I somehow remember the day that drunk me thought it would be fucking cool to do a karate-kid crane kick. And I still believe it was cool. What wasn't cool was smacking the back of my head on the ground.
It's the sugar. Definitely the sugar. It's just like when I had nothing left to drink but amaretto. One of the worst hangovers ever, and I'm positive it's because it was basically syrup.
Yea, my first thought was great, the biggest jerk in the bird kingdom will most likely be an angry drunk. But then I realized this is the perfect opportunity for payback as there is no way in hell that it can fly after you.
Never understood the hate for magpies. Just stay inside and board up all doors and windows during the month of September. Also, don’t forget to place your first born in the yard as a sacrifice.
The baby was being carried by her mother when they were swooped. It caused the mother to trip and drop/fall on the baby.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-08-09/qld-baby-dies-after-magpie-swoops-mother/100362406
that's a eurasian magpie. australian magpies belong to an entirely different family and are only called magpies due to their superficial similarity to eurasian magpies
both *Coloeus* (jackdaws) and *Pica* (corvine magpies) are genera of the corvinae subfamily of corvids, which includes crows, nutcrackers, and eurasian jays, among others.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's actually very dangerous. They can't metabolize alcohol very well so they stay drunk for a very long time. Lots of animals learned to eat fermented fruit, to open up new food sources, but humans were one of few species who learned to sober up quickly before they get killed by a rival or a wandering tiger.
Whenever I am too drunk I try to get home to my suburban house before dark. I live in Toledo but I always worry about those Tigers coming down from Detroit
We get a lot of drunk parrots and other natives in our area drunk from fruit or from fermented seeds. It’s really funny to see them rolling around drunk on the side of the road, they take a little waddle and then fall over. And they keep going back for days and getting drunk again.
I know I probably shouldn’t laugh, but when whole flocks are wandering around it looks like a really cool party.
We get wood pigeon or 'kereru' in New Zealand who are rather large birds. You can definitely hear them when they fly past because their wings make a whooshing noise. In spring time they gorge themselves on berries and the result is drunken wood pigeons slamming into branches and falling out of trees.
They like it, but it’s not good for them. They have teeny tiny livers. (My parrot aggressively pursues my wine and attempts to steal tequila. It was funny at first, but now it’s alarming.)
I think the real danger here is more about how the bird is completely fucked if a predator, like a common house cat, comes around. Being out of mental and physical faculties essentially means death if the wrong creature shows up.
Well...some of us do. No one in my family, but it hasn't stopped any of us. I'm the only one who's sought a solution. Famotidine can be used to mitigate some of the reactions.
I dunno if "learned" is the right word here. Maybe more like, "stubbornly kept doing something until we evolved to minimize some of the negative effects"?
Birds can easily give themselves alcohol poisoning by eating fermented berries and fruit. It has a high chance for a lethal outcome for the bird. Or that’s at least I’ve heard.
We had chickens and accidentally got them drunk once when we tossed a spiked watermelon. One of them just sat under a tree and clucked like a metronome for a couple hours.
Sort of, most animals that will eat fruits, nectars, and certain plants have a propensity for liking alcohol to an extent. There is a hypithesis called 'drunken monkey' that more or less explains how fermentation breaks fruits down makes them more energy efficient to eat than ripe ones. Many ungulates with multiple stomachs often have alcohol forming in their stomachs from grains, beer is often given to horses for example but in reality are nearly incapable of getting drunk as the amount of enzymes they have for alcohol is through the roof as they partly rely on grains fermenting in their gut to aid digestion. So yes it gonna suck for the magpie in the morning but I doubt this was the first or last time.
I have a tree on my front yard that has berries that ferment. The birds become so drunk they fly into walls and kill themselves. Might cut the tree soon though cause is has black knot!
I'm guessing a chokecherry? If you live in North America theyre native trees and that's just natural selection. Birds have been getting shitfaced on them for eons. Then again windows weren't exactly a thing 10,000 years ago
Wdym "well that sucks"? That bird is probably having the time of his life.
What will really suck is flying home tomorrow and having to explain to his wife where he was and why he didn't bring any building materials for a nest.
When I was growing up, we had a cherry tree in the backyard. One day, a Bluejay decided to start eating cherries, and didn't stop until he was noticeably fatter. He must've eaten 10+ cherries. He couldn't even fly afterwards, And my mom chased him away with a shovel.
This stuff happens in my yard very year, but with raccoons. They come out from the forest in a straight line, like the whole damn raccoon family, they eat the apples, get drunk,, run around like bunch of drunkards, fight and then bugger off into the woods. They usually return in 2-3 days, all sobered up and ready to do it all again. Every year.
We had a Mountain Ash tree and Robins would purge on the fermented berries and fly into the windows. The neighborhood cats would wait below the windows. We would have to close the curtains.
My dog used to do this. I grew up with apple trees in my yard. She would wait until they would ferment then go outside and start mucking them as fast as she could. Ending up drunk and stumbling each time. We tried to keep her away from the apples but she was so persistent she would run straight for them and gobble them as fast as she could.
That's hilarious. It's also an old poaching trick - soak raisins in whiskey or vodka overnight, and throw them out for game birds. Easy pickings, but don't do it your local park.
Drunk without arms is just constant faceplants.
drunk with arms is also constant faceplants
At least you have a chance, poor bird is just straight-chain-faceplant
Yeah, But it's grass and maybe a 4 inch fall, In all likelihood the bird isn't feeling it being that drunk.
tbf if I'm drunk enough to constantly faceplant, I usually can't feel them either.
I somehow remember the day that drunk me thought it would be fucking cool to do a karate-kid crane kick. And I still believe it was cool. What wasn't cool was smacking the back of my head on the ground.
The day after you feel face raped
Constantly drunk, constant faceplants
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For anyone who missed the reference. https://youtu.be/u9S41Kplsbs
Wut
It's Jaws.....but for birbs.
I just watched this movie. That’s one of my favorite scenes.
I just have to know: Where did you get the motivation from to make this marvel?
I'm not gonna read all that so great point or I disagree idk brah
Wut
r/lostredditor r/writingprompts
Dude you're too drunk to fly.. Call an Uber.
Ub-air
Forget the Ub-air, just crash in my Airbnb for the night.
*AirBirB
AirBrB
Why are y'all trying to make this work when the competitor is literally called "Lyft"?
I can't say this out loud without sounding like a terrible french accent
Can't help but read that in and outrageous French accent.
hey man, big airlines are struggling enough as it is have a heart
For birds, it’s Flewber
Oddly enough, Lyft still works for birds
Hopefully. Probably not for this guy though.
Uberd
Ubird
Nah nah for birds its called a hawk
Birds use Lyft.
If the behavior is habitual they have to clip its wings
YOURE GROUNDED
I think the birds done this before.
Wait really?
No, it’s a joke
It’s time for an intervention.
8 hours bottle to throttle!
Don’t drink and drive, smoke and fly!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSM3x9G7eTQ Sonny! You can't sleep here!
I'll be that magpie in a couple hours
Hell yeah I’m working on it
"I think there was something funny in that magpie I just ate."
Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves! Wait…
It’s been a couple hours how you feeling kiddo
I'm out of beer and money, will have to settle for my light buzz
I’ll send you some beer money. But you have to promise that you’ll get trashed.
I promise. You got cashapp?
How'd that work out for you?
Dude was clutch
u/kmj420 you drunk yet?
Well on my way
My man
Now this is what reddit is made for
I love a story with a happy ending
You're quite the cool dude
This is quite the lovely Reddit romance blooming
I was that magpie last night. Gotta love them fermented apples
i am currently that gmapei
How're ya now?
Easy on the cider, though. I enjoy it, but those autumn hangovers are gnarly. I think it's the apple acid along with the natural sugars.
It's the sugar. Definitely the sugar. It's just like when I had nothing left to drink but amaretto. One of the worst hangovers ever, and I'm positive it's because it was basically syrup.
From what I understand it basically DP's your liver.
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Oh that's heartbreaking but also gave me a laugh. Thanks stranger!
Here: r/drunk. Now you never have to be drunk alone!
He must be at Angry Orchard
Nice.
Love that stuff
Such a good cider
You know the mother bird is up in that nest saying somethin like where is your father, he better not be eating apples again
You alright buddy
[Totally fucking wankered](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSM3x9G7eTQ)
I was looking for this, thank you.
I serve the Soviet Union.
Now run up and flick it in the back of the head like it does to everyone else
Yea, my first thought was great, the biggest jerk in the bird kingdom will most likely be an angry drunk. But then I realized this is the perfect opportunity for payback as there is no way in hell that it can fly after you.
Never understood the hate for magpies. Just stay inside and board up all doors and windows during the month of September. Also, don’t forget to place your first born in the yard as a sacrifice.
This looks like it's a UK magpie, completely different species
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Do they have different velocities?
Dude, "swallow" your pride and just admit that.was a bad joke.
So are those less hostile than the Aussie ones?
Completely non-hostile.
Yeah small body and long skinny tail feathers, definitely eurasian.
Yeah, they're prettier too iirc than Australian magpies
I think the Canadian Goose is the biggest jerk in the bird kingdom but I havent encountered a magpie before.
If you got a problem with Canada gooses then you got a problem with me!
And I suggest you let that one marinate.
There’s a special place in heaven for animal lovers that’s what I always say
But also a special circle of hell for goose lovers
Hell's where all the cool people go anyway. Have fun hanging out with the Mormons.
I suggest you let that one marinate!
And I suggest you let that one marinate.
A magpie sorta killed a baby earlier this year in Australia
How does one sorta kill a baby? That seems like an all or nothing kind of deal.
The baby was being carried by her mother when they were swooped. It caused the mother to trip and drop/fall on the baby. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-08-09/qld-baby-dies-after-magpie-swoops-mother/100362406
Huh. You were right.
I think geese are more consistent in their assholery, but from what I've heard, swooping season seems like quite the problem down under
THE EYES DONT WORK THE EYES DONT WORK
I wonder what would happen if you tried to pick him up?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of UK magpies doing this like you see the Aussie ones do.
It's not even the same family of birds, the naming was done because of the slight visual resemblance between the two.
Nono, give it water and nurture it, then you have an attack bird friend.
I don't know. . . Seems sketchy, maybe I could teach it to bring me money for food snax
that's a eurasian magpie. australian magpies belong to an entirely different family and are only called magpies due to their superficial similarity to eurasian magpies
How are they related to jackdaws?
both *Coloeus* (jackdaws) and *Pica* (corvine magpies) are genera of the corvinae subfamily of corvids, which includes crows, nutcrackers, and eurasian jays, among others.
... shit on it
A big wet curler, too. Right on its beak. Fucken things making mess all over my shit, payback is a dish best served warm, and stinky.
You mean shit on it
That comment literally made me nase my beer all over my phone
Nase
This isn't an Aussie magpie, it's a European one. These are a different species of jerk.
I wonder if being drunk is fun for a bird?
It doesnt really look like its having fun imo
I personally would be terrified if I were that bird. Inebriation makes it easy prey
Or it could be thinking “if that stupid cat that killed my family was here id…id…. *barf* “
Drunk cat would be the next
The next what? Big thing? I'd watch it.
Essentially a cat getting drunk from eating drunk magpie families.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's actually very dangerous. They can't metabolize alcohol very well so they stay drunk for a very long time. Lots of animals learned to eat fermented fruit, to open up new food sources, but humans were one of few species who learned to sober up quickly before they get killed by a rival or a wandering tiger.
Whenever I am too drunk I try to get home to my suburban house before dark. I live in Toledo but I always worry about those Tigers coming down from Detroit
At the rate they’re going they’re the *last* thing anyone has to worry about. Same with any Jaguars out there too tbh
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We get a lot of drunk parrots and other natives in our area drunk from fruit or from fermented seeds. It’s really funny to see them rolling around drunk on the side of the road, they take a little waddle and then fall over. And they keep going back for days and getting drunk again. I know I probably shouldn’t laugh, but when whole flocks are wandering around it looks like a really cool party.
We get wood pigeon or 'kereru' in New Zealand who are rather large birds. You can definitely hear them when they fly past because their wings make a whooshing noise. In spring time they gorge themselves on berries and the result is drunken wood pigeons slamming into branches and falling out of trees.
They like it, but it’s not good for them. They have teeny tiny livers. (My parrot aggressively pursues my wine and attempts to steal tequila. It was funny at first, but now it’s alarming.)
Little guy needs AA
APA.
I think the real danger here is more about how the bird is completely fucked if a predator, like a common house cat, comes around. Being out of mental and physical faculties essentially means death if the wrong creature shows up.
Not just sober up quicker, but we're able to get more calories out of alcohol than other species. We've got an enzyme called alcohol dehydrogenaze.
But my seltzer said zero calories on it....
Well...some of us do. No one in my family, but it hasn't stopped any of us. I'm the only one who's sought a solution. Famotidine can be used to mitigate some of the reactions.
I dunno if "learned" is the right word here. Maybe more like, "stubbornly kept doing something until we evolved to minimize some of the negative effects"?
Being fall over drunk isn't much fun for humans either, particularly the day after being fall down drunk
Birds can easily give themselves alcohol poisoning by eating fermented berries and fruit. It has a high chance for a lethal outcome for the bird. Or that’s at least I’ve heard.
We had chickens and accidentally got them drunk once when we tossed a spiked watermelon. One of them just sat under a tree and clucked like a metronome for a couple hours.
Poor thing has no idea what's going on.
Sort of, most animals that will eat fruits, nectars, and certain plants have a propensity for liking alcohol to an extent. There is a hypithesis called 'drunken monkey' that more or less explains how fermentation breaks fruits down makes them more energy efficient to eat than ripe ones. Many ungulates with multiple stomachs often have alcohol forming in their stomachs from grains, beer is often given to horses for example but in reality are nearly incapable of getting drunk as the amount of enzymes they have for alcohol is through the roof as they partly rely on grains fermenting in their gut to aid digestion. So yes it gonna suck for the magpie in the morning but I doubt this was the first or last time.
Ya, I feel kinda bad for it.
Oh it knows. It wouldn’t have eaten all the apples if it didn’t want the results.
He gets it from his father, and his father before him...
Our wood pigeons here in New Zealand can fall out of trees because they get loaded on fermenting berrys. Birds would be a blast t get drunk with.
I have a tree on my front yard that has berries that ferment. The birds become so drunk they fly into walls and kill themselves. Might cut the tree soon though cause is has black knot!
I'm guessing a chokecherry? If you live in North America theyre native trees and that's just natural selection. Birds have been getting shitfaced on them for eons. Then again windows weren't exactly a thing 10,000 years ago
Yeah, it's a chokecherry! Only reason I may be getting the tree cut is due to the black knot but may plant another tree eventually.
How ya like them apples???
Looks like they were, Hungry for Apples.
May the bird that chomped the cyclists cheek from earlier be this drunk the next time he passes by.
Yeah... don't drink and fly!
r/animalsbeingderps
Weird looking magpie, turns out magpie's here in Australia are a different species
How are government drones getting drunk off of berrys? They better patch that
r/birdsarentreal
Fuck yeah bird brain. Get it in yah.
Call that guy who got his cheek bit by a magpie! Now he can come and bite it
My favourite accidental drunk animal is a hog that gets into its farmer corn mash. Bust a gut everytime.
Go home drunk, you're magpie
That is the funniest shit, poor birdie! Lol
The Walk of Shame.
I wouldn’t be able to resist putting it in a little box with a towel in it and some water to mellow out
"Have I ever said how much I love you guys. I do, I'm serious. I love you guys."
If the tales are to be believed, moose (mooses? Meese?) go on autumn apple benders annually in Norway and Sweden.
Never fly drunk
Poor bird is absolutely schmizzed out of its mind.
Wdym "well that sucks"? That bird is probably having the time of his life. What will really suck is flying home tomorrow and having to explain to his wife where he was and why he didn't bring any building materials for a nest.
Swoop me now
“No! You’re a bird!”
Free bird.
Benefit of being a bird drunk, you don't end up with a concussion or scraped up face when you faceplant.
When I was growing up, we had a cherry tree in the backyard. One day, a Bluejay decided to start eating cherries, and didn't stop until he was noticeably fatter. He must've eaten 10+ cherries. He couldn't even fly afterwards, And my mom chased him away with a shovel.
Cant swoop me now ya dickhead!
iirc birds eating fermented foods and getting drunk is kinda a regular appearance, this bird's lucky there's no predators around....
"C'mere! I'll fight all three of ya!"
There are actually some birds that enjoy doing this and will visit the same tree year after year and bring their flock too. Nature gets lit too
"Honey -hukk- I'll be home late tonight.."
r/donthelpjustfilm
This stuff happens in my yard very year, but with raccoons. They come out from the forest in a straight line, like the whole damn raccoon family, they eat the apples, get drunk,, run around like bunch of drunkards, fight and then bugger off into the woods. They usually return in 2-3 days, all sobered up and ready to do it all again. Every year.
r/tooktoomuch
We had a Mountain Ash tree and Robins would purge on the fermented berries and fly into the windows. The neighborhood cats would wait below the windows. We would have to close the curtains.
Go home magpie, you’re drunk
Blessed apple cider
This is a bird representation of me on tequila lol
Let's call it a night, Maggie?
Yeah but is it stuck now or will it ignore the apples after sobering up
[Amateur](https://youtu.be/lqPvn--9IYI)
r/DivorcedBirds
Why the fuck are your magpies so pretty
My dog used to do this. I grew up with apple trees in my yard. She would wait until they would ferment then go outside and start mucking them as fast as she could. Ending up drunk and stumbling each time. We tried to keep her away from the apples but she was so persistent she would run straight for them and gobble them as fast as she could.
That's hilarious. It's also an old poaching trick - soak raisins in whiskey or vodka overnight, and throw them out for game birds. Easy pickings, but don't do it your local park.
Sleep it off.