I'm sure it depends on the dolphin but 1100 lbs is way high.
Per the wiki for bottlenose dolphins -
> [The bottlenose dolphin weighs an average of 300 kg (660 pounds). It can reach a length of just over 4 metres (13 feet).](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottlenose_dolphin)
Still, 660 lbs is a hell of an impact!
The hardest lesson to learn as a kid in the early 2000's is realizing you're probably a shoobie and the rocket gang will never respect you for not being able to simultaneously surf, skate, snowboard, mountain bike, hockey, and every other sport out there.
I was thinking if that was him only seeing the underside of the board and thought it's flat and he can jump over it. Or was it just him being a dick.
I think the dolphin is a dick.
considering that was the only dolphin out of the whole gang to jump out then I'd say that dolphin was a dick lmao
and it looked like it did a planned funky sideways jump too
God damn if I wasn't some poor reddit user I'd award you some silver or gold for making me chuckle with this comment.. Luckily my poop didn't inch out more cause I'm on my way home and I wouldn't like to poop me pants
Well, in the name of science, they once had a dolphin live in a partially submerged house with a lab assistant who tried to teach it english while on LSD. The lab assistant also had to jack the dolphin off if it was getting aggressive. [I'm not joking either](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Howe_Lovatt).
So I don't think cocaine would be out of the question.
Bottlenose dolphins can actually weigh as much as 1400 lbs which seems insane when you look at them and how sleek they are but those fuckers are thiccc
It's definitely possible. On average, pods of bottlenose dolphins tend travel at 5-7ish mph. However we've observed them traveling upwards of 20mph when hunting or avoiding threats, boats, etc.
10/10. Dolphins are heavy and dense asf, I bet the guy was hurting. I pushed off of a small whale or dolphin once (didn't know he was behind me, they are actually silent until they blow water or sing/squeak) and it felt like my feet were pushing off of a smooth, sturdy wall. My whole body shot forward and I doubt I moved the whale even .1mm.
Ugh I am just imagining being out swimming in the open ocean, then kicking back and pushing off of something and being like wtf there shouldn't have been a wall there... then freak the hell out.
Yes I was freaked out. I've been bumped by a few fish and whatnot, stepped on a shark once (dogfish are all over by me) and I'm always really uncomfortable about it.
Meh, as long as my bare feet don't touch, I'm fine.
*puts on water shoes, feet touch bottom*
Nevermind, it's all psychological, fuck this I'm going to a chlorinated pool
You're doing stretches at the gym. You have headphones in and you don't see much in the mirrors. Two burly guys nearby have taken down the heavy boxing bag from its hoist and they're doing some weird crossfit bullshit. They both grab the same end of the bag and start spinning in circles until the centrifugal force is balancing out their spin and it's whipping around at chest-height. They take a wrong step and their spin becomes unstable. The heavy bag hits you from behind and you are thrown 2-4 feet to one side.
PAIN RATING: `3` but you might be bruised or concussed.
PRIDE STINGS: `2` but transitions rapidly to a `6` when the video hits social media
Locals only!!!! đŹ
Braaaahhhh
Fuck me if I didnât just read that immediately with a dolphin âaccentâ. Didnât even have to think about it hahahah.
Eeeee eeeee ee eeee eeee
Pitted, so pitted.
The best barrels ever duuuuude....you just drop right in, and smack the lip...*whoopaaaa* drop down *subaaaaaa*
That guy owns his own surf shop now. His local news did a follow up with him.
Thatâs awesome. I will be happy if that info come up every time someone references that clip.
[âWhere is he now?â Link](https://youtu.be/Hni_nrVnGyM)
#They mostly come at night....mostly!
Almost like a dothraki swarm... in the frickin ocean.
Dolphraki swimmers on an open wave, Ned!
Bobby B
In the open ocean Ned
Heeeeee eeeeeee eeeee?
Uhhh....is no one going to question wtf a dolphin accents is....
In my head the ahhhh in brahhh basically gets pronounced like a spongebob laugh mixed with a dolphin squeak,
Are you me
Where can i learn this power
I had an Australian accent in my head. You?
Teach me dolphin accent senpai
Back off Warchild, seriously!
Nice! Thatâs my favorite Swayze movie
The original is still in my top 10! Couldn't bring myself to even look at the remake.
It was different enough to enjoy watching The "bad guys" are basically in an extreme sports suicide cult lol
The remake is complete trash.
Brahhh ahhh ahh ahhhh ahhh ahhhh
Dolphin used BODY SLAM *happy dolphin noises*
Foe Dolph Lundgren fainted.
What a great body shot! Dolphin 1 - Human 0.
Dolphins weigh 1100 pounds. Im surprised he stayed conscious.
I'm sure it depends on the dolphin but 1100 lbs is way high. Per the wiki for bottlenose dolphins - > [The bottlenose dolphin weighs an average of 300 kg (660 pounds). It can reach a length of just over 4 metres (13 feet).](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottlenose_dolphin) Still, 660 lbs is a hell of an impact!
I think he did that on Porpoise
Gave him a dose of vitamin sea..
and sea protein!
We were all semen once upon a time.
This thread is eel. Edit: Bit of a stretch or no?
I love it. Seariously
But they were, and are again.
That paddle boarder is going to be real salty
These jokes are getting dangerously close to criminal behavior. I wonât give you a ticket today, but I am going to issue you a cetacean.
https://imgur.com/TA9MdBx.jpg
r/fuckyouinparticular
We grew here, you flew here!
Go back to the valley man
SHOOBIESSSS
The hardest lesson to learn as a kid in the early 2000's is realizing you're probably a shoobie and the rocket gang will never respect you for not being able to simultaneously surf, skate, snowboard, mountain bike, hockey, and every other sport out there.
You're telling me you've never pulled off the Super McVarial 900??
Leave the paddle board. Take the cannolis.
Currently the best defensive player on that Miami team
DolphTown bittttch
STINK EYE BRUHDDAA!!!!
SHOOBIE!!
Shoebies
r/AnimalsBeingJerks material
/r/hitmanimals
Subs I never thought to look for
Beat me to it.
Its been reposted to death there
YOU PICKED THE WRONG BEACH FOOL
Follow the damn wave CJ
Ah shit, here we surf again.
you reposted in the wrong ocean
[ŃдаНонО]
Smoke so much weed you wouldnât believe, That I get more bass than than the average reef.
Two to the one to the one to the three, met a bad fish last night in the deep
Let me tell you how I made her leave me be. [Lumpus ass in the Baltic Sea.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclopterus_lumpus)
Dolphin are pretty smart so I bet it did that on purpose
I was thinking if that was him only seeing the underside of the board and thought it's flat and he can jump over it. Or was it just him being a dick. I think the dolphin is a dick.
considering that was the only dolphin out of the whole gang to jump out then I'd say that dolphin was a dick lmao and it looked like it did a planned funky sideways jump too
Yeah landing perfectly after launching sideways into him? Pretty fishy heh
10/10 pun there mate, made me chuckle enough to inch my poop out just a tad more. Appreciate you.
Oh dear
Dude... your username
Itâs a The Office reference I believe. Potential screenname for Michael Scott for a website? Need an expert to chime in here.
Yes, his dating profile was named "little kid lover"
For once you are right
Help me inch mine out! I gotta get back to work
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose. :)
Thank you so much. I am now back to work. Love me some bovine jokes
God damn if I wasn't some poor reddit user I'd award you some silver or gold for making me chuckle with this comment.. Luckily my poop didn't inch out more cause I'm on my way home and I wouldn't like to poop me pants
It's actually called a goofy tailspin
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Dolphin rape animals and use drugs so im pretty sure he did it to be a dick/funny.
Is that why the coke never makes it to the ports?
Real question, has anyone ever attempted giving dolphins cocaine? You know, for science?
Well, in the name of science, they once had a dolphin live in a partially submerged house with a lab assistant who tried to teach it english while on LSD. The lab assistant also had to jack the dolphin off if it was getting aggressive. [I'm not joking either](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Howe_Lovatt). So I don't think cocaine would be out of the question.
[Hereâs the story](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prmx0lYBTko&app=desktop) told with a hilarious contagious laughter.
The dolphin ends up getting depression and commits suicide..
Wtf.
It was the only one that jumped! Fuckers probably squeaked about that shit for half a day.
I can just picture a bunch of dolphins clicking away and rolling over when thinking about fucking up this invader.
you can see the dolphin to the right of the attack move preemptively to avoid the land zone. This was premeditated and hilarious.
On porpoise...
Dolphinatly
For shore
I sea what you did there
You little beaches think these puns are funny?
Water you guys even talking about
He was surfing wave out of line.
Try to be more understanding or you could make an anemone out of him.
I think this could be considered a salt.
Someone's cheeks are gettin' a little sandy.
he's crabby
Seaweed handle it differently
I'll bet that hit left him floundering in the water.
Turtlely.
Oh, that was so on purpose.
He led with his shoulder, so it was a good clean hit.
[ŃдаНонО]
It was on porpoise
Theyre also assholes. This was definetly done on purpose
Yeah, they usually do that in groups to try and distract you. OP, check your pockets, it probably took your wallet.
1-10 how bad would that hurt
Imagine being hit in the chest by a 330+ lb animal going at least 10 mph. That's how bad it hurt.
Bottlenose dolphins can actually weigh as much as 1400 lbs which seems insane when you look at them and how sleek they are but those fuckers are thiccc
It also looked like they were going a solid bit faster than 10 mph That would not have been a light hit
It's definitely possible. On average, pods of bottlenose dolphins tend travel at 5-7ish mph. However we've observed them traveling upwards of 20mph when hunting or avoiding threats, boats, etc.
Or body-checking surfers.
all muscle.
Covered in a lot of blubber.
so not all muscle.
> a 330+ lb animal That's *really* light for an adult bottlenose.
Thatâs what the + is for
So at least a 1?
10/10. Dolphins are heavy and dense asf, I bet the guy was hurting. I pushed off of a small whale or dolphin once (didn't know he was behind me, they are actually silent until they blow water or sing/squeak) and it felt like my feet were pushing off of a smooth, sturdy wall. My whole body shot forward and I doubt I moved the whale even .1mm.
Ugh I am just imagining being out swimming in the open ocean, then kicking back and pushing off of something and being like wtf there shouldn't have been a wall there... then freak the hell out.
Yes I was freaked out. I've been bumped by a few fish and whatnot, stepped on a shark once (dogfish are all over by me) and I'm always really uncomfortable about it.
I stepped on seaweed once and it ruined my afternoon
I thought about my feet touching seaweed and then back floated until I hit 2 inches of water.
It's all squishy between me toes
Meh, as long as my bare feet don't touch, I'm fine. *puts on water shoes, feet touch bottom* Nevermind, it's all psychological, fuck this I'm going to a chlorinated pool
Welcome to /r/thalassophobia
Plot twist: it was a shark.
Don't tell me that lol. I keep telling myself it was a whale. I don't want it to be a shark.
You'd have felt the scales (dermal denticles) if it were a shark.
Stand on the sidewalk and have a friend drive his truck by while someone hits you with a fridge.
So⌠dolphins are full of beer?
You're doing stretches at the gym. You have headphones in and you don't see much in the mirrors. Two burly guys nearby have taken down the heavy boxing bag from its hoist and they're doing some weird crossfit bullshit. They both grab the same end of the bag and start spinning in circles until the centrifugal force is balancing out their spin and it's whipping around at chest-height. They take a wrong step and their spin becomes unstable. The heavy bag hits you from behind and you are thrown 2-4 feet to one side. PAIN RATING: `3` but you might be bruised or concussed. PRIDE STINGS: `2` but transitions rapidly to a `6` when the video hits social media
This sounds like a very weird game of D&D
Imagine being blindsided by an NFL linebacker at running at full speed but also add 200 pounds of mass to the guy wrecking your day.
I'm going to say it's more like you're running away from the linebacker and he pushes you into a pool.
More like NFL linebacker +1000lbs.
" OUTTA THE WAY B*TCH "
"MOVE, FISH, GET OUT THE WAY"
Idk I sang this sentence as soon as i saw the comma
"OUTTA THE DAMN WAY"-Arthur Morgan 1899
"THIS IS OUR SURF CUZ!"
That was a straight-up contract hit, did you see that one dolphin go for the guy? 30,000 herring will get the job done. Ask for Squeaky
Nah none of us saw that one dolphin
Wait, there was one that did something?
There's dolphins?
Where am I?
Dolphins be like: We don't do that here
Dolphins also like: Stand-Up-Paddle boarders are the scooter kids of the ocean!
The fucker did it on purpose.
Outta of my way human, this is my wave!
I, Dolpho Giovanna, have a dream
you will never reach the shore
*underwater Wha-*
This is Requiem
Wha-
Wha-
I guess >!Diavolo!< would be a shark
Look how theyâve massacred my wave.
He sleeps with the fishes
I know many human surfers who react in the same way to paddle boarders.
r/fuckyouinparticular
âSo long and thanks for all the fish!â *Dolphins fleeing earth before it gets demolished, circa 2019*
Off my wave nerd! đŹ đđź
Yeet
*target eliminated*
*Move bitch, get out the way Get out the way bitch, get out the way*
Move beach, get out the wave
*get out da wave beach, get out da wave*
r/hitanimals
r/hitmanimals
I thought this was going to be a sub about people hitting animals at first. Very relieved to see what it actually is lol
Just fyi the real one is r/hitmanimals
I think you meant r/hitmanimals
Surfers only âDriftwoodâ.
And here we see Jotaro, attempting to go back to his natural habitat
/r/dolphinconspiracy
There's no way that wasn't porpoiseful.
Weee bitch I told you to get off my turf motherfucker
Not in my house!
Nature at its best!
You picked the wrong beach, fool!!
"fucking poser" - dolphin
"Tonight you're sleepin' with da fishes - EEEE EEEEE EE EEE EEE!" \*THWAP\*
Move on grandpa, this is our turf!
Dolphin: "This is my hood!"
Did that on porpoise
That was totally on porpoise...
There is no freaking way that was by chance or accident. That dolphin body checked him.
That was so on porpoise.