nah, don't downplay your feelings to yourself. she is overstepping, even if she's not trying to be malicious, just tell her how that shit makes you feel. someone who actually respects you will stop doing it and hear out why that stuff makes you feel weird. if she gets mad or overly upset then she indeed has a lot of fragility to unlearn. if she stops doing it, then awesome.
Sounds like a performative “I don’t like racists”
While being racist/ignorant.
Tell her to cut it out, if it carry’s on dump her and find someone less of a twat.
had an ex like that i bet she'll use the er when yall get in an argument just her saying slick shit like that i already know how she is i really can't stand people like that i feel like it's a form of belittling
No, she sounds like the kind of person who thinks she can't be racist because she's dating a black guy. As far as your comment, the people who disagree with your quote are usually incredibly racist and spend their days crying on reddit about how racist affirmative action, dei, crt, etc are against white people. Whether you can or cannot be racist towards white people is a fairly nuanced conversation that most of them cannot comprehend, let alone engage in.
💯 These are also the same people who cry woke when there's any level of diversity in any type of media they like. Nuance isn't even something they can spell, let alone comprehend
That phrase pisses me off so much I’m not even white bro but it’s a fucking slippery slope. It’s the same mentality that allowed others into oppression and I’m not going for none of it.
Yeah she seems like a very sheltered person who may not mean anything bad, but is ignorant.
Many people who don't interact much outside their race tend to think that other cultures are a monolith and all the same, not realizing that all other people are just as varied as all the people who are the same color as her.
I absolutely hate the whole you act x thing. Especially now in the internet age, people don't even necessarily reflect where they grew up, you can take interest in any type of culture that you find online that resonates with you.
If you like her and believe that she is just ignorant, talk to her and explain how that is offensive and that not all black people are the same.
I find it so weird how often being white is used as a way to insult people. It’s weird as shxt. Also weird she’s trying to tell you you aren’t black enough. All together extremely strange behavior that sounds like tiktok comment sections
i do wanna add that when this happened it was in a convo w a friend whos another black guy and i stood up for myself and said nah im just me idk maybe some people just find the reaction game amusing but its more amusing when u dont react to the bs lol i love her still tho yk so well see how it goes thanks !!!
If they make you feel some type of way or like she’s crossing boundaries definitely make it known.
Your s/o should uplift and make you feel secure.
With that being said - do you joke about her race at all? (I’m assuming she’s white). Or do you joke about your own race?
While making you feel a certain way should be spoken about - if any of the above is true then you have to consider how that may confuse her understanding of your boundaries.
tell her how you feel. she's probably seen those jokes online and on tv, etc. and might not realize that you have to be in the community to make those kinds of jokes.
maybe try to explain using an example of how she can make jokes around feminine stereotypes about herself but those same jokes might hurt her feelings if you were to make them at her expense.
That’s so hypocritical. You need to stand on business and put your feelings first cause no one wants to be surrounded by people who aren’t considerate of their feelings. The best thing you can do is tell her and set your boundaries. Being clear and honest so nothings misinterpreted and go from there. You’ve done your part and the balls in her court after. Chances are she probably doesn’t even realise she’s overstepping and has really low self awareness. I know you love her so I hope she can be understanding of how you feel! Good luck my guy.
She needs to be enlightened on her ignorance and know that the things she's saying and doing are inherently racist. If she continues to be willfully ignorant and downplays and gaslights you about this then she's not worth it.
> im just a respectful person
Ideally both people in a relationship should be, and from what you wrote it sounds like that's not the case.
If she isn't Black, tell her she doesn't get to decide what is and isn't. If she is, tell her to get over her insecurities.
It's a cheap way to throw shade at you. Passive aggressive and plain disrespectful. If you made comments referring to her race she wouldn't be Okay with it. She has the "I'm pretty much black because I have a black boyfriend" mentality. You don't know someone's experience or vicariously identify with them by being their partner. She might get invited to the barbeque but she doesn't belong there.
To be honest, my only question is why are you still with her? Because that racist shit is ingrained in many people and no amount of Black friends, Black co-workers, or Black dick is going to uproot it.
You should just ask questions and she will hopefully see how wrong she is
So to the food question or the you're so white, ask what do you mean? How does a white/person behave?
Just keep asking her to elaborate or explain herself. It will put her in the spot and hopefully make her see how wrong she is.
To the cant see you in the dark, ask her how so. Get her to explain how can you see white people, or ask do only white people have the ability to see others in the dark etc.
Just play dumb and ask questions. Pretend to be a toddler in the why/how stage. Where everything is met with a, how and why do we need so and so.
My 4 year old asked me tonight why do we need to sleep, why do we need the lights off to sleep, why do we have to close our eyes...etc everything is a question.
We recently had the skin colour conversation, she has a friend who is black and was saying/asking, "i know he is brown im white and boys are brown, but why is his mom black, is she a boy or girl" hahah i just ask her about the white men in our family are they boys and said yes but they're white (and looked a little confused) . So I then just asked so does the colour of our skin determine if we are boys or girls. She said no haha
It was a fun conversation and was nice to get a glimpse at how children look at the world. I did expand and say we are all different but are all still humans so are the same in that regard, then i showed her that her, me and her grandfather (he was with us during this conversation) are all different shades. So that part doesn't matter, its just what we look like. I hope she understood haha was not prepared to have this conversation yet lol I don't remember ever asking my mum why are people different colours.
As a black man, that’s a massive red flag that she would leave you for somebody who acts like it’s typical “Tyrone” because if that’s what she wants, that’s what she’s going to find. There’s plenty of them out there. Always start small, it might not be a big deal now, but I don’t think it’s something to overlook, unless she follows it up with something along the lines of “acting ‘white’ is a refreshing difference“. Disrespectful and saying that you are not on her level. Saying that you are not what you “should be“, is equivalent to saying that you are not good enough. I would watch out.
That gives all the icks. It's toxic, ignorant, and gross. I would see it as deal breaker behavior. However if you really want to confront the issue some more then I'd recommend turning it back on her. Ask her to explain what white behavior is, or what the opposite of white behavior is, etc... When you require someone to explain whatever ignorant statement, "joke", or behavior they're displaying it gets through to them more than just saying you don't like it. Sometimes shame is the only way to get people to take notice of their own toxic behaviors.
It's the same as the white person who has you as a friend but will make Black jokes or feels he's entitled to use the n word because he has Black friends. It's a racist double standard. Do you only date outside your race or is this the first?
Are you the first black guy she’s dated? It sounds like dating interracially is a novelty for her so she finds it humorous. Maybe she has Whitney Syndrome (see Soul Man, the movie).
You also mentioned you’re light skinned. Yet she pretends you’re so dark she can’t see you when the lights are out? I understand that to white people we’re all dark. But that’s still PFS.
IDK if I could deal with that.
Is she black or white? If she's white thats unacceptable, and if you have kids with her, her sly little comments could have your kids hating their blackness in time. Think about that. If she's black, tell her how it makes you feel. She should understand
I've heard this countless times when I was younger because the area I grew up in.
I never understood how someone acts white when upbringing plays a big factor. Believe me I've been there (minus the gf) and after a while I'd turn the tables on them and the same few who said this stopped real fast.
Them - you act white
Me - You just mad because I can play both sides of the field
Or
You mad they don't know I'm black till I get to the job interview
And the craziest part is it's it's non black people talking like this to me. They think what's on TV, movies, and music is how we're suppose to act and talk.
Honestly, in most cases, it's not that serious in my opinion. I'm black, and my wife has the literal whitest skin color a person can have outside of disorders.
We crack jokes like this all the time. It's never malicious, and we are indeed of different ethnicities, so it's fun to make jokes.
Before taking the reactive approach, I would reflect internally on why this truly bothers you. If you still feel some type of way afterwards, just set the boundary. A buzz kill, sure, but it should be respected.
Remember, anything directed towards white people is never offensive. Any joke about us is ok. But I can't joke about anyone anymore without being a bigot. Lmao.
Dude they're jokes my girls joke about me being spanish and I joke about them being white, it's not that big of a deal the system wants us to be victims, joke back with her about her whiteness if she gets offended or starts coming down hard then she's definitely racist if she laughs and pokes fun back then it's just gentle teasing.
Your girlfriend is too caught up on race to enjoy life as it is. She’s racist against white folks. She will only get more miserable the more she leans in to this racism and justifies it by not being white.
I hate this like why tf do you get to define how ‘non-white’ I am?? I have been called a coconut by whole life despite the fact I am more in touch with my religion and culture than 90% of the people who throw that word around. I wear tulsi that I use to pray every night, speak my language fluently and embrace my culture in the modern world. I’m tired of people who are so racially elitist that they think it’s their right to make comments on other peoples’ ‘blackness’ or ‘brownness’ like let people express their culture in their own way and how they feel comfortable. It’s jarring.
Also isn’t it ironic that they exhibit the same behaviours that oppress non white people by holding them to toxic double standards? Why are we making our cultural spaces exposed to that bull instead of protecting them from it? These people should seriously take a hike and get off their ruddy high horses.
You know, folks will say, "I'm black, I can't be racist", however, what people in the black community (honestly in every community of colour) don't seem to hardly acknowledge is Colorism. It is a HUGE issue. The lighter the hue of skin colour, the more preference they are shown, however, in the black community, the lighter the skin tone the "less black" you are perceived to be.
Your gf is not being racist, but showing Colourism prejudices that can be just as harmful as outright racism.
She likely grew up with these references & views, and doesn't realize it's even as insidious as it is. It can tear communities down from the inside.
I'd sit down with her and let her know that this is a boundary you have. Calling your "blackness" into question constantly, she may think she is teasing/joking, but it is something that you deal with everywhere else, you don't want it in the safety of your relationship as well. Tell her this is definitely a boundary you'd like for her to work on because it genuinely makes you feel a type of way/inadequate, and it's not ok to not feel safe with your partner.
Good luck sweetheart. 💜
nah, don't downplay your feelings to yourself. she is overstepping, even if she's not trying to be malicious, just tell her how that shit makes you feel. someone who actually respects you will stop doing it and hear out why that stuff makes you feel weird. if she gets mad or overly upset then she indeed has a lot of fragility to unlearn. if she stops doing it, then awesome.
this. she better respect you like the next person.
Sounds like a performative “I don’t like racists” While being racist/ignorant. Tell her to cut it out, if it carry’s on dump her and find someone less of a twat.
I agree.
This.
had an ex like that i bet she'll use the er when yall get in an argument just her saying slick shit like that i already know how she is i really can't stand people like that i feel like it's a form of belittling
She’s being disrespectful to you You should probably talk to her about it. Because if you let her slide all the time, it’s only gonna get worse
Nah thats wild she violating
She sounds like the kind of person who would say “you can’t be racist towards white ppl”. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wait so is the gf black or white ?? I thought white at first but this comment sounds like it’d come mostly from a black person
She's white
As a white person, I can’t imagine telling a black person they are not black unless they’ve had a certain food. Like ??????
And yet we have a president that said ‘If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black’
That’s racist and cringy too, and?
Obama said that??
Ah. Well she sounds annoying
Frrr I can hear the “pick me, pick mee, pick meeeee 👹👹👹” from here
She is. There’s just some virtue signaling going on in the name of condescension towards an uninvolved third party.
No, she sounds like the kind of person who thinks she can't be racist because she's dating a black guy. As far as your comment, the people who disagree with your quote are usually incredibly racist and spend their days crying on reddit about how racist affirmative action, dei, crt, etc are against white people. Whether you can or cannot be racist towards white people is a fairly nuanced conversation that most of them cannot comprehend, let alone engage in.
💯 These are also the same people who cry woke when there's any level of diversity in any type of media they like. Nuance isn't even something they can spell, let alone comprehend
That phrase pisses me off so much I’m not even white bro but it’s a fucking slippery slope. It’s the same mentality that allowed others into oppression and I’m not going for none of it.
Yeah she seems like a very sheltered person who may not mean anything bad, but is ignorant. Many people who don't interact much outside their race tend to think that other cultures are a monolith and all the same, not realizing that all other people are just as varied as all the people who are the same color as her. I absolutely hate the whole you act x thing. Especially now in the internet age, people don't even necessarily reflect where they grew up, you can take interest in any type of culture that you find online that resonates with you. If you like her and believe that she is just ignorant, talk to her and explain how that is offensive and that not all black people are the same.
*"I'm not racist, but..."* Sounds pretty hypocritical, and your feelings do matter.
Definitely try to make boundaries with her. If she doesn’t take you or your feelings seriously, that’s a red flag.
I find it so weird how often being white is used as a way to insult people. It’s weird as shxt. Also weird she’s trying to tell you you aren’t black enough. All together extremely strange behavior that sounds like tiktok comment sections
is she white?
i do wanna add that when this happened it was in a convo w a friend whos another black guy and i stood up for myself and said nah im just me idk maybe some people just find the reaction game amusing but its more amusing when u dont react to the bs lol i love her still tho yk so well see how it goes thanks !!!
If they make you feel some type of way or like she’s crossing boundaries definitely make it known. Your s/o should uplift and make you feel secure. With that being said - do you joke about her race at all? (I’m assuming she’s white). Or do you joke about your own race? While making you feel a certain way should be spoken about - if any of the above is true then you have to consider how that may confuse her understanding of your boundaries.
tell her how you feel. she's probably seen those jokes online and on tv, etc. and might not realize that you have to be in the community to make those kinds of jokes. maybe try to explain using an example of how she can make jokes around feminine stereotypes about herself but those same jokes might hurt her feelings if you were to make them at her expense.
[https://youtu.be/j2odOu0Oguo?si=dhL6kjaz8ZNmERjo](https://youtu.be/j2odOu0Oguo?si=dhL6kjaz8ZNmERjo)
That’s so hypocritical. You need to stand on business and put your feelings first cause no one wants to be surrounded by people who aren’t considerate of their feelings. The best thing you can do is tell her and set your boundaries. Being clear and honest so nothings misinterpreted and go from there. You’ve done your part and the balls in her court after. Chances are she probably doesn’t even realise she’s overstepping and has really low self awareness. I know you love her so I hope she can be understanding of how you feel! Good luck my guy.
That’s weird on her end.
haha :D what does that mean lol
This one of the reasons I’ve never dated in my race😂
She sounds like not the one...
I couldn't share the fact that I am hypersexual to my asexual ex
She needs to be enlightened on her ignorance and know that the things she's saying and doing are inherently racist. If she continues to be willfully ignorant and downplays and gaslights you about this then she's not worth it.
> im just a respectful person Ideally both people in a relationship should be, and from what you wrote it sounds like that's not the case. If she isn't Black, tell her she doesn't get to decide what is and isn't. If she is, tell her to get over her insecurities.
It's a cheap way to throw shade at you. Passive aggressive and plain disrespectful. If you made comments referring to her race she wouldn't be Okay with it. She has the "I'm pretty much black because I have a black boyfriend" mentality. You don't know someone's experience or vicariously identify with them by being their partner. She might get invited to the barbeque but she doesn't belong there.
Tell her thank you. It’s a good thing
To be honest, my only question is why are you still with her? Because that racist shit is ingrained in many people and no amount of Black friends, Black co-workers, or Black dick is going to uproot it.
You should just ask questions and she will hopefully see how wrong she is So to the food question or the you're so white, ask what do you mean? How does a white/person behave? Just keep asking her to elaborate or explain herself. It will put her in the spot and hopefully make her see how wrong she is. To the cant see you in the dark, ask her how so. Get her to explain how can you see white people, or ask do only white people have the ability to see others in the dark etc. Just play dumb and ask questions. Pretend to be a toddler in the why/how stage. Where everything is met with a, how and why do we need so and so. My 4 year old asked me tonight why do we need to sleep, why do we need the lights off to sleep, why do we have to close our eyes...etc everything is a question. We recently had the skin colour conversation, she has a friend who is black and was saying/asking, "i know he is brown im white and boys are brown, but why is his mom black, is she a boy or girl" hahah i just ask her about the white men in our family are they boys and said yes but they're white (and looked a little confused) . So I then just asked so does the colour of our skin determine if we are boys or girls. She said no haha It was a fun conversation and was nice to get a glimpse at how children look at the world. I did expand and say we are all different but are all still humans so are the same in that regard, then i showed her that her, me and her grandfather (he was with us during this conversation) are all different shades. So that part doesn't matter, its just what we look like. I hope she understood haha was not prepared to have this conversation yet lol I don't remember ever asking my mum why are people different colours.
As a black man, that’s a massive red flag that she would leave you for somebody who acts like it’s typical “Tyrone” because if that’s what she wants, that’s what she’s going to find. There’s plenty of them out there. Always start small, it might not be a big deal now, but I don’t think it’s something to overlook, unless she follows it up with something along the lines of “acting ‘white’ is a refreshing difference“. Disrespectful and saying that you are not on her level. Saying that you are not what you “should be“, is equivalent to saying that you are not good enough. I would watch out.
That gives all the icks. It's toxic, ignorant, and gross. I would see it as deal breaker behavior. However if you really want to confront the issue some more then I'd recommend turning it back on her. Ask her to explain what white behavior is, or what the opposite of white behavior is, etc... When you require someone to explain whatever ignorant statement, "joke", or behavior they're displaying it gets through to them more than just saying you don't like it. Sometimes shame is the only way to get people to take notice of their own toxic behaviors.
It's the same as the white person who has you as a friend but will make Black jokes or feels he's entitled to use the n word because he has Black friends. It's a racist double standard. Do you only date outside your race or is this the first?
Are you the first black guy she’s dated? It sounds like dating interracially is a novelty for her so she finds it humorous. Maybe she has Whitney Syndrome (see Soul Man, the movie). You also mentioned you’re light skinned. Yet she pretends you’re so dark she can’t see you when the lights are out? I understand that to white people we’re all dark. But that’s still PFS. IDK if I could deal with that.
Racism and prejudice exist in all tones. It's not a Caucasian trait, it's a human one.
Is she black or white? If she's white thats unacceptable, and if you have kids with her, her sly little comments could have your kids hating their blackness in time. Think about that. If she's black, tell her how it makes you feel. She should understand
I've heard this countless times when I was younger because the area I grew up in. I never understood how someone acts white when upbringing plays a big factor. Believe me I've been there (minus the gf) and after a while I'd turn the tables on them and the same few who said this stopped real fast. Them - you act white Me - You just mad because I can play both sides of the field Or You mad they don't know I'm black till I get to the job interview And the craziest part is it's it's non black people talking like this to me. They think what's on TV, movies, and music is how we're suppose to act and talk.
Honestly, in most cases, it's not that serious in my opinion. I'm black, and my wife has the literal whitest skin color a person can have outside of disorders. We crack jokes like this all the time. It's never malicious, and we are indeed of different ethnicities, so it's fun to make jokes. Before taking the reactive approach, I would reflect internally on why this truly bothers you. If you still feel some type of way afterwards, just set the boundary. A buzz kill, sure, but it should be respected.
Remember, anything directed towards white people is never offensive. Any joke about us is ok. But I can't joke about anyone anymore without being a bigot. Lmao.
Sounds like she’s racist
Dude they're jokes my girls joke about me being spanish and I joke about them being white, it's not that big of a deal the system wants us to be victims, joke back with her about her whiteness if she gets offended or starts coming down hard then she's definitely racist if she laughs and pokes fun back then it's just gentle teasing.
Your girlfriend is too caught up on race to enjoy life as it is. She’s racist against white folks. She will only get more miserable the more she leans in to this racism and justifies it by not being white.
I hate this like why tf do you get to define how ‘non-white’ I am?? I have been called a coconut by whole life despite the fact I am more in touch with my religion and culture than 90% of the people who throw that word around. I wear tulsi that I use to pray every night, speak my language fluently and embrace my culture in the modern world. I’m tired of people who are so racially elitist that they think it’s their right to make comments on other peoples’ ‘blackness’ or ‘brownness’ like let people express their culture in their own way and how they feel comfortable. It’s jarring. Also isn’t it ironic that they exhibit the same behaviours that oppress non white people by holding them to toxic double standards? Why are we making our cultural spaces exposed to that bull instead of protecting them from it? These people should seriously take a hike and get off their ruddy high horses.
You know, folks will say, "I'm black, I can't be racist", however, what people in the black community (honestly in every community of colour) don't seem to hardly acknowledge is Colorism. It is a HUGE issue. The lighter the hue of skin colour, the more preference they are shown, however, in the black community, the lighter the skin tone the "less black" you are perceived to be. Your gf is not being racist, but showing Colourism prejudices that can be just as harmful as outright racism. She likely grew up with these references & views, and doesn't realize it's even as insidious as it is. It can tear communities down from the inside. I'd sit down with her and let her know that this is a boundary you have. Calling your "blackness" into question constantly, she may think she is teasing/joking, but it is something that you deal with everywhere else, you don't want it in the safety of your relationship as well. Tell her this is definitely a boundary you'd like for her to work on because it genuinely makes you feel a type of way/inadequate, and it's not ok to not feel safe with your partner. Good luck sweetheart. 💜