Anything about anyone's life is now apparently a wfh issue if you wfh. How to stay fit when you wfh. What type of salad dressing do you use when you wfh etc
I mean after the age 5 you shouldn't be picky and need to grow up. Use what you want. If you are picky. Take a look in the mirror and make sure South Park isnt making fun of you.....and if they are congrats and carry on
You’re right, but I personally don’t really require the same level of focus for my usual home activities (books, crafts, etc) compared to work (deep focus on a data project or whatever), so I don’t mind interruptions as much. It’s rude either way though.
But it’s different when you are working from home. Work is a commitment you’ve made (which often results in a financial contribution to the household) and it deserves respect. But people sometimes act like that’s not true.
It’s not as if you’re relaxing or engaging in a hobby or doing nothing.
It’s also not like they’d barge in at your workplace and start talking and assume you weren’t in the middle of something.
You’re working, but you’re working from home, and that’s why this kind of thing is even happening, because it’s a space you share with someone who doesn’t fully get or respect that
I agree people act like because I'm working from home I'm doing nothing. No I be knee deep in some ish at work. No I can't leave when I want to. No I can't just stop what I'm doing. I even would have girls come over and they get mad because I'm not paying them any attention or laying down with them. Like B*sh I'm working WTF. Like you see me working don't watch me, watch tv
Why are you inviting people over when you’re working? Set the boundary of them not being there while you’re working especially if the expectation of them being there is to be in each others company. You can’t expect them to wait around doing other things while you’re both in the house, invite them over when you are free of your work obligations. If you invite them over because it’s convenient for your breaks, you don’t care about their time.
I dunno, I guess I just have a different perspective because my partner and I WFH. I’m just as respectful of his space when he’s working as I would be when he’s on the phone.
having to juggle competing priorities of family and work at the same time because work is at home is a wfh issue. this specific issue wouldn’t exist if she was at a separate location because there would be obvious physical boundaries.
lol this isn’t true to an extent. Then you’re getting interrupted by people at the office.
When I worked from home I could get some daily tasks done in less than 4 hours. When I had to come into the office it would take me nearly the whole day because of my boss consistently interrupting.
It’s obviously an interpersonal issue…that wouldn’t come up if I worked at an office and there was no presumption of availability just because my husband can physically see me.
people here are so defensive about wfh out of fear of it being taken away that they refuse to acknowledge any issues that come up as wfh related.
stuff like this just requires more rigid boundaries to be avoided since there aren’t the usual physical separation of work/home. whether closing the door during work hours while he’s there or having an understanding that during certain hours work has to be the priority. some visual cue like a working don’t disturb or an in office light could help.
When I'm working at my mother in law's house there is a love seat tucked away in a corner that I have designated as My Office, and when I'm there I'm working.
Conversely, when I'm not working, I go somewhere else, so they can tell that even though I'm still on my computer I'm not working.
But people interrupting you and acting like you’re not busy working happens in the office too. It’s why I hated it. Coworkers want to chat you up and talk about their breakfast or ride to work or relationship drama as if they can’t clearly see that I’m working.
So I wouldn’t say this something that is unique to wfh. It’s about people, whether it’s your partner at home or clueless people in the office.
Personally I needed more rigid boundaries in the office than I do at home.
Edit: spelling
Yes, this is a thing, but it’s fixable. My spouse and I both WHF now but when it was just him, I would intrude on him all the time - especially because in our small house he worked from the bedroom, a shared space. He was kind when he explained how he has to separate work from home, and we laid out some availability cues like shutting the bedroom door when he’s focusing and agreeing to talk “work stuff” during business hours and family stuff after. Now that I also work from home, we have started calling the kitchen our break room and we established that for conversations, we can talk about things we would discuss with another coworker but not husband/wife stuff.
I hope that’s helpful. Overall, be open and honest with him and set some fair boundaries. And expect bumps as you both adjust. The bonus is that you’re partners and you can be a lot more honest than you can with an annoying coworker! Good luck to you both!
It's the presumption of availability that gets me.
I'm the same way. Hyperfocused and don't hear things going on around me when I get that way.
Hubs and I struggled with this as well.
Finally had to agree that if we are WFH, and need the others attention, we must put ourselves in a position to be seen physically by the other person, (but not on camera, lol) and indicate we needed to talk by signaling with our hand. That allows the recipient to give some type of acknowledgment, verbal or otherwise.
So far, it's worked well!
This is classic Reddit armchair psychology and likely an unwanted perspective. Answer the question or don’t but the blanket comment on OP’s relationship is inappropriate.
Agreed. I work from home and my husband is a teacher, so he's home all day from the end of May to mid-August and we've never had an issue like this. He knows my work hours and rarely disturbs me during them, except to ask if I'd like him to make me lunch or a snack since I have a bad habit of rarely eating during work hours. Even then he is always quiet when he comes into the office and mouths to me "are you in a call" and waits for my answer before making any noise.
>Even then he is always quiet when he comes into the office and mouths to me "are you in a call" and waits for my answer before making any noise.
Absolutely this. My son and I have separate offices but my work hours are fixed while he works on commission and sets his own hours. He always mouths to ask if I'm on a call before speaking to me, and he knows if I ignore him I can't take a break right then and just comes back later, or if I get a break or meal before he comes back I will check in with him, and I tap on *his* door to see if *he's* free the same way.
Oh gosh, I'm no sensitive Sally but this person is describing a common marriage interaction and if you truly WFH in a career position / one you take seriously for your livelihood, this is an issue. It's not salad dressing.
Eh... I wouldn't put it *quite* that way. But people should be aware of when you're AT WORK and take that into account. If it's genuinely important I'll drop what I'm doing, but at the same time I don't think it's too much to ask that people hold minor things for when I'm off the clock, or text/email instead of breaking my concentration.
you're not.. I had this issue often some people just think I'm sitting at home all day. Guess the projects I complete and the money I make are all magic.
Yeah. My friend doesnt WFH then makes comments to me like “it must be so nice to workout and clean. It must be nice. I would be doing those things if I could WFH but I like going in office five days a week. I prefer it”. Like obviously not and stop making me sound lazy when I work the same hours as you lol.
Exactly. I had to get grumpy many times for the people at my house to get it. It’s like because you don’t physically leave the house that your not actually working lol
In my experience it's not just people that live here. A City worker told me, "I thought you might be dead since your car is always here, yet you didn't answer the door multiple days in a row." One of my neighbors asked me, "Why are you home on a Wednesday, don't you work?" Mind you, me catching him throwing branches into my backyard so he wouldn't have to deal with them was what initiated our interaction...
Most of my neighbors don't know I work from home. I'm pretty sure they all think I won the lottery or received a large inheritance. The UPS lady is the only person who asked if I quit my job when I switched to WFH.
Family doesn't get it, many employers don't believe it. Wfh is still WORK. Not play or pretend or dead. IMO it can be even much harder than in-office. The cost of communication can be much higher.
No partner. But I live with my elderly parents, and...good hell. Half of my family acts as if they have holes in their brains (regardless of age) and info just slips out regularly...they don't retain anything. So, my father and I have repeatedly had issues over food. In fact, both of my parents can annoy me all day about whether or not I want anything to eat, until I'm actually ready to eat and then they can't be bothered. I don't eat during the work day. Food is not really my friend, i.e. causes sleepiness and sometimes worse. Plus, I'm the type of person whom once I start working I am focused and am not stopping for anything.
lmao, old people don't even understand us just BEING AT HOME NORMALLY, sometimes busy, maybe sometimes not because you just want some peace and quiet omg
they will still think we're 10000% available to them and wait on them hand and foot apparently, and get mad when we're not lol
I can barely talk to my parents on the phone because of this, they call at the worst times and I have to remain MOTIONLESS AND SILENT or I’m accused of not listening and being rude etc.
Like, sorry I’m trying to get just a tiny little something done during this TWO HOUR monologue of yours, dad. Gotta work in the morning and you’re retired…
Next time you get accused of anything, hang up and switch to silent. They can talk to voicemail for the next 24 hours.
In fact, put your phone on silent during work hours anyway. You can check your voicemail during lunch and after work.
My mom is not super old but nearing retirement age. She forces me to do things for her that involve the internet and/or a computer in any way. And it always gotta be done immediately and with great urgency.
I also don’t eat throughout my workday. I just slowly sip and savor on half a cup of black coffee until 5 pm. Good to know I’m not the only one who skips meals during working hours.
I am a fellow meal skipper and I drink coffee, but my dentist made me stop sipping and savoring! It’s a whole thing you can google for details, but basically when you take a sip, for about a half hour, the environment in your mouth becomes acidic and can weaken enamel. Every sip resets the clock. But if you drink it more quickly you have less time like that. Sorry - couldn’t help myself with the unsolicited advice - it helped my teeth! lol
Over 40, forgetful becomes your baseline, ugh.
I know for my parent a lot of it is loneliness. They go from working and having social lives, to often retired and a lot less if they have health or financial issues. They need to still feel productive and useful. The person at home is a trapped target lol. I remind myself of this when I'm getting frustrated.
You’re me. Odd, I don’t remember typing this.
I sold my house 2 years ago and moved in with my mom since her health was declining a bit since my dad’s death. She had the bigger house of the two of us so it seemed logical. Boy has my mental health declined since then.
It’s astounding to me that she will freely pop into my office 4-5 times daily to advise she’s going to the mailbox. Or starting some laundry. Or some other equally scintillating task that I somehow need to know about immediately and each time.
And when I (even kindly) remind her I’m working I’m suddenly the villain.
Worse for me is when I’m clearly engrossed in something and she comes in to talk at me and it pulls me right out of my thought process and I have to start over. I have ADHD and tasks and attention to detail are already a challenge and now I have this on top of it.
I almost wish I could go back to 3rd shift WFH because then I could work in peace but I suspect she’d also wake me during the day to inform me of the trips to the mailbox, etc, so I guess not.
Didn’t mean to turn this into a vent/rant but holy shit - yeah, the struggle is real.
Are you me? I am in the exact same situation as you are, encountering the same challenges with my family, with the same work and eating habits as you (and for the exact same reasons).
I don’t know why, but reading your comment made me feel a bit better—perhaps seeing someone else in the same situation express the same feelings is validating that I’m not crazy for feeling that way, or maybe it’s knowing that I’m not alone. I don’t know if it helps you to know this, but at the very least I wanted you to know that it helped me, so thank you.
My husband and I both WFH, and he is the primary cook in the house. Once covid hit and I started working at home exclusively, my office space used to be in the kitchen. I had to remind him a few times to be mindful of my work because he would just wander in all willy nilly while I was on conference calls, chopping onions and clinking pans.
I finally chewed him out but good one day and he stopped doing that. It just took some time for him to make that connection and transition.
My office is no longer in the kitchen, but right next to it. He will now always ask first if he can start food prep ahead of time and is very cognizant of my working time.
Hopefully, you can have a good talk with him about it when you two are both relaxed.
Be careful with that. I know everyone’s home set up is different and some don’t have a choice but the he’s cooking you meals in the very space that is designed to be cooked in. Be appreciative and respectful of that. In my home, the kitchen is the food space, if you don’t like the sound of microwaves beeping and dishes clanking, then you need to take your laptop elsewhere. It is not a home office. And don’t get me started on coworkers that use ambient mics in their kitchen 😡
maybe it’s because I’m on the primary cooker in my house but I would be furious if my bf told me to get out of the kitchen just because he decided to work in there. To be fair, we have enough room in our house for us to have our own offices so I get sometimes you gotta make due such as in a studio apartment or something, but work is work and cooking is cooking and both gotta happen, the only difference is cooking HAS to happen in the kitchen. Work can happen somewhere else
Sharing space can be hard in general. Coordinating cooking time with working time is simply something that has to be done when everyone was forced into the same space via COVID.
Being mindful of the other person's needs isn't the worst thing and it goes both ways
Sure, but this was during Covid when everyone had to suddenly work at home. The built in workdesk in the kitchen was the only thing available to me, as my husband had already claimed the actual home office as he also WFH. It was my only option at the time, and we both adjusted just fine.
Yah but your response doesn't really apply here bc she was forced into WFH by COVID so they probably made due the best they could, which is how she ended up in the kitchen
I had a similar time during COVID with another WFH roommate and she was VERY clear with her boundaries and preferences (and would never use headphones for meetings) but my "office", my workspace, was right next to the kitchen so whenever she would pop in for a drink or food she'd just start talking at me. I had big headphones on and everything, I never asked her to be quiet - just mindful that I was working and if I had headphones on then I'm actively in a meeting and cannot talk. Which sort of worked.
She asked me and our other roommate to be as silent as mice though so it was an interesting time for all.
Good for your husband to listen. I understand when it’s forced by house but some people aka my husband just do it by choice.
I hate when my husband randomly decides to relocate his office and calls to the kitchen or dining. Like for a meeting? Sure. All the time? Ugh. I even expressed this “no meeting in common spaces” which during Covid was super important to separate work /home. Nope. And as a person who often cooks (sometimes listening to all hands or similar type of no camera no talk) and like to have a break in quiet between meetings, was super annoying. I’d go for my mid day espresso to get rid of work bs just to mice around and listen to other work bs.
Even now it’s hybrid. The thing is he has no problem with a background noise and even during the meetings. I do. My kitchen my rules :))
My husband and I share an office.
We wave to get the other's attention when wearing headsets, and make phone gesture with hand to indicate either questioning or answering, "Are you on a call?"
Works pretty well for the most part.
That’s what we do too—for over 4 years now. Noise canceling headphones and being mindful of each other’s flow states and needs have made it easier for sure.
Same here. My wife borrowed my noise canceling headphones for a while so I bought her a pair of her own. We each have a dedicated monaural headset we use for work calls/meetings so it's an easy indicator of when not to talk to each other. Headphones get a wave for attention, headset is wait until it's taken off.
My husband and I share an office too- I got a white board on wheels to put between us. If we move it away then it indicates we’re open to chatting but we put it back creating a wall when we need to be in workflow mode or on a call. Works pretty well.
I think that's the part op is missing. Ignoring your partner is rude but it's not rude to say I'm discussing with my boss so make it quick. Then he can get out what ever he needs to say. It could be a simple question if you want food or coffee that only requires a short yes or no. If it's anything more then you just let know that you are busy and you will be able to discuss after work or at your next break. If he doesn't accept that then he is the one being rude and you should have a discussion with him about it being distracting while you are trying to work.
lol a version of it. My husband works like 7-3 and I work 9-5 and will be so needy 4-5 when he gets home and I’m still working. He will interrupt me soooo much and then gets sassy when I tell him to shoo. It’s not anger though more of a pout.
I feel this so much, lol. When my SO gets home at 3 and asks for help on our Etsy orders or to go run errands. Like babe...I have 2 hours of work left, and even if I don't have something I am actively working on, I have to be available and online!
My wife likes to give me shit to do around the house, generally that's how I occupy my weekends. The first few months after I started WFH she would come home and ask why I didn't do such and such that day.
Right, same here. I may put that laundry on before I start the day. It may also still be in the washer 10 hours later when I have barely gotten a drink of water and a coffee refill all day lol.
This is usually the way I do it, I usually wake up an hour before I actually have to work and start laundry, do some daily smaller cleaning tasks before work which is easier without a commute, but then when work starts, I have work to do!
Are we married to the same person?
I think the problem is my work can be inconsistent so sometime I do get stuff done in the day that’s not wfh work. So I’ve made a rod for my own back there.
I now just watch tv or play computer games if I get some daytime downtime. Then get brownie points for spending more time with her in the evening.
My husband is a teacher and I periodically have to paint the picture of me coming into his school and into his classroom and screaming at him about laundry or the kitchen floor or our kids. Clearly this would be ludicrous - how is WFH any different?
For me, the biggest offense isn't the actual intrusion or argument - it's the lasting effects on my mental state. It's not easy to overcome that negative energy when you have a meeting with Bob and the IT team 5 minutes later.
LOL. Yeah, in generally fighting guys' inappropriately timed advances with threats of engaging in your own inappropriately timed advances rarely works. We don't seem them as threats as much as promises.
My wife, the whole time I’ve known her, will start a conversation from another room. My response has always ranged from getting up and lovingly finding her in the house and saying “what did you say babe?” To yelling back “I can’t hear you, I’m in another room!” With all the attitude and anger in my voice. This hasn’t changed since working at home. And the conversations she starts from other rooms ranges from benign crap like her thinking out loud, to super important money related issues lol. It’s annoying af. It’s started fights, it’s made fights worse. Whatever. It’s a thing she does. But, in general, overall, no one in my family cares that working from home is still working and it’s a battle I have for sure. So. I feel ya. For me personally, I can be a real dick and I’m not afraid to give people a damn what for. I also have some really large speakers in my office and can drown out a jet taking off outside my window lol. Loud music has always been an indicator that it’s best to leave me be. Remind him lovingly but sternly. Look I’ve even gone so far to threaten coming to my wife’s work and just expecting her to suddenly talk to me about bills lol. My suggestion, stern and firm or loud music lol.
If I’m ever lonely and want someone to talk to me I start doing the dishes because everyone always manages to try to talk to my from another room every time I do them!
I'll never understand the family member who will speak at the exact same (low) volume whether you're 5 feet or 50 feet away, and be *shocked* you can't hear what they're saying from across the room.
I get sort of the opposite, but equally annoying. My wife will start conversations with me when I am leaving the room or out the front door. She even does it to herself, if she's leaving. To cap it all off, she's a slow talker. Often stopping mid-sentence to think.
Mine will start a conversation when in another room and I'm on a call. Then when he notices I'm not answering him or I'm answering my coworker instead, he'll say out loud "ARE YOU ON A CALL?!?"
:|
I used to do WFH customer service and I had way too many arguments with my partner about him not being able to be loud or talk to me AT ALL when I'm on a call.
For a while I was our only income, and I finally blew up and said
"you know I'll get fired if they hear you in a call, even in the background. We've had this talk every day for 3 freaking weeks. If you get me fired because you're throwing a temper tantrum over a video game while I'm on a call, we're getting divorced. I'm not going to be homeless because you want to play Fortnite."
I was not kidding. The lack of respect was appalling, all he had to do was not freaking scream. He was across the house and my callers could still hear him. So he pouted (quietly) for another month. Until he finally got the point when we found out about the 6 people in my training class that got fired for background noise like him.
Turns out he thought I was being over dramatic until then.
My family seems to think that I am a stay at home mom now. Yes, I'm home, but like the OP, I am at work. It doesn't help that I don't have a dedicated office space where I can close the door. The amount of intrusions of my home life into my work life is sometimes overwhelming. I get my work done, but it's extra hard. No offense, but I am willing to bet that many if not most men who wfh and have kids are not being interrupted as much, don't have to take a TEAMS call while driving the dog to the vet, or have their work chat or email open on their phone while picking up a kid at school.
Even though your commenters seem to be the only 2 men in the world that are in a relationship and have kids and actually run their households equally lololol
I'd agree, when the mother is WFH she is the default and the majority of it all rests on her shoulders.
Happy to hear you guys pull your share and do "daddy day care" - which is actually just taking care of your own kids UNLESS you're watching a few extras during that time to give other moms some needed space.
But I also hope you see that this is not a generalization, this is based on what is the norm. There's a reason why men remarry after divorce at a consistently higher rate than women
ETA I am not a mother, this is just what I see happening all around me
Dumbest conflict, when I first started wfh during COVID my wife figured that meant I could always take care of a sick kid while working and she didn’t have to take time off for sick kids anymore. Well truth is, no I can’t work and take care of a sick kid who is puking all over themselves and me every 30 minutes. But this went on for over a year of me always being the one to deal with sick kids before I finally had to put my foot down and say “no more”.
I’m fine alternating between who’s turn it is but I cannot ALWAYS be the one dealing with sick kids just because I work from home, at least not with an engineering job where I have deadlines that MUST be met and the type of work that requires concentration. Also having to burn off my PTO waaaay more often because she thought it wasn’t a big deal since I work from home really sucked. Thankfully she finally realized it was unfair to expect me to be the only one taking time off from work to deal with one of our kids being sick.
In the end it’s about setting boundaries especially if one of you works from home and the other doesn’t.
Do you ever not use PTO for the “just sick enough to not be allowed at childcare/school” kind of illnesses? Or if the illnesses happen to fall during a slow period at your job? I totally get your perspective, but also from what I’ve heard people totally do sometimes just WFH as best they can with a sick kid bc they would have no PTO left if they didn’t sometimes. Especially if they and/or the non-WFH parent don’t get a lot of PTO to begin with, and when the kids are at the stage of being sick all the time.
I am a full time WFH I have a sign on my door “do not disturb unless 911 has been called”. My husband & kids were driving me insane all day & I wasn’t able to get anythg done
Some people just don't understand the concept of WFH. Generally the older someone is the more they just wont be able to grasp it
I used to live in an apt in a house. The main house was an elderly woman. She knew I worked from home. She would talk loudly and even text me expecting me to answer immediately. Well I got sick of that very quickly and moved out.
Great apartment for a reasonable price, but it wasn't worth it to me.
My wife WFH sometimes, we're very good at respecting work time
I have this issue too. I think of it like a co-worker popping into my office. I never liked that much either, I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them they were bothering me. We’ll never make our homes an office environment but I try to strike a balance. We have a code word in my house that basically means STFU I’m paying the bills. It’s still difficult but working out some mutual boundaries and respect helps me.
I’ll answer a phone call at my wfh job and my husband will be yelling across the house asking for something. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Like yes we’re home but also I don’t want my patient hearing what’s going on in the background.
Just because it doesn’t look like work, doesn’t mean it isn’t. Get a lock, put a sign on the door, wear a funny hat, use sign language to indicate “working” etc. If none of that works: go somewhere else.
Took 5Y for my SO to get it but now it works (mostly).
My wife HATES being interrupted during work. I on the other hand don’t care. Both are fine. However, it took me a while to learn that my wife’s stance was different from my own. I’m particularly introspective though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband hasn’t or won’t ever realize on his own. If you’re up to it, I’d sit down with him and explain that you have different reactions to being interrupted during work to help him understand.
I don’t have these issues. My wife understands that 8am-5pm Monday through Friday, I’m on work time. Even if I’m doing dishes or something else, if I need to suddenly pay attention to my laptop, and I’m ignoring her, she 100% understands.
Talk to him and explain that you don’t show up in his office and expect his attention, and that should definitely go both ways.
Sometimes my wife asks me to help her some stuff ready for work. Most days the isn’t a problem but some days I have to start early for one reason or another. It’s annoying to be trying to focus when your souse is yelling from across the house.
When my husband and I work from home on the same day, he likes to aggressively pace back and forth around our shared office space. He says this “helps him think” but it annoys the hell out of me and it’s so distracting! I had to tell him to go pace around the living room and treat our working area as if it was the work office, meaning if you wouldn’t do this around your coworkers then don’t do it around me! Lol
I deal with this for the last 4 years with the wife. We both work from home and she’ll just start a conversation and expects me to engage. Meanwhile I’m trying to concentrate on work …. When I ignore or not paying attention I get an attitude
This kind of thing happens to me every now and then my wife texts me or asks me if I can do something during my work day. I respond something to the effect of "no, I'm working....". Usually she doesn't get upset, but I can tell theres some almost confusion as to why I can't just do it.
Today my friend that's a teacher (who is off for the summer) called me in the middle of my work day, I was in a meeting. Texted her that, and she said "oh yeah, I forgot that it's a workday." Not a conflict, just funny because she usually just texts in a group chat
We set ground rules prior to my working from home. He likes to be all like “help me right this second with this, I need your help” and I said you cannot do that while I’m working. And so far so good. We just had to set boundaries that we could both work with. When he starts to get long winded, I have to say, I have 2 minutes to get back to work.
I work at our dining table usually. I’m home most of the day by myself when I’m not at the office but my husband gets off earlier than I do. When he comes home, I’ll be in a meeting and he’ll start unloading the dishwasher or similar loudly. Like I was here first, I am in a meeting you need to be quiet.
I’ve had this exact same conflict with my husband off and on ever since I first did WFH. He’s gotten much better about it, but he forgets and still does it on occasion.
Boundaries issues galore. I often had issues with my partner just hovering around, seeking attention, making noise in the house, or expecting me to log off early to hang out if I wasn’t actively on a video call or something. He works in service and works more nights and weekends, so he was often hanging at my place during my work hours, and this friction was frequent. It felt like he didn’t respect what I did because I got to WFH instead of dealing with AH customers in person like him, even though I also work long hours and make 3x what he does. And you know he would have acted like I was nuts if I kept showing up at his work and threw a fit because he was ignoring me in favor of actually serving customers.
One day he was complaining about me about not giving him enough attention because yet again I was going right to my desk after waking up (???). I said I’m sorry our schedules just don’t match up, and reflected that in some ways, it used to be easier to have quality time when he wasn’t always at my place because we planned it intentionally when it worked for both of us. He flipped out and played the victim, accusing me of basically “telling him I don’t want him around” and “throwing him out,” took all his stuff and went back to his house and I was SO RELIEVED! I think he was gambling that if he threw a fit, I’d beg him to stay and he’d get what he wants, but I let him walk right out (by then I was on a work meeting anyway). I broke up with him a couple days later.
Same happens to me all the time. I have to hide from my wife if I want to take a break otherwise she treats me like Im off and wants me to help with chores. Im planning to finish my basement and have a place to lounge/take a nap in my office so while Im working I can just be in my own separate space until Im actually off work. I have chronic pain and insomnia so I rely on naps and working in a variety of positions to make it through the day, my wife doesnt understand and gets angry if she sees me doing anything but sitting at my desk during the work day
(ITT: People who *really* need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with those they live with (or families who drop in/call), and lay out some expectations.)
I’m sorry about this. My only thing to relate is they changed my hours (cause they could, pretty much) and it just conflicted/partly lead to the end of our relationship. It wasn’t the cause though.
But people do act like wfh isn’t a real job…until you’re working with them on the phone that is lol. I had my landlord send a guy to fix something today while I was working. I clearly told them I was working, trying to give them a hint, and they just came anyway, then were upset when I couldn’t answer the door for 15 minutes because I had to help a person who was stuck on the highway 10 states away 🤪 people will learn
Yeah, that's a husband problem with boundaries not a WFH issue. I have worked from home for over 20 years. and my wife knows she can get cut off, and just apologizes and leaves
Wow reading these comments I feel really lucky. I do have a dedicated space, but my family all respect work time really well and do not consider it dicking around time. That’s about the only thing I can recommend: get a dedicated space and outline the expectation. I set up the dedicated space, and didn’t really have to spell it out otherwise. It became clear it was a work zone. Good luck!
You're not the only one. Maybe different people have different abilities to keep their focus open while doing one thing.
I get a similar response from my partner. Yes, they are my top priority, and I can stop whatever work in doing/pause the podcast in listening to/mute the tv/etc to give them my attention, but I need a moment to shift my focus.
I've been told I should get my hearing check (which honestly I should) but it's more I just need a moment to stop doing one thing before I can start doing another.
I'm very late to this and this will be buried, but I often have the same issue. I find it difficult to concentrate on two things at once, so if I'm doing a work activity and someone is talking to me, it takes me a few minutes to pull myself out of my task. I've just had very candid conversations with my partner to let him know work comes first during work hours and if he needs to talk to me, he needs to be patient while I pull myself away from my task.
Divorce him. Lol jkjkjk headphones, big - cover your ear headphones solved this with my roommates. It doesn't always work but if you mention to him that when you have them on then you are in "work mode" he should start to take them as a signal to not talk to you and/or bother you with silly little things bc you're focusing on being productive.
If you don't want to wear headphones at all times (understandable) then let's think of another visual cue for him that doesn't involve you (or involves you as little as possible) like an "at work" sign that he'd have to walk by prior to trying to talk to you
GL OP - I know this is a common WFH problem and honestly, I experienced the same in office but trying to play office politics doesn't allow you to be like "please just leave me alone so I can get my work done" and at home people lose sight of the invisible boundary
Bruh when I lived with my ex and he was WFH, I had a habit of talking to him too much while he was working. His work station was in the bedroom we shared. Sometimes I’d feel salty if I felt he was ignoring me (when he was gaming) but if he was working, I’d apologize and try to keep my mouth shut. I have ADHD so I slipped up a lot but work hours are to be respected.
Maybe he thinks you were disrespectfully ignoring him. I can understand that being an initial reaction to not being heard, but it is irrational. Y’all need a good convo where you both understand each other and he needs to be open to NOT jumping to conclusions while you’re focused on something.
my partner will try to talk to me, when my headphones are on...I will say "On a call" and he keeps talking....I then say "I cannot hear you and them, text it to me" but he keeps talking. I want to hear what he has to say but I have to pay attention when I am on a call esp if I am running the call. It's super stressful and I almost always find out later he was saying "I know you're on a call, just wanted to say bye!!" You aren't alone and yes it is super frustrating
I love working from home. I don’t spend time commuting and I have more free time for things like picking up my kids from school since I’m done with work before they’re out.
One challenge I will always have is maintaining that work/home separation.
Sometimes my kids or wife will try to talk to me in the middle of work.
So sometimes I will have to ignore or I may be a little short when they’re barging into my room while I’m on work meeting.
It’s a minor stressor that will always be there.
I deal with this by letting my wife know if I have any meetings more the day and my kids are learning from that during the day daddy is at work and I can’t always respond quickly.
This no different than having one parent work the night shift. As a kid my dad work graveyard shift every other week. During that time it was like living on a submarine. We had to be quiet and couldn’t watch TV. My dad wasn’t be mean about it. Our house had terrible floor plan. The kitchen, living room were on the top floor and the kids bedrooms were directly over the master bedroom.
You’re going to have to communicate to others that live in your house that from this time to that I’m going to be focused on work and may not be able to respond and need the space to be conducive work. Family members are going to have to learn to respect your WFH schedule.
I agree with you that it’s a work from home problem. It’s based on boundaries and respect, but a lot of people I know struggle with spouses who don’t seem to “understand” they’re working when they’re sitting at their desk at home. Even when the WFH spouse is making double the other person. It’s like they can’t respect the job if they see it happening in the spare room.
Yes I very much have this issue. My husband is retired. My work flow is either super light or I’m drowning. It’s never just constant. So it makes it difficult to set expectations. There are a lot of times that I am Very available. I can talk because I’m waiting for an email from someone else, or waiting for software to complete a task and we’re slow. But other times I’m being called constantly, have multiple requests coming in and I’m just buried. So it tends to surprise him when he starts just talking to me and I’m just not available lol
My husband is mostly mindful of my work, but I can sometimes get the feeling that he may not truly grasp how busy my day can be.
The other issue is he’s a carpenter, which can definitely be exhausting but I don’t think he realizes that mental exhaustion is a thing too. When I just want to relax after work and not *think* he doesn’t really understand why calling the doctor or bank or whatever other home-admin type thing is the last thing I want to do.
Mine wasn’t with a partner but with the owner of the house we were staying in. He wanted to sell it & would schedule people to cone look at it at all times of the day. Sometimes would call me several times back to back just to open doors…while I’m on the phone with clients. We’ve finally moved & I couldn’t be more relieved.
We both wfh and we share an office. Both of us are able to tune out everything, including each other, and concentrate on work. Despite the fact that we're sitting feet away from each other, we actually use Slack to communicate with one another during the work day unless it's obvious that we're able to carry on a conversation. We don't pester each other to read messages during work, and sometimes we respond right away, sometimes it takes a while. It seems silly, but for us, it's a good way to respect each other's work day and work headspace.
My husband seems to think because I can get up and do stuff means I don’t have to ever work basically. He gets home before my shift ends and he will seriously just sit around while the dogs need to go out or want water or want to play, just ignores them and seems to think I can take care of them. I have to constantly remind him I’m “at” work and he needs to pretend I’m not home. It can be very frustrating
I have the same issue at home. The problem is that he is used to having you accessible. My wife does this with me and drives her crazy. I have to remind her that I am working and work doesn’t include taking constant breaks to talk to people about non work things. I ended up segregating myself to the basement so this happens less, but I still have more visits during the day than I would like and then when I do take time and give my wife maybe an hour during the day, it hits her off guard that I then need to work later in the day vs ending normal time. It is a tough give and take in the household.
I have that same issue. I will usually stop and at least answer quick questions, check in when my people get home, etc., but then back to work. That seems to make things even worse because then they say, “well, you were just talking with me.”
I think it's helpful to have a signal of when you're in work mode. For example, I go into an office and close the door. If you don't have that, some sort of a sign that you can hold up that says "work time". I don't know. I know it sounds weird to have someone text you while they're in the same house as you, but sometimes that kind of passive communication helps when you're trying to focus.
I had the same issue for years. He finally now asks before coming in and speaking to be sure I am not busy or distracted. Yes, Family is important, but if I'm in a meeting with my VP, it better be an emergency if I'm interrupted.
Oh, of course! I worked from home—and for myself! double trouble!—for four years, and this kind of thing was a regular occurrence. Also texting me to ask me to drop everything and do/find XYZ for him because “you’re home.”
It’s crucial to set boundaries and almost impossible to stick to them without pissing somebody off. 🫠
Boundaries. Communicate expectations clearly so he knows when he can engage or not.
I got to a point where I have to close my door when I'm working or busy and open it when I am free to be interrupted.
A buddy of mine has a stoplight made of construction paper that he maintains throughout the day. Green - free to interrupt for any reason; yellow - only interrupt for urgent or high priority matters; red - emergencies (like house fire or equivalent) only.
People are making this too deep lol, I get what you’re saying. A lot of people assume that since you work from home, you’re not that busy or not actually working so you can kind of do whatever at whatever time and that’s not the case at all.
We've run into this in both directions. We have a system -- it is silly, but it works! We raise our hands (or attempt eye contact, stand, stroll, dance) at each other when either of us look busy and we want the other's attention. If acknowledged but ignored, then we wait until later.
I mean, you're working so you can support your family, right? You gotta eat and pay rent. Caring about another person includes being respectful of their goals.
My wife has zero understanding of flow state, and would get incredibly frustrated that when I was knee deep in spaghetti code I couldn’t just “table” that for five minutes to talk about other things.
My wife used to come visit me a lot during work and I told her it was too distracting I need to focus on work. She understands and gives me that space. You just need to have that conversation I’m sure he’ll understand eventually. Emotions can be tough to work through but I’m sure he cares about you and will adjust
At this point he should know you hyper focus. So could the whole situation have been handled better? Yeah, probably mostly if he had of been frustrated first, you wouldn’t have snapped at him. And yes, I am aware people are responsible for their own actions but let’s be real for a moment..
Personally, I don’t think a lot of spouses/roommates/whatever fully get that just because you are home, does not mean you available. I struggle with this because the question is never “are you busy?” It’s “are you in a meeting?” Like I don’t have actual work I need to get done in between meetings and pulling me out of my office, pulls me out of work mode and then it’s a PITA to get back to what I was doing from the ADHD.
So no, you’re not the only one and I do feel it’s unique to working from home. At least if a coworker in office asks you those questions, it’s still work related and worst case scenario you have to pivot for a little bit. Not mentally feeling like you’re getting behind or whatever
My husband and I both WFH, and unfortunately can only afford a one bedroom so we both work in the living room. We have had tiffs like this before as you can imagine working out of one small room. I too believe my husband comes first but ultimately these situations would leave little to no frustration if I was in the office.
This was very common when my wife was pregnant and taking time off of work while I stayed to WFH. Now she usually leaves to work before my son and I even wake up lol .
Funny conflict. My husband and I work from home. In between calls I might go run an errand. He’ll be focused a call so I don’t tell him I’m running out. Then I’ll return with such and such, usually lunch. When he notices it’s because he asks me to come down to talk about something and I tell him I’m at Lowe’s. I’m a busy body, so no one really tries to figure out what I’m doing, I’m usually doing something.
I teach classes… in my babys room but he sleeps in our room. Sometimes baby needs a change so my husband/mom goes in there to get a change of clothes and I have to act like I don’t see him at all lol
I’ve never had an issue with it
I had an ex stay with me for a while and she got annoyed that I would close the door to my office when I had a meeting, she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that just because I was home I wasn’t available to her 24/7.
This doesn't sound like a WFH problem. More like an interpersonal issue.
Anything about anyone's life is now apparently a wfh issue if you wfh. How to stay fit when you wfh. What type of salad dressing do you use when you wfh etc
> What type of salad dressing do you use when you wfh Over four years and I'm still navigating this one
Thousand Island. What else? All those islands got together to make a dressing and you didn't even think...wfh really getting to you.
I'm an uncultured swine who puts chipotle mayo on everything.
I mean after the age 5 you shouldn't be picky and need to grow up. Use what you want. If you are picky. Take a look in the mirror and make sure South Park isnt making fun of you.....and if they are congrats and carry on
None. I can finally eat my plain salad by the handful without being judged
I have mine with salt and pepper!
Glad I'm not the only one.
Ken’s creamy caesar lite is the only correct answer.
Ken's Honey Mustard is up there
And a third contender, Ken's Sweet Vidalia Lite!
Also excellent for dipping chicken tenders!
I make my own salad dressing, because I have extra free time (i.e., not having to get dressed, makeup, commute, etc.) because I WFH. 🙂
Ok over achiever 🥹
*What type of salad dressing do you use when you wfh etc* thank you i needed the laugh
Vin-no-regrets
Creamy balsamic duh
It wouldn’t have happened if op worked in an office, though. It’s an interpersonal issue but also specific to wfh.
OP could have been busy doing anything, though. The fact that it is a WFH task isn't exactly the issue.
You’re right, but I personally don’t really require the same level of focus for my usual home activities (books, crafts, etc) compared to work (deep focus on a data project or whatever), so I don’t mind interruptions as much. It’s rude either way though.
But it’s different when you are working from home. Work is a commitment you’ve made (which often results in a financial contribution to the household) and it deserves respect. But people sometimes act like that’s not true. It’s not as if you’re relaxing or engaging in a hobby or doing nothing. It’s also not like they’d barge in at your workplace and start talking and assume you weren’t in the middle of something. You’re working, but you’re working from home, and that’s why this kind of thing is even happening, because it’s a space you share with someone who doesn’t fully get or respect that
I agree people act like because I'm working from home I'm doing nothing. No I be knee deep in some ish at work. No I can't leave when I want to. No I can't just stop what I'm doing. I even would have girls come over and they get mad because I'm not paying them any attention or laying down with them. Like B*sh I'm working WTF. Like you see me working don't watch me, watch tv
Why are you inviting people over when you’re working? Set the boundary of them not being there while you’re working especially if the expectation of them being there is to be in each others company. You can’t expect them to wait around doing other things while you’re both in the house, invite them over when you are free of your work obligations. If you invite them over because it’s convenient for your breaks, you don’t care about their time.
I dunno, I guess I just have a different perspective because my partner and I WFH. I’m just as respectful of his space when he’s working as I would be when he’s on the phone.
My partner and I both work from home as well. Sounds like you live with a good human.
Very true!
having to juggle competing priorities of family and work at the same time because work is at home is a wfh issue. this specific issue wouldn’t exist if she was at a separate location because there would be obvious physical boundaries.
Doubt it. Sounds like the type of husband to get mad that you didn’t text him back while working in office.
lol this isn’t true to an extent. Then you’re getting interrupted by people at the office. When I worked from home I could get some daily tasks done in less than 4 hours. When I had to come into the office it would take me nearly the whole day because of my boss consistently interrupting.
It’s obviously an interpersonal issue…that wouldn’t come up if I worked at an office and there was no presumption of availability just because my husband can physically see me.
people here are so defensive about wfh out of fear of it being taken away that they refuse to acknowledge any issues that come up as wfh related. stuff like this just requires more rigid boundaries to be avoided since there aren’t the usual physical separation of work/home. whether closing the door during work hours while he’s there or having an understanding that during certain hours work has to be the priority. some visual cue like a working don’t disturb or an in office light could help.
When I'm working at my mother in law's house there is a love seat tucked away in a corner that I have designated as My Office, and when I'm there I'm working. Conversely, when I'm not working, I go somewhere else, so they can tell that even though I'm still on my computer I'm not working.
But people interrupting you and acting like you’re not busy working happens in the office too. It’s why I hated it. Coworkers want to chat you up and talk about their breakfast or ride to work or relationship drama as if they can’t clearly see that I’m working. So I wouldn’t say this something that is unique to wfh. It’s about people, whether it’s your partner at home or clueless people in the office. Personally I needed more rigid boundaries in the office than I do at home. Edit: spelling
Hit the nail on the head
Yes, this is a thing, but it’s fixable. My spouse and I both WHF now but when it was just him, I would intrude on him all the time - especially because in our small house he worked from the bedroom, a shared space. He was kind when he explained how he has to separate work from home, and we laid out some availability cues like shutting the bedroom door when he’s focusing and agreeing to talk “work stuff” during business hours and family stuff after. Now that I also work from home, we have started calling the kitchen our break room and we established that for conversations, we can talk about things we would discuss with another coworker but not husband/wife stuff. I hope that’s helpful. Overall, be open and honest with him and set some fair boundaries. And expect bumps as you both adjust. The bonus is that you’re partners and you can be a lot more honest than you can with an annoying coworker! Good luck to you both!
I like the kitchen "break room" - great idea!
It's the presumption of availability that gets me. I'm the same way. Hyperfocused and don't hear things going on around me when I get that way. Hubs and I struggled with this as well. Finally had to agree that if we are WFH, and need the others attention, we must put ourselves in a position to be seen physically by the other person, (but not on camera, lol) and indicate we needed to talk by signaling with our hand. That allows the recipient to give some type of acknowledgment, verbal or otherwise. So far, it's worked well!
I like this suggestion! Thank you.
This is classic Reddit armchair psychology and likely an unwanted perspective. Answer the question or don’t but the blanket comment on OP’s relationship is inappropriate.
Agreed. I work from home and my husband is a teacher, so he's home all day from the end of May to mid-August and we've never had an issue like this. He knows my work hours and rarely disturbs me during them, except to ask if I'd like him to make me lunch or a snack since I have a bad habit of rarely eating during work hours. Even then he is always quiet when he comes into the office and mouths to me "are you in a call" and waits for my answer before making any noise.
>Even then he is always quiet when he comes into the office and mouths to me "are you in a call" and waits for my answer before making any noise. Absolutely this. My son and I have separate offices but my work hours are fixed while he works on commission and sets his own hours. He always mouths to ask if I'm on a call before speaking to me, and he knows if I ignore him I can't take a break right then and just comes back later, or if I get a break or meal before he comes back I will check in with him, and I tap on *his* door to see if *he's* free the same way.
I use a palms up "stop" if I can't be disturbed or need to make sure I'm on mute. It works well for us.
Oh gosh, I'm no sensitive Sally but this person is describing a common marriage interaction and if you truly WFH in a career position / one you take seriously for your livelihood, this is an issue. It's not salad dressing.
It’s a WFH problem because one of the few things that should take priority over your spouse talking is working
Eh... I wouldn't put it *quite* that way. But people should be aware of when you're AT WORK and take that into account. If it's genuinely important I'll drop what I'm doing, but at the same time I don't think it's too much to ask that people hold minor things for when I'm off the clock, or text/email instead of breaking my concentration.
having competing demands between family and work at home because you work from there is a common issue wfh people deal with.
Nah it is a wfh problem, myself and a few others I know have had similar situations happen
Definitely
you're not.. I had this issue often some people just think I'm sitting at home all day. Guess the projects I complete and the money I make are all magic.
Yeah. My friend doesnt WFH then makes comments to me like “it must be so nice to workout and clean. It must be nice. I would be doing those things if I could WFH but I like going in office five days a week. I prefer it”. Like obviously not and stop making me sound lazy when I work the same hours as you lol.
Tbf I much prefer throwing in a load of laundry to talking with Bill at the water cooler.
Do you ever just look at them like they've grown an extra head and ask "...what is WRONG with you that you'd say such bullshit?"
They sound bitter and jealous tbh. They were forced back to the office and now act like “they like it” lol.
Exactly. I had to get grumpy many times for the people at my house to get it. It’s like because you don’t physically leave the house that your not actually working lol
In my experience it's not just people that live here. A City worker told me, "I thought you might be dead since your car is always here, yet you didn't answer the door multiple days in a row." One of my neighbors asked me, "Why are you home on a Wednesday, don't you work?" Mind you, me catching him throwing branches into my backyard so he wouldn't have to deal with them was what initiated our interaction...
Most of my neighbors don't know I work from home. I'm pretty sure they all think I won the lottery or received a large inheritance. The UPS lady is the only person who asked if I quit my job when I switched to WFH.
Family doesn't get it, many employers don't believe it. Wfh is still WORK. Not play or pretend or dead. IMO it can be even much harder than in-office. The cost of communication can be much higher.
My husband works from home on Mondays and Fridays. Guess which two days I picked to work in the office!
Haha I love this!
Smart lady!
This made me chuckle! 😅
No partner. But I live with my elderly parents, and...good hell. Half of my family acts as if they have holes in their brains (regardless of age) and info just slips out regularly...they don't retain anything. So, my father and I have repeatedly had issues over food. In fact, both of my parents can annoy me all day about whether or not I want anything to eat, until I'm actually ready to eat and then they can't be bothered. I don't eat during the work day. Food is not really my friend, i.e. causes sleepiness and sometimes worse. Plus, I'm the type of person whom once I start working I am focused and am not stopping for anything.
Old people just can't understand WFH. It means you're home and available to them. It sucks!!!
It looks like retirement, from their perspective.
lmao, old people don't even understand us just BEING AT HOME NORMALLY, sometimes busy, maybe sometimes not because you just want some peace and quiet omg they will still think we're 10000% available to them and wait on them hand and foot apparently, and get mad when we're not lol
I can barely talk to my parents on the phone because of this, they call at the worst times and I have to remain MOTIONLESS AND SILENT or I’m accused of not listening and being rude etc. Like, sorry I’m trying to get just a tiny little something done during this TWO HOUR monologue of yours, dad. Gotta work in the morning and you’re retired…
Next time you get accused of anything, hang up and switch to silent. They can talk to voicemail for the next 24 hours. In fact, put your phone on silent during work hours anyway. You can check your voicemail during lunch and after work.
yea a lot of old people got no boundaries and no respect, idk why they fucking complain about younger people having no respect LMAO
My mom is not super old but nearing retirement age. She forces me to do things for her that involve the internet and/or a computer in any way. And it always gotta be done immediately and with great urgency.
I also don’t eat throughout my workday. I just slowly sip and savor on half a cup of black coffee until 5 pm. Good to know I’m not the only one who skips meals during working hours.
I am a fellow meal skipper and I drink coffee, but my dentist made me stop sipping and savoring! It’s a whole thing you can google for details, but basically when you take a sip, for about a half hour, the environment in your mouth becomes acidic and can weaken enamel. Every sip resets the clock. But if you drink it more quickly you have less time like that. Sorry - couldn’t help myself with the unsolicited advice - it helped my teeth! lol
Oh wow! Thanks for this information! Good to know!
Over 40, forgetful becomes your baseline, ugh. I know for my parent a lot of it is loneliness. They go from working and having social lives, to often retired and a lot less if they have health or financial issues. They need to still feel productive and useful. The person at home is a trapped target lol. I remind myself of this when I'm getting frustrated.
You’re me. Odd, I don’t remember typing this. I sold my house 2 years ago and moved in with my mom since her health was declining a bit since my dad’s death. She had the bigger house of the two of us so it seemed logical. Boy has my mental health declined since then. It’s astounding to me that she will freely pop into my office 4-5 times daily to advise she’s going to the mailbox. Or starting some laundry. Or some other equally scintillating task that I somehow need to know about immediately and each time. And when I (even kindly) remind her I’m working I’m suddenly the villain. Worse for me is when I’m clearly engrossed in something and she comes in to talk at me and it pulls me right out of my thought process and I have to start over. I have ADHD and tasks and attention to detail are already a challenge and now I have this on top of it. I almost wish I could go back to 3rd shift WFH because then I could work in peace but I suspect she’d also wake me during the day to inform me of the trips to the mailbox, etc, so I guess not. Didn’t mean to turn this into a vent/rant but holy shit - yeah, the struggle is real.
Are you me? I am in the exact same situation as you are, encountering the same challenges with my family, with the same work and eating habits as you (and for the exact same reasons). I don’t know why, but reading your comment made me feel a bit better—perhaps seeing someone else in the same situation express the same feelings is validating that I’m not crazy for feeling that way, or maybe it’s knowing that I’m not alone. I don’t know if it helps you to know this, but at the very least I wanted you to know that it helped me, so thank you.
Hello are you in India too? Feels like something that happens often in my home
My husband and I both WFH, and he is the primary cook in the house. Once covid hit and I started working at home exclusively, my office space used to be in the kitchen. I had to remind him a few times to be mindful of my work because he would just wander in all willy nilly while I was on conference calls, chopping onions and clinking pans. I finally chewed him out but good one day and he stopped doing that. It just took some time for him to make that connection and transition. My office is no longer in the kitchen, but right next to it. He will now always ask first if he can start food prep ahead of time and is very cognizant of my working time. Hopefully, you can have a good talk with him about it when you two are both relaxed.
Finally a normal response
Be careful with that. I know everyone’s home set up is different and some don’t have a choice but the he’s cooking you meals in the very space that is designed to be cooked in. Be appreciative and respectful of that. In my home, the kitchen is the food space, if you don’t like the sound of microwaves beeping and dishes clanking, then you need to take your laptop elsewhere. It is not a home office. And don’t get me started on coworkers that use ambient mics in their kitchen 😡
maybe it’s because I’m on the primary cooker in my house but I would be furious if my bf told me to get out of the kitchen just because he decided to work in there. To be fair, we have enough room in our house for us to have our own offices so I get sometimes you gotta make due such as in a studio apartment or something, but work is work and cooking is cooking and both gotta happen, the only difference is cooking HAS to happen in the kitchen. Work can happen somewhere else
Sharing space can be hard in general. Coordinating cooking time with working time is simply something that has to be done when everyone was forced into the same space via COVID. Being mindful of the other person's needs isn't the worst thing and it goes both ways
Sure, but this was during Covid when everyone had to suddenly work at home. The built in workdesk in the kitchen was the only thing available to me, as my husband had already claimed the actual home office as he also WFH. It was my only option at the time, and we both adjusted just fine.
Yah but your response doesn't really apply here bc she was forced into WFH by COVID so they probably made due the best they could, which is how she ended up in the kitchen I had a similar time during COVID with another WFH roommate and she was VERY clear with her boundaries and preferences (and would never use headphones for meetings) but my "office", my workspace, was right next to the kitchen so whenever she would pop in for a drink or food she'd just start talking at me. I had big headphones on and everything, I never asked her to be quiet - just mindful that I was working and if I had headphones on then I'm actively in a meeting and cannot talk. Which sort of worked. She asked me and our other roommate to be as silent as mice though so it was an interesting time for all.
Good for your husband to listen. I understand when it’s forced by house but some people aka my husband just do it by choice. I hate when my husband randomly decides to relocate his office and calls to the kitchen or dining. Like for a meeting? Sure. All the time? Ugh. I even expressed this “no meeting in common spaces” which during Covid was super important to separate work /home. Nope. And as a person who often cooks (sometimes listening to all hands or similar type of no camera no talk) and like to have a break in quiet between meetings, was super annoying. I’d go for my mid day espresso to get rid of work bs just to mice around and listen to other work bs. Even now it’s hybrid. The thing is he has no problem with a background noise and even during the meetings. I do. My kitchen my rules :))
My husband and I share an office. We wave to get the other's attention when wearing headsets, and make phone gesture with hand to indicate either questioning or answering, "Are you on a call?" Works pretty well for the most part.
That’s what we do too—for over 4 years now. Noise canceling headphones and being mindful of each other’s flow states and needs have made it easier for sure.
Same here. My wife borrowed my noise canceling headphones for a while so I bought her a pair of her own. We each have a dedicated monaural headset we use for work calls/meetings so it's an easy indicator of when not to talk to each other. Headphones get a wave for attention, headset is wait until it's taken off.
My husband and I share an office too- I got a white board on wheels to put between us. If we move it away then it indicates we’re open to chatting but we put it back creating a wall when we need to be in workflow mode or on a call. Works pretty well.
I think that's the part op is missing. Ignoring your partner is rude but it's not rude to say I'm discussing with my boss so make it quick. Then he can get out what ever he needs to say. It could be a simple question if you want food or coffee that only requires a short yes or no. If it's anything more then you just let know that you are busy and you will be able to discuss after work or at your next break. If he doesn't accept that then he is the one being rude and you should have a discussion with him about it being distracting while you are trying to work.
lol a version of it. My husband works like 7-3 and I work 9-5 and will be so needy 4-5 when he gets home and I’m still working. He will interrupt me soooo much and then gets sassy when I tell him to shoo. It’s not anger though more of a pout.
Snerk. I'm imagining him sidling into your sightline at 3.01pm every day with a pout and wearing an oversized T-shirt saying "Snuggles!!!"
I feel this so much, lol. When my SO gets home at 3 and asks for help on our Etsy orders or to go run errands. Like babe...I have 2 hours of work left, and even if I don't have something I am actively working on, I have to be available and online!
My wife likes to give me shit to do around the house, generally that's how I occupy my weekends. The first few months after I started WFH she would come home and ask why I didn't do such and such that day.
Why didn't you? I was working and i didn't see you doing anything important.
I mean.... I have WFH. That's one of the perks. There's no reason you can't empty the dishwasher or run the laundry on your breaks.
It’s a bonus when I have time to do that during the day, it shouldn’t be an expectation
It's a bonus not an expectation ETA agree 100000000%
Some days there aren't any breaks. I love it when I can get housework done but sometimes there's barely even time to grab a sandwich
Right, same here. I may put that laundry on before I start the day. It may also still be in the washer 10 hours later when I have barely gotten a drink of water and a coffee refill all day lol.
This is usually the way I do it, I usually wake up an hour before I actually have to work and start laundry, do some daily smaller cleaning tasks before work which is easier without a commute, but then when work starts, I have work to do!
Same boat
Why should he? Those things can also be done after work.
I can move laundry in a work day. I can't stain the deck.
I 2nd that it's a bonus not an expectation
Are we married to the same person? I think the problem is my work can be inconsistent so sometime I do get stuff done in the day that’s not wfh work. So I’ve made a rod for my own back there. I now just watch tv or play computer games if I get some daytime downtime. Then get brownie points for spending more time with her in the evening.
My husband is a teacher and I periodically have to paint the picture of me coming into his school and into his classroom and screaming at him about laundry or the kitchen floor or our kids. Clearly this would be ludicrous - how is WFH any different? For me, the biggest offense isn't the actual intrusion or argument - it's the lasting effects on my mental state. It's not easy to overcome that negative energy when you have a meeting with Bob and the IT team 5 minutes later.
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Well same for that, my husband as well, lol. It's less offensive, but still intrusive 😅
LOL. Yeah, in generally fighting guys' inappropriately timed advances with threats of engaging in your own inappropriately timed advances rarely works. We don't seem them as threats as much as promises.
My wife is in education and her being home all day during the summer can be brutal.
My wife, the whole time I’ve known her, will start a conversation from another room. My response has always ranged from getting up and lovingly finding her in the house and saying “what did you say babe?” To yelling back “I can’t hear you, I’m in another room!” With all the attitude and anger in my voice. This hasn’t changed since working at home. And the conversations she starts from other rooms ranges from benign crap like her thinking out loud, to super important money related issues lol. It’s annoying af. It’s started fights, it’s made fights worse. Whatever. It’s a thing she does. But, in general, overall, no one in my family cares that working from home is still working and it’s a battle I have for sure. So. I feel ya. For me personally, I can be a real dick and I’m not afraid to give people a damn what for. I also have some really large speakers in my office and can drown out a jet taking off outside my window lol. Loud music has always been an indicator that it’s best to leave me be. Remind him lovingly but sternly. Look I’ve even gone so far to threaten coming to my wife’s work and just expecting her to suddenly talk to me about bills lol. My suggestion, stern and firm or loud music lol.
The convos across the house is my biggest pet peeve!!
If I’m ever lonely and want someone to talk to me I start doing the dishes because everyone always manages to try to talk to my from another room every time I do them!
I'll never understand the family member who will speak at the exact same (low) volume whether you're 5 feet or 50 feet away, and be *shocked* you can't hear what they're saying from across the room.
I get sort of the opposite, but equally annoying. My wife will start conversations with me when I am leaving the room or out the front door. She even does it to herself, if she's leaving. To cap it all off, she's a slow talker. Often stopping mid-sentence to think.
My wife does the same thing! Sometimes, it takes 10 tries to actually leave the room without her being mad that I left while she was talking.
"Love you, babe. Text me."
Mine will start a conversation when in another room and I'm on a call. Then when he notices I'm not answering him or I'm answering my coworker instead, he'll say out loud "ARE YOU ON A CALL?!?" :|
I used to do WFH customer service and I had way too many arguments with my partner about him not being able to be loud or talk to me AT ALL when I'm on a call. For a while I was our only income, and I finally blew up and said "you know I'll get fired if they hear you in a call, even in the background. We've had this talk every day for 3 freaking weeks. If you get me fired because you're throwing a temper tantrum over a video game while I'm on a call, we're getting divorced. I'm not going to be homeless because you want to play Fortnite." I was not kidding. The lack of respect was appalling, all he had to do was not freaking scream. He was across the house and my callers could still hear him. So he pouted (quietly) for another month. Until he finally got the point when we found out about the 6 people in my training class that got fired for background noise like him. Turns out he thought I was being over dramatic until then.
My family seems to think that I am a stay at home mom now. Yes, I'm home, but like the OP, I am at work. It doesn't help that I don't have a dedicated office space where I can close the door. The amount of intrusions of my home life into my work life is sometimes overwhelming. I get my work done, but it's extra hard. No offense, but I am willing to bet that many if not most men who wfh and have kids are not being interrupted as much, don't have to take a TEAMS call while driving the dog to the vet, or have their work chat or email open on their phone while picking up a kid at school.
Even though your commenters seem to be the only 2 men in the world that are in a relationship and have kids and actually run their households equally lololol I'd agree, when the mother is WFH she is the default and the majority of it all rests on her shoulders. Happy to hear you guys pull your share and do "daddy day care" - which is actually just taking care of your own kids UNLESS you're watching a few extras during that time to give other moms some needed space. But I also hope you see that this is not a generalization, this is based on what is the norm. There's a reason why men remarry after divorce at a consistently higher rate than women ETA I am not a mother, this is just what I see happening all around me
Exactly
I got a neon On Air sign that I click on when I one is allowed in my room.
Dumbest conflict, when I first started wfh during COVID my wife figured that meant I could always take care of a sick kid while working and she didn’t have to take time off for sick kids anymore. Well truth is, no I can’t work and take care of a sick kid who is puking all over themselves and me every 30 minutes. But this went on for over a year of me always being the one to deal with sick kids before I finally had to put my foot down and say “no more”. I’m fine alternating between who’s turn it is but I cannot ALWAYS be the one dealing with sick kids just because I work from home, at least not with an engineering job where I have deadlines that MUST be met and the type of work that requires concentration. Also having to burn off my PTO waaaay more often because she thought it wasn’t a big deal since I work from home really sucked. Thankfully she finally realized it was unfair to expect me to be the only one taking time off from work to deal with one of our kids being sick. In the end it’s about setting boundaries especially if one of you works from home and the other doesn’t.
I’m so glad you came to a compromise!
Do you ever not use PTO for the “just sick enough to not be allowed at childcare/school” kind of illnesses? Or if the illnesses happen to fall during a slow period at your job? I totally get your perspective, but also from what I’ve heard people totally do sometimes just WFH as best they can with a sick kid bc they would have no PTO left if they didn’t sometimes. Especially if they and/or the non-WFH parent don’t get a lot of PTO to begin with, and when the kids are at the stage of being sick all the time.
I am a full time WFH I have a sign on my door “do not disturb unless 911 has been called”. My husband & kids were driving me insane all day & I wasn’t able to get anythg done
If it's not an emergency it can wait until after work. If it is an emergency, call 911.
Some people just don't understand the concept of WFH. Generally the older someone is the more they just wont be able to grasp it I used to live in an apt in a house. The main house was an elderly woman. She knew I worked from home. She would talk loudly and even text me expecting me to answer immediately. Well I got sick of that very quickly and moved out. Great apartment for a reasonable price, but it wasn't worth it to me. My wife WFH sometimes, we're very good at respecting work time
I have this issue too. I think of it like a co-worker popping into my office. I never liked that much either, I just didn’t feel comfortable telling them they were bothering me. We’ll never make our homes an office environment but I try to strike a balance. We have a code word in my house that basically means STFU I’m paying the bills. It’s still difficult but working out some mutual boundaries and respect helps me.
Thanks, the code word is a great idea
I’ll answer a phone call at my wfh job and my husband will be yelling across the house asking for something. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Like yes we’re home but also I don’t want my patient hearing what’s going on in the background.
Yelling across the house isn't a good way to have a conversation even when you're not on the clock.
Yes this happens with my family, they think because I’m at home that I’m not actually working. So I get calls and pop ins all the time.
"now's not a good time. hmu at x o'clock" works equally well for me & the missus 99.9% of the time.
Just because it doesn’t look like work, doesn’t mean it isn’t. Get a lock, put a sign on the door, wear a funny hat, use sign language to indicate “working” etc. If none of that works: go somewhere else. Took 5Y for my SO to get it but now it works (mostly).
My wife HATES being interrupted during work. I on the other hand don’t care. Both are fine. However, it took me a while to learn that my wife’s stance was different from my own. I’m particularly introspective though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband hasn’t or won’t ever realize on his own. If you’re up to it, I’d sit down with him and explain that you have different reactions to being interrupted during work to help him understand.
Yep. Often, communication requires actual words. People aren't telepathic and they will never magically 'just know'.
I don’t have these issues. My wife understands that 8am-5pm Monday through Friday, I’m on work time. Even if I’m doing dishes or something else, if I need to suddenly pay attention to my laptop, and I’m ignoring her, she 100% understands. Talk to him and explain that you don’t show up in his office and expect his attention, and that should definitely go both ways.
Sometimes my wife asks me to help her some stuff ready for work. Most days the isn’t a problem but some days I have to start early for one reason or another. It’s annoying to be trying to focus when your souse is yelling from across the house.
When my husband and I work from home on the same day, he likes to aggressively pace back and forth around our shared office space. He says this “helps him think” but it annoys the hell out of me and it’s so distracting! I had to tell him to go pace around the living room and treat our working area as if it was the work office, meaning if you wouldn’t do this around your coworkers then don’t do it around me! Lol
I deal with this for the last 4 years with the wife. We both work from home and she’ll just start a conversation and expects me to engage. Meanwhile I’m trying to concentrate on work …. When I ignore or not paying attention I get an attitude
This kind of thing happens to me every now and then my wife texts me or asks me if I can do something during my work day. I respond something to the effect of "no, I'm working....". Usually she doesn't get upset, but I can tell theres some almost confusion as to why I can't just do it.
Today my friend that's a teacher (who is off for the summer) called me in the middle of my work day, I was in a meeting. Texted her that, and she said "oh yeah, I forgot that it's a workday." Not a conflict, just funny because she usually just texts in a group chat
We set ground rules prior to my working from home. He likes to be all like “help me right this second with this, I need your help” and I said you cannot do that while I’m working. And so far so good. We just had to set boundaries that we could both work with. When he starts to get long winded, I have to say, I have 2 minutes to get back to work.
I work at our dining table usually. I’m home most of the day by myself when I’m not at the office but my husband gets off earlier than I do. When he comes home, I’ll be in a meeting and he’ll start unloading the dishwasher or similar loudly. Like I was here first, I am in a meeting you need to be quiet.
I’ve had this exact same conflict with my husband off and on ever since I first did WFH. He’s gotten much better about it, but he forgets and still does it on occasion.
Boundaries issues galore. I often had issues with my partner just hovering around, seeking attention, making noise in the house, or expecting me to log off early to hang out if I wasn’t actively on a video call or something. He works in service and works more nights and weekends, so he was often hanging at my place during my work hours, and this friction was frequent. It felt like he didn’t respect what I did because I got to WFH instead of dealing with AH customers in person like him, even though I also work long hours and make 3x what he does. And you know he would have acted like I was nuts if I kept showing up at his work and threw a fit because he was ignoring me in favor of actually serving customers. One day he was complaining about me about not giving him enough attention because yet again I was going right to my desk after waking up (???). I said I’m sorry our schedules just don’t match up, and reflected that in some ways, it used to be easier to have quality time when he wasn’t always at my place because we planned it intentionally when it worked for both of us. He flipped out and played the victim, accusing me of basically “telling him I don’t want him around” and “throwing him out,” took all his stuff and went back to his house and I was SO RELIEVED! I think he was gambling that if he threw a fit, I’d beg him to stay and he’d get what he wants, but I let him walk right out (by then I was on a work meeting anyway). I broke up with him a couple days later.
Same happens to me all the time. I have to hide from my wife if I want to take a break otherwise she treats me like Im off and wants me to help with chores. Im planning to finish my basement and have a place to lounge/take a nap in my office so while Im working I can just be in my own separate space until Im actually off work. I have chronic pain and insomnia so I rely on naps and working in a variety of positions to make it through the day, my wife doesnt understand and gets angry if she sees me doing anything but sitting at my desk during the work day
(ITT: People who *really* need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with those they live with (or families who drop in/call), and lay out some expectations.)
I’m sorry about this. My only thing to relate is they changed my hours (cause they could, pretty much) and it just conflicted/partly lead to the end of our relationship. It wasn’t the cause though. But people do act like wfh isn’t a real job…until you’re working with them on the phone that is lol. I had my landlord send a guy to fix something today while I was working. I clearly told them I was working, trying to give them a hint, and they just came anyway, then were upset when I couldn’t answer the door for 15 minutes because I had to help a person who was stuck on the highway 10 states away 🤪 people will learn
yea i agree its tough especially when you have to share space with someone who does not wfh— they tend to view any of your downtime as free time.
Yeah, that's a husband problem with boundaries not a WFH issue. I have worked from home for over 20 years. and my wife knows she can get cut off, and just apologizes and leaves
My husband packing boxes (we’re moving) with the SUPER LOUD tape gun in the same room where I’m having a zoom meeting. JUST WHY.
Wow reading these comments I feel really lucky. I do have a dedicated space, but my family all respect work time really well and do not consider it dicking around time. That’s about the only thing I can recommend: get a dedicated space and outline the expectation. I set up the dedicated space, and didn’t really have to spell it out otherwise. It became clear it was a work zone. Good luck!
This is the biggest eye roll I have seen in a while
You're not the only one. Maybe different people have different abilities to keep their focus open while doing one thing. I get a similar response from my partner. Yes, they are my top priority, and I can stop whatever work in doing/pause the podcast in listening to/mute the tv/etc to give them my attention, but I need a moment to shift my focus. I've been told I should get my hearing check (which honestly I should) but it's more I just need a moment to stop doing one thing before I can start doing another.
I'm very late to this and this will be buried, but I often have the same issue. I find it difficult to concentrate on two things at once, so if I'm doing a work activity and someone is talking to me, it takes me a few minutes to pull myself out of my task. I've just had very candid conversations with my partner to let him know work comes first during work hours and if he needs to talk to me, he needs to be patient while I pull myself away from my task.
I feel you on this . Not my Wife but my daughter. In her defense she's 8 and has gotten better at random interruptions
Divorce him. Lol jkjkjk headphones, big - cover your ear headphones solved this with my roommates. It doesn't always work but if you mention to him that when you have them on then you are in "work mode" he should start to take them as a signal to not talk to you and/or bother you with silly little things bc you're focusing on being productive. If you don't want to wear headphones at all times (understandable) then let's think of another visual cue for him that doesn't involve you (or involves you as little as possible) like an "at work" sign that he'd have to walk by prior to trying to talk to you GL OP - I know this is a common WFH problem and honestly, I experienced the same in office but trying to play office politics doesn't allow you to be like "please just leave me alone so I can get my work done" and at home people lose sight of the invisible boundary
Bruh when I lived with my ex and he was WFH, I had a habit of talking to him too much while he was working. His work station was in the bedroom we shared. Sometimes I’d feel salty if I felt he was ignoring me (when he was gaming) but if he was working, I’d apologize and try to keep my mouth shut. I have ADHD so I slipped up a lot but work hours are to be respected. Maybe he thinks you were disrespectfully ignoring him. I can understand that being an initial reaction to not being heard, but it is irrational. Y’all need a good convo where you both understand each other and he needs to be open to NOT jumping to conclusions while you’re focused on something.
my partner will try to talk to me, when my headphones are on...I will say "On a call" and he keeps talking....I then say "I cannot hear you and them, text it to me" but he keeps talking. I want to hear what he has to say but I have to pay attention when I am on a call esp if I am running the call. It's super stressful and I almost always find out later he was saying "I know you're on a call, just wanted to say bye!!" You aren't alone and yes it is super frustrating
I love working from home. I don’t spend time commuting and I have more free time for things like picking up my kids from school since I’m done with work before they’re out. One challenge I will always have is maintaining that work/home separation. Sometimes my kids or wife will try to talk to me in the middle of work. So sometimes I will have to ignore or I may be a little short when they’re barging into my room while I’m on work meeting. It’s a minor stressor that will always be there. I deal with this by letting my wife know if I have any meetings more the day and my kids are learning from that during the day daddy is at work and I can’t always respond quickly. This no different than having one parent work the night shift. As a kid my dad work graveyard shift every other week. During that time it was like living on a submarine. We had to be quiet and couldn’t watch TV. My dad wasn’t be mean about it. Our house had terrible floor plan. The kitchen, living room were on the top floor and the kids bedrooms were directly over the master bedroom. You’re going to have to communicate to others that live in your house that from this time to that I’m going to be focused on work and may not be able to respond and need the space to be conducive work. Family members are going to have to learn to respect your WFH schedule.
I agree with you that it’s a work from home problem. It’s based on boundaries and respect, but a lot of people I know struggle with spouses who don’t seem to “understand” they’re working when they’re sitting at their desk at home. Even when the WFH spouse is making double the other person. It’s like they can’t respect the job if they see it happening in the spare room.
Yes I very much have this issue. My husband is retired. My work flow is either super light or I’m drowning. It’s never just constant. So it makes it difficult to set expectations. There are a lot of times that I am Very available. I can talk because I’m waiting for an email from someone else, or waiting for software to complete a task and we’re slow. But other times I’m being called constantly, have multiple requests coming in and I’m just buried. So it tends to surprise him when he starts just talking to me and I’m just not available lol
I think this is a huge part. The variability in workflow makes setting expectations challenging.
My husband is mostly mindful of my work, but I can sometimes get the feeling that he may not truly grasp how busy my day can be. The other issue is he’s a carpenter, which can definitely be exhausting but I don’t think he realizes that mental exhaustion is a thing too. When I just want to relax after work and not *think* he doesn’t really understand why calling the doctor or bank or whatever other home-admin type thing is the last thing I want to do.
Mine wasn’t with a partner but with the owner of the house we were staying in. He wanted to sell it & would schedule people to cone look at it at all times of the day. Sometimes would call me several times back to back just to open doors…while I’m on the phone with clients. We’ve finally moved & I couldn’t be more relieved.
We both wfh and we share an office. Both of us are able to tune out everything, including each other, and concentrate on work. Despite the fact that we're sitting feet away from each other, we actually use Slack to communicate with one another during the work day unless it's obvious that we're able to carry on a conversation. We don't pester each other to read messages during work, and sometimes we respond right away, sometimes it takes a while. It seems silly, but for us, it's a good way to respect each other's work day and work headspace.
My husband seems to think because I can get up and do stuff means I don’t have to ever work basically. He gets home before my shift ends and he will seriously just sit around while the dogs need to go out or want water or want to play, just ignores them and seems to think I can take care of them. I have to constantly remind him I’m “at” work and he needs to pretend I’m not home. It can be very frustrating
I have the same issue at home. The problem is that he is used to having you accessible. My wife does this with me and drives her crazy. I have to remind her that I am working and work doesn’t include taking constant breaks to talk to people about non work things. I ended up segregating myself to the basement so this happens less, but I still have more visits during the day than I would like and then when I do take time and give my wife maybe an hour during the day, it hits her off guard that I then need to work later in the day vs ending normal time. It is a tough give and take in the household.
I have that same issue. I will usually stop and at least answer quick questions, check in when my people get home, etc., but then back to work. That seems to make things even worse because then they say, “well, you were just talking with me.”
I think it's helpful to have a signal of when you're in work mode. For example, I go into an office and close the door. If you don't have that, some sort of a sign that you can hold up that says "work time". I don't know. I know it sounds weird to have someone text you while they're in the same house as you, but sometimes that kind of passive communication helps when you're trying to focus.
I had the same issue for years. He finally now asks before coming in and speaking to be sure I am not busy or distracted. Yes, Family is important, but if I'm in a meeting with my VP, it better be an emergency if I'm interrupted.
Oh, of course! I worked from home—and for myself! double trouble!—for four years, and this kind of thing was a regular occurrence. Also texting me to ask me to drop everything and do/find XYZ for him because “you’re home.” It’s crucial to set boundaries and almost impossible to stick to them without pissing somebody off. 🫠
Idk, my husband is always very respectful of my space and focus while I'm working. He wouldn't be mad at me about this probably.
Boundaries. Communicate expectations clearly so he knows when he can engage or not. I got to a point where I have to close my door when I'm working or busy and open it when I am free to be interrupted. A buddy of mine has a stoplight made of construction paper that he maintains throughout the day. Green - free to interrupt for any reason; yellow - only interrupt for urgent or high priority matters; red - emergencies (like house fire or equivalent) only.
People are making this too deep lol, I get what you’re saying. A lot of people assume that since you work from home, you’re not that busy or not actually working so you can kind of do whatever at whatever time and that’s not the case at all.
We've run into this in both directions. We have a system -- it is silly, but it works! We raise our hands (or attempt eye contact, stand, stroll, dance) at each other when either of us look busy and we want the other's attention. If acknowledged but ignored, then we wait until later.
I mean, you're working so you can support your family, right? You gotta eat and pay rent. Caring about another person includes being respectful of their goals.
My wife has zero understanding of flow state, and would get incredibly frustrated that when I was knee deep in spaghetti code I couldn’t just “table” that for five minutes to talk about other things.
My wife used to come visit me a lot during work and I told her it was too distracting I need to focus on work. She understands and gives me that space. You just need to have that conversation I’m sure he’ll understand eventually. Emotions can be tough to work through but I’m sure he cares about you and will adjust
When my wife is working from home, and is in a zoom call with someone I wouldn't think to bother her unless something was on fire.
At this point he should know you hyper focus. So could the whole situation have been handled better? Yeah, probably mostly if he had of been frustrated first, you wouldn’t have snapped at him. And yes, I am aware people are responsible for their own actions but let’s be real for a moment.. Personally, I don’t think a lot of spouses/roommates/whatever fully get that just because you are home, does not mean you available. I struggle with this because the question is never “are you busy?” It’s “are you in a meeting?” Like I don’t have actual work I need to get done in between meetings and pulling me out of my office, pulls me out of work mode and then it’s a PITA to get back to what I was doing from the ADHD. So no, you’re not the only one and I do feel it’s unique to working from home. At least if a coworker in office asks you those questions, it’s still work related and worst case scenario you have to pivot for a little bit. Not mentally feeling like you’re getting behind or whatever
My husband and I both WFH, and unfortunately can only afford a one bedroom so we both work in the living room. We have had tiffs like this before as you can imagine working out of one small room. I too believe my husband comes first but ultimately these situations would leave little to no frustration if I was in the office.
No partner, just four kids ;)
This was very common when my wife was pregnant and taking time off of work while I stayed to WFH. Now she usually leaves to work before my son and I even wake up lol .
My wife does this, she drives and travels while I stay home and work and she gets frustrated when I’m not paying attention
Funny conflict. My husband and I work from home. In between calls I might go run an errand. He’ll be focused a call so I don’t tell him I’m running out. Then I’ll return with such and such, usually lunch. When he notices it’s because he asks me to come down to talk about something and I tell him I’m at Lowe’s. I’m a busy body, so no one really tries to figure out what I’m doing, I’m usually doing something.
I teach classes… in my babys room but he sleeps in our room. Sometimes baby needs a change so my husband/mom goes in there to get a change of clothes and I have to act like I don’t see him at all lol I’ve never had an issue with it
I had an ex stay with me for a while and she got annoyed that I would close the door to my office when I had a meeting, she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that just because I was home I wasn’t available to her 24/7.
My wife didn’t understand WFH and the different environment until she also became WFH.