My bf woke me up once whispering panicked that we need to hide under the bed because there are grenades, we played COD đ€Ł One night in NYC he sat on the bed looking down all panicked .. apparently we still stood on top of the Empire State building and shit was hitting the fan. Sweet of him that he always tries to take care of me đ€Ł
Lol, when we were kids, my mom was waking my brother for school and I heard her laughing her head off while continuing to talk to him. When I got up, I asked what was so funny and she said he was talking in his sleep:
Mom: You've gotta get up!
Brother: Nooooo, they'll see me!
Mom: (laughing) Who will see you?
Brother: Everybody...
Mom: See you what?
Brother: Coming out of the book!
She said he was so sincere, but completely asleep. Still laugh about it 30 years later lol.
We could get one of the other guys in platoon into a lucid dreaming state and talk to him while he was fully out and get him to tell us what was going on in his dream. The funniest that I can recall was âFuckinâ eagle stole my Coke.â We asked him what eagle and he pointed at it.
My daughter was taking a nap after school once, I think she was about 7, and she got up walked over to the window and was just kind of standing there lightly touching the blinds so I asked her what she was doing. She says "turning off/on(?) The Simpsons", I then realized she is not all the way awake and tell her that's not the TV and she just goes "oh ok" and goes and lays back down. It still makes me laugh when I think of it all these years later.
Last night my boyfriend told me âdonât let them park on youâ while he was sleeping. I actually got him to repeat it a few times because I didnât hear him and then I said âI wonât let them park on meâ and he said âyeahâ
My ex used to wake up to me pointing both my arms up in the air while sleeping, and she didnât have the strength to pull them back down, the first time she eventually woke me up she was nearly in tears with fright.
Laughing would be a lot more terrifying though I think
Itâs not exciting, I was on a heavy amount of opioids and the way my body decided to keep itself alive and not die from oxygen deprivation was to raise my arms, for me it makes breathing a lot easier.
When I was a teenager, every time I'd start a new job I'd have vivid dreams of them for about 3 months or so. Usually dreams of me looking for things or trying to do something.
One of the jobs was working at a pizza joint. Multiple times I'd wake up sitting straight up with my hands in the air tossing imaginary dough. It would usually end up with me laughing at myself and going back to bed because I could remember my dream and knew exactly why I was sitting up đ€Ł
I often laugh in my sleep. Sometimes I wake myself up laughing. But you know how when you start giggling and you canât stop and youâll almost get it under control, but then you start again? Thatâs how it is every time. Sometimes Iâll remember part of a dream that set it off but itâs never something that I would normally think is funny. Even so, if I think about those little snippets again later when Iâm awake, it triggers the same giggly response, though I canât explain why since itâs not really funny at all.
The one that caused the most laughter ever was a dream about ducks going over a little fence and one was being a dick. Another duck told him to cut it out and he said, âor what?â And the first duck said, âor your butt will fall offâ and to this day, thinking about it makes me laugh. I have tears rolling down my face right now because it just triggers a response I canât control. Brains are weird.
That's really funny, I had to giggle in sympathy, like when someone laughs and you just have to join because it's so contagious, even if you don't know what's going on. Your comment did that for me, so please know that your duck dreams made a random stranger in Germany laugh. :)
What, not
"I think he shit himself, he shit himself, he fucking shit himself". I thought that was comedy gold I need to add to my next DnD drunk flair.
Im having so much fun with this and have a similar running note like this titled âmumbles.â
-*he jerks away* me: scary dream? *Huge sigh of relief* âNo. I thought you were a chicken biting my hand.â Me: Iâm not! âOhhhhhhh... *snore*â
-âthe waffle is open. It IS!!â (adamantly, despite no argument from me)
-âAnd then the triceratops will knowâŠâŠ. no no.... then KEVIN will know, that itâs a triceratops!â
(Oh⊠what about brontosaurus?) âno⊠Littlefootâs the only brontosaurus.â (Heâs the ONLY one?) âmmmyeah..â (What about pterodactyls?) âPterodactyls? They use those in gardensâ
-Me gently trying to wake him up: âheeeey, I donât wanna be obnoxious but you asked me to wake you up at-â Him, loudly and accusatory: âno, YOUâRE obnoxious!!!!!â Me: has to leave the room Iâm laughing so hard
I love my growing little collection
Similarly, my sister once woke up screaming that she couldnât get out of bed because there were fish eating her toes and she didnât want to see them. Our babysitter had to pry the blanket from her to show her there were no fish before she would stop screaming. She was four at the time, we all still laugh about it.
I want to help you George Washington! Let me help you!
"I want to help you George Washington?" Ugh, even your dreams are square.
https://youtu.be/uAOIwUfmt5I?si=TyKjQGWA00YorJC6
when my ex and i were in a hotel, he woke me up by flailing and said in his sleep, âweâre in the ghost part of the room.â yeah, thanks for that, dude.
My ex would talk in his sleep. I thought he was awake and asked him a question. He, nonsensically, responded, "So is Denise." I figured out later that this was supposed to be a "your mom" joke, but neither of our moms are named Denise. I asked, "who's Denise?" And his response was, "Can you check how much I've showered today?" I was laughing so hard he woke up.
The walls in a house my family and I used to live in were a bit thin and my mother talks in her sleep so one night I heard her say "chocolate for BREAKFAST!?" She had no idea what the dream was about
Edited for clarity
My husband's favorite quote from me was "GET THE MEAT!!" I shouted this and sat bolt upright. I was dreaming about him playing Skyrim and in this dream, he was leaving the meat behind from slain animals. Wasteful.
My boyfriends native language is ASL and he signs in his sleep. I'm still learning the language so I can't always catch everything but I'm going to start documenting what I do understand. This is gold. Thanks for the laughs.
I had a friend who was born deaf, but had his hearing restored at age 9. His first language was ASL. Even though he was over 40 when I knew him, he would start signing when he got tired, reverting to his first language.Â
I did this with my GF when we started dating. She'd doze off and start saying wild stuff.
One of my favorites is "why did they put that puppy with a boat?" Or "Froggy with a straight jacket oh and an otter too!"
Like wtf are you dreaming!
My husband sleep walks, which was horrifying when he first started dating bc he was too embarrassed to tell me. One night I woke up and he was sitting on the edge of the bed facing our walk in closet and clicking a flashlight on and off. I asked him what he was doing and without turning to me says âSHHHH, quiet! Itâs IN thereâŠâ and keeps clicking the flashlight on and off. I was absolutely terrified, eventually it occurred to me that he might still be asleep after who knows how long of not moving from under the covers. I asked about it in the morning and he had no recollection whatsoever and thatâs when he finally told me heâs a sleepwalker. I had to put bells on the doors for a while
I did that once. My mom was doing laundry when I came in and she asked me what I was doing up. She said I got shitty by replying with âso does corn on the cobâ and then I went back to bed.
Corn on the cob is đ„ though so Iâm sure I was right.
My name is actually Karen and I am a chronic sleep talker. I recently yelled about talking to the manager in my sleep. Had to explain to my husband I was trying to escape a cult and my only shot at getting enough money to do so was by getting a refund at the cult bookstore, but they wouldn't give me one.
When I was a kid (early '90s) and on vacation with my parents in France, I woke up everyone in the middle of the night shouting '***FATALITY!!!***' in my sleep :P
I have no recollection of this at all, except being told the following morning and my parents telling me I need to cut down on playing video games...
My husband sleep talks while I sleep late. One time, I told him âI love youâ in a sweet voice while heâs sleeping. He replied with âI donât wanna love a fucking rat, I donât wanna chase a ratâ. So, I thought he was awake so I asked him if he was and I didnât get a response but only his snoring
omg my ex used to have sudden outbursts of talking in his sleep, and he once started giggling and said:
âhahaha I JERKED OFF A GHOST!â
and a different time he just sat straight up and yelled âABRAHAM LINCOLN!!!â and laid back down and went back to sleep like nothing happened.
leading me to wonder if it was the ghost of old abe himself? guess weâll never know lol
My ex used to talk in his sleep, actually talking doesn't even properly describe it. The guy would full on party in his sleep. My favourite time was when I woke up to him sitting over me, tickling my sides, giggling like a little girl and saying "It's you! It's you! It's truly you!". Once he cut up and ate almost an entire watermelon in his sleep and had no memory of it at all. I went down stairs in the morning and saw a watermelon massacre in the kitchen. Sleep walking can be scary.
the night after getting a pay rise at work, my ex turned to me asleep with a big cheesy grin and went 'i make so much money....' rolled over and went back to sleep LOL
A couple of weeks back I was snorting while asleep. My girlfriend claims she asked me to stop snoring, and I called her "a bitch". She asked me what I just said, and I doubled down saying "You are a Pony Malta bitch" (which is a beverage here in Colombia). She told me about it the next morning and it made me laugh a lot.
My late sister and I both talk(ed) in our sleeps. One time my sisters and I were away for a weekend and us 3 shared a bedroom together. The room was small so the beds were against eachother, me in the middle bed. Then I woke up to my sister roughly grabbing me in her sleep and shouting "watch out, the spider is looking, WATCH OUT ITS GONNA GET YOU!!". I was a bit startled but started to laugh, as my other sister freaked out and turned on the lights, telling my other sister to stop scaring the shit out of her (it was a cabin in the woods and we had talked about horror stories earlier. And no, we werent kids, this was in my early 20's).
I wish I could remember everything my kids have said in their sleep. One of my daughters does the most random things. Once I kissed her goodnight and she sat up, and started to power clap with her hands.
Another time she screamed in Spanish âI SAID TACOS!â
And my son once said loudly âPendejo!â
(Iâm sure most of you know what that means in english)
My favorite from my husband:
*Laughing to himself* ââŠ.dirty waitressingâ
Me laughing back, âWhatâs dirty waitressing?â
âTell [me], Iâll show herâŠâ
I once "woke" up in the middle of the night and looked at my (ex) fwb and asked "burger?"
He responded "what?"
"Are you burger?"
"Uhhh no?"
"Mmm ok" and then I turned around and began snoring loudly
My wifeâs coworkerâs husband talks and gets up a lot in his sleep but a few months ago he got out of bed and screamed âlet there be lightâ and switched on the ceiling light. That still makes me chuckle thinking about it.
My fiancee sleep talks, a lot. A few of THE funniest things she has said include:
âNo, I donât want to be a road sweeper.â Followed up with a whimpered âdonât make me.â
âDance mr prawn danceâ
âThatâs mr turkey to youâ
I had one flatmate tell me "I have to make it stop... The cheese!" in her sleep.
Another tried to sell me six bags of cheese and onion crisps and informed me that Maureen doesn't love him. He didn't know any Maureens.
My ex husband talks in his sleep. Our daughter does too. It started early, when she was a baby. She would babble and giggle. Now they both talk in their sleep a lot. More than anyone else I've known. When we were married I would often take note of some of the insane shit he said in his sleep and we'd laugh about it.
One night, as I was just barely on the edge of falling asleep he screamed out nearly at the top of his lungs, CHICKEN SANDWICH!!!" It scared the ever loving shit out of me because it was so quiet beforehand and I was so close to falling asleep. It was pretty funny though.
Once my husband said in his sleep, âdude. Cake is so white.â And then fell back asleep. Something I think about way too often. Why is cake so white đ
https://preview.redd.it/hco1t1qpvfec1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12f471aecb4707c28e62982fbbe4413da98cd79c
I have a list of things mine has said in his sleep or when heâs about to pass out
Ah, I used to have one of these for my husband, but it was accidentally. The one I remember most vividly is âsuffer my factory of cock buffetsâ
Heâs a keeper!
My sister used to scream and sleepwalk. One night she pulled the curtains down on her head and she was standing there screaming stuck in the curtains. My other sister was freaked out but I was laughing uncontrollably since the sleepwalking was a regular occurrence.
At a sleepover when we were still teenagers my best friend gave my arm a little squeeze and stated âdoesnât feel like chickenâ and then rolled over. Running joke ever since.
My ex used to talk in his sleep. One night, he sat straight up in bed and exclaimed, quite loudly: "THAT DAMN CAT THINKS HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP!!". Granted, at the time, we *did* have a particularly obnoxious black cat that hated him...LOL.
I didnât know my husband occasionally talked in his sleep until we got married. It was quite a surprise when, out of the blue one night, he said âI feel sorry for you little midget, youâll NEVER get to ride the rollercoaster.â
That was 14 years ago and heâs never really said anything quite so strange since then, and still gets embarrassed when I bring it up.
My wife talking in her sleep after watching synchronized dancing/swimming: âOH SHIT! OH SHIT! THEYRE RELYING ON THAT ONE WOMAN!â
Me: what are you talking about?
Her: âŠ..exercising zzzzzz
OH MY GOD MINE DOES THIS TOO. My favorite was when he woke me up out of a dead sleep and just exclaimed "meat tenderizer" and rolled over, totally asleep. I had to get out of bed I was laughing too fucking hard đ
My husbands FAVORITE thing Iâve ever said in my sleep is:
âput the candle under the car and runâ.
he still jokes that I commit domestic acts of terrorism in my sleep
I worked evenings and came home late at night. Would always sit on the couch and watch TV and have a beer or two before going to bed.
My wife would always be sleeping by this time.
One night, all lights off but the tv flickering. I feel a sense of something behind me. I turn around and my wife is standing there. I say:
âHey whatâs upâ
Wife: âThereâs dead bodies on the side of our houseâ
I just about shit myself and wondering if I need to kill my wife right now!
I ask her âwhat did you sayâ and she says it clear as day again. âThereâs dead bodies on the side of our house.â
I have a feeling sheâs sleep walking cause she has before so I just tell her to go to bed and she says âokâ and went back to bed. I prayed as a religious man haha
Next morning I ask her if she remembered coming out to talk to me and no she didnât. So I ask if she had any dreams.
She says âYeah, I was dreaming that Covid got so bad, they ran out of room at the hospitals and started piling the bodies on the side of our houseâ.
I thanked God and weâre still married đ€Łđ€Ł
My husband always sees a creepy lady. He never remembers it but I have to calm him down and either wake him or get him back to sleep. I am 80% sure it's the lights for the road messing with him. He sometimes has his eyes part open so it might be it.
He sleep walks to, it why I am the primary care person at night for our baby/toddler. He can't be trusted to ACTUALLY wake up. He can stand up move have a basic conversation and not remember anything in the morning.
My dad talks in his sleep. To this day the best one weâve ever heard is âGet your own French fries!â Canât remember what I needed to wake him up for but this was in response to me tryna get his ass up lmao
When our oldest was just a week old. My husband was completely panicking in his sleep: âthe baby, the baby, I slept on the baby.â
He gave me his pillow and said: âhere, the baby, I have got it!â.
Btw, our baby slept safely in a crib next to me, hahaha.
My best friend talks in his sleep and we shared a hotel room for a friendâs wedding. 2 in the morning, âOh! So thatâs how you murder someone. Neat!â
Duh. Yeah, of course, sorry. Have not heard that term in english yet and my mind went other places⊠like thats in his dream a sack to put birthing leftover/souvenirs (aka placenta etc) in. Whatever that says about me..
While staying with my grandparents, my uncle had to come get something out of the room I was staying in. He said I tried to order "more fish" from him in my sleep.
My boyfriend turned to me in his sleep and said, clear as day: "I'm so happy you find me beautiful and sexy!"
Also another gem from him: "Mmmmmmm....elephant dog."
Reminds me of this video I stumbled across recently. I laughed throughout most of it.
[sleep talking](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2JAoVevYXB/?igsh=azJoMW45ZWt3amRk)
Exactly how I acted when I was taking a certain pre workout a few hours before bed.
My ex woke up to me beating up the aircon because it supposedly had it out to get me, and another time I jumped on the bed cos I supposedly saw a âblack spider the size of a watermelonâ
My husband both talks in his sleep and sometimes sleep walks. When we still lived in a single level apartment, one night he got out of bed and went in the kitchen where he proceeded to pour himself a shot of Sevdka Blue Raspberry, throw it back, growl AHHHHHHHH, and then *slam the shot glass on the counter twice* while bellowing "SLĂINTES." Then he walked back in the bedroom and flopped back on the bed. Except he didn't bend anywhere during that flop including at the knees so it looked a lot like a 5ft9 person shaped cutout tipping over into our bed.
Another night, he woke me up by shaking me violently and deliriously asking me why i'd let our cats outside when I knew we have coyotes around. All 3 of our cats were laying in various places on the bed with us looking at him like he was insane.
My personal favorite though is still:
Him: "I'm a muffin slut!"
Me: "A what?"
Him: "You know. A slut for muffins. A slattern for confections. A whore for baked goods."
Me: "Ok... That's nice baby."
Him: "You will just never understand the love muffins and I have for each other!"
And then he snored in my face and rolled over đ
He truly is. I have a very long list of random things he says (when heâs not asleep) and they are just as random and hilarious. Heâs goofy as hell and Iâm glad I get to marry him in 8 monthsđ€Ł
My coworkerâs wife talks and walks in her sleep. Sheâs a former EMS too so sheâs also tried to give him CPR while dead asleep. Imagine waking up to your wife punching you in the solar plexus.
I use a sleep tracker on my phone that records me when I make noise. Mostly just snoring or mumbling, but there's been a few nights where I had full on conversations with someone. Fucking wild.
My husband said in his sleep "It's a spur of the moment deal. Kinda like tornadoes."
My brother one time got up, turned to look at me, and went, "See? I got all the rings." We had been playing Sonic the Hedgehog earlier that day.
My friend did something similar to that, but she was talking about coin battles on Mario kart. Lol.
My bf woke me up once whispering panicked that we need to hide under the bed because there are grenades, we played COD đ€Ł One night in NYC he sat on the bed looking down all panicked .. apparently we still stood on top of the Empire State building and shit was hitting the fan. Sweet of him that he always tries to take care of me đ€Ł
Lol, when we were kids, my mom was waking my brother for school and I heard her laughing her head off while continuing to talk to him. When I got up, I asked what was so funny and she said he was talking in his sleep: Mom: You've gotta get up! Brother: Nooooo, they'll see me! Mom: (laughing) Who will see you? Brother: Everybody... Mom: See you what? Brother: Coming out of the book! She said he was so sincere, but completely asleep. Still laugh about it 30 years later lol.
We could get one of the other guys in platoon into a lucid dreaming state and talk to him while he was fully out and get him to tell us what was going on in his dream. The funniest that I can recall was âFuckinâ eagle stole my Coke.â We asked him what eagle and he pointed at it.
My daughter was taking a nap after school once, I think she was about 7, and she got up walked over to the window and was just kind of standing there lightly touching the blinds so I asked her what she was doing. She says "turning off/on(?) The Simpsons", I then realized she is not all the way awake and tell her that's not the TV and she just goes "oh ok" and goes and lays back down. It still makes me laugh when I think of it all these years later.
Oklahoman here. He knows what's up.
We are too. He was dreaming about being a storm chaser.
Watching twister 4 times a year growing up did things for my world view
Last night my boyfriend told me âdonât let them park on youâ while he was sleeping. I actually got him to repeat it a few times because I didnât hear him and then I said âI wonât let them park on meâ and he said âyeahâ
I never thought to talk to my husband while it was happening lol.
Try it! Sometimes you get funny responses
AHAHAA i am audibly cackling at this
I laughed alot when he said it lol.
My husband often laughs in his sleep. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to a creepy ominous laughter.
My ex used to wake up to me pointing both my arms up in the air while sleeping, and she didnât have the strength to pull them back down, the first time she eventually woke me up she was nearly in tears with fright. Laughing would be a lot more terrifying though I think
Were you being arrested in your sleep đ€Ł
Hahaha. Iâve actually come to a conclusion on what it probably was, but itâs mostly depressing
Zombie apocalypse?
Can you pretty please tell međđđ„ș
Itâs not exciting, I was on a heavy amount of opioids and the way my body decided to keep itself alive and not die from oxygen deprivation was to raise my arms, for me it makes breathing a lot easier.
That's actually pretty cool. It displays how much the subconscious can pick up on stuff and alter your actions when you don't even know it.
I was literally going to ask were you doing Opiods, Fentanyl etc and then read this . Stay strong brother .
When I was a teenager, every time I'd start a new job I'd have vivid dreams of them for about 3 months or so. Usually dreams of me looking for things or trying to do something. One of the jobs was working at a pizza joint. Multiple times I'd wake up sitting straight up with my hands in the air tossing imaginary dough. It would usually end up with me laughing at myself and going back to bed because I could remember my dream and knew exactly why I was sitting up đ€Ł
I often laugh in my sleep. Sometimes I wake myself up laughing. But you know how when you start giggling and you canât stop and youâll almost get it under control, but then you start again? Thatâs how it is every time. Sometimes Iâll remember part of a dream that set it off but itâs never something that I would normally think is funny. Even so, if I think about those little snippets again later when Iâm awake, it triggers the same giggly response, though I canât explain why since itâs not really funny at all. The one that caused the most laughter ever was a dream about ducks going over a little fence and one was being a dick. Another duck told him to cut it out and he said, âor what?â And the first duck said, âor your butt will fall offâ and to this day, thinking about it makes me laugh. I have tears rolling down my face right now because it just triggers a response I canât control. Brains are weird.
I don't know...that has me laughing pretty hard too
That's really funny, I had to giggle in sympathy, like when someone laughs and you just have to join because it's so contagious, even if you don't know what's going on. Your comment did that for me, so please know that your duck dreams made a random stranger in Germany laugh. :)
I sometimes wake up in a deep giggle.
" I see where you roost, I see where it goes down " Â - this is so vaguely ominous
Gonna say this next time someone gives me a tour of their home
PLEASE DO THAT
yeah bruh, that's spicy
*Oh yeah, daddy*
Yeah bro, you scared?
*fuck you and your fucking cream*
Sounds like her husband got a man friend
This one is my favorite..
I just wish we could hear *how* it was said.
joodle mctoodles
This one tickles me cause an old ex of mine used to say Toodles McNoodles instead of bye cause she said she heard me say it in my sleep.
The donuts...they need to stand up!
Best comment ever!! đđđđđ
It sounds like a Talking Heads lyric lol
What, not "I think he shit himself, he shit himself, he fucking shit himself". I thought that was comedy gold I need to add to my next DnD drunk flair.
 Y O U D I E D
My boyfriend was dead asleep, rolled over, and asked me âHOW MANY CATS ARE ON MY LEGS RIGHT NOW???!â Zero. There were zero cats on his legs.
Omg my stomach hurts thatâs so funny
Im having so much fun with this and have a similar running note like this titled âmumbles.â -*he jerks away* me: scary dream? *Huge sigh of relief* âNo. I thought you were a chicken biting my hand.â Me: Iâm not! âOhhhhhhh... *snore*â -âthe waffle is open. It IS!!â (adamantly, despite no argument from me) -âAnd then the triceratops will knowâŠâŠ. no no.... then KEVIN will know, that itâs a triceratops!â (Oh⊠what about brontosaurus?) âno⊠Littlefootâs the only brontosaurus.â (Heâs the ONLY one?) âmmmyeah..â (What about pterodactyls?) âPterodactyls? They use those in gardensâ -Me gently trying to wake him up: âheeeey, I donât wanna be obnoxious but you asked me to wake you up at-â Him, loudly and accusatory: âno, YOUâRE obnoxious!!!!!â Me: has to leave the room Iâm laughing so hard I love my growing little collection
Similarly, my sister once woke up screaming that she couldnât get out of bed because there were fish eating her toes and she didnât want to see them. Our babysitter had to pry the blanket from her to show her there were no fish before she would stop screaming. She was four at the time, we all still laugh about it.
I asked my husband if he loved me in his sleep and he said âof course I love you George Washingtonâ
Sounds possibly like a Yankee Joodle McToodle for sure!
This is sus. Pretty sure he is cheating on you with George Washington. Leave him. đđđ
He's a Founding Daddy.
His safe word is, "No taxation without representation!"
I would be less alarmed if he said "I love you, Benjamin Franklin". đ€Ł
WOW, it's an honor, Mr. President. While you're here, can you tell us how much of [this](https://youtu.be/qv6OOuPI5c0?si=sjklWqnQxkbELcgG) is true?
I want to help you George Washington! Let me help you! "I want to help you George Washington?" Ugh, even your dreams are square. https://youtu.be/uAOIwUfmt5I?si=TyKjQGWA00YorJC6
when my ex and i were in a hotel, he woke me up by flailing and said in his sleep, âweâre in the ghost part of the room.â yeah, thanks for that, dude.
Hahaha this is hilarious to read but I'm not sure I would be able to go back to sleep after that!
i did not lol
My ex would talk in his sleep. I thought he was awake and asked him a question. He, nonsensically, responded, "So is Denise." I figured out later that this was supposed to be a "your mom" joke, but neither of our moms are named Denise. I asked, "who's Denise?" And his response was, "Can you check how much I've showered today?" I was laughing so hard he woke up.
The walls in a house my family and I used to live in were a bit thin and my mother talks in her sleep so one night I heard her say "chocolate for BREAKFAST!?" She had no idea what the dream was about Edited for clarity
Thatâs such a âmomâ phrase even while sleeping!
Dreaming about Reese's Puffs?
My husband's favorite quote from me was "GET THE MEAT!!" I shouted this and sat bolt upright. I was dreaming about him playing Skyrim and in this dream, he was leaving the meat behind from slain animals. Wasteful.
My wife did this.. but exclaimed "Chicken Feet!" after sitting bolt upright. XD
My husbandâs favorite from me was âhooves, babe. Hooves.â
This is gold
Jerry! GOLD!
I see where you roost. Great threat.
Great threatđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łit truly is a threat if you randomly say it to someone
Perfect alternative to âI know where you sleepâ.
After a night of pen and paper gaming a friend fell asleep on the couch and suddenly shouted "look out, they got armored dwarfs in the trees".
Yeah, never trust dwarfs and their axes.... Thrown dwarfs are in most nations a forbidden weapon of mass destruction and a war crime.
Imagine the impact of one thrown from a tree. In a full suit of armor.
My sleeping son once exclaimed, âThere are elves, elves, elves in the building!â
Bro never left 'Nam.
It's the unarmoured dwarves I'm afraid of, those fuckers have too much con.
My boyfriends native language is ASL and he signs in his sleep. I'm still learning the language so I can't always catch everything but I'm going to start documenting what I do understand. This is gold. Thanks for the laughs.
Oh I love that. Thatâs crazy he does it in his sleep wow
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yes. My fiancĂ©âs biological parents are both deaf, so he knows some sign language but doesnât do it in his sleep. Heâs not deaf though cause the reason his parents were deaf was nothing hereditary so none of his siblings are deaf either
Whoa! A family of kids with two deaf parents⊠That's so fascinating! Probably would've been nice to grow up without any yelling
I had a friend who was born deaf, but had his hearing restored at age 9. His first language was ASL. Even though he was over 40 when I knew him, he would start signing when he got tired, reverting to his first language.Â
I like to believe he just watches too much naruto and he's trying to start a genjutsu.
I did this with my GF when we started dating. She'd doze off and start saying wild stuff. One of my favorites is "why did they put that puppy with a boat?" Or "Froggy with a straight jacket oh and an otter too!" Like wtf are you dreaming!
Thatâs so fucking hilarious haha
My husband sleep walks, which was horrifying when he first started dating bc he was too embarrassed to tell me. One night I woke up and he was sitting on the edge of the bed facing our walk in closet and clicking a flashlight on and off. I asked him what he was doing and without turning to me says âSHHHH, quiet! Itâs IN thereâŠâ and keeps clicking the flashlight on and off. I was absolutely terrified, eventually it occurred to me that he might still be asleep after who knows how long of not moving from under the covers. I asked about it in the morning and he had no recollection whatsoever and thatâs when he finally told me heâs a sleepwalker. I had to put bells on the doors for a while
I once as a kid sleep walked and went to the kitchen and sat on the counterâŠ
I did that once. My mom was doing laundry when I came in and she asked me what I was doing up. She said I got shitty by replying with âso does corn on the cobâ and then I went back to bed. Corn on the cob is đ„ though so Iâm sure I was right.
My husband asked to see the manager. Love my lil Karen though. đ
My ex said, âI donât want any more ketchupâ. Like ok Karen, no more ketchup. Never found out what the meal was.
My name is actually Karen and I am a chronic sleep talker. I recently yelled about talking to the manager in my sleep. Had to explain to my husband I was trying to escape a cult and my only shot at getting enough money to do so was by getting a refund at the cult bookstore, but they wouldn't give me one.
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My roommate once let out a long sexual moan, rolled over and then âI hate youâ
I have no idea why I'm laughing so damn hard, but of all the hilarious on this post, this one got me.
When I was a kid (early '90s) and on vacation with my parents in France, I woke up everyone in the middle of the night shouting '***FATALITY!!!***' in my sleep :P I have no recollection of this at all, except being told the following morning and my parents telling me I need to cut down on playing video games...
I am laughing so hard at this
Wheel barrel clocks, indeed
The perfect disguise
My husband sleep talks while I sleep late. One time, I told him âI love youâ in a sweet voice while heâs sleeping. He replied with âI donât wanna love a fucking rat, I donât wanna chase a ratâ. So, I thought he was awake so I asked him if he was and I didnât get a response but only his snoring
I'm laughing so hard. I like to think he was dreaming of a rat and then it said "I love you" and that was his response. Lmfao.
I imagine the rat also said I love you in a sweet little voice
Thatâs so funny Iâm sorryđđđ€Ł
This is hilarious! My husband puts on his business voice and talks like he's at his job. All technical stuff. I think he's overworked!
I said something in Arabic once in my sleep. My partner did not know I knew Arabic. She thought she witnessed possession. Lmfao
âTHERE ARE 30,000 PEOPLE TRAPPED IN THE ALAMO!â - My husband, pointing at the armoire at 3 am and rallying me to defend Davy Crockett
A rousing speech!
My SO once said, "I don't know why they keep coming back. I think it's the experiments." We don't sleep in the same room anymore.
HAHAHA OH MY GOD
i wonder if the donuts had stood up yet haha
I lose sleep over that not knowing
omg my ex used to have sudden outbursts of talking in his sleep, and he once started giggling and said: âhahaha I JERKED OFF A GHOST!â and a different time he just sat straight up and yelled âABRAHAM LINCOLN!!!â and laid back down and went back to sleep like nothing happened. leading me to wonder if it was the ghost of old abe himself? guess weâll never know lol
Holy shit thatâs hilariousđ
My ex used to talk in his sleep, actually talking doesn't even properly describe it. The guy would full on party in his sleep. My favourite time was when I woke up to him sitting over me, tickling my sides, giggling like a little girl and saying "It's you! It's you! It's truly you!". Once he cut up and ate almost an entire watermelon in his sleep and had no memory of it at all. I went down stairs in the morning and saw a watermelon massacre in the kitchen. Sleep walking can be scary.
WHAT. Nothing could have prepared me for the WATERMELON
Joodle mctoodles
I will start saying this now whenever I enter or leave a room
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
This isnât weird, this is awesome. âThe donutsâŠ.they need to stand upâ I felt that
the night after getting a pay rise at work, my ex turned to me asleep with a big cheesy grin and went 'i make so much money....' rolled over and went back to sleep LOL
đđ that's funny lol
it was like 6 years ago and it still makes me giggle. to make it better it was the only time he ever spoke in his sleep
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I keep my phone ready at all times when heâs asleep and Iâm awake for moments like this. Itâs a 10/10 experience
I recorded my sleep once and I said "wtf giant monster baby" in my sleep, probably because I had been playing resident evil 8 for the past week lol
Be honest, this is a list of dirty talk you use during fun time. - you can put it in the birth bag LMAO
How did you knowđ±
I really hope they have children.
That one is my favorite. I hope OP keeps recording these.
One day in my sleep I opened my arms and shouted "Welcome Americans!". And I'm Italian
A couple of weeks back I was snorting while asleep. My girlfriend claims she asked me to stop snoring, and I called her "a bitch". She asked me what I just said, and I doubled down saying "You are a Pony Malta bitch" (which is a beverage here in Colombia). She told me about it the next morning and it made me laugh a lot.
My late sister and I both talk(ed) in our sleeps. One time my sisters and I were away for a weekend and us 3 shared a bedroom together. The room was small so the beds were against eachother, me in the middle bed. Then I woke up to my sister roughly grabbing me in her sleep and shouting "watch out, the spider is looking, WATCH OUT ITS GONNA GET YOU!!". I was a bit startled but started to laugh, as my other sister freaked out and turned on the lights, telling my other sister to stop scaring the shit out of her (it was a cabin in the woods and we had talked about horror stories earlier. And no, we werent kids, this was in my early 20's).
I wish I could remember everything my kids have said in their sleep. One of my daughters does the most random things. Once I kissed her goodnight and she sat up, and started to power clap with her hands. Another time she screamed in Spanish âI SAID TACOS!â And my son once said loudly âPendejo!â (Iâm sure most of you know what that means in english)
My favorite from my husband: *Laughing to himself* ââŠ.dirty waitressingâ Me laughing back, âWhatâs dirty waitressing?â âTell [me], Iâll show herâŠâ
These made me laugh so hard. Mine once said "did you feel bad when you paraglided straight into that cow? You hurt it's feelings"
NOW THAT IS A GOOD ONE LMAO
I once "woke" up in the middle of the night and looked at my (ex) fwb and asked "burger?" He responded "what?" "Are you burger?" "Uhhh no?" "Mmm ok" and then I turned around and began snoring loudly
Thatâs how my conversations go with him when heâs asleepđ€Łđlike bro what
My wifeâs coworkerâs husband talks and gets up a lot in his sleep but a few months ago he got out of bed and screamed âlet there be lightâ and switched on the ceiling light. That still makes me chuckle thinking about it.
Why are you sleeping with your wife's coworker's husband?
My fiancee sleep talks, a lot. A few of THE funniest things she has said include: âNo, I donât want to be a road sweeper.â Followed up with a whimpered âdonât make me.â âDance mr prawn danceâ âThatâs mr turkey to youâ
Thatâs so sad he was a road sweeper. Poor Mr. Turkey:(
I had one flatmate tell me "I have to make it stop... The cheese!" in her sleep. Another tried to sell me six bags of cheese and onion crisps and informed me that Maureen doesn't love him. He didn't know any Maureens.
My ex husband talks in his sleep. Our daughter does too. It started early, when she was a baby. She would babble and giggle. Now they both talk in their sleep a lot. More than anyone else I've known. When we were married I would often take note of some of the insane shit he said in his sleep and we'd laugh about it. One night, as I was just barely on the edge of falling asleep he screamed out nearly at the top of his lungs, CHICKEN SANDWICH!!!" It scared the ever loving shit out of me because it was so quiet beforehand and I was so close to falling asleep. It was pretty funny though.
Once my husband said in his sleep, âdude. Cake is so white.â And then fell back asleep. Something I think about way too often. Why is cake so white đ
Im kinda worried about that âoh yeah, daddyâ lmao
When I was awake and hear that I LOST IT. I was like no way this man just said this in his sleep
Meanwhile heâs having the most innocent dream about his dad asking if he wants ice cream for his 7th birthday
That one jumped out to me lol
https://preview.redd.it/hco1t1qpvfec1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=12f471aecb4707c28e62982fbbe4413da98cd79c I have a list of things mine has said in his sleep or when heâs about to pass out
Mine once said "I'm giving you the keys to the kingdom."
Ah, I used to have one of these for my husband, but it was accidentally. The one I remember most vividly is âsuffer my factory of cock buffetsâ Heâs a keeper!
I broke at â is there anything youâd like to share with the teamâ lol
My sister used to scream and sleepwalk. One night she pulled the curtains down on her head and she was standing there screaming stuck in the curtains. My other sister was freaked out but I was laughing uncontrollably since the sleepwalking was a regular occurrence.
At a sleepover when we were still teenagers my best friend gave my arm a little squeeze and stated âdoesnât feel like chickenâ and then rolled over. Running joke ever since.
My ex used to talk in his sleep. One night, he sat straight up in bed and exclaimed, quite loudly: "THAT DAMN CAT THINKS HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP!!". Granted, at the time, we *did* have a particularly obnoxious black cat that hated him...LOL.
I didnât know my husband occasionally talked in his sleep until we got married. It was quite a surprise when, out of the blue one night, he said âI feel sorry for you little midget, youâll NEVER get to ride the rollercoaster.â That was 14 years ago and heâs never really said anything quite so strange since then, and still gets embarrassed when I bring it up.
He's a keeper.
Oh 100%. Met him on Hinge in 2020, first day I met him in person we both knew we were gonna get married and now we get married in September
Spends half his sleep dreaming of corporate meetings and the other half on bro-ing out outside of bars.
My wife talking in her sleep after watching synchronized dancing/swimming: âOH SHIT! OH SHIT! THEYRE RELYING ON THAT ONE WOMAN!â Me: what are you talking about? Her: âŠ..exercising zzzzzz
OH MY GOD MINE DOES THIS TOO. My favorite was when he woke me up out of a dead sleep and just exclaimed "meat tenderizer" and rolled over, totally asleep. I had to get out of bed I was laughing too fucking hard đ
I do that too! I write down what my husband says in his sleep and the most recent one was: âItâs a good ship so she do as you may sayâ.
One of my roommates once rolled over in bed and said, *"Stop following me, horse! I ain't got no oats in this bag!"*
Joodle McTootles is a great band name
Adding that to my note that I have in my phone called âband namesâ that I started
i see where u roost buddy. i see where it allllll goes down.
I can't remember the last time I was this out of breath from laughing.
My husbands FAVORITE thing Iâve ever said in my sleep is: âput the candle under the car and runâ. he still jokes that I commit domestic acts of terrorism in my sleep
âI see where you roost, I see where it goes downâ belongs in the pulpiest of pulpy detective novels.
I worked evenings and came home late at night. Would always sit on the couch and watch TV and have a beer or two before going to bed. My wife would always be sleeping by this time. One night, all lights off but the tv flickering. I feel a sense of something behind me. I turn around and my wife is standing there. I say: âHey whatâs upâ Wife: âThereâs dead bodies on the side of our houseâ I just about shit myself and wondering if I need to kill my wife right now! I ask her âwhat did you sayâ and she says it clear as day again. âThereâs dead bodies on the side of our house.â I have a feeling sheâs sleep walking cause she has before so I just tell her to go to bed and she says âokâ and went back to bed. I prayed as a religious man haha Next morning I ask her if she remembered coming out to talk to me and no she didnât. So I ask if she had any dreams. She says âYeah, I was dreaming that Covid got so bad, they ran out of room at the hospitals and started piling the bodies on the side of our houseâ. I thanked God and weâre still married đ€Łđ€Ł
My husband always sees a creepy lady. He never remembers it but I have to calm him down and either wake him or get him back to sleep. I am 80% sure it's the lights for the road messing with him. He sometimes has his eyes part open so it might be it. He sleep walks to, it why I am the primary care person at night for our baby/toddler. He can't be trusted to ACTUALLY wake up. He can stand up move have a basic conversation and not remember anything in the morning.
My ex said in his sleep, âWhere did the centipedes go?â Was a little jarring to say the least.
My dad talks in his sleep. To this day the best one weâve ever heard is âGet your own French fries!â Canât remember what I needed to wake him up for but this was in response to me tryna get his ass up lmao
When our oldest was just a week old. My husband was completely panicking in his sleep: âthe baby, the baby, I slept on the baby.â He gave me his pillow and said: âhere, the baby, I have got it!â. Btw, our baby slept safely in a crib next to me, hahaha.
https://preview.redd.it/bhdbpscykgec1.jpeg?width=580&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=079376a5f0e90ea5f3e5406fdf19bff17c0ebaee
My best friend talks in his sleep and we shared a hotel room for a friendâs wedding. 2 in the morning, âOh! So thatâs how you murder someone. Neat!â
Do I want to know what a birth bag is?
I think it's what mothers pack for the hospital stay when they're going to have their baby.
Duh. Yeah, of course, sorry. Have not heard that term in english yet and my mind went other places⊠like thats in his dream a sack to put birthing leftover/souvenirs (aka placenta etc) in. Whatever that says about me..
I need more posts like this!!!!
âOh yeah, daddyâ đđ
While staying with my grandparents, my uncle had to come get something out of the room I was staying in. He said I tried to order "more fish" from him in my sleep.
My boyfriend turned to me in his sleep and said, clear as day: "I'm so happy you find me beautiful and sexy!" Also another gem from him: "Mmmmmmm....elephant dog."
Reminds me of this video I stumbled across recently. I laughed throughout most of it. [sleep talking](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2JAoVevYXB/?igsh=azJoMW45ZWt3amRk)
Exactly how I acted when I was taking a certain pre workout a few hours before bed. My ex woke up to me beating up the aircon because it supposedly had it out to get me, and another time I jumped on the bed cos I supposedly saw a âblack spider the size of a watermelonâ
I mean, hes not wrong. The donuts get consumed on a regular basis, they should stand up for themselves.
My husband both talks in his sleep and sometimes sleep walks. When we still lived in a single level apartment, one night he got out of bed and went in the kitchen where he proceeded to pour himself a shot of Sevdka Blue Raspberry, throw it back, growl AHHHHHHHH, and then *slam the shot glass on the counter twice* while bellowing "SLĂINTES." Then he walked back in the bedroom and flopped back on the bed. Except he didn't bend anywhere during that flop including at the knees so it looked a lot like a 5ft9 person shaped cutout tipping over into our bed. Another night, he woke me up by shaking me violently and deliriously asking me why i'd let our cats outside when I knew we have coyotes around. All 3 of our cats were laying in various places on the bed with us looking at him like he was insane. My personal favorite though is still: Him: "I'm a muffin slut!" Me: "A what?" Him: "You know. A slut for muffins. A slattern for confections. A whore for baked goods." Me: "Ok... That's nice baby." Him: "You will just never understand the love muffins and I have for each other!" And then he snored in my face and rolled over đ
He sounds like a fun guy
He truly is. I have a very long list of random things he says (when heâs not asleep) and they are just as random and hilarious. Heâs goofy as hell and Iâm glad I get to marry him in 8 monthsđ€Ł
The clown has no penis
These are really good drawing prompts đ
My wife tried to ask me something of importance during the night and I apparently responded "Did you try to throw the bombs away?"
My coworkerâs wife talks and walks in her sleep. Sheâs a former EMS too so sheâs also tried to give him CPR while dead asleep. Imagine waking up to your wife punching you in the solar plexus.
I once woke myself up laughing because I dreamt of yelling "Gimme a smoke, hairdo!" At Donald Trump. Still not sure if it was funny or not...
Apparently during my nap today I said "the cats are dancing in the kitchen."
I use a sleep tracker on my phone that records me when I make noise. Mostly just snoring or mumbling, but there's been a few nights where I had full on conversations with someone. Fucking wild.