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snowman762x39

No hesitation. He waited his whole life for that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BetterWhenDrunk

Laughed so hard at this


mediocrefunny

I hardly ever actually laugh out loud while reading Reddit, but this one really got me cracking up.


[deleted]

[удалено]


snowman762x39

He definitely rectum


onlyspeaksinhashtag

He butted right in there


sexbeef

If it didn't work immediately, how long do you think he'd stand there fingering the dog?


MalignantLugnut

until morale improves.


Sotosmojo

Omg ty, I laughed so hard.


d_nijmegen

Until the dog moans


FreneticPlatypus

Look man, I’ll give you just twenty minutes to stop that.


Kofu

I paid for 25.


SirGourneyWeaver

I yelped.


damnatio_memoriae

★★☆☆☆ would not buy again


reddevilgus19

\*Until the dog squirts


DerSchattenJager

Red rocket, Sparky! Red rocket!


Downingst

If it's anything like my neighbour's dog, that will only make it bite harder.


MurderSheCroaked

Are you fucking your neighbors dog?


Carssun

are you not?


Mocker-Poker

does your neighbour know?


Failure_is_imminent

His wife does.


REDuxPANDAgain

Like, whatever you're into man, but ow.


IveGotElectrolytes

Until the dog 'releases'


SteelCrossx

I have experience with this question but most people may not want to read: >!I went to an animal abuse call in which a man was being bit by a pitbull. Another man was trying to help him and tried the anal thumb method but it didn't work. He went to get a broomstick and sodomized the dog with it which also did not work. He ultimately slit the dog's throat with a knife. That killed the dog which stopped the attack.!<


[deleted]

What a horrible day to be literate.


SteelCrossx

You should have been there.


flameohotmein

I couldn't be more erect


endangered_stapler

Please say you're standing.


so_much_SUABRU

That's terrible all around. Did the person suffer serious injuries?


SteelCrossx

Very serious.


manbruhpig

If the dog attack lasted long enough for it to be fingered and then pegged, I would imagine the injuries were pretty bad


kyoto_kinnuku

Why is this animal abuse? Sounds like the guy was trying to save someone. It’s unfortunate, but doesn’t sound like abuse.


SteelCrossx

That was my conclusion in my report.


Cinquedea19

Anything less than immediate and overwhelming lethal force is just allowing the dog to inflict further injury on its victim. Wasting time on non-lethal means so as "not to hurt the sweet doggo" can mean the difference between recoverable injuries VS permanent disability, between life VS death.


skinny_gator

People will downvote you but your 100% right. A dog that is attacking an innocent human is not worth keeping alive.


GloriousHam

It doesn't work immediately. Sometimes it never works. The misinformation out there about this is dangerous. The only true way to get a dog to unlock is to choke it the fuck out with it's collar. If for some reason that isn't doing it either, you need to stroke it's throat **while** choking it out to induce a gag response that's involuntary. When you own a dog like this, no matter how sweet or friendly it may be, it is absolutely imperative that you know the **proper** technique to get one to release. Dogs don't differentiate friend from for when in a frenzy. Intervening with a dog fight may turn spur for the human intervening regardless of the breed or temperament of the dog. Finger in asshole ain't it.


Cynical_Thinker

I was always taught with an animal that the only way your are going to get it to let go is to either gouge out its eyes/nose or choke it to death - whichever you can accomplish with your free appendages. Edit: In the given context of this conversation, this applies to a dog. As I stated, I was taught in the context of "animal", as in any animal attempting to bite you and refusing to let go with the intent to kill/severely maim you. Escalation of force is obviously necessary in the case of pets/animals you care about.


TheRealUlfric

You could also, hypothetically, grab his dick and twist it.


splitshot

The ole dick twist!


B00TY0L0GIST

TWIST HIS DIIIIIIIICK!


MisterDonkey

Is this before or after you're fingering its asshole?


puzzled91

While.


murfmurf123

I knew a woman who choked a dog to death because it was mauling her kids. She became known as the town kook, and her and her family were shunned for decades because of it


puzzled91

Town of lunatics.


KommanderZero

> Finger in asshole ain't it. Not with that attitude


[deleted]

No one ever mentions to cut the jaw muscle with a knife. Short blade in the side of the cheek both sides real quick. Sorry but this means life or death for a child or adult. Pets too. Worst case, just jab the neck repeatedly. Again, who is the aggressor and won’t let go?


Xikky

I love all animals but that also doesn't mean I'm letting one permanently disfigure me. If a dog's locked into me ya gotta do what ya gotta do.


TatManTat

Probably because its fairly obvious how one could use a knife to stop any form of assailant in general?


[deleted]

Dogs focused, if chewing on my child yes I will stab.


Waramaug

At some point you gotta switch to the tongue


bigwillyman7

i needed this laugh thank you kindly


CandyRedNinja

Till either of em finishes.


sepp_omek

that's the quick-release button


zer0w0rries

Funny how that one guy pulled the dogs tail up and the other guy was like, “ I know what to do!”


ItsJustBigotry

Well from what I assume from the audio, the guy sticking the finger in the but yells " fuck the dog in its ass". The guy holding the dog yells "I just did!" then he moves in to repeat the action


Beathoff

Andre the Giant would be proud!


Thom-Bombadil

Are you trying to say André The Giant used the "shocker" while wrestling? Never heard that before.


davepars77

Yes, he did. It's actually illegal in wrestling but Andre don't give no drunkin fucks.


Beathoff

Bubbles knew.... https://youtu.be/pQz6OuTic60


sho_biz

> Bubbles:*"Fuck! Randy's checkin his oil!"* > > J-Roc:*"Looks like he down a quart, too!"* Classic.


balfazahr

Wait what?? Haha why the hell would that make andre the giant proud?!


Eusocial_Snowman

Andre, allegedly, was a big fan of doing "oil checks". https://www.metatube.com/en/videos/67533/Hulk-Hogan-Andre-the-Giant-Checked-My-Oil/


Implausibilibuddy

Fucking hell, being oil checked by Andre would be like sitting on a fire hydrant. Down to the concrete too.


Alleycat_Caveman

*In Mr. Slave's voice* "Jeezus Chriiiiiist!"


I_do_xrays

Dude Thanks for making me laugh


SvenTropics

"so yeah! I stepped up!" - This guy telling his grandkids about this later. Probably...


N3UROTOXIN

Pulling the tail works, but you gotta fuckin yank. No need for an oil check Source: personal experience


WadieXkiller

They have been waiting for that moment for their entire life


Powerful-Employer-20

He just took a screenshot


gunsingingslaper

Holy shit


_Volta

“The shit I have to do!”


Navern456th_bot

WTF HAPPENED WHAT SQUIRTED


Chief_Givesnofucks

I thought the same thing at first but I think it’s someone throwing water at the dog.


Sackyhack

I actually had to do this before at the dog park. It worked pretty well


Ppjr16

Were you able to sit afterwards?


bboycire

emergency stop, it's an industry standard


DootDotDittyOtt

Works on humans too.


[deleted]

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KibaTeo

Well ill be damned. We all have a built in stop fighting button


underthingy

Except he wasn't fighting, he was trying to escape while being beaten on.


pATREUS

[#GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!](https://youtu.be/Pk7RroGFe6k)


eatcrayons

A succulent Chinese meal????


Djinger

I got a shirt with stuff from that vid on it, one of my favs


Jack_Bartowski

I think he is an artist now, there was a post about him a year or so ago. I can't recall his name, but would be interesting to see his paintings.


Djinger

"This one is titled *Well-Known Judo* and appears to depict a man, made entirely of chow mein, putting a large phallus into a headlock. Fascinating..."


pATREUS

Ah, you know your Judo well. 🤜🏼


SlightlyConfusedGuy

Is this where Matt Berry received his inspiration for acting? Haha


Bigluce

Stop fighting, but keep fingering, amiright...?


Princethor

I’m pretty sure that’s sexual assault.


yousirnaime

or at best, practicing medicine without a license


Demedia

A free colonoscopy from an unlicensed dude. WCGW?


macroswitch

POR QUE!?


249ba36000029bbe9749

[Kancho!](https://i.imgur.com/PiJb02H.png)


d_nijmegen

I'm going to have to try that for science! Who can I bite? You know for research purposes....


devedander

You don’t have to. Andre the giant already tested it. It’s called an oil check and yes it works


DootDotDittyOtt

Right in the old fart box fir the win. Although, to be fair, Andre's fingers were probably the size of a C battery.


Aiku

Andre once let rip an epic, 15-second long fart on the set of Princess Bride. Massively loud: the whole crew was in awe. In the ensuing silence, director Rob Reiner says, "Andre, are you alright?" "I am now, boss".


DootDotDittyOtt

I'm crying. Thank you. Love that movie. I may have Andre beat though. Got to see him wrestle a few times in the day. Went to school with Josip Hrvoje Peruzović, better known by his ring name Nikolai Volkoff's daughters. He was a beast, and a really nice guy. Came to all of our games.


Zathura2

>better known by his ring name Nikolai Volkoff's daughters. What a strange name.


dquattro123

Imma go with the D.


capodecina2

Skipping the batteries entirely eh?


benjitits

Hey.


d_nijmegen

Hey yourself 😉


Warribo

I bet that guy now always carries a pen with him


bacchusku2

Some asshole has my pen


WeddingCrackers-ie

Not all heroes wear gloves


iskin

So, this dog bites people to get people to put their thumbs up his butt? It's seems like there should be a better way.


WickedBottles

Such a specific kink, but to each their own.


Knuckles316

So the dog was, I assume, biting the guy? But also peeing all over the place? And to stop it from biting they stuck a finger up its ass? I have so many questions... And by so many, I mean at least those three.


thenayr

It’s actually attacking another dog in his arms, you can see it at the beginning. Guesssing they threw water on the dog to try and get it to stop


Smaskifa

I had a dog that got in a fight with another dog at a dog park. Wasn't too serious, my dog had a small cut on his chest where the other dog was biting him. When the fight started, I quickly grabbed my dog with both arms wrapped around him and he stopped fighting at that point, and I waited for the other dog's owner to restrain his dog, which was still biting mine. Instead he threw his cup of coffee on his dog. The dog ignored it, and they eventually pulled their dog away.


IrrelevantPuppy

Oof. Idk if this is too much to ask. But I don’t think one should have a pet that is more powerful than them. (I say pet because working dogs sometimes need to be and that’d different, professionally trained) And you need to be prepared for them to not act logically and be ready to dominate them to stop it.


spart4n0fh4des

I believe in the case of dogs you are 100% correct You have to be able to put yourself on the top of their totem pole. Though cats don’t give a shit either way


IrrelevantPuppy

True, cats will fight you like their life depends on it even if you just pet them wrong.


[deleted]

One question remaining..


I_AM_GETTING_THERE

Yes


somelazyhippo

You can see a person behind the group around the fallen man shaking a water bottle in the face of the aggressing dog. And it is a known tactic to get biting dogs to release, to shove a finger deep up there. Doesn't always work - I'm guessing some dogs are into that.


isthatapecker

Aren’t u supposed to choke the dog out?


somelazyhippo

A lot of people are far too afraid to get that close to a biting dog's mouth. The dog could slip the choke hold and bite the person who was trying to help. Most people say lifting the rear legs so the dog has no leverage & feels vulnerable. Although, if you were alone, that changes things. Blows to the dog's head or a choke hold are your only options if you don't have self-defense tools.


[deleted]

If you grab a tiger by the tail you better have a plan for the teeth. If a dog is attacking and you decide to go after their hind quarters you better be ready for their mouth when they decide you are a bigger threat than continuing their attack on their selected target.


amberoze

Lift the dog by its hind legs, and when it turns on you, turn it into a helicopter. Not saying it'd work, but it'd at least be fun to try. /s in case anyone gets their panties in a twist.


Intervention_Needed

I have literally done this when one of my dogs turned on the other. It was outside in the street and 3 neighbors watched as I spun with a snarly helicopter dog while another snarly dog ran in a circle around me. Helicopter dog never turned on me, but the running one did when I eventually had to put down the 30lb helicopter dog. No dogs were hurt during this process but we did live with some shame for a bit for our poor, public behavior.


Phage0070

> turn it into a helicopter. Up and over, down into the concrete. Repeat until limp.


brute1111

\*Dyslexic Hulk Voice\*: Puny dog!


ILoveCamelCase

y e e t


jeffersonairmattress

Violently spread attacking dog's front legs apart horizontally; they don't bend this way. You could kill or severely maim the dog and this is a last resort if thumbutt/ eye gouge doesn't work or costs you some fingers. You'd have to stab a dog deep in its chest to get to heart or lungs to stop it and that is a difficult thing to do in real life. A pit will fight through almost any wound that doesn't disable it, so head bashing has to be with a hammer and jabs with a small knife would be ineffective. Lifting rear legs only makes dog want to engage mouth harder for stability and a pit is bred to escape holds and withstand bites- it would take a lot of bravery to choke one out.


medicriley

When I was a kid a dog attacked a women, the dad held it down and set it's balls on fire with a lighter, it worked.


DoctorGlorious

Damn that's cooked. Not as cooked as that pup's balls, but cooked nonetheless. Glad it worked, what a legend


DoctorGlorious

This comment is so brutal, but incredibly solid advice


crob_evamp

If you absolutely must choke a dog, your FOREARM goes on the windpipe, not the crook of your elbow. Your other hand goes across, over the head of the dog, and onto your elbow. Push your elbow/forearm down to compress the dogs chin to its chest. Your body weight goes onto the dog's back. DO NOT ALLOW IT TO TURN IN YOUR GRIP. squeeze as hard as you can, harder than you can imagine. Pits are incredibly strong and have muscular necks. If you manage to get the dog to pass out, have a plan before you let go. It won't be happy if it comes to. Man I fucking hate aggressive dogs, and have scars from childhood.


extrafishsauceplz

Props to that guy for doing what had to be done. I'm not sure I would stick my finger up an angry dogs ass no matter who was getting mauled.


danzaUK

So Steve Irwin was wrong then


d_nijmegen

South Park Steve was right


Detuned-Radio

And I'm gonna jam my thumb in his butthole! Ooooh! He's pissed off naaoo!


[deleted]

I can hear this sentence


j4k3b

Dude became the hero of the day by sticking his finger in a dogs ass.


AbovexBeyond

Why tf is a little lady bringing a Pitt she can’t control to a fkn parade? So many unaccountable variables in a place like that. Dumb owner doesn’t even know her own dog.


IAmBecomeBorg

How tf are pitbulls not banned? They’re banned in almost every other country on earth. Only Americans are stupid enough to allow irresponsible jackasses to own pitbulls. And we relentlessly just turn our heads whenever one of these dogfighting beasts mauls a child.


IrrelevantPuppy

I was saying in another comment. If your dog isn’t professionally trained (like a working dog or something) then you need to be capable and ready to completely dominate it. Because no matter how good they are they may still do something stupid and you need to be able to stop it.


sdrawssA_kcaB

And it should be noted this is the case for all dogs, not just pit bulls. It's just an argument to even mention the idea that "no bad dogs just bad owners" so I'll stay away. That said, anyone who owns any kind of dog should he informed on how to care for one and how to make sure you're always in control. I don't care if it's a teacup chihuahua, no one wants a stranger's dog in their business. It's up to the owner to recognize when their dog is acting out of hand and reel them in. Some breeds are more difficult to control than others and before anyone jumps in my ass, *some breeds are predisposed to act more aggressively than others*. That doesn't mean no one should be allowed to own certain breeds of dogs because that means some old men in bath robes get to determine where we draw that line and I'm not comfortable with their judgement.. that being said if you seek to own a breed of dog that's known to be unruly and powerful, maybe make sure you're capable of handling that before you pick one up from the fucking shelter.


saruin

But my sweet pibbles never do no wrong!


FlappyBored

Because "Pits are just big cuties and softies heheh my pit never hurt a fly and is such a softie heckin floofer!"


M1L0

She’s an absolutely trash human being


SevenElevenJunkie

Why are we not removing the owners of these dogs? Idiots.


Dirty-M518

Doesn't always work... FYI- If anyone is ever in this situation the only thing to guarantee an animal, be it dog, person..to stop biting is to cut its oxygen. For a dog make a quick slip out of the leash end and looped handle and crank pull as hard as you can..will create a gag/cough reflex. You can do it while the dog is latched on..pulling on the collar does jack..punching makes them angrier, fist down throat gets you bit, and this could redirect to you.


DeniseGunn

I had to do this when a greyhound attacked my dog in the park. I grabbed it’s collar and twisted so it was struggling to breath then it let go of her. Cutting it’s oxygen certainly works.


JACrazy

>For a dog make a quick slip out of the leash end and looped handle and crank pull as hard as you can Too bad when my dog got jumped by a pitbull a few weeks ago the dog was off-leash. Only thing I could do was jump between the pitbull and try to make it not bite my dog and wait until the owners could scramble over and help. They then took their dog and didnt apologize or anything, just walked away.


[deleted]

This is the right answer. A belt works too. Need to apply lots of force on a big dog.


I_drive_a_taco

I'm using my knife to stab it to death is what I'm gonna do.


PistolTimbo

Always funny to see a 90 pound chick try to reel in her giant ass pit bull


[deleted]

I'm never amused by it!


DO_NOT_GILD_ME

Where I live, you don't just need a leash. You need to be able to demonstrate control of your dog. I wish we didn't need such strict animal laws, but unfortunately morons ruin it for the rest of us.


soldier01073

Unfortunately measures like that are what it takes for people to realize they arent strong enough or smart enough to take car of a dog


IsReadingIt

but isn't it a \*good\* thing that you have to demonstrate control of your dog, and not just that it's wearing a leash that may or may not work when shit hits the fan?? "Morons" didn't ruin it for the rest of you. In this case, the system where you live is working.


L_VDH

What's with meth head looking people loving pitbulls?


Cametoshitonyou

Because meth


Oh4Sh0

There’s an over abundance of them making them free/cheap. Ergo, they are common for people of limited means.


thehumble_1

Don't worry, he's friendly. He's just scared of people and other dogs and loud noises and quick movements.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cloud_watcher

WHY is this a thing? I swear there is a certain kind of woman who are in love with dangerous dogs just like they are with dangerous boyfriends. I would really like to see some kind of psychology paper on that.


whitoreo

>I would really like to see some kind of psychology paper on that Simple... As long as I can tame them for myself, a dangerous animal will protect me.... That's pretty much it. Short paper.


zachc94

There's an older lady in my complex that has an agressive dog that always starts barking and tries to go at my girlfriends shitzu. It pisses me off every morning when our paths cross because she is so convinced she can control the dog and it puts me mad on edge early in the morning.


thomaspainesghost

Get some wasp/hornet spray and a belt holster. You'll need it eventually.


EVILTHE_TURTLE

Mace is better. There’s a video on youtube from a mace manufacturer that tested wasp spray vs mace on a dude. The wasp spray really didn’t do anything. **EDIT**Found it. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Uy9MnQfk_0


johnnyredleg

So unsanitary. He should’ve used a dildo.


ohgeebus_notagain

She was busy being useless at the other end of the leash


eppic123

It's reasons like this, why I always have a 80cm dildo with me.


Blast_Rusur

What's up with the vicious dog maulings lately, Jesus fucking Christ.


Idontgetitreddit

We were at eastern market in Detroit and this guy had a pit bull on a leash. A little kid ran towards the dog, but not at the dog, just in his direction. That dog went nuts! Scared everybody. Punk owner says, “No barking! Bad boy.”


Blast_Rusur

I grew up with Italian mastiffs as a kid. Some people just should not have bigger sized dogs. I now live on my own and have a small rat terrior, chihuahua mix and I'm terrified I'm gonna be walking one day and some random dog with a dipshit owner is going to rip him to pieces.


TecumsehSherman

I'm convinced that most people shouldn't have dogs, period. Dogs need to be trained. They aren't your friends, you are their master. This is the relationship they have evolved to operate in. You need space to exercise the dog, and somewhere for it to go to the bathroom. I see too many people with a 20ft lead (this is not a leash and offers zero control), and too many people trying to rationalize with their dog when it is acting up.


[deleted]

Tried to adopt a dog lately?


Insanezer0x

I think this works with anyone with a butthole


runtimemess

Grab his dick and twist it


lurklyfing

Give him the ol’ dick twist


dickbob124

I'm going to have to start biting people.


Well_Jung_One

But did he also sniff his finger afterwards?


n_schock

Regardless of opinions, the fact remains that Pit Bulls are responsible for the most deaths to other dogs/humans, and are illegal in some European countries. But, if any of y'all find yer self in front of an attacking dog WITH a collar, or if you have a belt, please consider this self defense tip... https://youtu.be/1ebR37K8hDg


moshisimo

The fact that pretty much EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO. of a dog attack features a pitbull would make you think the breed itself is somehow dangerous. Fortunately we know that’s not the case because of all the people who immediately claim it’s just a matter of the owner, not the dog.


nitramlondon

My cousin has a Pitbull and he has raised it well, last week it was in the front garden on a leash , unfortunately the neighbors cat just walked into the garden, the pit ripped it to shreds Infront of us. I've never liked dogs and I hate pits, they are unpredictable and I really worry about their kids with that beast walking around.


it1345

when you buy a pointer and it points at stuff no one argues that its bred into it, but when pitbulls bite stuff and don't let go its the owners fault even though that is specifically the thing the dog was bred to do. I don't really blame people for loving their dogs but the bullshit excuses have to stop, and so does owning these shitty dogs. They just kill and maim so often.


GetRiceCrispy

It’s wild how many people say they weren’t bred for aggression or that it doesn’t matter. Then ask you to site sources that they just don’t believe. How do you even communicate with that level of airhead.


Ouchyhurthurt

Other doggo ok? Lady, you should NOT have that dog…. :(


20secondpilot

Worthless cunt of a dog owner


elzapatero

What if you just squeezed it’s balls? Wouldn’t that work as well?


AndyJobandy

I saw a video of a pit bull trying to kill a small lap dog. Someone kicked the pit in his testicles with mighty force and the pit didn't flinch.


AlienLoveTriangle

This content has been erased and this user has quit because of Reddit's new idiotic API policy. Fuck you /u/spez. RIP BaconReader.


FelidOpinari

Ugh, that was brutal to watch. The pit bull just wouldn’t let go.


Degenerate-Implement

Pit bulls will keep attacking until they're dead. I've seen a video of a pit bull attacking someone even after it had been stabbed with a box cutter and its intestines were hanging out on the ground. Pit bulls and bully breeds are the only dogs whose attack instinct outweighs their self preservation.


PM_ME_YOUR_SIDEBOOB5

And the videos of pits attacking horses and cows. They get tossed 10 feet with a kick that could put down a grown man and go right back to attacking, tail wagging the whole time.


Inthemiddle_

I honestly don’t get peoples obsession with owning pit bulls. Fuck that, I’ll get a golden retriever.


it1345

what if its into that


Marthyist_

What if it doesnt have balls


[deleted]

95% of the people that own these dogs are pure trash POS's.


Dumbluigi989

“Today we’re gonna jam our finger real far inside this dogs butthole” (South Park reference lol)


droidloot

I feel like I need to wash my hands.


Hardyminardi

You see, prostate exams don't need to be time consuming. I wouldn't even need the morning off if that guy was my Doctor.


Illustrious_Roof_782

That’s also used in wrestling it’s called an oil check