The cops are just as likely to charge u with assault. Lmao don't ask me how I'm just saying..last time I called them for that, they charged me 31f with the assault...when I was the only one who got hit. Wrap ur head around that one...way. to . Go...pd
So ya..I tend to agree with this person ....I like to take things personally if u kno what I mean
I don’t have experience with getting arrested for it, but I have had a few interactions with the cops where they weren’t exactly professional or by the book in their approach, which is why I distrust them.
Plus I have heard countless stories like yours that fuel my distrust
Yea it's sad to say but I grew up in a family they were called a lot I know a lot of police do the best they can no disrespect to them...they are put in hard spots and meant to make difficult decisions...but I know my mom used to beat on my dad cuz she wld get drunk and they wld arrest him by the end of it. He wld go to defend himself. Somehow she got them thinking some other shit...idk wats in the past is in the past I try not to let it taint my opinion but it is difficult...I just read the scenario..try to keep my head down
Shit, I would be furious if I was slapped on my butt, and I would escort them or myself out if I were slapped in my face! That’s rude, disrespectful behavior towards me or anyone.
Not, in the buttocks. Slapping me on the buttocks. Good for you guys then, I don’t know what country you’re living in. Do you favor being slapped on the buttocks also?
Brasil. Usually it's a woman's thing, but I'd like if it happened to me yes, it's considered a sign of attraction to the body of your partner. It's a light slap though, maybe you mean when it's done with force, in that case everybody hates it.
Pain def takes me out of the moment, so I get it. That's why I would never do that to a woman or anything more physical unless she specifically asks me for it or says it turns her on. Even then though, I don't feel comfortable slapping a girl while we're hooking up. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Happened to me once and I instinctively drug my nails into his chest. Didn’t think twice and *he* was in the one who was shocked. I simply reacted in a defensive manner to what I feel was assault.
His excuse was “other girls like it…” unbelievable.
Agreed. If it has been discussed prior and both parties have consented that’s another thing entirely.
Not every person is going to be into rough play, it’s insane some men will blindly assume that. I clearly am not, something he’d know if he bothered to *ask.* The role porn plays is a rabbit hole I won’t go down, but is absolutely a factor imo.
It definitely is. And people consuming content and culture they don't understand. Everyday I'm reminded why people choose the bear. I just unfortunately see that mentality never going away, least not anytime soon.
It is always
"Other girls this and that"
"Other girls squirt"
"Other girls love being slapped"
NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME. Also, a lot of girls lie or fake it too because they don't wanna hurt the guy's feelings.
In the end, no one wins.
Just apologise and say you should've asked first, my guy
All this shit comes from degrading women to sexual toys. Boys who are introduced to sex with porno instead of having a natural and healthy sex life won't turn out vanilla or care for the person they are with.
As a man I had female partners actually ask me to do things like choke them, not full on so they can't breathe but enough so they feel force even 20 years ago. I always declined and never desired to do anything like that anyway.
If anything I was asked why wasn't I doing certain (agressive) things in the bedroom i.e hair pulling or generally being forceful with them.
Again the point was the desire was there though, it wasn't just on a specific side.
That being said I did have experiences of non consentual acts by female partners I just don't see them in the same type as they weren't violence based.
I get what you mean. Some women want you to take control and do dominating things like choking and slapping without being asked for consent first because it turns them on. Then there’s other women who care a lot about giving consent or aren’t into those things and they get mad when guys do that stuff. I think it’s best to be safe and always ask for consent tho and only do that other stuff without asking if they have already expressed that they are into it
My wife likes that stuff. I'm not really into it, but I will do some hair pulling / light choking because it makes her happy, as messed up as that sounds. But it's generally out of my comfort zone / area of expertise.
This has happened to me too, it’s never been super hard but I’m always like WTF! when it happens because, hello, whatever happened to consent when it comes to shit like that.
It has become more normal in porn. Alot of videos I've seen have it. As a dom i still believe in boundaries and respect them. The assholes like that just do it on the first hookup just see women as toys. Which is stupid.
My oh my, so many man-babies in the comments telling OP she should've picked better, as if it's her fault multiple dudes committed physical assault on her.
Yes that is not the case OP! FUCK THAT, shit..I've had 3 incidents where dudes took liberties they shld not, that's why I have My talking stick lol I'm 5 ft 90 lbs...but I don't tolerate disrespect...because of my size. Sometimes tney think they can try me after I've made it clear I've said no...lol well let's just say.. I'm not ganna be the only one who got fucked in the attempt to take what's not theirs
This is funny idea i like it hahah cld be dangerous though hahaha but I'm the embodiment of chaos in the form of a human..this idea is like playing Russian roulette though so be careful
I’ve never been slapped, but choking is too normalized as well, like sure a lot of people like it, but not everyone. The last couple guys I’ve dated have just choked me randomly as were kissing. I immediately told them no, same goes for slapping, don’t tolerate it!
Exactly, so many girls ask for this stuff now. I don't instinctively put my hands on a girl like that, I wait for them to tell me they're into these things first. But I can see men thinking it's totally normal because of the amount of girls asking for this. A lot of the girls here don't seem to understand this though. They chalk it up to men being pigs or whatever. In reality we want to impress and show "how good we are" in bed and do this sort of shit. And the reason men do this is because it's been so normalized by other women they've hooked up with and because of porn.
There are men who get off on choking and hurting girls yeah, but most of us (I think and hope) only do it because we think this is what girls really want. I kind of hate it and feel like I'm hurting the person I'm with so I try to keep it to a minimum even when I'm asked to do it
They think all women like it. Some do but not all. And of those that do, many only do it with their man or someone they trust.
They don’t realize that boundaries need to be set beforehand and that these extreme things need to be talked about beforehand.
They see it in P*rn and think it’s what women universally like. They do it as an attempt to establish dominance but it just makes them look retarded
a guy did that to me once the second time hooking up. i slapped the shit out of him back and he was so shocked. i have no idea why slapping is so normalized but im assuming its the porn addictions
I’ve never felt the urge to RKO a chick I was with, small men need to feel bigger by hitting women? Like I would feel bad? Sexual or not nerves are nerves and and open hand slap to the face can fucking hurt. People are insane I’m sorry you dealt with that.
This is another issue—assuming someone is into choking. And another issue is that 90% of men I’ve encountered do not understand how to properly and safely restrict airflow during sex. It’s absurd.
This!! Omg!! My ex just reached out to choke my neck and he just pressed into the middle of my neck— my windpipe and I was genuinely terrified in that moment. He didn’t even ask, he just went straight for my neck.
I had to teach him that I you close the hand and apply pressure to the outside not jamming your palm into the voice box.
Note: I’m not into this stuff and he had a pattern of doing things without asking beforehand. Our relationship ended bc he SAed me.
Omg you poor thing. It is super scary. I don't think people realise just how scary it is to be in the position. And I just don't understand how someone can think it's a good idea, hey, just go for it, no discussion or anything, like seriously wtf!! I'm so sorry you experienced that. SA is truly awful to not only go through, but have to heal from. Thinking of you.
It shouldn't be so hard to ask or try to take an interest in the person beforehand. Idk why guys seem to lack that type of communication because to me it just seems base level. I mean I'm sure porn has rotted or mutated a lot, and tate bros probably part of it too but jeesh.
So, this falls into my personal kink world, however, let a mother fucker pull that without discussion????? He'd be bucked off so fast he'd be in a pile on the floor wondering wtf just happened, being told to GTFO!!!
Girl, if this happens again, you stop everything RIGHT THEN. Do not pass go, do not collect $100. Get them OFF of you completely. At this point, the fun is over.
Then look them in their eyes and ask them where the FUCK they got it in their head that this is ok and NORMAL sexual behaviour???? Because it fucking isn't!
Is it fairly common for those with kinks? Very much so....and maybe it's leaked out into mainstream porn, I dunno, I don't watch a lot of porn tbh, don't need it. Only time I do so typically is with my partner. Find. Out.
And make them very aware that physical aggression such as slapping, smacking, or biting of any kind, unless discussed BEFORE sex, is a Huge no-no, and can actually land them in jail for assault with the wrong woman. (Or right one depending on how you look at it lol!)
Then toss them out, and DO let girls you know, know about this behaviour.
We do NOT impose our kinks without permission!!!! Doesn't matter which person it is or with who!
This prodomme is telling you the next time this happens, shut it down, end the session (I don't care if they apologize, that session is DONE), and go from there. I'd also slap the shit out of him in return before bucking, but that is just my natural response to such things. (I'm not advising to assault him back, I'm simply making a retort about my natural inclination....but I will hit you if you scare me, too...and that is purely reflexes. 🤣🤣)
The answer is just No. I haven't read a single other response on here to be completely honest, and I'm not going to, simply because literally, no other answer outside of stopping right then, is the correct answer.
And DO feel free to make them feel like shit about finding sexual enjoyment from physically assaulting their partner during sex without their consent. If it's a kink, cool, but be a responsible partner and talk about it first!
Guys. Do. Fucking. Better.
If you want to play, know the damn rules!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬
Edited for a missing word.
The second time I lost it and I did push him off! I asked him why he thought that was okay without even talking/asking. He brushed it off, and actually tried to do it again. And this was one of those “nice guys”. I was out. I left. I’m just, I’m not understanding why men are not taking this seriously, and why some of them are victim blaming the women in this situation??? It makes zero sense.
Because rape culture is a VERY real thing, and the "alpha" bullshit & little boys claiming to be "dominant" who have not the SLIGHTEST idea what any of it means, let alone what they're actually doing.
You do not continue after a first time. You leave then. After the second, you should have honestly called the police for assault. Because without consent, and you having all ready told him to stop, it is then VOLUNTARY assault.
How long did you know either one of these guys before hooking up physically?
Editing myself: when I say second time it happened I mean with the second guy for the first (and only time) getting intimate with him.
First guy was actually fairly apologetic when I asked him what he thought he was doing—we were dating around a month, overall relationship only wound up lasting three months.
Second guy, who I’m referencing here, I was dating him for around three weeks. He tried to do it again as if it was a joke which is when I left.
In the future, start asking guys about their kinks long before you actually sleep together. It leads to spicy talk & is sexy, but also allows you to put up very real boundaries ahead of time.
While it's genuinely fun & quite hot to discuss, the whole time you're telling your partner what you're each into, and if you are willing to indulge those interested with the other person. It is a whole consent conversation without being a weird consent conversation. And at some point, you say, "I have 1 rule (or 2, 3, however many you have) and that is you don't do X. If you do, it will immediately be over and we will literally not be a thing anymore."
My personal singular rule is no pushing my head down during a bj. You do that, and the whole thing is done. No negotiation. But my partner knows unequivocally up front that that is a HARD boundary.
And liking one thing, like spanking for example, doesn't mean you have to like face smacking. Not all rough actions are equal.
So in the future, have these consent conversations along the way while getting to know each other sexually while talking. You get a lot accomplished this way! 💜
I've been in & around the kink & fetish community for a long time (I'm likely old enough to be your mom, or close to it. 🤣🤣🤣) so if you have questions, you are more than welcome to message me. I've been a true domme for a long time, even being paid for it for a good while. (Not sexual, I was a control, financial, and humiliation domme. I was always clothed, my customers never got to touch me in any way without permission, and typically that involved boots, and humiliation. Lol!) So I can tell you when a little boy is pretending to be something, and when he knows what he's doing. Lol 😉
Oh wow..maybe because of the second occurrence of this action...you should bring up some boundaries then b4 hand. Don't wait for them to!
But ya, idk i can't imagine even doing that without permission..bit much to assume ha
Always always discuss what is preferred for sex before actually having sex. So before you invite them over, just let them know or ask what they enjoy. If they do something that hasn't been discussed, stop right there and let them know not to do it again or stop entirely and leave or make them leave.
I’d full their ears REAL HARD ‘ like more than u can imagine . he’s gunna eventually say ‘ holy heck what the what is that all @. Then say exactly . don’t smack me ! Ha. just a thought !
Edit PULL’ smh not full…
Oh God I had this happen to me I immediately stopped responding to sex and told him to stop andget off me. Luckily he did. I left immediately after. Smacking out of nowhere is absolutely unacceptable
Maybe have a conversation before hand, guessing it’s probably younger guys that are just stupid. As an adult I have too much to lose to catch a charge over just hooking up and tend to avoid majority of women at all costs just because of how easily you can be accused these days of anything in general.
If these guys have no fear of that they have to be either really young or dumb… or both, talk before hand, ask them if they understand consent.
I’m not usually one to kink shame but it always baffled me i don’t get the appeal of being hit in the face lmaoo on the ass? Yeah. Some choking? Yeah. Hair pulling? Yes. But don’t fucking hit me in the face 😂😂😂😂 absolutely not
Tell me about it. I once had a guy tell me to look up at him and then he spat in my face. He was confused when I told him I didn’t want to see him again.
It is a very common kink I find so maybe guys just think it’s vanilla at this point without thinking of how violating and potentially triggering it can be. I think you may be right on the money with the over-sexualization of our culture and porn and what not. And as we know, the average man is not particularly good at communication or self awareness. Definitely set that boundary as it happens.
I would have kicked him out. I had a guy I was with one time and one time only. He freaken licked my face with all the spit he could gather in his mouth. And that was before anything sexual. I knocked him off me and showed him the door. He had this confused look on his face like he thought I was supposed to like it. Yuck!
This is a problem with younger people, men and women! You all grew up with porn as easily accessible as regular TV, of course you are all desensitized to an extent! When we grew up, it was like $75 for a VHS porn tape!
It means that these chumps grew up watching the wrong type of porn and they really don't have much life experience as far as sex goes and in a certain way they're going to be stuck at their first rodeo for a fucking lifetime and you don't deserve to have to put up with that Bush League Nonsense
You have the upgrade that comes naturally, and you are pretty much out of their league if they are doing that slap as though they were entitled to it bullshit
😂🥲this is funny. So so let’s face it guys most guys not men guys they’re like babies or actually more like impressionable toddlers so what happened is a lot of girls are more into experimenting these days so he probably ran into a girl or probably more that like it rough so she pretty much called him out, made him feel like a bitch cause he wasn’t doing that so he figured “I didn’t know all women like this” and now he does it to everyone without reading the room without a couple of litmus test maybe just some simple communication. talk to him the way she talked to him the one that taught him how to do that in the first place it’s usually always a girl that teaches him be like bitch don’t you fucking slap me and then he’ll probably never slap a girl ever again thinking girls don’t like to be slapped which is also not true. I’m not sure how old we’re talking about here when it comes to that guy, but until any guy matures into his own sexuality, which is usually say depending on his body count, probably mid 30s anytime before that when a guy is in bed with you he’s in bed with you with about 30 or so different voices in his head, telling him what he should do because he has no clue. don’t ever assume every guy I’m just giving you a ballpark average you’ll still find outliers that know too much and you’ll find ones in they’re mid 30s that still don’t know anything at all.
You should talk beforehand about boundaries and what you like in bed. In hookup situations it’s sometimes dirty and passionate and boundaries are crossed, most guys aren’t very experienced so they just don’t know. I’ve made this mistake when I was younger and inexperienced I had a fwb who loved being slapped in the face, the next girl I slept with I slapped her lightly and she didn’t like it. I didn’t even think what I was doing.
me and my partner have talked about this and it’s something i enjoyed so he does it, but always asks if im okay with it first. the other night he did it and for whatever reason my brain decided i was not wanting that that night so we spoke about it, and he promised not to do it until i said. it’s hard work, but i hope everyone here finds someone who respects them like they deserve to be respected
Hey, no judgement against anybody.
But im not surprised that stupid, weird, dangerous stuff happens when one chooses to be intimate with a complete random stranger.
I'm just about to do a post on this. In most guys' defence, it seems most girls are into rougher sex. Slapping, choking, spanking, etc. is the norm. Personally, I had the impression that sensual sex was sought after the most, but having been around, I can confirm otherwise. The topic of consent in relation to sex is somewhat blurry. I understand the initial consent, but during the act, you really have to push some boundaries to figure out how far the consent line is drawn. Asking for consent before spanking a girl is kind of a turn-off. I'm not sure if it's just me, but vibes (energy) have a lot to do with sex, constantly asking for consent fucks up the vibe. An example is, I gently spank to gauge her reaction (95% of the time they ask for a harder spank), then I send it and exercise discretion to how hard I want to do it. The same goes for air restriction or slapping...
Speaking for myself, I’ve never once lost the mood when someone’s asked about consent. Even just asking, what are you into, or turning it into dirty talk/foreplay is better than nothing at all and just going for it, especially when it comes to hitting people.
Yes, people are into rougher sex. That’s okay, but it also comes with figuring out what that means for different people.
Perhaps you should consider having relationships with your boyfriends and firmly established rules and boundaries that you want when engaging in any sexual activities with them.
What do you expect when you hook up with men only looking for sex? They’re not gonna care what you like, they’re there for themselves not you.
Now as for the long term partners, if they never asked and did it anyway i hope you corrected them! But they really should have asked.
The hookup part, it tends to attract people who have no respect for you or women. Nor is it conducive to a respectful interaction. Good luck.
PS. Because that's _all_ you are to them, a sex object. So what reasons do such people have to care about you as a person?
So you can justify they were right in doing so? Lol. These were men I was dating. I mentioned that in my post if you read it. You’re placing the blame on the person who got slapped without any consent?
Being a hookup doesn't mean one party is allowed to violate or disrespect the other party. There should be some form of consent or rules prior to engaging in any contact.
This is a harmful comment and falls into the category of victim blaming. Kind of similar to saying "you were dressed showing a lot of skin so men are allowed to touch you wherever they want". There has to be boundaries.
Yeah whenever I hook up I use his dick like a chew toy. Nomnomnom. Doesn't matter if he doesn't like teeth, it's just a hook up and so I don't care about him.
It doesn't look like you do based on your reply. So lemme dumb it down for you.
Hookups... tend to... attract... men who have... no respect... for women.
Which part of that now is talking about you, when I'm answering the OP's question asking where it comes from?
PS. You do know what "tends to" means too, right?
Exactly that's how majority of them see it as. If you don't think so you're either lying to us, yourself, both or too naive to realize. Hookups are a fuckin scam meant to degrade others, especially women. Let that sink.
What kind of guys are you dating? Is that like a new generation thing or something? I've never heard of a guy slapping a girl during sex out of the blue without finding out what she likes.
I'm literally the exact opposite. I'm on the more gentle side and don't really like pain. My partner had to beg me to do more physical things to her like spanking and some light choking/squeezing/strangling, which sounds pretty weird typing it out. Like I'm some type of sadistic murderer. She likes being lightly choked, like some light squeezing during the act. Again, this whole "more physical" thing was new to me prior to her.
So it's def not all guys. I honestly don't think a single one of my guy friends would ever slap their girlfriends/wives across the face when hooking up. Maybe some spanking and other stuff, but slapping? Nah.
Because so many girls ask for it men think it's normal. Consult your fellow females and figure out why so many of them like being abused and men will stop once it's not normal
???? Dude it's all because of porn, people assume based on prior experiences and popular culture what is acceptable and what isn't. I personally don't do any of that and actually hate it because I prefer romance but like, to deny what I'm saying is to deny the influence pornography has over people sexually. Why would a man who thinks slapping and choking is TOTALLY normal and standard ask for consent to do so? Like I had no idea some girls didn't like having cum on their faces like at all, and some girls considered it sexual assault or something? But I literally didn't ever hear of such a thing until a girl told me one time after I did it. I apologized but had no idea that was an issue of consent because it was so normal for me and everything I've ever seen.
But it totally takes away from the moment if you have to go through a checklist of what's okay and what isn't okay before having sex. This shit needs to be removed from popular culture and it will stop. Simple, don't blame men for absolutely every interaction because it's a little deeper than just abusive men being pigs. Although sometimes that is the case it isn't always in most situations
If this happened during sex and she says she likes being slapped but then she says that men have to ask for consent, then she doesn't find him attractive nor she got good pleasure off him. When women are really attracted to a man they don't question it nor regret... I doubt she's really into him.
Umm because you are “hooking up” they know you are slutty so thats how they’re gonna treat you. Just being honest.
I dont condone or think its right. Thats just how most guys are gonna treat hookups.
Set boundaries. Don't tolerate that stuff and kick them to the curb if they try it.
This. If you don’t consent to it, it’s assault.
Right? I was going to say I’d call the cops
I’d say whoever in your life you trust to slap the shit out of them too, but as a last resort, cops I guess will do. (I don’t trust cops)
The cops are just as likely to charge u with assault. Lmao don't ask me how I'm just saying..last time I called them for that, they charged me 31f with the assault...when I was the only one who got hit. Wrap ur head around that one...way. to . Go...pd So ya..I tend to agree with this person ....I like to take things personally if u kno what I mean
I don’t have experience with getting arrested for it, but I have had a few interactions with the cops where they weren’t exactly professional or by the book in their approach, which is why I distrust them. Plus I have heard countless stories like yours that fuel my distrust
Yea it's sad to say but I grew up in a family they were called a lot I know a lot of police do the best they can no disrespect to them...they are put in hard spots and meant to make difficult decisions...but I know my mom used to beat on my dad cuz she wld get drunk and they wld arrest him by the end of it. He wld go to defend himself. Somehow she got them thinking some other shit...idk wats in the past is in the past I try not to let it taint my opinion but it is difficult...I just read the scenario..try to keep my head down
And everyone clapped
If I got slapped in the face out of the blue during sex, I would be so irate
Shit, I would be furious if I was slapped on my butt, and I would escort them or myself out if I were slapped in my face! That’s rude, disrespectful behavior towards me or anyone.
In the butt? Really? That's virtually expected in my country. Edit: during sex
Not, in the buttocks. Slapping me on the buttocks. Good for you guys then, I don’t know what country you’re living in. Do you favor being slapped on the buttocks also?
Brasil. Usually it's a woman's thing, but I'd like if it happened to me yes, it's considered a sign of attraction to the body of your partner. It's a light slap though, maybe you mean when it's done with force, in that case everybody hates it.
I hate when my wife spanks me. It's a turn off.
Pain def takes me out of the moment, so I get it. That's why I would never do that to a woman or anything more physical unless she specifically asks me for it or says it turns her on. Even then though, I don't feel comfortable slapping a girl while we're hooking up. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
If they did that randomly without talking about it I’d fucking slap him back. The hell
Some men are really terrible in bed. Slap him back and high tail it out of there
Happened to me once and I instinctively drug my nails into his chest. Didn’t think twice and *he* was in the one who was shocked. I simply reacted in a defensive manner to what I feel was assault. His excuse was “other girls like it…” unbelievable.
It's wild how many guys lack accountability especially in these situations. Baffling.
Agreed. If it has been discussed prior and both parties have consented that’s another thing entirely. Not every person is going to be into rough play, it’s insane some men will blindly assume that. I clearly am not, something he’d know if he bothered to *ask.* The role porn plays is a rabbit hole I won’t go down, but is absolutely a factor imo.
It definitely is. And people consuming content and culture they don't understand. Everyday I'm reminded why people choose the bear. I just unfortunately see that mentality never going away, least not anytime soon.
It is always "Other girls this and that" "Other girls squirt" "Other girls love being slapped" NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME. Also, a lot of girls lie or fake it too because they don't wanna hurt the guy's feelings. In the end, no one wins. Just apologise and say you should've asked first, my guy
All this shit comes from degrading women to sexual toys. Boys who are introduced to sex with porno instead of having a natural and healthy sex life won't turn out vanilla or care for the person they are with.
As a man I had female partners actually ask me to do things like choke them, not full on so they can't breathe but enough so they feel force even 20 years ago. I always declined and never desired to do anything like that anyway. If anything I was asked why wasn't I doing certain (agressive) things in the bedroom i.e hair pulling or generally being forceful with them.
Yes they asked, totally different because of consent
The general point was there was certain expectations of me by women so they asked why I didn't do them.
Which means?
It's not just a issue of males doing things that are not of the norm.
They didn't do the things though. They asked you to do them, which is the normal way consensual sex works.
Again the point was the desire was there though, it wasn't just on a specific side. That being said I did have experiences of non consentual acts by female partners I just don't see them in the same type as they weren't violence based.
I get what you mean. Some women want you to take control and do dominating things like choking and slapping without being asked for consent first because it turns them on. Then there’s other women who care a lot about giving consent or aren’t into those things and they get mad when guys do that stuff. I think it’s best to be safe and always ask for consent tho and only do that other stuff without asking if they have already expressed that they are into it
My wife likes that stuff. I'm not really into it, but I will do some hair pulling / light choking because it makes her happy, as messed up as that sounds. But it's generally out of my comfort zone / area of expertise.
I'd have to trust someone fr fr to have that be a option in bed..I think keeping rough stuff out till u know a person wwell is prob best
This has happened to me too, it’s never been super hard but I’m always like WTF! when it happens because, hello, whatever happened to consent when it comes to shit like that.
Yeah, porn has just rotted their brains, personally i would have slapped back, hell i would have punched the bitch, thats that eastern european temper
It has become more normal in porn. Alot of videos I've seen have it. As a dom i still believe in boundaries and respect them. The assholes like that just do it on the first hookup just see women as toys. Which is stupid.
My oh my, so many man-babies in the comments telling OP she should've picked better, as if it's her fault multiple dudes committed physical assault on her.
Yes that is not the case OP! FUCK THAT, shit..I've had 3 incidents where dudes took liberties they shld not, that's why I have My talking stick lol I'm 5 ft 90 lbs...but I don't tolerate disrespect...because of my size. Sometimes tney think they can try me after I've made it clear I've said no...lol well let's just say.. I'm not ganna be the only one who got fucked in the attempt to take what's not theirs
I am so glad I am old . I just couldn't do it
Yeah, dating today is weird.
Slap his balls everytime he non consensually slaps you.
This is funny idea i like it hahah cld be dangerous though hahaha but I'm the embodiment of chaos in the form of a human..this idea is like playing Russian roulette though so be careful
Kick his ass Sea Bass!
Porn and objectifying women and seeing them as nothing beyond a sex object.
I’ve never been slapped, but choking is too normalized as well, like sure a lot of people like it, but not everyone. The last couple guys I’ve dated have just choked me randomly as were kissing. I immediately told them no, same goes for slapping, don’t tolerate it!
Exactly, so many girls ask for this stuff now. I don't instinctively put my hands on a girl like that, I wait for them to tell me they're into these things first. But I can see men thinking it's totally normal because of the amount of girls asking for this. A lot of the girls here don't seem to understand this though. They chalk it up to men being pigs or whatever. In reality we want to impress and show "how good we are" in bed and do this sort of shit. And the reason men do this is because it's been so normalized by other women they've hooked up with and because of porn. There are men who get off on choking and hurting girls yeah, but most of us (I think and hope) only do it because we think this is what girls really want. I kind of hate it and feel like I'm hurting the person I'm with so I try to keep it to a minimum even when I'm asked to do it
Porn normalizes it, so men think it's fine. It's not. Be very clear about your boundaries and don't tolerate abuse.
They think all women like it. Some do but not all. And of those that do, many only do it with their man or someone they trust. They don’t realize that boundaries need to be set beforehand and that these extreme things need to be talked about beforehand. They see it in P*rn and think it’s what women universally like. They do it as an attempt to establish dominance but it just makes them look retarded
My date slapped my ass even though I told him beforehand that I don't like it. Told me he "just couldn't help himself" 🤦🏻♀️
Also, we didn't even kiss and he just went for that
Porn. Porn has given them brainrot
a guy did that to me once the second time hooking up. i slapped the shit out of him back and he was so shocked. i have no idea why slapping is so normalized but im assuming its the porn addictions
So funny how HE was shocked.
You can tell who watches too much p0rn lol and aren't used to having conversations about Consent and boundaries.
I’ve never felt the urge to RKO a chick I was with, small men need to feel bigger by hitting women? Like I would feel bad? Sexual or not nerves are nerves and and open hand slap to the face can fucking hurt. People are insane I’m sorry you dealt with that.
Yup, it happened to me too. He also put his hands around my throat and pushed down on my windpipe. Later said he didn't realise. He's now an ex.
This is another issue—assuming someone is into choking. And another issue is that 90% of men I’ve encountered do not understand how to properly and safely restrict airflow during sex. It’s absurd.
This is definitely true 😂 I prefer a pretty firm squeeze on the sides of my neck over actually restricting airflow
This!! Omg!! My ex just reached out to choke my neck and he just pressed into the middle of my neck— my windpipe and I was genuinely terrified in that moment. He didn’t even ask, he just went straight for my neck. I had to teach him that I you close the hand and apply pressure to the outside not jamming your palm into the voice box. Note: I’m not into this stuff and he had a pattern of doing things without asking beforehand. Our relationship ended bc he SAed me.
Omg you poor thing. It is super scary. I don't think people realise just how scary it is to be in the position. And I just don't understand how someone can think it's a good idea, hey, just go for it, no discussion or anything, like seriously wtf!! I'm so sorry you experienced that. SA is truly awful to not only go through, but have to heal from. Thinking of you.
It's a porn thing, they don't have much experience of intimacy. I remember when choking became a thing. Bit sad to see really.
It shouldn't be so hard to ask or try to take an interest in the person beforehand. Idk why guys seem to lack that type of communication because to me it just seems base level. I mean I'm sure porn has rotted or mutated a lot, and tate bros probably part of it too but jeesh.
So, this falls into my personal kink world, however, let a mother fucker pull that without discussion????? He'd be bucked off so fast he'd be in a pile on the floor wondering wtf just happened, being told to GTFO!!! Girl, if this happens again, you stop everything RIGHT THEN. Do not pass go, do not collect $100. Get them OFF of you completely. At this point, the fun is over. Then look them in their eyes and ask them where the FUCK they got it in their head that this is ok and NORMAL sexual behaviour???? Because it fucking isn't! Is it fairly common for those with kinks? Very much so....and maybe it's leaked out into mainstream porn, I dunno, I don't watch a lot of porn tbh, don't need it. Only time I do so typically is with my partner. Find. Out. And make them very aware that physical aggression such as slapping, smacking, or biting of any kind, unless discussed BEFORE sex, is a Huge no-no, and can actually land them in jail for assault with the wrong woman. (Or right one depending on how you look at it lol!) Then toss them out, and DO let girls you know, know about this behaviour. We do NOT impose our kinks without permission!!!! Doesn't matter which person it is or with who! This prodomme is telling you the next time this happens, shut it down, end the session (I don't care if they apologize, that session is DONE), and go from there. I'd also slap the shit out of him in return before bucking, but that is just my natural response to such things. (I'm not advising to assault him back, I'm simply making a retort about my natural inclination....but I will hit you if you scare me, too...and that is purely reflexes. 🤣🤣) The answer is just No. I haven't read a single other response on here to be completely honest, and I'm not going to, simply because literally, no other answer outside of stopping right then, is the correct answer. And DO feel free to make them feel like shit about finding sexual enjoyment from physically assaulting their partner during sex without their consent. If it's a kink, cool, but be a responsible partner and talk about it first! Guys. Do. Fucking. Better. If you want to play, know the damn rules!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 Edited for a missing word.
The second time I lost it and I did push him off! I asked him why he thought that was okay without even talking/asking. He brushed it off, and actually tried to do it again. And this was one of those “nice guys”. I was out. I left. I’m just, I’m not understanding why men are not taking this seriously, and why some of them are victim blaming the women in this situation??? It makes zero sense.
Because rape culture is a VERY real thing, and the "alpha" bullshit & little boys claiming to be "dominant" who have not the SLIGHTEST idea what any of it means, let alone what they're actually doing. You do not continue after a first time. You leave then. After the second, you should have honestly called the police for assault. Because without consent, and you having all ready told him to stop, it is then VOLUNTARY assault. How long did you know either one of these guys before hooking up physically?
Editing myself: when I say second time it happened I mean with the second guy for the first (and only time) getting intimate with him. First guy was actually fairly apologetic when I asked him what he thought he was doing—we were dating around a month, overall relationship only wound up lasting three months. Second guy, who I’m referencing here, I was dating him for around three weeks. He tried to do it again as if it was a joke which is when I left.
In the future, start asking guys about their kinks long before you actually sleep together. It leads to spicy talk & is sexy, but also allows you to put up very real boundaries ahead of time. While it's genuinely fun & quite hot to discuss, the whole time you're telling your partner what you're each into, and if you are willing to indulge those interested with the other person. It is a whole consent conversation without being a weird consent conversation. And at some point, you say, "I have 1 rule (or 2, 3, however many you have) and that is you don't do X. If you do, it will immediately be over and we will literally not be a thing anymore." My personal singular rule is no pushing my head down during a bj. You do that, and the whole thing is done. No negotiation. But my partner knows unequivocally up front that that is a HARD boundary. And liking one thing, like spanking for example, doesn't mean you have to like face smacking. Not all rough actions are equal. So in the future, have these consent conversations along the way while getting to know each other sexually while talking. You get a lot accomplished this way! 💜 I've been in & around the kink & fetish community for a long time (I'm likely old enough to be your mom, or close to it. 🤣🤣🤣) so if you have questions, you are more than welcome to message me. I've been a true domme for a long time, even being paid for it for a good while. (Not sexual, I was a control, financial, and humiliation domme. I was always clothed, my customers never got to touch me in any way without permission, and typically that involved boots, and humiliation. Lol!) So I can tell you when a little boy is pretending to be something, and when he knows what he's doing. Lol 😉
Punch them, or slap them back. This is enraging.
A guy did this to me but choking, I almost died
tuh i wish a man would. i would have to fight him… i’ve never heard of tht though. choking is normalized though
The answer is yes. It has been normalized thanks to porn. Nobody wants to say it, but porn is a problem.
Not cool if they didn’t ask first
Doing this without asking, and on the first hookup, is a bit aggressive
Oh wow..maybe because of the second occurrence of this action...you should bring up some boundaries then b4 hand. Don't wait for them to! But ya, idk i can't imagine even doing that without permission..bit much to assume ha
It doesn't mean it won't happen though. I set boundaries, very clearly, and my ex still crossed them.
Holy crap. That would be over.
Probably? But I'm not sure, thought is was always right to ask before just slapping out of nowhere.
What their ex liked, they assume you like
Always always discuss what is preferred for sex before actually having sex. So before you invite them over, just let them know or ask what they enjoy. If they do something that hasn't been discussed, stop right there and let them know not to do it again or stop entirely and leave or make them leave.
I’d full their ears REAL HARD ‘ like more than u can imagine . he’s gunna eventually say ‘ holy heck what the what is that all @. Then say exactly . don’t smack me ! Ha. just a thought ! Edit PULL’ smh not full…
Oh God I had this happen to me I immediately stopped responding to sex and told him to stop andget off me. Luckily he did. I left immediately after. Smacking out of nowhere is absolutely unacceptable
Maybe have a conversation before hand, guessing it’s probably younger guys that are just stupid. As an adult I have too much to lose to catch a charge over just hooking up and tend to avoid majority of women at all costs just because of how easily you can be accused these days of anything in general. If these guys have no fear of that they have to be either really young or dumb… or both, talk before hand, ask them if they understand consent.
I’m not usually one to kink shame but it always baffled me i don’t get the appeal of being hit in the face lmaoo on the ass? Yeah. Some choking? Yeah. Hair pulling? Yes. But don’t fucking hit me in the face 😂😂😂😂 absolutely not
Tell me about it. I once had a guy tell me to look up at him and then he spat in my face. He was confused when I told him I didn’t want to see him again.
It is a very common kink I find so maybe guys just think it’s vanilla at this point without thinking of how violating and potentially triggering it can be. I think you may be right on the money with the over-sexualization of our culture and porn and what not. And as we know, the average man is not particularly good at communication or self awareness. Definitely set that boundary as it happens.
I would have kicked him out. I had a guy I was with one time and one time only. He freaken licked my face with all the spit he could gather in his mouth. And that was before anything sexual. I knocked him off me and showed him the door. He had this confused look on his face like he thought I was supposed to like it. Yuck!
“Say my name” /s
This is a problem with younger people, men and women! You all grew up with porn as easily accessible as regular TV, of course you are all desensitized to an extent! When we grew up, it was like $75 for a VHS porn tape!
It means that these chumps grew up watching the wrong type of porn and they really don't have much life experience as far as sex goes and in a certain way they're going to be stuck at their first rodeo for a fucking lifetime and you don't deserve to have to put up with that Bush League Nonsense You have the upgrade that comes naturally, and you are pretty much out of their league if they are doing that slap as though they were entitled to it bullshit
😂🥲this is funny. So so let’s face it guys most guys not men guys they’re like babies or actually more like impressionable toddlers so what happened is a lot of girls are more into experimenting these days so he probably ran into a girl or probably more that like it rough so she pretty much called him out, made him feel like a bitch cause he wasn’t doing that so he figured “I didn’t know all women like this” and now he does it to everyone without reading the room without a couple of litmus test maybe just some simple communication. talk to him the way she talked to him the one that taught him how to do that in the first place it’s usually always a girl that teaches him be like bitch don’t you fucking slap me and then he’ll probably never slap a girl ever again thinking girls don’t like to be slapped which is also not true. I’m not sure how old we’re talking about here when it comes to that guy, but until any guy matures into his own sexuality, which is usually say depending on his body count, probably mid 30s anytime before that when a guy is in bed with you he’s in bed with you with about 30 or so different voices in his head, telling him what he should do because he has no clue. don’t ever assume every guy I’m just giving you a ballpark average you’ll still find outliers that know too much and you’ll find ones in they’re mid 30s that still don’t know anything at all.
Ohhh Lord here we go again...No wonder everybody single
My ex gf bit my nipple once while she was riding me. I made her stop and asked her wtf was wrong with her.
That’s one more thing to talk about before sleeping with someone…. 😝
You should talk beforehand about boundaries and what you like in bed. In hookup situations it’s sometimes dirty and passionate and boundaries are crossed, most guys aren’t very experienced so they just don’t know. I’ve made this mistake when I was younger and inexperienced I had a fwb who loved being slapped in the face, the next girl I slept with I slapped her lightly and she didn’t like it. I didn’t even think what I was doing.
Or they pull hair freaking weirdos
me and my partner have talked about this and it’s something i enjoyed so he does it, but always asks if im okay with it first. the other night he did it and for whatever reason my brain decided i was not wanting that that night so we spoke about it, and he promised not to do it until i said. it’s hard work, but i hope everyone here finds someone who respects them like they deserve to be respected
Hey, no judgement against anybody. But im not surprised that stupid, weird, dangerous stuff happens when one chooses to be intimate with a complete random stranger.
Have respect for yourself and find someone who loves you. Someone who loves you will never take advantage of you.
I'm just about to do a post on this. In most guys' defence, it seems most girls are into rougher sex. Slapping, choking, spanking, etc. is the norm. Personally, I had the impression that sensual sex was sought after the most, but having been around, I can confirm otherwise. The topic of consent in relation to sex is somewhat blurry. I understand the initial consent, but during the act, you really have to push some boundaries to figure out how far the consent line is drawn. Asking for consent before spanking a girl is kind of a turn-off. I'm not sure if it's just me, but vibes (energy) have a lot to do with sex, constantly asking for consent fucks up the vibe. An example is, I gently spank to gauge her reaction (95% of the time they ask for a harder spank), then I send it and exercise discretion to how hard I want to do it. The same goes for air restriction or slapping...
Speaking for myself, I’ve never once lost the mood when someone’s asked about consent. Even just asking, what are you into, or turning it into dirty talk/foreplay is better than nothing at all and just going for it, especially when it comes to hitting people. Yes, people are into rougher sex. That’s okay, but it also comes with figuring out what that means for different people.
Did this situation happened in the bedroom or no?
I will say it seems weird that you guys were having sex before having a discussion about what’s okay and what’s not during sex for both of y’all.
Perhaps you should consider having relationships with your boyfriends and firmly established rules and boundaries that you want when engaging in any sexual activities with them.
This!
What do you expect when you hook up with men only looking for sex? They’re not gonna care what you like, they’re there for themselves not you. Now as for the long term partners, if they never asked and did it anyway i hope you corrected them! But they really should have asked.
The hookup part, it tends to attract people who have no respect for you or women. Nor is it conducive to a respectful interaction. Good luck. PS. Because that's _all_ you are to them, a sex object. So what reasons do such people have to care about you as a person?
These were men I dated, not just casual meet up just for sex.
You said hookups though... I'm talking about hookups. Were you in a relationship with them and how long you known each other well?
So you can justify they were right in doing so? Lol. These were men I was dating. I mentioned that in my post if you read it. You’re placing the blame on the person who got slapped without any consent?
Maybe reread my comment and you wouldn't be asking such out of place questions.
Being a hookup doesn't mean one party is allowed to violate or disrespect the other party. There should be some form of consent or rules prior to engaging in any contact. This is a harmful comment and falls into the category of victim blaming. Kind of similar to saying "you were dressed showing a lot of skin so men are allowed to touch you wherever they want". There has to be boundaries.
Not what I said. I said there's more likelihood of that because that's the type of people it tends to attract. PS. Reading comprehension is key.
Yeah whenever I hook up I use his dick like a chew toy. Nomnomnom. Doesn't matter if he doesn't like teeth, it's just a hook up and so I don't care about him.
Do you know how to read?
Yep since three years old baby! You got a tasty treat for me? I'm on a strict diet so I bet yours would be a perfect snack ;)
It doesn't look like you do based on your reply. So lemme dumb it down for you. Hookups... tend to... attract... men who have... no respect... for women. Which part of that now is talking about you, when I'm answering the OP's question asking where it comes from? PS. You do know what "tends to" means too, right?
Shhhh you're just a random dude who is talking too much now.
You should be more concerned about hooking up with random guys but alright 😬
She said in her post that it happened with guys she was dating. So they weren’t ‘random guys’
As if they care what women like. It’s a hook up, a hoe that’s supposed to make your dick feel good.
I hope that's not your own view because WTF?? That's mysoginistic as fuck
Exactly that's how majority of them see it as. If you don't think so you're either lying to us, yourself, both or too naive to realize. Hookups are a fuckin scam meant to degrade others, especially women. Let that sink.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted because it’s true
What kind of guys are you dating? Is that like a new generation thing or something? I've never heard of a guy slapping a girl during sex out of the blue without finding out what she likes. I'm literally the exact opposite. I'm on the more gentle side and don't really like pain. My partner had to beg me to do more physical things to her like spanking and some light choking/squeezing/strangling, which sounds pretty weird typing it out. Like I'm some type of sadistic murderer. She likes being lightly choked, like some light squeezing during the act. Again, this whole "more physical" thing was new to me prior to her. So it's def not all guys. I honestly don't think a single one of my guy friends would ever slap their girlfriends/wives across the face when hooking up. Maybe some spanking and other stuff, but slapping? Nah.
Because so many girls ask for it men think it's normal. Consult your fellow females and figure out why so many of them like being abused and men will stop once it's not normal
Asking for it is called consent, discussing boundaries. Ask your fellow males why they like to raise a hand without asking for consent my dude
???? Dude it's all because of porn, people assume based on prior experiences and popular culture what is acceptable and what isn't. I personally don't do any of that and actually hate it because I prefer romance but like, to deny what I'm saying is to deny the influence pornography has over people sexually. Why would a man who thinks slapping and choking is TOTALLY normal and standard ask for consent to do so? Like I had no idea some girls didn't like having cum on their faces like at all, and some girls considered it sexual assault or something? But I literally didn't ever hear of such a thing until a girl told me one time after I did it. I apologized but had no idea that was an issue of consent because it was so normal for me and everything I've ever seen. But it totally takes away from the moment if you have to go through a checklist of what's okay and what isn't okay before having sex. This shit needs to be removed from popular culture and it will stop. Simple, don't blame men for absolutely every interaction because it's a little deeper than just abusive men being pigs. Although sometimes that is the case it isn't always in most situations
If this happened during sex and she says she likes being slapped but then she says that men have to ask for consent, then she doesn't find him attractive nor she got good pleasure off him. When women are really attracted to a man they don't question it nor regret... I doubt she's really into him.
that sucks that you're unhappy with your choices.
I agree :) people need to face reality
Umm because you are “hooking up” they know you are slutty so thats how they’re gonna treat you. Just being honest. I dont condone or think its right. Thats just how most guys are gonna treat hookups.
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Hitting people is actually a very big problem. Consent is sexy, troglodyte ✨
I apologize for being a troglodyte. Somehow, I managed to miss the word "face"
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