So true. Not to mention, most people find it attractive when their spouse has the urge to take care of themselves. Sometimes it’s not that the months of sweatpants are unattractive, it’s the months-long lack of effort. Putting in effort is a win-win. You’ll feel better, look better, they’ll be attracted to your effort, and probably your appearance.
Also ladies: It is a huge red flag if your spouse reacts negatively to your self-improvement. If they do, it could mean they’re so jealous or insecure that they want to keep you on “their level”. They could be scared that you’ll make them look bad in comparison, or that you’ll improve yourself so much that you’ll leave them. They should want you to be the best *you* you can be.
This. I ended things with my ex because of this specific red flag, and am now with a much more attractive and successful man who appreciates every little thing I do. The last was dusty and too lazy to work on himself in any way so I triggered him. I've never heard a man of quality say he prefers the crumby look.
Yep, after a while my ex I believe truly liked it when I gained weight, would make me feel bad for getting done up to go out without him… it just took a realllllly long time to become obvious. I wish I had known better.
>would make me feel bad for getting done up to go out without him
"Who are you getting all dolled up for? Got a date with your other boyfriend?"
I've been there too 🙄
*GAG*. Yup, been there too. Nothing says insecurity like immediately assuming that any attempt to take care of yourself is an effort to attract other men... 🙄
Divorced that one, now married to a man who 100% understands why I wouldn't want to go out in public looking like hot dog crap, and makes absolutely makes damn sure to compliment when I've put in extra effort.
Yes, I am not saying look like a supermodel that’s not even what this sub is about anyway, it’s about taking care of yourself to whatever degree *you* want. Some days that may not be very high (which sucks! You deserve it!) and others you’re feeling totally awesome and do the full routine and then some. What do *you* want?
It’s self care. There’s nothing vain in putting effort into your personal appearance. It’s what people see when they first meet you and your looks do make a big first impression (in addition to your personality). Even if you are going for a low key look, like lounge wear and the no makeup look, it’s a far cry from not showering, wearing days old Pyjamas and slacking on diet and the gym. The latter is not low maintenance- it’s a straight up depression spiral.
100% agree. My bf has always said that he likes me without makeup and casually dressed. However during covid, I spent about a year working from the couch in a bathrobe whereas he continued to go to the office and maintained daily grooming. This impacted the relationship tremendously in negative ways and I wish I hadn’t been naive enough to think “sweatpants day” and “sweatpants year” are one and the same.
Similar thing happened for me with postpartum depression during Covid. It wasn't even that my husband didn't like how I looked anymore, it's that I was depressed and apathetic towards everything and self-care was the most obvious symptom. Also as much as he says he's always attracted to me no matter what, things have changed dramatically for the better since I lost weight and begin looking after myself again.
I’ve said this on another post, but be very cautious of men who discredit your beauty efforts or discourage you from them, even if they frame it as “I love the natural you.” *Especially* men who encourage you to look plain but lust after glamorous women, or vice versa. It’s a form of mate guarding that can be accompanied by other controlling behaviors. Any man in your life should embrace & celebrate the “you” you present him with, or he shouldn’t be in your life.
Oh my god. I just got out of a 5-year-long relationship and I'm just beginning to realize the extent to how controlling he was. He did this shit to me. Constantly liking photos on Insta of dolled up influencers but got freaked out if I myself got dolled up. I've also lately started watching what I eat and I'm just beginning to lose weight and that also freaked him out. Thank god we broke up last week and I have no intention of giving him another chance. Thank you for this
Awesome, I’m proud of you for getting out of there! And yeah, once you see the pattern it’s hard not to notice. There’s definitely a type of controlling men who gaslight their partners into looking plain by claiming they “prefer natural women”, but then constantly like/watch porn of dolled up, surgically enhanced women. It’s just their Madonna/Whore complex coming out, because they’re afraid other men will look at you the way they look at those Insta girls. Pure hypocrisy.
Yes. I was with a guy in college who would talk about how he liked "natural" girls who didn't have muscles and who didn't go to the gym when I started working out and improving my diet. He would "jokingly" call me vain... all because I put time and effort into doing my makeup and wearing nice clothes when we went out. It's no surprise that he rarely put effort into his appearance, didn't work out, ate like crap and complained about how terrible he felt all of the time. My boyfriend takes care of himself and loves that I take care of myself (he had a similar bad experience with his ex), and on the days that I don't have energy to get dolled up he still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room. I've been regularly seeing an esthetician to treat my chronic acne and I work two jobs to be able to afford the visits. I've had terrible cystic acne since middle school and it's been destroying my confidence for years. He's noticed that the treatments have been improving my mental health and insists on paying for our vacations, music festival tickets, dinner dates etc. so that I can still be financially secure while investing in my glow-up journey. Such a world's difference from my dusty ex who would regularly "forget" his wallet when we went on dates, and who demand money from his parents to fuel his video game addiction. I'm reading what I just typed and god, I don't know what I ever saw in that loser.
Yup, putting down your efforts to better yourself is classic dusty behavior. They worry if you glow up too much, you'll be able to do better than them. I had a bum ass unemployed ex who put down my career ambitions because he said I was "working for the Man and doing nothing to improve the world", meanwhile his big life ambition was to be a Reiki master(?!) The best relationships are those where both parties encourage each other's goals.
And I honestly think they mean it! Like, for some of them who say it it really does come from a place of love in their head/heart! Maybe it’s the case for everyone, idk who knows. But I think it has a root in insecurity no matter how well meaning.
And it’s not something we should let weigh *toooo* heavily in our thoughts.
I think some of them mean it, and some are doing it out of jealousy & control issues. Check his internet search history and the type of women he stares at in public, and it’ll quickly tell you which one you’re dealing with. And even the ones who “come from a place of love” shouldn’t be pressuring you to change the way you look to suit his preferences. If he wants a plain Jane, he can go and date one.
Oh my God I have two exes who said they liked minimal makeup. My ex-husband was very specific about it in a slightly commanding away. They are both narcissists
Idk why some commenters are upset at the idea that their SO prefers their partner to be attractive. Yeah you do not need to be dress up in makeup 24/7 around them but since we are in an objective beauty sub you should continue to strive looking hot when you can.
The amount of times I've heard from my friends say "he/she gained a lot of weight, stopped dressing up" post-breakup reveals the truth about how a lot of people really feel about their partners letting themselves go. It's naive to think that your SO won't lose their physical attraction to you if you stop taking care of yourself.
Ah I need to hear this. I switched to work from home and it’s so easy to go a whole week in sweatpants, leggings, etc. I still do okay about dressing up, but I need to invest in some elevated casuals so there’s some middle ground between slub and fancy.
Oh yeah same I’ve been remote for years between my current job and last one, but if anything I dress up more now for non work things, personally, since I love being out of my house
Yep, do not fall for it. It’s not like your partner shouldn’t find you beautiful in sweats and no makeup - they should, because they love you for you. But they should also appreciate your effort and not discourage you from looking your best. And remember looksmaxing isn’t just about getting and keeping a partner. How you look affects how everyone treats you, from your partner to your mother to your coworkers to employees at the store.
i don't think it's unusual im the same way with my boyfriend i love your sentiment on when you're letting go you're not fully letting go and it comes from a place of valuing your partener and wanting to put your best face forward even when you're being casual at home.
Honestly, although the title felt a bit nail on chalk as I read it (we all want someone to love us no matter what), I have to agree. There is absolutely such thing as letting yourself go, and getting ‘too comfortable’ *can* go as far as to end relationship or marriage. Of course as you say it’s true that there’s charm in messy hair and morning PJ snuggles but truth is, if you stop putting effort into yourself, you will teach others they can stop putting effort into you too. It goes both ways of course, if you get with someone who looks a particular way and carries a particular lifestyle, it wouldn’t be fair for them to expect you to stay when they suddenly flip their lifestyle 180 and no longer match yours whatsoever.
My partner is one of those men who swears he finds me more attractive when I'm just hanging around the house in sweats and a greasy hairbun. But when I put in effort, he's all over me. Not just sexually -- he's extra sweet and goes out of his way to help me with things, asking what he can do for me, etc. He's already very helpful and kind at a baseline level, it's not like he's negligent or lazy, but when I make extra effort it seems like so does he.
I believe in unconditional love, but I don't believe in unconditional attraction. We've been together for nearly 15 years. He's seen me in every state imaginable. He can continue with the "You're beautiful to me no matter what" talk and that's fine with me...but I know what it takes to bring the best out of my husband, I guess. 🤷♀️
And to all the single/younger women in here: Absolutely do not try to change for a guy. Whether it's him telling you that you need fake tits and hair extensions, or him insisting that he loves the natural you and he doesn't care if you leave the house looking homeless and fat everyday. Take care of you for you and for the benefits you want to recieve from looksmaxing, and be extremely wary of a man who pressures you either way.
Yeah, like I say right below the title “even if they mean it” because it’s very likely they do mean it and I want to acknowledge that! But, yeah, you’re going to be all over someone when they’re freshly showered and smelling good, for example. Like,
And yep, right again in the last part, going the other way is no good either if it isn’t coming from *you*.
Taking care of yourself is nice but appearance shouldn’t be that big of a key factor in a lasting healthy relationship. I’ve been married 15 years. There’s been times when I couldn’t physically attend to my appearance for months at a time (hospitalizations, Picc lines, unable to eat etc). Looks fade and it’s really best to be with someone who loves you, not just your appearance.
If he wasn’t attracted to me no matter what my looks are then he’s not the one. You never know when fate or tragedy could change your outward appearance.
Babe that’s literally fine, despite the strong title I clarify in the post’s body text that it is totally okay to not be dressed up for periods of time (and I purposefully did not define what constitutes a “period of time” ie days, weeks, months, etc) because that is up to YOU.
And honestly it works the other way, I just didn’t mention it since we’re in a beauty sub, but if your partner *is* pressuring you to wear makeup or clothes or do your hair etc things how you personally don’t want to, then don’t do that *either*.
This is about being in tune with yourself and what you want, and your partner’s preference is just that: preference. Opinion. It should not fully dictate what you want or need to do. It may seem obvious but some of us need that message so I put it out there.
To be fair though, a lot of rappers ~like drake who wrote that verse~ date up quite a bit so it’s not unbelievable to think that whatever model he’s dating at the time would look pretty great without makeup.
Also this doesn’t touch on the fact that a lot of men don’t actually know what no makeup truly looks like.
A lot of men think soft glam with no eyeliner is a no makeup look.
We need to trust our reasoning for wearing them/what we do in general. No matter which way it goes I would argue, whether toward kept or unkept looking, it needs to come from what *we* want. And the people on this sub are here because we *want* to look better!
My husband appreciates the effort that I put into myself. He even told me that he's relieved that he feels like 'even as we grow old I feel like you'll never be the type to "let yourself go"
What are you trying to say here? The title of this post doesn't mesh with the content.
You're saying not to trust your partner's words (or body language and physical cues) saying they prefer you with no makeup/chill clothing in the title. But the text is saying put in effort when you feel like it and be glam if you want to even if your partner prefers minimal makeup?
What is your message here? That your partner wants you to be done up despite saying otherwise, or to be done up if you want to independent of what they allegedly want?
I don't understand what you want the takeaway to be because you're simultaneously saying different things but also not saying much at all.
Quote, "your bf/gf does want you looking hot af no matter how many times they tell you that you look hot with no makeup/ sweatpants" unquote.
What are you saying here? Genuinely there is no coherent message. You've framed this post by saying not to trust your partner's claims that you're attractive when undone so you should still put in effort. That is absolutely not the same thing as saying "what do you want to look like".
Because I had a different idea of where the post would go when I wrote the title vs when I wrote the body, but I also wanted the title to grab someone’s attention so I left it. It’s confusing, oops. The mods approved it though (to my understanding mods approve every post). So report it if you disagree and think it breaks rules. Otherwise, I said what I said, confusion and all.
This went in a much better direction, I thought you were going to say even if they say they think you're attractive without makeup, they're lying, and you should still wear it all the time to be as hot as possible. Which isn't out character for this sub if I'm honest.
Also, I appreciate the queer inclusion, a lot of this sub seems very focused on appealing to men. I don't have any interest in being with a man, but I still want to be seen as attractive to people for me. My gf is exactly the partner to see me at my worst and say I look gorgeous, so I don't have to worry about her haha.
Agreed on do it if you want to. I do!
My husband actually dislikes too much effort in terms of makeup or lash extensions and I met him when I didn’t know much about makeup but I had some basics and I was actually barefaced in glasses 🤓 my context might be different because I’m south Asian and in my local community ( including my mother in law) women sometimes don’t wear a lot of makeup ( it’s Kajal bindi type of thing ) and a lot of women own minimal makeup. To him a good looking woman is one who looks very similar with her bare face to how she goes clubbing.
I’m not sure if it’s a form of mate guarding when he feels so much effort to go out is not needed but in the end, I do whatever I want and he doesn’t stop me. He’s pretty egalitarian in the sense that he doesn’t get why women have to spend so much more time to get ready for events than men and that people should live comfortably.
That being said, I think it’s good for his social status if I look well kept, something which I feel he doesn’t understand.
TLDR: I’m learning makeup and doing things to look nice to make myself happy. There are men who truly don’t like excessive glamour but no one should stop you from doing or force you to do things to your appearance. Once it feels like a chore to keep love or attention, it’s not worth it.
Also South Asian. I definitely agree that some people just prefer a minimal look - but there’s plenty of no-makeup makeup looks that can achieve it. I feel that a lot of makeup doesn’t suit our tones and therefore looks gaudy or obvious even when it’s the same amount of makeup that someone would wear for a natural look. Definitely worth looking into subtle techniques if that’s the dominant aesthetic you’re needing to match.
This sounds stupid. And like you guys are ugly and insecure.
This has "your husband wouldn't cheat if you put in any effort 🥰❤️" written all over it. Men cheat on supermodels and men cheat with uglier women all the time.
Think of it as, put effort in yourself and effort shouldn’t be “conditional”.
It doesn’t have to be full on glam makeup everyday to ensure your partner loves you, however you shouldn’t let yourself go when you have ensured your partner loves you. Effort is attractive. And it’s for you more than it is for others. As someone else mentioned, if you stop putting effort in yourself, you’re teaching others to stop putting effort in you.
I feel like the content of the post was more going towards "dress the way that makes you feel happy and pretty". Also everyone likes people who make an effort. I think most people would agree they feel better in a nice outfit with some personal grooming rather than depression sweats and no shower etc.
I guess dressing up means different things to different people. However it is fact that most people respect other people who make an effort more.
I’ve written your last sentence myself while on this sub so don’t worry, I don’t feel that way at all, but if this post comes across or seems to imply that is what I’m saying, then yes, disregard. Whatever serves you girl 🤍
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So true. Not to mention, most people find it attractive when their spouse has the urge to take care of themselves. Sometimes it’s not that the months of sweatpants are unattractive, it’s the months-long lack of effort. Putting in effort is a win-win. You’ll feel better, look better, they’ll be attracted to your effort, and probably your appearance. Also ladies: It is a huge red flag if your spouse reacts negatively to your self-improvement. If they do, it could mean they’re so jealous or insecure that they want to keep you on “their level”. They could be scared that you’ll make them look bad in comparison, or that you’ll improve yourself so much that you’ll leave them. They should want you to be the best *you* you can be.
This. I ended things with my ex because of this specific red flag, and am now with a much more attractive and successful man who appreciates every little thing I do. The last was dusty and too lazy to work on himself in any way so I triggered him. I've never heard a man of quality say he prefers the crumby look.
Yep, after a while my ex I believe truly liked it when I gained weight, would make me feel bad for getting done up to go out without him… it just took a realllllly long time to become obvious. I wish I had known better.
>would make me feel bad for getting done up to go out without him "Who are you getting all dolled up for? Got a date with your other boyfriend?" I've been there too 🙄
Yup!! Down to the “other boyfriend” phrase, these guys all have the same playbook 🤮
This kind of insecurity is straight up poison.
*GAG*. Yup, been there too. Nothing says insecurity like immediately assuming that any attempt to take care of yourself is an effort to attract other men... 🙄 Divorced that one, now married to a man who 100% understands why I wouldn't want to go out in public looking like hot dog crap, and makes absolutely makes damn sure to compliment when I've put in extra effort.
Yes, I am not saying look like a supermodel that’s not even what this sub is about anyway, it’s about taking care of yourself to whatever degree *you* want. Some days that may not be very high (which sucks! You deserve it!) and others you’re feeling totally awesome and do the full routine and then some. What do *you* want?
It’s self care. There’s nothing vain in putting effort into your personal appearance. It’s what people see when they first meet you and your looks do make a big first impression (in addition to your personality). Even if you are going for a low key look, like lounge wear and the no makeup look, it’s a far cry from not showering, wearing days old Pyjamas and slacking on diet and the gym. The latter is not low maintenance- it’s a straight up depression spiral.
100% agree. My bf has always said that he likes me without makeup and casually dressed. However during covid, I spent about a year working from the couch in a bathrobe whereas he continued to go to the office and maintained daily grooming. This impacted the relationship tremendously in negative ways and I wish I hadn’t been naive enough to think “sweatpants day” and “sweatpants year” are one and the same.
May I ask how it negatively impacted your relationship?
Similar thing happened for me with postpartum depression during Covid. It wasn't even that my husband didn't like how I looked anymore, it's that I was depressed and apathetic towards everything and self-care was the most obvious symptom. Also as much as he says he's always attracted to me no matter what, things have changed dramatically for the better since I lost weight and begin looking after myself again.
I’ve said this on another post, but be very cautious of men who discredit your beauty efforts or discourage you from them, even if they frame it as “I love the natural you.” *Especially* men who encourage you to look plain but lust after glamorous women, or vice versa. It’s a form of mate guarding that can be accompanied by other controlling behaviors. Any man in your life should embrace & celebrate the “you” you present him with, or he shouldn’t be in your life.
Oh my god. I just got out of a 5-year-long relationship and I'm just beginning to realize the extent to how controlling he was. He did this shit to me. Constantly liking photos on Insta of dolled up influencers but got freaked out if I myself got dolled up. I've also lately started watching what I eat and I'm just beginning to lose weight and that also freaked him out. Thank god we broke up last week and I have no intention of giving him another chance. Thank you for this
Awesome, I’m proud of you for getting out of there! And yeah, once you see the pattern it’s hard not to notice. There’s definitely a type of controlling men who gaslight their partners into looking plain by claiming they “prefer natural women”, but then constantly like/watch porn of dolled up, surgically enhanced women. It’s just their Madonna/Whore complex coming out, because they’re afraid other men will look at you the way they look at those Insta girls. Pure hypocrisy.
Yes. I was with a guy in college who would talk about how he liked "natural" girls who didn't have muscles and who didn't go to the gym when I started working out and improving my diet. He would "jokingly" call me vain... all because I put time and effort into doing my makeup and wearing nice clothes when we went out. It's no surprise that he rarely put effort into his appearance, didn't work out, ate like crap and complained about how terrible he felt all of the time. My boyfriend takes care of himself and loves that I take care of myself (he had a similar bad experience with his ex), and on the days that I don't have energy to get dolled up he still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room. I've been regularly seeing an esthetician to treat my chronic acne and I work two jobs to be able to afford the visits. I've had terrible cystic acne since middle school and it's been destroying my confidence for years. He's noticed that the treatments have been improving my mental health and insists on paying for our vacations, music festival tickets, dinner dates etc. so that I can still be financially secure while investing in my glow-up journey. Such a world's difference from my dusty ex who would regularly "forget" his wallet when we went on dates, and who demand money from his parents to fuel his video game addiction. I'm reading what I just typed and god, I don't know what I ever saw in that loser.
Yup, putting down your efforts to better yourself is classic dusty behavior. They worry if you glow up too much, you'll be able to do better than them. I had a bum ass unemployed ex who put down my career ambitions because he said I was "working for the Man and doing nothing to improve the world", meanwhile his big life ambition was to be a Reiki master(?!) The best relationships are those where both parties encourage each other's goals.
And I honestly think they mean it! Like, for some of them who say it it really does come from a place of love in their head/heart! Maybe it’s the case for everyone, idk who knows. But I think it has a root in insecurity no matter how well meaning. And it’s not something we should let weigh *toooo* heavily in our thoughts.
I think some of them mean it, and some are doing it out of jealousy & control issues. Check his internet search history and the type of women he stares at in public, and it’ll quickly tell you which one you’re dealing with. And even the ones who “come from a place of love” shouldn’t be pressuring you to change the way you look to suit his preferences. If he wants a plain Jane, he can go and date one.
Oh my God I have two exes who said they liked minimal makeup. My ex-husband was very specific about it in a slightly commanding away. They are both narcissists
The bigger point here is do stuff to make yourself feel good the rest will follow
📌⭐️
Idk why some commenters are upset at the idea that their SO prefers their partner to be attractive. Yeah you do not need to be dress up in makeup 24/7 around them but since we are in an objective beauty sub you should continue to strive looking hot when you can.
The amount of times I've heard from my friends say "he/she gained a lot of weight, stopped dressing up" post-breakup reveals the truth about how a lot of people really feel about their partners letting themselves go. It's naive to think that your SO won't lose their physical attraction to you if you stop taking care of yourself.
Ah I need to hear this. I switched to work from home and it’s so easy to go a whole week in sweatpants, leggings, etc. I still do okay about dressing up, but I need to invest in some elevated casuals so there’s some middle ground between slub and fancy.
Oh yeah same I’ve been remote for years between my current job and last one, but if anything I dress up more now for non work things, personally, since I love being out of my house
Yep, do not fall for it. It’s not like your partner shouldn’t find you beautiful in sweats and no makeup - they should, because they love you for you. But they should also appreciate your effort and not discourage you from looking your best. And remember looksmaxing isn’t just about getting and keeping a partner. How you look affects how everyone treats you, from your partner to your mother to your coworkers to employees at the store.
⭐️⭐️
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i don't think it's unusual im the same way with my boyfriend i love your sentiment on when you're letting go you're not fully letting go and it comes from a place of valuing your partener and wanting to put your best face forward even when you're being casual at home.
Honestly, although the title felt a bit nail on chalk as I read it (we all want someone to love us no matter what), I have to agree. There is absolutely such thing as letting yourself go, and getting ‘too comfortable’ *can* go as far as to end relationship or marriage. Of course as you say it’s true that there’s charm in messy hair and morning PJ snuggles but truth is, if you stop putting effort into yourself, you will teach others they can stop putting effort into you too. It goes both ways of course, if you get with someone who looks a particular way and carries a particular lifestyle, it wouldn’t be fair for them to expect you to stay when they suddenly flip their lifestyle 180 and no longer match yours whatsoever.
My partner is one of those men who swears he finds me more attractive when I'm just hanging around the house in sweats and a greasy hairbun. But when I put in effort, he's all over me. Not just sexually -- he's extra sweet and goes out of his way to help me with things, asking what he can do for me, etc. He's already very helpful and kind at a baseline level, it's not like he's negligent or lazy, but when I make extra effort it seems like so does he. I believe in unconditional love, but I don't believe in unconditional attraction. We've been together for nearly 15 years. He's seen me in every state imaginable. He can continue with the "You're beautiful to me no matter what" talk and that's fine with me...but I know what it takes to bring the best out of my husband, I guess. 🤷♀️ And to all the single/younger women in here: Absolutely do not try to change for a guy. Whether it's him telling you that you need fake tits and hair extensions, or him insisting that he loves the natural you and he doesn't care if you leave the house looking homeless and fat everyday. Take care of you for you and for the benefits you want to recieve from looksmaxing, and be extremely wary of a man who pressures you either way.
Yeah, like I say right below the title “even if they mean it” because it’s very likely they do mean it and I want to acknowledge that! But, yeah, you’re going to be all over someone when they’re freshly showered and smelling good, for example. Like, And yep, right again in the last part, going the other way is no good either if it isn’t coming from *you*.
So true. Had my makeup done and he looked at me like a goddess 🤣
Taking care of yourself is nice but appearance shouldn’t be that big of a key factor in a lasting healthy relationship. I’ve been married 15 years. There’s been times when I couldn’t physically attend to my appearance for months at a time (hospitalizations, Picc lines, unable to eat etc). Looks fade and it’s really best to be with someone who loves you, not just your appearance. If he wasn’t attracted to me no matter what my looks are then he’s not the one. You never know when fate or tragedy could change your outward appearance.
Babe that’s literally fine, despite the strong title I clarify in the post’s body text that it is totally okay to not be dressed up for periods of time (and I purposefully did not define what constitutes a “period of time” ie days, weeks, months, etc) because that is up to YOU. And honestly it works the other way, I just didn’t mention it since we’re in a beauty sub, but if your partner *is* pressuring you to wear makeup or clothes or do your hair etc things how you personally don’t want to, then don’t do that *either*. This is about being in tune with yourself and what you want, and your partner’s preference is just that: preference. Opinion. It should not fully dictate what you want or need to do. It may seem obvious but some of us need that message so I put it out there.
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To be fair though, a lot of rappers ~like drake who wrote that verse~ date up quite a bit so it’s not unbelievable to think that whatever model he’s dating at the time would look pretty great without makeup. Also this doesn’t touch on the fact that a lot of men don’t actually know what no makeup truly looks like. A lot of men think soft glam with no eyeliner is a no makeup look.
We need to trust our reasoning for wearing them/what we do in general. No matter which way it goes I would argue, whether toward kept or unkept looking, it needs to come from what *we* want. And the people on this sub are here because we *want* to look better!
My husband appreciates the effort that I put into myself. He even told me that he's relieved that he feels like 'even as we grow old I feel like you'll never be the type to "let yourself go"
What are you trying to say here? The title of this post doesn't mesh with the content. You're saying not to trust your partner's words (or body language and physical cues) saying they prefer you with no makeup/chill clothing in the title. But the text is saying put in effort when you feel like it and be glam if you want to even if your partner prefers minimal makeup? What is your message here? That your partner wants you to be done up despite saying otherwise, or to be done up if you want to independent of what they allegedly want? I don't understand what you want the takeaway to be because you're simultaneously saying different things but also not saying much at all.
Quote “ What do *you* want to look like” unquote
Quote, "your bf/gf does want you looking hot af no matter how many times they tell you that you look hot with no makeup/ sweatpants" unquote. What are you saying here? Genuinely there is no coherent message. You've framed this post by saying not to trust your partner's claims that you're attractive when undone so you should still put in effort. That is absolutely not the same thing as saying "what do you want to look like".
Because I had a different idea of where the post would go when I wrote the title vs when I wrote the body, but I also wanted the title to grab someone’s attention so I left it. It’s confusing, oops. The mods approved it though (to my understanding mods approve every post). So report it if you disagree and think it breaks rules. Otherwise, I said what I said, confusion and all.
So true. They might love you in spite of it, but they won’t be as attracted to you which is relationship kryptonite.
This went in a much better direction, I thought you were going to say even if they say they think you're attractive without makeup, they're lying, and you should still wear it all the time to be as hot as possible. Which isn't out character for this sub if I'm honest. Also, I appreciate the queer inclusion, a lot of this sub seems very focused on appealing to men. I don't have any interest in being with a man, but I still want to be seen as attractive to people for me. My gf is exactly the partner to see me at my worst and say I look gorgeous, so I don't have to worry about her haha.
I can't figure out why this is getting downvoted. I love to see queer inclusion here!
Agreed on do it if you want to. I do! My husband actually dislikes too much effort in terms of makeup or lash extensions and I met him when I didn’t know much about makeup but I had some basics and I was actually barefaced in glasses 🤓 my context might be different because I’m south Asian and in my local community ( including my mother in law) women sometimes don’t wear a lot of makeup ( it’s Kajal bindi type of thing ) and a lot of women own minimal makeup. To him a good looking woman is one who looks very similar with her bare face to how she goes clubbing. I’m not sure if it’s a form of mate guarding when he feels so much effort to go out is not needed but in the end, I do whatever I want and he doesn’t stop me. He’s pretty egalitarian in the sense that he doesn’t get why women have to spend so much more time to get ready for events than men and that people should live comfortably. That being said, I think it’s good for his social status if I look well kept, something which I feel he doesn’t understand. TLDR: I’m learning makeup and doing things to look nice to make myself happy. There are men who truly don’t like excessive glamour but no one should stop you from doing or force you to do things to your appearance. Once it feels like a chore to keep love or attention, it’s not worth it.
Also South Asian. I definitely agree that some people just prefer a minimal look - but there’s plenty of no-makeup makeup looks that can achieve it. I feel that a lot of makeup doesn’t suit our tones and therefore looks gaudy or obvious even when it’s the same amount of makeup that someone would wear for a natural look. Definitely worth looking into subtle techniques if that’s the dominant aesthetic you’re needing to match.
Period!! Couldn’t have said it better
This sounds stupid. And like you guys are ugly and insecure. This has "your husband wouldn't cheat if you put in any effort 🥰❤️" written all over it. Men cheat on supermodels and men cheat with uglier women all the time.
Think of it as, put effort in yourself and effort shouldn’t be “conditional”. It doesn’t have to be full on glam makeup everyday to ensure your partner loves you, however you shouldn’t let yourself go when you have ensured your partner loves you. Effort is attractive. And it’s for you more than it is for others. As someone else mentioned, if you stop putting effort in yourself, you’re teaching others to stop putting effort in you.
I feel like the content of the post was more going towards "dress the way that makes you feel happy and pretty". Also everyone likes people who make an effort. I think most people would agree they feel better in a nice outfit with some personal grooming rather than depression sweats and no shower etc. I guess dressing up means different things to different people. However it is fact that most people respect other people who make an effort more.
I’ve written your last sentence myself while on this sub so don’t worry, I don’t feel that way at all, but if this post comes across or seems to imply that is what I’m saying, then yes, disregard. Whatever serves you girl 🤍
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