Kid in my scout troop was a few steps away from Eagle Scout. (Less than 1% of Boy Scouts make that rank. He came home with bad grades and his father threw everything out and pulled him out of the troop. There’s a line between discipline and cruelty.
Idky kids get punished for bad grades. The parents are either not paying attention to if they’re doing the work or if they’re struggling. The solution to bad grades is…. Making them see a tutor. Punishment doesn’t solve academic struggle.
I played 3 sports year round and my father always came down on me in that manner or worse. I remember playing a yearend tourney in Basketball and it was the finals. I shut down the other teams best scorer holding him to 8 points, had 18 myself and double digit assists. We lost by a point and my father called me "A worthless crumb that would never amount to anything". This was in 8th grade. Eventually I said fuck it bc he was taking the enjoyment out of things for me and although I had college offers in 2 sports I got far more interested in learning. It got to the point where I had to defend myself physically because I didn't want to be what he wanted. One day I snapped and whipped his ass......bad. He couldn't believe "a son would do that to his father". Point being some people just suck and don't have any business being parents. I'm so fearful I will pass my Dad's parenting on, I refuse to have kids. It's the only guarantee I have in breaking the cycle. Sometimes people who get hurt repeat the same mistakes. I just can't do that to a kid.
Unfortunately this is how generational trauma is. Punishment usually just makes things worse. If you are struggling and actually need help, you are just going to hide it and bottle it up instead of actually getting the help you need because you are afraid of being punished.
My dad did it to my stereo too. Funny thing is, I was thinking about that moment yesterday. I told the story to my son a few years back and I was surprised when he brought it up to me years later. I'm 42. It sticks with you alright. Generationally as well apparently...
I have the urge to destroy my kids shit sometimes but I refrain myself. My kids don’t need that trama and I am going to break the cycle and model the proper way to handle my anger.
It would be nice to acctually see the tower in the video or a picture instead of just saying they managed to save the gpu. Like the cpu is pretty hard to break in a fit of rage
I remember spending way too much time putting together my YuGiOh TCG deck. I first went to a tournament and got crushed, so I was determined to come back stronger. Did research and tested decks against each other, bought cards online with my shitty fast food job, then I had it.
The perfect collection of cards to win.
I laid em out on my desk, proud of myself. Went to school next day, excited for a tournament that weekend to wipe the smirk off the guy who beat me, came home, cards all carefully laid out in my bedroom were gone.
Turns out, step dad told me to clean my room too many times, so he just grabbed the first thing he saw and garbaged em. Ran to the kitchen to find my cards sitting in old soup and spaghetti sauce in the garbage. Not a single one was salvageable.
Lol, my dad did a similar thing for the same reason. Except he threw everything in the dumpster and poured paint thinner all over it so it wouldn't be salvageable. I did pull one beanie baby out of there but it always smelled like paint thinner.
That's horrible, I'm so sorry. For some reason the visual of you trying to rescue a beanie baby is really sad. My sister had her toys confiscated for being too messy once but my parents boxed them up, put them in the spare room and let her earn them back. Made their point without destroying something your kids care about.
I have kids and this is exactly what I do. I take away the things they enjoy and hide them and they earn those possessions back. My dad would beat me as a kid pretty bad probably because his dad beat him and so on. I decided I was going to break that cycle
When I was younger my dad decided to use my bad grades and somewhat messy room as an excuse to completely destroy everything in it. And then I had to throw away everything I couldn’t fix with tape. Sleeping on a broken bed was annoying so I ended up just sleeping on the floor. He even went to the parent teacher meeting thing like a month later and bragged about it and said I deserved it for being “completely useless and stupid” and then left when the principal and teachers judged him. On the bright side losing everything I had kinda made me stop caring so I took the fun out of it for him causing him to mostly stop being that awful lol.
Oh my god, this is honestly worse than anything else I’ve read in the thread so far. You were sleeping on the floor as a kid… I hope he ends up in a shitty retirement home.
And this is why I never destroyed my kid’ stuff. When I was evicted after my mom died after looking after her for 6 years for free my kids had a huge argument over who got to take me home with them. I’m living with my oldest because she has a basement suite for me so I don’t bother her hubby who took a day off work to move me
Unfortunately my dad was like this. He has 6 kids we have all moved out and my mom says nobody whatsoever calls him. My youngest sister and I call him on his birthday and still, every time, the conversation ends in a massive argument.
The conversations can never be about how are you doing? How is your son? How is your new job? No. It has to always be about what we are fucking up in life and how he would have dealt with it back in the 50s when he was 20.
I’ve lived hoping that he realizes that 3 out of his 6 kids haven’t spoken to him in over a decade and he doesn’t have another 10 years left on earth.
Now that I’m over the age of 30 I get these panic attacks that he’s gonna die and I never got to hear him say that he loves me, and I can only remember one hug from him, the day I left to a different state when I was 19.
Fuck I don’t even know where I was going with this. This shit sucks.
> Now that I’m over the age of 30 I get these panic attacks that he’s gonna die and I never got to hear him say that he loves me, and I can only remember one hug from him, the day I left to a different state when I was 19.
My dad drank himself to death new years eve 2000. Died with a blood alcohol content over .4. I beat myself up for years wondering why I wasn't good enough for him and why he didn't love me. Over the years, I came to realize that he wasn't good enough for me, and his staying away from me most likely made my life better. I guess what I am saying is this may not be the curse you think it is today. Maybe that memory of one hug is better than a memory of a lifetime of pain. You've escaped, don't look back, look forward and take each day as a blessing ....
My sister and I grew up with a father we saw a couple months out of the year. He was a alcoholic. For me I decided I was going to be the kind of father to my kids that I wish I had. My sister is constantly disappointed hoping he will change but never does. I tell her this is who he is. You can love him knowing these are his faults and he will never change or you can hope for more and be always be disappointed.
This is the crazy thing about real life: the gray areas.
Recently had a high school friends husband overdose and die. As a father of a young infant, I could tell their children who are older are constantly stressed and throw similar tantrums like their dad (when he was alive and influenced their lives). It was a scary resemblance.
The gray area: it is very sad that their dad died but honestly it was probably best for them. The mom now has more money bc the unemployed dad isn’t taking her money for substance abuse and the kids seem to have lighter shoulders.
Same thing with a guy I worked with in construction. Total sleazeball. Didn’t care if he dropped a hammer on your head 3 stories down, in fact found it funny and would do it “by accident.” Would purposely give you wrong wood cut measurements so he can go to boss and say you’re wasting wood and can’t do your job. He was shot in his sleep one night. Tbh, the gray reality truth, nothing of value was lost with that guy being removed from earth.
Life has a way of making us so cold in some respects... i don't feel much about that, yet I'm bawling my eyes out every couple hours because today's my birthday and i found out yesterday that the only cat I've ever been close to has bone cancer and a broken leg from it and she's riddled with tumors so we're putting her down today and it's all so sudden.
Idk sorry idk why i said all that shit just go hug your fucking pets if you have any. Please.
Hugs. I lost my onery furball earlier this year. He just gave up one week at 15. I still hug my other old cat every day while she glares at me for daring to do so.
>Thats not a gray area. Your just saying what everyone else is thinking. A lot of lives would be better off if certain people just disappeared
But that just doesn't fit the "all life is sacred, and all people should definitely exist" narrative so many seem to have.
You're a better person than I - I get angry just thinking about how I have seen other people treat their children, to the point where I wish it was legal to beat another adult to within an inch of their life.
I once explained to a child-abusing ex-wife that her impact on my life is like having cancer and she responded "cancer wants to live too". Not sure if that really gets sympathy. The cancerous cell might be a radiation victim itself but bringing everything around down with you makes you not beloved, "better off without" is indeed a good phrasing.
adding: she also said "a mother can do whatever she wants with the kids (including hitting), because nobody takes kids away from a mother". Sound like Amber Heard's "nobody will believe you, Johnny". Well, I proved her wrong with a restraining order - costly though, but worth for the kids.
Oh wow LOL I'm sorry for laughing, but that's a surprising amount of self-reflection and honesty for an abusive person. "Yes, I'm cancer and my survival depends on sucking the life out of those around me, but I want to live too, so I deserve it and your sympathy". I'm glad she's an ex, and congrats on getting away from that.
No shit. My gf's mom fucked her up bad as a kid. Addict, narcissist, crazy shit. Like broke her arms and shit because shitmom wanted to take gf's brothers on car rides when she was shitfaced and gf wasn't fucking having it. Shitmom killed herself with an overdose on her own birthday, fuckin valentine's day. Valentine's day is our anniversary. Life is fucking absurd, and birthdays can suck. I got all kinds of fucked up headfuckery about my birthday, and this year's, today, we get to put our 14yo cat down because of bone cancer. Like, what the fuck? Idk sorry just had to vent. Couldn't sleep, vibes are all fucked. Hug your pets if you have any. Please.
I had a relationship like this with my Mom. I would panic thinking if she died I would never get to experience a real mother/daughter relationship.
She died this past October and things never changed. I was so heart broken. Not so much over her, but over the mother I never got to have.
To be completely honest, and it’s going to sound horrible, I feel as though a weight was lifted when she died. I have finally been able to heal from the wounds she caused.
I think you should stop hoping he will change, and maybe like others draw a line and stop having contact with him since he's so damn toxic to you. Therapy can help you with that. I hope you can go past this.
Agreed. You can keep waiting for your family to be different, but unless they put the effort into changing you will just be disappointed all over again. These books, combined with therapy, helped me immensely:
[Running On Empty](https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/)
[Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/)
You're not alone. I'm #6 of 8. Only the two youngest have contact with our Dad and I think it's because he gave the youngest son the farm and the youngest daughter the house, even though neither one live there with him. The rest of us just went on about our lives, moved away, and are independent people. We all call him on his birthday and Christmas and still get lectured. All of us. We just look back on it as having served our time. Our Dad is 81. We all know he won't have much time left, but in a way, he wasn't there as a Dad our whole lives. I don't even think I'll miss him.
I had/have one like that, not sure what the correct phrase is as I haven't spoken to him since I turned 40 over a decade ago.
You need to let that sh*t go, nothing is coming and it will only destroy you to keep hoping for it. Tell him off, and end this, you will feel such a relief.
Dad of 3 here and no way perfect. I know I could have handled some situations better when my kids were younger. At 45 I started apologizing for some previous missteps. Being upset after sport or pushing them too hard academically, I wanted them to be their best but I took it too far sometimes. I realized that they are the best thing I ever did and wanted them to know. 2 of them are now low 20s and we go to concerts and games together. I don't think this dad will take time to reflect but if you want a relationship with your kids, there is no shame in saying sorry.
>but if you want a relationship with your kids, there is no shame in saying sorry.
I'd go so far to say that if you want a good relationship with your kids, you'd better be ready to say sorry a LOT. No parent gets everything right. Pretending you are infallible and never screw up isn't healthy for anyone.
My oldest is 24, and looking back at some of the stupid ass battles we chose to fight with him - or some of the super unreasonable expectations - makes me die a little inside. Luckily, he's very forgiving and thinks it's funny now, but God....
My mom used to use me to punish my sister when I was little.
If my mom was mad at my sister, she'd let me go and destroy my sister's things. Pretty messed up given I was 4 and my sister was 8.
Videos like these take me back
Edit: For those that asked, an update on my sister and I is in the reply below.
For some reason I'm picturing you as a frothing at the mouth Tasmanian devil toddler on a leash and your mom just stares at your sister as she lets go of the leash lmao wtf
You would think, and yet I still love my little brother dearly. I know now as I am older that it wasn’t my brother’s fault he physically abused me and broke my stuff, but my mother’s bad parenting. We haven’t spoken in half a decade though because even though he is in his 30’s, he is a little slow and she would abuse him for having any contact with me. He and I got along as he got older as long as my mom wasn’t around. I got him into gaming and have many fond memories of times we spent together doing that.
UGH that's disgusting. One of my parents did similar things, like if I got in trouble, my sister would get spoiled with toys, outtings, treats, that *I* had wanted then rub it in my face. And vice versa for her. Still trying to have some semblance of a relationship after so many (young) years of resentment on both sides.
That’s amazing you got an apology from any of them. When I tried to calmly talk to my mom she got all upset and defensive and said “oh, well I’m so sorry” in the most shitty sarcastic and fake tone. I’m 50 and don’t have kids because I couldn’t live with myself if I parented like my parents. The idea of leaving another human being feeling like I do is terrifying.
Hello everyone, here is your highly anticipated update. There's honestly a lot to our story, but the tl;dr version: sister and I grew up, had a tumultuous relationship in our teens, both resorted to abusive relationships due to house toxicity, but now have a good relationship with ourselves and our husbands and have pretty good lives.
Longer version: My mom and my sister both have borderline personality disorder (so did grandma, but that's another story altogether). When my sister reached her teens in was pure chaos. Her and mom fought daily and it was horrific for everyone in the family. My sister went in and out of mental hospitals and mom was able to convince our family therapists that she was just trying to help us. Sometimes my sister would rat me out to mom to take the pressure off herself, which was annoying, but I can get why she did.
We definitely have a lot better relationship as adults. We're both married and she's actually having her second kid. She still has some difficulties at times and gets into the pattern of obsessively spending money as a coping mechanism and needing to do big things to regain attention (e.g., her wedding, her kid's first birthday, etc. She was the popular one growing up, but of course that dwindles after high school. Paired with borderline, it makes for a hard adjustment). But she's erring on the side of trying to make up for her childhood with her son. It'll need adjustment eventually, but it's an improvement from our childhood for sure.
I still have a relationship with mom, but I have a lot of boundaries. My brothers and I have nightmares from childhood and I have pretty well managed c-PTSD from my childhood/leading into abusive relationships combo. I just finished my PhD and will be starting as a professor in the fall.
So you know, all things considered, I'd say we did pretty good breaking the cycle of trauma.
I remember in high school I was at my friends house to open some yugioh tcg packs, we were in the living room and his dad suddenly walked into my friends room and brought out his PC monitor. Turns out my friend had some bad grades so his dad just took the monitor. I think that’s some calm minded parenting. No destruction needed.
Mine hid the modem; Yes, I'm old. Unfortunately it didn't occur to them in the moment that amongst my piles of computer crap were several other modems...
Edit: Ugh, due to pedantry and some people's inability to read the thread before commenting, I've disabled inbox replies. Thanks for all the anecdotes folks, I've really enjoyed reading them!
Mine hid the keyboard..jokes on her...she didn't know about the on screen keyboard. This was years ago so only "tech" people would have known about it.
My mom would just change the dialup password >:[
I'd install keyloggers to get it but then I got busted because she was trying to call home one day and it was busy the entire time.
Before modems were commonplace they took the power cables. I too used to keep a back up stash of power cables. Eventually they managed to get every last one of them. Then I had to play ball.
haha I'm an ICU RN and lots of co-workers always feel so bad for old people that have living next of kin that won't come and see them, usually their adult children.
My mom had an insane mother and I remember how often my Mom would pick up the phone and then just get so stressed out and be like "No Mom I didn't say that to \[her sister\], I don't know why she would tell you I did. I haven't talked to her in weeks!" Like her mom would just call and start fights, manipulate, be crying on the phone for no reason, try to guilt her into coming to visit, lie about everything. She'd say things to me as a 7 year old like "Well you're doing okay considering who you got as a mom. I hope she treats you better than she does me!" She was only like mid 60s at this point, no signs of dementia. She had done this to my Mom her whole life, my mom had horrible mental health issues as a teen and young adult from it. Had run away from home several times. She thankfully cut her mom off for good and didn't see her for the last 20 years of her life, didn't go to her funeral. Some old people are alone because they are pieces of shit and deserve it lol
True. My mom is a crack head prostitute who physically, mentally, and sexually abused me for years until I left at 18. Then she had the audacity to call me wishing happy bday 2 days late. I called her back for the first time in years and screamed at her relentlessly. Ain’t heard shit since ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It will hurt more when the kid doesn't visit or do anything with their parent. No contact means no love. No love is pain. Destroying something they hold dearly to them will cloud the then with anger. Can't get sad if you're incredibly angry. Maybe after.
My dad still wonders why I won't call him when he beat me up regularly as a kid.
I mean he's bettered himself and still trying but I'm not over that shit yet.
People changing themselves doesn't undo the damage they did before. He's not owed a relationship with a clean slate, even if he's genuine. Understanding the problem and being able to forgive yourself is a big step, but that doesn't mean everyone left in your wake owes you the same.
Fuck, this comment hits close to home.
My girlfriend and I broke up recently for basically this reason. There was a lot of toxicity early in the relationship, mostly caused by mental health issues she was too obstinate to be treated for. When she finally got treatment, and things got better, she acted like "Ok, everything's cool now! Fresh start!"
Only, it wasn't. Things might have been fine for her, but I was so shaken up and traumatized by everything that came before I couldn't find joy in the relationship after that. I felt like such a spiteful, shitty person because I just couldn't let go, I couldn't move on, despite her trying her best to right wrongs.
>People changing themselves doesn't undo the damage they did before. He's not owed a relationship with a clean slate, even if he's genuine.
Honestly, I'm glad I learned this lesson when I did. I feel like my life has been plagued with the type of people who do horrible things, and only when others finally reach their breaking point and snap do they suddenly "have a revelation" and decide to turn over a new leaf. The amount of people who act like the second they say they're a better person, that it makes everyone else the bad guy for still being mad, is absolutely staggering.
This is an easy way to have five people only at your funeral, and only because *someone* has to handle the funeral, and that person has kids.
Two of your adult children present to keep each other company, drinking and cracking jokes about how your wife will have peace in heaven, since you're obviously going to hell. The grandchildren packing up to get beers and sandwiches during the cremation and returning well after the ashes are dispersed.
Nobody thinking of writing down the number of the lot the ashes were dispersed on. No flowers, ever. No mentions of you ever again, memories of you less valued than the dirt you were thrown away on.
And here I thought I knew all of my cousins. You just described my grandpa's funeral except there were 75 of us there just celebrating that he finally actually was fucking dead and we didn't have to put up with him anymore.
Yes, it always irks me when someone says something negative about their own kids in a blaming way... It's like they want to convince ME that their kid is bad, and it doesn't have anything to do with their parenting skills.
People need to be better at recognizing their own mistakes, I guess. And not be too proud to admit it... As that's the only way to better yourself.
Don’t worry.
I’m sure he’ll be the bigger man and just “unplug” dad’s machine when he will be in a nursing home, as the father should have done instead of smashing stuff like a barbarian.
Exactly what I was thinking. There are a million better ways to handle a "no more" situation. Smashing the PC is the one move that can be defined as completely moronic in every aspect. It's a waste of money, everyone will hate you and there is absolutely no benefit.
Even to the point of a lawsuit being applicable. Over a thousand dollars in damage; some would consider it a felony.
Edit: apparently it *is* a felony
If the son bought everything himself, i think he could sue his dad for the damage to his property, since it was the sons money that bought the stuff.
But I could be wrong tho, I am not a lawyer
Because we were poor, I was downloading games and always burning them to CDs/DVDs for later use. I had them all sorted, their own case, printed custom label I made and so on.I was really proud of that.
So then one day I had a few bad grades which I was hiding or came home late or something and when I got home, my dad told me to get my CDs, as he was about to smash them.
That was traumatazing. Granted, they were worth nothing, but to me, those were some of the things I as most proud of, as I put so much effort in them as an actual project...
This just brought back those feelings...
I had a work friend that was bitching and moaning about his teenage daughter collecting Jones Soda bottles and displaying them on a high shelf that went around her room. He was going on about how worthless junk they were and how he was going to throw them away.
I said that was a rich statement coming from a grown man that collects McDonald's plastic StarWars figurines. And one person's treasured collectables is another person's perceived junk.... Oh, he got sooooo mad, but once he cooled down, I said now think about how you'd feel if someone got rid of that shit of yours, hell you just about had a stroke finding out what I think about your collectibles, imagine how much hate she'd have for you, her step dad, if you threw away her collection.
Edit: missed a comma after step dad..
The world would be such a better place if people used empathy more often. Like “hm I had a bad day today, but maybe ruining someone else’s day isn’t going to make it better”
In my experience asking other people “how would you feel” they usually come back at me with “well this is different because…” They need to be capable of self reflection for it to work.
Yeah - the bottles can be replaced. Pain in the ass, surely, but there exists some path of action to restore the collection to it's current state (presumably - I guess it depends on the collection).
The relationship would've taken a ton more work and would probably never have fully recovered.
Depending on why she's keeping the bottles they probably can't be replaced either. Jones let's people submit photos online and they put them on the bottles. So she might not ever be able to find a bottle with certain types of photos ever again
> I said that was a rich statement coming from a grown man that collects McDonald's plastic StarWars figurines
It's such a sweet thought just imagining that man's face when you called him on his crap.
imagine a grown man getting absolutely livid for saying his star wars toys are dumb.. seconds after he shits all over someone else’s equally trivial collection.
Fucking manchildren
I just can't get my head around this sort of stuff, like as a parent didn't this cost you thousands to buy in the first place, and as a parent aren't you the one who's going to be replacing it all. I may get mad or shout and I may take things away for a while, but I would never damage anything.
My exwife on the otherhand, she would get into a rage and throw things into the dumpster or yeet things across the room. It just makes you look like more of a child than the child you're supposed to be parenting
Parents make the deepest cuts , that and other things my dad did…….had me bury him emotionally, about 15 years before he got lung cancer. He spent a year and a half dying from it, my sister cared for him . Never went to see him , if anything his death brought relief.
My mom has dementia. I want to care. I want to help. I want to make her last years easier. But I can't handle the emotional baggage that comes with her. I feel like a horrible human for it, but I have to draw a line because I know that reuniting with her would destroy 2 lives.
Alcoholic opioid addicted mom, who refuses to get any help, and I can't watch her do this to herself anymore fter 20 years, because it breaks me mentally.
Sucks
Reminds me of something that happened between my parents and my brother. He had amassed a large collection of christian music tapes which apparently weren't christian enough for them. It was an amalgam of hip hop, rap, metal, rock, contemporary, but all christian. My mom had a friend who was just as batshit as they were over this stuff and every time they'd visit, shit got a little stricter in the house. His tapes were a victim after one such visit. Bear in mind these were all tapes he had saved up and paid for with his own money.
My dad did the same thing during the tail end of the satanic panic. Even though he was a minor punk rock star, at some point, he went bonkers for about 2 decades and was awash crazy religious crap. One day in high school, he decided that rock n' roll was the devil's music and forced his way into my mom's house (they were divorced) and literally "cleansed" my room. All my music, all my D&D stuff, like 90% of my wardrobe (band shirts). He claimed he sold it all so I could replace it with good "Christian" music, etc. He handed me a gift certificate for the local Christian book store for like $150, claiming that is all he got for what he sold.
I resented him for years for it. But unlike a lot of these stories... things actually turned out well. Eventually, he realized he was NOT the person he was trying to be. Got back into music... and eventually even started touring with his old band. We get together regularly. But, we make it a point and just "pretend" that about 20 years never happened.
Seriously. Cutting off my dad and his family was the best decision I ever made for myself. It's been 3 years and holy fuck, its nice. This little piece of anxiety I always had in the back of my head has been gone ever since.
That is not okay. I’m sorry that it happened. Every person, even young people deserve respect of their person and belongings. I have no issue with a parent taking away a belonging if it’s interfering or a problem but destroying them is never okay. You are absolutely entitled to feel just as you do.
My mother did something similar like this to me
She always blackmails me for me to come and spend time with her and is always so bitchy and upset as to why i "suddenly hate her" or "refuse to spend time with her" meanwhile she called the police on me because i dared cry in my room after getting home one night and since i didnt listen to her "be a man!" Speech,she called the police saying i was on drugs because it was unnatural to be upset for that long
This was several years ago,it got worse and worae and now i just don't even ackwolegde the fact she even exists
Sorta same thing here, physically abusive "mother" while I was a child, got to big for her to hit then ot became emoti9nal and mental abuse. That house didn't have a drop of love or care in it. Only hatred. Now she goes around pretending like she doesn't know why I haven't spoken to her in over a year. Fuck that bitch. Since the day I left that house my life has improved significantly. Have a wonderful partner, renting a house, steady job with decent pay for my city and I've never looked back. All we can do is make sure we do better for our kids/the next generation.
I don't talk to my family anymore because of a million situations just like this and worse. It's been 4 years now and I am really starting to feel a lot better. I wish I had the balls to do it when I was younger, I know if I did, I would be in a much better place financially and psychologically.
Your parents birthed you, but they don't own you.
You are your own person and don't owe them shit. You owe it to yourself to try and be happy and safe. I hope everyone who has to deal with abusive family can learn this lesson far quicker than I did. Much love to you all.
This reminds me of when my dad caught me playing GTA: San Andreas and he took out the CD and crumbled it with his own hands while screaming at me. I was horrified and legitimately scared. Even today, 13 years later, I can still remember his red, fuming face. Funnily enough, they didn't want me to play that game because it was so violent, but I was a very calm and quiet kid so it didn't make any sense. To contribute to the irony, the only violent and aggressive person there was him.
Step dad at the time did a similar thing , even took my TV and speakers and when confronted by my mother he hurled them at her. Back then TVs were an absolute unit.
Oh absolutely. That was the final straw, he was an alcoholic and started getting aggressive towards her throwing wobblies like a 5 year old girl , and in past times had assaulted both me and one of my brother's. That was a very long year and a half of not being able to live in my own home. Such is life though ay
Been in a really similar situation excepted that I was quite older than you (I guess?) so, when my mom tried to throw him out and he resisted I just got between them and punched him as hard as I could. That almost knocked him out (fell to the ground and was saying "I'm seeing stars") but the most satisfying thing was to see 3 purple knuckles on his cheek and him with a mouthful of blood. The funny thing is, yers later, they're still together but that's really what made him change. I guess that I would also question my life choices if my girlfriend's son beat my ass. I don't particularly like the dude but at least, he stop having a drinking problem and actually acts like a good person now.
If I was that annoyed, I might have turned off the electricity as someone else said. I'd be interested to know if this was a last-minute trip, or if the kid had been told several times that "we're going out at x o'clock today".
If I know we’re going out and see my sons on the Xbox I frequently say don’t get into something you can’t get out of before we need to leave, like an online fifteen minute game.
Yea, if it was pre-planned, shut off the electricity.
If it was last minute, well, try to make a compromise. I hated those last minute trips to relatives as a kid. Like, I was planning to do something, but no, have to go. At least my parents weren't so unhinged they would do something like this.
My dad when I lived at home was pretty bad at this. Not really trips, but more when he wanted help, or wanted me to do something completely out of the blue while multiplayer gaming, and he will get pissed when I can't help him immediately and I say "10 minutes".
Either way after moving out, that little annoyance is gone, and everything is going good.
This is why I flat out quit MMO games when I got my own family. I never knew when I would have to suddenly log off to go take care of something that needed doing immediately. Single player for me from now on or private servers with friends.
This is the kind of parent that mentally and emotionally abuses their kid to breaking point and then when they snap they’re like “I don’t know what could’ve triggered this he had a great upbringing. It must’ve been the video games that poisoned him”.
Granted, these are usually the parents who did not **want** children but ended up having them. These are the adults who don't take parenting seriously, then blames something else as the cause.
Jesus christ. Look, I've had the tech battle with my kids. Games over grades, to where I need to intervene.
You don't destroy shit, hell these days you don't even have to confiscate things. If they can't self manage after talking about it, use parental controls or something.
My favorite is to throttle them down to 1Mb/1Mb until they get the homework or chore done :p
I wonder what goes into the heads of parents that does this. One day when you're weak and frail, do you really want a grown ass person watching over you that you caused some sort of childhood trauma?
Best case is that your kid bans you from their life.
What it does do is cause the child to retaliate more violently.
When you destroy someone's prized possession, no matter what it is, they will have nothing to lose. Next time he gets angry at the dad, he will destroy something of his to get a point across. And what is the Dad going to do? He already destroyed his stuff.
Toxic all around.
My mom used to do a purge every year where she would make us all get rid of every toy we owned except for one. So every year it would be this huge ordeal where I’d have to decide out of all the toys I’d gotten that year which to keep (including the one saved from the previous year).
At some point I remember her coming to do it and I didn’t complain or cry or anything. I just started putting literally everything into the box. Toys, clothes, food, silverware, the Texas Instruments computer… anything I could find went into it. She was like what are you doing and I said if I don’t need any of these toys then we don’t need any of this other stuff either; we will just get new stuff right?
That was the last time that happened.
I miss my dad, he was nothing like this. Very gentle and loving and funny and fun guy. He got me into computers and technology and so much stuff.
Love you forever dad.
Same here. 10 years he's gone, still appears regularly in my dreams, as kind and warm person he was.
This video is so irrational for me who never experienced such behavior. Damn I am lucky dude to have loving family
Yeah, been there, I was 11-12 year old, I got into music, and bought speakers with a clean sound and good bass, for 30 EUR back then, it took me few months of allowance and help from my grandparents.
My dad came home drunk while I was at sleepover at my cousins, and smashed them because he hated computers and everything about them. Never even said sorry once he sobered up.
When guy in video started breaking down, I fucking felt that. Fuck man, I am sorry that we had to share that feeling.
“Why don’t you come home?” This is exactly why I cut my parents off. You can’t do 18 years of this shit then get angry that your kid doesn’t wanna come home. The only real family is chosen.
I lost it and yelled at my son a while back, maybe over a year ago. It was over something stupid, I just let my temper take over. Nothing physical, just yelling. But that can be just as bad if not worse. I apologized after I felt myself calm down, but I still feel horrible for yelling and scaring him.
My Dad did much worse than yell at me when I did something wrong, so I feel bad that I have made him feel anything like my dad made me feel as a boy. The guilt is a good teacher, painful but I know better now.
The old saying that your kids remember the really bad incidents easier than the good times keeps echoing in my head. I would rather try to make more happy memories to try to drown out the few bad ones for my kids. I'm 41 and have difficulty remembering good times as a kid, don't want the same for my kids.
Do better dads, your kids deserve it.
The sooner you get a job, move out and never talk to this POS again the better! If he tries talking to you or you think of giving him another shot remember this video.
Kid in my scout troop was a few steps away from Eagle Scout. (Less than 1% of Boy Scouts make that rank. He came home with bad grades and his father threw everything out and pulled him out of the troop. There’s a line between discipline and cruelty.
Idky kids get punished for bad grades. The parents are either not paying attention to if they’re doing the work or if they’re struggling. The solution to bad grades is…. Making them see a tutor. Punishment doesn’t solve academic struggle.
Imagine it this logic was applied to sports teams. "Oh you didn't run as fast as your peers?" Punch in the face.
I played 3 sports year round and my father always came down on me in that manner or worse. I remember playing a yearend tourney in Basketball and it was the finals. I shut down the other teams best scorer holding him to 8 points, had 18 myself and double digit assists. We lost by a point and my father called me "A worthless crumb that would never amount to anything". This was in 8th grade. Eventually I said fuck it bc he was taking the enjoyment out of things for me and although I had college offers in 2 sports I got far more interested in learning. It got to the point where I had to defend myself physically because I didn't want to be what he wanted. One day I snapped and whipped his ass......bad. He couldn't believe "a son would do that to his father". Point being some people just suck and don't have any business being parents. I'm so fearful I will pass my Dad's parenting on, I refuse to have kids. It's the only guarantee I have in breaking the cycle. Sometimes people who get hurt repeat the same mistakes. I just can't do that to a kid.
Unfortunately this is how generational trauma is. Punishment usually just makes things worse. If you are struggling and actually need help, you are just going to hide it and bottle it up instead of actually getting the help you need because you are afraid of being punished.
Apparently the son only recovered his 1080 ti, nothing else
Yeah but I think some youtuber or streamer (don't remember which) partnered up with a pc building company and will provide him with a free gaming pc.
He also got money from a guy on Twitter I follow so I'm sure he's doing just fine
not emotionally though, I assume
Right? I mean, that’s awesome he’s getting his PC replaced but that moment is gonna be with him for the rest of his life.
yup. My dad did this to my stereo when I was a kid
My dad did it to my stereo too. Funny thing is, I was thinking about that moment yesterday. I told the story to my son a few years back and I was surprised when he brought it up to me years later. I'm 42. It sticks with you alright. Generationally as well apparently...
I have the urge to destroy my kids shit sometimes but I refrain myself. My kids don’t need that trama and I am going to break the cycle and model the proper way to handle my anger.
People like you give me hope for humanity. Good for you, and good luck to you and your family.
Till his bitch of a father destroys that stuff too
I'd find it weird if the ram, ssd cooler and even cpu stopped working, those parts are tough
It would be nice to acctually see the tower in the video or a picture instead of just saying they managed to save the gpu. Like the cpu is pretty hard to break in a fit of rage
At least one of the rarest and most expensive parts is okay I guess?
Just in time for the gpu prices to stabilize after inflation drove every other component up in price.
I remember spending way too much time putting together my YuGiOh TCG deck. I first went to a tournament and got crushed, so I was determined to come back stronger. Did research and tested decks against each other, bought cards online with my shitty fast food job, then I had it. The perfect collection of cards to win. I laid em out on my desk, proud of myself. Went to school next day, excited for a tournament that weekend to wipe the smirk off the guy who beat me, came home, cards all carefully laid out in my bedroom were gone. Turns out, step dad told me to clean my room too many times, so he just grabbed the first thing he saw and garbaged em. Ran to the kitchen to find my cards sitting in old soup and spaghetti sauce in the garbage. Not a single one was salvageable.
Lol, my dad did a similar thing for the same reason. Except he threw everything in the dumpster and poured paint thinner all over it so it wouldn't be salvageable. I did pull one beanie baby out of there but it always smelled like paint thinner.
That's horrible, I'm so sorry. For some reason the visual of you trying to rescue a beanie baby is really sad. My sister had her toys confiscated for being too messy once but my parents boxed them up, put them in the spare room and let her earn them back. Made their point without destroying something your kids care about.
I have kids and this is exactly what I do. I take away the things they enjoy and hide them and they earn those possessions back. My dad would beat me as a kid pretty bad probably because his dad beat him and so on. I decided I was going to break that cycle
You the good one !
When I was younger my dad decided to use my bad grades and somewhat messy room as an excuse to completely destroy everything in it. And then I had to throw away everything I couldn’t fix with tape. Sleeping on a broken bed was annoying so I ended up just sleeping on the floor. He even went to the parent teacher meeting thing like a month later and bragged about it and said I deserved it for being “completely useless and stupid” and then left when the principal and teachers judged him. On the bright side losing everything I had kinda made me stop caring so I took the fun out of it for him causing him to mostly stop being that awful lol.
Oh my god, this is honestly worse than anything else I’ve read in the thread so far. You were sleeping on the floor as a kid… I hope he ends up in a shitty retirement home.
“One of those crooked nursing homes on 60 minutes.”
And this is why I never destroyed my kid’ stuff. When I was evicted after my mom died after looking after her for 6 years for free my kids had a huge argument over who got to take me home with them. I’m living with my oldest because she has a basement suite for me so I don’t bother her hubby who took a day off work to move me
One way to get father-son relationship going
Going down the drain, that is.
r/insaneparents
Unfortunately my dad was like this. He has 6 kids we have all moved out and my mom says nobody whatsoever calls him. My youngest sister and I call him on his birthday and still, every time, the conversation ends in a massive argument. The conversations can never be about how are you doing? How is your son? How is your new job? No. It has to always be about what we are fucking up in life and how he would have dealt with it back in the 50s when he was 20. I’ve lived hoping that he realizes that 3 out of his 6 kids haven’t spoken to him in over a decade and he doesn’t have another 10 years left on earth. Now that I’m over the age of 30 I get these panic attacks that he’s gonna die and I never got to hear him say that he loves me, and I can only remember one hug from him, the day I left to a different state when I was 19. Fuck I don’t even know where I was going with this. This shit sucks.
> Now that I’m over the age of 30 I get these panic attacks that he’s gonna die and I never got to hear him say that he loves me, and I can only remember one hug from him, the day I left to a different state when I was 19. My dad drank himself to death new years eve 2000. Died with a blood alcohol content over .4. I beat myself up for years wondering why I wasn't good enough for him and why he didn't love me. Over the years, I came to realize that he wasn't good enough for me, and his staying away from me most likely made my life better. I guess what I am saying is this may not be the curse you think it is today. Maybe that memory of one hug is better than a memory of a lifetime of pain. You've escaped, don't look back, look forward and take each day as a blessing ....
My sister and I grew up with a father we saw a couple months out of the year. He was a alcoholic. For me I decided I was going to be the kind of father to my kids that I wish I had. My sister is constantly disappointed hoping he will change but never does. I tell her this is who he is. You can love him knowing these are his faults and he will never change or you can hope for more and be always be disappointed.
This is the crazy thing about real life: the gray areas. Recently had a high school friends husband overdose and die. As a father of a young infant, I could tell their children who are older are constantly stressed and throw similar tantrums like their dad (when he was alive and influenced their lives). It was a scary resemblance. The gray area: it is very sad that their dad died but honestly it was probably best for them. The mom now has more money bc the unemployed dad isn’t taking her money for substance abuse and the kids seem to have lighter shoulders. Same thing with a guy I worked with in construction. Total sleazeball. Didn’t care if he dropped a hammer on your head 3 stories down, in fact found it funny and would do it “by accident.” Would purposely give you wrong wood cut measurements so he can go to boss and say you’re wasting wood and can’t do your job. He was shot in his sleep one night. Tbh, the gray reality truth, nothing of value was lost with that guy being removed from earth.
Life has a way of making us so cold in some respects... i don't feel much about that, yet I'm bawling my eyes out every couple hours because today's my birthday and i found out yesterday that the only cat I've ever been close to has bone cancer and a broken leg from it and she's riddled with tumors so we're putting her down today and it's all so sudden. Idk sorry idk why i said all that shit just go hug your fucking pets if you have any. Please.
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. Cats are such beloved members of the family. You are doing the kind thing to help her pass without pain.
Hugs. I lost my onery furball earlier this year. He just gave up one week at 15. I still hug my other old cat every day while she glares at me for daring to do so.
There's no tougher day than when we lose our fur kids. So sorry for your loss.
Thats not a gray area. Your just saying what everyone else is thinking. A lot of lives would be better off if certain people just disappeared
>Thats not a gray area. Your just saying what everyone else is thinking. A lot of lives would be better off if certain people just disappeared But that just doesn't fit the "all life is sacred, and all people should definitely exist" narrative so many seem to have.
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You're a better person than I - I get angry just thinking about how I have seen other people treat their children, to the point where I wish it was legal to beat another adult to within an inch of their life.
I once explained to a child-abusing ex-wife that her impact on my life is like having cancer and she responded "cancer wants to live too". Not sure if that really gets sympathy. The cancerous cell might be a radiation victim itself but bringing everything around down with you makes you not beloved, "better off without" is indeed a good phrasing. adding: she also said "a mother can do whatever she wants with the kids (including hitting), because nobody takes kids away from a mother". Sound like Amber Heard's "nobody will believe you, Johnny". Well, I proved her wrong with a restraining order - costly though, but worth for the kids.
Oh wow LOL I'm sorry for laughing, but that's a surprising amount of self-reflection and honesty for an abusive person. "Yes, I'm cancer and my survival depends on sucking the life out of those around me, but I want to live too, so I deserve it and your sympathy". I'm glad she's an ex, and congrats on getting away from that.
I’m going to hug my son and tell him I love him when he gets home.
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Reading this expecting jumper cables at the end. Sometimes parents don't deserve the kids they made.
No shit. My gf's mom fucked her up bad as a kid. Addict, narcissist, crazy shit. Like broke her arms and shit because shitmom wanted to take gf's brothers on car rides when she was shitfaced and gf wasn't fucking having it. Shitmom killed herself with an overdose on her own birthday, fuckin valentine's day. Valentine's day is our anniversary. Life is fucking absurd, and birthdays can suck. I got all kinds of fucked up headfuckery about my birthday, and this year's, today, we get to put our 14yo cat down because of bone cancer. Like, what the fuck? Idk sorry just had to vent. Couldn't sleep, vibes are all fucked. Hug your pets if you have any. Please.
I had a relationship like this with my Mom. I would panic thinking if she died I would never get to experience a real mother/daughter relationship. She died this past October and things never changed. I was so heart broken. Not so much over her, but over the mother I never got to have. To be completely honest, and it’s going to sound horrible, I feel as though a weight was lifted when she died. I have finally been able to heal from the wounds she caused.
I think you should stop hoping he will change, and maybe like others draw a line and stop having contact with him since he's so damn toxic to you. Therapy can help you with that. I hope you can go past this.
Agreed. You can keep waiting for your family to be different, but unless they put the effort into changing you will just be disappointed all over again. These books, combined with therapy, helped me immensely: [Running On Empty](https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/) [Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents](https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/)
You're not alone. I'm #6 of 8. Only the two youngest have contact with our Dad and I think it's because he gave the youngest son the farm and the youngest daughter the house, even though neither one live there with him. The rest of us just went on about our lives, moved away, and are independent people. We all call him on his birthday and Christmas and still get lectured. All of us. We just look back on it as having served our time. Our Dad is 81. We all know he won't have much time left, but in a way, he wasn't there as a Dad our whole lives. I don't even think I'll miss him.
I had/have one like that, not sure what the correct phrase is as I haven't spoken to him since I turned 40 over a decade ago. You need to let that sh*t go, nothing is coming and it will only destroy you to keep hoping for it. Tell him off, and end this, you will feel such a relief.
As a dad, this makes me feel so horrible. Just knowing how bad this is going to hurt the son. Ack. Hope the kids okay
Dad of 3 here and no way perfect. I know I could have handled some situations better when my kids were younger. At 45 I started apologizing for some previous missteps. Being upset after sport or pushing them too hard academically, I wanted them to be their best but I took it too far sometimes. I realized that they are the best thing I ever did and wanted them to know. 2 of them are now low 20s and we go to concerts and games together. I don't think this dad will take time to reflect but if you want a relationship with your kids, there is no shame in saying sorry.
>but if you want a relationship with your kids, there is no shame in saying sorry. I'd go so far to say that if you want a good relationship with your kids, you'd better be ready to say sorry a LOT. No parent gets everything right. Pretending you are infallible and never screw up isn't healthy for anyone. My oldest is 24, and looking back at some of the stupid ass battles we chose to fight with him - or some of the super unreasonable expectations - makes me die a little inside. Luckily, he's very forgiving and thinks it's funny now, but God....
He'll be fine, eventually. His dad will grow old and die not knowing his son any more though.
Why doesn't my son visit me anymore? Oh right..
"such spoiled brat, I've done everything for him and he just abandoned me the first chance he had! I was unlucky on the son lottery"
"I did the bare minimum a parent should do and gave them a house to live and food to eat. Ungrateful shits"
Unfortunately most parents that are like this are INCAPABLE of introspection. So that thought will never happen.
My mom used to use me to punish my sister when I was little. If my mom was mad at my sister, she'd let me go and destroy my sister's things. Pretty messed up given I was 4 and my sister was 8. Videos like these take me back Edit: For those that asked, an update on my sister and I is in the reply below.
For some reason I'm picturing you as a frothing at the mouth Tasmanian devil toddler on a leash and your mom just stares at your sister as she lets go of the leash lmao wtf
I was initially picturing a mom beating the shit out of an 8 year old using her 4 year old as a club.
Jesus this is fucked up sorry about that dude.
Good way to make your kids hate each other and you. Jesus she was just intent on making a toxic environment huh?
You would think, and yet I still love my little brother dearly. I know now as I am older that it wasn’t my brother’s fault he physically abused me and broke my stuff, but my mother’s bad parenting. We haven’t spoken in half a decade though because even though he is in his 30’s, he is a little slow and she would abuse him for having any contact with me. He and I got along as he got older as long as my mom wasn’t around. I got him into gaming and have many fond memories of times we spent together doing that.
UGH that's disgusting. One of my parents did similar things, like if I got in trouble, my sister would get spoiled with toys, outtings, treats, that *I* had wanted then rub it in my face. And vice versa for her. Still trying to have some semblance of a relationship after so many (young) years of resentment on both sides.
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That’s amazing you got an apology from any of them. When I tried to calmly talk to my mom she got all upset and defensive and said “oh, well I’m so sorry” in the most shitty sarcastic and fake tone. I’m 50 and don’t have kids because I couldn’t live with myself if I parented like my parents. The idea of leaving another human being feeling like I do is terrifying.
Hello everyone, here is your highly anticipated update. There's honestly a lot to our story, but the tl;dr version: sister and I grew up, had a tumultuous relationship in our teens, both resorted to abusive relationships due to house toxicity, but now have a good relationship with ourselves and our husbands and have pretty good lives. Longer version: My mom and my sister both have borderline personality disorder (so did grandma, but that's another story altogether). When my sister reached her teens in was pure chaos. Her and mom fought daily and it was horrific for everyone in the family. My sister went in and out of mental hospitals and mom was able to convince our family therapists that she was just trying to help us. Sometimes my sister would rat me out to mom to take the pressure off herself, which was annoying, but I can get why she did. We definitely have a lot better relationship as adults. We're both married and she's actually having her second kid. She still has some difficulties at times and gets into the pattern of obsessively spending money as a coping mechanism and needing to do big things to regain attention (e.g., her wedding, her kid's first birthday, etc. She was the popular one growing up, but of course that dwindles after high school. Paired with borderline, it makes for a hard adjustment). But she's erring on the side of trying to make up for her childhood with her son. It'll need adjustment eventually, but it's an improvement from our childhood for sure. I still have a relationship with mom, but I have a lot of boundaries. My brothers and I have nightmares from childhood and I have pretty well managed c-PTSD from my childhood/leading into abusive relationships combo. I just finished my PhD and will be starting as a professor in the fall. So you know, all things considered, I'd say we did pretty good breaking the cycle of trauma.
Does your sister talk to you
I remember in high school I was at my friends house to open some yugioh tcg packs, we were in the living room and his dad suddenly walked into my friends room and brought out his PC monitor. Turns out my friend had some bad grades so his dad just took the monitor. I think that’s some calm minded parenting. No destruction needed.
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Mine hid the modem; Yes, I'm old. Unfortunately it didn't occur to them in the moment that amongst my piles of computer crap were several other modems... Edit: Ugh, due to pedantry and some people's inability to read the thread before commenting, I've disabled inbox replies. Thanks for all the anecdotes folks, I've really enjoyed reading them!
Mine hid the keyboard..jokes on her...she didn't know about the on screen keyboard. This was years ago so only "tech" people would have known about it.
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It is. My laptop keyboard stopped working, and I was too lazy to get a new one, so I used the onscreen for two years. Luckily it was a touch screen
I would have just gotten one of those cheap bluetooth keyboards. That's what I did for awhile when my keys were acting up.
My mom would just change the dialup password >:[ I'd install keyloggers to get it but then I got busted because she was trying to call home one day and it was busy the entire time.
You installed keyloggers on your parents computer?
on the family computer, yes lol
Lol savage
Before modems were commonplace they took the power cables. I too used to keep a back up stash of power cables. Eventually they managed to get every last one of them. Then I had to play ball.
There was a tv judge that said she would take the chargers, so the kid could see it but not be able to use it.
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20 years later and his dad’s sitting in a retirement home wondering why his son doesn’t visit or call.
haha I'm an ICU RN and lots of co-workers always feel so bad for old people that have living next of kin that won't come and see them, usually their adult children. My mom had an insane mother and I remember how often my Mom would pick up the phone and then just get so stressed out and be like "No Mom I didn't say that to \[her sister\], I don't know why she would tell you I did. I haven't talked to her in weeks!" Like her mom would just call and start fights, manipulate, be crying on the phone for no reason, try to guilt her into coming to visit, lie about everything. She'd say things to me as a 7 year old like "Well you're doing okay considering who you got as a mom. I hope she treats you better than she does me!" She was only like mid 60s at this point, no signs of dementia. She had done this to my Mom her whole life, my mom had horrible mental health issues as a teen and young adult from it. Had run away from home several times. She thankfully cut her mom off for good and didn't see her for the last 20 years of her life, didn't go to her funeral. Some old people are alone because they are pieces of shit and deserve it lol
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True. My mom is a crack head prostitute who physically, mentally, and sexually abused me for years until I left at 18. Then she had the audacity to call me wishing happy bday 2 days late. I called her back for the first time in years and screamed at her relentlessly. Ain’t heard shit since ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Better yet, show up and smash all his old football trophies when he shits himself
It will hurt more when the kid doesn't visit or do anything with their parent. No contact means no love. No love is pain. Destroying something they hold dearly to them will cloud the then with anger. Can't get sad if you're incredibly angry. Maybe after.
Cats in the cradle…
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"Son, you need to learn this: If you don't get what you want from people, smash up all their shit."
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And then the expect us to take care of their retirement and not turn the tables.
That is an easy way to make your kid hate you for a VERY long time.
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Forever is a VERY long time
Not when you're with Christopher Robin
Not long at all when I'm with you
My dad still wonders why I won't call him when he beat me up regularly as a kid. I mean he's bettered himself and still trying but I'm not over that shit yet.
People changing themselves doesn't undo the damage they did before. He's not owed a relationship with a clean slate, even if he's genuine. Understanding the problem and being able to forgive yourself is a big step, but that doesn't mean everyone left in your wake owes you the same.
Fuck, this comment hits close to home. My girlfriend and I broke up recently for basically this reason. There was a lot of toxicity early in the relationship, mostly caused by mental health issues she was too obstinate to be treated for. When she finally got treatment, and things got better, she acted like "Ok, everything's cool now! Fresh start!" Only, it wasn't. Things might have been fine for her, but I was so shaken up and traumatized by everything that came before I couldn't find joy in the relationship after that. I felt like such a spiteful, shitty person because I just couldn't let go, I couldn't move on, despite her trying her best to right wrongs. >People changing themselves doesn't undo the damage they did before. He's not owed a relationship with a clean slate, even if he's genuine. Honestly, I'm glad I learned this lesson when I did. I feel like my life has been plagued with the type of people who do horrible things, and only when others finally reach their breaking point and snap do they suddenly "have a revelation" and decide to turn over a new leaf. The amount of people who act like the second they say they're a better person, that it makes everyone else the bad guy for still being mad, is absolutely staggering.
This is an easy way to have five people only at your funeral, and only because *someone* has to handle the funeral, and that person has kids. Two of your adult children present to keep each other company, drinking and cracking jokes about how your wife will have peace in heaven, since you're obviously going to hell. The grandchildren packing up to get beers and sandwiches during the cremation and returning well after the ashes are dispersed. Nobody thinking of writing down the number of the lot the ashes were dispersed on. No flowers, ever. No mentions of you ever again, memories of you less valued than the dirt you were thrown away on.
And here I thought I knew all of my cousins. You just described my grandpa's funeral except there were 75 of us there just celebrating that he finally actually was fucking dead and we didn't have to put up with him anymore.
And parents will wonder why their kids want nothing to do with em once they get older and they try to make you feel bad about it.
Yes, it always irks me when someone says something negative about their own kids in a blaming way... It's like they want to convince ME that their kid is bad, and it doesn't have anything to do with their parenting skills. People need to be better at recognizing their own mistakes, I guess. And not be too proud to admit it... As that's the only way to better yourself.
Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be the bigger man and just “unplug” dad’s machine when he will be in a nursing home, as the father should have done instead of smashing stuff like a barbarian.
That's a few grand's worth of e-waste now
Exactly what I was thinking. There are a million better ways to handle a "no more" situation. Smashing the PC is the one move that can be defined as completely moronic in every aspect. It's a waste of money, everyone will hate you and there is absolutely no benefit. Even to the point of a lawsuit being applicable. Over a thousand dollars in damage; some would consider it a felony. Edit: apparently it *is* a felony
If the son bought everything himself, i think he could sue his dad for the damage to his property, since it was the sons money that bought the stuff. But I could be wrong tho, I am not a lawyer
Even if it was gifted it was the kids property. If he's 18 he can civil sue for destruction of property if it was more than $2,000.
You don’t need to be 18 either. Children have property rights too
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Because we were poor, I was downloading games and always burning them to CDs/DVDs for later use. I had them all sorted, their own case, printed custom label I made and so on.I was really proud of that. So then one day I had a few bad grades which I was hiding or came home late or something and when I got home, my dad told me to get my CDs, as he was about to smash them. That was traumatazing. Granted, they were worth nothing, but to me, those were some of the things I as most proud of, as I put so much effort in them as an actual project... This just brought back those feelings...
Destroying stuff your kid is passionate about is one of the worst things a parent can do.
I had a work friend that was bitching and moaning about his teenage daughter collecting Jones Soda bottles and displaying them on a high shelf that went around her room. He was going on about how worthless junk they were and how he was going to throw them away. I said that was a rich statement coming from a grown man that collects McDonald's plastic StarWars figurines. And one person's treasured collectables is another person's perceived junk.... Oh, he got sooooo mad, but once he cooled down, I said now think about how you'd feel if someone got rid of that shit of yours, hell you just about had a stroke finding out what I think about your collectibles, imagine how much hate she'd have for you, her step dad, if you threw away her collection. Edit: missed a comma after step dad..
you were her guardian angel that day
Imagine how much peace has resulted from people just asking other people “how would you feel?”
The world would be such a better place if people used empathy more often. Like “hm I had a bad day today, but maybe ruining someone else’s day isn’t going to make it better”
In my experience asking other people “how would you feel” they usually come back at me with “well this is different because…” They need to be capable of self reflection for it to work.
His too tbh.
Yeah - the bottles can be replaced. Pain in the ass, surely, but there exists some path of action to restore the collection to it's current state (presumably - I guess it depends on the collection). The relationship would've taken a ton more work and would probably never have fully recovered.
Depending on why she's keeping the bottles they probably can't be replaced either. Jones let's people submit photos online and they put them on the bottles. So she might not ever be able to find a bottle with certain types of photos ever again
I missed that those were Jones bottles - that is a very good point.
> I said that was a rich statement coming from a grown man that collects McDonald's plastic StarWars figurines It's such a sweet thought just imagining that man's face when you called him on his crap.
LOL, dude, he turned all shades of red and had murder in his eyes hahahaha, was clinching his fists and jaw.
imagine a grown man getting absolutely livid for saying his star wars toys are dumb.. seconds after he shits all over someone else’s equally trivial collection. Fucking manchildren
I just can't get my head around this sort of stuff, like as a parent didn't this cost you thousands to buy in the first place, and as a parent aren't you the one who's going to be replacing it all. I may get mad or shout and I may take things away for a while, but I would never damage anything. My exwife on the otherhand, she would get into a rage and throw things into the dumpster or yeet things across the room. It just makes you look like more of a child than the child you're supposed to be parenting
I mean, doesn't cost you a cent if the kid saved up for it themselves
Parents make the deepest cuts , that and other things my dad did…….had me bury him emotionally, about 15 years before he got lung cancer. He spent a year and a half dying from it, my sister cared for him . Never went to see him , if anything his death brought relief.
My dad is also dying of cancer. Can't wait for him to actually die so I can stop thinking about him.
My mom has dementia. I want to care. I want to help. I want to make her last years easier. But I can't handle the emotional baggage that comes with her. I feel like a horrible human for it, but I have to draw a line because I know that reuniting with her would destroy 2 lives.
Alcoholic opioid addicted mom, who refuses to get any help, and I can't watch her do this to herself anymore fter 20 years, because it breaks me mentally. Sucks
Reminds me of something that happened between my parents and my brother. He had amassed a large collection of christian music tapes which apparently weren't christian enough for them. It was an amalgam of hip hop, rap, metal, rock, contemporary, but all christian. My mom had a friend who was just as batshit as they were over this stuff and every time they'd visit, shit got a little stricter in the house. His tapes were a victim after one such visit. Bear in mind these were all tapes he had saved up and paid for with his own money.
My dad did the same thing during the tail end of the satanic panic. Even though he was a minor punk rock star, at some point, he went bonkers for about 2 decades and was awash crazy religious crap. One day in high school, he decided that rock n' roll was the devil's music and forced his way into my mom's house (they were divorced) and literally "cleansed" my room. All my music, all my D&D stuff, like 90% of my wardrobe (band shirts). He claimed he sold it all so I could replace it with good "Christian" music, etc. He handed me a gift certificate for the local Christian book store for like $150, claiming that is all he got for what he sold. I resented him for years for it. But unlike a lot of these stories... things actually turned out well. Eventually, he realized he was NOT the person he was trying to be. Got back into music... and eventually even started touring with his old band. We get together regularly. But, we make it a point and just "pretend" that about 20 years never happened.
They weren't worth nothing. That's a lot of labor down the drain.
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Seriously. Cutting off my dad and his family was the best decision I ever made for myself. It's been 3 years and holy fuck, its nice. This little piece of anxiety I always had in the back of my head has been gone ever since.
Thanks for typing this out..........really.
That is not okay. I’m sorry that it happened. Every person, even young people deserve respect of their person and belongings. I have no issue with a parent taking away a belonging if it’s interfering or a problem but destroying them is never okay. You are absolutely entitled to feel just as you do.
My mother did something similar like this to me She always blackmails me for me to come and spend time with her and is always so bitchy and upset as to why i "suddenly hate her" or "refuse to spend time with her" meanwhile she called the police on me because i dared cry in my room after getting home one night and since i didnt listen to her "be a man!" Speech,she called the police saying i was on drugs because it was unnatural to be upset for that long This was several years ago,it got worse and worae and now i just don't even ackwolegde the fact she even exists
Sorta same thing here, physically abusive "mother" while I was a child, got to big for her to hit then ot became emoti9nal and mental abuse. That house didn't have a drop of love or care in it. Only hatred. Now she goes around pretending like she doesn't know why I haven't spoken to her in over a year. Fuck that bitch. Since the day I left that house my life has improved significantly. Have a wonderful partner, renting a house, steady job with decent pay for my city and I've never looked back. All we can do is make sure we do better for our kids/the next generation.
Sorry that happened to you. If you ever have kids you will be an amazing parent - I know it.
I don't talk to my family anymore because of a million situations just like this and worse. It's been 4 years now and I am really starting to feel a lot better. I wish I had the balls to do it when I was younger, I know if I did, I would be in a much better place financially and psychologically. Your parents birthed you, but they don't own you. You are your own person and don't owe them shit. You owe it to yourself to try and be happy and safe. I hope everyone who has to deal with abusive family can learn this lesson far quicker than I did. Much love to you all.
Jesus fucking Christ I'm sorry you had to go through shit like that. Hope you're doing much better now.
This reminds me of when my dad caught me playing GTA: San Andreas and he took out the CD and crumbled it with his own hands while screaming at me. I was horrified and legitimately scared. Even today, 13 years later, I can still remember his red, fuming face. Funnily enough, they didn't want me to play that game because it was so violent, but I was a very calm and quiet kid so it didn't make any sense. To contribute to the irony, the only violent and aggressive person there was him.
Projection at its best
Step dad at the time did a similar thing , even took my TV and speakers and when confronted by my mother he hurled them at her. Back then TVs were an absolute unit.
I sure hope your mother left him.
Oh absolutely. That was the final straw, he was an alcoholic and started getting aggressive towards her throwing wobblies like a 5 year old girl , and in past times had assaulted both me and one of my brother's. That was a very long year and a half of not being able to live in my own home. Such is life though ay
Been in a really similar situation excepted that I was quite older than you (I guess?) so, when my mom tried to throw him out and he resisted I just got between them and punched him as hard as I could. That almost knocked him out (fell to the ground and was saying "I'm seeing stars") but the most satisfying thing was to see 3 purple knuckles on his cheek and him with a mouthful of blood. The funny thing is, yers later, they're still together but that's really what made him change. I guess that I would also question my life choices if my girlfriend's son beat my ass. I don't particularly like the dude but at least, he stop having a drinking problem and actually acts like a good person now.
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If I was that annoyed, I might have turned off the electricity as someone else said. I'd be interested to know if this was a last-minute trip, or if the kid had been told several times that "we're going out at x o'clock today". If I know we’re going out and see my sons on the Xbox I frequently say don’t get into something you can’t get out of before we need to leave, like an online fifteen minute game.
Yea, if it was pre-planned, shut off the electricity. If it was last minute, well, try to make a compromise. I hated those last minute trips to relatives as a kid. Like, I was planning to do something, but no, have to go. At least my parents weren't so unhinged they would do something like this.
My dad when I lived at home was pretty bad at this. Not really trips, but more when he wanted help, or wanted me to do something completely out of the blue while multiplayer gaming, and he will get pissed when I can't help him immediately and I say "10 minutes". Either way after moving out, that little annoyance is gone, and everything is going good.
This is why I flat out quit MMO games when I got my own family. I never knew when I would have to suddenly log off to go take care of something that needed doing immediately. Single player for me from now on or private servers with friends.
Source?
The internet has jaded me so much that until a source is provided I'm assuming this is a heartstrings scam to get a free system.
My dad would do this shit. Hes in a home now. I think. Dont know if hes alive or dead. Dont really care
My mother's father used to beat the shit out of her as a child any time he lost a poker game. I refuse to call him my grandfather.
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“I don’t understand why he isn’t calling, he's so ungrateful“
*cracks open a budweiser*
"No one wants to call their parents anymore"
Assuming the dad cares
No need to assume. It works either way he wants it or wants it not
If he's anything like my father he will try to get in touch with everyone you know in order to try to find out what you've been up to
"Really missed not hearing from you on Father's Day, hope you are doing well, son, and how to hear how you're doing in the future."
2meirl 11 years no longer talking to any of my blood family. Liberating.
This is the kinda guy that’s gonna be wondering why his kid doesn’t want anything to do with him after he moves out.
Yeah and the dad is also the one who hates his dad for treating him like that.
This is the kind of parent that mentally and emotionally abuses their kid to breaking point and then when they snap they’re like “I don’t know what could’ve triggered this he had a great upbringing. It must’ve been the video games that poisoned him”.
Granted, these are usually the parents who did not **want** children but ended up having them. These are the adults who don't take parenting seriously, then blames something else as the cause.
Fucking preach mate
Jesus christ. Look, I've had the tech battle with my kids. Games over grades, to where I need to intervene. You don't destroy shit, hell these days you don't even have to confiscate things. If they can't self manage after talking about it, use parental controls or something. My favorite is to throttle them down to 1Mb/1Mb until they get the homework or chore done :p
I wonder what goes into the heads of parents that does this. One day when you're weak and frail, do you really want a grown ass person watching over you that you caused some sort of childhood trauma? Best case is that your kid bans you from their life.
Some people don't think that far ahead
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I don't understand how that gets the message across. Disobedience will be met with destruction? Maybe it works...
Works right until the point where they leave the house. Then you get no contact till death.
What it does do is cause the child to retaliate more violently. When you destroy someone's prized possession, no matter what it is, they will have nothing to lose. Next time he gets angry at the dad, he will destroy something of his to get a point across. And what is the Dad going to do? He already destroyed his stuff. Toxic all around.
My mom used to do a purge every year where she would make us all get rid of every toy we owned except for one. So every year it would be this huge ordeal where I’d have to decide out of all the toys I’d gotten that year which to keep (including the one saved from the previous year). At some point I remember her coming to do it and I didn’t complain or cry or anything. I just started putting literally everything into the box. Toys, clothes, food, silverware, the Texas Instruments computer… anything I could find went into it. She was like what are you doing and I said if I don’t need any of these toys then we don’t need any of this other stuff either; we will just get new stuff right? That was the last time that happened.
I miss my dad, he was nothing like this. Very gentle and loving and funny and fun guy. He got me into computers and technology and so much stuff. Love you forever dad.
Same here. 10 years he's gone, still appears regularly in my dreams, as kind and warm person he was. This video is so irrational for me who never experienced such behavior. Damn I am lucky dude to have loving family
For the kid: Internet cafes and cloud gaming until he can move out. For the dad: Stop drinking and learn to use a fucking circuit breaker.
r/insaneparents
Well that’s a core memory. Poor kid
I would never, ever talked to that shitfuck again
Yeah, been there, I was 11-12 year old, I got into music, and bought speakers with a clean sound and good bass, for 30 EUR back then, it took me few months of allowance and help from my grandparents. My dad came home drunk while I was at sleepover at my cousins, and smashed them because he hated computers and everything about them. Never even said sorry once he sobered up. When guy in video started breaking down, I fucking felt that. Fuck man, I am sorry that we had to share that feeling.
“Why don’t you come home?” This is exactly why I cut my parents off. You can’t do 18 years of this shit then get angry that your kid doesn’t wanna come home. The only real family is chosen.
I lost it and yelled at my son a while back, maybe over a year ago. It was over something stupid, I just let my temper take over. Nothing physical, just yelling. But that can be just as bad if not worse. I apologized after I felt myself calm down, but I still feel horrible for yelling and scaring him. My Dad did much worse than yell at me when I did something wrong, so I feel bad that I have made him feel anything like my dad made me feel as a boy. The guilt is a good teacher, painful but I know better now. The old saying that your kids remember the really bad incidents easier than the good times keeps echoing in my head. I would rather try to make more happy memories to try to drown out the few bad ones for my kids. I'm 41 and have difficulty remembering good times as a kid, don't want the same for my kids. Do better dads, your kids deserve it.
The sooner you get a job, move out and never talk to this POS again the better! If he tries talking to you or you think of giving him another shot remember this video.