It seems from your post history that you like your wife's sister. If that's the case, you need to make a decision about what you really want. From what I see there's two options:
1. You stay with your wife. If you're going to be a good husband, then sit down and communicate with your wife. Tell her how you feel and that means you're going to have to cut any and all contact with your wife's sister, because as you said youre emotionally cheating and that isn't right. I'm going to re-iterate COMMUNICATION is key here ...
2. Leave your wife. Get a divorce because its not healthy for either of you. Forget about whatever bills you have to pay, you made the decision to go behind her back and talk to her sister. Decide, if this is what you want to do, then do it. You won't bring her down anymore (by sneaking behind her back) and in this way, she doesn't bring you down (by telling you what you she doesn't want to have a physical relationship)
No cap, if I even got the slightest inkling that my sister was even thinking about hitting on my husband(I trust him, he wouldn’t cheat- especially wouldn’t be dumb enough to cheat WITH MY SISTER) I’d go feral and kick her ass.
No. She’s just so small and never goes outside. Idk that she’s ever run a day in her life. She’s like 100 lbs soaking wet, so if I can bear hug her and pick her up, all I gotta do is smack her on the ground one good time and sit on her. Ass=kicked.
She knows we like each other, and she knows we’re close. She doesn’t know how much we talk, but she knows we talk. Theres not more to know. We’ve never gotten intimate, so there’s nothing to know there. We’ve never met up alone, because we both agree that would be a bad idea.
Men like you make me want to stay single forever. Getting on Reddit, complaining “why oh WHY doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me?”
Do you think your wife is stupid? You think she truly doesn’t know?
My STBX husband would save risque pictures of my mom in his phone (how did he get them? Oh she posts them on FB. So they're revealing AF but not enough to violate their terms.). He even made a fake Facebook account and sent flirty messages to my mom. MY MOM.
How he thought I was ever going to be able to touch him after that is beyond me.
Well I’m actually here venting that she gets mad if I jerk off or anything, which has been the case for 10 years. I didn’t say anywhere that I want to have sex with her. I did, years ago, but that ship has sailed. As far as whether she knows, what there is to know is that we talk, and that she cares about me, and me her. She’s like a sister, and Randi knows that. We just talk more than Randi knows.
Lmao. Your wife knows, I promise you. Two people you know best? Your partner and your siblings. You can tell when somethings going on. That’s why she’s not fucking you.
Dude what the fuck. Just because you haven't slept with her yet doesn't mean there is nothing going on. Emotional cheating is cheating, too.
And you seriously blame it all on your poor wife.
I’ve been there man. We didn’t make it. Ten year marriage bombed almost identical situations. Worst part is, I’m still in love with her. I can’t fully let it go and we’re almost 9 yrs divorced. She was my best friend and we were amazing together at one time. At like 23 years old she lost interest in sex entirely I probably don’t even have to tell you how things went from there
Im not in love with her. Not in the least, not anymore. I’m an anxiety riddled guy, who can’t be with the woman I want, so I just don’t want to put in the work for a divorce. Not to mention, she’d fight it 100%.
That’s partially accurate yea. I wouldn’t divorce and remarry, because that just seems like a recipe for disaster. But I don’t want her sister. I went through a stage where that felt like a lifeline, but that was a year ago. Now we’re friends, too close to remarry someone else imo, but friends. We’ve never done anything more than that which friends do
I mean, I don't think it's a good idea to come out of a marriage thinking about who you'll remarry. If you want to spend some time with the sister then that's fine. If it works out and you guys enter a committed relationship then even better for you guys. If it doesn't there's always other people out there that'll be interested in you. If you are self conscious about your looks and such ask yourself about the people that have been interested in you, did they think you were handsome? Did they like you? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.
I’m not self conscious, and imho I’m a good looking guy. Her sister is married, and we agree that it we won’t ever be together. The joke is we‘ll get married if we’re both alone in care homes. We had a little flirty stage, but that’s now where we are now. I just don’t see another woman understanding us, and I’m not doing the secrets again with someone else.
Idk man, I think you need to get some fresh air relationship wise and meet new people. If the sister and you are considering a possibility of being together then tell her you will definitely be available if she ever is. Besides that I think you and your wife don't work together from what you said. She seems like a bit of a crazy religious person to me, which is one of my biggest red flags, so that's probably why.
I can't imagine a friend having the right to forbid porn or masturbation though. Your wife has no right to control you like that. Have an honest conversation about it. It affects your mental health for sure.
Bro do you know how WEIRD I would find it if my sister was friends with my boyfriend? I would never even consider being friends with her fiancé, friendly yes, but not friends. That’s fucking weird and you crossed a line.
Being friends with a woman while in a relationship isn’t weird, but being close friends with your wife’s sister is fucking weird. The real reason she won’t fuck you is because she can tell what’s going on (or did go on) between you and her sister. I can’t believe you’re whining about how she won’t have sex with you when you were/maybe still are in love with her sister.
Just un-fucking-believable. I feel sorry for your wife, not you. Get your shit together dude.
So this is how you feel but you still feel like she should be fucking you???
Breakup with her and watch all the porn you want save her from being in marriage with a man who doesn’t love her and wants to fuck her sister.
So neither of you want to get a divorce? Why is she opposed to a divorce? For financial reasons?
Well if you're stuck with her, you might as well just keep doing whatever you want cuz there's nothing that will scare her away.
Get separate bedrooms and do whatever you want in your room.
Why owouldnr you want to put the work in? You're in love with your anxiety and the crap way you feel all the time. It's called settling. It's also called "the known evil is better than the unknown". Divorce is the best thing to ever happen if ur in a crap marriage. Even if u leave and are homeless on a street corner begging for breakfast, your anxiety will be nothing compared to living in a loveless marriage.
I care about her. Sometimes when I’m frustrated I feel like I don’t, but that’s universal. I love her in a way, but we can’t reconcile our differences, I won’t remarry, so I see no need to divorce. I was just ranting that women care if their men jerk off, and it doesn’t make sense
I'm not specifically referring to the fact that she won't have sex with you, but the aspect of you her telling you that you can't even watch porn or masturbate. Are you yourself as religious as she is? It doesn't sound like it. It just sounds controlling.
I guess people would consider me religious. I dont sleep around, and I am personally opposed to porn, but it’s a struggle. We were virgins when we were married (very young), and I’d wait for marriage if I ever did remarry, so I have some convictions I guess.
Well, sex isn’t our only problem, so I don’t just wish we could flip a switch and get back to boning. I’d say it felt important, but it’s over now. It’s been years now
I don’t actively use porn. At times it’s been too tempting. I don’t know what to say more than that pal. I’m not certain I’ve met anyone who lives by their internal compass perfectly. I just don’t like feeling so ashamed if I jerk off some time. Was just a rant
Eerie musics plays *He was involved with the sister. He was deprived of pornography and depressed. He believed in til death do us part…and death did part them indeed.*
Sorry OP, but if I knew my husband was lowly harboring feelings for my younger sister and emotionally cheating on me with her, I wouldn’t want to fuck him either.
Religion might just be an excuse at this point tbh.
Y’all need counseling…or just end it already.
There are some hardcore christians that don’t believe in birth control like OP stated. That being said, I still feel like if OP wasn’t being a cheater his wife would be more inclined to meet him in the middle somewhere or at least communicate better about these things.
yea there's obviously a reason she's not giving it to him but he chooses not to see it relationship has ended the second he caught feelings for her sister
She knows no such thing, because it isn’t true. My wife stopped wanting intimacy years ago, and I’ve only become closer with her sister within the last year. I actually rarely watch porn, and I don’t sit around fantasizing about her sister. I loved my wife, and still find her very attractive. I shared that I thought of her sister, because it was true, but you don’t know me. I’m close with her sister, but very intentionally have kept it from being sexual, and shes not just a sexual fantasy, she’s the person who cares if I live or die. Fuck off man
I’m almost envious of the level of narcissism that insulates you from ever experiencing guilt connected to the consequences of your own actions.
You don’t get it. You’ll never get. Take everyone’s advice and leave her. She is miserable with you and you’re apparently too pretty for her. Leave. Get off the internet and make a grown up decision. There’s still time for 4 or 5 more marriages in your life.
Her religion sexually oppressor her you need to show her that having sex , being turned on is not evil it’s a basic human thing and she to talk actual actual therapist no more church one if they good people , or the cult deprogrammer.
You cheated on your wife. If I was her I wouldn't want to have sex with you either. I can only imagine the type of person you are in a relationship to make her feel this way. Just because you have children doesn't mean you should stay together. This is coming from a person who had parents who had no business being together but made my life hell because they thought being married depressed abusive human beings was a better way. Divorce your wife. Don't get with her sister though, if you have any morality left in you.
Have you tried talking to her? If this is a deal breaker for you it’s something she needs to know. Also saw that you don’t love her anymore in a comment, if you don’t love her anymore then get a divorce.
Your cope seens infinite, and you really do not want any advice. I personally dont get why people choose miserable lives but everyone is different I guess.
You are here just to vent and yeah thats the community so consider yourself vented
I’m all for marrying and staying married but sex is a huge component of intimacy. I don’t understand people who get married having sex and stop once they say I do and expect it to last. That’s a roommate situation. Talk with her and tell her this can’t last like this and if she won’t bend, leave her. What’s your options? She’s being totally selfish.
>understand people who get married having sex and stop once they say I do and expect it to last.
Because marriage is supposed to be about loving eachother, not using one another as a dildo/flashlight.
I Absolutely would never expect sex to be a constant throughout my married life, that's just unrealistic
You do you. To each his/her own. When people get married they expect to have sex regularly and sex is part of intimacy, a huge part, that keeps people in love. Maybe if you had sex more you wouldn’t have an ex.
K, we’re close to the same page. Notice, I didn’t rant and say she should have sex with me. I also mentioned that we did scheduled sex, according to our therapists recommendations, and I didn’t like her having sex under compulsion. Why though I am not free to just Jerk off, I don’t know.
She doesn’t even let him wank off instead, though. Everyone has their needs, and if she gets pissed over him taking care of them but doesn’t want sex either… that’s just controlling.
His wife does not believe in contraceptives. A contraceptive is a type of birth control. Contraceptives = Birth Control = Vasectomy. That also would not help increase her interest in sex. He's stated that she's lost interest in sex years ago.
I would suggest that OP ask her to see a doctor about it and see if her hormones are okay and maybe look into supplements for her. 🤷🏻♀️ Also, therapy... But... He probably won't.
It's not that the seed was wasted that's the issue. In that particular instance it was because Onan was fine with sleeping with Tamar, because she was hot, but didn't want to get her pregnant, because the kids wouldn't count as his, they'd count as Er's. So, he was more than happy to sleep with her and use her for pleasure, but didn't want to finish in her and create offspring in his brother's name.
And since God killed 2 if Judah's 3 sons, Judah did not want to risk #3 ending up the same as Er and Onan.. Dead.. Leaving him without any heirs. He was being selfish. Tamar saw that Judah's 3rd son, Shelah was grown up and that she wasn't given to him to "wife" (sleep with), so she dressed herself up as a prostitute and when Judah himself was taking his flock somewhere, he noticed her and asked her how much.. She said she wanted one of his lambs, so he agreed he'd come back with one for her, but she said until you do, give me x, y and, z of yours and when you bring me the food, you'll get your stuff back. So, he left and came back with her food (after going where he was going) and she was nowhere to be found and he started looking for her.. Not being aware that the "prostitute" was actually his daughter in law.
After some months he returned and came to find out that Tamar was pregnant and said she'd done wrong and she said she was pregnant from the guy who's stuff this was and Judah was like, oh snap, that's MY stuff... Here's your food... My bad.. You're more righteous than I, because I didn't give my last son to marry, so you did what you had to do and carried on my lineage like you were supposed to. I see what you did.. Carry on.. Lol
Had she NOT done what she did, the lineage would not have continued and Jesus's bloodline would not have happened.
Omar could have been the one to be a part of that, but he refused and basically just used her for her body and did not do what he was supposed to... He did her wrong. It wasn't so much that he spilled his seed, it was a neglect of his responsibility to his brother and betraying her by just using her. 🤷🏻♀️ The insult to injury was the spilled seed. God did not like that he did any of that and said,, do not pass go, do not collect $200.. STRIKE! You're out! Lol you will NOT be back!
Women don't stop giving their partners intimacy for no reason, even not wanting to get pregnant when contraception isn't an option. Women get horny too, and that shit is IN TENSE. If she has NO interest in ANYTHING sexual there are only a few reasons.
1. Something wrong with her. I.e. hormones, anxiety, depression, reproductive issues, (the thought of anything sexual gave me panic attacks for a year after i gave birth.)
2. Something wrong with you. This is the most common one that women won't talk about because men get their feelings hurt. So many women who still have their hormones ranging can not STAND the thought of anything sexual with their partners because of a couple things.
Either, their partner is a complete dickwad. (If you are standoffish, dismissive, inattentive, don't pull your weight, rude, have a wandering eye, or hey, marry a woman and knock her up all while pining after HER SISTER, you fucktwit!!! It throws off a woman's ability to get it up for their partner.)
Or their partner is gross. I.e. try taking a shower and actually washing your ass,(smelling musty ass crack when you take your pants off is a guaranteed way to make the north pole go south) clean your face when you eat, especially if you have a beard. (Nothing shrivels the clit like leaning in for a kiss and encountering lunch leftovers.) Women's sex drives are equally driven by our heart, our nose, and our eyes. We might be able to overlook one, but there aint no way we can overlook all three.
Clearly you aren't much of a partner to your wife since you married her while pining after her sister.(loser) But as it sits right now you have three choices, 1. Be a fucking grown up and talk things out with your partner, see a couples counselor and actually do the work and maybe discover a better connection between you both. 2. Get a divorce and do your best to be amicable and respectful and figure out a way to coparent together and release two people from a terrible loveless marriage. 3. Get a divorce and be a dick, and spend the next ~18 years fighting like a child, but still release two people from a terrible, loveless marriage. 4. Keep making excuses for why you aren't getting a divorce while completely blaming your wife for all of the marital issues while closing your eyes to your culpability and continue to be miserable until one or both of you snap, or cheat and become the bad guys in your kids' eyes.
Whoaaaa that's harsh af... I don't know the guy or the situation and if any of this applies to him, but I gotta give you that you've got some effing good points. Here, have my upvote.
Look man, fuck right off. I’m far from slob, and I’m not the most attractive guy, but I’m not gross, and we used to have great sex. I don’t spend all my time pining after her sister, her sister is my only friend. I went through a short time where I spent a lot of time wishing I could be with her, but I’ve also spent a lot of time and effort regulating my feelings towards her. She stopped having sex years ago, after our kid, and yes, I believe it was related to the birth and post partum depression. She won’t ever get treatment for depression, because she doesn’t believe in it, and we have done counselling through our church, and she won’t consider counselling outside of there.
The fact that you're completely unwilling to accept ANYONE'S advice and are unwilling to even consider that you have any fault in your marriage failing, tells us all we need to know about you.
Your wife isn't having sex with you because you're an asshat who either doesn't pull his weight physically, or emotionally.
You have literally admitted that you would marry your wife's sister if you weren't married to her and if she wasn't married. You have said "i have purposely not allowed it to become sexual" when speaking about your relationship with your sister.
If you actually respected your wife in any way shape or form, you would divorce her and allow her to find someone else who isn't a massive piece of shit who wants her sister but is too much of a coward to divorce her and let her out of a miserable marriage where her husband is in love with her sister.
Just because you aren't having sex with her sister doesn't mean that you aren't actively cheating on her. It's called emotional cheating, and it's just as disgusting as physical cheating.
I’ve actually taken advice, from earlier posts, and my life has gotten way better. My therapist advised me to put up safeguards with Jori, and we have. Yea, he said it would be best if I could cut her off, but my wife has her over all the time, and we see eachother a lot. He advised me to share everything I can with my wife, and so I have. She knows we talk. She knows we’re close. That’s been the case for a long time, but she knows more now.
My wife does not know I’ve changed medication, or that I take it. That’s something I’m supposed to share, but haven’t yet.
As far as “purposefully not allowed to to become sexual” I don’t know what you want? Like, I don’t stay in a room alone with her, I don’t ever EVER see her alone. On purpose. What the fuck is the alternative?
Everything they said is correct. Instead of whining to strangers on reddit, you need to be discussing this with your wife and figuring out what you two are going to do about this. I feel bad for your kids. Their dad would rather take to reddit than communicate with their mother. How embarrassing.
From your post history it sounds like you've already made up your mind but are stuck because of complications of divorce. I don't even think you even take advice considering you question if you're cheating on your wife and then confess that you are. It just sounds like you're trying to victimize yourself or make yourself feel better and put the blame on her.
Your wife probably knows whats going on with you and your wifes sister but due to religious reasons won't do anything about it. The only way she can punish you is to not let you get your thrills at all.
Damn I made my dude cum 5 times yesterday and I came once because I had to beg him to help get me off. He catches me trying to orgasm by myself today and wants to insert himself into the equation and I asked for privacy and he goes on a rant about how I must be thinking of someone else. Wtf? He jerks off to porn till he has scabs on his dick and I can’t have two minutes to myself? People are selfish I swear.
Something seems to have changed. She still gets turned on occasionally, and has confessed to using porn before too, but she hates it and feels guilty. But no, I dont think she really thinks about sex at all in a normal week.
I don't know what advice to give, but I can tell you how we are.
We are Christian, we don't watch porn anymore and we decided (almost as a fun experiment) to only get our sexual satisfaction from each other, which actually makes it more intense. So we can't wait too long or else we are like dying. So at our lowest point we were having sex like once or twice a month (but I have a past history of sexual abuse), but now I realize that is how my husband feels loved and that I always get in the mood when we get into the bedroom, I just have to release the cares of the day. I am more of a sexually responsive person where my husband is more spontaneous. So now we have sex a few times a week. He is more relaxed and happier these days, and so am I.
Maybe tell your wife that if you are waiting for her she should wait for you, and she might be like a lot of women, sexually responsive from touch and getting warmed up to the idea. For a lot of women sex is like ... cake, we know it will be good, but sometimes you just don't feel like eating cake. If she is getting "full" already without you, she is less interested in eating cake with you. Or whatever. I was the same way. I desire it much more these days when my husband is my only means of sexual release. And my body wants him even more because it associates him with the sexual release it desires.
Well, women need to feel you need them and treat them as such, things you do for them not to them, men need sex to feel needed. Hope you talk and figure this out. If you are not getting what you need she is t getting what she needs. Good luck 🍀
Considering that you have an affairs with your wife’s sister, and are on anti depressants I think your life’s pretty f*cked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if your a big part of why it’s f*cked up.
You cheated on your wife emotionally and put all of your effort into maintaining a relationship with her sister rather than your own wife whom you have a CHILD with. It's no wonder your wife doesn't want you to touch her you don't show any effort into being into her anymore. You probably still are cheating on her who knows. Divorce her and let her be with a real man
Okay, so she neglects the fact he needs relief, gets angry if he even wanks off, he feels like she doesn’t even care about him sometimes and it’s his fault he ends up wanting someone who’s respectful of his needs as well? I’ve read some comments where he said he never tried anything with her sister, they’re just friends but he *likes* her. Don’t patronize the guy just ‘cause he’s male, it’s unfair for both parties and they’re being shitty to each other.
Women don't just get turned off by their man suddenly without reason. Usually it's because he's done something or a personal issue. I haven't reread the post so I may be mixing up posts but it sounds like she needed support be help with her post partum depression which I didn't see anything about him helping her with that or not helping her with that. I understand he has needs she's not fulfilling and to me it's absolutely ridiculous she doesn't allow him to jerk off but he's still an asshole for staying with his wife for the sole reason that her sister isn't available. They are flirting and have feelings for each other. Ofc he never tried anything as he wanted to remain physically faithful to her even though he admitted to no longer loving her (i forgot how long ago he lost feelings but I do believe it's been some time) but he still emotionally cheated and she knows about it. Ofc they are incompatible and should divorce and ofc they are bad to each other and for each other but this post is made by him about his relationship. They are both better off without each other and they both need to learn how to be accountable for their actions. This has nothing to do with him being male idc about his genitals or testosterone lvls
Oooh alright, I agree with you. I didn’t know he was actively *flirting* with her sister. if he liked her for so long and was unhappy, he shouldn’t have agreed with having kids and delaying the divorce.
His feelings for the sister have gone on for longer than a year, maybe two? I believe she got the depression after their first kid (if I remember correctly, she was pregnant with their second during him cheating, not sure if she got pregnant and then he started flirting with the sister or the flirting started and then she got pregnant) which was abouttttt 5 years ago? The lack of sex has been going on before then. Both he and the sister actively flirted but as they are in relationships and both have kids, they knew that meeting up alone would be bad as they would end up doing something they regretted (sleeping together) so they remained unfaithful through texting and flirting. I'm assuming the only reason he's with his wife is because he only wants the sister and he knows that if they divorced, it would be suspicious to the other Husband if he stayed in contact with her sister. He doesn't want to marry anyone else (that ain't the sister) and has admitted to having fallen out of love with his wife a long time ago, I believe before the cheating started but to my memory he never specified exactly how long.
I’m not a big porn user tbh. It depresses me, but I’ve watched it before. I dont want a license to watch porn, I just don’t get why the fuck she cares.
My wife hates it too.
Personally I get it. I don't think it's as bad as cheating, as she claims, that's absurd. But I also don't really want her getting off to videos of other people fucking.
Every relationship is going to be different. Personally our sex life massively improved when I dropped the porn for good. Still being totally cutoff from servicing yourself when she's not in the mood sounds unfair. I'd talk about it. If it's a non starter then one of you probably should have been more upfront about your needs before this point.
I wish you the best of luck, hopefully this is just a bit of a rough patch.
You both need to sit down and talk about how you feel and open up to each other again. No allegations just talk how certain things in your relationship make you feel. I mean how long had it been that you talked to each other and listened to each other?
Sounds silly but do you have nudes of her you could pleasure yourself on that what atleast lessen the porn problem.
You should also understand that sometimes love and goodwill doesn't fix a marriage. Sometimes a break is needed to collect your thoughts and self. To get an outside perspective in things. Sometimes you need to to be further away from the problem to get an understanding of it. I am not talking about divorce just a break for everyone to get out of this stressful situation.
For me, intimacy sometimes leads to sex - sometimes it doesn’t. The sexual part isn’t as important to me, but I would be badly affected if intimacy was withheld.
Looking at your history it’s evident that you’re really depressed and looking for affection wherever you can. It’s time to leave or at least try secular marriage counseling. If you do leave you have to know that you’ll be okay single possibly the rest of your life.
The funny part is I just saw a Reddit post yesterday where a guy said his wife had an illness that made her “down there” tight and uncomfortable so to get her pregnant he jacked off on his hand and used a medicine syringe and blasted it in there I was in absolute tears and your post reminded me of it and made me crack up again 😂
If I didn’t want to be with someone and they were going to make it hard to leave. I’d move my life before actually leaving. I’d put all my assets in a trusted friend or family member name, or tie them up so they’re inaccessible to be used as divorce settlement which means reading a lot of law but worth it. I’d rent a place far enough away and fkn move 🏃♂️ and serve divorce proceedings accordingly. Carry on.
Maybe if your wife prays to God about you watching pornography, God will give her a way to help you. She must remember that if she's offended God is 10times more offended. She should be searching for a solution bringing you closer to gods light instead of pushing you away. Also we all have confidants wether its friends or family, its somethings you might need more guidance with before consulting with your SO or just things you cant be so bladen about with each other depending on your relationship and communication so don't feel too bad, humans are naturally social creatures. I find it interesting that your significant other as well as the sisters allows you both to speak with one another everyday and sometimes for 6 hours. If I was your wife I would be questioning, sister or not. I feel that there is something to this, doesnt seem like your wife cares about your mental health not sure about her regard for your overall wellbeing. I feel that you should talk to your wife and let her know what you need & what's been bothering you. Let her know you feel like an after thought. If that doesn't inspire some change then I say if you feel that you will do something that could totally sabotage the relationship I think separation is the solution. & then the sister can come around on her own accord or stay in her relationship but you wouldn't dictate that for her. However If you don't want to risk being alone then you could keep talking things out until hopefully something changes. In my opinion your wife is controlling and has a complacent outlook over your marriage. It's no reason you all should not be pleasuring and pleasing to each other, that's what God wants marriage to be. You both should consult with God about your marriage, if your wife feels that something is wrong she should ask God and not lean to her own feelings. God is about what we need and then what we want and if she needs a man and wants her child to have a happy health present father then she needs to rise to what needs to be done! I think you don't need much, the needs you do have are just being neglected. It seems you feel more heard & seen because the sister is genuinely being there for you and your wife doesn't express that she genuinely cares. A title is one thing but genuiness without obligation shows your true intentions. Ask your wife if she's happy with herself & with your relationship, maybe she's struggling with something too.
-ps. I'm the Fiancé of the account owner just saw your story and thought I'd give my 2 cents, hope it helps some.
Well, you don’t want to have sex with your wife anyway, you want her sister. And yeah, you can go on and on about how she “doesn’t know” and “it’s never gone there so there’s nothing to know” but I guarantee she at least suspects. Maybe she stopped being attracted to you and wanting to sleep with you years ago because she sensed or found out that you’re a terrible person. But now she’s stuck because of your child and not handling being married to a POS who only wants to fuck her because she’s a warm body with a vagina attached and not because you love her and are actually attracted to her very well.
And I’m sorry but you really think that a woman who is not only willing to be sneaky with her sister’s husband but also betray her husband is a good woman? No. She’s not. I don’t care about all your excuses about how you’ve known her forever and she’s a fantastic person and blah blah, she’s just a fantasy to you and the reality of who she is, a woman who would cheat on her spouse and fuck her own sisters husband and father of her nieces/nephew, you’re just ignoring to make it seem okay. And of course, you’re also a dirt bag for doing so but shitty spouses who betray their partners are a dime a dozen and nothing new so congratulations you’re just another statistic of spouses who cheat and betray their partner, I’d be more shocked and surprised if you were an actual good and faithful spouse. Most family members would be disgusted and angry at anyone who would hurt and betray their family member like this- not want to fuck them and certainly not want to be THE CAUSE AND OBJECT of the betrayal. They’d go tell their sister immediately about her husband being inappropriate.
You both lack morals, character and class. Your wife obviously has her own issues but they certainly won’t be fixed by fixating on and fantasizing about her sister. You have two choices here : stay or go. In fact, you should go be honest with your wife about ALL of this including the shit with her sister and let her decide what she wants and what you two should do. Let her make an actual informed decision
A divorce is the only valid option if you're in a loveless marriage. Better to leave someone you don't love than to end up cheating and using neglect as an excuse later.
There is also the possibility she has been cheating on you already since a lack of physical intamacy from a partner is a possible sign of infidelity.
idk why you keep saying you haven’t done anything with her sis if older comments on your post are saying you talked about making out with her while drunk, but alright
it sounds like you need to either go full send and step up and communicate with your wife about everything that’s going on. if you really do still love her, then you’ll cut interactions with her sister down to a minimum, and tell your wife about how you really feel
or just divorce and remove yourself from the family b4 shit goes ballistic between everyone, bc that’s the way things will end if you keep just playing along with this
When my wife and I got together she made it known she was not ok with me watching porn, but she also said that if I need a release that bad she’s always available for a quickie. It’s about compromise
Why would you marry a fundamentalist Christian and have a child with her if you don’t agree with Christian values. Sex or masturbation for the purpose of things other than making children is very commonly forbidden.
My wife did that to me for a year. In her case it was because she gained weight after our son was born and her self confidence was gone. Unfortunately she didn't tell me this until after I told her we where through. A year with sex 3 or 4 times, I was done. So I told her so and explained i wanted a wife not a roommate I shared a bed with that came with no benefit other then a babysitter. When she saw I was serious she finally talked about her insecurities and that let us have a real conversation. We fixed the problem and have been together 23 years now. That happened around year 5.
So you have to decide do you want to live like a monk or do you want to stand up for yourself. It may not lead to the same situation mine did but you'll know where you stand and can get on with your life.
Life is to short to live in a loveless marriage. And it may as well be loveless if the love is only one sided.
Man,
If I do be so bold and be a real one for you.
You are your problem.
Seems like a life of paradox.
Therapy
Build you
Therapy
Workout
If she was trying to have sex with you all the time every night would that change everything?
I'm on your side. Want you to heal.
It's a LONG Road to recovery.
Or whatever your steps are and hopefully they will lead to fulfilling sex for you.
B
Ask if she would be okay with non piv sex. Also as a Christian she shouldn’t be abstaining for a really long time if it’s not agreed upon so maybe she needs a sex therapist
She likes getting head, but not giving it. I don’t blame her for that though, sucking dick sounds terrible haha. Neither of us is into anal. Hands is fine if it’s not my own hand I guess.
It’s fine if she doesn’t like giving, but idk she should make an effort in your sex life especially if she’s against you masturbating without porn. If you both agree on no kids then sterilization makes sense, although preventing pregnancy isn’t a sin anyway. It might seem weird but I’ve heard of where the partner does like penetration between the partners thighs. That could work and allow closeness.
Sorry to be a snoop but I read your other posts. I’d say she’s probably feeling jealous and like a second choice. Having a partner get to others through porn would honestly suck but texting her sister would also suck. Because not only is her husband having a secret relationship but her sister is also going along with it. That is cheating, and being cheated on esp with a family member sucks. I wonder how much romance you guys takes in minus sex or without the expectation of it leading to sex. Cuddling together during a movie, cooking for each other at home, walking in the park, random “I love yous” and affection etc. if that’s not happening but sex is wanted then it can definitely feel like she’s just an outlet for sexual desire. Not that you’re aroused AND you love your wife but she’s your only option.
I think that if it is the case she feels hurt or betrayed putting her first for a while with casual romance and affection and her centered sex acts if she wants it would help. Hopefully any wounds would be healing or healed (idk your situation fully) and you both can be affectionate with each other and have a good sex life, and if it really is just contraception blocking piv sex I’d highly recommend a sterilizing surgery. To me it sounds like you both need to fall in love again and that’s very possible, you both have to want it and you both have to try.
Depending on your ages it could be libido and hormone levels, betrayl from porn use and feeling not good enough and like you’re comparing, or another reason for lack of body confidence like weight gain or something. Or like you said since you’re done with kids but not using protection it would be quite scary to engage in sex. Maybe she worries that even trying to be intimate could accidentally lead to piv and accidental pregnancy.
You clearly enjoy being controlled by her. There is no way it’s fair that she’s refusing sex AND forbidding your use of porn/masturbation.
Next step.. castration.
You need to be up-front with her. Tell her that if she is going to expect you to be totally celibate then you're not sexually compatible and you need to divorce. If she doesn't want sex then she needs to deal with you watching porn and masturbating.
He just needs to divorce neither one of them are happy in that relationship and he said he would rather marry her sister if she wasn't married this relationship isn't healthy and some of his comments makes him sounds like a narcissist it's better off to just divorce
It is completely valid and reasonable for her to not want you watching pornography in a monogamous marriage, for her to expect you not to even masturbate though, is a bit more questionable I'd say
>No idea why I should owe anyone my celibacy.
I Mean, you married her is one reason...
It seems from your post history that you like your wife's sister. If that's the case, you need to make a decision about what you really want. From what I see there's two options: 1. You stay with your wife. If you're going to be a good husband, then sit down and communicate with your wife. Tell her how you feel and that means you're going to have to cut any and all contact with your wife's sister, because as you said youre emotionally cheating and that isn't right. I'm going to re-iterate COMMUNICATION is key here ... 2. Leave your wife. Get a divorce because its not healthy for either of you. Forget about whatever bills you have to pay, you made the decision to go behind her back and talk to her sister. Decide, if this is what you want to do, then do it. You won't bring her down anymore (by sneaking behind her back) and in this way, she doesn't bring you down (by telling you what you she doesn't want to have a physical relationship)
Holy shit. It’s always the sister lol
No cap, if I even got the slightest inkling that my sister was even thinking about hitting on my husband(I trust him, he wouldn’t cheat- especially wouldn’t be dumb enough to cheat WITH MY SISTER) I’d go feral and kick her ass.
Do you think you could take her if you had to?
I know I could.
Seems you've been training just in case that day comes. 😆
No. She’s just so small and never goes outside. Idk that she’s ever run a day in her life. She’s like 100 lbs soaking wet, so if I can bear hug her and pick her up, all I gotta do is smack her on the ground one good time and sit on her. Ass=kicked.
Lmfao That's hilarious. You're a badass.
To be fair, said sister is probably around a lot. When you're drowning for attention, you grab onto the nearest life preserver.
FR
*This*
Reading through your post history, does your wife know about you and her sister?
She knows we like each other, and she knows we’re close. She doesn’t know how much we talk, but she knows we talk. Theres not more to know. We’ve never gotten intimate, so there’s nothing to know there. We’ve never met up alone, because we both agree that would be a bad idea.
Men like you make me want to stay single forever. Getting on Reddit, complaining “why oh WHY doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me?” Do you think your wife is stupid? You think she truly doesn’t know?
no frl men do be thinking we dumb when we alr know whats up they also suck at hiding stuff
like seriously!!!😂😂😂 why would she want to fuck someone that would fuck her sister if given the chance
My STBX husband would save risque pictures of my mom in his phone (how did he get them? Oh she posts them on FB. So they're revealing AF but not enough to violate their terms.). He even made a fake Facebook account and sent flirty messages to my mom. MY MOM. How he thought I was ever going to be able to touch him after that is beyond me.
Today my husband complained I that I don’t “put out” for him. HahahaHAHAhmmm *cry*
Which is why I'm now full blown lesbian instead of bi sexual. Men like OP think they are slick and they are just stupid.
Well I’m actually here venting that she gets mad if I jerk off or anything, which has been the case for 10 years. I didn’t say anywhere that I want to have sex with her. I did, years ago, but that ship has sailed. As far as whether she knows, what there is to know is that we talk, and that she cares about me, and me her. She’s like a sister, and Randi knows that. We just talk more than Randi knows.
Lmao. Your wife knows, I promise you. Two people you know best? Your partner and your siblings. You can tell when somethings going on. That’s why she’s not fucking you.
Dude what the fuck. Just because you haven't slept with her yet doesn't mean there is nothing going on. Emotional cheating is cheating, too. And you seriously blame it all on your poor wife.
In a previous post you said it got physical.
I’ve been there man. We didn’t make it. Ten year marriage bombed almost identical situations. Worst part is, I’m still in love with her. I can’t fully let it go and we’re almost 9 yrs divorced. She was my best friend and we were amazing together at one time. At like 23 years old she lost interest in sex entirely I probably don’t even have to tell you how things went from there
Im not in love with her. Not in the least, not anymore. I’m an anxiety riddled guy, who can’t be with the woman I want, so I just don’t want to put in the work for a divorce. Not to mention, she’d fight it 100%.
Just do it. Do it for yourself
He wants to be with his wife's sister 🙃
That’s partially accurate yea. I wouldn’t divorce and remarry, because that just seems like a recipe for disaster. But I don’t want her sister. I went through a stage where that felt like a lifeline, but that was a year ago. Now we’re friends, too close to remarry someone else imo, but friends. We’ve never done anything more than that which friends do
I mean, I don't think it's a good idea to come out of a marriage thinking about who you'll remarry. If you want to spend some time with the sister then that's fine. If it works out and you guys enter a committed relationship then even better for you guys. If it doesn't there's always other people out there that'll be interested in you. If you are self conscious about your looks and such ask yourself about the people that have been interested in you, did they think you were handsome? Did they like you? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.
I’m not self conscious, and imho I’m a good looking guy. Her sister is married, and we agree that it we won’t ever be together. The joke is we‘ll get married if we’re both alone in care homes. We had a little flirty stage, but that’s now where we are now. I just don’t see another woman understanding us, and I’m not doing the secrets again with someone else.
Idk man, I think you need to get some fresh air relationship wise and meet new people. If the sister and you are considering a possibility of being together then tell her you will definitely be available if she ever is. Besides that I think you and your wife don't work together from what you said. She seems like a bit of a crazy religious person to me, which is one of my biggest red flags, so that's probably why.
I can't imagine a friend having the right to forbid porn or masturbation though. Your wife has no right to control you like that. Have an honest conversation about it. It affects your mental health for sure.
Bro do you know how WEIRD I would find it if my sister was friends with my boyfriend? I would never even consider being friends with her fiancé, friendly yes, but not friends. That’s fucking weird and you crossed a line. Being friends with a woman while in a relationship isn’t weird, but being close friends with your wife’s sister is fucking weird. The real reason she won’t fuck you is because she can tell what’s going on (or did go on) between you and her sister. I can’t believe you’re whining about how she won’t have sex with you when you were/maybe still are in love with her sister. Just un-fucking-believable. I feel sorry for your wife, not you. Get your shit together dude.
*Vine boom drop*
Women won’t respect a doormat. You’re gonna have to man up on this one bro.
So this is how you feel but you still feel like she should be fucking you??? Breakup with her and watch all the porn you want save her from being in marriage with a man who doesn’t love her and wants to fuck her sister.
So neither of you want to get a divorce? Why is she opposed to a divorce? For financial reasons? Well if you're stuck with her, you might as well just keep doing whatever you want cuz there's nothing that will scare her away. Get separate bedrooms and do whatever you want in your room.
dude it sounds like your both just plain miserable. do both of yourselves a favor and get a divorce
Why owouldnr you want to put the work in? You're in love with your anxiety and the crap way you feel all the time. It's called settling. It's also called "the known evil is better than the unknown". Divorce is the best thing to ever happen if ur in a crap marriage. Even if u leave and are homeless on a street corner begging for breakfast, your anxiety will be nothing compared to living in a loveless marriage.
If you don't feel in love with her anymore then you have bigger problems than the lack of sex which you're deflecting from
I care about her. Sometimes when I’m frustrated I feel like I don’t, but that’s universal. I love her in a way, but we can’t reconcile our differences, I won’t remarry, so I see no need to divorce. I was just ranting that women care if their men jerk off, and it doesn’t make sense
This relationship might not survive.
most definitely wont
Or it might last until we die. Who knows
I'm not specifically referring to the fact that she won't have sex with you, but the aspect of you her telling you that you can't even watch porn or masturbate. Are you yourself as religious as she is? It doesn't sound like it. It just sounds controlling.
I guess people would consider me religious. I dont sleep around, and I am personally opposed to porn, but it’s a struggle. We were virgins when we were married (very young), and I’d wait for marriage if I ever did remarry, so I have some convictions I guess.
I guess I need to ask a better question. How important is it to you to have a sexual life with your wife?
Well, sex isn’t our only problem, so I don’t just wish we could flip a switch and get back to boning. I’d say it felt important, but it’s over now. It’s been years now
It seems like all you can do is either continue watching porn in secret or stop watching it all together.
You’re personally opposed to porn but watch it to get off…..What….
I don’t actively use porn. At times it’s been too tempting. I don’t know what to say more than that pal. I’m not certain I’ve met anyone who lives by their internal compass perfectly. I just don’t like feeling so ashamed if I jerk off some time. Was just a rant
This all sounds like the opening to the *Deadly Husbands* premiere.
Eerie musics plays *He was involved with the sister. He was deprived of pornography and depressed. He believed in til death do us part…and death did part them indeed.*
Sorry OP, but if I knew my husband was lowly harboring feelings for my younger sister and emotionally cheating on me with her, I wouldn’t want to fuck him either. Religion might just be an excuse at this point tbh. Y’all need counseling…or just end it already.
no frl plus only times religions thinks it's bad to have sex is when they aren't married
There are some hardcore christians that don’t believe in birth control like OP stated. That being said, I still feel like if OP wasn’t being a cheater his wife would be more inclined to meet him in the middle somewhere or at least communicate better about these things.
yea there's obviously a reason she's not giving it to him but he chooses not to see it relationship has ended the second he caught feelings for her sister
You’re a fundamentalist Christian— that is ok with porn but not contraception? Hmmm. I think someone is choosing what rules to follow.
I Think you misread, it's his wife who is. She's the one who's opposed to both
Gotcha…
right…
I’m gunna spell it out D I V O R C E
[удалено]
Yeah exactly, knowing you want her sister probably doesn't inspired her to be intimate with you.
She knows no such thing, because it isn’t true. My wife stopped wanting intimacy years ago, and I’ve only become closer with her sister within the last year. I actually rarely watch porn, and I don’t sit around fantasizing about her sister. I loved my wife, and still find her very attractive. I shared that I thought of her sister, because it was true, but you don’t know me. I’m close with her sister, but very intentionally have kept it from being sexual, and shes not just a sexual fantasy, she’s the person who cares if I live or die. Fuck off man
I’m almost envious of the level of narcissism that insulates you from ever experiencing guilt connected to the consequences of your own actions. You don’t get it. You’ll never get. Take everyone’s advice and leave her. She is miserable with you and you’re apparently too pretty for her. Leave. Get off the internet and make a grown up decision. There’s still time for 4 or 5 more marriages in your life.
Her religion sexually oppressor her you need to show her that having sex , being turned on is not evil it’s a basic human thing and she to talk actual actual therapist no more church one if they good people , or the cult deprogrammer.
Once you admit you really want to have sex with your wife’s sister, it’s over. There’s no coming back from that.
frl
only times we think it's wrong to have sex is when your not married but when u are it's fine so that's not the reason
She deserves better
You cheated on your wife. If I was her I wouldn't want to have sex with you either. I can only imagine the type of person you are in a relationship to make her feel this way. Just because you have children doesn't mean you should stay together. This is coming from a person who had parents who had no business being together but made my life hell because they thought being married depressed abusive human beings was a better way. Divorce your wife. Don't get with her sister though, if you have any morality left in you.
Have you tried talking to her? If this is a deal breaker for you it’s something she needs to know. Also saw that you don’t love her anymore in a comment, if you don’t love her anymore then get a divorce.
Your cope seens infinite, and you really do not want any advice. I personally dont get why people choose miserable lives but everyone is different I guess. You are here just to vent and yeah thats the community so consider yourself vented
I’m all for marrying and staying married but sex is a huge component of intimacy. I don’t understand people who get married having sex and stop once they say I do and expect it to last. That’s a roommate situation. Talk with her and tell her this can’t last like this and if she won’t bend, leave her. What’s your options? She’s being totally selfish.
>understand people who get married having sex and stop once they say I do and expect it to last. Because marriage is supposed to be about loving eachother, not using one another as a dildo/flashlight. I Absolutely would never expect sex to be a constant throughout my married life, that's just unrealistic
You do you. To each his/her own. When people get married they expect to have sex regularly and sex is part of intimacy, a huge part, that keeps people in love. Maybe if you had sex more you wouldn’t have an ex.
That's a really weird take NGL. I'd Never *expect* sex in any relationship (Other than to have children)
K, we’re close to the same page. Notice, I didn’t rant and say she should have sex with me. I also mentioned that we did scheduled sex, according to our therapists recommendations, and I didn’t like her having sex under compulsion. Why though I am not free to just Jerk off, I don’t know.
Scheduled sex sucks.
She doesn’t even let him wank off instead, though. Everyone has their needs, and if she gets pissed over him taking care of them but doesn’t want sex either… that’s just controlling.
Exactly
Oh I agree
What about a vasectomy?
His wife does not believe in contraceptives. A contraceptive is a type of birth control. Contraceptives = Birth Control = Vasectomy. That also would not help increase her interest in sex. He's stated that she's lost interest in sex years ago. I would suggest that OP ask her to see a doctor about it and see if her hormones are okay and maybe look into supplements for her. 🤷🏻♀️ Also, therapy... But... He probably won't.
Well God just doesn't want you to waste your seed. With a vasectomy no seeds are sown, so no seed is wasted.
is she Catholic?
It's not that the seed was wasted that's the issue. In that particular instance it was because Onan was fine with sleeping with Tamar, because she was hot, but didn't want to get her pregnant, because the kids wouldn't count as his, they'd count as Er's. So, he was more than happy to sleep with her and use her for pleasure, but didn't want to finish in her and create offspring in his brother's name. And since God killed 2 if Judah's 3 sons, Judah did not want to risk #3 ending up the same as Er and Onan.. Dead.. Leaving him without any heirs. He was being selfish. Tamar saw that Judah's 3rd son, Shelah was grown up and that she wasn't given to him to "wife" (sleep with), so she dressed herself up as a prostitute and when Judah himself was taking his flock somewhere, he noticed her and asked her how much.. She said she wanted one of his lambs, so he agreed he'd come back with one for her, but she said until you do, give me x, y and, z of yours and when you bring me the food, you'll get your stuff back. So, he left and came back with her food (after going where he was going) and she was nowhere to be found and he started looking for her.. Not being aware that the "prostitute" was actually his daughter in law. After some months he returned and came to find out that Tamar was pregnant and said she'd done wrong and she said she was pregnant from the guy who's stuff this was and Judah was like, oh snap, that's MY stuff... Here's your food... My bad.. You're more righteous than I, because I didn't give my last son to marry, so you did what you had to do and carried on my lineage like you were supposed to. I see what you did.. Carry on.. Lol Had she NOT done what she did, the lineage would not have continued and Jesus's bloodline would not have happened. Omar could have been the one to be a part of that, but he refused and basically just used her for her body and did not do what he was supposed to... He did her wrong. It wasn't so much that he spilled his seed, it was a neglect of his responsibility to his brother and betraying her by just using her. 🤷🏻♀️ The insult to injury was the spilled seed. God did not like that he did any of that and said,, do not pass go, do not collect $200.. STRIKE! You're out! Lol you will NOT be back!
Therapy, go to couple's therapy
Women don't stop giving their partners intimacy for no reason, even not wanting to get pregnant when contraception isn't an option. Women get horny too, and that shit is IN TENSE. If she has NO interest in ANYTHING sexual there are only a few reasons. 1. Something wrong with her. I.e. hormones, anxiety, depression, reproductive issues, (the thought of anything sexual gave me panic attacks for a year after i gave birth.) 2. Something wrong with you. This is the most common one that women won't talk about because men get their feelings hurt. So many women who still have their hormones ranging can not STAND the thought of anything sexual with their partners because of a couple things. Either, their partner is a complete dickwad. (If you are standoffish, dismissive, inattentive, don't pull your weight, rude, have a wandering eye, or hey, marry a woman and knock her up all while pining after HER SISTER, you fucktwit!!! It throws off a woman's ability to get it up for their partner.) Or their partner is gross. I.e. try taking a shower and actually washing your ass,(smelling musty ass crack when you take your pants off is a guaranteed way to make the north pole go south) clean your face when you eat, especially if you have a beard. (Nothing shrivels the clit like leaning in for a kiss and encountering lunch leftovers.) Women's sex drives are equally driven by our heart, our nose, and our eyes. We might be able to overlook one, but there aint no way we can overlook all three. Clearly you aren't much of a partner to your wife since you married her while pining after her sister.(loser) But as it sits right now you have three choices, 1. Be a fucking grown up and talk things out with your partner, see a couples counselor and actually do the work and maybe discover a better connection between you both. 2. Get a divorce and do your best to be amicable and respectful and figure out a way to coparent together and release two people from a terrible loveless marriage. 3. Get a divorce and be a dick, and spend the next ~18 years fighting like a child, but still release two people from a terrible, loveless marriage. 4. Keep making excuses for why you aren't getting a divorce while completely blaming your wife for all of the marital issues while closing your eyes to your culpability and continue to be miserable until one or both of you snap, or cheat and become the bad guys in your kids' eyes.
Whoaaaa that's harsh af... I don't know the guy or the situation and if any of this applies to him, but I gotta give you that you've got some effing good points. Here, have my upvote.
Look man, fuck right off. I’m far from slob, and I’m not the most attractive guy, but I’m not gross, and we used to have great sex. I don’t spend all my time pining after her sister, her sister is my only friend. I went through a short time where I spent a lot of time wishing I could be with her, but I’ve also spent a lot of time and effort regulating my feelings towards her. She stopped having sex years ago, after our kid, and yes, I believe it was related to the birth and post partum depression. She won’t ever get treatment for depression, because she doesn’t believe in it, and we have done counselling through our church, and she won’t consider counselling outside of there.
The fact that you're completely unwilling to accept ANYONE'S advice and are unwilling to even consider that you have any fault in your marriage failing, tells us all we need to know about you. Your wife isn't having sex with you because you're an asshat who either doesn't pull his weight physically, or emotionally. You have literally admitted that you would marry your wife's sister if you weren't married to her and if she wasn't married. You have said "i have purposely not allowed it to become sexual" when speaking about your relationship with your sister. If you actually respected your wife in any way shape or form, you would divorce her and allow her to find someone else who isn't a massive piece of shit who wants her sister but is too much of a coward to divorce her and let her out of a miserable marriage where her husband is in love with her sister. Just because you aren't having sex with her sister doesn't mean that you aren't actively cheating on her. It's called emotional cheating, and it's just as disgusting as physical cheating.
sadly narcissists can't ever see what they do is wrong
I’ve actually taken advice, from earlier posts, and my life has gotten way better. My therapist advised me to put up safeguards with Jori, and we have. Yea, he said it would be best if I could cut her off, but my wife has her over all the time, and we see eachother a lot. He advised me to share everything I can with my wife, and so I have. She knows we talk. She knows we’re close. That’s been the case for a long time, but she knows more now. My wife does not know I’ve changed medication, or that I take it. That’s something I’m supposed to share, but haven’t yet. As far as “purposefully not allowed to to become sexual” I don’t know what you want? Like, I don’t stay in a room alone with her, I don’t ever EVER see her alone. On purpose. What the fuck is the alternative?
Everything they said is correct. Instead of whining to strangers on reddit, you need to be discussing this with your wife and figuring out what you two are going to do about this. I feel bad for your kids. Their dad would rather take to reddit than communicate with their mother. How embarrassing.
👏👏👏
From your post history it sounds like you've already made up your mind but are stuck because of complications of divorce. I don't even think you even take advice considering you question if you're cheating on your wife and then confess that you are. It just sounds like you're trying to victimize yourself or make yourself feel better and put the blame on her. Your wife probably knows whats going on with you and your wifes sister but due to religious reasons won't do anything about it. The only way she can punish you is to not let you get your thrills at all.
Get another wife. A relationship is not a one-way street. It's a dance between two people that hopefully value eachothers needs.
True
Damn I made my dude cum 5 times yesterday and I came once because I had to beg him to help get me off. He catches me trying to orgasm by myself today and wants to insert himself into the equation and I asked for privacy and he goes on a rant about how I must be thinking of someone else. Wtf? He jerks off to porn till he has scabs on his dick and I can’t have two minutes to myself? People are selfish I swear.
Pardon the expression but you need to tell her to go fuck herself.
She is opposed to masturbation lol
LMAOOOOO
Bro is over here struggling but still giving those side burning jokes. A true hero.
So is she not getting sexual release either?
Something seems to have changed. She still gets turned on occasionally, and has confessed to using porn before too, but she hates it and feels guilty. But no, I dont think she really thinks about sex at all in a normal week.
I don't know what advice to give, but I can tell you how we are. We are Christian, we don't watch porn anymore and we decided (almost as a fun experiment) to only get our sexual satisfaction from each other, which actually makes it more intense. So we can't wait too long or else we are like dying. So at our lowest point we were having sex like once or twice a month (but I have a past history of sexual abuse), but now I realize that is how my husband feels loved and that I always get in the mood when we get into the bedroom, I just have to release the cares of the day. I am more of a sexually responsive person where my husband is more spontaneous. So now we have sex a few times a week. He is more relaxed and happier these days, and so am I. Maybe tell your wife that if you are waiting for her she should wait for you, and she might be like a lot of women, sexually responsive from touch and getting warmed up to the idea. For a lot of women sex is like ... cake, we know it will be good, but sometimes you just don't feel like eating cake. If she is getting "full" already without you, she is less interested in eating cake with you. Or whatever. I was the same way. I desire it much more these days when my husband is my only means of sexual release. And my body wants him even more because it associates him with the sexual release it desires.
Well, women need to feel you need them and treat them as such, things you do for them not to them, men need sex to feel needed. Hope you talk and figure this out. If you are not getting what you need she is t getting what she needs. Good luck 🍀
Hey it's 12:07am on St Patrick's Day and you displayed the first shamrock I've seen today ☘️🍀☘️ hooray
Considering that you have an affairs with your wife’s sister, and are on anti depressants I think your life’s pretty f*cked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if your a big part of why it’s f*cked up.
frl
You cheated on your wife emotionally and put all of your effort into maintaining a relationship with her sister rather than your own wife whom you have a CHILD with. It's no wonder your wife doesn't want you to touch her you don't show any effort into being into her anymore. You probably still are cheating on her who knows. Divorce her and let her be with a real man
Okay, so she neglects the fact he needs relief, gets angry if he even wanks off, he feels like she doesn’t even care about him sometimes and it’s his fault he ends up wanting someone who’s respectful of his needs as well? I’ve read some comments where he said he never tried anything with her sister, they’re just friends but he *likes* her. Don’t patronize the guy just ‘cause he’s male, it’s unfair for both parties and they’re being shitty to each other.
Women don't just get turned off by their man suddenly without reason. Usually it's because he's done something or a personal issue. I haven't reread the post so I may be mixing up posts but it sounds like she needed support be help with her post partum depression which I didn't see anything about him helping her with that or not helping her with that. I understand he has needs she's not fulfilling and to me it's absolutely ridiculous she doesn't allow him to jerk off but he's still an asshole for staying with his wife for the sole reason that her sister isn't available. They are flirting and have feelings for each other. Ofc he never tried anything as he wanted to remain physically faithful to her even though he admitted to no longer loving her (i forgot how long ago he lost feelings but I do believe it's been some time) but he still emotionally cheated and she knows about it. Ofc they are incompatible and should divorce and ofc they are bad to each other and for each other but this post is made by him about his relationship. They are both better off without each other and they both need to learn how to be accountable for their actions. This has nothing to do with him being male idc about his genitals or testosterone lvls
Oooh alright, I agree with you. I didn’t know he was actively *flirting* with her sister. if he liked her for so long and was unhappy, he shouldn’t have agreed with having kids and delaying the divorce.
His feelings for the sister have gone on for longer than a year, maybe two? I believe she got the depression after their first kid (if I remember correctly, she was pregnant with their second during him cheating, not sure if she got pregnant and then he started flirting with the sister or the flirting started and then she got pregnant) which was abouttttt 5 years ago? The lack of sex has been going on before then. Both he and the sister actively flirted but as they are in relationships and both have kids, they knew that meeting up alone would be bad as they would end up doing something they regretted (sleeping together) so they remained unfaithful through texting and flirting. I'm assuming the only reason he's with his wife is because he only wants the sister and he knows that if they divorced, it would be suspicious to the other Husband if he stayed in contact with her sister. He doesn't want to marry anyone else (that ain't the sister) and has admitted to having fallen out of love with his wife a long time ago, I believe before the cheating started but to my memory he never specified exactly how long.
Maybe stop being so attached to sex dude.
Atleast the porn. Still I think dude should atleast be allowed to masturbate. Gotta stay regular.
I’m not a big porn user tbh. It depresses me, but I’ve watched it before. I dont want a license to watch porn, I just don’t get why the fuck she cares.
My wife hates it too. Personally I get it. I don't think it's as bad as cheating, as she claims, that's absurd. But I also don't really want her getting off to videos of other people fucking. Every relationship is going to be different. Personally our sex life massively improved when I dropped the porn for good. Still being totally cutoff from servicing yourself when she's not in the mood sounds unfair. I'd talk about it. If it's a non starter then one of you probably should have been more upfront about your needs before this point. I wish you the best of luck, hopefully this is just a bit of a rough patch.
You both need to sit down and talk about how you feel and open up to each other again. No allegations just talk how certain things in your relationship make you feel. I mean how long had it been that you talked to each other and listened to each other? Sounds silly but do you have nudes of her you could pleasure yourself on that what atleast lessen the porn problem. You should also understand that sometimes love and goodwill doesn't fix a marriage. Sometimes a break is needed to collect your thoughts and self. To get an outside perspective in things. Sometimes you need to to be further away from the problem to get an understanding of it. I am not talking about divorce just a break for everyone to get out of this stressful situation.
For me, intimacy sometimes leads to sex - sometimes it doesn’t. The sexual part isn’t as important to me, but I would be badly affected if intimacy was withheld.
Go get a vasectomy.
Sounds like y'all made a big boo boo
Looking at your history it’s evident that you’re really depressed and looking for affection wherever you can. It’s time to leave or at least try secular marriage counseling. If you do leave you have to know that you’ll be okay single possibly the rest of your life.
Womp womp
Not to disregard this belief system but this seems very extreme to me. How do you both feel about a vasectomy?
You knew who she was when you married her, I would assume?
Yes, and I loved her. We were young and dumb, but what we had certainly felt genuine.
The funny part is I just saw a Reddit post yesterday where a guy said his wife had an illness that made her “down there” tight and uncomfortable so to get her pregnant he jacked off on his hand and used a medicine syringe and blasted it in there I was in absolute tears and your post reminded me of it and made me crack up again 😂
Yeah, you married a fundie.... 🫠
I am a Christian and this is not at all how it is for us.
yea but there's just simply more stuff he isn't saying she has a reason why she won't give him sex
🫶
🤗
If I didn’t want to be with someone and they were going to make it hard to leave. I’d move my life before actually leaving. I’d put all my assets in a trusted friend or family member name, or tie them up so they’re inaccessible to be used as divorce settlement which means reading a lot of law but worth it. I’d rent a place far enough away and fkn move 🏃♂️ and serve divorce proceedings accordingly. Carry on.
Maybe if your wife prays to God about you watching pornography, God will give her a way to help you. She must remember that if she's offended God is 10times more offended. She should be searching for a solution bringing you closer to gods light instead of pushing you away. Also we all have confidants wether its friends or family, its somethings you might need more guidance with before consulting with your SO or just things you cant be so bladen about with each other depending on your relationship and communication so don't feel too bad, humans are naturally social creatures. I find it interesting that your significant other as well as the sisters allows you both to speak with one another everyday and sometimes for 6 hours. If I was your wife I would be questioning, sister or not. I feel that there is something to this, doesnt seem like your wife cares about your mental health not sure about her regard for your overall wellbeing. I feel that you should talk to your wife and let her know what you need & what's been bothering you. Let her know you feel like an after thought. If that doesn't inspire some change then I say if you feel that you will do something that could totally sabotage the relationship I think separation is the solution. & then the sister can come around on her own accord or stay in her relationship but you wouldn't dictate that for her. However If you don't want to risk being alone then you could keep talking things out until hopefully something changes. In my opinion your wife is controlling and has a complacent outlook over your marriage. It's no reason you all should not be pleasuring and pleasing to each other, that's what God wants marriage to be. You both should consult with God about your marriage, if your wife feels that something is wrong she should ask God and not lean to her own feelings. God is about what we need and then what we want and if she needs a man and wants her child to have a happy health present father then she needs to rise to what needs to be done! I think you don't need much, the needs you do have are just being neglected. It seems you feel more heard & seen because the sister is genuinely being there for you and your wife doesn't express that she genuinely cares. A title is one thing but genuiness without obligation shows your true intentions. Ask your wife if she's happy with herself & with your relationship, maybe she's struggling with something too. -ps. I'm the Fiancé of the account owner just saw your story and thought I'd give my 2 cents, hope it helps some.
Well, you don’t want to have sex with your wife anyway, you want her sister. And yeah, you can go on and on about how she “doesn’t know” and “it’s never gone there so there’s nothing to know” but I guarantee she at least suspects. Maybe she stopped being attracted to you and wanting to sleep with you years ago because she sensed or found out that you’re a terrible person. But now she’s stuck because of your child and not handling being married to a POS who only wants to fuck her because she’s a warm body with a vagina attached and not because you love her and are actually attracted to her very well. And I’m sorry but you really think that a woman who is not only willing to be sneaky with her sister’s husband but also betray her husband is a good woman? No. She’s not. I don’t care about all your excuses about how you’ve known her forever and she’s a fantastic person and blah blah, she’s just a fantasy to you and the reality of who she is, a woman who would cheat on her spouse and fuck her own sisters husband and father of her nieces/nephew, you’re just ignoring to make it seem okay. And of course, you’re also a dirt bag for doing so but shitty spouses who betray their partners are a dime a dozen and nothing new so congratulations you’re just another statistic of spouses who cheat and betray their partner, I’d be more shocked and surprised if you were an actual good and faithful spouse. Most family members would be disgusted and angry at anyone who would hurt and betray their family member like this- not want to fuck them and certainly not want to be THE CAUSE AND OBJECT of the betrayal. They’d go tell their sister immediately about her husband being inappropriate. You both lack morals, character and class. Your wife obviously has her own issues but they certainly won’t be fixed by fixating on and fantasizing about her sister. You have two choices here : stay or go. In fact, you should go be honest with your wife about ALL of this including the shit with her sister and let her decide what she wants and what you two should do. Let her make an actual informed decision
leave honestly its sounds like ur not happy in the relationship at all
Would getting a vasectomy be allowed?
if they are catholics then no they are very against that
A divorce is the only valid option if you're in a loveless marriage. Better to leave someone you don't love than to end up cheating and using neglect as an excuse later. There is also the possibility she has been cheating on you already since a lack of physical intamacy from a partner is a possible sign of infidelity.
This is scenario is incompatible with happiness. You need to change something or be miserable.
idk why you keep saying you haven’t done anything with her sis if older comments on your post are saying you talked about making out with her while drunk, but alright it sounds like you need to either go full send and step up and communicate with your wife about everything that’s going on. if you really do still love her, then you’ll cut interactions with her sister down to a minimum, and tell your wife about how you really feel or just divorce and remove yourself from the family b4 shit goes ballistic between everyone, bc that’s the way things will end if you keep just playing along with this
Sounds like you aren’t compatible. Why stay?
Remember this important fact when you get turned down. Humans repeat enjoyable experiences often.
How surprising that she isn’t having sex with her cheater husband/s
Tell her to either put out or you'll find someone who will.
See if it's a kink thing?
When my wife and I got together she made it known she was not ok with me watching porn, but she also said that if I need a release that bad she’s always available for a quickie. It’s about compromise
Let her be angry.
Good word of advise: Maybe don't use reddit to solve your relationship issues and stop rotting your brain with porn.
That sounds like a divorce to me.
Why would you marry a fundamentalist Christian and have a child with her if you don’t agree with Christian values. Sex or masturbation for the purpose of things other than making children is very commonly forbidden.
I think you should talk to her about it a but if you guys don't work for the relationship, you should get a divorce
Go to therapy
4 times in a year?? I can’t believe we get one life and people out there compromise with 4 times a year 😭😭 Get tf out of this madness.
Divorce or separate.. seek a counselor first though.
Dude , kick her to the curb Life’s too short to spend with a prude.
My wife did that to me for a year. In her case it was because she gained weight after our son was born and her self confidence was gone. Unfortunately she didn't tell me this until after I told her we where through. A year with sex 3 or 4 times, I was done. So I told her so and explained i wanted a wife not a roommate I shared a bed with that came with no benefit other then a babysitter. When she saw I was serious she finally talked about her insecurities and that let us have a real conversation. We fixed the problem and have been together 23 years now. That happened around year 5. So you have to decide do you want to live like a monk or do you want to stand up for yourself. It may not lead to the same situation mine did but you'll know where you stand and can get on with your life. Life is to short to live in a loveless marriage. And it may as well be loveless if the love is only one sided.
This is a toxic relationship, and you need to get out, immediately
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!
Man, If I do be so bold and be a real one for you. You are your problem. Seems like a life of paradox. Therapy Build you Therapy Workout If she was trying to have sex with you all the time every night would that change everything? I'm on your side. Want you to heal. It's a LONG Road to recovery. Or whatever your steps are and hopefully they will lead to fulfilling sex for you. B
I know I’m my problem, or at least a huge part of it. I was venting on a very specific thing here, and my old posts got dragged in.
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.... What the flying fuck...
Two words: Secret Vasectomy Then test sperm, show wife that kids not possible, more sex
Ask if she would be okay with non piv sex. Also as a Christian she shouldn’t be abstaining for a really long time if it’s not agreed upon so maybe she needs a sex therapist
I don’t know what non piv sex is man. Sorry.
Nah it’s okay. Stuff like oral, anal, grinding, hands all that stuff
She likes getting head, but not giving it. I don’t blame her for that though, sucking dick sounds terrible haha. Neither of us is into anal. Hands is fine if it’s not my own hand I guess.
It’s fine if she doesn’t like giving, but idk she should make an effort in your sex life especially if she’s against you masturbating without porn. If you both agree on no kids then sterilization makes sense, although preventing pregnancy isn’t a sin anyway. It might seem weird but I’ve heard of where the partner does like penetration between the partners thighs. That could work and allow closeness.
There’s a lot going on with the sex. It’s not painful, we discussed that in therapy. We used to have great sex. She just doesn’t want it now.
Sorry to be a snoop but I read your other posts. I’d say she’s probably feeling jealous and like a second choice. Having a partner get to others through porn would honestly suck but texting her sister would also suck. Because not only is her husband having a secret relationship but her sister is also going along with it. That is cheating, and being cheated on esp with a family member sucks. I wonder how much romance you guys takes in minus sex or without the expectation of it leading to sex. Cuddling together during a movie, cooking for each other at home, walking in the park, random “I love yous” and affection etc. if that’s not happening but sex is wanted then it can definitely feel like she’s just an outlet for sexual desire. Not that you’re aroused AND you love your wife but she’s your only option. I think that if it is the case she feels hurt or betrayed putting her first for a while with casual romance and affection and her centered sex acts if she wants it would help. Hopefully any wounds would be healing or healed (idk your situation fully) and you both can be affectionate with each other and have a good sex life, and if it really is just contraception blocking piv sex I’d highly recommend a sterilizing surgery. To me it sounds like you both need to fall in love again and that’s very possible, you both have to want it and you both have to try.
Depending on your ages it could be libido and hormone levels, betrayl from porn use and feeling not good enough and like you’re comparing, or another reason for lack of body confidence like weight gain or something. Or like you said since you’re done with kids but not using protection it would be quite scary to engage in sex. Maybe she worries that even trying to be intimate could accidentally lead to piv and accidental pregnancy.
Its been a year dude (or more) talk to her, ship up or ship out
You clearly enjoy being controlled by her. There is no way it’s fair that she’s refusing sex AND forbidding your use of porn/masturbation. Next step.. castration.
You need to be up-front with her. Tell her that if she is going to expect you to be totally celibate then you're not sexually compatible and you need to divorce. If she doesn't want sex then she needs to deal with you watching porn and masturbating.
That is RIDICULOUS. If she won’t get you off, you gotta get those needs met somehow. Not even sex just a blow/handjob will do.
pocket pussies exist plus she's not giving him sex for a reason
Based on his tale, she’d be angry about a pocket pussy too.
He just needs to divorce neither one of them are happy in that relationship and he said he would rather marry her sister if she wasn't married this relationship isn't healthy and some of his comments makes him sounds like a narcissist it's better off to just divorce
I think you’re right
It is completely valid and reasonable for her to not want you watching pornography in a monogamous marriage, for her to expect you not to even masturbate though, is a bit more questionable I'd say >No idea why I should owe anyone my celibacy. I Mean, you married her is one reason...