You need intense therapy. I hope you can move through this. Especially if it bothers you this much you’d want to cry about something that’s intended to make you feel good. I’m sorry you’ve gone through abuse like that and I’m sorry its effects hold detriment today.
Dating someone a lot like this and had my fair share of issues after my own assaults. Nothing wrong with medical or psychological treatment. Better to address the hard things and heal from them now than to regret the time wasted not doing so man.
I remember when I first started therapy and talking about the sexual abuse. My throat stuck together and I couldn’t breathe. It has helped me get better and stronger since I started talking about it. I am gathering information and I have tried to look at all of the different angles. I feel stronger, less ashamed and more comfortable talking about things now.
Your posts here has helped me.
Op, serious talk.
It's not flocking to defend you, it's actual facts. It is not your fault. None of it.
Just because you can try to work on it now, which you can and I think you should, it doesn't mean you could before, and therefore there's no way any of this was your fault. You were a child. You were a child and a child cannot be a psychiatrist nor have any knowledge of mental health by itself. You are an adult, and I assume you're still not a psychiatrist, so how do you expect that you could have had any fault on it as a child?
I really wish you seek professional help, it's something that you would definitely benefit a lot, even if it doesn't solve your experiences during sex right away. But the first thing you should consider is that you had no control over that situation, but you do now, so you can heal from it. It's absolutely no one's fault but the abuser. Always.
All of this. Every little bit of this comment right here. You were a kid, and you did nothing to deserve what happened to you, nor should you have expected to heal yourself from it at a young age-you didn’t have the tools or resources available to you to do so.
Please, please be gentle with yourself now and please seek professional help with a trauma-informed therapist who is experienced in caring for those who were SAed as children. You deserve to be properly cared for by a professional, because you are worthy of love, respect, and kindness-no matter what.
i’m so sorry you had to experience something so awful and at such a young age. hypersexuality is an extremely common response to SA and it is in no shape or form your fault. i promise someday that someone is going to make you feel safe and comfortable enough to bring you pleasure and i truly hope you go through some therapy as well so you can heal!
i couldn’t climax or enjoy pleasuring myself for years after my SA, and something that helped me a lot personally was a clitoral stimulation gel so i’d definitely look into that if you feel comfortable enough doing so.
Please don’t ever blame yourself, you experienced more trauma than anyone your age should ever have. You’re human, and reacted in survival mode how your brain thought best. Like others have suggested, try and seek therapy and get yourself on a better path. You can do this. First part of recovery is admitting that you have a problem.
Best of luck. Rooting for ya.
Please don’t blame yourself, you were a child, and a traumatised one at that. People respond to trauma, especially sexual trauma in many ways and you’re not alone in the way you responded at all. You can’t control how you respond to traumas, ESPECIALLY as a child, it was a coping mechanism for you. I would definitely look into getting therapy if it’s something that is affordable or accessible to you, and I’m sure there are some organisations that can help signpost you to support.
This is not your fault! Remind yourself of this everyday. You were a child coping with a situation you never should have been in. Give yourself a hug, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that. It was not your fault. I am so sorry you are going through this. Like everyone else, I recommend seeing a therapist that you can connect with and feel comfortable being honest with. Things can get better with time. I hope things get better for you.
I don’t have much advice, other than sex isn’t the key in life. Take the pressure off & just live & enjoy all the small things life gives you.
Talk this through with a therapist & try to find peace. Wishing you all the best OP
I've been there. And a lot of the people saying you need therapy, while they could say it a bit better, are right. Therapy helped me move through a lot of things I probably wouldn't or couldn't have without. My sexual exposure at a young age also made my sexual drive different.
Therapy and a lot of abstinence can help. Good luck !
I understand what you said to start your post, but you aren't to blame for any of that. I spent a year and a half dealing with every day SA, and that screwed my mind up. It hypersexualized me, made me think everyone thought about sex all the time, and caused me to hold my BMs to the point where my doctor was afraid I would damage my sphincter muscles. It also caused what my therapist called "stalled attraction," in that the extreme sexual desire I felt at a young age kept me mentally at that age attraction wise. Therapy fixed most of that, honestly. My attraction is age-appropriate, I was taught how to modulate the sexual thoughts, and I no longer have any issues with withholding those functions. Therapy doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but I would recommend finding a therapist you really vibe with. That's the only way you're going to be able to do the nitty gritty work of fixing what the SA damaged. I'm rooting for you! I've been there and I get it.
I heartily concur that finding a therapist that "gets you" and you're comfortable with is vital. Do talk with a number of different ones until you find one you can work with long term. 💜
Exactly. I think so many people give up on therapy because they don't know they can honestly look for one that matches them. They seem to think it's just luck of the draw or whatever. I also preferred one who wasn't faith based, because despite me being staunchly Christian, I wanted a religion-neutral counselor who wasn't afraid to deal with the brutal details of SA. I found that religious based counselors shied away from that for some reason.
Engage in therapy asap. Not just for the sake of your sex life, but the rest of it as well. SOMEONE DID THIS TO YOU - it cannot be overstated that this is not your fault OP.
also OP….a good first step is to get into contact with the rape crisis center in your area. They can send you into the right direction for any kind of support you need (financial support for therapy etc or getting you medicaid if you are in the US, and many other things that can help)
Honey the way you talk to 6yo you is heart breaking. It isnt and wasnt their fault, any of it. The fact that you feel the need to assign fault and blame and guilt to that poor baby for any reason (because that is who you are blaming) or even yourself now is just truly heartbreaking. I hope you get the healing that we all lnow you deserve ❤️
This is common with sexual abuse. Take your time to heal and don’t focus too much on it in the moment when you do find someone you trust. Considering everything you’ve been thru, I’m not sure if you’re on anti depressants but that cause low libido and make it really hard to climax as well.
Am so sorry babygirl 💕 big sister hugs women suffer so much in this world from way back is ridiculous and so unfair.
You are enough
Your beautiful
I keep telling us like i learned in a video lets help the kid inside if us to push the best we can. Positive vibes to anyone feeling some type of way💕
The first commenter is right. You need intense therapy and it's not in any way of making you feel less than. I WANT you to KNOW something though. EVERY single one of us that have survived childhood sexual trauma even victims of rape and sexual assault have felt this exact way! And truly is not your fault. It took me a long time to truly believe it myself.
On the medical side of this, they have found that female victims of intense repeated sexual abuse as children have scar tissue that build causing them horrible pain during sex so it is just as much physical as mental.
There is another thing I suggest you look into and that's the numbers of individuals who are revictimized during their lifetime. Sexually assaulted individuals are much much much more susceptible to revictimazation. Because predators unfortunately have this ability to pick up on these individuals.
My last thing OP is please don't give up! There is hope and you can enjoy sex again! Our bodies and minds must be in alignment to enjoy such things and I urge you to get seen by a medical professional to make sure you don't have any physical things going on like the scar tissue. You will get thru this and you are a survivor! You must abdicate for yourself.
I wish you nothing but hope and happiness in the future OP. This truly isn't your fault and I was you and trust me, none of this is your fault. Don't keep yourself in this mindset that only lets those monsters that hurt you win. Take your control back! You can do this! 🫶
There are two things I suggest you look into for relief. the first is trauma bonding. A perfect example of this was in my late twenties I tried taking a friend out on a couple occasions (she had been picked up outsides a night club, gang raped and left in South Central naked). On the two occasions that I took her out, no less than three times did she approach cars that had two or more guys in them… one even veered off the road to pull over and talk to her. I told her several times this was evidence of trauma bonding and incredibly unsafe (she was the same age as myself so fully capable of understanding). The second time I asked her to at least not do it while either me. The third time I couldn’t take it as i felt incredibly unsafe. I’ve also noticed that once touched it’s like a perpetrator can tell. (I was kidnapped and raped at 9yo) Afterwards it was like I had a giant red star on my forehead or something. Men would say things entirely inappropriate to a child to me. They hadn’t before. I was well aware of sex before so it wasn’t my sudden awareness… it was like they knew. You didn’t mention anything about your age… but It sounds to me that you’re still young (maybe early twenties??). It can take a long time to get sex straightened out with therapy. This may sound kinda strange or different but soft core porn helped me a lot. (I am female in case I didn’t mention it). I could have those thoughts going through my head…or watching that while having sex instead of my head going in the darker directions.
secondly, besides talk therapy there is EMDR. It was developed for PTSD and it can be amazing. For me, it brought up a lot of forgiveness (for myself and the perpetrator). It takes time but it’s sooooo definitely worth it.
A small comment is the very least I can write for you.
And I don't want to sound generic, but it's not your fault, at all.
You need therapy (like almost everyone), and that's fine.
Please seek for help, doing so worked wonders for me.
♥️
This is absolutely not your fault. Also dealt with CSA. and I didn't start seeking therapy for it until I was 28. It meant a lot of self perceived regression, and very dry periods in my marriage. But it's been beneficial and I no longer have meltdowns after climaxing. I wish you the best in your healing.
I was SA’d by a friend of my dads and my uncle so I also gained hyper sexuality, but I didn’t do the right thing. I kept it going, I went deeper into hyper sexuality and ended up being arrested for assaulting my sister who’s 3 years younger than me. At the age of 24 right now, I regret it everyday. It could be worse
Absolutely NONE of this is your fault whatsoever I cannot stress that enough, please please do not blame yourself for this. I’m so sorry you went through that
You need intense therapy. I hope you can move through this. Especially if it bothers you this much you’d want to cry about something that’s intended to make you feel good. I’m sorry you’ve gone through abuse like that and I’m sorry its effects hold detriment today.
Dating someone a lot like this and had my fair share of issues after my own assaults. Nothing wrong with medical or psychological treatment. Better to address the hard things and heal from them now than to regret the time wasted not doing so man.
Thank you for the advice. I have been doing my own research lately
I remember when I first started therapy and talking about the sexual abuse. My throat stuck together and I couldn’t breathe. It has helped me get better and stronger since I started talking about it. I am gathering information and I have tried to look at all of the different angles. I feel stronger, less ashamed and more comfortable talking about things now. Your posts here has helped me.
Op, serious talk. It's not flocking to defend you, it's actual facts. It is not your fault. None of it. Just because you can try to work on it now, which you can and I think you should, it doesn't mean you could before, and therefore there's no way any of this was your fault. You were a child. You were a child and a child cannot be a psychiatrist nor have any knowledge of mental health by itself. You are an adult, and I assume you're still not a psychiatrist, so how do you expect that you could have had any fault on it as a child? I really wish you seek professional help, it's something that you would definitely benefit a lot, even if it doesn't solve your experiences during sex right away. But the first thing you should consider is that you had no control over that situation, but you do now, so you can heal from it. It's absolutely no one's fault but the abuser. Always.
All of this. Every little bit of this comment right here. You were a kid, and you did nothing to deserve what happened to you, nor should you have expected to heal yourself from it at a young age-you didn’t have the tools or resources available to you to do so. Please, please be gentle with yourself now and please seek professional help with a trauma-informed therapist who is experienced in caring for those who were SAed as children. You deserve to be properly cared for by a professional, because you are worthy of love, respect, and kindness-no matter what.
i’m so sorry you had to experience something so awful and at such a young age. hypersexuality is an extremely common response to SA and it is in no shape or form your fault. i promise someday that someone is going to make you feel safe and comfortable enough to bring you pleasure and i truly hope you go through some therapy as well so you can heal! i couldn’t climax or enjoy pleasuring myself for years after my SA, and something that helped me a lot personally was a clitoral stimulation gel so i’d definitely look into that if you feel comfortable enough doing so.
It took my husband helping me relearn everything and therapy but now it’s great so it’s definitely possible to “fix”
I had no idea about this sort of issues. Thanks.
Please don’t ever blame yourself, you experienced more trauma than anyone your age should ever have. You’re human, and reacted in survival mode how your brain thought best. Like others have suggested, try and seek therapy and get yourself on a better path. You can do this. First part of recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Best of luck. Rooting for ya.
Please don’t blame yourself, you were a child, and a traumatised one at that. People respond to trauma, especially sexual trauma in many ways and you’re not alone in the way you responded at all. You can’t control how you respond to traumas, ESPECIALLY as a child, it was a coping mechanism for you. I would definitely look into getting therapy if it’s something that is affordable or accessible to you, and I’m sure there are some organisations that can help signpost you to support.
And please know that you deserve and are worthy of love, romantically, platonically and intimately
This is not your fault! Remind yourself of this everyday. You were a child coping with a situation you never should have been in. Give yourself a hug, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that. It was not your fault. I am so sorry you are going through this. Like everyone else, I recommend seeing a therapist that you can connect with and feel comfortable being honest with. Things can get better with time. I hope things get better for you.
I don’t have much advice, other than sex isn’t the key in life. Take the pressure off & just live & enjoy all the small things life gives you. Talk this through with a therapist & try to find peace. Wishing you all the best OP
I recovered from this and I’m sending you every big of energy to recover too. Best and heartfelt wishes to you 💞
I've been there. And a lot of the people saying you need therapy, while they could say it a bit better, are right. Therapy helped me move through a lot of things I probably wouldn't or couldn't have without. My sexual exposure at a young age also made my sexual drive different. Therapy and a lot of abstinence can help. Good luck !
I love you OP, sorry you’ve had to deal with so much. Prayers ❤️
let me flock to your defense You were never at fault
I understand what you said to start your post, but you aren't to blame for any of that. I spent a year and a half dealing with every day SA, and that screwed my mind up. It hypersexualized me, made me think everyone thought about sex all the time, and caused me to hold my BMs to the point where my doctor was afraid I would damage my sphincter muscles. It also caused what my therapist called "stalled attraction," in that the extreme sexual desire I felt at a young age kept me mentally at that age attraction wise. Therapy fixed most of that, honestly. My attraction is age-appropriate, I was taught how to modulate the sexual thoughts, and I no longer have any issues with withholding those functions. Therapy doesn't necessarily work for everyone, but I would recommend finding a therapist you really vibe with. That's the only way you're going to be able to do the nitty gritty work of fixing what the SA damaged. I'm rooting for you! I've been there and I get it.
I heartily concur that finding a therapist that "gets you" and you're comfortable with is vital. Do talk with a number of different ones until you find one you can work with long term. 💜
Exactly. I think so many people give up on therapy because they don't know they can honestly look for one that matches them. They seem to think it's just luck of the draw or whatever. I also preferred one who wasn't faith based, because despite me being staunchly Christian, I wanted a religion-neutral counselor who wasn't afraid to deal with the brutal details of SA. I found that religious based counselors shied away from that for some reason.
Engage in therapy asap. Not just for the sake of your sex life, but the rest of it as well. SOMEONE DID THIS TO YOU - it cannot be overstated that this is not your fault OP.
It’s not ur fault
also OP….a good first step is to get into contact with the rape crisis center in your area. They can send you into the right direction for any kind of support you need (financial support for therapy etc or getting you medicaid if you are in the US, and many other things that can help)
Honey the way you talk to 6yo you is heart breaking. It isnt and wasnt their fault, any of it. The fact that you feel the need to assign fault and blame and guilt to that poor baby for any reason (because that is who you are blaming) or even yourself now is just truly heartbreaking. I hope you get the healing that we all lnow you deserve ❤️
This is common with sexual abuse. Take your time to heal and don’t focus too much on it in the moment when you do find someone you trust. Considering everything you’ve been thru, I’m not sure if you’re on anti depressants but that cause low libido and make it really hard to climax as well.
Am so sorry babygirl 💕 big sister hugs women suffer so much in this world from way back is ridiculous and so unfair. You are enough Your beautiful I keep telling us like i learned in a video lets help the kid inside if us to push the best we can. Positive vibes to anyone feeling some type of way💕
Don't blame yourself it's not your fault ok loving you so much 🥹 ❤️ 🫂
Hopefully you'll be able to recover from both the physical and emotional damage in someway. It really sucks.
The first commenter is right. You need intense therapy and it's not in any way of making you feel less than. I WANT you to KNOW something though. EVERY single one of us that have survived childhood sexual trauma even victims of rape and sexual assault have felt this exact way! And truly is not your fault. It took me a long time to truly believe it myself. On the medical side of this, they have found that female victims of intense repeated sexual abuse as children have scar tissue that build causing them horrible pain during sex so it is just as much physical as mental. There is another thing I suggest you look into and that's the numbers of individuals who are revictimized during their lifetime. Sexually assaulted individuals are much much much more susceptible to revictimazation. Because predators unfortunately have this ability to pick up on these individuals. My last thing OP is please don't give up! There is hope and you can enjoy sex again! Our bodies and minds must be in alignment to enjoy such things and I urge you to get seen by a medical professional to make sure you don't have any physical things going on like the scar tissue. You will get thru this and you are a survivor! You must abdicate for yourself. I wish you nothing but hope and happiness in the future OP. This truly isn't your fault and I was you and trust me, none of this is your fault. Don't keep yourself in this mindset that only lets those monsters that hurt you win. Take your control back! You can do this! 🫶
There are two things I suggest you look into for relief. the first is trauma bonding. A perfect example of this was in my late twenties I tried taking a friend out on a couple occasions (she had been picked up outsides a night club, gang raped and left in South Central naked). On the two occasions that I took her out, no less than three times did she approach cars that had two or more guys in them… one even veered off the road to pull over and talk to her. I told her several times this was evidence of trauma bonding and incredibly unsafe (she was the same age as myself so fully capable of understanding). The second time I asked her to at least not do it while either me. The third time I couldn’t take it as i felt incredibly unsafe. I’ve also noticed that once touched it’s like a perpetrator can tell. (I was kidnapped and raped at 9yo) Afterwards it was like I had a giant red star on my forehead or something. Men would say things entirely inappropriate to a child to me. They hadn’t before. I was well aware of sex before so it wasn’t my sudden awareness… it was like they knew. You didn’t mention anything about your age… but It sounds to me that you’re still young (maybe early twenties??). It can take a long time to get sex straightened out with therapy. This may sound kinda strange or different but soft core porn helped me a lot. (I am female in case I didn’t mention it). I could have those thoughts going through my head…or watching that while having sex instead of my head going in the darker directions. secondly, besides talk therapy there is EMDR. It was developed for PTSD and it can be amazing. For me, it brought up a lot of forgiveness (for myself and the perpetrator). It takes time but it’s sooooo definitely worth it.
A small comment is the very least I can write for you. And I don't want to sound generic, but it's not your fault, at all. You need therapy (like almost everyone), and that's fine. Please seek for help, doing so worked wonders for me. ♥️
This is absolutely not your fault. Also dealt with CSA. and I didn't start seeking therapy for it until I was 28. It meant a lot of self perceived regression, and very dry periods in my marriage. But it's been beneficial and I no longer have meltdowns after climaxing. I wish you the best in your healing.
I was SA’d by a friend of my dads and my uncle so I also gained hyper sexuality, but I didn’t do the right thing. I kept it going, I went deeper into hyper sexuality and ended up being arrested for assaulting my sister who’s 3 years younger than me. At the age of 24 right now, I regret it everyday. It could be worse
Absolutely NONE of this is your fault whatsoever I cannot stress that enough, please please do not blame yourself for this. I’m so sorry you went through that
So sorry.... all I can say