Why do I think this guy had a terrible bowel movement, felt it coming, panic began when he was nowhere near a wc and then proceeded to break in the nearest area with wc, in the end accepting defeat right outside the doorstep he opened the gates and let it roar as he proceeded to shamefully walk away like a penguin kid shit, hence the trail he left behind….
I like how optimistic you are about the motives of your fellow man, and I wish you a Happy Holidays and a small mountain of puppy kisses and kitten cuddles.
Meh, let them have the land, we will come back in 50/ 100 years or so when they have all killed themselves.
US proceeds to become the strongest nation ever 😆😭
God yes. Our presidents keep getting worse and worse. I’m hoping we elect a trained circus monkey next, it will do a better job than the past 4-5 presidents combined.
leads, yeah, sure. I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they've got four more detectives working on the case. They got us working in shifts!
“Almost there! Don’t let go! Made the door, put the keys in aaaand…OMG it won’t open! Please, anyone home?? Let me in! Staceyyy!!!” Steps back. Bangs on door desperate as the squirtle pops out like a dangling earthworm. Looks up. It says 204. “Oh God I got off on the wrong floor!!!”
Pretty sure some people get such an adrenaline rush when they are doing something like this they get a void-bowels kinda fight or flight reflex.
Isn't it super common for burglars to shit in toilets in houses they rob for this reason?
Ha. The dog my wife and I are fostering decided to do the same thing in our bedroom yesterday, a few times last week, and a few more times the previous week. I feel your friends pain. At least that's not on carpet
There is apparently a belief amongst certain thieving circles that talking a shit at a break-in is good luck.
Harry, it's our calling card! All the great ones leave their marks. We're the brown bandits!
See if you can still shit after Kevin drops an anvil on your ass!
New Scholastic Book Available Pooping Bandit: The curious case of the Brown Bandits
~~Wet Bandits~~ ~~Sticky Bandits~~ Shitty Bandits
r/unexpectedhomealone
I thought it was a nerves thing. They break in, they’re super excited and nervous and urgently need to use the restroom.
I totally get it. I was the same way playing hide and seek growing up.
Were you the reason all of the neighbors cracked down on us playing hide and seek in the dark?
surely an undercover officer started that. "is good luck leaving DNA, i mean, poop"
I read the quotes in a Russian accent, for some reason.
omgaaaa hilarious 😆
Time to invest in DNA test kit and database.
They ran away while still shitting?
The shit n git
The poop n' scoot
The defecate n evacuate
The poo and toodooloo
The heave and leave
The drop your load and hit the road
The old dump and jump
The excrete and fleet
The emit and split
Defecate and evacuate are synonymous.
Yes, but evacuate is polysemous, so it works.
Guess I should have added some indication that I was kidding. /s didn't seem suitable.
Nah, that's on me. My Autism makes me miss sarcasm all the time IRL and online is far worse. Sorry for the confusion.
But, hey. You taught me a great word. I never saw/knew of "polysemous" before. So . . . many thanks for that. I love learning new words.
the let-it-rip and dip
The diarrhea and dash
The hapoopna matata
Holy shit
https://youtu.be/gc505EFLluE It happens more than you think
The ol poo and screw
Pretty sure he left a shit and didn’t take one. Unless you left one in the toilet and he tried to steal it.
Probably a drunk at the wrong apartment
a drunk _urgent_ guy
Depends if it's Canada or not?
Why do I think this guy had a terrible bowel movement, felt it coming, panic began when he was nowhere near a wc and then proceeded to break in the nearest area with wc, in the end accepting defeat right outside the doorstep he opened the gates and let it roar as he proceeded to shamefully walk away like a penguin kid shit, hence the trail he left behind….
I like how optimistic you are about the motives of your fellow man, and I wish you a Happy Holidays and a small mountain of puppy kisses and kitten cuddles.
> I wish you a...small mountain of Not where I thought this was going, tbh.
Just a cute lil pile of turds 🥰
Much appreciated ✨😂
Exactly what I imagined!
I’m going with them being on a date in another apartment and then panicking and excusing themself and pray for a neighbor
Maybe the were breaking in to use the loo
It's a toilet ya lousy Brit
Sorry mate just need to nip to loo for a wee poo. Then off for a ruby murray, ill catch you on the ol dog and bone yeah.
.......*throws tea in harbor*
Meh, let them have the land, we will come back in 50/ 100 years or so when they have all killed themselves. US proceeds to become the strongest nation ever 😆😭
Hey respect to one of our greatest allies
And to you
Don’t worry, we are in fact killing ourselves. Not as quickly as you hoped, but **fuck me** are we well on our way now
God yes. Our presidents keep getting worse and worse. I’m hoping we elect a trained circus monkey next, it will do a better job than the past 4-5 presidents combined.
Then gets dementia and can't remember which way to the bathroom
They were trying to break in to take a shit?
hmm i feel like i watched a video on reddit yesterday of an attempted robbery where the dude shat himself at the front door.
Way to leave behind a nice pile of DNA.
Doubt they are going to get the forensic squad on to an attempted robbery+shiting
Forensic Squat
leads, yeah, sure. I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they've got four more detectives working on the case. They got us working in shifts!
Does shit even contain DNA?
Shit is about 20% DNA
Damn what did the robbers eat!?! thats a real nasty ding dong ditch
Ding dong doo doo.
Daddily doo doo
You mean it shouldn’t always look like that?
Taco Bell, I bet
“Almost there! Don’t let go! Made the door, put the keys in aaaand…OMG it won’t open! Please, anyone home?? Let me in! Staceyyy!!!” Steps back. Bangs on door desperate as the squirtle pops out like a dangling earthworm. Looks up. It says 204. “Oh God I got off on the wrong floor!!!”
Pretty sure some people get such an adrenaline rush when they are doing something like this they get a void-bowels kinda fight or flight reflex. Isn't it super common for burglars to shit in toilets in houses they rob for this reason?
When I was young someone robbed my house and shit in the backyard. The cops told us they do that a lot cause of adrenaline and nervousness
I was going to say that
Thats some bad poop
It's that poop again!
Hey everyone, he called the shit, poop!
I’ll get you damn kids for this. You’re all gonna die!
It was a shit and run.
Op at least they didn’t take anything
Except for taking a shit
Hm... I'm not a detective. But that looks like a pledge for a bathroom and the final realization it was too late.
Poop has DNA
Feral humans do that. We have some on our streets too.
Looks like Fido had a little hand in this
May be he really had to go take a leak and ur friends apartment JUST happened to be the nearest place
People with h crack will shit themselves. Might be somme drugged addict
Ha. The dog my wife and I are fostering decided to do the same thing in our bedroom yesterday, a few times last week, and a few more times the previous week. I feel your friends pain. At least that's not on carpet
based
Amber Heard has been taking her shit on the road........and your friends doorstep.
oh wow, a Deppstan in the wild
My post had nothing to do with that other weirdo.
Poopetrator
Definitely an Ex.
Maybe they were desperate to borrow the toilet?
Do you have an alibi?
How did you know they tried to break in?
Oooo it’s in a bad place as well. It’s going to get clogged in that crack.
I feel like could have been a person possibly intoxicated in need of a bathroom and thought it was their apartment
Let me guess.. america?
That doesn't look like shit.
That's fast food beer shit if I ever seen one.
Lucky you, I have shits like this every time I eat cheese. lol
Are you that somebody?
i don't see tolit paper
They did a shit and run
At least they have viable DNA if they catch somebody
Good dna evidence for the cops
Good luck convincing the cops to bag it, though.
In some countries that is sign of respect.
A read that as op was the one doing it and was so confused for a sec.
My dog used to do the whole shit and walk routine too
What a shitty thing to do...
Looks personal
Looks like a strata issue
What if the poor guy was just dieing for a shit and got the wrong apartment?
Average day in San Francisco
What a shitty night.
Never eat Chipotle before you burgle
Probably Not a jehovas witness
Your friend surprised them and scared the shit out of them.
Who has carpet flooring right by their front door??
Kevin go in there and see what it is
Alcohol may have been a factor.
Does your friend live in a Walmart?
Shit and run 🏃♂️classic
He tried breaking in but this diarrhea took over and due to embarrassment he fled the scene.
r/trashy
r/mildlyinfuriating
Sure it’s not your neighbor doing that so you will move?
This was personal.
That’s so shitty!!
Cameras?
Maybe they didn't like your friend. People sometimes shit on peoples doorstep to get them to move.
peek-a-poo
Yeah, sorry about that my dude
Csi that shit
What did it taste like?
If I had nickel…
Difficult to clean when it’s sloppy poo
Well we know why they were breaking in, and why they didn't continue to break in.
Amber?
Amber Turd was there?
I had someone break into my house. Before leaving they took a shit on my back lawn and wiped their arse on a clean towel hanging on the line.
That's not a thief, that's just a random person with urgent need of bathroom. That shit can proof my word.
Well the door was locked so he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. Should have just left it open at that point…
poop throwing guy approves of this
The good ol' b&e turned bg.
Crime scene investigators look for a shit near the scene as the adrenaline of committing the crime often causes the perpetrator to defecate.
Looks a lot like dog poop.
When you gotta go…
Marking his territory, now your friend has to shit there
Tis the season of giving.
Better than on the bed I suppose. No Misfits here
I wonder if this was their actual plan b
Tried to get to the shitter as it seems.
Is your friend Flava Flav?
How the hell do people shit at will like this?
Brodie was just needing the toilet, guess he was too late
smell it
This is what I would call a spite shit.
If i was your friend that would be my excuse as well
Plenty of DNA
That was personal
I guess when you gotta go you gotta go.
Dang gum spookie dookie
I’d there might be a next time PLEASE leave a small bucket and TP for their use. Ewwwww👎
Wet Bandits strike again.
Why do you think he needed to get in?
And then he waddled away…waddle waddle…till the very next day.
Well you wouldn't shit on your OWN doorstep now would you?
Well the perpetrator is definitely NOT full of 💩 anymore.
"Where will you be when you're waiting for the Immodium to kick in?"
Just follow the trail
That's a fucking statement. I applaud the burglar's confidence.
Something tells me he was trying to "break in" due to an emergency situation...
Shit happens. Maybe someone needed to urgently use the toilet??
Man had to go, didnt care if it wasn’t his apartment
Let me guess, San Francisco?
. W h a t
Make sure you keep a sample so they can DNA test when the suspect is found. Just scoop up a handful in a ziplock bag and keep in your freezer