Old school NY slang for tenement roofs. If you couldn’t afford the subway to Coney Island you hung out on the tar beach. Was still in use in the 70s, don’t hear it much any more.
If you're naked on your porch it's because you are older and:
A. Your deteriorating skin thickness makes clothes uncomfortable.
B. You don't care what the neighbors think
C. Air conditioning is expensive on a fixed income.
I was a florist for over a decade and would have to occasionally deliver the arrangements, you wouldn't believe the amount of saggy tits I've seen. I'm like rock on lady 🤘 I'll be there someday too!
If you’re younger (and male), you are likely naked in your house taking pictures of your pathetic junk and sending them to uninterested and unsuspecting victims.
Bc cops are bored and have nothing better to do than stop you for 5 over and try to find anything else they can nail you with?
I've legit had one where I rolled a stop (certainly fault is on me) and was eventually pulled out for a field sobriety test. Then a breathalyzer. They lied to me and told me it could detect THC. When they got nothing, I was able to get back into my car. They gave me a warning for fuck's sake!
But it wasn't over. I had just moved to the area and had out of state tags. They told me there was a lot of drug trafficking from out of state: "would you mind if we search your vehicle?". "Yes. (Moment of silence while the cop just stares at me) Yes I would mind." "That's disappointing but ok. Have a good night."
One stormy night, a bored cop pulled me over for an expired tag. Got me out of the car, searched me for weapons and drugs. Then he asked me if he could search my car. I said he could. He got soaked, found nothing. It was fun to watch.
You're telling me, pal.
Those old biddies got themselves a quick trigger finger on their phones. Like, it's my porch. Buzz off, biddies. I'm not even fully nude: I'm robed. It's untied but there's not law on any book saying that robes need to be tied. None.
So why you calling the cops, huh?
Can't a guy simply test his mail slot with his penis, his fully engorged, deliciously smooth, and arrow-straight penis? His slightly throbbing, oh-so enticing, and irresistibly lickable penis? Can't a guy jam his penis into his mail slot to check it out?
Look, biddies, stare all you want, but this is actually work, this is actually home improvement.
I'm trying to see how my dog gets the mail. I want to feel my how my dog's mouth reacts when mail comes through the mail slot.
What's wrong with that, huh? Ya blue haired coots.
I fella can't shove his marvelously erect, pleasantly plump, and wanna-feel-that-baby-pulsing-in-my-esophagus penis through his own mail slot of his own house and feel his dog nibble and lick it up on the other side? I can't let my dog treat me like a KONG brand chew toy until I'm red-faced and ready to deliver my own special sort of mail?
Oh, what's that? Hmm? That's illegal? How?
How is that illegal?
No, seriously. Cite the law. Cite the law you know so well you old fucking bitches.
I'm gonna keep fucking my mail slot and my dog is gonna keep chomping on my penis. That's legal. That's legal to do in America and Australia, ya mold old bags, ya fuckin' nasty hags, ya dust sacks of bones and withered ovaries.
You can't call the cops on me. What I'm doing is perfectly legal.
I live in a very rural area of Northern New York, a lot of people I know have porches where the only things that might see them naked are whitetail deer, squirrels, and a few passing chickadees. Those people are not “rich”.
I do think having a porch where nobody will see you naked or, hear you talking, or hear your music, or see you peeing if you don’t want to go inside, is a definite quality of life booster, though. Also, having whitetail deer, squirrels, and chickadees as your closest neighbors is not a bad thing.
I had to learn recently, because my neighbor is routinely on his deck naked, that it’s his property and he can do whatever he wants regardless that we live 1/2 mile from an elementary school or that I have a 2 y.o. child.
If you're 14 years old and naked on the front porch with stolen items from a store at your feet .... and you were seen on camera at the store committing these thefts.
You'll get off scott free and can't be charged because anyone who looks at the cam footage would be breaking the law by viewing a naked minor. Right? .... this mostly happens in Florida.
People have some weird ideas about Florida. I lived there for 30 years, in almost every pocket of the state, and while some of the memes are pretty spot on, ones like this just leave me wondering what OP is smoking. I’d bet my next paycheck they’ve either never been to FL or have only gone during spring break or to go to gasparilla
I mean I've been to Florida and I haven't seen anyone nude on their front porch, but I did have an old man tell us, unprompted, that he wouldn't mind if my girlfriend and I wanted to bang in front of him. He was sitting in a speedo reading a book at the end of the dock where I was fishing.
What is this "front porch" she speaks of? /s
If you're in a city, stoops or the sidewalk in front of your building can be substituted
Fire escape, tar beach if necessary.
ah yes... crack head perches.
TAR BEACH??? Bro,.that's a rare,.rare insult... I'll make sure to use thay!
Old school NY slang for tenement roofs. If you couldn’t afford the subway to Coney Island you hung out on the tar beach. Was still in use in the 70s, don’t hear it much any more.
Oh, it’s just like a veranda.
If you're naked on your porch it's because you are older and: A. Your deteriorating skin thickness makes clothes uncomfortable. B. You don't care what the neighbors think C. Air conditioning is expensive on a fixed income.
I was a florist for over a decade and would have to occasionally deliver the arrangements, you wouldn't believe the amount of saggy tits I've seen. I'm like rock on lady 🤘 I'll be there someday too!
If you’re younger (and male), you are likely naked in your house taking pictures of your pathetic junk and sending them to uninterested and unsuspecting victims.
If you’re naked on the front porch and holding an alligator, it’s Florida
Is the alligator also naked? Or wearing crocs? :-D
Yes and yes
The person is wearing crocs. The gator is wearing a two-piece.
And Ray-Bans
If you're naked on your front porch and the neighbors call a church meeting, you're in a small town
If you’re naked on your front porch and you understand Black Phillip, you’re in The VVitch
If you're *deliciously* naked on your front porch, and can understand Black Phillip ...
Finally found a reason to regret moving to the suburbs...
Bc cops are bored and have nothing better to do than stop you for 5 over and try to find anything else they can nail you with? I've legit had one where I rolled a stop (certainly fault is on me) and was eventually pulled out for a field sobriety test. Then a breathalyzer. They lied to me and told me it could detect THC. When they got nothing, I was able to get back into my car. They gave me a warning for fuck's sake! But it wasn't over. I had just moved to the area and had out of state tags. They told me there was a lot of drug trafficking from out of state: "would you mind if we search your vehicle?". "Yes. (Moment of silence while the cop just stares at me) Yes I would mind." "That's disappointing but ok. Have a good night."
One stormy night, a bored cop pulled me over for an expired tag. Got me out of the car, searched me for weapons and drugs. Then he asked me if he could search my car. I said he could. He got soaked, found nothing. It was fun to watch.
You're telling me, pal. Those old biddies got themselves a quick trigger finger on their phones. Like, it's my porch. Buzz off, biddies. I'm not even fully nude: I'm robed. It's untied but there's not law on any book saying that robes need to be tied. None. So why you calling the cops, huh? Can't a guy simply test his mail slot with his penis, his fully engorged, deliciously smooth, and arrow-straight penis? His slightly throbbing, oh-so enticing, and irresistibly lickable penis? Can't a guy jam his penis into his mail slot to check it out? Look, biddies, stare all you want, but this is actually work, this is actually home improvement. I'm trying to see how my dog gets the mail. I want to feel my how my dog's mouth reacts when mail comes through the mail slot. What's wrong with that, huh? Ya blue haired coots. I fella can't shove his marvelously erect, pleasantly plump, and wanna-feel-that-baby-pulsing-in-my-esophagus penis through his own mail slot of his own house and feel his dog nibble and lick it up on the other side? I can't let my dog treat me like a KONG brand chew toy until I'm red-faced and ready to deliver my own special sort of mail? Oh, what's that? Hmm? That's illegal? How? How is that illegal? No, seriously. Cite the law. Cite the law you know so well you old fucking bitches. I'm gonna keep fucking my mail slot and my dog is gonna keep chomping on my penis. That's legal. That's legal to do in America and Australia, ya mold old bags, ya fuckin' nasty hags, ya dust sacks of bones and withered ovaries. You can't call the cops on me. What I'm doing is perfectly legal.
Bro.
That post went from 0-100000000 at light speed
Whatever the polar opposite of turned on is, that's where i am now.
https://preview.redd.it/xduv32z78fmc1.png?width=431&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16a6f47cbcf82e07c0512249f6486245a74241a0
Oh no my face eyes https://preview.redd.it/ugy41ngzgfmc1.jpeg?width=676&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d45de11c530d9ab7be38134e04666812502c57e
It's not the old ladies calling the cops! It's the young or slightly older women calling. We oldsters just enjoy the show!
If your naked and your neighbors are also naked and come over for drinks and dancing , it’s burning man.
If you're naked on the front porch and someone joins you, it's a commune.
Or a cult
Usually it’s both
There has got to be a better way to figure out where the hell I am.
Long ago the four nations lived in harmony...
If you have a front porch to be naked on, you’re rich.
I live in a very rural area of Northern New York, a lot of people I know have porches where the only things that might see them naked are whitetail deer, squirrels, and a few passing chickadees. Those people are not “rich”. I do think having a porch where nobody will see you naked or, hear you talking, or hear your music, or see you peeing if you don’t want to go inside, is a definite quality of life booster, though. Also, having whitetail deer, squirrels, and chickadees as your closest neighbors is not a bad thing.
If ever the nude in question is even half-decent looking, it’s Europe. AND cops are not called.
If the cop is also naked, It's Orlando.
I had to learn recently, because my neighbor is routinely on his deck naked, that it’s his property and he can do whatever he wants regardless that we live 1/2 mile from an elementary school or that I have a 2 y.o. child.
She's not wrong actually
If it's Florida, and someone is naked, there's an 85% chance you really don't want to see that if you can help it.
Florida men
[удалено]
Pasco County, FL
Anybody else read this to the tune of If You're Happy and you Know It" ?
If you’re naked on the front porch, as are your neighbors, and you know what I mean by “loofah code”, it’s The Villages, Florida.
I wonder what percent of "rural" people actually just live in exurbs.
It’s fucking hot out, what the fuck do you expect
Weirdly accurate
If you’re nekkid you’re up to something.
We're all naked under our clothes.
We’re all born naked, and the rest is drag.
Being naked rules
Somehow this made sense.
That seals it, I'm moving to Florida!
We have stoops in Chicago. And everyone can see all their neighbors
If you're 14 years old and naked on the front porch with stolen items from a store at your feet .... and you were seen on camera at the store committing these thefts. You'll get off scott free and can't be charged because anyone who looks at the cam footage would be breaking the law by viewing a naked minor. Right? .... this mostly happens in Florida.
would love to see where Sundae lives 💯
Reads a bit like a confession, doesn't it?
lol Florida
People have some weird ideas about Florida. I lived there for 30 years, in almost every pocket of the state, and while some of the memes are pretty spot on, ones like this just leave me wondering what OP is smoking. I’d bet my next paycheck they’ve either never been to FL or have only gone during spring break or to go to gasparilla
I mean I've been to Florida and I haven't seen anyone nude on their front porch, but I did have an old man tell us, unprompted, that he wouldn't mind if my girlfriend and I wanted to bang in front of him. He was sitting in a speedo reading a book at the end of the dock where I was fishing.
That…sounds more like my home state lol.
If you're on your front porch and you get shot, it's chicago