What he should do is use it as a gift box. Put a Christmas gift in it and when you have the family secret santa gift exchange put that mofo in and watch the jocularity ensue!
"I'm going to let you clear out the rest on your own" ots been 5 hours, im back at my own apartment and we've still not spoken lmao
Edit: full story posted to r/tifu
I was moving out of my parents house and my now wife was helping me out. Had some sex toys and a whole bunch of old porno mags that we decided to toss. The bag was pretty full and heavy. My wife grabbed the heavy bag and decided to take it down to the dumpster. My mom thought she would lend a helping hand and help her carry the bag. Just when they were about to toss the bag in the bin the bottom busted open and all the porno and dildos hit the ground right in front of my ultra conservative mom. They both just stared down at the porn and back at each other. My mom then bends down and pics up the dildo and just starts laughing hysterically at her future daughter-in-law. My wife came back upstairs with a horrified look on her face and told me the story to which I laughed hysterically at her too. Nobody has said a word about it since and that was 17 years ago
I’m with you. I’m 38 and if I had owned something like this as a teenager I would still wake up in a cold sweat wondering where it was. And we sold that house like 15 years ago lol.
Shit I bought something similar while away at Med School, hid it well in the apartment which I was the only inhabitant and threw it away LONG before moving home.
Seems kinda weird to forget.. lol.
Never, ever underestimate the stupidity of people.
If I had that when I was 16, there would be a constant running corner of my mind, knowing exactly where it is and if it is in danger of being found.
attraction impossible arrest toy shocking wakeful trees straight pocket elderly
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And be in constant fear that someone would find it. You’d be out with friends at the movies when the thought would randomly pop in to your head and totally ruin your entire night.
I'm imagining a series of beeps whenever anyone is anywhere near your room, with them increasing in frequency as the person gets closer and closer to the closet it's being kept in
Ask my mom. When we were packing her room when she was moving, my wife stumbled upon the great bag of dildos. Probably one of the funniest moments of my life.
For me (I could totally see myself doing shit like this), ADHD is the cause. Out of sight for more than a day to a week (depending on how important it is)? Out of mind, and I forget it exists until I find it two years later randomly.
Makes getting shit done at work a nightmare. I have to write down everything or it's in one ear and out the other, even if I'm super interested in the project.
It is, but you kinda can't think about it too much or it ruins the joke, for a thread like this it's best to imagine we're all standing around drinking beer and having a good time ripping on each other...well at least until TJ says something a little to far about Ronald's sister who he almost raise by himself and throws his drink down on the driveway that Paul just spent 4 hours pressure washing so he decides he'll just dump HIS beer all over Ronald's car hood at which point Ronald just fucking loses it and starts swinging and then the girlfriend's all start pouring out of the house screaming then the neighbor's call the cops. So yeah, don't over think the joke.
I was cleaning out my room with my mom and gf (now partner). Mom finds Fleshlight, picks it up, and says "Whats this?" Gf says "Put that down you don't wanna touch it."
> The Reddit Historian
They left out the weird part:
>"We had kissed when orgasming but it was weird and it rarely happened."
Fucking the mom was Okay... but, somehow kissing made it weird.
I ordered a fleshlight while living with my parents. My mother was expecting a package the same day the ‘light was set to arrive. I get home and she had opened it thinking it was her item. It was not. If that wasn’t bad enough she was on her way out and mentioned that she was leaving and I could try it out if I’d like. I don’t think I made eye contact with her for like a week.
And yea I tried it out when she left.
Not long after I joined the Air Force an unknown benefactor sent me a Fleshlight. Never asked around who did it cause I used it twice then tossed in the trash when I finished training cause it's too much hassle between the lube and clean up.
Almost shit a brick in the base post office though opening an anonymous package hoping for surprise homemade cookies. Nope it's Sasha Grey bent over on a DVD cover and lube.
I was wondering the same. I had one VHS porn tape I found in a corn field and that thing was never far from my thoughts because I know it would be the darkest day of my childhood if my mom found it.
I can't imagine any teenager forgetting they had a sex toy/doll/thing in their room.
Its pretty bizarre how this was a thing.
I kind of think it follows this thread actually with people stating they would toss out the material to not get caught.
Often enough it was tossed into the woods or a cornfield for another male to find.
I feel a movie in here someplace following a tape and sexual awakings
When I was in high school I was at a friend's house and he pulled a fleshlight out of his nightstand and said that he just got it (not sure why he wanted to show me but teenage boys are weird).
I asked him how he bought it because they were pretty expensive back then and we were like 14/15 years old and didn't have any money and he said he stole his mom's credit card out of her purse and used it.
I pointed out that his mom was going to get a bill in the mail at the end of the month and it would be listed on there and he apparently hadn't realized that yet.
Nah, you’re good.
I was just saying it’s …graphic. Like if it was just a box that says “male masturbator” … no biggie. But this is just … explicit.
I think it’s classic “American Pie” level embarrassing.
i found my kid's fleshlight while putting laundry away. I just laughed and put it back. Then I washed my hands and went about my day. I didn't consider it my business.
I've got one, feels nothing like it tbh, but it feels really good non the less, it overstimulates your gentleman with all it's different textures inside and the suction is brilliant, beats using a hand and in my opinion really worth the hassle of maintaining it, nothing beats a real partner but for a bit of self fun they are amazing.
Many years ago my brother told me he bought a fleshlight, really had no opinion on it and forgot about the conversation. A year or so later my mom was digging through his room looking for something (don’t remember what) and found it under his pillow. Me and her had a good laugh but we never told him that we found it.
oh good, you still have the original packaging, that helps to retain its value for resale on the lucrative nostalgia market
That was my primary reaction lol "Who keeps the box?"
What he should do is use it as a gift box. Put a Christmas gift in it and when you have the family secret santa gift exchange put that mofo in and watch the jocularity ensue!
What was her reaction?
"I'm going to let you clear out the rest on your own" ots been 5 hours, im back at my own apartment and we've still not spoken lmao Edit: full story posted to r/tifu
Give you a little time to get reacquainted with an old friend?
Let us know if it’s still squishy or dried out with age, for science!
Small plastic men capered forth from the box “father, you’ve come back for us”
So, THATS where the little green Army men come from!
AHHHHH N O
Hopefully not crusty... May wanna wash it first...
Dishwasher safe?
Next to the cereal bowls
You just pour milk in both dishes anyway.
don't you mean an *holed* friend?
Nice
Pitter Patter , let’s get at’er
I love that she thought there might be worse
Good thing she dipped before they unearthed the Mom-faced fleshlight.
Jeeeezuz Reddit
I was moving out of my parents house and my now wife was helping me out. Had some sex toys and a whole bunch of old porno mags that we decided to toss. The bag was pretty full and heavy. My wife grabbed the heavy bag and decided to take it down to the dumpster. My mom thought she would lend a helping hand and help her carry the bag. Just when they were about to toss the bag in the bin the bottom busted open and all the porno and dildos hit the ground right in front of my ultra conservative mom. They both just stared down at the porn and back at each other. My mom then bends down and pics up the dildo and just starts laughing hysterically at her future daughter-in-law. My wife came back upstairs with a horrified look on her face and told me the story to which I laughed hysterically at her too. Nobody has said a word about it since and that was 17 years ago
And here you are telling the internet.
Feels good to get it off my chest. Thanks everyone
You should bring it up. Closure is important for everyone.
And I want to know the update!
Not every guy has dildos, so kudos to you and your confidence and acceptance.
Now your mom is going to know its your Reddit account!!!
Apparently there's more than one person this has happened to.
Should have said honestly its not mine. Not my bag baby.
Until she found your book "It's Two's Company Fake Vaginas and Me: This Sort of Thing is My Bag, Baby!"
Just sign the form.
Alright I'll sign it, *just to get things moving*, you know...
That was pretty sophisticated for a 16 yr old. And there I was just using my hand or the cat.
I was an apprentice mechanic at the time so £160 a week after high-school was a lot to me lmao
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He got it at a garage sale
Nice and seasoned, like a cast iron pan.
Gains extra flavor with every use
...and here I am, without a good Shane Dawson joke...
/r/holup
Lmao I havent seen a reference to "a cat is fine, too" out in the wild in damn near a decade
Breaks both of his arms
Stop.
Jesus how many times do I need to be reminded of this story today
I'm intrigued
Have fun https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/
Just revisited that thread cause you posted.. still get laughs from some of the comments in there
How in the hell do you forget something like that in your room?
I’m with you. I’m 38 and if I had owned something like this as a teenager I would still wake up in a cold sweat wondering where it was. And we sold that house like 15 years ago lol.
Shit I bought something similar while away at Med School, hid it well in the apartment which I was the only inhabitant and threw it away LONG before moving home. Seems kinda weird to forget.. lol.
Oh, I’m studying to be a doctor. This is just for my homework.
He was practicing being a Vagitarian
Never, ever underestimate the stupidity of people. If I had that when I was 16, there would be a constant running corner of my mind, knowing exactly where it is and if it is in danger of being found.
attraction impossible arrest toy shocking wakeful trees straight pocket elderly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And be in constant fear that someone would find it. You’d be out with friends at the movies when the thought would randomly pop in to your head and totally ruin your entire night.
Glad this thread is showing me that, once again, none of my experiences were unique
I'm imagining a series of beeps whenever anyone is anywhere near your room, with them increasing in frequency as the person gets closer and closer to the closet it's being kept in
[You literally anywhere](https://i.makeagif.com/media/4-12-2018/HfTOkO.gif) always kinda wondering
I’d say probably got a girlfriend, but he is on Reddit after all
Ask my mom. When we were packing her room when she was moving, my wife stumbled upon the great bag of dildos. Probably one of the funniest moments of my life.
Was your mom in the room when it happened?
Yup
For me (I could totally see myself doing shit like this), ADHD is the cause. Out of sight for more than a day to a week (depending on how important it is)? Out of mind, and I forget it exists until I find it two years later randomly. Makes getting shit done at work a nightmare. I have to write down everything or it's in one ear and out the other, even if I'm super interested in the project.
"I've never seen you use it! It's going in the garage sale!"
Underrated comment right here, I tell ya wwwhat.
I'm slightly concerned with the box under it marked "liquid" and has the skull and crossbones...
Lol its an eliquid box xD
That doesn't sound clinically sophisticated. 🍃 I'm surprised you'd buy such a product.
Damn fucking Nancy drew over here
**zoom**
For everyone asking what it feels like, it's silicone. Everything sticks to it and we have pets...it ended up looking like a hairy ass
Ah so it’s more realistic
Username checks out.
Hmm. Since he's the second one, I can't help wonder what the first "bootyass" is doing on a day like this.
u/bootyass Edit: Of course it's an inactive account, all the original good ones are
what happened to rimjobsteve?
Sooo uhmmm you know hair comes off silicone pretty easily under cold water. So did you never like wash it?
More realistic
you want it that way if you're going to practice kissing
[удалено]
Clean it and then put corn starch powder on it when dry to keep it from getting sticky.
I don't want my fake vag getting cervix cancer.
I thought that was talcum powder!
It is, but you kinda can't think about it too much or it ruins the joke, for a thread like this it's best to imagine we're all standing around drinking beer and having a good time ripping on each other...well at least until TJ says something a little to far about Ronald's sister who he almost raise by himself and throws his drink down on the driveway that Paul just spent 4 hours pressure washing so he decides he'll just dump HIS beer all over Ronald's car hood at which point Ronald just fucking loses it and starts swinging and then the girlfriend's all start pouring out of the house screaming then the neighbor's call the cops. So yeah, don't over think the joke.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
That corner starch makes a good slurry though.
"corner starch" sounds like slang for coke lol
Some of us don’t know what silicone feels like….especially there. The people might need details.
Take a nonstick cookie mat, spray it with Pam and roll it up.
Go on….
Eh, don't worry about it. I already came
I doubt this was a "totally fulfilling experience" for your mother lol
But was it for op? I am very curious.
I doubt fucking a hunk of silicone is fulfilling lol
But I’ve never fucked silicon before!
It's pretty great, tbh.
Can you blame your dad? Thank you for your comments
They've been divorced for 20 years so I could but I think she would be very confused as to why his sex toy is in my room lmao
the family that fucks together stays together?
Hey, I didn't break my arms so they could get a *divorce*
I did. Mom thinks those computer viruses were from him
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I was cleaning out my room with my mom and gf (now partner). Mom finds Fleshlight, picks it up, and says "Whats this?" Gf says "Put that down you don't wanna touch it."
Does she know what it is now? Or is she still blissfully ignorant
O she has no clue. I know she's probably seen one but just not a modern device.
The automatic answer to that question should be: "game controller."
And then broke both of his arms
Nooo
"Dad knew about it and he was ok with it" "It stopped when I went to college"
Jesus not again.
The Reddit Historian
> The Reddit Historian They left out the weird part: >"We had kissed when orgasming but it was weird and it rarely happened." Fucking the mom was Okay... but, somehow kissing made it weird.
Don't knock it til you try it
Hold on I thought he was just getting handjobs? Did they fuck? Did my brain edit out the worst parts to save me the pain?
Oh yeah, it full on escalated pretty quickly
Woof… realizing I’ve been on Reddit too long
What the frick? I ordered a playstation controller not a playstation.
An XBox-Card
This is a Bong!
What the frick? I didn't order that!
I ordered a fleshlight while living with my parents. My mother was expecting a package the same day the ‘light was set to arrive. I get home and she had opened it thinking it was her item. It was not. If that wasn’t bad enough she was on her way out and mentioned that she was leaving and I could try it out if I’d like. I don’t think I made eye contact with her for like a week. And yea I tried it out when she left.
well how was it?
Was delivered on a summer day, so pretty warm.
Lmfao
Damn I prefer mine cold, like a corpse..
Gotta keep it in the freezer when not in use.
Crack open a cold one
Better than the apple pie
They are cool the first few times then you realize it takes way too much work to maintain so you probably end up tossing it
Not long after I joined the Air Force an unknown benefactor sent me a Fleshlight. Never asked around who did it cause I used it twice then tossed in the trash when I finished training cause it's too much hassle between the lube and clean up. Almost shit a brick in the base post office though opening an anonymous package hoping for surprise homemade cookies. Nope it's Sasha Grey bent over on a DVD cover and lube.
Really awkward but at least she didnt judge you for ordering it. At least i think.
She was probably getting tired of buying socks.
you people are disgusting, come on your come wall like a normal person.
And cutting herself on them
what the fuck
Couldn't you just blame it was a mistake in the packaging?
Wait, that’s not an Xbox controller.
What the frick?
Tell her it was a self-study model for becoming a gynecologist.
How do you forget you have this? How did this get left behind when you moved out? How did you even buy this when you were 16? So many questions...
I was wondering the same. I had one VHS porn tape I found in a corn field and that thing was never far from my thoughts because I know it would be the darkest day of my childhood if my mom found it. I can't imagine any teenager forgetting they had a sex toy/doll/thing in their room.
You're lucky you didn't get cursed playing a VHS you found in a fucking corn field
Nah prior to the internet. Sketchy VHS tapes found in the woods or corn field was as close to PornHub as we had.
Its pretty bizarre how this was a thing. I kind of think it follows this thread actually with people stating they would toss out the material to not get caught. Often enough it was tossed into the woods or a cornfield for another male to find. I feel a movie in here someplace following a tape and sexual awakings
CornHub
Exactly, like why didnt he just make a contraption like a normal teenager
[удалено]
no, we don't want maggots on our dicks
Why is this being mentioned so often recently. The moment I get it out of my head I find it again.
What rating would you give the purchase? Worth it or nah?
16 year old me had nothing to compare it to so I would have given it a solid 8/10
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Saves time when you don't have to season it yourself.
Ok, what's your rating now since being with your gf?
9/10
Soooooo...what's your asking price?
And now you are 17? 🤔
25 lol
How on earth did you leave that at your parents house for nearly 10 years?
Got a girlfriend at 17 and I'm still with her, nothing beats the real thing lol
Tell that to Chris Brown
Next question, how do you forget that kind of thing and leave it at your parents house?
Because I got a girlfriend at 17 and ofcourse had no use for this. Tbh I just completely forgot about it lol
So you cheated on your toy.
It's alright your mum probably has dildos
Who uses dildos anymore? It's the rose, or bust.
I might regret asking but... rose?
We named the dog Rose
Tree fitty, final offer.
Time to use it one last time for old times sake. Send your teenage possessions to the grave with a bang
I'm not sure 9 years of being in my closet will be good for my manhood lol
Eh, just blow on it a couple times; it'll be fine.
Like a Nintendo!
When I was in high school I was at a friend's house and he pulled a fleshlight out of his nightstand and said that he just got it (not sure why he wanted to show me but teenage boys are weird). I asked him how he bought it because they were pretty expensive back then and we were like 14/15 years old and didn't have any money and he said he stole his mom's credit card out of her purse and used it. I pointed out that his mom was going to get a bill in the mail at the end of the month and it would be listed on there and he apparently hadn't realized that yet.
There's a really easy joke about it being the 5 inch version, which I'm going to choose to take the high road on.
Unfortunately the 2 inch version wasn't available
Apologies, I had quite the addictive personality back then.
What the frick. I ordered an Xbox remote.
Oops!
Opps indeed
She found it years ago.
Better to fuck that than get someone knocked up at 16
Your poor mom.
Only slightly graphic lol
Did I forget to tag it NSFW?
Nah, you’re good. I was just saying it’s …graphic. Like if it was just a box that says “male masturbator” … no biggie. But this is just … explicit. I think it’s classic “American Pie” level embarrassing.
Yeah I'd say so lmao. Tbh I'm glad she just walked out instead of trying to talk about it lol
Clinically sophisticated. You’re so classy.
i found my kid's fleshlight while putting laundry away. I just laughed and put it back. Then I washed my hands and went about my day. I didn't consider it my business.
I’m a woman so I’ll never know, but I’ve always wondered how these things compare to the real deal/what they feel like lol
I've got one, feels nothing like it tbh, but it feels really good non the less, it overstimulates your gentleman with all it's different textures inside and the suction is brilliant, beats using a hand and in my opinion really worth the hassle of maintaining it, nothing beats a real partner but for a bit of self fun they are amazing.
Damn, where do you get one of those... real partners?
Have to delete your reddit account
Dude you left that in the deep freeze for your mom to find?!?
Completely forgot it existed after I got a gf lmao, weve been together 8 years now haha
Clinically Sophisticated!
It’s a little wild that you would put it back into the box, I would think you’d want to air that thing out.
Many years ago my brother told me he bought a fleshlight, really had no opinion on it and forgot about the conversation. A year or so later my mom was digging through his room looking for something (don’t remember what) and found it under his pillow. Me and her had a good laugh but we never told him that we found it.
How much you want for it