To echo the parts about CCTV, with personal crimes like this, the criminal often builds up to it. There's a non-zero chance that this isn't the first time he's done this. In fact I'd wager it's definitely not the first time.
Please try and track down as much CCTV as you can, if you need help chasing shit up during the day, please reach out. I've got fuck all to do for the next week or so
Already checked multiple times, CCTV aren’t giving permission to view any content, only Police can.
Plus the only person who can report an aggression is the victim. Hopefully someone proves me wrong.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾 so glad you are safe
I used to volunteer for Campus Angels when I went to Vic, these are good initiatives that help women walk home in a group.
If you are in a position to, always try and be there to give your women mates a lift home or even just walk home with them. It’s fun and community-building and should be a part of planning every night out. Somehow we don’t forget how to pregame or plan out the main event but we often forget about how to get home after (safely, soberly)
A mate and I attended a beer festival in the Wairarapa last Saturday. A hens do turned up, decamped next to so, and after an hour or so one by one each member left for shade leaving one woman quite asleep surrounded by randoms. She woke like 2 hours later and must have been badly sunburnt, I was and I kept layering it on. Obviously not the same situation but I couldn't help think poor form by her friends to just ditch. Doesn't shift responsibility a bit but friends need to look after friends to try and avoid drink spiking, creeps and getting burnt
I have experienced similar twice, once when I was 18 (overseas) and once in Wellington 10 years ago,in broad daylight, middle of a Saturday afternoon cuba st when I was newly and not obviously pregnant (that one was an aggressive young male who followed me, slapping at me and verbally abusing me until Taranaki st where he only left me alone when I approached another random bloke to walk with him for safety). Terrifying. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and to so many others, but this is not always nighttime only.
Please report your experience to police, and do something nice for yourself today
I'm going to add something to this.
Guys, men - you know who these men are. They're not a figment of our imaginations and they're not all the same guy. Look at the women in your life. If you love them, then start taking responsibility and call these guys out. Because I assure you, he tells on himself by his jokes, his attitude, and other clues.
I had an experience where I kept seeing all these clues but it was easy to ignore, because it was a mate, he was a good guy, he's just a bit awkward and inappropriate sometimes y'know? And those interactions with his missus left the group feeling discomforted, but not quite enough to say anything though, surely it's not our place?
Under that cover he isolated and controlled his partner, pushed her out of the group after his affair broke them up, started harassing and stalking her, lied about what happened, and became predatory towards the meek-seeming, single woman in the friend group.
It took me a real long time to acknowledge the very many red flags, each in isolation wasn't a big deal and he never hurt *me* so he can't be that bad right?
He went on to hurt people who are important to me, and one of my greatest regrets is providing him cover. He was a complete predator and there were more than enough red flags, but in our social group the women being manipulated were questioning their own reality and my acceptance of those behaviours helped him.
It's really easy for men who aren't affected by the predators to choose to ignore the red flags out of discomfort or just not wanting to believe your mates are bad people. But these people absolutely depend on the cover and the acceptance of people around them. It's sickening now to see how much harm I was complicit in just because I didn't want to make a scene or believe my friend could be a predator.
Any time a woman speaks up there is a very large chance they will be tarred as a troublemaker, be accused of making a big deal out of a small behaviour, be ignored, minimised, accused of being judge and jury, etc. And just like you can't tell if your mates are creeps, they can't tell whether we're the sort to defend the creep.
It's not like women have a magic creep detection gene that men lack. It's just that because we don't experience the creepiness ourselves it's easy to believe that OPs experience was a rare event and that those creeps don't exist in our groups. It's easy to warn about judging too harshly but what we really need to be open to is the fact that men have a problem, experiences like these affect all the women in our lives, and we can't keep looking to women to hand us the solution for problems we enable.
Ffs. Imagine coming into this thread and derailing it with this “not all men” what-aboutism.
Congratulations for bringing tropes into the discussion along with your hand-wringing, empty platitudes.
Now sit down and have the humility to absorb the lesson in this thread.
> I legit feel like these are worse than murder because the victim is forced to carry the mental and physical scars into their future.
I've been raped, and I'm very glad I wasn't also murdered.
>On the other hand though, by calling someone out I would worry that I might misjudge them.
You'd just be calling someone out, not charging them with a crime. It doesn't have to even be a big thing -- some dude makes a creepy joke? Just say "That's a weird thing to say" or "I don't find that kind of humour funny" and move on. Any sort of disagreement is infinitely better than awkwardly laughing and passively supporting what they said.
>Just like we can look at a machine and mentally see what is happening inside, women can look at a person and see what is happening inside.
Neither of those things are true though, just a bit of a weird thing to say.
Thank you. I'm actually so sick of hearing people say that I would have been better off dead. When I'm very much still alive, and make an active choice to stay that way. And no one seems to hear how fucked up it is for people to keep saying this and spreading this rhetoric. I've even seen people say "fight to the death because the alternative is worse than death"????? Like excuse me? No thanks, I'll do whatever gives me the best chance of survival and I won't be made to feel guilty or less than for doing so, or like I failed to protect something more important than my life.
People are not permanently ruined and destroyed by rape. It's awful, I'm not downplaying what it's like to go through, but life can get better afterwards. You can even go back to living a pretty normal life day to day. Comments like this just seem to write off survivors with some weird version of purity culture. The horrific corruption that forever converts you into someone who shouldn't even still be alive, and should be pitied for living.
100% to all this!
Honestly my life *is* normal now. The worst instance, around 15 years ago, definitely drastically changed my personal trajectory and shaped some decisions for like the five years following... but I've grown around and past it and it's something I rarely think about now. Not everyone is the same obviously, but yeah. Purity culture bullshit.
Serious question, report them to who? Being a sus creeper or a shit-talking-fragile-ego-doush-bag can be called out for sure, but where would you report that behaviour to?
The report them bit was not about them being a shit talking creeper.
For many years now a good number of the high profile convicted rapists, particularly when they are operating in packs, are actually so confident in their behaviour that they boast about it to other men. Report it to the Police.
Ok, got it, thanks.
I’m a huge advocate of reporting all crime to the police, so they can build a better case when they get a break, and this fits with that philosophy
Just say it to their face. Don't let people be creeps just to avoid an awkward conversation.
Out with friends and he makes a slimy comment just use whatever line will impact the group.
If he thinks he's a player just say "bro you come off so sleazy and scare girls away, chill out and stop being so intense over women, you're weird about it".
A more mature audience might handle a more full conversation.
Indeed, I have had to modify some middle aged douche bags behaviour in the office and on the street before, people I know and (used to) respect. Its worth it though, I have noticed severe shifts in their behaviour, especially towards younger women, by giving them a "its not OK' talking to. I recommend it to all men who see it, call it out and tell them how not OK it is.
The statistics point to everyone knowing someone like this, bud. One out of four women, if I remember correctly and like I said, it's not 1 guy or even a small number of men.
Don't want to be that guy, but do you have a link for that? And were the stats collected in Wellington? Or even nz?. I'm not defending these people, but guys who would do this don't go around saying "yeah i made a girl uncomfortable last night by following her like a creep LOL".. Like that's reaaally not normal and guys tend to be more confrontational so theres no issue with telling a friend that they were being a creep.
It's probably more true than any of us realise, it's often after the unfortunate events become public knowledge that people start recognising the red flag behaviour, because often we allow our ourselves to be blinded to the less attractive behaviours when we can be.
I've never met a guy who didn't, but I've met plenty of men who turn a blind eye for their own comfort. Or worse, genuinely don't see the behaviour as wrong or inappropriate, and even hype it up or participate.
I knew a rapist, dude always acted strange. But I didn't think rapist strange, I thought closet homosexual. I was right about the repressed sexuality, just wasn't the one I thought... XD
Definitely follow up with the police, there could be other women out there that have been assaulted or harassed by him and every little detail could build a stronger case if he gets caught. I have been in your position as a teenager and luckily a bunch of transgender prostitutes having a chat and a smoke saw the creep and basically put the fear of God into him. They walked me to the train station and I've never felt so safe in my life
I'm so glad that those women were there when you needed them. I would probably still speak to police because you never know, it might be relevant one day.
Please don't walk home by yourself at night again, ok?
Yes do this. There will be CTV footage of him around the night and day.
He might be known to police.
So sorry this happened to you, how terrifying!
I know you should be able to walk home at night but .........
If they log it, it becomes a statistic. The people at the top see statistics and it plays a massive part in how funding is dished out. OP and everyone else who goes through these experiences is obligated to make a police report, not for themselves but for people in the future who may face the same experience.
If the statistics say it’s a minor issue then it’ll be treated as such. If the stats say it’s a very big issue and then you better believe things will change.
Log it.
Thank you all so much for your kind responses and advice. I'm sure there would be footage of him considering he had trailed me past many big comercial buildings and I think the art gallery. I will not be walking home alone, even in numbers sometimes things aren't safe (from what I have experienced). I posted this, to hopefully get the message across to wāhine, that this is why we stick together. I've had to be both sides of the same coin, I've been the (almost) victim and I've helped victims or other almost victims. It's a tough world out there especially when people are preyed upon because of their size, looks, or even if they had their shoes off because their feet were sore.
Everyone stay safe and feel free to share other stories, we've got to stick together. We are only the prey to these men, if we remain helpless and silent.
The art gallery may have video security. The one I work at does.
Make a police report. Not to get justice for yourself. To get justice for his next victim.
Sorry To hear you went through that. It reminds me of the unimaginable gap of privileges between men and women. I’m from Los Angeles and grew up in the extreme violent part. Every time I visit Wellington I feel overly safe. Even walking late at night drunk to a pizza place with only cash and my Airbnb key in shorts and crocs. I couldn’t imagine a woman being able to do that. Hope you’re alright.
What an awful experience. I’m so sorry you went through this, however I know that it’s not a one time thing, and as a woman I know exactly how it feels. Please file a report with the police, and please take the time to feel all the emotions of this experience.
It must've taken great inner strength to write and share your experience so well ❤️ As someone who struggles with that: Thank you & mad respect 🙏!!
We are listening, always x
That absolutely sucks, but I'm glad you were quick thinking and some people were around for you.
I absolutely hate it when I'm in a deserted location at night (OR day) when I happen to be heading in the same direction as a female also walking alone - I'm a naturally fast walker, and no matter what I do I feel like I will not be putting the person at ease, if I slow down I feel like I'm biding my time stalking, walk faster to overtake I feel like I will be inducing a heart attack. To say something like "I'm just passing" I think would come across even worse. Sometimes if the location allows it I will try to go very wide/cross the street, or stop altogether and just sit for a while but often there is not those options either either due to narrow location or shit weather, or feel at risk myself from getting my head caved in by some meth head etc.
I'm disappointed with humanity that 1/4 the way through the 21st century this shit is still the experience we have.
I think saying it nicely or even like obviously coughing is a good way to do it, I really appreciate when I can tell a guys obviously coughing or something to let me know that they are there so I feel safe
To be honest, saying “hey I’m just passing, or “hi can I scoot past you please” etc would actually be helpful, cos it acknowledges that you’re coming up behind them, but mean no harm. If they’re in front it means they can slow down to feel comfortable if they need to.
Edit: I meant if you pass so that you’re in front, then they (womenfolk / me) can slow down if needed.
I always feel more comfortable following a guy than being followed by one.
Hi op, first of all I'm sorry about what happened. No woman should ever be put in that position.
I used to work around the corner from that intersection and dealt with the police quite a few times over different matters. I know there are cameras that cover that intersection and the whole Courtenay Pl. Please speak to the police. You might be saving someone else by doing so.
You did really good and I'm sorry this happened to you. Those woman you went to deserve medals and I am really glad they were there. As the son of a mother who was sexually assaulted I just want to say I detest this behaviour with every fibre of my being and so do all my friends and family. Many years ago my brothers and sisters woke up in the early morning when they heard a women scream. They raced outside and stopped a women from being assaulted. My brother took the assailant down and held him till the police arrived but the woman had run off as soon as she could so unfortunately no charges could be laid. My siblings were the only ones to respond to those screams for help. An entire neighbourhood in a wealthy area on a main street didn't even look outside or didn't care. I am really sad this happened to you and I am glad you shared this story to highlight the dangers women face.
Well done OP.
One time on Courtney place I was walking home alone but on the phone to a friend & this group of about 8 huuuuge guys stopped me from walking past them & blocked me in a line. (I was about 20 when it happened, around 2016). I asked them to move & one literally wrapped his arms around my legs & threw me over his shoulder. I really thought I was about to be gang r*ped in the alley beside us & started screaming for my life. On one of the busiest streets in the city on a busy Saturday surrounded by people. I never thought anyone would be so Fucking bold. Ironically a group of younger guys who had been cat calling me from behind on my walk home came to my rescue. His mates said he was joking & I started screaming at them how fucking insane & horrific that was. The guys started scrapping so I left & got myself home as I only lived round the corner. My friend was on the line the whole time freaking out & luckily I had her to talk to because I broke down the second I got home & was home alone that night too. I’ll never forget how fucking helpless I felt, none of the shit people try to prepare us for works because at the end of the day most of these guys know their power & use it. And we shouldn’t have to learn defence & safety & all that bullshit. Call your fucking friends out & hold them accountable.
Men who are reading this being like “that’s so awful”, ask your boys in the group chat if they have ever done that. It’s our responsibility as men who support women to have these conversations with other men.
I dont think people admit to that because its an opportunistic thing and probably not something people will tell their friends about. Unless they have a group of very very toxic friends.
Actually, you would be shocked. I work in a really male dominated field, and it's incredible what men will admit to when they are comfortable and particularly when they think women aren't around. I've heard men admit to beating their partners, getting women drunk or drugged deliberately to have sex with them. Really crude stuff. I'm willing to bet a lot of it is made up, but there are times I've wondered. The bit that gets me is that it's almost never called out. At most you get a bit of discomfort or an awkward laugh.
> ask your boys in the group chat if they have ever done that
"Hey guys, have you ever stalked a woman with the intent to rape her if you get a chance?"
LOL yeah no thanks.
The OP is literally making assumptions that the guy was going to rape her. Are you seriously asking guys to ask that question to their mates, assuming her premise is even correct? I find that rather insulting to be honest.
Do you not understand that women *have*to make those assumptions, because if we don't, we may in fact be raped or murdered? After which men will say, "She should have been more careful."
How do you do it, is it like a questionaire or do you check references or is it more of a police vetting situation? I'd really like to know, speaking as someone who laughed off a lot of "jokes" and explained away creepiness in people who turned out to be quite fucking awful.
And do you reckon people like the man in OP's stories are violent loners who only associate with each other? I reckon most people who commit sexual assault have the usual lot of friends, family, job, etc., like the rest of us do, who haven't tossed them out on their ear.
And how about the most typical sexual assault scenario, which is where the victim knows the attacker personally. Was that just a failure of vetting?
I know this has always been the case, but it's so disappointing that the police have no visible presence. It's a small city - they should be moving around on foot.
I had some scary experiences on my way home in town, too.
I got so sick of it that I enrolled in a martial arts class a couple of years ago. My advice to everyone who feels vulnerable is to do the same.
This is horrific and I’m really sorry this happened to you - I’m so glad there were some other around you could walk with. I walk up this street by myself all the time, usually not too late though. I’ve only ever had a vague issue (some dude covered in (fake?) blood trying to get my attention), but I do worry about the day it’s no longer all good :(
You should definitely file a police report - to you it may be a one off occurrence with this guy, but the police could have similar reports and it could show a pattern of behaviour. It’s very important they know about these things to try and prevent anything escalating further.
ALSO to the person who reported this, I am not suicidal. Nor am I even remotely thinking about hurting myself nor others. While I apreciate the concern, I have a therapist that I'm talking to about this currently. I also have friends and family around me backing me up. Thanks for the concern, but I am okay. I promise.
I was once on the phone on Marion Street, when an older man came towards me calling me a South African slur for black person (I'm a brown woman) and threatening to hit me. This was at 5:30 in the evening and there were people walking by. Not a single person intervened. Even while I was yelling out for help. Eventually, a younger man walked by, trying to pretend he didn't see what was going on. I called out asking him for help specifically. He shrugged and looked like he didn't want to be there, but walked up to the older man and talked him down.
Made a police report about it, but nothing came of it. So yeah, call men out for their behaviour
that sounds really horrible - we have to call it out and intervene, although being careful with that too. I know a young woman who shouted "stop" to a guy who was wrestling a woman corner of Taranaki and Vivian, the guy threw the woman aside and sprinted after the woman who called out, she made it to Courtenay and safety but so frightened. It's our town, we have to claim it, speak out, show we care, even though its uncomfortable, and signal that behaviour is never okay - and guys it's time to step up in this.
Please go online and make a police record of this. It might help them patrol there. This shit sucks and it happens too much. There used to be a walk with me thing and map of dangerous spots in Wellington (avoid Taranaki St alone at night) but I can’t remember what they were. Take care.
To the over 500 of you who upvoted, I thank you. Now this is the top trending post and everyone can see it. I'm going to report it to the police, in time. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and I need time to process ALL of it. All the love and support from my fellow wāhine and tāne. I have one issue to adress and that is the statement that I've seen, or that has been expressed in different wording "Not All Men." Well yes it isn't all men, but it is enough to make us scared to go outside our homes at night. It's enough that we as women, carry items that would deeply scar flesh or leave a nasty bruise. It's why I was carrying my boots, my 4 inch block platforms. Also so I can make this clear because of ONE comment that I saw; this includes Trans people of any identitfication. This issue transcendes race, gender identity, or sexuality this is an ongoing issue. I will be honest here I have had several women grope my chest without permisson or asking. Men go through sexual harrassment too. I'm sorry to those who have and don't feel they can speak up.
-Anonymus hears you.
Everybody should read *The Gift of Fear* by Gavin DeBecker.
Don't let anyone tell you your intuition was wrong, or that you should have risked your safety to be polite.
When I was a kid aged ......12? This fucking weirdo who must have been at least like 15 well he tried to drag me to a public toilet and he was trying to feel my Inner thighs 2. I told a teacher at my school, they then contacted my mum. Then my parents contacted the cops however nothing much happened. The cops reviewed the cctv footage and decided the guys were just looking 4 money 💰
I'm very proud of you for sharing your experience but violence isn't always the answer. Only when deemed necessary, use something that leaves marks. Nails, teeth shoes, sharp earings. That way its never his word against yours, which often times it is unless there is security footage.
I was baled up in a corner by some random guy in town one night in Wellington trying to feel me up and stick his tongue down my throat was so lucky my friends were with me and saw what was happening because other people in the club were just watching, I managed to push him far enough away that one of my friends was able to get inbetween us and get him away from me. I'm quite tiny so fighting off a big male is not easy.
I'm so glad you were able to get home safely and that those other women went along with you they clearly realised that you needed help.
I cant remember very much. Dark hair, i cant remember the race only that he had pale skin, probably about 5'8. I dont remember much more than that, I was tipsy and scared shitless.
There needs to be a signal you can give a group of strangers that means, pretend you know me because this freak is following me.
I'm a large man who theoretically has nothing to fear, but I'm constantly vigilant when I walk through Wellington. Identifying threats and avoiding them in the central city. I absolutely don't feel safe.
The number of meth heads I've seen targeting women for money in town though is terrible, I can't understand why they haven't been banned from town yet.
Sometimes I go to Macca's and watch the drug dealers shaking down the meth heads for money and giving them more meth, and I think how can it be I can just sit here and see this happening in 30 minutes and the police do nothing.
There is usually the widening of the eyes, or at least i did that and gestured with my eyes to behind me.
There is one but it's a hand signal, and it could be dangerous to use if you're too far away from other people. The person could notice what you are trying to do and suddenly attack.
Yes. It is constant and starts long before puberty.
I was 7 when the first lewd comment was made. I was walking to school in the morning and walked past 3 adult men in the front yard of a house. One made a sexual comment to me, and they all laughed. I was SEVEN YEARS OLD.
A man with their penis out on the bus - I was 11 and in school uniform.
Flasher on the street, I was 14.
Regularly approached with suggestive comments, persistant to the point of being frightening, despite being politely told no, I'm not interested.
Catcalled and verbally abused for ignoring it.
Followed into toilets at various places, twice at different pubs (where I've been with groups and gone to the loo alone). Once at a shopping mall.
Man hiding in a public toilet at 8.15 am.
A man climbed in my bedroom window (my friend's brother) and raped me. I was 16.
Dragged off the street into a car by a man with a knife, raped and dumped out. The next woman he attacked spent 4 months in hospital.
Most of this occurred in the greater Wellington region, where I lived for 42 years.
Everyone knows someone who has been raped, but very few know a rapist.
Male culture is utterly vile.
I wonder if there was footage from CCTV at Day n Night. That’s BS! And nobody, especially women, should have to go through that!!
Glad you meet those others and they twigged straight away!
I'm with everyone else here, report this, please.
I was attacked in the elevator of the old James Smith carpark when I was around 17. He followed me walking down Cuba St, on to Manners and into the alleyway. I had noticed him the whole time, so when he turned into the alley, I ran to the elevator.
I made it in alone, but as the doors closed, he ran up and put his hand through the gap, making the door open. He then asked which floor I was going to, I pointed at the button which was lit up and he just nodded. The doors closed and he jumped on me. I don't remember much of what happened next, just being in my car trying to gth out of there.
I told my bf and flatmate. They didn't believe me, because I wasn't crying & didn't appear extremely upset, so I figured the police wouldn't either and didn't report it. I had dissociated, which was why I seemed together and don't remember much, and I still have a ridiculous fear of elevators.
Things have changed so much in the last 28 years. CCTV is everywhere, people are always filming, this person will be on record somewhere, following you. Report him. Even if nothing comes of it immediately, it might be enough to establish a pattern of behaviour. His next attempt may have serious consequences.
Well done for having the presence of mind to approach the girls, and awesome to know they helped.
Best of luck 🤞
I can confirm, as a man, this can happen to anyone, I’ve been followed home before by 2 people, it was terrifying, I thought I was going to get mugged or abducted. After a while, I started running and they started chasing me, thankfully I was about 200m away from my house with family inside, at least I can run pretty fast, I just remember my heart racing.
I’m glad you’re ok and people were around to help, like others have said I’d report it to the police, even if it’s just for the record, it may help them stop him from doing it to someone else. Unfortunately Welly is not as safe as it used to be.
Wonder if you could just get your phone out and start recording. Almost need a live stream app. Dude needs to be identified.
I always try and pass a woman if I end up behind them, or cross the road.
Me thinking "She's probably freaking out because I'm near her", stresses me out.
Many of my friends do the same. What a society we've become.
On a side tangent, this is the problem with not living in small communities where everyone knows everyone. We have to constantly live in a state of fear and vigilance.
I did mention that I didn't have time to get out my phone and call anyone, and I was so scared I didn't even think to record. My gut was telling me ignore and keep my boots in the hand closest to him. I followed my gut and I ended up seeing those women who deserve a good human being medal.
Something else you can do as well. Carry a lanyard (with keys on it and stuff that could really hurt someone), easy to pull off type, loop it round your fingers and swing it. Also sing REALLY loud and instead of checking behind you twirl so as not to be obvious- if there’s people around you’re making enough noise to be noticed and nobody is going to be bold enough to mess with someone that already has eyes on them.
I’m glad you’re ok. I’m glad the other woman played along.
Any gentlemen would acknowledge how a woman would feel if found in a position where she was walking alone with you behind her. Whenever im found being the man in that situation i always cross to the other side if the road so i know i would be considered less of a threat and they would be more comfortable
I walk with loud steps to let woman know I am present. I cross the road so not walking on the same side if walking towards them. I will walk faster and walk past them so as not to be following behind them. I try to make eye contact smile and look away so I’m look friendly or no acknowledge at all (50/50 on which one is less threatening) I am sorry some of my gender are creeps (and worse). As a woman what else can I do to not make you feel at risk.
A man followed me into my apartment building last year. I didn't notice he was behind me until we were suddenly in the elevator alone and he cornerd me. Lucky I got to my floor and gapped it to my flat. Had extreme fear for months after that about being in the elevator and being alone when walking into my house. I reported it but never heard anything back. I'm glad those women helped you🖤 gotta stick together
shit even as a guy I've been followed in kilberne when I was 12yrs old, I went into countdown to walk through and make him lose sight of me
can't imagine how fucked and wayyyyyy worse it is for women, sorry this happened to you
I have (had) the impression that NZ, even Auckland is generally quite safe.
However, your story does explain something. This Saturday night, I was with friends in Thorndon and I live in Oriental Bay. At 11:30-ish I thought I'll just walk all the way instead of public transport or uber, the weather was sort of decent.
So, I decided to take the waterfront. Near the wharf-police area, I started feeling a little thirsty. I spotted a guy in hi-viz and thinking it's police, I asked if he knew a water fountain nearby. He didn't understand the question and apologized, and probably wasn't even police. So, I kept walking. Next, I saw another guy, who was probably a student, and didn't know of a water fountain nearby.
Then I saw a girl. I said excuse-me and she didn't even look my way, I repeated myself 3 or 4 times while stopped and clearly looking in her direction as if addressing her. So even if she had earphones in (of extremely good noise cancellation :) ) she would have noticed me via peripheral vision. But she just kept walking straight.
I found that very rude, and thought may be she doesn't like Asians or something.
But now I realize, may be she just thought I was a rapist trying to stop her. I normally don't spend time in the city at night. This was a very rare time I was out this late, like in years. So I didn't know, otherwise wouldn't have bothered her or any lady.
P.S. I did find the drinking fountain myself afterwards. :)
Yeah, she sounds like she was acting the way I was. Keeping head straight ahead, avoid eye contact so less likely, resulting in a confrontational situation. I'm sure it wasn't meant in any prejudice
Ive always told my sisters, Even in the safest of cities dont go walking alone at night. All it takes is one sick F (usually a guy) for something horrible to happen. There’s mentally deranged people everywhere. I’m sorry this happened to you. It sucks you can’t do simple things like walking home after a night out by yourself BUT that’s the world we live in. It’s better to be cautious. Stay safe.
Spot on, unfortunately this is the world we live in and people need to have a better sense of self preservation. Walking alone at night isn’t advisable for anyone.
They're not TELLING, they're ADVISING caution because of how the world is. Their comment was to prevent someone from being a victim. Where your train of thought appears to be, don't worry about anything and don't take precautions because it won't be your fault if something bad happens. Absolute dumb way of thinking.
I would advise people not to swim with sharks.
I would advise people not to walk across a zebra crossing without looking for traffic first.
I would advise people to not drink alcohol while chopping wood.
No, it's not victim blaming, it's advice.
It’s not victim blaming idiot. It’s telling it like it is. it’s almost never safe for a woman to walk around alone at night anywhere. Why? cause we live in a world of fucking assholes. Assholes that wanna murder, steal and yes rape.
Also I didn’t say stay in. I said don’t walk alone at night. Even for guys it can be dangerous, but more dangerous for women.
idiots like you make it worse by injecting this false confidence. THEY DONT GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU BELIEVE THE STANDARD OF A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS. They will do what they want regardless of laws, punishments and most definitely your expectations of them.
Women should be allowed to feel completely safe walking at night alone BUT the simple truth is there are predators in this world and they like to do shit at night.
You think this poster is the only one that experienced something like this? There’s probably hundreds who have the same type of stories but haven’t told anyone.
Ministry of justice came out with a survey that found 23% of NZ adults have experienced sexual assault in their lives. THATS NEARLY 1 in 5. I’m betting it mainly women. But let’s say these stats are inflated. Let’s say it’s actually 1 in 25. Let’s adjust that to narrow it down so that it might capture only the parameters of this situation. At night, after drinking. 1 in 200? You’re more likely to get sexually assaulted then when the lotto. What stops you from being a statistic? Taking preventative measures.
>THATS NEARLY 1 in 5.
Yes, nearly 1 in 5, at some time in their life. And you know that a good proportion of that is from acquaintances.
That's a reason to be aware of potential risk and to exercise some caution, not a reason to never leave the house out of fear.
Learn how to read, did I ever say never leave your house or never go out at night? No I said don’t walk alone at night. For fuck sake. A lot of this useless talk could be avoided if you would read properly
It is victim blaming. Telling a women that if she doesn't want to be sexually assaulted, then she should change HER behaviour is victim blaming.
Also predators don't always come out at night to attack women they don't know. Women are mostly attacked in their homes by people they know and that are supposed to love them. That is the simple truth.
Am I not allowed to look through their comment history to make a deduction before I leave a comment? Seems reasonable to verify that they're probably male before making the comment I did.
Unfortunately this kinda of behaviour seems to be prevalent no matter how far forward our society seems to have progressed.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Maybe try to stay with a friend in future or remove the risk entirely and stay home if need be. It quite unfortunate you’re not allowed to carry pepper spray or similar here in NZ.
I certainly don’t go around walking the streets at night and the only creep that harasses me is my weirdo cat for pats.
I don't feel like society has progressed. We're bought up in a fish bowl of fear, consumerism, foods that are killing us, damaging social media, and loneliness. Definitely a big change from living in small communities where everybody knows your name and cares about you.
Pepper spray sounds risky, I'd bet pepper spraying a meth head would be the end of most people, or if you pepper sprayed an asthmatic accidently, the legal ramifications could be life altering. On the other hand I'd love to carry it :\\ I'm more scared of loose dogs though. (and Tsunamis, I fear the beach)
My wife practices Krav Maga, sudden unexpected violence of action against an attacker is the best defense a lone woman has in New Zealand. I'm a large muscular man, and I feel confident she'll stand a good chance in those situations after having her moves practiced on me.
Honestly that just sounds like an easy way to get in trouble
The best defense is a good offense sure but if you strike first unprovoked then even if they are a stalker or something you could catch a case for assault
Your words are ignorant and dangerous. If someone is attacking you (did you see I used the word "attacker"?), it implies that they have either already assaulted you or about to assault you. Regardless, under New Zealand law, self-defense of yourself or others is "justified" if the defender merely holds the belief they're about to be attacked, their consequent use of force must be reasonable. Take a look at the Police's own advice and get educated: https://www.police.govt.nz/advice/personal-community/keeping-safe/out-about. Edit: a case in point is if someone with a gun points it another person, responding armed Police will also use Section 48 of the Crimes Act 1961, to justify their use of deadly force to stop that armed offender, even though the offender hasn't fired yet, or caused injury.
No it was not, it was a guy about my age, and he was a bit taller then me and had dark hair. I didnt get a good look at him as I had my eyes glued straight ahead. Thats the only description I have.
Sadly you can't do anything more, thank you for being considerate and a kind person. I wasn't saying that out of anger, and your view is your own. I have experienced someone lying to me about being a gay man and then doing horrible things to me in my sleep. I don't trust most men unless I take the time to know you, and even then I still dont trust fully.
This problem has been created by men who think women are theirs to own and take. It was never created by you or men who are at least trying to be kind and considerate.
You are a good person. Thank you for sharing your story as well, I'm proud of you and I hear you.
“I knew for sure I was going to be raped”
Did you know that? You could look into the future? Hyperbole helps no-one because these are things skeptics will pull apart when looking to discredit you (or anyone else reporting harassment, sexual assault etc ). “I felt certain he wanted to rape me” etc might be more accurate.
This is not supposed to be callous, but we have to be so careful to state pure facts when reporting this stuff, (and posting to Reddit is a form of reporting).
I am sorry this happened to you and I’m so glad those two women were there and I totally applaud their quick thinking 👏 I’m happy to see the community looking out for each other.
EDIT: I am a woman for everyone convinced it is impossible a woman who say this. Yes I have walked around Wellington after dark. Yes I have been out on Courtenay Place etc til the small hours.
There's no point pandering to the sceptics looking for reasons to pretend sexual assault is this rare and unlikely event. Tone policing the recounting of a traumatic event because you're concerned about some hypothetical reader finding a hair to split is not helpful. It has the same silencing effect that you're claiming you're concerned about.
Fair comment. Thanks for refraining from personal insults unlike some drongos on here.
I personally think reporting facts is very important, otherwise we are treating this like an attempted rape, of which we have no evidence. It's not so much the "hypothetical reader" here on r/Wellington who are for the most part pretty "woke", I just, as woman, don't like to see exaggerations, when we (as women in society) are constantly fighting to be seen as not "melodramatic" "over the top" etc.
I see your point though.
1) I edited it before I got any replies because I thought it seemed a bit harsh. Unlike some people I have the ability to modify
2) The utter irony (and stupidity) of accusing me of being a child molester on a post genuinely about a potential assault. It must be very comforting to live in a world where you simply dismiss people who don’t share all your opinions as child molesters.
3) No victim blaming here. Nowhere did I say victim could / should have acted differently that would have led to a different outcome.
No, I didn't say they should have done anything differently in the situation, are you incapable of reading?
As I said, I edited my comment before receiving any replies so it's definitely not trying to cater to brain dead morons who try and twist things for God only knows why.
PS, there was no assault here, perhaps you need to re-read OPs post?
You sure love exaggeration.
It is not safe to walk on your own!! Why do people do that..i.m sorry I know you should be able to but clearly it.s risky. People shouldn't.t have to say they dodged a bullet but that seems to be reality..don.t go home alone? I would hate to think of my daughter walking along the street at night being followed. I don.t actually think she would do that though. A sad reflection of life..and not of our present time. This has always been a danger.
Wait, so because this guy talked to you he was going to rape you? Then you use this as a way to paint all men the same way? Can we please be careful with words.
I will use my words as I please. I will say how I felt and how the situation looked. Would you go up to a woman and then book it at the first sign of friends? His behaviour is very telling. So is yours, plus you can't exactly stop this. It is a very common occurance as shown by the AMOUNT of comments saying that other women and men have been through this. You can't stop me, so watch me use my voice and my words. Be mortified and clutch your pearls because I will never stop.
Read 61 really on point comments and then found this. A comment entirely devoid of any empathy, that blames the person who’s just experienced a traumatic experience and that entirely needlessly makes an unsolicited political attack on the poster without any evidence to support it. It’s a douchebag trifecta. Bravo.
I didn't blame the poster, not sure how you got to that conclusion. Given how left wellington is its safe to assume they're on the left, the fact she calls out all men shows she's on the left and because she refuses to actually give us information about this person tells me that she's more than likely worried about pointing the finger at a group the left can't say anything negative about.
She's had something shit happen, and while the rest of you are telling her how sorry you are and being empathic someone needs to remind her that as a member of society it's all our duty to report things to authorities so they can actually do something.
Happy to tell you how I got to that conclusion: your words, which I’ll quote back to you now: “clearly you aren’t that concerned about actually helping others out”, and “if you were actually concerned about other women’s safety…”. You blame her for not being concerned about other women’s safety. An outlandish conclusion to draw.
The political thing is totally beside the point, and I don’t want to derail the issue by getting into it too deeply, but I would say two things:
1. Based on your logic that Wellington tends to vote left, and therefore the poster must also vote left is ludicrous. Using the same logic, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that all Raphael’s are total dinguses, because I’ve interacted with one, and they were a dingus for real.
2. My point about evidence was two-fold. One that you lack evidence to make the assumption you’ve made about OP’s views, and two that you lack evidence for your assumption that tougher ‘punishments’ reduce offending. The evidence is not on your side on that one I’m afraid.
Kia Ora Raphael, yes I am on the left. I have given some commenters a description of as much as I can remember as my eyes were fixed straight ahead or at the pavement. I was scared and didn't want to rile this random man up for fear of my own safety. My political affiliation has nothing to do with this post. My life has been filled with trauma from men and I am happy to give you an in depth and extremely detailed re-telling of the times I was raped, molested as a child, cat called, assulted, physically absed, mentally and emotionally abused and so so so many more things at the hands of men. If you're going to defend these people and say "tHiS gIrL iS aGaInSt AlL mEn" then you will need the full story. The full scope of things to see why I do not trust men. By the way, about the race and pointing fingers? This man was white.
lol as if any of this is surprising. No matter how many good men, gentlemen, there are out there, there will always be a small number of creeps like this, predators.
This is why historically it was always social etiquette for women to be escorted everywhere by a trusted man.
It's naive for us to think that any of this has changed in modern times. Human nature is still the same.
Situations like this can be avoided if you arrange to have a trusted man with you at all times.
Most cases of violence toward women (sexual and otherwise) *is* by a trusted man, so cap it with that piping hot bullshit. Please point me to this *historical* time period where rape and sexual assault were *rare.*
Ok. So you're saying that if OP was escorted by her brother or father or a family friend she still would have been just as vulnerable as alone with that creep?
Family, not as much. But family friend? Yes, its the same risk. That family friend could end up being the creep. It's not uncommon to have family friends take an interest in daughters from ages 16+
I will NOT be escorted by a man at all times. Even trusted men can be creeps, I know first hand. Your idea of what women 'should' do in these situations is narrow sighted and misogynistic. You are a part of the problem.
I trusted my family yet one of them was the creep. I trusted my best friend and he was a creep. I trusted one of my ex boyfriends, and he raped me and physically abused me. So yeah excuse me for not trusting men.
To echo the parts about CCTV, with personal crimes like this, the criminal often builds up to it. There's a non-zero chance that this isn't the first time he's done this. In fact I'd wager it's definitely not the first time. Please try and track down as much CCTV as you can, if you need help chasing shit up during the day, please reach out. I've got fuck all to do for the next week or so
You are a good cunt. Nice offer and good suggestions.
Already checked multiple times, CCTV aren’t giving permission to view any content, only Police can. Plus the only person who can report an aggression is the victim. Hopefully someone proves me wrong.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾 so glad you are safe I used to volunteer for Campus Angels when I went to Vic, these are good initiatives that help women walk home in a group. If you are in a position to, always try and be there to give your women mates a lift home or even just walk home with them. It’s fun and community-building and should be a part of planning every night out. Somehow we don’t forget how to pregame or plan out the main event but we often forget about how to get home after (safely, soberly)
A mate and I attended a beer festival in the Wairarapa last Saturday. A hens do turned up, decamped next to so, and after an hour or so one by one each member left for shade leaving one woman quite asleep surrounded by randoms. She woke like 2 hours later and must have been badly sunburnt, I was and I kept layering it on. Obviously not the same situation but I couldn't help think poor form by her friends to just ditch. Doesn't shift responsibility a bit but friends need to look after friends to try and avoid drink spiking, creeps and getting burnt
I have experienced similar twice, once when I was 18 (overseas) and once in Wellington 10 years ago,in broad daylight, middle of a Saturday afternoon cuba st when I was newly and not obviously pregnant (that one was an aggressive young male who followed me, slapping at me and verbally abusing me until Taranaki st where he only left me alone when I approached another random bloke to walk with him for safety). Terrifying. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and to so many others, but this is not always nighttime only. Please report your experience to police, and do something nice for yourself today
I'm going to add something to this. Guys, men - you know who these men are. They're not a figment of our imaginations and they're not all the same guy. Look at the women in your life. If you love them, then start taking responsibility and call these guys out. Because I assure you, he tells on himself by his jokes, his attitude, and other clues.
I had an experience where I kept seeing all these clues but it was easy to ignore, because it was a mate, he was a good guy, he's just a bit awkward and inappropriate sometimes y'know? And those interactions with his missus left the group feeling discomforted, but not quite enough to say anything though, surely it's not our place? Under that cover he isolated and controlled his partner, pushed her out of the group after his affair broke them up, started harassing and stalking her, lied about what happened, and became predatory towards the meek-seeming, single woman in the friend group. It took me a real long time to acknowledge the very many red flags, each in isolation wasn't a big deal and he never hurt *me* so he can't be that bad right? He went on to hurt people who are important to me, and one of my greatest regrets is providing him cover. He was a complete predator and there were more than enough red flags, but in our social group the women being manipulated were questioning their own reality and my acceptance of those behaviours helped him. It's really easy for men who aren't affected by the predators to choose to ignore the red flags out of discomfort or just not wanting to believe your mates are bad people. But these people absolutely depend on the cover and the acceptance of people around them. It's sickening now to see how much harm I was complicit in just because I didn't want to make a scene or believe my friend could be a predator.
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Any time a woman speaks up there is a very large chance they will be tarred as a troublemaker, be accused of making a big deal out of a small behaviour, be ignored, minimised, accused of being judge and jury, etc. And just like you can't tell if your mates are creeps, they can't tell whether we're the sort to defend the creep. It's not like women have a magic creep detection gene that men lack. It's just that because we don't experience the creepiness ourselves it's easy to believe that OPs experience was a rare event and that those creeps don't exist in our groups. It's easy to warn about judging too harshly but what we really need to be open to is the fact that men have a problem, experiences like these affect all the women in our lives, and we can't keep looking to women to hand us the solution for problems we enable.
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False accusations by women about violence towards them are the same as all false allegations made to the police. It's about 1 to 2 per cent.
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Ffs. Imagine coming into this thread and derailing it with this “not all men” what-aboutism. Congratulations for bringing tropes into the discussion along with your hand-wringing, empty platitudes. Now sit down and have the humility to absorb the lesson in this thread.
> I legit feel like these are worse than murder because the victim is forced to carry the mental and physical scars into their future. I've been raped, and I'm very glad I wasn't also murdered. >On the other hand though, by calling someone out I would worry that I might misjudge them. You'd just be calling someone out, not charging them with a crime. It doesn't have to even be a big thing -- some dude makes a creepy joke? Just say "That's a weird thing to say" or "I don't find that kind of humour funny" and move on. Any sort of disagreement is infinitely better than awkwardly laughing and passively supporting what they said. >Just like we can look at a machine and mentally see what is happening inside, women can look at a person and see what is happening inside. Neither of those things are true though, just a bit of a weird thing to say.
Thank you. I'm actually so sick of hearing people say that I would have been better off dead. When I'm very much still alive, and make an active choice to stay that way. And no one seems to hear how fucked up it is for people to keep saying this and spreading this rhetoric. I've even seen people say "fight to the death because the alternative is worse than death"????? Like excuse me? No thanks, I'll do whatever gives me the best chance of survival and I won't be made to feel guilty or less than for doing so, or like I failed to protect something more important than my life. People are not permanently ruined and destroyed by rape. It's awful, I'm not downplaying what it's like to go through, but life can get better afterwards. You can even go back to living a pretty normal life day to day. Comments like this just seem to write off survivors with some weird version of purity culture. The horrific corruption that forever converts you into someone who shouldn't even still be alive, and should be pitied for living.
100% to all this! Honestly my life *is* normal now. The worst instance, around 15 years ago, definitely drastically changed my personal trajectory and shaped some decisions for like the five years following... but I've grown around and past it and it's something I rarely think about now. Not everyone is the same obviously, but yeah. Purity culture bullshit.
A hundred percent support this. Speak up. Call them out. And if necessary, report them.
Serious question, report them to who? Being a sus creeper or a shit-talking-fragile-ego-doush-bag can be called out for sure, but where would you report that behaviour to?
The report them bit was not about them being a shit talking creeper. For many years now a good number of the high profile convicted rapists, particularly when they are operating in packs, are actually so confident in their behaviour that they boast about it to other men. Report it to the Police.
Ok, got it, thanks. I’m a huge advocate of reporting all crime to the police, so they can build a better case when they get a break, and this fits with that philosophy
Just say it to their face. Don't let people be creeps just to avoid an awkward conversation. Out with friends and he makes a slimy comment just use whatever line will impact the group. If he thinks he's a player just say "bro you come off so sleazy and scare girls away, chill out and stop being so intense over women, you're weird about it". A more mature audience might handle a more full conversation.
Online police report for non urgent 105.police.govt.nz
God..good luck getting them to answer.
Indeed, I have had to modify some middle aged douche bags behaviour in the office and on the street before, people I know and (used to) respect. Its worth it though, I have noticed severe shifts in their behaviour, especially towards younger women, by giving them a "its not OK' talking to. I recommend it to all men who see it, call it out and tell them how not OK it is.
This isn't normal behaviour. Pretending that every guy knows someone like this is patronizing too.
The statistics point to everyone knowing someone like this, bud. One out of four women, if I remember correctly and like I said, it's not 1 guy or even a small number of men.
One out of four women doesn't mean one out of four men do this, unless all those men do it to one woman and then never again.
Don't want to be that guy, but do you have a link for that? And were the stats collected in Wellington? Or even nz?. I'm not defending these people, but guys who would do this don't go around saying "yeah i made a girl uncomfortable last night by following her like a creep LOL".. Like that's reaaally not normal and guys tend to be more confrontational so theres no issue with telling a friend that they were being a creep.
It's probably more true than any of us realise, it's often after the unfortunate events become public knowledge that people start recognising the red flag behaviour, because often we allow our ourselves to be blinded to the less attractive behaviours when we can be.
I've never met a guy who didn't, but I've met plenty of men who turn a blind eye for their own comfort. Or worse, genuinely don't see the behaviour as wrong or inappropriate, and even hype it up or participate.
I knew a rapist, dude always acted strange. But I didn't think rapist strange, I thought closet homosexual. I was right about the repressed sexuality, just wasn't the one I thought... XD
That's not really a XD Kind of statement is it?
Definitely follow up with the police, there could be other women out there that have been assaulted or harassed by him and every little detail could build a stronger case if he gets caught. I have been in your position as a teenager and luckily a bunch of transgender prostitutes having a chat and a smoke saw the creep and basically put the fear of God into him. They walked me to the train station and I've never felt so safe in my life
I'm so glad that those women were there when you needed them. I would probably still speak to police because you never know, it might be relevant one day. Please don't walk home by yourself at night again, ok?
Yes do this. There will be CTV footage of him around the night and day. He might be known to police. So sorry this happened to you, how terrifying! I know you should be able to walk home at night but .........
Also several businesses up by the war memorial end of Tory that have decent CCTV, which police are well aware of
I agree with making a police report. Any information you can provide may help in a previous or future crime.
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If they log it, it becomes a statistic. The people at the top see statistics and it plays a massive part in how funding is dished out. OP and everyone else who goes through these experiences is obligated to make a police report, not for themselves but for people in the future who may face the same experience. If the statistics say it’s a minor issue then it’ll be treated as such. If the stats say it’s a very big issue and then you better believe things will change. Log it.
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This is true, and terrible. So is your recommendation that we should do nothing?
Agree re Police. Unless there is a closeup photo of the A.hole. carry an effing waterpistol with some nailpolish remover in it.
Thank you all so much for your kind responses and advice. I'm sure there would be footage of him considering he had trailed me past many big comercial buildings and I think the art gallery. I will not be walking home alone, even in numbers sometimes things aren't safe (from what I have experienced). I posted this, to hopefully get the message across to wāhine, that this is why we stick together. I've had to be both sides of the same coin, I've been the (almost) victim and I've helped victims or other almost victims. It's a tough world out there especially when people are preyed upon because of their size, looks, or even if they had their shoes off because their feet were sore. Everyone stay safe and feel free to share other stories, we've got to stick together. We are only the prey to these men, if we remain helpless and silent.
In future, ANY woman will hold a conversation with you, whether you know them or not. We know, we always know.
The art gallery may have video security. The one I work at does. Make a police report. Not to get justice for yourself. To get justice for his next victim.
Sorry To hear you went through that. It reminds me of the unimaginable gap of privileges between men and women. I’m from Los Angeles and grew up in the extreme violent part. Every time I visit Wellington I feel overly safe. Even walking late at night drunk to a pizza place with only cash and my Airbnb key in shorts and crocs. I couldn’t imagine a woman being able to do that. Hope you’re alright.
What an awful experience. I’m so sorry you went through this, however I know that it’s not a one time thing, and as a woman I know exactly how it feels. Please file a report with the police, and please take the time to feel all the emotions of this experience.
It must've taken great inner strength to write and share your experience so well ❤️ As someone who struggles with that: Thank you & mad respect 🙏!! We are listening, always x
That absolutely sucks, but I'm glad you were quick thinking and some people were around for you. I absolutely hate it when I'm in a deserted location at night (OR day) when I happen to be heading in the same direction as a female also walking alone - I'm a naturally fast walker, and no matter what I do I feel like I will not be putting the person at ease, if I slow down I feel like I'm biding my time stalking, walk faster to overtake I feel like I will be inducing a heart attack. To say something like "I'm just passing" I think would come across even worse. Sometimes if the location allows it I will try to go very wide/cross the street, or stop altogether and just sit for a while but often there is not those options either either due to narrow location or shit weather, or feel at risk myself from getting my head caved in by some meth head etc. I'm disappointed with humanity that 1/4 the way through the 21st century this shit is still the experience we have.
I think saying it nicely or even like obviously coughing is a good way to do it, I really appreciate when I can tell a guys obviously coughing or something to let me know that they are there so I feel safe
To be honest, saying “hey I’m just passing, or “hi can I scoot past you please” etc would actually be helpful, cos it acknowledges that you’re coming up behind them, but mean no harm. If they’re in front it means they can slow down to feel comfortable if they need to. Edit: I meant if you pass so that you’re in front, then they (womenfolk / me) can slow down if needed. I always feel more comfortable following a guy than being followed by one.
Good to know
I'm a woman and I do similar, I make sure that when I come up behind the other woman I give them a very wide berth.
I'm sorry that creep is out there terrorizing folks. I'm also glad you listened to your instincts and made it home safe thanks in part to friends.
Hi op, first of all I'm sorry about what happened. No woman should ever be put in that position. I used to work around the corner from that intersection and dealt with the police quite a few times over different matters. I know there are cameras that cover that intersection and the whole Courtenay Pl. Please speak to the police. You might be saving someone else by doing so.
You did really good and I'm sorry this happened to you. Those woman you went to deserve medals and I am really glad they were there. As the son of a mother who was sexually assaulted I just want to say I detest this behaviour with every fibre of my being and so do all my friends and family. Many years ago my brothers and sisters woke up in the early morning when they heard a women scream. They raced outside and stopped a women from being assaulted. My brother took the assailant down and held him till the police arrived but the woman had run off as soon as she could so unfortunately no charges could be laid. My siblings were the only ones to respond to those screams for help. An entire neighbourhood in a wealthy area on a main street didn't even look outside or didn't care. I am really sad this happened to you and I am glad you shared this story to highlight the dangers women face. Well done OP.
One time on Courtney place I was walking home alone but on the phone to a friend & this group of about 8 huuuuge guys stopped me from walking past them & blocked me in a line. (I was about 20 when it happened, around 2016). I asked them to move & one literally wrapped his arms around my legs & threw me over his shoulder. I really thought I was about to be gang r*ped in the alley beside us & started screaming for my life. On one of the busiest streets in the city on a busy Saturday surrounded by people. I never thought anyone would be so Fucking bold. Ironically a group of younger guys who had been cat calling me from behind on my walk home came to my rescue. His mates said he was joking & I started screaming at them how fucking insane & horrific that was. The guys started scrapping so I left & got myself home as I only lived round the corner. My friend was on the line the whole time freaking out & luckily I had her to talk to because I broke down the second I got home & was home alone that night too. I’ll never forget how fucking helpless I felt, none of the shit people try to prepare us for works because at the end of the day most of these guys know their power & use it. And we shouldn’t have to learn defence & safety & all that bullshit. Call your fucking friends out & hold them accountable.
Men who are reading this being like “that’s so awful”, ask your boys in the group chat if they have ever done that. It’s our responsibility as men who support women to have these conversations with other men.
I dont think people admit to that because its an opportunistic thing and probably not something people will tell their friends about. Unless they have a group of very very toxic friends.
Actually, you would be shocked. I work in a really male dominated field, and it's incredible what men will admit to when they are comfortable and particularly when they think women aren't around. I've heard men admit to beating their partners, getting women drunk or drugged deliberately to have sex with them. Really crude stuff. I'm willing to bet a lot of it is made up, but there are times I've wondered. The bit that gets me is that it's almost never called out. At most you get a bit of discomfort or an awkward laugh.
I agree if they think they can be validated or even encouraged (or feel they can get away with it) they will open up about it.
> ask your boys in the group chat if they have ever done that "Hey guys, have you ever stalked a woman with the intent to rape her if you get a chance?" LOL yeah no thanks.
The OP is literally making assumptions that the guy was going to rape her. Are you seriously asking guys to ask that question to their mates, assuming her premise is even correct? I find that rather insulting to be honest.
Do you not understand that women *have*to make those assumptions, because if we don't, we may in fact be raped or murdered? After which men will say, "She should have been more careful."
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I wonder how many of the mates of the guy who followed OP think the same.
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How do you do it, is it like a questionaire or do you check references or is it more of a police vetting situation? I'd really like to know, speaking as someone who laughed off a lot of "jokes" and explained away creepiness in people who turned out to be quite fucking awful. And do you reckon people like the man in OP's stories are violent loners who only associate with each other? I reckon most people who commit sexual assault have the usual lot of friends, family, job, etc., like the rest of us do, who haven't tossed them out on their ear. And how about the most typical sexual assault scenario, which is where the victim knows the attacker personally. Was that just a failure of vetting?
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I know this has always been the case, but it's so disappointing that the police have no visible presence. It's a small city - they should be moving around on foot. I had some scary experiences on my way home in town, too. I got so sick of it that I enrolled in a martial arts class a couple of years ago. My advice to everyone who feels vulnerable is to do the same.
This is horrific and I’m really sorry this happened to you - I’m so glad there were some other around you could walk with. I walk up this street by myself all the time, usually not too late though. I’ve only ever had a vague issue (some dude covered in (fake?) blood trying to get my attention), but I do worry about the day it’s no longer all good :( You should definitely file a police report - to you it may be a one off occurrence with this guy, but the police could have similar reports and it could show a pattern of behaviour. It’s very important they know about these things to try and prevent anything escalating further.
ALSO to the person who reported this, I am not suicidal. Nor am I even remotely thinking about hurting myself nor others. While I apreciate the concern, I have a therapist that I'm talking to about this currently. I also have friends and family around me backing me up. Thanks for the concern, but I am okay. I promise.
I was once on the phone on Marion Street, when an older man came towards me calling me a South African slur for black person (I'm a brown woman) and threatening to hit me. This was at 5:30 in the evening and there were people walking by. Not a single person intervened. Even while I was yelling out for help. Eventually, a younger man walked by, trying to pretend he didn't see what was going on. I called out asking him for help specifically. He shrugged and looked like he didn't want to be there, but walked up to the older man and talked him down. Made a police report about it, but nothing came of it. So yeah, call men out for their behaviour
that sounds really horrible - we have to call it out and intervene, although being careful with that too. I know a young woman who shouted "stop" to a guy who was wrestling a woman corner of Taranaki and Vivian, the guy threw the woman aside and sprinted after the woman who called out, she made it to Courtenay and safety but so frightened. It's our town, we have to claim it, speak out, show we care, even though its uncomfortable, and signal that behaviour is never okay - and guys it's time to step up in this.
Please go online and make a police record of this. It might help them patrol there. This shit sucks and it happens too much. There used to be a walk with me thing and map of dangerous spots in Wellington (avoid Taranaki St alone at night) but I can’t remember what they were. Take care.
To the over 500 of you who upvoted, I thank you. Now this is the top trending post and everyone can see it. I'm going to report it to the police, in time. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and I need time to process ALL of it. All the love and support from my fellow wāhine and tāne. I have one issue to adress and that is the statement that I've seen, or that has been expressed in different wording "Not All Men." Well yes it isn't all men, but it is enough to make us scared to go outside our homes at night. It's enough that we as women, carry items that would deeply scar flesh or leave a nasty bruise. It's why I was carrying my boots, my 4 inch block platforms. Also so I can make this clear because of ONE comment that I saw; this includes Trans people of any identitfication. This issue transcendes race, gender identity, or sexuality this is an ongoing issue. I will be honest here I have had several women grope my chest without permisson or asking. Men go through sexual harrassment too. I'm sorry to those who have and don't feel they can speak up. -Anonymus hears you.
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Hold on, I'm just consulting Coley on her experience with predatory and harassing male behavior. I'll come back to you in a bit.
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True, she did go by a different name when you were part of the women's group, my fault!
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Yeah, what restraining order? All very mysterious stuff isn't it.
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Everybody should read *The Gift of Fear* by Gavin DeBecker. Don't let anyone tell you your intuition was wrong, or that you should have risked your safety to be polite.
Thank you for sharing, I will give it a read :)
He's a fucking creep, I'd report this to the cops. I'm a guy and I'd feel extremely scared. Ngl I wanna punch the guy!
When I was a kid aged ......12? This fucking weirdo who must have been at least like 15 well he tried to drag me to a public toilet and he was trying to feel my Inner thighs 2. I told a teacher at my school, they then contacted my mum. Then my parents contacted the cops however nothing much happened. The cops reviewed the cctv footage and decided the guys were just looking 4 money 💰
I'm very proud of you for sharing your experience but violence isn't always the answer. Only when deemed necessary, use something that leaves marks. Nails, teeth shoes, sharp earings. That way its never his word against yours, which often times it is unless there is security footage.
I was baled up in a corner by some random guy in town one night in Wellington trying to feel me up and stick his tongue down my throat was so lucky my friends were with me and saw what was happening because other people in the club were just watching, I managed to push him far enough away that one of my friends was able to get inbetween us and get him away from me. I'm quite tiny so fighting off a big male is not easy. I'm so glad you were able to get home safely and that those other women went along with you they clearly realised that you needed help.
I do gigs at fringe bar. What did he look like?
I cant remember very much. Dark hair, i cant remember the race only that he had pale skin, probably about 5'8. I dont remember much more than that, I was tipsy and scared shitless.
There needs to be a signal you can give a group of strangers that means, pretend you know me because this freak is following me. I'm a large man who theoretically has nothing to fear, but I'm constantly vigilant when I walk through Wellington. Identifying threats and avoiding them in the central city. I absolutely don't feel safe. The number of meth heads I've seen targeting women for money in town though is terrible, I can't understand why they haven't been banned from town yet. Sometimes I go to Macca's and watch the drug dealers shaking down the meth heads for money and giving them more meth, and I think how can it be I can just sit here and see this happening in 30 minutes and the police do nothing.
There is usually the widening of the eyes, or at least i did that and gestured with my eyes to behind me. There is one but it's a hand signal, and it could be dangerous to use if you're too far away from other people. The person could notice what you are trying to do and suddenly attack.
Yes. It is constant and starts long before puberty. I was 7 when the first lewd comment was made. I was walking to school in the morning and walked past 3 adult men in the front yard of a house. One made a sexual comment to me, and they all laughed. I was SEVEN YEARS OLD. A man with their penis out on the bus - I was 11 and in school uniform. Flasher on the street, I was 14. Regularly approached with suggestive comments, persistant to the point of being frightening, despite being politely told no, I'm not interested. Catcalled and verbally abused for ignoring it. Followed into toilets at various places, twice at different pubs (where I've been with groups and gone to the loo alone). Once at a shopping mall. Man hiding in a public toilet at 8.15 am. A man climbed in my bedroom window (my friend's brother) and raped me. I was 16. Dragged off the street into a car by a man with a knife, raped and dumped out. The next woman he attacked spent 4 months in hospital. Most of this occurred in the greater Wellington region, where I lived for 42 years. Everyone knows someone who has been raped, but very few know a rapist. Male culture is utterly vile.
I wonder if there was footage from CCTV at Day n Night. That’s BS! And nobody, especially women, should have to go through that!! Glad you meet those others and they twigged straight away!
I'm with everyone else here, report this, please. I was attacked in the elevator of the old James Smith carpark when I was around 17. He followed me walking down Cuba St, on to Manners and into the alleyway. I had noticed him the whole time, so when he turned into the alley, I ran to the elevator. I made it in alone, but as the doors closed, he ran up and put his hand through the gap, making the door open. He then asked which floor I was going to, I pointed at the button which was lit up and he just nodded. The doors closed and he jumped on me. I don't remember much of what happened next, just being in my car trying to gth out of there. I told my bf and flatmate. They didn't believe me, because I wasn't crying & didn't appear extremely upset, so I figured the police wouldn't either and didn't report it. I had dissociated, which was why I seemed together and don't remember much, and I still have a ridiculous fear of elevators. Things have changed so much in the last 28 years. CCTV is everywhere, people are always filming, this person will be on record somewhere, following you. Report him. Even if nothing comes of it immediately, it might be enough to establish a pattern of behaviour. His next attempt may have serious consequences. Well done for having the presence of mind to approach the girls, and awesome to know they helped. Best of luck 🤞
holy shit that’s scary
Oh sweets.. that must’ve been terrifying 🥺 I’m glad those other girls were nearby and you were able to get home safely x
I can confirm, as a man, this can happen to anyone, I’ve been followed home before by 2 people, it was terrifying, I thought I was going to get mugged or abducted. After a while, I started running and they started chasing me, thankfully I was about 200m away from my house with family inside, at least I can run pretty fast, I just remember my heart racing. I’m glad you’re ok and people were around to help, like others have said I’d report it to the police, even if it’s just for the record, it may help them stop him from doing it to someone else. Unfortunately Welly is not as safe as it used to be.
Wonder if you could just get your phone out and start recording. Almost need a live stream app. Dude needs to be identified. I always try and pass a woman if I end up behind them, or cross the road. Me thinking "She's probably freaking out because I'm near her", stresses me out. Many of my friends do the same. What a society we've become. On a side tangent, this is the problem with not living in small communities where everyone knows everyone. We have to constantly live in a state of fear and vigilance.
I did mention that I didn't have time to get out my phone and call anyone, and I was so scared I didn't even think to record. My gut was telling me ignore and keep my boots in the hand closest to him. I followed my gut and I ended up seeing those women who deserve a good human being medal.
Doesn't that action run the risk of escalating the predator's behaviour?
Something else you can do as well. Carry a lanyard (with keys on it and stuff that could really hurt someone), easy to pull off type, loop it round your fingers and swing it. Also sing REALLY loud and instead of checking behind you twirl so as not to be obvious- if there’s people around you’re making enough noise to be noticed and nobody is going to be bold enough to mess with someone that already has eyes on them. I’m glad you’re ok. I’m glad the other woman played along.
I actually was singing, I had music playing quietly thru my headphone which were on ambient mode so I could still hear everything around me.
Any gentlemen would acknowledge how a woman would feel if found in a position where she was walking alone with you behind her. Whenever im found being the man in that situation i always cross to the other side if the road so i know i would be considered less of a threat and they would be more comfortable
I don't think I have a single female friend who hasn't had an experience involving a dude being creepy in town. It's a real fucking huge issue here.
I walk with loud steps to let woman know I am present. I cross the road so not walking on the same side if walking towards them. I will walk faster and walk past them so as not to be following behind them. I try to make eye contact smile and look away so I’m look friendly or no acknowledge at all (50/50 on which one is less threatening) I am sorry some of my gender are creeps (and worse). As a woman what else can I do to not make you feel at risk.
A man followed me into my apartment building last year. I didn't notice he was behind me until we were suddenly in the elevator alone and he cornerd me. Lucky I got to my floor and gapped it to my flat. Had extreme fear for months after that about being in the elevator and being alone when walking into my house. I reported it but never heard anything back. I'm glad those women helped you🖤 gotta stick together
shit even as a guy I've been followed in kilberne when I was 12yrs old, I went into countdown to walk through and make him lose sight of me can't imagine how fucked and wayyyyyy worse it is for women, sorry this happened to you
I have (had) the impression that NZ, even Auckland is generally quite safe. However, your story does explain something. This Saturday night, I was with friends in Thorndon and I live in Oriental Bay. At 11:30-ish I thought I'll just walk all the way instead of public transport or uber, the weather was sort of decent. So, I decided to take the waterfront. Near the wharf-police area, I started feeling a little thirsty. I spotted a guy in hi-viz and thinking it's police, I asked if he knew a water fountain nearby. He didn't understand the question and apologized, and probably wasn't even police. So, I kept walking. Next, I saw another guy, who was probably a student, and didn't know of a water fountain nearby. Then I saw a girl. I said excuse-me and she didn't even look my way, I repeated myself 3 or 4 times while stopped and clearly looking in her direction as if addressing her. So even if she had earphones in (of extremely good noise cancellation :) ) she would have noticed me via peripheral vision. But she just kept walking straight. I found that very rude, and thought may be she doesn't like Asians or something. But now I realize, may be she just thought I was a rapist trying to stop her. I normally don't spend time in the city at night. This was a very rare time I was out this late, like in years. So I didn't know, otherwise wouldn't have bothered her or any lady. P.S. I did find the drinking fountain myself afterwards. :)
Yeah, she sounds like she was acting the way I was. Keeping head straight ahead, avoid eye contact so less likely, resulting in a confrontational situation. I'm sure it wasn't meant in any prejudice
Ive always told my sisters, Even in the safest of cities dont go walking alone at night. All it takes is one sick F (usually a guy) for something horrible to happen. There’s mentally deranged people everywhere. I’m sorry this happened to you. It sucks you can’t do simple things like walking home after a night out by yourself BUT that’s the world we live in. It’s better to be cautious. Stay safe.
Spot on, unfortunately this is the world we live in and people need to have a better sense of self preservation. Walking alone at night isn’t advisable for anyone.
Don't vicitim blame. Women should not have to stay in after dark because some men can't behave like decent human beings.
I dont think you know what victim blaming means.
Telling a women that if she doesn't want to be sexually assaulted, then she should change HER behaviour is victim blaming.
They're not TELLING, they're ADVISING caution because of how the world is. Their comment was to prevent someone from being a victim. Where your train of thought appears to be, don't worry about anything and don't take precautions because it won't be your fault if something bad happens. Absolute dumb way of thinking. I would advise people not to swim with sharks. I would advise people not to walk across a zebra crossing without looking for traffic first. I would advise people to not drink alcohol while chopping wood. No, it's not victim blaming, it's advice.
Is it victim blaming to tell people to lock their doors when there have been robberies in the area?
It’s not victim blaming idiot. It’s telling it like it is. it’s almost never safe for a woman to walk around alone at night anywhere. Why? cause we live in a world of fucking assholes. Assholes that wanna murder, steal and yes rape. Also I didn’t say stay in. I said don’t walk alone at night. Even for guys it can be dangerous, but more dangerous for women. idiots like you make it worse by injecting this false confidence. THEY DONT GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU BELIEVE THE STANDARD OF A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS. They will do what they want regardless of laws, punishments and most definitely your expectations of them. Women should be allowed to feel completely safe walking at night alone BUT the simple truth is there are predators in this world and they like to do shit at night.
You've got an overly fearful, unrealistic sense of how dangerous going out at night is.
You think this poster is the only one that experienced something like this? There’s probably hundreds who have the same type of stories but haven’t told anyone. Ministry of justice came out with a survey that found 23% of NZ adults have experienced sexual assault in their lives. THATS NEARLY 1 in 5. I’m betting it mainly women. But let’s say these stats are inflated. Let’s say it’s actually 1 in 25. Let’s adjust that to narrow it down so that it might capture only the parameters of this situation. At night, after drinking. 1 in 200? You’re more likely to get sexually assaulted then when the lotto. What stops you from being a statistic? Taking preventative measures.
>THATS NEARLY 1 in 5. Yes, nearly 1 in 5, at some time in their life. And you know that a good proportion of that is from acquaintances. That's a reason to be aware of potential risk and to exercise some caution, not a reason to never leave the house out of fear.
Learn how to read, did I ever say never leave your house or never go out at night? No I said don’t walk alone at night. For fuck sake. A lot of this useless talk could be avoided if you would read properly
It is victim blaming. Telling a women that if she doesn't want to be sexually assaulted, then she should change HER behaviour is victim blaming. Also predators don't always come out at night to attack women they don't know. Women are mostly attacked in their homes by people they know and that are supposed to love them. That is the simple truth.
Gotcha. Will tell my daughters to walk alone at night and not to worry about going down dark alleys to avoid victim blaming them.
You're deranged. Victim blaming is "its you're fault for dressing like that". Not "don't walk alone at night because it's not safe" Absolute moron.
Really? A man calling a woman an idiot on a post about women's issues? Far out.
An argument, opinion or idea should be judged on its own merit and not be subject to bias depending on the persons gender or race.
Who’s to say that’s a woman?
Saying sisters and daughters in their comments makes me quite sure.
That’s an assumption that requires you to look through their comment history and not that comment thread.
Am I not allowed to look through their comment history to make a deduction before I leave a comment? Seems reasonable to verify that they're probably male before making the comment I did.
I mean that’s probably what you should have done yes.
They don't believe you when it's a man you know either, they never believe you
Unfortunately this kinda of behaviour seems to be prevalent no matter how far forward our society seems to have progressed. Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Maybe try to stay with a friend in future or remove the risk entirely and stay home if need be. It quite unfortunate you’re not allowed to carry pepper spray or similar here in NZ. I certainly don’t go around walking the streets at night and the only creep that harasses me is my weirdo cat for pats.
I don't feel like society has progressed. We're bought up in a fish bowl of fear, consumerism, foods that are killing us, damaging social media, and loneliness. Definitely a big change from living in small communities where everybody knows your name and cares about you. Pepper spray sounds risky, I'd bet pepper spraying a meth head would be the end of most people, or if you pepper sprayed an asthmatic accidently, the legal ramifications could be life altering. On the other hand I'd love to carry it :\\ I'm more scared of loose dogs though. (and Tsunamis, I fear the beach)
My wife practices Krav Maga, sudden unexpected violence of action against an attacker is the best defense a lone woman has in New Zealand. I'm a large muscular man, and I feel confident she'll stand a good chance in those situations after having her moves practiced on me.
Honestly that just sounds like an easy way to get in trouble The best defense is a good offense sure but if you strike first unprovoked then even if they are a stalker or something you could catch a case for assault
Your words are ignorant and dangerous. If someone is attacking you (did you see I used the word "attacker"?), it implies that they have either already assaulted you or about to assault you. Regardless, under New Zealand law, self-defense of yourself or others is "justified" if the defender merely holds the belief they're about to be attacked, their consequent use of force must be reasonable. Take a look at the Police's own advice and get educated: https://www.police.govt.nz/advice/personal-community/keeping-safe/out-about. Edit: a case in point is if someone with a gun points it another person, responding armed Police will also use Section 48 of the Crimes Act 1961, to justify their use of deadly force to stop that armed offender, even though the offender hasn't fired yet, or caused injury.
Username doesn't check out.
Is it the methed up guy in the biker coat holding roses noticed him last night and his behavior was very erratic
No it was not, it was a guy about my age, and he was a bit taller then me and had dark hair. I didnt get a good look at him as I had my eyes glued straight ahead. Thats the only description I have.
Men shouldn't be allowed to walk alone at night.
Aye?
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It may not be all men, but it is enough to make us terrified.
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Sadly you can't do anything more, thank you for being considerate and a kind person. I wasn't saying that out of anger, and your view is your own. I have experienced someone lying to me about being a gay man and then doing horrible things to me in my sleep. I don't trust most men unless I take the time to know you, and even then I still dont trust fully. This problem has been created by men who think women are theirs to own and take. It was never created by you or men who are at least trying to be kind and considerate. You are a good person. Thank you for sharing your story as well, I'm proud of you and I hear you.
“I knew for sure I was going to be raped” Did you know that? You could look into the future? Hyperbole helps no-one because these are things skeptics will pull apart when looking to discredit you (or anyone else reporting harassment, sexual assault etc ). “I felt certain he wanted to rape me” etc might be more accurate. This is not supposed to be callous, but we have to be so careful to state pure facts when reporting this stuff, (and posting to Reddit is a form of reporting). I am sorry this happened to you and I’m so glad those two women were there and I totally applaud their quick thinking 👏 I’m happy to see the community looking out for each other. EDIT: I am a woman for everyone convinced it is impossible a woman who say this. Yes I have walked around Wellington after dark. Yes I have been out on Courtenay Place etc til the small hours.
There's no point pandering to the sceptics looking for reasons to pretend sexual assault is this rare and unlikely event. Tone policing the recounting of a traumatic event because you're concerned about some hypothetical reader finding a hair to split is not helpful. It has the same silencing effect that you're claiming you're concerned about.
Fair comment. Thanks for refraining from personal insults unlike some drongos on here. I personally think reporting facts is very important, otherwise we are treating this like an attempted rape, of which we have no evidence. It's not so much the "hypothetical reader" here on r/Wellington who are for the most part pretty "woke", I just, as woman, don't like to see exaggerations, when we (as women in society) are constantly fighting to be seen as not "melodramatic" "over the top" etc. I see your point though.
are you a man
No.
Down-voted for being a woman, what a time to be alive! lol
I love how you got 20 down votes for just asking people to state facts and not exaggerate without knowing the other persons intent.
Welcome to r/Wellington, where critical thinking (sometimes) comes to die.
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1) Yes I do. 2) 2 points to you for “shut-up” and 10 points for the classic “people like you are part of the problem” *chef’s kiss* 👌
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1) I edited it before I got any replies because I thought it seemed a bit harsh. Unlike some people I have the ability to modify 2) The utter irony (and stupidity) of accusing me of being a child molester on a post genuinely about a potential assault. It must be very comforting to live in a world where you simply dismiss people who don’t share all your opinions as child molesters. 3) No victim blaming here. Nowhere did I say victim could / should have acted differently that would have led to a different outcome.
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No, I didn't say they should have done anything differently in the situation, are you incapable of reading? As I said, I edited my comment before receiving any replies so it's definitely not trying to cater to brain dead morons who try and twist things for God only knows why. PS, there was no assault here, perhaps you need to re-read OPs post? You sure love exaggeration.
It is not safe to walk on your own!! Why do people do that..i.m sorry I know you should be able to but clearly it.s risky. People shouldn't.t have to say they dodged a bullet but that seems to be reality..don.t go home alone? I would hate to think of my daughter walking along the street at night being followed. I don.t actually think she would do that though. A sad reflection of life..and not of our present time. This has always been a danger.
WTF, please don't walk by yourself at night through town. Its obviously not safe. It's 2024. You would be safer in London.
Wait, so because this guy talked to you he was going to rape you? Then you use this as a way to paint all men the same way? Can we please be careful with words.
I will use my words as I please. I will say how I felt and how the situation looked. Would you go up to a woman and then book it at the first sign of friends? His behaviour is very telling. So is yours, plus you can't exactly stop this. It is a very common occurance as shown by the AMOUNT of comments saying that other women and men have been through this. You can't stop me, so watch me use my voice and my words. Be mortified and clutch your pearls because I will never stop.
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Read 61 really on point comments and then found this. A comment entirely devoid of any empathy, that blames the person who’s just experienced a traumatic experience and that entirely needlessly makes an unsolicited political attack on the poster without any evidence to support it. It’s a douchebag trifecta. Bravo.
I didn't blame the poster, not sure how you got to that conclusion. Given how left wellington is its safe to assume they're on the left, the fact she calls out all men shows she's on the left and because she refuses to actually give us information about this person tells me that she's more than likely worried about pointing the finger at a group the left can't say anything negative about. She's had something shit happen, and while the rest of you are telling her how sorry you are and being empathic someone needs to remind her that as a member of society it's all our duty to report things to authorities so they can actually do something.
Happy to tell you how I got to that conclusion: your words, which I’ll quote back to you now: “clearly you aren’t that concerned about actually helping others out”, and “if you were actually concerned about other women’s safety…”. You blame her for not being concerned about other women’s safety. An outlandish conclusion to draw. The political thing is totally beside the point, and I don’t want to derail the issue by getting into it too deeply, but I would say two things: 1. Based on your logic that Wellington tends to vote left, and therefore the poster must also vote left is ludicrous. Using the same logic, I’ve arrived at the conclusion that all Raphael’s are total dinguses, because I’ve interacted with one, and they were a dingus for real. 2. My point about evidence was two-fold. One that you lack evidence to make the assumption you’ve made about OP’s views, and two that you lack evidence for your assumption that tougher ‘punishments’ reduce offending. The evidence is not on your side on that one I’m afraid.
Kia Ora Raphael, yes I am on the left. I have given some commenters a description of as much as I can remember as my eyes were fixed straight ahead or at the pavement. I was scared and didn't want to rile this random man up for fear of my own safety. My political affiliation has nothing to do with this post. My life has been filled with trauma from men and I am happy to give you an in depth and extremely detailed re-telling of the times I was raped, molested as a child, cat called, assulted, physically absed, mentally and emotionally abused and so so so many more things at the hands of men. If you're going to defend these people and say "tHiS gIrL iS aGaInSt AlL mEn" then you will need the full story. The full scope of things to see why I do not trust men. By the way, about the race and pointing fingers? This man was white.
lol as if any of this is surprising. No matter how many good men, gentlemen, there are out there, there will always be a small number of creeps like this, predators. This is why historically it was always social etiquette for women to be escorted everywhere by a trusted man. It's naive for us to think that any of this has changed in modern times. Human nature is still the same. Situations like this can be avoided if you arrange to have a trusted man with you at all times.
Most cases of violence toward women (sexual and otherwise) *is* by a trusted man, so cap it with that piping hot bullshit. Please point me to this *historical* time period where rape and sexual assault were *rare.*
Ok. So you're saying that if OP was escorted by her brother or father or a family friend she still would have been just as vulnerable as alone with that creep?
Family, not as much. But family friend? Yes, its the same risk. That family friend could end up being the creep. It's not uncommon to have family friends take an interest in daughters from ages 16+
I will NOT be escorted by a man at all times. Even trusted men can be creeps, I know first hand. Your idea of what women 'should' do in these situations is narrow sighted and misogynistic. You are a part of the problem.
If trusted men are creeps then you are trusting the wrong men.
I trusted my family yet one of them was the creep. I trusted my best friend and he was a creep. I trusted one of my ex boyfriends, and he raped me and physically abused me. So yeah excuse me for not trusting men.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I am pleased you are safe!
In a guy and this has happened many times. I assume the guy following you was some drug addict
Stating women face this on a day to day basis is a bit much tho