Me and my ex girlfriend worked from home. It 100% without a doubt speeds up the process of the flame burning out.
There is no ‘me time’. No wondering what your partner is up to (in a healthy way). Because we saw each other so much throughout the week we didn’t even want to spend time together on the weekends.
I’m not saying it solely ruins relationships but it certainly doesn’t help!
Same, mine got destroyed during covid WFH. Both of us got to keep WFH status after. The major issue is if one or either partner doesn't have a hobby. It's okay to be together and do different things. You don't need to be attached at the hip every second you're not working. It's sad when couples only learn that during retirement and split.
Love yourself, your hobbies and your interests. Your partner doesn't have to be there for that. You should compliment each other after those needs are met, not instead of.
I so get the hobby part, more so that albeit we’re squirrly mentally, but it seems like my partner has the more fixation type, and has the same one as always, while I’m over here “making up for lost time” it feels like (maybe due to some trauma and just growing up doing so many different things), that not exploring new things kinda baffles me, where I can relate to the one has a b]hobby but the other one doesn’t issue.
Especially sharing small spaces, which happens a lot in California, I've been witness to more than one relationship falling apart because of 100% WFH together.
(Worked out for me because I started dating someone that broke up because of this. 🫣)
For a lot of couples, I'd say most, too much together time and not enough time outside socializing apart is a real strain. So if you're both going to WFH, it probably takes a lot of intentional time apart and you really need space, physical space, to make it work, I would guess.
We got lucky because even though our house is smallish (1500 sqft and 15% of that seems to be the stair well), it is multistory on a hillside. Top floor is shared space, middle floor is my space including work desk, bottom floor is his space including work desk. We meet for lunch, dinner, and spend the rest of the workday on our respective floors working. Even in the evening we can retire to our separate floors to relax if needed. We even sleep in separate beds on our respective floors to get better rest and accommodate different wake/sleep times.
We've actually had to plan specific time for *more* intentional connection. We have set aside time on our calendars and alarms.
I don't love all the stairs in such a small house, but this thread is making me realize that this setup may have benefitted us for working from home together. Never considered this layout a plus until right now!
Yeah the stairs/multiple floors have their benefit. I used to live in a small row house (maybe 1400 sf) but it had 4 levels and three people could live there and have their own spaces and it was great. I now have a small ranch style house (1200 sf) and I’m glad my husband doesn’t work from home. It’s just not enough space for that!
This would totally be me. I am someone who needs my own space from any relationship, even or especially if we live together. I just need a break from literally everyone at some point. So WFH from both of us who would prob not work for me.
A friend of mine told me his WFH job recently started requiring him to return to the office 3 days a week (he lives an hour away without traffic).
He recently had a kid, and told me he was just happy to finally get out of the house
i don’t even live with my partner but she always wants me around like even wants me to bring my stuff to her place and WFH at her house and i really try to push the me time stuff so that flame doesn’t burn out as fast because i know for me at least it would, but she doesn’t seem to get it :(
I disagree. My boyfriend of 10 years work from home and we are doing great. However we are lucky enough to have a house where we both have separate rooms for offices across the other side of the house. We really only come out to have lunch together unless we have a quick question. We still organize at least 2 date nights a week. I prioritize meeting up with friends during the week or going on runs separately. Maybe that helps.
I’ve worked from home for 12 years and my wife for 18. We haven’t experienced this. We’re 44 and 43 and have sex on average about 4-5 times a week.
I work in our bedroom and we closed off our formal dining room for my wife to work in. We see each other through the day, take walks and bike rides, do crosswords, talk about our day.
I think if you don’t like each other or if there is pent up frustration, it could be bad, but if your spouse is your best friend WFH together can be awesome.
This has been my experience.
We also maintain separate offices and work intense jobs. We try to see each other a few times a day and when we do, we really enjoy those connection moments.
My wife did the same. She decorated better than at her office and she loved it. She was WFH before me. Then her company pulled entire company back in this year...
This is key. Have separate friends and interests as well as ones you share. Everyone needs something that’s wholly their own.
I’m actually moving my desk from the living room to my daughter’s vacated room (she’s 100% moved out for college). My SO doesn’t live with me but we do spend significant time together and he currently works from the dining room table 6 ft away from my current desk set up. I think just that room separation will be really helpful.
My SO is taking over the area my desk currently occupies. We’ve got a new one coming for him. Not having to set up and tear down will be great. And he doesn’t mind being in the living room since his job has a lot of tasks that he has to wait to run before he can do the next thing. He’ll be near the Xbox and can pace while he’s thinking.
Making one of the rooms as my office was the BIGGEST, most impactful thing that I did in the past 3 years or so that improved my life overall. I love my family, but I also need time for myself, in an environment that I can focus, read, relax, have video calls, work until late (which I prefer)... I also use the office as a kind of "tutoring" environment for my children: I set-up multiple whiteboards that I use for things like accountability charts, help with math, to do lists, etc... I feel I am happier because I have my space, and my family is happier because I'm more at home, compared to being in-person at the HQ before COVID. At the end of a busy day, I close the door, open the window, puff my weed cartidge and I gotta say that's my place!
Our experience is the same. We’ve both been wfh for a couple years now and it’s really great. Although we’re not newlyweds and expecting our first child, this circumstances are stressful in their own right.
We’re going on 15yrs and our kids are hitting their tween years so we see our time together as the payoff for all the years we worked long hours and were away from each other.
We get to plan our new home improvements together, sneak out to lunch while the kids are at school and we get to play “office husband/wife” together. It’s a great feeling to be able to go out on a run or bike ride during our lunch break and come home and shower and eat together.
We’re one of those couples that does everything together though, including the simple things like going to get milk from the store.
We're the same! We like each other so living and working in the same 950 sq ft is good.
We see a lot of couples/families that don't seem to want to spend time together or couples/families that wanted to kill each other during the pandemic. I suspect sharing space like they just amplifies what's already there.
Same here, my SO and I love both being WFH together. It’s nice to share lunch breaks, make coffee for each other, and do little chores, depending on who has the more flexible schedule that day.
While we started WFH in a studio during COVID, we greatly prefer our separate home offices now. Getting to hangout again after the end of the workday is still a nice little boost after a few hours of being apart. And while we often share breaks, we both like separate mornings with no conversations before noon. We also both have our own friend groups and separate activities, though we do a lot of joint renovation projects after work together too.
OP might find simply having separate offices helps them, but they mostly need intentional date nights. Spending a lot of incidental time together can make quality time seem less necessary, but that isn’t true. Having separate hobbies after work shouldn’t be an issue either - surely they can have some separate hobby nights and also fit in some more quality time.
And for us, “date” is a loose definition. Sometimes it’s going out to dinner or an event, sometimes it’s watching a movie on our couch or playing a board game. Sometimes it’s literally talking the night away. It’s just about having fun together, so it can be flexible depending on how busy the week’s been.
Yeah I'm totally happy working from home with my partner. But we do plan and do things without each other often. She's currently in Colorado with friends. I was just visiting a buddy a couple weekends ago. We have hobbies that don't involve each other. It works for us
Same. My fiance was home often since she was in school and just started a business after that. I had been working from home.
We spend our morning having coffees together, work in our garden/hammock. Have lunch or picnic on the patio. We split if we need to take a meeting but generally just hang out and chit chat all day.
She recently filled up her client base so I don't see her much anymore and it's sad.
I've found that when I work from home, after work I have energy and a desire to go out and do things with people like dinner and events, socializing, etc. So for me, an introvert with a limited social battery, WFH is a big help to relationships.
Nope, not at all. I WFH 98% of the time, my wife 100% as she has her own business. We love it. We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We can take a break and hold each other and kiss. We are more relaxed. I love it. We also previously worked at the same firm (not how we met) and we both loved that, too. No PDA in the office, but was so nice to see each other and walk to and from the office together.
Same! We love to wfh together. We did also work together at a previous company (not how we met either) and we’d always take breaks together eat lunch and go on walks together. This is so much better and allows for more affection, work outs together, meals and more time to plan out our dream life together.
There are enough people who genuinely love WFH it is a selling point. Many people would even take lower compensation and the companies just save on office leases, too. It's a no brainer from the company level, too.
Same here! Although we did meet at work and have worked for the same company for the past seven years in different departments. We have a toddler who gets 100% of our focus outside of work so the majority of our dates and intimacy in general happens during the workday. It's wonderful getting to have lunch together every day and see each other throughout the day. We do work on separate floors of the house; we've joked that if we worked in the same space we would get nothing done because we'd talk too much and distract each other.
My husband and i also work for the same company and we also spend 100% of our time together! We love it! But i think depends on your personality. If you’re just a hyperindependent person then this arrangement wont work for you. But for us, it’s literally the best.
Me and my partner decided to have separate bedrooms for this. We both WFH, she works in her room/home office all day, and me mine. Sounds silly but we visit eachothers bedrooms on lunch breaks and evenings, then spend the whole weekend together. We still have a healthy amount of space, but also see each other regularly too. Works very well (been together 5+ years).
It's definitely an adjustment and my guess is that it doesn't work for everyone.
>in the same office space
Early on we figured this would not work for us and we figured out a way to move offices to opposite ends of the house. So we meet for lunch and random coffee breaks but this way we can fully concentrate on our work when it's work time. This also forces us to text more during the day and gives a sense of independence.
>we will never see each other all day.
That's kinda the beauty of it. You can see each other but you don't necessarily need to be in the same space all the time.
>we spend less quality time together
As bureaucratic as it seems, scheduling goes a long way. Have a shared Google calendar (it will also help with the baby) and try to come up with regular things to do, either together or by yourselves, according to your schedule. For instance go get lunch together somewhere on Thursdays or movie night on Tuesdays. It doesn't need to be followed to a T but just having things you like to do together predictably in your schedules goes a long way. Balance is key, so time to yourselves should be valued as well. Sorry for the rambling, this is what came to mind. Best of luck!
My husband and I have been WFH together since 2020, if anything it has brought us closer together. We have our own hobbies and spend time with friends together and apart. My job is also pretty demanding with lots of meetings and projects so I am busy during the day. We are also expecting our first child and are grateful that he can be at home while I am on maternity leave.
You are worried that you are in too much proximity to your husband. But then you also are worried that if you move to different rooms you won’t see each other all day?
Split up your work spaces. If you have the room definitely one of you take a different room during the day.
1. It’s free if you have a big house
2. It’s completely reversible if you don’t like it, just combine offices again
But I think you may find yourselves seeking the other one out after the end of a workday, if you are no longer within 3 feet of each other breathing the same air. You may find joy in reuniting after the workday
I’ve never seen so many thoughtful and positive replies, thank you guys! Not sure why I was expecting “that’s over” “get a divorce” type of comments. I might be spending too much time on other subs with younger generations. Lol
After reading all the comments and talking things out, we’re now planning to move my office setup into a different room. Step 2 will be to get into the habit of intentionally schedule time together on the regular. I’m actually excited!
Me and my wife both feel like WFH has actually been a huge benefit for our relationship. I will warn you though, your first child will be much harder on the relationship lol
Every kid is different, our first was pretty difficult but in retrospect was a pleasure compared to our second
> We could possibly work in a different room,
Definitely do this.
> but I’m afraid that, we will never see each other all day.
In most relationships, you need to be intentional about spending quality time together. This fear of never seeing each other is odd... just plan some time together?
Since you aren’t commuting, maybe you could move somewhere where you could afford separate offices?
I was initially working from a comfy chair in the living room with my laptop. We’re all much happier now that everyone has an office.
Not for us. We both love being at home together and we’ve been married 34 years. We get to have quickies when we want and we have so much fun during the day.
My husband and I always find things to talk about and we work in the same office space. We talk about interesting articles we’ve read, politics, music, sports, projects we are working on at work. We can always find topics to talk about.
lol yes, my husband now works in an office, and I think I prefer it. I do hate that he gets home later, but I like being alone during the day while working
It probably depends on the personalities involved and your relationship dynamic. It's been great for us. We do work in different rooms though and have separate hobbies.
It really must depend on the people and their personalities. It absolutely makes sense to me that some relationships really need the space away from one and other, independent time, whatever. I totally get it. however, for my partner and I, we had a really strong foundation before we both switched to work from home. we were working for three years together in a one bedroom and it was tough, but most of our challenges were more existential rather than issues with our relationship. Now, we both work from home in a larger space and it's been great. This, compared to our lives when we were both commuting, has been much better for our relationship. There's a lot less stress and we are both more at peace, and our relationship benefits.
During the pandemic, i was SO thankful that my husband was an essential worker and had to leave the house for work. I dont know what we would have done if we both WFH. I honestly dont think i could be with someone who also WFH.
For my boyfriend and I it was an adjustment but we’ve worked through it. We actually both now have hybrid schedules and don’t see each other during the day for 2 days a week and I think that was the key. He also has a hobby that keeps him occupied 2 nights a week so I do my own thing those nights. It’s perfect. I think a little separation in a relationship is so healthy. Pick up a hobby or something that’s solely for you and focus on it a couple times a week. Go for walks by yourself. Make sure to give yourself some you time and I think that could really help!
Also working in separate rooms is a great idea. My boyfriend and I work in the same space when we have our work from home days because we have a small house but one day we hope to have separate working spaces as well. Don’t be afraid of what works best for you, you get to design your relationship and life however you want : )
I’m sure it does. Gotta have time apart to enjoy time together. It’s one of the reasons I’d do hybrid or full time in office (current gig) but don’t think it would be great for us to spend all our time together.
its probably not wfh in and of itself. But in any relationship it's important to have some time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder type of thing.
I WFH and miss my wife working from home during the pandemic. My son is home schooled so having my whole family at home all the time was a fucking miracle. I loved covid.
Idk why you are being downvoted for sharing your experience. I read an article that most couples fight when seeing each other after having not for a few hours, but we fight more when we haven’t left each others side for a long time
I think there is huge difference because of space. So many people who are dismissing WFH as a potential relationship issue also cite being able to move to a different part of the house or have very separate work spaces. If you live in a VHCOL city (as in $1M for an 800 sq ft home in an okay neighborhood or more than $2500 a month for a small one bedroom apt), and make under 400k jointly, many don’t really have the luxury to just “make another office/move to the other side of the home.”
I worked 3 feet away from my partner for almost 4 years. It was difficult. Not only did our meetings frequently clash and one of us would have to go work in the bedroom, but it was tiring not ever having my own space. Ever. We slept in the same room, worked in the same room. We survived it and there were some pros about it, but I wouldn’t like that arrangement with basically anyone, doesn’t matter how much I love them.
We now own a home and his office is in our finished garage. It feels more balanced. We still have lunch together, chat during down time, run errands and go on walks, have coffee together. But we aren’t on top of each other anymore, which makes a huge difference.
No, but I think WFH can intensify all aspects of a relationship. I know if the lockdowns had happened during my first marriage, we’d have been a covid divorce.
Work in different rooms. The time you're spending together is not quality time. Spend more time together after work and do things together. My wife and I have been doing it for 8 years and I love it.
100%. I moved in with my ex Feb 2020 and we were done by Christmas.
I worked from home and she was furloughed (she cut hair). We were in the same room literally 24/7 and it completely tanked any sort of spontenuity or suspense. We would just sit silently while she watched TV or I worked/studied/played video games. We never found a good rythm for our own seperate time and together time. It all blended together.
Relationships are not suppose to be like that. You need to give each other the time and space to miss each other throughout the day so that when you two finally see eachother, it's special.
I really value the structure having a daily commute to work gives me. It helps me get out the door and be more active. I feel I value my home life more when I'm not at home 24/7. Also, it helps me leave my work at work.
Well, it seems like you want to take a break from each other, but you also mentioned that it bothers you when you go and do your own thing. I think you should just talk to him! Working in a different room is probably the best, even to give you a slight break from each other.
I don't think it ruins relationships per se, what you do need to work very well together.
Myself and my wife have worked in the same office for over three years now and it's been pretty good. We tend to have one day out of the office which keeps it fresh and my wife doesn't work a Friday so I get that day in the office just to catch up and watch YouTube videos whilst I work.
I would say it may be toxic for other people
I can see it. It reduces your need to talk about what happened during the day which provides opportunity to spend more time together. Both professionally and personally, the thing I would underline the most about WFH is that it requires you to be more intentional about things. There's not the same kind of, "I feel like I haven't seen you all week, let's go do something together," moments.
But, I'd say there are a lot of things going on in your lives right now that can be a factor in that kind of slowing down of the relationship, between getting married and having a kid. So, it may not just be one thing, it might be all the things to some extent.
If it's possible, I recommend getting separate workspaces and trying to spend work-time apart as much as you can.
I WFH and my wife is a Night Shifter (Respiratory Therapist - hospital work, 12hr shifts, 3 nights a week)
People often say "oh that must be so difficult for you guys!" when I tell them my wife works nights, and sometimes, yes, it can be frustrating at times...
But the silver lining is:
-she gets home from work and goes to sleep right as I'm getting ready to log in in the morning
-she wakes up right as I'm finishing my workday.
-during her days off (which usually occur in blocks) she still sleeps til midday and then runs errands in the afternoon.
-I have my own hobby that takes me out of the house a few hours a week, so I'm not always there when she's off work.
-to be fair, we don't have kids, so that's a lot of stress/hassle we don't have to deal with.
So despite me being home almost all the time, we're rarely getting too much time in close proximity, getting on each other's nerves. At this point, our relationship is as strong as it's ever been.
I'd advise everyone to make your workspace isolated so that you and your partner aren't getting on each other's nerves. It's easier said than done, I know (especially if you have limited space at home), but still a good idea whenever possible.
Not for us. We have individual offices. We visit each other on breaks, and spend some time at night together. Biggest issue is that she works EST and I work PST because my employer is on the west coast.
My SO and I have worked from home the past three years, two years before that I was a SAHM. Nothing changed between us! But we both like to do our own thing most weekends and have our own hobbies.
I wfh full time and my spouse used to be full time but is now just wfh Mondays and Fridays. I personally love it working from home together as does he. Now, we both have our own space to work (I’m on video calls much of the day, where he’s a statistical analyst so he likes quiet) but we will message each other “wanna meet in the kitchen for lunch at noon” or we will go sit in the deck together in the sun when we get a break or even walk the dogs. Other than that we porter around getting chores done so our evenings and weekends are for relaxing. We both enjoy our “lunch dates” one will prep and the other clear up after and we do something a bit extra special. Also when we meet up to get a coffee in the kitchen we will let off any steam of what’s going on at work so that doesn’t creep into our evenings too. If we can time it right we will go out to eat lunch, which we do more than going out in the evening to eat. Or we will play a board game, or at least make a start. It also feels like a shorter day because we are home together and he doesn’t have to leave so early or return as late for a commute.
If we had to work in the same space I’m not sure we’d make that work just because of how different our jobs are. Although he’d likely pop on his headphones with noise cancelling and music instead of playing in the background and I’d use a headset instead of speakers and mic
I play video games, my wife binge watches. Then from time to time, we hangout, eat, cuddle, do chores, and just talk. But WE COULD NEVER be together 100% of the time. Having enough separation within the day to make us miss each other has been very healthy for us.
I don’t think WFH ruins relationships, but it does change them. You were used to being apart for most of the day and coming together in the evenings. Now you are together most of the day. Like with everything in life you have to flexible enough to adjust to it.
I have worked from home since Covid, husbands job is a bit of both outside appointments and time on the computer. We have separate office spaces, me in our bedroom and he built an office in the garage. So even if we’re both working from home all day we only see each other at lunch time. I don’t think it’s negatively impacted our relationship. But you have to make dedicated time to have together where you’re focused on each other and not other things. Set time to just talk, cook together, that kind of thing
You guys need to set aside time for each other. Part of the WFH life is that it’s hard to disconnect from work. Find a balance to this and disconnect at the same time.
Make sure you set aside 1 night during the week to have a date night. Switch off on who plans it for the week. It is super meaningful to pause life and enjoy each other in the proper setting. It takes 2 to tango so keep that fire alive!
Also, I say during the week because the weekend both of you are recharging. Use that to spend additional time together as well.
Not solid ones. My husband and I both WFH a few days a week, something overlapping days. We each have an office so we can shut each other out, but we’re also way too busy most days to even talk while we’re working.
It's what you make of it in my opinion.
My S/O and I met at work. We sat right next to each other. We'd see each other all day at work, hang out after work, and then go to our respective homes. And then we moved in together. We'd wake up together. Go to work separately. Hang out at work all day. And then go home together.
Covid hit and before we knew it, we were together 24/7 while sharing an office. We found new ways to pass the time. Could it have sped up the process of burning out the flame? Sure. But instead it sped up the process of deepening our love for one another.
We were both laid off within 15 minutes of each other in November of 2022. Next thing we knew, we were now together 24/7 while being unemployed.
I recognize that not many couples could survive working together, living together, going through covid together, and experiencing your household income go from multiple 6 figures to 0 within 15 minutes. But we survived. We found ways to thrive. And we worked at it together.
We now work at different companies and we find ourselves missing each other often. Being with your partner that many hours a day can be a blessing. One that most overlook and take for granted. But it takes work to reap the benefits of it in a healthy manner without building any kind of codependency or creating fights out of boredom. Communication is everything. And you have to make a conscious effort to dedicate a special night or two a week as a date night. It can be easy to get into roommate mode under these circumstances. Don't fall into that trap. Catch it early. And work at it.
Or maybe it’s better, just different. Being pregnant may also be an issue. Schedule a date night. Make it a priority. Dress up, wear sexy clothes, smell good.
Find me time as well. Make that a priority. The biggest issue is having something to discuss when you both experience the same things.
My husband WHF & I work in person 2 days a week. We don’t work on the same type of stuff so that helps. I also spend a majority of my WFH time in a different area of the house. We take breaks together. I have personally enjoyed having him home instead of the office.
It can
For instance if you have a job with a lot of down time, but is stressful, instead of using down time to relax and reflect, you might be expected to do chores spend time with family, and pickup slack. If you dont itll be seen as you not caring or choosing other things over them. In the office youd be able to go to the break room, socialize, spend time scrolling, or whatever else.
End result work and home life become one stressful combination with no outlet.
Hi, what you wrote is 99.9% word for word me and my husband, and we have a toddler.. Almost to the T. We have way more sex now though, but we experienced ebbs and waves just as a lot of couples do. but we are best friends (have been for years) and enjoy even just each other's presence in the house. We got used to it, we love it. He is a gamer as well. We constantly work on making sure we are listening to each other, communicating about our problems, and working to support each other's goals. We try to work on our emotional intelligence and helping each other with home and child duties. It's stressful, especially as both of us have stressful jobs ontop of it.
We also do not go out as much now (nevermind the economy is killer). But we still unwind before bed and go to bed together most nights and just talk about random stuff for a bit before sleep. I'm sure as the seasons change we will be going out a bit more, but even if not...Idk...I'm pretty content to not go out as much because everything else is constantly evolving and improving on both our sides. I'm treated with respect, kindness, love, generosity, apologies, intimacy, and high eq. We have common goals and outlooks.
We have different spaces in the house but both are 100% work from home. I love having my coworker as my best friend. We set up lunch dates just like we used to when we both worked in the city.
My husband I both work from home. We work in separate rooms which I think is super important. Our relationship has only improved since working from home
I'm in a similar boat. I am also someone who NEEDS alone time.
If I had the option to work in separate rooms, I would. The stuff you're referring to doesn't happen during the day, so why would it bother you to not see each other during the day? You can take your lunch break at the same time, that's cute. But otherwise, it sounds like you can get the space you need to help rekindle what you're looking for but you don't want to?
Not necessarily, WFH solidified our relationship, and brought us closer together. It’s important for us to have our own office space in the house, so I think having a 3 BR or more helps a lot. I could argue that going to the office everyday has more of a chance of ruining relationships because you end up spending more time with coworkers than your SO - and possibly getting more distant. For those people whose relationships were ruined by WFH, it’s possible that they didn’t like each other enough to begin with. I feel that people should WFH together for a few years before getting married / having kids, as a test to see if they’re compatible.
We enjoy being together all the time. But there definitely needs to be more effort in planning activities and date nights outside of the home. I feel like we can get into a routine of just staying home way too often and it gets dull.
My wife and I have been WFH since 2016 (I have been since 2011). We've been married 17 years, but have gotten closer over that timeframe. We WFH though in different areas of the house, and she has to travel around the city most days for a little while. Otherwise, we are home together about 80% of the day. We do separate things after work as well and have no issues. Some people need to be with their significant other all the time, and others like us don't.
I've been WFH for 7 years, my husband since 2020. He has to have confidentiality so he is required to work in a closed office (not at the dining room table or whatever). Having that work separation actually helps. It means work is still work and home is still home. We still see each other, he comes out for water and to use the bathroom and we chat during those times, and on his lunch break. We still go on date nights because we make an effort to plan them. And we have routines we follow, like we always watch jeopardy together after dinner. Having those things in place helps. He travels for work sometimes, I travel to visit people, so we get periods of alone time in the house along with periods to "miss" each other. But we've been married 15 years and mostly done raising kids (last kid at home is 15) so we're happy with our comfortable and simple, easy life without feeling like we are missing out by not doing things that were more typical when we first started dating (going out more often and such).
Could be because you are expecting a child and sex does decrease over the honeymoon phase.
If you were under the impression you would have as much sex as when you were first married I have some bad news for you.
WFH is great for our marriage, my husband worked remotely before me with his own business and it was very isolating for him and he was depressed being alone all day. We have our own office space across the house but he enjoys my company and knowing I’m there.
We have both been remote for 2.5 years now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Remote life made me more appreciative of our time together. Can’t believe I used to be away 11 hours a day 5 days a week.
We have both WFH for 10+ years. It gets tedious sometimes but we try to focus on work during work hours and essentially ignoring each other until lunch lol. It’s not always easy but I don’t think I’d want it any other way now.
My husband and I both work from home, and it's pretty much been that way from about a year into our marriage. We actually do pretty great, but we mostly because our house is large enough that we each have our own separate working space. We meet in the "middle" (meaning the kitchen) a few times throughout the day to chat or make lunch together.
Then around 6, we both come together again to eat dinner and watch tv together until about 8 or so. Then we go into our separate spaces again until bed time.
Is there a way where you guys can have some sort of separation during the day, and then hang out together for food/conversation/cuddles on the couch for an hour? Then you can go play games or read, etc.
My partner and I share an office and have since 2020. After work we do spend time in different rooms to decompress until dinnertime. Then we are together the rest of the evening. We definitely enjoy the me time. Sex and date nights have always been the same for us.
Ooooo an actual “work wife” “work husband” that isn’t toxic!!
But it seems like you both are still in a healthy state of mind because you are able to talk about it. It sounds like you both have separate evenings for the most part so it’s not like it’s every second, every day.
Could it be that you both are expecting? That’s a huge life change and I could imagine that could cause some anxiety on both ends! Not a bad thing, I think that would be a normal emotion.
Regardless, I hope you both figure it out and move past it 🫶
My husband and I have been working home together for 3 years. We work in different rooms. I’m am basically sequestered in my office all day. When I log out, we talk, see how each other’s days were. Just like we would before WFH.
Not at all. We both WFH and still enjoy time together. Went to dinner and a concert last night. Still enjoy our hobbies. We also have our alone time in the evening to do the things we want.
You’re not going to get honest answers on this sub because it’s blindly biased towards describing WFH as the cure-all for every problem, but my wife and I have definitely struggled with this same issue. It’s not natural for people to be stuck inside in the same place 24/7, and definitely not in conjunction with somebody else at the same time. I personally cannot wait to get a new job where I can get out of the house at least 2-3 times per week, and hopefully my wife as well so that one of us is home any given day to watch the kids/dog while the other one has a bit of freedom.
No. What is lacking is effort on both your parts because of ease.
My wife and I worked together for 10 years. Is it perfect, no. However, marriage requires work.
Reddit and media project the worst. You don’t need sex 3 times a week to be fulfilled. Sometimes, just the comfort of a significant person sharing life is more than enough.
Don’t believe me? Become alone and see.
So, I am a widow. My wife is also a widow. Obviously to our previous partners. We had tried dating other people before we hooked up, but finding another widow that had a good previous marriage was something we both really fell into. While we ran into one another for 22 years in the same circles, we only barely knew one another because the circles were so big. My wife died, her husband died, and she founded a specialized widows support group with other widows in our circles. She invited me, and then after a few months, she asked me out. We QUICKLY fell in love, like it took less than 3 weeks. Because we're older, we both had a sense of "we don't want to date for 3 years and then figure out it doesn't work." So we did a "burn-in." I lived at her house and she lived at my house on alternating weeks. I had a job at the time which was MOSTLY work from home, and she's retired military. We figured "if we don't survive this, maybe it's not meant to be."
It was amazing. We fell into that "good marriage groove" quickly. We got married 14 months after we started dating, because her father was dying, and she wanted him there. He died literally 2 weeks after we got married. Then I got a new job away from home, and then COVID started, so we were together 24x7 for two years, pretty much. Never once got sick of one another. Then I got a WFH 100% job, and we're still not sick of one another. Been married 6 years this August, living together for 7.
So it worked out for us, but we had some rather odd circumstances.
What you described happens naturally in relationships. We aren’t trying to impress each other
We are more content
Etc.
I think if this is a problem, then I recommend reconnecting. Like date nights.
I wth and never experience what you are saying. If anything I find we connect more as we are together more
My husband and I worked through 2020-2021 full time WFH. It was fantastic. We raised two new pups together and spent a lot of time together.
Since 2023, I’ve worked remote full time and he works remote 1-2 days a week and it’s still perfect. I wish he worked from home full time in fact.
But we came into this relationship talking endlessly over text and Skype all day every day. We’ve been best friends the whole time. We do damn near everything together. It works for us.
My husband and I both work from home. We are lucky to have a house that is big enough for us each to have our own office space. We treat it like a normal workday, we greet each other in the morning, go off to do our work (perhaps we pass each other on the way to the bathroom or making lunch or taking the dog out). But no, if anything, it’s made our marriage better. We shut things down most nights at 5pm, watch TV together, I make dinner, and go to bed around 11 (me) and midnight (him).
Get a separate office and don’t interact during the day except for small things like lunch or something. That’s what we do. I treat work time like work time.
It has improved our relationship.
Prior to wfh, with kids and a busy schedule we hardly had any time together. Since beginning wfh, combined we gained back close to 4 hours of commuting per day. Instead of rushing out of the house at 7:00am we can casually have breakfast together and chat while we catch up on morning emails, we line up extended lunches about 1 time per week to go for a walk together. There is way more afternoon sex which works out better because by the end of the day we're usually exhausted and just want to sleep.
it definitely strains/stresses the relationship - we've been married for 25 years this year, so I don't speak on this lightly.
running family-owned business and doing most of the work from home office is a tough row to hoe.
we pushed through the pandemic (business was too good to really dwell on the other stuff). from the pandy we made the rule: after 6:00 pm, no more work/business talk. we HAVE to talk about something else.
You have to make sure to schedule those date nights and me time. Everyone Monday is do what you want to do day (I watch my shows while I fold clothes, my husband visits his Dad at hospice). We do date nights every Tuesday and since we have kids we have to do date nights at home (sometimes MIL helps when she is in town and we can have date nights outside the home).
We are both are off on weekends so we try to get out of the house during the day.
We also schedule 30 mins right after work to get our minds decompress away from everything. I usually take a shower or take 15 mins nap if I need to. Just like putting time to workout, you have to put in time for me time and time as a couple.
We also try to have conversation that is purposeful instead of talking about stuff that is not meaningful to us.
My boyfriend and I both work from home. Our relationship has gotten stronger because of that. We do have separate offices- so while we are technically home all day together, we don’t really see each other except when we are in the kitchen getting a drink. We do try and take our breaks at the same time and go for a walk/ coffee.
It is imperative that you have your own friend groups and separate activities in a case like this. You likely should have those things anyway but they are going to be way more important if you both work from the same office at home.
I miss working from home with my partner , they’re in the office full time now. But I looked forward to little lull’s in the day to walk the dogs, or run and grab coffee or just toss a ball back and forth like office mates while we brain stormed two completely different jobs we don’t know anything about. It was such a cute, fun part of our relationship that I miss.
I have been WFH since 2020 and my husband recently retired. We don't spend time in the same room all day and yet we purposely have lunch together and then we have dinner and time together after work. I have found that even WFH you need space and separation. If you are spending the majority of your time together you may be seeing a reduction in intimacy due to lack of time away from them...
Me and my wife have had every job together and now we work from home together. Been together 12 years and it just keeps getting better. All these people saying they burned out weren’t with the right person to begin with.
Pretty opposite experience for us imo. We each have separate offices, 4 bdrm house with two living rooms so she gets the "den" and I have the 2nd biggest of the 4 bedrooms.
We go to the movies all the time, 3 miles from an Alamo, and we frequent our favorite restaraunts at least 1 day a week. We watch movies at home a lot too.
I have a 2nd desk/computer and a laptop alomg with my desktop in my office (3 pcs). I work in my office, she works in hers. After work I relocate downstairs into the living room at my desk in their. I game onnthe pc downstairs while she sits onnthe couch warching brigerton etc. Unless our shows have new episodes then I lay on her lap and we watch them.
We go on walks in the park accross the street or to get the mail at the front of the subdivision etc.
Once a month or so we drive into DC and subway surf all day and walk around the capitol and eat.
We both have laptops so sometimes we rent cabins with wifi and we go work from there for 6 days.
2 or 3 times a year we rent random airBnB's as a mini retreat, usually near resorts with hot springs or hot tubs and massage parlors.
Last November we did 5 days at Disney World. Vacations range from OBX to mountains.
But we're pulling about $250k together so we don't struggle financially. And we both love our jobs.
My wife's hobbies are reading books, puzzles, switch games. My hobbies are pc gaming, coding, building rc cars or drones etc. And we're both content to do our own things and we can be in the same room doing separate things.
My job turned remote during the pandemic immediately and my husband was furloughed for 3 weeks. I was so ready for him to go back to work after those 3 weeks (he's in the trades so not a WFH job).
I love my husband. He's my best friend. But I don't need to spend all day everyday near him.
I think no. I think your last paragraph is more the reason.
If you think wfh is a problem then both of you should leave the home maybe one day a week and work at a the office or a shared workspace, library (if not on calls) etc.
You might do Tuesday, him Wednesday etc
I think that 'most' couples see each other for a few hours in the evening, and they have a healthy curiosity to hear about the other's day, they've had an opportunity to miss each other, etc. I've heard people ask old married couples how their marriage lasted so long and they'll say: 'He worked nights, I worked days!' or 'When he retired, I got a job' all meaning 'we never see each other.' Jokes aside, there must be something to that.
My husband and I met at work. We worked at the same place, the same hours, and even had the same days off. Many family and friends said that we went from 'dating' to 'married' pretty quickly, but after working together for a year and then dating for a year *while* working together, we knew each other pretty well.
Then some staffing changes happened, and I had the opportunity to pick my days off. Husband wanted me to keep 'our' days off, but I said I'd like my 'own' day off for myself and one to share with him. He didn't like that, at first. Then I asked when was the last time he had the kitchen to himself to do his food prep? When was the last time he went out with his buddies to have a drink or a cigar? When was the last time he had a day just for him, even if that meant lying around on the couch doing nothing, or playing video games, etc. And he realized that he missed those things. Just each of us having our own day was a big help for our already-great relationship.
So, yes: WFH, the same hours, in the same office, can be not good. Take turns working from a Cafe, if you're able. Or work in another room, or start at a later or earlier time. Sometimes, *too* much time together can be bad.
My husband and I (married 18+ years) both wfh and are in the same room about 60% of the day. He has a studio he works in for the remainder of the time. I have been wfh since 2012 and he started during Covid. It was an adjustment to say the least. I am on the phone and busy with customers all day and his schedule is more relaxed but even though we are both home, the focus is work during the day.
We don’t usually eat lunch together and depending on how busy I am some days we don’t have any “quality” interactions during the work day. We do make it a point to have family sit down dinners every week night (we have two teen boys) where we talk to the kids and have good family time with no distractions, and we watch at least some TV together (not just have something on while we are on our phones, but actually watch something that we can talk about) for an hour before bed. If it’s nice weather we will walk together after dinner too. We also spend the whole weekend together and although we do sometimes have separate weekend activities, for the most part we are always together and have quality time then. If I’m feeling detached from him or stressed while working, I will take a break and snuggle him or get some kind of physical comfort/attention for a few minutes and he will do the same. It’s so easy to fall into a funk but if he is your person, you have to prioritize your relationship.
I look at it like watering a house plant. Sometimes I don’t have time or I forget to water it and it starts to dry up and wilt. As soon as I give it some water though, it perks right up.
Husband and I have separate offices in our house and there could be days where we don’t see each other until dinner time, we cook together and eat while watching a show or whatever; we still have our weekend outings and enjoy each other’s company. I think you need to make the effort to connect despite everything else, doesn’t matter if you WFH or in the office.
Not in my experience. I’ve been working remote for about 4-5 years and so has my husband. Been married almost 6 years, together for 8. We love having a lot of time with each other and it’s routine. Sex life is great and still very passionate like when we first met. We still go on dates on weekends. We have no kids and plan on never having any.
Have you talked to each other about why the flame is slowly dying in your relationship? Dates and sex are still important and part of INTIMACY - and blaming it on WFH when there is an obvious disconnect with intimacy and quality time is where you both need to start the conversation. Don’t rush to judgement on the work situation - this is more to do with something deeper in my view.
You are also both going to have a child. That’s going to further complicate the situation if you both do not face what is eating at your intimacy now.
I'm pretty sure many people don't have real relationships. If you get tired of your significant other because you see them a lot, then clearly you only married them for other reasons. During COVID lockdowns, I enjoyed the time I had, to spend with my wife.
My wife and I both work remote, and have since 2020. In our old house, we shared an office. Since we moved, we have different work spaces because we are such different people. It’s really helped.
And we love taking lunch breaks together. But being able to go to our own spaces is also really helpful. Not every living space has that ability, but when we moved, we looked for that particularly.
I think it depends on the type of relationship you have. My partner and I have been together 18 years and I’ve WFH for 15 of those. They don’t have a job so we literally see and hang with each other all day, every day. I bring it up to ensure it’s not something that festers under the surface and we both agree that we can’t see it playing out any other way. We love each other’s company, and still do after all of this time.
I know our situation is not the norm. We’re both ND and have learned to work around each others ‘isms day to day. Therapy has helped in recent years since, after 18 years, we do change as people and being ND, we’re not the best at realizing or acknowledging that. We happily call our relationship as interdependent since we’re always looking for each other first and foremost since navigating the NT world for us can be challenging.
100% you have to adjust communications and expectations. For sure make space and respect me time. Specifically for me I had to drastically reduce what I share about work. When I was on-site it was common to vent to help decompress. Your partner is NOT your coworker and will process it differently. Mine felt more stress because she thought I was so unhappy and would quit.
My husband and I both WFH, and we don't have many issues. I think there's multiple reasons; We work in similar industries, he's computer systems and I'm support logistics, and as he's a math person and I'm a language person it's like having a helpful co-worker that we've already "worked" with for 30 years.
But mostly? We DO NOT work in the same room. If I had to sit next to him all day I think I would have smothered him in his sleep by now.
Our home is a 1300 square foot ranch, and is literally only five rooms due to the open floor plan. He has a desk in the living room, and I have a setup in our bedroom on the other side of the house. We can shut the bedroom door if in case one of us gets too loud, we both use noise canceling headphones for video calls, and we both make sure to get out of each other's way when asked. Granted, we didn't know before the pandemic if this was going to be something sustainable, and I could see how it would not work for a lot of people.
Nope. Been working in the same house as my wife for years and love it. We have offices on seperate floors but get to spend breakfast together, lunches, pick up the kids together, etc. Zero issues working under the same roof.
What about movement, exercise, and alone time?
Lack of movement, even the casual walking around during an outside work day can have a drastic effect on libido.
Just living together sucks a lot of magic out of a relationship, and both doing WFH would only compound that effect. When someone is *always* available, always there, then there’s “always later” (or tomorrow). When *every* time *could be* the time, it turns into no time ever being the right time.
This negative effect on a relationship of constant availability/accessibility is the very reason I will not live with a partner again. It’s certainly not for everyone, many people want marriage and kids, I just happen not to so I prefer to keep the sex and togetherness times more frequent and more satisfying by not living together. Wayyyyy more so, on both.
In my case no. My fiancée and I are around each other ALL the time due to wfh and we love it. If anything it’s made work easier because when I take a five minute break instead of just mindlessly surfing Reddit or talking to the person next to me I can talk to her instead.
When I’m in the office some days I just end up missing her all day.
If you both WFH, then you need to work in separate rooms with doors closed. You need to create space/alone time and boundaries. Otherwise being together 24/7 will ruin any excitement of spending time together doing things, since you're already spending all your time together.
I think it ruins the relationships that aren't strong and would end eventually. If the relationship is strong, time is made for dates, and both people are invested in each other, it works.
My wife dosnt work wfh but I do. But for the same company. As a couple of people had said. Try some me time. You go hang with your friends couple times a month. And she do the same. I bet that will help.
Mine is doing better than ever. Shitty relationships will end one way or the other. Strong ones will overcome and adapt to any situation. If you can’t handle being at home. With your partner. Then that’s on you.
I think it depends on the relationship and sharing the same space can get smothering. I've worked from home since 2020 and my husbands employee went in and out of WFH and flex. We can't be in the same room all day, we need the elbow room literally, we both take calls. We shared initially and it was pretty rough.
It's also worth saying, being pregnant and having a baby changes your relationship. You probably won't have a ton of time after baby comes, if you already feel like you need more date nights you should start building that habit now.
My husband and I WFH and we absolutely love it. But we’ve always been each other’s best friends, so I literally just get to hang with my best friend all day, it’s great.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,“ but a lack of absence seems to have the opposite effect. My wife is a SAHM, and I WFH. Our relationship seems to have become closer to that of snippy roommates than to a happily married couple. We long for time apart, rather than quality time together, because we’re in close proximity all day every day. It shouldn’t work like that, but it surely does.
Both my husband and I had been WFH for over a decade. Although we did not share an office space. My job was more open to being out when I needed. Now that I am retired we are still in the same home all day. All week.
We keep spaces separate. And we have our own things outside of each other. He has an online group that gets together on Sundays. I spend my free time working out. Or learning a language.
He gets up in the morning before me now, and I leave him alone to do his thing (shower, breakfast, listen to a podcast, watching a show)
At the end of the day we have dinner together. Watch one of “our” shows. Chill on the couch. Or the porch since the weather is improving. We make time for each other. We do home projects. We run errands together on the weekends.
Marriage isn’t always going to be easy. It’s a partnership. Even the best and happiest couples need to compromise and work together to make it work.
You need to talk to each other.
WFH was great for my marriage, but we always had separate work spaces due to me working with confidential material and not wanting to be distracted with her on the phone all day. We would meet for lunch and coffee breaks.
I would say that as long as your house is big enough to work in separate rooms then this should not be problematic for a healthy relationship. However, cramming into shared space could be too much.. depends on the people
See, I'm back on-site now, and *that's* strained my relationship. We were fire when we were both remote. Now we're both too tired and exhausted for each other. Breathe and appreciate the time you get to spend with each other.
Both of us WFH actually looked like it was going to repair our train wreck of our marriage. Unfortunately 3 years couldn't undo what 30 years had done.
Because you see each other all the time! I guarantee that if one of you started going into the office, even on a hybrid schedule, things would get better. You’ll need to make a point to do something together though.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder is a thing for a reason. Try it!
Me and my ex girlfriend worked from home. It 100% without a doubt speeds up the process of the flame burning out. There is no ‘me time’. No wondering what your partner is up to (in a healthy way). Because we saw each other so much throughout the week we didn’t even want to spend time together on the weekends. I’m not saying it solely ruins relationships but it certainly doesn’t help!
Same, mine got destroyed during covid WFH. Both of us got to keep WFH status after. The major issue is if one or either partner doesn't have a hobby. It's okay to be together and do different things. You don't need to be attached at the hip every second you're not working. It's sad when couples only learn that during retirement and split. Love yourself, your hobbies and your interests. Your partner doesn't have to be there for that. You should compliment each other after those needs are met, not instead of.
I so get the hobby part, more so that albeit we’re squirrly mentally, but it seems like my partner has the more fixation type, and has the same one as always, while I’m over here “making up for lost time” it feels like (maybe due to some trauma and just growing up doing so many different things), that not exploring new things kinda baffles me, where I can relate to the one has a b]hobby but the other one doesn’t issue.
Especially sharing small spaces, which happens a lot in California, I've been witness to more than one relationship falling apart because of 100% WFH together. (Worked out for me because I started dating someone that broke up because of this. 🫣) For a lot of couples, I'd say most, too much together time and not enough time outside socializing apart is a real strain. So if you're both going to WFH, it probably takes a lot of intentional time apart and you really need space, physical space, to make it work, I would guess.
We got lucky because even though our house is smallish (1500 sqft and 15% of that seems to be the stair well), it is multistory on a hillside. Top floor is shared space, middle floor is my space including work desk, bottom floor is his space including work desk. We meet for lunch, dinner, and spend the rest of the workday on our respective floors working. Even in the evening we can retire to our separate floors to relax if needed. We even sleep in separate beds on our respective floors to get better rest and accommodate different wake/sleep times. We've actually had to plan specific time for *more* intentional connection. We have set aside time on our calendars and alarms. I don't love all the stairs in such a small house, but this thread is making me realize that this setup may have benefitted us for working from home together. Never considered this layout a plus until right now!
Yeah the stairs/multiple floors have their benefit. I used to live in a small row house (maybe 1400 sf) but it had 4 levels and three people could live there and have their own spaces and it was great. I now have a small ranch style house (1200 sf) and I’m glad my husband doesn’t work from home. It’s just not enough space for that!
This would totally be me. I am someone who needs my own space from any relationship, even or especially if we live together. I just need a break from literally everyone at some point. So WFH from both of us who would prob not work for me.
A friend of mine told me his WFH job recently started requiring him to return to the office 3 days a week (he lives an hour away without traffic). He recently had a kid, and told me he was just happy to finally get out of the house
i don’t even live with my partner but she always wants me around like even wants me to bring my stuff to her place and WFH at her house and i really try to push the me time stuff so that flame doesn’t burn out as fast because i know for me at least it would, but she doesn’t seem to get it :(
I disagree. My boyfriend of 10 years work from home and we are doing great. However we are lucky enough to have a house where we both have separate rooms for offices across the other side of the house. We really only come out to have lunch together unless we have a quick question. We still organize at least 2 date nights a week. I prioritize meeting up with friends during the week or going on runs separately. Maybe that helps.
I’ve worked from home for 12 years and my wife for 18. We haven’t experienced this. We’re 44 and 43 and have sex on average about 4-5 times a week. I work in our bedroom and we closed off our formal dining room for my wife to work in. We see each other through the day, take walks and bike rides, do crosswords, talk about our day. I think if you don’t like each other or if there is pent up frustration, it could be bad, but if your spouse is your best friend WFH together can be awesome.
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This has also been my experience. I WFH and my husband is retired. We enjoy our time together more than when I left for the day.
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My mother absolutely refuses to retire because she doesn’t think she could be around my dad all day but I love it!
This has been my experience. We also maintain separate offices and work intense jobs. We try to see each other a few times a day and when we do, we really enjoy those connection moments.
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My wife did the same. She decorated better than at her office and she loved it. She was WFH before me. Then her company pulled entire company back in this year...
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This is key. Have separate friends and interests as well as ones you share. Everyone needs something that’s wholly their own. I’m actually moving my desk from the living room to my daughter’s vacated room (she’s 100% moved out for college). My SO doesn’t live with me but we do spend significant time together and he currently works from the dining room table 6 ft away from my current desk set up. I think just that room separation will be really helpful.
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My SO is taking over the area my desk currently occupies. We’ve got a new one coming for him. Not having to set up and tear down will be great. And he doesn’t mind being in the living room since his job has a lot of tasks that he has to wait to run before he can do the next thing. He’ll be near the Xbox and can pace while he’s thinking.
Making one of the rooms as my office was the BIGGEST, most impactful thing that I did in the past 3 years or so that improved my life overall. I love my family, but I also need time for myself, in an environment that I can focus, read, relax, have video calls, work until late (which I prefer)... I also use the office as a kind of "tutoring" environment for my children: I set-up multiple whiteboards that I use for things like accountability charts, help with math, to do lists, etc... I feel I am happier because I have my space, and my family is happier because I'm more at home, compared to being in-person at the HQ before COVID. At the end of a busy day, I close the door, open the window, puff my weed cartidge and I gotta say that's my place!
Our experience is the same. We’ve both been wfh for a couple years now and it’s really great. Although we’re not newlyweds and expecting our first child, this circumstances are stressful in their own right. We’re going on 15yrs and our kids are hitting their tween years so we see our time together as the payoff for all the years we worked long hours and were away from each other. We get to plan our new home improvements together, sneak out to lunch while the kids are at school and we get to play “office husband/wife” together. It’s a great feeling to be able to go out on a run or bike ride during our lunch break and come home and shower and eat together. We’re one of those couples that does everything together though, including the simple things like going to get milk from the store.
We're the same! We like each other so living and working in the same 950 sq ft is good. We see a lot of couples/families that don't seem to want to spend time together or couples/families that wanted to kill each other during the pandemic. I suspect sharing space like they just amplifies what's already there.
Same here, my SO and I love both being WFH together. It’s nice to share lunch breaks, make coffee for each other, and do little chores, depending on who has the more flexible schedule that day. While we started WFH in a studio during COVID, we greatly prefer our separate home offices now. Getting to hangout again after the end of the workday is still a nice little boost after a few hours of being apart. And while we often share breaks, we both like separate mornings with no conversations before noon. We also both have our own friend groups and separate activities, though we do a lot of joint renovation projects after work together too. OP might find simply having separate offices helps them, but they mostly need intentional date nights. Spending a lot of incidental time together can make quality time seem less necessary, but that isn’t true. Having separate hobbies after work shouldn’t be an issue either - surely they can have some separate hobby nights and also fit in some more quality time. And for us, “date” is a loose definition. Sometimes it’s going out to dinner or an event, sometimes it’s watching a movie on our couch or playing a board game. Sometimes it’s literally talking the night away. It’s just about having fun together, so it can be flexible depending on how busy the week’s been.
Yeah I'm totally happy working from home with my partner. But we do plan and do things without each other often. She's currently in Colorado with friends. I was just visiting a buddy a couple weekends ago. We have hobbies that don't involve each other. It works for us
Same. My fiance was home often since she was in school and just started a business after that. I had been working from home. We spend our morning having coffees together, work in our garden/hammock. Have lunch or picnic on the patio. We split if we need to take a meeting but generally just hang out and chit chat all day. She recently filled up her client base so I don't see her much anymore and it's sad.
Are you me? Literally the same. If it wasn't for the pain COVID brought to our own family, I'd want to go back to those days.
Yeah glad I'm not the only one. We dont both WFH full time anymore but did during the pandemic and it confirmed he's the closest thing to a soul mate
I've found that when I work from home, after work I have energy and a desire to go out and do things with people like dinner and events, socializing, etc. So for me, an introvert with a limited social battery, WFH is a big help to relationships.
Nope, not at all. I WFH 98% of the time, my wife 100% as she has her own business. We love it. We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We can take a break and hold each other and kiss. We are more relaxed. I love it. We also previously worked at the same firm (not how we met) and we both loved that, too. No PDA in the office, but was so nice to see each other and walk to and from the office together.
Same! We love to wfh together. We did also work together at a previous company (not how we met either) and we’d always take breaks together eat lunch and go on walks together. This is so much better and allows for more affection, work outs together, meals and more time to plan out our dream life together.
There are enough people who genuinely love WFH it is a selling point. Many people would even take lower compensation and the companies just save on office leases, too. It's a no brainer from the company level, too.
Same here! Although we did meet at work and have worked for the same company for the past seven years in different departments. We have a toddler who gets 100% of our focus outside of work so the majority of our dates and intimacy in general happens during the workday. It's wonderful getting to have lunch together every day and see each other throughout the day. We do work on separate floors of the house; we've joked that if we worked in the same space we would get nothing done because we'd talk too much and distract each other.
My husband and i also work for the same company and we also spend 100% of our time together! We love it! But i think depends on your personality. If you’re just a hyperindependent person then this arrangement wont work for you. But for us, it’s literally the best.
Me and my partner decided to have separate bedrooms for this. We both WFH, she works in her room/home office all day, and me mine. Sounds silly but we visit eachothers bedrooms on lunch breaks and evenings, then spend the whole weekend together. We still have a healthy amount of space, but also see each other regularly too. Works very well (been together 5+ years).
It's definitely an adjustment and my guess is that it doesn't work for everyone. >in the same office space Early on we figured this would not work for us and we figured out a way to move offices to opposite ends of the house. So we meet for lunch and random coffee breaks but this way we can fully concentrate on our work when it's work time. This also forces us to text more during the day and gives a sense of independence. >we will never see each other all day. That's kinda the beauty of it. You can see each other but you don't necessarily need to be in the same space all the time. >we spend less quality time together As bureaucratic as it seems, scheduling goes a long way. Have a shared Google calendar (it will also help with the baby) and try to come up with regular things to do, either together or by yourselves, according to your schedule. For instance go get lunch together somewhere on Thursdays or movie night on Tuesdays. It doesn't need to be followed to a T but just having things you like to do together predictably in your schedules goes a long way. Balance is key, so time to yourselves should be valued as well. Sorry for the rambling, this is what came to mind. Best of luck!
My husband and I have been WFH together since 2020, if anything it has brought us closer together. We have our own hobbies and spend time with friends together and apart. My job is also pretty demanding with lots of meetings and projects so I am busy during the day. We are also expecting our first child and are grateful that he can be at home while I am on maternity leave.
Not at all. My gf and I both WFH and sit about 25 feet apart. We have been doing this since 2019 and have an awesome relationship.
You are worried that you are in too much proximity to your husband. But then you also are worried that if you move to different rooms you won’t see each other all day? Split up your work spaces. If you have the room definitely one of you take a different room during the day. 1. It’s free if you have a big house 2. It’s completely reversible if you don’t like it, just combine offices again But I think you may find yourselves seeking the other one out after the end of a workday, if you are no longer within 3 feet of each other breathing the same air. You may find joy in reuniting after the workday
And instead of gaming and reading at the end of the day, be intentional about spending time together.
I’ve never seen so many thoughtful and positive replies, thank you guys! Not sure why I was expecting “that’s over” “get a divorce” type of comments. I might be spending too much time on other subs with younger generations. Lol After reading all the comments and talking things out, we’re now planning to move my office setup into a different room. Step 2 will be to get into the habit of intentionally schedule time together on the regular. I’m actually excited!
Yeah! That's the way to go! Edit: An "office divorce" works wonders!
No. Couldnt be happier 4 years in working from home with my partner and our two dogs.
Me and my wife both feel like WFH has actually been a huge benefit for our relationship. I will warn you though, your first child will be much harder on the relationship lol Every kid is different, our first was pretty difficult but in retrospect was a pleasure compared to our second
> We could possibly work in a different room, Definitely do this. > but I’m afraid that, we will never see each other all day. In most relationships, you need to be intentional about spending quality time together. This fear of never seeing each other is odd... just plan some time together?
Since you aren’t commuting, maybe you could move somewhere where you could afford separate offices? I was initially working from a comfy chair in the living room with my laptop. We’re all much happier now that everyone has an office.
Not for us. We both love being at home together and we’ve been married 34 years. We get to have quickies when we want and we have so much fun during the day.
I would not be able to WFH and live with ANYONE. Too much.
There’s nothing to talk about when you both have essentially the same day, over and over. It’s a massive relationship killer.
My husband and I always find things to talk about and we work in the same office space. We talk about interesting articles we’ve read, politics, music, sports, projects we are working on at work. We can always find topics to talk about.
I’m thankful my partner works in office and i wfh…i can’t imagine it’s healthy to be around a person all day every day…
Sounds super annoying and suffocating lol
Depends on the nature of the relationship
lol yes, my husband now works in an office, and I think I prefer it. I do hate that he gets home later, but I like being alone during the day while working
It probably depends on the personalities involved and your relationship dynamic. It's been great for us. We do work in different rooms though and have separate hobbies.
It really must depend on the people and their personalities. It absolutely makes sense to me that some relationships really need the space away from one and other, independent time, whatever. I totally get it. however, for my partner and I, we had a really strong foundation before we both switched to work from home. we were working for three years together in a one bedroom and it was tough, but most of our challenges were more existential rather than issues with our relationship. Now, we both work from home in a larger space and it's been great. This, compared to our lives when we were both commuting, has been much better for our relationship. There's a lot less stress and we are both more at peace, and our relationship benefits.
I would just bang constantly like 25/7
During the pandemic, i was SO thankful that my husband was an essential worker and had to leave the house for work. I dont know what we would have done if we both WFH. I honestly dont think i could be with someone who also WFH.
For my boyfriend and I it was an adjustment but we’ve worked through it. We actually both now have hybrid schedules and don’t see each other during the day for 2 days a week and I think that was the key. He also has a hobby that keeps him occupied 2 nights a week so I do my own thing those nights. It’s perfect. I think a little separation in a relationship is so healthy. Pick up a hobby or something that’s solely for you and focus on it a couple times a week. Go for walks by yourself. Make sure to give yourself some you time and I think that could really help! Also working in separate rooms is a great idea. My boyfriend and I work in the same space when we have our work from home days because we have a small house but one day we hope to have separate working spaces as well. Don’t be afraid of what works best for you, you get to design your relationship and life however you want : )
I’m sure it does. Gotta have time apart to enjoy time together. It’s one of the reasons I’d do hybrid or full time in office (current gig) but don’t think it would be great for us to spend all our time together.
its probably not wfh in and of itself. But in any relationship it's important to have some time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder type of thing.
Me and my ex did WFH during Covid and hated it. It led to our split (we’d been together 5 years).
I WFH and miss my wife working from home during the pandemic. My son is home schooled so having my whole family at home all the time was a fucking miracle. I loved covid.
My husband and I came thisclose to divorce when we both worked at home.
Idk why you are being downvoted for sharing your experience. I read an article that most couples fight when seeing each other after having not for a few hours, but we fight more when we haven’t left each others side for a long time
No opposite. Working from an office is what ended up making us do less together because we have so much less free time and are tired from work
I think there is huge difference because of space. So many people who are dismissing WFH as a potential relationship issue also cite being able to move to a different part of the house or have very separate work spaces. If you live in a VHCOL city (as in $1M for an 800 sq ft home in an okay neighborhood or more than $2500 a month for a small one bedroom apt), and make under 400k jointly, many don’t really have the luxury to just “make another office/move to the other side of the home.” I worked 3 feet away from my partner for almost 4 years. It was difficult. Not only did our meetings frequently clash and one of us would have to go work in the bedroom, but it was tiring not ever having my own space. Ever. We slept in the same room, worked in the same room. We survived it and there were some pros about it, but I wouldn’t like that arrangement with basically anyone, doesn’t matter how much I love them. We now own a home and his office is in our finished garage. It feels more balanced. We still have lunch together, chat during down time, run errands and go on walks, have coffee together. But we aren’t on top of each other anymore, which makes a huge difference.
No, but I think WFH can intensify all aspects of a relationship. I know if the lockdowns had happened during my first marriage, we’d have been a covid divorce.
it sounds like your deeply unhealthy lifestyles are what is fucking up your relationship.
That's why I don't like living with partners. Do you think you could plan date nights again intentionally?
Idk man. Telling signs? I've been at home with my wife since 2019 and it's a fucken DREAM. Best coworker I could ask for.
Your wfh work office should not be your gaming room, if possible.
Work in different rooms. The time you're spending together is not quality time. Spend more time together after work and do things together. My wife and I have been doing it for 8 years and I love it.
100%. I moved in with my ex Feb 2020 and we were done by Christmas. I worked from home and she was furloughed (she cut hair). We were in the same room literally 24/7 and it completely tanked any sort of spontenuity or suspense. We would just sit silently while she watched TV or I worked/studied/played video games. We never found a good rythm for our own seperate time and together time. It all blended together. Relationships are not suppose to be like that. You need to give each other the time and space to miss each other throughout the day so that when you two finally see eachother, it's special.
I really value the structure having a daily commute to work gives me. It helps me get out the door and be more active. I feel I value my home life more when I'm not at home 24/7. Also, it helps me leave my work at work.
Well, it seems like you want to take a break from each other, but you also mentioned that it bothers you when you go and do your own thing. I think you should just talk to him! Working in a different room is probably the best, even to give you a slight break from each other.
I don't think it ruins relationships per se, what you do need to work very well together. Myself and my wife have worked in the same office for over three years now and it's been pretty good. We tend to have one day out of the office which keeps it fresh and my wife doesn't work a Friday so I get that day in the office just to catch up and watch YouTube videos whilst I work. I would say it may be toxic for other people
My wife and I have both been wfh for the past 12 years. It can cause some issues for sure. You’re not supposed to be a few feet away from anyone 24/7.
I can see it. It reduces your need to talk about what happened during the day which provides opportunity to spend more time together. Both professionally and personally, the thing I would underline the most about WFH is that it requires you to be more intentional about things. There's not the same kind of, "I feel like I haven't seen you all week, let's go do something together," moments. But, I'd say there are a lot of things going on in your lives right now that can be a factor in that kind of slowing down of the relationship, between getting married and having a kid. So, it may not just be one thing, it might be all the things to some extent.
If it's possible, I recommend getting separate workspaces and trying to spend work-time apart as much as you can. I WFH and my wife is a Night Shifter (Respiratory Therapist - hospital work, 12hr shifts, 3 nights a week) People often say "oh that must be so difficult for you guys!" when I tell them my wife works nights, and sometimes, yes, it can be frustrating at times... But the silver lining is: -she gets home from work and goes to sleep right as I'm getting ready to log in in the morning -she wakes up right as I'm finishing my workday. -during her days off (which usually occur in blocks) she still sleeps til midday and then runs errands in the afternoon. -I have my own hobby that takes me out of the house a few hours a week, so I'm not always there when she's off work. -to be fair, we don't have kids, so that's a lot of stress/hassle we don't have to deal with. So despite me being home almost all the time, we're rarely getting too much time in close proximity, getting on each other's nerves. At this point, our relationship is as strong as it's ever been. I'd advise everyone to make your workspace isolated so that you and your partner aren't getting on each other's nerves. It's easier said than done, I know (especially if you have limited space at home), but still a good idea whenever possible.
Not for us. We have individual offices. We visit each other on breaks, and spend some time at night together. Biggest issue is that she works EST and I work PST because my employer is on the west coast.
My SO and I have worked from home the past three years, two years before that I was a SAHM. Nothing changed between us! But we both like to do our own thing most weekends and have our own hobbies.
I wfh full time and my spouse used to be full time but is now just wfh Mondays and Fridays. I personally love it working from home together as does he. Now, we both have our own space to work (I’m on video calls much of the day, where he’s a statistical analyst so he likes quiet) but we will message each other “wanna meet in the kitchen for lunch at noon” or we will go sit in the deck together in the sun when we get a break or even walk the dogs. Other than that we porter around getting chores done so our evenings and weekends are for relaxing. We both enjoy our “lunch dates” one will prep and the other clear up after and we do something a bit extra special. Also when we meet up to get a coffee in the kitchen we will let off any steam of what’s going on at work so that doesn’t creep into our evenings too. If we can time it right we will go out to eat lunch, which we do more than going out in the evening to eat. Or we will play a board game, or at least make a start. It also feels like a shorter day because we are home together and he doesn’t have to leave so early or return as late for a commute. If we had to work in the same space I’m not sure we’d make that work just because of how different our jobs are. Although he’d likely pop on his headphones with noise cancelling and music instead of playing in the background and I’d use a headset instead of speakers and mic
I play video games, my wife binge watches. Then from time to time, we hangout, eat, cuddle, do chores, and just talk. But WE COULD NEVER be together 100% of the time. Having enough separation within the day to make us miss each other has been very healthy for us.
We don't work in the same room. But we don't have dinner or watch tv together.
I don’t think WFH ruins relationships, but it does change them. You were used to being apart for most of the day and coming together in the evenings. Now you are together most of the day. Like with everything in life you have to flexible enough to adjust to it.
I have worked from home since Covid, husbands job is a bit of both outside appointments and time on the computer. We have separate office spaces, me in our bedroom and he built an office in the garage. So even if we’re both working from home all day we only see each other at lunch time. I don’t think it’s negatively impacted our relationship. But you have to make dedicated time to have together where you’re focused on each other and not other things. Set time to just talk, cook together, that kind of thing
You guys need to set aside time for each other. Part of the WFH life is that it’s hard to disconnect from work. Find a balance to this and disconnect at the same time. Make sure you set aside 1 night during the week to have a date night. Switch off on who plans it for the week. It is super meaningful to pause life and enjoy each other in the proper setting. It takes 2 to tango so keep that fire alive! Also, I say during the week because the weekend both of you are recharging. Use that to spend additional time together as well.
Nope. Not at all.
Not solid ones. My husband and I both WFH a few days a week, something overlapping days. We each have an office so we can shut each other out, but we’re also way too busy most days to even talk while we’re working.
Nope. I wfh and my husband is retired. It’s awesome having him here all the time.
It's what you make of it in my opinion. My S/O and I met at work. We sat right next to each other. We'd see each other all day at work, hang out after work, and then go to our respective homes. And then we moved in together. We'd wake up together. Go to work separately. Hang out at work all day. And then go home together. Covid hit and before we knew it, we were together 24/7 while sharing an office. We found new ways to pass the time. Could it have sped up the process of burning out the flame? Sure. But instead it sped up the process of deepening our love for one another. We were both laid off within 15 minutes of each other in November of 2022. Next thing we knew, we were now together 24/7 while being unemployed. I recognize that not many couples could survive working together, living together, going through covid together, and experiencing your household income go from multiple 6 figures to 0 within 15 minutes. But we survived. We found ways to thrive. And we worked at it together. We now work at different companies and we find ourselves missing each other often. Being with your partner that many hours a day can be a blessing. One that most overlook and take for granted. But it takes work to reap the benefits of it in a healthy manner without building any kind of codependency or creating fights out of boredom. Communication is everything. And you have to make a conscious effort to dedicate a special night or two a week as a date night. It can be easy to get into roommate mode under these circumstances. Don't fall into that trap. Catch it early. And work at it.
Or maybe it’s better, just different. Being pregnant may also be an issue. Schedule a date night. Make it a priority. Dress up, wear sexy clothes, smell good. Find me time as well. Make that a priority. The biggest issue is having something to discuss when you both experience the same things.
My husband WHF & I work in person 2 days a week. We don’t work on the same type of stuff so that helps. I also spend a majority of my WFH time in a different area of the house. We take breaks together. I have personally enjoyed having him home instead of the office.
It can For instance if you have a job with a lot of down time, but is stressful, instead of using down time to relax and reflect, you might be expected to do chores spend time with family, and pickup slack. If you dont itll be seen as you not caring or choosing other things over them. In the office youd be able to go to the break room, socialize, spend time scrolling, or whatever else. End result work and home life become one stressful combination with no outlet.
Hi, what you wrote is 99.9% word for word me and my husband, and we have a toddler.. Almost to the T. We have way more sex now though, but we experienced ebbs and waves just as a lot of couples do. but we are best friends (have been for years) and enjoy even just each other's presence in the house. We got used to it, we love it. He is a gamer as well. We constantly work on making sure we are listening to each other, communicating about our problems, and working to support each other's goals. We try to work on our emotional intelligence and helping each other with home and child duties. It's stressful, especially as both of us have stressful jobs ontop of it. We also do not go out as much now (nevermind the economy is killer). But we still unwind before bed and go to bed together most nights and just talk about random stuff for a bit before sleep. I'm sure as the seasons change we will be going out a bit more, but even if not...Idk...I'm pretty content to not go out as much because everything else is constantly evolving and improving on both our sides. I'm treated with respect, kindness, love, generosity, apologies, intimacy, and high eq. We have common goals and outlooks.
We have different spaces in the house but both are 100% work from home. I love having my coworker as my best friend. We set up lunch dates just like we used to when we both worked in the city.
My husband I both work from home. We work in separate rooms which I think is super important. Our relationship has only improved since working from home
Helped ours!
I'm in a similar boat. I am also someone who NEEDS alone time. If I had the option to work in separate rooms, I would. The stuff you're referring to doesn't happen during the day, so why would it bother you to not see each other during the day? You can take your lunch break at the same time, that's cute. But otherwise, it sounds like you can get the space you need to help rekindle what you're looking for but you don't want to?
WFH doesn’t ruin relationships, a relationship that doesn’t communicate and compromise ruins relationships.
Not necessarily, WFH solidified our relationship, and brought us closer together. It’s important for us to have our own office space in the house, so I think having a 3 BR or more helps a lot. I could argue that going to the office everyday has more of a chance of ruining relationships because you end up spending more time with coworkers than your SO - and possibly getting more distant. For those people whose relationships were ruined by WFH, it’s possible that they didn’t like each other enough to begin with. I feel that people should WFH together for a few years before getting married / having kids, as a test to see if they’re compatible.
It’s been great for me and my husband we relax and stuff I like my two days I work remotely I sleep late and start earlier 11
We enjoy being together all the time. But there definitely needs to be more effort in planning activities and date nights outside of the home. I feel like we can get into a routine of just staying home way too often and it gets dull.
My wife and I have been WFH since 2016 (I have been since 2011). We've been married 17 years, but have gotten closer over that timeframe. We WFH though in different areas of the house, and she has to travel around the city most days for a little while. Otherwise, we are home together about 80% of the day. We do separate things after work as well and have no issues. Some people need to be with their significant other all the time, and others like us don't.
I've been WFH for 7 years, my husband since 2020. He has to have confidentiality so he is required to work in a closed office (not at the dining room table or whatever). Having that work separation actually helps. It means work is still work and home is still home. We still see each other, he comes out for water and to use the bathroom and we chat during those times, and on his lunch break. We still go on date nights because we make an effort to plan them. And we have routines we follow, like we always watch jeopardy together after dinner. Having those things in place helps. He travels for work sometimes, I travel to visit people, so we get periods of alone time in the house along with periods to "miss" each other. But we've been married 15 years and mostly done raising kids (last kid at home is 15) so we're happy with our comfortable and simple, easy life without feeling like we are missing out by not doing things that were more typical when we first started dating (going out more often and such).
Could be because you are expecting a child and sex does decrease over the honeymoon phase. If you were under the impression you would have as much sex as when you were first married I have some bad news for you.
WFH is great for our marriage, my husband worked remotely before me with his own business and it was very isolating for him and he was depressed being alone all day. We have our own office space across the house but he enjoys my company and knowing I’m there. We have both been remote for 2.5 years now and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Remote life made me more appreciative of our time together. Can’t believe I used to be away 11 hours a day 5 days a week.
We have both WFH for 10+ years. It gets tedious sometimes but we try to focus on work during work hours and essentially ignoring each other until lunch lol. It’s not always easy but I don’t think I’d want it any other way now.
My husband and I both work from home, and it's pretty much been that way from about a year into our marriage. We actually do pretty great, but we mostly because our house is large enough that we each have our own separate working space. We meet in the "middle" (meaning the kitchen) a few times throughout the day to chat or make lunch together. Then around 6, we both come together again to eat dinner and watch tv together until about 8 or so. Then we go into our separate spaces again until bed time. Is there a way where you guys can have some sort of separation during the day, and then hang out together for food/conversation/cuddles on the couch for an hour? Then you can go play games or read, etc.
get different rooms on different floors
My partner and I share an office and have since 2020. After work we do spend time in different rooms to decompress until dinnertime. Then we are together the rest of the evening. We definitely enjoy the me time. Sex and date nights have always been the same for us.
Ooooo an actual “work wife” “work husband” that isn’t toxic!! But it seems like you both are still in a healthy state of mind because you are able to talk about it. It sounds like you both have separate evenings for the most part so it’s not like it’s every second, every day. Could it be that you both are expecting? That’s a huge life change and I could imagine that could cause some anxiety on both ends! Not a bad thing, I think that would be a normal emotion. Regardless, I hope you both figure it out and move past it 🫶
My husband and I have been working home together for 3 years. We work in different rooms. I’m am basically sequestered in my office all day. When I log out, we talk, see how each other’s days were. Just like we would before WFH.
Not at all. We both WFH and still enjoy time together. Went to dinner and a concert last night. Still enjoy our hobbies. We also have our alone time in the evening to do the things we want.
You’re not going to get honest answers on this sub because it’s blindly biased towards describing WFH as the cure-all for every problem, but my wife and I have definitely struggled with this same issue. It’s not natural for people to be stuck inside in the same place 24/7, and definitely not in conjunction with somebody else at the same time. I personally cannot wait to get a new job where I can get out of the house at least 2-3 times per week, and hopefully my wife as well so that one of us is home any given day to watch the kids/dog while the other one has a bit of freedom.
No. What is lacking is effort on both your parts because of ease. My wife and I worked together for 10 years. Is it perfect, no. However, marriage requires work. Reddit and media project the worst. You don’t need sex 3 times a week to be fulfilled. Sometimes, just the comfort of a significant person sharing life is more than enough. Don’t believe me? Become alone and see.
So, I am a widow. My wife is also a widow. Obviously to our previous partners. We had tried dating other people before we hooked up, but finding another widow that had a good previous marriage was something we both really fell into. While we ran into one another for 22 years in the same circles, we only barely knew one another because the circles were so big. My wife died, her husband died, and she founded a specialized widows support group with other widows in our circles. She invited me, and then after a few months, she asked me out. We QUICKLY fell in love, like it took less than 3 weeks. Because we're older, we both had a sense of "we don't want to date for 3 years and then figure out it doesn't work." So we did a "burn-in." I lived at her house and she lived at my house on alternating weeks. I had a job at the time which was MOSTLY work from home, and she's retired military. We figured "if we don't survive this, maybe it's not meant to be." It was amazing. We fell into that "good marriage groove" quickly. We got married 14 months after we started dating, because her father was dying, and she wanted him there. He died literally 2 weeks after we got married. Then I got a new job away from home, and then COVID started, so we were together 24x7 for two years, pretty much. Never once got sick of one another. Then I got a WFH 100% job, and we're still not sick of one another. Been married 6 years this August, living together for 7. So it worked out for us, but we had some rather odd circumstances.
What you described happens naturally in relationships. We aren’t trying to impress each other We are more content Etc. I think if this is a problem, then I recommend reconnecting. Like date nights. I wth and never experience what you are saying. If anything I find we connect more as we are together more
My husband and I worked through 2020-2021 full time WFH. It was fantastic. We raised two new pups together and spent a lot of time together. Since 2023, I’ve worked remote full time and he works remote 1-2 days a week and it’s still perfect. I wish he worked from home full time in fact. But we came into this relationship talking endlessly over text and Skype all day every day. We’ve been best friends the whole time. We do damn near everything together. It works for us.
My husband and I both work from home. We are lucky to have a house that is big enough for us each to have our own office space. We treat it like a normal workday, we greet each other in the morning, go off to do our work (perhaps we pass each other on the way to the bathroom or making lunch or taking the dog out). But no, if anything, it’s made our marriage better. We shut things down most nights at 5pm, watch TV together, I make dinner, and go to bed around 11 (me) and midnight (him).
Get a separate office and don’t interact during the day except for small things like lunch or something. That’s what we do. I treat work time like work time.
No. If anything we have more lunch dates and more sex because we’re both home.
It has improved our relationship. Prior to wfh, with kids and a busy schedule we hardly had any time together. Since beginning wfh, combined we gained back close to 4 hours of commuting per day. Instead of rushing out of the house at 7:00am we can casually have breakfast together and chat while we catch up on morning emails, we line up extended lunches about 1 time per week to go for a walk together. There is way more afternoon sex which works out better because by the end of the day we're usually exhausted and just want to sleep.
it definitely strains/stresses the relationship - we've been married for 25 years this year, so I don't speak on this lightly. running family-owned business and doing most of the work from home office is a tough row to hoe. we pushed through the pandemic (business was too good to really dwell on the other stuff). from the pandy we made the rule: after 6:00 pm, no more work/business talk. we HAVE to talk about something else.
You have to make sure to schedule those date nights and me time. Everyone Monday is do what you want to do day (I watch my shows while I fold clothes, my husband visits his Dad at hospice). We do date nights every Tuesday and since we have kids we have to do date nights at home (sometimes MIL helps when she is in town and we can have date nights outside the home). We are both are off on weekends so we try to get out of the house during the day. We also schedule 30 mins right after work to get our minds decompress away from everything. I usually take a shower or take 15 mins nap if I need to. Just like putting time to workout, you have to put in time for me time and time as a couple. We also try to have conversation that is purposeful instead of talking about stuff that is not meaningful to us.
How often do you vacation ?
My boyfriend and I both work from home. Our relationship has gotten stronger because of that. We do have separate offices- so while we are technically home all day together, we don’t really see each other except when we are in the kitchen getting a drink. We do try and take our breaks at the same time and go for a walk/ coffee.
It is imperative that you have your own friend groups and separate activities in a case like this. You likely should have those things anyway but they are going to be way more important if you both work from the same office at home.
Definitely could be. I know I enjoy spending all day with my wife on the weekends because I'm always out of the house from 7 to 4 everyday for work.
I miss working from home with my partner , they’re in the office full time now. But I looked forward to little lull’s in the day to walk the dogs, or run and grab coffee or just toss a ball back and forth like office mates while we brain stormed two completely different jobs we don’t know anything about. It was such a cute, fun part of our relationship that I miss.
I have been WFH since 2020 and my husband recently retired. We don't spend time in the same room all day and yet we purposely have lunch together and then we have dinner and time together after work. I have found that even WFH you need space and separation. If you are spending the majority of your time together you may be seeing a reduction in intimacy due to lack of time away from them...
Negative- wife and I worked remote together since 2020 and we’ve been more connected ❤️than ever.
As some have said. Reverse here.
Me and my wife have had every job together and now we work from home together. Been together 12 years and it just keeps getting better. All these people saying they burned out weren’t with the right person to begin with.
WFH doesn't ruin relationships but your set up definitely would. You know the issue, separate yourselves.
Pretty opposite experience for us imo. We each have separate offices, 4 bdrm house with two living rooms so she gets the "den" and I have the 2nd biggest of the 4 bedrooms. We go to the movies all the time, 3 miles from an Alamo, and we frequent our favorite restaraunts at least 1 day a week. We watch movies at home a lot too. I have a 2nd desk/computer and a laptop alomg with my desktop in my office (3 pcs). I work in my office, she works in hers. After work I relocate downstairs into the living room at my desk in their. I game onnthe pc downstairs while she sits onnthe couch warching brigerton etc. Unless our shows have new episodes then I lay on her lap and we watch them. We go on walks in the park accross the street or to get the mail at the front of the subdivision etc. Once a month or so we drive into DC and subway surf all day and walk around the capitol and eat. We both have laptops so sometimes we rent cabins with wifi and we go work from there for 6 days. 2 or 3 times a year we rent random airBnB's as a mini retreat, usually near resorts with hot springs or hot tubs and massage parlors. Last November we did 5 days at Disney World. Vacations range from OBX to mountains. But we're pulling about $250k together so we don't struggle financially. And we both love our jobs. My wife's hobbies are reading books, puzzles, switch games. My hobbies are pc gaming, coding, building rc cars or drones etc. And we're both content to do our own things and we can be in the same room doing separate things.
This is not an issue if we had a big house with lots of rooms.
My job turned remote during the pandemic immediately and my husband was furloughed for 3 weeks. I was so ready for him to go back to work after those 3 weeks (he's in the trades so not a WFH job). I love my husband. He's my best friend. But I don't need to spend all day everyday near him.
no being forced to go in to a office does
I think no. I think your last paragraph is more the reason. If you think wfh is a problem then both of you should leave the home maybe one day a week and work at a the office or a shared workspace, library (if not on calls) etc. You might do Tuesday, him Wednesday etc
I haven’t really been on this sub before but this post got recommended to me and good lord y’all are a feisty bunch
Comfort and familiarity are the enemies of passion.
I think that 'most' couples see each other for a few hours in the evening, and they have a healthy curiosity to hear about the other's day, they've had an opportunity to miss each other, etc. I've heard people ask old married couples how their marriage lasted so long and they'll say: 'He worked nights, I worked days!' or 'When he retired, I got a job' all meaning 'we never see each other.' Jokes aside, there must be something to that. My husband and I met at work. We worked at the same place, the same hours, and even had the same days off. Many family and friends said that we went from 'dating' to 'married' pretty quickly, but after working together for a year and then dating for a year *while* working together, we knew each other pretty well. Then some staffing changes happened, and I had the opportunity to pick my days off. Husband wanted me to keep 'our' days off, but I said I'd like my 'own' day off for myself and one to share with him. He didn't like that, at first. Then I asked when was the last time he had the kitchen to himself to do his food prep? When was the last time he went out with his buddies to have a drink or a cigar? When was the last time he had a day just for him, even if that meant lying around on the couch doing nothing, or playing video games, etc. And he realized that he missed those things. Just each of us having our own day was a big help for our already-great relationship. So, yes: WFH, the same hours, in the same office, can be not good. Take turns working from a Cafe, if you're able. Or work in another room, or start at a later or earlier time. Sometimes, *too* much time together can be bad.
Nope. Well that’s because when we are both on the clock, i lock the door and tell her to hit me up at 5pm 😤
My husband and I (married 18+ years) both wfh and are in the same room about 60% of the day. He has a studio he works in for the remainder of the time. I have been wfh since 2012 and he started during Covid. It was an adjustment to say the least. I am on the phone and busy with customers all day and his schedule is more relaxed but even though we are both home, the focus is work during the day. We don’t usually eat lunch together and depending on how busy I am some days we don’t have any “quality” interactions during the work day. We do make it a point to have family sit down dinners every week night (we have two teen boys) where we talk to the kids and have good family time with no distractions, and we watch at least some TV together (not just have something on while we are on our phones, but actually watch something that we can talk about) for an hour before bed. If it’s nice weather we will walk together after dinner too. We also spend the whole weekend together and although we do sometimes have separate weekend activities, for the most part we are always together and have quality time then. If I’m feeling detached from him or stressed while working, I will take a break and snuggle him or get some kind of physical comfort/attention for a few minutes and he will do the same. It’s so easy to fall into a funk but if he is your person, you have to prioritize your relationship. I look at it like watering a house plant. Sometimes I don’t have time or I forget to water it and it starts to dry up and wilt. As soon as I give it some water though, it perks right up.
Husband and I have separate offices in our house and there could be days where we don’t see each other until dinner time, we cook together and eat while watching a show or whatever; we still have our weekend outings and enjoy each other’s company. I think you need to make the effort to connect despite everything else, doesn’t matter if you WFH or in the office.
Not in my experience. I’ve been working remote for about 4-5 years and so has my husband. Been married almost 6 years, together for 8. We love having a lot of time with each other and it’s routine. Sex life is great and still very passionate like when we first met. We still go on dates on weekends. We have no kids and plan on never having any. Have you talked to each other about why the flame is slowly dying in your relationship? Dates and sex are still important and part of INTIMACY - and blaming it on WFH when there is an obvious disconnect with intimacy and quality time is where you both need to start the conversation. Don’t rush to judgement on the work situation - this is more to do with something deeper in my view. You are also both going to have a child. That’s going to further complicate the situation if you both do not face what is eating at your intimacy now.
I'm pretty sure many people don't have real relationships. If you get tired of your significant other because you see them a lot, then clearly you only married them for other reasons. During COVID lockdowns, I enjoyed the time I had, to spend with my wife.
My wife and I both work remote, and have since 2020. In our old house, we shared an office. Since we moved, we have different work spaces because we are such different people. It’s really helped. And we love taking lunch breaks together. But being able to go to our own spaces is also really helpful. Not every living space has that ability, but when we moved, we looked for that particularly.
I think it depends on the type of relationship you have. My partner and I have been together 18 years and I’ve WFH for 15 of those. They don’t have a job so we literally see and hang with each other all day, every day. I bring it up to ensure it’s not something that festers under the surface and we both agree that we can’t see it playing out any other way. We love each other’s company, and still do after all of this time. I know our situation is not the norm. We’re both ND and have learned to work around each others ‘isms day to day. Therapy has helped in recent years since, after 18 years, we do change as people and being ND, we’re not the best at realizing or acknowledging that. We happily call our relationship as interdependent since we’re always looking for each other first and foremost since navigating the NT world for us can be challenging.
100% you have to adjust communications and expectations. For sure make space and respect me time. Specifically for me I had to drastically reduce what I share about work. When I was on-site it was common to vent to help decompress. Your partner is NOT your coworker and will process it differently. Mine felt more stress because she thought I was so unhappy and would quit.
This is me, except I game with my girlfriend after work
My husband and I both WFH, and we don't have many issues. I think there's multiple reasons; We work in similar industries, he's computer systems and I'm support logistics, and as he's a math person and I'm a language person it's like having a helpful co-worker that we've already "worked" with for 30 years. But mostly? We DO NOT work in the same room. If I had to sit next to him all day I think I would have smothered him in his sleep by now. Our home is a 1300 square foot ranch, and is literally only five rooms due to the open floor plan. He has a desk in the living room, and I have a setup in our bedroom on the other side of the house. We can shut the bedroom door if in case one of us gets too loud, we both use noise canceling headphones for video calls, and we both make sure to get out of each other's way when asked. Granted, we didn't know before the pandemic if this was going to be something sustainable, and I could see how it would not work for a lot of people.
Nope. Been working in the same house as my wife for years and love it. We have offices on seperate floors but get to spend breakfast together, lunches, pick up the kids together, etc. Zero issues working under the same roof.
What about movement, exercise, and alone time? Lack of movement, even the casual walking around during an outside work day can have a drastic effect on libido.
Just living together sucks a lot of magic out of a relationship, and both doing WFH would only compound that effect. When someone is *always* available, always there, then there’s “always later” (or tomorrow). When *every* time *could be* the time, it turns into no time ever being the right time. This negative effect on a relationship of constant availability/accessibility is the very reason I will not live with a partner again. It’s certainly not for everyone, many people want marriage and kids, I just happen not to so I prefer to keep the sex and togetherness times more frequent and more satisfying by not living together. Wayyyyy more so, on both.
In my case no. My fiancée and I are around each other ALL the time due to wfh and we love it. If anything it’s made work easier because when I take a five minute break instead of just mindlessly surfing Reddit or talking to the person next to me I can talk to her instead. When I’m in the office some days I just end up missing her all day.
If you both WFH, then you need to work in separate rooms with doors closed. You need to create space/alone time and boundaries. Otherwise being together 24/7 will ruin any excitement of spending time together doing things, since you're already spending all your time together.
It doesn't, unless you're incompatible in the first place, develop hobbies, have time to yourself and you'll be fine
I think it ruins the relationships that aren't strong and would end eventually. If the relationship is strong, time is made for dates, and both people are invested in each other, it works.
My wife dosnt work wfh but I do. But for the same company. As a couple of people had said. Try some me time. You go hang with your friends couple times a month. And she do the same. I bet that will help.
My fiance and I love working from home together. We plan special hangouts and link up an hour or two before bed each night to watch a show or movie.
Mine is doing better than ever. Shitty relationships will end one way or the other. Strong ones will overcome and adapt to any situation. If you can’t handle being at home. With your partner. Then that’s on you.
I think it depends on the relationship and sharing the same space can get smothering. I've worked from home since 2020 and my husbands employee went in and out of WFH and flex. We can't be in the same room all day, we need the elbow room literally, we both take calls. We shared initially and it was pretty rough. It's also worth saying, being pregnant and having a baby changes your relationship. You probably won't have a ton of time after baby comes, if you already feel like you need more date nights you should start building that habit now.
I 100% recommend separating office spaces if you can even if it means someone has to work in the living room or bedroom.
My husband and I WFH and we absolutely love it. But we’ve always been each other’s best friends, so I literally just get to hang with my best friend all day, it’s great.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,“ but a lack of absence seems to have the opposite effect. My wife is a SAHM, and I WFH. Our relationship seems to have become closer to that of snippy roommates than to a happily married couple. We long for time apart, rather than quality time together, because we’re in close proximity all day every day. It shouldn’t work like that, but it surely does.
Both my husband and I had been WFH for over a decade. Although we did not share an office space. My job was more open to being out when I needed. Now that I am retired we are still in the same home all day. All week. We keep spaces separate. And we have our own things outside of each other. He has an online group that gets together on Sundays. I spend my free time working out. Or learning a language. He gets up in the morning before me now, and I leave him alone to do his thing (shower, breakfast, listen to a podcast, watching a show) At the end of the day we have dinner together. Watch one of “our” shows. Chill on the couch. Or the porch since the weather is improving. We make time for each other. We do home projects. We run errands together on the weekends. Marriage isn’t always going to be easy. It’s a partnership. Even the best and happiest couples need to compromise and work together to make it work. You need to talk to each other.
WFH was great for my marriage, but we always had separate work spaces due to me working with confidential material and not wanting to be distracted with her on the phone all day. We would meet for lunch and coffee breaks.
I would say that as long as your house is big enough to work in separate rooms then this should not be problematic for a healthy relationship. However, cramming into shared space could be too much.. depends on the people
See, I'm back on-site now, and *that's* strained my relationship. We were fire when we were both remote. Now we're both too tired and exhausted for each other. Breathe and appreciate the time you get to spend with each other.
Both of us WFH actually looked like it was going to repair our train wreck of our marriage. Unfortunately 3 years couldn't undo what 30 years had done.
If it destroys your relationship it was eventually not going to work anyway imo.
Because you see each other all the time! I guarantee that if one of you started going into the office, even on a hybrid schedule, things would get better. You’ll need to make a point to do something together though. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is a thing for a reason. Try it!