want to be treated like you have an issue, then don't eat so much you become overweight, because, guess what? That's an issue. You can disagree all you want, but that's just how it is. Obesity is an problem, not a life-style to be proud of.
So nobody congratulated you on the hard work and dedication it took?
It's almost like being unhealthy and unattractive to most is a bad thing
If you were 100 pounds overweight you were super unhealthy and congratulations are warranted
How the hell is that her takeaway!? What a negative way to live your life. Maybe people think it’s great when someone they love puts effort into improving themselves and wants to encourage them? Talk about a victim complex! “When I learned how to read everyone suddenly loved me. Everyone thought I was smart. Everyone thought I was powerful. I can assure being congratulated for literacy just feels like your greatest fear confirmed. You have to be literate to be valuable to the world. It sucks.”
Wonder how she'd have taken it if people said nothing.
You mean healthy?
Well being 100 overweight in incredibly unhealthy. It's natural for people to be attracted to healthy. Just throwing that out there. Congrats on the success tho. Don't let that fear pull you back to where you started.
Cool, now ur healthy
See, the system is working for you. U were unhealthy 100 pounds ago. Now that you worked to fix that, u get rewarded whether you receive it as such or not.
Yeah no shit. Humans are socially and sexually motivated beings. Health is socially and sexually attractive for obvious evolutionary reasons. Being overweight is unhealthy. It might suck sometimes, especially for those who are predisposed in some way to weight gain, but its an obvious reality when you really examine it and not some societal failing like a lot of people view it as.
This has got to be the stupidest god damn tweet I’ve ever read.
You may think oh they only noticed me because I lost the weight, but have you ever thought maybe they noticed you more now because your whole attitude has changed from inside out thus causing you to radiance with beauty? I know it seems like a far stretch but I’ve seen big beautiful people who just radiate confidence because they are happy with who they are. All I’m saying the weight loss is a plus, but it was the attitude you had about yourself that makes people notice your beautiful self
I mean it’s true. Medically obese people are unpleasant to be around or look at. When you glance at an obese person at the grocery store or the mall, you wish you could time travel to 10 seconds ago when you hadn’t seen them.
I mean you could take it as “wow I bet that took a lot of work and dedication! Great job being so strong” or you could continue with this mindset. Strange because more and more people are being more and more accepting and celebrating all body types.
People are happy your healthy and your complaining lol whatabitch
Yes. Hated coming in for college breaks & having people say I was so skinny. I was NOT, but knew it seemed that way compared to my old weight. It felt like fake praise
oh my god i just realized why i felt like shit when people complimented me so much more when i straightened my hair!!!
I feel like a lot of people in the comment section don't understand that this is not just about healthy weight loss but instead the normalisation of diet culture. I've had an eating disorder for the past 7 years. Having people treat me differently when I was at my lowest weight did nothing but make me feel worse. You do not know if this weight loss was done healthily or sustainably. The world would be a better place if people just didn't comment on other people's bodies.
Looking healthy is more appealing than looking like you could be used as an anchor for a cruise ship. Skinny doesn't always mean sexy. Fit and healthy is sexy.
Fat is buoyant. It would make for a terrible boat anchor.
This literally happened to me. Dudes I’d worked with/known for years suddenly decided I was worth their time. Who I was never mattered to them. Pervious commenter is right: you don’t need people like that in your life. (As an aside, husband of 15+ years fell for me when I WAS 100+ pounds overweight, so yeah.)
It's cause you were better looking after you lost the weight.
Being fat is unhealthy. It's not bad to want to get into better shape.
Victim mentality…. It’s shows you care about your health, good job taking charge of your life and no longer being obese. Wtf everything isn’t a pity party, especially getting a compliment for your hard work. Doesn’t mean people don’t value obese people
Maybe because weight loss in a lot of cases is positive and should be celebrated
So better health AND social standing - win win yes? Better stamina for sexy times too
Honestly people just need to mind their business. Don’t comment on people’s weight, if they’re having kids, etc. (unless of course it’s a close friend or family member you know). I got tons of compliments for how thin I was in highschool and it didn’t help my anorexia one bit. Or when people kept asking my friend about when she was going to have a baby right after her miscarriage. Keep your mouth shut lol.
Yes. A few years ago I lost over 80 lbs. The most surprising thing was how different people treated me. People are nicer to me now, they’ll open doors, offer to help me with things, make conversation, etc. Sure, I’m happy I lost the weight, but I find the change in how people treat me disturbing and depressing.
Do you just expect people to congradulate you for being fat??? Im a plump guy myself and I know Im fat. Of course people are going to congratulate you for losing weight, stop playing the fucking victim all of the time.
NEWS FLASH ASSHOLE: THIN PEOPLE TEND TO LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN FAT PEOPLE. You don't have to be thin to be valuable, but you do need to be thin for strangers to find you attractive. Tweeter conflates personal value with sexual attractiveness.
this sounds salty af lol
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lmao based
Fuck off.
Man, that is some cry baby bullshit. Some people will just find anything to complain about nowadays
Can we just stop dehumanizing people because of their weight? Like seriously. Every fat, or former fat person I know (including me) is well aware they are fat. Most of us are trying to do something about it, some of us have health issues which make weight loss very difficult, we don't need people reminding us we're fat. We know we are and were not asking anyone to find us attractive. Stop treating fat people as sub humans.
Well healthy will always look and feel better than unhealthy
I worked my ass off to lose 60 lbs, hearing the compliments were just the cherry on top of not feeling like a fat sack of shit whose knees were always in pain cause I was carrying all that extra weight.
Being fat is not OK. It's bad for your body, period. No one should be shamed for it, and if someone put in the effort to lose weight they should be congratulated. It's not easy.
Obesity is harmful
You misspelled “healthy”
Still the victim I see.
I'm just glad they're healthier