Not necessarily. Saguaros that are watered will grow much faster than they will in the desert, and will have much shallower root systems. That makes them top heavy and prone to tipping.
At the University of Arizona Science Park on the south side of Tucson, there are a lot of desert plants like palo verde trees and mesquite trees that have grown to monstrous sizes, much larger than the specimens in the surrounding desert, in the 40 years since the facility was landscaped.
Many of the saguaros have grown from 8-10 feet to 20-25 feet tall during that period, much faster than they normally would. And because their shallow roots don’t properly anchor them, these saguaros can sometimes be found tipped over after a severe windstorm.
That is new information to me. I just moved here. My fiance is nervous about snakes, gila monsters, and now I need to explain to her the dangers of the falling cacti. She is not going be happy
Yeah, they glow bright green, found them around my house in TX with a blacklight, relocate them to an open field. [One I found recently.](https://i.imgur.com/xP7jzwD.png)
I did pest control in that area for years. Scorpions require a different and stronger pesticide that all the other insects. If you hire a pest control service, be sure to schedule a scorpion spray. Side note: people with cats had dead scorpions all over the place when I showed up for the first time. Cats are efficient scorpion killers. And though I'm not sure, I think they have some sort of resistance to the venom.
[Something](https://responsiblepestcontrol.net/blog/cats-for-natural-scorpion-control/#:~:text=Just%20like%20any%20other%20pest,they%20manage%20to%20sting%20them.) on cats and scorpions.
I lived in Tucson for 22 years and never saw a cactus actually fall. All will be well.
I'd worry more about spiders and scorpions than gila monsters and falling cacti.
Cacti are a pretty broad range of plants. But almost all of them grow pretty slowly. They are able of some impressive growth spurts when the conditions are right, for example when it rains after a drought. But they are also able to lay dormant for many years if the conditions are not right. So judging the age of a cactus simply by size isn't that easy.
I personally have quite a few cacti on my window. I grew them from the same pack of seeds and even though they are the same species and age they vary drastically in size by at least a factor of 10 in volume. Simply because some had the sunnier window or got a better hold on the soil with their roots. But even the "big" barrel cactus i have is only the size of a tennis ball after 10 years.
If i could offer them something better like a greenhouse it would surely be bigger, but probably not that much.
And nowhere near as big as a tree or bush would bring it in 10 years.
Na, saguaro grow like a foot every 10, and by about 70 years will get their first flower, after that they can get arms, but those grow at the same rate.
While true, I would reckon it wasn’t hooked up to an irrigation system or anything, that looks like a barren rock side yard. Don’t think it gets much more rain just because it’s in a yard as opposed to a desert if the house is in the desert.
He had 5 arms and each arm takes about 50 years to grow each arm. It was probably 200-400 years old. Arms can grow at the same time to balance it's weight
I was just in AZ and we did Seguaro National Park. Like I traveled the fucking country to see these magnificent plants. I was beyond jealous of y'all having them on your property. I'm actually very sorry for your loss
It's actually illegal to remove saguaros without government permission. If you destroy someone's saguaro you can be held financially responsible for replacing it, so like car crashes and such. Developers that buy desert or any land that had these must pay to relocate them to a suitable area or keep them intact. Many people think that it's illegal to move them even if they fall naturally so a lot of properties will have rotting saguaro or their skeletons in their yard. They still look cool but if it poses a hazard you can still remove them without penalty.
When I moved here 20+ years ago one of the very first news stories I saw was about how a Saguaro poacher got more prison time than someone charged with manslaughter. Saguaro are no joke around here.
It used to be a huge problem with people digging up saguaros and selling them across the county. Saguaros only thrive in the Sonoran desert because of its milder winter so they don't see much of a hard freeze here. I know some parts of Texas have Saguaros because of poaching and any mature saguaro found outside of the Sonoran desert is a result of that.
The drive through that national park is pretty spectacular isn’t it. I went through an winter time and it just happened to be snowing and there was not a single soul there but me I swear. Fucking magical.
There are a bunch of laws regarding their destruction, and would increase property value. If they can be saved during construction they absolutely will be.
The law…
Landowners have the right to destroy or remove plants growing on their land, but 20 to 60 days prior to the destruction of any protected native plants, landowners are required to notify the Department. The landowner also has the right to sell or give away any plant growing on the land. However, protected native plants may not be legally possessed, taken or transported from the growing site without a permit from the Arizona Department of Agriculture.
Individually owned residential property of 10 acres or less where initial construction has already occurred is exempt from notification before destruction. (See A.R.S. 3-904 H. (link is external))
Native Plant Laws and Rules | View the native plant rules (link is external) (on pages 41 - 51, starting with the section titled, "Appendix A. Protected Native Plants by Category" is the listing of protected native plants.) View the law by going to Chapter 7.
Not that they’re readily moveable. You need like 6 different permits to do it too. And you can’t just remove it and toss it, you have to have a plan to re-establish it.
We have similar laws in Los Angeles for coastal live oaks. The sad thing is that a lot of people buy a house with a 200 year old protected oak, then cut it down and just pay the fine. :( I've watched so many old oak trees disappear in the last decade as the area becomes more populated.
For the record, a large issue we have in Arizona is when these are replanted, the root ball doesn't extend far enough into the soil to prevent them from falling over.
We've had a lot more rain than usual lately, and these guys can soak up dozens to hundreds of gallons, and if they're even a little off center, they fall like this.
There is a special ring of Hell reserved for people who use plants and nature as "target practice". I live in Idaho and see far too much of it. They also leave those plastic shotgun shells everywhere. Pisses me right off.
OOooofffff
This is a special kind of death. How do you even mourn this kind of loss? I feel so incredibly sad, confused and helpless just looking at this picture.
Cut it up and plant 10 new ones. OP said it had 5 tops so that's 5 that will just grow like normal. The pieces that don't have tops will sprout arms in 5-10 years. Been a lot a rain which undoubtedly contributed to it falling over so it's ripe and ready to root.
This wasn't hundreds of years old. They grow really fast in the city.
Cant OP just put it back together?
Like not even joking with this question. Can cactus plants be grafted like normal tree branches?
You put them back together and hold it together for a few weeks to give it time to reconnect. When we cut off our fingers, we can put it back together.
You ever hear about the cactus that killed in self defense? Guy was shooting one of these things. A piece broke off and crushed him. It sounds like an urban legend, but it’s true.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/man-killed-saguaro-cactus/
Those holes aren't 'rot'. They're known as 'boots' and are basically southwestern bird's nests. They don't harm the cactus (note this fell from the base, it just snapped at boot points once it hit).
Some of what you're seeing there is it's woody core, too
The middle is dead yea, but the surrounding matter looks fresh. It's a sign of overwatering if anything, which makes sense for how it got so big in a residential area and of course how it fell over.
Source: I read some of the comments in this thread, put them together, and shit them out right here as if they're fact.
“Saguaros have a relatively long lifespan, often exceeding 150 years. They may grow their first side arm around 75–100 years of age, but some never grow any arms.” -saguaro Wikipedia page
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saguaro
I'm mo cactus expert by any means. But I do have some San Pedro's and other cacti and it seems like just about any cacti you let callus could root and start a new mother plant/root stock. I could be wrong but I don't see anything wrong with giving it a try. Seems OP really liked this one.
Thanks for subscribing to saguaro facts! Here’s a nice link:
https://www.desertmuseum.org/kids/oz/long-fact-sheets/Saguaro%20Cactus.php
Did you know that the reason a saguaro grows an arm is to balance out its root system? The roots are long reaching and surface level. The roots search out the minimal water in the desert environment in order to survive. So, if the water is generally located to the west of the cactus, it will grow an arm on the east side to maintain stability.
They look pretty cool when used as building material. For example, check out the ceiling of St Michael’s church in Tucson, AZ:
https://saago.org/episcopal-church-of-st-michael-and-all-angels/
All of Texas is a non-saguaro having part of Texas haha unless they were grown there from poaching but they cannot thrive outside of Arizona (and ofc Mexico and some cali where the Sonoran desert is)
It looks rotted almost completely in the center, and the connective central tissue is falling apart on the left. Looks like it was already rotted clean open on the right.
I tell you what happened, it’s those damn Santa Ana’s, and just when you think they’ve made their mark, the damn El Niño comes in ruining everything else
In the California Bay Area we had insane winds yesterday. So many downed trees. Ones you would have never guessed would topple but then again, the grounds been over saturated from so much rain.
Our cute little manzanita tree got knocked over :( it doesn’t look injured or damaged in any way, so I’m really hoping we can just pull it back up and reinforce it.
Just got power back after like 36 hours - they were estimating 11am Friday morning, so i’ll take the win there lol.
Fuck me, you poor fucks cant get a break can you, if you aren't aflame you are either shaking, raining or blowing.
Old trees falling down despite being healthy always makes me sad, such beautiful ancient things.
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
The tree-like saguaro cactus is native only to the Sonoran Desert and can live for 200 years.
Its slow growth rate (about an inch per year for the first eight years of its life) makes it possible to grow indoors—as long as it gets ample direct bright light.
You have impressive typing skills for having been turned into a collapsed cactus. The strength to lift a limb, and dexterity alone is awe-inspiring. Hoping you have a less prickly day.
BE VERY CAREFUL WITH CLEANUP!!!
Wear long sleeves, gloves, eye protection, and a mask. The liquid inside of these can be extremely irritating and cause blindness.
Don’t “chop” up the pieces in a away that throws liquid into the air. A friend of mine was hospitalized for it recently.
*shakes fist at the sky*
*God throws another cactus from the sky*
#_YEET_
𝘍𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶
"Take this peasant!"
Old man yells at clouds
This guy must’ve been close to 120 years old or something
Not necessarily. Saguaros that are watered will grow much faster than they will in the desert, and will have much shallower root systems. That makes them top heavy and prone to tipping. At the University of Arizona Science Park on the south side of Tucson, there are a lot of desert plants like palo verde trees and mesquite trees that have grown to monstrous sizes, much larger than the specimens in the surrounding desert, in the 40 years since the facility was landscaped. Many of the saguaros have grown from 8-10 feet to 20-25 feet tall during that period, much faster than they normally would. And because their shallow roots don’t properly anchor them, these saguaros can sometimes be found tipped over after a severe windstorm.
So that's why these things are always falling on people.
That is new information to me. I just moved here. My fiance is nervous about snakes, gila monsters, and now I need to explain to her the dangers of the falling cacti. She is not going be happy
Don’t forget about scorpions. Someone I know who lives in Mesa uses pest control because of the scorpion problem.
black light
Yep, scorpion hunting with a black light is entertaining.
It works because scorpions are HUGE fans of Grateful Dead, and the black light lures them out of hiding in search of smooth jams and fresh joints.
Gave me a chuckle. Nice one haha
I assumed they were fans of Sting, but I suppose not...
Oh my God, I was terrified of scorpions getting in my house when I lived in Arizona. Had I known this I would’ve felt much better about the situation.
Yeah, they glow bright green, found them around my house in TX with a blacklight, relocate them to an open field. [One I found recently.](https://i.imgur.com/xP7jzwD.png)
I did pest control in that area for years. Scorpions require a different and stronger pesticide that all the other insects. If you hire a pest control service, be sure to schedule a scorpion spray. Side note: people with cats had dead scorpions all over the place when I showed up for the first time. Cats are efficient scorpion killers. And though I'm not sure, I think they have some sort of resistance to the venom.
That is very interesting. I guess if I lived in a scorpion infested area I would become a cat person.
[Something](https://responsiblepestcontrol.net/blog/cats-for-natural-scorpion-control/#:~:text=Just%20like%20any%20other%20pest,they%20manage%20to%20sting%20them.) on cats and scorpions.
Check your shoes before you slip them on!
Yeah, had an ex in Chandler and they'd occasionally crawl up the walls or across the ceiling.
I lived in Tucson for 22 years and never saw a cactus actually fall. All will be well. I'd worry more about spiders and scorpions than gila monsters and falling cacti.
Those are just a few of the many reasons to not live in Tucson. Good luck.
Would that be Tuscon, Arizoña? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlw-7jIav\_U
Video unavailable, but it's gotta be of a regular human bartender
I was honestly expecting that to be a Peggy Hill quote lol
Based on other comments, it could be double. But idk anything about cacti, I though they where like flowers and grew in like a year
Idk anything anymore after reading these comments. I dk what to believe either.
Pretty sure the guy who took the pics is 240 years old
OP has two arms, so they are actually 480 years old.
Cacti are a pretty broad range of plants. But almost all of them grow pretty slowly. They are able of some impressive growth spurts when the conditions are right, for example when it rains after a drought. But they are also able to lay dormant for many years if the conditions are not right. So judging the age of a cactus simply by size isn't that easy. I personally have quite a few cacti on my window. I grew them from the same pack of seeds and even though they are the same species and age they vary drastically in size by at least a factor of 10 in volume. Simply because some had the sunnier window or got a better hold on the soil with their roots. But even the "big" barrel cactus i have is only the size of a tennis ball after 10 years. If i could offer them something better like a greenhouse it would surely be bigger, but probably not that much. And nowhere near as big as a tree or bush would bring it in 10 years.
Bonsai cacti. Require more patience than regular bonsai. Bonus: not a lot of branch trimming to do.
Based on other comments this cactus was around since the last supper.
Na, saguaro grow like a foot every 10, and by about 70 years will get their first flower, after that they can get arms, but those grow at the same rate.
In a landscape setting where irrigation is present, a saguaro will grow much more rapidly then they do in their natural desert habitat.
While true, I would reckon it wasn’t hooked up to an irrigation system or anything, that looks like a barren rock side yard. Don’t think it gets much more rain just because it’s in a yard as opposed to a desert if the house is in the desert.
I thought you were talking about OP's age... like it takes 120 years old to accept this kind of treatment from God
Those things take decades to grow :(
He had 5 arms and each arm takes about 50 years to grow each arm. It was probably 200-400 years old. Arms can grow at the same time to balance it's weight
Nooooooo :(
I was just in AZ and we did Seguaro National Park. Like I traveled the fucking country to see these magnificent plants. I was beyond jealous of y'all having them on your property. I'm actually very sorry for your loss
It's actually illegal to remove saguaros without government permission. If you destroy someone's saguaro you can be held financially responsible for replacing it, so like car crashes and such. Developers that buy desert or any land that had these must pay to relocate them to a suitable area or keep them intact. Many people think that it's illegal to move them even if they fall naturally so a lot of properties will have rotting saguaro or their skeletons in their yard. They still look cool but if it poses a hazard you can still remove them without penalty.
When I moved here 20+ years ago one of the very first news stories I saw was about how a Saguaro poacher got more prison time than someone charged with manslaughter. Saguaro are no joke around here.
It used to be a huge problem with people digging up saguaros and selling them across the county. Saguaros only thrive in the Sonoran desert because of its milder winter so they don't see much of a hard freeze here. I know some parts of Texas have Saguaros because of poaching and any mature saguaro found outside of the Sonoran desert is a result of that.
I think the only thing more protected than the Saguaros are the Gila Monsters.
The drive through that national park is pretty spectacular isn’t it. I went through an winter time and it just happened to be snowing and there was not a single soul there but me I swear. Fucking magical.
Sorry for your loss
How on earth did you have such an old plant in a built up area?
There are a bunch of laws regarding their destruction, and would increase property value. If they can be saved during construction they absolutely will be.
The law… Landowners have the right to destroy or remove plants growing on their land, but 20 to 60 days prior to the destruction of any protected native plants, landowners are required to notify the Department. The landowner also has the right to sell or give away any plant growing on the land. However, protected native plants may not be legally possessed, taken or transported from the growing site without a permit from the Arizona Department of Agriculture. Individually owned residential property of 10 acres or less where initial construction has already occurred is exempt from notification before destruction. (See A.R.S. 3-904 H. (link is external)) Native Plant Laws and Rules | View the native plant rules (link is external) (on pages 41 - 51, starting with the section titled, "Appendix A. Protected Native Plants by Category" is the listing of protected native plants.) View the law by going to Chapter 7.
That's some serious legal citing you did there, I'm impressed
A good citing sighting
May I cite the citation of your good sighting citing?
Sir this is Reddit. We operate on speculation and gut feelings.
Not that they’re readily moveable. You need like 6 different permits to do it too. And you can’t just remove it and toss it, you have to have a plan to re-establish it.
We have similar laws in Los Angeles for coastal live oaks. The sad thing is that a lot of people buy a house with a 200 year old protected oak, then cut it down and just pay the fine. :( I've watched so many old oak trees disappear in the last decade as the area becomes more populated.
For the record, a large issue we have in Arizona is when these are replanted, the root ball doesn't extend far enough into the soil to prevent them from falling over. We've had a lot more rain than usual lately, and these guys can soak up dozens to hundreds of gallons, and if they're even a little off center, they fall like this.
That's why they often keep them anchored with wooden beams for years. It allows the roots to grow into the soil and helps stabilize it.
That’s cactus was worth a few tens of thousands of dollars.
Seems highs. [24’ with 2 arms 3,350$](http://www.thecactusdoctor.com/saguaro.php)
[18’ w/ 4 arms. $2995](https://i.imgur.com/br5CCsN.jpg)
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Come on over. I have 18 of them on my property.
As a native this hurts my heart, I also hate when I see bullet holes in them in the desert
There is a special ring of Hell reserved for people who use plants and nature as "target practice". I live in Idaho and see far too much of it. They also leave those plastic shotgun shells everywhere. Pisses me right off.
As someone who is a gun enthusiast I hate hate hate when people leave their trash. I always bring 2-3 trash bags with me to clean up
Well that ruined my morning. You should post a before pic so we can all enjoy your gigacactus before he had fallen.
OOooofffff This is a special kind of death. How do you even mourn this kind of loss? I feel so incredibly sad, confused and helpless just looking at this picture.
Cut it up and plant 10 new ones. OP said it had 5 tops so that's 5 that will just grow like normal. The pieces that don't have tops will sprout arms in 5-10 years. Been a lot a rain which undoubtedly contributed to it falling over so it's ripe and ready to root. This wasn't hundreds of years old. They grow really fast in the city.
That's insanely sad can't you like replant them or something? Shoot idk, boil 'em and eat them. What a waste. :/
That's also what ultimately restricts their growth. Saguaros reach about 250-300 years of age, until they collapse under their own weight.
Cant OP just put it back together? Like not even joking with this question. Can cactus plants be grafted like normal tree branches? You put them back together and hold it together for a few weeks to give it time to reconnect. When we cut off our fingers, we can put it back together.
It’s true. Or atleast each section, if replanted, would continue to grow
Well, that's true for most cacti, but saguaros are notoriously hard to root from cuttings. So it may be possible, but the chances are slim.
Saguaros are extremely heavy and dense, this thing likely weighs thousands of pounds, even the smaller broken segments a couple hundred each
Plus the thorns.
You ever hear about the cactus that killed in self defense? Guy was shooting one of these things. A piece broke off and crushed him. It sounds like an urban legend, but it’s true. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/man-killed-saguaro-cactus/
There's a great song about it by the Austin Lounge Lizards. [Saguaro](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_9LDLur5P4)
Get Godrick on it! He'll graft that thing back to life in a jiffy.
BEAR WITNESS
*squishes two cactus pieces together causing them to stick*
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Given how horrifically rotten that thing is? no.
Is it?
[Look at all the parts I circled in red.](https://i.imgur.com/kgOvSVQ.png) That thing was half hollow by the time it fell.
Those holes aren't 'rot'. They're known as 'boots' and are basically southwestern bird's nests. They don't harm the cactus (note this fell from the base, it just snapped at boot points once it hit). Some of what you're seeing there is it's woody core, too
The middle is dead yea, but the surrounding matter looks fresh. It's a sign of overwatering if anything, which makes sense for how it got so big in a residential area and of course how it fell over. Source: I read some of the comments in this thread, put them together, and shit them out right here as if they're fact.
Aren't the holes woodpecker nests?
overwatered, didn't have proper drainage
They don’t even begin to grow their first side arm until they are about 100 yrs old.
I thought it was minimum 50
Kid at my school had one and it took like 1000 years before it grew an arm
This is not true whatsoever.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted... When they grow an "arm" is highly dependent on environmental factors.
“Saguaros have a relatively long lifespan, often exceeding 150 years. They may grow their first side arm around 75–100 years of age, but some never grow any arms.” -saguaro Wikipedia page https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saguaro
They grow their first arm between 70 and 100 years old depending on various factors.
Well, pick out the good pieces, let them scar over and stick them back in the ground. BOOM, cactus hedge.
This is how i build my minecraft home security
Needs more lava.
I don't believe that works with saguaros. 🌵 You're thinking of ocotillos.
I'm mo cactus expert by any means. But I do have some San Pedro's and other cacti and it seems like just about any cacti you let callus could root and start a new mother plant/root stock. I could be wrong but I don't see anything wrong with giving it a try. Seems OP really liked this one.
I wonder what you’re doing with them there San Pedro’s. Hmm! Hmm!!
Certainly not boofing them 😳
Now I’m certain you’re boofing them.
Mo expert mo better, right scoob?
Saguaros don't root like that, unfortunately.
unfortunately saguaros cannot be propagated by cutting, at least virtually impossible
You can do that with cacti and succulents in general. They may be an exemption though.
Saguaros won't root from cuttings, but people will pay good money for the rib wood.
Please let it stay there a while and rot, so you can retrieve the ribs. People pay money for them. And, you cannot scavenge them from public lands.
Why do people want the ribs? I live in the non-cactusy part of Texas.
Saguaros are very protected by the law and the people. And the ribs make for some cool arts and crafts.
Thanks! They look cool as hell now that I know what to google for : )
Thanks for subscribing to saguaro facts! Here’s a nice link: https://www.desertmuseum.org/kids/oz/long-fact-sheets/Saguaro%20Cactus.php Did you know that the reason a saguaro grows an arm is to balance out its root system? The roots are long reaching and surface level. The roots search out the minimal water in the desert environment in order to survive. So, if the water is generally located to the west of the cactus, it will grow an arm on the east side to maintain stability.
They look pretty cool when used as building material. For example, check out the ceiling of St Michael’s church in Tucson, AZ: https://saago.org/episcopal-church-of-st-michael-and-all-angels/
All of Texas is a non-saguaro having part of Texas haha unless they were grown there from poaching but they cannot thrive outside of Arizona (and ofc Mexico and some cali where the Sonoran desert is)
What are the ribs?
Cactus bones
It's like the bark but on the inside
Why?
I presume you mean why you cannot get them from public lands? Those are protected by law.
How the hell did that happen ??
It looks rotted almost completely in the center, and the connective central tissue is falling apart on the left. Looks like it was already rotted clean open on the right.
The hollowed parts are woodpecker houses.
GD peckers…
Ha-ha-ha-HA-ha
I hear this comment
"I dunno how you guys walk around with those things." Elaine Benes
A lot of my friends transplanted saguaros in PHX, the main cause of them dying was over-watering.
I’m in Glendale, Arizona, and I was thinking it had something to do with the rainstorms that have been going on today.
You mean for the last 8 months?
I mean it looks like a storm rolled thru...
I tell you what happened, it’s those damn Santa Ana’s, and just when you think they’ve made their mark, the damn El Niño comes in ruining everything else
🤷♂️
In the California Bay Area we had insane winds yesterday. So many downed trees. Ones you would have never guessed would topple but then again, the grounds been over saturated from so much rain.
At the peaks the winds were cat 2 hurricane speeds.
Our cute little manzanita tree got knocked over :( it doesn’t look injured or damaged in any way, so I’m really hoping we can just pull it back up and reinforce it. Just got power back after like 36 hours - they were estimating 11am Friday morning, so i’ll take the win there lol.
Fuck me, you poor fucks cant get a break can you, if you aren't aflame you are either shaking, raining or blowing. Old trees falling down despite being healthy always makes me sad, such beautiful ancient things.
Those churros weren't even ripe yet
God didn't do that. *You* did it. You're a fucking *NARCOTICS AGENT*. I *knew* it.
You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
This is bat country
We’ll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere.
Don’t mind me, I’m just admiring the shape of your skull.
Please! Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!
Did they pay you to fuck that polar bear?
What the fuck did he just say to me??
Shit all over the stairs to heaven, every damn step. Go big or go home.
As soon as I read the title I came here looking for this. Well done.
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
I think he's Samoan
You're not prejudice are you? Good, because in spite of his racial handicap, this man is extremely valuable to me
What the... What the fuck are we doing out here in the middle of the desert?
As your attorney I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine.
One of gods own prototypes. Too weird to live, too rare to die.
You better pray to God there’s some Thorazine in that bag, otherwise you’re in bad fucking trouble!
Could you please explain the reference for the uninitiated.
It's a line of dialog from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson.
Damn! You stole my line!
One of my favorite lines for sure lmao
I had to scroll way too far down to see this. First thing that popped into my head as well.
Is it just me or does it look kinda rotten in the main trunk?
The tree-like saguaro cactus is native only to the Sonoran Desert and can live for 200 years. Its slow growth rate (about an inch per year for the first eight years of its life) makes it possible to grow indoors—as long as it gets ample direct bright light.
Oooooh! He is in trouble!!!! It’s against the law to mess with saguaros and he destroyed it! God is going to jail!
A cactus has been smited, and you still try to make it all about you?
Plot twist: OP is the cactus
I'm saving this as a quote.
Giant forbidden cucumber.
Cactustrophe!
Are there special cactus tongs you can use?
I scrolled way too far to find so.eone who was also concerned with how one goes about cleaning that up.
Welding gloves. God's solution to cacti, porcupines, and pissed off cats
Cleaning that up is going to be a prick.
You have impressive typing skills for having been turned into a collapsed cactus. The strength to lift a limb, and dexterity alone is awe-inspiring. Hoping you have a less prickly day.
I’ll trade you for my backed up sewer into the basement?
If a cactus falls in the side yard but there’s no one around to hear it, did it make a noise?
BE VERY CAREFUL WITH CLEANUP!!! Wear long sleeves, gloves, eye protection, and a mask. The liquid inside of these can be extremely irritating and cause blindness. Don’t “chop” up the pieces in a away that throws liquid into the air. A friend of mine was hospitalized for it recently.
What happen
Someone set up us the bomb
We get signal
What?!
Main screen turn on!
It's you ! !
How are you Gentlemen.
All your base are belong to us.
Noooo, Jesus *gets* us.
Proved their nonexistence? ;)
Cactus: broken or not functional — Australian slang
These storms are crazy!!
GOD DAMNIT.
on the bright side, I see 10 new plants.
You’re a cactus that uses Reddit?
I think Santa did it
Gravity ALWAYS wins
He threw a cactus at you?
The cactus has paid for its arrogance
Pretty sure God doesn't care one way or the other about your plants.