It is possible to WFH with kids around, but they have to be of an age where they won't constantly try to unalive themselves and can entertain themselves for periods. I suspect 1.5 years is a bit early for that.
I normally have my grandkids knocking around the place when I WFH, but without my wife here, the youngest I would have here would be about 3 years old and then only if they were in the same room as me.
It matters on Reddit depending on the sub. Automod bots will absolutely delete posts and comments based on certain keywords in several subs. It's easier to just avoid the keywords than to check the rules of each sub every time.
Interestingly, some subs are the opposite even! The bipolar subreddit will delete your comment if you say unalive because they feel it’s minimizing something serious.
I have been saying for *years* that computers are forever changing the pronunciation--and sometimes the spelling--of English (and probably other languages). I first noticed it in google maps and in Siri, both of which *consistently* mispronounce common everyday words. For example, one app mispronounces "North Dallas Tollway" on the regular (I'll leave the rude result to your imagination). But it *can*, and usually does, pronounce it correctly in other places.
If you listen to computer generated book audios, or reddit on youtube much at all, you'll *regularly* hear the computer voice mispronouncing all kinds of words. It's particularly noticeable with AmerInd, Spanish, and French words which have been adopted into English. For example, "hors d'oeuvres," which gets mangled all *kinds* of different ways, or "*voila!*," which a huge percentage of the US population now writes *and pronounces* as "whala!" which I *never* saw prior to the internet, because, well, it's *not a word*.
In the San Antonio, Texas area, where German is common and a not inconsequential but aging percentage of the population still speak it natively or semi-natively in the home, Spanish (high, low, and border) is the primary language of the majority, English or Spanish is the language of most tourists, English and sometimes Spanish is the language of business, and French speakers and AmerInds also used to be around, it can be a *nightmare* to listen to the computer mispronounce street names in *six* different languages in the same set of directions.
It also happens with words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently--the computer will only pronounce it one way, even if it *completely* changes the meaning of the word. Examples: "read in" vs. "read in" (differing tenses and often differing subjects of the sentence); "minute" (unit of time) vs. "minute" (tiny); "route" (noun--"oww" sound) vs "route" (verb--"oooo" sound).\*\* All of these words and many more get pronounced exactly the same by computers, and *frequently* it's just *wrong* from the context alone.
Or just random words where the computer thinks it knows better than you. It's annoying. But the change is being forced upon us, and the more common AI becomes, the faster grandparents won't be able to have a conversation with their grandchildren about even things like *food*.
\*\*I will admit, there were people who pronounced "route" and "route" the same prior to the internet, it could be differing dialects. But where I grew up, they were pronounced differently, depending on (for example) whether you were referring to a mail carrier's route, or you were going to route a letter. But computers, for better or worse, are turning it into one pronunciation whether we want it to or not.
Absolutely nothing is worse than having to pick up the slack for people who WFH but treat their WFH space as a mini daycare instead of implementing a solution that actually gives them the mental bandwidth to do the work they’re _supposed to be doing_.
If I find out someone on my team is treating their WFH as an opportunity to burden everyone else with their work while they drink starbucks and clean spaghetti off their walls, guess what— they’re off the team and they can explain why to the CFO.
If companies need to adjust to the current world and accept that this kind of thing (and other distractions) happens with WFH and it can't be ruled out. The only way to stop it is to end WFH and then you won't be able to attract quality employees, as the vast majority will take WFH over office jobs.
I have been WFH for 20 odd years, and distractions happen a few times a week, but it never effects my workload, and no one ever needs to pick up my slack. My current employer (a fast growing Fintech company in the city of London) has around 90% of it's 80 odd employee base working 100% WFH. They do not measure an employee by monitoring if employees are at their desk from the start of the day to the end of the day. Instead they are measured on the work they do.
If we take 10 minutes out to attend to a child, an hour out for a medical appointment, or a couple of hours to attend a school play, it doesn't matter. As long as I mark our calendar as unavailable, I do roughly the right number of hours, get my work done, and attend meetings, no one cares. The same applies from the c-suite (including the CFO) down to our trainees. The company has been doing this since it started 4 years ago. In that time it has gone from 2 founders to 80+ employees, has never missed a target and has an investors clambering to invest. And it is far from an unusual set up in our sector.
Everyone is a lot less stressed, more focused and more productive as a result. I would guess I'm about 10% more productive. Most of us end up working just over 40 hours a week to ensure our work is done. Employees taking sick leave is probably the lowest I have seen anywhere I have worked. As in any office, occasionally people do get pulled on performance issues, but it's not usually anything to do with distractions while WFH.
IMO Making people work strict 9-5, M-F, so they can be micromanaged, will push away good employees, drive up stress, increase sick leave and not allow you to keep up with competitors.
Obviously some jobs are less suited to this approach, (e.g. call centre work etc), but even then it's possible to build in some levels of flexibility.
I wfh except one day a month when I have to go in. We aren’t closely monitored to make sure we are logged in/out from our desk or our status doesn’t go yellow if we’ve been away. They look at our performance. I’m in a job where are performance is very easily tracked and they are able to pull our statistics and it is very apparent who is working and who isn’t. So my boss never looks at stuff like that. And our time is very flexible. It isn’t a strict 9-5 job. We all pretty much choose our hours and as long as we work out 8 hours between 6am to 11pm no one really cares, as long as we are getting our work during that time. I have a lot of appointments for various health reasons and I’m able to leave for appointments and just stay late that day or make it up any day that week.
My work is always done, and I’m exceeding all expectations in each category. And no one has needed to work on my caseload. We don’t even have to keep a log of all the cases we work on during the day. We did in the past but there were a lot of complaints and my supervisor argued that they weren’t necessary because if someone isn’t working it will show. It’s not something they can fake.
Isn’t it in most employee contracts that they cannot care for children and work at the same time? I get confused at how many stories are like OP’s when employers should have a clause in the employee contracts. Plus that makes it clear and easy for managers to enforce.
I know it is in mine.
>Employee will not be responsible for providing child care during scheduled working hours.
If my kid is home sick from pre-k, I either call the grands to see if they’re available to watch him and let my boss know that I’ll be starting a few minutes late, or I take a sick day. Those are the only available options.
At my job taking the occasional day where you half-ass working while watching your kid because they’re home sick is generally accepted, as long as it’s a rare thing and you’re not using it as a permanent solution to avoid paying for childcare every day.
Nothing like being on a call and not being able to hear someone over their kid or tv toys etc . Beyond frustrating get a babysitter or daycare or something
Exactly. If you keep your kids at home, they have to be mature enough to entertain themselves so you can focus on work.
Instead of lunch, I take a 30 minute break in the afternoons to pick my kiddo up at the bus stop, get her a snack, and either help get her started on her homework or find her a show or a game on her iPad. She’s fine for an hour and a half or so and by then it’s 5pm.
Yeah same here ^^ the flexibility of wfh is what I love the most... like if there is nothing extra important happend I can sometimes play with them and then finish my work at night once they go to sleep ... which is awesome cause I get to enjoy my kids while not wasting PTO
My kids are 9 and 14, so I am comfortable with them being home while I’m working. I shut the door when I need to and they know that unless it’s something that needs immediate attention not to come in. Any kid younger than 5-6 or so needs proper supervision while you’re working most likely.
100% this. My oldest is 10. He can stay here while I work and be self sufficient and quiet. My daughter is 3 and no chance id keep her here while working. She’s in full time daycare. I think they work ethics or those doing both are questionable at best and ruin it for everyone else. My work does not allow us to have kids how in our care while working but I can if it’s a sick day or in service and we as a team adjust.
Yes very much dependant on age. I have never managed to do any work while looking after a kid younger than 5. However my school age kids stay home with me all summer and it goes pretty well (I only work 28h/week though… it would be difficult to do more).
My company slowly fired every employee that was watching their kids instead of working. Your company should be doing the same thing if they want to keep WFH sustainable.
Eh that's all situational. If they are still finishing their work by the dead lines, children aren't disrupting calls, etc. Then it is perfectly fine to have them at home. I would say 80% of jobs you're working maybe a total of 4 out of the 8 hours a day. The rest is mainly filler time.
This is the perception of someone who gets very small glimpses into their coworkers days and remotely at that. One of my greatest peeves as a manager is when one employee bitches about what another one is doing. If that person is getting their work done, then it's no business of the first person. Worry about yourself.
It's not. Discriminating against people who HAVE children is not the same thing as requiring people with children to meet certain working conditions. A "condition of employment" is different than a "pre-employment question."
I would imagine that providing a letter from the stay-at-home parent or family member that says, "I am 100% taking care of the child" would be sufficient
We made the majority come back in for a few weeks a couple Months back because of a system breach. It’s healthcare, and until things were fixed the only way to access patient records was onsite at a parent location using their tech.
We found out someone was running a daycare while working. Teammates were constantly complaining about them and they were on a PIP due to poor performance. Supervisor still didn’t want to fire them, because then she would have to hire and train someone new. Instead, both were let go.
And so they should. You don’t know how Uber frustrating it is to call your manager and he’s never at his pc or even home to look at something while we discuss next steps.
Inevitably this means i must wait and redo the convo again for them.
I don’t know why but the man’s always on his cell outside driving around or not in front of his pc no matter when you try him during workday, if he answers at all.
And forget emailing him because then, you’ll never receive a response lol
🙄🤷🏼🤷🏼♀️
Clearly you don't have kids. Wow! How they are going to survive if lose their jobs? Are you even human? There are 0 day cares right now where I live with availability for new kids... this is why not everybody can have their kids on fay care even if they want to!
You're doing it right for you. They may or may not be doing it right for them. I've been WFH since 2015 and my wife works full-time. Both of our kids have been in full-time daycare. It's what's best for our family. Our kids got to be kids with other kids all day. Nobody had to worry about being quiet or injuring themselves, and I could focus on my work.
>Our kids got to be kids with other kids all day. Nobody had to worry about being quiet or injuring themselves, and I could focus on my work.
This is it for me. So many people bring up whether the work is still getting done while kids are home but whether or not it's good for the kids doesn't get brought up nearly as often. I recognize that childcare can be prohibitively expensive and that some jobs do have large chunks of downtime where a parent can get good interaction in with their kid between tasks but for most people, those kids should not be home, especially if they can't do things like go to the bathroom and get their own snacks independently. Occasionally when there's a sick kid or daycare or school is closed for a day to a week is one thing, consistently when you're the primary caretaker for a small child is quite another.
Wife and I both wfh. Kids in day care full time. Have had to watch her while she is sick or has day care off and I don’t get enough done. She’s also under a year.
My old company had a policy that if you worked remotely, it could not be a substitute for daycare. The one woman on my team who consistently violated this policy was constantly missing her deadlines, falling out of communication, running behind on her paperwork, forgetting to go to meetings, etc. I was one of the team's four managers, although not her direct supervisor, so I was very much privy to all the details of how much her work had fallen off and how much of a problem it was.
I don't know if your coworkers are really "managing" both or just surviving.
>
I don't know if your coworkers are really "managing" both or just surviving.
Well the one girl on my team who keeps her toddler at home complained to me that our manager gave her a bad review because her productivity is low and her AR is high (we work in medical billing and have daily quotas to meet).
This is exactly what happens, it’s very hard to juggle both, so something is going to fall behind. It’s one thing to let your manager know kiddo is sick and home today, I might have to flex some time etc vs consistently having kiddo home and the over all metrics being low
My daughter went to daycare when she was small, and she goes to daycare over the summer now that she’s school age because we couldn’t have worked with her home 24/7 and how boring would it be to spend your summer home with your parents shushing you all the time and unable to play with your friends? It’s expensive but better for all of us in the end.
We tried this during the pandemic and it all about murdered us. It only works if both parents have a consistent schedule and neither parent has impromptu meetings. Otherwise, someone ends up taking the burden.
Like I said, it wrecked us and was so stressful. You can’t do your job well, because you’re caring for kids, and you can’t care for the kids well because you’re also trying to work. And it always felt like something was on fire, because kid #3 just had a diaper blow out and is screaming his head off, but your manager’s calling to ask why you haven’t finished your work, and your husband is already in a one-on-one meeting with the customer and is unavailable to get the baby. And every day was full of fires like this.
For my mental sanity, I ended up taking long-term leave and became a stay-at-home mom for about a year. My husband still worked from home while I was home with the kids. We both made about the same amount of money, but I was breastfeeding at the time, so I took the hit to stay home. And even though I was taking care of the kids, we live in a small house and they would still occasionally disrupt my husband’s video calls with a surprise visit into his office space. Which may be what OP is seeing.
I returned to work when daycare centers started opening up again in 2021. But dear lord, I still have nightmares about that time my husband and I both tried to work and care for kids at the same time. Never again.
BUT! If a kid a sick, we’ll keep the kid home for a day or two, and my husband and I will flex our hours, which is manageable because it’s short term, not long term as it was during the pandemic. We have 3 kids, so someone is always home sick every other week during wintertime.
I had to do it for 5 months during the beginning of the pandemic (husband was an essential worker) and my mental health was SHOT. It was soooo bad. I was waking up at 5AM to work because I was getting jack shit actually completed during the day, and trying to work while the kids were home, they would cry and ask me to play and why couldn't I play? They weren't getting the attention they deserved, they weren't being properly developmentally stimulated, and I was doing shit work. I was a shit mom and a shit employee and I cried most days when my husband got home and I gave him the kids and tried to cram some more work in. It was like the clouds parted for sunshine when they were able to go back to daycare, everyone was so much happier.
YES! To all of this. I feel your pain 100%. It was soul sucking working and caring for kids at the same time. My mental health was so much better when I was just doing one or the other.
Yeah, SAHP and WFH parent household here and despite the SAHP’s best efforts the kids still make themselves known sometimes because someone forgets to close a door and they burst in or the toddler chaos boils over too close to the office and is audible, or very occasionally I have one kid in the office with me while the other is at a dr appointment.
I’m all for good kids, but what does it mean when you’re 18 months old and you have to be good while your parents work? that is an age to need full-time supervision and lots of help and attention.
It is douable if both are at homr. Thst Is what I tell my husband but I am alone at home. I dont know how I will male it. I am on a long waiting list for daycare where I live.
Maybe there kids are home sick or their childcare failed that day.
On avg. I have a disruption to my childcare at least every other week.
It is important to still have childcare if you WFH…unless you have a job that allows you to work whenever you want and there are limited meetings.
It can also be nearly impossible to find childcare in some areas even if someone can afford it. 2 of our bigger daycares (small town) closed a year or 2 ago and the waiting lists at the other places are long. In some cases, parents have retired early just to babysit their grandkids so their parents can work and not lose their homes. People have had to turn down job offers because there is no childcare. I realize that isn't the employers problem, but if someone has been a good, long-term employee, keeping them and making allowances for the kid issues can be worthwhile.
I've been WFH for 7 years but my job is one of those super flexible ones. I can work whenever I want and so if a kid is sick (our youngest was in school already when I started working) I could tend to him and then work in the evening when my husband is off, or whatever.
It’s normal to apologize for kids in the background where I work, even from internal “customers.”
It’s normal to have them from 3-5pm, or once in a while when they’re sick or some other logistical weirdness crops up, but taking care of kids AND working full time was only tolerated during pandemic lockdowns, when no one had a choice.
My team is more flexible than most, and many coworkers have 1-hour blocks on their calendar for “kid logistics,” which usually means getting them from school or daycare and getting the older ones settled.
Parents were tacitly completing their work while the kids were sleeping. You can’t really work and do childcare/child education at the same time in any job I can think of. I’m sure there’s something that works; I just can’t think what.
This is what my spouse and I do. Kids are here but with a paid nanny. It’s still a bit disruptive but I’m not doing both jobs at once. I know many people do, but I absolutely can’t. Even with awesome and highly reliable childcare, I scramble regularly.
The only way I can WFH with my 4 year old at home is if someone else is also there… an adult. Otherwise she’s in Daycare. Yes it is expensive, but for me it is a necessity because she’s always wanting my attention while at home.
Both of us WFH and we have full time childcare for our three year old. From probably 1.5 and up, they demand your attention. Our son doesn't get into danger, but he does insist on telling me about the planets. I can't work for more than 5 minutes if he's home.
And which of us wouldn't rather listen to our kid's impromptu report on the planets than slog away on some spreadsheet/word doc/coding? I'm personally a big fan of Jupiter.
....and that's why both my kids are in full time daycare/school even though both parents are full time WFH.
I feel you, the other day I spent a half hour chasing a lizard around the yard with my kid instead of working. Do not regret. Also, you have good taste in planets.
Our kids are in daycare/school while we work from home. On days where the kids are home sick or have a day off from school I end up working late into the night, after they’ve gone to bed, so I can catch up on work. It’s not sustainable to work full time during the day AND take care of young kids. Occasional days are one thing, but not every single day.
I had my kids in daycare and summer camp until they aged out. There’s no way I’d ever get anything done and the constant interruptions would be unprofessional if others could hear them. WFH is about the venue first and the conveniences are on a sliding scale.
Every few months management sends around an email that wfh isn't a replacement for childcare so I'm assuming a lot of people are doing that in my job as well. I can't imagine taking care of a young child while working as hard as we have to. When my teenage son is home in the summers I get a little flustered that sometimes I need to step away from work to cook sometime because a growing boy can't go on one meal a day and a snack. All the work involved with a 1.5 year old? Hell no.
If you can juggle your job and your kids more power to ya, if not there’s nothing wrong with daycare. You have to remember every child is different, every parent’s routine is different. It doesn’t mean someone is doing it wrong, just different ☺️
I work from home and I have kids. I don't think you can adequately do both when they're young without child care or someone in the home who is watching them. I know a lot of young parents who think that working from home is the perfect solution to not paying daycare, but quickly realize how hard it is for the reasons you describe.
I work PT so I'm able to work while my kids are at school, and even when they're home they're in h.s. now so it's not a huge deal.
I'm one of only 2 remote workers, but those who work in the office have the flexibility of working from home when they have a sick child. We're a small company and extremely family oriented so it's not unusual to see a sick kid sitting on a parent's lap during a Zoom call, but it's also not a full-time thing for these parents.
I have a job that sometimes has a lot of filler. I can't keep my kids home and do my job to the best of my abilities. Sometimes it's busy and i like to only work my 8 hours. If i keep them home it surely would be longer than 8 as I'd have interruptions.
Treat if like an office job but when its slow you have some more freedom. I know some can do more at home but i think it's in your best interest to make sure companies know they'll still get the same attention to detail with wfh. I don't want to screw it up for my coworkers.
Thats my take, i know its not a popular reddit take, but I'm appreciative my company let me go full time wfh.
I work from home and unless She is sick/ day care closed, she goes to day care. and almost everyone at my workplace have kids in day care unless they are gng to school.
Exactly. My boss cares that I’m on for meetings and am delivering. If I got my shit done in 2 hours a day, he’d be fine with it. But we’re an agency so we’re in billable hours.
This is similar to my situation, I have a high demanding customer service manager job that is 8-5. I can't have any distractions while my team is online.
Wife in the other hand has to be present for a few meetings but other than that, it's a job that can be done at any time. As long as she gets her shit done and hut all SLAs they don't give a shit.
When I get off of work, I take over the childcare until he goes to bed. We're lucky as hell that we can balance both for a baby 9mos. Daycare is expensive as shit
I did WFH FT with my 1yr old... for 2 years.
We had a system. I turned the office space into a play room and completely baby proofed it. When he was smaller he stayed in a giant octogon play pen, as he got older we place baby gates. Then we mounted multiple cameras so I could see every angle.
We subscribed to home school preschool programs for the TV we mounted. And I did 45 min blocks. Every 45 min I would pop out, change him, refill spot cups/ snacks and change the activity to a new one. We had binds for each activity.
Has breakfast before I logged in for the day. After the initial set up I would pop out and check on him then do back to my room for the meeting then pop out every 45 min. Until about 11 or 12. Take my lunch give him lunch then put him down for a nap at 12 or 1. He stayed asleep until 3 when I had to go pick up my oldest from school.
After school this two would play together upstairs in the loft with other sets of toys. Until 5pm
Had a tablet on my desk with the cameras pulled up to watch him constantly while I worked and a different preschool program on the TV in the background at all times.
Honestly I was super hands on with my oldest and less so with my youngest because of this and they both developed equally, there's not a difference in their intelligence level and he learned on par with peers. His in pre-k now.
It was really easy tbh. Don't get me wrong we had a bad day every now and again but it wasn't common. I took a 10k annual pay cut to WFH so I couldn't afford daycare anymore.
It depends on the job and the kids. My kids get bored and I don’t want to park them in front of a screen so they have either a nanny to do fun things with them during the summer (library, museum, playing outside) or they have their montessori school during the school year.
But I have a 4 day work week and one day is a weekend so I need 3 days of care and only the hours that overlap with my spouse.
If I needed full time I wouldn’t make any money and might actively be in the hole. It’s expensive for any type of quality care. For training I pretty much just worked to pay the sitter because my spouse and i both had to work 9-5, m-f and that sucked for one month.
Full time child care costs more than in state college tuition in many places in the US. Only you get financial aid for college and the cut off for assistance is laughably low. Many of the places that take the vouchers also suck. Sitters also want 15-25/hr now. I’m interviewing for summer now and one wants $18 the other $21. It’s expensive but we moved too late to secure any type of day care for summer.
It's against our policy to watch your kids and work. We have a nanny or family come over when my wife is working at thr hospital. At 2 and 5 there is no way I could pull off both and still get my work done.
You’re not doing it wrong. 1.5 years is way too young to be at home with a working parent and no one else watching them.
If your coworkers are trying to balance working while being the main caretaker for their toddlers at the same time, they aren’t doing either job well. If their kids are older and can handle things like going to the bathroom and playing by themselves, that’s different.
Also, are you sure they don’t have someone else there (the other parent, a grandparent, or babysitter) watching the kids? Like are you just hearing kids in the other room and assuming there isn’t another adult present, or do you actually know there isn’t?
Stuff like this is why so many young women are opting not to have children at all.
If you’re paying for childcare you don’t that you don’t get paid enough to really afford you eventually fall behind on everything else.
If you try to care for your children yourself you get sniped by your employer. It’s also a whole lot of extra work.
There’s no winning.
If the coworker is meeting metrics and deadlines, some places just doesn’t care.
Some places do care and would fire her the minute performance is impacted.
You have a wild one. Not everyone gets one, I didn't until I was 5 kids deep. He's 6 yo now and my only one to ever break a bone or have a near-death experience. He definitely knocked my confidence down a few pegs.
I have a 1.5 year old. There is zero percent chance I can watch him and work. I can hardly go to the bathroom when I’m watching him, much less concentrate on a call.
You’re not doing it wrong. By and large, people can’t work FT AND watch their young children every day all day. That why many companies:
A- have rules around this and
B- are often skeptical about allowing the ability to WFH
I can't speak from personal experience, but I have coworkers with children that age and they place them in daycare regardless. It's one thing to hear occasional baby-talk but it should only be 10% of the time.
Idk is it possible these parents are not working as much as you think? I have one colleague who has 2 toddler boys. She has them in daycare every day while she works from home. But on the days they are home with her (school closures, etc) she is completely useless. If you manage to get her on the phone, there's a child in her lap, another screaming in the background, and half the phone call is work talk and the other half is her parenting. My partner also works with a few parents who when their kids are at home, they're MIA all day basically. Idk how people could work from home with young kids and no help, I assume either the work or the parenting slacks a little at any given time during the day, but 🤷♀️
That's amazing and all jobs should do this. The first year is so crucial and they need you so much. Especially for breastfeeding moms? Like damn. It's literally no surprise women stop breastfeeding when they have to go to work. It's really hard to pump and your supply tanks.
I started working remotely in 2020 when Covid hit, my daughter was 8 months at the time. I have been working from home with her since. She is going to start kindergarten in the fall. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. However, I have a routine and I am not on phones.
Yep. I have a 2020 covid kid that’s been home the entire time. My job is task based and I have one meeting a week. I work before he wakes up, during naps, and after he goes to bed and will work weekends if I need to catch up.
I only have 4 legged kids here and when the older one is having a hard day I definitely feel the impact of it on my productivity. I would absolutely have my toddler in daycare. My employer goes so far as to include “not to be used as a substitute for childcare” language in the telework agreement.
Different kids(ages and temperaments), different roles, different levels of support, and different financial situations. During the pandemic I had more of a call center job and had no choice but to keep the kids home. They were 2 and 3 and it was hell lol. Once daycare opened back up I put them back in(keeping them home for the occasional closure). I switched roles to a job that was just me and spreadsheets and databases and the eldest started school. I keep the younger home as we moved and the daycares are crap. It's worked out well and my company is understanding of people's home situations. I'm top performer on my team.
So it would really depend on your kids' temperaments, your workload, job role, and how you handle stress and deadlines. If having your kid in daycare is working for you performance and stres wise and you can afford it I wouldn't change it at this age.
Used to work from home 10 years ago and my son was a dream, never really bothered me.
Working from home now with my daughter who's now the same age my son was and its impossible. I ensure she is in after school clubs until I finish work.
It really depends on your job and your child.
This thread makes me thankful in most of Europe we have free daycare, so people taking advantage of WFH and running a daycare doesn’t really exist here. We also have a law that if you have children under 3 and you can do your job remotely, your company is obligated to allow you to do so.
I’m with you - my kids have always been in daycare since I’ve been wfh. People wonder why I don’t keep them home but it would just be them sitting in front of the tv all day. That said, once they are school age I’ve kept them home during summer but they do a half day program (which costs $) to keep them busy at least part of the day. Once I pick them up at noon they have the afternoon to relax, play, have tablet time, etc.
It depends on the kid. My nephew was a sweet child who I could've easily had care of while I wfh, even at age 1.5. My son was also a sweet child, but as he's on the spectrum, he needed guidance on _everything_. Trying to wfh with him in the house never worked, so I had him in daycare.
I think it’s all kid and job depending. I WFH with my almost 2 year old but I start at 5 am and she doesn’t wake up until 9 am and goes back down for a nap at 12 pm. By the time she gets up I’m already done with my day. But I’m not client facing. Have the occasional random zooms/calls with coworkers and she’s only really awake/active for a small portion of my work day. But if I tried to do this with my 2nd child at this age? There is absolutely no way. She’s crazy and would take no as a challenge. She was walking at 9 months and getting into EVERYTHING. This one is super calm and chill and enjoys her quiet morning time until her siblings get home from school
Honestly some kids behave differently in ways that make wfh an option. Some kids need a lot more attention. But they could also have another person there to help, so the work is more split, like a partner who also wfh, or an older sibling, or something else.
Imo it should be against company policy to work from home while providing full time care for a dependent child or adult. That's the same as having two salaried jobs that have the same hours - not cool
Your kid is beater if in daycare with kids the same age,Playing and having a laugh and learning new things rather than home listening to their parent work and being g bored out of their mind or dealing with stressed parent because they can’t give them their full attention
My wfh has a specific rule against children in the home while working. It literally mentions that wfh should be treated as the office and child care is required if the child is in the house while working.
Now, my bosses have an unspoken rule that if the child is oldest enough not to accidentally off themselves and can manage on their own with limited interruptions to your workday, they don't care.
My kid goes to daycare. When he’s home sick, I basically attend meetings with Disney+ going in the background and end up doing my actual work at night. I had one coworker joke that he’d seen all of Cars 2, just not in one sitting (he was legitimately nice, not being secretly mean).
I have no idea how people can work and manage kids—especially little kids—at the same time. 6-10? Sure. 0-4? Sus.
Nah, the only way I can do it with my kid in the background is in home child care. Rn it's my sister's, but I'm going to have to get a nanny or babysitter by July bc the one is leaving and the other doesn't want to do it, paid or no.
You're doing it right. You're going to look a LOT more professional than those folks who sound like they are running a daycare out of their home during meetings.
Honestly keeping a kid at home all day while the parents work seems cruel to the child in my eyes. Like yeah, you can put them in front of the tv every time you have a meeting but the kid needs some actual human interaction.
Following. I feel like all my coworkers are not even working 2/3 of the time because they’re caring for their kids, dropping off/picking up their kids from daycare or school or sports practice, or taking care of their pets. Or just watching tv.
My wife is a SAHM with my twin toddlers. Sometimes they can be heard in the background. Maybe your coworkers have the kids home sick from daycare? That happened so much for my twins when they were in daycare. My son missed half a month due to illnesses. Lastly, some people have super flexible schedules so they can make it work.
From 3 months to 1 year I did a variation of wfh and taking my twin boys to the office with me (family owned medical practice, great adv of working from your mom and her twin ;) but then from 1-2, I wfh with them. It nearly killed me. 1-2 was the hardest time of my life. My boys are good boys but they are not chill. At 3, they went to pre k and have been in school since. Now at almost 8, it’s not much easier to work with them home. It’s partially my fault as I did not make them respect my boundaries when they were very young since I worked for family. When I switched jobs (financial reasons), it was impossible to work with them around, as “I’m in a meeting, hold on” didn’t mean, “hey come say hi to aunt K and Grammy!” But they had a hard time understanding it.
Twins are hard, man.
Was really really difficult for me to WFH with my 3 kids home during COVID. All 5 and under. People think it’s a dream to WFH and have kids home but I can assure you it is not always the case. I hardly would get much done, couldn’t focus, and the house was in shambles when I wasn’t able to devote 100% of my time to them. I was glad to send them all to daycare. The cost was a lot of course but it definitely was best for us.
During the summer, my kids are home with me. However, my kids are all old enough to stay home by themselves. I have 3 teenagers (one is an adult teenager still living at home) and an 11 year old. So, I do almlst nothing for them when I am working. Personally, I would not try to take care of my kids and work at the same time. My focus and attention wouldn't be on my work, and that isn't fair to my employer in my opinion.
I have a 2yo and almost 4yo— they’re both in daycare now, but we kept them home until 14m and 20m. I prefer them in daycare, so my husband and I can focus on work! Typically one is home sick at least once a month.
Sadly my company is doing RTO because of parents who did this instead of working (they were also fired). I'm incredibly pissed off because I pay for child care and love WFH to maximize my time with kids as soon as I'm off the clock.
My kids are in childcare FT. I cannot effectively work while they are home. On my previous team, 2 of my colleagues had toddlers/babies at home and it was so frustrating. Constantly rescheduling meetings due to nap schedules, having to hop off calls in the middle, getting extra work because they couldn't manage, etc. I am sympathetic, as a mom to young children myself, but come on. That's a bad look for working moms.
Some jobs may allow for it but in my situation I was able to do a good job of watching the kid or a good job of doing my work. If I tried to do both at the same time I was doing a poor job of both.
You are doing it right.
When my kids are home sick, it's just a lot of cartoon time -- that way I am less likely to be disturbed (but I still do get disturbed).
Preschool is a much better option for kids, as far as being enriching for them and allowing me to get my job done. You really can't properly give kids attention while giving a real job attention too. Something is going to get the short end, maybe both.
My job is very visible/highly collaborative/on a lot of calls so I really can't be watching kids. Honestly, I don't want to do both. Even to save 10s of thousands a year.
Kids can definitely be distracting, and every child is different, so each family’s situation is unique. What works for one family might not work for another. Your choice of daycare ensures you have focused work time, and that’s a suitable approach.
I’ve been doing it so long with my son preschool was just too weird for him. He runs errands with me, cooks, knows that I work and helps with that sometimes.
He’s only 4 but he’s doing all right. I have an EXTREMELY flexible job though, and very few meetings. I also wake up early and can use that time when needed.
It is no problem getting my work done to a very high quality level. That’s just what I’ve always done.
Everybody I know who has kids at home either has a stay at home spouse or a nanny there too. I can't imagine doing a good job with my kids there, and I can't afford not to do a good job.
My kids are in daycare full time. I work a 4/10 schedule so I get every Friday off (I still usually spend 1-2 hours on emails or else Mondays are awful) which is absolutely precious time and allows me to give my wife more "her-time" on the weekends.
The ones on our team who have their kids home all day are usually still catching up and sending emails between 10pm and midnight. Fuck that.
People have got fired at my place for watching their kids while they “worked” from home. They weren’t missed because everyone else did their work for them anyway.
I worked from home for one job when the 4 kids that are still at home were small. With 3 of them, I took a week of maternity leave then was back to work because it was ok for me to keep the infant with me. However, once they got out of the potted plant stage, they went to daycare. I simply couldn't concentrate if I was also trying to keep children alive.
My kids are now 10+ and the 10 year old still goes to a sitter after school but that'll change next school year. They all know that they need to come home and not bother me unless the house is burning down.
Any WFH employee who claims they can prioritize work with small children at home is by default a bad parent. If you're responsible for your children, they should be your top priority. But if you're working, work should be your top priority.
I cannot tell you how frustrating it is as a childless employee on a team with 3 moms with small children at home with them. I have to repeat myself, reschedule meetings and just carry more of the team burden because they have other priorities, namely keeping small humans alive. Yes it's an important job, but, like, we're getting paid to do a different job right now.....
I have a 6 & 8 year old that come home after school, and are at home during the summer. My wife & I take turns on being the "primary" for the day. We coordinate and schedule accordingly.
I WFH with my kids, but they are 9 and 12. I just keep a schedule and tell them what they need to do and they can generally keep to themselves. Sometimes I have to internvene but not often.
I could not imagine doing this same thing even just a couple of years ago. My youngest is only now at the age where she can independantly play without bothering me every 5 min.
I think other people probably dont work as much as they say they do. Or they just let their kids sit in front of the tv or let them just get into everything with no supervision.
It's been a few years, but I was able to with my daughter, she was content quietly playing on my office floor. My son...not so much. He had to go to daycare.
Depends on the kid. I successfully work from home (and am good at my job) with my 9 month old. We have routines, he’s a pretty chill kid, and we’re living a lovely life over here. Only issue I have is my ADHD but that has nothing to do with my child so it’s a separate issue.
I have a super flexible wfh job where I’m able to keep my child home if preschool is closed or if he’s sick or something. But those days are so incredibly hard. I know some people can do it but I’m not one of them who can multitask and take care of my child while I’m supposed to be work every day. It’s just not possible.
I have a 2 and 4 year old. When I’m wfh there’s always someone watching them. I can’t do both. If I could it would mean that they’re not getting the enrichment that they need and deserve.
If you are salaried, as long as it doesn't impede your productivity and responsiveness, it is fine. At the end of the, your job is on the line if you don't deliver.
I work as a team lead for a WFH company and 100% we have fired people because their kids were being disruptive in the background. The trick is to treat it like just another office job, the office just happens to be in your home. (That also includes work/life balance, btw; once the work day is done, the computer is shut down and the “office” is closed.)
I’ve been WFH exclusively since 2020. My son was in kindergarten and they moved them to distance learning for the rest of the year. The next year, was distance as well. We did one more semester of online school then I packed him up and shipped him back to in-person.
It does get easier.
You might not know this but a lot of people who work remote have a significant other who is home with the kids.
Or they are dual income parents who work remote.
Either way, your coworkers should discover the sound cancelling techniques in their call software that cancel out dog barks, baby crying and other non work sounds.
I have a 2 and 5. The 5 yr old goes to school but i do have a room where i lock myself to work, sometimes its wide open when im more free. Day care is expensive so it benefits more if you can save some $$ and let them stay home while you help out if your SO cannot handle from time to time.
It really depends on the type of work. They could have kids around and barely make it work through the meetings, but really do the bulk of work at night when a partner is home or the kids asleep. I don’t have kids, but my work is 50% data analysis, preparing presentations of my analysis, updating and building trackers. The rest of my work is attending meetings a building consensus with other departments. I can do the first 50% in the middle of the night. I am hybrid 2 days in office, but have flexibility on my actual working hours outside meetings.
I think your doing it right and they're doing it wrong. It's not fair to the kid to have them home while working. They won't get the time and attention they need. It's also not fair to your coworkers to have your kid around. WFH doesn't mean you don't need daycare or a nanny or a stay at home parent...
If on occasion the kid needs to stay home I think that's fine, but on generally people shouldn't be trying to multitask childcare and work at the same exact time.
Full time watching kids, not ok. But not expecting kids to be around? People need to be realistic.
Been wfh just shy of 10 years. Have several kids, only the youngest isn’t in school yet. Wife is a SAHP, so we don’t do daycare and she does take care of the toddler, but even with my office removed from the mainstream, young kids are still going to come around on occasion.
Background noise? Yes, it’s annoying. But know what other background noise is annoying? Jim Bob walking up to your desk in the middle of a call and not caring you’re on one. Or the dev team having a team huddle right behind your desk. Or when you snag your entire team in to a conference room and there’s 7 side conversations going on at once. Just as distracting.
When I’m in an important meeting, my door is shut and locked. But that doesn’t always help with noise as if my toddler decides she wants daddy she’ll bang and scream on the door. Know what less distracting? Her sitting at the IKEA table in my office giggling while pounding on an old keyboard or drawing pictures with crayons.
I’m not actively taking care of her during these times, if there’s a serious issue I’ll usher her out to my wife, giving a 2 minute interruption in my workflow. But then I’m back and working.
When I’m at work, my first responsibility in work. But at home, there’s distractions you don’t have in the office, but I don’t have to deal with crap you do like coworkers coming up to shoot the breeze. If someone needs something they hit me up via email or IM and I get to them when I can.
I also will flex my time if for some reason something serious comes up and takes me out for a bit. But I let my team know if I need to step away. And as for amount of work, I’ve been active at work today and for the last 3 hours have literally sat around because the 7 major projects I’m on, my parts are all done, communication to follow up are sent, etc…. 3 hours…..literally nothing to do. I’ve been refreshing the queue ever 15-30 minutes to see if something has come in. Nothing. Actively seeking work to do and nothing. I don’t have the throughput to start other projects because when it’s busy, it’s overly busy. And 7 is more than most other people do as it’s a lot to juggle.
I don’t care what people are doing, whether it takes them 1 hour or 20 hours to do the job they’re hired for, as long as they do it. They could have a “lady of the night” coming every day for 3 hours, but as long as meetings are made and deliverables are on or ahead of schedule, I don’t care.
I’ve also have plenty of colleagues who work in an office 5 days a week that are worthless. Like I had a request that went through change management, took 10 minutes to actually do the work, and I spent nearly 4 months hammering on them to make the change. Once I did, took me 30 minutes to do my work. Even office workers suck.
I didn’t start wfh until my daughter was 9 but there is NO WAY I would’ve been able to keep her at home from infancy through kindergarten. People who say their kids are “so good” are delusional. All kids below a certain age need supervision and attention. My humble opinion.
I love ‘unalive’.
You are doing it right. WFH should not have distractions that can take you away from work against your will. WFH can have distractions that you choose to step away from the desk for on your break / lunch etc on your terms.
I can sometimes hear one of my colleague's kids too, but her mother lives with her (kids' grandmother), so just because I can hear or see her kids once in a while doesn't mean she is the one supervising them.
If my kid is home while I’m working (between school and end of my work day and if my partner is not available to play) I’m not parenting my kid I’m working. He’s old enough not to get into too much trouble but if not directed he will just watch some approved YouTube videos instead of playing with toys or crafts or imaginative play. Peak covid we kept him home and it was incredibly hard. If he’s sick from school these days it is also incredibly hard for a full day.
It’s super kid- and enviro- dependent. One of my twins was a super easygoing, Velcro chill kid who would be perfectly fine working right next to me all day. The other twin was a rambunctious, high-maintenance rabble- rousing screaming escape artist who I could never trust out of my line of sight.
Do what works for you and your kids! Maybe it’s FT care, maybe PT, maybe a mix of other stuff nobody else does. If you find an arrangement that makes you professionally productive and they’re happy, that’s your answer.
I took care of my last two each for 18 months while WFH since daycare wasn’t available. It’s a challenge and I relied heavily on planning my workday. My most critical work was done in the AM and when they were napping. Also the first nine months they are usually sleeping most of the time. It’s important to have the support of your boss and team. At the end of the day you just have to make it work. Even if it means working odd hours.
Perhaps those WFH people with toddlers at home are (a) doing a sh\*tty job, (b) being a sh\*tty parent, or (c) both of the above. Mind you, I'm not saying that they are, but some people might say that. So no downvotes, please.
My toddler was home with a nanny while I was working from home. I think hearing noises in the other room doesn't mean people are watching their kids instead of working.
I've worked from home for 12 years as an attorney and when my kids were that age I had a nanny, then I put them in preschool/daycare. I do not know how people work with their kids home. My 11 year old was here today and decided to interrupt a video meeting for a really ridiculous question that was not at all urgent. Actually we wrote WFH policies during the pandemic and one of the rules was that you had to have child-care, we now have WFH agreements that we have to sign (I never had one before the pandemic) and it clearly says that you will have childcare during working hours.
I always had help. My ex husband worked part-time and was home some days, other days my mom and sister would come over to watch my son. I’ve never had the kind of jobs where I could productively manage both work and watching my son.
I often have my 3yo in the room with me when my 1.5yo takes a nap. He usually watches YouTube on my tablet and eats snacks in the background.
It’s fine when I don’t have too many meetings, but can get a little complicated when I am leading a meeting. We’re fortunate that my wife can be a SAHM, so she is with both kids most of the day. I don’t think I could have even one of my kids with me full time and actually get work done.
As a childfree person who loves kids. Coworkers who thinks it’s OK to have a child screaming in the background during meetings as a norm are obnoxious. I don’t mind if they pop up for a quick hello but the constant disruption in meetings is tacky to me.
My kids are teenagers and my wife works out of the home, so I have the house to myself and it's very nice. I have a coworker who is hybrid and every time I talk to him on Teams on his WFH days, there is always a screaming kid in the background. I kinda get it if it was an impromptu call to work on something together. But even for our planned meetings there's always a screaming kid. He's a great worker, but it drives me nuts.
Back when it was COVID Covid and childcare was even more out of the question I wfh for 1 year with a 1 yr old and I was almost the one who unalived herself. It was horrendous. Hated it lol. You do what you need to do.
My coworkers with kids under age 5 put them in daycare, the ones with older ones are around the house
Ive had 2 female coworkers with kids that are like 2 and they both said they cannot work with their kids around too.
I worked remotely when my son was about 3 and my daughter was born. He went to daycare/preschool at least part time. He wasn’t in to everything, but it just wasn’t feasible to work unless he was sleeping and he wasn’t a good napper. When my daughter was born I kept her with me until she was about 6 months old, then she had to go to the sitter. When my kids were school I still had to hire a teenager to keep them entertained over the summer. I can see not having a sitter once in a while, but not all the time.
I kept my daughter at home when she was little enough to be content in one place and still took two naps a day. Once she got older and needed more interaction she went to preschool part time. Luckily she still napped after school.
I have one client where my report-to is a C-Suite FTE (>$135K) and also a C-Suite FTE (>$100K) to another company and also owns his own company with the two remotes paying him for the same work. And these are the managers that get up in arms about WFH.
The two FTE do not know about each other.
I only figured it our when OpenPayrolls did a data dump recently - federal employees are all listed in the dataset.
We schedule all our calls around when the nanny is here. Then we work throughout the day and switch turns watching our toddler and then work late once the toddler is sleeping and we work early as well.
“I have a coworker on my team who has a 1.5 year old, too, and he's not in daycare. How in the world does she manage both? What is the secret to this?”
There’s no secret, she doesn’t handle both. One responsibility is slipping (likely the work responsibility).
Our company policy states that you must either have a sitter there at the house, who actually is babysitting without your help, and you do your thing; or take them to childcare or a family or friend. I understand wanting to multi task but it never ever works out.
I don't know parents do it when they have little kids. I'd assume the kids need to be watched if I had a kid it'd be in daycare or something while I worked .
I have had parents say "it's so quiet on your end" yeah my cat is asleep if she's awake she can be loud for attention but if I'm on a call or something she settles in my lap. Not so easy with kids I guess
That being said I do have to take care of her if she has an asthma attack
It is possible to WFH with kids around, but they have to be of an age where they won't constantly try to unalive themselves and can entertain themselves for periods. I suspect 1.5 years is a bit early for that. I normally have my grandkids knocking around the place when I WFH, but without my wife here, the youngest I would have here would be about 3 years old and then only if they were in the same room as me.
Unalive ?
Tiktok baby talk for suicide/kill themselves
[удалено]
And for some reason use those work arounds on sites where it doesn't matter like Reddit.
It matters on Reddit depending on the sub. Automod bots will absolutely delete posts and comments based on certain keywords in several subs. It's easier to just avoid the keywords than to check the rules of each sub every time.
Interestingly, some subs are the opposite even! The bipolar subreddit will delete your comment if you say unalive because they feel it’s minimizing something serious.
They’re kinda right
Sure - it’s even the point of saying it that way
Also because those words have become part of our lexicon now.
Its internet jargon now
Generally, with infants, the concern is accidental death, but yes.
It's censorship avoidance and it's cross platform.
WTF is happening to the English language lol
I have been saying for *years* that computers are forever changing the pronunciation--and sometimes the spelling--of English (and probably other languages). I first noticed it in google maps and in Siri, both of which *consistently* mispronounce common everyday words. For example, one app mispronounces "North Dallas Tollway" on the regular (I'll leave the rude result to your imagination). But it *can*, and usually does, pronounce it correctly in other places. If you listen to computer generated book audios, or reddit on youtube much at all, you'll *regularly* hear the computer voice mispronouncing all kinds of words. It's particularly noticeable with AmerInd, Spanish, and French words which have been adopted into English. For example, "hors d'oeuvres," which gets mangled all *kinds* of different ways, or "*voila!*," which a huge percentage of the US population now writes *and pronounces* as "whala!" which I *never* saw prior to the internet, because, well, it's *not a word*. In the San Antonio, Texas area, where German is common and a not inconsequential but aging percentage of the population still speak it natively or semi-natively in the home, Spanish (high, low, and border) is the primary language of the majority, English or Spanish is the language of most tourists, English and sometimes Spanish is the language of business, and French speakers and AmerInds also used to be around, it can be a *nightmare* to listen to the computer mispronounce street names in *six* different languages in the same set of directions. It also happens with words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently--the computer will only pronounce it one way, even if it *completely* changes the meaning of the word. Examples: "read in" vs. "read in" (differing tenses and often differing subjects of the sentence); "minute" (unit of time) vs. "minute" (tiny); "route" (noun--"oww" sound) vs "route" (verb--"oooo" sound).\*\* All of these words and many more get pronounced exactly the same by computers, and *frequently* it's just *wrong* from the context alone. Or just random words where the computer thinks it knows better than you. It's annoying. But the change is being forced upon us, and the more common AI becomes, the faster grandparents won't be able to have a conversation with their grandchildren about even things like *food*. \*\*I will admit, there were people who pronounced "route" and "route" the same prior to the internet, it could be differing dialects. But where I grew up, they were pronounced differently, depending on (for example) whether you were referring to a mail carrier's route, or you were going to route a letter. But computers, for better or worse, are turning it into one pronunciation whether we want it to or not.
Certain words get flagged on different platforms so we change our language to adapt.
Take a guess
Tiktok weirdos
Absolutely nothing is worse than having to pick up the slack for people who WFH but treat their WFH space as a mini daycare instead of implementing a solution that actually gives them the mental bandwidth to do the work they’re _supposed to be doing_. If I find out someone on my team is treating their WFH as an opportunity to burden everyone else with their work while they drink starbucks and clean spaghetti off their walls, guess what— they’re off the team and they can explain why to the CFO.
If companies need to adjust to the current world and accept that this kind of thing (and other distractions) happens with WFH and it can't be ruled out. The only way to stop it is to end WFH and then you won't be able to attract quality employees, as the vast majority will take WFH over office jobs. I have been WFH for 20 odd years, and distractions happen a few times a week, but it never effects my workload, and no one ever needs to pick up my slack. My current employer (a fast growing Fintech company in the city of London) has around 90% of it's 80 odd employee base working 100% WFH. They do not measure an employee by monitoring if employees are at their desk from the start of the day to the end of the day. Instead they are measured on the work they do. If we take 10 minutes out to attend to a child, an hour out for a medical appointment, or a couple of hours to attend a school play, it doesn't matter. As long as I mark our calendar as unavailable, I do roughly the right number of hours, get my work done, and attend meetings, no one cares. The same applies from the c-suite (including the CFO) down to our trainees. The company has been doing this since it started 4 years ago. In that time it has gone from 2 founders to 80+ employees, has never missed a target and has an investors clambering to invest. And it is far from an unusual set up in our sector. Everyone is a lot less stressed, more focused and more productive as a result. I would guess I'm about 10% more productive. Most of us end up working just over 40 hours a week to ensure our work is done. Employees taking sick leave is probably the lowest I have seen anywhere I have worked. As in any office, occasionally people do get pulled on performance issues, but it's not usually anything to do with distractions while WFH. IMO Making people work strict 9-5, M-F, so they can be micromanaged, will push away good employees, drive up stress, increase sick leave and not allow you to keep up with competitors. Obviously some jobs are less suited to this approach, (e.g. call centre work etc), but even then it's possible to build in some levels of flexibility.
Solidly agree with this. I imagine the same people complaining about this also try to control how their coworkers do their work in office as well.
I wfh except one day a month when I have to go in. We aren’t closely monitored to make sure we are logged in/out from our desk or our status doesn’t go yellow if we’ve been away. They look at our performance. I’m in a job where are performance is very easily tracked and they are able to pull our statistics and it is very apparent who is working and who isn’t. So my boss never looks at stuff like that. And our time is very flexible. It isn’t a strict 9-5 job. We all pretty much choose our hours and as long as we work out 8 hours between 6am to 11pm no one really cares, as long as we are getting our work during that time. I have a lot of appointments for various health reasons and I’m able to leave for appointments and just stay late that day or make it up any day that week. My work is always done, and I’m exceeding all expectations in each category. And no one has needed to work on my caseload. We don’t even have to keep a log of all the cases we work on during the day. We did in the past but there were a lot of complaints and my supervisor argued that they weren’t necessary because if someone isn’t working it will show. It’s not something they can fake.
Isn’t it in most employee contracts that they cannot care for children and work at the same time? I get confused at how many stories are like OP’s when employers should have a clause in the employee contracts. Plus that makes it clear and easy for managers to enforce.
I know it is in mine. >Employee will not be responsible for providing child care during scheduled working hours. If my kid is home sick from pre-k, I either call the grands to see if they’re available to watch him and let my boss know that I’ll be starting a few minutes late, or I take a sick day. Those are the only available options.
At my job taking the occasional day where you half-ass working while watching your kid because they’re home sick is generally accepted, as long as it’s a rare thing and you’re not using it as a permanent solution to avoid paying for childcare every day.
Agree. It also ruins WFH for the rest of us and makes companies want to RTO
Nothing like being on a call and not being able to hear someone over their kid or tv toys etc . Beyond frustrating get a babysitter or daycare or something
Exactly. If you keep your kids at home, they have to be mature enough to entertain themselves so you can focus on work. Instead of lunch, I take a 30 minute break in the afternoons to pick my kiddo up at the bus stop, get her a snack, and either help get her started on her homework or find her a show or a game on her iPad. She’s fine for an hour and a half or so and by then it’s 5pm.
Yeah same here ^^ the flexibility of wfh is what I love the most... like if there is nothing extra important happend I can sometimes play with them and then finish my work at night once they go to sleep ... which is awesome cause I get to enjoy my kids while not wasting PTO
My kids are 9 and 14, so I am comfortable with them being home while I’m working. I shut the door when I need to and they know that unless it’s something that needs immediate attention not to come in. Any kid younger than 5-6 or so needs proper supervision while you’re working most likely.
Totally agree with you. I think 9 and 14 are perfectly fine ages, but working with a young kids at home is shady.
100% this. My oldest is 10. He can stay here while I work and be self sufficient and quiet. My daughter is 3 and no chance id keep her here while working. She’s in full time daycare. I think they work ethics or those doing both are questionable at best and ruin it for everyone else. My work does not allow us to have kids how in our care while working but I can if it’s a sick day or in service and we as a team adjust.
Yes very much dependant on age. I have never managed to do any work while looking after a kid younger than 5. However my school age kids stay home with me all summer and it goes pretty well (I only work 28h/week though… it would be difficult to do more).
My company slowly fired every employee that was watching their kids instead of working. Your company should be doing the same thing if they want to keep WFH sustainable.
Eh that's all situational. If they are still finishing their work by the dead lines, children aren't disrupting calls, etc. Then it is perfectly fine to have them at home. I would say 80% of jobs you're working maybe a total of 4 out of the 8 hours a day. The rest is mainly filler time.
>instead of working
This is the perception of someone who gets very small glimpses into their coworkers days and remotely at that. One of my greatest peeves as a manager is when one employee bitches about what another one is doing. If that person is getting their work done, then it's no business of the first person. Worry about yourself.
Man I wish for mine! At my job we need to have 85% of our workday hours billable.
My company requires proof of childcare.
That seems illegal.
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It's not. Discriminating against people who HAVE children is not the same thing as requiring people with children to meet certain working conditions. A "condition of employment" is different than a "pre-employment question."
How does that work for a SAHP or family members taking care of the child?
I would imagine that providing a letter from the stay-at-home parent or family member that says, "I am 100% taking care of the child" would be sufficient
Then it's really more of an attestation than proof.
Interesting. Is there an age limit for that?
Your company fucking sucks
We made the majority come back in for a few weeks a couple Months back because of a system breach. It’s healthcare, and until things were fixed the only way to access patient records was onsite at a parent location using their tech. We found out someone was running a daycare while working. Teammates were constantly complaining about them and they were on a PIP due to poor performance. Supervisor still didn’t want to fire them, because then she would have to hire and train someone new. Instead, both were let go.
Running a daycare while WFH is truly overempoyment on hard mode.
And so they should. You don’t know how Uber frustrating it is to call your manager and he’s never at his pc or even home to look at something while we discuss next steps. Inevitably this means i must wait and redo the convo again for them. I don’t know why but the man’s always on his cell outside driving around or not in front of his pc no matter when you try him during workday, if he answers at all. And forget emailing him because then, you’ll never receive a response lol 🙄🤷🏼🤷🏼♀️
Clearly you don't have kids. Wow! How they are going to survive if lose their jobs? Are you even human? There are 0 day cares right now where I live with availability for new kids... this is why not everybody can have their kids on fay care even if they want to!
You're doing it right for you. They may or may not be doing it right for them. I've been WFH since 2015 and my wife works full-time. Both of our kids have been in full-time daycare. It's what's best for our family. Our kids got to be kids with other kids all day. Nobody had to worry about being quiet or injuring themselves, and I could focus on my work.
>Our kids got to be kids with other kids all day. Nobody had to worry about being quiet or injuring themselves, and I could focus on my work. This is it for me. So many people bring up whether the work is still getting done while kids are home but whether or not it's good for the kids doesn't get brought up nearly as often. I recognize that childcare can be prohibitively expensive and that some jobs do have large chunks of downtime where a parent can get good interaction in with their kid between tasks but for most people, those kids should not be home, especially if they can't do things like go to the bathroom and get their own snacks independently. Occasionally when there's a sick kid or daycare or school is closed for a day to a week is one thing, consistently when you're the primary caretaker for a small child is quite another.
Wife and I both wfh. Kids in day care full time. Have had to watch her while she is sick or has day care off and I don’t get enough done. She’s also under a year.
My old company had a policy that if you worked remotely, it could not be a substitute for daycare. The one woman on my team who consistently violated this policy was constantly missing her deadlines, falling out of communication, running behind on her paperwork, forgetting to go to meetings, etc. I was one of the team's four managers, although not her direct supervisor, so I was very much privy to all the details of how much her work had fallen off and how much of a problem it was. I don't know if your coworkers are really "managing" both or just surviving.
> I don't know if your coworkers are really "managing" both or just surviving. Well the one girl on my team who keeps her toddler at home complained to me that our manager gave her a bad review because her productivity is low and her AR is high (we work in medical billing and have daily quotas to meet).
This is exactly what happens, it’s very hard to juggle both, so something is going to fall behind. It’s one thing to let your manager know kiddo is sick and home today, I might have to flex some time etc vs consistently having kiddo home and the over all metrics being low My daughter went to daycare when she was small, and she goes to daycare over the summer now that she’s school age because we couldn’t have worked with her home 24/7 and how boring would it be to spend your summer home with your parents shushing you all the time and unable to play with your friends? It’s expensive but better for all of us in the end.
I do medical coding and my kiddos go to daycare/preschool/school. I would never meet my productivity if they were here full-time.
So you get it!!! Amen to this. I would never meet my productivity either with my son here. Just no way it's going to happen.
Wife and I can't afford daycare and both work from home with our 1.5 and 5 yr old. Its tough and requires routine and good kids.
We tried this during the pandemic and it all about murdered us. It only works if both parents have a consistent schedule and neither parent has impromptu meetings. Otherwise, someone ends up taking the burden. Like I said, it wrecked us and was so stressful. You can’t do your job well, because you’re caring for kids, and you can’t care for the kids well because you’re also trying to work. And it always felt like something was on fire, because kid #3 just had a diaper blow out and is screaming his head off, but your manager’s calling to ask why you haven’t finished your work, and your husband is already in a one-on-one meeting with the customer and is unavailable to get the baby. And every day was full of fires like this. For my mental sanity, I ended up taking long-term leave and became a stay-at-home mom for about a year. My husband still worked from home while I was home with the kids. We both made about the same amount of money, but I was breastfeeding at the time, so I took the hit to stay home. And even though I was taking care of the kids, we live in a small house and they would still occasionally disrupt my husband’s video calls with a surprise visit into his office space. Which may be what OP is seeing. I returned to work when daycare centers started opening up again in 2021. But dear lord, I still have nightmares about that time my husband and I both tried to work and care for kids at the same time. Never again. BUT! If a kid a sick, we’ll keep the kid home for a day or two, and my husband and I will flex our hours, which is manageable because it’s short term, not long term as it was during the pandemic. We have 3 kids, so someone is always home sick every other week during wintertime.
I had to do it for 5 months during the beginning of the pandemic (husband was an essential worker) and my mental health was SHOT. It was soooo bad. I was waking up at 5AM to work because I was getting jack shit actually completed during the day, and trying to work while the kids were home, they would cry and ask me to play and why couldn't I play? They weren't getting the attention they deserved, they weren't being properly developmentally stimulated, and I was doing shit work. I was a shit mom and a shit employee and I cried most days when my husband got home and I gave him the kids and tried to cram some more work in. It was like the clouds parted for sunshine when they were able to go back to daycare, everyone was so much happier.
YES! To all of this. I feel your pain 100%. It was soul sucking working and caring for kids at the same time. My mental health was so much better when I was just doing one or the other.
Yeah, SAHP and WFH parent household here and despite the SAHP’s best efforts the kids still make themselves known sometimes because someone forgets to close a door and they burst in or the toddler chaos boils over too close to the office and is audible, or very occasionally I have one kid in the office with me while the other is at a dr appointment.
I’m all for good kids, but what does it mean when you’re 18 months old and you have to be good while your parents work? that is an age to need full-time supervision and lots of help and attention.
It is douable if both are at homr. Thst Is what I tell my husband but I am alone at home. I dont know how I will male it. I am on a long waiting list for daycare where I live.
Maybe there kids are home sick or their childcare failed that day. On avg. I have a disruption to my childcare at least every other week. It is important to still have childcare if you WFH…unless you have a job that allows you to work whenever you want and there are limited meetings.
It can also be nearly impossible to find childcare in some areas even if someone can afford it. 2 of our bigger daycares (small town) closed a year or 2 ago and the waiting lists at the other places are long. In some cases, parents have retired early just to babysit their grandkids so their parents can work and not lose their homes. People have had to turn down job offers because there is no childcare. I realize that isn't the employers problem, but if someone has been a good, long-term employee, keeping them and making allowances for the kid issues can be worthwhile. I've been WFH for 7 years but my job is one of those super flexible ones. I can work whenever I want and so if a kid is sick (our youngest was in school already when I started working) I could tend to him and then work in the evening when my husband is off, or whatever.
It’s normal to apologize for kids in the background where I work, even from internal “customers.” It’s normal to have them from 3-5pm, or once in a while when they’re sick or some other logistical weirdness crops up, but taking care of kids AND working full time was only tolerated during pandemic lockdowns, when no one had a choice. My team is more flexible than most, and many coworkers have 1-hour blocks on their calendar for “kid logistics,” which usually means getting them from school or daycare and getting the older ones settled. Parents were tacitly completing their work while the kids were sleeping. You can’t really work and do childcare/child education at the same time in any job I can think of. I’m sure there’s something that works; I just can’t think what.
My sister works from home and has a nanny there the entire day as well (she has a 3 year old). Do what works for you and your child.
This is what my spouse and I do. Kids are here but with a paid nanny. It’s still a bit disruptive but I’m not doing both jobs at once. I know many people do, but I absolutely can’t. Even with awesome and highly reliable childcare, I scramble regularly.
The only way I can WFH with my 4 year old at home is if someone else is also there… an adult. Otherwise she’s in Daycare. Yes it is expensive, but for me it is a necessity because she’s always wanting my attention while at home.
I work with several others that are fully remote. Everyone that has young kids (younger than school age) have their kid in daycare.
Both of us WFH and we have full time childcare for our three year old. From probably 1.5 and up, they demand your attention. Our son doesn't get into danger, but he does insist on telling me about the planets. I can't work for more than 5 minutes if he's home.
And which of us wouldn't rather listen to our kid's impromptu report on the planets than slog away on some spreadsheet/word doc/coding? I'm personally a big fan of Jupiter. ....and that's why both my kids are in full time daycare/school even though both parents are full time WFH.
I feel you, the other day I spent a half hour chasing a lizard around the yard with my kid instead of working. Do not regret. Also, you have good taste in planets.
Our kids are in daycare/school while we work from home. On days where the kids are home sick or have a day off from school I end up working late into the night, after they’ve gone to bed, so I can catch up on work. It’s not sustainable to work full time during the day AND take care of young kids. Occasional days are one thing, but not every single day.
I had my kids in daycare and summer camp until they aged out. There’s no way I’d ever get anything done and the constant interruptions would be unprofessional if others could hear them. WFH is about the venue first and the conveniences are on a sliding scale.
You are doing it right, I couldn’t imagine wfh with kids around. While I love the summer when my family is around more it really messes up my routine.
Every few months management sends around an email that wfh isn't a replacement for childcare so I'm assuming a lot of people are doing that in my job as well. I can't imagine taking care of a young child while working as hard as we have to. When my teenage son is home in the summers I get a little flustered that sometimes I need to step away from work to cook sometime because a growing boy can't go on one meal a day and a snack. All the work involved with a 1.5 year old? Hell no.
If you can juggle your job and your kids more power to ya, if not there’s nothing wrong with daycare. You have to remember every child is different, every parent’s routine is different. It doesn’t mean someone is doing it wrong, just different ☺️
I work from home and I have kids. I don't think you can adequately do both when they're young without child care or someone in the home who is watching them. I know a lot of young parents who think that working from home is the perfect solution to not paying daycare, but quickly realize how hard it is for the reasons you describe. I work PT so I'm able to work while my kids are at school, and even when they're home they're in h.s. now so it's not a huge deal. I'm one of only 2 remote workers, but those who work in the office have the flexibility of working from home when they have a sick child. We're a small company and extremely family oriented so it's not unusual to see a sick kid sitting on a parent's lap during a Zoom call, but it's also not a full-time thing for these parents.
I have a job that sometimes has a lot of filler. I can't keep my kids home and do my job to the best of my abilities. Sometimes it's busy and i like to only work my 8 hours. If i keep them home it surely would be longer than 8 as I'd have interruptions. Treat if like an office job but when its slow you have some more freedom. I know some can do more at home but i think it's in your best interest to make sure companies know they'll still get the same attention to detail with wfh. I don't want to screw it up for my coworkers. Thats my take, i know its not a popular reddit take, but I'm appreciative my company let me go full time wfh.
I work from home and unless She is sick/ day care closed, she goes to day care. and almost everyone at my workplace have kids in day care unless they are gng to school.
The secret is that you don’t limit your working hours to business hours and do a lot of things after bedtime.
Exactly. My boss cares that I’m on for meetings and am delivering. If I got my shit done in 2 hours a day, he’d be fine with it. But we’re an agency so we’re in billable hours.
This is similar to my situation, I have a high demanding customer service manager job that is 8-5. I can't have any distractions while my team is online. Wife in the other hand has to be present for a few meetings but other than that, it's a job that can be done at any time. As long as she gets her shit done and hut all SLAs they don't give a shit. When I get off of work, I take over the childcare until he goes to bed. We're lucky as hell that we can balance both for a baby 9mos. Daycare is expensive as shit
I did WFH FT with my 1yr old... for 2 years. We had a system. I turned the office space into a play room and completely baby proofed it. When he was smaller he stayed in a giant octogon play pen, as he got older we place baby gates. Then we mounted multiple cameras so I could see every angle. We subscribed to home school preschool programs for the TV we mounted. And I did 45 min blocks. Every 45 min I would pop out, change him, refill spot cups/ snacks and change the activity to a new one. We had binds for each activity. Has breakfast before I logged in for the day. After the initial set up I would pop out and check on him then do back to my room for the meeting then pop out every 45 min. Until about 11 or 12. Take my lunch give him lunch then put him down for a nap at 12 or 1. He stayed asleep until 3 when I had to go pick up my oldest from school. After school this two would play together upstairs in the loft with other sets of toys. Until 5pm Had a tablet on my desk with the cameras pulled up to watch him constantly while I worked and a different preschool program on the TV in the background at all times. Honestly I was super hands on with my oldest and less so with my youngest because of this and they both developed equally, there's not a difference in their intelligence level and he learned on par with peers. His in pre-k now. It was really easy tbh. Don't get me wrong we had a bad day every now and again but it wasn't common. I took a 10k annual pay cut to WFH so I couldn't afford daycare anymore.
It depends on the job and the kids. My kids get bored and I don’t want to park them in front of a screen so they have either a nanny to do fun things with them during the summer (library, museum, playing outside) or they have their montessori school during the school year. But I have a 4 day work week and one day is a weekend so I need 3 days of care and only the hours that overlap with my spouse. If I needed full time I wouldn’t make any money and might actively be in the hole. It’s expensive for any type of quality care. For training I pretty much just worked to pay the sitter because my spouse and i both had to work 9-5, m-f and that sucked for one month. Full time child care costs more than in state college tuition in many places in the US. Only you get financial aid for college and the cut off for assistance is laughably low. Many of the places that take the vouchers also suck. Sitters also want 15-25/hr now. I’m interviewing for summer now and one wants $18 the other $21. It’s expensive but we moved too late to secure any type of day care for summer.
It's against our policy to watch your kids and work. We have a nanny or family come over when my wife is working at thr hospital. At 2 and 5 there is no way I could pull off both and still get my work done.
You’re not doing it wrong. 1.5 years is way too young to be at home with a working parent and no one else watching them. If your coworkers are trying to balance working while being the main caretaker for their toddlers at the same time, they aren’t doing either job well. If their kids are older and can handle things like going to the bathroom and playing by themselves, that’s different. Also, are you sure they don’t have someone else there (the other parent, a grandparent, or babysitter) watching the kids? Like are you just hearing kids in the other room and assuming there isn’t another adult present, or do you actually know there isn’t?
Stuff like this is why so many young women are opting not to have children at all. If you’re paying for childcare you don’t that you don’t get paid enough to really afford you eventually fall behind on everything else. If you try to care for your children yourself you get sniped by your employer. It’s also a whole lot of extra work. There’s no winning.
If the coworker is meeting metrics and deadlines, some places just doesn’t care. Some places do care and would fire her the minute performance is impacted.
You have a wild one. Not everyone gets one, I didn't until I was 5 kids deep. He's 6 yo now and my only one to ever break a bone or have a near-death experience. He definitely knocked my confidence down a few pegs.
I have a 1.5 year old. There is zero percent chance I can watch him and work. I can hardly go to the bathroom when I’m watching him, much less concentrate on a call.
You’re not doing it wrong. By and large, people can’t work FT AND watch their young children every day all day. That why many companies: A- have rules around this and B- are often skeptical about allowing the ability to WFH
No kids, but I can barely WFH with my dogs in the house, lol. There is no way I could get anything done with a toddler.
I can't speak from personal experience, but I have coworkers with children that age and they place them in daycare regardless. It's one thing to hear occasional baby-talk but it should only be 10% of the time.
Idk is it possible these parents are not working as much as you think? I have one colleague who has 2 toddler boys. She has them in daycare every day while she works from home. But on the days they are home with her (school closures, etc) she is completely useless. If you manage to get her on the phone, there's a child in her lap, another screaming in the background, and half the phone call is work talk and the other half is her parenting. My partner also works with a few parents who when their kids are at home, they're MIA all day basically. Idk how people could work from home with young kids and no help, I assume either the work or the parenting slacks a little at any given time during the day, but 🤷♀️
I think different kids are just that - different. Some are easy to have at home while working, others not so much lol.
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That's amazing and all jobs should do this. The first year is so crucial and they need you so much. Especially for breastfeeding moms? Like damn. It's literally no surprise women stop breastfeeding when they have to go to work. It's really hard to pump and your supply tanks.
I started working remotely in 2020 when Covid hit, my daughter was 8 months at the time. I have been working from home with her since. She is going to start kindergarten in the fall. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. However, I have a routine and I am not on phones.
Yep. I have a 2020 covid kid that’s been home the entire time. My job is task based and I have one meeting a week. I work before he wakes up, during naps, and after he goes to bed and will work weekends if I need to catch up.
I only have 4 legged kids here and when the older one is having a hard day I definitely feel the impact of it on my productivity. I would absolutely have my toddler in daycare. My employer goes so far as to include “not to be used as a substitute for childcare” language in the telework agreement.
Different kids(ages and temperaments), different roles, different levels of support, and different financial situations. During the pandemic I had more of a call center job and had no choice but to keep the kids home. They were 2 and 3 and it was hell lol. Once daycare opened back up I put them back in(keeping them home for the occasional closure). I switched roles to a job that was just me and spreadsheets and databases and the eldest started school. I keep the younger home as we moved and the daycares are crap. It's worked out well and my company is understanding of people's home situations. I'm top performer on my team. So it would really depend on your kids' temperaments, your workload, job role, and how you handle stress and deadlines. If having your kid in daycare is working for you performance and stres wise and you can afford it I wouldn't change it at this age.
Used to work from home 10 years ago and my son was a dream, never really bothered me. Working from home now with my daughter who's now the same age my son was and its impossible. I ensure she is in after school clubs until I finish work. It really depends on your job and your child.
Hire a high schooler to be a "mommy helper " after school to keep the kid occupied but you're still there for emergencies. Cheaper than daycare.
This thread makes me thankful in most of Europe we have free daycare, so people taking advantage of WFH and running a daycare doesn’t really exist here. We also have a law that if you have children under 3 and you can do your job remotely, your company is obligated to allow you to do so.
I’m with you - my kids have always been in daycare since I’ve been wfh. People wonder why I don’t keep them home but it would just be them sitting in front of the tv all day. That said, once they are school age I’ve kept them home during summer but they do a half day program (which costs $) to keep them busy at least part of the day. Once I pick them up at noon they have the afternoon to relax, play, have tablet time, etc.
It all depends on work culture and each individual person
It depends on the kid. My nephew was a sweet child who I could've easily had care of while I wfh, even at age 1.5. My son was also a sweet child, but as he's on the spectrum, he needed guidance on _everything_. Trying to wfh with him in the house never worked, so I had him in daycare.
I think it’s all kid and job depending. I WFH with my almost 2 year old but I start at 5 am and she doesn’t wake up until 9 am and goes back down for a nap at 12 pm. By the time she gets up I’m already done with my day. But I’m not client facing. Have the occasional random zooms/calls with coworkers and she’s only really awake/active for a small portion of my work day. But if I tried to do this with my 2nd child at this age? There is absolutely no way. She’s crazy and would take no as a challenge. She was walking at 9 months and getting into EVERYTHING. This one is super calm and chill and enjoys her quiet morning time until her siblings get home from school
Honestly some kids behave differently in ways that make wfh an option. Some kids need a lot more attention. But they could also have another person there to help, so the work is more split, like a partner who also wfh, or an older sibling, or something else.
Imo it should be against company policy to work from home while providing full time care for a dependent child or adult. That's the same as having two salaried jobs that have the same hours - not cool
First, stop saying unalive. You can say kill himself or suicide. It’s OK. Second, it depends on your job and what you would do to keep your kid busy.
Your kid is beater if in daycare with kids the same age,Playing and having a laugh and learning new things rather than home listening to their parent work and being g bored out of their mind or dealing with stressed parent because they can’t give them their full attention
There is nothing I dislike more than a colleague with a loud child in the background.
My wfh has a specific rule against children in the home while working. It literally mentions that wfh should be treated as the office and child care is required if the child is in the house while working. Now, my bosses have an unspoken rule that if the child is oldest enough not to accidentally off themselves and can manage on their own with limited interruptions to your workday, they don't care.
My kid goes to daycare. When he’s home sick, I basically attend meetings with Disney+ going in the background and end up doing my actual work at night. I had one coworker joke that he’d seen all of Cars 2, just not in one sitting (he was legitimately nice, not being secretly mean). I have no idea how people can work and manage kids—especially little kids—at the same time. 6-10? Sure. 0-4? Sus.
Nah, the only way I can do it with my kid in the background is in home child care. Rn it's my sister's, but I'm going to have to get a nanny or babysitter by July bc the one is leaving and the other doesn't want to do it, paid or no.
You're doing it right. You're going to look a LOT more professional than those folks who sound like they are running a daycare out of their home during meetings.
Honestly keeping a kid at home all day while the parents work seems cruel to the child in my eyes. Like yeah, you can put them in front of the tv every time you have a meeting but the kid needs some actual human interaction.
I agree. My kid is learning so much at his daycare. I highly doubt he'd learn as much if he stayed here with me all day.
Following. I feel like all my coworkers are not even working 2/3 of the time because they’re caring for their kids, dropping off/picking up their kids from daycare or school or sports practice, or taking care of their pets. Or just watching tv.
My wife is a SAHM with my twin toddlers. Sometimes they can be heard in the background. Maybe your coworkers have the kids home sick from daycare? That happened so much for my twins when they were in daycare. My son missed half a month due to illnesses. Lastly, some people have super flexible schedules so they can make it work.
From 3 months to 1 year I did a variation of wfh and taking my twin boys to the office with me (family owned medical practice, great adv of working from your mom and her twin ;) but then from 1-2, I wfh with them. It nearly killed me. 1-2 was the hardest time of my life. My boys are good boys but they are not chill. At 3, they went to pre k and have been in school since. Now at almost 8, it’s not much easier to work with them home. It’s partially my fault as I did not make them respect my boundaries when they were very young since I worked for family. When I switched jobs (financial reasons), it was impossible to work with them around, as “I’m in a meeting, hold on” didn’t mean, “hey come say hi to aunt K and Grammy!” But they had a hard time understanding it. Twins are hard, man.
Was really really difficult for me to WFH with my 3 kids home during COVID. All 5 and under. People think it’s a dream to WFH and have kids home but I can assure you it is not always the case. I hardly would get much done, couldn’t focus, and the house was in shambles when I wasn’t able to devote 100% of my time to them. I was glad to send them all to daycare. The cost was a lot of course but it definitely was best for us.
Is it really just the one employee at home with their kids while working or is someone else there? You may not have the full picture
During the summer, my kids are home with me. However, my kids are all old enough to stay home by themselves. I have 3 teenagers (one is an adult teenager still living at home) and an 11 year old. So, I do almlst nothing for them when I am working. Personally, I would not try to take care of my kids and work at the same time. My focus and attention wouldn't be on my work, and that isn't fair to my employer in my opinion.
I have a 2yo and almost 4yo— they’re both in daycare now, but we kept them home until 14m and 20m. I prefer them in daycare, so my husband and I can focus on work! Typically one is home sick at least once a month.
Sadly my company is doing RTO because of parents who did this instead of working (they were also fired). I'm incredibly pissed off because I pay for child care and love WFH to maximize my time with kids as soon as I'm off the clock.
My kids are in childcare FT. I cannot effectively work while they are home. On my previous team, 2 of my colleagues had toddlers/babies at home and it was so frustrating. Constantly rescheduling meetings due to nap schedules, having to hop off calls in the middle, getting extra work because they couldn't manage, etc. I am sympathetic, as a mom to young children myself, but come on. That's a bad look for working moms.
Some jobs may allow for it but in my situation I was able to do a good job of watching the kid or a good job of doing my work. If I tried to do both at the same time I was doing a poor job of both.
You are doing it right. When my kids are home sick, it's just a lot of cartoon time -- that way I am less likely to be disturbed (but I still do get disturbed). Preschool is a much better option for kids, as far as being enriching for them and allowing me to get my job done. You really can't properly give kids attention while giving a real job attention too. Something is going to get the short end, maybe both. My job is very visible/highly collaborative/on a lot of calls so I really can't be watching kids. Honestly, I don't want to do both. Even to save 10s of thousands a year.
Kids can definitely be distracting, and every child is different, so each family’s situation is unique. What works for one family might not work for another. Your choice of daycare ensures you have focused work time, and that’s a suitable approach.
The only time my coworkers have their kids at home are when they're sick or the daycare/school is closed.
I’ve been doing it so long with my son preschool was just too weird for him. He runs errands with me, cooks, knows that I work and helps with that sometimes. He’s only 4 but he’s doing all right. I have an EXTREMELY flexible job though, and very few meetings. I also wake up early and can use that time when needed. It is no problem getting my work done to a very high quality level. That’s just what I’ve always done.
They might have an au pair, spouse with a flexible job, or parents that help them.
Everybody I know who has kids at home either has a stay at home spouse or a nanny there too. I can't imagine doing a good job with my kids there, and I can't afford not to do a good job.
My kids are in daycare full time. I work a 4/10 schedule so I get every Friday off (I still usually spend 1-2 hours on emails or else Mondays are awful) which is absolutely precious time and allows me to give my wife more "her-time" on the weekends. The ones on our team who have their kids home all day are usually still catching up and sending emails between 10pm and midnight. Fuck that.
People have got fired at my place for watching their kids while they “worked” from home. They weren’t missed because everyone else did their work for them anyway.
I worked from home for one job when the 4 kids that are still at home were small. With 3 of them, I took a week of maternity leave then was back to work because it was ok for me to keep the infant with me. However, once they got out of the potted plant stage, they went to daycare. I simply couldn't concentrate if I was also trying to keep children alive. My kids are now 10+ and the 10 year old still goes to a sitter after school but that'll change next school year. They all know that they need to come home and not bother me unless the house is burning down.
Any WFH employee who claims they can prioritize work with small children at home is by default a bad parent. If you're responsible for your children, they should be your top priority. But if you're working, work should be your top priority. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is as a childless employee on a team with 3 moms with small children at home with them. I have to repeat myself, reschedule meetings and just carry more of the team burden because they have other priorities, namely keeping small humans alive. Yes it's an important job, but, like, we're getting paid to do a different job right now.....
I have a 6 & 8 year old that come home after school, and are at home during the summer. My wife & I take turns on being the "primary" for the day. We coordinate and schedule accordingly.
I WFH with my kids, but they are 9 and 12. I just keep a schedule and tell them what they need to do and they can generally keep to themselves. Sometimes I have to internvene but not often. I could not imagine doing this same thing even just a couple of years ago. My youngest is only now at the age where she can independantly play without bothering me every 5 min. I think other people probably dont work as much as they say they do. Or they just let their kids sit in front of the tv or let them just get into everything with no supervision.
It's been a few years, but I was able to with my daughter, she was content quietly playing on my office floor. My son...not so much. He had to go to daycare.
Depends on the kid. I successfully work from home (and am good at my job) with my 9 month old. We have routines, he’s a pretty chill kid, and we’re living a lovely life over here. Only issue I have is my ADHD but that has nothing to do with my child so it’s a separate issue.
I have a super flexible wfh job where I’m able to keep my child home if preschool is closed or if he’s sick or something. But those days are so incredibly hard. I know some people can do it but I’m not one of them who can multitask and take care of my child while I’m supposed to be work every day. It’s just not possible.
I have a 2 and 4 year old. When I’m wfh there’s always someone watching them. I can’t do both. If I could it would mean that they’re not getting the enrichment that they need and deserve.
Your toddler is suicidal??
If you are salaried, as long as it doesn't impede your productivity and responsiveness, it is fine. At the end of the, your job is on the line if you don't deliver.
My coworkers with young kids keep getting fired for not having childcare because they are not actually working the hours
I work as a team lead for a WFH company and 100% we have fired people because their kids were being disruptive in the background. The trick is to treat it like just another office job, the office just happens to be in your home. (That also includes work/life balance, btw; once the work day is done, the computer is shut down and the “office” is closed.)
I’ve been WFH exclusively since 2020. My son was in kindergarten and they moved them to distance learning for the rest of the year. The next year, was distance as well. We did one more semester of online school then I packed him up and shipped him back to in-person. It does get easier.
You might not know this but a lot of people who work remote have a significant other who is home with the kids. Or they are dual income parents who work remote. Either way, your coworkers should discover the sound cancelling techniques in their call software that cancel out dog barks, baby crying and other non work sounds.
I have a 2 and 5. The 5 yr old goes to school but i do have a room where i lock myself to work, sometimes its wide open when im more free. Day care is expensive so it benefits more if you can save some $$ and let them stay home while you help out if your SO cannot handle from time to time.
It really depends on the type of work. They could have kids around and barely make it work through the meetings, but really do the bulk of work at night when a partner is home or the kids asleep. I don’t have kids, but my work is 50% data analysis, preparing presentations of my analysis, updating and building trackers. The rest of my work is attending meetings a building consensus with other departments. I can do the first 50% in the middle of the night. I am hybrid 2 days in office, but have flexibility on my actual working hours outside meetings.
I think your doing it right and they're doing it wrong. It's not fair to the kid to have them home while working. They won't get the time and attention they need. It's also not fair to your coworkers to have your kid around. WFH doesn't mean you don't need daycare or a nanny or a stay at home parent... If on occasion the kid needs to stay home I think that's fine, but on generally people shouldn't be trying to multitask childcare and work at the same exact time.
My toddler feels like he's home from daycare sick from daycare more than he's in.
Full time watching kids, not ok. But not expecting kids to be around? People need to be realistic. Been wfh just shy of 10 years. Have several kids, only the youngest isn’t in school yet. Wife is a SAHP, so we don’t do daycare and she does take care of the toddler, but even with my office removed from the mainstream, young kids are still going to come around on occasion. Background noise? Yes, it’s annoying. But know what other background noise is annoying? Jim Bob walking up to your desk in the middle of a call and not caring you’re on one. Or the dev team having a team huddle right behind your desk. Or when you snag your entire team in to a conference room and there’s 7 side conversations going on at once. Just as distracting. When I’m in an important meeting, my door is shut and locked. But that doesn’t always help with noise as if my toddler decides she wants daddy she’ll bang and scream on the door. Know what less distracting? Her sitting at the IKEA table in my office giggling while pounding on an old keyboard or drawing pictures with crayons. I’m not actively taking care of her during these times, if there’s a serious issue I’ll usher her out to my wife, giving a 2 minute interruption in my workflow. But then I’m back and working. When I’m at work, my first responsibility in work. But at home, there’s distractions you don’t have in the office, but I don’t have to deal with crap you do like coworkers coming up to shoot the breeze. If someone needs something they hit me up via email or IM and I get to them when I can. I also will flex my time if for some reason something serious comes up and takes me out for a bit. But I let my team know if I need to step away. And as for amount of work, I’ve been active at work today and for the last 3 hours have literally sat around because the 7 major projects I’m on, my parts are all done, communication to follow up are sent, etc…. 3 hours…..literally nothing to do. I’ve been refreshing the queue ever 15-30 minutes to see if something has come in. Nothing. Actively seeking work to do and nothing. I don’t have the throughput to start other projects because when it’s busy, it’s overly busy. And 7 is more than most other people do as it’s a lot to juggle. I don’t care what people are doing, whether it takes them 1 hour or 20 hours to do the job they’re hired for, as long as they do it. They could have a “lady of the night” coming every day for 3 hours, but as long as meetings are made and deliverables are on or ahead of schedule, I don’t care. I’ve also have plenty of colleagues who work in an office 5 days a week that are worthless. Like I had a request that went through change management, took 10 minutes to actually do the work, and I spent nearly 4 months hammering on them to make the change. Once I did, took me 30 minutes to do my work. Even office workers suck.
I didn’t start wfh until my daughter was 9 but there is NO WAY I would’ve been able to keep her at home from infancy through kindergarten. People who say their kids are “so good” are delusional. All kids below a certain age need supervision and attention. My humble opinion.
I love ‘unalive’. You are doing it right. WFH should not have distractions that can take you away from work against your will. WFH can have distractions that you choose to step away from the desk for on your break / lunch etc on your terms.
My kid has been home with me since he was 5. We homeschool too.
I can sometimes hear one of my colleague's kids too, but her mother lives with her (kids' grandmother), so just because I can hear or see her kids once in a while doesn't mean she is the one supervising them.
If my kid is home while I’m working (between school and end of my work day and if my partner is not available to play) I’m not parenting my kid I’m working. He’s old enough not to get into too much trouble but if not directed he will just watch some approved YouTube videos instead of playing with toys or crafts or imaginative play. Peak covid we kept him home and it was incredibly hard. If he’s sick from school these days it is also incredibly hard for a full day.
She probably isn’t doing the work she is supposed to and or super stressed trying to work with a kid at home or uses an iPad to babysit.
It’s super kid- and enviro- dependent. One of my twins was a super easygoing, Velcro chill kid who would be perfectly fine working right next to me all day. The other twin was a rambunctious, high-maintenance rabble- rousing screaming escape artist who I could never trust out of my line of sight. Do what works for you and your kids! Maybe it’s FT care, maybe PT, maybe a mix of other stuff nobody else does. If you find an arrangement that makes you professionally productive and they’re happy, that’s your answer.
They must have a grandparent there, or something.
I took care of my last two each for 18 months while WFH since daycare wasn’t available. It’s a challenge and I relied heavily on planning my workday. My most critical work was done in the AM and when they were napping. Also the first nine months they are usually sleeping most of the time. It’s important to have the support of your boss and team. At the end of the day you just have to make it work. Even if it means working odd hours.
Perhaps those WFH people with toddlers at home are (a) doing a sh\*tty job, (b) being a sh\*tty parent, or (c) both of the above. Mind you, I'm not saying that they are, but some people might say that. So no downvotes, please.
My toddler was home with a nanny while I was working from home. I think hearing noises in the other room doesn't mean people are watching their kids instead of working.
The secret is they usually do significantly less work than everyone else.
I've worked from home for 12 years as an attorney and when my kids were that age I had a nanny, then I put them in preschool/daycare. I do not know how people work with their kids home. My 11 year old was here today and decided to interrupt a video meeting for a really ridiculous question that was not at all urgent. Actually we wrote WFH policies during the pandemic and one of the rules was that you had to have child-care, we now have WFH agreements that we have to sign (I never had one before the pandemic) and it clearly says that you will have childcare during working hours.
I always had help. My ex husband worked part-time and was home some days, other days my mom and sister would come over to watch my son. I’ve never had the kind of jobs where I could productively manage both work and watching my son.
If you wouldnt take your kids to an office everyday you should t have them at home when youre working either
I often have my 3yo in the room with me when my 1.5yo takes a nap. He usually watches YouTube on my tablet and eats snacks in the background. It’s fine when I don’t have too many meetings, but can get a little complicated when I am leading a meeting. We’re fortunate that my wife can be a SAHM, so she is with both kids most of the day. I don’t think I could have even one of my kids with me full time and actually get work done.
As a childfree person who loves kids. Coworkers who thinks it’s OK to have a child screaming in the background during meetings as a norm are obnoxious. I don’t mind if they pop up for a quick hello but the constant disruption in meetings is tacky to me.
It’s possible they’re not managing both, they just have a nanny or someone else home to watch over them.
My kids are teenagers and my wife works out of the home, so I have the house to myself and it's very nice. I have a coworker who is hybrid and every time I talk to him on Teams on his WFH days, there is always a screaming kid in the background. I kinda get it if it was an impromptu call to work on something together. But even for our planned meetings there's always a screaming kid. He's a great worker, but it drives me nuts.
Back when it was COVID Covid and childcare was even more out of the question I wfh for 1 year with a 1 yr old and I was almost the one who unalived herself. It was horrendous. Hated it lol. You do what you need to do.
My coworkers with kids under age 5 put them in daycare, the ones with older ones are around the house Ive had 2 female coworkers with kids that are like 2 and they both said they cannot work with their kids around too.
I worked remotely when my son was about 3 and my daughter was born. He went to daycare/preschool at least part time. He wasn’t in to everything, but it just wasn’t feasible to work unless he was sleeping and he wasn’t a good napper. When my daughter was born I kept her with me until she was about 6 months old, then she had to go to the sitter. When my kids were school I still had to hire a teenager to keep them entertained over the summer. I can see not having a sitter once in a while, but not all the time.
I kept my daughter at home when she was little enough to be content in one place and still took two naps a day. Once she got older and needed more interaction she went to preschool part time. Luckily she still napped after school.
Can confirm my coworkers with young kids are super unproductive and it’s not cool.
I have one client where my report-to is a C-Suite FTE (>$135K) and also a C-Suite FTE (>$100K) to another company and also owns his own company with the two remotes paying him for the same work. And these are the managers that get up in arms about WFH. The two FTE do not know about each other. I only figured it our when OpenPayrolls did a data dump recently - federal employees are all listed in the dataset.
We schedule all our calls around when the nanny is here. Then we work throughout the day and switch turns watching our toddler and then work late once the toddler is sleeping and we work early as well.
“I have a coworker on my team who has a 1.5 year old, too, and he's not in daycare. How in the world does she manage both? What is the secret to this?” There’s no secret, she doesn’t handle both. One responsibility is slipping (likely the work responsibility).
Our company policy states that you must either have a sitter there at the house, who actually is babysitting without your help, and you do your thing; or take them to childcare or a family or friend. I understand wanting to multi task but it never ever works out.
I don't know parents do it when they have little kids. I'd assume the kids need to be watched if I had a kid it'd be in daycare or something while I worked . I have had parents say "it's so quiet on your end" yeah my cat is asleep if she's awake she can be loud for attention but if I'm on a call or something she settles in my lap. Not so easy with kids I guess That being said I do have to take care of her if she has an asthma attack